1 Peter chapter 3, not a passage that is universally loved, and yet this is the word of the Lord, isn't it?
And we want to be attentive to it.
1 Peter 3 verse 1,
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of a word.
1 Peter 3 verse 1,
Amen.
Definitely not universally loved, right?
1 Peter 3 verse 1,
He basically said this section is a bit like a house.
Each room of the house is dealing with kind of a different category of suffering, a different category of person.
But the gateway, the doorway into this house is back in chapter 2 verses 11 and 12.
Will you just set your eyes on that again?
Peter says,
It says,
So remember, the doorway into this is to say there is a way that God intends for his people to live in the world, and the world is not going to like that.
The world will naturally look at that faith.
The world will naturally look at that faith and look at that way of life and actually call it evil.
And certainly we see that happening all the time in our culture.
That was certainly true in Peter's culture as well.
But then Peter says that as we do that and as we represent God in the world, faithfulness to him despite the suffering that may come as a result of us,
that God will use the testimony of our faith and of our good works in order to draw some of those unbelievers to Christ so that they might then be saved.
Now we see that being repeated here in this passage in chapter 3.
We see Peter's presenting a practical outworking of that in the home.
So what does Peter mean when he says we're exiles?
Well, one, he means that we don't belong to this world.
We belong to God, and our responsibility is to glorify him in the world, to be his light shining in the darkness of sin here.
But he also means that those who live as faithful Christians will inevitably suffer in a world that views them and their faith as suspicious, at least, and dangerous at worst.
And again, back in chapter 2 and verse 12, unbelievers will generally view Christians as evildoers on account of their faith,
at least their philosophies as evil and wrong, immoral.
And here, Peter is demonstrating what that often looks like.
While Christians are to honor earthly authorities, they are to fear God above all.
And that inevitably will lead to conflict and suffering when those who have some authoritative role in our lives
instruct us to do something that we know God is not pleased with,
and we decide to obey God instead of that earthly authority.
That earthly authority isn't going to look at our lives and say,
well, I'm just very grateful that you love your God.
No, that's not how they respond, typically, is it?
It's the opposite of that.
So in this section of the letter, Peter is instructing us how to rightly submit to authority,
even unbelieving authority and wicked authority, but to do so in the fear of God primarily,
always acknowledging God above human authorities.
And then, of course, he's teaching us how to endure the suffering that will come,
not by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, right,
but by actually looking to Jesus and seeing the suffering of Christ.
That gives us hope on one hand, as we reflect on the atonement,
but it also gives us an example, doesn't it,
and how to faithfully follow him in suffering.
And when we get to this text, Peter is focusing on the third category of people
who are especially vulnerable to abuse on account of their faith.
After addressing Christian citizens in chapter 2 and then Christian slaves in chapter 2,
he now addresses Christian wives, Christian wives.
All three of these addresses, they're meant to work together here,
all three of them command submission in some regard,
the honoring of an authoritative role in your life,
even when that person, and maybe especially when that person,
is unbelieving and even wicked.
But we need to remember submission itself is not the goal of this text.
It's not that Peter is writing this because he really just wants us all
to be good, submissive people generally in our lives.
Submission is not the goal.
Being like Jesus is the goal.
The gravitational pull of this whole section is right in the heart of it.
At the end of chapter 2, where our attention is drawn to the suffering of Christ
and the atonement of Christ and his example.
His atonement then anchors our hope in a future salvation so that when we're the ones who are
suffering at the hands of evildoers on account of our faith,
we won't have a way to look at our circumstance and have hope in that circumstance.
But we can look to Jesus and say,
my hope is anchored there.
That my inheritance is not ultimately in this life.
My inheritance comes beyond this life.
And it is being kept in heaven for me.
Imperishable and undefiled and unfading.
And I am being kept for it by faith or by God through faith.
That's everything Peter's covered in the first chapter, right?
And now he says, he turns our attention to Jesus again and he says,
if you are the one who is in the position of suffering on account of your faith,
we look to Christ because that anchors our hope.
That it does get better.
Maybe not now, but it will.
And he will make all things right because he made all things right on the cross
when he provided salvation for us.
But it's not just our hope that it gives us.
It's an example.
He guides us on how to suffer well for his sake.
