WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.140 So Matthew chapter 5, verses 31 and 32. 00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:05.960 It was also said, 00:00:06.100 --> 00:00:10.279 Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. 00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:13.339 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, 00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:16.160 except on the grounds of sexual immorality, 00:00:16.640 --> 00:00:17.920 makes her commit adultery, 00:00:18.500 --> 00:00:21.219 and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. 00:00:22.699 --> 00:00:26.240 And then if you have a Bible, you can flip over to chapter 19 with me. 00:00:26.240 --> 00:00:27.960 Chapter 19, verses 1 to 10. 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:33.060 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, 00:00:33.179 --> 00:00:36.439 he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan, 00:00:37.039 --> 00:00:39.899 and large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 00:00:40.460 --> 00:00:43.320 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, 00:00:43.939 --> 00:00:46.960 Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? 00:00:47.560 --> 00:00:48.219 And he answered, 00:00:48.379 --> 00:00:53.140 Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:54.340 And said, 00:00:54.340 --> 00:00:58.100 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, 00:00:58.100 --> 00:01:00.460 and the two shall become one flesh. 00:01:01.320 --> 00:01:03.560 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 00:01:04.180 --> 00:01:07.780 What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. 00:01:08.540 --> 00:01:09.299 They said to him, 00:01:09.579 --> 00:01:14.099 Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? 00:01:14.620 --> 00:01:15.540 He said to them, 00:01:15.960 --> 00:01:17.520 Because of your hardness of heart, 00:01:17.939 --> 00:01:20.159 Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. 00:01:20.659 --> 00:01:22.799 But from the beginning, it was not so. 00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:24.219 And I say to you, 00:01:24.840 --> 00:01:29.079 Whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. 00:01:29.899 --> 00:01:31.239 The disciples said to him, 00:01:31.979 --> 00:01:36.379 If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. 00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:38.900 This is God's holy word. 00:01:40.219 --> 00:01:42.299 All right, we are working our way through the Sermon on the Mount, 00:01:42.759 --> 00:01:45.759 and we come tonight to this passage. 00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:45.960 So, 00:01:46.440 --> 00:01:48.500 Last week, if you were here, 00:01:48.579 --> 00:01:52.380 we looked at the problem of lust and adultery that Jesus talks about. 00:01:53.140 --> 00:01:54.760 And I'll say the same thing I said last week. 00:01:54.980 --> 00:01:56.980 As we come this week to a very controversial topic, 00:01:57.060 --> 00:01:57.740 the problem of divorce. 00:01:58.980 --> 00:02:00.040 Welcome, if you're a visitor. 00:02:00.920 --> 00:02:01.700 It's great to have you. 00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:02.480 Great to see you. 00:02:03.060 --> 00:02:04.140 You came on the week. 00:02:04.219 --> 00:02:06.660 We're looking at Jesus' words on divorce and marriage. 00:02:07.480 --> 00:02:12.120 But we're doing that because we here at St. Columba's really value working our way through the Bible 00:02:12.120 --> 00:02:15.219 and never skipping any texts when we're working through a book. 00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:16.979 And so here we are in the Sermon on the Mount, 00:02:17.020 --> 00:02:18.539 and this is what Jesus is talking about. 00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:23.659 And divorce and marriage were controversial subjects in Jesus' day, 00:02:23.979 --> 00:02:26.240 just like they're controversial subjects in our day. 00:02:26.620 --> 00:02:29.879 And so that's what this exact encounter is all about here. 00:02:31.080 --> 00:02:33.000 And let me just say that next week, 00:02:33.079 --> 00:02:36.319 the passage that Jesus takes up is about keeping your promises 00:02:36.319 --> 00:02:39.620 and not giving way to gossip. 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:42.280 And so next week, you'll come and you'll think, 00:02:42.280 --> 00:02:45.620 man, I'm ready to talk about gossip. 00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:48.300 You know, after two weeks on lust, adultery, and divorce, 00:02:48.979 --> 00:02:51.120 who doesn't want to come back and just think about gossip? 00:02:51.920 --> 00:02:53.219 So that's what we're doing tonight. 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:56.960 Let's see the context of the problem here 00:02:56.960 --> 00:02:58.960 and the heart of the problem 00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:01.280 and then the heart of marriage 00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:03.740 because that's what this is really about, the heart of marriage. 00:03:03.979 --> 00:03:06.420 So first, the context of the problem here. 00:03:06.419 --> 00:03:10.219 So Jesus in the first century is in a very different context from us. 00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:14.179 And here he's teaching what's called the Sermon on the Mount. 00:03:15.159 --> 00:03:19.579 And the Sermon on the Mount is not directed only at very super spiritual Christians 00:03:19.579 --> 00:03:22.599 who want to really take their faith to the next level. 00:03:22.759 --> 00:03:24.879 And instead he's saying, if you're a follower of Jesus, 00:03:25.099 --> 00:03:28.119 this is what life in the kingdom looks like in the Sermon on the Mount. 00:03:28.199 --> 00:03:31.239 But in a first pass through to the Sermon on the Mount, 00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:34.980 actually you come through it and you realize first your need, 00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:37.600 that every single section of the Sermon on the Mount shows you 00:03:37.600 --> 00:03:40.379 that you are not yet the person God made you to be, 00:03:40.780 --> 00:03:42.920 not yet living a fully kingdom life. 00:03:43.080 --> 00:03:45.719 And that's really the first goal of the Sermon on the Mount. 00:03:45.780 --> 00:03:47.040 And then to show us what that looks like. 00:03:47.660 --> 00:03:49.080 So that's what Jesus is doing here. 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:52.379 And in verse 31, he uses the language, 00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:54.140 it was also said. 00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:58.420 And that's the same thing as what he has been saying in every paragraph 00:03:58.420 --> 00:04:00.879 where he's been saying, you've heard that it was said. 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:02.639 Or it was also said. 00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:03.979 You've heard it was also said. 00:04:04.280 --> 00:04:05.060 That's what he's talking about. 00:04:05.139 --> 00:04:08.579 And so he's pointing out this issue in his day of authority. 00:04:09.799 --> 00:04:13.199 Who has authority to interpret the Old Testament laws 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:15.879 and teach them to people in the first century? 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:16.899 That's what he's dealing with. 00:04:17.399 --> 00:04:20.899 And he's saying, you've heard your teachers around you. 00:04:21.180 --> 00:04:23.459 Take the Old Testament, interpret it, and teach it to you. 00:04:23.659 --> 00:04:25.399 But today I say to you. 00:04:26.019 --> 00:04:31.099 So he's saying, I have authority to tell you exactly what the Old Testament was all about. 