WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.780 What a joy to be with you all. I travelled this morning from northwest London and just the views 00:00:06.780 --> 00:00:12.580 coming over the countryside, even in the rain, were pretty amazing. What an amazing place you 00:00:12.580 --> 00:00:19.980 live in. Wow. And just the sense of the presence of God here this morning. I don't know how many 00:00:19.980 --> 00:00:24.620 of you are aware of that, just the sense of the presence of God just in worship and what we're 00:00:24.620 --> 00:00:29.359 hearing. Oh, that's really exciting. I pray that more of you would feel that as we journey through 00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:35.640 the day. Wendy, where's Wendy? When you spoke, I mean, that was a real incredible testimony. I'm 00:00:35.640 --> 00:00:41.399 sure we'd all agree. I felt when you were talking about growing taller and kind of the frustration 00:00:41.399 --> 00:00:47.539 of actually growing smaller, that actually the Lord was just saying that he is growing you taller 00:00:47.539 --> 00:00:53.939 in him and that you might have grown smaller physically, but you've grown stronger and taller 00:00:53.939 --> 00:01:00.339 in him. And that's some of the healing that I think we'd all agree that we can see. And I just 00:01:00.339 --> 00:01:05.280 do have to warn you that often if the Lord is doing something in you that significant, it's normally for 00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:11.019 something quite significant. So watch this space and watch that one because there's a fire gun there. 00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:19.560 Just a deep awareness of that. I love this theme about being made for goodness, made for goodness. 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:25.939 And I was looking at the scripture a few weeks ago and thinking about, you know, the potter and the clay 00:01:25.939 --> 00:01:31.859 and being that clay in the potter's hand. And I don't know about you, but there are times in my life 00:01:31.859 --> 00:01:37.460 where I really resist the potter, where I really don't understand what the potter's doing, what the 00:01:37.460 --> 00:01:43.200 Lord God is up to in my life. And I just think, I don't actually want to submit to this. I actually 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:49.540 don't want to surrender to what it is, Lord God, that you want to do in my life. And yet he says, 00:01:49.560 --> 00:01:56.400 but I'm generous, I'm a good God. And if you do surrender, watch the way that I will work and 00:01:56.400 --> 00:02:03.100 watch what I will do with every single one of you individually and uniquely for my purpose. 00:02:04.020 --> 00:02:09.319 And so kind of what I want to look at with you this morning is Moses and the chapter of the 00:02:09.319 --> 00:02:14.719 journey of Moses. If you've got a Bible, you might want to open it up at Exodus chapter three, 00:02:15.140 --> 00:02:18.039 chapter four. I'm not going to read the whole lot because it's a lot of scripture. 00:02:18.039 --> 00:02:26.239 But I want to think this morning about rising up, rising up with God. And then later on this 00:02:26.239 --> 00:02:30.579 afternoon, I want us to think about how we get ready for more, how we get ready for more. Because 00:02:30.579 --> 00:02:38.939 I do believe that the church in the United Kingdom is in a really exciting place and yet a really scary 00:02:38.939 --> 00:02:46.479 place too. And actually what we're seeing in culture is just a rapid change. And what God is asking of 00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:52.099 his children in the space of that change is challenging. And so we'll look at that a little 00:02:52.099 --> 00:02:57.620 bit more this afternoon. But I want us to think this morning, how do I rise up? Like where am I at, 00:02:57.739 --> 00:03:02.839 God, today? As I come in here and, you know, we've had Christmas, we've had New Year, we kind of, 00:03:02.939 --> 00:03:07.899 January is a bit rubbish, isn't it? And it's just actually, Lord, right now today, as I think about the 00:03:07.900 --> 00:03:16.740 year ahead, where am I? And am I ready to rise up with you? So if you've got a Bible, I'm going to 00:03:16.740 --> 00:03:22.719 just read the beginning of Exodus chapter 3 and starting at verse 1. 00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:31.939 Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro, his father-in-law, the priest of Midian. And he led 00:03:31.939 --> 00:03:38.699 the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of 00:03:38.699 --> 00:03:45.680 the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was 00:03:45.680 --> 00:03:53.659 on fire, it did not burn up. So Moses thought, I will go over and see this strange sight. Why the 00:03:53.659 --> 00:04:00.659 bush doesn't burn up? When the Lord saw that he'd gone over to look, God called to him from within 00:04:00.659 --> 00:04:11.400 the bush, Moses, Moses. And Moses said, here I am. Do not come any closer, God said. Take off your 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:18.500 sandals for the place where you are standing is holy ground. Then he said, I am the God of your 00:04:18.500 --> 00:04:26.259 father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And at this Moses hid his face 00:04:26.259 --> 00:04:34.819 because he was afraid to look at God. The Lord said, I've indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. 00:04:35.399 --> 00:04:40.540 I've heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I'm concerned about their suffering. 