WEBVTT

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 All right. So starting off with singleness. When singleness is mentioned in the beginning of scripture, God sees Adam's singleness, and he says it is not good. It is not good that man should be alone.

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 He says, I will make a helper fit for him. And so he creates Eve for Adam in marriage. So at the start of the Bible, singleness is viewed unfavorably, so much so that marriage is actually needed. It's a needed solution to the problem.

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 However, in the New Testament, in Matthew 22, Jesus makes it clear that in the bodily resurrection with Christ in heaven, we will neither marry nor be given in marriage and will be like the angels.

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 All right. So where before God intervened and fixed this broken singleness issue, now in heaven, it's seen as normal, good, appropriate.

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 So what gives? Why is there such a remarkably different stance towards singleness in heaven?

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 It's ultimately because, right, our spiritual marriage to Christ. Ephesians 5 frames our messy, sinful, horizontal marriages as husband and wife as just a glimpse, a picture of our love-filled, perfect, vertical marriages with Christ, right, with Christ and his church.

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 That though she has been promiscuous, she's been unfaithful like Gomer, the faithful husband like Hosea, he's pursued his bride, even when it cost him his own life.

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 Even though we, none of us, none of us deserve to wear white on that day, he has bought us our gown, he's washed it in his blood.

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 And so on that day, on that glorious wedding, we will sing, let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory for the marriage of the Lamb has come and his bride has made her ready.

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 This is the reason why this shift in singleness happens, because everything that our horizontal marriages points to is now been fulfilled in our marriages with Christ.

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 But this shift in the evaluation of singleness doesn't occur just in heaven.

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 In fact, it's already happened.

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 Paul says so in 1 Corinthians 7, where he writes to a people written in the same redemptive era as us between the two comings of Christ, right?

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 And there are a couple places where he remarkably notes the value of singleness.

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 In verse 7, he says, I wish that all were as I myself am, meaning happily single for the Lord.

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 Verse 8, to the unmarried and to the widowed, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.

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 Verse 38, so then he who marries his betrothed does well.

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 And he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

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 Again, just note the stark contrast between Genesis.

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 It is not good.

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 It is not good for the man to be alone.

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 To Paul's now, he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

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 And why is it better for Paul?

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 You will be free from anxiety, he says.

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 The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

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 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife and his interests are divided.

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 That's verses 32 to 34.

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 Have you ever noticed?

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 I'm sure you guys have noticed when you guys attend our Wednesday prayer meetings, right?

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 It's mostly singles.

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 It's mostly people who have the time and the luxury to be able to come.

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 I'm literally guilty of this, right?

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 I'm not saying that it's good or right, but it is just natural.

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 Married people, especially with kids, are naturally divided and distracted because of their home duties.

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 There is a unique value and privilege that a single person has in his or her capacity to serve the Lord and to serve his people.

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 Sam Albury, a faithful pastor who models godly singleness, he shared a story about how there was an elderly member of his congregation.

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 He needed someone to take care of him, right?

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 He needed a caretaker.

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 And his wife, the usual caretaker, needed to travel somewhere else to attend to some other business for a month.

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 No one else in the entire church could just drop everything at home and go and live with this man and go help this man.

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 No one but Sam.

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 So Sam went and lived with this man, serving him, taking care of him, making the most out of the flexibility and the ability, the capacity he has to serve uniquely.

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 I think this is such a beautiful picture of how precious and how effective singleness can be in the kingdom of God.

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 So my whole point is that singleness is not automatically a curse or a deficiency that immediately needs to be fixed by dating, by marriage.

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 But really, so often we treat it like a curse.

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 There are different ways you could define biblical wisdom.

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 But one that's been sticking with me as of late is a simple premise.

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 Just to see life, see the world the way that God sees it.

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 Not to be influenced by our cultural presuppositions.

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 You know, the risk of teaching a dating seminar is potentially to fall into that cultural trap, right?

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 That singleness is automatically bad.

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 And that everyone here who's single, right?

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 You better get busy.

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 You better start going on dates, get married, have kids.

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 I am by no means denigrating those things, right?

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 I am pro-marriage and pro-family.

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 But I'm also pro-singleness.

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 Because the Bible is unapologetically pro-singleness.

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 After all, Jesus, Paul, John the Baptist, they were all single.

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 That being said, 1 Corinthians 7 is not a blanket statement of pro-singleness.

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 I want to make that clear.

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 Instead, it's a pro, a very specific type of singleness.

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 To those verses above, here are the rest of the verses, right?

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 Singleness is better if you have the gift of singleness.

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 The rest of verse 8.

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 To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it's good for them to reign single as I am.

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 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.

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 For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

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 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong,

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 and it has to be, let him do as he wishes.

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 Let them marry.

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 It is no sin.

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 So then he who marries his betrothed does well.

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 And he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

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 Paul veers to encourage some singles to remain single, right?

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 While others, he encourages to marry.

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 And who are those people?

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 Those who struggle with self-control in sexual purity who burn with passion.

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 Those who are distracted in their singleness because they are constantly longing for marriage.

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 And I think that that is actually the majority of us.

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 While scripture is pro-singleness, it's also clear that the biblical norm is to get married.

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 In the pastoral qualifications for elders, they always say husband of one wife.

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 You see that in 1 Timothy 3.

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 You see that in Titus 1.

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 It's not that marriage is an explicit requirement for eldership.

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 But it's naturally assumed that these men would be married.

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 That was the natural and normal assumption.

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 In Matthew 19, after Jesus raises the bar for divorce and remarriage,

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 The disciples said to him,

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 If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.

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 And Jesus said to them,

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 Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.

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 But only those to whom it is given.

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 The reality is, I think most of the singles in our church should pray and seek to be married.

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 Given that the Bible teaches that singleness is the exceptional and honorable calling for those who can receive it.

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 But that marriage is the norm.

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 Most of us should probably think about getting married.

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 And to help you think through whether I have the gift or not, the gift of singleness or not,

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 I put together this simple decision tree.

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 It starts with a simple diagnostic question.

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 Do you want to be married?

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 Do you not want to be married?

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 Andreas Kossenberger, an NT scholar, wrote a great book, God, Marriage, and Family.

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 In that, he said that if you fear you have the gift of singleness,

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 it probably means you don't have it.

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 You can all take a deep breath.

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 And I agree with him.

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 Second question, are you self-controlled in your singleness?

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 Are you taking advantage of your singleness in serving the Lord and his people?

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 Right?

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 Second question, so if yes, then great.

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 It seems like you might have the gift of singleness.

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 We need faithful examples of you, of people like you in our church.

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 You are a living example of what we'll all be like in heaven.

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 Single, horizontally, but married vertically to Christ.

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 So remain faithful to the Lord in your singleness until things change, right?

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 Things could change.

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 Maybe circumstances change and your desires change.

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 But as long as you are content in your singleness,

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 continue to serve the Lord in that way.

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 If you are not sure,

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 let's say that you're generally self-controlled in your battle against lust.

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 You're generally taking advantage of the unique privilege of being single,

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 serving the Lord, serving his people.

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 But you're not very sure if you want to be single for the rest of your life.

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 Because again, Paul says that it's better to remain single.

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 I think we should err towards that direction.

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 I think you should try to remain single, right?

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 Try pursuing faithfulness in singleness

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 to see if you can live that life in contentment and self-control.

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 And over time, God should provide more clarity.

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 And I want to, again, correct our cultural presuppositions here.

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 I think your parents, the people around you,

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 everyone, if you're not sure,

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 the natural instinct will be for, of course,

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 you've got to get married.

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 You've got to start dating.

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 But I want to put pause on that

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 and help us to think biblically about what singleness really looks like.

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 If no, let's say you're not content in your singleness,

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 you're struggling to be self-controlled,

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 and you're positive you want to be married,

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 then, of course, let it be.

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 Though contented, servant-oriented singleness

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 is better than being married,

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 it is no sin to marry.

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 In fact, Paul rebukes false teachers

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 who prohibited marriage.

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 I think I have a slide of that, right?

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 It's these false teachers who prohibit marriage unnecessarily.

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 That's not true.

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 That's a false teaching.

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 So it's a good thing to get married.

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 If you know that you don't have the gift of singleness,

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 then, which I, again, think as most Christians today,

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 then we ought to do two things.

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 We have to fight for contentment and self-control,

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 and secondly, pursue marriage.

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 Just because you might not have the gift of singleness

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 is no excuse for you not to pursue contentment,

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 wholehearted contentment in the Lord.

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 You might need to fight harder for it,

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 but contentment and self-control are made available to all people,

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 even in unwanted singleness.

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 With Jesus, we can learn the secret of facing plenty,

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 facing hunger, abundance, and need.

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 We can do all things through him who strengthens us.

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 Such an important passage in Philippians 4.

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 But even while you are content in the Lord,

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 you can still work towards marriage.

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 Contentment is not a spiritual exercise in kidding yourself.

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 Contentment doesn't destroy your ability

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 of distinguishing what you want and what you don't want.

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 Paul said that he learned how to be content,

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 but it's not like he pretended that hunger and need

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 are the exact same.

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 Hunger and plenty of abundance are the exact same.

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 Hunger and need are not good places to be necessarily.

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 It's impossible to be content in the Lord

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 in the midst of persecution,

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 but that doesn't mean that you should stay in persecution.

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 Maybe a helpful analogy there.

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 So then, pursue marriage.

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 In our specific time and culture,

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 that's typically done through dating.

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 By definition, the purpose of dating

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 is to seek clarity on one simple question.

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 Am I going to get married to this person?

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 That's the basic question you're just asking.

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 It's not to follow the pattern of this world,

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 to date just to have fun,

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 or to find our ultimate joy in another person,

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 or to create these pseudo-marriages

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 that actually have no commitment in them.

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 If dating is all about marriage,

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 then, realistically, we ought to wait.

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 To wait to date until you are ready to marry.

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 So the first step in pursuing marriage, I think,

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 is to self-evaluate.

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 Am I realistically ready

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 to handle everything that marriage entails?

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 Do I see myself getting married

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 within the next 18 months?

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 That might seem quick for some of you,

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 and it's by no means a legalistic rule.

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 Every couple is different.

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 Some are going to date shorter and longer.

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 Some engagements will be shorter and longer.

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 But I think you can absolutely determine

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 whether you're going to marry somebody

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 and plan a wedding within 18 months.

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 When you self-evaluate yourself for marriage,

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 your readiness for marriage,

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 understand that none of us

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 are ever going to arrive of perfect readiness.

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 The bar is not sinless perfection.

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 But there are wise and concrete questions

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 that I think you can ask yourself

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 to evaluate whether you are prepared

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 to take that step forward.

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 I think the first question is,

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 can I provide financially for a family?

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 Am I independent from my parents?

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 Given that marriage means

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 that you leave from your parents

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 and you cleave to one another

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 and you start an independent family,

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 your ability to provide for a family matters.

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 And I think this question

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 particularly pertains to the guy.

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 Given the Bible's consistent teaching

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 on male headship in the family,

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 I think it is primarily the male's,

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 the guy's responsibility

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 to be able to provide for their family.

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 It doesn't mean that you need to make

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 a lot of money to take your family

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 on fancy vacations.

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 It doesn't mean that you also can't marry

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 if you're in grad school.

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 But you should have the means

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 and or a plan to provide

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 basic provisions for a family,

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 including the prospect of kids.

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 Number two,

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 am I a recent convert?

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 I would generally advise

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 newly converted Christians to wait.

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 To wait before immediately jumping

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 into dating and to marriage.

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 There is so much value

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 in your singleness

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 to devote your time

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 in growing your relationship

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 with the Lord.

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 Number three,

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 am I a member of a church

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 in good standing?

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 If you are a member

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 not in good standing,

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 i.e. under church discipline,

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 there are far more important issues

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 at hand than for you

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 to get married,

00:17:22.339 --> 00:17:23.660
 to think about getting married.

00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:25.720
 So you ought to address

00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:27.940
 those areas of your life first

00:17:27.940 --> 00:17:29.320
 before you introduce someone else

00:17:29.320 --> 00:17:30.100
 into the equation.

00:17:32.140 --> 00:17:33.100
 Number four,

00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:35.539
 are there destructive addictions

00:17:35.539 --> 00:17:37.519
 slash patterns in my life

00:17:37.519 --> 00:17:38.759
 that control me?

00:17:42.519 --> 00:17:43.019
 What?

00:17:44.700 --> 00:17:45.820
 Oh, thank you.

00:17:47.860 --> 00:17:48.820
 Uncontrolled addictions

00:17:48.820 --> 00:17:50.740
 to things like pornography,

00:17:52.299 --> 00:17:52.660
 gambling,

00:17:53.740 --> 00:17:54.080
 alcohol,

00:17:54.620 --> 00:17:55.019
 drugs,

00:17:55.380 --> 00:17:56.180
 and or shopping,

00:17:56.180 --> 00:17:58.960
 they ought to be addressed

00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:00.220
 before you jump into dating.

00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:03.060
 I do think that marriage

00:18:03.060 --> 00:18:04.840
 is a provision from the Lord

00:18:04.840 --> 00:18:06.600
 to help our battle against lust.

00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:09.160
 And I don't think you need to wait

00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:10.039
 until you're at a point

00:18:10.039 --> 00:18:12.340
 where you're 100% lust free

00:18:12.340 --> 00:18:13.720
 and that you never ever

00:18:13.720 --> 00:18:14.799
 struggle with lust.

00:18:15.840 --> 00:18:18.720
 But if you are watching porn regularly,

00:18:19.060 --> 00:18:21.100
 if you are enslaved to it,

00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:22.660
 I think it would be wise

00:18:22.660 --> 00:18:23.860
 to pursue freedom

00:18:23.860 --> 00:18:25.100
 before inviting again

00:18:25.099 --> 00:18:26.339
 someone else into your life.

00:18:28.199 --> 00:18:29.480
 I'm happy to talk about that

00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:31.179
 more after.

00:18:33.179 --> 00:18:34.059
 At the end of the day,

00:18:34.099 --> 00:18:35.099
 it's both impossible

00:18:35.099 --> 00:18:36.399
 and unwise

00:18:36.399 --> 00:18:38.059
 to lay down exacting,

00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:39.759
 determinative parameters

00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:40.619
 of what it means

00:18:40.619 --> 00:18:42.259
 to be ready for marriage.

00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:43.699
 So much of it

00:18:43.699 --> 00:18:44.599
 is case by case,

00:18:44.659 --> 00:18:44.939
 I think.

00:18:44.939 --> 00:18:45.240
 Right?

00:18:45.240 --> 00:18:47.160
 I think this is where

00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:48.680
 the community around you

00:18:48.680 --> 00:18:50.180
 is so helpful.

00:18:51.440 --> 00:18:52.339
 Ask your friends,

00:18:53.359 --> 00:18:54.019
 parents,

00:18:54.940 --> 00:18:55.400
 pastors,

00:18:55.960 --> 00:18:56.680
 Christian mentors,

00:18:56.940 --> 00:18:58.680
 whether they see you

00:18:58.680 --> 00:18:59.500
 getting married.

00:19:00.500 --> 00:19:01.920
 If you are single

00:19:01.920 --> 00:19:03.099
 and you are seeking

00:19:03.099 --> 00:19:04.400
 to get married,

00:19:04.859 --> 00:19:05.839
 you do well

00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:06.720
 to seek their

00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:08.380
 brutally honest feedback.

00:19:09.180 --> 00:19:10.299
 Invite that into your life.

00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:12.579
 Humbly receive that feedback

00:19:12.579 --> 00:19:13.539
 and be open

00:19:13.539 --> 00:19:14.879
 both to their challenges

00:19:14.879 --> 00:19:16.699
 and to their encouragement.

