Well, we've reached a spot in the book of Ephesians where the Apostle Paul is turning his attention to marriage.
And so we're going to be turning our attention to marriage for the next couple Sundays here.
But before we go there, I just want to give you a big picture of marriage.
When we talk about salvation, we're talking about a big sweep of time.
So you can summarize kind of the history of salvation with just three words.
Creation, fall, and redemption.
And those three words provide a very helpful way to think about certain things.
One of which is marriage.
And so what I'd like to do for you is just give you a crash course on marriage in light of creation, fall, and redemption.
And that will set us up for what Paul says in Ephesians chapter 5.
You ready?
Marriage in the light of creation.
In Genesis 1 and 2, God created man and woman, Adam and Eve, and he created each of them in his own image.
And he's very, very specific about that.
We read Genesis 1 and we walk away saying both Adam and Eve were made in the image of God.
So a man is not more valuable in God's eyes because he's a man.
And a woman is not less valuable in God's eyes because she's a woman.
What this means is when God looks at a man and a woman, he sees two image bearers of same worth.
They both are image bearers of God.
And so God is clear on that in Genesis chapter 1, 26 and 27 where he says both man and woman were made in his image.
But what we also learn from Genesis chapter 2 is that God gave distinct roles to Adam because he was a man.
And he gave a distinct role to Eve because she was a woman in this thing called marriage.
Adam was given charge of the garden.
Adam, he named all the animals.
Eve came out of him and he eventually named Eve.
And so what the Bible describes there, how it summarizes up Adam's role is the word headship.
We see that in 1 Corinthians 11 verse 3.
And we'll see that played out a little later on in Ephesians chapter 5.
What he did with Eve was he created Eve out of Adam for her to be Adam's helpmate.
To help him.
To help him tend the garden.
To help him fulfill his role.
And so what I want to help you to see though is both of them have the same value in God's eyes.
But each of them were given distinct roles.
And the reason why God gave them distinct roles to be played out together was for them to experience harmony in marriage.
And so God's goal was unity.
And not by kind of being able to swap out the roles, but by giving specific roles that complement each other.
And what I also want to see is this.
God assigned these roles before the fall.
And so the fall didn't result in roles.
The fall actually distorted the roles.
So we talked about creation of Adam and Eve.
Equal in value, different in roles.
And now we turn to talking about the fall.
And what we see in the fall is the distortion of the roles.
So they both are image bearers of God.
But with the fall comes consequences.
And so in Genesis chapter 3, God walks into the garden.
And he says, hey Adam, what happened?
And you know the story.
Adam punts to Eve.
And Eve punts to the serpent.
But in Genesis chapter 3 verse 16, God specifically says to Eve,
there's some consequences here.
You will desire your husband.
You will long to be in power over him.
That's the Hebrew meaning of that particular word.
Your desire shall be for your husband.
And then he says to Eve, and he, Adam, shall rule over you.
And that word rule is talking about a kind of leadership.
It's not a loving leadership.
It's a harsh leadership.
A tyrannical kind of leadership.
And so what you see as the consequence, the fallout of the fall in Genesis 3 verse 16 is
the distortion of the roles.
But praise be to God, it doesn't end there.
Because God all along had a plan.
And we see that plan spoken of in Ephesians chapter 1 verse 9 and 10.
That God's plan for all time was to unite all things in Christ.
And so what Christ is seeking to do in us is to redeem our marriages.
And to redeem the roles by restoring the roles as God had originally designed them.
So what happens for us in Christ is God reverses, is seeking to reverse the distortion of sin on our roles as husbands and wives.
And what sin does is it distorts things by making it about me.
You know what I'm talking about?
This is about me.
And so marriage isn't about me.
What God does in Christ is make marriage about Christ.
It's about Him.
And we're going to see that played out all throughout Ephesians chapter 5 and 6.
In Christ, God is seeking to re-image Himself in us.
Christ-likeness.
And He's seeking to retool our roles to function the way that He originally designed them to function.
So in Christ, God is seeking to restore His God-given roles.
So the reason why Ephesians 5, 22-33 is in your Bible is to help you experience the unity that God intends for you out of obedience to Jesus.
