WEBVTT 00:00:00.620 --> 00:00:03.339 Well, allow me to welcome you again. 00:00:05.980 --> 00:00:10.759 Those of you that I don't know, those of you who are visiting, especially like to welcome you. 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:20.320 And I really hope and pray, as we've prayed a lot, that being here you feel seen in your grief, 00:00:20.859 --> 00:00:24.560 that you feel known and understood to some degree, 00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:30.259 that you, if nothing else, that you know that you're not alone in it. 00:00:31.160 --> 00:00:37.079 What I want to do now is to spend a little while reflecting on God's Word together 00:00:37.079 --> 00:00:43.700 before we hear from some members of our community as they share some of their experiences of grief. 00:00:44.939 --> 00:00:51.039 You know, Laura and I have spent time praying and thinking about this gathering, 00:00:51.039 --> 00:00:58.399 and part of that, as I think many of you have done, has involved thinking about our own experiences of grief. 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:07.719 And one of the places in Scripture that I find myself gravitating to again and again in my own times of grief 00:01:07.719 --> 00:01:15.039 and as I attempt to grieve alongside and come alongside others in grief is this story in John chapter 11. 00:01:15.239 --> 00:01:19.719 It's the story of Jesus and Martha and Mary at the tomb of Lazarus. 00:01:19.719 --> 00:01:27.019 I just find myself coming back to it again and again and again because it shows us something profound about grief. 00:01:28.019 --> 00:01:37.000 And it actually, I think, shows us something about why we would have a time like this set aside on a Sunday evening 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:42.840 where we would intentionally create a space to be sad together, to weep together. 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:48.439 For those who don't know the story, Lazarus is one of Jesus' best friends. 00:01:49.140 --> 00:01:55.300 And after a prolonged illness, we're not sure exactly what, but after some form of prolonged illness, 00:01:55.460 --> 00:01:56.980 he eventually passes away. 00:01:57.600 --> 00:02:05.300 And several days after his death, Jesus finally, and I emphasize that word, finally arrives at the tomb. 00:02:05.439 --> 00:02:08.340 They've been waiting and hoping that he would come sooner. 00:02:08.340 --> 00:02:12.620 And both of Lazarus' sisters come out to meet him. 00:02:13.159 --> 00:02:16.480 We have Martha and then after her, Mary. 00:02:17.800 --> 00:02:23.219 One of the interesting things about this story is that they each say the exact same thing to Jesus. 00:02:24.200 --> 00:02:28.400 They say, Lord, if you had only been here, my brother would not have died. 00:02:29.140 --> 00:02:32.500 If you had been here, my brother would not have died. 00:02:32.500 --> 00:02:42.300 And they're basically asking what I think everyone asks in the face of grief and tragedy. 00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:48.840 It's probably the kinds of questions that some of us are asking right now as we sit here this evening, 00:02:48.840 --> 00:02:55.719 as we think about our own experiences of death or loss or infertility or miscarriage or unwanted singleness 00:02:55.719 --> 00:02:58.560 or any of the other things that we bring with us into this room. 00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:01.219 And we ask questions like, where is God in all of this? 00:03:02.500 --> 00:03:04.539 Questions like, how could God let this happen? 00:03:06.539 --> 00:03:08.479 Why did it have to be this way? 00:03:09.719 --> 00:03:13.300 Especially when I look at the lives of the people around me, why me? 00:03:13.479 --> 00:03:14.020 Why this? 00:03:14.159 --> 00:03:14.680 Why now? 00:03:16.480 --> 00:03:21.020 All forms of the question, Lord, if you had only been here, maybe this wouldn't have happened. 00:03:21.020 --> 00:03:33.060 And I want us to see how Jesus responds to these sisters and to us when we come to Him with our grief and our anger and our pain and all of our questions. 00:03:35.120 --> 00:03:40.660 To Martha, Jesus offers what we might think of as a theological response. 