WEBVTT

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 Most of you are familiar with how we operate in the summertime with adult classes, but if you're new with us this morning, we do ask you to just write your name on an attendance sheet.

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 The offering is taken as we proceed in the class. I don't know. Do I have to start about offerings the first time this summer? You're going to give that $10 every Sunday morning during class. Let's get with it.

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 You know, I don't like this 20 cent stuff when it comes out average in that way. Just because we're all in a class together, we sometimes forget that giving is part of fellowship.

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 So the offering is taken. You're doing that now. You're going to sign an attendance sheet. That's a lot of things to be doing at once. And I would like to chat with you at the same time. I don't know who's going to win.

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 We'll try. If you're a visitor this morning, you've registered at the visitor's desk. Just drop that little visitor slip in the offering basket so the Bible school people will know you're here.

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 If you stay for Sunday morning church, you'll fill out a visitor's card from us and give us a card during the church service.

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 How many of you have your summer brochure in your hand or in your Bible? Come on.

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 All right. Open it up. Okay. I would like to chat with you and I don't have a lot of time, but I would like to remind you that the summer is a wee bit different than most summers.

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 Now, throughout the past two or three years, we have brought in speakers every Sunday morning on different subjects and that has worked well.

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 And all of you have appreciated that. This summer and throughout the rest of this year, that brochure covers through the first of next year so you adults know what's going on.

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 Let me stop. I would still like you to take five, six, seven of these brochures off the table and pass them out to other people.

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 We have printed enough to do that for a few weeks so you can invite others to come.

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 Now, I'm also aware, class, that you can't please everybody.

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 And you can't always get a subject every Sunday that everybody's interested in.

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 See, I'm a strange duck. I'm interested in everything, even though I don't like it.

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 You know, I read about baseball because some guys want to talk about baseball and I don't want to appear to be a stupid idiot all the time.

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 I'm not that interested in baseball.

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 But sometimes I think you just have to look at things you might think you're not interested too much in, but it has some value.

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 And that's true with the Word of God sometimes.

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 Now, I trust you've caught on to the brochure.

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 It is color-keyed for your convenience.

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 There really are three subjects in this series.

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 One is a subject of marriage, and I might say to you, the subject is marriage.

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 It's not family.

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 And if you will look at the red titles, you will notice some of them are quite frank.

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 And the series deals with them.

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 Now, this is a brand new series.

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 In fact, I might say to you, we are taking a chance on all of these series.

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 Some of them, as of today, are not even out of production.

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 The one for next Sunday, we will be the first church in the nation to see that series, if it gets here.

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 These are all brand new.

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 They are not famous named people that have produced them.

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 But they are exceptional works.

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 So that you see, we have not given you a series in a row saying we're going to take eight on marriage and then six on something else.

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 We have intermingled them on purpose so that you could have interest as you go along

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 and invite people who might have a specific interest on some subject.

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 Now, I'm saying this at the beginning and I realize that when we come to the second week in June,

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 half of our people go on vacation.

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 That's good because they're all here in August then.

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 And I'll probably have to repeat myself for a couple, three weeks.

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 The red-colored series is a film series from two fine spiritual professors on the subject of marriage, not family.

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 Now, pay attention to that as you read.

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 The blue-colored series is a new series.

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 And I'll be honest with you, Pastor McCullough and I have not even viewed it except in a synopsis form.

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 It is a series that we have picked out a number of strips in regards to cults.

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 Now, I know that's a touchy subject.

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 But it is a subject which is necessary to look at today from a different viewpoint.

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 Next week is just a basic introductory series on film called Jesus of the Cults.

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 Now, you better pray that that gets its ear.

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 You're going to have to listen to me preach next Sunday morning at 9.30.

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 The third series is rather interesting, done by a friend of mine and a number of people know, Dr. Henry Brandt out of Detroit, Michigan.

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 He is a psychiatrist.

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 He has been for years.

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 But he's done a new series on personality, self-image development for the Christian.

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 It is a new type of series for us.

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 That's the series that's marked in brown.

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 It's really titled Personal Growth.

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 It's a personality situation.

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 Now, you realize the series from now on dovetails around these three subjects except for four or five Sundays that are just put in because we wanted to do something different.

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 July 5th will be a different Sunday.

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 There will be a Sunday on Christian education, as you notice.

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 Other than that, you can see as we go along.

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 So I'm saying to you, we are not running series sequentially.

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 We are interspersing them as we go along.

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 We may have to make changes because we can't get the material when we want it.

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 It is difficult to get dates lined up and get them in here and get them back out.

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 And I might say to you, so you might know, it's tremendously costly.

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 It would be cheaper to bring an outside speaker in and pay his expenses.

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 So I bear that in mind.

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 We try to give you things that are different.

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 Some of it will be controversial.

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 Most of you know I do not share, shy away from controversial subjects.

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 If we don't like it, okay, we don't like it.

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 But we've got to listen to it sometimes.

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 So I trust you'll get a little enthused.

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 Sometimes I think you adults are a little blasé about coming at 9.30.

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 I might say to you, Pastor McCullough has to knock himself out for six months to get this series straightened out.

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 And we just don't take something that comes across the board because we want to fill something in.

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 It has a purpose for us.

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 And I trust you appreciate that.

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 Now, very quickly, because I think the film is about 43 or 44 minutes this morning.

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 And it really is a basic introduction.

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 And there is nothing new in the film.

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 It is only new voices.

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 I have given you a sheet this morning that is just for your own use.

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 And I find adults are very passive.

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 They don't like to participate.

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 Sometimes they don't like to think.

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 But I do think it would help you if you would quickly look at the front of this page before you view this film.

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 I had hoped that you would share the back, but we won't have time for that this morning.

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 We'll have to do that during some other time of the series.

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 Sometimes it helps, class, if you know what to look for as you're viewing a film.

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 You get done with the film and you say,

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 Oh, I wish I could see it again right away because I would like to review something or get something extra out of it.

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 All right, look at something.

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 Four sections are to be considered.

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 Look at your paper.

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 You will notice they work on the difference between a God designed for marriage and present day view of marriage.

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 Number two, we did not fill these in, but you should watch in the film for the three barriers to a happy marriage.

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 Now, I realize all of us and all of society has been inundated with the subject of marriage and we have a ho-hum attitude.

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 Because there's so much on it nowadays, we don't seem to be interested.

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 Pay attention to number two.

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 Three, there are four types of love explained in the film under the original words used.

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 That may not be important.

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 It may not be new to you.

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 Then you will find in the film a part called love support system.

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 Now, that's a new phrase.

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 No one else has used that.

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 Pay attention when you get to these.

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 We give you the little paper with some instruction to help you, not to just give you a piece of paper.

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 On the back of this little paper, if we have time for evaluation,

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 this is for your own good if you're going to use the series to profit.

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 So, pay attention to this as we go along.

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 I think we'll just move into the film.

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 I think it's about 43 minutes long, which means we're going to run close to having to let out as soon as the film's finished.

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 We appreciate you coming.

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 We would appreciate your comments.

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 We don't expect you all to agree for the summer, but we expect you all to be faithful because God says you have to be.

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 Okay, Dale?

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 Let's see if it runs this morning.

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 Let's see if it runs this morning.

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 Oh, Kevin, you are always making such a mess.

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 It seems like I have to follow around behind you just mopping up.

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 You are so careless.

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 Mom, please let me go to Susan's now.

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 If I wait till Daddy gets home, I may never get to go.

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 Becky, I don't want to be hassled about it.

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 You know you're grounded until your father changes his mind, so just hush.

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 All right.

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 Well, sounds like everything's in great shape around here.

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 Daddy, this broccoli's yucky cold.

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 Kevin, I told you to eat it.

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 Every bite.

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 That stuff does taste terrible when it's cold.

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 Jerry, if you would have been home when you said you would be, Becky would be at Susan's, and the broccoli wouldn't be cold.

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 Boy, marriage is some fun.

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 The problems Jerry and Carol face are all too common.

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 You see, both of them came into marriage with high expectations,

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 and now they're afraid that they never will have the satisfying relationship they really need and want.

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 Out of concern for the quality of marriages in America,

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 longtime friends Dr. Carl Burkine and Dr. Paul Faulkner have created the Marriage Enrichment Seminar,

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 and the response has really been tremendous.

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 More than 40,000 people have already attended the seminar,

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 and their schedule's filled for the next five years.

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 To meet this ever-increasing demand, we've put their seminar on film.

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 The Marriage Enrichment Seminar includes eight sessions with Drs. Burkine and Faulkner each making four presentations.

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 Those include made for each other,

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 the trouble with us is me,

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 what husbands need to know,

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 what wives need to know,

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 how to kill communication,

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 the communication lifeline,

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 speaking frankly about sex,

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 and renewing romance in marriage.

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 I think you will find each session to be filled with spiritual insight.

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 There will be some humor,

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 and there will be sound suggestions for a happier marriage.

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 The first session will be conducted by Dr. Carl Burkine,

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 who received his doctorate at Southwestern Baptist Seminary.

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 He's presently a professor of family relations at Abilene Christian University.

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 He's a family counselor and co-author of the book,

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 Whatever Happened to Mom, Dad, and the Kids?

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 Because of his work as a family counselor,

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 Dr. Burkine is well aware that many of us share Jerry and Carol's disappointment.

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 Our marriages just haven't worked out quite as we expected.

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 His presentation will outline God's expectations for our marriages,

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 and that's even better than you might have imagined.

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 So let's join Dr. Burkine in the session entitled,

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 Made for Each Other.

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 The next several hours,

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 we're going to be talking about ways to enrich your marriage.

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 This marriage enrichment seminar has been built on the premise

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 that every marriage can be a better marriage.

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 We also believe that most marriages can be significantly better than they are

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 with a minimum of time and effort and energy

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 if it is intelligently appropriated to the relationship.

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 All of us, I'm sure, are deeply concerned about the divorce rate in our country.

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 I find that it's fairly easy to keep the divorce rate at arm's length

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 until somebody that you love is involved in that kind of an emotional experience.

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 Several weeks ago, I received a letter that begins,

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 Dear Dr. Burkine,

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 I really don't know if I should write or not,

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 but I need to talk to someone,

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 and I don't have the nerve to face anyone.

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 My marriage with Jimmy has just about had it,

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 and I don't know what to do anymore.

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 I'm not even sure I love him or ever have.

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 We dated for a year and a half before we got married

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 and had sex together most of that time.

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 What I thought was love was just physical attraction.

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 I realized this about four or five months before we got married.

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 I thought about calling it off, but it seemed too late to.

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 I'd grown to depend on the relationship,

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 but now I wish I had called it off.

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 We fought a lot before we got married,

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 but I thought maybe things would straighten out after we got married.

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 Now I realize it doesn't work that way.

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 We still fight a lot, and I hate it.

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 When we have a fight, it's terrible.

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 We yell at each other, curse at each other,

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 throw things at each other, and actually hit each other.

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 Last night, we had one blank of a fight.

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 He was in the living room, and I went into the bathroom

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 and shut the door and turned on the gas.

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 I really wanted to kill myself,

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 and I would have, too, if he hadn't smelled the gas.

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 I had nearly passed out when he came in and carried me out.

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 Sometimes it seems like the only way out.

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 In writing you, I'm not sure what I really want.

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 I guess I'm looking for some last hope to try to save my marriage.

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 If you've got any suggestions, please let me know.

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 And she signed it.

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 When you realize that the divorce rate in our country

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 has been climbing steadily since World War II,

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 that the number of divorces doubled between 1950 and 1966,

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 doubled again between 1966 and 1975,

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 and is well on the way to doubling again in the decade since 1975.

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 We're going to pass, in all probability,

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 a million and a half, for example, divorces this year.

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 And yet you realize that even the divorce rate

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 doesn't tell the story.

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 Because there are a lot of marriages that are still intact.

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 There are people that are still living together

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 and putting up a front of having a good marriage

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 where deep problems exist under the surface of that relationship.

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 For example,

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 one nationally known observer believes

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 that 80% of all the marriages in our country

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 are less than what this observer would call good.

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 And that identifies almost perfectly

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 with an Ohio State University study

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 that I picked up several years ago

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 that said five out of every six marriages in our country

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 is broken either in the court or in the heart.

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 And yet, when you think about the divorce rate

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 and the terrible problems that are even existing

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 in marriages that are still intact,

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 there is a statistic that really comes forward

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 to give us a great deal of courage.

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 In a lecture several months ago now,

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 Billy Graham is quoted as citing a study

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 that said where two people go to church together,

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 the divorce rate is one out of 40.

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 And if they not only go to church together,

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 but study the Bible together at home

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 and pray at home together,

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 he says the divorce rate is one in 400.

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 And it seems to me that the thing that that says to us

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 more than anything else is,

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 if all else fails, read the directions.

00:17:02.900 --> 00:17:04.779
 We believe that God has made us

00:17:04.779 --> 00:17:07.680
 and he has left us with instructions

00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:09.660
 about the marriage relationship.

00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:10.680
 And because of that,

00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:13.720
 I want us to take a look at some of the biblical background

00:17:13.720 --> 00:17:16.519
 as we begin to think together

00:17:16.519 --> 00:17:18.860
 about being made for each other

00:17:18.860 --> 00:17:19.820
 in the marriage relationship.

00:17:19.819 --> 00:17:22.839
 And as you open the Old Testament,

00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:24.299
 one of the first things that you notice

00:17:24.299 --> 00:17:27.200
 is that seven times in Genesis chapter 1,

00:17:27.899 --> 00:17:29.539
 God creates something

00:17:29.539 --> 00:17:31.379
 and then he steps back and says,

00:17:31.559 --> 00:17:32.079
 that's good.

