WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.320 Good morning, church. We are continuing our series in 1 Peter today, and our text is chapter 3, 00:00:08.519 --> 00:00:17.539 verses 1 through 7. That's page 954 in the Pew Bible. Let me encourage you to open one of the 00:00:17.539 --> 00:00:21.679 Bibles. We will have the passage on the screen, but let me encourage you to open one of the Bibles 00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:27.080 because this morning we're going to be looking at a couple of other key texts across Scripture 00:00:27.079 --> 00:00:34.399 that will help us to better understand what Peter is saying here. I wonder if you've ever had the 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:40.500 experience of walking into a room and stumbling into the middle of a conversation. This happened 00:00:40.500 --> 00:00:47.539 to me the other day, and I heard one of my kids say, go hang a salami. I'm a lasagna hog. 00:00:49.239 --> 00:00:56.840 And I thought, what? Go hang a salami. I'm a lasagna hog. I mean, I agree that lasagna is delicious. 00:00:57.679 --> 00:01:02.879 But what's so bad about salami? Well, it turns out my kids weren't talking about foods they really 00:01:02.879 --> 00:01:08.239 liked or disliked. They were talking about palindromes, words or phrases that are spelled 00:01:08.239 --> 00:01:14.239 the same forwards and backwards. And as it turns out, go hang a salami. I'm a lasagna hog is actually 00:01:14.239 --> 00:01:20.359 spelled the same forwards and backwards. I don't know who actually figured that out, but it's pretty 00:01:20.359 --> 00:01:28.340 funny. Now, okay, 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7 is not a palindrome, but it can feel a bit like walking 00:01:28.340 --> 00:01:33.739 into the middle of a conversation, except that what we first overhear strikes us not as silly, 00:01:33.739 --> 00:01:40.619 but as offensive. In what we're about to read, Peter is giving specific instructions to husbands 00:01:40.619 --> 00:01:46.319 and wives. But in order to understand what he means and how it applies to us today, 00:01:46.839 --> 00:01:53.340 we have to get the context of the broader biblical conversation. This context that starts in Genesis 1 00:01:53.340 --> 00:01:59.359 and 2 and runs through the gospel and ends in the new creation. Then we can come back to Peter's 00:01:59.359 --> 00:02:05.380 specific context and see what he's really saying to his beloved friends and how to live for Jesus in 00:02:05.380 --> 00:02:11.900 the context of their marriages. So I'm going to read 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7. Then we'll step back and 00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:17.080 consider context. And then we'll return to Peter and see if we can understand a bit better what Peter 00:02:17.080 --> 00:02:23.720 has to say to us today. So look with me at 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7. Peter writes this. He says, 00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:29.380 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, 00:02:29.760 --> 00:02:35.040 they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure 00:02:35.040 --> 00:02:41.060 conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold 00:02:41.060 --> 00:02:45.380 jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart 00:02:45.379 --> 00:02:50.919 with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 00:02:52.280 --> 00:02:56.519 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their 00:02:56.519 --> 00:03:03.259 own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good 00:03:03.259 --> 00:03:08.960 and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:15.300 understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs, 00:03:15.379 --> 00:03:22.280 with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Okay, let's pray. 00:03:23.859 --> 00:03:30.079 Father, help us today to understand what you have for us in your word. Clear away, God, 00:03:30.120 --> 00:03:35.859 the false misunderstandings and misapplications, and help us hear your life-giving voice afresh in this 00:03:35.859 --> 00:03:42.780 text. For Jesus' sake, amen. Amen. So I mentioned that in order to understand what Peter says here, 00:03:42.780 --> 00:03:46.759 we have to take a look at the broader biblical conversation about marriage across Scripture. 00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:54.120 But before we even do that, I want to express some sorrow as we begin today. Because the reality is, 00:03:54.159 --> 00:04:01.599 is that in the history of the church, texts like this have been misused and abused to prop up false, 00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:09.400 sinful, and destructive views of women, of men, of marriage, and of God. And these false, 00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:14.760 sinful, destructive views aren't just in the far past, but some of them in our recent day. 00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:20.579 Some of you here maybe have been in churches or have read books that justified unhealthy and ungodly 00:04:20.579 --> 00:04:26.220 and unbiblical views of women and men, of marriage, and of God on the basis of texts like these. 00:04:26.780 --> 00:04:32.720 And I want to say publicly on behalf of the elders here that we are opposed with every fiber of our being 00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:40.160 to any form of toxic masculinity or patriarchy or supposed headship and submission where women are 00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:46.220 abused, demeaned, or objectified by men. But I want to say something personally too. 00:04:46.220 --> 00:04:58.200 This is a subject that is not just a theoretical one for me. 00:05:01.160 --> 00:05:06.960 Now, I don't often get super personal in front of you all while I'm preaching because ultimately 00:05:06.960 --> 00:05:11.800 I'll cry like a baby, as I'm going to start doing right now. But I want you to think ultimately in 00:05:11.800 --> 00:05:15.700 these moments of preaching, and I know Matt shares this, you know, ultimately we want you not to think 00:05:15.699 --> 00:05:19.779 about us, but to think about God and what God says in His Word. So, you know, we don't often get like 00:05:19.779 --> 00:05:30.219 super-duper transparent. But, you know, on this topic of women and men in marriage, this is one that 00:05:30.219 --> 00:05:36.039 hits pretty close to home for me because, not just because I'm married, and not just because I have 00:05:36.039 --> 00:05:41.060 a daughter and two sons who God might call one day to be married, but because I personally know what 00:05:41.060 --> 00:05:50.100 it's like when marriages are destroyed by abuse and harm. When I was a toddler, my parents' marriage 00:05:50.100 --> 00:05:58.800 was ended because of those things. My mother had to separate and divorce my father, so she had to 00:05:58.800 --> 00:06:04.480 remove herself and her three young boys from a toxic marriage and a destructive relationship. 