You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.
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I'm going to start by reading Joshua, the book of Joshua, chapter 1, first 9 verses.
After the death of Moses, the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua, the son of Nun,
Moses' assistant, Moses, my servant, is dead.
Now therefore, rise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, into the land that I am giving to them,
to the people of Israel. Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon,
I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses.
From the wilderness and this Lebanon, as far as the great river, the great river Euphrates,
all the land of the Hittites to the great sea, toward the going down of the sun,
shall be your territory.
No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life.
Just as I was with Moses, so I'll be with you.
I will not leave you or forsake you.
Be strong and courageous,
for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them.
Only be strong and very courageous,
being careful to do according to all the law that Moses, my servant, commanded you.
Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left,
that you may go have good success wherever you go.
This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth,
but you shall meditate on it day and night,
so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.
For then you will make your way prosperous,
and then you will have good success.
Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid, excuse me,
do not be frightened,
and do not be dismayed,
for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
That passage has been
something like out in front of me.
There have been about three that have been out in front of me
in the back of my mind at the same time.
Sort of directing my motivation
and setting my sights on
where I think
God really,
the work that he's trying to do.
And I think it fits for all of us.
And it's interesting to me that
you know what the moment is.
Moses has died.
God has said that.
It's always interesting to me that God is so
direct about that.
Moses, my servant, is dead.
Huh.
Okay.
I'm sure he cared about that,
but he stated that fact.
Making clear to Joshua,
this is where you're at.
And yet,
you're going to lead this people
and take this vast amount of territory
that I promised to your fathers a long time ago.
And it's on you.
It's the kind of situation
where any of us would be like,
uh-oh.
Whoa.
Really?
How did I end up here?
And yet,
God doesn't do something
that in this day and age especially
we would expect
and we would hope him to do.
Hope that he would do.
He doesn't lay out the plans.
He doesn't say,
take this division of men
and that division
and send them there
and accomplish that objective
and so when you do that
then they can do this
and flank them
and attack here,
attack.
He doesn't do that.
None of it.
There's nothing like that.
That would drive most of us nuts.
It's like God's withholding the information
and keep it in his pocket.
Part of me almost is,
I don't know if this is true,
but part of me is just like,
sometimes God's just playing with us,
isn't he?
Maybe he is a little bit
because he respects and trusts us
more than we trust ourselves.
So we're looking for that information
and that plan
and all of that.
Sometimes we're praying
for God to tell us what to do
and he's not telling us
because he's like,
I don't need to.
I'm with you.
So go,
is what he says.
I've listed there in the outline
some specific things that God does.
In verse 2,
God reminds Joshua
who God is.
What does he say there in verse 2?
Moses, my servant.
I'm the leader.
I am God.
You remember,
Moses used to go to that tent of meeting
and meet with me.
maintaining that relationship
in a special way
that almost no one else on earth
had ever done.
To go to that tent of meeting
and God's presence
was there.
I say almost
because there was an exception,
Joshua,
toward the end of Moses' life.
This same passage
is actually recorded in Deuteronomy.
Deuteronomy.
That moment where Joshua
went with Moses
to that tent of meeting
and God says this.
You're going to lead the people.
Be strong and courageous.
Don't be afraid.
I'm with you.
That's all Joshua needed to know.
So God reminds Joshua
of who God is.
God reminds Joshua
of his relationship
with Joshua.
I see it in verse 5
but it's really
all over the passage.
No man
shall be able to stand
before all the days,
before you
all the days
of your life
just as I was with Moses.
I'll be with you.
Remember that.
Just as I was with Moses, Joshua.
I'll be with you.
You just have to remember
the relationship.
You don't need the plan.
God gives limited information.
I've talked about that.
God encourages Joshua
to be grounded
in God's relationship
with him.
Again in verse 5.
Just as I was with Moses,
so I will be with you.
I will not leave you
or forsake you.
To be convinced
he's not going away.
He's not going away.
And he says then
in verse 6,
be strong and courageous.
He's not asking Joshua
to be strong and courageous
to find something
in himself
and stir it up
and bring it up
and act out of that.
He's saying,
I'm with you.