00:04:31.659 --> 00:04:32.719 That's really the heart of the matter. 00:04:32.819 --> 00:04:35.159 And he's saying that in the first century there are teachers, 00:04:35.279 --> 00:04:38.359 some teachers who are teaching on all sorts of things 00:04:38.359 --> 00:04:42.159 and twisting a healthy, true interpretation of the Old Testament 00:04:42.159 --> 00:04:44.620 and teaching it in really harmful ways. 00:04:44.719 --> 00:04:47.319 And so here it's the issue of divorce. 00:04:47.319 --> 00:04:51.939 And there are Pharisees and scribes, not all, not all as it's sometimes said, 00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:56.920 but some in the first century that are teaching something really harmful 00:04:56.920 --> 00:04:59.000 about the concept of divorce and therefore marriage. 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:02.620 And they're taking Deuteronomy 24, 00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:08.060 where Moses introduced the concept of divorce in the first five books of the Bible, 00:05:08.060 --> 00:05:17.319 and they're twisting it and trying to make it fit a very free way of thinking about it. 00:05:18.360 --> 00:05:23.699 And so it was a tradition in the first century by some of the Pharisees 00:05:23.699 --> 00:05:29.180 that a man could divorce his wife simply because he did not like her. 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:32.000 So that's exactly what's being addressed. 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:33.920 And so in chapter 19, this parallel passage, 00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:36.160 the Pharisees come and they say, 00:05:36.640 --> 00:05:39.720 can you give your wife a certificate of divorce for any reason? 00:05:40.439 --> 00:05:42.040 So you see how clear that is. 00:05:42.100 --> 00:05:43.360 They're asking that exact question. 00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:47.240 And so it was very much the case that there were rabbis that were teaching that. 00:05:48.340 --> 00:05:51.780 And there were some that were even suggesting 00:05:51.780 --> 00:05:56.160 that you can divorce your wife in the first century for cooking a bad dinner. 00:05:56.280 --> 00:05:58.560 It's listed in one of the ancient texts we have, 00:05:58.600 --> 00:05:59.580 the first century text we have, 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:01.319 that was written down later, 00:06:01.319 --> 00:06:07.360 that a burnt dinner was grounds for a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce. 00:06:07.980 --> 00:06:08.939 Okay, so this was happening. 00:06:09.480 --> 00:06:14.759 And Josephus, who's a first century historian that writes about this context, 00:06:14.860 --> 00:06:17.339 he says that there was a battle raging in the first century 00:06:17.339 --> 00:06:20.579 between two rabbis, Rabbi Shammai and Hillel. 00:06:21.300 --> 00:06:23.240 And Rabbi Hillel, around this time, 00:06:23.339 --> 00:06:28.819 taught that divorce applies when any man is displeased with his wife. 00:06:28.819 --> 00:06:32.300 And now, you see, the point is, 00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:34.639 one of the things, well, as a side note, 00:06:35.219 --> 00:06:39.540 there was a lot of misuse and abuse of the Bible in the first century, 00:06:40.199 --> 00:06:40.860 just like today. 00:06:41.399 --> 00:06:44.139 And one of the things we can just say, as a side note here, 00:06:44.180 --> 00:06:48.039 is that misuse and abuse, using the Bible for very bad reasons, 00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:50.659 is never a reason to dismiss Christianity. 00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:52.439 There are very different things. 00:06:52.560 --> 00:06:54.600 Misuse and abuse, bad interpretation, 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:58.480 does not need to cause us to dismiss Christianity, 00:06:58.640 --> 00:07:00.900 to dismiss Christ outright, right? 00:07:01.220 --> 00:07:02.500 This has always been happening. 00:07:02.620 --> 00:07:07.220 But the main point here is to see that he's talking to men, 00:07:07.280 --> 00:07:08.220 because in the first century, 00:07:08.379 --> 00:07:10.740 it's entirely the perspective of men, 00:07:10.820 --> 00:07:12.500 because for the most part, 00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:14.160 in the Roman Empire, in this context, 00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:17.160 only a man could divorce a woman. 00:07:17.480 --> 00:07:20.700 So a woman could never come and divorce a man, right? 00:07:20.699 --> 00:07:23.560 And so he's talking directly to men, directly to a problem here. 00:07:24.740 --> 00:07:28.079 And women in that time were very dependent, for the most part, 00:07:28.120 --> 00:07:29.399 not always, but for the most part, 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:31.300 for their livelihood on men. 00:07:32.099 --> 00:07:34.839 And so a lot of these situations was basically men saying, 00:07:35.039 --> 00:07:37.060 I just don't like the person I'm married to, 00:07:37.719 --> 00:07:39.480 and they're giving that person the boot, 00:07:39.579 --> 00:07:41.599 they're handing her a certificate of divorce, 00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:44.139 and that probably means she's going to be out on the streets 00:07:44.139 --> 00:07:46.300 if she doesn't have a family to go back to. 00:07:46.300 --> 00:07:49.560 And so it was a really serious cultural issue, 00:07:49.819 --> 00:07:51.660 as well as societal issue and moral issue, 00:07:51.840 --> 00:07:53.520 that Jesus is talking about here. 00:07:53.740 --> 00:07:56.960 And in Matthew 19, the trap, the issue is even bigger, 00:07:57.079 --> 00:08:00.139 because when the scribes and Pharisees come in Matthew 19 00:08:00.139 --> 00:08:03.720 and ask, can a man divorce his wife for any reason at all, 00:08:04.199 --> 00:08:06.580 we're told that this is in the region of Judea, 00:08:06.759 --> 00:08:09.420 and we learn in the parallel account of Mark's gospel, 00:08:10.019 --> 00:08:12.780 that this is the region where Herod is the king, 00:08:12.939 --> 00:08:13.600 the regional king. 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:17.640 And Herod had divorced, this king had divorced, 00:08:18.080 --> 00:08:22.960 had caused his brother to divorce his wife, Herodias. 00:08:23.420 --> 00:08:27.560 Herod married Herodias, Herod's brother's wife, 00:08:27.720 --> 00:08:29.660 and Herod went and murdered his brother 00:08:29.660 --> 00:08:33.480 just to make sure there was no blowback about that. 00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:37.100 And John the Baptist stood up against them. 00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:39.980 John the Baptist said that this was wrong, 00:08:40.120 --> 00:08:42.440 this divorce was very unlawful and evil. 00:08:42.440 --> 00:08:45.300 And he got his head cut off for that. 00:08:46.120 --> 00:08:47.320 And so in the region of Herod, 00:08:47.540 --> 00:08:49.460 when the scribes and Pharisees say to Jesus, 00:08:49.980 --> 00:08:52.840 can any man divorce any woman for any reason at all? 00:08:53.720 --> 00:08:54.920 They're trying to trap him. 00:08:55.640 --> 00:08:58.400 Because just like John the Baptist in Matthew 13 or 14 00:08:58.400 --> 00:09:01.560 got ultimately executed for saying that's wrong, 00:09:01.860 --> 00:09:04.080 they're thinking, oh, Jesus, he's going to get trapped. 00:09:04.280 --> 00:09:05.280 Herod's going to get him for this. 00:09:05.980 --> 00:09:06.100 Right? 00:09:06.200 --> 00:09:07.880 And so it's a real issue. 00:09:07.960 --> 00:09:08.900 What is Jesus doing here? 00:09:08.899 --> 00:09:12.059 He is, the fact that he brings this up in the Sermon on the Mount 00:09:12.059 --> 00:09:14.519 and what he's doing in Matthew 19, he's exposing. 