WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.459 And I think that the fall falls very heavily on the thing, 00:00:06.780 --> 00:00:13.540 the curses that God gave, you know, that were incurred to Adam and Eve 00:00:13.540 --> 00:00:16.500 very specifically affect the relationships in the family. 00:00:18.600 --> 00:00:22.679 What was it that Eve was told? 00:00:23.519 --> 00:00:24.440 I don't know. 00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:27.039 This is the audience interaction part. 00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:31.640 Tyler, what was the curse that fell upon you? 00:00:31.699 --> 00:00:33.979 That she would want to rule over her husband. 00:00:36.119 --> 00:00:40.200 That her desire would be for her husband, and he would rule over her. 00:00:40.780 --> 00:00:41.920 And what else? 00:00:42.920 --> 00:00:43.840 Oh, yeah. 00:00:44.620 --> 00:00:46.120 The pain and childbearing. 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:49.340 You do wonder what it would have been like before the fall. 00:00:50.239 --> 00:00:54.840 But I can tell you from a pretty solid sample size, 00:00:55.100 --> 00:00:56.679 it doesn't get any easier. 00:00:57.039 --> 00:00:59.879 Do you just wonder? 00:01:00.700 --> 00:01:02.240 I'm sure it's not supposed to be this way. 00:01:02.299 --> 00:01:02.780 And it's not. 00:01:02.920 --> 00:01:04.219 It wasn't supposed to be this way. 00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:05.459 And it is hard. 00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:09.120 And for those of you who don't know me, 00:01:09.219 --> 00:01:11.319 I'm going to explain a little bit more when you have a picture of them. 00:01:11.700 --> 00:01:16.180 But I have eight children and a husband. 00:01:16.180 --> 00:01:22.000 And I do want to say that I know what a privilege it is to do what I do. 00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:25.580 It's not something that works for every family. 00:01:25.579 --> 00:01:28.179 Please stop talking. 00:01:28.179 --> 00:01:36.840 I've been very blessed that my husband's been able to have a job, to hold a job, 00:01:37.039 --> 00:01:40.219 to provide for a lot of people. 00:01:40.219 --> 00:01:44.000 That does not happen for everyone. 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:49.140 And so what I've been able to do is by no means the way to do it. 00:01:49.140 --> 00:01:52.099 You've probably heard of the mommy wars. 00:01:52.099 --> 00:01:57.899 And I think this is the idea that, oh, the way that I do it is better than somehow, 00:01:58.519 --> 00:02:01.539 you know, even more godly than the way that she does it. 00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:03.739 It's so easy to compare. 00:02:03.879 --> 00:02:05.060 This is another part of the fall. 00:02:05.060 --> 00:02:07.340 So easy to compare. 00:02:08.360 --> 00:02:10.060 And to feel less than. 00:02:11.140 --> 00:02:16.000 There's also, I think, in our culture, this idea that some people are just super mom. 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:17.140 They've got it all together. 00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:18.680 They're well-groomed. 00:02:18.740 --> 00:02:20.020 Their children look wonderful. 00:02:20.219 --> 00:02:21.500 They've been able to train them well. 00:02:21.580 --> 00:02:22.580 Their homes are gorgeous. 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:30.319 Or even just keeping it all together, which would be a super human feat. 00:02:31.259 --> 00:02:32.980 But there aren't any super moms. 00:02:32.979 --> 00:02:38.799 And I am certainly nowhere near being able to do it all. 00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:43.219 As I said, the fall does fall. 00:02:43.799 --> 00:02:46.120 The curses fall heavily on the family. 00:02:46.299 --> 00:02:52.280 So I think that as a mother in a family, there's the practical aspect. 00:02:52.620 --> 00:02:55.659 Just doing the laundry, doing the dishes. 00:02:56.039 --> 00:02:58.699 How do I plan what we're going to eat? 00:02:58.699 --> 00:03:04.000 But so much of it is relational. 00:03:05.259 --> 00:03:08.039 And I'm a sinner. 00:03:08.419 --> 00:03:09.859 And all my kids are sinners. 00:03:10.019 --> 00:03:11.679 Little bundles of original sin. 00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:19.159 And so it goes from this lovely, beatific vision. 00:03:20.040 --> 00:03:22.700 Darling, delightful, smiling children. 00:03:23.060 --> 00:03:26.340 Which I think people think is probably what a lot of my life is like. 00:03:26.580 --> 00:03:30.060 Because when I look at other women, I think, oh, their children are just lovely. 00:03:30.060 --> 00:03:35.759 And it can go to this in about five seconds. 00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:39.080 Which was the difference in time between when I took that photograph. 00:03:39.819 --> 00:03:41.580 And when I took that photograph. 00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:44.819 Editing helps. 00:03:45.439 --> 00:03:48.340 But I see it in myself. 00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:50.960 This is how I am. 00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:53.040 This is even how I interact with God. 00:03:53.580 --> 00:03:57.439 One moment, I think I'm doing pretty well. 00:03:57.939 --> 00:04:00.719 And the next moment, I realize the hardness. 00:04:01.640 --> 00:04:06.719 And the ungratefulness of my heart. 00:04:06.920 --> 00:04:07.719 Discontent. 00:04:09.700 --> 00:04:11.960 So this is really... 00:04:12.600 --> 00:04:14.620 You like that, Melissa? 00:04:18.900 --> 00:04:20.060 And you laugh. 00:04:20.060 --> 00:04:24.319 And this is how it often feels. 00:04:25.259 --> 00:04:28.220 You are trying, under somewhat trying circumstances, 00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:31.399 to really make it all work for all the people. 00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:34.079 But the fact is, of course we can't. 00:04:34.439 --> 00:04:37.860 But this really quite disgusting picture does remind us. 00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:43.800 It still reminds me of scripture. 00:04:45.660 --> 00:04:48.040 What verse does that bring to mind for you? 00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:51.060 Into the shadow of his way. 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:54.840 Yeah. 00:04:55.560 --> 00:04:56.120 Yeah. 00:04:56.780 --> 00:05:05.280 So, the book also speaks about each bit of creative and ordering work that we do 00:05:05.280 --> 00:05:09.180 is a reflection and outpouring of God's character. 00:05:09.660 --> 00:05:10.439 Who he is. 00:05:10.700 --> 00:05:13.300 His creative essence. 00:05:13.740 --> 00:05:14.960 Him as creator. 00:05:14.959 --> 00:05:16.719 All right. 00:05:16.779 --> 00:05:17.339 We'll get rid of that. 00:05:19.919 --> 00:05:21.419 So, here's my dog. 00:05:22.459 --> 00:05:23.919 And look, don't we all look great? 00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:25.519 It's all cleaned up. 00:05:25.519 --> 00:05:29.659 And I have to give photo credit to Sarah Cameron because I did set it up, 00:05:29.740 --> 00:05:30.759 but she clicked the shutter. 00:05:30.759 --> 00:05:35.579 So, here is what we do tend to do. 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:42.779 A nice sanitized version for a Christmas card where everybody is clothed and in their right minds. 00:05:43.719 --> 00:05:48.519 And standing in front of a truck, James needs me to say this, 00:05:48.899 --> 00:05:52.519 that he paid for by fishing salmon in Alaska. 00:05:52.519 --> 00:05:52.699 Yeah. 00:05:54.839 --> 00:05:57.819 So, here they are. 00:05:58.259 --> 00:06:02.180 What I've been doing for the last 24 years. 00:06:02.180 --> 00:06:07.680 I found an old diary from when I was first pregnant with James. 