So why couldn't you
be strong and courageous?
You don't have to be enough.
You don't have to be strong enough.
You just have to be grounded
in the fact that
I'm with you.
The things that we're
thinking about
and talking about
this weekend
about our relationships
as husbands and wives,
our relationships
as parents with our kids,
our relationship
as kids with our parents,
might be,
I could make a case
to grow and
and work on those things,
being transformed
in the quality
of those relationships
to really be taking care
of each other's hearts
might be
the hardest battle
that we have
in our lives.
You won't hear from me.
You haven't heard from me.
And some of you
might be a little frustrated.
You know,
that nugget,
that specific
how-to.
Oh, okay.
I can do that.
That tool.
Oh, I can take that
and I can make things happen now.
I think
part of what God's
showing us here
in Joshua 1
is that's not
His idea
of how it works.
That's ours.
And it's not really
the best idea.
His idea is,
oh yeah,
there are challenging things.
You're going to go
everywhere you set your foot.
God says to Joshua,
you're going to take the land,
but it's not going to happen easily.
You have to fight through
to set your foot
in all that territory.
People will die.
There'll be a big cost.
But it's not the plan
that's going to carry you through
and do the work
that God has for you.
It's the fact that He's with you.
And resting in that,
being grounded in that fact
that He's with you,
that thing that you don't know
as you enter into
that hard moment
actually isn't the point.
The challenge is
trusting
in God's presence
that He will enable you
to first of all
be courageous,
to be strong
in the sense of not being afraid.
He keeps those linked together
so that we can be courageous.
There might not be
anything that takes more courage
than for a man to look
in his wife's eyes
and ask her,
I must be missing you.
How am I missing you?
Or for a woman to look
in her husband's eyes
and ask,
have I been trying
to control you?
Is that,
what does it feel like
for you
to be married to me?
That takes courage.
Courage.
That's a challenging thing.
In verse 9,
have I not commanded you
to be strong and courageous?
Do not be frightened.
Do not be dismayed.
For the Lord your God
is with you
wherever you go.
Wherever you go.
It doesn't specify it.
Wherever you go.
I'm summarizing that
as that
all of this
is so that Joshua
can be enough
even though he's not
on his own.
The strong and courageous
is not,
you know,
in preparation,
lift those
general weights,
weights for generals,
lift those weights
for leaders,
learn those lessons
that you need to learn
so that you can be strong
and go be strong.
If no,
in the moment,
trust God
to take what
he's already built
into you
and to apply it
in a courageous way
which means
being vulnerable
and open-hearted
for the other's good.
Sacrificially.
So some things
to consider,
some truths
to consider.
It's as if
I think I'm allergic
to these things.
something always happens.
Falls off my belt.
Sorry.
It's as if
in Joshua 1
God's saying
these
wonderful truths
but there are
these other truths
that are something
of a but.
That's really
that Joshua 1 stuff
is
a little too hard.
I just want us
to think about
why it's hard.
You see that
first line there
because fear
is hiding
in your soul.
And it's
sneaky
and powerful.
God knows
what he's doing.
That's a funny
thing to say.
God knows
what he's doing
when he comes
to Joshua
at such a key point
and he says
don't be afraid.
Jesus does
the same thing
with his disciples
in that upper room
preparing them
for what's going
to happen tomorrow.
And he says
let not your hearts
be troubled.
God knows
that the
most challenging
thing for us
is there's this
fear,
there's this tendency
to be afraid
but it's sneaky
and it hides
and we don't see it
which even adds
to its power.
fear.
But so often
we live
out of the fear
more than the
assurance
that God
is with us
and that we
can be strong
enough
with God's
help
as he works
in us.
That's one
of the buts.
another one
is that
those people
that you care
about the most
the ones
sitting next
to you
many of you
your husband
your wife
your children
your parents
most of the time
they're the ones
you're afraid of
the most.
You might think
about that
for a while
it might be
a surprise.
Intimacy
being known
Genesis 2
tells us
that Adam
and Eve
were naked
without shame
they were
completely
known
and yet
accepted.
Since Adam
and Eve
sin
that's way
out there.