00:09:15.500 --> 00:09:16.860 He's calling this out. 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:21.179 He's calling out this wicked problem that's here in the first century. 00:09:22.059 --> 00:09:25.539 And if you were here last week, you remember that the Pharisees, 00:09:25.659 --> 00:09:29.500 some of the Pharisees and scribes were talking about adultery in the most narrow way. 00:09:29.579 --> 00:09:32.740 In other words, they were talking about sexual sin in the most narrow way, 00:09:32.740 --> 00:09:37.720 making it really, really easy to obey and really, really hard to disobey 00:09:37.720 --> 00:09:38.980 when it comes to sexual sin. 00:09:39.700 --> 00:09:42.340 And Jesus said, no, look, the problem is your heart. 00:09:42.460 --> 00:09:43.039 It's lust. 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:44.000 Lust is the problem. 00:09:44.200 --> 00:09:45.080 That's where the line is. 00:09:45.379 --> 00:09:48.399 And he broadened the path of what sexual sin looks like. 00:09:49.139 --> 00:09:52.220 And in the same way, he's addressing the same issue today 00:09:52.220 --> 00:09:56.039 where there are some men in the first century trying to create a culture 00:09:56.039 --> 00:10:01.339 with as much latitude as possible so that they can move relationship to relationship to relationship 00:10:01.339 --> 00:10:04.399 and still be publicly seen as good, respectable people. 00:10:04.959 --> 00:10:05.039 Right? 00:10:05.419 --> 00:10:09.259 So they want as much freedom as possible to be in any relationship they want to be in, 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:13.339 as much as they want, but still be seen as men who obey the Bible, 00:10:13.459 --> 00:10:14.319 who obey the Old Testament. 00:10:14.939 --> 00:10:15.099 Right? 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:15.639 That's the goal. 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:21.939 And Jesus is saying to them, you are preoccupied with the entirely wrong questions. 00:10:22.959 --> 00:10:25.819 That your heart, it's fundamentally an issue of the heart here, 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:30.779 and if you're asking the question, you know, how far can I get before it becomes adultery? 00:10:31.059 --> 00:10:32.779 Boy, that's the wrong question. 00:10:33.059 --> 00:10:37.740 Or if you're asking, what's the easiest way to get divorced without being thought of as a bad person? 00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:40.579 And he's saying to the religious leaders, 00:10:40.899 --> 00:10:46.000 you just want to maximize your personal freedom at the expense of women in the culture. 00:10:47.459 --> 00:10:51.759 And there's a pastor from the 300s named John Chrysostom 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:55.179 who preached in Constantinople with Turkey today. 00:10:56.039 --> 00:10:58.319 And he preached in the late 300s. 00:10:58.759 --> 00:11:04.000 And when he came to this passage, it's interesting because he's a lot closer to the first century context than we are. 00:11:04.179 --> 00:11:08.599 And he lived in the late Roman Empire in a time where it was still pretty much like this issue. 00:11:08.739 --> 00:11:09.620 We're still the same. 00:11:10.079 --> 00:11:11.039 And so listen to what he says. 00:11:11.139 --> 00:11:13.179 It gives an insight into the reality of this culture. 00:11:14.299 --> 00:11:17.739 He says, he's talking to the men clearly when he's preaching. 00:11:17.740 --> 00:11:22.480 He says, for he who is meek, he who's a peacemaker, he who is poor in spirit. 00:11:22.560 --> 00:11:23.620 These are the Beatitudes, right? 00:11:24.820 --> 00:11:28.500 He who is merciful, how shall he ever cast out his wife? 00:11:29.220 --> 00:11:32.560 So John is addressing the problem in his own day and saying, 00:11:32.700 --> 00:11:36.200 if you really say you follow Christ and you want to be a man of the Beatitudes, 00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:38.580 how in the world can you cast your wife out for no reason? 00:11:38.980 --> 00:11:42.580 So it was still an issue in the late 300s, we're seeing as he preaches on this text. 00:11:42.580 --> 00:11:45.120 Now, that leads us secondly to the heart of the problem. 00:11:46.259 --> 00:11:47.879 The problem, what is the problem here? 00:11:48.180 --> 00:11:49.060 What's the real problem? 00:11:49.220 --> 00:11:50.800 The problem is Genesis 3. 00:11:50.900 --> 00:11:52.879 The problem is the fall, as we saw this morning. 00:11:53.340 --> 00:11:59.100 The problem is that we all approach marriage and our relationships in general 00:11:59.100 --> 00:12:02.379 with a posture of self-interest and self-centeredness. 00:12:02.820 --> 00:12:03.980 That's the real problem here. 00:12:04.340 --> 00:12:06.840 We have that instinctively from the bottom of our souls, 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:10.700 but it's also cultural as well, both in the first century and our century. 00:12:10.700 --> 00:12:13.840 And when they ask the question in Matthew 19, verse 3, 00:12:13.980 --> 00:12:17.040 is it lawful for any man to divorce his wife at any time he wants? 00:12:17.620 --> 00:12:20.680 Clearly, there's a question underneath the question here. 00:12:20.780 --> 00:12:23.340 There's a problem, I should say, underneath the question. 00:12:23.480 --> 00:12:27.620 And the problem underneath the question is this is not about divorce, ultimately. 00:12:28.140 --> 00:12:29.920 This is about the nature of marriage. 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:34.960 They've missed the nature of marriage, the essence of what marriage was always meant to be. 00:12:34.960 --> 00:12:40.519 And the reason for that is in their culture, in the first century, 00:12:40.660 --> 00:12:47.259 most people approached marriage thinking of it as a place to get benefits, personal benefits. 00:12:47.600 --> 00:12:52.259 So in the first century, you got married because you wanted to extend your family lineage, 00:12:52.860 --> 00:12:54.120 make a name for yourself. 00:12:54.440 --> 00:12:55.720 You wanted to acquire land. 00:12:56.080 --> 00:12:58.240 You wanted to raise your station in life. 00:12:58.500 --> 00:13:00.800 You wanted to secure financial security. 00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:03.259 You wanted to take your place in the social order. 00:13:03.459 --> 00:13:04.479 That was the important thing. 00:13:04.879 --> 00:13:05.559 Extend your family. 00:13:05.639 --> 00:13:10.359 You wanted to have sons so that you could extend your family name through all the generations. 00:13:11.379 --> 00:13:14.519 And that means that in the first century, the question was, 00:13:14.620 --> 00:13:15.899 what am I going to get out of this relationship? 00:13:17.419 --> 00:13:23.179 And so men clearly are coming at this from a benefits mentality, a marketplace mentality. 00:13:23.299 --> 00:13:25.459 Now, I want to ask you, what has changed? 00:13:26.179 --> 00:13:28.599 What has changed in our 21st century? 00:13:28.600 --> 00:13:31.560 Not very much, I don't think, at all. 00:13:32.100 --> 00:13:35.700 I think there's basically, as many of the writers on this described, 00:13:35.779 --> 00:13:39.139 there's two basic approaches to marriage in our time, in our culture. 00:13:39.659 --> 00:13:41.340 And one is the idealist view. 00:13:41.460 --> 00:13:45.379 It's a little bit more 20th century than 21st century, but it's still very much around. 00:13:46.120 --> 00:13:51.220 And the idealist view says, I want to get married only if I fall in love with somebody. 00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:55.960 You know, I want to fall in love like you can fall into a swimming pool. 00:13:55.960 --> 00:13:59.960 You know, I want to go head first, and I want to fall in the depths. 