00:04:40.540 --> 00:04:47.740 So I've come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land 00:04:47.740 --> 00:04:55.040 into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey, the home of the Canaanites, 00:04:55.240 --> 00:05:03.220 Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Boom. And now the cry of the Israelites has 00:05:03.220 --> 00:05:09.879 reached me, and I've seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now go, I'm sending you to 00:05:09.879 --> 00:05:18.019 Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt. But Moses said to God, who am I that I should 00:05:18.019 --> 00:05:26.240 go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt? And God said, I will be with you. And this will be 00:05:26.240 --> 00:05:32.019 the sign to you that it is I who have sent you. When you've brought the people out of Egypt, you will 00:05:32.019 --> 00:05:39.459 worship God on this mountain. Moses said to God, suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 00:05:39.859 --> 00:05:44.339 the God of your fathers has sent me to you. And they asked me, what's his name? Then what shall I 00:05:44.339 --> 00:05:54.319 tell them? God said to Moses, I am who I am. This is what you're to say to the Israelites. I am has sent 00:05:54.319 --> 00:06:01.680 me to you. And it goes on. And it's just an incredible passage, how well you know it, and into 00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:08.579 chapter four. And we have six different moments where Moses says something to the Lord of like, 00:06:08.800 --> 00:06:16.879 really God? Really? Me? And I love it because this all happens before he goes to Pharaoh. I don't know 00:06:16.879 --> 00:06:21.579 about you, but when I think about Moses, I tend to think of this man who was like this amazing leader. 00:06:21.579 --> 00:06:26.099 And you see images, don't you, of him with his staff, like parting the Red Sea. And it's like, 00:06:26.199 --> 00:06:33.060 wow, he led all the Israelites out of Egypt. What a man. What a man to go to Pharaoh. And look what 00:06:33.060 --> 00:06:39.339 happened. And wow. And yet when we delve into scripture and we look at the beginning of Exodus, 00:06:39.479 --> 00:06:46.459 we actually see a man who really was struggling with who he was. We see a man who in his identity was 00:06:46.459 --> 00:06:51.560 going, I'm nothing. I'm not able to do this, God. And what are you seriously looking at? 00:06:51.579 --> 00:06:57.459 Looking at me and asking me to do that? Why, God? And I love that because I don't know about you, 00:06:57.539 --> 00:07:04.019 but I am like that. I am someone who constantly thinks, really, Lord, you want me to do that? 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:10.360 No way. No way. And we come back to the clay in the potter's hand and it's, come with me and 00:07:10.360 --> 00:07:16.959 watch what I will do. Submit to me and watch what I will do. So what I want to do is just quickly run 00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:23.939 through these six moments where Moses speaks back to this burning bush and speaks to the Lord in 00:07:23.939 --> 00:07:29.199 response to what the Lord is saying. And just want you to think, as we journey, are these things that 00:07:29.199 --> 00:07:33.839 you grapple with? And there might just be one thing that stands out. It might be a few. They might hang 00:07:33.839 --> 00:07:40.779 together. But are you struggling in any of these areas? So the first one is this, chapter three and 00:07:40.779 --> 00:07:50.759 verse three. Moses says, I will go over and see this strange sight. Why the bush does not burn up. 00:07:51.539 --> 00:08:00.139 Moses makes a decision to go over to the bush. He has walked this terrain over a hundred times, 00:08:00.339 --> 00:08:06.739 over 40 years. He knows it like the back of his hand. It's like the backside of the desert. And he's 00:08:06.740 --> 00:08:15.000 tending his father-in-law's flock. And then all of a sudden, in his normal everyday life, he sees 00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:23.460 something different. And he goes over to have a look. He chooses to change direction and go and look. 00:08:23.639 --> 00:08:30.019 He could have carried on the way that he always went, but it caught his eye. And he thought, I need to go 00:08:30.019 --> 00:08:35.200 and check that out. There's something about that that is drawing my attention and I need to go and see. 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:43.600 And as he goes near, he encounters God. And I think for us, you know, there are these moments in our 00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:50.379 lives where we think, I want the encounter. I want to know more of God. But actually, am I prepared to 00:08:50.379 --> 00:08:56.580 go over to him? Am I prepared to press into him? Am I prepared to look for him? You know, because I think 00:08:56.580 --> 00:09:01.740 culture would say, you can have it all the way that you want, easily, no problem. And God's saying, no, 00:09:01.740 --> 00:09:09.440 encounter with me is costly. Encounter with me takes energy and it takes everything. But come over 00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:17.039 and look at this site and see why I'm doing what I'm doing and see where it might lead. There's a 00:09:17.039 --> 00:09:23.120 choice in us to go over. And I don't know about you, but there's quite a few moments in my life where 00:09:23.120 --> 00:09:28.700 I've thought, I'd rather stay on my own agenda. I'd rather live the way that I want to live. 00:09:28.700 --> 00:09:35.460 I'd rather be comfortable, God. I'd rather stay for 14 years in Birmingham where I've got friends 00:09:35.460 --> 00:09:40.940 and I've got family and I've grown a ministry there and God has been with me and I've seen 00:09:40.940 --> 00:09:48.420 amazing things happen. I'd rather stay here, God, than actually listen and open my eyes and my ears 00:09:48.420 --> 00:09:54.020 to an encounter that might lead somewhere else. And I remember this so clearly. I mean, Gavin and I 00:09:54.019 --> 00:09:59.159 have kind of lived our journey just very much trying to say to God, wherever, whatever, whenever, 00:09:59.340 --> 00:10:03.639 Lord, whatever it looks like, we will go with you. Like, we will because we know your way is best. 00:10:03.840 --> 00:10:11.039 But when it's actually come down to it, it's been so difficult. And it took me when Gavin got a job 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:18.100 down in London and I was kind of halfway through my Baptist training as a minister and I could feel 00:10:18.100 --> 00:10:22.720 this tug beginning to happen of him kind of going more and more to London. And we were saying, 00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:28.200 it's fine, we can do it like this. It's no problem. He can be down in London and I can be in Birmingham 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:34.100 and he can commute and that will be fine for our family. And little bit by little bit, it got 00:10:34.100 --> 00:10:40.480 uncomfortable and it got difficult. And it was, I have to say, me just going, I'm not open to even 00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:47.540 look at what God might be saying. And I remember being out in Portugal in May about three years ago 00:10:47.539 --> 00:10:53.579 and the Lord beginning to speak to me. And I think I must have prayed something that was a little bit, 00:10:53.620 --> 00:10:59.480 okay, God, then, okay. And I felt him say this, Anne, you're writing this book on game changers, 00:10:59.980 --> 00:11:09.000 but are you willing to change the game? And everything in me went, no. Genuinely, no. I don't want it. I 00:11:09.000 --> 00:11:15.159 don't want to go to London. I don't want whatever that is. I don't want it. But because the Lord spoke, 00:11:15.159 --> 00:11:20.719 something began to shift and I couldn't ignore it because I knew that God was doing something. 