The road
to that
sense
of being
naked
without shame
is a
rocky
twisted
broken
road.
It's
possible
but God
has to do
that work
we have to
collaborate
in that work.
It's important
for us to
recognize
that
in the
most
intimate
moments
most
of us
are looking
for an
escape.
It's so
uncomfortable.
The truth
is we
can't
tolerate
too much
intimacy
for very
long.
We need
it.
We need
it.
But at the
best moments
we will
bail.
Some of you
might be like
me and you
don't like
goodbyes.
not liking
goodbyes
is something
about that
because
goodbyes
get very
intimate.
When you're
saying goodbye
to someone
and you
don't know
when you're
going to
see them
again
or if
you will
and they
matter to
you
you want
to be able
to communicate
that
and there's
something
happening
that you
don't have
any control
of
and it's
just
that you
both
know
we really
care for
each other
and we're
approaching
getting ready
that we
sense that
this is
going to
change
and we're
losing
something
and something
you feel
so intensely
there aren't
really enough
words
or words
aren't
powerful
enough
words
aren't
big enough
containers
for those
things
that you
feel
we don't
live in a
world that's
taught us
that we
actually can
communicate
things without
words
we do
anyway
but we're
not used
to that
we don't
trust that
very much
and so
often in that
sense of
I can't
say it
we run
from the
moment
as I've
aged
I've gotten
a little
better at
correcting
myself
I don't
always do
it
because it's
a hard
thing
what I mean
by that
is
you know
at that
point
that I
say
see you
later
to someone
that I'm
not
going to
see later
you know
it's the
we're going
to do
this just
like we
always do
as if
to escape
that
discomfort
of
really
connecting
and being
intimate
around
what are
we
feeling
right now
so the
correction
looks like
no
there I
go again
that's not
it is it
we're not
we don't
know
until we
have a
little bit
of
conversation
I'm
going to
have to
trust you
to think
about that
some more
I'm
finding it
hard to
explain
that we're
afraid of
intimacy
afraid of
being known
maybe it
has a lot
to do with
our own
shame
that we
all have
a certain
dose of
that
even
I know
for me
is I'm
in that
a moment
like that
saying goodbye
and I
can't
I don't
my whole
life is
words
and here I
am in
this moment
where I
I don't
have the
words
thing that's
strange
seems
strange
it's ironic
is as
God's
worked in
my life
and I've
gotten
more
grown the
capacity to
be more
aware of
what I
feel
I'm not
any better
at saying
it
or I'm
not much
better at
saying it
you know
it's still
hard
in fact
it's harder
as I'm
more aware
it's harder
because I
don't
I'm more
aware I
don't have
the words
in that
moment
so it
takes courage
to attempt
something
and to
remember
it actually
isn't the
content in
a moment
the content
that you
express
that's the
point
it's the
process of
trying to
express it
it's actually
the impact
that you
have on
the person
not the
content
that you
put in
their
cognitive
portions
of their
brain
it's the
impact
that you
have on
a person
which has
more to
do with
what you're
projecting
from yourself
what you're
feeling
I may have
said this
last night
I was
reading some
research
on the
plane
Friday
and it
was on
emotional
intelligence
in the
work and
leadership and
business
excuse me
and they
were talking
about the
fact that
the leader
of an
organization
that person's
emotional
style
filters down
through the
whole
organization
I've
observed
that
I've
observed
when leaders
change
and the
new
leader
comes in
and is
projecting
something else
and trying to
change the
culture
which is
really that
emotional
style
filtered down
and shaped
an organization
that it's a
very difficult
process
and initially
for those
leaders
and I've
seen it
more than
once
the responses
are they
react to
that leader
as if
they want
that other
leader
they want
the same
style
that's what
they're used
to and it's
what feels
like home
it doesn't
matter if
that leader
was a
tyrant
it feels
like home
someone comes
in who's
different
and they're
trying to
figure it
out
they're
trying to
feel safe
at least
comfortable
sort of
able to
predict
and it's
a tough
challenge
the point
being that
leader's
emotion
even if
he doesn't
express it
with words
filters down
through the