00:03:42.180 --> 00:03:44.320 He says, your brother will rise again. 00:03:45.640 --> 00:03:46.120 Martha. 00:03:46.120 --> 00:03:51.700 And Martha says, well, I know that He will rise again and the resurrection on the last day. 00:03:51.780 --> 00:03:56.700 And Jesus goes on, I am the resurrection and the life. 00:03:57.700 --> 00:04:01.740 Whoever believes in Me, though he die, yet shall he live. 00:04:03.379 --> 00:04:07.980 Then you can imagine Jesus looking at her intently, fixing her with His gaze. 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:10.379 Do you believe this? 00:04:10.379 --> 00:04:13.539 She replies, yes, Lord. 00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:19.040 I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world. 00:04:20.159 --> 00:04:21.040 And she's right. 00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:27.860 You know, believing in Christ, believing in Jesus, means believing in the resurrection. 00:04:28.240 --> 00:04:31.159 It means believing in the renewal of all things. 00:04:31.740 --> 00:04:38.219 As some of our own writers have said, to believe in the resurrection is to believe that everything sad will come untrue. 00:04:38.220 --> 00:04:49.440 To believe in the resurrection is to believe that heaven is not just some future bliss out there that will somehow justify all of this. 00:04:49.940 --> 00:04:57.640 It's to believe that heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even this agony into glory. 00:04:57.639 --> 00:05:06.800 It's to believe, as the Scripture says, that those who sow weeping will go out with songs of joy. 00:05:08.199 --> 00:05:17.819 To believe in Jesus is to believe in resurrection, which is to believe in renewal, which is to believe in all of those things that one day Jesus will wipe every tear from our eyes. 00:05:17.860 --> 00:05:19.719 It's to believe all of those things are true. 00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:24.800 Now, the story could have ended here, but it doesn't. 00:05:25.820 --> 00:05:28.300 And praise Jesus, it doesn't. 00:05:29.660 --> 00:05:33.820 Martha sends for her sister Mary, saying, the teacher is here and is calling for you. 00:05:34.320 --> 00:05:39.720 Mary comes and falls at Jesus' feet and says, the exact same thing as Martha. 00:05:39.860 --> 00:05:43.460 Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 00:05:43.459 --> 00:05:49.259 And yet, with Mary, Jesus does not offer a theological response. 00:05:51.139 --> 00:05:56.000 When Jesus sees Mary weeping, and then he sees all the people around him weeping, 00:05:56.899 --> 00:06:01.679 it says that he's deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. 00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:04.659 But that's a bit of a sanitized translation. 00:06:05.039 --> 00:06:08.639 I think the reality of this actually makes us a bit nervous. 00:06:08.639 --> 00:06:13.459 What it actually says in the Greek is that Jesus was shaking with rage. 00:06:14.979 --> 00:06:16.959 He's shaking with rage. 00:06:18.800 --> 00:06:20.659 Then it says that Jesus wept. 00:06:23.659 --> 00:06:26.919 Here's a being who has all the power in the universe. 00:06:28.180 --> 00:06:32.419 He knows that he's about to raise Lazarus from the grave. 00:06:32.420 --> 00:06:37.140 And yet, he sits down next to Mary, and he weeps. 00:06:39.780 --> 00:06:43.240 And the story begs the question, why? 00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:47.960 Does he not believe what he's just told Martha? 00:06:48.700 --> 00:06:50.840 Does he not believe his own theology? 00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:54.540 Has he forgotten that he's the Son of God? 00:06:54.639 --> 00:07:00.560 Does he not know that he has the power with a mere word to raise Lazarus to life again, 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:02.240 to wipe the illness away? 00:07:02.420 --> 00:07:05.939 Why does Jesus weep? 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:14.680 The only answer, the only possible answer, is that Jesus weeps because he is perfect. 00:07:16.379 --> 00:07:18.040 It's because he's perfect. 00:07:18.939 --> 00:07:26.520 Because this is what a perfect human being does in the face of grief and loss. 00:07:28.139 --> 00:07:31.960 A lot of people think that maturity means being strong. 