00:06:08.639 --> 00:06:14.420 And I did know I was pregnant, but I wrote, 00:06:14.780 --> 00:06:19.360 if this is morning sickness or pregnancy sickness, I'm going to die. 00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:27.280 I was desperately sick from seven weeks to at least 17 weeks. 00:06:28.060 --> 00:06:30.000 I had every baby, some more. 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:33.340 There you go. 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:35.420 In pain, you'll bear children. 00:06:36.460 --> 00:06:38.620 It is not pleasant. 00:06:39.500 --> 00:06:42.800 James, by the time I was pregnant with the next one and then the next one, 00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:45.439 would come into the bathroom and pretend to gag with me. 00:06:45.439 --> 00:06:52.060 I'm very well practiced in trying to control the nausea. 00:06:54.459 --> 00:06:57.040 My youngest is right there. 00:06:57.199 --> 00:06:57.980 He's five. 00:06:58.199 --> 00:07:00.300 James just turned 23 last week. 00:07:03.259 --> 00:07:04.159 And, yeah. 00:07:07.639 --> 00:07:09.000 That's what I've been doing. 00:07:09.740 --> 00:07:13.379 And it is good to look and see, wait, God has done this. 00:07:13.379 --> 00:07:15.159 I've been able to be part of this. 00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:19.939 We are actually in this picture clothed and in our right minds. 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:24.339 Because sometimes when you get in the weeds of it, it doesn't feel like that. 00:07:24.600 --> 00:07:28.199 And it's easy for the enemy to just keep saying, it's not working. 00:07:28.500 --> 00:07:30.139 They're all going to turn out horribly. 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:32.000 You have screwed them up so badly. 00:07:33.060 --> 00:07:37.139 So it's nice to have a little reminder that God is at work. 00:07:37.480 --> 00:07:38.639 He does create order. 00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:41.599 And sometimes we can really enjoy that. 00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:47.300 So I told you I have eight children. 00:07:47.900 --> 00:07:49.379 But in that picture, there are seven. 00:07:50.420 --> 00:07:57.240 One of the, I think everyone's vocation, whatever it is that they do and what they're called to, 00:07:57.660 --> 00:08:01.100 is part of God's shaping, teaching, training us. 00:08:01.100 --> 00:08:06.800 What we do, the way we spend our time reveals our idols. 00:08:07.439 --> 00:08:09.260 And what we want reveals our idols. 00:08:09.259 --> 00:08:14.060 When James was born, I was going to be the perfect mother. 00:08:14.060 --> 00:08:16.300 I was starting from fresh. 00:08:16.819 --> 00:08:22.819 This was going to be the kid who had every possible educational opportunity, 00:08:23.579 --> 00:08:30.040 every emotional support and psychological adjustment. 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:33.120 And we were just going to knock this out of the park. 00:08:33.220 --> 00:08:36.100 This was going to be perfect. 00:08:37.379 --> 00:08:38.460 Of course I can say that. 00:08:38.500 --> 00:08:40.899 You just know what an idiotic thing that is to say. 00:08:41.700 --> 00:08:45.379 But I knew everything that went into that kid, body, mind, and soul, 00:08:45.519 --> 00:08:46.659 and everything that came out. 00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:50.420 And I was really controlling. 00:08:52.899 --> 00:08:54.399 And I think it was important. 00:08:54.820 --> 00:08:57.200 I know there's another slide we'll get to in a minute. 00:08:57.200 --> 00:09:02.759 And for God to reveal that I don't get to control at all. 00:09:04.500 --> 00:09:10.980 And so James was, I had James, he was four, and Grace was two. 00:09:11.160 --> 00:09:12.160 And I had a son. 00:09:13.480 --> 00:09:16.540 The day after James turned four, Benjamin was born. 00:09:17.120 --> 00:09:20.440 And we had just moved to Connecticut a year before. 00:09:22.360 --> 00:09:26.600 And we had a lovely, lovely fall with him. 00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:28.480 He was born in September, 19 years ago. 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:31.700 And we traveled to California. 00:09:31.899 --> 00:09:32.680 We went to a wedding. 00:09:33.259 --> 00:09:34.860 My family all got to meet him. 00:09:35.220 --> 00:09:37.080 And we got to have Christmas together. 00:09:37.340 --> 00:09:42.139 And then in January of 2000, I went to pick him up from his crib. 00:09:42.200 --> 00:09:43.019 And he was dead. 00:09:45.899 --> 00:09:48.480 And so you don't get to control. 00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:53.420 Sometimes we do say, you know, all I have to do is keep him alive through the day. 00:09:53.960 --> 00:09:56.879 We cannot keep our children alive. 00:09:58.500 --> 00:10:01.320 Only God gives us each breath. 00:10:01.940 --> 00:10:04.200 And certainly it's God who gives our children breath. 00:10:04.360 --> 00:10:05.680 He made them. 00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:13.139 There were so many beautiful graces and lovely touches of the Lord through that time. 00:10:13.839 --> 00:10:21.599 But it struck to my identity because that's where I believed I was going to be this mother who could make it all happen. 00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:25.180 And I couldn't. 00:10:26.519 --> 00:10:33.120 Thankfully, God has been very gracious over these 19 years. 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:49.340 And many of you have been instruments of God in helping me to process what it is that God is doing through Benjamin's last. 00:10:49.860 --> 00:10:54.200 Also through all of the other amazingnesses of life. 00:10:54.200 --> 00:11:01.240 And I do think that if Benjamin had lived, we might have been very content with our little family with three kids. 00:11:01.400 --> 00:11:04.220 And it felt like it was all kind of perfect and done. 00:11:04.960 --> 00:11:10.140 And I am thankful for the five children that we had after that. 00:11:10.460 --> 00:11:11.500 Maybe a little excessive. 00:11:11.980 --> 00:11:13.220 But God is a God of abundance. 00:11:14.100 --> 00:11:20.560 So I am very thankful for that shaping. 00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:24.379 But believe me, it was ugly. 00:11:25.839 --> 00:11:29.259 I have a calendar on my bathroom counter. 00:11:29.679 --> 00:11:32.979 A yearly calendar that I've used since I was married. 00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:39.339 And it has a reference to this lonely twisted path of anguish. 00:11:40.199 --> 00:11:44.419 And I think that many of you know that path. 00:11:44.419 --> 00:11:54.019 And I'm really thankful for the community that God provides to be able to walk through some of these things. 00:11:54.819 --> 00:12:02.379 I think another idol that God was revealing was my identity and my kids' achievements. 00:12:03.719 --> 00:12:05.579 This is a somewhat generic picture. 00:12:06.620 --> 00:12:07.679 One of my kids is in it. 00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:14.259 Yeah, I think that this is endemic. 00:12:14.859 --> 00:12:16.799 Once we... 00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:19.079 Once... 00:12:19.079 --> 00:12:22.059 I was out of the academic push. 00:12:22.239 --> 00:12:23.379 I got my degree. 00:12:23.579 --> 00:12:24.679 I was... 00:12:24.679 --> 00:12:25.279 I... 00:12:25.279 --> 00:12:27.319 I had done my thing. 00:12:27.639 --> 00:12:29.620 Now I was pouring it all into my kids. 00:12:29.620 --> 00:12:33.519 And the way that they turned out, I felt, reflected on me. 00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:42.179 We are called, obviously, to do everything that we can to provide and support and teach and train our children. 00:12:42.759 --> 00:12:46.220 However, we don't get to control it. 00:12:47.000 --> 00:12:51.319 And I can remember one time, it was a small thing. 