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:09.879 And I'm actually very proud of my mother for her courage in doing that. 00:06:12.080 --> 00:06:18.240 So, this is a personal topic for me because I've seen the effects and the pain firsthand of a 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:25.439 destructive marriage. And in this church, we will do our best to teach God's Word rightly and faithfully 00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:32.680 and to stand with those who are oppressed and abused. Now, by God's grace, He used my mother's 00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:38.459 courage and the ending of my parents' marriage to actually convict my father of his sin and to lead 00:06:38.459 --> 00:06:45.639 him to Christ. My parents didn't get back together, but they both remarried, and they went on to have 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:53.120 healthy godly marriages. Not perfect by any means, but by His grace, God took what was broken and made 00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:59.060 something new. He restored the years that the locust had eaten, as the prophet Joel says. 00:06:59.060 --> 00:07:07.560 So, this is a topic that I think is very real and very personal, not just for me, but I know it is 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:13.959 for all of us. So, with that being said, we want to come to Peter's text this morning, acknowledging 00:07:13.959 --> 00:07:18.939 that, but also putting it into broader biblical context so we can actually hear what Peter is 00:07:18.939 --> 00:07:25.360 saying through all of the noise that there has been in the history of the church. So, let's take a look 00:07:25.360 --> 00:07:31.699 then at this broader biblical picture of marriage, this broader picture of marriage that was created 00:07:31.699 --> 00:07:37.500 by this God who is on the side of the oppressed and who can make things new. And that story starts 00:07:37.500 --> 00:07:45.000 right in Genesis chapter 1. So, turn with me in the Pew Bible, you guessed it, to page 1. 00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:51.759 Page 1 of your Bible, and we're going to pick up in verse 26. Now, the last couple of weeks, 00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:57.219 Matt has put some verses on the screen, but we're just going to look at them because there's only a 00:07:57.219 --> 00:08:02.879 handful, and I want us to just see them for ourselves right in the Scriptures. So, Genesis 00:08:02.879 --> 00:08:10.420 chapter 1, let me read verses 26 and 28. Okay, then God said, let us make man, or humanity, in our image, 00:08:10.680 --> 00:08:15.240 after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, 00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:19.519 and over the livestock, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. 00:08:19.519 --> 00:08:25.039 So, God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created them. Male and female, 00:08:25.259 --> 00:08:30.579 he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill 00:08:30.579 --> 00:08:34.679 the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, 00:08:34.740 --> 00:08:42.399 and over every living thing that moves on the earth. Now, okay, Genesis 1, verse 1, through Genesis 2, 00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:48.120 verse 3, is like a symphonic kind of introduction to the whole of Scripture. It's this kind of set piece, 00:08:48.120 --> 00:08:53.960 exalting God as the creator, and sustainer, and king of all things. And at the pinnacle of God's 00:08:53.960 --> 00:09:01.659 creative work, God makes humanity, male and female, in his own image. And now notice from this text that 00:09:01.659 --> 00:09:08.820 both men and women share equally in being image bearers of God. They are equally, in this text, 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:13.000 blessed by God, and they share equally in the mission that God gives to humanity. 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:19.740 So everything that the Bible will say about women and men starts here. It starts here, 00:09:19.779 --> 00:09:27.039 and it never leaves it behind. In dignity, in worth, in mission, in purpose, both men and women 00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:33.919 are co-regents with the king, his image bearers on earth. Now, think about how radical that would 00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:40.080 have sounded in the ancient world, where men and women were not viewed as equals. But the Bible begins 00:09:40.080 --> 00:09:45.700 by telling us the true story of men and women, and by casting a vision that honors and dignifies both 00:09:45.700 --> 00:09:52.840 in the highest possible way. Okay, that's where we begin. Now turn to Genesis chapter 2. After this 00:09:52.840 --> 00:09:59.560 kind of symphonic introduction, the story begins. And the story begins by describing not just the first 00:09:59.560 --> 00:10:05.259 sort of human couple, but also the first human marriage. After creating the man and putting him in 00:10:05.259 --> 00:10:10.860 the garden, after explaining to this man the mission that God has for humanity to work and to keep the 00:10:10.860 --> 00:10:16.379 garden, that is to bring out all of its creative potential to be sort of culture shapers and formers 00:10:16.379 --> 00:10:22.500 to the glory of God, God says this in verse 18. Then the Lord God said, it's not good that the man 00:10:22.500 --> 00:10:27.240 should be alone. I will make a helper fit for him. Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:30.899 beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call 00:10:30.899 --> 00:10:35.559 them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to 00:10:35.559 --> 00:10:39.179 all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and every beast of the field, but for Adam there was 00:10:39.179 --> 00:10:44.120 not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while 00:10:44.120 --> 00:10:48.959 he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had 00:10:48.959 --> 00:10:54.500 taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said, this at last is bone 00:10:54.500 --> 00:10:59.579 of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. 00:10:59.580 --> 00:11:04.020 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall 00:11:04.020 --> 00:11:09.560 become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Now this verse, 00:11:09.940 --> 00:11:14.040 Genesis 2, 24, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, 00:11:14.060 --> 00:11:18.400 and they shall become one flesh. That becomes the kind of key verse about marriage in the whole Bible. 00:11:18.820 --> 00:11:22.980 Jesus will come back to it when clarifying what marriage is all about. The apostles will come back 00:11:22.980 --> 00:11:27.300 to it when unpacking what marriage is all about. But I want to point out a misunderstanding that can 00:11:27.299 --> 00:11:32.240 sometimes distort what the Bible is really saying about men and women in marriage. And that's found 00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:38.799 in verses 18 and verse 20 in a little word translated helper. Now I don't know about you, 00:11:39.199 --> 00:11:45.039 but the word helper in my ears doesn't really sound all that great, right? I remember when I was a kid, 00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:49.500 and I would sometimes get to be my stepdad's helper when he worked on our cars. I was actually really 00:11:49.500 --> 00:11:53.799 helpful about that because I actually learned a couple things. But to be his helper pretty much meant 00:11:53.799 --> 00:11:58.000 that like I held the flashlight and handed him the screwdrivers, right? While he did the real work. 00:11:58.740 --> 00:12:09.139 I got to be the helper. Ah, okay. But the Hebrew word for helper, ezer, it means nothing of that sort. 00:12:10.099 --> 00:12:13.639 In fact, you know, in the rest of the Old Testament, the word ezer is used most often of 00:12:13.639 --> 00:12:23.740 God himself. God is Israel's helper in the sense that he comes with strength to Israel in their hour 00:12:23.740 --> 00:12:28.960 of need, to supply what they lack, to accomplish what they cannot do on their own. 00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:38.279 God gives humanity a mission in Genesis 2, and Adam cannot complete it on his own. For the first 00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:43.100 time in Genesis, right there, we're told that something is not good. After a whole symphonic 00:12:43.100 --> 00:12:47.840 introduction of saying everything is good, we're told something's not good. Adam, it's not good that 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:56.280 he's alone. You know, a better sort of translation maybe of this word ezer might be strong ally. 00:12:57.080 --> 00:13:01.820 One who brings their gifts, their strengths, their powers to accomplish together what you could not 00:13:01.820 --> 00:13:09.440 alone. And that means whatever the rest of the Bible has to say about marriage, women are not 00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:16.560 inferior to men. They are different. There is a beautiful diversity between the sexes, 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:25.279 but there is no inferiority. So here's what Genesis 1 and 2 say about men and women as a background to 00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:35.359 marriage. There's dignity, there's diversity, but there's no inferiority. Dignity and diversity without 00:13:35.359 --> 00:13:43.619 inferiority. Now, okay, there's a lot more we could say about Genesis 1 and 2. And after the service 00:13:43.620 --> 00:13:46.539 today, we're going to have a Q&A afterwards, a good discussion time down in the lower level 00:13:46.539 --> 00:13:49.740 meeting room. So I'm sure you'll all have like a bazillion questions about what we talk about this 00:13:49.740 --> 00:13:52.960 morning. Come downstairs and we'll have a good conversation together. There's a lot more we 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:56.620 could say about Genesis 1 and 2. But for the sake of time, I want to jump ahead to the New Testament. 00:13:57.179 --> 00:14:02.960 We could stop at a number of places in the Gospels where Jesus talks about that key verse, Genesis 2 24. 00:14:03.340 --> 00:14:07.440 But I want to jump all the way into the New Testament letters, all the way to the book of 00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:15.560 Ephesians chapter 5. And that's page 919 in the Pew Bible, 919. And I want to jump into verse 31. 00:14:16.980 --> 00:14:22.480 Ephesians 5 verse 31. This is the Apostle Paul talking about marriage. And you'll notice he brings 00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:29.440 up that key verse from Genesis again, Genesis 2 24. Ephesians 5 verse 31, page 919. I think it's 00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:34.120 actually all the way down in that right-hand column if you're looking at a Pew Bible. Paul picks up, 00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:38.120 he says, quoting Genesis, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his 00:14:38.120 --> 00:14:44.600 wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, Paul says. And I'm saying 00:14:44.600 --> 00:14:54.440 that it refers to Christ in the church. So what is marriage, the Apostle's asking us? Well, according 00:14:54.440 --> 00:15:01.560 to Genesis 2 24, it's a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman. They leave, they hold fast or cleave 00:15:01.559 --> 00:15:09.259 and become one flesh. But what's it really all about? Paul's asking us. Is it for companionship? 