So that if you're a Christian citizen who is suffering under an oppressive government,
Peter says, this is how you faithfully follow in the footsteps of Jesus
by rightly submitting to earthly authorities in the fear of God.
And in his culture, at least, there was this dynamic of Christian slaves.
We might apply that in something of a parallel to what he was meaning there
to just our employment maybe.
Perhaps you're one who is suffering under an oppressive employer
or some type of relationship that fits that realm.
He says, here's how you suffer well and you follow in the steps of Jesus
as you submit insofar as you remain faithful to God in that submission.
And then he does it again here in chapter 3 as he looks to Christian wives.
We have an example in Christ here.
Certainly we have a hope in Christ here.
Now Peter does do something different at this point than he does in the previous two addresses.
He doesn't only address Christian wives who were vulnerable to abuse and suffering
at the hands of their husbands, particularly their unbelieving husbands.
He also addresses Christian husbands who were the ones who were in the position
to abuse their authority in the home.
And he confronts that here in this text.
And we need to keep both of those things in mind.
So in this text, it isn't just about wives or husbands.
It's about Christian marriage.
How do we thrive in Christian marriage in a world like ours and in the darkness of this world?
How can Christians represent God's kingdom and faithfully follow Jesus in their marriage?
And we understand as we read our Bibles, we understand that marriage, the home,
is the foundation of human flourishing.
God designed it that way, created it that way.
We also recognize that it's constantly under attack.
God's idea for the home, because it is the foundation for human flourishing,
is constantly being attacked.
Culture attempts to constantly redefine what it always is, what it is.
And of course, culture's definition of marriage is always absent of God.
It doesn't take God into account at all, does it?
Therefore, anything that God gives us in his word is immediately dismissed.
And what happens downstream from that is careless Christians and careless churches
who begin to be more influenced by their cultural ideas than they are by the word of God.
And we begin to see worldly philosophies of marriage begin to deteriorate in the church.
And we want to confront that, because God has called us to confront that.
What the Bible gives us in God's design for the home is not a theory.
It's not a theory anthropologically to figure out how to best get along together.
No, it's the difference between right and wrong, of righteousness and sinfulness,
of being faithful to the Lord or being unfaithful to the Lord.
So the stakes are high in a passage like this.
It's not just that it's controversial.
It's not just that it's sociological and that we can just kind of dismiss it.
No, this is actually quite important.
And if it wasn't, Peter wouldn't be addressing it here.
And so we need to give it the attention that it deserves.
I just want to break it up into the two sections, right?
There's an address to wives.
We're going to pull out three things from that address.
And then we're going to look at the address to husbands.
We're going to pull out three things from that address as well.
Here's the address to wives.
Most of the attention is given to that here in verses 1 to 6.
And it's this, Christian wives should submit to their husbands in the fear of God.
Christian wives, or we could say wives in general,
but particularly he's addressing Christians here.
Christian wives should submit to their husbands in the fear of God.
Now, no one in our culture likes the idea of submitting to authority at all.
But the notion that wives should submit to their husband's authority
or that the husband has a unique authority in the home at all,
it's not just disagreed with.
This is a principle that is loathed in our culture.
And it's not just by unbelievers.
This is a controversial idea even among Christians.
And I really do think that's in large part due to the fact
that there have been so many abuses of this doctrine through the years in Christian circles.
But that God-designed male headship in marriage is not at all obscure in the Bible.
It's actually quite clear.
It's very plain.
But we do need to understand exactly what that means and what it doesn't mean.
And Peter really helps us do that well here.
So the first thing we want to draw out from this is just the principle of submission.
Just the principle of submission.
We see this in the first two verses.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,
so that even if some do not obey the word,
they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives
when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Now, Peter forces us here to link this text with the previous text.
He does that with that very simple word at the beginning, likewise.
In other words, he's saying we're going to move on to marriage here,
but don't forget about everything that I just said about Christian slaves and about Christian citizens.
He's building on what he's just said there.
The principles that he established in those places of authority and submission,
they still apply in this case.
And the big one is this,
that the husband's authority in the home is not absolute.
It is not an absolute authority any more than an employer's authority over his employees is an absolute authority
or that the government's authority over its citizens is an absolute authority.
No human has absolute authority.
And that's being built upon here.