Unity in your marriage.
Fulfilling of your roles.
God is calling us to live out our designated roles out of obedience to Christ for the glory of His name.
Because here's the deal.
When we live according to God's plan in our marriages, you know what happens?
Our marriages end up spotlighting Jesus.
Our marriages become a little living parable between Christ's relationship to the church.
It has a redemptive impact.
So, this morning, wives, what I want you to see is this.
Your relationship to Christ informs and directs your relationship to your husband.
And so, I'm going to show you by making five points this morning.
But let me read Ephesians 5, 22-24.
We read this.
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Wives, your relationship to Christ informs and directs your relationship to your husband.
Just to let you know, next week, we're going to get into the nitty-gritty of what God says to husbands.
But let me give you these five points in order to bring this out, to help us see what God is saying right here.
The first thing that I want you to see is this.
It's the relationship between this text, verses 22-24, and what we just read before it.
And so, Paul has been telling these Christians in Ephesus, starting in Ephesians 4-1,
walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you've been called.
And then in chapter 5, he says, walk in love.
And then he says, walk as children of light.
And then he says, walk in wisdom.
Don't be a fool.
Make the most of the time.
Know God's will.
Walk by the power of the Spirit.
And then he says, when he's talking about the power of the Spirit,
one of the ways that the Spirit's filling shows up is when Christians submit to one another out of fear of Christ.
Do you see that in verse 21?
And so here's what Paul is doing in 22.
He's taking this idea of submission, and he's making a transition.
He's pivoting.
He's moving from submission in the context of a local church, submit to one another,
and he's calling for submission, what that looks like, concrete examples in marriage.
That's 522 through 33.
And then he points to parenting in 6.1 through 6.4.
And then he points to the workplace in 6.5 through 6.9.
And so what he's doing is helping Christians understand what submission looks like in very concrete relationships.
Now the thing that you need to know about each of these relationships is there's very clear lines of God-given authority in these relationships.
And so what Paul is going to help us to see is how submission functions in these God-given lines of authority in these particular relationships.
And so that's why he turns to marriage, and specifically to wives in chapter 5, verse 22.
The second thing I want to point out.
Headship.
When I say headship, does that make you cringe?
How do we think about headship?
How should we think about that?
How should we think about authority?
My guess is that most of us think about headship or authority in terms of power and control.
If you were to ask me, hey, give me a cultural example of authority, of submission, do you know where my mind goes to?
Mixed martial arts battles.
Seriously.
People having to tap out in submission because they can't bear it anymore.
I think many of us come to this word kind of authority and submission with this thought of power play.
Dominance.
And what I want to help you to see is that's not the primary intent here of headship or submission.
I don't know about you.
When I hear about headship and authority and think about in terms of power, I get suspicious.
I get guarded.
A little defensive.
Because I tend to think that whoever's the head of something has the right to make people do what they want them to do.
Whoever's the head, whoever's in charge gets to do whatever they'd like to do.
So when we think about headship in terms of authority and power, we can easily start moving and thinking in terms of abuse.
Authority exercised sinfully.
And what I want to help you to think through is a better way of thinking about headship.
Here it is.
We must think about headship in authority primarily as responsibility.
Would you look at Ephesians 5.23?
For the husband is the head of the wife.
Even as Christ is head of the church, his body.
What I want both husbands and wives, men and women, to be thinking about primarily when you hear this word headship,
I want you thinking in terms of responsibility.
Headship is responsibility.
John Stott in his commentary on Ephesians says it this way.
In a word, the biblical concept of authority spells not tyranny, but responsibility.
What kind of responsibility?
Headship is a delegated responsibility.
God giving responsibility to a husband.
And so when we see that word headship,
what we need to realize is behind that giving of responsibility is God himself.
That is a responsibility entrusted to a husband
because God chose it to give him that responsibility.
By the way, that also means with that delegated responsibility,
there is an accountability.
Let me state it this way.
I will have to give an account for my marriage to Jesus
in a way my wife Jenny will not have to.
God's going to hold me responsible for something of our marriage
that he won't hold my wife responsible for.
