If you keep your Bibles open to Ephesians chapter 6 in particular,
that's where we'll be spending most of our time.
If you're visiting today, then you've joined us in the midst of a series
on gospel-shaped family.
We've looked at relationships and how we're called to actually live
with a gospel shape to our relationships in general.
Then we've gone and looked at fathers, or sorry, not fathers, husbands,
and then wives, and now children,
and that relationship between children and parents.
I want to say that it's an interesting thing to talk about relationships in this way
because when you split them up, I think in part,
one of the things that we want to do is we kind of want to think about
the commands that actually benefit us.
I don't know if you find this, but husbands, I found,
were particularly attentive to the talk about wives,
and wives about husbands.
Surprise, surprise.
Now, children, I'm sure, are very keen to hear what parents should be doing,
and parents are very keen that their kids today, of all days,
will not be colouring in or doing anything else
but listening completely to what we're saying.
Hey, Chelsea, yeah?
Watching you.
Yeah.
Man, it's the way we are, isn't it?
We do kind of focus on things in that way.
We look for the benefit in ourselves.
Friends, I want to share with you a story,
and hopefully it helps us start to open up what we should be doing.
You see, all of these commands benefit all of us,
and they're all commands that we should all be embracing for the goodness of them
because they're God's commands to us.
Do you remember when I was a child and thinking through my relationship with my father?
I remember as a child, I may have told some of you guys this story before,
but I had an older brother who was really, really good at cricket,
and he was so good at cricket that I couldn't lift.
I was quite small for my age, so I couldn't wield his bat.
I couldn't move it quick enough for the way he would bowl,
so I'd have to use a skinny little bat that made me even more at a disadvantage.
We'd play backyard cricket, and he'd bowl these balls,
and I could barely see them.
They were like a blur to me as a little kid.
And as I'd play cricket, I'd just be not wanting to be hit by the ball,
hoping that at some point the ball actually hit the bat,
and that I would last at least an over or so.
I couldn't get out first ball.
That was my one saving thing.
We had a rule.
You can't get out first ball.
But there was one time of the day when I actually enjoyed those cricket games,
and that was when my father got home.
You see, my father knew that there was an imbalance.
He could see what was going on.
And so what he would do is he'd actually come along.
He'd play with us for a little while,
and when it was my turn to bat, he'd come and help me.
And what he would do is, me as a little titchy little kid,
he'd lean over me and place his hands over my hands on the cricket bat.
And then, suddenly, what I had was the capacity of an adult
to actually engage in the game.
My father would anticipate my brother's bowling
and respond to it quicker than I could,
and with way more power than I could.
Sometimes, as he would see the ball coming,
he would just swing the bat so quickly and so hard
that he would lift me off my feet.
And as he pounded the ground,
as you do when you're waiting for the ball to come,
I could feel the vibration through my feet.
So much strength involved.
Now, friends, when that was happening,
when my father was leaning over me,
holding my hands and helping me to bat,
when I was scoring all of those runs,
who was it?
Who was it that was scoring those runs?
Who was it that was successfully batting?
Was it God?
Thinking in terms of our lives,
was it my father?
Or was it me?
I want to tell you, yes.
And when we apply this to God,
and when we think about our relationship with our parents,
I want you to think the same thing.
That as we approach this issue of parenting,
and as we think about who we are as God's precious children,
what we're seeing here is a picture of that dynamic unfolding
in our lives, in our relationships.
Father to childs.
Lending the strength.
Providing what we lack as children.
And enabling us to perform and to act in a way
that we never could on our own.
So with that in mind, with that image in mind,
let's actually sort of immerse ourselves in the passage here
and actually see how that unfolds.
See, Paul opens with a command to children.
He says,
Children, obey your parents.
Children, that is your immediate offspring.
It's not age or gender specific, this particular word.
And the implication in verse 4, at least,
is that they're still being shaped by the instruction of their parents.
Some of your parents will be saying,
well, when does that end?
John, you know.
You're still having to guide your children, don't you?
Yeah.
You're nodding.
They're nodding, by the way.
Yeah.
Good stuff.
Yeah.