Christian wives are to submit to their husbands in the fear of God
so that just as citizens and slaves in the previous text are supposed to honor their earthly authorities
or the authoritative roles that God has designed for their lives,
they are not to honor that above their fear of God.
And Peter actually says it explicitly, though in the ESV it doesn't become quite as plain,
but let me just explain it to you.
The end of verse 2, he says that Christian husbands may,
or unbelieving husbands may be won by the conduct of their Christian wives
when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
And we've already seen this word in this section.
If you look back to chapter 2, verse 18,
Servants, be subject to your masters with all what?
Respect.
Same word.
We addressed this there and we need to address it again here.
The word here is fear.
Tom Schreiner, he says a literal translation of this phrase is that they will observe your pure conduct,
righteous conduct, in fear.
The question is, to whom is this fear being directed?
To whom is this reverence and honor being directed in this verse?
Is it to the husbands that they will see your reverence for them?
Or is it to God that they will see your reverence to God?
Now this is why it's so important to keep context when you study your Bible.
Because we could take this one verse out, and I could really do a number on wives today,
about how your responsibility is to, above all things, give your husband unreserved reverence and fear.
That is not what Peter means to say here.
This respect and pure conduct has everything to do with fearing God.
It has everything to do with being faithful to the Lord.
Indeed, that's the thing that may win an unbelieving husband.
Not reverence for him.
What would your reverence for him do to point him toward Jesus?
No.
It's your reverence for God above him,
which results in a life that is pure and righteous and faithful.
And it is faithfulness and faith in our conduct that God uses to bring unbelievers to himself.
So the submission that Peter instructs here is a matter of function in the home,
not veneration of husbands as men.
Wives are to honor their husband's role,
but they are to fear the Lord above their husbands.
And that should show in their conduct.
And that's how their husbands may be one to Christ.
So what does it mean and what does it not mean?
Ladies, this text does not mean that you are a slave to your husband.
It does not mean that if he instructs you to do something sinful
or to abandon faithful Christianity or the faith in some way,
that you must comply just to keep the peace of your home.
It's not what this means.
It does not mean that you must always agree with him
and that you can never have a differing view from him.
I mean, we understand the reality of that, right?
I would be an absolute mess without Julie.
And you know that.
It doesn't mean that if he abuses you or is unfaithful to you,
that you must preserve that relationship at all costs.
It does not mean that you have no biblical recourse
for a hateful and abusive husband
who has abandoned the covenant that you've made with him.
That's not what this submission means.
We need to get that right.
Here's what it means.
It means that in the ordinary function of the home,
you are to recognize that God has given your husband
a responsibility to lead.
It's God given, whether he's a believer or not.
He will answer to God based on his leadership
because that responsibility has been given directly to him.
This submission really is about functioning in such a way
that you just recognize that.
You recognize that responsibility that he has
and you support and help him do that well
insofar as you are yourself living in the fear of God.
That's what it means.
Now, a couple other things are worth pointing out here
before we move on.
I want you to see that a wife's submission to her husband
is voluntary in this passage.
He addresses the wives.
Wives, you be subject to your husbands.
You choose to submit to the leadership of your husband
in your home.
It's voluntary.
It doesn't mean it's optional.
It just means that the responsibility to do it
falls squarely and wholly on the shoulders
of you as a wife.
It also means this.
For you husbands,
you are not authorized by God
to coerce your wife's submission.
You are not authorized by God
to punish its absence in your marriage.
There's no place in the scripture
where you have been given the authority by God to do that.
Yes, you must lead.
Yes, you must teach.
But a wife's submission to her husband
is a matter of personal obedience to God.
Just as the responsibility to lead the home
rests solely on the shoulders of that husband,
the responsibility to submit to the leadership of the husband
falls squarely on the shoulders of you as a wife.
That's what the scripture teaches us.
We understand this,
and Jonathan Lehman does a great job
of pointing this out in his book on authority.
God has given different kinds of authority
instruments of correction.
But not all authorities that are designed by God
have an instrument of correction.
The government does.
It's the sword.
They punish evildoers.
The church, the congregation,
has an instrument of correction.
It's the keys of the kingdom, right?
That's why we talk about church discipline.
Parents have the rod of correction
that's given to them by God
for the correction of their children.