00:19:18.819 --> 00:19:19.799
 So let's say you're

00:19:19.799 --> 00:19:20.639
 willing and able

00:19:20.639 --> 00:19:22.619
 to get married.

00:19:23.419 --> 00:19:24.339
 So what's next?

00:19:25.339 --> 00:19:25.939
 Well, I want to

00:19:25.939 --> 00:19:26.759
 try doing something

00:19:26.759 --> 00:19:27.220
 interactive

00:19:27.220 --> 00:19:27.939
 so it's not just me

00:19:27.939 --> 00:19:28.960
 talking for an hour and a half.

00:19:29.500 --> 00:19:30.899
 I want us to read together

00:19:30.899 --> 00:19:32.379
 the best book

00:19:32.379 --> 00:19:34.019
 written on dating.

00:19:35.220 --> 00:19:35.919
 And it's

00:19:35.919 --> 00:19:37.000
 the Bible.

00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:39.319
 The Bible has a lot

00:19:39.319 --> 00:19:39.920
 to tell us about

00:19:39.920 --> 00:19:40.740
 how we are to date.

00:19:41.660 --> 00:19:43.099
 So I want us to do

00:19:43.099 --> 00:19:44.019
 breakout sessions,

00:19:44.099 --> 00:19:45.279
 get into an exercise here.

00:19:45.380 --> 00:19:46.140
 We're going to break out

00:19:46.140 --> 00:19:46.579
 into groups

00:19:46.579 --> 00:19:48.319
 of four to five,

00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:48.819
 right,

00:19:48.859 --> 00:19:49.779
 with the people around you.

00:19:50.299 --> 00:19:51.200
 We're going to read

00:19:51.200 --> 00:19:52.980
 through Genesis 24,

00:19:53.339 --> 00:19:54.400
 1 to 33.

00:19:55.460 --> 00:19:56.380
 And see if you can

00:19:56.380 --> 00:19:57.740
 identify some applications

00:19:57.740 --> 00:19:58.559
 from this story

00:19:58.559 --> 00:19:59.759
 about how we are

00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:00.799
 to date today.

00:20:01.200 --> 00:20:01.980
 It's a story about

00:20:01.980 --> 00:20:03.259
 how Abraham's servant

00:20:03.259 --> 00:20:04.599
 goes and finds

00:20:04.599 --> 00:20:06.299
 Rebecca for Isaac.

00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:08.420
 I want you to try

00:20:08.420 --> 00:20:09.460
 to find the OIA method

00:20:09.460 --> 00:20:10.220
 if you ever heard of that,

00:20:10.299 --> 00:20:10.440
 right,

00:20:10.619 --> 00:20:11.200
 observation,

00:20:11.640 --> 00:20:12.160
 interpretation,

00:20:12.619 --> 00:20:13.119
 application.

00:20:14.019 --> 00:20:14.839
 We're going to ask

00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:15.940
 simply good questions

00:20:15.940 --> 00:20:16.519
 about the text

00:20:16.519 --> 00:20:17.440
 and observation.

00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:18.920
 What does a text say?

00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:20.339
 These are some examples

00:20:20.339 --> 00:20:21.799
 of what you can look for.

00:20:22.819 --> 00:20:23.720
 You probably don't need

00:20:23.720 --> 00:20:24.680
 to get into all this.

00:20:25.079 --> 00:20:25.880
 It's kind of complicated

00:20:25.880 --> 00:20:27.400
 but the basic question

00:20:27.400 --> 00:20:28.740
 is what does a text say?

00:20:30.420 --> 00:20:31.160
 Interpretation is

00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:32.880
 once you make an observation

00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:33.619
 about the text

00:20:33.619 --> 00:20:35.000
 you have to interpret it,

00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:35.299
 right?

00:20:35.299 --> 00:20:37.460
 So what does a text mean?

00:20:39.039 --> 00:20:39.919
 And then finally,

00:20:40.059 --> 00:20:40.579
 application,

00:20:40.759 --> 00:20:41.419
 we want to make

00:20:41.419 --> 00:20:42.319
 that bridge between

00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:43.639
 their cultural time,

00:20:43.940 --> 00:20:44.440
 that writing,

00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:46.639
 to what does this mean

00:20:46.639 --> 00:20:47.000
 for me?

00:20:47.639 --> 00:20:48.440
 How does this text

00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:49.059
 apply for me?

00:20:49.419 --> 00:20:50.079
 And so we're going to

00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:51.359
 do this all around

00:20:51.359 --> 00:20:52.319
 dating.

00:20:52.899 --> 00:20:53.960
 What are some applications

00:20:53.960 --> 00:20:54.919
 we can bring

00:20:54.919 --> 00:20:56.200
 out of this text

00:20:56.200 --> 00:20:57.079
 for dating?

00:20:58.039 --> 00:20:58.279
 Okay?

00:20:58.539 --> 00:20:59.799
 So I'm going to give you guys

00:20:59.799 --> 00:21:00.759
 10 minutes,

00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:01.659
 form your groups

00:21:01.659 --> 00:21:02.599
 on your own,

00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:03.519
 read through the text,

00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:04.920
 and try to come up

00:21:04.920 --> 00:21:06.039
 with some applications,

00:21:06.180 --> 00:21:06.639
 observations,

00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:07.480
 interpretations,

00:21:07.660 --> 00:21:08.139
 applications,

00:21:08.460 --> 00:21:09.039
 and then we're going

00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:09.440
 to share them

00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:10.359
 all together as a group.

00:21:10.859 --> 00:21:11.240
 Make sense?

00:21:12.200 --> 00:21:13.180
 So who wants

00:21:13.180 --> 00:21:13.819
 to go first?

00:21:14.779 --> 00:21:15.859
 Okay, let's go.

00:21:16.539 --> 00:21:16.980
 So,

00:21:17.220 --> 00:21:17.980
 the story starts off,

00:21:18.660 --> 00:21:19.879
 set out because

00:21:19.879 --> 00:21:20.579
 the scripture

00:21:20.579 --> 00:21:21.420
 talks about

00:21:21.420 --> 00:21:22.839
 not marrying

00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:24.099
 a Canaanite woman.

00:21:24.339 --> 00:21:24.539
 Yeah.

00:21:24.539 --> 00:21:26.779
 And the reasons

00:21:26.779 --> 00:21:28.000
 for that was

00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:29.139
 because

00:21:29.139 --> 00:21:30.940
 in this context

00:21:30.940 --> 00:21:31.480
 and time,

00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:32.619
 the Canaanites

00:21:32.619 --> 00:21:33.519
 were not worshippers

00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:34.339
 of the only.

00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:34.740
 Yep.

00:21:35.579 --> 00:21:35.859
 So.

00:21:36.579 --> 00:21:37.200
 And what's

00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:37.799
 the application?

00:21:38.099 --> 00:21:38.339
 The application

00:21:38.339 --> 00:21:39.019
 is that

00:21:39.019 --> 00:21:40.740
 as single people,

00:21:40.940 --> 00:21:41.440
 we should only

00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:42.639
 be seeking out

00:21:42.639 --> 00:21:43.879
 relationships,

00:21:44.099 --> 00:21:44.379
 dating,

00:21:44.539 --> 00:21:44.960
 marriage,

00:21:45.099 --> 00:21:46.079
 with the fellow

00:21:46.079 --> 00:21:46.460
 Christians.

00:21:46.619 --> 00:21:47.000
 Absolutely.

00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:48.220
 No option.

00:21:48.420 --> 00:21:48.599
 Yep.

00:21:48.980 --> 00:21:49.619
 There's no compromise

00:21:49.619 --> 00:21:49.960
 on that.

00:21:50.159 --> 00:21:50.659
 Spot on.

00:21:50.940 --> 00:21:51.079
 Yeah.

00:21:51.180 --> 00:21:51.819
 That's really good.

00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:53.399
 It's a great Oya.

00:21:53.399 --> 00:21:53.500
 Yeah.

00:21:54.539 --> 00:21:55.879
 Next.

00:21:56.659 --> 00:21:57.019
 Tell me.

00:21:57.700 --> 00:21:58.519
 Um, yeah.

00:21:58.819 --> 00:21:59.079
 So,

00:21:59.539 --> 00:21:59.980
 when the man

00:21:59.980 --> 00:22:00.519
 was, like,

00:22:00.839 --> 00:22:01.500
 scoping out

00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:02.339
 the deal, I guess,

00:22:02.839 --> 00:22:03.159
 like,

00:22:03.259 --> 00:22:04.799
 he takes a lot

00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:05.240
 of attention.

00:22:05.639 --> 00:22:06.139
 Like, he doesn't

00:22:06.139 --> 00:22:06.639
 just, like,

00:22:06.700 --> 00:22:07.240
 wait for God

00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:07.859
 to do something.

00:22:07.980 --> 00:22:09.339
 He looks around,

00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:10.180
 he sees a girl,

00:22:10.639 --> 00:22:11.240
 and he does, like,

00:22:11.259 --> 00:22:12.039
 some evaluation.

00:22:12.319 --> 00:22:12.500
 Yep.

00:22:12.779 --> 00:22:14.180
 Like, is she generous?

00:22:14.639 --> 00:22:15.259
 And then after that,

00:22:15.299 --> 00:22:16.139
 she does a second screening.

00:22:16.279 --> 00:22:16.980
 Like, is she pretty?

00:22:19.319 --> 00:22:19.680
 Sure.

00:22:20.220 --> 00:22:21.220
 Like, it takes a lot

00:22:21.220 --> 00:22:22.420
 of thoughtfulness

00:22:22.420 --> 00:22:23.019
 on both men.

00:22:23.399 --> 00:22:23.759
 Absolutely.

00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:24.480
 Like,

00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:25.599
 like,

00:22:25.879 --> 00:22:26.220
 I have,

00:22:26.440 --> 00:22:27.599
 we were kind of confused

00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:27.980
 on, like,

00:22:28.039 --> 00:22:29.019
 the braces

00:22:29.019 --> 00:22:30.299
 and the ring and stuff,

00:22:30.299 --> 00:22:31.480
 and maybe it's, like,

00:22:32.539 --> 00:22:33.359
 a signal that

00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:34.619
 the families, like,

00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:35.160
 blow off.

00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:36.119
 Because then the guy was,

00:22:36.220 --> 00:22:36.240
 like,

00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:36.920
 here's a rock.

00:22:38.039 --> 00:22:38.680
 You wouldn't be able

00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:39.059
 to be, like,

00:22:39.379 --> 00:22:40.119
 this guy actually

00:22:40.119 --> 00:22:40.599
 giving you anything.

00:22:40.819 --> 00:22:41.420
 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:41.539 --> 00:22:42.299
 Here's a ring pop,

00:22:42.379 --> 00:22:42.819
 not a ring.

00:22:42.819 --> 00:22:48.299
 That's really good.

00:22:48.700 --> 00:22:49.460
 Thanks for sharing.

00:22:49.720 --> 00:22:50.039
 Next.

00:22:50.879 --> 00:22:51.259
 Yeah, Lena.

00:22:51.919 --> 00:22:52.439
 So, yeah.

00:22:52.679 --> 00:22:54.039
 So, Dylan's way out

00:22:54.039 --> 00:22:55.039
 that verse 21

00:22:55.039 --> 00:22:55.899
 says that the man

00:22:55.899 --> 00:22:57.079
 gave to her in silence

00:22:57.079 --> 00:22:58.220
 that whether the Lord

00:22:58.220 --> 00:22:59.099
 had prospered

00:22:59.099 --> 00:22:59.700
 his journey or not.

00:22:59.759 --> 00:23:00.519
 And this is after

00:23:00.519 --> 00:23:02.000
 he asked God

00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:02.599
 for a sign.

00:23:02.859 --> 00:23:03.919
 God basically gave

00:23:03.919 --> 00:23:04.259
 the sign,

00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:04.779
 but he was, like,

00:23:04.799 --> 00:23:05.059
 okay,

00:23:05.059 --> 00:23:05.899
 I'm just going to wait

00:23:05.899 --> 00:23:06.439
 a little bit

00:23:06.439 --> 00:23:07.000
 to make sure that

00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:08.279
 this is, you know,

00:23:08.599 --> 00:23:09.439
 this is actually.

00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:11.259
 And the other thing

00:23:11.259 --> 00:23:11.559
 is, like,

00:23:11.660 --> 00:23:13.900
 prayer was called

00:23:13.900 --> 00:23:14.500
 a lot.

00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:14.940
 Absolutely.

00:23:15.360 --> 00:23:16.299
 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:16.980 --> 00:23:17.920
 And the obvious

00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:18.720
 application is that

00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:19.519
 we should be prayerful

00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:20.279
 in our dating

00:23:20.279 --> 00:23:21.380
 pursuit of marriage

00:23:21.380 --> 00:23:21.779
 for sure.

00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:22.940
 That's really good.

00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:24.200
 Jason?

00:23:24.440 --> 00:23:25.240
 Our group talked

00:23:25.240 --> 00:23:25.980
 about how,

00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:26.779
 just how many people

00:23:26.779 --> 00:23:27.660
 were involved in,

00:23:27.779 --> 00:23:28.320
 I guess,

00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:28.779
 the worship

00:23:28.779 --> 00:23:30.539
 between Isaac and Rebecca,

00:23:30.759 --> 00:23:32.160
 specifically their families.

00:23:32.360 --> 00:23:32.539
 Yeah.

00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:33.480
 So I think that kind

00:23:33.480 --> 00:23:34.740
 of reflects,

00:23:34.900 --> 00:23:35.500
 like, you should,

00:23:35.720 --> 00:23:36.380
 you talked about

00:23:36.380 --> 00:23:37.259
 involving your community

00:23:37.259 --> 00:23:39.420
 and both community

00:23:39.420 --> 00:23:40.420
 and both community

00:23:40.420 --> 00:23:41.539
 and both community

00:23:41.539 --> 00:23:42.600
 and you should trust

00:23:42.600 --> 00:23:43.000
 everything.

00:23:43.400 --> 00:23:43.759
 Absolutely.

00:23:44.500 --> 00:23:45.060
 That's really good.

00:23:45.820 --> 00:23:46.820
 Tony kind of touched

00:23:46.820 --> 00:23:47.220
 on it,

00:23:47.259 --> 00:23:48.180
 but I'm going to fully

00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:48.940
 try to explore it

00:23:48.940 --> 00:23:49.340
 more.

00:23:49.560 --> 00:23:49.840
 Sure.

00:23:50.240 --> 00:23:51.140
 Just Rebecca's

00:23:51.140 --> 00:23:51.779
 humbleness

00:23:51.779 --> 00:23:52.519
 to, like,

00:23:52.560 --> 00:23:53.600
 be able to come up

00:23:53.600 --> 00:23:54.080
 and be, like,

00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:55.000
 they don't know,

00:23:55.100 --> 00:23:55.580
 she doesn't know

00:23:55.580 --> 00:23:56.400
 who these people are,

00:23:56.500 --> 00:23:57.279
 but be able to offer

00:23:57.279 --> 00:23:58.300
 water to the camels

00:23:58.300 --> 00:23:59.340
 and then offer a place

00:23:59.340 --> 00:24:00.160
 with them to stay

00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:01.160
 and show just

00:24:01.160 --> 00:24:02.000
 sheer humility

00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:02.900
 in who she is

00:24:02.900 --> 00:24:03.680
 and how we should all

00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:04.000
 act.

00:24:04.360 --> 00:24:05.440
 No matter who it is

00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:05.960
 that might come

00:24:05.960 --> 00:24:06.759
 into our lives,

00:24:06.860 --> 00:24:07.759
 because God has a plan

00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:08.279
 for us.

00:24:08.460 --> 00:24:08.600
 Yeah.