00:14:00.060 --> 00:14:00.980 I want to find my soulmate. 00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:04.740 You know, and that's the only condition in which I'll know I'm ready for marriage, 00:14:04.740 --> 00:14:07.040 if I've really found my true soulmate. 00:14:08.160 --> 00:14:12.280 And the second approach, you might call the more practical approach, 00:14:12.300 --> 00:14:16.160 and I think this is a bit more of the 21st century approach for most people in a city like Edinburgh. 00:14:16.900 --> 00:14:18.480 And it is a tale as old as time. 00:14:19.700 --> 00:14:22.180 It's part of what we think of in arranged marriages. 00:14:22.179 --> 00:14:23.759 It's the Jane Austen culture. 00:14:24.899 --> 00:14:26.039 And this is what it is. 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:33.299 It's, look, I will get married, yeah, maybe, but I'm looking for someone who can bring me the best possible benefits. 00:14:34.099 --> 00:14:40.259 I'm looking for somebody who can improve my financial standing, who has a good job, good career prospects, 00:14:40.519 --> 00:14:44.879 who can extend my friendship group, my friends like their friends, right? 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:48.019 Somebody who can bring me sexual fulfillment, right? 00:14:48.059 --> 00:14:53.080 And in both situations, in the first situation, the idealist situation, what happens? 00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:57.460 You say, I only want to get married if I fall in love, if I really do. 00:14:58.220 --> 00:15:03.100 But at the same time, I know that in three to four years, like most people, I'll probably fall out of love. 00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:07.000 And at that point, I need to be ready to have my options open again, right? 00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:11.740 And in the practical views, you say, I'm looking for somebody who can improve my station in life. 00:15:12.519 --> 00:15:17.559 And if that person isn't doing that or can't do that any longer, then I need to have my options open again. 00:15:18.379 --> 00:15:23.139 And you see, just like the first century, the 21st century is still the same market mentality. 00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:27.940 It's covenant, it's, sorry, contract mentality, not covenant. 00:15:27.940 --> 00:15:37.780 In other words, it says, look, if you can improve my life and I can improve your life, then I'm willing to make this purchase. 00:15:38.680 --> 00:15:39.940 I will pay the price. 00:15:40.060 --> 00:15:40.900 I will make the purchase. 00:15:41.340 --> 00:15:43.280 I will come to this relationship like the open market. 00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:46.400 And that's very good. 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:48.980 But boy, I need a return policy. 00:15:50.060 --> 00:15:54.960 You know, I need to be able to take this back after three to four years to the store and return it, this relationship. 00:15:54.960 --> 00:16:03.300 And in other words, the Pharisees, some of the Pharisees and scribes in the first century and many, many of us in the 21st century have the prenup mentality. 00:16:03.759 --> 00:16:04.900 We need a prenuptial agreement. 00:16:05.300 --> 00:16:09.240 We need to be able to go back on this thing if we fall out of love or if it's not working for us anymore. 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:15.400 You see, the Pharisees, they miss the beauty of marriage. 00:16:16.040 --> 00:16:23.620 And I want to ask you tonight, modern people, have you missed the beauty and the essence of what real marriage is, what it's all about? 00:16:23.620 --> 00:16:25.259 But that's the real issue here. 00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:36.860 And the biblical idea is that marriage is meant not primarily to benefit us maximally, to give better circumstances, to bring personal fulfillment, to get us a better friendship group. 00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:38.700 Not at all. 00:16:39.139 --> 00:16:41.340 Marriage exists primarily to break you. 00:16:42.779 --> 00:16:48.100 Marriage exists so that we can be broken in order to be remade. 00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:49.720 Marriage is there. 00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:52.080 The essence of marriage is to be broken so you can be remade. 00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:54.360 That's the real heartbeat of what marriage is. 00:16:54.879 --> 00:16:58.180 And we come as modern people and say, why in the world, if it's to break me, why would I want it? 00:16:58.300 --> 00:16:59.800 Why would I ever want to come and do that? 00:17:00.420 --> 00:17:08.799 And the reason is because marriage exists to break our self-interest, our self-centeredness, so that we can become truly great. 00:17:09.460 --> 00:17:14.640 So that we can become the people God actually made us to be from the beginning in Genesis chapter 2. 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:23.020 Now, anybody who is married in here tonight has faced or been in any kind of long-term relationship, you've, especially marriage, you've faced this reality. 00:17:23.160 --> 00:17:24.320 You know, you got married. 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:31.280 And six months in, if that long, you looked at your spouse. 00:17:31.279 --> 00:17:36.240 And your spouse spoke to you and they said, you know, the thing about you is you're selfish. 00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:40.680 And you looked at your spouse and you said, and you know, the thing about you is you're selfish. 00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:43.480 And then if you're in a healthy marriage, what did you do? 00:17:43.539 --> 00:17:45.639 You both looked at each other and said, we're both selfish. 00:17:45.640 --> 00:17:53.560 And we are here to move from self-centeredness to self-sacrifice, to become what? 00:17:53.620 --> 00:17:55.720 More and more like Jesus Christ. 00:17:56.580 --> 00:18:00.380 And see, the essence of real marriage, the heart of real marriage is to say, I'm self-centered and you're self-centered. 00:18:00.620 --> 00:18:01.980 And we're here to break each other. 00:18:02.180 --> 00:18:07.780 And so we're here to help each other become more and more like Jesus Christ, self-sacrificial. 00:18:08.440 --> 00:18:09.100 That's the real heart. 00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:09.960 That's the glory of marriage. 00:18:09.960 --> 00:18:16.240 The glory of marriage is that it has the potential to move us, to become more and more like the people we were made to be. 00:18:16.819 --> 00:18:21.240 And that's to see that we are to become more and more like Christ through our marriage to our spouses. 00:18:22.079 --> 00:18:28.819 Now here in Matthew 5 and Matthew 19, when they ask this question, you know, can anybody get divorced for any reason at all? 00:18:29.960 --> 00:18:37.079 Jesus says, Deuteronomy 24, he points to this in verse 8, he says, was given because your hearts are hard. 00:18:37.079 --> 00:18:39.880 And so Moses gave you a concession for divorce. 00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:46.160 And so it's important to say tonight that divorce was given by God in the Old Testament under certain conditions. 00:18:47.180 --> 00:18:48.920 There is concession for divorce. 00:18:49.019 --> 00:18:50.180 Jesus says that very clearly. 00:18:50.940 --> 00:18:55.840 And the concession for divorce that's given in a sinful and broken world, Jesus mentions adultery. 