Guess who does not have an instrument of correction
anywhere in the scriptures?
Husbands.
It's not your place
to force your wife into submission
or to subject her.
No, it's her place to obey the Lord.
That falls on her shoulders.
Second thing I think is helpful to point out here
is the power of faithful Christianity
in a rightly ordered marriage.
Just look again at what Peter says.
He's presenting the context here
which would have been very true
for many of the wives to whom he wrote.
Even if some do not obey the word,
they're unbelieving,
they may be won without a word
by the conduct of their wives.
This is really interesting, isn't it?
That a faithful wife
who lives in her home
first as a faithful disciple of Christ
which shows itself in proper
and right submission
to her husband's leadership
will be able to win an unbeliever,
an unbelieving husband to Christ
in the grace of God.
We might understand it this way.
What is the evangelistic role
of a Christian wife in the home
of an unbelieving husband?
We might understand what Peter's saying like this.
The most effective way
to win your husband to Christ
is not through evangelistic nagging.
He says if they don't obey the word of the gospel,
they may be won even without a word,
meaning that he's not telling wives
that their number one goal in the home
is to be an evangelist,
but that their number one goal in the home
is to be a faithful wife
and that it is in being faithful to God
as a faithful wife
that God will use
perhaps to bring their unbelieving husband
to faith.
Of course, we understand
salvation can't come apart
from the word of God.
We know that,
but I think he's emphasizing here
that your conduct in the home,
just faithfulness as a wife matters.
It matters a great deal
not to the Lord
but also to the power
of the gospel at work
in your husband's life.
So that's the principle of submission.
Secondly, we see the beauty of holiness.
The beauty of holiness.
Look at verses three and four.
Peter continues and it's connected.
He says,
Do not let your adorning be external,
the braiding of hair
and putting on of gold jewelry
or the clothing you wear.
Let your adorning,
your adornment,
be the hidden person of the heart
with the imperishable beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit
which in God's sight
is very precious.
Peter's moving now
from the basic principle of submission
to the beauty of holiness
that produces it.
This is about character
and pursuing character
that gives way
eventually
to biblical submission
and the home.
And he makes the point
really in an interesting way.
He contrasts here
what the world values
with what God values.
Notice the language.
We've seen it a number of times now
in the letter, haven't we?
Notice he talks about
perishable and imperishable.
This is clearly on Peter's mind
as he sits down to write this letter.
He's used it over and over and over
to create these distinctions
between the world
and between the sacred
and of God's people
in the letter.
And here he says
there is something
that the world values
and it's perishable
but there's something
that God values about you
and it's imperishable
and it's unfading.
And what is it?
It's the beauty of holiness.
True beauty isn't
in external adornment
but it's in the hidden person
of the heart, he says.
Therefore the Christian woman's pursuit
is not the external trappings
of physical beauty
but the character of the heart
that is precious
in the sight of God.
And Peter's point is this
that holy character
is the place from which
a wife's godly submission
to her husband springs forth.
Submission isn't a social construct
meant to oppress women
and treat them as inferior to men.
That's not what the biblical idea is.
That's been abused in many places
but that's not actually
what the Bible teaches.
It's actually the fruit of godliness
that flows from a woman's desire
to know and please God.
Now some people have looked at this
and they've taken it too far
and you can see this
in some Christian circles
where they've said
well it's actually sinful
for a woman to fix her hair
or to wear jewelry
or to wear makeup
or to care about the way she looks.
That's not what Peter means.
He's not saying
that external adornment is sinful.
He's saying that it's not the priority.
That's not where your value is.
Now I want you to think about this
for just a second.
I want you to consider
Peter's exalted view of women here.
It's counter-cultural.
Certainly it was counter-cultural
to his day.
It's counter-cultural to our day.
And it's really simply this.
Ladies,
you are more than how you look.
You're more than how you look.
I want to suggest
that it's actually
the cultural view of women
that's actually so oppressive.
There's an enormous amount of pressure
on women to conform
to a particular idea
of physical beauty.
And the culture machine
has worked hard
to flip the truth on its head.
It markets vanity as virtue.
So that body modification
and obsessive dieting
and age prevention procedures
and materialism,
they're all built as self-care.
So then the world
puts this idea of beauty,
an unrealistic
and fabricated idea
that isn't real.