00:24:09.420 --> 00:24:10.160
 That's really,

00:24:10.300 --> 00:24:10.539
 really good.

00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:11.200
 Yeah.

00:24:12.220 --> 00:24:13.080
 Any group that

00:24:13.080 --> 00:24:13.640
 hasn't gone?

00:24:15.620 --> 00:24:16.180
 Yes.

00:24:16.759 --> 00:24:17.920
 Anything you see

00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:18.680
 that hasn't been

00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:19.300
 shared already?

00:24:19.840 --> 00:24:20.039
 Yeah.

00:24:20.420 --> 00:24:21.920
 Verses 26 to 27,

00:24:22.420 --> 00:24:23.380
 the servant

00:24:23.380 --> 00:24:23.980
 keeps breaks.

00:24:24.539 --> 00:24:25.140
 Yeah.

00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:26.820
 I figured it shows

00:24:26.819 --> 00:24:29.679
 the person that

00:24:29.679 --> 00:24:30.319
 he found

00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:30.960
 and the eventual

00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:31.279
 marriage

00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:31.960
 is how it's

00:24:31.960 --> 00:24:32.419
 all a different

00:24:32.419 --> 00:24:32.819
 couple.

00:24:32.939 --> 00:24:33.139
 Yeah.

00:24:33.399 --> 00:24:33.599
 Yeah.

00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:36.319
 That's really good.

00:24:37.899 --> 00:24:38.200
 Yeah.

00:24:38.439 --> 00:24:39.599
 It's related to what

00:24:39.599 --> 00:24:40.220
 Connor said,

00:24:40.379 --> 00:24:42.079
 but I think

00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:42.919
 there's something

00:24:42.919 --> 00:24:43.480
 to be said

00:24:43.480 --> 00:24:45.220
 that first he

00:24:45.220 --> 00:24:46.059
 noticed her

00:24:46.059 --> 00:24:47.359
 appearance

00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:48.700
 and then he

00:24:48.700 --> 00:24:49.759
 evaluated her

00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:50.519
 inner appearance

00:24:50.519 --> 00:24:51.500
 or inner

00:24:51.500 --> 00:24:52.059
 attractiveness,

00:24:52.159 --> 00:24:52.480
 I guess.

00:24:52.599 --> 00:24:52.740
 Yeah.

00:24:52.740 --> 00:24:53.940
 And so I think

00:24:53.940 --> 00:24:54.819
 that's just like

00:24:54.819 --> 00:24:55.240
 a good thing

00:24:55.240 --> 00:24:55.759
 that we should,

00:24:56.400 --> 00:24:56.599
 you know,

00:24:56.660 --> 00:24:59.859
 I guess kind of

00:24:59.859 --> 00:25:00.460
 both in a way.

00:25:00.620 --> 00:25:00.859
 Sure.

00:25:01.400 --> 00:25:02.079
 Because they're

00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:02.819
 both going to be

00:25:02.819 --> 00:25:04.500
 relevant to you

00:25:04.500 --> 00:25:05.039
 as you get

00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:06.299
 like a growing

00:25:06.299 --> 00:25:06.740
 relationship.

00:25:07.120 --> 00:25:07.799
 For sure.

00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:08.240
 Yeah.

00:25:08.660 --> 00:25:08.960
 That's good.

00:25:10.440 --> 00:25:11.180
 Any group that

00:25:11.180 --> 00:25:11.640
 hasn't gone?

00:25:11.740 --> 00:25:11.960
 Yeah.

00:25:12.900 --> 00:25:13.519
 You have the

00:25:13.519 --> 00:25:14.720
 toughest assignment.

00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:16.759
 We were talking

00:25:16.759 --> 00:25:17.380
 about how like

00:25:17.380 --> 00:25:18.140
 the servant's

00:25:18.140 --> 00:25:18.400
 prayer,

00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:19.519
 like asking God

00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:20.059
 for a sign.

00:25:20.220 --> 00:25:20.660
 It was really

00:25:20.660 --> 00:25:21.319
 bold because he

00:25:21.319 --> 00:25:21.920
 was putting God

00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:22.460
 to the test.

00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:23.140
 So I think

00:25:23.140 --> 00:25:24.000
 we were saying

00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:24.640
 that it could be

00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:25.440
 the same prayer

00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:26.019
 but it really

00:25:26.019 --> 00:25:26.539
 just depends

00:25:26.539 --> 00:25:27.019
 on the heart

00:25:27.019 --> 00:25:27.440
 posture.

00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:27.799
 Yeah.

00:25:28.440 --> 00:25:29.279
 Like one could

00:25:29.279 --> 00:25:31.079
 be like a genuine

00:25:31.079 --> 00:25:31.900
 like God

00:25:31.900 --> 00:25:32.579
 I need to sign

00:25:32.579 --> 00:25:33.319
 I need clarity

00:25:33.319 --> 00:25:34.200
 and then one

00:25:34.200 --> 00:25:34.720
 could be putting

00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:35.960
 God to the test.

00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:36.420
 Yeah.

00:25:36.600 --> 00:25:36.759
 Yeah.

00:25:38.819 --> 00:25:39.420
 That's really good.

00:25:40.920 --> 00:25:42.819
 What would it

00:25:42.819 --> 00:25:43.460
 look like to put

00:25:43.460 --> 00:25:44.360
 God to the test?

00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:45.799
 Like that

00:25:45.799 --> 00:25:46.400
 situation.

00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:47.160
 I don't know

00:25:47.160 --> 00:25:47.480
 what you're saying

00:25:47.480 --> 00:25:47.779
 about it.

00:25:48.059 --> 00:25:48.339
 Yeah.

00:25:48.759 --> 00:25:49.019
 Yeah.

00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:54.680
 Are there a couple

00:25:54.680 --> 00:25:55.160
 things that come

00:25:55.160 --> 00:25:55.500
 to mind?

00:25:55.660 --> 00:25:58.200
 I think if your

00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:00.160
 posture is that

00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:01.819
 I'm waiting for

00:26:01.819 --> 00:26:02.779
 a pie in the sky

00:26:02.779 --> 00:26:05.700
 message for this

00:26:05.700 --> 00:26:06.880
 girl's name to be

00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:07.279
 written in the

00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:08.579
 clouds for me to

00:26:08.579 --> 00:26:09.339
 go pursue her,

00:26:09.960 --> 00:26:12.380
 I think that is

00:26:12.380 --> 00:26:13.220
 representative of

00:26:13.220 --> 00:26:13.880
 a heart that's not

00:26:13.880 --> 00:26:14.339
 taking the

00:26:14.339 --> 00:26:14.660
 initiative.

00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:15.360
 I think you

00:26:15.360 --> 00:26:16.319
 guys are capturing

00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:16.880
 what I was trying

00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:17.640
 to see,

00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:18.339
 what I saw in the

00:26:18.339 --> 00:26:19.640
 passage where there

00:26:19.640 --> 00:26:20.400
 is a humble

00:26:20.400 --> 00:26:21.140
 dependence totally

00:26:21.140 --> 00:26:22.019
 on the Lord in

00:26:22.019 --> 00:26:22.319
 prayer,

00:26:22.819 --> 00:26:23.519
 but there's also

00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:24.819
 male-led initiative,

00:26:25.120 --> 00:26:25.299
 right?

00:26:25.660 --> 00:26:27.039
 That Abraham sends

00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:28.160
 his servant,

00:26:28.339 --> 00:26:29.160
 the servant goes and

00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:29.440
 seeks,

00:26:29.640 --> 00:26:30.200
 he runs,

00:26:30.700 --> 00:26:30.880
 right?

00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:31.360
 There's a lot of

00:26:31.360 --> 00:26:31.799
 running in this

00:26:31.799 --> 00:26:32.140
 passage.

00:26:32.140 --> 00:26:32.740
 God's eyes.

00:26:32.740 --> 00:26:35.820
 And so I think if

00:26:35.820 --> 00:26:37.240
 your position is

00:26:37.240 --> 00:26:38.140
 that I'm not going

00:26:38.140 --> 00:26:39.080
 to do anything

00:26:39.080 --> 00:26:40.200
 unless I receive

00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:41.259
 this certain sign

00:26:41.259 --> 00:26:43.100
 that's, you know,

00:26:43.140 --> 00:26:43.900
 this clear, then I

00:26:43.900 --> 00:26:44.800
 think that probably

00:26:44.800 --> 00:26:46.140
 represents a heart

00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:47.720
 that's not trusting

00:26:47.720 --> 00:26:48.720
 the Lord and testing

00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:49.240
 him instead.

00:26:52.040 --> 00:26:52.880
 That's really good.

00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:54.600
 So I'm going to share

00:26:54.600 --> 00:26:55.660
 my observations as

00:26:55.660 --> 00:26:58.560
 well and also

00:26:58.560 --> 00:26:59.920
 just share a little

00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:00.580
 bit of teaching as

00:27:00.580 --> 00:27:01.960
 well, just in my

00:27:01.960 --> 00:27:02.320
 own words.

00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:03.260
 You guys pretty much

00:27:03.260 --> 00:27:04.200
 covered every single

00:27:04.200 --> 00:27:05.200
 one of these,

00:27:05.900 --> 00:27:06.140
 right?

00:27:06.140 --> 00:27:08.460
 But number one is

00:27:08.460 --> 00:27:09.400
 to be selective

00:27:09.400 --> 00:27:10.180
 about who you

00:27:10.180 --> 00:27:10.840
 choose to marry,

00:27:10.980 --> 00:27:12.480
 which David nailed,

00:27:13.120 --> 00:27:13.280
 right?

00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:14.180
 Abraham advised

00:27:14.180 --> 00:27:14.820
 the servant very

00:27:14.820 --> 00:27:15.840
 clearly not to find

00:27:15.840 --> 00:27:17.100
 a wife from the

00:27:17.100 --> 00:27:17.700
 daughters of the

00:27:17.700 --> 00:27:18.220
 Canaanites,

00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:19.660
 lest he be drawn

00:27:19.660 --> 00:27:20.259
 away from the

00:27:20.259 --> 00:27:21.040
 promised land,

00:27:21.580 --> 00:27:22.300
 settle in a foreign

00:27:22.300 --> 00:27:23.040
 land, and ultimately

00:27:23.040 --> 00:27:24.220
 forfeit the promises

00:27:24.220 --> 00:27:24.720
 of God.

00:27:25.800 --> 00:27:26.700
 You see this kind

00:27:26.700 --> 00:27:27.680
 of warning consistently

00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:28.600
 throughout the Old

00:27:28.600 --> 00:27:30.040
 Testament, the warning

00:27:30.040 --> 00:27:31.440
 to Israel not to

00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:32.720
 marry idolaters,

00:27:33.259 --> 00:27:34.360
 lest they draw you

00:27:34.360 --> 00:27:35.100
 away to worship

00:27:35.100 --> 00:27:35.800
 false gods.

00:27:36.840 --> 00:27:37.700
 In the same way,

00:27:37.820 --> 00:27:38.920
 we should seek not

00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:39.860
 to be unequally

00:27:39.860 --> 00:27:40.800
 yoked with

00:27:40.800 --> 00:27:41.900
 unbelievers in

00:27:41.900 --> 00:27:42.240
 marriage.

00:27:43.180 --> 00:27:44.100
 And if that is a

00:27:44.100 --> 00:27:45.080
 current temptation

00:27:45.080 --> 00:27:46.100
 for you now,

00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:47.740
 I think part of

00:27:47.740 --> 00:27:49.420
 dating marriage

00:27:49.420 --> 00:27:50.420
 with an unbeliever

00:27:50.420 --> 00:27:51.100
 might seem

00:27:51.100 --> 00:27:52.480
 tolerable to you

00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:53.160
 is because you

00:27:53.160 --> 00:27:53.920
 might not have

00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:54.660
 actually played

00:27:54.660 --> 00:27:55.480
 that decision to

00:27:55.480 --> 00:27:56.420
 its full logical

00:27:56.420 --> 00:27:56.960
 conclusion.

00:27:58.240 --> 00:27:58.720
 You might not

00:27:58.720 --> 00:27:59.200
 have considered

00:27:59.200 --> 00:27:59.880
 what marriage

00:27:59.880 --> 00:28:00.740
 might look like

00:28:00.740 --> 00:28:01.700
 5, 10, 20

00:28:01.700 --> 00:28:02.820
 years down the

00:28:02.820 --> 00:28:03.040
 road.

00:28:03.759 --> 00:28:04.680
 So here are two

00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:05.440
 very real

00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:06.080
 possibilities.

00:28:06.940 --> 00:28:07.420
 Number one,

00:28:08.340 --> 00:28:08.900
 in order to

00:28:08.900 --> 00:28:09.759
 conform to the

00:28:09.759 --> 00:28:10.400
 unbeliever, you

00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:11.080
 need to push

00:28:11.080 --> 00:28:12.120
 Christ to the

00:28:12.120 --> 00:28:12.860
 margins of your

00:28:12.860 --> 00:28:13.660
 life in order to

00:28:13.660 --> 00:28:14.460
 keep peace at

00:28:14.460 --> 00:28:14.640
 home.

00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:16.940
 Slowly but surely

00:28:16.940 --> 00:28:17.740
 all things

00:28:17.740 --> 00:28:18.680
 spiritual, all

00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:19.360
 things related to

00:28:19.360 --> 00:28:20.560
 faith become

00:28:20.560 --> 00:28:21.160
 less and less

00:28:21.160 --> 00:28:21.880
 important to you.

00:28:22.700 --> 00:28:23.320
 You might not

00:28:23.320 --> 00:28:24.100
 actually reject

00:28:24.100 --> 00:28:25.080
 Christ altogether

00:28:25.080 --> 00:28:27.480
 explicitly, but

00:28:27.480 --> 00:28:28.360
 functionally your

00:28:28.360 --> 00:28:29.440
 life is really no

00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:30.200
 different from any

00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:30.880
 unbeliever.

00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:32.160
 you stop reading

00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:32.620
 your Bible,

00:28:32.940 --> 00:28:33.460
 attending small

00:28:33.460 --> 00:28:34.380
 groups, giving

00:28:34.380 --> 00:28:35.160
 to missionaries,

00:28:35.560 --> 00:28:36.300
 raising your kids

00:28:36.300 --> 00:28:37.560
 in the faith to

00:28:37.560 --> 00:28:39.980
 avoid isolating

00:28:39.980 --> 00:28:40.660
 your other spouse.

00:28:41.720 --> 00:28:42.500
 I think the

00:28:42.500 --> 00:28:43.400
 second possibility

00:28:43.400 --> 00:28:44.180
 is that let's say

00:28:44.180 --> 00:28:44.800
 you keep the

00:28:44.800 --> 00:28:45.800
 faith and you

00:28:45.800 --> 00:28:46.520
 stay involved in

00:28:46.520 --> 00:28:47.440
 the church, but

00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:48.200
 your spouse

00:28:48.200 --> 00:28:49.000
 refuses to

00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:49.420
 engage.

00:28:50.300 --> 00:28:51.140
 That will

00:28:51.140 --> 00:28:52.400
 naturally pull

00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:53.020
 you apart.

00:28:53.019 --> 00:28:55.579
 imagine going to

00:28:55.579 --> 00:28:56.139
 church alone,

00:28:56.799 --> 00:28:58.160
 never praying

00:28:58.160 --> 00:28:59.759
 together, never

00:28:59.759 --> 00:29:00.779
 sharing the load

00:29:00.779 --> 00:29:01.440
 and raising your

00:29:01.440 --> 00:29:02.420
 kids in the Lord,

00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:04.680
 facing tragedy as

00:29:04.680 --> 00:29:05.759
 a couple without

00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:06.440
 being able to

00:29:06.440 --> 00:29:07.279
 comfort one another

00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:08.339
 with the truths of

00:29:08.339 --> 00:29:08.579
 scripture.