organization
so someone
did research
on this
and they got
three people
they identified
the person
who was
the most
expressive
emotionally
and they're
looking at
how do you
do that
without words
can you
do it
without words
yes
no
so they
put these
three people
at a table
no words
silent
and within
a few minutes
not a very
long time
the two
people that
are less
expressive
in style
know
are able
to say
what the
other person
is feeling
it's
like we
have more
senses
than we
realize
you ever
walk in a
room
it could be
this one
everyone's
milling around
you come in
the room
you're finding
a seat
and you just
have that
feeling
and you
look
and yes
a person's
looking at
you
how'd you
know
I mean
how did
you know
I don't
know
but we
have an
ability
to somehow
I mean
some people
start talking
about energy
and this
and that
it's like
I don't
know
it's one
of those
it's a little
bit of
everything
it's not
just a
simple
because
but it's
true
that happens
all the time
between parents
and our kids
and husbands
and wives
you know
it happens
in your day
do you ever
wonder how it
is that
people can
look at you
in the morning
and they can
say
how you doing
and they just
mean you know
how you doing
and then other
days they look
at you
and they
kind of cock
their head
a little bit
and it's
how are you
doing
you know
you okay
how do they
know
to ask that
and you're like
how did they
know
you know
am I wearing
a sign
I sometimes
wonder why
I can go
to Panera
I do that
a lot
and
maybe late
on a Sunday
night
and sit
down
and I'm
doing a little
email or
something
or figuring
out what's
happening
tomorrow
and the
manager
that I
kind of
know
because I
go there
a lot
don't know
her name
sits down
at the
table
and tells
me about
her son's
suicide
I'm just
a guy
sitting in
a Panera
eating this
chocolate chip
cookie
you know
and I'm
just like
do I have
a sign
on me
how did
she know
that
I'm
sending
the message
somehow
you all
do the
same
thing
you can
think
right now
in
ten
seconds
and come
up with
three names
of people
maybe even
today as you
came in
where you
knew
ooh
you know
where you
ask something
you have this
happen
hey how you
doing
and you're
walking by
and they say
something
and you
pause
maybe you
go back
maybe you
don't
others you
just see
a face
and you
know
those are
little bits
of intimacy
that we
bump into
that maybe
we're not so
afraid of
because they're
derived by
intimacy
maybe those
are pieces
that we can
reflect on
and think
about
how can
I slow
down the
car
and not
drive by
and just
get used
to
knowing
others
as best
I can
in a
moment
and knowing
letting
others know
me
in that
process
it's one
of the
challenges
to living
this life
the way
Joshua
1 tells
us
is that
we're
not only
afraid
in general
we're
particularly
afraid
of
intimacy
with the
people
most
important
to us
that's going
to be
very subtle
it takes
work
but it's not a
problem that you
root out
it's something that you
address indirectly
by growing the
good stuff
I'll give you an
example
this was in a
previous outline
but I didn't
say it
there was a man
his name was
Milton Erickson
Erickson was
one of those
rare
who's a
psychiatrist
one of those
rare creatures
rare people
amazingly
empathic
and amazingly
intuitive
his therapy
went in all
kinds of
directions
and some
of them
I don't
necessarily
believe in
but the
person of
Erickson
was just
such a
perceptive
guy
and a
man named
Bill O'Hanlon
who's
roughly my
age
Erickson's
deceased
quite a
while ago
worked with
Erickson
and he
tells this
story
and Erickson
told him
about
Erickson
lived in
Arizona
and was
taking a
trip to
Milwaukee
Wisconsin
and a
colleague
was concerned
about his
aunt
that lived
in Milwaukee
she was
older
she lived
alone
in this
great big
house
maybe a
widow
I don't
remember
that
detail
and the
colleague
was concerned
that she
was depressed
so would
Erickson go
see her
and so he
did
he went
and visited
this lady
and talked
with her
and she
gave him
he may have
asked for it
a tour
of her
house
and in
the going
through the
house
all of the
rooms
the shades
were pulled
down and
they were
dark
except for
one
and in
that room
she grew
African
violets
she had
all these
African
violets
in this
room
shades
are up
it's
bright
it's
different
there's
life
there