It's even less than human.
They say,
this is the idea of beauty
and you can't live up to that
unless you do
all of these things
and then you do
all of those things
and guess what?
Our bodies still fade,
don't they?
We still age.
then it tells you
that in order to gain
the self-esteem
which is supposed
to be your priority
that you have to trace
after youth.
Do you see the oppression
in that?
It's a vicious cycle.
It says that a woman's value
ultimately
is in how she looks.
The Bible teaches
the opposite of that.
Peter says it clearly.
You are more
than how you look.
Your value
is not in your youthfulness.
Your value
is not in what you have.
Your value
is not in
your style
or whatever.
He isn't saying
that adornment itself
is sinful.
He's saying that
external beauty
isn't the measure
of a woman's value.
So it shouldn't be
the main focus
of your life.
Because beauty
is perishable,
isn't it?
And it will always
be perishable.
And you know what?
That's okay.
It's okay
because your value
isn't in your youth anyways.
It's in who you are
as an image bearer
of God.
And it's demonstrated
primarily
in the cross of Christ.
That he did not die
for your beauty.
He died out of love
for your soul.
And I think Peter
is helping us
to remember this here.
In contrast
to the perishability
of external adornment,
he speaks of
the imperishable beauty
of a gentle
and quiet spirit
which in God's sight
is very precious.
What does that mean?
What does it mean
to be gentle
and quiet?
That in itself
feels offensive,
doesn't it?
Do you recognize
that this is exactly
how Jesus
described himself?
Matthew 11, 28
He says,
come to me
all who labor
and are heavy laden
and I will give you rest.
And how is it
that he's capable
of giving us rest?
Because he immediately
goes back
and he says,
because I am gentle
and lowly in heart.
my yoke is easy
and my burden
is light
and if you come to me
you will find rest
for your soul.
You know what Peter
is saying that
a godly woman
looks like?
She looks like Jesus.
This doesn't mean
that you must be silent.
That's not what this is.
It doesn't mean
that you can't have
vigor
in personality
or in your home.
It certainly
doesn't mean that.
I know your husband's
well enough to know
that you need
to be vigorous
in the home.
It means that
the beauty
of a godly wife
is when her spirit
is a place of
rest
and refuge
rather than war.
I know your husband's
well enough to know
that they know
that you are women
of rest.
That they don't have
to come home to war.
And coming on to you
is like coming home
to Jesus
over and over
and over again.
Because you're
modeling how he is
in your home.
That's
the beauty
of holiness.
Isn't it?
It's another way
of describing
meekness.
Meekness isn't
weakness.
Meekness is actually
power
and capability
that's controlled
and channeled
for righteousness.
Meekness
often looks like
submission
in lots of
different relationships.
But especially
in marriage.
And God says
that's a precious
thing in his sight.
External beauty
will always fade.
Godliness is
imperishable.
And if you take
nothing else
from this ladies
take this
that your value
is not in how
you look.
it is in the
value that
God has placed
on you as his
creature.
And that he has
demonstrated his
love for on the
cross.
There's a third
thing here.
I don't mean to
just dwell on this
forever but
there's a third
thing here that I
think is helpful
for us and it's
the faith of
submission.
The faith of
submission.
We see this in
verses 5 and 6.
Peter grounds
this discussion.
He says this is
how the holy
women who hoped
in God used
to adorn
themselves by
submitting to
their own
husbands.
And he illustrates
it as Sarah
obeyed Abraham
calling him
Lord.
And you are
her children.
That's interesting
isn't it?
Who is typically
referred to in
the Bible when
we're thinking of
spiritual things?
We are the
children of who?
Of Abraham.
And here Peter
doesn't say that
we're the children
of Abraham does
he looks at
these wives and
says the
no you're the
children of Sarah.
I think that's
significant actually.
You are her
children if you
do good and do
not fear anything
that is frightening.
Now he's merging
here the principle
of submission with
the idea of
adornment and he
insists that the
holy women of old
live this way not
because of their
culture or a
cultural idea but
because they quote
hoped in God.
do you see what's
at the heart of
this life of
submission or this
way of life in the
home?
It's faith.
It's hope.
It's trust in the
Lord.
They didn't adorn
themselves in
submission out of a
blind reverence for
men but a full
trust in God's
promises and
provision.