00:15:09.339 --> 00:15:15.919 Well, yes. Is it for procreation? Well, yes. But is that all? What's it really all about? 00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:24.179 Well, Paul says, look long enough. Stare down into the depths of this clear ocean water, 00:15:24.179 --> 00:15:31.819 and you'll see a profound mystery. And by mystery, Paul doesn't mean a sort of riddle that you can't 00:15:31.819 --> 00:15:38.799 figure out. He means something that was hidden, but now is coming to light. A surprise that was there 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:45.859 all along, but only now in the light of the gospel can we truly see it. And the mystery is that marriage 00:15:45.860 --> 00:15:54.680 all along has been about Christ and the church. When a man and a woman in their dignity and diversity 00:15:54.680 --> 00:16:02.259 without any inferiority enter into a lifelong covenant, it refers to, Paul says, it's a picture, 00:16:02.500 --> 00:16:11.580 it's a sign, it's a display of Christ and the church. Imagine that. When God instituted marriage 00:16:11.580 --> 00:16:16.980 all the way back in Genesis chapter 2, that's what it was about the whole time. 00:16:19.500 --> 00:16:25.320 Imagine we're in sort of a great hall, as it were. You know, it's filled with men and women, 00:16:25.780 --> 00:16:30.680 and there's talking, and there's laughter, and there's mutuality, and there's camaraderie. 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:35.720 And then the music strikes up. A string quartet plays, and the dance floor opens. 00:16:35.720 --> 00:16:45.840 What is marriage? Marriage is when a man and a woman come together, step out onto the floor 00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:52.420 with their full dignity and diversity, and they begin a dance that displays to the world 00:16:52.420 --> 00:17:01.060 Christ and the church. That's marriage. But what does this dance look like? How do they do it? 00:17:01.059 --> 00:17:07.779 Well, listen to what Paul says in verse 25 of Ephesians chapter 5. What are the dance steps? 00:17:10.619 --> 00:17:17.139 525. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 00:17:17.579 --> 00:17:21.440 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:25.899 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, 00:17:26.139 --> 00:17:30.599 that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as 00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:36.059 their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, 00:17:36.099 --> 00:17:41.980 but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 00:17:43.399 --> 00:17:49.319 So the husband in this dance, according to Paul, represents Christ. What does that mean? 00:17:50.379 --> 00:17:55.839 Well, it means that he leads the dance, but how? He does it by laying down his life, 00:17:55.839 --> 00:18:02.919 by giving himself up so that his wife might flourish. Do you remember Jesus in the Gospels? 00:18:03.259 --> 00:18:09.819 He took all his authority and dignity, and what did he do with it? He washed his disciples' feet, 00:18:10.299 --> 00:18:12.959 and then he went to the cross to give his life as our ransom. 00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:20.460 And so husbands lay down their lives. They make it their aim to give themselves up so that their 00:18:20.460 --> 00:18:27.600 wives might truly flourish, just like Christ did for the church. Now listen to what Paul says to wives 00:18:27.600 --> 00:18:33.500 in this dance of marriage. Verse 22, wives, submit to your husbands, submit to your own husbands, 00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:38.400 as to the Lord. That is, Paul's saying, you're worshiping the Lord. Now out of that worship of the 00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:43.380 Lord, here's the dance step. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of 00:18:43.380 --> 00:18:48.580 the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives 00:18:48.580 --> 00:18:55.360 should submit in everything to their husbands. Okay, now, if you're like me, the word submit just 00:18:55.360 --> 00:18:59.560 rubs you in all the wrong ways, right? Can we just sort of agree to that this morning? We don't like 00:18:59.560 --> 00:19:05.840 the word submission. And I think because submission just sort of carries with it all of these overtones of 00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:12.740 subjection and rule and becoming less of a person and all of these sort of things. But remember, 00:19:13.179 --> 00:19:19.059 when Paul's using this word here, it's being defined within the dance of the gospel. 00:19:20.439 --> 00:19:27.099 The wife is an azer, a strong ally. She doesn't come to this dance in weakness or inferiority, but in 00:19:27.099 --> 00:19:33.959 strength. And the headship of the husband is defined here, not as some sort of absolute rule of a despot or 00:19:33.960 --> 00:19:40.319 some military commander. No. How does Paul define headship? Headship's defined by the caring love of 00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:45.420 our Savior. Paul says the husband is the head of the wife. But how? Even as Christ is the head of the 00:19:45.420 --> 00:19:52.100 church, his body, and is himself its Savior. So submission here does not mean some sort of 00:19:52.100 --> 00:19:59.160 unthinking obedience to a husband's rule. No, no, no, no, no. Rather, it looks more like 00:19:59.160 --> 00:20:05.940 the grateful acceptance of his care, an honoring of his Christ-like lead in the dance. 00:20:07.300 --> 00:20:12.560 And this kind of submission is not forced, but it's freely given. It's given in love. It's given 00:20:12.560 --> 00:20:18.380 in strength. Now, there are a lot of things that submission does not mean, right? Submission does not 00:20:18.380 --> 00:20:23.220 mean that wives give sort of unflinching sort of deference to their husbands and everything. 