00:12:51.559 --> 00:12:55.759 I dropped one kid off and that kid hadn't turned in a piece of homework. 00:12:56.159 --> 00:12:58.600 Or I had forgotten to talk to a coach. 00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:00.720 I don't even remember what the issue was. 00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:09.899 But I remember my intense distress at this failure of my child. 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:12.360 And it was a small thing. 00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:19.500 I was literally, after I dropped the kid off, screaming in pain in the car. 00:13:20.920 --> 00:13:22.879 I probably needed psychological help. 00:13:22.879 --> 00:13:27.960 But to realize that I was taking all of this on. 00:13:29.320 --> 00:13:37.220 And it's been helpful, another gift of God, to show it's not about me. 00:13:37.539 --> 00:13:39.000 I don't get to control it. 00:13:39.059 --> 00:13:41.139 I don't get to choose all of the things. 00:13:41.139 --> 00:13:48.319 I do want my kids to do well. 00:13:48.460 --> 00:13:53.659 I want to teach them to be excellent in what they choose and what God has made them to do. 00:13:54.340 --> 00:13:58.620 But it's not a personal reflection on me. 00:13:59.039 --> 00:14:01.319 And if I could take my, and I'm so not good at this. 00:14:01.659 --> 00:14:05.679 This is a daily, minute-by-minute, actually, struggle. 00:14:05.679 --> 00:14:07.219 I do take it personally. 00:14:07.579 --> 00:14:08.919 I take it really personally. 00:14:09.819 --> 00:14:12.279 And that's the way that you can pray. 00:14:13.299 --> 00:14:18.659 I think probably for all mothers that we realize, wait, this is between me and God. 00:14:18.779 --> 00:14:20.639 This is between God and my kids. 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:25.019 This is not a reflection of who I am. 00:14:25.019 --> 00:14:34.419 So I think that this is another part of what mothering brings me to. 00:14:34.819 --> 00:14:40.500 Every hour, every minute, actually every second, I need God to do it. 00:14:41.159 --> 00:14:50.019 So handing a lot of that control over, as I said, this is not a done deal at all. 00:14:50.179 --> 00:14:54.879 This is a minute-by-minute really struggling and often failing. 00:14:55.220 --> 00:14:59.220 And often there are hours that go by where I forget to ask for that help. 00:14:59.399 --> 00:15:01.500 And I keep taking it all back. 00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:04.159 And it never goes well. 00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:08.120 I lost the slide somewhere. 00:15:08.879 --> 00:15:11.579 As I said, I homeschool. 00:15:13.460 --> 00:15:16.259 I was homeschooled for a short period of time. 00:15:16.799 --> 00:15:20.579 I probably would have been a happier person if I could have been homeschooled all the way through. 00:15:20.580 --> 00:15:23.000 But I was a really self-motivated learner. 00:15:24.180 --> 00:15:28.740 And, yeah, not all of my kids are. 00:15:28.740 --> 00:15:33.419 Again, I take it personally. 00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:35.960 But I just really, really like this quote. 00:15:36.120 --> 00:15:39.060 So I'll put it up there and you can take a look at that. 00:15:39.139 --> 00:15:41.840 True education is a form of repentance. 00:15:42.680 --> 00:15:46.600 It is a humble admission that we've not read all that we need to read. 00:15:46.700 --> 00:15:48.840 We don't know all that we need to know. 00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:52.360 And we've not yet become all that we're called to become. 00:15:52.360 --> 00:15:58.360 Education is that unique form of discipline that brings us to the place of admitting our inadequacies. 00:15:59.539 --> 00:16:02.519 It is that remarkable rebuke of autonomy and independence. 00:16:03.220 --> 00:16:08.139 So powerful and so evident that we actually shut up and pay heed for a change. 00:16:08.139 --> 00:16:16.379 So what questions do you have so far before I move further into the schooling part? 00:16:23.379 --> 00:16:25.779 What do your personal devotions look like? 00:16:27.960 --> 00:16:33.919 What do personal devotions look like? 00:16:33.980 --> 00:16:34.519 Well, it changes. 00:16:34.519 --> 00:16:40.519 I would love to say that I spend three hours in prayer before the kids get up every morning. 00:16:41.819 --> 00:16:45.240 But that's not realistic for me. 00:16:50.220 --> 00:16:53.879 I've learned a lot from other mothers. 00:16:54.679 --> 00:16:56.439 I have no idea if this is still on. 00:16:56.559 --> 00:16:56.779 Sorry. 00:16:56.779 --> 00:17:04.680 I've learned so much. 00:17:05.079 --> 00:17:06.500 I have to wake up. 00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:12.859 I taught the kids a poem. 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:14.599 Good morning, Jesus. 00:17:16.480 --> 00:17:17.579 Now it's yours. 00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:19.359 Good morning, dear Jesus. 00:17:19.579 --> 00:17:20.599 This day is for you. 00:17:20.639 --> 00:17:21.639 Good morning, dear Jesus. 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:23.000 This day is for you. 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:25.740 I pray that you bless all I think, say, and do. 00:17:25.740 --> 00:17:26.640 Right? 00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:31.079 Sometimes I wake up to pray the Lord's Prayer. 00:17:31.299 --> 00:17:34.859 And I'm aware of making that a habit. 00:17:36.099 --> 00:17:41.420 I have several email chains that come through. 00:17:42.059 --> 00:17:44.180 Josh Moody publishes one every day. 00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:48.079 If you don't get that, it's well done. 00:17:48.079 --> 00:17:56.579 I follow several from mothers who blog and share. 00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:00.220 And that's been really helpful. 00:18:00.679 --> 00:18:04.359 I don't like to read the Bible on my phone. 00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:08.899 I like to read the Bible on a page. 00:18:08.900 --> 00:18:11.000 But that doesn't always happen. 00:18:11.840 --> 00:18:17.800 And sometimes, you know, the next thing happens and you've got to get up and the toilet's overflowing or the dog threw up. 00:18:18.680 --> 00:18:25.100 And so it's helpful to have those scriptures around the house. 00:18:25.140 --> 00:18:29.600 As I said, I'm on a bathroom counter popping up in my email. 00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:37.759 Sometimes I am able to spend an hour or half an hour even if that's all it can be. 00:18:38.159 --> 00:18:40.619 But a lot of times that looks like planning out my day. 00:18:40.679 --> 00:18:43.079 God, what is it that I need to do today? 00:18:43.939 --> 00:18:45.639 How does the scripture tie in? 00:18:45.640 --> 00:18:48.720 I love the reading through Colossians every week idea. 00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:53.620 So it's something different most days. 00:18:54.700 --> 00:19:00.960 But being in the word has to be the start of the day. 00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:06.600 Because if you start off without that, you're starting off behind. 00:19:08.600 --> 00:19:10.440 I think all of us know that. 00:19:10.860 --> 00:19:14.640 But making a good habit of it has really been important for me. 00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:19.980 And it is a habit that I learned as a teenager through mostly positive peer pressure. 00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:24.280 But in our youth group, you could be called upon at any time to share your quiet time thought. 00:19:25.740 --> 00:19:27.300 So be ready. 00:19:29.620 --> 00:19:35.400 So there was this, you know, if you didn't have one, you could always recycle one from the previous week. 00:19:35.600 --> 00:19:36.940 But have a quiet time thought. 