so as
Erickson
was leaving
I'm not
sure how
he discerned
all of
these
details
but he
says to
this woman
you know
your nephew
wanted me
to come
by because
he was
concerned
that you're
depressed
but I
see that
that's not
the problem
he said
the problem
is you're
not a good
Christian woman
he was being
a little
provocative
what he
suggested
was to
take her
church
bulletin
that had
a list
of shut
ins on
it
and take
an African
violet
to those
people
that's what
he suggested
and she
did that
she took
his
advice
so Erickson
reaches for
a three ring
binder
notebook
pulls it
out
flips
through
comes to
a newspaper
clipping
and shows
it to
Bill O'Hanlon
the headline
was
African
Violet
Queen
Dies
Thousands
Mourn
O'Hanlon
says to
Erickson
how did
you know
to do
that
and Erickson
says
it seemed
better
to grow
the African
violet
part of
her life
than root
out the
depressed
part
I actually
think
if we get
the whole
biblical story
that starts
with creation
and the
dignity
and the
agency
and the
capacity
that God
builds
in us
before we
get to
our
depravity
that that's
the biblical
method
it's the
biblical
model
don't try
to root
out the
depravity
good luck
with that
even though
Jesus has
conquered that
battle
ultimately
on the
cross
that battle
is not
conquered
now
at this
point
in the
story
that's
not the
approach
Jesus'
work
God's
work
in our
lives
is to
grow
the
capacity
so that
the
depravity
doesn't
really
deter
us
from our
mission
which is
to be
growing
at a
heart
level
for the
relationships
that we
have
that are
central
to our
mission
I don't
know what
it means
for you
to grow
the
African
violet
part of
your
life
in your
marriage
but I'm
suggesting
it's
don't set
out to
root out
the fear
try to
grow that
part of
you that
longs for
intimacy
wants more
and you
do it
by the
process
you
try to
have
more
conversation
you
try to
have
more
conversation
that's
honest
conversation
honest in
the sense
of
I'm
going to
tell you
right now
how you
need to
change
no no
not that
honesty
the
honesty
of
this is
where I
am
this is
who I
am
this is
what I'm
longing
for
this is
what I'm
missing
this is
what I'm
celebrating
I say a
couple other
things there
I'm not
going to
dwell on
them
those people
you are
most angry
at are
the ones
you fear
most
I'll just
say this
about it
we're
really
good
at trying
to figure
out
the
thing
that's
the cause
of
something
if you
want to
really think
about how
good we
are
just listen
to how
often you
use the
word
because
so you're
in a
discussion
with each
other
and one
of you
points the
finger at
the other
one and
says they've
done
something
wrong
we want
the one
over here
we want
that person
to understand
oh no
no
there was
a good
reason
for that
so what
do we
stay
how do we
start
well that's
because
because we
actually
because we
actually believe
that if we
can get
that one
thing
that they're
misunderstanding
or just get
that one
thing that's
the cause
of this
and if we
agree that
that's the
cause of
this
then we
can solve
this
we can
work
through
it
life
doesn't
work
that
way
it just
doesn't
work
that
way
where
there
is
truth
that
cause
and
effect
happens
it's
not
the
whole
truth
the
A
if you
do
A
B
results
there
are
consequences
that
is
true
if you
want to
understand
the
alternative
to this
really
well
go listen
to the
song
by the
group
Dawes
D-A-W-E-S
fairly
contemporary
within the
last ten
years
maybe their
second
album
and it's
a song
starts out
with a
wonderfully
poetic
expression
of a
very
hard
moment
a man
is standing
on the
San
Francisco
Golden
Gate
Bridge
on the
side
that
faces
the
prison
they
say
he's
throwing
a
leg
over
the
rail
phone
calls
made
police
cars
show
up
quickly
the
sergeant
slams
his
door
and he
says
just
tell me
why
you're
doing
this
son
and his
answer
is
profound
it's a
little
bit of
everything
it's the
title of
the song
it's a
little
bit of
everything
it's the
death of
my first
dog
he says
and there's
this long
list
of things
that you
would think
are little
disappointments
but they
understand
how life
actually
works
it really
is a
little
bit
of
everything
and when
we're in
this
contentious
moment
where we're
trying to
say
I can't
believe you
did that
I can't
believe you
don't
understand
you didn't
understand
what I was
trying to
