WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.280 Good morning all. As Jimmy said, Nick said, we're in Proverbs at the moment, a series on wisdom. 00:00:06.640 --> 00:00:17.900 Last week, Jimmy preached on the evil of envy, and he talked about, at the start of it, his engagement two weeks earlier. 00:00:19.240 --> 00:00:25.719 I wondered how long it would take to get it into a sermon, and two weeks must be some sort of new record, I would think. 00:00:25.719 --> 00:00:27.560 He's obviously pretty excited about it. 00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:32.439 And so today we're going to talk about marriage. 00:00:36.140 --> 00:00:44.539 And your laughter at that point tells me that it is, as the Bible says, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. 00:00:44.599 --> 00:00:48.000 This is a great mystery. It is a great mystery. 00:00:49.420 --> 00:00:55.379 Nat and I have been married for nearly 18 years, and she had no idea what she was getting into at the time. 00:00:55.380 --> 00:01:00.620 And over the course of those 18 years, she's been married to three different men, all of them me. 00:01:01.760 --> 00:01:03.560 It is, in fact, a great mystery. 00:01:04.219 --> 00:01:14.140 Proverbs is about living wisely in the world, and this area of family relationships is an area where the vast majority of us need wisdom. 00:01:14.140 --> 00:01:21.739 It's an area where wrong choices and habitually bad behaviours can be devastating. 00:01:21.900 --> 00:01:29.960 And so this message is taking a very general look at some pretty basic principles of family life and relationships according to Proverbs. 00:01:30.460 --> 00:01:38.040 Even though at every point of what I'm saying isn't relevant for everyone right now. 00:01:38.040 --> 00:01:43.100 I'm going to be straying across a whole different areas, but something will be. 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:47.360 And collectively, we will represent a whole range of family statuses. 00:01:47.460 --> 00:01:49.920 Some married, for instance, here and some are not. 00:01:50.320 --> 00:01:53.020 Some have children, some don't have children. 00:01:53.500 --> 00:01:58.320 Some with grandchildren, some with children who are still at home but should have left some time ago. 00:01:58.700 --> 00:02:02.340 Some who won't get to experience that for many years to come. 00:02:02.660 --> 00:02:07.020 Some with parents who are alive, some who are parents who are not alive, and the list goes on and on and on. 00:02:07.019 --> 00:02:09.259 There is something ultimately for everyone. 00:02:10.039 --> 00:02:14.259 So try not to tune out the point that it's not your status right now. 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:21.599 The theme of wisdom runs right through all the relationships are pretty much universal. 00:02:21.719 --> 00:02:27.919 That's pretty helpful because there isn't just differences now in a particular relationship status, 00:02:28.019 --> 00:02:33.579 but there's also quite differences in terms of our heritage and our backgrounds and our cultures and the way we view family. 00:02:33.580 --> 00:02:39.900 Like in family, in Western societies is primarily driven by individualistic thinking. 00:02:40.480 --> 00:02:46.560 In Eastern societies, traditional society, it's very much more corporate orientated in their views of family. 00:02:47.000 --> 00:02:50.560 So there's a collective wisdom here which cuts across for everything. 00:02:50.660 --> 00:02:53.600 So let's kick off with a relationship between a husband and a wife. 00:02:53.599 --> 00:03:00.180 In the Bible, there are three human institutions that are set apart from all others. 00:03:00.740 --> 00:03:03.560 The family, the church, and the state. 00:03:04.340 --> 00:03:08.759 There's nothing in the Bible about how schools should be run, for instance. 00:03:09.240 --> 00:03:15.620 Although they are crucial to a flourishing society, there's nothing about corporations and museums and hospitals. 00:03:15.620 --> 00:03:24.280 In fact, there are all sorts of great institutions and human enterprises that the Bible doesn't address directly or regulate. 00:03:24.759 --> 00:03:32.520 That means that we are therefore free to invent them in line with the general principles of human life that the Bible gives us. 00:03:32.980 --> 00:03:34.140 But marriage is different. 00:03:35.480 --> 00:03:36.379 It is very different. 00:03:37.900 --> 00:03:44.219 As it says in the preface of our church's wedding service, marriage is instituted by God. 00:03:44.219 --> 00:03:48.560 It is a gift from God for human well-being. 00:03:49.400 --> 00:03:53.719 And so what that means is, contrary to some popular opinions at the moment, 00:03:54.180 --> 00:04:01.439 marriage didn't evolve in the Bronze Age or the ages past as a way to determine property rights. 00:04:03.060 --> 00:04:06.120 At the climax of the creation account at the beginning of the Bible, 00:04:06.259 --> 00:04:11.680 we see God bringing a man and a woman together and he unites them in marriage. 00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:20.780 The Bible begins with the wedding of Adam and Eve and at the end with the wedding of Christ and his church in the book of Revelation. 00:04:22.199 --> 00:04:24.579 Marriage is God's idea. 00:04:25.740 --> 00:04:29.759 And it's the way that he describes his relationship with his people. 00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:38.899 Now, it is certainly also a human institution and it reflects the character of the particular human culture in which it is embedded. 00:04:39.659 --> 00:04:45.120 But the concept and the roots of human marriage are in God's own action. 00:04:45.800 --> 00:04:49.899 And therefore, what the Bible says about God's design for marriage is crucial. 00:04:49.899 --> 00:04:55.599 What that means is that what God institutes, he regulates. 00:04:57.239 --> 00:05:05.879 If God invented marriage, then those who enter in it should make every effort to understand and submit to his purpose for it. 00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:13.000 In the same way that we don't ignore the manufacturer's instructions in how to use and maintain a car that we've just bought. 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:19.800 If you've just bought a Corolla, you don't treat it like it's a 400 horsepower John Deere tractor. 00:05:21.800 --> 00:05:22.899 It will break. 00:05:22.899 --> 00:05:32.239 Now, many in society, I acknowledge it's a hot topic right now, would disagree with some of my basic starting point here. 00:05:32.939 --> 00:05:34.479 But it's my starting point. 00:05:34.579 --> 00:05:36.479 It's the starting point of historical Christianity. 00:05:37.259 --> 00:05:44.819 And so I don't expect that everyone, potentially not even everyone here today, to have the same starting point that I have. 00:05:44.819 --> 00:05:53.719 But I do hope that you're able to see how penetrating and how practical the Bible is on this issue of marriage. 00:05:55.519 --> 00:05:59.680 Proverbs tells us, first of all, that marriage is a covenantal relationship. 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:03.399 For instance, chapter 2, verses 16 and 17, we read, 00:06:03.399 --> 00:06:23.159 A marriage is a covenant, which means it's a binding agreement. 00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:30.740 Now, I can't tell you the number of the times I've had people say to me, because I've got a license to marry people, 00:06:30.840 --> 00:06:35.380 the number of times I've had people say to me, or I've read something like this, 00:06:35.780 --> 00:06:40.100 why do I need a piece of paper to tell someone that I love them? 00:06:41.520 --> 00:06:43.460 And the answer, of course, is, well, you don't. 00:06:44.320 --> 00:06:45.300 Of course you don't do that. 00:06:46.020 --> 00:06:47.080 Tell them you love them. 00:06:47.300 --> 00:06:47.940 That's fine. 00:06:47.939 --> 00:06:57.319 But a wedding service and a marriage certificate is not a declaration of promise of present love. 00:06:58.180 --> 00:06:59.660 That's not what it is. 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:03.860 It's a promise of future commitment and love. 00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:09.860 You can go to virtually any marriage service, whether it's in the churches or not, 00:07:09.860 --> 00:07:18.259 and they will say either nothing or very little about the way you feel right now. 00:07:21.220 --> 00:07:22.740 They're all about behaviour. 00:07:24.080 --> 00:07:29.620 The vows are promises to be tender, to be considerate, to be faithful, to be loving in the future 00:07:29.620 --> 00:07:35.240 through all the ups and downs and ins and outs of life and relationship. 00:07:35.240 --> 00:07:41.579 Marriage is a covenant, not just a declaration of my present love, 00:07:41.699 --> 00:07:46.660 but a promise, a commitment to future love and commitment. 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:52.220 Now, marriage is also, therefore, based on a ministry mindset. 00:07:53.079 --> 00:07:54.480 You might have noticed it already. 00:07:54.819 --> 00:07:56.180 I suspect you did notice. 00:07:56.960 --> 00:08:01.000 As Proverbs 5 was read out, chapter 5, verse 18 to 20, 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:04.720 May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, 00:08:05.100 --> 00:08:06.839 a loving doe, a graceful deer. 00:08:06.959 --> 00:08:08.600 May her breast satisfy you always. 