00:17:32.259 --> 00:17:33.659
 Now, I don't know how you like to study the Bible,

00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:34.859
 but if you'll bear with me a moment,

00:17:35.079 --> 00:17:36.679
 one of my favorite ways to study the Bible

00:17:36.679 --> 00:17:39.059
 is to imagine that I am sitting

00:17:39.059 --> 00:17:40.559
 in the branches of a tree

00:17:40.559 --> 00:17:41.919
 watching what's going on.

00:17:42.859 --> 00:17:44.159
 And if you would allow me,

00:17:44.279 --> 00:17:45.859
 and you may join me if you like,

00:17:45.939 --> 00:17:47.439
 to sit in the branches of this tree

00:17:47.440 --> 00:17:48.980
 and watch God create,

00:17:50.100 --> 00:17:50.779
 let's watch.

00:17:51.539 --> 00:17:53.440
 We sit in the branches of the tree

00:17:53.440 --> 00:17:54.779
 and God creates something

00:17:54.779 --> 00:17:55.820
 and he steps back

00:17:55.820 --> 00:17:57.539
 and he puts his hands on his hips

00:17:57.539 --> 00:17:58.380
 and he looks it over

00:17:58.380 --> 00:17:58.900
 and he says,

00:17:59.039 --> 00:17:59.680
 that's good.

00:18:01.660 --> 00:18:03.120
 And he creates something else.

00:18:04.200 --> 00:18:05.620
 And he steps back and looks at it

00:18:05.620 --> 00:18:05.920
 and he says,

00:18:05.980 --> 00:18:06.400
 that's good.

00:18:06.500 --> 00:18:07.580
 And he creates something else

00:18:07.580 --> 00:18:08.400
 and he looks at it

00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:08.700
 and says,

00:18:08.779 --> 00:18:09.039
 that's good.

00:18:09.100 --> 00:18:10.640
 Seven times in Genesis 1,

00:18:11.100 --> 00:18:11.700
 God says,

00:18:11.860 --> 00:18:12.940
 that's good.

00:18:12.940 --> 00:18:15.380
 And then in chapter 2,

00:18:15.460 --> 00:18:16.140
 verse 18,

00:18:16.460 --> 00:18:17.539
 God says,

00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:18.820
 that's not good.

00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:21.580
 And if I were in the tree,

00:18:21.940 --> 00:18:23.920
 I would want to say,

00:18:24.240 --> 00:18:25.799
 what'd you make it for?

00:18:26.700 --> 00:18:28.160
 And I think the Lord would say,

00:18:28.900 --> 00:18:29.559
 hush.

00:18:31.600 --> 00:18:32.720
 I'm not through yet.

00:18:33.660 --> 00:18:35.320
 But what God is looking at

00:18:35.320 --> 00:18:36.580
 when he says that's not good

00:18:36.580 --> 00:18:38.779
 is a man alone.

00:18:39.840 --> 00:18:41.500
 A man alone.

00:18:41.500 --> 00:18:42.299
 I want to write that word

00:18:42.299 --> 00:18:43.259
 on the board

00:18:43.259 --> 00:18:44.079
 as we begin.

00:18:47.940 --> 00:18:48.799
 Because I believe

00:18:48.799 --> 00:18:50.480
 it's one of the early clues

00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:52.480
 as to the meaning of marriage

00:18:52.480 --> 00:18:53.539
 and its purpose

00:18:53.539 --> 00:18:55.019
 that's given to us

00:18:55.019 --> 00:18:55.599
 in the Bible.

00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:56.940
 One of the interesting things,

00:18:57.019 --> 00:18:57.119
 though,

00:18:57.160 --> 00:18:58.059
 in Genesis chapter 2

00:18:58.059 --> 00:18:59.480
 is right after God says

00:18:59.480 --> 00:19:00.420
 it's not good for the man

00:19:00.420 --> 00:19:00.960
 to be alone.

00:19:02.220 --> 00:19:03.039
 The Bible says

00:19:03.039 --> 00:19:04.619
 that God ran all of the animals

00:19:04.619 --> 00:19:05.619
 by Adam

00:19:05.619 --> 00:19:07.160
 and let Adam name them

00:19:07.160 --> 00:19:08.119
 and then it says,

00:19:08.539 --> 00:19:10.779
 but there was not one found

00:19:10.779 --> 00:19:13.220
 fit for the man.

00:19:14.519 --> 00:19:15.819
 And if I were in my tree,

00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:16.779
 I would say,

00:19:17.359 --> 00:19:18.299
 Lord,

00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:20.740
 what did you expect?

00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:22.619
 You see,

00:19:23.500 --> 00:19:24.500
 there's a giraffe

00:19:24.500 --> 00:19:25.539
 that comes by

00:19:25.539 --> 00:19:26.960
 and old Adam says,

00:19:27.039 --> 00:19:28.059
 let's name it a giraffe,

00:19:28.180 --> 00:19:29.200
 but that won't do for a wife.

00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:31.940
 And there's a hippopotamus

00:19:31.940 --> 00:19:32.700
 that comes by

00:19:32.700 --> 00:19:33.619
 and Adam says,

00:19:33.700 --> 00:19:33.859
 you know,

00:19:33.899 --> 00:19:34.440
 hippopotamus,

00:19:34.539 --> 00:19:35.460
 but that won't do for a wife.

00:19:35.500 --> 00:19:36.160
 And there's a badger

00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:36.540
 and you just,

00:19:36.700 --> 00:19:36.880
 you know,

00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:38.300
 you just run all of the animals

00:19:38.300 --> 00:19:39.820
 by Adam

00:19:39.820 --> 00:19:40.700
 and Adam names them,

00:19:40.779 --> 00:19:42.240
 but there was not one found

00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:44.340
 that was fit for Adam.

00:19:44.500 --> 00:19:45.060
 But of course,

00:19:46.100 --> 00:19:47.100
 it's not God

00:19:47.100 --> 00:19:48.279
 that doesn't know

00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:48.980
 what's going on.

00:19:49.080 --> 00:19:49.620
 It's Adam

00:19:49.620 --> 00:19:50.640
 that God is trying

00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:51.460
 to get ready

00:19:51.460 --> 00:19:54.320
 for the next creative act,

00:19:54.380 --> 00:19:55.560
 which is going to be something

00:19:55.560 --> 00:19:56.820
 that is so astounding

00:19:56.820 --> 00:19:57.540
 that the world

00:19:57.540 --> 00:19:59.100
 has never seen anything like it

00:19:59.100 --> 00:20:00.660
 up until this particular point.

00:20:00.660 --> 00:20:02.800
 But before Adam is ready

00:20:02.800 --> 00:20:04.640
 for that creation

00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:05.920
 of someone to share his life,

00:20:06.220 --> 00:20:08.880
 Adam must feel his aloneness.

00:20:09.160 --> 00:20:09.960
 I'm convinced

00:20:09.960 --> 00:20:10.680
 that none of us

00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:12.019
 is really ready for marriage

00:20:12.019 --> 00:20:14.220
 until we feel our aloneness.

00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:16.759
 In 1969,

00:20:16.980 --> 00:20:17.680
 my father died.

00:20:19.860 --> 00:20:21.300
 And in the next several weeks,

00:20:21.360 --> 00:20:22.500
 we live about three hours

00:20:22.500 --> 00:20:23.940
 from my mom.

00:20:25.120 --> 00:20:26.720
 And so we would drive up

00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:27.600
 to Oklahoma

00:20:27.600 --> 00:20:28.840
 to visit in her home.

00:20:28.960 --> 00:20:30.400
 Stacy was six at the time.

00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:30.900
 Our baby.

00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:34.259
 So in the next several times

00:20:34.259 --> 00:20:35.519
 that we visited my mom,

00:20:35.640 --> 00:20:36.840
 Stacy would sleep with Annie.

00:20:38.019 --> 00:20:39.620
 And mom told us the story

00:20:39.620 --> 00:20:40.540
 one morning

00:20:40.540 --> 00:20:42.820
 after we had been there one night

00:20:42.820 --> 00:20:44.019
 and Stacy had slept with her.

00:20:44.180 --> 00:20:45.140
 And as they had gone to bed

00:20:45.140 --> 00:20:45.759
 the night before,

00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:47.240
 Stacy had said,

00:20:47.540 --> 00:20:47.740
 Annie,

00:20:48.340 --> 00:20:49.400
 do you ever get lonely?

00:20:52.100 --> 00:20:54.280
 Forty-six years plus

00:20:54.280 --> 00:20:55.480
 mom and dad

00:20:55.480 --> 00:20:57.320
 had been husband and wife.

00:20:57.400 --> 00:20:58.160
 And now he's gone

00:20:58.160 --> 00:20:59.340
 and Stacy says,

00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:00.019
 do you ever get lonely?

00:21:01.320 --> 00:21:01.960
 And mom said,

00:21:02.759 --> 00:21:04.180
 you bet.

00:21:04.820 --> 00:21:05.560
 I sure do.

00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:07.560
 And she said,

00:21:07.600 --> 00:21:08.320
 tears came to her eyes.

00:21:08.380 --> 00:21:09.120
 I was glad it was dark.

00:21:10.100 --> 00:21:10.980
 Stacy's never been one

00:21:10.980 --> 00:21:11.759
 to let things alone.

00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:14.500
 So the next question says,

00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:15.120
 Annie,

00:21:15.259 --> 00:21:15.980
 do you ever cry?

00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:17.980
 And mom said,

00:21:18.040 --> 00:21:18.580
 yeah, Stacy,

00:21:18.579 --> 00:21:19.579
 I cry myself,

00:21:19.579 --> 00:21:19.579


00:21:19.659 --> 00:21:20.519
 sleep nearly every night.

00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:21.679
 Do you hear what she's saying?

00:21:22.899 --> 00:21:23.500
 She's saying,

00:21:23.980 --> 00:21:26.679
 we've grown to depend on each other.

00:21:26.779 --> 00:21:27.819
 We've grown to love each other.

00:21:27.919 --> 00:21:28.379
 We've shared

00:21:28.379 --> 00:21:30.379
 all these years

00:21:30.379 --> 00:21:31.179
 and all these kids

00:21:31.179 --> 00:21:31.759
 and the depression

00:21:31.759 --> 00:21:32.259
 and, you know,

00:21:32.299 --> 00:21:33.699
 we've shared all of these things

00:21:33.699 --> 00:21:34.379
 and he's gone

00:21:34.379 --> 00:21:34.799
 and now,

00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:35.179
 you know,

00:21:35.180 --> 00:21:35.720
 I'm alone.

00:21:36.100 --> 00:21:36.580
 God said,

00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:37.259
 it's not good

00:21:37.259 --> 00:21:38.279
 for the man to be alone.

00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:39.100
 And so,

00:21:39.900 --> 00:21:42.519
 when Adam felt his aloneness,

00:21:43.560 --> 00:21:44.740
 the next verses tell us

00:21:44.740 --> 00:21:46.960
 that God created someone

00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:48.000
 to share his life.

00:21:48.820 --> 00:21:49.980
 God caused a deep sleep

00:21:49.980 --> 00:21:50.820
 to fall upon Adam

00:21:50.820 --> 00:21:51.500
 and he took a rib

00:21:51.500 --> 00:21:52.180
 from his side

00:21:52.180 --> 00:21:53.059
 and of that rib

00:21:53.059 --> 00:21:54.839
 he created someone

00:21:54.839 --> 00:21:57.160
 to share Adam's life.

00:21:58.099 --> 00:21:59.740
 And when Adam comes forth

00:21:59.740 --> 00:22:00.660
 from his sleep

00:22:00.660 --> 00:22:02.619
 and finds this woman,

00:22:04.220 --> 00:22:05.480
 you can't translate

00:22:05.480 --> 00:22:06.759
 what Adam said

00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:07.700
 into English.

00:22:07.819 --> 00:22:09.000
 It just won't translate.

00:22:09.400 --> 00:22:10.599
 Adam was obviously

00:22:10.599 --> 00:22:11.880
 beside himself.

00:22:13.940 --> 00:22:15.299
 Genesis 2.24 says,

00:22:15.380 --> 00:22:16.619
 a man leaves his father

00:22:16.619 --> 00:22:17.039
 and mother

00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:17.900
 and he cleaves.

00:22:19.099 --> 00:22:20.180
 He cleaves

00:22:20.180 --> 00:22:21.600
 to his wife.

00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:22.299
 That cleaving

00:22:22.299 --> 00:22:23.060
 is a commitment.

00:22:24.100 --> 00:22:24.980
 It's a commitment

00:22:24.980 --> 00:22:26.740
 for a lifetime together.

00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:27.759
 A little bit later on,

00:22:27.820 --> 00:22:28.400
 the Old Testament

00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:29.600
 in Malachi 2.16

00:22:29.600 --> 00:22:30.320
 is going to say,

00:22:30.380 --> 00:22:31.200
 God hates divorce.

00:22:32.039 --> 00:22:33.080
 God never did intend

00:22:33.080 --> 00:22:34.380
 for that original relationship

00:22:34.380 --> 00:22:35.060
 to be broken

00:22:35.060 --> 00:22:36.860
 once it is created.

00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:37.560
 And so,

00:22:37.840 --> 00:22:38.920
 a man leaves his father

00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:39.299
 and mother

00:22:39.299 --> 00:22:39.940
 and he cleaves

00:22:39.940 --> 00:22:40.560
 to his wife

00:22:40.560 --> 00:22:41.660
 and the two become

00:22:41.660 --> 00:22:42.460
 one flesh.

00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:44.980
 That one fleshness

00:22:44.980 --> 00:22:46.900
 is the sexual relationship.

00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:47.940
 So basic,

00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:49.259
 so vital,

00:22:49.259 --> 00:22:50.579
 so important

00:22:50.579 --> 00:22:52.220
 to the marriage relationship.

