This morning we are continuing our series called God's Beautiful Design, and we're looking at these areas of gender and marriage and sexuality.
These are real hot-button issues in our culture and our society.
And this morning we are looking in particular at the subject around marriage.
L.P. Hartley wrote a book called The Go-Between, and the opening lines of this book go like this.
The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.
In other words, sometimes the past seems so radically different from what we're experiencing now, it might as well be an intercontinental move.
And even though it was just a few years ago, it's a little bit...
And I think the one area in which we're experiencing this maybe more than any other is the area of sexuality, gender, and marriage.
It feels in many ways like our culture is a T10 typhoon is moving through our culture,
and we haven't even kind of emerged to assess the aftermath, except this typhoon is not just passing through.
It's here to stay.
It's a little bit of an old example, but bear with me.
I think one example of how quickly our culture's attitude towards marriage and gender and sexuality is changing
is seen in the previous U.S. President, Barack Obama.
In 2008, he was campaigning in his first term of office, campaigned against same-sex marriage.
Four years later, campaigning for his second term, he campaigned for same-sex marriage.
And then at the end of his second term, just three years later, was threatening to withhold federal funding
from any states that didn't allow transgendered children to use the bathroom of their choice in public schools.
So here we see an example, just recently, of in a matter of just a few short years,
the cultural norms and societal attitudes towards gender and marriage and sexuality changing so radically.
Now, I'm not making a political statement at all about any of those things.
I'm just trying to make the point of how quickly our views in society are changing on these matters.
Now, it's important to know that while the past may feel like a different country,
that doesn't necessarily mean that it's always a better country.
Sometimes we can think of traditional values as maybe aligning with our own values,
and things are changing so quickly that we can think the past is good,
the future is scary and dangerous.
And that's not necessarily always the case.
There's lots about the past and even traditional values that were oppressive and restrictive,
and we should celebrate that much of that has changed.
I think one example is the persecution and the animosity,
which generally the church has attributed towards the gay community and towards women.
And we should celebrate that much of that is changing.
And the church has not always been on the right side of history.
And the Bible shows us that both conservatives and liberals,
progressives and traditionals,
both of us can be blinded by our own ideas and ideology.
And so this makes things confusing.
If things are changing so quickly,
and if both conservatives and liberals can get these things wrong,
how do we who are followers of Jesus and who love the Bible make sense of all these things?
Where do we stand?
Do we go with culture?
Do we not go with culture?
How do we make sense of this changing landscape?
Well, in Romans chapter 12, verse 2,
in the message translation, it says this,
Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you just fit in without even thinking.
Instead, fix your attention on God.
You'll be changed from the inside out.
Readily recognize what He wants from you and quickly respond to it.
And friends, that bit of wisdom is going to help us as the tides of culture sway this way and that,
and ebb and flow, and as culture is confusing as it is,
God's wisdom about not being so readily swayed by culture,
but fixing our minds on the sovereign God who said,
I am God, I do not change,
is going to give us profound sanctity and security and wisdom,
even as culture changes so readily and so quickly.
Okay?
Don't become so adjusted to your culture that you fit in without even thinking.
Fix your attention on the sovereign God,
the God who said,
I am the Lord, I do not change,
therefore you are safe.
Malachi 3, verse 6.
And so, sexual relations have the ability to be uniquely satisfying,
but they also have the ability to cause unprecedented pain and trauma and heartache.
And the pain and the trauma that is caused by sexual sin and brokenness is unlike anything else,
which is why we want to take the time to look at these things.
Now, for those of us that are Christians,
I hope you know that the Bible is not just a book of rules and spiritual truth and principles.
The Bible is, in fact, one big story from beginning to end.
And this story has four chapters in it, four divisions or parts to it.
And the four chapters are creation, fall, redemption, restoration.
Or another way is creation, fall, redemption, consummation.
Okay?
And so those are the four chapters or the four points of this morning's talk.
Right in the very beginning of the Bible,
the very first few pages, we start off with a wedding.
And it's the wedding of Adam and Eve, the very first people that God created.
And then if you go right to the end of the Bible,
Revelation chapter 19 and chapter 21, we see another wedding.
And this time it's between the ascended Christ and His bride,
which the Bible describes as the church.
If you're new to church or new to the Bible this morning,
that might sound like a strange concept.
But God describes all His people in all the earth as His church universal.
And one day we will be reunited with God.
And there will be such depth and unity of intimacy between God's people and God
that it's described as like Christ, who's a bridegroom, marrying His bride.
And so the Bible starts with a wedding and it ends with a wedding.
Ray Ortlund said it like this,
It's not as though marriage is just one theme along many themes in the Bible.
Instead, marriage is the wraparound concept for the entire biblical story,
within which all the other themes of the Bible find their place.
