You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.
Our passion is to experience and express grace.
Join us.
Pray with me.
Father, thanks for a love like that.
Love that never lets us go.
Where would we be without it?
What would our hope be?
It's only a love like that that could even enable us to look honestly at the darkness of our hearts and our lives without just despairing.
And so would you reassure us of that love this morning as we look at your word, at a challenging part of it?
And Father, by your Spirit, please do challenge us.
Would you do so well, would you comfort those who are afflicted?
Holy Spirit, come and do that as we look at your word.
We ask it in Jesus' name.
Amen.
This morning we're going to look at God's word together on the issue of marriage and divorce.
Divorce, a significant and sensitive issue in our culture, in our lives.
You've probably heard a lot of statistics about divorce.
Divorce, while the 50% of marriages end in divorce one has never been true in the U.S., divorce does seem often to be all around us, doesn't it?
Another one you've probably heard is that Christians get divorced at the same rate as anyone else.
Again, not true according to the best statistics.
But still, it's very believable for us because many of us in this room have endured the pain of divorce.
Most all of us have a family member who has.
And we've seen the reality of it, the hurt of it, the difficulty there.
Over the last 10 years or so, I've talked with a lot of people considering divorce.
And I often hear things like this, things that reflect on our vision, our goals for marriage.
I hear people say, her unreasonableness, his uncontrolled anger, her demeaning distance, his emotional neglect, whatever it may be, is not something I can live with any longer.
Or, I know God doesn't like divorce, but He doesn't like unhappy marriages either.
Or, God doesn't want me or my kids to be unhappy.
I know He wouldn't want us living like this.
And there's an element of truth in those statements, isn't there?
In a culture flooded with divorce, it makes sense that when I'm miserable in my marriage, I need to get out.
I notice similar things actually at the other end of marriage when I talk with those at the beginning, maybe in premarital counseling, for example.
If you ask them why they're getting married, you'll hear things like, I just like being with her.
Or, we're really a great partnership, we get along so well.
Or, I just realized I can't live without Him.
A little bit different words and wonderful things to feel, but you may hear a similar focus.
All of these seemingly focus on a relationship that exists to fulfill me, right?
Isn't that the natural way that we think about relationships and marriage in particular?
It's here to help me become the best version of me.
We might call it self-actualization.
So, it's no surprise when a few months or years in and my spouse doesn't seem to be helping me feel good about myself and be the best that I can be.
In fact, it feels quite different.
I need another plan.
It's not just our culture that has focused on self or that has promoted divorce.
Jesus encountered the same situation with the Pharisees, the religious teachers of His day.
Some rabbis did teach that divorce should be very rare, but many of them taught that a man could get a divorce for just about any reason,
including some who taught that if dinner was overcooked, that was grounds for divorce.
Or if a man found another woman he found more attractive than his wife, that was grounds for a divorce.
You see, basically for anything that one came up with.
And so, as we've been reading and studying through Luke, we came to this passage back before Easter,
and what Jesus is doing in Luke 16 is challenging the Pharisees about their attitude actually towards money.
That's primarily what he's been talking about here and how they have a low view of God's law
that actually calls them to sacrificial generosity and they've lowered that bar way down here.
And while he's talking about it, he mentions as another example of them lowering the bar of God's law,
their view on divorce.
It seems to be a common place to drop that standard.
Luke 16 at verse 18, Jesus says,
Adultery.
They heard that, didn't they?
They knew the law.
That's one of the big ten.
That grabbed their attention.
What's going on here?
What's Jesus doing?
They know not to take adultery.
Adultery being unfaithfulness.
The breaking of a promise.
The breaking of the bond of a relationship and a commitment to someone else.
It doesn't take long to see that Jesus' view of divorce is a bit different for Mars, does it?
He reaffirms this strong passion for marriage and strong distaste for divorce in another conversation
with the Pharisees where they actually ask him about marriage and divorce specifically.
So he gives a much fuller explanation than he does here when he's just using it as an example about something else.