00:22:52.599 --> 00:22:53.980
 About 1,500 years

00:22:53.980 --> 00:22:54.660
 after Moses

00:22:54.660 --> 00:22:55.680
 originally wrote

00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:56.400
 these words,

00:22:57.099 --> 00:22:57.879
 Jesus is going

00:22:57.879 --> 00:22:58.599
 to quote them

00:22:58.599 --> 00:23:00.019
 and he'll pick up

00:23:00.019 --> 00:23:00.559
 the leave

00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:01.440
 and cleave

00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:02.319
 and one flesh

00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:03.700
 and add to those words

00:23:03.700 --> 00:23:05.019
 what therefore

00:23:05.019 --> 00:23:07.299
 God has joined together.

00:23:08.180 --> 00:23:09.299
 Let not man

00:23:09.299 --> 00:23:09.900
 put asunder.

00:23:10.859 --> 00:23:11.400
 And what Jesus

00:23:11.400 --> 00:23:12.599
 is saying there

00:23:12.599 --> 00:23:13.539
 is that man

00:23:13.539 --> 00:23:14.299
 may choose.

00:23:15.539 --> 00:23:16.519
 In some societies,

00:23:16.660 --> 00:23:17.680
 parents may select.

00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:19.519
 in other societies,

00:23:19.700 --> 00:23:20.640
 in more modern times,

00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:21.460
 we may be allowed

00:23:21.460 --> 00:23:21.920
 to select.

00:23:22.019 --> 00:23:22.940
 But once the selection

00:23:22.940 --> 00:23:24.380
 process is passed

00:23:24.380 --> 00:23:25.420
 and two people

00:23:25.420 --> 00:23:26.920
 come together

00:23:26.920 --> 00:23:28.220
 in the marriage relationship,

00:23:29.500 --> 00:23:30.279
 Jesus says,

00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:31.180
 God

00:23:31.180 --> 00:23:33.480
 ordains that relationship

00:23:33.480 --> 00:23:34.900
 and joins them together

00:23:34.900 --> 00:23:35.779
 and what God

00:23:35.779 --> 00:23:36.720
 has joined together,

00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:37.500
 let not man

00:23:37.500 --> 00:23:37.960
 put asunder.

00:23:39.880 --> 00:23:40.799
 I'm convinced

00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:41.600
 that the three

00:23:41.600 --> 00:23:42.680
 great barriers

00:23:42.680 --> 00:23:43.799
 to a happy marriage

00:23:43.799 --> 00:23:44.320
 are,

00:23:44.519 --> 00:23:45.180
 and let me enumerate

00:23:45.180 --> 00:23:45.680
 them for you.

00:23:45.680 --> 00:23:47.160
 Number one is selfishness.

00:23:47.820 --> 00:23:49.120
 Number two is pride.

00:23:50.380 --> 00:23:51.019
 Number three

00:23:51.019 --> 00:23:53.180
 is low self-esteem.

00:23:54.660 --> 00:23:55.900
 Selfishness is the

00:23:55.900 --> 00:23:57.220
 big problem

00:23:57.220 --> 00:23:58.500
 in the marriage relationship.

00:23:58.620 --> 00:23:59.180
 As a matter of fact,

00:23:59.460 --> 00:24:00.220
 selfishness is the

00:24:00.220 --> 00:24:01.519
 big problem in your life

00:24:01.519 --> 00:24:02.320
 and selfishness

00:24:02.320 --> 00:24:02.980
 is the big problem

00:24:02.980 --> 00:24:03.580
 in my life.

00:24:03.640 --> 00:24:04.539
 It's my biggest problem.

00:24:04.740 --> 00:24:05.560
 It's your biggest problem.

00:24:06.360 --> 00:24:07.580
 But when selfishness

00:24:07.580 --> 00:24:08.400
 intrudes

00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:09.799
 in the marriage relationship,

00:24:10.299 --> 00:24:12.019
 the normal reaction

00:24:12.019 --> 00:24:13.579
 to a selfish act

00:24:13.579 --> 00:24:14.420
 on my part

00:24:14.420 --> 00:24:16.000
 is resentment,

00:24:16.240 --> 00:24:17.259
 which is a form of pride

00:24:17.259 --> 00:24:19.000
 on the part of my partner

00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:20.259
 in this marriage relationship.

00:24:20.980 --> 00:24:22.139
 If I come home late,

00:24:22.779 --> 00:24:23.619
 if I choose to do

00:24:23.619 --> 00:24:24.259
 something else

00:24:24.259 --> 00:24:25.359
 instead of what I told her

00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:26.200
 I was going to do,

00:24:26.359 --> 00:24:27.720
 if I act selfishly

00:24:27.720 --> 00:24:28.400
 in such a way

00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:29.400
 that it leaves the impression

00:24:29.400 --> 00:24:30.480
 that she's not there

00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:31.759
 or that she's not important

00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:33.099
 or that she doesn't count,

00:24:33.400 --> 00:24:34.220
 there is resentment

00:24:34.220 --> 00:24:35.700
 that builds up inside her.

00:24:35.799 --> 00:24:36.599
 It's a form of pride.

00:24:36.599 --> 00:24:38.019
 And so selfishness

00:24:38.019 --> 00:24:38.859
 and pride

00:24:38.859 --> 00:24:39.799
 are the number one

00:24:39.799 --> 00:24:40.639
 and the number two

00:24:40.639 --> 00:24:42.339
 barriers to a happy marriage.

00:24:43.439 --> 00:24:44.139
 But now,

00:24:44.619 --> 00:24:46.480
 pride also comes into a marriage

00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:47.859
 from a different direction.

00:24:48.019 --> 00:24:48.559
 For example,

00:24:48.679 --> 00:24:49.639
 here is a guy

00:24:49.639 --> 00:24:51.719
 and he grows up

00:24:51.719 --> 00:24:52.819
 with everyone telling him

00:24:52.819 --> 00:24:53.899
 how handsome he is,

00:24:53.959 --> 00:24:55.179
 how macho he is,

00:24:55.379 --> 00:24:56.719
 how striking he is.

00:24:56.839 --> 00:24:57.639
 And when he's little,

00:24:57.919 --> 00:24:58.719
 everybody tells him

00:24:58.719 --> 00:24:59.359
 when you grow up,

00:24:59.419 --> 00:25:00.059
 you're really going to be

00:25:00.059 --> 00:25:00.659
 a heartbreaker.

00:25:01.740 --> 00:25:02.619
 And so he grows up

00:25:02.619 --> 00:25:03.539
 thinking of himself

00:25:03.539 --> 00:25:04.939
 as being God's gift

00:25:04.939 --> 00:25:05.619
 to the ladies.

00:25:06.599 --> 00:25:07.519
 And he thinks

00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:09.740
 as he decides

00:25:09.740 --> 00:25:11.339
 on who he's going

00:25:11.339 --> 00:25:11.980
 to spend the rest

00:25:11.980 --> 00:25:12.819
 of his life with,

00:25:13.039 --> 00:25:13.980
 he thinks to himself,

00:25:14.059 --> 00:25:15.799
 any woman that catches me

00:25:15.799 --> 00:25:16.819
 is really going to have

00:25:16.819 --> 00:25:17.699
 a fine catch

00:25:17.699 --> 00:25:19.299
 because I am just going to be

00:25:19.299 --> 00:25:21.740
 a fantastic husband for her.

00:25:22.539 --> 00:25:23.379
 And so he goes

00:25:23.379 --> 00:25:24.659
 into the marriage relationship

00:25:24.659 --> 00:25:25.519
 filled with pride

00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:27.079
 thinking she's going

00:25:27.079 --> 00:25:27.699
 to be pleased

00:25:27.699 --> 00:25:28.299
 to spend the rest

00:25:28.299 --> 00:25:28.799
 of her life

00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:29.439
 waiting on me

00:25:29.439 --> 00:25:29.959
 hand and foot.

00:25:30.119 --> 00:25:30.879
 Let me sit in my

00:25:30.879 --> 00:25:31.659
 big green chair

00:25:31.659 --> 00:25:33.819
 and watch TV

00:25:33.819 --> 00:25:35.319
 and drink coffee

00:25:35.319 --> 00:25:36.019
 or do whatever it is

00:25:36.019 --> 00:25:36.419
 I please

00:25:36.420 --> 00:25:36.900
 and she's going

00:25:36.900 --> 00:25:37.320
 to be pleased

00:25:37.320 --> 00:25:37.920
 to spend the rest

00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:38.340
 of her life

00:25:38.340 --> 00:25:38.980
 waiting on me

00:25:38.980 --> 00:25:39.500
 hand and foot.

00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:41.460
 And she's not,

00:25:41.620 --> 00:25:42.300
 is she ladies?

00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:43.980
 About 15 minutes

00:25:43.980 --> 00:25:45.220
 of that is long enough

00:25:45.220 --> 00:25:46.160
 and then she's going

00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:46.620
 to want him

00:25:46.620 --> 00:25:47.980
 to pull his share

00:25:47.980 --> 00:25:48.480
 of the weight

00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:49.240
 in that relationship.

00:25:49.500 --> 00:25:51.180
 Or here's a young girl

00:25:51.180 --> 00:25:51.840
 that comes into

00:25:51.840 --> 00:25:52.560
 the marriage relationship

00:25:52.560 --> 00:25:53.500
 essentially the same way.

00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:54.279
 She grows up,

00:25:54.700 --> 00:25:56.039
 everyone convinces her

00:25:56.039 --> 00:25:56.880
 that she's gorgeous,

00:25:57.080 --> 00:25:58.480
 she's just a knockout.

00:25:59.360 --> 00:26:00.820
 And so as she goes

00:26:00.820 --> 00:26:01.779
 through the dating process,

00:26:02.100 --> 00:26:02.960
 she is convinced

00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:03.940
 that she's the greatest

00:26:03.940 --> 00:26:04.880
 catch of all time

00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:05.740
 and maybe a guy

00:26:05.740 --> 00:26:06.520
 will even say to her,

00:26:06.560 --> 00:26:06.760
 sweetheart,

00:26:06.860 --> 00:26:07.340
 I'm not in love

00:26:07.340 --> 00:26:07.760
 with you yet,

00:26:07.860 --> 00:26:08.340
 you're not in love

00:26:08.340 --> 00:26:08.880
 with me yet,

00:26:08.980 --> 00:26:09.460
 but I know

00:26:09.460 --> 00:26:10.120
 you're going to be

00:26:10.120 --> 00:26:12.340
 because all I want

00:26:12.340 --> 00:26:13.180
 to do is to spend

00:26:13.180 --> 00:26:14.380
 the rest of my life

00:26:14.380 --> 00:26:15.320
 making you happy.

00:26:15.700 --> 00:26:16.420
 And she thinks,

00:26:16.560 --> 00:26:17.480
 I don't mind

00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:18.060
 if he does.

00:26:19.540 --> 00:26:20.900
 And so she marries him

00:26:20.900 --> 00:26:21.740
 and decides I'm going

00:26:21.740 --> 00:26:22.560
 to spend the rest

00:26:22.560 --> 00:26:23.540
 of my life

00:26:23.540 --> 00:26:24.700
 just sitting on the couch

00:26:24.700 --> 00:26:25.720
 eating chocolate candy

00:26:25.720 --> 00:26:26.720
 and watching the soaps.

00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:29.039
 and that lasts

00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:31.440
 maybe all afternoon,

00:26:31.579 --> 00:26:32.279
 some afternoon,

00:26:32.799 --> 00:26:33.680
 and then he wants her

00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:34.500
 to begin to pull

00:26:34.500 --> 00:26:36.079
 her share of the weight

00:26:36.079 --> 00:26:37.240
 in the marriage relationship.

00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:39.440
 And so pride comes

00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:40.319
 into the marriage relationship

00:26:40.319 --> 00:26:41.039
 from that direction.

00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:42.539
 Low self-esteem comes in

00:26:42.539 --> 00:26:43.259
 from the other direction,

00:26:43.319 --> 00:26:43.720
 doesn't it?

00:26:44.400 --> 00:26:45.319
 Because many of us

00:26:45.319 --> 00:26:46.319
 have grown up in families

00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:47.120
 where our parents

00:26:47.120 --> 00:26:47.940
 have convinced us

00:26:47.940 --> 00:26:48.740
 that we're no good,

00:26:49.539 --> 00:26:50.180
 we're never going

00:26:50.180 --> 00:26:51.019
 to amount to anything,

00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:52.400
 we never live up

00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:53.620
 to their expectations,

00:26:53.880 --> 00:26:54.620
 we never live up

00:26:54.620 --> 00:26:55.360
 to their standards,

00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:56.619
 we never live up quite

00:26:56.619 --> 00:26:58.019
 to what they want us

00:26:58.019 --> 00:26:58.679
 to be and what

00:26:58.679 --> 00:26:59.599
 they want us to do,

00:26:59.959 --> 00:27:00.939
 and we come into

00:27:00.939 --> 00:27:02.039
 the marriage relationship

00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:03.599
 convinced that no one

00:27:03.599 --> 00:27:05.000
 could really love us

00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:06.859
 because we're not lovable.

00:27:07.019 --> 00:27:07.779
 And so anybody

00:27:07.779 --> 00:27:09.139
 who tries to convince us

00:27:09.139 --> 00:27:10.439
 that they love us

00:27:10.439 --> 00:27:11.459
 is conning us.

00:27:11.959 --> 00:27:13.219
 And we've got to be suspicious

00:27:13.219 --> 00:27:14.299
 and we've got to watch

00:27:14.299 --> 00:27:15.539
 for ulterior motives.