Children, obey your parents.
Obey.
And this word obey means to pay attention to
with the intent of following their instruction.
It means to so value what your parents say.
To so value it that you seek their opinion.
You even ask for it.
And that when you do, you treat it as vital information.
And even as he speaks about this obeying your parents,
Paul kind of explodes out into the concept of,
or into the command of honouring your parents.
You see, Paul sees this concept of obedience
as just one application of the larger concept
of honouring our parents.
Where honour means to respect,
to hold in high regard.
In the original Hebrew,
this word had the sense of weight,
heaviness.
No fat jokes about your parents, kids.
Right?
But it's weight in the sense of worth.
This command to obey our parents
is a command to our hearts
to see them as worthy of our honour.
Our parents are to be precious to us.
Their words are to carry weight in our youth,
but to listen to them.
In their old age,
where to care for them.
Maybe some of you are thinking,
do you, does he know
how much my parents lecture me already?
And he's telling me to ask them to do it?
Friends, I'm saying a lot more than that.
I'm saying, ask your parents.
I'm saying, listen to their every word.
And I'm saying, love it.
Treat it like it's the best thing you've heard all day.
As they begin to speak to you,
be thinking, you know,
I was going to play some Xbox,
but this is way better.
Or, oh, look, on your phone,
you get your phone,
oh, look, my best friend,
my BFF has just messaged me.
Well, they can wait,
because this is way too important.
This is what's going on here.
This is what Paul is trying to say
to the children of the church in Ephesus.
Now, honouring your parents,
which involves obeying them,
is an important command.
It's so important that Paul makes this,
lets us know how important it is in two ways.
First, he says it's an act of worship.
And then he points out
how central it is to God's design.
So firstly, in verse 1, Paul says this,
Obey your parents in the Lord.
In the Lord, for this is right.
In the Lord?
Well, the act of obeying your parents,
this tells us,
is primarily an act of obedience to God.
It's an act of righteousness.
It's primarily an act of worship.
It gives the glory to God.
Obeying parents is right,
not because of first century social norms
or the desires of your parents
sitting next to you,
but because of our relationship
to God through Christ.
This command is a theological issue.
Now, some of you will be thinking,
does this mean we have to do everything they say?
No.
But be careful here
that you're not just looking for an excuse to rebel.
Take what your parents say.
Weigh it up.
See the value in it.
Apply their wisdom to your life.
And as you get older,
you'll become more independent in this process.
You'll learn to take the wisdom of their advice
and use it or set it aside,
given the circumstances.
But even when you set it aside,
see that you do it in a way that honours them,
that lifts them up
and shows how much you value them.
Friends, hearts tuned to worshipping God
will seek to obey their parents.
So first, it's an act of worship.
The second, it's central to God's design.
As I've already said,
Paul ties his command to obey
to the Ten Commandments.
And he does that in verse 2.
And he says this,
honour your father and mother,
which is the first command with a promise,
so that it may go well with you
and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.
Now, the Ten Commandments were important
in Israel's history.
They represented the commands
that Israel was to live by
as they entered into the Promised Lands.
Commands that the rest of the world would see.
And as they saw them,
they would know that the God of this people
was a good God.
But it was more than that.
It was commands that taught God's people
what they had forgotten,
which was how to be truly human
as God had originally designed us to be.
So the fact that
if this is what the Ten Commandments do
and that this command is actually in the top ten,
that's a big deal.
And then within these Ten Commandments,
it's the first horizontal commandments.
The first four are vertical,
and you can look them up in Exodus 20.
The first four relate to how we relate to God.
And then this command to honour your parents.
The first command that guides us
to understanding what it means
to be truly human,
and it relates to children and parents.
Why is this important?
Well,
first because it restores the family unit
to what it was intended to be.
And then,
as it restores the family,
the family begins to show us something of God again.
To reveal God's relationship to his beloved children.
To reveal God's glory.
There's no stronger image than family in the Bible
in terms of relationship between God and his people.
And so as family is restored,
so is our understanding of who God is.
That's why this command has a promise attached to us.
Friends, our parents are to be precious to us.
They're words that carry weight.