In other words, there's an inherent story across the Bible.
And it starts off with a bride pledged to her groom,
who then gets seduced by a lie by another lover.
And the rest of the Bible story is this groom going on an out-of-this-world adventure
to win back his bride for himself.
And the Bible story ends with their wedding.
Now friends, this is important to understand
because if we don't understand this,
so much of what we read in between the first and the last chapters of the Bible
won't make sense, right?
You read the Old Testament prophets and you think,
Why is this guy so angry?
Why is he so emotional?
He needs to just calm down a little bit
until you realize it's the passionate plea of a lover calling back his lover to himself, right?
You read the New Testament and you think,
Why is this guy taking sin so seriously?
I mean, everyone sins.
Come on.
None of us are perfect.
Until you realize that sin is like a lover that's left their spouse
and God's calling us, wooing us back to himself.
And so to make sense of the Bible,
we need to understand the story of the Bible.
Okay, so let's dive in at chapter 1, creation.
Jefferson and Betty read for us Genesis chapter 1, right?
Thank you, Betty, for affirming me there.
And in chapter 1, we see that God creates mankind, male and female, man and woman,
with a particular design in mind.
Now, friends, part of the trauma of our modern society
is that we've taken the design that God planned for us
and we've thrown it out the window.
And we've decided to build our lives without the designer referencing the designer.
And this is not a good idea, right?
It's much like trying to build a house or apartment blocks
without reference to the architect.
Okay, that's not going to work out well.
And so God has a design and His design for us is that we are made in His image or in His likeness.
Now, what does this mean?
What does it mean to be made in God's image?
It means that everything God asks us to do and everything He asks us to be
is rooted in the reality that we are made to reflect Him, His nature, and His glory into all creation.
This is the essence of what it means to be human, to live in a relationship with God,
to live for Him, and to live for His glory.
And so much of the confusion of our culture and our world is experiencing
is because we've rejected this design and we are confused.
We've disconnected humanity from God's design that we are made in His image for His glory and to reflect Him.
Now, what does this mean for marriage and sexuality?
Well, it means a couple of things.
It means, by design, marriage is meant to reflect God in unity and diversity.
Okay?
In unity and diversity.
So in Genesis chapter 1, we see, we get these hints that God is one God, but He's not merely one.
He's something more than one.
In other words, right in Genesis chapter 1, we start to get hints of the Trinity.
The fact that God is one, but He's three.
In chapter 1 verse 2, it says,
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
And verse 2 says,
And the Spirit of God hovered over the darkness.
We get a hint that there's something else going on here.
And then in the verse that Jefferson and Betty read to us, what does God say?
Let me make mankind in my image.
Is that what He said?
No?
What does He say?
Let us make mankind in our image.
And so in the image of God, He made them male.
In the image of God, He made them male and female.
In other words, the Trinity, which is a great mystery.
Okay?
We don't fully understand it.
Is that God is three, but He's also one.
And though this is hard to understand,
marriage in some way reflects or shows, displays the mystery of God's Trinity.
It reflects the glory of God.
And it does this in the fact that God brings two diverse human beings, male and female,
who remain male and female.
They don't lose their sex when they become married.
But in some deep spiritual way, these two become one.
Now, in the Trinity, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are not interchangeable.
They've each got a unique role in creation and a unique role in salvation.
They're not interchangeable.
And yet, neither one is more important, more God-like, or higher than the other one.
They're all equally God.
And the same way, in marriage, is the coming together of two people
who don't just merely like each other or have the same interests.
You know, you like tennis, I like tennis, let's get married.
Now, marriage is the coming together of two people who are distinct from each other.
And yet, when they come together like God, there is a two becoming one.
There is a unity in diversity.
Does that make any sense?
Okay.
Likewise, by design, marriage, especially intimacy in marriage,
reflects God's self-giving love.
One of the most essential and important verses in the New Testament
to describe the nature and character of God is 1 John chapter 4.
Okay?
And it says, three words,
God is love.
Okay?
Not that God is loving or that God shows love to His people, but God is love.
Now, how can the Bible say that God is love?
What does that mean?
Well, when you take the three persons of the Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
the fundamental essence of their relationship is characterized by mutual self-giving,
selflessness, and servant-hearted towards one another.
It's this selfless love they give of themselves to one another.
And it's this aspect of God's nature and His character which marriage most clearly is designed to represent an image,
to reflect God in His glory in His initiating self-giving love to the other person.
Think of the greatest commands in the Bible, right?
Remember one day a young man comes to Jesus and he says,
Rabbi, what is the most important command?
And Jesus says, get married and have sex, right?
No, He doesn't say that.
What does He say?
He says, love the Lord your God and love other people.
Why is this the most important command in the Bible?
You'd think of the way our culture thinks about sexuality,
that relationships and intimacy would be the most important thing.