00:27:16.379 --> 00:27:17.619
 And so low self-esteem

00:27:17.619 --> 00:27:19.159
 comes into the marriage relationship

00:27:19.159 --> 00:27:20.119
 from the other direction

00:27:20.119 --> 00:27:21.619
 and it is devastating

00:27:21.619 --> 00:27:22.399
 to relationships

00:27:22.399 --> 00:27:23.599
 and we've all experienced

00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:24.240
 those things.

00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:26.199
 You know,

00:27:26.439 --> 00:27:28.359
 many people go into marriage

00:27:28.359 --> 00:27:28.959
 thinking the marriage

00:27:28.959 --> 00:27:30.179
 relationship is 50-50.

00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:32.240
 Have you ever heard that?

00:27:32.439 --> 00:27:33.179
 Marriage relationship

00:27:33.179 --> 00:27:34.479
 is going to be 50-50?

00:27:35.459 --> 00:27:36.339
 Marriage relationship

00:27:36.339 --> 00:27:37.559
 can't be 50-50,

00:27:37.659 --> 00:27:37.959
 can it?

00:27:38.699 --> 00:27:39.679
 Never could be,

00:27:39.819 --> 00:27:40.619
 never will be.

00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:41.219
 You know why

00:27:41.219 --> 00:27:42.099
 the marriage relationship

00:27:42.099 --> 00:27:43.219
 can't be 50-50?

00:27:43.339 --> 00:27:44.159
 There are a number of reasons.

00:27:44.379 --> 00:27:45.399
 First one is because

00:27:45.399 --> 00:27:46.419
 I don't recognize

00:27:46.419 --> 00:27:47.579
 my 50 when it comes.

00:27:48.539 --> 00:27:50.019
 When I get to about 42,

00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:51.979
 I think that's close enough

00:27:51.979 --> 00:27:52.679
 for my 50.

00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:54.960
 And when my wife

00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:56.019
 gets to about 48,

00:27:56.380 --> 00:27:57.240
 she usually thinks

00:27:57.240 --> 00:27:58.420
 that's probably close enough

00:27:58.420 --> 00:27:59.080
 for her 50.

00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:00.060
 And so we can spend

00:28:00.060 --> 00:28:00.980
 the rest of our lives

00:28:00.980 --> 00:28:02.060
 fighting and scrapping

00:28:02.060 --> 00:28:04.160
 about those 10%

00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:05.600
 in the middle there.

00:28:06.039 --> 00:28:07.299
 Many of the problems

00:28:07.299 --> 00:28:08.480
 of the marriage relationship

00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:10.600
 are over fairly minor,

00:28:10.860 --> 00:28:11.600
 proportionately,

00:28:12.560 --> 00:28:14.140
 things in that relationship.

00:28:15.140 --> 00:28:16.320
 And so in reality,

00:28:16.500 --> 00:28:18.019
 I don't reach my 50%

00:28:18.019 --> 00:28:20.100
 until in my perception of it,

00:28:20.099 --> 00:28:21.679
 I've reached about 60%.

00:28:21.679 --> 00:28:23.480
 And the wife doesn't

00:28:23.480 --> 00:28:24.119
 reach her 50

00:28:24.119 --> 00:28:24.899
 until she's reached

00:28:24.899 --> 00:28:25.819
 past the 50.

00:28:25.959 --> 00:28:27.000
 And so both of us

00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:28.059
 must be willing to give

00:28:28.059 --> 00:28:29.559
 more than we get

00:28:29.559 --> 00:28:30.679
 in the marriage relationship

00:28:30.679 --> 00:28:31.639
 as we perceive it.

00:28:32.659 --> 00:28:33.399
 Let me ask you a question.

00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:34.039
 Who gives more

00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:34.619
 in your marriage?

00:28:35.119 --> 00:28:35.639
 Think about that

00:28:35.639 --> 00:28:36.019
 just a moment.

00:28:36.059 --> 00:28:36.559
 Who gives more

00:28:36.559 --> 00:28:37.079
 in your marriage?

00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:40.000
 Some experts

00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:41.099
 made up a little test

00:28:41.099 --> 00:28:42.179
 that asked that question.

00:28:43.480 --> 00:28:44.839
 And the thing that they found

00:28:44.839 --> 00:28:45.619
 was astounding

00:28:45.619 --> 00:28:46.719
 because what they found

00:28:46.719 --> 00:28:48.199
 was that in good marriages,

00:28:48.200 --> 00:28:49.940
 both partners say

00:28:49.940 --> 00:28:51.000
 the other one does.

00:28:52.420 --> 00:28:54.160
 And so if you thought,

00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:56.160
 well, by the way,

00:28:56.539 --> 00:28:57.120
 I do.

00:28:59.360 --> 00:29:00.279
 Welcome to the

00:29:00.279 --> 00:29:01.500
 Marriage Enrichment Seminar.

00:29:03.059 --> 00:29:04.120
 We have some things

00:29:04.120 --> 00:29:05.100
 we'd like to say to you.

00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:07.140
 The cure,

00:29:07.720 --> 00:29:08.900
 the cure

00:29:08.900 --> 00:29:10.380
 to the problems

00:29:10.380 --> 00:29:11.480
 of the marriage relationship

00:29:11.480 --> 00:29:12.460
 is love.

00:29:12.900 --> 00:29:13.799
 You knew that all the time,

00:29:13.860 --> 00:29:14.039
 didn't you?

00:29:14.140 --> 00:29:14.920
 The cure is love.

00:29:15.539 --> 00:29:16.740
 The problem with love

00:29:16.740 --> 00:29:17.740
 is that most of us

00:29:17.740 --> 00:29:19.180
 have trouble knowing

00:29:19.180 --> 00:29:20.039
 what love means

00:29:20.039 --> 00:29:21.299
 because we use the word

00:29:21.299 --> 00:29:22.500
 in so many different ways.

00:29:22.819 --> 00:29:23.539
 We use the word

00:29:23.539 --> 00:29:25.160
 to talk about loving picnics

00:29:25.160 --> 00:29:26.000
 and loving food

00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:27.480
 and loving grandmother

00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:28.960
 and loving apple pie

00:29:28.960 --> 00:29:29.779
 and loving, you know,

00:29:29.819 --> 00:29:31.079
 all kinds of different things.

00:29:31.400 --> 00:29:32.700
 And so let me share

00:29:32.700 --> 00:29:35.200
 some experiences

00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:36.180
 that I've had with you

00:29:36.180 --> 00:29:36.640
 about love.

00:29:36.740 --> 00:29:37.740
 A couple comes into my office

00:29:37.740 --> 00:29:38.319
 and they say,

00:29:38.579 --> 00:29:39.160
 Dr. Rakeen,

00:29:39.279 --> 00:29:40.140
 we want to get married.

00:29:40.220 --> 00:29:40.880
 One of the questions

00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:42.559
 I almost always ask couples is,

00:29:42.740 --> 00:29:43.980
 why do you want to get married?

00:29:43.980 --> 00:29:46.400
 And they always look at me

00:29:46.400 --> 00:29:47.660
 like I've got a hole in my head.

00:29:48.920 --> 00:29:49.720
 And they say,

00:29:49.779 --> 00:29:50.880
 because we're in love.

00:29:51.400 --> 00:29:52.480
 If you're in love,

00:29:52.620 --> 00:29:53.779
 you ought to get married, right?

00:29:54.700 --> 00:29:55.860
 And I always tell them,

00:29:56.140 --> 00:29:56.539
 wrong.

00:29:57.500 --> 00:29:58.460
 You shouldn't get married

00:29:58.460 --> 00:29:59.640
 just because you're in love.

00:30:00.500 --> 00:30:01.440
 As a matter of fact,

00:30:01.500 --> 00:30:02.339
 it's fairly easy

00:30:02.339 --> 00:30:03.220
 to fall in love.

00:30:03.860 --> 00:30:04.779
 The difficult part

00:30:04.779 --> 00:30:05.720
 is staying in love,

00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:06.039
 isn't it?

00:30:06.700 --> 00:30:07.400
 It's fairly easy

00:30:07.400 --> 00:30:07.940
 to fall in love.

00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:08.880
 You did it once a week

00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:10.039
 in elementary school

00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:11.079
 and, you know,

00:30:11.139 --> 00:30:11.819
 some of them lasted

00:30:11.819 --> 00:30:12.559
 two and three weeks

00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:13.539
 when you got to junior high

00:30:13.539 --> 00:30:14.480
 and a month sometimes

00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:15.220
 in senior high.

00:30:15.359 --> 00:30:16.399
 But we just fall in

00:30:16.399 --> 00:30:17.159
 and out of love.

00:30:17.420 --> 00:30:19.259
 And so it's just out of sight.

00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:20.680
 It's just ecstatic.

00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:22.460
 It takes talent

00:30:22.460 --> 00:30:23.279
 to blow a honeymoon.

00:30:25.940 --> 00:30:26.839
 So they have

00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:28.240
 a delightful honeymoon.

00:30:29.019 --> 00:30:30.180
 And they come back

00:30:30.180 --> 00:30:31.519
 and imagine with me,

00:30:31.639 --> 00:30:32.299
 Monday morning

00:30:32.299 --> 00:30:33.639
 after the honeymoon is over,

00:30:33.940 --> 00:30:35.139
 somebody's got to go to work.

00:30:35.220 --> 00:30:36.059
 And if you'll imagine

00:30:36.059 --> 00:30:36.720
 with me a moment,

00:30:37.220 --> 00:30:38.099
 here are two people

00:30:38.099 --> 00:30:39.359
 back to back in bed

00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:40.179
 on Monday morning

00:30:40.179 --> 00:30:41.000
 after the honeymoon

00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:42.259
 and somebody has to go to work.

00:30:43.059 --> 00:30:44.359
 The alarm clock goes off

00:30:44.359 --> 00:30:46.459
 and some unidentifiable hand

00:30:46.459 --> 00:30:47.139
 reaches out

00:30:47.139 --> 00:30:48.779
 and taps the snooze button

00:30:48.779 --> 00:30:50.699
 and back under the cover.

00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:51.639
 And two people

00:30:51.639 --> 00:30:52.879
 in that beautiful

00:30:52.879 --> 00:30:55.319
 never-never cobweb land

00:30:55.319 --> 00:30:56.619
 where it is such

00:30:56.619 --> 00:30:57.899
 tremendous sleeping

00:30:57.899 --> 00:31:00.119
 lie back to back in bed.

00:31:00.259 --> 00:31:00.939
 Honeymoon's over.

00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:02.059
 Somebody's got to go to work.

00:31:03.699 --> 00:31:05.019
 She grew up in a family

00:31:05.019 --> 00:31:05.819
 where her daddy

00:31:05.819 --> 00:31:06.740
 fixed breakfast.

00:31:08.099 --> 00:31:10.299
 You're ahead of me,

00:31:10.359 --> 00:31:10.599
 aren't you?

00:31:10.639 --> 00:31:11.339
 She's in trouble.

00:31:12.939 --> 00:31:14.159
 She's in trouble, isn't she?

00:31:14.879 --> 00:31:15.719
 But would you believe

00:31:15.719 --> 00:31:16.539
 I grew up in a family

00:31:16.539 --> 00:31:17.179
 where my daddy

00:31:17.179 --> 00:31:17.839
 fixed breakfast?

00:31:18.439 --> 00:31:19.719
 For the first eight years

00:31:19.719 --> 00:31:20.379
 of my marriage,

00:31:20.459 --> 00:31:21.199
 I fixed breakfast

00:31:21.199 --> 00:31:22.079
 before I found out

00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:22.879
 that wasn't my job.

00:31:22.980 --> 00:31:23.839
 I didn't have to fix breakfast.

00:31:28.519 --> 00:31:29.559
 But here she is

00:31:29.559 --> 00:31:30.419
 and her daddy

00:31:30.419 --> 00:31:31.000
 fixed breakfast

00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:31.899
 and so she begins

00:31:31.899 --> 00:31:33.039
 to dream this dream,

00:31:33.339 --> 00:31:34.219
 this beautiful dream.

00:31:34.319 --> 00:31:35.159
 He's going to slip

00:31:35.159 --> 00:31:36.079
 quietly out of bed

00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:36.899
 in just a few moments

00:31:36.900 --> 00:31:38.100
 and he's going to

00:31:38.100 --> 00:31:38.780
 slip into the kitchen

00:31:38.780 --> 00:31:39.800
 and put on some coffee

00:31:39.800 --> 00:31:40.660
 and some bacon

00:31:40.660 --> 00:31:41.519
 and some eggs

00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:42.560
 and in just a little while

00:31:42.560 --> 00:31:43.460
 he's going to return

00:31:43.460 --> 00:31:44.240
 and he's going to

00:31:44.240 --> 00:31:45.580
 reach down

00:31:45.580 --> 00:31:46.460
 and kiss me

00:31:46.460 --> 00:31:47.540
 into awareness.

00:31:50.340 --> 00:31:51.140
 And I'm going to

00:31:51.140 --> 00:31:51.640
 roll over

00:31:51.640 --> 00:31:52.340
 and throw my arms

00:31:52.340 --> 00:31:53.040
 around his neck

00:31:53.040 --> 00:31:53.460
 and give him

00:31:53.460 --> 00:31:54.220
 the biggest kiss

00:31:54.220 --> 00:31:55.380
 that you've ever seen

00:31:55.380 --> 00:31:56.600
 and then I'm going

00:31:56.600 --> 00:31:57.040
 to discover

00:31:57.040 --> 00:31:57.500
 that he's brought

00:31:57.500 --> 00:31:58.220
 a breakfast tray

00:31:58.220 --> 00:31:58.880
 and I'm going to

00:31:58.880 --> 00:31:59.580
 sit up in bed

00:31:59.580 --> 00:32:00.400
 and he's going to

00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:01.480
 slip that breakfast tray

00:32:01.480 --> 00:32:02.180
 over me

00:32:02.180 --> 00:32:03.000
 and he's going to

00:32:03.000 --> 00:32:04.060
 sit down on the other side

00:32:04.060 --> 00:32:04.880
 and there on this

00:32:04.880 --> 00:32:06.060
 beautiful breakfast tray

00:32:06.060 --> 00:32:07.320
 of bacon

00:32:07.320 --> 00:32:08.080
 and eggs

00:32:08.080 --> 00:32:09.140
 and orange juice

00:32:09.140 --> 00:32:09.740
 and coffee

00:32:09.740 --> 00:32:11.340
 and one red rose

00:32:11.340 --> 00:32:12.920
 in a white vase

00:32:12.920 --> 00:32:15.160
 and being married

00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:16.040
 is just going to be

00:32:16.040 --> 00:32:18.000
 nobody moves.