Let me read that for you in Matthew 19.
In other words, don't get divorced.
So they said, well, why then did Moses command one to give her certificate of divorce and to send her away?
Why is that in the Old Testament?
And Jesus says, if we keep going into verse 8 on the next slide,
Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives.
But from the beginning, it was not so.
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery.
The disciples understood what he was saying.
And in their response, they said to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it's better not to marry.
Wow.
Jesus says again, divorce except in very specific circumstances is adultery.
Don't do it.
And we're not misunderstanding him.
That challenges our personal and cultural sensibilities, doesn't it?
It certainly did for the disciples when they heard it.
Quick side note.
If God and his word never challenge our personal and cultural sensibilities,
we're probably not listening to it very honestly.
Think about that.
God being God and us being not God,
if nothing he said ever challenged our hearts or stretched us beyond what seemed right to us,
we would need to wonder why that was,
why we just naturally knew so well.
This is one of those points where it stretches us a bit, doesn't it?
Let's not write it off.
It is God's word.
Let's ask Jesus, why set the bar so high for divorce?
I think to understand Jesus' strong passion against divorce,
we have to understand his strong passion for marriage.
It's what he keeps referencing here.
God's purpose for marriage is much different from what our approach usually is
and where our goals are typically focused.
See, for God from the very beginning when he invented marriage,
which he did, didn't he?
He invented it to have a purpose that was God-centered first,
not merely man-centered.
To display who God is and how he loves.
That's what was on his heart.
I love to think of it, and you've heard me talk about it in terms of storytelling, right?
That we get this privilege to share the great story of God's work in all of history in relationship.
Because that's really where it starts, Jesus says.
God created us, male and female, in his image.
And Jesus, in that passage we just read, goes all the way back to Genesis 2, in the garden,
and says relationships are part of the way that we reflect the image of God,
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
We're to reflect his image in all of our relationships,
and especially in our marriages where Paul says we tell the story of the love of Jesus
for his bride, the church, that particular relationship.
You remember Ephesians chapter 5?
Paul 2, like Jesus, goes all the way back to Genesis chapter 2
and explains what marriage was designed for.
A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
And Paul says this mystery is profound.
I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
That's what God was up to.
A profound mystery.
But marriage about Christ and the church.
That's the great story our marriages are to tell.
So I think what we have to do is remember that great love story,
the greatest of all love stories,
what's going on in that story that we're supposed to reflect,
that we're supposed to tell in our marriages.
Just a few minutes, we're going to look at it
to help us see why divorce is so abhorrent to God,
and also why it's so painful for us.
It's a true Cinderella story where a princess who's intended for glory
is lost and abandoned and broken in need of rescue.
And the prince of heaven comes on a rescue mission, doesn't he?
To find this princess and at the cost of his own life
to restore her to the beauty and glory that she was created for.
And he does that.
He marries her, in fact.
She delights in his love,
and they live in intimate relationship happily ever after.
Three things, particularly in this story,
that we see about God.
The first is we see God's purifying grace on display in this story
where failings are met with forgiveness.
It's this way from the very beginning of the relationship, actually.
I'm not going to read all of Ezekiel chapter 16 this morning.
It's kind of long.
But you should do that this afternoon.
Ezekiel 16.
God describes finding Israel, his people, for the first time
as a baby born and never washed,
lying in its blood, weak, undesirable.
And he, rather than rejecting her,
tells the rest of the story in terms of marriage.
Verse 8.
I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you,
declares the Lord God,
and you became mine.
Then I bathed you with water
and washed off your blood from you
and anointed you with oil.
And your renown went forth among the nations
because of your beauty.
For it was perfect through the splendor
that I had bestowed on you,
declares the Lord God.
This is what happens.
In his grace, he comes to one not deserving of anything,
not beautiful at all.
And he loves the unlovely.
He doesn't merely overlook the weakness,
but he washes, cleanses, purifies in his grace.
And then you know what happens
in the next 40 verses or so?
Israel runs off.