But Jesus says, the most important thing is to love God and love others.
Why?
Because that's when we're fully human.
That's the way that God has designed us,
is that we're most alive, we're most like God,
when we are selfless and self-giving of ourselves and pour out our love for one another.
This is the essence of what it means to be human,
that we are most like our maker, most alive and most imaging God,
when we pour ourselves out in loving God and loving each other.
Because we are made in His image,
all people, particularly in marriage,
God's design is that it's built on the principle of not consuming love,
but giving love.
One of the ways that we do this,
that we pour out ourselves for our spouses and one another,
is that we love our spouses by helping them to love and see Jesus more.
As Francis Chan said,
we help prepare our spouses for eternity.
God doesn't give us marriage to make me happy,
but that I can help my wife or my spouse become more like Jesus.
Friends, is your spouse more in love with Jesus?
Is he or she more secure in His love?
Is he or she more grateful for grace,
more thankful for His mercy,
more worshipful in His presence?
God's design is that marriage is for two people to come together,
not to consume love,
but to give love to one another.
And then finally,
marriage by design is meant to reflect God's forgiveness and His grace.
Remember, in the book of Jeremiah,
God reminds His people,
and He says,
Remember how God has said to you,
I've loved you with an everlasting love.
I've drawn you in with an unfailing kindness.
Now, we don't need to read far in the Bible
to recognize that the way we reciprocated God's unfailing kindness towards us
was with self-centeredness and self-glory.
And that's the cause for so much heartache and pain.
And yet, the glory of God shines through
and is never-ending, never-giving up,
always and forever love.
And so, Psalm 103 says,
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He does not deal with us as our sins deserve,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
And in many ways, the permanency of marriage,
the fact that at your wedding vows,
you say,
Until death do us part,
that I will look over your sin,
that I won't hold your sin against you,
the fact that I forgive you and extend grace for you,
is a reflection and imaging of God's amazing steadfast love for us.
You see, in many ways,
marriage is meant to be like a picture, right?
A photograph.
And it's a picture of who God is,
His incessant, unending love.
But it's also a picture of His profound love for us,
His covenant people,
for those who have come to know Him
and be in relationship with Him.
But it's also a picture of,
for those who know God,
the depth of intimacy
that they will one day experience in heaven
when we do get to know God.
And sex and sexual intimacy in the context of marriage
is a picture of the oneness and the unity
and the intensely beautiful and intimacy,
intimate relationship that God's people
will one day have with Him in heaven.
Now, what does that mean for us?
Because, let me say it this way.
At my desk in our room,
I've got a picture of the family, right?
And Claire and the three girls.
And it's a picture,
and when they are not there,
it shows me how amazing they are,
beautiful they are.
But I don't fall in love with the picture.
The picture is just merely a picture
of a greater reality.
I don't, on my anniversary,
go and take that picture out for dinner
and just say thank you for what an amazing picture you are.
These last 10 years have been really wonderful.
And I'm just looking forward to the next 10 years
of me and you together at the desk, right?
The picture is just a picture.
But marriage is the real thing.
Now, in many ways,
what God is saying is that marriage is just a picture.
It's a picture of a far more deep and profound reality,
which is who God is,
which is His deep, covenantal,
never-ending, faithful promise to us, His people.
But it's also a picture of the reality
that we will one day experience
when we get to heaven, to be with Him.
Now, what does this mean?
Well, it means that we take marriage
and we take sex and marriage very seriously.
Very important.
Marriage is a picture of who God is.
And it's a picture of His profound covenant with His people.
So we take marriage very seriously.
This is why divorce and casual sexual relationships
are so serious,
because it's a misrepresentation of God
and His love and His glory.
And so when we don't take marriage seriously,
in a way, it's like defacing this image.
It's like saying,
drawing a picture on the image and defacing it.
We take marriage very seriously.
But at the same time,
it means we don't take marriage too seriously,
because it's just the picture.
It's not reality.
It's not the end for which we were made.
It's as if life and meaning are found in marriage.
As if being single somehow means you're subhuman
or your life is not fully fulfilled.
Marriage is a picture,
but in the end, it's only a picture.
It's not the ultimate reality for which you were made.
There is a true and a better and ultimate reality
which awaits those who come into this covenant relationship with Christ.
Friends, if you're here this morning
and you're not a Christian,
you're not a believer,
can I urge you to see that all the pleasures in this world
and all the pleasures for which your body craves
and all the sexual pleasures which your body desires
are merely pictures,
merely photographs of what could be yours
if you are in Christ.
Friends, that's why,
that's what Jesus is offering you this morning.
And that's why I want you to become a Christian.
That's why I want you to turn from sin
and to find ultimate hope and ultimate joy
in the person of Jesus Christ.
