You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.
Our passion is to experience and express grace. Join us.
A couple of things about next Sunday before we jump in this morning.
Next Sunday is scheduled to be Chad's last Sunday on staff here at Southwood.
There will be a brief congregational meeting after the service to handle some of the details of that.
But please pray for their family as they prepare to transition to Florida and the pastoral call that he has there.
Please be praying for them and please join us after the worship service next Sunday for that meeting.
Next Sunday will also be the final sermon in this series.
Series we've been having this little mini-series on marriage and the family within the book of Ephesians.
It's a passage next week that speaks directly to children and to parents.
So parents, the sermon will be intentionally a little bit shorter.
You glad for that? Yeah? You're excited? You'll be here next week.
It'll be a little bit shorter and more specifically geared towards children.
They will get to come and be in here and also hear what God's Word has to say to their parents.
So a couple of things.
One is kids' worship will not take place next week because of this.
So bring your kids with you.
I knew none of you would want your kindergartners, first graders to miss out on hearing obey your parents.
I didn't want mine to miss, so they'll be in here with us.
Consider sitting a little closer or telling them to pay particular attention next week
as they get to hear words to them and to you in the same passage.
God's Word speaks to them directly and that's exciting.
I want them to be a part of that.
Don't forget the following Tuesday as well, we have a Pastors on the Patio lunch conversation about marriage
so we can sit down and discuss some of these issues together.
I can't address every situation up here, but I'd love to sit down and talk about them with you.
So that's Tuesday, September 1st.
Please join us for that.
Before we read this section on marriage relationships one more time, let me remind us of the story that it's telling.
The story that God says marriage is really about.
We said that first week, marriage is not first and foremost about us.
It's about telling the glorious story of the relationship between Jesus and His bride, the church.
As that story goes, there's a princess.
One who is created and intended for greatness.
To be beautiful and have a significant role.
But she's lost and abandoned and forlorn.
She's in need of rescue.
And there's also a prince.
In this story, it's the prince of heaven.
Jesus who steps down from His throne and comes on a rescue mission.
To seek that lost princess.
To rescue her.
To restore to her the beauty and the glory for which she was created.
And He does that at great cost to Himself, right?
He marries her and she delights in His love and lives in intimate relationship with Him happily ever after.
Forever.
That's the story.
And we've said that the highest purpose of our marriages, God's grand design, what He's about in marriage,
is for us to tell that story.
To put on display for all to see the remarkable relationship between Christ and the church.
So we talked last week about how Paul tells husbands to be storytellers.
To fill their role of leading through sacrificial love.
It was hard enough on the husbands last week that many of their wives told me they were going to skip this morning.
So that may or may not be the case.
But today we are going to focus on wives.
How they too are to be storytellers of this great story that the world so needs to hear.
Let's give our attention to the reading of God's Word.
It is true.
The only thing you can absolutely count on.
His Word is authoritative because it is His Word.
The Word of our God and King.
And it is needful for us because He created us and He invented marriage.
So He's going to tell us how He designed it to work.
And that will be for our good.
Let's read Ephesians 5 at verse 22.
Verse 22.
This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Pray with me.
Father, these are Your words.
And so we trust that You by Your Spirit will use them to guide and direct us.
May we find ourselves submissive to Your Word.
All of us this morning.
We are not above it.
We don't stand in judgment on it.
We stand under it.
And we ask that we would be blessed by it.
That You would give us great blessing in knowing You better.
Father, in knowing Your love for us in new ways this morning.
And that Jesus would be glorified as we talk about this passage together.
Father, will You do that because You love Your church dearly.
So we ask it in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Imagine for a minute this morning that you went to see a production of the wonderful musical Les Mis.
Anybody like Les Mis?
It's a great musical.
A wonderful story of law and grace.
Of mercy and justice.
Of the ex-con turned mayor Jean Valjean.
The hardened policeman Javert.
It's a great, great story.
Imagine though that you go to this production of it and it's wonderful.
You're loving it.
The actor portraying Valjean and the actor portraying Javert are doing a great job.
They're wonderful singers.
Then about halfway through the production, they decide that they want to start playing a little bit of each other's roles.
You know, the guy playing Javert thinks he can hit that high note just a little bit better than Valjean.
And so he sings that song.
And then the guy playing Valjean thinks he can really capture the angst of Javert's solo.
And so he just sings it for him right in the middle of the play.
Now, for those of you who love it, that would be awful, wouldn't it?