00:11:21.379 --> 00:11:26.120 And slowly but surely, I began to say, okay, Lord, if you have a purpose for us somewhere else, 00:11:26.199 --> 00:11:31.139 will you begin to show us what it is? Game Changers, by the way, is the book that I think we've got in 00:11:31.139 --> 00:11:38.839 the back. But it is this whole journey that we have done as a family. But I found myself kind of 00:11:38.839 --> 00:11:43.120 sitting there and I said to Gavin, okay, if the Lord has a plan for us in London, he's going to have 00:11:43.120 --> 00:11:48.720 to make a way. And we sat down together on the sofa and we began to pray and I opened my heart 00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:55.100 and I said, if there's something different, Lord, show us where. And the phone began to ring, no joke. 00:11:55.860 --> 00:12:00.340 And it was this man down in London that we know really well and he has a church in Stanmore and 00:12:00.340 --> 00:12:06.240 he said, I have some space here for Anne. Would she like to come? I'll give her the same hours, 00:12:06.360 --> 00:12:10.860 the same pay, the same, and she can just come and minister amongst the team. And I was like, 00:12:10.860 --> 00:12:17.980 are you kidding, God? I don't want to go. In the space of three days, the house was sold. In the 00:12:17.980 --> 00:12:23.500 space of four weeks, we were down in London. It was just off the charts. But you know what? There 00:12:23.500 --> 00:12:29.539 was still a choice. There was still a choice to encounter God. There was still a choice. I still 00:12:29.539 --> 00:12:36.080 could have said no. You can still carry on on the journey that you're on in the comfortable way that 00:12:36.080 --> 00:12:42.620 you want to live in with everything settled. You can still carry on. But the other way is unbelievable. 00:12:43.540 --> 00:12:49.120 The other way is just, I mean, it's so costly, it's untrue, but it's unbelievable. And I think 00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:53.280 we're in danger of saying, God, we want to see the miracles. God, we want to see you move in power. 00:12:53.720 --> 00:12:58.759 Lord, we want to see your glory. But actually, we're not prepared to journey the cost. 00:12:59.259 --> 00:13:02.500 We're not prepared. And actually, what, you know, when I hear what Wendy's saying, 00:13:02.500 --> 00:13:07.039 I just think, yeah, that's the cost. That's the cost of the journey. There's this cost. 00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:13.220 But man, the way God uses that, the fruit that I just know that you're already seeing and that you 00:13:13.220 --> 00:13:19.220 will see will be unbelievable. And it's not that God creates the pain, but he uses whatever's gone 00:13:19.220 --> 00:13:26.179 on in your life for great, great things to happen. So Moses is really struggling. Like, 00:13:26.460 --> 00:13:32.419 he is already in this place as he listens to the Lord of going, what, God? Really? And we 00:13:32.419 --> 00:13:41.120 get down to chapter 3 and verse 11. And Moses says to God, who am I? Who am I that I should 00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:46.939 go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt? And you hear this just like, are you 00:13:46.939 --> 00:13:53.339 kidding me, Lord, that you want to use me? That you have a plan for my life? That I'm just 00:13:53.339 --> 00:13:59.599 Moses? I'm just out doing what I do, shepherding this flock. I, you know, I've ran away from Egypt. 00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:07.639 I don't, what, you want me to go back? Me? Who am I? And there's this major identity issue. 00:14:08.139 --> 00:14:14.740 But you know what? God wanted it to be Moses. Because what God had done in Moses as a baby 00:14:14.740 --> 00:14:20.320 meant that he wanted to do something through him in his life that would be incredible. 00:14:21.000 --> 00:14:25.500 And sometimes there's things that God has done in you or doing in you that he then wants to do 00:14:25.500 --> 00:14:32.220 through you, that blow your mind completely. He had rescued Moses from death. Moses was destined 00:14:32.220 --> 00:14:38.980 for death, wasn't he? He was one of those Hebrew babies that was meant to have been killed. And yet 00:14:38.980 --> 00:14:46.200 his life was saved. But it wasn't saved without a reason. It was saved for one of the greatest reasons 00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:54.220 in history to save God's people. What has God saved you from that he wants you to save others 00:14:54.220 --> 00:15:04.540 from? What has God done in you that he might want to do through your life? God says to Moses, 00:15:05.300 --> 00:15:12.060 I will be with you. I will be with you. There's this clear statement. I love it. It's just like, 00:15:12.059 --> 00:15:16.819 he just says it straight, doesn't he? I will be with you. There's no conditions. There's no only 00:15:16.819 --> 00:15:24.899 if you do this or only if that happens. I will be with you. And I think about some of the journey 00:15:24.899 --> 00:15:31.479 that Gavin and I have been on years ago. Now I'm getting on a little bit. But we were trying for 00:15:31.479 --> 00:15:38.059 children. And we tried for children for a few years. And nothing happened. And you know, you just 00:15:38.059 --> 00:15:42.039 get to this point where you just think, this is just never going to happen for me. Like, it's just 00:15:42.039 --> 00:15:47.679 not something that the Lord has for us. And you wrestle and you fight with him. And we went 00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:53.259 through feelings of, it's unfair. And well, what are we supposed to do? And we went to