00:08:08.740 --> 00:08:12.120 Will you ever be intoxicated with her love? 00:08:12.639 --> 00:08:15.560 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man's wife? 00:08:15.620 --> 00:08:17.759 Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? 00:08:18.939 --> 00:08:22.779 Now, what that's, at the very least, Proverbs 5 is saying, 00:08:23.000 --> 00:08:26.339 is that your spouse should be your lover. 00:08:26.339 --> 00:08:31.039 Your marriage should, therefore, include sexual intimacy. 00:08:31.959 --> 00:08:34.240 That's part of the marriage relationship. 00:08:35.100 --> 00:08:38.120 It also says, in chapter 2, verse 17, 00:08:38.699 --> 00:08:44.100 that the woman, the adulterous woman, left the partner of her youth. 00:08:45.639 --> 00:08:53.240 Now, the word partner there means your most intimate and best friend. 00:08:53.240 --> 00:08:56.500 That's what the word partner means. 00:08:57.419 --> 00:09:01.460 Now, what Proverbs suggests is that your relationship with your spouse 00:09:01.460 --> 00:09:09.200 should be characterised by both torrid romance and sexual intimacy 00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:14.379 and intimate friendship. 00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:17.159 Both of those things. 00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:22.340 Now, this is incredible for the time that this was written. 00:09:22.340 --> 00:09:24.920 You see, in traditional societies, when this was written, 00:09:25.019 --> 00:09:28.800 the purpose of marriage was to gain security and status for your family. 00:09:29.340 --> 00:09:33.399 Both husband and wife were trying to marry well as possible 00:09:33.399 --> 00:09:35.680 in terms of family status. 00:09:36.580 --> 00:09:39.780 Marriage was also about producing children, 00:09:40.620 --> 00:09:43.960 which was about producing family status and lineage, 00:09:44.600 --> 00:09:45.740 carrying on the family name. 00:09:45.940 --> 00:09:50.600 And if you manage to get married and have love and romance and friendship, 00:09:50.600 --> 00:09:52.860 then, well, lucky you. 00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:54.899 Good on you. 00:09:56.420 --> 00:10:00.240 The idea of marrying for love came quite later in history. 00:10:02.000 --> 00:10:05.960 And in Proverbs, it says that you marry for love. 00:10:06.540 --> 00:10:09.980 This is revolutionary in ancient culture. 00:10:10.659 --> 00:10:13.259 In a culture where women had very low status, 00:10:13.259 --> 00:10:18.620 it says that your spouse here is to be your best friend. 00:10:21.399 --> 00:10:24.759 That breaks all the categories of the ancient world. 00:10:26.659 --> 00:10:29.179 It's historically revolutionary and notable. 00:10:30.240 --> 00:10:31.600 But let's think about this practically. 00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:36.540 The combination of torrid romance and intimate friendship 00:10:36.540 --> 00:10:39.940 creates a unique relational dynamic. 00:10:41.259 --> 00:10:43.000 Friends, think about this, 00:10:43.060 --> 00:10:44.980 friends are normally side by side, 00:10:45.500 --> 00:10:47.180 absorbed in a common interest. 00:10:48.600 --> 00:10:51.220 And lovers are normally face to face, 00:10:51.340 --> 00:10:52.320 absorbed in each other. 00:10:53.659 --> 00:10:54.840 Like Jimmy and Kate. 00:10:56.040 --> 00:10:57.220 At the moment. 00:10:57.220 --> 00:11:02.759 It's interesting what Proverbs is saying here. 00:11:03.180 --> 00:11:06.680 C.S. Lewis, he wrote a chapter on friendship in his book, 00:11:06.779 --> 00:11:07.519 The Four Loves. 00:11:08.019 --> 00:11:12.480 And he suggests that friendship is about a common passion and interest. 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:14.320 And he wrote this, 00:11:14.460 --> 00:11:17.960 friendship arises when two or more discover 00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:20.420 that they have in common some insight or interest. 00:11:21.060 --> 00:11:24.240 That is why those pathetic people who, 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:25.420 this is C.S. Lewis, 00:11:25.419 --> 00:11:28.819 that is why those pathetic people who simply want friends 00:11:28.819 --> 00:11:30.360 can never make any. 00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:33.099 The very condition of having friends 00:11:33.099 --> 00:11:37.399 is that we should want something else besides the friends. 00:11:38.279 --> 00:11:40.839 Where the truthful answer to the question is, 00:11:41.099 --> 00:11:42.979 do you see the same truth, 00:11:43.319 --> 00:11:45.299 would be, I don't care about the truth, 00:11:45.379 --> 00:11:46.419 I only want you, 00:11:46.879 --> 00:11:48.339 you to be my friend. 00:11:49.419 --> 00:11:50.980 No friendship can arise. 00:11:51.839 --> 00:11:53.360 Though affection, of course, may. 00:11:53.360 --> 00:11:56.419 Friendship must be about something, 00:11:56.820 --> 00:12:01.060 even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. 00:12:01.779 --> 00:12:03.980 Those who have nothing can share nothing. 00:12:04.440 --> 00:12:08.560 Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travellers. 00:12:10.480 --> 00:12:12.139 Now that last statement is really interesting. 00:12:12.139 --> 00:12:18.799 The essence of friendship is having a vision for something 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:22.059 that we both want to get to. 00:12:22.919 --> 00:12:24.080 That's the essence of friendship. 00:12:25.659 --> 00:12:28.279 Fellow travellers heading somewhere. 00:12:28.279 --> 00:12:31.839 On the other hand, 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:35.839 lovers are absorbed in each other. 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:39.620 What happens when you mix that together? 00:12:40.399 --> 00:12:42.699 Lovers being the best of friends? 00:12:45.379 --> 00:12:47.699 Ministry is what happens. 00:12:47.700 --> 00:12:54.940 The biblical picture of marriage is a journey towards your partner's, 00:12:54.980 --> 00:12:57.160 your spouse's future greatness. 00:12:57.159 --> 00:13:03.379 In fact, it's a journey towards your spouse's future glory. 00:13:04.579 --> 00:13:05.980 You see, traditional society, 00:13:06.980 --> 00:13:10.079 you get married for status. 00:13:10.819 --> 00:13:12.819 In modern Western society, 00:13:13.079 --> 00:13:15.159 you get married for fulfilment. 00:13:16.019 --> 00:13:17.759 And when you don't get fulfilled, 00:13:17.939 --> 00:13:19.839 you go somewhere else to get fulfilled. 00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:23.160 And they're both naive. 00:13:24.860 --> 00:13:25.660 Both naive. 00:13:27.180 --> 00:13:29.560 Let me remind you of the heart of the Christian message. 00:13:30.259 --> 00:13:31.920 All of us are made in the image of God. 00:13:31.980 --> 00:13:32.780 This is the biblical picture. 00:13:32.879 --> 00:13:34.100 All of us are made in the image of God. 00:13:34.560 --> 00:13:36.519 We are made to be something great, 00:13:36.620 --> 00:13:38.139 but we're all broken because of sin. 00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:41.740 We are all shadows of what we were made to be. 00:13:42.460 --> 00:13:44.060 God, knowing that we're all broken, 00:13:44.300 --> 00:13:46.320 comes into our world in the person of the Lord Jesus, 00:13:46.900 --> 00:13:49.600 lays himself out through the sacrifice of himself on the cross, 00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:51.139 comes into our lives, 00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:53.040 unites us to himself through the Holy Spirit. 00:13:53.340 --> 00:13:54.780 He applies what he has done, 00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:57.220 and he shapes us for our future greatness. 00:13:58.340 --> 00:13:59.960 Eternity in his presence, 00:14:00.379 --> 00:14:02.100 whole may complete. 00:14:03.680 --> 00:14:07.639 The great marriage in heaven. 00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:10.000 And that gospel message, 00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:10.920 that Christian message, 00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:12.399 shapes your view of marriage now. 00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:16.600 Marriage is gospel reenactment. 00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:18.759 It's the Christian message reenacted. 00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:21.080 Our course, 00:14:21.379 --> 00:14:21.819 of course, 00:14:21.879 --> 00:14:24.399 there are things like personal chemistry, 00:14:24.659 --> 00:14:26.480 but even for the Christian faith, 00:14:26.580 --> 00:14:27.399 it makes things go, 00:14:27.480 --> 00:14:29.000 the gospel makes it deeper than that. 00:14:29.340 --> 00:14:29.620 You see, 00:14:30.439 --> 00:14:33.039 even things like attraction are much deeper. 00:14:33.899 --> 00:14:34.600 As a Christian, 00:14:34.740 --> 00:14:38.139 you're attracted not just to what the other person is, 00:14:38.419 --> 00:14:40.340 but what they are going to be. 00:14:40.340 --> 00:14:44.660 A Christian looks at another and thinks, 00:14:44.800 --> 00:14:46.700 I see flashes of your future, 00:14:47.080 --> 00:14:48.740 and they excite me. 00:14:50.840 --> 00:14:51.580 You see, 00:14:51.660 --> 00:14:53.200 what they are becoming, 00:14:53.340 --> 00:14:54.940 and what God is making them into, 00:14:55.940 --> 00:14:57.460 you see that, 00:14:57.500 --> 00:14:58.620 you want to be part of that. 00:15:00.620 --> 00:15:02.660 Marriage becomes gospel reenactment, 00:15:02.659 --> 00:15:05.419 because you enter into the life of the other, 00:15:06.039 --> 00:15:08.639 and you commit yourself to sacrifice, 00:15:09.379 --> 00:15:10.439 to serve, 00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:11.559 to help, 00:15:12.059 --> 00:15:12.919 to minister, 00:15:13.379 --> 00:15:17.100 so that they get to that destination. 