00:29:09.619 --> 00:29:11.059
 If Christ is your

00:29:11.059 --> 00:29:12.019
 life, your whole

00:29:12.019 --> 00:29:13.700
 life, then marriage

00:29:13.700 --> 00:29:14.660
 with someone else

00:29:14.660 --> 00:29:15.400
 who doesn't share

00:29:15.400 --> 00:29:16.720
 that will likely

00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:17.579
 lead to then two

00:29:17.579 --> 00:29:18.839
 separate lives.

00:29:19.819 --> 00:29:20.779
 Neither of those

00:29:20.779 --> 00:29:21.740
 two realities are

00:29:21.740 --> 00:29:22.420
 desirable.

00:29:23.019 --> 00:29:24.279
 And if you're

00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:25.279
 single and you're

00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:26.119
 considering a

00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:26.819
 relationship with

00:29:26.819 --> 00:29:28.960
 an unbeliever, I

00:29:28.960 --> 00:29:29.559
 encourage you to

00:29:29.559 --> 00:29:30.920
 slow down to

00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:31.660
 think through these

00:29:31.660 --> 00:29:32.000
 things.

00:29:33.059 --> 00:29:34.960
 Men, don't seek to

00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:36.220
 be led astray by

00:29:36.220 --> 00:29:37.000
 getting unequally

00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:37.379
 yoked.

00:29:38.139 --> 00:29:39.099
 And women, if a

00:29:39.099 --> 00:29:39.920
 non-Christian

00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:40.920
 pursues you, don't

00:29:40.920 --> 00:29:41.700
 even give him the

00:29:41.700 --> 00:29:42.279
 time of day.

00:29:43.139 --> 00:29:44.079
 Don't even give him

00:29:44.079 --> 00:29:44.839
 an inch in your

00:29:44.839 --> 00:29:45.160
 mind.

00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:46.700
 Doesn't share an

00:29:46.700 --> 00:29:47.400
 ounce of what's

00:29:47.400 --> 00:29:48.220
 actually really,

00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:49.059
 really, really

00:29:49.059 --> 00:29:49.740
 important to you.

00:29:50.900 --> 00:29:52.359
 So number two, go

00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:52.940
 to the right

00:29:52.940 --> 00:29:54.259
 place to find a

00:29:54.259 --> 00:29:54.620
 spouse.

00:29:55.460 --> 00:29:56.000
 Abraham very

00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:56.880
 clearly sends his

00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:57.440
 servant to a

00:29:57.440 --> 00:29:58.660
 specific place to

00:29:58.660 --> 00:29:59.500
 find a wife.

00:30:00.080 --> 00:30:00.799
 He knows that the

00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:01.640
 servant searches

00:30:01.640 --> 00:30:02.480
 among Canaan.

00:30:02.920 --> 00:30:04.100
 He'll probably not

00:30:04.100 --> 00:30:04.840
 find someone from

00:30:04.840 --> 00:30:05.400
 his kindred.

00:30:06.980 --> 00:30:08.380
 I think we too

00:30:08.380 --> 00:30:09.259
 ought to look in

00:30:09.259 --> 00:30:10.100
 the right places

00:30:10.100 --> 00:30:11.660
 to find our

00:30:11.660 --> 00:30:11.960
 kindred.

00:30:13.080 --> 00:30:13.500
 All right, if I

00:30:13.500 --> 00:30:14.340
 want to find a

00:30:14.340 --> 00:30:15.759
 native Bostonian with

00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:16.779
 that thick accent,

00:30:17.420 --> 00:30:19.160
 the first place I

00:30:19.160 --> 00:30:20.019
 will obviously look

00:30:20.019 --> 00:30:20.720
 is Boston.

00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:22.599
 If you're looking

00:30:22.599 --> 00:30:23.400
 for someone to

00:30:23.400 --> 00:30:24.839
 marry, a good

00:30:24.839 --> 00:30:25.660
 Christian man or

00:30:25.660 --> 00:30:27.000
 woman, I think the

00:30:27.000 --> 00:30:27.759
 first place you

00:30:27.759 --> 00:30:28.480
 should naturally

00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:29.400
 look is the

00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:30.639
 church, the

00:30:30.639 --> 00:30:31.220
 family of God.

00:30:32.839 --> 00:30:33.680
 And so just a

00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:34.720
 brief word on

00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:35.940
 dating apps, because

00:30:35.940 --> 00:30:36.839
 it's such a relevant

00:30:36.839 --> 00:30:37.900
 cultural phenomenon

00:30:37.900 --> 00:30:38.319
 now.

00:30:39.480 --> 00:30:40.599
 I don't doubt that

00:30:40.599 --> 00:30:42.079
 dating apps can be a

00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:42.839
 means to find a

00:30:42.839 --> 00:30:43.859
 solid life partner.

00:30:44.740 --> 00:30:45.339
 There are godly

00:30:45.339 --> 00:30:46.180
 ways to go about it,

00:30:46.180 --> 00:30:46.960
 and I know

00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:48.460
 increasingly, I

00:30:48.460 --> 00:30:49.000
 know more and

00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:49.820
 more number of

00:30:49.820 --> 00:30:50.460
 marriages that

00:30:50.460 --> 00:30:51.220
 started on dating

00:30:51.220 --> 00:30:51.779
 websites.

00:30:52.620 --> 00:30:53.720
 But there are two

00:30:53.720 --> 00:30:54.580
 words of caution that

00:30:54.580 --> 00:30:55.160
 I wanted to share

00:30:55.160 --> 00:30:56.080
 about these apps.

00:30:56.980 --> 00:30:58.259
 Number one, surfing

00:30:58.259 --> 00:30:59.820
 these apps, I

00:30:59.820 --> 00:31:00.400
 think frankly,

00:31:00.720 --> 00:31:01.519
 plummets your

00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:03.160
 chance of finding a

00:31:03.160 --> 00:31:04.180
 solid, like-minded

00:31:04.180 --> 00:31:04.620
 Christian.

00:31:05.519 --> 00:31:06.420
 Anyone can put

00:31:06.420 --> 00:31:07.560
 anything on their

00:31:07.560 --> 00:31:08.759
 profile, and even

00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:09.500
 if they say that

00:31:09.500 --> 00:31:10.019
 they're Christian,

00:31:10.560 --> 00:31:10.940
 what does that

00:31:10.940 --> 00:31:11.779
 really mean for

00:31:11.779 --> 00:31:12.019
 them?

00:31:13.580 --> 00:31:14.680
 They can mean all

00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:15.360
 kinds of things,

00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:16.120
 and they could be

00:31:16.119 --> 00:31:17.319
 sitting under all

00:31:17.319 --> 00:31:18.199
 kinds of teaching.

00:31:19.759 --> 00:31:20.639
 And number two,

00:31:20.739 --> 00:31:21.939
 more importantly, I

00:31:21.939 --> 00:31:22.819
 think dating apps

00:31:22.819 --> 00:31:24.539
 create, they can

00:31:24.539 --> 00:31:25.639
 create the illusion

00:31:25.639 --> 00:31:26.500
 that there's always

00:31:26.500 --> 00:31:28.099
 someone else out

00:31:28.099 --> 00:31:28.319
 there.

00:31:28.459 --> 00:31:28.839
 There's someone

00:31:28.839 --> 00:31:29.939
 better out there.

00:31:30.859 --> 00:31:32.179
 You're not satisfied

00:31:32.179 --> 00:31:33.099
 with the direct

00:31:33.099 --> 00:31:33.719
 people that you

00:31:33.719 --> 00:31:34.539
 know, right?

00:31:35.179 --> 00:31:36.159
 And so you hop

00:31:36.159 --> 00:31:37.379
 online to peruse

00:31:37.379 --> 00:31:38.799
 what else is out

00:31:38.799 --> 00:31:39.000
 there.

00:31:41.059 --> 00:31:42.500
 But consumeristically

00:31:42.500 --> 00:31:43.799
 shopping for the

00:31:43.799 --> 00:31:44.959
 maximally optimal

00:31:44.959 --> 00:31:46.099
 guy or girl,

00:31:46.099 --> 00:31:48.779
 it doesn't seem to

00:31:48.779 --> 00:31:49.279
 be a healthy

00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:49.939
 pattern for

00:31:49.939 --> 00:31:50.259
 dating.

00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:52.240
 I'm sure that

00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:52.959
 there are eligible

00:31:52.959 --> 00:31:54.379
 men and women

00:31:54.379 --> 00:31:55.719
 out there, but

00:31:55.719 --> 00:31:57.279
 you might be

00:31:57.279 --> 00:31:58.240
 missing out on

00:31:58.240 --> 00:31:59.480
 what's directly in

00:31:59.480 --> 00:32:00.240
 front of you.

00:32:01.679 --> 00:32:02.619
 I think I'm

00:32:02.619 --> 00:32:03.519
 old-fashioned, but

00:32:03.519 --> 00:32:04.500
 I think there is

00:32:04.500 --> 00:32:05.539
 something to running

00:32:05.539 --> 00:32:06.240
 after God

00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:08.199
 wholeheartedly, and

00:32:08.199 --> 00:32:09.079
 from time to time

00:32:09.079 --> 00:32:10.779
 glancing over your

00:32:10.779 --> 00:32:12.059
 right shoulder, over

00:32:12.059 --> 00:32:12.679
 your left shoulder,

00:32:12.680 --> 00:32:13.920
 and just seeing

00:32:13.920 --> 00:32:14.680
 who's keeping up

00:32:14.680 --> 00:32:16.160
 with you, the

00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:17.019
 people directly in

00:32:17.019 --> 00:32:18.380
 your life, and

00:32:18.380 --> 00:32:19.320
 linking up with

00:32:19.320 --> 00:32:19.480
 them.

00:32:21.700 --> 00:32:23.180
 Number three, put

00:32:23.180 --> 00:32:24.000
 the onus on God.

00:32:24.060 --> 00:32:24.600
 We talked about

00:32:24.600 --> 00:32:24.840
 this.

00:32:24.940 --> 00:32:25.580
 Notice how much

00:32:25.580 --> 00:32:26.080
 the servant

00:32:26.080 --> 00:32:27.180
 prays, right?

00:32:28.019 --> 00:32:28.759
 Demonstrates how

00:32:28.759 --> 00:32:29.440
 much the servant

00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:30.799
 trusted in the Lord

00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:32.259
 to find a spouse

00:32:32.259 --> 00:32:32.880
 for Isaac.

00:32:32.880 --> 00:32:34.900
 that same kind of

00:32:34.900 --> 00:32:36.060
 dependence is needed

00:32:36.060 --> 00:32:36.780
 from us, too.

00:32:37.700 --> 00:32:38.500
 If you want to be

00:32:38.500 --> 00:32:39.780
 married, your first

00:32:39.780 --> 00:32:41.140
 instinct should be to

00:32:41.140 --> 00:32:42.020
 get on your knees

00:32:42.020 --> 00:32:44.120
 and to pray, to

00:32:44.120 --> 00:32:45.000
 pray for that kind

00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:45.380
 of blessing.

00:32:47.140 --> 00:32:48.300
 Does that peace

00:32:48.300 --> 00:32:50.820
 that surpasses

00:32:50.820 --> 00:32:52.000
 understanding control

00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:53.440
 your mind and your

00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:53.900
 conduct?

00:32:55.180 --> 00:32:56.160
 Do you try to

00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:57.260
 control everything

00:32:57.260 --> 00:32:57.700
 instead?

00:32:58.880 --> 00:32:59.740
 Making sure that

00:32:59.740 --> 00:33:00.540
 you always leave a

00:33:00.540 --> 00:33:02.340
 good impression to

00:33:02.339 --> 00:33:03.179
 anyone of the

00:33:03.179 --> 00:33:03.919
 opposite gender

00:33:03.919 --> 00:33:05.199
 just on the chance

00:33:05.199 --> 00:33:05.819
 that he or she

00:33:05.819 --> 00:33:06.500
 might be the one.

00:33:07.099 --> 00:33:08.439
 I used to operate

00:33:08.439 --> 00:33:08.879
 like that.

00:33:10.399 --> 00:33:10.980
 Are you always

00:33:10.980 --> 00:33:12.159
 anxious about

00:33:12.159 --> 00:33:13.259
 whether your dating

00:33:13.259 --> 00:33:14.379
 relationship might

00:33:14.379 --> 00:33:15.459
 or might not work

00:33:15.459 --> 00:33:16.480
 out towards marriage?

00:33:17.319 --> 00:33:19.039
 Put the onus on

00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:19.279
 God.

00:33:20.980 --> 00:33:22.039
 Every married

00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:23.659
 person has had

00:33:23.659 --> 00:33:24.399
 an arranged

00:33:24.399 --> 00:33:24.859
 marriage.

00:33:26.159 --> 00:33:27.039
 Some by their

00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:28.740
 family, but all

00:33:28.740 --> 00:33:29.599
 by the sovereign

00:33:29.599 --> 00:33:30.240
 God of the

00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:30.579
 universe.

00:33:30.579 --> 00:33:32.240
 the Lord

00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:33.299
 orchestrated every

00:33:33.299 --> 00:33:34.139
 detail of this

00:33:34.139 --> 00:33:34.759
 story in Genesis

00:33:34.759 --> 00:33:36.220
 24, and he's

00:33:36.220 --> 00:33:37.179
 going to do the

00:33:37.179 --> 00:33:37.659
 same for you.

00:33:38.559 --> 00:33:39.460
 Place that burden

00:33:39.460 --> 00:33:40.859
 right completely on

00:33:40.859 --> 00:33:41.339
 God.

00:33:42.839 --> 00:33:43.279
 Yeah.

00:33:43.419 --> 00:33:44.439
 I know you're

00:33:44.439 --> 00:33:44.779
 trying to.

00:33:45.659 --> 00:33:46.720
 Could you say

00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:46.960
 something?

00:33:47.000 --> 00:33:47.339
 Could you say

00:33:47.339 --> 00:33:47.960
 something that

00:33:47.960 --> 00:33:48.859
 really struck me

00:33:48.859 --> 00:33:48.960
 here?

00:33:49.019 --> 00:33:50.220
 It said, look

00:33:50.220 --> 00:33:51.259
 around, see who's

00:33:51.259 --> 00:33:52.240
 keeping up with

00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:52.359
 you.

00:33:52.439 --> 00:33:52.919
 Can you say a

00:33:52.919 --> 00:33:53.480
 little more about

00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:53.679
 that?

00:33:53.899 --> 00:33:54.359
 Yeah, I will.

00:33:54.779 --> 00:33:55.059
 Okay.

00:33:55.859 --> 00:33:56.199
 I will.

00:33:56.339 --> 00:33:56.879
 Yeah, I will.

00:33:56.919 --> 00:33:57.679
 Yeah, good

00:33:57.679 --> 00:33:57.939
 question.

00:33:57.940 --> 00:33:59.519
 And then if I

00:33:59.519 --> 00:34:00.259
 don't, if it

00:34:00.259 --> 00:34:00.779
 doesn't satisfy,

00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:01.000
 you could

00:34:01.000 --> 00:34:01.180
 definitely.

00:34:01.400 --> 00:34:01.700
 Yeah.

00:34:03.980 --> 00:34:04.420
 Right.

00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:05.440
 Okay.

00:34:06.539 --> 00:34:07.080
 Because we

00:34:07.080 --> 00:34:07.700
 just talked a

00:34:07.700 --> 00:34:08.159
 lot about

00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:08.880
 like being

00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:09.639
 observant and

00:34:09.639 --> 00:34:10.980
 communicating and

00:34:10.980 --> 00:34:11.480
 like taking

00:34:11.480 --> 00:34:12.340
 self-initiative.