This headship responsibility is a representative responsibility.
I have a responsibility for my wife.
Do you remember in Genesis 3 what happens?
In Genesis we read about how it was Eve who was tempted,
took the fruit, ate the fruit, and gave it to her husband.
Do you remember that?
Remember in Genesis 3 who God comes to seek out?
Do you recall?
He seeks out Adam.
It is a representative responsibility.
It is a picture of headship.
Brothers, it's pretty sobering, isn't it?
It's a purposed responsibility.
This is probably one of my burdens this morning.
It's the aim of this responsibility.
God has entrusted this to husbands for a purpose.
The responsibility that we've been entrusted for, given,
is the welfare of our wives.
The good of our wives.
The good of our children.
Which means this.
Brothers, we are not to exercise this God-given responsibility for our own sake,
but for the sake of our own wives and our own children.
That's the original intent.
Sin distorted it, though.
We've all experienced the sinful exercise of this kind of responsibility.
But Christ is redeeming it.
And we're given an example.
So, I'm going to come back to this next week,
but we just look at Ephesians 4.25.
Excuse me, 5.25.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ, the head of the church, loved the church,
and gave himself up for her.
Jesus is the ultimate head.
He exercised the ultimate responsibility, the welfare of our souls,
and he made the ultimate sacrifice.
And what we see in Ephesians 5.25 is the exercise of responsibility.
So, before we talk about submission,
what I wanted to make sure we're clear on is this sense idea of headship.
Headship is a God-given responsibility to husbands for the welfare,
for the good of their wives,
not the exploitation of their wives.
not the abuse of their wives,
for the good of their wives.
And so, sisters, as we move now to this command to submit,
I just want to help you to see something here.
God isn't calling you to a degrading, mindless,
tap-out kind of submission.
God's calling you to a kind of a dance with your husband.
His role is to lead for your good.
And what we'll see here is your role is to let him lead you,
even help him to lead you,
because God intends for your husband to be a means of goodness to you.
So, let's now, point three, turn to this command.
The command to submit.
Wives, submit to your own husbands.
Remember, sisters,
your relationship with Christ
will inform and direct your relationship with your husband.
And the other piece I just want to remind you of is,
I know this.
As soon as you hear the word submit,
there's some things that can come into your mind.
And so, let me just remind you of something.
This command to submit
that's aimed at wives,
this is not a command
to diminish your worth.
This is not a diminishing of your value in God's eyes.
This isn't God saying you're of lesser importance.
This is God calling you to a particular role in marriage.
A particular responsibility.
And He's going to bring definition to that role.
The word submit means to actually to line up in order.
It means to come under authority.
And what we've talked about before
when we were talking about headship
is that what God is calling a wife to
is to come under your husband's
God-given responsibility to care for you.
That's what God is calling you to hear.
Come under His care.
Come under His seeking of your welfare.
Your husband is to be attentive to
and caring about your spiritual welfare,
your physical welfare,
your emotional welfare,
even your financial welfare.
He's to provide for you and protect you.
And if that's in place,
that will make your submission to Him
coming under His care
a joy and a privilege.
I know the question's in your head right now.
What if my husband doesn't care?
We'll come back to that.
But what I want you to see here
is that this call to submit
is a call to entrust yourself
to the care of your husband.
And what we see in verse 24,
it's you to do that in everything.
Everything.
And the meaning of that is
every area of your life.
Your husband,
because of what God has called him to
for your good,
he needs to know
what's going on in your life
so he can care for you,
not exploit you.
Now, a couple other clarifications
on this word submission.
This call to submit
is not a call to a forced submission.
God's not saying,
do this or else.
This is a voluntary submission.
Think of it this way.
God's saying,
oh, dear daughter,
you of your own volition,
trusting in me,
entrust yourself fully
to your husband.
This is your role in the dance,
sister.
Let your husband lead you.
And might I add this,
this is not a call
for all women
to submit to all men.
wives,
submit to your own husbands.
There's two mistakes in this dance.
In order to demonstrate this to you,
I'm going to actually use some dancing.
There's two mistakes
that both men and women
can make in terms of roles,
their roles.