In our youth, we are to listen to them.
And in their old age,
we're to care for them.
Friends, Paul doesn't finish there.
He goes on to address the way parents care for their children.
And if children are to obey their parents,
parents are to actually say something worth obeying.
They're to lead their children in the Lord.
In verse 4, Paul explains it.
He says this,
I've said it out on their PowerPoint, if you can see it.
It's a not-but argument.
Not provoking to anger on the one hand,
but training in the Lord on the other.
As we go into this verse,
and it begins with fathers,
and the word there is fathers in Greek,
but it's likely to mean parents.
In verses 1 to 3, we've already seen,
actually refer to parents.
The commands and the words are actually all related to parents.
The fifth commandment refers to parents.
And in Greek, fathers can actually be used as a collective for parents.
So it makes sense to take the word this way.
So parents, don't provoke to anger.
We're provoking to anger,
or some of your passages,
versions might have a different word.
Is there a different word in yours?
Anyone got the N-A-V?
Yep.
Exasperate.
There we go.
Thanks, Harry.
Exasperate.
Yeah.
Anger.
Enrage.
Is what it means.
Now, anger's not always bad,
but this idea of provoking someone to anger,
that is bad.
In chapter 4, verse 26,
Paul acknowledges anger,
but promotes control and the speedy resolution of it.
He says, don't let the sun go down on your anger.
And in chapter 4, verse 31,
Paul condemns unresolved anger.
He says,
get rid of all bitterness,
rage and anger,
brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice,
where bitterness is anger that's left to ferment.
Rage is anger out of control.
Brawling and slander are anger that seeks to harm.
And malice is a heart.
It's set on harming another.
Parents,
provoking your children to anger
is winding them up
and setting them in the direction of harming others.
This kind of anger breaks down relationships,
community.
So,
in this,
in those verses,
so in chapter 4, verse 31,
this kind of anger,
this kind of uncontrolled anger,
is placed in contrast,
on the other hand,
to grace
and kindness.
In our passage,
it's contrasted
with discipline
and instruction.
Now,
there's an important point
to be made here.
To borrow a phrase
that I learned from Andrew,
Andrew Wilco,
this week.
Parents,
you have your hand
on the thermostat.
You control the temperature.
Parents,
you have the authority,
but how are you using it?
You have the mature brain.
You have the maturity,
the stability,
the capacity
to control yourself.
You are there
to provide this stability
for your children
as they grow.
Children can be rebellious
beyond reason at times.
They're going through
a lot of changes
as they mature.
It's not easy
to exist in their bodies.
Their brains
don't reach maturity
until the age of 25.
Did you know that?
Their bodies
are coursing with hormones
that aren't familiar
to them.
Desires and impulses
that they haven't yet
learned to control.
I'm sure,
well,
I remember the experience.
I'm sure you do too.
And yet parents
so often say,
look,
we're doing the best
we can,
but it's my child
that's the problem.
He or she
is so immature.
Parents,
that's exactly
why we are there.
So,
given that truth,
what is your
disposition?
What is your attitude?
What is your action
when they lose control?
Do you seek
to guide them
through it?
That's our job.
Not engaging with them
in fights and battles,
guiding them
through it.
not provoking
to anger,
but promoting
the instruction
of the Lord.
Remember,
this is a not,
but argument.
Again,
I'll remind you,
he says it like this,
fathers do not
provoke your children
to anger,
but bring them up
in the discipline
of the Lord,
instruction of the Lord.
Not provoking
to anger,
but promoting
godliness.
Bring them up,
raised to maturity.
It includes
providing all
the nourishment
and care
a person needs
to grow.
It's a word
with a warm,
nurturing tone
to it.
But remember this,
it's in the discipline
and instruction
of the Lord.
Not into your hopes
and dreams
for your child,
but God's.
Do I need
to say this?
If it's not
in the Bible,
it's not
as important
as you think
it is.
You know,
we have a tendency
to impose
our values
and expectations
on our children.
We want them
to achieve
at school.
We'll introduce
them to our sports,
our hobbies,
our interests.
We want our kids
to be attractive,
successful,
admired.