Dirties herself with the nations of the world
and their idolatry, adultery.
And God says this in verse 60.
Yet, despite all that you've done,
yet I will remember my covenant with you
in the days of your youth,
and I will establish for you an everlasting covenant.
I will establish my covenant with you,
and you shall know that I am the Lord,
that you may remember and be confounded
and never open your mouth again
because of your shame.
When I atone for you
for all that you have done,
declares the Lord God.
That covenant commitment,
no matter what the other one did,
intended never to be broken,
that's why divorce is so painful, isn't it?
Several of my friends who have experienced divorce
said to me this week,
that no matter what else they felt
in their divorce,
no matter what the circumstances,
the pain,
the breaking of that relationship
is so awful.
It hurts so deeply.
It's like tearing apart two things
that were never meant to be separated.
It hurts.
And God has given us
this purifying grace.
It's often painful in its application too,
but it ultimately washes the dirtiest,
forgives the biggest failures,
and makes beautiful the ugliest
and most undeserving.
That's what God does
in His relationship with us.
So then as we get to the middle of the story,
at the real climax of it,
we see God's sacrificial love.
It's a story where sacrifice
is not a burden,
but a delight.
Where it's not a path to misery,
but a road to glory, isn't it?
The Father sends His only Son,
the Prince,
who sacrifices His rights
as the Prince of Heaven.
Who sacrifices His riches and comforts
as the heir of all things.
Who sacrifices eventually His very life
in order to marry the princess.
In order to make the unworthy one worthy.
That's the picture that Paul paints
in Philippians 2
when Jesus,
rather than clinging to heaven's glories,
lets go of them.
He humbles Himself
and sacrifices His life for us.
But He did that all
not out of some obligation,
but out of love, right?
Out of His love for us
because of the joy set before Him
that He endured the cross.
He suffered certainly,
unimaginably,
but purchased for Himself
a bride whom He loves,
with whom He will enjoy glory forever.
And that was the path there.
It's a concept of sacrifice
that we know very little about these days,
isn't it?
Divorce often offers to us fulfillment
in other people,
in other situations,
whatever it takes
to take care of number one.
But marriage
is not meant to be merely
a rejection of personal fulfillment
into misery
for the sake of someone else,
but rather,
in the steps of the one
who designed us
and invented marriage,
it's finding mutual fulfillment
through mutual sacrifice.
Finally, as we get
toward the end of the story,
marriage is to display
God's tenacious faithfulness.
It's to tell the story
of a God
who continues
to pursue
the unfaithful
with love
rather than punishing them
with rejection.
The prophet Hosea
tells that part of the story
really well
through his own life
as God sends him
to marry a prostitute
in order to teach God's people
about His love for them
in the midst of their
adulterous idolatry.
Listen to how Hosea
describes God's faithfulness
to an unfaithful people.
In that day,
declares the Lord,
you will call me
my husband
and no longer
will you call me
my Baal.
For I will remove
the names of the Baals
from her mouth
and they shall be remembered
by name no more
and I'll make for them
a covenant on that day
with the beasts
of the field,
the birds of the heavens,
the creeping things
of the ground.
I'll abolish the bow,
the sword,
and war from the land
and I will make you
lie down in safety.
I will betroth you
to me forever.
I will betroth you
to me in righteousness
and in justice,
in steadfast love
and mercy.
I will betroth you
to me in faithfulness
and you shall know
the Lord.
I will betroth you
to me in faithfulness
forever.
You can run away
to other lovers
but I will chase you
down and buy you back.
And there may be
painful discipline
in the process
but we will be together
forever.
I'm committed to it.
There ain't no darkness
strong enough
that could tear you out
from my heart.
There ain't no strength
that's strong enough
that could tear this love apart.
No, I won't let you go.
Tenacious faithfulness.
When repeated rejection
has come from one side
to the other,
when the name of your lover
has been dragged
through the mud publicly,
when divorce seems to be
the only reasonable option,
I won't let you go.
God says.