00:32:20.760 --> 00:32:21.940
 He grew up in a family

00:32:21.940 --> 00:32:22.680
 where his mother

00:32:22.680 --> 00:32:23.400
 fixed breakfast

00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:24.580
 like most of us did

00:32:24.580 --> 00:32:25.780
 and he's dreaming

00:32:25.780 --> 00:32:27.180
 exactly the same dream

00:32:27.180 --> 00:32:28.640
 backwards.

00:32:29.040 --> 00:32:29.480
 She's going to

00:32:29.480 --> 00:32:30.240
 slip out of bed

00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:30.760
 quietly

00:32:30.760 --> 00:32:31.700
 so as not to wake me

00:32:31.700 --> 00:32:32.520
 bring breakfast

00:32:32.520 --> 00:32:33.220
 back in bed.

00:32:33.220 --> 00:32:34.500
 Being married

00:32:34.500 --> 00:32:34.980
 is going to be

00:32:34.980 --> 00:32:35.579
 fantastic

00:32:35.579 --> 00:32:36.620
 but nobody moves.

00:32:37.660 --> 00:32:38.420
 In a little while

00:32:38.420 --> 00:32:39.700
 aware that nobody

00:32:39.700 --> 00:32:40.220
 has moved

00:32:40.220 --> 00:32:40.980
 he rolls over

00:32:40.980 --> 00:32:41.779
 and he puts his arms

00:32:41.779 --> 00:32:42.259
 around her

00:32:42.259 --> 00:32:43.000
 and he begins to

00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:44.259
 kiss her on the back

00:32:44.259 --> 00:32:44.559
 of the neck

00:32:44.559 --> 00:32:45.720
 and whispers in her ear

00:32:45.720 --> 00:32:46.059
 sweetheart

00:32:46.059 --> 00:32:47.380
 wouldn't bacon and eggs

00:32:47.380 --> 00:32:48.680
 taste good this morning?

00:32:50.200 --> 00:32:51.279
 And she turns over

00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:51.920
 and responds

00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:52.440
 and gives him

00:32:52.440 --> 00:32:53.160
 a great big hug

00:32:53.160 --> 00:32:53.579
 and kiss

00:32:53.579 --> 00:32:53.940
 and says

00:32:53.940 --> 00:32:54.819
 yes they would

00:32:54.819 --> 00:32:55.400
 why don't you

00:32:55.400 --> 00:32:56.059
 fix us son?

00:32:57.660 --> 00:32:58.519
 And he sits right

00:32:58.519 --> 00:32:59.259
 straight up in bed

00:32:59.259 --> 00:33:01.599
 and says

00:33:01.599 --> 00:33:01.940
 me?

00:33:02.839 --> 00:33:03.819
 Fix us son?

00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:05.299
 That's your job

00:33:05.299 --> 00:33:06.059
 and she begins

00:33:06.059 --> 00:33:07.039
 to tear up

00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:07.539
 and cry.

00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:08.379
 You see

00:33:08.379 --> 00:33:09.140
 here's love

00:33:09.140 --> 00:33:09.940
 first morning

00:33:09.940 --> 00:33:11.119
 after the honeymoon's over

00:33:11.119 --> 00:33:12.559
 deciding who's going

00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:13.359
 to fix breakfast

00:33:13.359 --> 00:33:15.759
 the next 65 years

00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:16.379
 or so.

00:33:19.500 --> 00:33:20.980
 Three days go by

00:33:20.980 --> 00:33:23.079
 the waste basket

00:33:23.079 --> 00:33:23.680
 fills up

00:33:23.680 --> 00:33:24.400
 over in the corner.

00:33:25.259 --> 00:33:26.000
 She wonders

00:33:26.000 --> 00:33:27.279
 why doesn't he

00:33:27.279 --> 00:33:28.400
 empty the waste basket?

00:33:29.400 --> 00:33:30.259
 And the reason

00:33:30.259 --> 00:33:30.800
 he doesn't

00:33:30.800 --> 00:33:31.860
 empty the waste basket

00:33:31.860 --> 00:33:33.140
 is that full waste baskets

00:33:33.140 --> 00:33:33.960
 don't bother men.

00:33:35.500 --> 00:33:36.380
 Nobody ever

00:33:36.380 --> 00:33:37.259
 told her that.

00:33:38.259 --> 00:33:39.580
 But full waste baskets

00:33:39.580 --> 00:33:40.400
 don't bother men.

00:33:40.500 --> 00:33:41.340
 Full waste baskets

00:33:41.340 --> 00:33:42.000
 bother women.

00:33:43.840 --> 00:33:44.160
 You see

00:33:44.160 --> 00:33:44.940
 a man can walk

00:33:44.940 --> 00:33:45.920
 by that waste basket

00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:46.580
 and throw paper

00:33:46.580 --> 00:33:46.940
 on top

00:33:46.940 --> 00:33:47.420
 or whatever

00:33:47.420 --> 00:33:48.200
 on top of it

00:33:48.200 --> 00:33:49.740
 and as long as

00:33:49.740 --> 00:33:50.580
 it's in the general

00:33:50.580 --> 00:33:51.220
 vicinity

00:33:51.220 --> 00:33:52.840
 of the waste basket

00:33:52.840 --> 00:33:54.100
 it's fine with him.

00:33:56.200 --> 00:33:57.200
 So she pulls

00:33:57.200 --> 00:33:57.840
 the waste basket

00:33:57.839 --> 00:33:58.419
 out in the middle

00:33:58.419 --> 00:33:59.039
 of the floor

00:33:59.039 --> 00:34:00.079
 and he stumbles

00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:00.980
 over it and falls.

00:34:02.059 --> 00:34:02.740
 And he picks

00:34:02.740 --> 00:34:03.339
 himself up

00:34:03.339 --> 00:34:03.959
 and he dusts

00:34:03.959 --> 00:34:04.579
 himself off

00:34:04.579 --> 00:34:04.959
 and he looks

00:34:04.959 --> 00:34:05.480
 back at it

00:34:05.480 --> 00:34:05.939
 and he says

00:34:05.939 --> 00:34:07.359
 what in the world

00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:07.980
 is that?

00:34:09.099 --> 00:34:09.880
 And she stands

00:34:09.880 --> 00:34:10.500
 on the other side

00:34:10.500 --> 00:34:10.719
 of it

00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:11.159
 and looks back

00:34:11.159 --> 00:34:11.559
 with her hands

00:34:11.559 --> 00:34:11.920
 on her hips

00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:12.539
 and she says

00:34:12.539 --> 00:34:13.920
 that dummy

00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:15.840
 is a waste basket.

00:34:16.799 --> 00:34:17.480
 And he says

00:34:17.480 --> 00:34:18.319
 I know that.

00:34:18.519 --> 00:34:19.039
 What's it doing

00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:19.319
 in the middle

00:34:19.319 --> 00:34:19.719
 of the floor?

00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:20.360
 And she says

00:34:20.360 --> 00:34:21.099
 I thought if you

00:34:21.099 --> 00:34:21.880
 could see it

00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:23.380
 you'd empty it.

00:34:23.380 --> 00:34:24.800
 And he says

00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:25.760
 empty the waste basket

00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:26.519
 that's your job

00:34:26.519 --> 00:34:26.940
 and she says

00:34:26.940 --> 00:34:27.700
 oh no it's not

00:34:27.700 --> 00:34:28.640
 cooking breakfast

00:34:28.640 --> 00:34:29.420
 is my job.

00:34:29.680 --> 00:34:30.579
 Emptying the waste basket

00:34:30.579 --> 00:34:34.880
 Now you see

00:34:34.880 --> 00:34:35.740
 there they are.

00:34:35.960 --> 00:34:36.880
 Here is love

00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:38.920
 standing on either

00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:40.300
 side of a waste basket

00:34:40.300 --> 00:34:41.300
 with its eyes

00:34:41.300 --> 00:34:42.019
 flashing

00:34:42.019 --> 00:34:43.820
 deciding who's going

00:34:43.820 --> 00:34:45.340
 to empty the waste basket

00:34:45.340 --> 00:34:46.680
 until they get a son

00:34:46.680 --> 00:34:47.320
 old enough

00:34:47.320 --> 00:34:48.760
 to empty the waste basket.

00:34:48.760 --> 00:34:54.680
 Love.

00:34:56.100 --> 00:34:56.820
 So the thing

00:34:56.820 --> 00:34:57.320
 that we try

00:34:57.320 --> 00:34:58.340
 to tell people

00:34:58.340 --> 00:34:59.140
 is that it's

00:34:59.140 --> 00:34:59.960
 a whole lot easier

00:34:59.960 --> 00:35:00.780
 to fall in love

00:35:00.780 --> 00:35:01.280
 with a person

00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:01.760
 than it is

00:35:01.760 --> 00:35:02.360
 to stay in love

00:35:02.360 --> 00:35:02.840
 with a person.

00:35:03.100 --> 00:35:04.100
 You can fall in love

00:35:04.100 --> 00:35:06.260
 with a lot of people

00:35:06.260 --> 00:35:06.740
 that you cannot

00:35:06.740 --> 00:35:08.080
 possibly live happily with

00:35:08.080 --> 00:35:09.020
 can't you?

00:35:09.100 --> 00:35:09.700
 You can fall in love

00:35:09.700 --> 00:35:10.160
 with a criminal.

00:35:11.500 --> 00:35:12.160
 You can fall in love

00:35:12.160 --> 00:35:12.760
 with a halfwit.

00:35:13.500 --> 00:35:14.160
 You can fall in love

00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:15.020
 with a scatterbrain.

00:35:16.140 --> 00:35:16.440
 And you know

00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:17.100
 I keep getting people

00:35:17.100 --> 00:35:17.780
 punching each other.

00:35:17.840 --> 00:35:18.500
 Some of you have

00:35:18.500 --> 00:35:19.059
 heavenship.

00:35:20.659 --> 00:35:21.480
 That wasn't really

00:35:21.480 --> 00:35:22.099
 where that was

00:35:22.099 --> 00:35:22.800
 intended to lead

00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:25.460
 but it's a whole lot

00:35:25.460 --> 00:35:26.360
 easier to fall in love

00:35:26.360 --> 00:35:26.719
 than it is

00:35:26.719 --> 00:35:27.380
 to stay in love.

00:35:27.460 --> 00:35:28.179
 So one of the things

00:35:28.179 --> 00:35:29.000
 that we need to do

00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:29.380
 at this

00:35:29.380 --> 00:35:31.039
 upsetting session

00:35:31.039 --> 00:35:32.739
 is to talk about love

00:35:32.739 --> 00:35:33.679
 and what love is

00:35:33.679 --> 00:35:34.800
 and how love functions

00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:35.840
 in the marriage relationship.

00:35:36.639 --> 00:35:37.159
 The Greeks

00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:38.500
 had four different words

00:35:38.500 --> 00:35:39.219
 for love

00:35:39.219 --> 00:35:40.599
 and each one of them

00:35:40.599 --> 00:35:41.739
 has a special role

00:35:41.739 --> 00:35:42.199
 to play

00:35:42.199 --> 00:35:43.280
 in our understanding

00:35:43.280 --> 00:35:43.840
 of what

00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:45.139
 a loving relationship

00:35:45.139 --> 00:35:46.860
 really is intended to be.

00:35:47.019 --> 00:35:47.820
 The first word

00:35:47.820 --> 00:35:48.480
 that the Greeks had

00:35:48.480 --> 00:35:49.079
 was the word

00:35:49.079 --> 00:35:49.420
 storge.

00:35:49.659 --> 00:35:50.059
 It's a word

00:35:50.059 --> 00:35:50.860
 for family love

00:35:50.860 --> 00:35:52.340
 and it describes

00:35:52.340 --> 00:35:53.099
 love that parents

00:35:53.099 --> 00:35:53.760
 have for children

00:35:53.760 --> 00:35:54.519
 and love that children

00:35:54.519 --> 00:35:55.500
 have for their parents

00:35:55.500 --> 00:35:56.019
 and love that

00:35:56.019 --> 00:35:57.280
 brothers and sisters

00:35:57.280 --> 00:35:57.820
 in a family

00:35:57.820 --> 00:35:58.699
 have for each other

00:35:58.699 --> 00:35:59.880
 storge love

00:35:59.880 --> 00:36:00.820
 and storge love

00:36:00.820 --> 00:36:01.240
 in the marriage

00:36:01.240 --> 00:36:02.199
 relationship says

00:36:02.199 --> 00:36:04.000
 I realize that you

00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:04.599
 are a member

00:36:04.599 --> 00:36:05.320
 of a family

00:36:05.320 --> 00:36:07.119
 and because you

00:36:07.119 --> 00:36:07.519
 are a member

00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:08.139
 of a family

00:36:08.139 --> 00:36:08.900
 and your family

00:36:08.900 --> 00:36:10.179
 is important to you

00:36:10.179 --> 00:36:10.800
 your family

00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:11.500
 is going to be

00:36:11.500 --> 00:36:12.380
 important to me.