That's why I want to beg you this morning
to turn away from false idols that don't really satisfy
and come to the true satisfaction
which is Jesus Christ himself.
Marriage and sex is never going to fulfill you,
but Jesus Christ is at my right hands
of pleasures forevermore.
And so come to Jesus this morning.
Come to Jesus this morning.
Okay, so all of that is creation.
Chapter one, creation.
By design, God designed that marriage
is a picture of unity and diversity.
By design, marriage is a picture
of the selfless, self-giving love of God in us.
And by design, God has pictured
that marriage should reflect his forgiveness
and his grace towards his people.
Okay, chapter two, the fall.
Now, in Genesis chapter three,
which we all, actually chapter three,
which we read this morning,
the world took a dark turn
and Adam and Eve sin against God.
And the way that sin enters the world
is through a lie.
But it's a lie that's big enough
to reframe and reinterpret all of reality.
And to this day, this lie still colors
everything in which we see in the world.
It affects you and it affects me.
Remember, what does Satan say
to Adam and Eve in the garden?
Okay, what is the first question he asks?
He says, what did God say?
Can you eat anything?
And Eve says, God has told us not to eat,
in fact, not to even touch
of this tree in the middle of the garden.
For if we do so, we will die.
Okay, and what does Satan say back to Eve?
Can you remember?
He says, you will not die.
For God told you this, why?
Because God does not want you to be like him.
Okay, so after questioning God's word,
Satan then questions God's character
and his goodness.
He's saying, God is insecure.
He doesn't want you to be like him.
He doesn't want you to know him.
He doesn't want your eyes to be opened
and to see things as they really are.
Satan, in verse six,
it tells us that Adam and Eve buy this lie,
the lie that God is not good,
that God doesn't have your best interests at heart,
and that if you want, you can be like God.
And friends, what Satan was offering humanity
is not just to reflect God's glory,
but actually to own a piece of the glory themselves.
Okay, do you see that?
He says, God doesn't want you to be like him.
Friends, that temptation is the essence
of every other temptation.
And temptation, when Satan comes to us,
is not just a distortion of some petty rule in the Bible,
like we broke rule three, subsection two,
subsection A of the Bible constitution.
When we sin, it's not just breaking some petty rule.
Actually, temptation is a distortion
of the nature and the character of who God is.
It's a distortion of who you are,
what it means to be human,
and it's a distortion of our relationship with God.
You see, when we sin,
it's not just that we've got some black mark
against our name on the school teacher's report.
It actually distorts our view of reality,
and it changes us.
And one of the ways that sin distorts reality
is that we now tend to view our identity
in terms of marriage and sexuality.
Before the fall, we were God's children.
We were made to experience God's love
and to enjoy His love
and to be caught up in His love,
delighting in His glory,
imaging this to the world around us.
But now, because of sin,
we are cut off on the reality of God's love
and His intimacy.
And now we only have the image.
We've got the picture.
We've got the photograph.
But we can't even see or understand the picture properly
because, as Augustine said,
sin causes us to what?
Be turned in on ourselves.
And so now, instead of sex and marriage
being the ultimate expression of God's self-giving love to us,
a picture of how we don't pursue our own interests,
but we pursue the interests of others,
now sex and marriage are viewed as self-validation
for our hurting identity.
Does that make sense?
So God's design for marriage and sexuality is
you pour yourself out to please another.
You give of yourself for well-being
and the benefit of the other.
But now, because sin causes us to turn in on ourselves,
we view relationships and marriage and sexuality as,
how can I please myself?
How can I fulfill myself?
How can I make myself happy at the expense of another?
Friends, the irony and the tragedy of this
is that this makes us even more insecure
and more invalidated than ever.
The more we use people and sexual experiences
to fill the void in our own hearts
and to validate us and affirm us,
actually, the more insecure we become
and the more invalidated we become.
Because no human being was meant to fill
that void in our heart.
In our heart.
It's like drinking salty seawater
to trying to quench the thirst in your body, right?
Not realizing that by drinking that water,
you're actually starving your body
of the liquids that you need.
And so the more thirsty you become,
the more seawater you drink to try and quench that thirst.
And that's what happens when we use sexuality
and marriage and relationships to validate ourselves.
In doing so, we actually cause ourselves
to be more insecure and to feel more invalidated.
And that's why we live in such an overly sexualized world.
Because we're addicted to the drug of self-validation,
not realizing that it actually undermines
the validation that we seek.
And so the fall, the sin,
causes us to be turned in on ourselves
and to now use relationships
rather than to pour ourselves out for relationships.
Well, what does this look like?
Well, the first thing it does
is marriage now has become self-serving
rather than self-giving.
I remember when I first became a pastor
seven or eight years ago,
I used to do a lot of weddings.