00:19:37.040 --> 00:19:39.140 What is it that God needs to say to me today? 00:19:41.100 --> 00:19:42.980 I really appreciated this book. 00:19:42.980 --> 00:19:44.340 I thought it was so helpful. 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:51.040 Especially since what I do is so relational. 00:19:51.520 --> 00:19:54.660 There's not a split of, oh, I do this non-Christian work. 00:19:54.800 --> 00:19:56.580 And then I do my devotions. 00:19:57.080 --> 00:20:04.980 It's all a big swirling maelstrom of trying to work with what God is doing in my family. 00:20:04.980 --> 00:20:08.420 So I thought this was great. 00:20:08.539 --> 00:20:09.819 And it's towards the end of the book. 00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:11.420 But it was so helpful to me. 00:20:11.480 --> 00:20:12.380 And I'll explain a bit. 00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:16.099 The integration of faith and work is the opposite of dualism. 00:20:17.140 --> 00:20:22.640 Dualism is the idea that there is the secular realm and the spiritual realm. 00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:24.460 And we do this work. 00:20:24.460 --> 00:20:26.120 And then we meet with God. 00:20:27.640 --> 00:20:31.320 Our thick, this is an old version, sorry. 00:20:32.060 --> 00:20:41.500 Our thick view of sin will remind us that even explicitly Christian work and culture will always have some idolatrous discourse within it. 00:20:41.500 --> 00:20:51.660 Our thick view of common grace will remind us that even explicitly non-Christian work and culture will always have some witness to God's truth in it. 00:20:51.660 --> 00:21:08.340 Right before this, he was talking about threads of Christianity where we seek to cut ourselves off or remove ourselves, separate ourselves from the secular, from what is non-Christian. 00:21:10.279 --> 00:21:12.720 It could look like a million things. 00:21:13.279 --> 00:21:16.560 It could be being Amish. 00:21:17.100 --> 00:21:20.460 That kind of extent where I'm going to remove myself from technology. 00:21:21.660 --> 00:21:29.180 I'm only going to watch Christian films or I'm only going to read Christian books. 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:37.259 I'm only going to go to places where, or let my kids go to places that are explicitly Christian. 00:21:40.140 --> 00:21:42.620 We're still there and we're still sinners. 00:21:43.540 --> 00:21:51.640 The sin in our own hearts is so pervasive that even if we try to sanitize our environment as much as possible, 00:21:51.660 --> 00:21:57.519 idols will still be built up in our own hearts. 00:21:58.200 --> 00:22:10.380 And, you know, you think, oh, we have this nice little microcosm of God's creation in our family out in the woods with our animals. 00:22:10.380 --> 00:22:14.240 And I get to choose all organic food. 00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:14.860 No, I don't. 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:15.420 At all. 00:22:15.420 --> 00:22:22.360 And yet, as I said, we're all sinners. 00:22:22.560 --> 00:22:24.880 Our children are born in sin. 00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:33.160 And as you all know, families are the best at ripping each other apart and tearing each other down. 00:22:33.340 --> 00:22:36.220 And our goal is to build each other up. 00:22:36.580 --> 00:22:41.540 So I can control my kids' environment as much as I like. 00:22:41.780 --> 00:22:47.220 And it's useless because there's always this idolatrous discourse. 00:22:47.220 --> 00:22:51.480 And in my own heart, too, as I said, the control and the pride. 00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:58.460 So I think view of common grace will remind us that even non-Christian work has some witness to God's truth. 00:22:59.140 --> 00:23:06.480 God in his amazing goodness to us, even though everything is corrupted, 00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:19.940 has left so many sparkling shards, pieces of his image and his creative intent in our beautiful world 00:23:19.940 --> 00:23:24.420 that we're never away from him. 00:23:24.519 --> 00:23:26.539 There's nowhere that we can go that's away from him. 00:23:27.360 --> 00:23:32.259 So I think that this was a wonderful way to express what I'm really trying to do in educating my kids. 00:23:32.620 --> 00:23:35.559 We will adopt a stance of critical enjoyment of human culture. 00:23:35.559 --> 00:23:39.440 We will learn to recognize the half-truths and resist the idols. 00:23:39.960 --> 00:23:44.399 I think I need to write this on my mirror and say, 00:23:44.539 --> 00:23:46.740 this is what I'm trying to do. 00:23:47.919 --> 00:23:55.879 Lord, show me where I'm building up a culture that is idolatrous, 00:23:56.039 --> 00:24:00.679 that is relying on self rather than on you, 00:24:00.680 --> 00:24:09.820 that is allowing something else to be in the place of trusting. 00:24:11.380 --> 00:24:13.980 And this is what I would love to see for my kids. 00:24:14.700 --> 00:24:20.320 So sometimes you do get to see as a mother the results, as I said. 00:24:20.660 --> 00:24:22.500 It does look good. 00:24:22.500 --> 00:24:26.660 And it's good to see, wait, this is where God has worked. 00:24:30.380 --> 00:24:37.619 The book talks about the fact that since God has created us, 00:24:38.779 --> 00:24:40.839 and God has created us for work, 00:24:41.059 --> 00:24:44.920 to be partners with him in his work of creation, 00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:47.380 and furthering the good of this world, 00:24:47.880 --> 00:24:49.000 building each other up. 00:24:50.320 --> 00:24:53.340 Every form of work is a reflection, 00:24:53.600 --> 00:24:57.019 whether it's with your hands or with your mind. 00:24:59.019 --> 00:25:01.380 Obviously, the culture that we have in the U.S. 00:25:01.380 --> 00:25:04.900 is very heavily skewed to this idea that 00:25:04.900 --> 00:25:06.980 there's professional work, 00:25:07.080 --> 00:25:10.680 and then there's manual work, menial work. 00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:14.900 And this is not scriptural at all. 00:25:15.779 --> 00:25:18.960 The gospel gives us tremendous freedom 00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:22.700 to choose we're not earning our salvation, 00:25:23.019 --> 00:25:26.100 we're not earning brownie points. 00:25:27.259 --> 00:25:29.920 The way that God made us is the way that 00:25:29.920 --> 00:25:34.420 he wants us to work in the world and glorify him. 00:25:34.420 --> 00:25:39.240 So it has been fun to see my own preconceptions 00:25:39.240 --> 00:25:44.620 being broken down by God. 00:25:45.640 --> 00:25:48.720 You know, I did have an idea that my kids would go to college 00:25:48.720 --> 00:25:51.560 and be brilliant and follow some profession, 00:25:52.560 --> 00:25:55.900 and yet I was really aware when James was born 00:25:55.900 --> 00:25:59.340 that he should not be sitting behind a desk. 00:25:59.759 --> 00:26:01.660 It's just not the way that he's made. 00:26:01.660 --> 00:26:07.160 I will admit that I was one who pushed for him 00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:11.040 to go into engineering in college 00:26:11.040 --> 00:26:13.200 because I felt like it felt safe. 00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:17.019 So what am I relying on? 00:26:20.320 --> 00:26:22.040 Yeah, that didn't go so well. 00:26:22.940 --> 00:26:24.540 And after a semester and a half, 00:26:24.680 --> 00:26:26.500 thankfully he was able to switch into something 00:26:26.500 --> 00:26:28.920 that he really loved, 00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:30.700 which was fisheries management. 00:26:30.700 --> 00:26:32.279 Did you know you could get a degree in fishing? 