adopt. And we 00:15:53.259 --> 00:15:58.480 just, we journeyed it for a long time. And we went to the doctors. They did a load of tests. And they 00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:02.879 said to us, no, I'm really sorry, Anne and Gavin. You're not going to have children. It's really, 00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:08.899 really unlikely that you'll be able to have children. And that month that they told us that, 00:16:08.899 --> 00:16:14.399 I conceived. And I know, I don't say that lightly, because I know for some people, they don't see 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:20.919 the end of that route. So please hear me in the right way. But it was incredible. And nine months 00:16:20.919 --> 00:16:27.319 later, just under nine months later, I gave birth to Amelie, who is now 11 going on 14. And extremely 00:16:27.319 --> 00:16:34.519 challenging. Bless her. But amazing. And she came out. And when she was born, they said to me, 00:16:34.559 --> 00:16:41.360 Anne, we've picked up a problem with antibodies in your body. And it's anti-little-c. And the problem 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:45.759 is that it means that you probably can't have any more children. And I'm thinking, well, I don't know 00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:51.120 how I had this one. So, you know, but apparently the antibodies were attacking the unborn child and 00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:56.779 breaking down her blood and making her very poorly, very anemic. And it was very dangerous. 00:16:57.840 --> 00:17:02.320 So I kind of said, well, this is an amazing miracle. I'm so grateful to have Amelie. You know, 00:17:02.320 --> 00:17:10.640 that's it. We're done. Ten months later, I conceived. And ten months later, I was not ready to do that 00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:17.740 again, especially knowing the danger that there might be in going down that route. And I remember 00:17:17.740 --> 00:17:22.600 just kind of breaking down on Gavin and going, I can't believe I'm pregnant. I don't even know if I 00:17:22.600 --> 00:17:29.360 want to do this again. Like, what is this going to look like? What's this going to mean? And about 00:17:29.359 --> 00:17:37.339 ten weeks in, I started to bleed. And we sadly lost that child. And I remember, I don't know if 00:17:37.339 --> 00:17:41.859 any of you have been through it, but the D&C operation where they kind of clear you out was 00:17:41.859 --> 00:17:47.419 probably one of the most horrific things that I think I've ever had. And if you ever faced that, 00:17:47.500 --> 00:17:53.099 you know what I'm talking about. But there was this weird thing that went on through that season 00:17:53.099 --> 00:17:59.519 where I was just like, this is so painful, God. Why is this happening to me? And I didn't really 00:17:59.519 --> 00:18:04.659 want another child, but now I've got to grieve a child. Like, how does that even look? And I tell 00:18:04.659 --> 00:18:10.740 you what happened, this wave of fear just came washing over me. And I just thought, I do never, 00:18:10.980 --> 00:18:18.259 ever want to go down that path again. I do not want anything to do with conceiving. And I do not 00:18:18.259 --> 00:18:23.240 want anything to do. I'm okay with Amelie. This is fine. We're fine. The three of us is fine. Thank 00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:28.960 you so much, Lord, for giving me Amelie. Now let's press on with ministry. But God doesn't do that. 00:18:29.099 --> 00:18:35.799 Like, God doesn't leave you where you are, does he? Because our God's a good God. And after about a 00:18:35.799 --> 00:18:42.259 year and a half, when I was prepared to begin to talk about it, I felt like he was saying, Anne, 00:18:42.259 --> 00:18:49.819 you need to face fear again. You need to face fear in the face and say, I am not going to be 00:18:49.819 --> 00:18:56.460 stopped from going God's way if that is what he has for me. And it was this massive decision in me, 00:18:56.599 --> 00:19:00.740 okay, I'm not going to let fear win, but I'm going to say, Lord, if you have more children, 00:19:01.779 --> 00:19:07.059 will you, you know, bring more children? Honestly, one of the hardest things. Again, in a month, 00:19:07.059 --> 00:19:13.440 I've conceived. Gavin's thinking, my word, I've been healed. You know, three, three conceptions. It 00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:19.259 was just unheard of. And I thought, I genuinely thought, like, when I began that bit of the journey, 00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:23.359 that then everything was going to be okay. Because if God's going to put me in a place where I've got 00:19:23.359 --> 00:19:29.240 to face my fear, then surely everything else is going to be okay, right? Literally, in a matter of 00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:35.460 weeks, it all went belly up. They discovered that there were five antibodies in my system, all trying 00:19:35.460 --> 00:19:41.779 to kill the unborn child in my womb. And I remember coming back from the hospital, and I had to sign a 00:19:41.779 --> 00:19:46.600 load of paperwork, basically sign my life away, sign the baby's life away, agree that they could do any 00:19:46.600 --> 00:19:53.700 intervention possible to try and save this child's life. And as we got to Tesco car park, I just, we, 00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:59.180 I think we had to get milk or something, but we, we drove in, and I just sat there in the pouring rain 00:19:59.180 --> 00:20:04.880 coming down on the bonnet, and I just wept, and I wept, and I wept. And I was just like, God, 00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:11.460 what are you doing? What are you doing with my life? Why is this happening to me? And I just 00:20:11.460 --> 00:20:17.720 remember just feeling, like, completely just mad, and then completely like it's so unfair, and just 00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:23.760 all these emotions everywhere. And there was this choice that came, right in the heart of it, that 00:20:23.760 --> 00:20:29.260 was like, I could turn my back on you now, Lord, because actually what I'm experiencing with you, 00:20:29.300 --> 00:20:34.020 I'm not enjoying. It's not good. It's not fun. I'm not liking this. There's a better way. 00:20:34.019 --> 00:20:41.279 And I just, I wrestled really, really hard in the car, and I came to this point of just saying, 00:20:41.400 --> 00:20:47.220 God, I don't know what's going to happen, but Lord, I don't want to let you go either. 