And at first I used to tell people,
you can write your own wedding vows, right?
It's your wedding day, you say what you want.
And I thought this was such a good idea
until I quickly realized this was a terrible idea.
And so I quickly stopped that
and I made people say the vows that I wrote for them, okay?
And the reason was because of the terrible nature of those vows.
People would stand up and say things like,
you are the stardust on my magic carpet, right?
Or I promise to be the sunshine on your flower patch, okay?
Or I promise to love you more than I love sushi
or to make your heart sing like the birds in the morning, right?
Friends, that's not a wedding vow.
That's a Valentine's card, okay?
Valentine's Day card.
That's what Disney make movies about.
But a real wedding vow, a marriage vow
is something like I promise to love you.
I promise to serve you.
I promise to put your interests before my own.
I promise to put your desires before my own.
Whether I am comfortable or not,
for better or for worse.
Whether I feel sick or whether I feel healthy.
Whether I have lots of money
or whether I've got no money.
Whether it makes me rich or not.
I promise to pour out my life for you
to help you become the person God's called you to be.
To help you see God's glory.
To help you love Jesus more
so that you can become more like Him.
That's a wedding vow.
But we don't say those vows anymore, right?
We talk about sunshine on our flower patch
and sushi and stardust
and nonsense like that, right?
Why?
Because romance and sex and relationships
have become about us.
About what you can do for me.
And ironically, this actually destroys the intimacy
and the relationship that we actually desire.
When we use somebody else
or we see somebody else's hard to please me
or fulfill my pleasures,
it destroys the trust and the vulnerability
that actually a true intimacy desires
or needs to flourish.
I remember last year
when we were living in Cape Town,
there was a young lady, late 20s,
who was a pretty strong atheist,
didn't believe in God at all,
and became a Christian.
She had a dramatic encounter with God.
One night she goes to bed,
not believing God exists.
The next morning she wakes up,
has this encounter with God,
believes in Jesus,
confesses her sin,
and there in her house on her own
becomes a believer.
And her whole life changed dramatically in one day.
And so a few months later,
I'm talking to her about her conversion
and I'm asking her what happened.
And she said something amazing.
She said,
you know,
I've always lived with my boyfriends
and slept with my boyfriends.
And as much as I love them
and they love me,
at the back of my mind
was always this lingering question.
Do you love me for my body
or do you love me for me?
Do you love me?
Are you in this relationship
because I'm giving myself to you
and I'm pleasing you sexually?
Or are you in this relationship
because you really want to serve me
and are pleased for me?
And friends,
that's what sin does.
When sin causes us
to be turned in on ourselves,
relationships and sexual intimacy
now and pleasure
become about us,
about what my partner can do for me.
And what this means
is that any relationship
that's built on sexual intimacy
and the pleasure of sexual experiences,
rather than a commitment
to serve the other person,
is destined to fail.
Because sexual intimacy and pleasure
is not the essence,
it's the foundation of a relationship.
Selfless giving of yourself
to the other person is.
And that's one of the dangers
of being involved with someone sexually
before your marriage
or cohabitating,
living with someone.
Especially if you're trying to work out,
is this relationship
going to go the distance?
Is this going to work?
Because the pleasure
and the desires
and the height of emotional experiences
that sex produces
gives you a skewed view
of the relationship.
You think,
I so love this person
and they so love me.
We were made for each other.
But it's built
on a shaky foundation.
It's built on a house of sand.
It's a house of sand.
It's a house built on sand.
And it's only a matter of time
before it's destined to fail.
Friends,
in our city,
there are millions
and millions of people
who every day
are buying the lie
that says life
and love
and fulfillment
are found
in having sexual experiences.
But friends,
it's a lie.
It's like drinking
seawater,
thinking it's going
to quench your thirst.
And it's actually
going to dry you up
and leave you more lonely,
more dissatisfied
than ever before.
Secondly,
marriage becomes
about scorekeeping
rather than gracious
self-giving.
I'll do this quickly.
I remember
just before I got married
listening to Dr. Ravi Zacharias
and he said something
and I thought,
speak for yourself, buddy.
That's not going to happen
in my marriage.
Right?
And this is what he said.
When you first get married,
as a guy,
you love serving your wife.
Your wife needs anything
and you jump up
to help her.
Right?
She has a little cough
in the night
and you jump up
and you get a glass
of water for her
and you bring it
to her side.
And five years later,
you hear the kids
crying in the middle
of the night
and you just fast
and you pretend
you fast asleep.
Or you think to yourself,
I got up last time,
I'm pretty sure
it's her turn
this time.
Right?
And I thought,
that's not going
to happen to me.
Friends,
ten years later,
that's exactly
what's happening.
Right?
Love,
I just want to say
I'm so sorry
for all the times
I've pretended
to be asleep.