00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:12.720
 Yep.

00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:13.340
 Like what

00:34:13.340 --> 00:34:14.980
 aspects of

00:34:14.980 --> 00:34:16.579
 the onus of

00:34:16.579 --> 00:34:17.679
 God, like,

00:34:18.599 --> 00:34:19.360
 are you

00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:21.860
 talking about?

00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:22.659
 Like how do

00:34:22.659 --> 00:34:23.740
 we, like what

00:34:23.740 --> 00:34:24.179
 are they and how

00:34:24.179 --> 00:34:25.320
 do we practice

00:34:25.320 --> 00:34:25.619
 it?

00:34:25.619 --> 00:34:26.839
 Yeah, I think

00:34:26.839 --> 00:34:27.179
 I'm going to get

00:34:27.179 --> 00:34:27.739
 to your question

00:34:27.739 --> 00:34:28.239
 as well.

00:34:29.460 --> 00:34:30.460
 If I don't, we

00:34:30.460 --> 00:34:30.980
 could follow up.

00:34:31.460 --> 00:34:31.960
 I don't think

00:34:31.960 --> 00:34:32.699
 putting the onus

00:34:32.699 --> 00:34:33.239
 on God means

00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:33.579
 that we don't

00:34:33.579 --> 00:34:34.199
 take any action,

00:34:35.039 --> 00:34:35.779
 right, which I'm

00:34:35.779 --> 00:34:37.259
 about to share.

00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:38.880
 So male-led

00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:39.659
 risk-taking

00:34:39.659 --> 00:34:41.759
 initiative, right?

00:34:41.839 --> 00:34:42.339
 It doesn't mean

00:34:42.339 --> 00:34:42.880
 that we just

00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:43.819
 passively twiddle

00:34:43.819 --> 00:34:44.980
 our thumbs, just

00:34:44.980 --> 00:34:46.259
 hoping that marriage

00:34:46.259 --> 00:34:46.839
 is going to plop

00:34:46.839 --> 00:34:47.440
 into our laps.

00:34:48.359 --> 00:34:49.119
 In this passage,

00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:50.319
 you see a male-led

00:34:50.319 --> 00:34:51.199
 risk-taking

00:34:51.199 --> 00:34:52.219
 initiative when

00:34:52.219 --> 00:34:52.920
 Abraham sends

00:34:52.920 --> 00:34:53.559
 his servant to

00:34:53.559 --> 00:34:54.259
 go and get

00:34:54.259 --> 00:34:54.759
 the girl.

00:34:55.619 --> 00:34:57.440
 To show this

00:34:57.440 --> 00:34:57.920
 fully from

00:34:57.920 --> 00:34:58.400
 scripture would

00:34:58.400 --> 00:34:59.119
 take more time

00:34:59.119 --> 00:35:00.039
 than we have,

00:35:00.179 --> 00:35:01.420
 but I believe

00:35:01.420 --> 00:35:02.000
 that the Bible

00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:02.799
 teaches that in

00:35:02.799 --> 00:35:03.299
 marriage, the

00:35:03.299 --> 00:35:05.139
 man leads and

00:35:05.139 --> 00:35:05.500
 the woman

00:35:05.500 --> 00:35:06.079
 submits.

00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:08.619
 Male headship is

00:35:08.619 --> 00:35:09.319
 the normative

00:35:09.319 --> 00:35:10.159
 pattern throughout

00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:11.539
 scripture, and so

00:35:11.539 --> 00:35:12.159
 I think those

00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:12.980
 roles should then

00:35:12.980 --> 00:35:13.980
 shape our dating

00:35:13.980 --> 00:35:14.960
 relationships as

00:35:14.960 --> 00:35:15.219
 well.

00:35:16.619 --> 00:35:17.599
 And generally, I

00:35:17.599 --> 00:35:18.099
 think that means

00:35:18.099 --> 00:35:18.819
 that the man

00:35:18.819 --> 00:35:20.539
 initiates dating.

00:35:22.159 --> 00:35:22.900
 That said, I

00:35:22.900 --> 00:35:23.359
 don't think it's

00:35:23.359 --> 00:35:25.279
 sinful to have a

00:35:25.280 --> 00:35:26.320
 woman ask a man

00:35:26.320 --> 00:35:26.540
 out.

00:35:27.320 --> 00:35:28.220
 Ruth boldly

00:35:28.220 --> 00:35:28.880
 initiates her

00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:29.880
 relationship with

00:35:29.880 --> 00:35:31.700
 Boaz, but such

00:35:31.700 --> 00:35:32.740
 examples, I think,

00:35:32.840 --> 00:35:33.900
 are the exception

00:35:33.900 --> 00:35:34.740
 rather than the

00:35:34.740 --> 00:35:35.000
 norm.

00:35:36.660 --> 00:35:38.280
 And Abraham and

00:35:38.280 --> 00:35:39.040
 the servant's

00:35:39.040 --> 00:35:39.960
 initiative involves

00:35:39.960 --> 00:35:40.820
 real effort and

00:35:40.820 --> 00:35:41.800
 real risk.

00:35:42.500 --> 00:35:43.320
 You read that in

00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:43.780
 the passage.

00:35:44.560 --> 00:35:45.760
 Abraham sends his

00:35:45.760 --> 00:35:46.200
 servant on the

00:35:46.200 --> 00:35:46.960
 quest with no

00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:47.680
 guarantee of

00:35:47.680 --> 00:35:48.100
 success.

00:35:48.540 --> 00:35:49.220
 He doesn't really

00:35:49.220 --> 00:35:49.980
 know how it's

00:35:49.980 --> 00:35:50.600
 going to all pan

00:35:50.600 --> 00:35:51.019
 out, right?

00:35:51.620 --> 00:35:52.660
 But he nonetheless

00:35:52.660 --> 00:35:54.019
 sends him, and the

00:35:54.019 --> 00:35:54.900
 servant nonetheless

00:35:54.900 --> 00:35:57.019
 acts, not knowing

00:35:57.019 --> 00:35:57.599
 fully how it's

00:35:57.599 --> 00:35:57.920
 going to turn

00:35:57.920 --> 00:35:58.159
 out.

00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:00.759
 I think then that

00:36:00.759 --> 00:36:01.500
 means that the

00:36:01.500 --> 00:36:03.699
 man shouldn't play

00:36:03.699 --> 00:36:04.420
 games with the

00:36:04.420 --> 00:36:06.159
 girl, flirting with

00:36:06.159 --> 00:36:07.679
 her, trying to get

00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:08.820
 her to reveal as

00:36:08.820 --> 00:36:09.800
 many cards in her

00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:10.679
 hand as possible.

00:36:11.739 --> 00:36:12.340
 The guy should

00:36:12.340 --> 00:36:13.980
 never selfishly

00:36:13.980 --> 00:36:14.780
 try to protect

00:36:14.780 --> 00:36:15.679
 himself by

00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:16.480
 minimizing the

00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:17.579
 chances of getting

00:36:17.579 --> 00:36:18.019
 rejected.

00:36:19.159 --> 00:36:20.679
 Leadership means

00:36:20.679 --> 00:36:21.599
 going first.

00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:24.159
 the man is the

00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:25.159
 first one to lay

00:36:25.159 --> 00:36:26.059
 his cards out on

00:36:26.059 --> 00:36:27.139
 the table, making

00:36:27.139 --> 00:36:28.139
 his intentions as

00:36:28.139 --> 00:36:28.880
 clear as possible,

00:36:29.279 --> 00:36:29.980
 making himself

00:36:29.980 --> 00:36:30.599
 vulnerable.

00:36:31.239 --> 00:36:32.420
 In verse 17, we

00:36:32.420 --> 00:36:33.579
 noted, the servant

00:36:33.579 --> 00:36:34.239
 is running.

00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:35.420
 He runs to her.

00:36:35.639 --> 00:36:36.179
 He makes the

00:36:36.179 --> 00:36:36.819
 first move.

00:36:38.440 --> 00:36:39.759
 So, to those who

00:36:39.759 --> 00:36:41.039
 are endlessly

00:36:41.039 --> 00:36:43.199
 discerning, praying

00:36:43.199 --> 00:36:44.819
 to God for this

00:36:44.819 --> 00:36:47.199
 miraculous sign, I

00:36:47.199 --> 00:36:47.719
 think we just have

00:36:47.719 --> 00:36:48.199
 to learn how to

00:36:48.199 --> 00:36:48.860
 take risks.

00:36:48.860 --> 00:36:51.140
 So, when you have

00:36:51.140 --> 00:36:53.240
 intentions, as soon

00:36:53.240 --> 00:36:54.880
 as possible, you

00:36:54.880 --> 00:36:55.539
 ought to make that

00:36:55.539 --> 00:36:56.460
 clear to the woman.

00:36:57.500 --> 00:36:58.380
 And if that sounds

00:36:58.380 --> 00:36:59.800
 scary, then this is

00:36:59.800 --> 00:37:00.480
 just what leadership

00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:01.039
 looks like.

00:37:04.460 --> 00:37:05.099
 I'm going to keep

00:37:05.099 --> 00:37:05.780
 going, but if I

00:37:05.780 --> 00:37:06.260
 didn't answer your

00:37:06.260 --> 00:37:07.140
 question, feel free to

00:37:07.140 --> 00:37:08.059
 hop on.

00:37:09.059 --> 00:37:09.960
 Actions speak louder

00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:10.579
 than words.

00:37:11.220 --> 00:37:12.340
 This is, of course,

00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:12.640
 true.

00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:13.800
 I don't think that

00:37:13.800 --> 00:37:15.140
 necessarily it's

00:37:15.140 --> 00:37:16.120
 prescriptive.

00:37:16.260 --> 00:37:17.200
 This passage is

00:37:17.200 --> 00:37:18.380
 prescriptive of how we

00:37:18.380 --> 00:37:18.920
 should be praying

00:37:18.920 --> 00:37:20.240
 for a wife, to be

00:37:20.240 --> 00:37:21.160
 like this specific.

00:37:21.980 --> 00:37:23.119
 But there is stuff

00:37:23.119 --> 00:37:24.300
 to observe on what

00:37:24.300 --> 00:37:25.440
 he actually prays

00:37:25.440 --> 00:37:25.900
 for.

00:37:27.160 --> 00:37:28.440
 Yes, Rebecca was

00:37:28.440 --> 00:37:30.380
 very attractive in

00:37:30.380 --> 00:37:31.220
 her appearance, but

00:37:31.220 --> 00:37:32.300
 the prayer didn't

00:37:32.300 --> 00:37:33.940
 focus on her

00:37:33.940 --> 00:37:35.519
 superficial appearance

00:37:35.519 --> 00:37:36.680
 or her earthly

00:37:36.680 --> 00:37:37.539
 status at all.

00:37:38.380 --> 00:37:39.140
 It was about her

00:37:39.140 --> 00:37:39.660
 character.

00:37:41.579 --> 00:37:42.400
 Notice, too, that

00:37:42.400 --> 00:37:43.059
 the servant doesn't

00:37:43.059 --> 00:37:44.099
 go really anywhere in

00:37:44.099 --> 00:37:45.099
 the city of Nahor,

00:37:45.280 --> 00:37:46.019
 but he goes

00:37:46.019 --> 00:37:47.140
 specifically to the

00:37:47.139 --> 00:37:48.579
 well where he

00:37:48.579 --> 00:37:49.319
 might find an

00:37:49.319 --> 00:37:51.099
 industrious, servant-minded

00:37:51.099 --> 00:37:52.000
 woman working.

00:37:53.819 --> 00:37:54.799
 Rebecca fits that

00:37:54.799 --> 00:37:56.239
 bill of a

00:37:56.239 --> 00:37:56.779
 generous,

00:37:57.079 --> 00:37:57.699
 industrious

00:37:57.699 --> 00:37:58.579
 Proverbs 31

00:37:58.579 --> 00:37:58.960
 wife.

00:37:59.679 --> 00:38:00.719
 She not only

00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:01.460
 serves the

00:38:01.460 --> 00:38:02.359
 servants by giving

00:38:02.359 --> 00:38:02.839
 them a drink

00:38:02.839 --> 00:38:04.400
 quickly without

00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:05.339
 suspicion or

00:38:05.339 --> 00:38:06.719
 hesitancy, but she

00:38:06.719 --> 00:38:07.379
 goes above and

00:38:07.379 --> 00:38:08.379
 beyond by giving

00:38:08.379 --> 00:38:09.119
 the camels a

00:38:09.119 --> 00:38:09.960
 drink as well.

00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:11.400
 And she quickly,

00:38:11.759 --> 00:38:12.319
 there's that word

00:38:12.319 --> 00:38:13.259
 again in verse

00:38:13.259 --> 00:38:15.539
 20, and she ran

00:38:15.539 --> 00:38:16.759
 again to draw

00:38:16.759 --> 00:38:17.099
 water.

00:38:18.860 --> 00:38:20.059
 I think you

00:38:20.059 --> 00:38:21.059
 kind of see what

00:38:21.059 --> 00:38:22.139
 kind of woman that

00:38:22.139 --> 00:38:22.860
 Rebecca is.

00:38:24.599 --> 00:38:25.539
 I do think that

00:38:25.539 --> 00:38:26.559
 physical attraction is

00:38:26.559 --> 00:38:27.480
 an important piece

00:38:27.480 --> 00:38:28.579
 in marriage that

00:38:28.579 --> 00:38:29.519
 Ren was talking

00:38:29.519 --> 00:38:32.099
 about, but I

00:38:32.099 --> 00:38:32.739
 think physical

00:38:32.739 --> 00:38:34.059
 attraction is much

00:38:34.059 --> 00:38:34.980
 more dynamic than

00:38:34.980 --> 00:38:35.800
 we tend to think.

00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:38.079
 It's not static,

00:38:38.420 --> 00:38:39.719
 me, just based on

00:38:39.719 --> 00:38:40.659
 only superficial

00:38:40.659 --> 00:38:42.800
 looks, but the

00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:43.700
 more we learn

00:38:43.700 --> 00:38:44.240
 about another

00:38:44.240 --> 00:38:46.000
 person, for

00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:46.860
 better or for

00:38:46.860 --> 00:38:48.180
 worse, it changes

00:38:48.180 --> 00:38:49.280
 our attraction to

00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:49.760
 that person,

00:38:49.880 --> 00:38:50.120
 right?

00:38:51.539 --> 00:38:52.740
 My point is that

00:38:52.740 --> 00:38:54.560
 godly character is

00:38:54.560 --> 00:38:55.740
 truly attractive.

00:38:56.820 --> 00:38:57.620
 Qualities like

00:38:57.620 --> 00:38:58.240
 hospitality,

00:38:59.200 --> 00:38:59.760
 generosity,

00:39:00.720 --> 00:39:01.300
 servant-minded

00:39:01.300 --> 00:39:02.840
 posture, grace,

00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:03.320
 love.

00:39:03.960 --> 00:39:05.340
 As we grow in

00:39:05.340 --> 00:39:06.160
 sanctification,

00:39:06.640 --> 00:39:07.220
 growing more and

00:39:07.220 --> 00:39:07.920
 more like the

00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:09.180
 Lord, our

00:39:09.180 --> 00:39:10.240
 desires are

00:39:10.240 --> 00:39:11.200
 increasingly shaped

00:39:11.200 --> 00:39:12.140
 by what Scripture

00:39:12.139 --> 00:39:12.659
 values.