We want our children
to bring us
a reputation.
But as much
as you value
these things
and as much
as you seek
to promote them,
if it's not
about godliness,
if it's not
about the discipline
and instruction
of the Lord,
then it doesn't
make God's list
of importance.
Frankly,
it just isn't
that important.
in raising
a child
to maturity.
What is important?
The discipline
and instruction
of the Lord.
Discipline,
to train
in the proper
rules of behaviour.
Instruction,
to impart
understanding,
wisdom,
knowledge.
In terms
of explaining
these,
think,
for example,
think boundaries.
You know
how your child
struggles to know
what is right.
So teach them.
Explain what's
appropriate,
what's inappropriate.
Help them
to understand.
Think boundaries.
Think self-discipline.
You know
your child,
well,
they struggle
with their emotions.
You've seen that.
You see what happens
when they fall over
and the wellspring
of emotions
that bursts out.
you probably
have already
noticed
that your reaction
to them
in that time
either feeds
that or
calms it down.
So teach
your children
to express
emotions appropriately.
Explain what
their emotions
are for.
Show them
how to express
emotion in a way
that reflects
God's character.
Model
how to control
impulses.
man,
how can we
do that
as parents
if we're
just so
ill-disciplined
ourselves
that we're
just responding
to every
impulse and
thought and
emotion that
comes into
our minds.
Think
self-discipline
and think
knowledge.
Parents,
your lives
are lived
with the benefit
of mature
brains.
So help
your children
where they
lack.
Share your
knowledge with
them.
Think
knowledge.
But above
all,
think gospel.
Above all
these things,
show them
the gospel.
Ground
them in
God's love
for them.
That love
far surpasses
your love
for your
children,
no matter
how much
you think
you love
your children.
So teach
them how
to apply
this gospel
to their
lives.
Loving,
forgiving,
seeking
forgiveness,
delighting
in their
Lord.
In all
of this,
parents,
it's a
time-consuming
and challenging
task.
Because we
actually need
to know
our children
so well
that we
know exactly
what to
speak into
their lives.
So well
that we
know when
a soft
word is
needed,
when a
boundary
needs to
be enforced.
when you
just need
to stop
and put
your arm
around them
and when
you need
to speak
words of
grace into
their lives,
always
modeled on
your heavenly
father's love
for you.
This kind
of relationship
with our
children takes
time to
develop.
But friends,
there's nothing
more important
that you
can be
doing with
your time.
You say
I'm time
poor,
work demands,
when I get
home I'm
tired.
Friends,
if that's a
problem,
parents,
fathers,
if that's a
problem,
change jobs.
Get a job
with less
time involvement.
Get a job
that leaves
you with
the reserves
that you
need to
bring your
A game
to your
family,
not what's
left at
the end
of each
day.
Parents,
raise your
children so
that when
you introduce
your children
to their
heavenly father
it's perceived
as a good
thing.
Not,
oh no,
another parent,
but wow,
God's my
father too?
And you
say,
no,
no child,
he's your
true father.
He's the
one I've
been representing
all along.
he's the
one I've
wanted to
introduce you
to all
your life.
Children,
obey your
parents.
Parents,
lead your
children in
the Lord.
Let me
pray.
Amen.
Father God,
even as I
say these
words,
I know
there are
so many
ways that
I fail
at this.
I'm a
poor
reflection of
your
character.
And I
think as
parents here,
we know the
truth of that
ourselves.
As children
here, we know
that our
parents too
have failed
us in so
many different
ways.
Some of us
here, our
parents have
failed us so
badly that we
just cringe
from the
thought and
the analogy
of you being
like our
Father, our
Heavenly
Father.
But Lord, I
pray that
we as a
group of
people who
have come
to know and
love you as
our Lord and
Saviour would
see the
goodness of
this command.
Primarily
because we
see the
overwhelming
goodness of
you.
and that
as parents
we'd be
inspired
afresh to
reflect your
goodness in
the lives of
our families.
And as
children, Lord,
we'd be
inspired to
entrust
ourselves to
your care as
we seek to
honour our
parents.
We pray
these things in
Jesus' name.
Amen.