do
and we
get down
to this
well it's
because
no it's
because
the truth
is
oh all
kinds of
things are
happening
all kinds
of things
are happening
in that
moment
there's so
much that
you can't
sort them
all out
you actually
cannot
solve
problems
through
gaining more
information
you can
dissect it
and see
more and
maybe understand
more but
you won't
solve the
problems
that way
it's just
the wrong
method
what needs
to happen
actually is
going after
each other's
heart
it begins
by rather
than an
attack or
a withdraw
or a
trying to
convince the
other
attack sounds
more harsh
than it always
is
it really
begins by
confiding
by slowing
down enough
to take a
look at
what's really
happening here
maybe the
problem actually
is I'm
afraid of
intimacy
but in that
moment right
there you
were actually
asking something
of me
you were
asking me
to move
toward you
I didn't
think about
it I just
reacted against
that because
that scares
me
I don't
even
maybe I
can't even
say it out
loud
because it
scares me
so being
known is
your biggest
fear
your biggest
need
and your
biggest fear
there are
very few
either ors
in this
either
not much
because and
there aren't
either ors
it's either
this or it's
that no
it's all
of it
we need to
be known
when God
said it's not
good for man
to be alone
that applies to
women too
he's saying
it's not good
to be alone
we need
each other
we need to
be known
when he
expresses the
state of Adam
and Eve
before the fall
they were
naked
without shame
I'm saying
that's both
literally true
and figuratively
true
they were
known
without shame
accepted
we need
that
it's built
into who
we are
the Trinity
as the
Father and
the Son
and the Spirit
to the Father
and the Spirit
to the Son
all of those
three persons
in that Godhead
that one God
they know
each other
completely
that's the
model of how
it's supposed
to be for us
and it was
that way
until Adam
sinned
Adam sinned
brought in
this alienation
and the distortion
and the breaking
of the circuits
so that
it's not that way
we get
tastes of it
because of
God's grace
common grace
and his special grace
all of it
we get
tastes of it
but it's not
like it was
someday it will be
in the meantime
we still need
and it's hard
and we're afraid
at least a little bit
and probably more
than we know
I'm thinking
that
Joshua 1
suggests
gives us some ideas
on how to deal
with this
how to work
with this
and that
how do we
bring home
it's
again
it's an indirect
way
but it's
to seek
pursue
try to
not figure out
but experience
what God
says
here
and many other
places
I am with you
right now
Jesus said
in that upper room
I'm going
but
I send another
the spirit
will be with you
who will teach you
it's hard
to be
have a lot
of knowledge
about that
there's not a lot
written in the book
on the spirit
shows up pretty late
in the story
there are hints
but you know
people don't start
wrestling with the trinity
until after Jesus
it's like
you know
post
0 AD
post 32
post 200
post 100
at least
because
he doesn't show up
in the story
much
he's there
he has a role
and you can see it
but it's
it's more hints
and there's not
that much written
that doesn't mean
he's less
it means
he's the one
currently
that God
expresses
his presence
with us
and maybe
there's a
intention
in God's
very limited
explanation
I suspect
that God
knew
that we were
going to
get to a
place
through the
course of
time
in our
philosophy
and our
theology
and they were
almost the
same thing
a few
centuries ago
to where we
do life
mostly out of
our head
and mostly
by what we
know
you could
say
it's the
brilliance
of God
knowing that
that he could
say
hey I'm not
going to
explain this
too much
I'm just
going to
say
there he
is
and all
through the
story
I'm going
to be
saying
the point
is
I
am with
you
that's
not just
the father
speaking
it's God
speaking
I
am with
you
so what
if we
set out
to seek
and pursue
what that
actually
is like
not to
learn more
it's going
to be
hard to
you can
read books
where people
have tried
to expand
I'm not
saying that
you need to
become charismatic
Presbyterians
if you're
starting to
get nervous
about that
I'm saying
we need to
do some
work to
actually
know what
a relationship
with God
is
by seeking
the experience
of it
not facts
about it
and I'm