When sin causes us
to be turned
in on ourselves
and we think of marriage
as a way of self-serving,
not self-giving.
Finally,
let me say this.
Sin causes marriage
or the problem
with this is
it causes us
to misrepresent
God's love.
You see,
by representing
a false view
of God's covenantal love,
we actually tell
the world
that God's love
is something central,
something self-focused,
something that we use
for our own means
rather than
the extravagant love
that it really is.
And unfortunately,
that's exactly
what has happened.
Inside the church
and outside the church,
we view God's love
as something selfish,
something that we view
God's love as
God only loves us
as long as we serve Him.
God only loves us
as long as we come
to the party.
And we've completely
misrepresented
the extravagant,
radically generous,
always and forever,
incessant,
never-ending
love that God's love
really is.
And for those of us
that are not Christians
this morning,
I want to just say
that maybe one of the reasons
why you're not a Christian
is because you're interested
in the person of Jesus
but as you've looked
at His followers,
their lives
and especially
our sexual lives
and our relationship lives
don't represent
anything different
from the world.
And maybe we've represented
to you that God's love
is something sensual
and self-seeking.
And friends,
if that's you,
I want to say
we are so sorry.
I want to say
our testimony
is not true.
We have misrepresented
the profundity
of God's love.
Don't look at our lives
and our selfishness
and think that
that's what God is like.
God's love
is exceedingly abundantly
far more profound
than that.
Can I ask you
to forgive us
and forgive us
for our self-centeredness.
Come and know Jesus.
He's far better
than we'll ever represent.
So all of this
is the four.
Okay?
God designed us
to represent Him
and image Him.
God designed that
marriage and sexuality
is a picture
of the selfless,
self-giving love
and yet the sin
caused us
to be turned in ourselves
and now we use
marriage and relationships
to serve ourselves
rather than serve the other.
The question is
is there any hope?
Well, chapter 3,
redemption.
At the end of Genesis
chapter 3
and onwards
for the rest of the Bible,
the story of the Bible
is the consequences of sin,
the consequences of the fall,
but it's God's redeeming love
and the great rescue plan
that God goes on
to redeem us
from the fall.
You see,
the effects of sin
are far-reaching.
They affect every area
of our life.
They affect our finances.
They affect our marriages.
They affect our singleness.
They affect our sexuality.
They affect our work life.
Sin causes us
to be turned in on ourselves
and affects every area
of our lives.
But Jesus
did far more
than just come
and forgive us
of one or two
individual sins.
Jesus came to redeem us
and to heal
the brokenness
that is a result of sin.
Jesus came to reverse
the effects
of the fall
from creation.
And he starts off
by redeeming
and rescuing our hearts.
And the way that Jesus
in the gospel
gives us hope
in the midst of our
broken and hurting world
is threefold.
Firstly,
Jesus comes
and he gives you
a new name
and he gives you
a new identity.
So in the Bible,
whenever one of God's people
has a dramatic
encounter with God,
God gives them
a new name, right?
Think Abram
becomes Abraham.
Think Jacob,
which means the cheat,
becomes Israel,
which means one
who has wrestled
with God.
Simon,
which means little stone,
becomes Peter,
the rock.
And of course,
Saul,
the guy who wanted
to kill all the Christians,
meets Jesus
and becomes renamed
Paul.
Now,
in Isaiah chapter 62,
there's an amazing passage
about how
when God
comes to his people
to rescue
and redeem
and heal them
and restore them,
he renames them.
Look at what
Isaiah chapter 62
says.
He says,
when I come
and meet you,
the nations
will see your righteousness,
all the kings
of the earth
will see your glory
and you will be called
by a new name
and the name
that the Lord
will give you,
a name that the Lord
will give you.
You will no longer
be called forsaken,
you will now be called
my delightful one.
For just as the bridegroom
rejoices over his bride,
so the Lord your God
will rejoice over you.
Friends,
where sin causes us
to be turned in
on ourselves
and because of the
powerful bonding
nature of sex,
the distortion
that sin causes
is that it
takes God's good gift
and it turns it
into a tool
for much pain
and much hurt.
But Jesus Christ
came to dismantle
the lie
that we believed
in the garden
and he comes
and he speaks
a true and a better
word for us.
He dismantles
the lie that says
God is not good
and you can't trust him.
He dismantles
the lie that says
God is only
looking after himself
and he dismantles
the lie that says
you can be your own God
and Jesus Christ
comes and he
tells us
that the self-worth
and the validation
that we look for
as humans
is not found
horizontally.
It's not found
in our spouse
or in society
or what people
think of us.
It's not found
in our sex appeal.
It's not found
in the affirmation
or the generosity
of even a spouse's wife.
Jesus Christ
comes and tells us
that our affirmation
and identity
is found
in who we are
in Christ
and what Christ
says about us.