Can you imagine that?
These two guys have brought us this far.
We've built up the tension.
We understand the story.
And now, y'all just ruined the story.
I mean, it's so confusing now.
I don't even know who stands for what.
But they may both be great singers.
They may sing the songs beautifully, but you've lost the beauty of the story and the confusion of who is who, haven't you?
You need someone to play each role well in order to have the full story.
You need Cinderella and Prince Charming, not two of either of them.
And God says that's vital in marriage too.
We have a story to tell.
Well, the distinction in our roles then is important.
It's not random.
It's not meaningless.
And losing those distinctions loses the beauty of the story that's being told.
So the passage says husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
They're to play the role of Jesus in that sense.
And then this morning, as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands, playing the role of the church within the marriage.
And I want to talk about the beauty and the glory of that arrangement this morning.
To have those two complementary roles come together in such a way that the story is told beautifully and it's glorious.
But we have to acknowledge up front that because of the confusion of our culture, because of the sin in our own hearts and lives, this idea has been twisted and ridiculed into something that is not beautiful and glorious, but rather ugly and shameful.
The idea of a husband and wife in complementary roles is often not thought well of these days.
And I hope that we can clarify and demystify some of the confusion around the idea of biblical submission this morning.
In order to do that, it's important to remember a couple of things up front.
For men and women, husbands and wives, our value, our significance comes first from being created equally in God's image.
Genesis 1.27
God created man in His own image.
In the image of God, He created him male and female.
He created them equally in God's image.
Men and women are uniquely valuable in God's creation above all else in the creation.
The one thing created in His image, man and woman.
And so they share worth that comes from being in the image of the creator of the universe.
And then even as God begins to restore His broken and fallen creation through the redemption of Jesus,
what do we find out?
Is our identity then in what we do?
At that point, do we get significance from how we perform?
No.
Is it from our social status?
No.
From our religious activity?
No.
As all of Ephesians has told us, our new identity comes from being connected to Christ.
In Christ is our new identity.
Galatians 3.28
There's neither Jew nor Greek, neither slave nor free, male nor female.
You are all one in Christ Jesus.
The value and worth and significance that we have comes from being created in the image of God
and redeemed and connected in Christ.
Being united in Christ brings a commonality and identity and worth
that far outweighs ethnic or social or gender differences before God.
That is vitally important.
We must remember that.
Men and women in God's image, in Christ, together.
So important.
And so when God's Word speaks of gender distinctives as vital,
and this passage does do that, it's not unclear.
It can't be speaking to value differences.
The distinctives can be vital, but they can't be about value.
Value was established already.
Not by the unique role.
Value was held in common as image bearers, as children of the king.
So both of the singers are fantastic.
Together they're going to tell a beautiful story, right?
They're both valuable.
Think of a basketball team, for example.
On most teams, some guys shoot the ball more than others.
Some of them pass the ball more than others.
Some of them rebound better than others.
But on the best teams, you really have a hard time telling which of those
is the most valuable player on the team, don't you?
You need all of them.
It's the same way in the body of Christ.
There are different parts that have different gifts and play different roles in the body,
but the eye can't say to the foot,
I don't need you.
I'm more valuable than you.
When you're singing a duet,
one voice may be on the melody line and the other on the harmony line.
Did you hear James and Kayla just then?
It's a beautiful song, right?
A great duet, but both of those voices are absolutely vital to the beautiful song.
They must complement each other.
Otherwise, even if they're both wonderful, if they don't work together,
the beauty of the song, the beauty of the story is lost.
Think about that.
In all those examples, and there are many, many others you could come up with,
beauty and success is achieved by complementing each other,
not by competing with each other.
That's God's design in marriage.
Gender distinctives are vital.
That's the way He designed it,
for them to complement each other.
But they don't impact one's value.
There's a lot of overlap, even in the roles,
the specific roles between husband and wife.
Of course, both should love.
Both should serve.
Both should respect and seek the good of the other.
That's the way God's designed marriage,
is for us to be seeking the good of the other.
But there are clearly differences too.
Particular reasons that we are to play particular roles uniquely
in order to tell the great story.
And that's what it's about, right?
Telling that story, not about us.
It's about telling the story of God's love for His church
and the church's joy in response to what God has done for her.
So last week, we saw the husband's role as head was sacrificial love.
Wives actually get two different words
where love is used both times for the husbands.
So we'll look at both of them.