00:36:12.380 --> 00:36:14.599
 The second word

00:36:14.599 --> 00:36:15.180
 is the word

00:36:15.180 --> 00:36:15.900
 eros

00:36:15.900 --> 00:36:17.240
 and the word

00:36:17.240 --> 00:36:17.920
 eros

00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:18.480
 is a word

00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:19.840
 for self-fulfilling

00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:20.440
 love

00:36:20.440 --> 00:36:21.220
 but the Greeks

00:36:21.220 --> 00:36:22.220
 used it primarily

00:36:22.220 --> 00:36:23.480
 for sexual love

00:36:23.480 --> 00:36:25.220
 and in the marriage

00:36:25.220 --> 00:36:26.039
 relationship

00:36:26.039 --> 00:36:27.740
 erotic love

00:36:27.740 --> 00:36:28.260
 says

00:36:28.260 --> 00:36:29.480
 you are physically

00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:30.140
 attractive

00:36:30.140 --> 00:36:30.980
 to me.

00:36:30.980 --> 00:36:32.199
 The third word

00:36:32.199 --> 00:36:32.800
 is the word

00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:33.380
 phileo

00:36:33.380 --> 00:36:34.860
 and the word

00:36:34.860 --> 00:36:35.400
 phileo

00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:35.960
 is a word

00:36:35.960 --> 00:36:36.920
 that describes

00:36:36.920 --> 00:36:37.980
 emotional love

00:36:37.980 --> 00:36:38.980
 between two friends

00:36:38.980 --> 00:36:40.740
 it's friendship love

00:36:40.740 --> 00:36:42.179
 it's the enjoyment

00:36:42.179 --> 00:36:43.019
 that two people

00:36:43.019 --> 00:36:44.019
 have of going

00:36:44.019 --> 00:36:44.920
 places together

00:36:44.920 --> 00:36:45.980
 and doing things

00:36:45.980 --> 00:36:46.360
 together

00:36:46.360 --> 00:36:47.280
 and experiencing

00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:48.340
 things together

00:36:48.340 --> 00:36:49.240
 as friends

00:36:49.240 --> 00:36:50.880
 and friendship

00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:51.619
 love says

00:36:51.619 --> 00:36:52.340
 I like you

00:36:52.340 --> 00:36:54.079
 I enjoy being

00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:54.380
 with you

00:36:54.380 --> 00:36:55.000
 I enjoy going

00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:55.719
 places with you

00:36:55.719 --> 00:36:56.440
 I enjoy doing

00:36:56.440 --> 00:36:57.219
 things with you

00:36:57.219 --> 00:36:58.199
 I enjoy being

00:36:58.199 --> 00:36:58.780
 with you

00:36:58.780 --> 00:36:59.740
 you are my friend

00:36:59.740 --> 00:37:00.780
 and the fourth word

00:37:00.780 --> 00:37:01.480
 is the word

00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:01.960
 agape

00:37:01.960 --> 00:37:04.000
 and the word

00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:04.420
 agape

00:37:04.420 --> 00:37:05.140
 is a word

00:37:05.140 --> 00:37:06.660
 for unselfish

00:37:06.660 --> 00:37:07.640
 service

00:37:07.640 --> 00:37:09.280
 it's a word

00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:10.100
 that describes

00:37:10.100 --> 00:37:10.800
 not the way

00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:11.240
 we feel

00:37:11.240 --> 00:37:11.660
 about another

00:37:11.660 --> 00:37:12.320
 human being

00:37:12.320 --> 00:37:12.800
 but the way

00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:13.920
 we reach out

00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:14.500
 to another

00:37:14.500 --> 00:37:15.240
 human being

00:37:15.240 --> 00:37:16.480
 and let me

00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:17.040
 share with you

00:37:17.040 --> 00:37:17.519
 a concept

00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:18.340
 that came to me

00:37:18.340 --> 00:37:19.140
 several months ago

00:37:19.140 --> 00:37:20.040
 that I believe

00:37:20.040 --> 00:37:20.880
 is a very important

00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:21.860
 concept for

00:37:21.860 --> 00:37:22.700
 the marriage

00:37:22.700 --> 00:37:23.440
 enrichment seminar

00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:24.140
 and for our

00:37:24.140 --> 00:37:24.820
 understanding

00:37:24.820 --> 00:37:25.300
 of what

00:37:25.300 --> 00:37:25.980
 the marriage

00:37:25.980 --> 00:37:26.519
 relationship

00:37:26.519 --> 00:37:27.340
 is intended

00:37:27.340 --> 00:37:27.700
 to be

00:37:27.700 --> 00:37:28.519
 if you put

00:37:28.519 --> 00:37:30.760
 sexual attraction

00:37:30.780 --> 00:37:31.519
 there

00:37:31.519 --> 00:37:32.080
 and if you put

00:37:32.080 --> 00:37:32.480
 friendship

00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:36.240
 there

00:37:36.240 --> 00:37:37.360
 and if you put

00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:38.360
 service

00:37:38.360 --> 00:37:40.740
 and think of

00:37:40.740 --> 00:37:41.640
 unselfish service

00:37:41.640 --> 00:37:42.040
 there

00:37:42.040 --> 00:37:43.400
 and then you draw

00:37:43.400 --> 00:37:44.720
 boxes around

00:37:44.720 --> 00:37:45.360
 these

00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:47.260
 I believe that

00:37:47.260 --> 00:37:48.120
 these two

00:37:48.120 --> 00:37:48.900
 constitute

00:37:48.900 --> 00:37:50.280
 romantic love

00:37:50.280 --> 00:37:58.060
 eros

00:37:58.060 --> 00:37:58.960
 is sexual

00:37:58.960 --> 00:37:59.500
 attraction

00:37:59.500 --> 00:38:01.380
 friendship

00:38:01.380 --> 00:38:03.220
 is the way

00:38:03.220 --> 00:38:03.700
 we enjoy

00:38:03.700 --> 00:38:04.440
 being together

00:38:04.440 --> 00:38:04.980
 and when you

00:38:04.980 --> 00:38:05.540
 put those two

00:38:05.540 --> 00:38:05.900
 together

00:38:05.900 --> 00:38:07.300
 I believe

00:38:07.300 --> 00:38:07.820
 you come up

00:38:07.820 --> 00:38:08.660
 with romantic

00:38:08.660 --> 00:38:09.060
 love

00:38:09.060 --> 00:38:09.820
 one of the

00:38:09.820 --> 00:38:10.260
 things that

00:38:10.260 --> 00:38:10.900
 caused me

00:38:10.900 --> 00:38:11.760
 to think

00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:12.440
 in these terms

00:38:12.440 --> 00:38:12.980
 was asking

00:38:12.980 --> 00:38:13.580
 myself the

00:38:13.580 --> 00:38:13.880
 question

00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:14.400
 what do people

00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:15.040
 mean when they

00:38:15.040 --> 00:38:15.720
 say I love you

00:38:15.720 --> 00:38:16.460
 let me ask you

00:38:16.460 --> 00:38:16.940
 that question

00:38:16.940 --> 00:38:17.480
 what do you

00:38:17.480 --> 00:38:17.960
 mean when you

00:38:17.960 --> 00:38:18.960
 say to each

00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:19.599
 other I love

00:38:19.599 --> 00:38:19.840
 you

00:38:19.840 --> 00:38:21.559
 and you have

00:38:21.559 --> 00:38:22.039
 a hard time

00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:22.519
 getting a

00:38:22.519 --> 00:38:24.199
 handle on that

00:38:24.199 --> 00:38:25.960
 but one day

00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:26.860
 I had sat in

00:38:26.860 --> 00:38:27.519
 my office for

00:38:27.519 --> 00:38:28.019
 about an hour

00:38:28.019 --> 00:38:28.699
 listening to two

00:38:28.699 --> 00:38:29.240
 people who were

00:38:29.240 --> 00:38:29.840
 saying to me

00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:30.579
 we don't love

00:38:30.579 --> 00:38:31.000
 each other

00:38:31.000 --> 00:38:31.420
 anymore

00:38:31.420 --> 00:38:32.139
 and as they

00:38:32.139 --> 00:38:33.139
 left I asked

00:38:33.139 --> 00:38:33.740
 myself what

00:38:33.740 --> 00:38:34.519
 were they saying

00:38:34.519 --> 00:38:35.340
 turn it around

00:38:35.340 --> 00:38:36.079
 and ask yourself

00:38:36.079 --> 00:38:36.659
 what are two

00:38:36.659 --> 00:38:37.220
 people saying

00:38:37.220 --> 00:38:37.659
 when they say

00:38:37.659 --> 00:38:38.199
 we don't love

00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:38.539
 each other

00:38:38.539 --> 00:38:38.860
 anymore

00:38:38.860 --> 00:38:41.539
 and I began

00:38:41.539 --> 00:38:42.139
 to make myself

00:38:42.139 --> 00:38:42.519
 a list

00:38:42.519 --> 00:38:43.220
 they're saying

00:38:43.220 --> 00:38:44.039
 we don't enjoy

00:38:44.039 --> 00:38:44.720
 being around

00:38:44.720 --> 00:38:45.159
 each other

00:38:45.159 --> 00:38:45.480
 anymore

00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:46.960
 I don't enjoy

00:38:46.960 --> 00:38:47.559
 his company

00:38:47.559 --> 00:38:49.260
 I don't enjoy

00:38:49.260 --> 00:38:50.460
 chatting with

00:38:50.460 --> 00:38:50.820
 her

00:38:50.820 --> 00:38:51.699
 she nags

00:38:51.699 --> 00:38:52.780
 she fusses

00:38:52.780 --> 00:38:53.820
 she criticizes

00:38:53.820 --> 00:38:55.019
 she complains

00:38:55.019 --> 00:38:55.940
 I don't enjoy

00:38:55.940 --> 00:38:56.780
 being with her

00:38:56.780 --> 00:38:57.240
 anymore

00:38:57.240 --> 00:38:57.980
 I don't enjoy

00:38:57.980 --> 00:38:58.639
 being with him

00:38:58.639 --> 00:38:58.980
 anymore

00:38:58.980 --> 00:39:00.460
 and it dawned

00:39:00.460 --> 00:39:00.860
 on me

00:39:00.860 --> 00:39:01.340
 that what they

00:39:01.340 --> 00:39:01.780
 were talking

00:39:01.780 --> 00:39:02.159
 about was

00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:02.539
 friendship

00:39:02.539 --> 00:39:04.360
 and that what

00:39:04.360 --> 00:39:05.000
 we basically

00:39:05.000 --> 00:39:05.760
 mean when we

00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:06.679
 say I love

00:39:06.679 --> 00:39:07.300
 you to each

00:39:07.300 --> 00:39:07.619
 other

00:39:07.619 --> 00:39:09.860
 is you are

00:39:09.860 --> 00:39:10.460
 my friend

00:39:10.460 --> 00:39:12.420
 and it dawned

00:39:12.420 --> 00:39:12.980
 on me that

00:39:12.980 --> 00:39:13.300
 one of the

00:39:13.300 --> 00:39:14.059
 greatest things

00:39:14.059 --> 00:39:14.500
 in a marriage

00:39:14.500 --> 00:39:15.099
 relationship

00:39:15.099 --> 00:39:16.759
 is for two

00:39:16.759 --> 00:39:17.420
 people who are

00:39:17.420 --> 00:39:18.000
 husbands and

00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:19.000
 wives to be

00:39:19.000 --> 00:39:20.420
 best friends

00:39:20.420 --> 00:39:21.900
 and if I were

00:39:21.900 --> 00:39:22.500
 going to give

00:39:22.500 --> 00:39:23.460
 you an assignment

00:39:23.460 --> 00:39:24.360
 growing out of

00:39:24.360 --> 00:39:24.940
 this first

00:39:24.940 --> 00:39:26.159
 session together

00:39:26.159 --> 00:39:27.739
 the assignment

00:39:27.739 --> 00:39:28.699
 would be for

00:39:28.699 --> 00:39:29.360
 the two of you

00:39:29.360 --> 00:39:29.940
 as husband and

00:39:29.940 --> 00:39:30.739
 wife to become

00:39:30.739 --> 00:39:32.099
 and be to

00:39:32.099 --> 00:39:32.539
 each other

00:39:32.539 --> 00:39:34.500
 best friends

00:39:34.500 --> 00:39:36.099
 if you are not

00:39:36.099 --> 00:39:36.940
 best friends

00:39:36.940 --> 00:39:38.579
 learn to share

00:39:38.579 --> 00:39:40.639
 learn to talk

00:39:40.639 --> 00:39:42.000
 learn to

00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:42.519
 communicate

00:39:42.519 --> 00:39:43.840
 learn to

00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:45.039
 enjoy things

00:39:45.039 --> 00:39:45.539
 together

00:39:45.539 --> 00:39:46.440
 and create

00:39:46.440 --> 00:39:47.219
 things that

00:39:47.219 --> 00:39:47.860
 you enjoy

00:39:47.860 --> 00:39:48.960
 doing together

00:39:48.960 --> 00:39:49.980
 because you're

00:39:49.980 --> 00:39:50.300
 friends

00:39:50.300 --> 00:39:51.579
 because I believe

00:39:51.579 --> 00:39:52.179
 that it is at

00:39:52.179 --> 00:39:52.679
 the heart