We all probably know people
who in the midst
of their unfaithfulness
have experienced
this tenacious faithfulness
from a forgiving spouse.
As one of my friends
has said,
it's experiencing a grace
that he had only been taught
existed.
Isn't that supposed to be
the daily reality
in all of our marriages?
Man, I could never repay
my wife
for the number of times
that she has in my failures
met me with faithful,
forgiving love,
giving me a taste
of God's love
when I didn't deserve it
at my lowest points.
Loving the unlovely
requires grace.
It requires sacrifice.
It requires tenacious faithfulness.
And when we experience those,
we experience and tell
the story of God's love
for us in Christ.
It's beautiful.
It's glorious
when you see it, isn't it?
I'm just going to share
two stories of this
with you
that I've shared before.
They display this kind of love
in the midst of physical trauma
that could have altered
a relationship entirely.
And it's a kind of love
that God would call us
to show
not just when
physical realities
change things,
but emotional and relational
trauma
comes to us too.
The first is
Robertson McQuilkin.
He was president
of Columbia Bible College
over 20 years
until in 1990
his wife Muriel
was struggling deeply
with Alzheimer's,
becoming frantic
whenever he was not with her,
even bloodying her feet
walking back and forth
from their home
to his office
looking for him.
So he wrote
to the Bible College community
about his decision
to step down
from the job he loved.
The decision was made
in a way
42 years ago
when I promised
to care for Muriel
in sickness
and in health
till death do us part.
So as I told
the students and faculty
as a man of my word,
integrity has something
to do with it.
But so does fairness.
She's cared for me
fully and sacrificially
all these years.
If I cared for her
for the next 40 years
I would not be out
of her debt.
Duty, however,
can be grim
and stoic,
but there's more.
I love Muriel.
She is a delight
to me.
Her childlike dependence
and confidence in me,
her warm love,
occasional flashes
of that wit
I used to relish so,
her happy spirit
and tough resilience
in the face
of her continual
distressing frustration.
I don't have to care
for her.
I get to.
It's a high honor
to care for so wonderful
a person.
He sacrificed,
laid down his life
as it were,
and yet found joy
and fulfillment
there.
Shortly after David Ireland's
young wife got pregnant,
David found out
he had a disease
like Lou Gehrig's
and his body began
to shut down rapidly.
He realized
that he may not meet
his child.
So he decided
to do some parenting
through letters,
now published
in a book called
Letters to an Unborn Child.
He introduces
his baby boy
to his mother
this way.
My child,
I want you to know
what your mother is like.
She is absolutely
incredible.
I think I can make
it clear to you
by just telling you
what she has to do
when we go out
to eat at night.
When we go out
to a restaurant,
this is what she has to do.
Because I'm a quadriplegic
now and in a wheelchair,
she has to bathe me,
dress me,
empty the urine
and fecal bags
that are strapped
to my legs,
then put me
in the wheelchair,
drive me out
to the garage,
open the garage,
open the door,
get out aboard,
pull up the arm
on my chair,
slide me across
the board,
put me in the car,
put down the arm,
fold up the chair,
open the trunk,
put in the chair,
close the trunk,
close the door,
get in the car,
back it out,
close the garage door
and drive to the restaurant.
When we get there,
the whole process
is reversed.
We sit down
at a table,
she feeds me,
wipes the drool
from my mouth
because I can barely eat,
gets up,
pays the check
and then the whole process
is reversed again.
Go out to the car,
open the door,
take off the arm,
put down the board,
slide me across,
put down the arm,
fold up the chair,
go to the back,
open the trunk,
put up the chair,
close the trunk,
get in the car,
drive.
Get to the garage,
up goes the garage door,
everything else reversed,
take me in,
clean me,
empty the fecal
and urine bags,
bathe me,
put me in my pajamas
and lay me in bed.
And then he says this,
Son,
these are her last words to me.
Thank you, honey,
for taking me out
to eat tonight.
That's tenacious faithfulness
at not letting go.