00:20:23.700 --> 00:20:28.840 Submission does not mean that, you know, you don't talk about decisions and you don't disagree with each 00:20:28.839 --> 00:20:34.740 other. Submission contains all of those things because you're strong allies. But it does mean in 00:20:34.740 --> 00:20:40.619 this dance of marriage that there is a loving yielding, a kind of grateful acceptance of that 00:20:40.619 --> 00:20:48.439 care along which this particular dance of marriage works. But keep in mind, all of this grows out of 00:20:48.439 --> 00:20:56.379 the mutuality of joint image bearers. Brothers and sisters in Christ, co-heirs of the kingdom, 00:20:56.380 --> 00:21:01.060 freedom. You don't leave behind the fact that you're brothers and sisters in Christ first. 00:21:03.660 --> 00:21:08.140 And it should be said that there's a lot of freedom about how this dance sort of works itself 00:21:08.140 --> 00:21:12.560 out in practice, right? Isn't it interesting when we come to a text like this, we have all sorts of 00:21:12.560 --> 00:21:16.120 questions. What about this? What about this? What about this? How do I do this? How do I do that? 00:21:16.280 --> 00:21:22.120 And you know what? The New Testament is pretty silent about that. It gives us some basic dance 00:21:22.119 --> 00:21:29.859 steps and then says, go, work it out together in community. As the husband leads in sacrifice, 00:21:30.259 --> 00:21:35.779 as the wife submits in strength, the actual steps might look a lot different from marriage to marriage. 00:21:36.659 --> 00:21:42.899 And God, I think, delights to see his gospel, this picture of Christ in the church, kind of reflected 00:21:42.899 --> 00:21:49.359 and refracted in all the beautiful distinctions of each particular couple. You know, for some of us, 00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:56.519 it might look like a waltz. For others of us, it might look like a breakdance. And that's okay, right? 00:21:59.659 --> 00:22:04.059 Okay, now that's the biblical background. That's the biblical kind of conversation, as it were, 00:22:04.279 --> 00:22:10.139 when we step into the room of 1 Peter 3. So let's turn back to page 954 in the Pew Bible. 00:22:11.379 --> 00:22:16.299 954. With that kind of biblical understanding of marriage in mind, let's hear what Peter has to say. 00:22:16.299 --> 00:22:22.539 And the first thing we notice is that Peter is applying all of what we just talked about to a 00:22:22.539 --> 00:22:30.000 particular situation. And that situation is, what do you do when your spouse is not a believer? 00:22:32.159 --> 00:22:38.639 Peter's writing first in verses 1 through 6 to wives, wives whose husbands do not obey the Word. 00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:45.019 And remember, for Peter, obeying the Word is how he talks about conversion to Christ. We've seen that a 00:22:45.019 --> 00:22:49.839 number of times in 1 Peter, that the way Peter talks about becoming a Christian and giving your life 00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:55.759 to Christ, he says that's obedience to the Word. So he's talking to wives whose husbands are not 00:22:55.759 --> 00:23:03.099 followers of Jesus. What should they do? These husbands don't know anything about the dance of 00:23:03.099 --> 00:23:08.759 marriage around the gospel. Most of them probably, you know, some of them, many of them maybe don't even 00:23:08.759 --> 00:23:14.619 believe in the basic biblical truth of male and female dignity and diversity without any inferiority. 00:23:15.539 --> 00:23:21.819 What should these wives do? Having come to faith in Jesus, having learned these wonderful things, 00:23:22.259 --> 00:23:27.160 are all bets off for them? Should they leave the marriage altogether? 00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:37.400 Well, remember what Peter's thesis is for this part of the letter, back in chapter 2, verses 11 and 12. 00:23:38.019 --> 00:23:39.660 In verse 12, he says, 00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:46.860 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, 00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:51.019 they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. 00:23:51.019 --> 00:23:59.519 Okay, how do wives do that in marriage to an unbeliever? Peter says, 00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:08.299 As best you can, stay in the dance. Be subject to your own husbands. And the word there is actually 00:24:08.299 --> 00:24:13.819 submit, the same one that Paul uses in Ephesians 5. Bring your strengths to the marriage and gratefully 00:24:13.819 --> 00:24:20.639 accept his care as best you can. Now, obviously, there are some very clear things that submission 00:24:20.640 --> 00:24:26.700 does not mean. And we see all of these right here in 1 Peter, right? You know, submission cannot mean 00:24:26.700 --> 00:24:30.660 just agreeing with your husband about everything, right? Because fundamentally, these wives do not 00:24:30.660 --> 00:24:36.240 disagree with their husbands about everything, correct? Right? Of course, if a husband tells you 00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:40.480 wives to do something that God forbids, or if he tells you to stop doing that something God commands, 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:47.540 then you must obey God and not another human. And of course, if there is abuse in the marriage, 00:24:47.539 --> 00:24:55.139 wives have every right to separate, find a safe place, and seek help from all the necessary 00:24:55.139 --> 00:25:02.779 authorities. Peter is not condoning or excusing or giving any leeway for any kind of abuse in marriage. 00:25:04.879 --> 00:25:10.619 But with those things clearly in mind, Peter is saying, as much as you're able, stay in the dance. 00:25:10.619 --> 00:25:18.379 Respect him, honor him, gladly receive his care. And as you do this, Peter says, 00:25:19.099 --> 00:25:27.239 God can use it as a means to win him for Christ. Perhaps you've had this experience. 