In other words
it takes tremendous
faith in God
not in men for a
wife to submit to
her husband's
leadership.
Sarah is the
one that Peter
points to to
illustrate his
point and I want
you to think
about that.
You know her
life.
You know her
story.
God's call of
Abraham was also
a call to Sarah
as his wife and
it took amazing
faith for her to
follow Abraham as
they left their
home and what they
knew in Ur of the
Chaldees to go and
wander in the
wilderness of a
foreign country.
She spent her life
wondering.
Not because she
just really loved
Abraham though I
think she did but
because she trusted
God.
It took just as much
faith for her as it
did from Abraham to
believe that God
would give them a
son well after
childbearing years.
It took tremendous
faith for her to
trust in God's
promises and in
God's protection when
her husband Abraham
repeatedly put her
in vulnerable
positions.
Do you remember
what he did?
He forced her on
multiple occasions to
lie about who she
was.
And you know what
she did?
She loved her
husband well but she
trusted that God would
protect her even if
Abraham had failed to.
That's amazing faith.
We can look at Sarah's
worst moment in
Genesis and what is
it basically traced
back to?
That in that moment she
wasn't trusting God to
fulfill a promise.
She decided to take
matters into her own
hands and force
Abraham to have sex
with her slave.
But through it all
she adorned herself in
submission not because
of Abraham but because
she believed God.
Her submission to
Abraham was the sign of
her submission to God
and the result of that
is amazing.
It's the blessing of
God's promises which
eventually lead to the
coming of Christ so
that we might be saved.
And Peter says ladies
you will be the
children of Sarah the
matriarch of God's
people when you trust
God like she trusted
God.
And that trust will
force you in some way
to follow the leadership
of a man who you
can't trust like you
can God.
You're the children of
Sarah when you live in
faith of submission even
when it's a fearful
thing to do.
And for some of you and
for some of your friends
that you may would have
these conversations with
what's frightening could
just be the unknowns of
where your husband may
lead you.
Maybe you're a planner and
you like to have things in
order and maybe he likes
to fly by the seat of
his pants a little bit
and just says we'll
just we'll figure it out
as we go and you have
to say that's a scary
thing for me.
But I gotta follow my
husband I'm gonna help
him in any way that I
can.
Right?
That's a fearful thing to
do isn't it?
Of course it gets worse
than that doesn't it?
Sometimes Christian women
are just married to
morons right?
It's a fearful thing to
have to continually follow
him poor decision after
poor decision after poor
decision.
It's a fearful thing to do.
For some it's even worse
than that.
What's frightening is an
unbelieving husband who
does not love you or lead
you the way that the
Bible demands for him to
do.
Maybe it's an abusive
husband.
It's frightening things
isn't it?
And you need to remember
that even in the most
fearful moments God is
faithful even when your
husband is not.
And his grace is
sufficient for you even
when your husband's
leadership is not.
So keep hoping in him
and trusting that he is
working for your good
and pursue the beauty of
holiness and just watch
the way that he works in
your life and in the life
of your husband.
All right.
Well that's a lot for the
women.
Peter doesn't just talk to
the wives does he?
We move on to the men now.
Here's the second big
section.
Christian husbands should
lead their homes in the
fear of God.
Christian husbands should
lead their homes in the
fear of God.
The first one Christian
wives should submit to
their husbands in the
fear of God.
Now husbands are to
rightly lead their homes
in the fear of God.
Look at verse seven.
Likewise husbands live
with your wives in an
understanding way showing
honor to the woman as the
weaker vessel since they
are heirs with you of the
grace of life so that your
prayers may not be
hindered.
Now remember the focus of
this part of the letter is
on how to faithfully live as
God's people when under
authority especially the
authority of unbelievers.
So Peter's primary subjects
here if we can just look at
the bigger picture for again
for just a second I don't mean
to just beat a dead horse
here but if we just look at
the big picture again he's
dealing with citizens who
live under the authoritative
role of unbelievers.
He's looking at slaves Christian
slaves who live under the
authoritative role of
unbelieving masters and then
he's looking at Christian
wives who live under the
authoritative role of an
unbelieving husband.
This sticks out because it's
the first time in all of
those situations that Peter
addresses the other role.
The role that's not so much
in a position of vulnerability
in the relationship.