suggesting
that that
growing
intimacy
with God
himself
will be
the thing
that gets
you grounded
in a place
where you
feel safe
enough
to move
forward
with less
fear
in your
intimacy
with other
people
especially
those that
are most
important to
you
I'm trying
to decide
whether to
abandon the
outline
which I
think I
already have
somewhat
and I
think I
will
I mentioned
last night
that I
started
meeting
with an
old friend
who's in
training
to be
certified
as a
spiritual
director
this is a
protestant
group
connected
with
Gordon
Conwell
that he's
doing this
seminary
that is
doing this
training
through
and I
think I
said last
night that
the very
first time
that I
met with
this man
I was
really
confronted
with my
friend
confronted
with how
much
I hold
people
off
and hold
God
off
that I
try to
keep
people
and God
at a
safe
distance
so in
the course
of that
conversation
my friend
had
asked me
could I
see God
as
the father
of the
prodigal
son
with his
arms open
running
toward me
he was
expecting a
response at
some point
and I
did not
respond
I stayed
silent
because in
my mind
I was
saying no
and no
way
and I'm
not going
there
which opened
a door
eventually I
said that
something like
that and
my friend
said something
like in
his amazing
and wonderful
persistence that
God is
present in
speaking through
everything
he asked
me what
I think
God was
trying to
tell me
through that
thought
and we
talked about
that and we
were getting
somewhere and
in that
process I
was becoming
aware that
in my
history my
story the
death of
my father
that felt
like abandonment
and my
mom's getting
to work so
hard she
did such a
wonderful job
to raise her
three boys
alone back
there in the
1950s and
early 60s
and beyond
in my case
as the
youngest
but she
wasn't
emotionally
equipped
to step
in
our father
was the
nurturing
one
and she
wasn't
emotionally
equipped to
do that
and I
experienced
that
shorthand
as another
abandonment
and that
sort of set
me up
and I
really
from there
on was
smart
enough
that's a
liability
to go
through life
living out
of my
head
and all
this other
stuff just
putting it
away
somewhere
a very
fragmented
person
sidebar
that's the
way we do
theology in
this tradition
mostly out
of our
head
and it's
really
fragmented
most of
what I've
been trying
to do
this weekend
is help
us put
the human
person back
together
and to
see that
God's
trying to
grow full
human beings
that's like
his main
goal
full
human beings
end of
sidebar
so as I'm
meeting with
my friend
I'm having
that conversation
and I'm
thinking about
this
he prayed
we prayed
and we're
sitting outside
we have
a little
tiny
five acres
for a farm
we have an
old farm
that used
to be 80
or 100
120 acres
and all that
land got
sold off
and we
have the
remaining
five acres
just big
enough for
a pasture
for two
horses
if we had
three
they would
be hungry
and we're
sitting about
four rows
from the
fence
a pasture
under a
big walnut
tree
and after
we pray
I look up
and my
friend is
saying
something
I'm kind
of listening
and I'm
looking at
this dove
this morning
dove
that's sitting
on that
fence
I think
I remember
that it was
there before
we started
to pray
I'm not
sure
and after a
while I
asked my
friend
how long
has that
bird been
sitting
there
he's kind
of like
I don't
know
and we
kept on
talking
we talked
for about
an hour
that day
at that
moment
you know
it was like
45 minutes
more
and that
bird
didn't go
anywhere
it's just
kind of
strange
as I'm
thinking
about
I hold
God
off
and I
really
assume
that he's
like my
father
long
distance
far away
untouchable
hero
because everybody
says he's a
great guy
I think he
probably was
but I don't
know what
he was like
as a person
really
and I look
at God
that way
distant
far off
untouchable
and I'm
wrestling with
that
and that
bird
it's a
dove
sitting
on that
fence
so we
got up
left
we had
our
it's
morning
we have
our day
to get
to
bird
didn't
move
I went
in the
house
to get
ready
to go
to work
got in
the car
bird
still there
drove out
the driveway
and we have
this gravel
road that
we go down
half mile
to the
highway
and
as I
hit
our
gate
look over
the bird
still
there
I kind
of knew
what was
going to
happen
I came
home
about five
o'clock
the bird
was still
there
he'd
moved
so maybe
he'd gone