00:15:19.179 --> 00:15:19.819 Marriage. 00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:22.719 With their spouse, 00:15:23.559 --> 00:15:24.139 the Lord Jesus. 00:15:24.139 --> 00:15:26.559 That's the picture of the end of Revelation. 00:15:27.460 --> 00:15:29.720 You want to be part of that journey, 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:33.539 part of their journey to that glory, 00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:35.480 the great marriage in heaven. 00:15:35.699 --> 00:15:39.080 You are friends committed to each other's future glory. 00:15:42.199 --> 00:15:43.980 That's the biblical picture of marriage. 00:15:46.179 --> 00:15:47.740 It's a ministry mindset. 00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:53.419 The consumer mindset of marriage, 00:15:53.419 --> 00:15:58.379 which is the picture of dominant in our society at the moment, 00:15:58.500 --> 00:15:59.839 where you marry for fulfillment, 00:16:01.860 --> 00:16:05.099 the consumer mindset is the opposite of the biblical picture. 00:16:05.939 --> 00:16:07.819 And the consumer mindset says, 00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:10.419 I will be the spouse that I should be, 00:16:10.860 --> 00:16:14.039 to the same measure that you are the spouse that you should be. 00:16:17.559 --> 00:16:19.399 I will promise to do this for you, 00:16:19.480 --> 00:16:20.879 providing you promise to do that for me. 00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:25.879 And so if you're not being the spouse that you should be, 00:16:26.379 --> 00:16:29.799 then I don't have to be the spouse that I should be. 00:16:29.799 --> 00:16:36.179 And that isn't the mindset of the gospel-empowered person. 00:16:37.339 --> 00:16:40.059 The gospel-motivated, empowered spouse says, 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:42.879 I will be the spouse that I am meant to be, 00:16:43.419 --> 00:16:46.559 even when you are not the spouse that you are meant to be. 00:16:47.419 --> 00:16:52.000 The power to be like that to another is Jesus, 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:55.779 because he has treated you like that. 00:16:56.779 --> 00:16:58.960 He loves us not because we are lovely, 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:00.340 because he has made us lovely. 00:17:00.399 --> 00:17:02.000 Isn't that what Ephesians 5 says? 00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:05.839 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church 00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:07.880 and gave himself up for her to make her holy, 00:17:08.059 --> 00:17:10.759 cleansing her by the washing with water through the word 00:17:10.759 --> 00:17:13.500 and to present her to himself as a radiant church 00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:16.480 without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, 00:17:16.480 --> 00:17:18.039 but holy and blameless. 00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:23.079 Now, hear me correctly here. 00:17:23.539 --> 00:17:26.420 I'm not suggesting that marriage is one way 00:17:26.420 --> 00:17:30.920 and that you're to be a doormat to a spouse. 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:35.400 I think the most unloving thing you can do to an abuser 00:17:35.400 --> 00:17:36.880 is to allow them to abuse. 00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:42.140 I think the most unloving thing you can do for a selfish person 00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:43.760 is to allow them to be selfish. 00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:47.200 Iron sharpens iron, 00:17:47.420 --> 00:17:49.780 and so there is a need to confront your spouse 00:17:49.780 --> 00:17:51.360 about such behaviours 00:17:51.360 --> 00:17:54.340 and to take further steps if need be. 00:17:56.120 --> 00:17:58.080 But you're going to need to be patient. 00:17:59.520 --> 00:18:01.660 I mean real patient. 00:18:03.000 --> 00:18:04.160 Marriage is ministry. 00:18:04.800 --> 00:18:06.740 It is about service, not fulfilment. 00:18:07.480 --> 00:18:09.700 And when you seek the other person's good, 00:18:11.140 --> 00:18:13.480 even when you don't like them, 00:18:14.680 --> 00:18:17.380 the deeper your love will be. 00:18:20.700 --> 00:18:22.560 The less you love them 00:18:22.560 --> 00:18:24.920 when you don't like them, 00:18:25.480 --> 00:18:27.680 the less your love will be. 00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:32.920 Now, none of what I've said is easy to do. 00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:35.540 And the only way to get help here 00:18:35.539 --> 00:18:38.460 is to look at this in the context of the gospel. 00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:42.940 How can you stay on a journey 00:18:42.940 --> 00:18:44.839 with a difficult spouse? 00:18:46.639 --> 00:18:48.359 And the only answer, I think, 00:18:48.460 --> 00:18:49.980 is chapter 2, 00:18:50.139 --> 00:18:52.879 verse Proverbs 2, 16, 17, 00:18:52.879 --> 00:18:54.639 wisdom will save you also 00:18:54.639 --> 00:18:56.220 from the adulterous woman, 00:18:56.339 --> 00:18:57.240 from the wayward woman 00:18:57.240 --> 00:18:58.579 with the seductive words, 00:18:58.799 --> 00:19:00.819 who has left the partner of her youth 00:19:00.819 --> 00:19:02.319 and ignored the covenant 00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:03.779 that she made before God. 00:19:05.339 --> 00:19:07.379 What we need to see is 00:19:07.379 --> 00:19:11.720 that we are the adulterous woman. 00:19:13.639 --> 00:19:14.720 That's what we need to see. 00:19:14.859 --> 00:19:16.019 We need to keep in mind 00:19:16.019 --> 00:19:18.279 that Jesus Christ made a covenant 00:19:18.279 --> 00:19:19.099 with the Father 00:19:19.099 --> 00:19:21.159 to come to this earth 00:19:21.159 --> 00:19:22.559 to make us his partners, 00:19:22.759 --> 00:19:23.899 to make us his spouse. 00:19:23.900 --> 00:19:27.240 And when he got here, 00:19:27.600 --> 00:19:29.640 we crucified him. 00:19:31.220 --> 00:19:32.360 We crucified him. 00:19:33.060 --> 00:19:35.840 Jesus jumps into the very worst relationship, 00:19:36.320 --> 00:19:38.380 a relationship that ultimately sent him to hell. 00:19:38.460 --> 00:19:39.040 Some of you might think 00:19:39.040 --> 00:19:39.580 you're in a relationship 00:19:39.580 --> 00:19:40.480 that he's taken to hell, 00:19:40.600 --> 00:19:41.280 but Jesus, 00:19:41.660 --> 00:19:43.900 he got sent to hell, 00:19:43.980 --> 00:19:45.880 a relationship with us. 00:19:46.080 --> 00:19:47.120 That's what it cost him. 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:51.539 We need to see him dying on the cross for us, 00:19:51.819 --> 00:19:54.299 but we also need to see him 00:19:54.299 --> 00:19:56.699 staying in a terrible relationship with us. 00:20:00.259 --> 00:20:02.339 We need to see him giving us 00:20:02.339 --> 00:20:05.619 the ultimate faithfulness and love 00:20:05.619 --> 00:20:09.259 despite of our lack of faithfulness and love. 00:20:12.119 --> 00:20:13.959 Seeing and experiencing that 00:20:13.959 --> 00:20:15.599 is your only hope. 00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:19.959 And so I would say that 00:20:19.959 --> 00:20:22.319 if your spouse 00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:25.219 is the centre of your life, 00:20:25.879 --> 00:20:28.759 you are going to be a lousy spouse. 00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:33.319 If you're looking for them 00:20:33.319 --> 00:20:36.539 to give you what only Jesus can give you, 00:20:36.599 --> 00:20:37.699 you're going to be a lousy spouse. 00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:38.519 You're going to treat them bad. 00:20:39.479 --> 00:20:41.639 If they are the most important thing to you, 00:20:41.699 --> 00:20:43.000 then you're going to be a lousy spouse. 00:20:43.099 --> 00:20:44.539 If your spouse isn't giving you 00:20:44.539 --> 00:20:46.359 what you think you should need, 00:20:46.359 --> 00:20:49.259 and in fact only what Jesus can give you, 00:20:49.799 --> 00:20:51.279 then you'd be so freaked out 00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:52.479 because they are the source 00:20:52.479 --> 00:20:53.259 of all your worth 00:20:53.259 --> 00:20:54.000 and all your meaning 00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:55.379 and all your happiness 00:20:55.379 --> 00:20:57.000 and fulfilment and satisfaction. 00:20:57.419 --> 00:21:00.439 Unless Jesus demotes your spouse 00:21:00.439 --> 00:21:03.299 out of the centre of your life, 00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:04.719 you're going to be a lousy spouse. 00:21:04.819 --> 00:21:05.879 That's what we keep as a church. 00:21:06.019 --> 00:21:06.939 And this is for everything. 00:21:07.059 --> 00:21:07.859 We just keep saying, 00:21:08.179 --> 00:21:09.019 we need to treasure Jesus, 00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:09.639 treasure Jesus. 00:21:09.719 --> 00:21:10.679 We're saying it again this morning. 00:21:10.680 --> 00:21:14.779 Jesus has to demote everything. 00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:16.200 Has to be the centre. 