It's found
in delighting
in Christ
and Christ's
delight in us.
Friends,
Jesus comes
to those who trust him
and he promises
to be a redeeming lover.
He promises
to be a lover
that rescues us
out of our own
sinfulness
and to restore us
and to make us new.
And Jesus comes
and he gives us
a new name.
He gives us
a new identity.
Friends,
where sin
and the fall
of the world
tells you
that you are a nobody,
Jesus comes
and he calls you
his beloved.
Friends,
where sin
and brokenness
and the effects
of the world
tell you
that you are ordinary
and unloved,
Jesus says,
I chose you
before the foundation
of the world
to set my love
upon you.
Friends,
where sin
and the brokenness
of the world
calls you shamed
and dirty
and used,
Jesus calls you
cleansed
and righteous
in his sight
if you are in Jesus.
Friends,
where sin
and the brokenness
and the fall
of the world
tell you
that your worth
and your identity
are found
in what men
think of you
or what women
think of you,
Christ says,
you are his
and he delights
in you.
And friends,
the love of Jesus
is so steady
and it's so rock solid
because he doesn't
love you
because of what he sees
in your heart,
he loves you
because of what he sees
in his heart.
And that is unshakable.
It's not going to change.
Jesus doesn't love us
because of the goodness
he sees in us
but because of the overflow
of the love
in his own heart
towards us.
And so Jesus gives us
a new name
and he gives you
a new identity.
Second thing he gives you
is this.
He gives you a new nature.
He actually changes us
from the inside.
The book of Colossians
is all about
this new identity
that God gives us
when we're united
with Christ.
And Paul tells
these new Christians
in Colossians
that their new self,
their new identity
is being renewed
in knowledge
after the image
of its creator.
Okay, so think about that.
He says,
when you come to Christ
you're being renewed
in knowledge,
understanding
after the image
of your creator.
In other words,
as the gospel
gets deeper
into our heads,
as in our hearts
we understand more
of who Jesus is,
how glorious he is,
what he's done
on the cross
and the reversing
effects of sin,
God actually starts
to change us
on the inside
to make us more
like him.
Okay,
in 2 Corinthians
he says it like this.
He says,
a Christian is someone
who's being changed
into the likeness
or the image
of God.
Now remember
in Genesis chapter 1
what did God say?
He said,
let us make mankind
in our image
or our likeness.
Okay,
our image
and our likeness.
Now in Corinthians
Paul writes,
a Christian
is someone
who's encountered
Jesus
and is being changed
in the image
and the likeness
of God.
In other words,
a Christian
is somebody
who's encountered
God
and God starts
to reverse
the effects of sin
and make us
once again
like he designed us
in the garden
of Eden.
And he's changing us
from one degree
of glory
to another.
So friends,
a Christian
is someone
who because
of the supernatural
experiential work
of God
in our hearts
is someone
who's becoming
more secure
in God's love,
more secure
in the gospel
and as a result
is becoming
more like Jesus
in life,
in love,
in character,
identity
and in purpose.
Friends,
the good news
of Jesus
is he didn't
just come and say,
oh I see
you've broken
another one
of the rules,
I'll forgive you
this time
but let me help you
not to break
the rules again.
Friends,
Jesus comes
and he takes out
our heart of stone
which is self-centered
and self-seeking
and he gives us
a new heart
after his own nature
and his own character,
a heart which resembles him
and he gives us
a new disposition
and he gives us
the Holy Spirit
to live inside of us
and he empowers us
to say no
to self-centeredness,
to say no
to the lie
of the devil
and to say yes
to Jesus
and to say yes
to becoming
more like him.
And he therefore
sets us free
from the destructive
patterns of behavior
which have marked
so many of our lives.
Friends,
the road that Christ
calls us to walk
is a long,
slow,
messy road
of becoming
more like Jesus.
And sometimes
there's ups
and sometimes
there's downs.
Sometimes there's victory
and we overcome sin
and sometimes
there's defeats.
Sometimes there's good moments,
sometimes there's painful moments.
But for those of us
who know Christ,
it's a road of slowly,
steadily
becoming more like him.
God changes our nature
to become more like him.
And friends,
that is unbelievably good news.
Remember Chris shared
the story last week
of a friend of his
who said,
I wish I could become like you
but I'm addicted
to my own desires.
Friends,
Jesus changes our desires.
He makes us more like him.
He sets us free.
Some of us want to be free
from pornography
and we cannot do it
on our own.
Jesus comes to change us
and our desires
and our addictions.
He sets us free.
Jesus gives us a new nature.
And then the last thing is this.
He gives us hope for sinners.
Friends,
some of us,
if we're honest,
have such a stained
and a checkered past
and a history of relationships
that we cannot bear the thought
of anybody finding out
what we've done.