00:39:13.839 --> 00:39:14.559
 That means more

00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:15.199
 than net worth,

00:39:15.460 --> 00:39:16.259
 more than physical

00:39:16.259 --> 00:39:17.159
 appearance, career

00:39:17.159 --> 00:39:18.079
 success, family

00:39:18.079 --> 00:39:18.839
 background, whatever,

00:39:19.259 --> 00:39:19.920
 we should ask

00:39:19.920 --> 00:39:21.359
 ourselves that

00:39:21.359 --> 00:39:22.279
 crucial diagnostic

00:39:22.279 --> 00:39:24.079
 question, is

00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:25.259
 godliness what I

00:39:25.259 --> 00:39:25.859
 find most

00:39:25.859 --> 00:39:26.319
 attractive?

00:39:28.379 --> 00:39:29.859
 Proverbs 3130

00:39:29.859 --> 00:39:30.440
 captures this

00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:31.299
 well, charm is

00:39:31.299 --> 00:39:32.619
 deceitful and

00:39:32.619 --> 00:39:33.460
 beauty is vain,

00:39:33.980 --> 00:39:35.359
 but a woman who

00:39:35.359 --> 00:39:36.219
 fears the Lord is

00:39:36.219 --> 00:39:37.039
 to be praised.

00:39:39.859 --> 00:39:40.739
 One other thing,

00:39:40.859 --> 00:39:42.119
 right, this is, I

00:39:42.119 --> 00:39:42.440
 think, really

00:39:42.440 --> 00:39:42.839
 interesting.

00:39:43.380 --> 00:39:43.759
 Compare and

00:39:43.759 --> 00:39:45.659
 contrast the two

00:39:45.659 --> 00:39:46.719
 characters, Rebecca

00:39:46.719 --> 00:39:47.699
 and Laban, in this

00:39:47.699 --> 00:39:48.039
 passage.

00:39:48.539 --> 00:39:49.339
 We see the

00:39:49.339 --> 00:39:50.839
 opportunistic, greedy

00:39:50.839 --> 00:39:51.759
 character in Laban

00:39:51.759 --> 00:39:53.380
 in verse 30, when it

00:39:53.380 --> 00:39:54.239
 says that as soon as

00:39:54.239 --> 00:39:55.539
 he saw the rings and

00:39:55.539 --> 00:39:57.380
 the bracelets, then

00:39:57.380 --> 00:39:58.719
 he acted, then he

00:39:58.719 --> 00:39:59.259
 went to the man.

00:40:00.019 --> 00:40:00.619
 I think it's a

00:40:00.619 --> 00:40:01.719
 foreshadowing of his

00:40:01.719 --> 00:40:02.139
 character.

00:40:02.440 --> 00:40:03.279
 You'll learn more

00:40:03.279 --> 00:40:04.339
 about him later on in

00:40:04.339 --> 00:40:04.639
 Genesis.

00:40:05.679 --> 00:40:06.380
 Laban sees those

00:40:06.380 --> 00:40:07.619
 things first and then

00:40:07.619 --> 00:40:08.779
 extends hospitality.

00:40:09.739 --> 00:40:10.619
 In contrast, there's no

00:40:10.619 --> 00:40:11.599
 indication that Rebecca

00:40:11.599 --> 00:40:12.859
 paid any attention to

00:40:12.859 --> 00:40:13.739
 those things.

00:40:14.380 --> 00:40:16.059
 She is really not

00:40:16.059 --> 00:40:18.179
 motivated by money, but

00:40:18.179 --> 00:40:19.500
 she's served because

00:40:19.500 --> 00:40:20.500
 that's who she is.

00:40:21.219 --> 00:40:21.980
 That's the kind of

00:40:21.980 --> 00:40:23.039
 person that we should

00:40:23.039 --> 00:40:24.940
 strive to be and to

00:40:24.940 --> 00:40:25.599
 look for.

00:40:27.480 --> 00:40:29.639
 And the last one is,

00:40:29.759 --> 00:40:30.380
 you're marrying a

00:40:30.380 --> 00:40:31.259
 sinner and I'm cheating

00:40:31.259 --> 00:40:32.880
 on this one, just

00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:33.559
 because I'm drawing on

00:40:33.559 --> 00:40:34.259
 another chapter.

00:40:34.260 --> 00:40:35.600
 But I think it's an

00:40:35.600 --> 00:40:36.340
 important point to

00:40:36.340 --> 00:40:36.580
 make.

00:40:37.860 --> 00:40:39.880
 In Genesis 24, Rebecca

00:40:39.880 --> 00:40:41.660
 is this perfect maiden.

00:40:42.600 --> 00:40:43.260
 She doesn't have a

00:40:43.260 --> 00:40:43.660
 single flaw.

00:40:43.760 --> 00:40:44.580
 She's attractive,

00:40:45.080 --> 00:40:46.140
 industrious, bold.

00:40:46.520 --> 00:40:47.640
 There's not a single

00:40:47.640 --> 00:40:48.240
 flaw.

00:40:49.420 --> 00:40:50.800
 But three chapters later,

00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:52.300
 when Jacob steals

00:40:52.300 --> 00:40:54.160
 Esau's blessing, who's

00:40:54.160 --> 00:40:55.120
 at the helm of leading

00:40:55.120 --> 00:40:55.560
 that scheme?

00:40:56.720 --> 00:40:57.740
 It's Rebecca.

00:40:59.100 --> 00:41:01.180
 This once perfect,

00:41:01.179 --> 00:41:08.239
 beautiful maiden is now

00:41:08.239 --> 00:41:09.699
 actively trying to scheme

00:41:09.699 --> 00:41:11.399
 her old blind husband

00:41:11.399 --> 00:41:13.699
 to give his blessing to

00:41:13.699 --> 00:41:15.039
 her favorite child and

00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:15.619
 not his.

00:41:16.739 --> 00:41:18.659
 My point is that you

00:41:18.659 --> 00:41:19.579
 can try to find the

00:41:19.579 --> 00:41:21.399
 most perfect person on

00:41:21.399 --> 00:41:21.779
 paper.

00:41:22.759 --> 00:41:24.559
 And he or she might

00:41:24.559 --> 00:41:25.579
 look like that at first,

00:41:25.759 --> 00:41:27.099
 but just three chapters

00:41:27.099 --> 00:41:28.539
 later, you'll find that

00:41:28.539 --> 00:41:29.799
 this person is a

00:41:29.799 --> 00:41:30.819
 bona fide sinner.

00:41:31.179 --> 00:41:34.599
 When Christine and I

00:41:34.599 --> 00:41:37.259
 started dating, I

00:41:37.259 --> 00:41:38.139
 thought this girl was

00:41:38.139 --> 00:41:39.039
 perfect.

00:41:40.299 --> 00:41:42.239
 She was flawless.

00:41:42.359 --> 00:41:43.619
 She could do no wrong.

00:41:45.539 --> 00:41:47.219
 That feeling has not

00:41:47.219 --> 00:41:48.059
 stayed with me in

00:41:48.059 --> 00:41:48.419
 marriage.

00:41:50.819 --> 00:41:52.960
 Not because Christine is

00:41:52.960 --> 00:41:53.779
 especially bad or

00:41:53.779 --> 00:41:55.279
 anything, but that she's

00:41:55.279 --> 00:41:56.599
 just a broken sinner like

00:41:56.599 --> 00:41:57.919
 me, like all of us.

00:41:58.859 --> 00:41:59.719
 Don't worry, I asked

00:41:59.719 --> 00:42:00.539
 Christine if I could share

00:42:00.539 --> 00:42:01.900
 that and she said only

00:42:01.900 --> 00:42:02.840
 on the condition that I

00:42:02.840 --> 00:42:03.559
 share that when we are

00:42:03.559 --> 00:42:05.300
 dating, she already knew

00:42:05.300 --> 00:42:06.159
 that I was a great

00:42:06.159 --> 00:42:06.360
 sinner.

00:42:09.460 --> 00:42:10.599
 And that in marriage, I

00:42:10.599 --> 00:42:12.079
 was an even greater

00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:12.360
 sinner.

00:42:16.279 --> 00:42:17.900
 So when you date, go and

00:42:17.900 --> 00:42:18.800
 try to find a godly

00:42:18.800 --> 00:42:21.259
 person, but never assume

00:42:21.259 --> 00:42:21.840
 that that will

00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:23.480
 automatically translate to

00:42:23.480 --> 00:42:24.539
 an easy marriage.

00:42:24.539 --> 00:42:24.599
 marriage.

00:42:26.599 --> 00:42:27.420
 Related to that, I

00:42:27.420 --> 00:42:28.340
 challenge really any

00:42:28.340 --> 00:42:30.179
 notion, language,

00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:31.679
 vocabulary of soulmates,

00:42:31.920 --> 00:42:33.699
 just because I think the

00:42:33.699 --> 00:42:34.980
 idea makes it sound like

00:42:34.980 --> 00:42:36.380
 you, once you find the

00:42:36.380 --> 00:42:37.860
 one, right, then you just

00:42:37.860 --> 00:42:39.920
 automatically, easily go

00:42:39.920 --> 00:42:41.739
 skipping off in the

00:42:41.739 --> 00:42:41.980
 sunset.

00:42:43.119 --> 00:42:44.079
 I think nothing is

00:42:44.079 --> 00:42:45.039
 further from the truth.

00:42:45.679 --> 00:42:47.000
 The marriage of two

00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:48.460
 sinners is work.

00:42:48.579 --> 00:42:49.619
 It's hard work.

00:42:49.619 --> 00:42:50.940
 And you have to be

00:42:50.940 --> 00:42:52.159
 willing to invest in your

00:42:52.159 --> 00:42:53.500
 marriage day after day,

00:42:53.920 --> 00:42:55.299
 brick after brick, lay the

00:42:55.299 --> 00:42:56.339
 foundation of your

00:42:56.339 --> 00:42:56.639
 marriage.

00:43:01.420 --> 00:43:03.019
 Man, we are short on

00:43:03.019 --> 00:43:03.460
 time, huh?

00:43:03.900 --> 00:43:04.559
 I'm going to just keep

00:43:04.559 --> 00:43:04.839
 going.

00:43:04.940 --> 00:43:05.819
 Sorry, if you guys need to

00:43:05.819 --> 00:43:07.319
 use the bathroom, feel

00:43:07.319 --> 00:43:07.839
 free to go.

00:43:07.980 --> 00:43:08.880
 It's right out these

00:43:08.880 --> 00:43:10.219
 doors, but for the sake

00:43:10.219 --> 00:43:10.980
 of time, I'm just going to

00:43:10.980 --> 00:43:11.719
 keep pressing forward.

00:43:13.920 --> 00:43:14.839
 I was going to take a

00:43:14.839 --> 00:43:15.659
 break and give books

00:43:15.659 --> 00:43:16.219
 away, too.

00:43:16.579 --> 00:43:17.480
 Let's just do the book

00:43:17.480 --> 00:43:18.259
 giveaway now.

00:43:18.260 --> 00:43:19.700
 I have three books.

00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:21.280
 Three books.

00:43:21.740 --> 00:43:22.520
 Two of these books were

00:43:22.520 --> 00:43:23.880
 recommended by Bob

00:43:23.880 --> 00:43:25.540
 Coughlin through Brittany.

00:43:26.460 --> 00:43:27.500
 There are two solid

00:43:27.500 --> 00:43:28.600
 books on dating.

00:43:29.560 --> 00:43:31.060
 If you want either one of

00:43:31.060 --> 00:43:31.900
 them, feel free to raise

00:43:31.900 --> 00:43:32.300
 your hand.

00:43:33.740 --> 00:43:34.260
 Dating.

00:43:34.460 --> 00:43:34.780
 Yes.

00:43:35.240 --> 00:43:35.620
 Yes.

00:43:36.040 --> 00:43:36.640
 There you go.

00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:38.580
 And I have seven myths

00:43:38.580 --> 00:43:41.000
 of seven myths about

00:43:41.000 --> 00:43:41.440
 singleness.

00:43:42.500 --> 00:43:42.860
 Yes.

00:43:42.940 --> 00:43:43.260
 Okay.

00:43:43.520 --> 00:43:43.780
 All right.

00:43:44.240 --> 00:43:45.360
 Can you pass this back?

00:43:46.480 --> 00:43:47.560
 By Sam Albury.

00:43:47.680 --> 00:43:48.240
 Again, such a

00:43:48.239 --> 00:43:49.459
 faithful example of what

00:43:49.459 --> 00:43:51.799
 a single man can do for

00:43:51.799 --> 00:43:52.519
 the kingdom of God.

00:43:55.319 --> 00:43:56.199
 For the sake of time,

00:43:56.259 --> 00:43:58.059
 let's keep going more to

00:43:58.059 --> 00:43:59.279
 the practicalities of

00:43:59.279 --> 00:43:59.500
 dating.

00:44:00.359 --> 00:44:01.879
 I think typically a lot of

00:44:01.879 --> 00:44:03.059
 dating relationships begin

00:44:03.059 --> 00:44:03.739
 with friendship.

00:44:05.179 --> 00:44:07.000
 Guys should gaze and

00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:08.159
 learn about this girl's

00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:09.239
 character and reputation

00:44:09.239 --> 00:44:10.219
 from a distance.

00:44:10.539 --> 00:44:11.479
 Just like the servant,

00:44:11.699 --> 00:44:11.859
 right?

00:44:11.879 --> 00:44:12.559
 We just read, I think

00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:13.500
 someone said that in

00:44:13.500 --> 00:44:14.299
 verse 21.

00:44:15.119 --> 00:44:16.259
 Group hangouts, I think,

00:44:16.260 --> 00:44:17.780
 are a helpful way to do

00:44:17.780 --> 00:44:18.060
 that.

00:44:19.120 --> 00:44:20.320
 And again, if there is

00:44:20.320 --> 00:44:22.080
 interest, the guy should

00:44:22.080 --> 00:44:23.240
 ask the girl on a date.

00:44:23.900 --> 00:44:24.780
 Not a hangout.

00:44:25.680 --> 00:44:26.660
 Not a catch up.

00:44:27.380 --> 00:44:28.420
 If you have interest,

00:44:28.740 --> 00:44:30.200
 just be open and honest

00:44:30.200 --> 00:44:32.040
 and ask her on a date.

00:44:33.980 --> 00:44:35.200
 To the girls in the room,

00:44:36.040 --> 00:44:38.620
 if a godly man with a good

00:44:38.620 --> 00:44:39.700
 reputation in the church

00:44:39.699 --> 00:44:40.899
 asks you out on a date,

00:44:41.539 --> 00:44:43.480
 I do generally think that

00:44:43.480 --> 00:44:44.519
 you should try to give him

00:44:44.519 --> 00:44:45.179
 a date or two.

00:44:46.659 --> 00:44:48.079
 You're not obligated to say

00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:49.339
 yes by any means.

00:44:49.619 --> 00:44:50.719
 You owe him nothing.

00:44:52.059 --> 00:44:53.579
 But to reject him on the

00:44:53.579 --> 00:44:55.259
 spot, I think it assumes

00:44:55.259 --> 00:44:56.399
 that you have comprehensive

00:44:56.399 --> 00:44:58.159
 knowledge about who he is.

00:45:00.039 --> 00:45:02.039
 Consider, too, that God

00:45:02.039 --> 00:45:03.299
 wired guys and girls

00:45:03.299 --> 00:45:04.319
 differently as well.

00:45:04.739 --> 00:45:05.960
 Guys tend to flare up in

00:45:05.960 --> 00:45:07.519
 interest very, very quickly.

00:45:07.519 --> 00:45:09.639
 But that for girls,

00:45:09.920 --> 00:45:11.099
 interest tends to grow

00:45:11.099 --> 00:45:12.380
 slower over time.