00:18:55.980 --> 00:18:59.319 But across the Bible, Christians have looked for centuries at this. 00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:04.700 And we basically said that there are three big reasons that you can always remember through the three A's. 00:19:04.700 --> 00:19:10.779 The reasons for the potential of divorce are adultery, abandonment, and abuse. 00:19:11.600 --> 00:19:16.460 And sometimes, in some of those scenarios, especially abuse, divorce not only is possible but necessary. 00:19:17.500 --> 00:19:17.600 Right? 00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:21.420 And so Jesus very clearly says there is a concession for divorce, absolutely. 00:19:21.420 --> 00:19:26.740 But he turns it back around in Matthew 19 and goes back to what marriage is. 00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:28.240 And the reason for that, what's he doing? 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:30.460 This is implicit in Matthew 5. 00:19:30.519 --> 00:19:31.600 It's very clear in Matthew 19. 00:19:31.660 --> 00:19:32.080 What is he doing? 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:39.300 He's saying, Pharisees, scribes, first century people, 21st century people, why would you start with a question like that? 00:19:40.120 --> 00:19:44.860 Why would you start by asking, is it lawful for me to divorce my spouse for any reason at all? 00:19:44.859 --> 00:19:46.000 He's saying, no, don't start there. 00:19:46.059 --> 00:19:49.899 The important question is not how easy can I make it to get out of this thing. 00:19:50.639 --> 00:19:52.539 That's the question of the 21st century. 00:19:53.019 --> 00:19:57.119 Instead, he's saying you should be asking instead, what is the heart of marriage? 00:19:57.319 --> 00:19:59.240 What is the heart of my relationships? 00:20:00.299 --> 00:20:01.619 How can I make this great? 00:20:01.740 --> 00:20:02.699 How can I make this beautiful? 00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:07.139 They should have come to Jesus and said, what can I do to make my marriage great? 00:20:07.939 --> 00:20:08.059 Right? 00:20:08.059 --> 00:20:21.339 And one commentator, James Edwards, he says, the questions the Pharisees ask here is, quote, like trying to learn to fly an airplane, starting out by asking, what is the best way to crash this thing? 00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:27.539 Now, thirdly, that leads us to, finally, the heart of marriage. 00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:32.839 So last week, if you were here, we looked at the problem of lust through the lens of adultery in the first century. 00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:35.839 And this week, I want to do the same thing I did last week. 00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:38.419 Last week, we said, look, let's not just leave it on the negative. 00:20:38.579 --> 00:20:48.379 Let's give a positive vision for why a Christian view of relationships makes the most sense and does the greatest service to who we are as people and our culture. 00:20:49.179 --> 00:20:51.679 And now that is exactly what Jesus does in Matthew 19. 00:20:51.799 --> 00:20:55.480 He turns it around and gives us a positive view of marriage and tells us what it is. 00:20:56.319 --> 00:20:57.759 And so let me give that to you very briefly. 00:20:58.399 --> 00:21:04.259 In Matthew 19, verse 4, Jesus says that God gave marriage, quote, from the beginning. 00:21:04.259 --> 00:21:07.759 And he's quoting there from Genesis 1 and 2. 00:21:08.599 --> 00:21:10.180 And it's very simple. 00:21:10.259 --> 00:21:17.279 What we can say about this is Jesus teaches that marriage is a pre-fall, God-given institution. 00:21:18.119 --> 00:21:22.460 It was not created by Neanderthals centuries ago. 00:21:22.579 --> 00:21:23.920 It was not created by any government. 00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:27.000 That it's a God-given, pre-fall institution. 00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:32.759 And that means that because God created it, God gets to define it, not us. 00:21:33.559 --> 00:21:37.400 God gets to tell us what marriage is and what it's for. 00:21:38.259 --> 00:21:39.319 And so it's no mere custom. 00:21:39.839 --> 00:21:40.960 It's no mere piece of paper. 00:21:41.059 --> 00:21:43.180 Boy, people love to say it's just a piece of paper. 00:21:43.539 --> 00:21:45.500 No, it's a God-given, pre-fall institution. 00:21:45.660 --> 00:21:46.039 It's sacred. 00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:46.519 It's holy. 00:21:46.519 --> 00:21:51.779 Secondly, he says in verse 5, God gave marriage from the beginning. 00:21:51.879 --> 00:21:54.059 And he says, and God made them male and female. 00:21:54.220 --> 00:21:56.139 Male and female, he created them for one another. 00:21:56.940 --> 00:21:59.759 And so the second thing he says is marriage is for men and women. 00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:03.059 Men to marry women and women to marry men. 00:22:03.420 --> 00:22:06.839 And that's, of course, very important for us to say today that the Bible teaches that. 00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:11.700 But why does he focus on that in Matthew 19 in the first century? 00:22:11.700 --> 00:22:17.319 And I think the reason is because the entire frame of the question, can I divorce my wife 00:22:17.319 --> 00:22:18.360 for any reason at all? 00:22:18.519 --> 00:22:21.620 If she burns the dinner, Rabbi Hillel says that I can just leave her. 00:22:22.900 --> 00:22:27.319 Why is he saying, no, marriage was made for men and for women? 00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:28.000 You see what he's saying? 00:22:28.740 --> 00:22:32.819 He's saying that you're thinking, the men of this culture are thinking entirely from their 00:22:32.819 --> 00:22:33.200 perspective. 00:22:34.539 --> 00:22:38.700 And he's saying, you've got to look back to the beginning of history and understand that 00:22:38.700 --> 00:22:42.380 you have overplayed your male rights against female rights. 00:22:43.019 --> 00:22:46.940 And that from the very beginning of human history, men can't just do what they want. 00:22:48.039 --> 00:22:51.819 And in Genesis 1 and 2, God made marriage for men and women for their mutual benefit. 00:22:52.580 --> 00:22:57.259 And as one writer puts it, as a sovereign creation, woman is not man's subject, but his 00:22:57.259 --> 00:22:57.720 equal. 00:22:58.660 --> 00:23:01.039 And marriage is for the good of both equally. 00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:02.840 That's why Jesus brings that up. 00:23:03.360 --> 00:23:06.299 He's saying you've completely, you've overplayed male rights against female rights and you've 00:23:06.299 --> 00:23:07.920 completely missed Genesis 1 and 2. 00:23:08.700 --> 00:23:13.279 The third thing he tells us here in verse 6 is a man then is called to leave his parents 00:23:13.279 --> 00:23:14.720 and become one with his wife. 00:23:15.660 --> 00:23:21.380 And you see, when he says one, he's immediately saying marriage does not exist as a relationship 00:23:21.380 --> 00:23:22.500 for market benefit. 00:23:23.340 --> 00:23:27.799 It's not an open marketplace where you come and say, who can give me the best station in 00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:28.039 life? 00:23:28.759 --> 00:23:30.480 Who can get me more money in my bank account? 00:23:30.600 --> 00:23:32.019 Who has a great job? 00:23:32.080 --> 00:23:33.680 Those are the people I want to marry, right? 00:23:34.140 --> 00:23:35.500 Who can give me the best friend group? 00:23:35.580 --> 00:23:37.660 He's saying, no, you're meant to become one. 00:23:37.660 --> 00:23:39.120 And it's not there for market benefit. 00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:40.660 It's not an open marketplace. 