00:39:52.679 --> 00:39:53.519
 of the marriage

00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:54.119
 relationship

00:39:54.119 --> 00:39:54.820
 and what it

00:39:54.820 --> 00:39:55.500
 means for two

00:39:55.500 --> 00:39:56.199
 human beings

00:39:56.199 --> 00:39:56.880
 to be in love

00:39:56.880 --> 00:39:57.659
 I'm convinced

00:39:57.659 --> 00:39:59.460
 that a combination

00:39:59.460 --> 00:40:00.239
 of sexual

00:40:00.239 --> 00:40:01.059
 attraction and

00:40:01.059 --> 00:40:01.460
 friendship

00:40:01.460 --> 00:40:03.099
 blends to make

00:40:03.099 --> 00:40:03.900
 the romantic

00:40:03.900 --> 00:40:04.659
 dimension

00:40:04.659 --> 00:40:06.000
 of love

00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:07.659
 but in order

00:40:07.659 --> 00:40:08.119
 for that

00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:08.519
 romantic

00:40:08.519 --> 00:40:09.059
 dimension

00:40:09.059 --> 00:40:10.920
 to be

00:40:10.920 --> 00:40:13.039
 long term

00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:14.519
 in order

00:40:14.519 --> 00:40:15.139
 for it to

00:40:15.139 --> 00:40:15.819
 really stretch

00:40:15.819 --> 00:40:16.420
 out over the

00:40:16.420 --> 00:40:17.019
 years and

00:40:17.019 --> 00:40:17.899
 grow and

00:40:17.899 --> 00:40:18.679
 develop and

00:40:18.679 --> 00:40:19.299
 be a blessing

00:40:19.299 --> 00:40:20.039
 to people's

00:40:20.039 --> 00:40:20.539
 lives

00:40:20.539 --> 00:40:21.980
 there has to

00:40:21.980 --> 00:40:22.559
 be the

00:40:22.559 --> 00:40:23.279
 agape love

00:40:23.279 --> 00:40:23.539
 that is

00:40:23.539 --> 00:40:24.139
 unselfish

00:40:24.139 --> 00:40:24.579
 service

00:40:24.579 --> 00:40:26.000
 and the best

00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:26.679
 description of

00:40:26.679 --> 00:40:27.299
 agape love

00:40:27.299 --> 00:40:27.659
 in the New

00:40:27.659 --> 00:40:28.259
 Testament is

00:40:28.259 --> 00:40:28.759
 the description

00:40:28.759 --> 00:40:29.440
 in 1 Corinthians

00:40:29.440 --> 00:40:30.379
 13 that is

00:40:30.379 --> 00:40:31.139
 so familiar

00:40:31.139 --> 00:40:32.399
 to every

00:40:32.399 --> 00:40:33.460
 student of the

00:40:33.460 --> 00:40:33.739
 Bible

00:40:33.739 --> 00:40:34.539
 everyone who

00:40:34.539 --> 00:40:35.019
 loves to

00:40:35.019 --> 00:40:35.379
 study the

00:40:35.379 --> 00:40:35.679
 word

00:40:35.679 --> 00:40:37.799
 when Paul

00:40:37.799 --> 00:40:38.359
 begins in

00:40:38.359 --> 00:40:39.019
 verse 4 of

00:40:39.019 --> 00:40:39.500
 1 Corinthians

00:40:39.500 --> 00:40:40.419
 13 to say

00:40:40.419 --> 00:40:40.799
 love is

00:40:40.799 --> 00:40:42.500
 patient and

00:40:42.500 --> 00:40:44.099
 kind love

00:40:44.099 --> 00:40:44.459
 is not

00:40:44.459 --> 00:40:45.279
 jealous or

00:40:45.279 --> 00:40:46.000
 boastful it

00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:46.339
 is not

00:40:46.339 --> 00:40:47.159
 arrogant or

00:40:47.159 --> 00:40:48.059
 rude notice

00:40:48.059 --> 00:40:48.899
 that Paul is

00:40:48.899 --> 00:40:49.539
 not discussing

00:40:49.539 --> 00:40:50.019
 the way two

00:40:50.019 --> 00:40:50.659
 people feel

00:40:50.659 --> 00:40:51.059
 about each

00:40:51.059 --> 00:40:51.319
 other

00:40:51.319 --> 00:40:54.059
 instead the

00:40:54.059 --> 00:40:54.539
 apostle is

00:40:54.539 --> 00:40:55.119
 talking about

00:40:55.119 --> 00:40:56.459
 the way you

00:40:56.459 --> 00:40:57.459
 treat another

00:40:57.459 --> 00:40:58.359
 human being

00:40:58.359 --> 00:40:59.000
 love is

00:40:59.000 --> 00:40:59.759
 patient it

00:40:59.759 --> 00:41:00.339
 may not feel

00:41:00.339 --> 00:41:02.019
 patience but

00:41:02.019 --> 00:41:02.579
 it acts in

00:41:02.579 --> 00:41:03.439
 patience love

00:41:03.440 --> 00:41:04.380
 is kind it

00:41:04.380 --> 00:41:04.960
 may not feel

00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:06.480
 kindly as a

00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:07.019
 matter of fact

00:41:07.019 --> 00:41:07.800
 it may feel

00:41:07.800 --> 00:41:08.900
 very unkindly

00:41:08.900 --> 00:41:09.480
 at the moment

00:41:09.480 --> 00:41:10.659
 but since

00:41:10.659 --> 00:41:11.300
 God is

00:41:11.300 --> 00:41:11.740
 ruling in

00:41:11.740 --> 00:41:12.400
 our lives

00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:13.880
 God has

00:41:13.880 --> 00:41:14.860
 called us to

00:41:14.860 --> 00:41:15.659
 express loving

00:41:15.659 --> 00:41:16.519
 relationships to

00:41:16.519 --> 00:41:17.179
 other people and

00:41:17.179 --> 00:41:17.980
 so love is

00:41:17.980 --> 00:41:18.960
 kind regardless

00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:19.440
 of how it

00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:20.280
 feels it will

00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:21.119
 develop emotions

00:41:21.119 --> 00:41:22.420
 in time but

00:41:22.420 --> 00:41:23.000
 it need not have

00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:24.099
 emotions at the

00:41:24.099 --> 00:41:25.840
 moment love is

00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:26.579
 not jealous or

00:41:26.579 --> 00:41:27.360
 boastful it's not

00:41:27.360 --> 00:41:28.220
 arrogant or rude

00:41:28.220 --> 00:41:29.220
 it doesn't insist

00:41:29.220 --> 00:41:29.920
 on its own way

00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:31.360
 there is their

00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:33.680
 selfishness and

00:41:33.680 --> 00:41:34.400
 the apostle Paul

00:41:34.400 --> 00:41:35.139
 tells us that

00:41:35.139 --> 00:41:35.940
 love agape

00:41:35.940 --> 00:41:36.619
 love this

00:41:36.619 --> 00:41:38.059
 unselfish service

00:41:38.059 --> 00:41:38.800
 to another human

00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:41.180
 being reaches out

00:41:41.180 --> 00:41:43.320
 to serve and so

00:41:43.320 --> 00:41:44.639
 it stymies the

00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:45.260
 very greatest

00:41:45.260 --> 00:41:46.440
 problem there is

00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:46.820
 in the marriage

00:41:46.820 --> 00:41:48.119
 relationship no it's

00:41:48.119 --> 00:41:48.840
 fairly easy to fall

00:41:48.840 --> 00:41:50.039
 in love staying in

00:41:50.039 --> 00:41:50.840
 love is the trick

00:41:50.840 --> 00:41:53.280
 and so as you think

00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:55.119
 about these definitions

00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:56.280
 of love and their

00:41:56.280 --> 00:41:57.940
 essential meaning so

00:41:57.940 --> 00:41:58.700
 far as the marriage

00:41:58.700 --> 00:41:59.599
 relationship is

00:41:59.599 --> 00:42:00.980
 concerned let me

00:42:00.980 --> 00:42:01.840
 sketch for you some

00:42:01.840 --> 00:42:02.960
 things that I call

00:42:02.960 --> 00:42:03.920
 elements in love

00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:05.860
 support system I

00:42:05.860 --> 00:42:06.599
 believe that these

00:42:06.599 --> 00:42:07.519
 are elements that

00:42:07.519 --> 00:42:08.179
 are absolutely

00:42:08.179 --> 00:42:09.760
 essential if love

00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:11.340
 is not only to

00:42:11.340 --> 00:42:12.179
 develop but if it

00:42:12.179 --> 00:42:13.260
 is to grow over a

00:42:13.260 --> 00:42:14.099
 long period of time

00:42:14.099 --> 00:42:15.920
 one of the first

00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:16.579
 things that is

00:42:16.579 --> 00:42:17.639
 important to a

00:42:17.639 --> 00:42:18.460
 loving relationship

00:42:18.460 --> 00:42:19.900
 is a quality of

00:42:19.900 --> 00:42:20.940
 character in the

00:42:20.940 --> 00:42:21.760
 individual who is

00:42:21.760 --> 00:42:22.400
 doing the loving

00:42:22.400 --> 00:42:24.579
 so many times a

00:42:24.579 --> 00:42:25.579
 lack of character

00:42:25.579 --> 00:42:27.759
 destroys a

00:42:27.759 --> 00:42:29.440
 relationship it

00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:30.019
 destroys a

00:42:30.019 --> 00:42:31.019
 relationship because

00:42:31.019 --> 00:42:32.039
 a person cannot be

00:42:32.039 --> 00:42:33.679
 trusted one of the

00:42:33.679 --> 00:42:34.299
 things that we tell

00:42:34.299 --> 00:42:35.319
 young people constantly

00:42:35.319 --> 00:42:36.179
 is there's no such

00:42:36.179 --> 00:42:36.719
 thing as love at

00:42:36.719 --> 00:42:38.199
 first sight but one

00:42:38.199 --> 00:42:38.860
 of the reasons there's

00:42:38.860 --> 00:42:39.599
 no such thing as love

00:42:39.599 --> 00:42:40.360
 at first sight is that

00:42:40.360 --> 00:42:41.420
 you cannot tell what's

00:42:41.420 --> 00:42:42.259
 on the inside of a

00:42:42.259 --> 00:42:43.259
 person by looking at

00:42:43.259 --> 00:42:44.000
 the outside of a

00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:44.799
 person and you

00:42:44.799 --> 00:42:46.239
 cannot love deeply a

00:42:46.239 --> 00:42:46.819
 person that you

00:42:46.819 --> 00:42:48.199
 cannot trust deeply

00:42:48.199 --> 00:42:50.340
 I believe that says

00:42:50.340 --> 00:42:51.539
 volumes to us about

00:42:51.539 --> 00:42:52.000
 the marriage

00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:53.139
 relationship it says

00:42:53.139 --> 00:42:54.219
 to those of us who

00:42:54.219 --> 00:42:54.859
 are husbands and

00:42:54.859 --> 00:42:56.000
 wives I need to be

00:42:56.000 --> 00:42:57.659
 open and honest with

00:42:57.659 --> 00:42:59.659
 my partner I need to

00:42:59.659 --> 00:43:00.819
 share my life with my

00:43:00.819 --> 00:43:01.519
 partner I need to

00:43:01.519 --> 00:43:02.359
 share with my partner

00:43:02.359 --> 00:43:03.919
 who I am and how I

00:43:03.919 --> 00:43:05.279
 feel today and what I

00:43:05.279 --> 00:43:07.579
 believe because you

00:43:07.579 --> 00:43:08.899
 cannot love deeply a

00:43:08.899 --> 00:43:09.719
 person that you cannot

00:43:09.719 --> 00:43:11.879
 trust deeply and then

00:43:11.879 --> 00:43:12.719
 I need to accept my

00:43:12.719 --> 00:43:13.219
 part of the

00:43:13.219 --> 00:43:14.239
 responsibility and I

00:43:14.239 --> 00:43:14.919
 need to treat my

00:43:14.919 --> 00:43:17.500
 partner fairly I need

00:43:17.500 --> 00:43:18.819
 to do things that

00:43:18.819 --> 00:43:19.839
 allow my partner to

00:43:19.839 --> 00:43:21.179
 develop a deep trust

00:43:21.179 --> 00:43:22.839
 in me but trust does

00:43:22.840 --> 00:43:24.980
 not come quickly the

00:43:24.980 --> 00:43:25.900
 second thing that is

00:43:25.900 --> 00:43:27.600
 essential as a part of

00:43:27.600 --> 00:43:29.539
 love support system is

00:43:29.539 --> 00:43:31.920
 maturity one of the

00:43:31.920 --> 00:43:33.360
 things that that we

00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:34.260
 realize is that the

00:43:34.260 --> 00:43:35.200
 divorce rate doubles

00:43:35.200 --> 00:43:36.200
 when two teenagers get

00:43:36.200 --> 00:43:37.340
 married if two young

00:43:37.340 --> 00:43:39.579
 people are 19 or less

00:43:39.579 --> 00:43:41.360
 both of them the

00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:43.280
 divorce rate is 70% in

00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:44.460
 the first five years and

00:43:44.460 --> 00:43:46.700
 eventually reaches 85%

00:43:46.700 --> 00:43:48.039
 it's not because they

00:43:48.039 --> 00:43:49.100
 were not right for each

00:43:49.100 --> 00:43:50.280
 other not because they

00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:51.200
 were not meant for each