One's a mistake on one side
of passivity,
the other's a mistake
of aggressiveness.
And so,
think about this.
your husband
wants to lead you
in a dance
called marriage.
Okay?
And so,
here's what the mistake
of passivity looks like.
Your husband's seeking
to lead you,
doing his best,
and he keeps on
stepping on your toes.
And that hurts.
Passivity is like this.
I'm not going to say anything.
I don't want to hurt his feelings.
You know,
blah, blah, blah.
It's kind of,
this is going to say it coarsely,
but it's kind of a put up
and shut up mentality.
That's not submission.
The other mistake is this.
Same thing.
Husband leading his wife,
dancing,
steps on her toes,
and the wife is like,
swat!
Swat!
I'm taking over.
I'm leading this dance.
Yes, honey,
I will dance the way
that you want to dance.
Two mistakes.
What God is calling wives to
is a joyful,
voluntary following
of her husband's lead.
It's sweet.
Dancing's fun.
And so,
here's how it works out.
This is an example
of what it looks like.
Alright?
You're dancing
with your wife.
And she says,
honey,
your breath stinks.
Sweetheart,
I am so glad
to know that
because I don't want
to have cursed breath.
I want to have
blessing breath.
And so,
let me put a mint in.
We keep on dancing.
Okay?
Dance, dance, dance.
Sweetheart,
you're stepping on my toes
and it really hurts.
Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.
I don't want to hurt you.
I want you to enjoy the dance.
Can you help me
get these footwork down?
Kind of a thing.
And then,
maybe your wife
says something like this.
You know, honey,
I'm seeing that punch bowl
over there
and I'm really thirsty.
Okay, honey,
let's go over there.
Gotcha.
Keep on dancing.
Your wife says,
honey,
I need to use the bathroom.
I got you, honey.
Let's go this way.
Out of the way.
Sweetheart,
I'm feeling tired.
I will scoop you up.
Put you in this chair.
Thank you for letting me know.
See?
Wives,
would you like that?
Marriage is a dance.
Husbands were called to lead.
Collaboratively.
Welcome your wife's input.
In order for her
to care for her welfare,
you need to know
how she's doing.
in order to lead her well,
she needs to feel comfortable
and safe
to be able to say,
you're stepping on my toes
again.
I love this.
Sisters,
the way to steer clear
of these mistakes
is to keep your eyes on Jesus.
look at Ephesians 4.
Ephesians 4.
22.
This is the motive
of submission.
Wives,
submit to your own husbands
as to the Lord.
Will you say that with me,
everybody?
as to the Lord.
You may submit
to your husband,
but you are submitting
for Jesus.
Better yet,
the aim of your entrusting yourself
to your husband's care
is obedience
to Christ.
You are to live out
your role as a wife
as to the Lord.
Your relationship
to Christ
informs
and directs
your relationship
to your husband.
You will fulfill
your role as a wife.
You must
out of obedience
to Jesus.
Ultimately,
it's about Jesus.
So the way
that you relate
to your husband
is a means
by which you live
for Christ.
So when Paul says
in Ephesians 4.1,
walk in a manner
worthy of the calling
to which you've been called,
that is specifically
applied to a wife
right here.
Follow Jesus
this way.
Be filled
by the Spirit
so that you can
do this faithfully.
So here's what
it boils down to.
Sisters,
married sisters,
this morning
I am calling you
on the authority
of this book
to live out
your role
as a wife
for the glory
of Christ.
It's all about Him.
If Ephesians 1,
9,
and 10
is true
and God
is in the process
of uniting
all things together
in Christ,
He's interested
in uniting
your marriage
in Christ.
In order to get
that done,
He's calling you
to a specific role
in that.
To experience
unity.
And to that end,
point five,
the grounds
for the roles.
The grounds
for a husband's
role to be head,
the grounds
for a woman's
role to be
submissive.
We can ask it
this way.
On what basis
does the Apostle Paul
call wives
to submit
to their husbands
and husbands
to be head
of their wives?
On what grounds?
Let me just read
verses 23 and 24.
You will see
the grounds.