00:23:41.019 --> 00:23:41.540 Not at all. 00:23:41.620 --> 00:23:43.620 Instead, what does he mean by the word one? 00:23:44.540 --> 00:23:45.560 What's the positive vision? 00:23:45.640 --> 00:23:48.560 He's saying marriage exists for utter companionship. 00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:50.560 For utter companionship. 00:23:51.060 --> 00:23:53.600 Now here's the Christian revolution, the biblical revolution. 00:23:55.019 --> 00:24:00.600 Unlike almost every century in all of human history in the view of what marriage is, in every 00:24:00.599 --> 00:24:05.519 culture, every century, Christianity comes and says marriage is fundamentally about friendship. 00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:10.939 And that is unlike any other culture or worldview throughout human history. 00:24:11.059 --> 00:24:14.859 Marriage is about friendship, companionship, really being one with somebody. 00:24:16.019 --> 00:24:20.299 And the Pharisees are asking, you know, how can I get out of this before I ever begin? 00:24:20.619 --> 00:24:24.099 How can I crash this plane, you know, as soon as it's taken off? 00:24:24.099 --> 00:24:26.159 That's what they're thinking in their hearts. 00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:31.299 And Jesus says, no, you need to be asking, how can I become the greatest of friends with 00:24:31.299 --> 00:24:33.119 my spouse if you're married? 00:24:33.179 --> 00:24:34.019 That's the question. 00:24:35.259 --> 00:24:39.639 And that means, let me say to you today, if you're married or if you want to be married, 00:24:39.679 --> 00:24:44.439 if you're looking for marriage in your life, friendship is the most important condition 00:24:44.439 --> 00:24:47.399 before anything else in looking for a future spouse. 00:24:47.400 --> 00:24:52.680 Friendship, friendship is far, far more important than physical attractiveness. 00:24:53.740 --> 00:24:57.940 Things like physical attractiveness, they go away, but friendship is really what makes 00:24:57.940 --> 00:24:58.519 a marriage great. 00:24:58.860 --> 00:24:59.640 It's the real heartbeat. 00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:05.720 And a modern person will come to that and say, boy, you know, should I get married at 00:25:05.720 --> 00:25:05.840 all? 00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:07.460 You know, I'm not going to get married unless there's chemistry. 00:25:07.600 --> 00:25:10.980 I'm not going to get married unless I fall into love like I've fallen into a swimming pool. 00:25:11.660 --> 00:25:15.200 Unless, you know, the electricity is really there in the bottom of my soul. 00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:18.240 And that's exactly backwards. 00:25:18.840 --> 00:25:22.799 Because, of course, in the early days when you're dating somebody, there's some electricity 00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:23.059 there. 00:25:23.100 --> 00:25:26.340 You hold hands for the first time, it's electric, right? 00:25:28.140 --> 00:25:29.660 But that's feelings. 00:25:31.019 --> 00:25:34.660 It's not yet the heartbeat of the definition of biblical love. 00:25:35.720 --> 00:25:39.700 And the heartbeat of the definition of biblical love is love is not something we fall into. 00:25:39.700 --> 00:25:48.460 Love is the choice to be so committed to somebody that you say, I am willing to serve you self-sacrificially 00:25:48.460 --> 00:25:52.279 in order to make you great, in order to make you like Jesus. 00:25:52.980 --> 00:25:54.240 That's the real heartbeat of love. 00:25:54.299 --> 00:25:58.980 And that's why you can hold hands on in the early days and there's electricity. 00:25:59.519 --> 00:26:05.900 But, boy, 25 years in, only, I would imagine, I'm not there yet, 25 years in, only then can 00:26:05.900 --> 00:26:10.460 you really look up and see the deepest of love, the truest love, the love that has been forged 00:26:10.460 --> 00:26:12.440 through the fires, through the suffering, right? 00:26:13.040 --> 00:26:16.800 Love is not something you fall into, it's something you say, yes, you commit to. 00:26:17.460 --> 00:26:21.200 And oftentimes, the greatest feelings follow the decision. 00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:25.300 First, you've got to make the decision in order to really grow the feelings. 00:26:25.840 --> 00:26:27.480 And that takes a long, long time. 00:26:27.480 --> 00:26:32.700 And so, lastly, in verse 5 and 6, he says, the two shall become one flesh. 00:26:33.480 --> 00:26:36.140 You'll leave your father and mother and you shall become one flesh. 00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:39.759 And so, lastly, we learn this language of leave and cleave, as we often say. 00:26:40.019 --> 00:26:42.860 He says, you've got to leave your father, your mother, you've got to hold fast for your wife. 00:26:43.819 --> 00:26:45.259 This is covenant language. 00:26:45.819 --> 00:26:48.539 This is the language of covenant, not contract, but covenant. 00:26:49.339 --> 00:26:52.860 And covenant is a promise to pursue your spouse and self-sacrifice. 00:26:54.039 --> 00:26:55.180 All right, let me close with this. 00:26:55.180 --> 00:27:00.060 For those of you in the room that are married, Christian marriages, 00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:02.259 two Christians married in this room tonight, 00:27:02.840 --> 00:27:08.420 are you pursuing your spouse's holiness through your self-sacrifice? 00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:11.500 That's the essence of what marriage is for. 00:27:13.340 --> 00:27:16.980 And the difference in that and the public idea of the contract 00:27:16.980 --> 00:27:20.779 is you don't come primarily to your relationship to get, but to give. 00:27:21.700 --> 00:27:24.779 And when that happens, when both of you are mutually giving, 00:27:24.779 --> 00:27:26.460 self-sacrificially giving to one another, 00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:29.839 that is when relationship really becomes great. 00:27:30.379 --> 00:27:31.180 Really becomes great. 00:27:32.339 --> 00:27:33.779 And so people all day will say, 00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:36.740 I don't need a piece of paper. 00:27:36.980 --> 00:27:40.599 You know, I don't need a piece of paper to tell somebody that I love them. 00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:43.139 But boy, when you come to a wedding day, 00:27:43.220 --> 00:27:44.240 I say this often at weddings, 00:27:44.759 --> 00:27:45.700 when you come to a wedding day, 00:27:46.559 --> 00:27:49.160 the piece of paper, signing the piece of paper, 00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:50.460 is exactly what you need. 00:27:51.380 --> 00:27:52.079 It's exactly what you need. 00:27:52.079 --> 00:27:53.759 It's the most important way to say to somebody, 00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:55.340 I actually love you. 00:27:56.380 --> 00:27:57.600 Because when you sign the piece of paper, 00:27:57.660 --> 00:27:58.519 you're saying, I'm committed. 00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:00.779 And when you make vows, you say, 00:28:01.740 --> 00:28:02.799 in plenty and in want, 00:28:03.620 --> 00:28:06.460 in plenty, in want, in sorrow, 00:28:07.319 --> 00:28:09.600 in every type of suffering that may come, 00:28:09.980 --> 00:28:12.819 in the greatest moments where you see my self-centeredness, 00:28:12.860 --> 00:28:15.200 in the greatest moment where I'm actually exposed, 00:28:15.600 --> 00:28:16.779 what are you doing when you make a vow 00:28:16.779 --> 00:28:17.680 and you sign a piece of paper, 00:28:17.779 --> 00:28:19.779 you're not saying, today I love you. 00:28:19.899 --> 00:28:21.579 Everybody in the room at a wedding knows, 00:28:21.680 --> 00:28:23.259 today you two love each other. 00:28:23.339 --> 00:28:24.039 You like each other. 