00:43:51.199 --> 00:43:52.199
 other it was because

00:43:52.199 --> 00:43:53.199
 they were not ready to

00:43:53.199 --> 00:43:54.339
 accept the responsibilities

00:43:54.339 --> 00:43:56.699
 that were involved in

00:43:56.699 --> 00:43:57.719
 the marriage relationship

00:43:57.719 --> 00:43:59.859
 and so it requires some

00:43:59.859 --> 00:44:01.739
 maturity some willingness

00:44:01.739 --> 00:44:03.319
 to accept responsibility

00:44:03.319 --> 00:44:05.679
 some willingness to do

00:44:05.679 --> 00:44:07.319
 something that I need to

00:44:07.319 --> 00:44:08.559
 do rather than do

00:44:08.559 --> 00:44:09.739
 something that I want to

00:44:09.739 --> 00:44:13.119
 do a willingness to see a

00:44:13.119 --> 00:44:14.299
 project through to the

00:44:14.299 --> 00:44:17.019
 end that maturity is an

00:44:17.019 --> 00:44:18.179
 important ingredient in a

00:44:18.179 --> 00:44:19.639
 loving relationship a third

00:44:19.639 --> 00:44:20.639
 ingredient in a loving

00:44:20.639 --> 00:44:22.440
 relationship is common

00:44:22.440 --> 00:44:23.859
 interests two people need

00:44:23.859 --> 00:44:24.559
 to have a great many

00:44:24.559 --> 00:44:26.059
 things in common if their

00:44:26.059 --> 00:44:27.299
 relationship is to grow and

00:44:27.299 --> 00:44:29.319
 develop and mature and

00:44:29.319 --> 00:44:30.519
 they need to do a great

00:44:30.519 --> 00:44:31.500
 many things together if

00:44:31.500 --> 00:44:32.859
 they do not have things

00:44:32.859 --> 00:44:34.139
 that they do together in

00:44:34.139 --> 00:44:34.859
 common they need to

00:44:34.859 --> 00:44:36.980
 develop more things that

00:44:36.980 --> 00:44:38.199
 they can do together as

00:44:38.199 --> 00:44:39.379
 husband and wife I know a

00:44:39.379 --> 00:44:40.539
 number of husbands and

00:44:40.539 --> 00:44:42.239
 wives who have developed

00:44:42.239 --> 00:44:48.099
 skiing backpacking camping

00:44:48.099 --> 00:44:50.699
 some things that neither of

00:44:50.699 --> 00:44:51.479
 them had any particular

00:44:51.479 --> 00:44:52.959
 interest in that both of

00:44:52.959 --> 00:44:54.639
 them decided we need to do

00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:55.719
 some things together and

00:44:55.719 --> 00:44:57.039
 here is something that both

00:44:57.039 --> 00:44:58.199
 of us have decided together

00:44:58.199 --> 00:44:59.359
 that we can enjoy and so

00:44:59.359 --> 00:45:00.759
 mutual interest becomes

00:45:00.759 --> 00:45:02.839
 something that is an

00:45:02.839 --> 00:45:03.899
 important ingredient in a

00:45:03.899 --> 00:45:05.079
 happy marriage a fourth

00:45:05.079 --> 00:45:07.179
 element in love support

00:45:07.179 --> 00:45:08.859
 system is a good

00:45:08.859 --> 00:45:10.779
 disposition and a good

00:45:10.780 --> 00:45:12.180
 disposition has to do with

00:45:12.180 --> 00:45:13.620
 the way you take life just

00:45:13.620 --> 00:45:15.240
 the day you take day in

00:45:15.240 --> 00:45:17.880
 day out living how do you

00:45:17.880 --> 00:45:19.220
 take it when you don't get

00:45:19.220 --> 00:45:21.240
 your way how do you take

00:45:21.240 --> 00:45:22.600
 it when you win are you hard

00:45:22.600 --> 00:45:23.480
 to live with how do you

00:45:23.480 --> 00:45:25.900
 take it when things don't go

00:45:25.900 --> 00:45:27.360
 exactly the way you wanted

00:45:27.360 --> 00:45:29.280
 them to go can you can you

00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:30.360
 still be pleasant to be

00:45:30.360 --> 00:45:32.420
 around one of my favorite

00:45:32.420 --> 00:45:35.080
 stories is a story that took

00:45:35.080 --> 00:45:36.200
 place one night several years

00:45:36.200 --> 00:45:37.820
 ago when our children were

00:45:37.820 --> 00:45:39.140
 quite small we developed what

00:45:39.139 --> 00:45:42.139
 we called family night half

00:45:42.139 --> 00:45:43.679
 birthdays were a part of our

00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:47.239
 family night system and what

00:45:47.239 --> 00:45:48.299
 happened was that when our

00:45:48.299 --> 00:45:49.339
 children had birthday parties

00:45:49.339 --> 00:45:50.179
 when they were real small

00:45:50.179 --> 00:45:51.379
 their friends came and we

00:45:51.379 --> 00:45:53.319
 enjoyed that but mom and I

00:45:53.319 --> 00:45:55.759
 primarily directed traffic and

00:45:55.759 --> 00:45:57.799
 cut cake and ice cream and

00:45:57.799 --> 00:45:58.739
 you know tried to stay out of

00:45:58.739 --> 00:46:00.460
 the way as best we could but

00:46:00.460 --> 00:46:02.379
 along in those years we kept

00:46:02.379 --> 00:46:04.000
 saying to each other we ought to

00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:05.319
 have some time together where

00:46:05.319 --> 00:46:07.019
 the family celebrates with each

00:46:07.019 --> 00:46:08.880
 of its members as the honoree

00:46:08.880 --> 00:46:10.159
 and so we came up with what we

00:46:10.159 --> 00:46:13.199
 call family night and in these

00:46:13.199 --> 00:46:14.900
 family nights on half birthday

00:46:14.900 --> 00:46:16.840
 six months after your birthday

00:46:16.840 --> 00:46:19.619
 we would go out to eat

00:46:19.619 --> 00:46:21.000
 somewhere that was your choice

00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:21.980
 and we would do something that

00:46:21.980 --> 00:46:23.239
 evening that was your choice if

00:46:23.239 --> 00:46:24.960
 you were the honored guest this

00:46:24.960 --> 00:46:26.360
 particular night we were eating

00:46:26.360 --> 00:46:30.860
 at McDonald's it wasn't my half

00:46:30.860 --> 00:46:33.679
 birthday and we were eating at

00:46:33.679 --> 00:46:36.339
 McDonald's and coming in the south

00:46:36.339 --> 00:46:38.279
 door of McDonald's that night as

00:46:38.279 --> 00:46:40.039
 we were about halfway through our

00:46:40.039 --> 00:46:42.079
 evening meal we were sitting back

00:46:42.079 --> 00:46:44.079
 on the east side about halfway

00:46:44.079 --> 00:46:45.480
 back laughing and eating our

00:46:45.480 --> 00:46:46.460
 hamburgers having a good time

00:46:46.460 --> 00:46:47.759
 coming in the front door of

00:46:47.759 --> 00:46:49.819
 McDonald's was a mother and a

00:46:49.819 --> 00:46:51.659
 father and two small children and

00:46:51.659 --> 00:46:54.500
 a grandmother and as the door

00:46:54.500 --> 00:46:55.960
 opened as I looked up and

00:46:55.960 --> 00:46:57.659
 noticed father had opened the

00:46:57.659 --> 00:46:59.460
 door and mother came through the

00:46:59.460 --> 00:47:02.179
 door first and she had a scowl on

00:47:02.179 --> 00:47:03.719
 her face that would make you think

00:47:03.719 --> 00:47:05.759
 she's been drinking vinegar or

00:47:05.759 --> 00:47:07.559
 eating something very bitter or

00:47:07.559 --> 00:47:09.859
 sour we decided later that they

00:47:09.859 --> 00:47:11.119
 had voted on where to go to eat

00:47:11.119 --> 00:47:15.879
 and she had lost but anyway dad

00:47:15.879 --> 00:47:17.679
 opened the door and in came mom

00:47:17.679 --> 00:47:18.639
 and the two kids and the

00:47:18.639 --> 00:47:20.359
 grandmother and they wheeled

00:47:20.359 --> 00:47:21.699
 around and took the booth right by

00:47:21.699 --> 00:47:23.299
 the door and mom took those two

00:47:23.299 --> 00:47:24.599
 kids and almost literally pitched

00:47:24.599 --> 00:47:26.379
 them in that booth and then pinned

00:47:26.379 --> 00:47:29.639
 them in dad stood to take the

00:47:29.639 --> 00:47:31.339
 orders for the family and as he

00:47:31.340 --> 00:47:32.940
 took the orders he went over to get

00:47:32.940 --> 00:47:34.940
 them got them brought them back

00:47:34.940 --> 00:47:37.920
 distributed them and mom took the

00:47:37.920 --> 00:47:39.760
 paper off of her hamburger and took

00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:41.340
 the top off of it and looked at it

00:47:41.340 --> 00:47:43.380
 and it obviously was not the way she

00:47:43.380 --> 00:47:45.380
 had ordered it and so she put the

00:47:45.380 --> 00:47:47.140
 top back down and she stuck it back

00:47:47.140 --> 00:47:49.760
 up in his face and I couldn't hear

00:47:49.760 --> 00:47:51.280
 what she said to him and my wife

00:47:51.280 --> 00:47:52.700
 wouldn't let me move close enough to

00:47:52.700 --> 00:47:58.800
 hear but she told him in no uncertain

00:47:58.800 --> 00:48:00.900
 terms how to fix that hamburger next

00:48:00.900 --> 00:48:03.700
 time and so he took it back and got it

00:48:03.700 --> 00:48:05.380
 fixed the way she ordered it brought

00:48:05.380 --> 00:48:07.580
 it back he was embarrassed about all

00:48:07.580 --> 00:48:10.420
 of these things that were going on but

00:48:10.420 --> 00:48:12.380
 he handed her hamburger back she took

00:48:12.380 --> 00:48:14.820
 the paper off again and took the top

00:48:14.820 --> 00:48:16.260
 off of the hamburger and look at this

00:48:16.260 --> 00:48:17.820
 time it was evidently what she had

00:48:17.820 --> 00:48:19.380
 ordered and the way she had ordered it

00:48:19.380 --> 00:48:21.660
 so she put the top back down put it in

00:48:21.660 --> 00:48:22.920
 her mouth and you could just see it

00:48:22.920 --> 00:48:24.720
 curdled all the way down to her stomach

00:48:24.720 --> 00:48:29.720
 and ever since that night I've used that

00:48:29.720 --> 00:48:32.460
 woman as a bad example of a woman with a

00:48:32.460 --> 00:48:35.460
 bad disposition because I am and I'm

00:48:35.460 --> 00:48:37.720
 convinced that there is a woman who has

00:48:37.720 --> 00:48:41.659
 a character flaw because there is no

00:48:41.659 --> 00:48:44.159
 earthly reason for her to put her family

00:48:44.159 --> 00:48:45.960
 through what she's putting them through

00:48:45.960 --> 00:48:47.619
 regardless of what's happened before

00:48:47.619 --> 00:48:49.700
 they've arrived what she thinks is if

00:48:49.699 --> 00:48:51.919
 I'm probably if I'm ugly enough next

00:48:51.919 --> 00:48:53.599
 time they'll go where I want to go

00:48:53.599 --> 00:48:56.539
 what she doesn't realize is that next

00:48:56.539 --> 00:49:00.019
 time they won't invite her they'd rather

00:49:00.019 --> 00:49:01.799
 stay home than have her with them

00:49:01.799 --> 00:49:04.699
 acting this way but here is a woman with

00:49:04.699 --> 00:49:07.299
 an obvious character flaw here are four

00:49:07.299 --> 00:49:11.779
 elements in love's support system character

00:49:11.779 --> 00:49:16.379
 maturity common interests and a good

00:49:16.379 --> 00:49:19.539
 disposition things that two people who

00:49:19.539 --> 00:49:22.259
 are going to be in love over a long

00:49:22.259 --> 00:49:25.380
 period of time need in their lives if

00:49:25.380 --> 00:49:28.039
 they are going to have a love together

00:49:28.039 --> 00:49:31.739
 that endures over time it's fairly easy

00:49:31.739 --> 00:49:35.179
 to fall in love it's difficult many times

00:49:35.179 --> 00:49:37.460
 to stay in love over a long period of

00:49:37.460 --> 00:49:37.759
 time

00:49:37.759 --> 00:49:41.679
 will you pray with me we'll close this

00:49:41.679 --> 00:49:42.239
 session together

00:49:42.239 --> 00:49:47.739
 our father we're so deeply grateful to

00:49:47.739 --> 00:49:51.459
 you for life for the excitement of being

00:49:51.459 --> 00:49:54.579
 in love excitement of having children

00:49:54.579 --> 00:49:58.199
 and going to love them to know them to

00:49:58.199 --> 00:50:01.419
 watch them grow develop to watch our own

00:50:01.419 --> 00:50:03.079
 love as husband and wife grow and develop

00:50:03.079 --> 00:50:05.739
 father we're grateful for your creative

00:50:05.739 --> 00:50:08.839
 design and for the instruction that you

00:50:08.839 --> 00:50:11.919
 have given us in your word as to how that

00:50:11.919 --> 00:50:15.519
 life together should be lived we pray your

00:50:15.519 --> 00:50:18.699
 blessings upon us as we study this precious

00:50:18.699 --> 00:50:23.119
 relationship may we see a vision of our

00:50:23.119 --> 00:50:27.039
 relationship as you want it to be in the

00:50:27.039 --> 00:50:29.920
 name of jesus we pray amen

00:50:29.920 --> 00:50:35.180
 this concludes the first session of the marriage

00:50:35.180 --> 00:50:37.480
 enrichment seminar in our next session dr.

00:50:37.480 --> 00:50:39.200
 paul faulkner will discuss the greatest

00:50:39.200 --> 00:50:41.320
 problem in marriage in a presentation

00:50:41.320 --> 00:50:45.260
 entitled the trouble with us is me we hope

00:50:45.260 --> 00:50:46.019
 you can join us

00:50:46.019 --> 00:50:47.900
 you

00:50:47.900 --> 00:50:48.199
 you

00:50:48.199 --> 00:50:48.920
 you

00:50:48.920 --> 00:50:49.320
 you

00:50:49.320 --> 00:50:49.500
 you

00:50:49.500 --> 00:50:49.719
 you