away
and come
back
or maybe
he'd just
gone down
to the other
end of the
rail
I don't
know
the bird
was still
there
before
that
happened
my friend
was just
like
you know
all the
images
in scripture
about the
spirit
and I'm
like yeah
yeah
I know
that
but I
already
had the
point
for me
and that's
the way
God works
is he
knows ways
that we
need to
hear him
and he
whispers in
a language
that
maybe only
we can
understand
in that
moment
it's part
of the
reason I
was hesitant
should I
do this
because I
know
many of
you will
be like
nah
I don't
get that
I don't
see how
he made
that out
of that
and I
understand
that
because that
was for
me
that was
God
for me
and
my friend
said it
but I
knew it
but he
put better
words to
it
God wants
you to
know
he's not
going
anywhere
he's always
there
and I
knew the
truth of
that
I experienced
the truth
of that
and I
knew it
was true
that didn't
stop me
from my
default
but it
gave me
a lever
it gave
me some
leverage
against that
default
and when I
came home
that night
wondering
is that
birds
going to
be there
after the
whole day
and he
was
or she
okay
and I
drove up
between the
two barns
parked
looked at
the bird
kind of
laughed
okay
I think
I get
it now
went in
the house
told my
wife the
story
looked out
the bird
was gone
but for
many many
days from
that experience
I had
a piece of
knowledge that
was more
than knowledge
it was
knowledge and
an understanding
even pushing
to something
like wisdom
something I
could hang
on to
and something
I could be
regularly evaluating
each moment
with
for those
few days
in an
intense way
it became
more like
Joshua 1
don't be
afraid
be strong
and courageous
I'm with
you
I'm with
you
I'm just
here on the
fence
I'm just
waiting
notice me
and to
notice
I just
have to
slow my
heart down
I'm still
working on
that
my most
recent meeting
with my
friend was
all about
realizing that
I work
first and
rest second
and when I
say rest
I'm not
talking about
sabbatical
I'm talking
about
being
resting in
God's
goodness and
his presence
and his
work and
his spirit
and getting
recalibrated
that it's
really not
the outcome
of this
moment
of standing
in front
of you
all
which is
like the
last thing
I'd like
to do
I'm actually
very shy
in my
heart
my beginning
years of
teaching I
hit the
back of the
classroom which
was the
entrance and
I would
ask myself
what am
I doing
here
but that
bird on
the fence
gave me a
way to
wrestle with
am I
trusting him
to be
with me
really
trusting him
not trusting
my knowledge
of him
not trusting
my ability
to play it
safe so I
can make it
through
not trusting
my ability
to live out
of my head
and push
all that
stuff away
not trusting
my ability
to be less
of a full
person
rather than
being willing
to trust
him so I
can enter
in and be
a full
person
and even
do something
like tell
kind of a
strange story
to a bunch
of people
I don't
know
that I'm
kind of
afraid of
if I'm
honest
there's a
bunch of
stuff in the
outline that
you can read
and I think
I hope it
makes sense
in the booklet
there but
it's time
for us
to close
let me
pray for
us
thank you
father that
you are
present
thank you
father that
Jesus tells
his disciples
and through
him telling
his disciples
he tells
us
that even
though he's
going away
he's going
for a purpose
to prepare a
place
but that's
not the
whole thing
of the
story
there's
one that
comes
the spirit
to be
with us
thank you
father it's
always been
like that
from the
early pages
God walking
in the garden
with Adam
and Eve
God
present with
Moses
God present
with Joshua
present with
David
all the way
through
father help
us
to slow
down
and to
rest in
that truth
that you're
waiting
you're
whispering
you're
desiring
relationship
you're
repeating
I'm with
you
I'm with
you
you can be
strong
you can be
courageous
because I'm
with you
grow our
hearts
stretch our
hearts
we know
you need
to do
that work
so we
can work
along with
you
as you
make us
into more
as you
make us
into people
you made
us to be
we pray
in your
name
amen
for more
information
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online
at
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to
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more
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