00:28:24.700 --> 00:28:26.299 But what are you doing when you sign the piece of paper? 00:28:26.420 --> 00:28:27.500 What are you doing when you make the vows? 00:28:27.539 --> 00:28:29.599 You're saying, in the future, 00:28:30.839 --> 00:28:32.700 one day, many, many years from now, 00:28:32.920 --> 00:28:34.420 I promise today 00:28:34.420 --> 00:28:37.019 that even when I fall out of like with you, 00:28:37.099 --> 00:28:38.000 I will love you. 00:28:38.819 --> 00:28:39.599 And that day is coming. 00:28:39.700 --> 00:28:42.740 Even when you have fallen out of utter like with me 00:28:42.740 --> 00:28:43.940 for whatever I did that day, 00:28:43.940 --> 00:28:46.900 you're saying, I will love you no matter what. 00:28:47.600 --> 00:28:48.940 That's the nature of real love. 00:28:48.960 --> 00:28:50.039 And that's the real power 00:28:50.039 --> 00:28:51.980 for the best possible marriage. 00:28:54.299 --> 00:28:56.460 What we need tonight is for all of us, 00:28:56.519 --> 00:28:57.779 no matter if you're married or single, 00:28:58.000 --> 00:28:59.200 in all of our relationships, 00:29:00.059 --> 00:29:01.279 for their maximal health, 00:29:01.360 --> 00:29:03.200 for them to truly be something that can make us great, 00:29:03.259 --> 00:29:04.640 we need to be able to come tonight and say, 00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:06.500 the problem in my marriage, 00:29:06.600 --> 00:29:09.420 the problem in my relationships is me. 00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:11.220 That's the problem. 00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:12.140 It's right here. 00:29:12.220 --> 00:29:12.720 It's my heart. 00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:14.740 And that's the most important thing we can do. 00:29:15.019 --> 00:29:17.039 And only then can we have hope 00:29:17.039 --> 00:29:19.120 for relationships to really grow 00:29:19.120 --> 00:29:20.120 the way they were meant to. 00:29:20.660 --> 00:29:21.339 How does it work? 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:23.759 In Ephesians chapter five, 00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:26.440 the pinnacle text about marriage in the Bible, 00:29:27.079 --> 00:29:30.740 we're told that two spouses that are married, 00:29:31.120 --> 00:29:32.100 a couple that's married, 00:29:32.500 --> 00:29:34.120 are to submit to one another 00:29:34.120 --> 00:29:37.360 like Jesus Christ submitted himself, 00:29:38.059 --> 00:29:39.960 gave himself in utter sacrifice 00:29:39.960 --> 00:29:41.039 for his bride, the church. 00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:45.420 The power for a great relationship tonight 00:29:45.420 --> 00:29:46.440 is always, 00:29:47.099 --> 00:29:47.579 always, 00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:49.059 always for you to look at Jesus 00:29:49.059 --> 00:29:52.399 and to see the self-sacrifice 00:29:52.399 --> 00:29:55.359 that he gave for his bride at the cross 00:29:55.359 --> 00:29:56.240 to win her, 00:29:56.639 --> 00:29:57.379 to forgive her, 00:29:57.460 --> 00:29:58.339 to buy her back, 00:29:58.480 --> 00:29:59.240 to redeem her, 00:29:59.299 --> 00:29:59.799 to purchase her, 00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:01.180 to secure her forever. 00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:03.039 And when you look at the cross, 00:30:03.099 --> 00:30:03.759 you can say, 00:30:03.940 --> 00:30:06.920 for all the ways I've broken relationships, 00:30:06.920 --> 00:30:08.580 I've been self-centered, 00:30:08.700 --> 00:30:10.259 not self-sacrificial in relationships. 00:30:10.380 --> 00:30:10.840 I can say, 00:30:11.220 --> 00:30:12.240 Jesus saved me, 00:30:12.519 --> 00:30:13.420 he forgave me, 00:30:13.480 --> 00:30:15.279 and he has now set me on a new path. 00:30:17.580 --> 00:30:19.500 Let me take you deeper into that 00:30:19.500 --> 00:30:20.960 for just two minutes and we'll finish. 00:30:22.620 --> 00:30:24.940 In Genesis chapter two and three, 00:30:25.320 --> 00:30:26.660 we're looking at on Sunday mornings, 00:30:27.539 --> 00:30:30.000 we have the first marriage between Adam and Eve. 00:30:30.980 --> 00:30:32.500 And Eve, we saw this morning, 00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:34.720 Eve took and ate from the fruit of the tree, 00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:35.579 the knowledge of good and evil. 00:30:36.579 --> 00:30:37.559 But in verse seven, 00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:39.819 it said that Adam was with her. 00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:42.839 He watched the whole time passively 00:30:42.839 --> 00:30:45.960 and did not do anything to stop it. 00:30:46.519 --> 00:30:48.920 The evil on the serpent was tempting her all the way, 00:30:49.059 --> 00:30:50.299 bringing her into utter destruction. 00:30:50.620 --> 00:30:51.519 He did nothing. 00:30:52.519 --> 00:30:53.440 He just watched, 00:30:54.100 --> 00:30:55.180 lazy and passive, 00:30:56.299 --> 00:30:58.960 letting his bride go into the arms of death. 00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:01.839 That's what happened in the very beginning. 00:31:02.039 --> 00:31:02.839 Now, let me ask you, 00:31:03.059 --> 00:31:04.519 when you think about the nature of true marriage, 00:31:04.519 --> 00:31:05.160 a great marriage, 00:31:05.220 --> 00:31:05.799 what's a great marriage? 00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:08.079 A great marriage is where two people understand 00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:10.119 the goal is to serve your spouse 00:31:10.119 --> 00:31:11.920 to the point of great cost 00:31:11.920 --> 00:31:14.839 so that they can draw near to God more and more. 00:31:16.339 --> 00:31:17.200 In that moment, 00:31:17.299 --> 00:31:17.940 this is hypothetical, 00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:19.200 this is hypothetical, 00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:22.400 but what would a great husband have done? 00:31:23.460 --> 00:31:24.799 What would a great husband have done 00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:28.819 when she ate of the tree 00:31:28.819 --> 00:31:30.400 and God came into the garden 00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:31.000 and God said, 00:31:31.079 --> 00:31:31.559 where are you? 00:31:31.599 --> 00:31:32.539 Why are you hiding from me? 00:31:32.539 --> 00:31:33.559 You're exiled, 00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:34.180 you're condemned, 00:31:34.359 --> 00:31:34.899 you're cursed. 00:31:35.720 --> 00:31:37.700 You've purchased death in this choice. 00:31:37.859 --> 00:31:40.180 What would a true husband have done in that moment? 00:31:40.740 --> 00:31:41.700 A great husband. 00:31:42.359 --> 00:31:43.119 What would he have done? 00:31:43.659 --> 00:31:44.559 He would have said, 00:31:44.899 --> 00:31:47.139 don't send her into the wilderness. 00:31:47.859 --> 00:31:48.500 He would have said, 00:31:48.859 --> 00:31:50.500 don't take her life, 00:31:50.599 --> 00:31:51.299 don't condemn her, 00:31:51.399 --> 00:31:52.259 don't judge her. 00:31:53.940 --> 00:31:55.519 Take my life for hers. 00:31:56.119 --> 00:31:57.319 A true husband would have said, 00:31:57.319 --> 00:31:59.179 I will give my life, 00:31:59.339 --> 00:32:02.000 I will be judged to save my bride. 00:32:02.059 --> 00:32:02.240 You see, 00:32:02.279 --> 00:32:02.980 what's the heart of a great marriage? 00:32:03.039 --> 00:32:03.759 The heart of a great marriage 00:32:03.759 --> 00:32:05.720 is when you're willing to give yourself away 00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:06.700 like Jesus did 00:32:06.700 --> 00:32:09.139 to bring your spouse closer to God. 00:32:10.720 --> 00:32:12.059 But she was being exiled. 