00:25:28.659 --> 00:25:33.879 You've shared Christ with your unbelieving spouse. You've done your best to tell them the good news 00:25:33.880 --> 00:25:40.720 about who Jesus is and what he's done. But maybe they don't want to hear it. Maybe they've even 00:25:40.720 --> 00:25:49.660 ridiculed you for it. If that's the case, Peter says, then let your life speak. Let them see your 00:25:49.660 --> 00:25:57.240 conduct that is pure and respectful, as verse 2 says. And the word respectful there most likely refers 00:25:57.240 --> 00:26:03.180 not to just, not to respecting the husband, actually, but to respecting God. It's amazing. 00:26:03.420 --> 00:26:08.700 Almost every commentator I read says when Peter says respectful conduct, he means respect God. 00:26:09.220 --> 00:26:17.259 That's your conduct. So, Peter is saying, God is first in your life. And as you live a life that 00:26:17.259 --> 00:26:25.440 honors God, as you worship God above all else, that will be your greatest witness to your unbelieving 00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:34.299 spouse who doesn't want to hear it anymore. Of course, none of that is easy, is it? Being married 00:26:34.299 --> 00:26:42.539 to an unbelieving spouse is a painful and complicated road. You know, maybe you pray for years, but their 00:26:42.539 --> 00:26:50.740 heart is still hard, and you get tired, and you feel alone. If that is you today, listen to God's words 00:26:50.740 --> 00:26:58.039 of comfort. Psalm 34, verse 18 says, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and he saves the crushed in spirit. 00:26:59.299 --> 00:27:06.779 Your Lord has promised to be your God, to never leave you or forsake you, and he will continue to carry you 00:27:06.779 --> 00:27:09.339 and care for you no matter what. 00:27:09.339 --> 00:27:17.220 So, be strengthened and be comforted by the Lord's word to you today as you walk this hard road. 00:27:19.379 --> 00:27:25.519 But there are some dangers on the road. Mary Wilson Hanna, who's a theologian and an author, 00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:32.059 I recently read an essay of hers on this passage of 1 Peter, and she says that, you know, what Peter's 00:27:32.059 --> 00:27:36.339 talking about here or addressing here are some temptations that can crop up along the way. 00:27:36.339 --> 00:27:43.359 And the first temptation, she says, is the temptation to be distracted by the external and the material. 00:27:44.699 --> 00:27:50.179 In verses 3 and 4 of our text, Peter reminds his readers not to find their adornment in what they 00:27:50.179 --> 00:27:59.419 wear, but rather in their increasing Christ-likeness. Now, in these verses, Peter isn't saying that fashion 00:27:59.419 --> 00:28:05.480 or clothing or combing your hair is necessarily evil or bad, right? If that were the case, if Peter said, 00:28:05.480 --> 00:28:09.880 don't let your adornment be the things you wear, that would make for very awkward church services, 00:28:10.039 --> 00:28:16.000 right? Okay, so he's not saying that clothing or fashion or looking nice or taking care of yourself 00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:20.819 is bad. What's he talking about? Well, we know what he's talking about. He's saying, don't make that 00:28:20.819 --> 00:28:30.759 your identity because that's not what truly adorns you. It's not where real beauty or strength is found. 00:28:30.759 --> 00:28:37.960 Rather, it's found in being formed more and more in the character of Christ. 00:28:39.180 --> 00:28:46.779 A gentle and quiet spirit, he says. And you know that that gentle and quiet spirit, where does Peter 00:28:46.779 --> 00:28:55.660 get that from? The Lord Jesus. In Matthew 11, 28, or excuse me, 11, 29, our Lord says, 00:28:55.660 --> 00:29:02.660 take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest 00:29:02.660 --> 00:29:10.300 for your souls. And because this is a primary characteristic of Jesus, that's why we see these 00:29:10.300 --> 00:29:16.100 same virtues, gentleness and quietness commended for all believers in the New Testament, not just wives. 00:29:17.360 --> 00:29:24.100 Jesus pronounces a blessing on the gentle or meek in Matthew 5, 5. Peter will exhort all Christians to 00:29:24.099 --> 00:29:30.779 show gentleness in 1 Peter 3, 15. Similarly, Paul says quietness is an ideal for the whole Christian 00:29:30.779 --> 00:29:36.500 community in 1 Timothy 2, 2, as well as for individual Christians in 1 Thessalonians 4, 11, 00:29:36.779 --> 00:29:44.019 where he tells Christians to aspire to live quietly. So, a gentle and quiet spirit is something we must 00:29:44.019 --> 00:29:51.099 all desire more and more, men and women. But for those married to unbelieving spouses who are walking the 00:29:51.099 --> 00:29:58.719 road of loneliness or discontentment, it's a particularly relevant virtue. When we are tempted 00:29:58.719 --> 00:30:05.259 to fill our emptiness with material things or with outward appearances, Peter encourages us to find in 00:30:05.259 --> 00:30:13.019 Christ that peaceful center, that gentleness, that quietness that is precious in God's sight. 00:30:13.019 --> 00:30:21.160 The second temptation that Mary Hannah points out in her essay is the temptation to fear and anxiety, 00:30:21.299 --> 00:30:27.859 and we see that in verses 5 and 6 of Peter here. Peter encourages wives of unbelieving husbands to do 00:30:27.859 --> 00:30:36.019 good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Of course, humanly speaking, these wives had reasons to 00:30:36.019 --> 00:30:44.960 be afraid. In the Greco-Roman world of Peter's day, a wife who didn't share her husband's gods was seen 00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:53.519 as actually upsetting the social order. This was creating topsy-turvy chaos. I mean, how would a husband 00:30:53.519 --> 00:31:01.299 react if his wife refused to bow to his false gods? How would her neighbors react? Lots to be anxious about. 