00:21:17.080 --> 00:21:18.840 Jesus' love has to so move us 00:21:18.840 --> 00:21:20.240 and give us the worth and security 00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:21.299 and hope that we crave 00:21:21.299 --> 00:21:23.080 so that when our spouse 00:21:23.080 --> 00:21:25.440 is not what they should be 00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:26.960 or what we would want them to be, 00:21:27.160 --> 00:21:29.759 we can in fact continue to handle life. 00:21:30.840 --> 00:21:33.000 Only when he is our ultimate 00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:34.960 are we set free to love 00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:37.779 and serve and minister to our spouse. 00:21:37.779 --> 00:21:42.619 So before moving on to parents and kids, 00:21:43.460 --> 00:21:46.420 just a quick word for those who are wondering 00:21:46.420 --> 00:21:48.180 how we handle the journey of life 00:21:48.180 --> 00:21:49.660 when we are not married 00:21:49.660 --> 00:21:50.539 but we want to be. 00:21:52.059 --> 00:21:53.619 There are a lot of people, frankly, 00:21:53.700 --> 00:21:55.200 who want to be married but aren't. 00:21:55.539 --> 00:21:56.319 They go to weddings 00:21:56.319 --> 00:21:57.819 and frankly they can't stand it. 00:21:58.980 --> 00:22:01.319 What I've just said a moment ago, 00:22:01.579 --> 00:22:03.299 it just applies for you as well. 00:22:04.759 --> 00:22:06.500 If it is true that you're going to be 00:22:06.500 --> 00:22:07.960 a lousy spouse unless Jesus 00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:10.059 is the ultimate source of love 00:22:10.059 --> 00:22:11.359 and significance for you, 00:22:12.279 --> 00:22:13.420 that is true for you 00:22:13.420 --> 00:22:14.519 for when you're single too. 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:18.079 Marriage isn't the goal. 00:22:18.140 --> 00:22:18.660 Let me just say, 00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:19.880 marriage is not the goal. 00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:22.339 It's not like you get married 00:22:22.339 --> 00:22:23.339 and you've arrived. 00:22:24.980 --> 00:22:26.859 Jesus is the goal. 00:22:28.220 --> 00:22:29.900 Jesus has to be the ultimate source 00:22:29.900 --> 00:22:31.240 of love and significance in your life. 00:22:31.240 --> 00:22:33.940 Unless you are content as a single person, 00:22:33.940 --> 00:22:35.120 let me say, 00:22:36.759 --> 00:22:39.779 you'll never be content as a married person. 00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:46.500 Unless you are content as a single person 00:22:46.500 --> 00:22:47.460 because you already have 00:22:47.460 --> 00:22:49.100 the ultimate spouse in your life, 00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:51.660 the one who will get you 00:22:51.660 --> 00:22:52.860 to your future glory 00:22:52.860 --> 00:22:55.480 even if no one else signs up 00:22:55.480 --> 00:22:56.539 to help you on that journey, 00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:57.940 you already have Jesus. 00:22:57.940 --> 00:23:01.460 every other spouse 00:23:01.460 --> 00:23:02.820 is going to pale in significance. 00:23:05.500 --> 00:23:07.259 When you're content with being single, 00:23:08.299 --> 00:23:10.900 you will be a decent spouse. 00:23:12.559 --> 00:23:13.600 And when you're not content 00:23:13.600 --> 00:23:14.340 with being single 00:23:14.340 --> 00:23:15.600 and see the marriage 00:23:15.600 --> 00:23:16.779 as the goal of all things, 00:23:16.840 --> 00:23:17.480 of satisfaction, 00:23:17.620 --> 00:23:17.940 of fulfilment, 00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:18.580 all that sort of stuff, 00:23:18.920 --> 00:23:19.680 then you're going to start 00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:21.559 making all kinds of wrong choices 00:23:21.559 --> 00:23:23.180 about the sort of partner 00:23:23.180 --> 00:23:23.799 you'll have. 00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:25.799 Okay. 00:23:26.659 --> 00:23:28.000 More things to say about marriage 00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:30.180 but we've got to move on. 00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:31.200 Family relationships, 00:23:31.319 --> 00:23:32.099 parents to children. 00:23:33.399 --> 00:23:34.460 There's a huge amount 00:23:34.460 --> 00:23:35.319 that can be said here. 00:23:35.940 --> 00:23:36.980 Even from Proverbs, 00:23:37.079 --> 00:23:38.059 a whole lot more can be said 00:23:38.059 --> 00:23:38.779 than what I'm going to say. 00:23:39.220 --> 00:23:39.980 Given the time, 00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:41.539 let's just focus on the main thing. 00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:42.639 This is the main thing 00:23:42.639 --> 00:23:43.339 that Proverbs says 00:23:43.339 --> 00:23:44.279 about this relationship. 00:23:45.379 --> 00:23:46.839 And if you are more bent 00:23:46.839 --> 00:23:48.200 towards the conservative edge 00:23:48.200 --> 00:23:49.680 like most traditional societies, 00:23:50.419 --> 00:23:51.139 you are going to, 00:23:51.279 --> 00:23:52.259 you're more likely to suggest 00:23:52.259 --> 00:23:53.379 that the main thing about parenting 00:23:53.380 --> 00:23:54.320 is about control. 00:23:55.480 --> 00:23:57.040 If, on the other hand, 00:23:57.060 --> 00:23:57.980 you're more liberal 00:23:57.980 --> 00:24:00.200 like most modern Western societies, 00:24:00.320 --> 00:24:01.060 then you're going to suggest 00:24:01.060 --> 00:24:02.000 the main thing about parenting 00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:02.780 is to make sure 00:24:02.780 --> 00:24:03.740 that you grow your kids up to, 00:24:04.040 --> 00:24:04.900 with love and affection 00:24:04.900 --> 00:24:05.860 and affirmation. 00:24:06.620 --> 00:24:07.780 What Proverbs says 00:24:07.780 --> 00:24:09.360 is the main things about parenting 00:24:09.360 --> 00:24:11.880 is to make your child wise. 00:24:12.740 --> 00:24:14.920 So Proverbs 23, 22. 00:24:15.520 --> 00:24:16.520 Listen to your father 00:24:16.520 --> 00:24:17.520 who gave you life 00:24:17.520 --> 00:24:18.920 and do not despise your mother 00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:19.900 when she is old. 00:24:20.340 --> 00:24:21.280 Buy the truth 00:24:21.280 --> 00:24:22.160 and do not sell it 00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:23.040 wisdom and instruction 00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:24.000 inside as well. 00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:25.740 The father of a righteous child 00:24:25.740 --> 00:24:26.960 has great joy. 00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:30.099 A man who fathers a wise son 00:24:30.099 --> 00:24:31.740 rejoices in him. 00:24:32.159 --> 00:24:33.500 May your father and mother rejoice. 00:24:33.700 --> 00:24:35.220 May she who gave you birth 00:24:35.220 --> 00:24:35.819 be joyful. 00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:37.819 So the main job of a parent 00:24:37.819 --> 00:24:40.460 is to teach your children 00:24:40.460 --> 00:24:41.399 what is good, 00:24:41.539 --> 00:24:42.420 what is bad, 00:24:42.539 --> 00:24:43.039 what is right, 00:24:43.099 --> 00:24:43.579 what is wrong, 00:24:43.659 --> 00:24:44.159 what is wise, 00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:45.039 what is unwise. 00:24:45.559 --> 00:24:47.299 That's the main thing 00:24:47.299 --> 00:24:48.039 about parenting. 00:24:49.000 --> 00:24:50.079 And the number of us, 00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:51.779 let's be frank here, 00:24:51.859 --> 00:24:52.619 a number of us 00:24:52.619 --> 00:24:54.559 have jettisoned 00:24:54.559 --> 00:24:55.199 some, 00:24:55.699 --> 00:24:57.039 potentially even much, 00:24:57.299 --> 00:24:58.339 of what our parents 00:24:58.339 --> 00:24:58.960 have taught us 00:24:58.960 --> 00:25:00.079 about what's right and wrong. 00:25:00.879 --> 00:25:01.359 However, 00:25:02.199 --> 00:25:04.079 what makes you 00:25:04.079 --> 00:25:05.179 able to come up 00:25:05.179 --> 00:25:06.259 with an alternative 00:25:06.259 --> 00:25:07.279 understanding 00:25:07.279 --> 00:25:09.259 of what is right and wrong 00:25:09.259 --> 00:25:10.259 is the fact 00:25:10.259 --> 00:25:11.119 that your parents 00:25:11.119 --> 00:25:12.059 taught you 00:25:12.059 --> 00:25:13.919 anything in the first place. 00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:18.680 If you have parents 00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:20.240 who have been firm, 00:25:20.779 --> 00:25:22.320 have a coherent understanding 00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:23.480 of what's right and wrong 00:25:23.480 --> 00:25:24.640 that they themselves 00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:25.380 live by 00:25:25.380 --> 00:25:26.940 and you know 00:25:26.940 --> 00:25:28.140 that they delighted in you 00:25:28.140 --> 00:25:29.019 no matter what, 00:25:30.500 --> 00:25:31.759 you've been raised. 00:25:34.259 --> 00:25:35.539 Now even if 00:25:35.539 --> 00:25:37.580 you go a totally 00:25:37.580 --> 00:25:38.279 different direction 00:25:38.279 --> 00:25:38.980 in life, 00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:41.279 you've still been raised. 00:25:41.380 --> 00:25:42.039 Your parents 00:25:42.039 --> 00:25:42.759 are not guilty 00:25:42.759 --> 00:25:43.599 of parental 00:25:43.599 --> 00:25:45.119 malpractice. 