00:20:48.379 --> 00:20:55.039 And Father, would you make me and not break me through this season in my life? Not that I believe 00:20:55.039 --> 00:20:59.700 he was going to break me, because he's a good God, but I just was like, I don't want to break. 00:20:59.700 --> 00:21:04.920 I don't want to fall apart. I don't want to, will you somehow bring something beautiful out of this 00:21:04.920 --> 00:21:12.039 time in my life? Because when we push in, in the really challenging times, he says, yeah, okay, 00:21:12.120 --> 00:21:19.000 I'll be with you. Okay, I won't let you go. Okay, I will come alongside you. Okay, yeah, I will bring 00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:27.220 joy out of hideous pain. And it was just amazing, because I literally had 10 blood transfusions in the 00:21:27.220 --> 00:21:32.380 womb from 17 weeks of pregnancy. And what would happen was they would take some of the blood out 00:21:32.380 --> 00:21:38.759 of the baby, and then they would put in the transfused blood. There were two donors in the UK 00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:44.900 with the correct blood to put. We sometimes would wait while the baby was deteriorating in the womb 00:21:44.900 --> 00:21:50.600 for this blood to come. And as they would take blood out, the blood that they would take out looked 00:21:50.600 --> 00:21:55.360 like water. It was that damaged and that broken down. And the blood that they would put in would bring 00:21:55.359 --> 00:22:01.259 life to the child for about 10 days. And it was just incredible to see. And I suddenly was aware 00:22:01.259 --> 00:22:07.939 of movement in my belly. It was just amazing. But I would sleep for three hours after each transfusion. 00:22:08.059 --> 00:22:13.219 And in those three hours, I didn't know whether there'd been brain damage, heart attack. They gave 00:22:13.219 --> 00:22:20.579 me this list of possibilities that could happen as a result of these early transfusions. By some miracle 00:22:20.579 --> 00:22:26.859 of God, he came into the world at 30 weeks. We called him Daniel, because it was like he'd been 00:22:26.859 --> 00:22:35.240 in a lion's den. And God had somehow shut the lion's mouth. And he is, I mean, he's a big boy now. He's a 00:22:35.240 --> 00:22:39.960 big boy. He's seven and a half going on. He is big. As Gavin would say, he looks like he's eating a 00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:47.160 premature baby. He's a big boy. And, you know, I didn't expect him to live. I didn't, honestly, 00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:51.279 I didn't expect him to live. And I don't know what I would have been like if he hadn't lived. But what 00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:58.500 I do know is that God was with me. God was with me in it. And I would so much rather journey anything 00:22:58.500 --> 00:23:05.960 in life fully with him than on my own, fully dependent and turning to him than on my own. I know 00:23:05.960 --> 00:23:11.579 some of you really know what I'm talking about. That actually God can come through in an incredible 00:23:11.579 --> 00:23:18.819 way. And the ministry that I'm a part of now is because of that. It's not because someone said, 00:23:18.900 --> 00:23:24.720 oh, she's quite good at this or, oh, she's that. No, it's because of the pain and the struggle that God 00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:33.160 has birthed something. God rescued Moses to rescue his people. Who am I? You're just the man for the job. 00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:38.380 You're just the woman for the job. Because of that. Because of your experience. Don't write yourself 00:23:38.380 --> 00:23:45.860 off because of them. Say, yes, Lord. Okay, maybe you want to use this. Maybe you have something else 00:23:45.860 --> 00:23:55.980 for me. The third thing is chapter 3 and verse 13. And God has said, I'll use you to rescue the 00:23:55.980 --> 00:24:01.480 Israelites and I will be with you. And Moses turns around to God and says, suppose I go to the Israelites 00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:08.039 and say to them, the God of your fathers has sent me to you. And they ask me, what is his name? 00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:15.380 Then what shall I tell them? Suppose I go and you can feel this sort of prediction of what might happen. 00:24:15.500 --> 00:24:19.900 You know, what will that look like, God? And can you just give me a little bit more of that picture? 00:24:20.059 --> 00:24:25.539 And if I agree, God, to go to Pharaoh, can you just give me X, Y, and Z so I know that I'm going to be 00:24:25.539 --> 00:24:32.680 okay, so that I know you're going to provide for me, so that the fear somehow is taken away. And I love 00:24:32.680 --> 00:24:37.319 that because we just want to know so much more, don't we, than what we actually know of God's agenda. 00:24:38.059 --> 00:24:44.519 And I think the problem is that this sense of what if or suppose I go can be so destructive 00:24:44.519 --> 00:24:50.680 because it can keep us rooted where we are and never moving forward in the promises of God. 00:24:50.680 --> 00:24:57.140 And the enemy would love to keep us stood still. He would love to limit what our potential is. He's 00:24:57.140 --> 00:25:03.720 desperate to consume you with what ifs and suppose I goes because he doesn't want you being active 00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:11.019 for the kingdom of God. Has anybody seen the Letters to Juliet movie? It was back in, okay, 00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:17.519 am I just the only one? In 2010, a bit of a rom-com. I love a bit of a rom-com. But there's this letter 00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:23.980 that's written at one point in the movie and it says this, Dear Claire, what and if are two words 00:25:23.980 --> 00:25:31.680 as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to 00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:39.819 haunt you for the rest of your life. What if, what if, what if. I don't know how your story ended, 00:25:39.819 --> 00:25:47.579 but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't 00:25:47.579 --> 00:25:54.379 it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. And as I heard that and listened to that 00:25:54.379 --> 00:26:01.799 the first time around, I just thought, wow. You know, if what you felt was true love, if what you know of 00:26:01.799 --> 00:26:11.440 God is real, deep, life-changing love, then what if doesn't matter? And I just was just praying off 00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:18.019 the back of that, God, it's about Moses, about us knowing your love that deeply and that intimately 00:26:18.019 --> 00:26:26.139 and that powerfully that we go, okay then, okay, I trust you. I trust you and I'm about you, but I need 00:26:26.140 --> 00:26:31.940 more of a revelation of that. I need a greater revelation of God's love for me so that I can trust 00:26:31.940 --> 00:26:40.460 him more and not question as much as I do question. I don't want to submit to the potter sometimes. 