Sacrificial love
that honors the weak
and the seemingly undeserving.
What beautiful pictures
of how Jesus cherishes
and cares for his bride,
right?
That's how he loves you.
And so often,
the picture we present
tells a different story.
A story of Prince Charming
turning up his nose
at Cinderella,
sending her away from him.
Do you see why God
takes divorce so seriously?
Yes, he wants to spare us
the pain,
but ultimately,
what's his heart?
He's telling the world
a story.
The good news,
the good news of great joy
for all people
and right at the climax
of this story,
divorce seeks to rewrite it.
Seeks to tell a different one
with a different ending.
And that's why we as a church
seek to take divorce
seriously as well.
It's not to be difficult,
but to protect the glory
of the story of Jesus' love for us
and believing that God's design
is best for us too,
even in the pain.
That may well mean
some hard situations
and difficult decisions.
I don't have the time
to go into this morning
as we wrestle with broken covenants.
It happens.
But in the midst of that,
focusing on the glorious purpose
for marriage
really does change things.
Think about it in your own marriage.
Be honest.
What's your goal
in your marriage?
Or in a potential marriage
that you're thinking about.
You see,
if I prioritize
personal fulfillment
in marriage,
I actually overemphasize
and idolize marriage
as though there's someone
or some relationship
that could completely fulfill me.
And at the same time,
I underemphasize
the glorious purpose
of marriage.
I make it a consumer contract
to stay in while it serves me
rather than an unbreakable covenant
that serves God's mission
and His glory
in the world.
So practically,
if my purpose
is self-fulfillment,
then how do I have to act?
Well, I have to deny
any sin or weakness in myself.
That doesn't fit.
I have to redefine marriage
by my desires,
what I want it to look like
and feel like
and reach for divorce quickly
when they're threatened
or almost as bad.
Even if I stay,
I begin to tell the wrong story.
It's one about me
where I'm the hero.
On the other hand,
if my purpose
is telling the story
of Christ's love
for His church,
then I can actually acknowledge
sin
and true forgiveness
because in those moments,
we can actually best
tell the story, right?
The story that's about grace
and redemption
in the lowest moments
with Jesus as the hero
and the great lover,
not me as the one
who's perfect.
See, the miracle of marriage
is not two relatively
compatible people
surviving in the same house
for 50 years.
But rather,
the miracle that reflects
the miracle of God's love
is two people
at great cost
to themselves
loving the unlovely
and the unworthy.
That's the story,
isn't it?
That's what marriage
is to be about.
And so in the low points,
we get a chance
to tell that story
beautifully.
It's why we honor
marriage now
because of the glorious,
great love story
that it's telling.
So Jesus speaks
certainly strong
and direct words
to the Pharisees
and to us
to elevate
the seriousness
of God's law.
Verse 18 again,
everyone who divorces
his wife
and marries another
commits adultery
and he who marries
a woman divorced
from her husband
commits adultery.
It's a perfect law
and he won't tolerate
our lowering the standard,
will he?
He doesn't want
marriage redefined,
divorce made easy.
And so for some of you
this morning,
perhaps it's painful
to think back
through things
you've endured
in your life.
Hard moments,
deep grief,
wrestling with God
about what's next.
Man, if you're there
this morning,
love to walk with you
through that
because there's not
much that's more
difficult than this
because it's a battleground
where God's telling
a story and Satan
wants to write
a different one.
And we need each other
in that.
And you may be sitting
there and hearing
words this strong
from Jesus
like adultery
and feel someone
pointing a finger
at you
and saying,
adultery.
You feel you've got
a scarlet letter
on you
because of your
divorce
or your
unfaithfulness.
In just a minute,
I'm going to do
something that
sounds very
unpastoral.
To have all those
who've committed
adultery
raise their hands.
First, let me remind
you of God's law.
Exodus chapter 20.
You shall not
commit adultery.
Adultery.
Matthew chapter 5
verse 27.
You have heard
that it was said
you shall not
commit adultery.