00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:48.980 Now it's a different 00:25:48.980 --> 00:25:49.420 matter 00:25:49.420 --> 00:25:50.259 if 00:25:50.259 --> 00:25:53.859 parents lived 00:25:53.859 --> 00:25:55.099 inconsistently, 00:25:55.740 --> 00:25:56.319 they didn't 00:25:56.319 --> 00:25:56.940 delight in you, 00:25:57.019 --> 00:25:57.819 they didn't train, 00:25:57.920 --> 00:25:58.720 they didn't discipline, 00:25:59.079 --> 00:26:00.079 they didn't teach, 00:26:00.200 --> 00:26:01.019 they didn't navigate, 00:26:01.180 --> 00:26:01.960 they didn't guide. 00:26:02.299 --> 00:26:03.339 Proverbs would call that 00:26:03.339 --> 00:26:03.920 parenting 00:26:03.920 --> 00:26:04.879 malpractice. 00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:07.680 And so some of you 00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:09.559 who are now parents 00:26:09.559 --> 00:26:11.539 whose kids have grown up 00:26:11.539 --> 00:26:12.339 and are going in 00:26:12.339 --> 00:26:12.859 different directions, 00:26:13.000 --> 00:26:13.980 making different choices, 00:26:14.619 --> 00:26:16.500 you need to probably 00:26:16.500 --> 00:26:17.659 start feeling 00:26:17.659 --> 00:26:20.519 less guilty 00:26:20.519 --> 00:26:21.359 for that 00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:23.159 if you have 00:26:23.159 --> 00:26:25.279 at least 00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:25.960 set a course 00:26:25.960 --> 00:26:26.679 for your kids 00:26:26.679 --> 00:26:27.460 but they've chosen 00:26:27.460 --> 00:26:28.159 a different direction. 00:26:29.179 --> 00:26:30.079 Stop beating yourself up 00:26:30.079 --> 00:26:30.539 about it. 00:26:31.659 --> 00:26:32.379 Some of you, 00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:32.700 however, 00:26:32.700 --> 00:26:33.779 have set no course 00:26:33.779 --> 00:26:34.099 or direction 00:26:34.099 --> 00:26:34.659 for your kids 00:26:34.659 --> 00:26:35.119 and gone off 00:26:35.119 --> 00:26:35.779 in whatever direction 00:26:35.779 --> 00:26:36.460 you might need to feel 00:26:36.460 --> 00:26:37.220 a little bit responsible 00:26:37.220 --> 00:26:37.880 for that one. 00:26:40.980 --> 00:26:42.559 Proverbs 22.15 00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:43.539 makes, 00:26:44.100 --> 00:26:44.579 gives us 00:26:44.579 --> 00:26:45.880 the key ingredient 00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:47.900 to making your child wise. 00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:50.500 Folly is bound up 00:26:50.500 --> 00:26:51.559 in the heart of a child 00:26:51.559 --> 00:26:53.140 but the rod of discipline 00:26:53.140 --> 00:26:54.640 will drive it far away. 00:26:55.660 --> 00:26:55.920 Now, 00:26:56.059 --> 00:26:56.900 what that's saying 00:26:56.900 --> 00:26:58.059 is that children 00:26:58.059 --> 00:26:59.759 are by nature 00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:01.259 unwise. 00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:03.360 Their life 00:27:03.360 --> 00:27:05.460 will be a disaster 00:27:05.460 --> 00:27:08.059 unless you intervene 00:27:08.059 --> 00:27:10.039 and you give them wisdom. 00:27:12.660 --> 00:27:12.900 Now, 00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:13.980 the intervention here 00:27:13.980 --> 00:27:14.940 in Proverbs 22 00:27:14.940 --> 00:27:16.440 is called 00:27:16.440 --> 00:27:17.600 the rod 00:27:17.600 --> 00:27:18.519 of discipline. 00:27:19.620 --> 00:27:19.860 Now, 00:27:19.900 --> 00:27:20.640 the word discipline 00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:21.400 here means 00:27:21.400 --> 00:27:22.620 literally to coach. 00:27:23.779 --> 00:27:24.759 It's a combination 00:27:24.759 --> 00:27:26.680 of discipline 00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:27.480 instruction. 00:27:28.600 --> 00:27:28.720 Now, 00:27:28.740 --> 00:27:29.680 the word rod 00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:31.220 means to take 00:27:31.220 --> 00:27:31.940 authority. 00:27:32.740 --> 00:27:33.400 It doesn't 00:27:33.400 --> 00:27:34.680 always mean 00:27:34.680 --> 00:27:36.100 corporal punishment. 00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:37.400 You see, 00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:38.240 one of the great dangers 00:27:38.240 --> 00:27:38.740 of reading 00:27:38.740 --> 00:27:40.259 the book of Proverbs 00:27:40.259 --> 00:27:41.340 and just picking out 00:27:41.340 --> 00:27:42.259 your favourite proverb, 00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:43.340 like you're about 00:27:43.340 --> 00:27:44.000 to belt your kid 00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:44.480 and you're saying, 00:27:44.580 --> 00:27:44.640 well, 00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:44.820 you know, 00:27:44.880 --> 00:27:45.920 discipline my child, 00:27:46.040 --> 00:27:46.140 you know, 00:27:46.200 --> 00:27:46.440 the rod, 00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:47.100 this is not a rod, 00:27:47.200 --> 00:27:47.340 kid, 00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:47.960 so be grateful. 00:27:50.660 --> 00:27:51.740 You need to understand 00:27:51.740 --> 00:27:52.519 the nuances 00:27:52.519 --> 00:27:55.180 every time a word 00:27:55.180 --> 00:27:55.640 pops up 00:27:55.640 --> 00:27:56.280 and certainly here 00:27:56.280 --> 00:27:56.880 every time a word 00:27:56.880 --> 00:27:57.080 like, 00:27:57.160 --> 00:27:57.380 for instance, 00:27:57.500 --> 00:27:57.840 rod, 00:27:57.960 --> 00:27:58.380 we think it 00:27:58.380 --> 00:27:59.540 automatically means 00:27:59.540 --> 00:28:00.560 to smack, 00:28:00.920 --> 00:28:01.680 corporal punishment. 00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:02.740 That's what you all 00:28:02.740 --> 00:28:02.940 thought, 00:28:03.000 --> 00:28:03.400 wasn't it? 00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:04.120 Automatically, 00:28:04.259 --> 00:28:04.900 corporal punishment, 00:28:05.279 --> 00:28:05.560 boom. 00:28:08.539 --> 00:28:08.960 Now, 00:28:09.000 --> 00:28:09.539 it's included 00:28:09.539 --> 00:28:10.340 at times 00:28:10.340 --> 00:28:11.580 but not all times. 00:28:12.519 --> 00:28:13.440 There's a famous 00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:14.279 proverb that says, 00:28:14.660 --> 00:28:15.640 start children off 00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:16.140 on the way 00:28:16.140 --> 00:28:16.980 they should go 00:28:16.980 --> 00:28:18.019 and even when 00:28:18.019 --> 00:28:18.519 they're old 00:28:18.519 --> 00:28:19.039 they will not 00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:19.620 turn from it. 00:28:19.640 --> 00:28:20.660 That's 22.6. 00:28:21.060 --> 00:28:21.299 Now, 00:28:21.420 --> 00:28:22.340 many commentators 00:28:22.340 --> 00:28:23.480 suggest the nature 00:28:23.480 --> 00:28:24.640 of training there 00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:26.160 is to fit 00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:26.720 the nature 00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:27.500 of the child. 00:28:28.299 --> 00:28:28.940 I've got three 00:28:28.940 --> 00:28:29.320 daughters, 00:28:29.420 --> 00:28:29.759 they're all 00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:30.680 very different. 00:28:31.600 --> 00:28:32.480 Some children 00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:33.700 sideways glance 00:28:33.700 --> 00:28:34.220 and boom, 00:28:34.279 --> 00:28:34.880 they're on the floor 00:28:34.880 --> 00:28:36.700 and they're a mess. 00:28:37.380 --> 00:28:37.920 They're all over 00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:38.539 the place. 00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:39.320 Well, 00:28:39.360 --> 00:28:40.000 that's all that one's 00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:40.220 needed. 00:28:40.340 --> 00:28:40.920 Another one 00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:42.019 can stare you 00:28:42.019 --> 00:28:42.519 down. 00:28:43.560 --> 00:28:43.920 You know, 00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:45.220 any sort of threat 00:28:45.220 --> 00:28:45.640 at all 00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:46.320 and they're just 00:28:46.320 --> 00:28:46.779 adamant. 00:28:47.380 --> 00:28:48.200 There's no way 00:28:48.200 --> 00:28:48.500 there's going to be 00:28:48.500 --> 00:28:49.480 any tears here. 00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:49.840 I'm just going to 00:28:49.840 --> 00:28:50.279 show you who's 00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:50.920 in charge. 00:28:53.440 --> 00:28:54.299 That's just my 00:28:54.299 --> 00:28:54.640 family. 00:28:54.740 --> 00:28:55.680 I've got no idea. 00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:59.500 If you think 00:28:59.500 --> 00:29:00.180 the corporal 00:29:00.180 --> 00:29:00.820 punishment 00:29:00.820 --> 00:29:01.960 is the 00:29:01.960 --> 00:29:02.740 universal 00:29:02.740 --> 00:29:03.500 answer, 00:29:03.820 --> 00:29:04.539 you've totally 00:29:04.539 --> 00:29:05.080 missed the point 00:29:05.080 --> 00:29:05.700 of Proverbs 00:29:05.700 --> 00:29:06.720 and the 00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:06.960 biblical 00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:07.700 understanding 00:29:07.700 --> 00:29:08.259 of child 00:29:08.259 --> 00:29:08.600 rearing. 