For the husband
is the head
of the wife
even as Christ
is the head
of the church,
His body.
And He is Himself
its Savior.
Now as the church
submits to Christ,
so also wives
should submit
to everything
to their husbands.
Did you know
there's another
dance going on?
Between Christ
and His church?
And we see
those roles
played out.
Jesus is the head
exercising His leadership
for the welfare
of His people
and His people
submissive,
dependent upon,
following Him.
These are the grounds
and they also
help us to see,
model the distinct roles
for a husband and wife.
Our roles are grounded
upon Christ
and the church.
If we take our cues
from something,
it can't be our culture.
we must take our cues
from our Bibles.
And what we're given here
is the cue,
a model of Christ
and the church.
Check this out.
What Adam and Eve
distorted because of their sin,
Christ has redeemed.
And in relationship
to His church,
He has demonstrated
what a restored
marriage relationship
looks like.
He is the head.
The church is His bride
submitting to Him.
What we also see
in verses 23 and 24
is this.
This example of Jesus
in the church
as the grounds
and model
for our roles
in marriage,
this is timeless.
This is unchanging.
It's universally binding
on not just Christians
but on everybody.
This is making a claim
on us.
Husbands,
verse 23,
here's your role.
You're to be Christ-like
in your marriage,
in your role.
The husband is the head
of the wife
just as Jesus
is head of the church,
His bride.
Jesus is seeking
to provide and protect
for His bride.
So we as husbands
like to provide
and protect
for our brides.
That word,
head,
carries the sense
of authority
and responsibility
not
tyranny.
In verse 24,
we see the wives rule.
just as the church
submits to Christ,
so wives are to submit
to their husbands.
The church is actively
entrusting herself
to Christ.
The church depends
on Christ.
The church doesn't
take matters
into her own hands.
Doesn't steal the show
and lead the dance.
There are examples.
A wife is to follow
her husband's lead
just as the church
submits to Christ.
Our roles in marriage
are grounded
and modeled
after the roles
of Christ
and His bride,
the church.
Isn't it good
that God doesn't
leave us guessing?
Very clear.
The goal,
of course,
is unity.
Harmony.
Just to draw
out one implication
of this,
God's design
for the roles
in marriage,
being that they're
timeless
and unchanging
and universally
binding,
they're true
whatever culture
that you're in.
We are not
to redefine
our roles
in marriage
because
our roles
in marriage
aren't culture
bound.
they're
grounded
in a timeless
truth,
Christ and His bride.
This is God's
design
for us.
Let me move
to some conclusions
and some
application questions.
When God
created Adam
and Eve,
He created them
both in His image.
Men and women
are of equal value
in God's eyes.
God's committed
to that.
Men.
Men in the room.
Are you
trusting
in what
God says
about the
worth
of women?
Do you
think that
you're more
valuable than
a woman
because you
are a man?
That's not
what God
thinks.
be honest,
humble yourself,
and confess
it.
Women,
are you
trusting in
what God
says about
your worth?
Your worth
is not
found in
your role.
Your worth
is found
in being
an image
bearer
of God.
Do you
think you
are less
valuable
than a man?
God does
not think
that of you.
Trust in
what He
says
is true
of you.
Another
concluding point,
headship is
a God-given
responsibility.
Husbands,
in what
ways
have you
been
exercising
this
God-given
responsibility
for your
own
selfish
ends
instead
of
your
wife's
welfare?
Another
way to
ask it
is this.
How
have you
been
using
your
role
to put
yourself
first?
God's
going to
call you
to not
do that
anymore.
to put
your
wife
first.
We'll
see that
next week.
Wives,
this is a
hard question.
Have you
been
resentful
of male
headship
because
certain men
in your
life have
sinfully
abused
it?
could it
be
that the
fault
lies with
the man
not in
the design?
I'm so
sorry.
I know
women in
this room
who have
been on the
receiving end
of abuse
because a
man
misused
his
responsibility.
I'm so
sorry.
That's not
God's will
for this.
It's wrong.
God would
have it
different.
Let me
just say
this too.
Not all
men abuse
the responsibility
God has
entrusted to
them.