00:26:43.480 --> 00:26:47.400 You know, I just need to pause there just for a second because I just think that there's 00:26:47.400 --> 00:26:56.020 so many things in our lives that stop us enlisting with what God has for us and particularly as 00:26:56.019 --> 00:27:03.180 women, we have all kinds of reasons why we won't do something or why it's not a possibility or so 00:27:03.180 --> 00:27:09.000 and so might be better than me or this or, you know, they're doing that already or actually there's 00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:15.619 no opening there for that or we see, all we see sometimes are walls instead of possibility. 00:27:16.879 --> 00:27:22.639 And God is saying to Moses, you're seeing walls as you head towards Pharaoh, but I'm seeing opportunity. 00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:27.840 I'm going to, I'm seeing a way through. You might not see a way through, but I see a way through. 00:27:28.540 --> 00:27:34.780 And we write ourselves off for all kinds of reasons, our stage of life, our family life, our age, 00:27:35.180 --> 00:27:41.800 our insecurities, our fear, our doubt. And God says, I see a way through that. I see something 00:27:41.800 --> 00:27:48.620 that you can't see. And honestly, journey with me and let me show you what I can do. 00:27:48.619 --> 00:27:54.000 So Moses is sharing his heart and I will, I'm just looking at this, am I all right, Wendy? Are you, 00:27:54.419 --> 00:28:02.399 I've gone over often. Is everybody doing okay for time? Not much longer, not much longer. So I feel 00:28:02.399 --> 00:28:08.299 this is the interesting moment with Moses of thinking, you know what Moses, you now know what 00:28:08.299 --> 00:28:12.959 God is saying to you. You now know that he's promised you that he'll do something here. You now know that 00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:19.140 he is with you. He's now told you that he is the great I am. He's now revealed to you in the flames 00:28:19.140 --> 00:28:25.759 of a burning bush, how powerful he is. For goodness sake, go do it. And yet Moses is just still there 00:28:25.759 --> 00:28:34.340 going, really God? And we get to chapter four and verse one. And he says, what if they do not believe 00:28:34.339 --> 00:28:41.759 me or listen to me and say, the Lord did not appear to you? What if I get there and I spout 00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:46.099 this? I may just go, yeah, whatever. And he's talking about going back to the Israelites. 00:28:46.220 --> 00:28:52.359 He's saying, what if the Israelites just go like, what? And there's this thing, isn't there, 00:28:52.359 --> 00:28:57.619 about the words that we speak that we lack confidence in what God is saying to us and in 00:28:57.619 --> 00:29:02.980 delivering the words that we believe God has given us to share. And you know, sometimes we'll sit 00:29:02.980 --> 00:29:07.299 there, won't we? And we'll have some kind of feeling that we should speak up when we're surrounded by 00:29:07.299 --> 00:29:12.860 friends, we're on the street, when we're at the bus stop and or at work. And we'll think, if I could 00:29:12.860 --> 00:29:21.240 say, oh, I'm not going to. I'm not going to. And actually, if we did say it, goodness knows what 00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:27.740 might happen as a result of opening our mouths. You know, we know, don't we, the mouth is a powerful 00:29:27.740 --> 00:29:37.859 tool for good and for bad. The words we speak, we know they are very, very interesting. But God 00:29:37.859 --> 00:29:44.400 wants to use the words that are in your mouth to do incredible things. A friend of mine sits around 00:29:44.400 --> 00:29:50.039 a leadership table up in the northeast. And she's the children's and youth worker up there. She's been 00:29:50.039 --> 00:29:54.680 there for a really long time now. And she's brilliant, absolutely brilliant. She sat around this leadership 00:29:54.680 --> 00:30:02.460 table, mainly of men, brilliant guys, really gifted, godly guys. And she said to me, I sit there 00:30:02.460 --> 00:30:08.920 and sometimes, and I can't speak. And I said to her, what is that? And she said, I don't know. She said, 00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:16.320 I think they just, they've got so many ideas. They're so capable. What have I got to bring? And I said to 00:30:16.320 --> 00:30:21.620 her, we prayed together. I said, but do you feel like you have got some stuff to say? And she said, 00:30:21.619 --> 00:30:29.039 yeah, I suppose I have. And I said, but you, you're not bringing it? And she said, no. And she was 00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:33.619 talking wider about her ministry and just saying, the problem is, I think I'm nearly done where I am. 00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:38.659 I think actually it's probably time to move on. I think actually I'm not really understood for who I 00:30:38.659 --> 00:30:45.399 am. And I said to her, I think you need to speak. I think you need to find your voice at that table. 