00:29:10.180 --> 00:29:11.060 Your child 00:29:11.060 --> 00:29:11.640 needs to know 00:29:11.640 --> 00:29:12.200 that you 00:29:12.200 --> 00:29:13.240 delight in 00:29:13.240 --> 00:29:14.000 them no matter 00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:14.460 what. 00:29:16.420 --> 00:29:17.320 Your child 00:29:17.320 --> 00:29:17.980 needs to have 00:29:17.980 --> 00:29:18.620 a coherent 00:29:18.620 --> 00:29:19.500 understanding 00:29:19.500 --> 00:29:20.380 of right and 00:29:20.380 --> 00:29:21.180 wrong and I 00:29:21.180 --> 00:29:21.600 would argue 00:29:21.600 --> 00:29:22.200 that's a biblical 00:29:22.200 --> 00:29:22.980 understanding of 00:29:22.980 --> 00:29:23.600 right and wrong 00:29:23.599 --> 00:29:25.559 and your child 00:29:25.559 --> 00:29:26.559 needs to see 00:29:26.559 --> 00:29:28.019 you consistently 00:29:28.019 --> 00:29:28.859 living that 00:29:28.859 --> 00:29:29.339 out. 00:29:32.179 --> 00:29:32.779 Quick 00:29:32.779 --> 00:29:34.639 word. 00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:35.879 Dads, 00:29:36.299 --> 00:29:37.599 take responsibility 00:29:37.599 --> 00:29:39.339 here to lead 00:29:39.339 --> 00:29:39.899 your family, 00:29:40.299 --> 00:29:40.759 to lead your 00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:41.099 kids. 00:29:42.319 --> 00:29:42.959 And secondly, 00:29:43.799 --> 00:29:44.379 kids' church 00:29:44.379 --> 00:29:45.199 doesn't do that 00:29:45.199 --> 00:29:45.719 for you. 00:29:46.839 --> 00:29:47.500 It's your 00:29:47.500 --> 00:29:47.919 job. 00:29:48.939 --> 00:29:49.559 It's your 00:29:49.559 --> 00:29:49.939 job. 00:29:50.339 --> 00:29:50.619 You want to 00:29:50.619 --> 00:29:51.599 instill spiritual 00:29:51.599 --> 00:29:52.119 wisdom in your 00:29:52.119 --> 00:29:53.039 kids, you've 00:29:53.039 --> 00:29:53.480 got to do it 00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:53.900 at home. 00:29:55.539 --> 00:29:56.319 We only just 00:29:56.319 --> 00:29:56.920 partner with 00:29:56.920 --> 00:29:57.420 you for a 00:29:57.420 --> 00:29:58.140 little fraction 00:29:58.140 --> 00:29:59.339 of your 00:29:59.339 --> 00:29:59.980 child's life 00:29:59.980 --> 00:30:00.279 here at 00:30:00.279 --> 00:30:00.460 Kids' 00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:00.819 Church. 00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:02.339 Okay. 00:30:03.660 --> 00:30:04.120 That's the 00:30:04.120 --> 00:30:04.759 main way that 00:30:04.759 --> 00:30:06.880 parents relate 00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:07.420 to children. 00:30:07.579 --> 00:30:08.779 Now, what 00:30:08.779 --> 00:30:09.440 about children 00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:10.059 relating to 00:30:10.059 --> 00:30:10.400 parents? 00:30:10.460 --> 00:30:10.960 In Proverbs 00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:11.360 and in the 00:30:11.360 --> 00:30:11.700 rest of the 00:30:11.700 --> 00:30:12.099 Bible, there 00:30:12.099 --> 00:30:12.980 is one key 00:30:12.980 --> 00:30:14.360 word that 00:30:14.360 --> 00:30:14.920 comes up 00:30:14.920 --> 00:30:15.880 again and 00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:17.079 again to 00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:17.960 describe the 00:30:17.960 --> 00:30:18.480 main thing 00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:18.980 about this 00:30:18.980 --> 00:30:20.380 relationship and 00:30:20.380 --> 00:30:20.720 it's the 00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:21.460 word honour. 00:30:21.460 --> 00:30:21.500 honour. 00:30:23.019 --> 00:30:23.740 The opposite 00:30:23.740 --> 00:30:24.559 of honouring 00:30:24.559 --> 00:30:24.980 is to 00:30:24.980 --> 00:30:25.600 despise. 00:30:25.700 --> 00:30:25.920 Now, you 00:30:25.920 --> 00:30:26.400 probably know 00:30:26.400 --> 00:30:26.799 this is 00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:27.160 true. 00:30:27.860 --> 00:30:28.420 It's in the 00:30:28.420 --> 00:30:29.200 Ten Commandments. 00:30:29.480 --> 00:30:29.799 Honour your 00:30:29.799 --> 00:30:30.140 father and 00:30:30.140 --> 00:30:30.400 mother. 00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:31.180 Notice it 00:30:31.180 --> 00:30:31.640 doesn't say 00:30:31.640 --> 00:30:32.079 love your 00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:32.440 father and 00:30:32.440 --> 00:30:32.620 mother. 00:30:32.700 --> 00:30:32.880 It doesn't 00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:33.380 say obey 00:30:33.380 --> 00:30:33.799 your father 00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:34.079 and mother. 00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:34.340 It doesn't 00:30:34.340 --> 00:30:34.960 say admire 00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:35.360 your father 00:30:35.360 --> 00:30:35.620 and mother. 00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:35.840 It doesn't 00:30:35.840 --> 00:30:36.340 say trust 00:30:36.340 --> 00:30:36.660 your father 00:30:36.660 --> 00:30:36.980 and mother. 00:30:37.299 --> 00:30:37.640 It doesn't 00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:38.240 even say have 00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:38.920 affection for 00:30:38.920 --> 00:30:39.279 your father 00:30:39.279 --> 00:30:39.579 and mother. 00:30:39.720 --> 00:30:40.240 It says 00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:40.680 honour. 00:30:42.140 --> 00:30:42.539 Why? 00:30:43.819 --> 00:30:44.559 Why not 00:30:44.559 --> 00:30:46.120 love your 00:30:46.120 --> 00:30:46.579 father and 00:30:46.579 --> 00:30:46.740 mother? 00:30:46.740 --> 00:30:46.779 father. 00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:48.980 Now, there 00:30:48.980 --> 00:30:49.480 is an 00:30:49.480 --> 00:30:50.980 enormous range 00:30:50.980 --> 00:30:52.339 of transitions 00:30:52.339 --> 00:30:53.019 that we go 00:30:53.019 --> 00:30:53.440 through in 00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:53.940 life in 00:30:53.940 --> 00:30:54.279 which we 00:30:54.279 --> 00:30:54.920 relate to 00:30:54.920 --> 00:30:55.779 our parents. 00:30:56.359 --> 00:30:57.039 You go from 00:30:57.039 --> 00:30:57.740 an infant to 00:30:57.740 --> 00:30:58.660 a toddler to 00:30:58.660 --> 00:30:59.859 a young adult 00:30:59.859 --> 00:31:00.779 and then the 00:31:00.779 --> 00:31:01.859 teenage years 00:31:01.859 --> 00:31:03.259 and then all 00:31:03.259 --> 00:31:03.720 that sort of 00:31:03.720 --> 00:31:04.099 stuff. 00:31:04.500 --> 00:31:04.740 In fact, 00:31:04.920 --> 00:31:05.319 that comes 00:31:05.319 --> 00:31:05.880 before young 00:31:05.880 --> 00:31:06.160 adult, 00:31:06.339 --> 00:31:06.799 teenage years, 00:31:07.240 --> 00:31:09.559 and then after 00:31:09.559 --> 00:31:10.180 that sort of 00:31:10.180 --> 00:31:10.420 stuff. 00:31:10.759 --> 00:31:11.140 Now, in 00:31:11.140 --> 00:31:11.880 some of those 00:31:11.880 --> 00:31:12.519 stages of 00:31:12.519 --> 00:31:13.160 life, to 00:31:13.160 --> 00:31:13.960 obey your 00:31:13.960 --> 00:31:15.819 parents is 00:31:15.819 --> 00:31:16.359 either 00:31:16.359 --> 00:31:17.240 absolutely 00:31:17.240 --> 00:31:17.819 essential, 00:31:18.059 --> 00:31:18.759 crucial for 00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:20.079 you, as I 00:31:20.079 --> 00:31:20.599 would argue, 00:31:20.819 --> 00:31:21.379 for instance, 00:31:21.879 --> 00:31:22.139 you know, 00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:22.799 sort of up to 00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:23.200 the age of 00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:25.179 10, or 00:31:25.179 --> 00:31:25.399 it's a 00:31:25.399 --> 00:31:25.700 complete 00:31:25.700 --> 00:31:26.879 disaster for 00:31:26.879 --> 00:31:27.519 you, such 00:31:27.519 --> 00:31:28.000 as if 00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:29.539 you're 47. 00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:32.779 There is 00:31:32.779 --> 00:31:33.579 just an 00:31:33.579 --> 00:31:34.539 enormous range 00:31:34.539 --> 00:31:35.220 of situations 00:31:35.220 --> 00:31:36.299 in the way 00:31:36.299 --> 00:31:36.700 that we relate 00:31:36.700 --> 00:31:36.899 to our 00:31:36.899 --> 00:31:38.720 parents, and 00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:39.220 there's also 00:31:39.220 --> 00:31:39.919 an enormous 00:31:39.919 --> 00:31:40.799 range of 00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:42.559 parents as 00:31:42.559 --> 00:31:42.960 well. 00:31:44.220 --> 00:31:45.019 It might 00:31:45.019 --> 00:31:45.319 not have 00:31:45.319 --> 00:31:45.759 struck you, 00:31:45.819 --> 00:31:46.500 before, but 00:31:46.500 --> 00:31:47.379 by definition, 00:31:47.859 --> 00:31:48.779 half of all 00:31:48.779 --> 00:31:49.279 parents are 00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:50.019 below average. 00:31:51.939 --> 00:31:52.559 Argue with 00:31:52.559 --> 00:31:53.039 that logic. 00:31:57.019 --> 00:31:57.819 A lot of 00:31:57.819 --> 00:31:58.319 parents are 00:31:58.319 --> 00:31:58.939 not great 00:31:58.939 --> 00:32:00.839 parents, and 00:32:00.839 --> 00:32:01.359 that is why 00:32:01.359 --> 00:32:02.019 the Bible is 00:32:02.019 --> 00:32:02.799 very smart 00:32:02.799 --> 00:32:03.359 when it says 00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:04.119 there is one 00:32:04.119 --> 00:32:04.819 thing that is 00:32:04.819 --> 00:32:05.939 constant in 00:32:05.939 --> 00:32:06.619 your relationship 00:32:06.619 --> 00:32:07.639 with your 00:32:07.639 --> 00:32:09.439 parents, despite 00:32:09.439 --> 00:32:10.460 the stages of 00:32:10.460 --> 00:32:11.359 life, despite 00:32:11.359 --> 00:32:12.220 the quality of 00:32:12.220 --> 00:32:12.839 your parents, 00:32:13.059 --> 00:32:13.819 and this one 00:32:13.819 --> 00:32:14.899 condition must be 00:32:14.899 --> 00:32:15.319 fulfilled. 