But I say to you
that everyone
who looks at a woman
with lustful intent
has already committed
adultery
with her
in his heart.
Then,
in our passage,
Luke 16,
Jesus says to them,
you are those
who justify yourselves
before men,
but God knows
your hearts.
For what is exalted
among men
is an abomination
in the sight of God.
And then he goes
to apply it
to divorce and marriage.
Everyone who divorces
his wife and marries
another commits adultery.
And he who marries
a woman divorced
from her husband
commits adultery.
And we now understand
that what Jesus
is saying
in this passage
is much harder
than we might realize.
That if we have
ever longed
for marriage
or for anything else
other than God
to fulfill us,
that's adultery.
adultery.
If we have ever
had a less than
glorious view
of marriage,
whether in our own
or toward another's,
that's adultery.
If we have said things
or avoided saying things
rather than embrace
the truth of God's Word
on divorce
or anything else,
that's adultery
in our hearts.
Now with a fresh reminder
of God's perfect standard,
let's go back
to the hands being raised
and I'll start.
All those who have
committed adultery
according to all
of God's holy law,
raise your hand with me.
There's no one left
to throw stones.
There's no one
who's got it together
and can accuse you.
Adultery is a sin,
but it's not
the unforgivable sin.
And that's why
God gives us His law
so that we see
His holy character
and pray that the Holy Spirit
would work in each of us
that we would,
in our friendships,
and if appropriate,
as spouses
and as a church family,
that we would love
with purifying grace
and sacrificial love
and tenacious faithfulness.
We would see how He does that
and long to reflect that
to those around us.
And,
and He gives us His law
set perfectly
beyond what we can measure up to
so that,
seeing our sin,
so that realizing
we can't fix the problem,
we would turn
to our Savior
to find forgiveness
and to actually believe
that as far as the east
is from the west,
so far has He removed
our transgressions from us.
Amen?
We read it earlier,
do you believe that?
Has He wiped
the adultery
that far away
from you?
Don't lower the standard.
Embrace the Savior.
It almost makes you wonder
why God allows divorce
at all,
doesn't it?
You remember how Jesus,
when He allowed
for divorce
reluctantly,
said,
well,
only because of the hardness
of human hearts,
is divorce even permitted?
Why?
Why then does it have to be?
It's because He's saying
human hearts
are not divine.
We can't love
as perfectly,
as infinitely,
as eternally
as God can.
And it's because
human marriage
is not ultimate.
See, the ultimate hope
of the gospel
is not in your marriage
now being a perfect
reflection of God's
love for you.
The hope,
the promise
to us
is of the ultimate
marriage
where your perfect
spouse
removes
the scarlet letter.
He's the perfect one.
In fact,
He's the only one
standing
who could
rightly judge you
for that.
And instead of
judging you for that,
He does what?
He removes it
from you
and He not only
takes that off of you
and removes your sin
as far as the east
is from the west,
He clothes you
with white robes
in glorious beauty
and He comes
to you
to be with you
forever,
He promises.
No divorce
to endure
ever.
He's the perfectly
faithful
spouse
and He loves you
passionately.
Even unlovely
you
in your worst moments
in fact,
His promise
is to make you
lovely
because He loves you.
If your marital
or relational
experience
makes you feel
unlovely now,
know that Jesus
will make you
lovely
and will love you
forever.
Let's pray.
Jesus,
we give you
thanks
for a love
we don't deserve
and could never
earn.
We confess
we like better
the idea
of fixing things
ourselves,
but we need
you
to rescue us.
none of us
stands
on our own
without our
great need
for you
and so we
thank you
that you love
us.
We rejoice
in the story
that you give
to us
and that you give
us the privilege
of telling
and we plead
for your grace
that we would
tell it
in all of our
relationships,
in our marriages,
in this church
family.
Father,
would we love
and would we
especially love
where the
brokenness of
life interrupts
and knocks us
down?
Would we be there
and love each
other well?
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
For more
information,
visit us
online
at
southwood.org
WELT