00:07:32.420 --> 00:07:39.540 That if you're spiritually mature in particular, it means keeping yourself together in the midst of tragedy. 00:07:39.699 --> 00:07:43.460 It means being even keel, not getting all emotional. 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:50.720 A lot of people think that if you cry, that it means you're weak, because that's what weak people do. 00:07:50.720 --> 00:07:53.680 It means that you can't handle life. 00:07:53.680 --> 00:07:56.980 If you're a Christian, it means that you must have a weak faith. 00:07:57.840 --> 00:08:02.240 Your theology must be shaky if you're this rocked by tragedy. 00:08:02.360 --> 00:08:03.400 Don't you believe in the resurrection? 00:08:04.140 --> 00:08:05.420 Don't you believe in renewal? 00:08:05.580 --> 00:08:06.920 Don't you believe in the new creation? 00:08:06.920 --> 00:08:10.199 It's all going to work out in the end. 00:08:10.620 --> 00:08:11.640 It's all going to be okay. 00:08:12.040 --> 00:08:12.879 Why are you crying? 00:08:12.980 --> 00:08:13.720 Why are you weeping? 00:08:13.720 --> 00:08:21.700 Jesus is the most mature, most perfect, most powerful being there is. 00:08:21.820 --> 00:08:23.880 Jesus is the one who raised the mountains. 00:08:24.320 --> 00:08:26.000 He's the one who filled the oceans. 00:08:26.440 --> 00:08:29.640 He's the one who flung the stars into the sky. 00:08:29.639 --> 00:08:32.939 And yet, in the face of this loss, He weeps. 00:08:39.620 --> 00:08:43.939 So, what can we learn from this as we sit in our own grief? 00:08:45.340 --> 00:08:48.819 You know, in 1 Thessalonians 4, Paul writes to Christians, 00:08:49.340 --> 00:08:52.340 Grieve, but don't grieve as those without hope. 00:08:54.299 --> 00:08:58.860 And I think that Paul is warning us that when it comes to our grief, 00:08:58.860 --> 00:09:05.200 there are two potential dangers that He wants us to be aware of. 00:09:06.779 --> 00:09:08.960 One is to not grieve. 00:09:10.820 --> 00:09:12.919 That's one great danger. 00:09:14.180 --> 00:09:20.659 To give in to all of the ideas that we inherit, maybe from our families. 00:09:20.840 --> 00:09:25.100 Maybe we grow up in families where you're not allowed to express negative emotions, 00:09:25.300 --> 00:09:27.259 you're not allowed to cry, it makes people uncomfortable, 00:09:27.259 --> 00:09:29.860 so you're told, if you're going to cry, do it in private. 00:09:31.220 --> 00:09:34.000 Maybe we've inherited these ideas that it means we're weak, 00:09:34.039 --> 00:09:37.279 or we can't hack it in life, or that our faith is shaky. 00:09:37.419 --> 00:09:42.240 And so, we try to push forward and be strong and not ever deal with the emotions. 00:09:43.539 --> 00:09:45.740 And the thing is, that'll get us by for a while, 00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:49.500 but down the road, that will always come back to bite us, 00:09:49.500 --> 00:09:50.899 one way or another. 00:09:51.700 --> 00:09:53.620 Because you can't get away from those feelings. 00:09:53.620 --> 00:09:55.080 They don't just go away. 00:09:55.179 --> 00:09:56.159 They don't evaporate. 00:09:56.860 --> 00:10:00.299 They stay in us for years and years and years and years. 00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:01.100 We can carry them. 00:10:02.740 --> 00:10:07.740 The other mistake Paul is saying we might make in our grief is to grieve, 00:10:07.879 --> 00:10:09.360 but to grieve without hope. 00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:15.200 To allow our grief to overwhelm us, to uproot us, 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:21.539 to so overtake us that we become hardened and cynical and dead on the inside. 00:10:23.159 --> 00:10:25.940 And certainly, that has happened to many, many people. 00:10:28.580 --> 00:10:32.519 But Jesus Christ makes it possible for us to grieve, 00:10:33.279 --> 00:10:34.759 but without losing hope. 00:10:34.759 --> 00:10:38.080 Jesus is a perfect human being. 00:10:38.220 --> 00:10:41.500 He's the strongest, most mature human ever to have lived, 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:42.879 and he wept. 