00:30:45.400 --> 00:30:51.060 And we really prayed for her. And we asked the Lord just to bestow confidence and strength and 00:30:51.060 --> 00:30:57.160 anointing on her voice. About six months later, she came to me. And she was a different woman. It 00:30:57.160 --> 00:31:02.740 was amazing to see. She'd begun to speak. In her weekly team meetings, she'd begun to say what she 00:31:02.740 --> 00:31:10.840 felt God was telling her to say. And as she'd begun to speak up, the team had begun to see a prophetic 00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:18.839 voice. They'd begun to hear a confident, beautiful voice. And they began to see opportunities in the 00:31:18.839 --> 00:31:24.459 church for her that they'd never seen before because she hadn't opened her mouth. She's now 00:31:24.459 --> 00:31:30.659 doing things in the church that she never thought she was able to do. And that was just the beginning 00:31:30.659 --> 00:31:38.459 of it. It's endless, the opportunity that arises from when we speak up. I don't know about you. I wonder 00:31:38.460 --> 00:31:46.140 if fear has stood in the way of you opening your mouth. Fear of what people might think. I know it 00:31:46.140 --> 00:31:53.079 has for me. Fear of how people might respond to you. Fear of being shunned. But you know, if God is with 00:31:53.079 --> 00:31:59.620 you and God is empowering that, it's God through you. It's not you. It's God. It's the great I am. 00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:07.019 Not who I am, but who he is working through you. And then in that place, we can see awesome things 00:32:07.019 --> 00:32:14.339 happen. Maybe just one word or two words. Because all of us can think, can't we, of times where someone 00:32:14.339 --> 00:32:21.139 said a couple of things to us and how massive the impact on our lives has been because of what they've 00:32:21.139 --> 00:32:30.139 said. Just a couple more things before I draw this into close. So now Moses is all sorted. 00:32:30.140 --> 00:32:38.080 You know, he knows God is with him. He knows God's going to move powerfully. No. Chapter 4 and verse 10. 00:32:38.860 --> 00:32:45.259 Moses says to the Lord, oh Lord, I've never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you've 00:32:45.259 --> 00:32:53.280 spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue. Bless him. I love it. I love it. I am slow 00:32:53.279 --> 00:32:59.839 of speech and tongue. God, you may be that, but I am this. And therefore, because my perspective 00:32:59.839 --> 00:33:07.859 is here, I cannot open my eyes to your perspective. And God is saying, no, I need you to take your eyes 00:33:07.859 --> 00:33:14.079 off yourself. I need you to stop limiting who you are. I need you to stop looking through that lens 00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:19.700 of what people have said over your life. I need you to stop thinking that you are this and this and this 00:33:19.700 --> 00:33:25.759 because of your family line, because you're part of my family line. You're my child. You're born into 00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:33.580 a new identity. And in my family line, anything is possible with God. Anything is possible with God. 00:33:34.299 --> 00:33:39.600 And we all go, I don't know if I believe that, Anne. I actually don't know if I believe you. 00:33:40.279 --> 00:33:46.900 Because there's this limit. And no. He is God of the breakthrough. He is God of the breakthrough, 00:33:46.900 --> 00:33:52.600 God of power. And he can do incredible things. You know, there's an 86-year-old woman in our church 00:33:52.600 --> 00:33:58.680 who had completely written herself off just about 18 months ago. She was just like, Anne, 00:33:58.780 --> 00:34:03.880 my heart is failing and I'm going to go and be with the Lord. And I prayed with her. And I just said to 00:34:03.880 --> 00:34:10.800 her, I think God's going to open up a new ministry for you. And she just laughed at me. I said, honestly, 00:34:10.920 --> 00:34:16.320 I really, really do. And you know, literally a week later, she began, no joke, and this amazed me, 00:34:16.320 --> 00:34:25.900 she began to hear and see angels. Literally a week later, an 86-year-old powerful woman who thought, 00:34:26.000 --> 00:34:31.680 you know what, my time's up, began to hear and see angels in our church. When now we are beginning 00:34:31.680 --> 00:34:36.680 to embark on anything as leaders in the church, we go to Anne and we say, because she's called 00:34:36.680 --> 00:34:41.960 Anne, good name. We go to her and we say, like, what's happening in the heavenlies? Tell us what 00:34:41.960 --> 00:34:46.460 you're seeing. Tell us what you're sensing. Tell us what's happening in your prayer life. 00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:54.360 And she has a major effect on the decisions that we're taking as a team. God can do anything, 00:34:54.619 --> 00:35:03.000 at any time, in any way, to just completely blow our minds wide open. I don't know what the I am's are 00:35:03.000 --> 00:35:09.400 that you've believed over your life. You know, Moses says, I am slow of speech and tongue. I'm not 00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:15.960 eloquent, Lord. You honestly want me to use my voice, but I'm not eloquent, Lord. And it's almost 00:35:15.960 --> 00:35:21.160 like a joke, isn't it? That's the one area I want to use you. The one area where you think you're most 00:35:21.160 --> 00:35:27.760 weak and most unable and lacking the most confidence is the one area that I want to show my power 00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:36.500 through you. Mine have been things like, I am not as intelligent as my brothers. I'm never going to 00:35:36.500 --> 00:35:42.719 be as good as Gav. You know, the comparison stuff, the competitive stuff, the feeling worthless. I 00:35:42.719 --> 00:35:48.159 wasn't, my brothers went to private school, like most of the way through their journey. And I just 00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:51.840 did for a couple of years. My schooling was appalling. My general knowledge is terrible. 