But the reason that he doesn't
spend so much time here is
because the focus is on the
one who suffers.
The one who's vulnerable in
the section.
But it is helpful that he
moves on to this isn't it?
When Peter does something
here in these two sections
he takes this moment to
address them.
Christian wives will thrive in
exile as they submit in the
fear of the Lord.
Christian men will do so when
they lovingly lead their homes
in the fear of the Lord.
And when the home functions
according to God's will
everybody wins.
And that's what we learn
from this.
Likewise again ties this all
together doesn't it?
He says it again at the
beginning of verse 7.
He doesn't mean it exactly in
the same way as before.
The context is changing now.
He doesn't mean that husbands
are now to submit to their
wives.
That would be counterintuitive
to the discussion.
The likewise here relates to
living in the fear of God.
So they are not the vulnerable
in the relationship now.
They're the authoritative one in
the relationship and they are
to exercise that authority in
the fear of God as one who is
under the authority of God.
In the case of Christian
husbands living in the fear of
God means lovingly leading your
wife as an equal in Christ
Jesus.
Not as an inferior but as an
equal.
And there's three things we can
just maybe quickly note here.
Number one men live with your
wife in intimate care.
Live with your wife in intimate
care.
Look at the beginning of the
verse.
Likewise husbands live with your
wives in an understanding way.
In an understanding way.
What does that mean?
Well it's clear isn't it?
You need to know her.
And you need to pursue knowing
her.
But it's not just intellectual
knowledge that Peter has in mind
here men.
The understanding that Peter
refers to is the same word to
know that's routinely used in the
Bible as relational intimacy.
Which may be a scary phrase for
you but don't let that scare you
away.
That's a godly thing.
Typically in the Bible when the
Bible says that a man knows his
wife or knew his wife it's
referring to sexual intercourse.
Peter is not referring to sex here.
Don't misunderstand me.
But he is talking about the
intimacy of relationship that
leads to a healthy marriage.
This is a man who lives to know
his wife well.
He adores her.
He pursues her.
He wants to know her intimately
as a person so that he might best
care for her.
That's the end goal isn't it?
I want to know her so that I might
rightly under the authority of God
love her and care for her as an
individual.
Which may look different than how he
would care or love an individual
who is not his wife.
It's a man who doesn't view his role
as one to be served.
Rather he understands his authority
to be given to him so that he might
serve her.
And in order to serve her and to
faithfully lead her you must know her
intimately, lovingly, caringly.
And to do that well men we must learn to
pursue relational intimacy with our wives
so that we might use our authority to
care well for them.
Maybe that's men just as simple as regular
date nights where you can just learn a little
bit better what makes her tick.
And all of you men have been married a long
time.
Those of you and you young people back there
at the back table you can just listen and
learn for your future, right?
You've been married long enough to know
that in those early days you think you know
your wife.
And then you realize I don't know this person
at all.
And if that's scary for you imagine what she
was thinking.
You've been married 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 years.
I know Marty and Fay are getting close to that
now.
And you don't really know your wife.
What have you been doing?
How can you lovingly lead somebody that you
don't really know well?
You know what this is a picture of?
Pursuit.
Not the pursuit of physical intimacy.
The pursuit of her as a person so that you
might use your authority rightly in the fear
of God.
Live with her with intimate care.
Second, love your wife like a treasured
possession.
Love her like a treasured possession.
I don't mean to insinuate that your wife is
your possession.
That's not what I mean by that.
But I want you to see what Peter says.
Second part of the verse.
Live with your wives in an understanding
way showing honor to the woman as the weaker
vessel.
Ladies, don't get upset at that.
What does he mean when he says weaker
vessel?
He's not speaking about emotional weakness there
because we know that women are not emotionally
weaker than men.
He's not talking about spiritual weakness because we
know that sometimes the mainstay of spiritual life in a
home is the wife, not the husband.
He's just speaking of generally physical weakness.
You are just not quite as strong as your husband is for the most part.
There may be some exceptions, but generally it's not true.
But why does he say that?
Because the temptation for the strong one will always be to abuse the weaker
one.
To treat the weaker one as if they exist to serve him.
And when that service doesn't happen the way that he means for it to happen,
he responds with intimidation and domination.
Peter's confronting that here.