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:46.840 Which means the strongest, most mature people, 00:10:47.139 --> 00:10:49.059 the people who are most like Jesus, 00:10:49.340 --> 00:10:51.080 are the ones who can enter into grief. 00:10:51.679 --> 00:10:53.620 The ones who can grieve honestly. 00:10:54.500 --> 00:10:56.299 The ones who are able to weep, 00:10:56.299 --> 00:10:58.240 not just in the midst of their own grief, 00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:01.279 but the ones who are able to weep with those who weep. 00:11:02.419 --> 00:11:04.120 As Jesus weeps with Mary. 00:11:04.759 --> 00:11:09.539 The strongest, most mature people are those who don't suppress their emotions, 00:11:09.960 --> 00:11:11.500 or numb themselves, 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:17.039 but willingly enter into and inhabit grief when they need to. 00:11:17.860 --> 00:11:19.539 And that's really what it is. 00:11:20.139 --> 00:11:24.819 It's something that must be inhabited for as long as it takes. 00:11:26.039 --> 00:11:27.980 Now, why would this be the case? 00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:33.840 Why is spiritual maturity connected with a willingness to weep and grieve? 00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:36.060 And the reason is quite simple. 00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:38.460 It's because you can't think your feelings. 00:11:40.320 --> 00:11:42.300 You have to feel your feelings. 00:11:42.500 --> 00:11:44.620 If you've ever been to a counselor worth their salt, 00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:47.860 hopefully they told you that at some point along the way. 00:11:47.980 --> 00:11:49.620 You have to feel your feelings. 00:11:49.940 --> 00:11:51.620 You can't think your way out of them. 00:11:51.620 --> 00:11:55.779 So we can know all the right theology in our heads. 00:11:56.139 --> 00:11:59.220 If we were to give you an exam, you would probably do really well. 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:03.799 But knowing and feeling are two very different things. 00:12:04.840 --> 00:12:06.399 You can't think your way out of grief, 00:12:06.460 --> 00:12:09.279 even with all the right theological answers. 00:12:09.399 --> 00:12:12.120 The only way to deal with feelings is to feel them. 00:12:12.120 --> 00:12:16.220 So then we ask, well, what good are our beliefs then? 00:12:17.980 --> 00:12:20.659 Well, believing in the promise of the resurrection 00:12:20.659 --> 00:12:25.320 is exactly what enables us to grieve, but without losing hope. 00:12:26.560 --> 00:12:29.679 The author of Hebrews says that our resurrection hope 00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:33.879 is a sure and steadfast anchor for the soul. 00:12:33.879 --> 00:12:37.919 And that's exactly what we need when we are grieving, 00:12:39.259 --> 00:12:41.019 when we are trembling with rage. 00:12:41.639 --> 00:12:45.240 We need a sure and steadfast anchor for our souls 00:12:45.240 --> 00:12:48.299 because the job of an anchor is to do one thing. 00:12:48.519 --> 00:12:50.639 It is to keep you rooted firmly in place 00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:53.720 so that no matter how strong the wind blows, 00:12:53.860 --> 00:12:56.820 no matter how hard the currents pull against you, 00:12:56.879 --> 00:13:00.539 no matter what, no matter how bad the storm of grief gets, 00:13:00.539 --> 00:13:03.879 you stay rooted firmly in place. 00:13:04.139 --> 00:13:05.419 You don't get swept away. 00:13:07.579 --> 00:13:09.719 A lot of people make the mistake of thinking 00:13:09.719 --> 00:13:11.939 that if we really believe in Jesus and the resurrection 00:13:11.939 --> 00:13:14.480 that we wouldn't weep in the face of tragedy. 00:13:15.120 --> 00:13:16.919 But the truth is actually the opposite. 00:13:18.199 --> 00:13:21.240 It's precisely our belief in Jesus and the resurrection 00:13:21.240 --> 00:13:25.259 that sets us free to grieve and to weep 00:13:25.259 --> 00:13:26.799 and to tremble with rage. 00:13:26.799 --> 00:13:31.399 Because those beliefs anchor us in the midst of that storm 00:13:31.399 --> 00:13:34.939 so that after we've allowed ourselves to feel what we need to feel, 00:13:35.859 --> 00:13:38.339 we'll find ourselves firmly rooted in the truth. 