00:32:13.220 --> 00:32:15.200 A true and better Adam, 00:32:15.859 --> 00:32:17.240 a true and better Adam 00:32:17.240 --> 00:32:18.659 would have said, 00:32:19.059 --> 00:32:20.059 take my life, 00:32:20.399 --> 00:32:21.220 save my bride. 00:32:21.900 --> 00:32:23.860 I want her to be close to you, Lord. 00:32:24.680 --> 00:32:25.380 A true and better Adam 00:32:25.380 --> 00:32:26.640 would have given him his own life away. 00:32:27.740 --> 00:32:30.799 What if there was a true and better Adam? 00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:33.759 What if there was one 00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:35.120 where we can say, 00:32:35.120 --> 00:32:37.200 our maker is our husband? 00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:40.460 The true second Adam who came, 00:32:41.319 --> 00:32:41.700 who said, 00:32:41.960 --> 00:32:43.299 I will give my life away 00:32:43.299 --> 00:32:45.380 to bring my bride near unto God. 00:32:47.120 --> 00:32:48.279 And in Jesus Christ, 00:32:48.360 --> 00:32:49.420 that's exactly what we have. 00:32:49.420 --> 00:32:51.480 And so today, 00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:52.519 tonight, 00:32:53.380 --> 00:32:55.460 if you are divorced, 00:32:56.080 --> 00:32:57.279 maybe you're divorced tonight, 00:32:57.660 --> 00:32:58.960 and you come and you say, 00:32:59.300 --> 00:32:59.480 you know, 00:32:59.560 --> 00:33:00.519 you've been talking about 00:33:00.519 --> 00:33:01.360 the heart of marriage 00:33:01.360 --> 00:33:02.980 and you've been talking about 00:33:02.980 --> 00:33:04.580 the beauty of real self-sacrifice 00:33:04.580 --> 00:33:05.620 that looks like Jesus. 00:33:06.039 --> 00:33:07.620 I have come through a relationship 00:33:07.620 --> 00:33:08.500 and out of a relationship 00:33:08.500 --> 00:33:10.100 that was the utter opposite of that. 00:33:11.460 --> 00:33:13.620 And I just want you to hear 00:33:13.620 --> 00:33:14.140 one more time 00:33:14.140 --> 00:33:15.259 that the Bible very clearly says 00:33:15.259 --> 00:33:18.279 sometimes divorce is permissible 00:33:18.279 --> 00:33:19.960 and sometimes divorce is even necessary 00:33:19.960 --> 00:33:21.700 in cases of adultery, 00:33:21.819 --> 00:33:22.180 abandonment, 00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:22.539 and abuse. 00:33:22.579 --> 00:33:23.480 And that's exactly what Jesus 00:33:23.480 --> 00:33:24.460 is referring to here. 00:33:25.639 --> 00:33:26.879 But you might come tonight 00:33:26.879 --> 00:33:28.500 and also think, 00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:28.779 you know, 00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:31.399 I was the main problem 00:33:31.399 --> 00:33:33.420 in that relationship. 00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:35.819 And I actually brought the pain 00:33:35.819 --> 00:33:37.899 through my self-centeredness. 00:33:37.900 --> 00:33:40.259 And I want you to know tonight 00:33:40.259 --> 00:33:41.720 that you still can see, 00:33:42.019 --> 00:33:42.759 you've got to see, 00:33:43.140 --> 00:33:44.880 that you can still have 00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:46.300 and need and do have, 00:33:46.380 --> 00:33:46.960 if you're a Christian, 00:33:47.300 --> 00:33:48.320 the ultimate marriage, 00:33:48.400 --> 00:33:49.680 the marriage supper of the Lamb. 00:33:50.759 --> 00:33:51.660 You can have that. 00:33:51.780 --> 00:33:51.900 You know, 00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:53.320 think about David and Bathsheba. 00:33:54.660 --> 00:33:55.500 Think about the extent 00:33:55.500 --> 00:33:56.380 of God's love and mercy 00:33:56.380 --> 00:33:57.740 to those of us 00:33:57.740 --> 00:33:58.759 that have broken relationships 00:33:58.759 --> 00:33:59.680 and make great mistakes. 00:34:01.660 --> 00:34:02.060 David, 00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:02.600 King David, 00:34:02.740 --> 00:34:04.460 stole Bathsheba from Uriah. 00:34:04.460 --> 00:34:06.519 And to cover it up, 00:34:06.960 --> 00:34:08.159 he murdered Uriah. 00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:08.619 Now, 00:34:08.780 --> 00:34:09.599 that's a divorce. 00:34:11.679 --> 00:34:13.119 Talk about a very serious 00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:14.500 divorce situation there. 00:34:15.960 --> 00:34:17.380 And it's a pretty bad scenario. 00:34:17.500 --> 00:34:17.980 And you know what? 00:34:18.099 --> 00:34:20.159 The Lord brought the Messiah 00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:22.099 out of David and Bathsheba's marriage. 00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:24.880 And that is a one-time, 00:34:25.139 --> 00:34:26.280 and once-only moment 00:34:26.280 --> 00:34:27.139 in redemptive history. 00:34:27.139 --> 00:34:28.260 But we do see in it 00:34:28.260 --> 00:34:30.500 that the Lord is ready 00:34:30.500 --> 00:34:32.280 to show grace to all of us 00:34:32.280 --> 00:34:33.880 for the mistakes we've made 00:34:33.880 --> 00:34:34.519 in our relationships. 00:34:35.200 --> 00:34:35.980 He's ready to forgive. 00:34:37.700 --> 00:34:39.360 Jesus Christ's cross says 00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:40.700 that you have a true 00:34:40.700 --> 00:34:41.360 and better husband 00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:42.720 who will bring you 00:34:42.720 --> 00:34:43.980 to the marriage supper 00:34:43.980 --> 00:34:44.400 of the Lamb, 00:34:44.960 --> 00:34:45.460 to the feast. 00:34:45.559 --> 00:34:46.260 And then lastly, 00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:47.579 if you're married tonight 00:34:47.579 --> 00:34:48.480 or if you're single, 00:34:49.960 --> 00:34:50.940 do you see tonight, 00:34:51.480 --> 00:34:53.000 no matter if you're married 00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:53.460 or single, 00:34:54.280 --> 00:34:55.720 that Jesus Christ 00:34:55.720 --> 00:34:57.019 came to be your groom? 00:34:57.019 --> 00:35:01.420 and the more and more 00:35:01.420 --> 00:35:04.000 you run into the arms of Jesus, 00:35:04.699 --> 00:35:05.519 you're a great groom 00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:06.920 over and over and over again, 00:35:07.059 --> 00:35:08.800 the more you will find 00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:09.500 your relationships 00:35:09.500 --> 00:35:10.659 getting healthier and healthier. 00:35:11.659 --> 00:35:12.659 The more you run 00:35:12.659 --> 00:35:13.420 to the arms of Christ, 00:35:13.900 --> 00:35:14.599 you're a great groom. 00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:16.880 That's the real source of power 00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:19.159 for healing and restoring 00:35:19.159 --> 00:35:20.460 and making our relationships 00:35:20.460 --> 00:35:22.099 exactly what they were meant to be. 00:35:23.159 --> 00:35:23.699 Let's pray. 00:35:23.699 --> 00:35:25.339 Father, as we come to the table, 00:35:26.219 --> 00:35:28.159 we ask that you would give us 00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:30.619 a vision of the marriage supper 00:35:30.619 --> 00:35:31.799 of the Lamb that is to come, 00:35:31.980 --> 00:35:33.439 our great groom 00:35:33.439 --> 00:35:35.000 coming for his bride. 00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:36.939 And we say tonight, 00:35:37.059 --> 00:35:37.639 that's us. 00:35:38.039 --> 00:35:38.919 Lord, thank you. 00:35:39.460 --> 00:35:40.519 We want to experience that 00:35:40.519 --> 00:35:41.219 tonight at the table. 00:35:41.319 --> 00:35:42.899 So we pray that you would come 00:35:42.899 --> 00:35:43.879 and meet with us now 00:35:43.879 --> 00:35:45.319 as we come to the table. 00:35:45.399 --> 00:35:46.319 In Jesus' name we pray. 00:35:46.699 --> 00:35:47.039 Amen.