00:26:36.120 --> 00:26:38.380 And as I said, he did actually go and fish. 00:26:38.779 --> 00:26:41.680 And it is fun to see him 00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:43.519 following what he wants to do. 00:26:43.559 --> 00:26:44.900 Right now he sells boats, 00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:46.059 and he's good at it. 00:26:46.400 --> 00:26:49.440 I could not sell anything. 00:26:49.700 --> 00:26:52.580 I cannot, I'm just not good at selling. 00:26:52.980 --> 00:26:56.180 And my older two kids are good at selling things 00:26:56.180 --> 00:26:57.360 that they love. 00:26:57.359 --> 00:26:59.339 They're not me. 00:26:59.599 --> 00:27:00.500 I'm not them. 00:27:01.359 --> 00:27:02.199 And that is, 00:27:02.599 --> 00:27:05.519 I really want to learn the freedom of that 00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:08.699 and to be able to do what God has made me to do 00:27:08.699 --> 00:27:11.299 without considering all this other stuff. 00:27:11.299 --> 00:27:16.059 When I was first, 00:27:16.220 --> 00:27:18.659 first had James and Grace, 00:27:19.339 --> 00:27:22.519 I struggled horribly with postpartum depression, 00:27:22.879 --> 00:27:25.599 which I was going to be praying to anyway 00:27:25.599 --> 00:27:27.460 since I've dealt with depression all my life. 00:27:29.339 --> 00:27:31.059 But it was really heavy on my heart 00:27:31.059 --> 00:27:32.119 that I wanted to be able, 00:27:32.379 --> 00:27:33.859 at some point, later stage, 00:27:33.940 --> 00:27:35.899 to contribute to other mothers 00:27:35.900 --> 00:27:39.160 and support them. 00:27:39.580 --> 00:27:42.180 So God has very graciously given me a part 00:27:42.180 --> 00:27:44.560 in a ministry that supports 00:27:44.560 --> 00:27:48.060 mothers of all ages. 00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:51.019 The one where I work is in Madison. 00:27:51.460 --> 00:27:53.880 There are women from more than 20 churches. 00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:57.180 But there's about 100 women 00:27:57.180 --> 00:27:58.740 who come every Thursday. 00:27:59.360 --> 00:28:01.480 And half of them don't go to church at all. 00:28:01.900 --> 00:28:03.040 So this is an outreach. 00:28:03.039 --> 00:28:05.720 And women are just flocking 00:28:05.720 --> 00:28:09.440 to find this community, 00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:12.659 to find a place where they are not judged 00:28:12.659 --> 00:28:13.940 for the way that they're doing 00:28:13.940 --> 00:28:15.519 whatever it is that they're doing, 00:28:16.279 --> 00:28:19.220 but that they're accepted and supported. 00:28:20.519 --> 00:28:24.000 And it's my desire, 00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:26.299 the desire of those who work there 00:28:26.299 --> 00:28:29.460 to, that God's word be 00:28:29.460 --> 00:28:33.559 beginning to work in their hearts, 00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:34.859 those who don't know him. 00:28:35.519 --> 00:28:37.799 But I just, I smile 00:28:37.799 --> 00:28:41.139 because it's such a wonderful gift of God 00:28:41.139 --> 00:28:42.919 that he's brought me through 00:28:42.919 --> 00:28:45.379 his 20-some years 00:28:45.379 --> 00:28:47.759 of changing diapers 00:28:47.759 --> 00:28:49.319 and being pregnant 00:28:49.319 --> 00:28:50.259 and nursing. 00:28:50.759 --> 00:28:51.759 And, you know, 00:28:51.819 --> 00:28:52.940 it's just grueling. 00:28:52.940 --> 00:28:54.340 I think I figured 00:28:54.340 --> 00:28:56.400 I probably changed 25,000 diapers. 00:29:00.100 --> 00:29:01.700 So glamorous. 00:29:06.039 --> 00:29:07.779 This is the first year 00:29:07.779 --> 00:29:09.299 since 1995 00:29:09.299 --> 00:29:11.279 that I do not daily change diapers. 00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:19.119 And yet, 00:29:19.319 --> 00:29:20.899 to be able to speak 00:29:20.899 --> 00:29:22.339 into women's lives 00:29:22.339 --> 00:29:26.039 is a really sweet gift. 00:29:27.079 --> 00:29:28.420 This is about wisdom. 00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:29.660 I know we need to wrap up. 00:29:31.339 --> 00:29:32.220 Knowing God. 00:29:32.319 --> 00:29:34.220 This is a tough one for me 00:29:34.220 --> 00:29:37.119 because I grew up 00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:38.619 truly believing 00:29:38.619 --> 00:29:39.619 deep down in my heart 00:29:39.619 --> 00:29:41.459 that God doesn't hear me. 00:29:43.019 --> 00:29:44.399 Not because of 00:29:44.399 --> 00:29:45.699 what I was told explicitly, 00:29:45.919 --> 00:29:46.739 but because of 00:29:46.739 --> 00:29:47.939 what I was learning 00:29:47.939 --> 00:29:48.939 implicitly. 00:29:50.219 --> 00:29:51.779 So this is the constant 00:29:51.779 --> 00:29:54.079 way that God's working. 00:29:55.439 --> 00:29:56.379 I love you. 00:29:56.639 --> 00:29:57.259 I care. 00:29:57.399 --> 00:29:58.259 I want to hear you. 00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:01.879 And I believe that 00:30:01.879 --> 00:30:03.259 that will help me 00:30:03.259 --> 00:30:04.439 to be less controlled 00:30:04.439 --> 00:30:05.419 by anxiety and pride. 00:30:05.859 --> 00:30:06.519 Knowing ourselves, 00:30:06.699 --> 00:30:07.299 knowing our children 00:30:07.299 --> 00:30:08.720 is really important. 00:30:09.419 --> 00:30:09.599 Wait, 00:30:09.819 --> 00:30:10.879 what is this kid? 00:30:10.940 --> 00:30:11.419 As I said, 00:30:11.500 --> 00:30:12.599 what is this kid's 00:30:12.599 --> 00:30:14.519 gifting desire? 00:30:15.180 --> 00:30:16.619 If I'm working against that, 00:30:16.700 --> 00:30:17.399 I'm not working 00:30:17.399 --> 00:30:18.539 the way that 00:30:18.539 --> 00:30:19.720 God has made them. 00:30:19.819 --> 00:30:20.500 I'm not being a 00:30:20.500 --> 00:30:22.399 co-laborer 00:30:22.399 --> 00:30:22.919 with the Lord. 00:30:23.379 --> 00:30:24.299 I want to know 00:30:24.299 --> 00:30:26.519 what is it 00:30:26.519 --> 00:30:27.440 that I need to know 00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:28.000 about myself? 00:30:28.180 --> 00:30:28.519 How am I? 00:30:28.559 --> 00:30:29.200 I am not, 00:30:29.319 --> 00:30:29.720 as I said, 00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:30.619 a detailed person. 00:30:31.259 --> 00:30:31.919 So you're getting 00:30:31.919 --> 00:30:32.460 a slightly 00:30:32.460 --> 00:30:34.779 roundabout 00:30:34.779 --> 00:30:35.440 over the view 00:30:35.440 --> 00:30:36.079 here. 00:30:38.599 --> 00:30:39.039 Yeah, 00:30:39.139 --> 00:30:40.819 so I do want 00:30:40.819 --> 00:30:41.299 to be 00:30:41.299 --> 00:30:42.440 not this foolish 00:30:42.440 --> 00:30:43.259 heart that doesn't 00:30:43.259 --> 00:30:44.059 learn from what 00:30:44.059 --> 00:30:44.720 God's taught me 00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:45.359 through what I've 00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:45.779 been doing. 00:30:46.740 --> 00:30:47.680 I don't want 00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:48.500 to be this proud 00:30:48.500 --> 00:30:49.559 heart that blames 00:30:49.559 --> 00:30:50.420 others for the way 00:30:50.420 --> 00:30:51.039 things are. 00:30:51.899 --> 00:30:53.000 And I really want 00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:53.720 for my kids 00:30:53.720 --> 00:30:54.700 to learn those 00:30:54.700 --> 00:30:55.299 things too. 00:30:57.980 --> 00:30:58.420 Yeah, 00:30:58.839 --> 00:31:01.319 I really always 00:31:01.319 --> 00:31:02.259 wanted to do this 00:31:02.259 --> 00:31:03.019 and I'm so, 00:31:03.019 --> 00:31:03.839 so thankful 00:31:03.839 --> 00:31:04.240 that God 00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:04.660 has provided 00:31:04.660 --> 00:31:05.160 it for me. 00:31:05.519 --> 00:31:06.799 But when I'm 00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:07.480 running on two 00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:08.000 or three hours 00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:08.559 of sleep 00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:09.660 and I have 00:31:09.660 --> 00:31:10.259 to show up, 00:31:10.740 --> 00:31:10.960 you know, 00:31:11.019 --> 00:31:11.639 I have to get 00:31:11.639 --> 00:31:12.319 someone somewhere 00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:12.960 and the dog 00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:13.379 threw up 00:31:13.379 --> 00:31:13.859 and the toilet 00:31:13.859 --> 00:31:14.559 overflowed 00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:16.240 and, 00:31:16.440 --> 00:31:17.359 you know, 00:31:17.619 --> 00:31:18.599 it's not, 00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:19.420 it's really 00:31:19.420 --> 00:31:20.200 not that glamorous. 