That's the idea.
That's not a godly thing.
In fact, it's wicked.
And it's worthy of God's judgment.
And it will receive God's judgment.
No, you are to view your wife like the most treasured thing in your life.
Like a precious thing that you don't want broken, that you don't want stolen,
that you don't want hindered in any way.
And you're going to use your authority to honor the preciousness of your wife so
that you might protect her, love her, and lead her well.
So in Peter's words, you will honor her for her preciousness.
Men, your role is to love and cherish and protect her as a precious and
treasured vessel.
Third thing, lead your wife, not as an inferior because that's not what she is.
Lead your wife as an equal heir of the grace of God.
This is why the earlier discussion at the beginning,
we're just trying to parse through some of the misunderstandings about this
conversation.
That's why this is so important.
The wrong idea is to say, well, I must lead my wife because she is less than me as a woman.
That's just not true.
The Bible never says that in any way.
This is a matter of function.
In the home, as in many other places, there must be a relationship of authority and submission
for the home to function well.
God has designed it to function with a husband leading his home faithfully.
Not leading his wife as an inferior but as an equal.
And yet they have differing responsibilities.
That's why we call ourselves complementarians.
We have complementary roles in the home for human flourishing.
So that authority and submission in the home, they're not matters of superiority.
They're matters of function.
Men and women are equal in their dignity.
They're equal in their worth as people made in the image of God.
And even more, Christian men and women are equal heirs of God's salvation.
Your inheritance, ladies, is exactly the same as your husband's inheritance in heaven.
It's the same.
Why?
Because in Christ, there is no male and female.
That's what Paul says in Galatians 3.
There's neither Jew or Greek.
There's neither slave or free.
There's neither male or female.
You are all one in Christ Jesus.
And if you are in Christ Jesus, then you are Abraham's offspring.
Heirs according to the promise.
Joint heirs with Jesus is who we are as believers.
And the essential equality does not deny male headship.
It clarifies it.
It clarifies it lest we misunderstand God's design as dominance or superiority.
No, it's actually sacrificial service.
Men are to lead their wives in light of the gospel of Jesus.
Husbands, you are to recognize your wife as an equal heir of grace.
And your leadership is to be modeled after him who loved the church and gave himself for her, Paul said in Ephesians 5.
You're to lead your wife as an equal means of loving her as your own body.
For he who loves his wife loves himself, Paul says in Ephesians 5.
So there's this warning that Peter then brings to the surface after all of that.
He says, men, if you fail in leading your wives in the fear of God,
you should have no expectation that God will just be at your beckoning call to meet your needs.
That's a strong warning, isn't it?
Isn't that what he says?
Since there are heirs with you of the grace of life, do this so that your prayers won't be hindered.
What does he mean by the prayers there?
It doesn't mean that God is deaf to us.
He means that why would we have any expectation of God meeting our needs when we're unwilling to meet the needs of our wives?
Christian men, they need to model this kind of intimate care and love to the rest of the world.
Why?
Because it displays the gospel.
Displays Jesus' love for his people.
His sacrificial love.
Women are to model this kind of godly submission to the world.
Why?
Because it displays the gospel.
The gospel of faith and trust in the Lord.
God, again, created marriage as the foundational institution of society.
And that's why Christians are always so eager to defend and confirm it, right?
That's why we care about that.
We need to care about it.
But then, of course, few things are more loathed than this idea in our culture, too.
And that means that to live faithfully as God's people, Christians will inevitably be working against the grain of our culture.
And the adversary knows how important biblical marriage is.
He attacks it both on the left, who seeks to redefine marriage, and he attacks it on the right, by those who would take what God has said and twist it for their own sake.
As God's people, we must remain faithful to God's design, even when it's costly.
And that's why it's so important to see how faith is at the heart of Peter's addresses here.
Men and women must simply trust God to live this way.
We must view our marriages through the lens of the gospel.
We must determine to display God's glory and biblical authority and submission to the world.
And as we've seen, this is how God will draw men and women to himself.
Keeping our eyes on Jesus, we will persevere in hope, even when in a broken relationship, if that's your experience.
Or perhaps maybe you know someone you could counsel who's had that experience.
And in the end, this is how Christians thrive in exile.
This is how Christian marriage thrives in exile.