00:32:15.319 --> 00:32:16.559 you must 00:32:16.559 --> 00:32:17.659 honour them. 00:32:19.579 --> 00:32:20.200 And honour 00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:21.720 is not a 00:32:21.720 --> 00:32:22.539 sentimental word, 00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:22.899 it's an 00:32:22.899 --> 00:32:23.579 unsentimental 00:32:23.579 --> 00:32:23.819 word. 00:32:23.939 --> 00:32:25.119 It means to 00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:25.899 treat your 00:32:25.899 --> 00:32:26.939 parents with 00:32:26.939 --> 00:32:27.740 appropriate 00:32:27.740 --> 00:32:28.319 weight. 00:32:32.460 --> 00:32:32.859 Now let's 00:32:32.859 --> 00:32:33.799 just, given 00:32:33.799 --> 00:32:34.319 that most of 00:32:34.319 --> 00:32:35.059 us here are 00:32:35.059 --> 00:32:36.639 adults, and 00:32:36.639 --> 00:32:37.279 some are 00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:37.619 moving in 00:32:37.619 --> 00:32:38.179 that direction, 00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:39.419 once you hit 00:32:39.419 --> 00:32:39.859 over 30, 00:32:39.859 --> 00:32:43.099 let's just 00:32:43.099 --> 00:32:43.740 focus on what 00:32:43.740 --> 00:32:44.459 it looks like 00:32:44.459 --> 00:32:45.099 as an adult 00:32:45.099 --> 00:32:45.539 to honour 00:32:45.539 --> 00:32:46.240 their parents. 00:32:47.099 --> 00:32:47.299 And there 00:32:47.299 --> 00:32:47.819 are five 00:32:47.819 --> 00:32:49.119 ways, five 00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:50.099 ways, at 00:32:50.099 --> 00:32:50.779 least five 00:32:50.779 --> 00:32:51.019 ways. 00:32:51.879 --> 00:32:52.379 Number one, 00:32:52.519 --> 00:32:52.939 find the 00:32:52.939 --> 00:32:53.439 appropriate 00:32:53.439 --> 00:32:55.079 symbols by 00:32:55.079 --> 00:32:55.619 which you 00:32:55.619 --> 00:32:56.119 show them 00:32:56.119 --> 00:32:56.679 respect. 00:32:57.519 --> 00:32:58.039 Remembering 00:32:58.039 --> 00:32:59.219 special days, 00:32:59.740 --> 00:33:00.439 places at the 00:33:00.439 --> 00:33:01.039 table, you 00:33:01.039 --> 00:33:02.139 know, even 00:33:02.139 --> 00:33:03.039 when my dad 00:33:03.039 --> 00:33:03.439 comes and 00:33:03.439 --> 00:33:04.299 visits my 00:33:04.299 --> 00:33:05.159 home, offer 00:33:05.159 --> 00:33:05.500 him the head 00:33:05.500 --> 00:33:05.979 of the table. 00:33:05.980 --> 00:33:08.319 letting them 00:33:08.319 --> 00:33:09.200 speak first in 00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:10.079 certain situations, 00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:11.140 that sort of 00:33:11.140 --> 00:33:11.339 thing. 00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:13.160 Number two, 00:33:13.460 --> 00:33:14.539 don't underestimate 00:33:14.539 --> 00:33:15.480 your parents' 00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:17.660 need to see 00:33:17.660 --> 00:33:19.279 themselves 00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:20.240 reproduced in 00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:20.539 you. 00:33:22.819 --> 00:33:23.779 Any place 00:33:23.779 --> 00:33:24.259 that you can 00:33:24.259 --> 00:33:25.019 say, I got 00:33:25.019 --> 00:33:25.740 that from you 00:33:25.740 --> 00:33:26.740 and I'm 00:33:26.740 --> 00:33:27.160 grateful. 00:33:28.319 --> 00:33:28.500 You know, 00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:28.920 when my, 00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:31.079 I was, 00:33:32.019 --> 00:33:32.440 this is 00:33:32.440 --> 00:33:32.819 recorded, 00:33:34.079 --> 00:33:35.819 just recently 00:33:35.819 --> 00:33:36.220 I was helping 00:33:36.220 --> 00:33:36.659 my dad 00:33:36.659 --> 00:33:37.000 build a 00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:37.379 shed and 00:33:37.379 --> 00:33:37.639 my mum 00:33:37.639 --> 00:33:38.119 was grateful 00:33:38.119 --> 00:33:38.419 that I was 00:33:38.419 --> 00:33:38.619 there to 00:33:38.619 --> 00:33:38.899 help my 00:33:38.899 --> 00:33:39.240 dad build 00:33:39.240 --> 00:33:39.579 the shed. 00:33:40.200 --> 00:33:40.939 I'm slightly 00:33:40.939 --> 00:33:41.700 more precise 00:33:41.700 --> 00:33:42.359 on things like 00:33:42.359 --> 00:33:42.960 levels and 00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:43.679 measurements than 00:33:43.679 --> 00:33:45.220 he is. 00:33:45.319 --> 00:33:45.700 He's pretty 00:33:45.700 --> 00:33:46.579 good but I'm 00:33:46.579 --> 00:33:47.379 more precise 00:33:47.379 --> 00:33:48.000 on things. 00:33:49.500 --> 00:33:49.879 And mum 00:33:49.879 --> 00:33:50.859 said, you 00:33:50.859 --> 00:33:52.059 know, glad 00:33:52.059 --> 00:33:52.919 you're here to 00:33:52.919 --> 00:33:53.679 make it happen. 00:33:54.539 --> 00:33:55.460 And I said, 00:33:55.539 --> 00:33:56.220 well, I 00:33:56.220 --> 00:33:56.839 actually did get 00:33:56.839 --> 00:33:57.299 it from him. 00:33:58.819 --> 00:33:59.720 I got my 00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:00.139 skills from 00:34:00.139 --> 00:34:00.339 him. 00:34:02.159 --> 00:34:03.079 Just take it, 00:34:03.279 --> 00:34:03.460 you know, 00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:04.419 anytime they see 00:34:04.420 --> 00:34:05.800 you duplicate 00:34:05.800 --> 00:34:06.140 it. 00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:06.840 My dad 00:34:06.840 --> 00:34:07.460 compliments me 00:34:07.460 --> 00:34:07.680 on my 00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:10.240 driving and 00:34:10.240 --> 00:34:10.780 I got it 00:34:10.780 --> 00:34:11.119 from him. 00:34:11.480 --> 00:34:11.680 He can 00:34:11.680 --> 00:34:12.180 drive virtually 00:34:12.180 --> 00:34:12.440 anything. 00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:12.940 You put him 00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:13.300 in a machine, 00:34:13.380 --> 00:34:13.680 you can drive 00:34:13.680 --> 00:34:13.960 anything. 00:34:14.340 --> 00:34:14.659 Got it from 00:34:14.659 --> 00:34:14.820 him. 00:34:16.340 --> 00:34:17.460 My incessant 00:34:17.460 --> 00:34:18.680 cleanliness and 00:34:18.680 --> 00:34:19.300 tidiness and 00:34:19.300 --> 00:34:19.780 order, I got it 00:34:19.780 --> 00:34:20.280 from my mum. 00:34:21.240 --> 00:34:21.720 Not from my 00:34:21.720 --> 00:34:21.960 dad. 00:34:22.539 --> 00:34:23.039 Got that from 00:34:23.039 --> 00:34:23.460 my mum. 00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:25.079 Don't underestimate 00:34:25.079 --> 00:34:25.720 your parents need 00:34:25.720 --> 00:34:26.360 to see themselves 00:34:26.360 --> 00:34:27.019 reproducing you. 00:34:27.220 --> 00:34:27.579 Number three, 00:34:27.680 --> 00:34:28.320 don't stereotype 00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:28.720 them. 00:34:29.000 --> 00:34:29.960 They can change. 00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:31.320 People can change. 00:34:31.320 --> 00:34:32.180 Just because 00:34:32.180 --> 00:34:33.519 they were always 00:34:33.519 --> 00:34:35.200 like that up 00:34:35.200 --> 00:34:35.980 until the time 00:34:35.980 --> 00:34:36.740 you left home 00:34:36.740 --> 00:34:37.260 doesn't mean 00:34:37.260 --> 00:34:38.000 they're like it 00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:38.360 now. 00:34:39.080 --> 00:34:40.080 They can change. 00:34:40.559 --> 00:34:41.100 Number four, 00:34:41.400 --> 00:34:42.039 you have to 00:34:42.039 --> 00:34:42.600 forgive them. 00:34:43.500 --> 00:34:44.400 If you stay 00:34:44.400 --> 00:34:45.440 resentful at 00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:46.300 your parents, 00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:47.160 your life will 00:34:47.160 --> 00:34:47.860 be distorted. 00:34:48.340 --> 00:34:49.100 And some of 00:34:49.100 --> 00:34:49.820 you might have 00:34:49.820 --> 00:34:50.280 lost your 00:34:50.280 --> 00:34:50.900 parents long 00:34:50.900 --> 00:34:52.800 ago, but 00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:53.440 you're still 00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:54.260 angry with 00:34:54.260 --> 00:34:54.700 them about 00:34:54.700 --> 00:34:55.260 something. 00:34:56.900 --> 00:34:57.800 And if you 00:34:57.800 --> 00:35:00.059 are, they 00:35:00.059 --> 00:35:00.420 are still 00:35:00.420 --> 00:35:01.360 controlling you. 00:35:02.800 --> 00:35:03.420 They're still 00:35:03.420 --> 00:35:04.139 controlling you. 00:35:05.079 --> 00:35:05.820 And if you're 00:35:05.820 --> 00:35:06.599 still mad at 00:35:06.599 --> 00:35:08.180 them, you're 00:35:08.180 --> 00:35:08.820 still operating 00:35:08.820 --> 00:35:09.159 like the 00:35:09.159 --> 00:35:09.579 child. 00:35:12.039 --> 00:35:12.700 One of the 00:35:12.700 --> 00:35:13.440 ways to break 00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:14.180 that is by 00:35:14.180 --> 00:35:14.820 forgiving them. 00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:16.000 Number five, 00:35:16.059 --> 00:35:16.440 and this is the 00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:16.960 most important 00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:18.280 one, the way 00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:18.599 to honour 00:35:18.599 --> 00:35:19.680 them is to 00:35:19.680 --> 00:35:20.340 be liberated 00:35:20.340 --> 00:35:20.880 enough from 00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:21.500 them to be 00:35:21.500 --> 00:35:22.139 able to say, 00:35:22.380 --> 00:35:23.039 I don't need 00:35:23.039 --> 00:35:23.579 your approval 00:35:23.579 --> 00:35:24.000 anymore. 