00:31:21.099 --> 00:31:21.920 It's just not. 00:31:24.599 --> 00:31:25.480 It doesn't mean 00:31:25.480 --> 00:31:26.299 I chose the wrong 00:31:26.299 --> 00:31:26.700 path. 00:31:26.859 --> 00:31:28.139 I think anyone's 00:31:28.139 --> 00:31:28.519 going to be 00:31:28.519 --> 00:31:29.420 frustrated in their 00:31:29.420 --> 00:31:30.420 work at times. 00:31:31.160 --> 00:31:31.299 So, 00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:32.859 to remember 00:31:32.859 --> 00:31:33.939 that 00:31:33.939 --> 00:31:35.819 whatever you're 00:31:35.819 --> 00:31:36.159 doing, 00:31:36.559 --> 00:31:37.319 God is shaping 00:31:37.319 --> 00:31:37.619 you. 00:31:37.740 --> 00:31:38.240 I taught 00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:39.399 from a book 00:31:39.399 --> 00:31:40.359 on parenting 00:31:40.359 --> 00:31:41.059 by Paul David 00:31:41.059 --> 00:31:41.379 Tripp 00:31:41.379 --> 00:31:42.559 and one of his 00:31:42.559 --> 00:31:43.199 things was 00:31:43.199 --> 00:31:45.059 God is parenting 00:31:45.059 --> 00:31:46.359 you as you 00:31:46.359 --> 00:31:46.939 parent your 00:31:46.939 --> 00:31:47.299 children. 00:31:48.039 --> 00:31:48.899 The way that 00:31:48.899 --> 00:31:49.759 he's working 00:31:49.759 --> 00:31:50.899 in their lives 00:31:50.899 --> 00:31:51.419 is working 00:31:51.419 --> 00:31:51.819 to shape 00:31:51.819 --> 00:31:52.399 your life. 00:31:54.599 --> 00:31:55.419 And I think 00:31:55.419 --> 00:31:55.979 that it's just 00:31:55.979 --> 00:31:57.299 tremendously freeing, 00:31:57.419 --> 00:31:58.059 especially as a 00:31:58.059 --> 00:31:58.240 mother. 00:31:58.939 --> 00:31:59.439 Our work will 00:31:59.439 --> 00:32:00.519 always fall short 00:32:00.519 --> 00:32:02.819 and that's 00:32:02.819 --> 00:32:03.579 just how it is 00:32:03.579 --> 00:32:04.379 in this world. 00:32:04.900 --> 00:32:05.440 But we have 00:32:05.440 --> 00:32:06.119 the promise 00:32:06.119 --> 00:32:06.920 that it'll be 00:32:06.920 --> 00:32:07.379 fulfilled 00:32:07.379 --> 00:32:08.940 when he makes 00:32:08.940 --> 00:32:09.759 the new heavens 00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:10.220 and the new 00:32:10.220 --> 00:32:10.480 earth. 00:32:11.379 --> 00:32:11.920 Come Lord 00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:12.200 Jesus. 00:32:14.259 --> 00:32:15.299 The Colossians 00:32:15.299 --> 00:32:16.480 passages have 00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:17.059 been tremendously 00:32:17.059 --> 00:32:17.940 helpful to me. 00:32:18.319 --> 00:32:19.220 These are verses 00:32:19.220 --> 00:32:19.940 that I prayed for 00:32:19.940 --> 00:32:20.819 my kids and my 00:32:20.819 --> 00:32:21.240 husband and 00:32:21.240 --> 00:32:21.680 myself. 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:27.320 some of these 00:32:27.320 --> 00:32:27.940 look like they're 00:32:27.940 --> 00:32:28.820 doing things 00:32:28.820 --> 00:32:29.460 but I really 00:32:29.460 --> 00:32:30.120 appreciate this 00:32:30.120 --> 00:32:30.600 part, being 00:32:30.600 --> 00:32:31.420 strengthened with 00:32:31.420 --> 00:32:32.740 all power so 00:32:32.740 --> 00:32:33.140 that you may 00:32:33.140 --> 00:32:33.680 have full 00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:34.500 endurance and 00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:34.900 patience. 00:32:35.720 --> 00:32:35.940 You know, 00:32:36.019 --> 00:32:36.519 we've just got 00:32:36.519 --> 00:32:36.920 to do the 00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:37.539 next thing. 00:32:37.799 --> 00:32:38.259 Whatever is 00:32:38.259 --> 00:32:39.100 set before you, 00:32:39.620 --> 00:32:40.279 that's the 00:32:40.279 --> 00:32:40.900 next thing. 00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:44.200 You know, 00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:44.920 we might like 00:32:44.920 --> 00:32:46.820 it to be more 00:32:46.820 --> 00:32:47.500 of an epiphany 00:32:47.500 --> 00:32:48.019 than that. 00:32:48.340 --> 00:32:49.360 But if it is 00:32:49.360 --> 00:32:50.600 that, wait, 00:32:50.599 --> 00:32:51.199 I'm working on 00:32:51.199 --> 00:32:52.539 this top but 00:32:52.539 --> 00:32:55.119 yeah, the 00:32:55.119 --> 00:32:55.639 toilet is 00:32:55.639 --> 00:32:56.279 overflowing. 00:32:56.719 --> 00:32:57.559 That really did 00:32:57.559 --> 00:32:58.379 happen on Friday 00:32:58.379 --> 00:32:58.919 while I was 00:32:58.919 --> 00:32:59.399 doing it. 00:33:00.199 --> 00:33:01.959 And CSOS 00:33:01.959 --> 00:33:02.419 said children 00:33:02.419 --> 00:33:02.959 are not the 00:33:02.959 --> 00:33:03.819 interruption to 00:33:03.819 --> 00:33:04.539 your work. 00:33:04.919 --> 00:33:05.519 They are the 00:33:05.519 --> 00:33:05.819 work. 00:33:06.859 --> 00:33:07.379 You know, how 00:33:07.379 --> 00:33:08.000 do I receive 00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:08.879 that graciously? 00:33:09.219 --> 00:33:10.059 I don't, 00:33:10.439 --> 00:33:10.879 often. 00:33:11.500 --> 00:33:12.259 But I think 00:33:12.259 --> 00:33:14.039 it's where I 00:33:14.039 --> 00:33:14.799 want to be 00:33:14.799 --> 00:33:15.339 going. 00:33:16.559 --> 00:33:18.619 This is a 00:33:18.619 --> 00:33:19.419 wonderful expression 00:33:19.419 --> 00:33:20.179 of what I've 00:33:20.180 --> 00:33:21.560 really want. 00:33:23.460 --> 00:33:24.240 What I really 00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:25.160 want as a 00:33:25.160 --> 00:33:26.220 mother is for 00:33:26.220 --> 00:33:27.120 my kids to 00:33:27.120 --> 00:33:27.440 know the 00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:27.680 Lord. 00:33:28.580 --> 00:33:29.140 But that is 00:33:29.140 --> 00:33:29.779 not something 00:33:29.779 --> 00:33:30.740 that I can 00:33:30.740 --> 00:33:31.320 manufacture. 00:33:32.440 --> 00:33:33.400 So I loved 00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:33.779 this. 00:33:33.860 --> 00:33:34.500 We are not 00:33:34.500 --> 00:33:34.920 the Holy 00:33:34.920 --> 00:33:35.320 Spirit. 00:33:35.820 --> 00:33:36.400 We cannot 00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:36.860 prick the 00:33:36.860 --> 00:33:37.200 hearts of 00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:37.720 our children 00:33:37.720 --> 00:33:38.700 and cultivate 00:33:38.700 --> 00:33:39.420 a repentant 00:33:39.420 --> 00:33:39.940 spirit in 00:33:39.940 --> 00:33:40.140 them. 00:33:40.660 --> 00:33:41.299 We cannot 00:33:41.299 --> 00:33:42.259 draw out 00:33:42.259 --> 00:33:43.519 rebellion or 00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:44.060 replace it 00:33:44.060 --> 00:33:44.660 with surrender 00:33:44.660 --> 00:33:45.720 or obedience 00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:46.380 or humility. 00:33:46.560 --> 00:33:47.000 We cannot 00:33:47.000 --> 00:33:47.660 soften a 00:33:47.660 --> 00:33:48.620 heart or 00:33:48.620 --> 00:33:49.080 create a 00:33:49.080 --> 00:33:49.779 dependence on 00:33:49.779 --> 00:33:50.879 Jesus or 00:33:50.879 --> 00:33:51.619 manipulate the 00:33:51.619 --> 00:33:52.039 soul into 00:33:52.039 --> 00:33:52.700 loving God. 00:33:53.220 --> 00:33:53.740 We cannot 00:33:53.740 --> 00:33:54.460 mass produce 00:33:54.460 --> 00:33:55.019 conviction. 