Not all
men abuse
that.
Third
point.
God's
calling a
wife to
submit to
her husband
is a
high calling.
It's a
high calling.
It's a
call to
live a
certain way
for Christ.
A specific
way to
walk in
a manner
worthy
so
husbands
have you
been joking
about it?
Have you
been making
light of
that?
Have you
been making
jokes about
submission?
You're
undignifying
your wife.
You're
belittling
God's
design.
Do you
realize that
how your
wife relates
to you
matters to
Christ?
God's
love to
Christ?
It's
ultimately
about him.
Wives,
are you
looking to
Jesus
to help
you
voluntarily
entrust
yourself to
your husband's
care?
Are you
submitting
yourself to
your husband
for Christ's
sake?
Are you
making it
about you?
Are you
making it
about your
husband?
make it
about Jesus
as to
the
Lord.
Just one
life
which will
soon be
passed.
Only what's
done for
Christ will
last.
Now, I'm
guessing
that about
halfway through
this sermon,
you began
asking a
what-if
question.
I was
talking about
the command
to wife to
submit to
their husbands
and I
said that if
your husband
was exercising
his responsibility
in a Christ-like
fashion,
submitting to
him would be
a joy and
a privilege
because you
know he's
in it for
your welfare.
But what
if a husband
is not
seeking his
wife's
welfare?
Isn't that
the question?
Anybody
ask that
question?
Worse
yet,
what if
the husband
is actually
using his
role to
harm his
wife?
Does she
still need
to submit
to him?
Let me
answer that
question this
way.
This is
going to
take a
couple
minutes and
we're done.
First,
if you're
experiencing
that,
there is a
misuse of
responsibility
going on.
It's
grievous in
God's
sight.
Let's
agree on
that.
Second,
as a
follower of
Jesus,
you are to
live for
Jesus no
matter how
your husband
is treating
you.
It's about
Christ.
Your
relationship
with Christ
informs and
directs your
relationship
with your
husband,
whether he's
walking in
obedience or
disobedience,
whether he's a
Christian or a
non-Christian,
whether he's
more mature
than you or
less mature
than you,
Christ leads
you on as
to the
Lord.
But,
you are not
to submit to
your husband
if he's
commanding you
to do
something that
God forbids
or forbidding
something that
God commands
you to do
because your
primary devotion
is to
Christ.
Get it?
Now,
here's where
things get
kind of brass
tacks.
If you are
a wife in
this kind of
situation,
that word
submit is a
really difficult
word to kind
of make fit
into a
situation when
there's difficulty
going on in
abuse.
So,
let me suggest
another biblical
word for the
role of life,
helper,
found in
Genesis chapter
2.
If your
husband is not
seeking your
welfare or is
doing your
harm,
the question that
you need to be
asking,
though it's
difficult to
ask in that
context,
is what does
it look like
for you to
help him in
the name of
Jesus even
though you're
being hurt?
And in
order to get
your head
around the
answer to
that question,
you need
help.
You need
wise,
compassionate
counsel.
And that's
why God has
provided godly
friends and
godly leaders.
If you're a
woman in
need of
help,
the elders
of this
church are
here to
help you.
We want
to do you
good.
We want
to provide
and protect
for you
within our
roles.
But if
you're a
woman in
this situation,
you need
to take a
courageous
step.
I know
there's shame.
I know
there's
disgrace.
I know
there's
embarrassment.
I know
there can
be threats.
But to
bring this
into the
light is
the way
to move
forward.
God,
we will
be unable
to help
you if
we don't
know.
We want
to know.
Wives,
your
relationship
to Christ
informs and
directs your
relationship to
your husband.
Next week,
we're going
to look at
God's call
on husbands.
It's a
call to
die.
Let's pray.
Jesus,
I am so
aware that
there are
potholes all
over the
place with
this.
God,
would you
bring the
truth of
your word
to bear
in our
hearts as
you see
fit.
God,
would you
pray for
sisters who
need help.
God,
bring them
help.
God,
thank you
for your
word.
Thank you,
God,
that you
speak right
into our
lives.
In Jesus'
name,
amen.