00:31:01.299 --> 00:31:10.039 But in the face of these fears, Peter points to the examples of the holy women who hoped in God. 00:31:11.319 --> 00:31:16.700 Like Sarah, these women stayed in the dance as best they could. At one point in Genesis 18, 00:31:16.819 --> 00:31:22.379 Sarah refers to Abraham as her Lord, which was a term of respect and honor at the time. And of course, 00:31:22.419 --> 00:31:26.599 we have different ways of doing that today, right? I don't think many of us are going to run home 00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:33.879 and call our spouses Lord, right? You know, that would be more than a little weird. But the point 00:31:33.879 --> 00:31:40.279 is, is that Sarah showed courageous and strong submission to Abraham even when the road before 00:31:40.279 --> 00:31:46.639 them was uncertain, even when God told them that they were going to have children in their old age. 00:31:47.819 --> 00:31:54.799 Probably a scary thing. And the thing that fueled this courageous submission, the thing that kept Sarah 00:31:54.799 --> 00:32:03.579 in the dance, was hope in God. Again, the God who promises to keep us and be near to us in every 00:32:03.579 --> 00:32:09.460 trial. The God whose rod and staff comfort us even when we walk through the darkest valley so that we 00:32:09.460 --> 00:32:15.680 need fear no evil. The God who sets a table before us in the presence of our enemies. The God who promises 00:32:15.680 --> 00:32:20.720 that goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our life. The God who promises that we'll dwell in 00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:29.759 his house forever. And this good shepherd is Jesus himself, who rebuked the wind and the waves and said, 00:32:29.860 --> 00:32:34.500 we need not be afraid. And who promised that no one would be able to pluck us from his hand. 00:32:36.319 --> 00:32:43.019 Again, let it be clearly said from this pulpit that this is not a just, what Peter is saying here is not 00:32:43.019 --> 00:32:52.299 in any way telling wives to stay in an abusive marriage. No. But he is saying, as best you're able, stay in 00:32:52.299 --> 00:32:56.960 the dance. Don't be afraid. Do good. Be strong. 00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:06.599 Peter then turns in verse 7 to husbands. And things shift a little in this verse because Peter seems to be 00:33:06.599 --> 00:33:13.639 talking now to a situation where both spouses are believers. They are co-heirs of the grace of life. 00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:21.500 But one would imagine that if Peter were addressing a husband with an unbelieving wife, his basic advice 00:33:21.500 --> 00:33:27.339 would be the same as verses 1 through 6. Stay in the dance. And what would that look like for a husband? 00:33:27.740 --> 00:33:34.259 Love your wife the way Christ loves the church. Lead in such a way that you give yourself up for her 00:33:34.259 --> 00:33:39.740 that she might flourish. Even if she doesn't believe, perhaps you will win her without a word 00:33:39.740 --> 00:33:47.160 by your respectful and pure conduct. But as we said, verse 7 seems to envision now a believing couple. 00:33:47.660 --> 00:33:53.480 And what is Peter's instruction? First, he says, live with your wives in an understanding way. 00:33:53.480 --> 00:34:01.700 Literally, it's according to knowledge. In other words, he's saying that husbands must really know their wives. 00:34:01.700 --> 00:34:11.079 husbands must take the time and care and engagement to really understand them as best they can. 00:34:12.619 --> 00:34:18.960 Husbands must be ever curious and ever interested in their wives. What do they like or dislike? What 00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:23.139 are their passions or dreams? What are they afraid of? What are they hopeful for? Who are their friends? 00:34:23.220 --> 00:34:28.079 Who can't they stand? Now, some of you might be thinking, hey, look, I've been married a long time. 00:34:28.079 --> 00:34:33.440 I don't need to stay curious about my spouse. I know everything about her. But you know, sometimes 00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:39.440 our understanding of our spouses are like an old map, right? Ten years ago, they were spot on the 00:34:39.440 --> 00:34:45.480 money. I could have gotten anywhere in New Haven with that map ten years ago, right? But things change 00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:53.099 over time. New neighborhoods crop up. New roads are built. Old roads are closed. You might be surprised 00:34:53.099 --> 00:35:01.659 at how quickly your map gets out of date. And just think, how well does Christ know you? 00:35:02.779 --> 00:35:09.960 Christ knows you perfectly. Jesus has like the Google map of your soul. It's always up to date, 00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:19.299 right? He knows you perfectly, and that's why he can perfectly love you. Husbands, love your wives 00:35:19.300 --> 00:35:24.180 the way Christ loves the church. And at the very least, that means keep growing in your knowledge of 00:35:24.180 --> 00:35:30.260 them. Live with them in an understanding way. And you can't do that if you don't really know them. 00:35:31.720 --> 00:35:36.940 How much time do you spend on your hobbies or just mindlessly poking around on your phone? 00:35:37.600 --> 00:35:43.320 What if you used as much time showing a genuine, curious interest in your wife, 00:35:43.780 --> 00:35:47.820 getting to know her better? How much better would you be able to love her? 00:35:49.300 --> 00:35:54.660 But then Peter says that husbands must not just only understand their wives, but must also 00:35:54.660 --> 00:36:00.440 honor them. Verse 7 picks up and says, show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Now, of course, 00:36:00.680 --> 00:36:07.860 we have to ask, in what sense is the wife the weaker vessel in marriage? Well, again, this is why the 00:36:07.860 --> 00:36:14.180 biblical background about marriage is so important. We know from Genesis 1 and 2 that weaker vessel cannot 00:36:14.179 --> 00:36:21.039 mean that she's inferior. As image bearers of God, there's nothing inherently weaker intellectually, 00:36:21.279 --> 00:36:26.440 emotionally, or spiritually about women. They are co-regents of creation. And as Peter says right here, 00:36:26.699 --> 00:36:32.899 they're co-heirs of the grace of life. So, weaker can't mean those types of things. 