00:33:55.980 --> 00:33:56.279 The only 00:33:56.279 --> 00:33:57.019 thing we can 00:33:57.019 --> 00:33:57.839 do is love 00:33:57.839 --> 00:33:58.379 our kids, 00:33:58.899 --> 00:33:59.279 point them 00:33:59.279 --> 00:33:59.779 to Jesus, 00:34:00.359 --> 00:34:00.799 and create 00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:01.440 space for the 00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:01.899 Holy Spirit 00:34:01.899 --> 00:34:02.440 to do his 00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:02.720 work. 00:34:03.379 --> 00:34:03.960 Jesus is 00:34:03.960 --> 00:34:04.480 after our 00:34:04.480 --> 00:34:05.180 mama hearts 00:34:05.180 --> 00:34:05.759 as much as 00:34:05.759 --> 00:34:06.160 he's after 00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:06.559 the hearts 00:34:06.559 --> 00:34:06.859 of our 00:34:06.859 --> 00:34:07.240 kids. 00:34:07.759 --> 00:34:08.039 And I 00:34:08.039 --> 00:34:08.320 can't do 00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:08.539 that. 00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:09.259 I'm here 00:34:09.259 --> 00:34:09.579 to tell 00:34:09.579 --> 00:34:10.320 you that 00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:11.000 Jesus is 00:34:11.000 --> 00:34:12.360 forever asking 00:34:12.360 --> 00:34:12.880 our hearts 00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:13.519 one thing. 00:34:14.019 --> 00:34:14.300 Do you 00:34:14.300 --> 00:34:14.699 trust me 00:34:14.699 --> 00:34:15.019 with your 00:34:15.019 --> 00:34:15.300 children? 00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:16.300 I think 00:34:16.300 --> 00:34:17.119 he's actually 00:34:17.119 --> 00:34:17.800 just asking, 00:34:17.800 --> 00:34:18.120 do you 00:34:18.120 --> 00:34:18.620 trust me? 00:34:20.820 --> 00:34:21.800 And do 00:34:21.800 --> 00:34:22.280 you trust me 00:34:22.280 --> 00:34:22.580 with your 00:34:22.580 --> 00:34:22.860 children? 00:34:23.620 --> 00:34:23.900 Tonight, 00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:24.420 I'm in the 00:34:24.420 --> 00:34:24.980 full throes 00:34:24.980 --> 00:34:25.300 of wanting 00:34:25.300 --> 00:34:25.980 to distrust 00:34:25.980 --> 00:34:26.300 the heart 00:34:26.300 --> 00:34:26.700 of Jesus. 00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:27.320 I'm wanting 00:34:27.320 --> 00:34:27.960 to challenge 00:34:27.960 --> 00:34:28.500 his plan 00:34:28.500 --> 00:34:28.960 and question 00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:29.620 his method 00:34:29.620 --> 00:34:30.519 for capturing 00:34:30.519 --> 00:34:30.920 the hearts 00:34:30.920 --> 00:34:31.460 of my kids. 00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:32.760 I'm wanting 00:34:32.760 --> 00:34:33.240 to move 00:34:33.240 --> 00:34:34.120 into full-on 00:34:34.120 --> 00:34:35.120 damage control 00:34:35.120 --> 00:34:35.640 and behavior 00:34:35.640 --> 00:34:36.300 modification 00:34:36.300 --> 00:34:37.080 and manipulated 00:34:37.080 --> 00:34:37.780 repentance. 00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:39.360 But quite 00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:39.720 frankly, 00:34:39.720 --> 00:34:40.320 I'm tired. 00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:40.860 My kids 00:34:40.860 --> 00:34:41.200 are getting 00:34:41.200 --> 00:34:41.580 older. 00:34:41.900 --> 00:34:43.120 I'm 23 00:34:43.120 --> 00:34:43.980 years for me 00:34:43.980 --> 00:34:44.480 into this 00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:45.100 mother's gig. 00:34:45.099 --> 00:34:45.960 And I 00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:46.460 know my 00:34:46.460 --> 00:34:47.000 plan won't 00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:47.319 work. 00:34:47.519 --> 00:34:48.279 I am not 00:34:48.279 --> 00:34:49.299 my kids 00:34:49.299 --> 00:34:50.000 Holy Spirit. 00:34:51.219 --> 00:34:51.400 So, 00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:53.059 that is my 00:34:53.059 --> 00:34:54.739 prayer for my 00:34:54.739 --> 00:34:55.179 kids. 00:34:55.860 --> 00:34:56.920 And I am 00:34:56.920 --> 00:34:57.659 so thankful 00:34:57.659 --> 00:34:59.199 that God 00:34:59.199 --> 00:34:59.880 is at work. 00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:05.500 Any further, 00:35:06.139 --> 00:35:06.819 what further 00:35:06.819 --> 00:35:07.420 comments, 00:35:07.839 --> 00:35:08.179 questions? 00:35:11.179 --> 00:35:11.839 Ma'am? 00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:13.440 I was just 00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:13.780 wondering, 00:35:14.680 --> 00:35:16.960 you obviously 00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:18.140 had a strong 00:35:18.140 --> 00:35:18.920 sense of 00:35:18.920 --> 00:35:19.380 calling or 00:35:19.380 --> 00:35:19.820 vocation, 00:35:20.120 --> 00:35:20.579 but I know 00:35:20.579 --> 00:35:20.980 some women 00:35:20.980 --> 00:35:22.160 don't necessarily, 00:35:22.340 --> 00:35:22.780 but once you're 00:35:22.780 --> 00:35:23.059 in it, 00:35:23.120 --> 00:35:23.579 it kind of is 00:35:23.579 --> 00:35:24.240 your vocation. 00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:24.720 Yeah. 00:35:24.860 --> 00:35:25.120 So, 00:35:25.240 --> 00:35:25.780 I was just 00:35:25.780 --> 00:35:26.100 wondering, 00:35:26.340 --> 00:35:27.280 how does that 00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:28.380 concept of it 00:35:28.380 --> 00:35:28.780 being your 00:35:28.780 --> 00:35:30.039 vocation keep 00:35:30.039 --> 00:35:30.420 you going 00:35:30.420 --> 00:35:30.820 through those 00:35:30.820 --> 00:35:31.400 hard times? 00:35:33.820 --> 00:35:34.519 I think I 00:35:34.519 --> 00:35:35.039 have a negative 00:35:35.039 --> 00:35:35.860 answer to that. 00:35:35.980 --> 00:35:36.720 It was much 00:35:36.720 --> 00:35:37.280 more of a sense 00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:38.019 of there's 00:35:38.019 --> 00:35:38.519 nothing else 00:35:38.519 --> 00:35:39.200 I can do, 00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:42.460 which is 00:35:42.460 --> 00:35:43.199 probably, 00:35:43.559 --> 00:35:43.980 you know, 00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:44.359 it's not 00:35:44.359 --> 00:35:44.799 true, 00:35:45.599 --> 00:35:46.199 but it 00:35:46.199 --> 00:35:47.019 definitely has 00:35:47.019 --> 00:35:47.879 been my 00:35:47.879 --> 00:35:48.559 sense that, 00:35:48.679 --> 00:35:48.759 yeah, 00:35:48.799 --> 00:35:49.079 I've just 00:35:49.079 --> 00:35:49.599 got to keep 00:35:49.599 --> 00:35:49.939 going. 00:35:52.699 --> 00:35:53.339 I have 00:35:53.339 --> 00:35:54.139 started to 00:35:54.139 --> 00:35:54.759 develop some 00:35:54.759 --> 00:35:55.339 other skills 00:35:55.339 --> 00:35:56.599 and that's 00:35:56.599 --> 00:35:56.980 been a great 00:35:56.980 --> 00:35:57.279 outlet, 00:35:57.439 --> 00:35:57.879 but yeah, 00:35:58.059 --> 00:35:59.480 I think it 00:35:59.480 --> 00:35:59.879 has been 00:35:59.879 --> 00:36:00.559 negative in 00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:01.379 my life and 00:36:01.379 --> 00:36:01.960 I think that 00:36:01.960 --> 00:36:02.779 that's not a 00:36:02.779 --> 00:36:03.779 very God 00:36:03.779 --> 00:36:04.419 honoring way to 00:36:04.419 --> 00:36:04.960 look at it, 00:36:05.059 --> 00:36:05.539 so I'm really 00:36:05.539 --> 00:36:06.279 thankful to be 00:36:06.279 --> 00:36:06.739 getting to a 00:36:06.739 --> 00:36:07.159 point where I 00:36:07.159 --> 00:36:07.739 can kind of 00:36:07.739 --> 00:36:08.239 look at it 00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:09.379 more positively, 00:36:09.979 --> 00:36:10.419 but it's 00:36:10.419 --> 00:36:10.919 difficult to 00:36:10.919 --> 00:36:11.339 look at it 00:36:11.339 --> 00:36:12.199 positively when 00:36:12.199 --> 00:36:13.679 you're really 00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:14.759 that under 00:36:14.759 --> 00:36:15.039 it. 00:36:18.299 --> 00:36:18.959 Thank you. 00:36:19.319 --> 00:36:19.459 Yeah. 00:36:21.319 --> 00:36:22.000 And as I 00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:22.319 said, I 00:36:22.319 --> 00:36:23.199 don't know how 00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:23.739 it works out 00:36:23.739 --> 00:36:24.259 for everybody 00:36:24.259 --> 00:36:24.579 else. 00:36:24.799 --> 00:36:25.079 It is 00:36:25.079 --> 00:36:27.859 definitely the 00:36:27.859 --> 00:36:28.439 one thing that 00:36:28.439 --> 00:36:28.859 I can see 00:36:28.859 --> 00:36:29.619 myself doing. 