And some of us
maybe here this morning
we think,
if anybody in this room
found out what I've done,
where I've been,
who I've been with,
you would kick me out
of this church straight away.
Friends,
I'm here to tell you this morning
that the message of the gospel
is that you are far worse
than you think you are.
And your situation
is far more hopeless
than you think it is.
And you are far more lost
than you actually think you are.
But I'm also here to tell you
that what's true of you
is true of everyone
in this room.
That every single person
in this room
is a sinner
who has fallen short
of God's astounding glory
and therefore stands condemned.
But I'm also here
to tell you
that the wonderful,
extravagant good news
of Jesus on the cross
is that if you are in Christ,
you are extravagantly loved
and chosen by God
before the world
was even made.
Before you were even conceived
in your mother's womb.
If you are in Christ,
God chose you
to pour His love out upon you.
Jesus hung on the cross for you
and as He died,
He said,
the debt has been paid in full.
That is the hope of the gospel.
That though the situation
is worse than we think it is,
it's far more better
than we will ever think it is
because of Jesus.
Friends,
I don't know what you've done,
but if you come to Christ
in faith and repentance,
the blood of Jesus
which was shed on the cross
for you and for me
has a final
and a better word
over our sin.
And it stills the accusations
of the devil.
And when the devil comes
and lies and accuses you,
there's a better word
that says,
not guilty
because my blood
has been shed.
That is the hope
of the gospel.
This is Christ's redemption,
chapter three.
Finally,
chapter four,
the consummation.
We come out to close.
The final chapter
of the Bible
is called the consummation,
which is ironic
because we think of
consummating a wedding,
right?
Yes,
in some ways,
sex is an amazing picture
of what heaven
will one day be like.
A blissful union
of God's people
and God
for all eternity.
Marriage and sex
in some ways
in our world
is a faded
black and white picture
of the glories
of heaven
and what it's going
to be like.
That those who are
in Christ,
this blissful,
intimate relationship
between us
and God
for all eternity.
Revelation 21
says that
when Christ comes,
he will bring
his bride
back to himself
for the house
that he's been
preparing for us.
Think of how
every Disney movie
ends, right?
How does every
fairy tale story end?
And they lived
happily ever after.
Friends,
there's one fairy tale story
which is not a fairy tale.
We really will live
with our spouse,
the lover of our souls,
happily ever after
in all eternity
with him.
Friends,
in this lifetime
you may never
get married.
Maybe you've been
married and you've
suffered a difficult
marriage.
Maybe you've suffered
the trauma of a marriage
coming undone.
Maybe you've been
in an abusive marriage.
Maybe you've been
in a loveless marriage.
Maybe you've been
in a marriage
where your spouse
has spoken words
of you that have
wounded so deeply.
Friends,
regardless of who
you are today,
if you trust in Christ
one day,
very, very soon,
there is coming
the perfect husband,
the perfect spouse
who will bring you
back to himself,
who will love you
more fully
and more completely
and more tenderly
than any human being
could ever.
Who will love you
so deeply
that you'll get to enjoy
the reality
of the perfect marriage.
Not just a copy
of it here on earth.
Not just a faded
black and white image.
The reality,
the real thing
for all time
in all perfection.
Happily ever after.
And friends,
that's why our hope
is not in marriage.
Our hope is not in sex.
Our hope is not in
finding the perfect spouse,
having the perfect marriage,
having the perfect sex life
or being married.
Our hope is in Jesus Christ
who died on the cross.
Our hope is in the one
who came to reverse
the effects of sin
and the fall.
Our hope is in the one
who has chosen us
in him
and is calling us
back to himself.
Our hope is in the person
of the Lord Jesus Christ.
And so on that note,
let's pray.
Lord Jesus Christ,
oh how desperately
we need you.
God, we need you today
to affirm us
and to validate us.
We need you today, God,
to counter the lies
of the devil,
who tells us
that you are not good
and you are not trustworthy,
who tell us
that we can own
a piece of our own glory
if only we'll
follow our own desires.
Oh God,
won't you come
and speak a true
and better word
to our hearts?
God, won't you come
and heal
and restore
where sin has
hurt us
and destroyed us?
Jesus,
won't you come
and open our eyes
to see how glorious
you are?
God, we do pray
for healing
and restoration
where we've been hurt.
We do pray
for a miracle, God.
God, we do pray
that you come
and fill the longings
of our hearts,
those that are married
and those that are not married,
those that are enjoying marriage
and those for whom marriage
is difficult.
For every one of us,
Christ, come and be first
in our hearts, we pray.
Come and be center.
Jesus, come and pour
your transcendent glory
into our hearts
and open our eyes
to see you
and to love you.
Come and draw us
closer to yourself,
we pray.