00:45:13.019 --> 00:45:14.139
 I'm sure you've heard of

00:45:14.139 --> 00:45:15.659
 stories about women who

00:45:15.659 --> 00:45:16.759
 initially didn't see their

00:45:16.759 --> 00:45:17.840
 husbands in that light.

00:45:18.340 --> 00:45:19.579
 But over time, that

00:45:19.579 --> 00:45:20.360
 interest grew.

00:45:22.159 --> 00:45:22.940
 That's a general

00:45:22.940 --> 00:45:23.500
 recommendation.

00:45:23.860 --> 00:45:25.519
 But again, I do not, I

00:45:25.519 --> 00:45:26.219
 want you to know you have

00:45:26.219 --> 00:45:28.360
 no obligation to say yes

00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:28.579
 to him.

00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:31.239
 But I do want you to know

00:45:31.239 --> 00:45:32.960
 that it is just one date.

00:45:34.280 --> 00:45:35.920
 Guys, the bar is not that

00:45:35.920 --> 00:45:37.139
 you are head over heels in

00:45:37.139 --> 00:45:38.619
 love with this girl, asking

00:45:38.619 --> 00:45:39.559
 her to marry you.

00:45:41.299 --> 00:45:42.879
 Girls, he is not head over

00:45:42.879 --> 00:45:43.980
 heels in love with you,

00:45:44.139 --> 00:45:46.000
 asking you to marry him.

00:45:47.139 --> 00:45:48.759
 Christians, I think, try to

00:45:48.759 --> 00:45:50.739
 take dating very intentionally

00:45:50.739 --> 00:45:53.139
 and try not to casually date,

00:45:53.219 --> 00:45:54.119
 which I think is a good

00:45:54.119 --> 00:45:55.299
 instinct, good motivation.

00:45:55.859 --> 00:45:57.059
 But I think they can swing

00:45:57.059 --> 00:45:58.759
 too far the other direction

00:45:58.759 --> 00:46:01.039
 and exaggerate the meaning

00:46:01.039 --> 00:46:02.099
 of one date.

00:46:02.099 --> 00:46:05.059
 I generally think we can

00:46:05.059 --> 00:46:06.360
 appropriately lower

00:46:06.360 --> 00:46:09.159
 expectations for what a date

00:46:09.159 --> 00:46:09.599
 means.

00:46:10.339 --> 00:46:13.519
 After all, if you're, and if

00:46:13.519 --> 00:46:15.019
 after going out on a date, you

00:46:15.019 --> 00:46:16.019
 realize you guys are not going

00:46:16.019 --> 00:46:17.719
 to work out, it's really not a

00:46:17.719 --> 00:46:18.079
 big deal.

00:46:18.599 --> 00:46:19.719
 It's not the end of the world.

00:46:19.719 --> 00:46:22.119
 And so if you guys end up not

00:46:22.119 --> 00:46:23.459
 working out, then I encourage

00:46:23.459 --> 00:46:24.899
 you guys to seek to handle

00:46:24.899 --> 00:46:25.759
 that in maturity.

00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:28.639
 The key verse in all this is

00:46:28.639 --> 00:46:30.519
 Romans 12, 10,

00:46:30.679 --> 00:46:32.159
 Outdo one another in showing

00:46:32.159 --> 00:46:32.699
 honor.

00:46:34.259 --> 00:46:35.980
 Resist the temptation to gossip

00:46:35.980 --> 00:46:38.759
 and only speak highly about the

00:46:38.759 --> 00:46:39.199
 other person.

00:46:40.480 --> 00:46:41.859
 I've sometimes heard that people

00:46:41.859 --> 00:46:43.839
 are scared to date within the

00:46:43.839 --> 00:46:45.379
 church context out of the fear

00:46:45.379 --> 00:46:47.059
 of the messiness of breaking up.

00:46:47.059 --> 00:46:49.840
 I think there is some validity

00:46:49.840 --> 00:46:50.619
 to that concern.

00:46:51.199 --> 00:46:52.860
 But if we generally carry

00:46:52.860 --> 00:46:55.199
 ourselves with Christ-like love

00:46:55.199 --> 00:46:57.199
 and maturity, I don't think

00:46:57.199 --> 00:46:58.579
 that that should outright prevent

00:46:58.579 --> 00:46:59.840
 us from dating within the

00:46:59.840 --> 00:47:00.099
 church.

00:47:00.500 --> 00:47:02.059
 But it should sober us, right?

00:47:02.139 --> 00:47:03.480
 Sober us to treat one another

00:47:03.480 --> 00:47:05.179
 with love, respect, and kindness.

00:47:07.699 --> 00:47:09.599
 Let's continue to follow a

00:47:09.599 --> 00:47:10.360
 growing relationship.

00:47:10.840 --> 00:47:12.599
 So you guys follow, you guys go

00:47:12.599 --> 00:47:13.179
 on a few dates.

00:47:13.820 --> 00:47:15.420
 Here I make a distinction between

00:47:15.420 --> 00:47:16.619
 going on dates.

00:47:17.059 --> 00:47:18.440
 And being in a dating

00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:18.960
 relationship.

00:47:19.980 --> 00:47:21.519
 I do think that you have to make

00:47:21.519 --> 00:47:23.900
 that transition clear from the

00:47:23.900 --> 00:47:25.840
 former to the latter with, again,

00:47:25.960 --> 00:47:27.980
 the guy initiating and leading.

00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:30.279
 Clearly and openly setting

00:47:30.279 --> 00:47:31.579
 expectations for the dating

00:47:31.579 --> 00:47:32.119
 relationship.

00:47:33.340 --> 00:47:35.159
 So if you guys are both officially

00:47:35.159 --> 00:47:37.659
 in the dating phase, once again,

00:47:37.739 --> 00:47:39.659
 the goal should be that you are

00:47:39.659 --> 00:47:41.759
 aiming to answer this one simple

00:47:41.759 --> 00:47:42.299
 question.

00:47:43.039 --> 00:47:44.840
 Are we going to get married?

00:47:44.840 --> 00:47:47.860
 All right.

00:47:48.039 --> 00:47:49.900
 That's the main question you're

00:47:49.900 --> 00:47:51.660
 trying to answer is always pressing

00:47:51.660 --> 00:47:53.760
 forward on clarity on that question

00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:54.860
 over intimacy.

00:47:56.140 --> 00:47:58.059
 Yes is a good answer.

00:47:59.500 --> 00:48:01.420
 No is a good answer.

00:48:02.720 --> 00:48:06.940
 An indefinite, lengthy maybe is not a

00:48:06.940 --> 00:48:07.360
 good answer.

00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:09.940
 That doesn't mean that you need to

00:48:09.940 --> 00:48:11.000
 know whether you're going to marry

00:48:11.000 --> 00:48:13.120
 them within three weeks, three months,

00:48:13.320 --> 00:48:16.079
 but you should be making real progress

00:48:16.079 --> 00:48:17.320
 towards that question.

00:48:19.079 --> 00:48:20.940
 And in your dating, try to determine

00:48:20.940 --> 00:48:22.640
 your compatibility with these things

00:48:22.640 --> 00:48:24.079
 that I call the 7S.

00:48:25.079 --> 00:48:26.519
 As you progress in your dating,

00:48:26.740 --> 00:48:28.760
 your relationship will look different

00:48:28.760 --> 00:48:30.599
 from the 5th date to the 15th date

00:48:30.599 --> 00:48:31.740
 to the 50th.

00:48:31.739 --> 00:48:34.339
 And your conversations will naturally

00:48:34.339 --> 00:48:35.919
 progress from surface level

00:48:35.919 --> 00:48:37.919
 to more intimate details.

00:48:38.859 --> 00:48:40.379
 And so I try to order these in,

00:48:41.039 --> 00:48:43.059
 try to order these in terms of the

00:48:43.059 --> 00:48:44.599
 progression of a natural dating

00:48:44.599 --> 00:48:45.419
 relationship.

00:48:45.919 --> 00:48:46.019
 Right?

00:48:46.339 --> 00:48:48.439
 So first one is fun.

00:48:49.500 --> 00:48:51.259
 See if you guys have fun with one

00:48:51.259 --> 00:48:51.500
 another.

00:48:52.119 --> 00:48:52.299
 Right?

00:48:52.699 --> 00:48:54.819
 Do you talk well with one another?

00:48:55.939 --> 00:48:58.819
 99% of your marriage will be just

00:48:58.819 --> 00:48:59.879
 talking.

00:48:59.880 --> 00:49:03.500
 Does the conversation flow or does it

00:49:03.500 --> 00:49:04.840
 feel like you're talking to the wall?

00:49:05.840 --> 00:49:07.800
 If your enjoyment of one another

00:49:07.800 --> 00:49:10.519
 isn't growing over time, then I think

00:49:10.519 --> 00:49:12.340
 it probably makes sense to call it

00:49:12.340 --> 00:49:12.619
 quits.

00:49:14.820 --> 00:49:16.400
 Two, future.

00:49:17.440 --> 00:49:19.220
 What are your future goals?

00:49:19.320 --> 00:49:20.500
 What are your career goals?

00:49:20.700 --> 00:49:21.920
 What are your ministry goals?

00:49:22.880 --> 00:49:24.000
 If one of you guys wants to go in

00:49:24.000 --> 00:49:25.700
 full-time ministry, even full-time

00:49:25.700 --> 00:49:28.460
 missions work, and the other for the

00:49:28.460 --> 00:49:30.460
 life of them cannot be open to that

00:49:30.460 --> 00:49:32.240
 life, then why keep dating?

00:49:32.300 --> 00:49:33.119
 You have an answer.

00:49:33.380 --> 00:49:34.920
 You have clarity on that simple

00:49:34.920 --> 00:49:36.039
 question of are we going to get

00:49:36.039 --> 00:49:37.079
 married?

00:49:39.579 --> 00:49:40.599
 Three, faith.

00:49:40.599 --> 00:49:43.740
 What do you believe about everything?

00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:47.320
 Some topics include gender roles in

00:49:47.320 --> 00:49:49.240
 church and marriage, spiritual gifts,

00:49:49.840 --> 00:49:51.760
 doctrines of grace, baby baptism.

00:49:51.760 --> 00:49:54.500
 If you guys are completely on the

00:49:54.500 --> 00:49:56.380
 opposite ends of the spectrum

00:49:56.380 --> 00:49:59.420
 theologically, you have to imagine

00:49:59.420 --> 00:50:00.780
 that that would create some kind of

00:50:00.780 --> 00:50:02.380
 conflict in your future marriage.

00:50:03.260 --> 00:50:06.140
 If you believe in baby baptism and your

00:50:06.140 --> 00:50:08.520
 boyfriend doesn't, what are you going to

00:50:08.520 --> 00:50:08.700
 do?

00:50:08.820 --> 00:50:09.960
 Are you going to split the difference and

00:50:09.960 --> 00:50:10.920
 baptize half the baby?

00:50:10.920 --> 00:50:14.099
 What are you going to do if you pray in

00:50:14.099 --> 00:50:15.880
 tongues and your girlfriend thinks it's

00:50:15.880 --> 00:50:17.320
 totally, total gobbledygook?

00:50:18.340 --> 00:50:19.720
 These are the issues that you need to

00:50:19.720 --> 00:50:21.880
 understand sooner rather than later.

00:50:22.700 --> 00:50:24.960
 I think politics and your political

00:50:24.960 --> 00:50:26.760
 stance also would be an appropriate

00:50:26.760 --> 00:50:28.539
 place to talk about these things.

00:50:29.860 --> 00:50:31.079
 Number four, finances.

00:50:31.659 --> 00:50:33.220
 How do you manage your finances?

00:50:33.700 --> 00:50:35.860
 What kind of lifestyle do you expect?

00:50:36.420 --> 00:50:39.200
 Are you expecting a luxury car or are you

00:50:39.199 --> 00:50:40.679
 content with a beat-up junker?

00:50:41.139 --> 00:50:43.019
 Be honest about these things.

00:50:43.899 --> 00:50:45.159
 How much do you want to tithe?

00:50:45.279 --> 00:50:46.859
 How important is giving for you?

00:50:47.539 --> 00:50:49.219
 And then who manages the finances?

00:50:51.799 --> 00:50:53.199
 Number five, family.

00:50:53.559 --> 00:50:55.460
 What do you envision your future family

00:50:55.460 --> 00:50:56.439
 to look like?

00:50:56.859 --> 00:50:58.559
 Number of kids, whether you're open to

00:50:58.559 --> 00:50:59.019
 adoption.

00:51:00.059 --> 00:51:01.980
 And if you're going to have kids, then

00:51:01.980 --> 00:51:03.579
 who's going to be taking care of the

00:51:03.579 --> 00:51:04.299
 kids, right?

00:51:04.319 --> 00:51:05.379
 What's the plan for that?

00:51:06.559 --> 00:51:08.000
 I think this is also an important

00:51:08.000 --> 00:51:08.339
 point.

00:51:08.340 --> 00:51:10.539
 What was your family like growing up?

00:51:11.720 --> 00:51:13.440
 What models of marriage have you seen

00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:14.160
 in your life?

00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:16.320
 Perhaps more than you know, your

00:51:16.320 --> 00:51:18.420
 parents' marriage can have a real

00:51:18.420 --> 00:51:20.300
 heavy influence on your marriage.

00:51:20.559 --> 00:51:21.420
 Because those are the things you

00:51:21.420 --> 00:51:22.019
 learn from.

00:51:24.500 --> 00:51:24.940
 Fighting.

00:51:25.780 --> 00:51:27.220
 How do you resolve a conflict?

00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:29.180
 Are you a rager?

00:51:30.100 --> 00:51:31.460
 Or are you a brooder?

00:51:32.220 --> 00:51:33.620
 You guys know what I mean by that?

00:51:34.780 --> 00:51:36.579
 Share examples of how you resolve

00:51:36.579 --> 00:51:38.139
 conflict in the past with others.

00:51:39.279 --> 00:51:40.880
 But beyond sharing examples,

00:51:41.079 --> 00:51:42.179
 I generally recommend,

00:51:42.360 --> 00:51:44.019
 though it's not required,

00:51:44.239 --> 00:51:46.340
 that couples date long enough

00:51:46.340 --> 00:51:47.599
 to experience conflict.

00:51:48.659 --> 00:51:50.559
 I think it helps to move past the

00:51:50.559 --> 00:51:52.360
 honeymoon stage and to get to the

00:51:52.360 --> 00:51:52.860
 real stuff.

00:51:54.159 --> 00:51:55.819
 For some couples, that happens quickly.

00:51:56.039 --> 00:51:57.279
 For others, it takes some time.

00:51:57.280 --> 00:52:00.760
 Conflict itself is not a sign that you

00:52:00.760 --> 00:52:01.860
 shouldn't get married.

00:52:02.660 --> 00:52:04.980
 A healthy marriage isn't marked by the

00:52:04.980 --> 00:52:07.780
 absence of conflict, but by handling

00:52:07.780 --> 00:52:08.940
 conflict well.

00:52:09.940 --> 00:52:12.700
 So learning to fight well, to resolve

00:52:12.700 --> 00:52:15.060
 issues in a healthy way, is a strong

00:52:15.060 --> 00:52:18.380
 habit, strong pattern to get into as you

00:52:18.380 --> 00:52:18.920
 go into marriage.

00:52:18.920 --> 00:52:22.019
 Last one is flaws.

00:52:22.240 --> 00:52:23.760
 There's a reason why I put this last.

00:52:24.720 --> 00:52:27.300
 This is where the most personal,

00:52:27.820 --> 00:52:29.300
 intimate details of your failures,

00:52:30.079 --> 00:52:31.840
 foolishness, your fears should come out.

00:52:33.139 --> 00:52:35.200
 Remember, in dating, there is no ring.