00:36:31.619 --> 00:36:32.339 What else? 00:36:35.599 --> 00:36:36.079 Ma'am? 00:36:36.079 --> 00:36:41.179 You talked 00:36:41.179 --> 00:36:41.480 in the 00:36:41.480 --> 00:36:42.400 beginning about 00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:43.099 your husband 00:36:43.099 --> 00:36:44.799 and he's 00:36:44.799 --> 00:36:45.279 doing the 00:36:45.279 --> 00:36:45.860 role that 00:36:45.860 --> 00:36:46.519 God would 00:36:46.519 --> 00:36:47.440 require of 00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:47.900 him as 00:36:47.900 --> 00:36:49.139 provider, 00:36:49.340 --> 00:36:49.860 protector, 00:36:50.460 --> 00:36:53.000 and the 00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:53.639 priest of 00:36:53.639 --> 00:36:54.299 your family. 00:36:56.299 --> 00:36:57.099 All of 00:36:57.099 --> 00:36:57.759 your pronouns 00:36:57.759 --> 00:36:58.599 were my 00:36:58.599 --> 00:36:59.639 children and 00:36:59.639 --> 00:37:00.420 I'm wondering 00:37:00.420 --> 00:37:02.019 how you 00:37:02.019 --> 00:37:02.920 fit into 00:37:02.920 --> 00:37:04.840 that triangle 00:37:04.840 --> 00:37:07.440 of relationship 00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:07.980 with your 00:37:07.980 --> 00:37:08.400 husband. 00:37:09.500 --> 00:37:10.480 Well, I 00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:10.960 think I can 00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:11.820 only speak as 00:37:11.820 --> 00:37:12.139 me. 00:37:13.220 --> 00:37:14.000 And I think 00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:14.500 that that's 00:37:14.500 --> 00:37:16.159 true, that a 00:37:16.159 --> 00:37:16.800 lot of times it 00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:17.800 does operate as 00:37:17.800 --> 00:37:20.159 my purview. 00:37:20.280 --> 00:37:21.000 This is what I 00:37:21.000 --> 00:37:22.280 have to do 00:37:22.280 --> 00:37:23.420 because he was 00:37:23.420 --> 00:37:23.960 doing other 00:37:23.960 --> 00:37:25.220 things, you 00:37:25.220 --> 00:37:25.519 know, his 00:37:25.519 --> 00:37:26.159 work and 00:37:26.159 --> 00:37:27.300 such. 00:37:27.519 --> 00:37:29.280 So, yeah, I 00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:29.920 can only speak 00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:30.680 for myself. 00:37:30.679 --> 00:37:32.339 They are my 00:37:32.339 --> 00:37:33.279 children, also 00:37:33.279 --> 00:37:33.980 they are our 00:37:33.980 --> 00:37:34.419 children. 00:37:35.960 --> 00:37:37.199 So, that's a 00:37:37.199 --> 00:37:38.440 really thoughtful 00:37:38.440 --> 00:37:39.059 point. 00:37:39.879 --> 00:37:41.579 And, yeah, I 00:37:41.579 --> 00:37:43.019 can only speak 00:37:43.019 --> 00:37:45.239 as my, from 00:37:45.239 --> 00:37:45.779 my point of 00:37:45.779 --> 00:37:46.199 view, but 00:37:46.199 --> 00:37:47.259 you're right. 00:37:47.579 --> 00:37:48.879 It is a, it 00:37:48.879 --> 00:37:51.339 is an organic 00:37:51.339 --> 00:37:53.019 group. 00:37:53.019 --> 00:37:53.099 Thank you. 00:37:53.099 --> 00:38:07.319 Thanks, Julie. 00:38:08.659 --> 00:38:09.360 As we've done 00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:09.920 the last couple 00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:10.380 of times, we're 00:38:10.380 --> 00:38:11.159 going to pray for 00:38:11.159 --> 00:38:12.079 Julie and for 00:38:12.079 --> 00:38:13.159 others who are 00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:14.000 mothers. 00:38:14.559 --> 00:38:15.579 So, Jeff, could 00:38:15.579 --> 00:38:16.059 I ask you to 00:38:16.059 --> 00:38:16.779 come and pray 00:38:16.779 --> 00:38:19.880 for Julie and 00:38:19.880 --> 00:38:20.579 for others who 00:38:20.579 --> 00:38:21.920 are mothers or 00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:23.980 parents invested 00:38:23.980 --> 00:38:24.320 in raising 00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:24.840 children. 00:38:25.680 --> 00:38:27.840 Do I really 00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:28.300 need this? 00:38:29.900 --> 00:38:30.639 Yes, no. 00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:31.960 No. 00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:32.880 Thank you. 00:38:34.099 --> 00:38:34.539 Yes. 00:38:37.159 --> 00:38:37.880 Our Father 00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:38.579 in heaven, we 00:38:38.579 --> 00:38:40.800 know that you, 00:38:41.639 --> 00:38:42.380 as we all go 00:38:42.380 --> 00:38:43.260 about doing 00:38:43.260 --> 00:38:43.720 what you've 00:38:43.720 --> 00:38:44.280 called us to 00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:46.420 do, as we 00:38:46.420 --> 00:38:47.280 face our fears 00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:48.099 and as we face 00:38:48.099 --> 00:38:49.599 our inadequacies, 00:38:50.200 --> 00:38:50.880 that we would 00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:51.700 cast ourselves 00:38:51.699 --> 00:38:52.419 upon you, 00:38:53.480 --> 00:38:54.759 that we would 00:38:54.759 --> 00:38:55.619 look to you 00:38:55.619 --> 00:38:57.079 to find our 00:38:57.079 --> 00:38:58.359 meaning and 00:38:58.359 --> 00:38:58.919 purpose, 00:38:59.299 --> 00:39:00.639 that you would 00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:01.460 flood our hearts 00:39:01.460 --> 00:39:02.639 with joy as we 00:39:02.639 --> 00:39:05.639 realize that by 00:39:05.639 --> 00:39:06.639 receiving Jesus, 00:39:07.199 --> 00:39:08.559 we are your 00:39:08.559 --> 00:39:09.559 children and we 00:39:09.559 --> 00:39:10.379 are established 00:39:10.379 --> 00:39:12.119 and we have 00:39:12.119 --> 00:39:12.739 heaven to look 00:39:12.739 --> 00:39:13.339 forward to. 00:39:14.379 --> 00:39:15.460 And we do pray 00:39:15.460 --> 00:39:16.179 for Julie and 00:39:16.179 --> 00:39:16.960 for all mothers 00:39:16.960 --> 00:39:17.519 that you would 00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:19.159 provide everything 00:39:19.159 --> 00:39:20.139 they need to 00:39:20.139 --> 00:39:21.079 step into their 00:39:21.079 --> 00:39:23.019 roles competently 00:39:23.019 --> 00:39:23.440 and with 00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:25.539 confidence 00:39:25.539 --> 00:39:27.480 and that you 00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:28.099 would use them 00:39:28.099 --> 00:39:30.019 mightily and 00:39:30.019 --> 00:39:30.900 that, Father, 00:39:31.139 --> 00:39:31.860 you would save 00:39:31.860 --> 00:39:33.679 our children and 00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:34.219 intervene. 00:39:35.819 --> 00:39:36.619 And it's in your 00:39:36.619 --> 00:39:37.380 son's name that we 00:39:37.380 --> 00:39:37.639 pray. 00:39:38.079 --> 00:39:38.360 Amen. 00:39:38.500 --> 00:39:39.160 Amen. 00:39:39.660 --> 00:39:40.820 Amen. 00:39:41.099 --> 00:39:41.300 Amen. 00:39:41.300 --> 00:39:41.340 Amen. 00:39:41.340 --> 00:39:41.620 Amen. 00:39:41.680 --> 00:39:41.720 Amen. 00:39:41.720 --> 00:39:43.019 Amen. 00:39:43.019 --> 00:39:43.300 Amen. 00:39:43.400 --> 00:39:43.760 Amen. 00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:44.380 Amen. 00:39:44.380 --> 00:39:46.059 Amen.