00:36:34.199 --> 00:36:39.000 Some have wondered if Peter is making a reference to the fact that in general, a wife is physically weaker 00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:45.300 than her husband, and that's possible. But I think the better understanding is that in Peter's day, 00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:52.119 and in most cultures, right, women were socially and culturally in a position of greater weakness. 00:36:53.559 --> 00:36:59.059 Both husbands and wives, both men and women, are vessels, right? And that term in the Bible just 00:36:59.059 --> 00:37:05.639 means you're a created creature of God. With dignity, you belong to your creator. But in Peter's day, 00:37:05.639 --> 00:37:11.019 culturally, socially, women were in the weaker position. They didn't have the same rights and 00:37:11.019 --> 00:37:16.359 privileges as men. They weren't afforded the same status and freedom. They were culturally more despised 00:37:16.359 --> 00:37:24.940 than men. But for a Christian husband, the gospel turns all of that on its head. In the world, right, 00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:32.539 we honor the things that are supposedly strong. But what does the gospel say? Remember what Paul said 00:37:32.539 --> 00:37:38.340 in 1 Corinthians? God chooses the weak things of this world to shame the strong. God chooses what 00:37:38.340 --> 00:37:41.860 is low and despised in the world, even the things that are not, to bring to nothing the things that 00:37:41.860 --> 00:37:49.059 are. This is the very heart of the gospel of grace. God humbles the exalted and exalts the humble. On the 00:37:49.059 --> 00:37:57.239 cross, Jesus became utterly weak so that the weak might be made strong. So, for husbands in Peter's day, 00:37:57.239 --> 00:38:03.879 the fact that wives were socially and culturally in a weaker position was all the more reason to show them 00:38:03.879 --> 00:38:12.059 countercultural honor, to lift them up, to reaffirm their God-given dignity. Husbands, honor your wives. 00:38:13.239 --> 00:38:20.819 Don't just know your wife. Prize her. Tell her what you appreciate and admire in her. Celebrate her strengths. 00:38:20.820 --> 00:38:31.019 Accept her influence and wisdom. Let her change your mind. She is your strong ally. Let her know that 00:38:31.019 --> 00:38:38.840 that's true. And then Peter ends this passage where it seems like a strange warning. He says, 00:38:38.960 --> 00:38:45.800 Know and honor your wife so that your prayers may not be hindered. In other words, God cares so much 00:38:45.800 --> 00:38:51.880 about how husbands treat wives that if they refuse to know and honor their wives, God will refuse them. 00:38:55.180 --> 00:39:01.140 In other words, ultimate things are at stake here. Do you want a deeper communion with God, husbands? 00:39:02.500 --> 00:39:08.800 Do you want to launch out into the deeps of God's being in prayer? Peter's saying you can't do it 00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:15.680 unless you make knowing and honoring your wife your priority. Until you do that, your spirituality 00:39:15.679 --> 00:39:20.599 will be a fake and a sham, a lifeless, powerless, prayerless thing. 00:39:22.759 --> 00:39:27.739 But in this warning, there's also a promise that through knowing and honoring your wife, 00:39:28.199 --> 00:39:33.779 you will get not just the joy of deeper communion with her, but of deeper communion with God as well. 00:39:37.419 --> 00:39:40.279 Now, I know this sermon's been long, but let me conclude with this. 00:39:40.280 --> 00:39:46.860 What is it that helps us stay in the dance of marriage even when it gets hard? And what helps 00:39:46.860 --> 00:39:53.660 us to keep on the path of faithfulness when we wish we were married, but we aren't? What helps us 00:39:53.660 --> 00:40:01.440 when our marriages fall apart and end and we're broken? When both marriage and singleness are hard, 00:40:01.440 --> 00:40:08.260 where do we turn? The answer in many ways is found in how the biblical story about marriage ends. 00:40:09.599 --> 00:40:15.400 In the book of Revelation, the great feast at the end of the age that inaugurates the new creation 00:40:15.400 --> 00:40:22.940 is described as a marriage supper. No matter what marriage looks like for us in this age, whether 00:40:22.940 --> 00:40:29.440 it's great or hard or utterly broken or if you're not married at all, the story ends the same for all 00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:37.220 of us in Christ. We gather around His table and we feast with our perfect bridegroom, our heavenly 00:40:37.220 --> 00:40:43.079 spouse who will welcome us with joy and He will delight over us with singing and the joy will know no end. 00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:48.900 And everything that was good in our earthly marriages will find their supreme consummation. 00:40:48.900 --> 00:40:53.840 Everything that was broken in our marriages will find their healing in the heart of every believer, 00:40:54.000 --> 00:40:59.639 married or single, will find complete union. They'll find the eternal dance that it was all about, 00:40:59.700 --> 00:41:06.200 for which marriage was only a sign, that deep, eternal, unbreakable love between Christ and His church. 00:41:07.480 --> 00:41:08.420 Let's pray together. 00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:17.000 Father, we ask 00:41:17.000 --> 00:41:21.460 that as we consider these things, You would fill us with Your Spirit 00:41:21.460 --> 00:41:23.239 and give us the strength 00:41:23.239 --> 00:41:29.780 to walk with Jesus in the callings that You've given us. 00:41:32.599 --> 00:41:35.699 God, I pray that You would help us to be resilient and strong 00:41:35.699 --> 00:41:37.400 as we live into our marriages, 00:41:37.840 --> 00:41:40.719 and I pray that our church community would be a place 00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:44.880 that is full of love and encouragement, 00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:47.619 both for marrieds and for single people. 00:41:48.539 --> 00:41:50.119 Lord, as we run this race together, 00:41:50.920 --> 00:41:52.420 we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.