00:52:36.500 --> 00:52:38.920
 There is absolute freedom for either

00:52:38.920 --> 00:52:39.200
 party.

00:52:39.300 --> 00:52:42.659
 They have 100% liberty to pull out of that

00:52:42.659 --> 00:52:43.760
 relationship at any point.

00:52:44.720 --> 00:52:46.360
 So be wise about sharing the most

00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:47.980
 personal stuff that you have.

00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:54.140
 Wait to see if that relationship is

00:52:54.140 --> 00:52:56.320
 growing and share more towards where

00:52:56.320 --> 00:52:58.019
 there's trust and feel like it is

00:52:58.019 --> 00:52:59.200
 actually heading towards marriage.

00:53:00.860 --> 00:53:02.920
 And ultimately, before you get engaged,

00:53:03.160 --> 00:53:05.559
 the goal is that you shouldn't hold

00:53:05.559 --> 00:53:07.280
 back anything, even the most painful

00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:10.180
 memories, even your most regretful

00:53:10.180 --> 00:53:10.660
 choices.

00:53:12.260 --> 00:53:14.200
 You don't need to share in fine detail,

00:53:14.360 --> 00:53:16.160
 but you do need to share so that the

00:53:16.159 --> 00:53:18.179
 other person has a full picture of what

00:53:18.179 --> 00:53:19.599
 he or she is signing up for.

00:53:22.420 --> 00:53:24.000
 All throughout that process, again, we

00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:25.980
 already talked about this, is involve the

00:53:25.980 --> 00:53:26.339
 church.

00:53:27.199 --> 00:53:29.059
 If you think about it, hardly anything in

00:53:29.059 --> 00:53:30.739
 this life comes with a lifelong

00:53:30.739 --> 00:53:32.359
 commitment-like marriage.

00:53:33.099 --> 00:53:35.019
 I can almost guarantee for most of you

00:53:35.019 --> 00:53:36.659
 guys, you will move to another city.

00:53:37.219 --> 00:53:38.699
 You will find another church.

00:53:39.239 --> 00:53:40.639
 You will work another job.

00:53:40.879 --> 00:53:42.159
 You will find different friends.

00:53:42.159 --> 00:53:45.619
 But you can never break the vow of

00:53:45.619 --> 00:53:46.819
 marriage that you make with your

00:53:46.819 --> 00:53:47.159
 spouse.

00:53:48.119 --> 00:53:50.739
 Through sickness or health, for richer or

00:53:50.739 --> 00:53:52.899
 for poorer, you are committed to this

00:53:52.899 --> 00:53:53.259
 person.

00:53:54.519 --> 00:53:58.199
 This one decision is, frankly, one of the

00:53:58.199 --> 00:54:00.339
 most important decisions you will ever

00:54:00.339 --> 00:54:01.079
 make in your life.

00:54:01.539 --> 00:54:03.359
 Because your marriage will absolutely

00:54:03.359 --> 00:54:04.179
 change you.

00:54:04.179 --> 00:54:08.139
 That can be scary then, right?

00:54:08.279 --> 00:54:09.759
 To choosing a spouse.

00:54:11.599 --> 00:54:14.019
 When we think about the massive implications

00:54:14.019 --> 00:54:16.519
 of the decision that we make, it's kind of

00:54:16.519 --> 00:54:16.759
 scary.

00:54:17.940 --> 00:54:21.059
 What is so reassuring is that we don't have to

00:54:21.059 --> 00:54:22.419
 choose a spouse on our own.

00:54:23.460 --> 00:54:26.119
 Our trusted brothers and sisters, our mentors

00:54:26.119 --> 00:54:29.159
 and pastors and disciples at church, our

00:54:29.159 --> 00:54:31.399
 parents and siblings, they can all speak into

00:54:31.400 --> 00:54:33.400
 your life, counsel you with their aged,

00:54:33.880 --> 00:54:36.740
 experienced perspective, and model what a

00:54:36.740 --> 00:54:38.680
 godly marriage and family can look like.

00:54:39.059 --> 00:54:40.079
 So seek their feedback.

00:54:40.619 --> 00:54:41.380
 Ask good questions.

00:54:43.099 --> 00:54:44.599
 Pursue purity and godliness.

00:54:45.639 --> 00:54:47.700
 There's not a single thing that you can do

00:54:47.700 --> 00:54:49.820
 that will make your relationship more

00:54:49.820 --> 00:54:53.579
 messy, stressful, confused, or shameful

00:54:53.579 --> 00:54:56.920
 than to cross physical boundaries that are

00:54:56.920 --> 00:54:58.639
 only meant for the commitment of marriage.

00:54:58.639 --> 00:55:02.759
 The men, again, should be the ones to set

00:55:02.759 --> 00:55:05.119
 clear boundaries and keep them.

00:55:06.299 --> 00:55:09.299
 In dating, the woman is looking to see if

00:55:09.299 --> 00:55:11.139
 in your leadership you are a man of

00:55:11.139 --> 00:55:14.139
 integrity, if you are a man of your word.

00:55:14.779 --> 00:55:17.159
 Do you say one thing and do a completely

00:55:17.159 --> 00:55:17.879
 different other thing?

00:55:18.719 --> 00:55:20.039
 Are you trustworthy?

00:55:22.159 --> 00:55:24.519
 The women should be the ones to follow the

00:55:24.519 --> 00:55:25.400
 man's leadership.

00:55:25.400 --> 00:55:28.700
 In dating, the man is looking to see if you

00:55:28.700 --> 00:55:31.099
 follow and submit to his leadership well.

00:55:33.280 --> 00:55:35.059
 I've heard this argument from some guys

00:55:35.059 --> 00:55:35.880
 before, right?

00:55:35.900 --> 00:55:38.260
 You need to test drive the car before you

00:55:38.260 --> 00:55:39.900
 decide to buy it, right?

00:55:40.039 --> 00:55:42.440
 Shouldn't we explore our physical

00:55:42.440 --> 00:55:44.300
 compatibility before I put a ring on it?

00:55:45.380 --> 00:55:47.240
 I think that analogy is actually very

00:55:47.240 --> 00:55:47.800
 illuminating.

00:55:48.800 --> 00:55:51.240
 Who is the car in that scenario?

00:55:51.239 --> 00:55:56.859
 Is sex with a precious man or woman made in

00:55:56.859 --> 00:55:59.719
 the image of God something as casual as

00:55:59.719 --> 00:56:01.899
 going to the car dealership and test

00:56:01.899 --> 00:56:02.779
 driving a car?

00:56:04.259 --> 00:56:06.319
 Is that kind of language really what you

00:56:06.319 --> 00:56:08.459
 want to hear from a future spouse, someone

00:56:08.459 --> 00:56:10.379
 who's supposed to honor and respect you?

00:56:12.079 --> 00:56:14.799
 So glorify God altogether in your

00:56:14.799 --> 00:56:16.739
 relationship by pursuing purity.

00:56:16.739 --> 00:56:20.399
 Set clear boundaries, not to do anything

00:56:20.399 --> 00:56:22.859
 that would be arousing or tempting for one

00:56:22.859 --> 00:56:23.119
 another.

00:56:24.500 --> 00:56:27.359
 Examples of boundaries could be committing not

00:56:27.359 --> 00:56:29.179
 to spend one-on-one time together in private,

00:56:29.659 --> 00:56:32.199
 no closed doors, especially late at night.

00:56:33.039 --> 00:56:36.759
 If you are snuggling on the couch at 11 p.m.

00:56:37.099 --> 00:56:40.619
 watching a romantic movie, for most warm-blooded

00:56:40.619 --> 00:56:42.259
 humans, you are playing with fire.

00:56:42.260 --> 00:56:45.800
 Proverbs 6.27 says,

00:56:45.920 --> 00:56:48.080
 Can a man carry fire next to his chest

00:56:48.080 --> 00:56:50.240
 and his clothes not be burned?

00:56:51.800 --> 00:56:53.580
 Understand that as you progress in your

00:56:53.580 --> 00:56:56.740
 relationship, the temptation to sexual sin

00:56:56.740 --> 00:56:59.040
 doesn't decrease necessarily, but it can

00:56:59.040 --> 00:56:59.760
 increase.

00:57:00.240 --> 00:57:03.560
 Because we naturally are wired that emotional

00:57:03.560 --> 00:57:06.660
 intimacy tends to lead towards physical

00:57:06.660 --> 00:57:07.180
 intimacy.

00:57:08.680 --> 00:57:10.620
 So flee, right?

00:57:10.619 --> 00:57:13.359
 Scripture commands us to stand firm against

00:57:13.359 --> 00:57:13.920
 the devil.

00:57:14.159 --> 00:57:16.679
 We can stand firm against him, but it says

00:57:16.679 --> 00:57:18.219
 to flee from sexual sin.

00:57:18.279 --> 00:57:20.079
 That's how seriously we need to take it.

00:57:20.920 --> 00:57:22.880
 Be like Joseph and flee.

00:57:23.719 --> 00:57:24.819
 Run, run hard.

00:57:25.199 --> 00:57:27.920
 And you're never going to regret taking

00:57:27.920 --> 00:57:30.460
 obedience to the Lord this seriously.

00:57:30.579 --> 00:57:31.559
 You're never going to regret it.

00:57:33.199 --> 00:57:35.779
 And if you guys prove to be a continual

00:57:35.779 --> 00:57:37.519
 source of sexual temptation,

00:57:37.519 --> 00:57:40.539
 is it worth dating anymore?

00:57:41.840 --> 00:57:43.940
 Is there anything more precious than your

00:57:43.940 --> 00:57:45.639
 personal holiness to the Lord?

00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:47.579
 And I know that sounds harsh.

00:57:47.800 --> 00:57:48.440
 It sounds hard.

00:57:48.980 --> 00:57:50.900
 But as we preached on in Matthew, Jesus is

00:57:50.900 --> 00:57:52.719
 uncompromising in Matthew 5.

00:57:53.259 --> 00:57:55.360
 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out.

00:57:56.259 --> 00:57:57.840
 It's better that you lose one of your members

00:57:57.840 --> 00:57:59.420
 and your whole body be thrown to hell.

00:57:59.480 --> 00:58:01.800
 If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it out.

00:58:02.019 --> 00:58:03.400
 Cut it off and throw it away.

00:58:03.400 --> 00:58:03.440
 Okay.

00:58:07.420 --> 00:58:07.940
 Engagement.

00:58:08.380 --> 00:58:10.860
 Time only allows a brief address on the

00:58:10.860 --> 00:58:11.680
 engagement phase.

00:58:11.940 --> 00:58:13.160
 Trying to move on quickly.

00:58:14.039 --> 00:58:15.820
 Only two things that I want to make clear.

00:58:16.099 --> 00:58:18.559
 When you are engaged, you are not yet married.

00:58:19.139 --> 00:58:21.820
 You haven't made a clear public vow of

00:58:21.820 --> 00:58:23.320
 lifelong commitment to one another.

00:58:23.740 --> 00:58:25.940
 And so you do not have the privileges to

00:58:25.940 --> 00:58:29.920
 enjoy all the marital privileges that you

00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:31.160
 get to enjoy in marriage only.

00:58:31.159 --> 00:58:33.879
 Continue to fight temptation.

00:58:34.579 --> 00:58:36.259
 Don't mark your wedding day with

00:58:36.259 --> 00:58:38.339
 any tinge of shame or regret.

00:58:39.699 --> 00:58:42.039
 And speaking of weddings, secondly, I think

00:58:42.039 --> 00:58:46.239
 while there's sometimes unforeseen circumstances

00:58:46.239 --> 00:58:48.719
 and no two couples' stories are alike,

00:58:49.219 --> 00:58:51.539
 I generally don't think we need two to three years

00:58:51.539 --> 00:58:52.579
 to plan for a wedding.

00:58:53.960 --> 00:58:55.819
 It's our culture that tells us that we need to

00:58:55.819 --> 00:58:59.179
 have a showy, expensive display of our unique

00:58:59.179 --> 00:59:00.619
 love to one another in our wedding.

00:59:01.159 --> 00:59:03.420
 It's not something we need in scripture.

00:59:04.839 --> 00:59:07.199
 Invest more time in preparing not for the

00:59:07.199 --> 00:59:09.819
 singular day of your wedding, but for the

00:59:09.819 --> 00:59:11.519
 lifetime of marriage ahead of you.

00:59:12.119 --> 00:59:14.739
 The health of your marriage is not determined

00:59:14.739 --> 00:59:17.059
 by the big dates on your calendar.

00:59:17.679 --> 00:59:20.379
 Anniversaries, weddings, Valentine's Day.

00:59:20.380 --> 00:59:23.599
 Those can be important and helpful reminders

00:59:23.599 --> 00:59:26.360
 and opportunities to invest in your marriage.

00:59:26.480 --> 00:59:29.059
 But a healthy marriage is more determined

00:59:29.059 --> 00:59:31.220
 by the love you share on an average

00:59:31.220 --> 00:59:32.720
 boring Tuesday night.

00:59:34.480 --> 00:59:37.599
 In the end, the gospel is the best dating advice

00:59:37.599 --> 00:59:38.480
 that you will ever hear.

00:59:38.800 --> 00:59:39.820
 And what do I mean by that?

00:59:39.820 --> 00:59:43.320
 The gospel of Jesus Christ is what distinguishes

00:59:43.320 --> 00:59:45.860
 Christian dating from worldly dating.

00:59:46.860 --> 00:59:49.900
 The gospel is what you look for in another person.

00:59:50.640 --> 00:59:53.460
 Has the other person been shaped by the gospel?

00:59:54.080 --> 00:59:56.500
 Does this person cherish the gospel?

00:59:56.500 --> 00:59:58.119
 That's what you're looking for.

00:59:59.300 --> 01:00:01.760
 The gospel is what you talk about in dating.

01:00:02.460 --> 01:00:05.380
 Of course, it's not the only thing that you talk about,

01:00:05.539 --> 01:00:08.679
 but if you are a believer, and Jesus Christ

01:00:08.679 --> 01:00:12.239
 is your true first love, the gospel is what

01:00:12.239 --> 01:00:13.440
 should connect you both.

01:00:13.440 --> 01:00:18.099
 The gospel shapes your motives in dating.

01:00:18.780 --> 01:00:22.039
 You're not dating to fill a void, prove her worth,

01:00:22.200 --> 01:00:24.500
 silence loneliness, or compete with others.

01:00:25.099 --> 01:00:27.880
 The gospel frees you from needing a relationship

01:00:27.880 --> 01:00:29.900
 to justify you.

01:00:31.360 --> 01:00:34.139
 And the gospel related is what keeps you content

01:00:34.139 --> 01:00:35.159
 in the world of dating.

01:00:35.720 --> 01:00:36.780
 So whether you're single,

01:00:36.960 --> 01:00:39.179
 without a lot of prospects of marriage,

01:00:39.760 --> 01:00:41.659
 you've just recently been through a breakup,

01:00:41.659 --> 01:00:44.759
 or that you're getting close to marrying

01:00:44.759 --> 01:00:45.599
 your dream partner.

01:00:46.460 --> 01:00:48.099
 Every single one of these scenarios,

01:00:48.440 --> 01:00:51.039
 they're all equally equipped to be happy,

01:00:51.399 --> 01:00:53.059
 to find contentment in the Lord.

01:00:53.839 --> 01:00:56.139
 The latter has no advantage over the former

01:00:56.139 --> 01:00:58.119
 to contrive joy in this life.

01:00:58.819 --> 01:01:01.119
 So let the gospel shape all of your life,

01:01:01.779 --> 01:01:03.219
 in your singleness, in your dating,

01:01:03.339 --> 01:01:05.480
 in your engagement, and in your marriage.