00:13:40.919 --> 00:13:43.019 I'll close with one final story. 00:13:45.219 --> 00:13:49.379 Horatio Spofford is someone who lived in Chicago with his family 00:13:49.379 --> 00:13:54.259 when the great Chicago fire of 1871 tore through the city. 00:13:54.259 --> 00:13:57.200 And not only was he financially ruined, 00:13:57.340 --> 00:14:00.399 but the fire actually claimed the life of his four-year-old son. 00:14:01.539 --> 00:14:05.919 Not long after, he decided to take his family to Europe for some time away 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:09.460 and to help D.L. Moody, actually, the great evangelist, 00:14:09.500 --> 00:14:10.500 with his next campaign. 00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:14.319 And he had some business to tie up before he could leave, 00:14:14.399 --> 00:14:17.620 so he sent his wife and his four daughters ahead, 00:14:18.019 --> 00:14:21.580 planning to come as soon as he could on the next ship. 00:14:21.580 --> 00:14:25.540 So his wife and daughters boarded a French steamship, 00:14:26.160 --> 00:14:28.940 and several days later, Spofford received the news 00:14:28.940 --> 00:14:30.360 that the ship had gone down. 00:14:31.420 --> 00:14:35.220 It was the worst disaster in naval history 00:14:35.220 --> 00:14:40.220 before the Titanic, which happened 40 years or so later. 00:14:41.560 --> 00:14:43.300 All of his daughters were lost. 00:14:44.340 --> 00:14:45.660 Only his wife survived. 00:14:45.659 --> 00:14:48.639 Spofford boarded the next ship, 00:14:48.939 --> 00:14:51.179 and soon in that crossing, 00:14:51.339 --> 00:14:54.259 he came to the place in the water 00:14:54.259 --> 00:14:56.019 where the ship had sunk 00:14:56.019 --> 00:14:58.480 and his daughters had been lost. 00:14:59.779 --> 00:15:03.620 And I don't pretend to know what he was thinking or feeling 00:15:03.620 --> 00:15:06.179 as he looked into that dark water, 00:15:06.179 --> 00:15:09.399 but I do know that he believed in Jesus. 00:15:10.519 --> 00:15:12.739 I do know that his soul was anchored 00:15:12.739 --> 00:15:14.099 by the hope of the resurrection, 00:15:14.659 --> 00:15:17.279 and I do know that he was a man mature enough 00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:18.739 to know how to weep 00:15:18.739 --> 00:15:20.500 and how to shake with rage. 00:15:22.879 --> 00:15:24.919 Because it was there in that place 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:26.479 that he wrote these words, 00:15:26.480 --> 00:15:48.159 Lord, we pray as we 00:15:48.159 --> 00:15:52.180 as we are gathered here tonight, 00:15:52.179 --> 00:15:57.159 some of us are here 00:15:57.159 --> 00:15:59.039 questioning whether you exist. 00:15:59.159 --> 00:15:59.799 Some of us are here 00:15:59.799 --> 00:16:00.799 because we're angry at you. 00:16:00.899 --> 00:16:01.659 Some of us are here 00:16:01.659 --> 00:16:04.159 maybe feeling as though we've given up hope. 00:16:04.699 --> 00:16:06.179 We've prayed ourselves numb. 00:16:07.059 --> 00:16:09.339 Lord, some of us are here with hope. 00:16:09.599 --> 00:16:11.379 Some of us are here simply to grieve 00:16:11.379 --> 00:16:13.439 with those whom we love. 00:16:14.139 --> 00:16:15.659 Whatever our reason here, Lord, 00:16:15.699 --> 00:16:17.159 we know that you're a God 00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:18.039 who's able to do in us 00:16:18.039 --> 00:16:19.259 what we cannot do for ourselves. 00:16:20.059 --> 00:16:21.679 We pray that as we sing, 00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:22.500 as we pray, 00:16:22.719 --> 00:16:25.179 as we listen to story and testimony, 00:16:25.179 --> 00:16:26.519 as we come around your table, 00:16:27.059 --> 00:16:28.199 that you would meet us 00:16:28.199 --> 00:16:29.139 the way that you met him, 00:16:29.819 --> 00:16:31.259 that you would weep with us 00:16:31.259 --> 00:16:32.559 the way Jesus wept with Mary, 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:33.979 that we would feel the comfort 00:16:33.979 --> 00:16:34.679 of your presence 00:16:34.679 --> 00:16:36.759 and your compassion and your love. 00:16:37.219 --> 00:16:38.459 Pray this in your son's holy name. 00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:39.599 Amen.