00:35:53.579 --> 00:35:59.159 And God, so when God began to say, yes, come on, Anne, it was like, I don't believe that I'm able. 00:35:59.380 --> 00:36:05.260 I don't believe that I can open scripture. I'm not that bright, God. I was like, no, 00:36:05.260 --> 00:36:14.740 you can. You can. You can with me. You can with me. What are the I am's that you've believed and that 00:36:14.740 --> 00:36:21.940 have halted your development or limited your growth and made you stop where you are? Because the great 00:36:21.940 --> 00:36:29.320 I am is 10 times, a million times more powerful than the I am that we've limited ourselves to. 00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:40.260 The final thing is this. In verse 13 of chapter 4, Moses says to the Lord this, 00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:49.760 Oh Lord, please send someone else to do it. How many times have we done that? I can't, God. It's a no 00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:55.780 from me. Go and find somebody else. Go and look for somebody else. And he, you know what I love about 00:36:55.780 --> 00:37:00.300 our Lord is he doesn't give up. He doesn't give up on us. We give up on ourselves. He doesn't give 00:37:00.300 --> 00:37:06.800 up on us. And he never, ever, ever quits on us. And he doesn't want there to be someone else. You 00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:10.800 know what? At this point he could have said, okay, I'll send Aaron and you can stay where you are. 00:37:11.280 --> 00:37:17.720 But he doesn't. He says, no, Moses, I'll give you Aaron. I'll give you Aaron, but I want you to do it 00:37:17.720 --> 00:37:22.800 because it's for you. The calling that I'm giving is for you. It's unique to you. And I think so 00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:27.100 often we look around us and think someone else is going to be better at this than me. 00:37:27.780 --> 00:37:33.620 And God is saying, no, because this is specifically unique for you because I love you and I have a 00:37:33.620 --> 00:37:38.760 plan for you. And it's going to be about what I want to do through your life, not through anyone 00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:47.120 else's. And we just struggle to believe that God has anything for us. And I love the fact that God 00:37:47.120 --> 00:37:52.500 says, you know what? I'll give you Aaron. I'm not going to abandon you on your own in this. I'm not 00:37:52.500 --> 00:37:57.039 going to make you face this alone. Like I will give you what you need for that journey. 00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:02.739 Because when we hear sometimes the sense of the call of God or something shifting or maybe something 00:38:02.739 --> 00:38:06.659 we need to do. I remember when I began to sort of do some ministry with preschool mums, I was just 00:38:06.659 --> 00:38:11.900 there going, I can't do that, God. I can't do it. I'm not able to do that. I haven't got enough time 00:38:11.900 --> 00:38:18.039 in my week. I've got children myself. And then he brings this team around you. He brings key people 00:38:18.039 --> 00:38:23.920 around whatever it is. Look at the team doing today. They're phenomenal. God puts people in 00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:30.779 the right place. We just speak up and step out. And then he brings the rest of it together. 00:38:31.500 --> 00:38:37.599 All he did was give him the words, let my people go. That's all it was. Let my people go. It might 00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:43.679 be something really small. You know, just this week I felt God saying, I need you to go to your 00:38:43.679 --> 00:38:49.460 boss and say this. And it is a really simple line. And I'm thinking, why do I need to do that? 00:38:50.039 --> 00:38:57.539 Because I'm scared to. But if I do, what might that lead to? Where might that go when we open 00:38:57.539 --> 00:39:05.960 our mouths? A few years back, I think the reason that I say all of this to you is a few years ago, 00:39:06.519 --> 00:39:12.859 I was in a place of just thinking, I am very much committed to raise my kids, which is brilliant, 00:39:12.860 --> 00:39:18.079 by the way. And I'm still very much committed to raising my kids. And I am very supportive of my 00:39:18.079 --> 00:39:23.400 husband because he has quite a major job within the Evangelical Alliance and quite a wide public 00:39:23.400 --> 00:39:28.820 ministry. And so I need to support him and release him and be here for the family and be at home. 00:39:29.599 --> 00:39:35.820 And I remember being on holiday in North Wales. And I would literally, I'd sat on this bed for like 00:39:35.820 --> 00:39:40.980 over 17 years. Every summer I'd sat on the same bed. But this time was different. 00:39:40.980 --> 00:39:46.920 This time was different. And when I sat there on the bed, I was reading from Acts chapter 2. 00:39:47.519 --> 00:39:52.639 And I was reading that well-known passage to some of us, even on my servants, both men and women, 00:39:53.340 --> 00:39:59.679 I will pour out my spirit. And my sons and my daughters will prophesy. And you know how it goes 00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:05.539 on, young men will see dream dreams and old men have visions. And I just felt the power of the Holy 00:40:05.539 --> 00:40:11.539 Spirit, like begin here and just flood through my body. It was like intense pins and needles. I can 00:40:11.539 --> 00:40:17.739 feel it now, actually, as I tell you, right down to my feet. And it intensified. Like it was so strong 00:40:17.739 --> 00:40:23.440 that my body couldn't, I couldn't move my body on the bed. And I knew as I was looking down at the 00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:31.159 scripture that God was saying, and you, Anne, and you, my sons and my daughters, and you. 00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:35.879 And I was there going, but God, I'm okay, aren't I? I'm doing what you've told me to do. I'm being, 00:40:36.019 --> 00:40:42.519 I'm serving, I'm loving, I'm giving. Aren't I okay? No. I knew in that moment that there was 00:40:42.519 --> 00:40:49.539 something else that he was asking of me. Something else. And after, I don't know how long I was sat on 00:40:49.539 --> 00:40:54.500 the bed, and I don't know what was going on fully. We never fully understand it, do we? But we get a 00:40:54.500 --> 00:41:00.579 glimpse. But as I eventually moved off that bed, I was just going, I know that I've got to explore 00:41:00.579 --> 00:41:05.259 ordination. And that's what's kind of led me down the church leader track. Goodness knows where I'm 00:41:05.259 --> 00:41:13.319 going with that. But that's where it began, was this place of going, and you, and you, and you, 00:41:13.719 --> 00:41:21.400 and you, whoever, whatever, wherever. And it's not that I undervalue the roles that God's given me, 00:41:21.400 --> 00:41:28.239 but I think sometimes we use them as an excuse to not walk fully in the calling that God has given 00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:29.939 to each one of us.