00:35:25.539 --> 00:35:26.360 I don't need 00:35:26.360 --> 00:35:26.800 your approval 00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:27.180 anymore. 00:35:30.420 --> 00:35:31.420 If you've 00:35:31.420 --> 00:35:32.079 had really 00:35:32.079 --> 00:35:32.920 great parents, 00:35:33.059 --> 00:35:33.619 you can spend 00:35:33.619 --> 00:35:34.099 the rest of 00:35:34.099 --> 00:35:34.480 your life 00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:34.880 trying to 00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:35.619 please them 00:35:35.619 --> 00:35:36.519 by being 00:35:36.519 --> 00:35:37.180 like them, 00:35:37.639 --> 00:35:38.980 or you 00:35:38.980 --> 00:35:39.460 might have 00:35:39.460 --> 00:35:40.000 had really 00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:40.800 bad parents 00:35:40.800 --> 00:35:41.340 and you 00:35:41.340 --> 00:35:41.940 spend the 00:35:41.940 --> 00:35:42.240 rest of 00:35:42.240 --> 00:35:42.579 your life 00:35:42.579 --> 00:35:43.059 resenting 00:35:43.059 --> 00:35:43.220 them. 00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:43.800 Either way, 00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:44.220 you haven't 00:35:44.220 --> 00:35:44.639 left them. 00:35:46.220 --> 00:35:46.639 Either way, 00:35:46.700 --> 00:35:46.940 you haven't 00:35:46.940 --> 00:35:47.300 left them. 00:35:50.059 --> 00:35:50.820 You haven't 00:35:50.820 --> 00:35:51.480 grown up and 00:35:51.480 --> 00:35:52.059 therefore you 00:35:52.059 --> 00:35:52.900 haven't really 00:35:52.900 --> 00:35:53.539 honoured them. 00:35:55.280 --> 00:35:55.980 A number of 00:35:55.980 --> 00:35:56.360 years ago, 00:35:56.480 --> 00:35:58.059 about five, 00:35:58.139 --> 00:35:58.579 six years ago, 00:35:58.579 --> 00:35:59.099 I spent most 00:35:59.099 --> 00:35:59.819 of my life 00:35:59.819 --> 00:36:01.340 attempting to 00:36:01.340 --> 00:36:01.759 get my 00:36:01.759 --> 00:36:02.219 father's 00:36:02.219 --> 00:36:02.599 approval, 00:36:04.340 --> 00:36:07.699 where he 00:36:07.699 --> 00:36:08.079 would say 00:36:08.079 --> 00:36:08.519 that I'm 00:36:08.519 --> 00:36:08.900 proud of 00:36:08.900 --> 00:36:09.119 you and 00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:09.319 what you 00:36:09.319 --> 00:36:09.759 become and 00:36:09.759 --> 00:36:10.059 that sort 00:36:10.059 --> 00:36:10.380 of thing. 00:36:10.900 --> 00:36:11.920 About five, 00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:12.380 six years 00:36:12.380 --> 00:36:12.699 ago, 00:36:12.940 --> 00:36:13.519 sitting in 00:36:13.519 --> 00:36:13.940 the kitchen 00:36:13.940 --> 00:36:14.519 over the 00:36:14.519 --> 00:36:14.860 rectory, 00:36:15.739 --> 00:36:15.980 mum and 00:36:15.980 --> 00:36:16.440 dad came 00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:16.759 and said, 00:36:16.840 --> 00:36:17.099 just want 00:36:17.099 --> 00:36:17.299 you to 00:36:17.299 --> 00:36:18.440 know how 00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:18.799 proud of 00:36:18.799 --> 00:36:19.099 we are 00:36:19.099 --> 00:36:19.400 in you and 00:36:19.400 --> 00:36:19.639 what you 00:36:19.639 --> 00:36:20.099 become, 00:36:20.719 --> 00:36:21.000 who you 00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:21.340 are as a 00:36:21.340 --> 00:36:21.579 husband, 00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:21.840 who you 00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:22.139 are as a 00:36:22.139 --> 00:36:22.360 father, 00:36:22.440 --> 00:36:22.579 who you 00:36:22.579 --> 00:36:22.900 are as a 00:36:22.900 --> 00:36:23.279 pastor. 00:36:24.019 --> 00:36:24.340 We 00:36:24.340 --> 00:36:24.500 couldn't 00:36:24.500 --> 00:36:24.900 be prouder 00:36:24.900 --> 00:36:25.440 as parents. 00:36:26.299 --> 00:36:26.539 You know 00:36:26.539 --> 00:36:26.880 something? 00:36:27.519 --> 00:36:27.799 It was 00:36:27.800 --> 00:36:28.340 really nice 00:36:28.340 --> 00:36:28.600 to hear 00:36:28.600 --> 00:36:28.960 him say 00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:29.120 it. 00:36:30.160 --> 00:36:30.720 I didn't 00:36:30.720 --> 00:36:31.060 need it. 00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:32.900 That's what 00:36:32.900 --> 00:36:33.440 Jesus does 00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:33.840 for you. 00:36:34.780 --> 00:36:35.400 I didn't 00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:35.780 need it. 00:36:36.000 --> 00:36:36.180 It was 00:36:36.180 --> 00:36:36.420 good for 00:36:36.420 --> 00:36:36.700 them to 00:36:36.700 --> 00:36:37.019 say it, 00:36:37.060 --> 00:36:37.300 good for 00:36:37.300 --> 00:36:37.539 them, 00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:38.080 and it 00:36:38.080 --> 00:36:38.240 was good 00:36:38.240 --> 00:36:38.600 for me, 00:36:38.740 --> 00:36:38.920 but I 00:36:38.920 --> 00:36:39.080 didn't 00:36:39.080 --> 00:36:39.420 need it. 00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:44.180 Let me 00:36:44.180 --> 00:36:44.700 just say, 00:36:45.140 --> 00:36:45.740 this is one 00:36:45.740 --> 00:36:45.900 of the 00:36:45.900 --> 00:36:46.280 reasons why 00:36:46.280 --> 00:36:46.720 the Bible's 00:36:46.720 --> 00:36:47.100 called on 00:36:47.100 --> 00:36:47.580 our parents 00:36:47.580 --> 00:36:47.960 is so, 00:36:48.100 --> 00:36:48.539 so important. 00:36:49.160 --> 00:36:49.620 You never 00:36:49.620 --> 00:36:50.280 grow up, 00:36:50.720 --> 00:36:51.300 you never 00:36:51.300 --> 00:36:52.100 grow up 00:36:52.100 --> 00:36:53.400 if you 00:36:53.400 --> 00:36:53.940 don't need 00:36:53.940 --> 00:36:54.460 their approval, 00:36:54.560 --> 00:36:54.700 if you 00:36:54.700 --> 00:36:54.960 don't get 00:36:54.960 --> 00:36:55.320 to a point 00:36:55.320 --> 00:36:55.580 where you 00:36:55.580 --> 00:36:55.940 don't need 00:36:55.940 --> 00:36:56.440 their approval. 00:36:57.800 --> 00:36:59.580 At one 00:36:59.580 --> 00:37:00.160 point, 00:37:00.260 --> 00:37:00.780 our parents 00:37:00.780 --> 00:37:01.340 stood in the 00:37:01.340 --> 00:37:01.780 place of 00:37:01.780 --> 00:37:02.240 God for 00:37:02.240 --> 00:37:02.480 us, 00:37:02.560 --> 00:37:02.940 they were 00:37:02.940 --> 00:37:03.780 our complete 00:37:03.780 --> 00:37:04.420 source of 00:37:04.420 --> 00:37:05.140 identity and 00:37:05.140 --> 00:37:05.740 security and 00:37:05.740 --> 00:37:06.220 significance, 00:37:06.660 --> 00:37:07.840 but for the 00:37:07.840 --> 00:37:08.180 Christian, 00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:08.800 they aren't 00:37:08.800 --> 00:37:09.860 God anymore. 00:37:11.340 --> 00:37:11.620 Through 00:37:11.620 --> 00:37:12.480 Jesus Christ, 00:37:12.539 --> 00:37:13.039 who lost 00:37:13.039 --> 00:37:13.740 his father's 00:37:13.740 --> 00:37:14.220 delight at 00:37:14.220 --> 00:37:14.740 the cross, 00:37:15.220 --> 00:37:16.019 we now have 00:37:16.019 --> 00:37:16.480 the delight 00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:17.000 of God the 00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:17.300 Father. 00:37:19.200 --> 00:37:19.620 Through 00:37:19.620 --> 00:37:20.000 Jesus, 00:37:20.100 --> 00:37:20.440 our true 00:37:20.440 --> 00:37:20.740 brother, 00:37:20.860 --> 00:37:21.480 we now have 00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:21.880 the ultimate 00:37:21.880 --> 00:37:22.380 family, 00:37:22.580 --> 00:37:22.960 the ultimate 00:37:22.960 --> 00:37:23.340 home, 00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:23.800 the ultimate 00:37:23.800 --> 00:37:24.960 approval of 00:37:24.960 --> 00:37:25.360 the ultimate 00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:25.820 father, 00:37:25.820 --> 00:37:26.460 and through 00:37:26.460 --> 00:37:26.820 Jesus, 00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:27.440 we are now 00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:28.180 free to 00:37:28.180 --> 00:37:28.680 honour our 00:37:28.680 --> 00:37:29.300 parents, 00:37:29.640 --> 00:37:30.280 we are free 00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:30.820 to forgive 00:37:30.820 --> 00:37:31.460 our parents, 00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:32.700 free not to 00:37:32.700 --> 00:37:34.019 over-need our 00:37:34.019 --> 00:37:34.580 parents. 00:37:37.039 --> 00:37:37.800 So as I 00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:38.039 said, 00:37:38.980 --> 00:37:39.519 something for 00:37:39.519 --> 00:37:39.820 everyone. 00:37:40.240 --> 00:37:40.480 We're all 00:37:40.480 --> 00:37:40.720 kids. 00:37:41.559 --> 00:37:42.260 Something for 00:37:42.260 --> 00:37:42.519 everyone. 00:37:43.240 --> 00:37:43.820 Jesus is the 00:37:43.820 --> 00:37:44.539 answer for the 00:37:44.539 --> 00:37:45.620 couple, the 00:37:45.620 --> 00:37:46.200 married couple, 00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:46.900 to flourish. 00:37:47.660 --> 00:37:48.820 He is the 00:37:48.820 --> 00:37:49.460 answer for the 00:37:49.460 --> 00:37:50.059 spouse in a 00:37:50.059 --> 00:37:50.720 difficult marriage. 00:37:50.820 --> 00:37:51.240 He's the answer 00:37:51.240 --> 00:37:51.660 for the single 00:37:51.660 --> 00:37:52.260 person wanting 00:37:52.260 --> 00:37:52.860 to be married. 00:37:52.860 --> 00:37:53.780 He is the 00:37:53.780 --> 00:37:54.340 answer for the 00:37:54.340 --> 00:37:55.059 parents seeking 00:37:55.059 --> 00:37:56.019 to impart 00:37:56.019 --> 00:37:57.539 wisdom and 00:37:57.539 --> 00:37:58.480 for the child 00:37:58.480 --> 00:37:59.140 seeking to 00:37:59.140 --> 00:37:59.840 honour their 00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:00.180 parent. 00:38:00.840 --> 00:38:01.140 Amen.