Those two words are submit and respect.
Let's start with submission, verse 22.
I met with a group of ladies a few weeks ago
to talk about this passage, to get input from them.
Because I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid.
And so we talked, and one of the things they told me is
there are a lot of unhelpful definitions for submission out there.
Definitions that refer to inferiority,
that would suggest weakness is involved in submission.
That silence and passivity is what is meant,
that you should disappear and not be worthwhile or valuable.
Let me give us a different definition to work with
for what biblical submission means.
Willingly placing yourself under the authority of another
for your own good.
Notice in this definition,
willingly placing yourself actively choosing
not to be stuck somewhere that you're by nature inferior,
but willingly choosing from a position of strength,
making a decision about what's best.
Placing yourself under the authority of someone
for your own good.
In this case, for what's best,
not only for you, but for what's best
for telling the story.
You might picture yourself taking cover under a shelter
from an oncoming storm.
In other words, submitting yourself to being under it
instead of somewhere else,
but for your good and for your protection.
Or picture cars merging onto an interstate
where you might end up knowing that there's an order
to be followed if you want to be safe.
Even if that means that you fall behind a car
that's no better than you.
I think these pictures are helpful
because it fits with what we see in this passage.
We don't get as many details, do we,
for the church's submission,
for what that looks like.
We got verse after verse last week
of what it looks like for Christ to love the church.
And husbands, love your wives
and do this and this and this.
There's not as much detail,
but do notice in the midst of talking about submission,
Paul brings in Christ's headship of the church
and says it involves being its savior.
It involves saving the church.
Verse 23.
In other words, there's help, rescue, protection needed
that submission avails itself of.
What does it look like for the church to submit to Christ?
To begin with, when the church submits to Christ,
she is protected.
He takes the blows.
He stands in the way of danger, shielding her.
That's the design.
And so the church follows His direction
rather than her own ideas.
Jesus, as the head of the church,
directs us to desire and to follow His will
for our own good.
In fact, if you remember,
Jesus Himself models this kind of submission
in His relationship with His Father.
When He prays,
not my will,
but yours be done.
Let me take a side note here for just a second.
I want to slam the door shut
on the idea of submission having to do with value.
You know the absolute best way
to remove the possibility
that submission has to do with value?
Jesus did it.
Not just in the Garden of Gethsemane,
but the conquering risen King of all
when He brings everything under His feet,
when He's the ruler of all,
1 Corinthians says this is what happens.
The Son Himself will also be subjected,
exact same word from this passage,
to Him who put all things in subjection under Him
that God may be all in all.
Jesus willingly for His good
and the good of the glory of God
in the universe submits.
There's a distinction in roles
in the Godhead
between Father and Son and Spirit,
but certainly no loss of value or glory whatsoever.
Don't even consider it.
Okay?
End of pastor ranting on side note.
I want to put that to bed.
It shouldn't cross our minds,
but we're broken.
And it does.
So the church,
in following the guidance of Jesus,
has to trust that He has her best interest at heart.
That's another aspect of the church submitting to Christ,
isn't it?
Trusting Him.
So I want to ask the obvious question
that I have felt for you already
three or four times, ladies, so far.
What if He doesn't?
What if He doesn't have my best interest at heart?
Because with Jesus,
we're all set, right?
It's easy to talk about that.
As the church submits to Christ,
He's perfect.
He always has our best interest at heart.
We can always trust Him.
You'll have this objection come to mind again
before the end of this sermon.
My husband is not like Jesus.
I know at least one of you who has that objection.
And I agree.
No husband is perfect like Jesus.
But I want to suggest that we have to start
by noting Paul is making a comparison
rather than a contrast here
between husbands and Jesus
and the role they're playing in the story.
Don't start by objecting to the differences
even though there, of course, are some.
Let me tell you what you're trusting
when you entrust yourself
to your husband's direction.
This passage says you're to do it
as to the Lord.
There's nothing and no one else
who will never fail you or let you down.
You know that.
But you're supposed to submit to your husband
as though he might come through for you.
As though he really does want
what's best for you.
Listen, your idea may be better.
Your plan may be wiser.
And submission doesn't mean you don't speak.
We'll get to that in a minute.
But how do you foster in your own heart
and communicate to your husband
your trust and confidence in him
even when you doubt or disagree?
We said last week men have struggled
with their role since the Garden of Eden.
They've wanted to be passive
and step away and not be
what God has called them to be.
Women have too.
Part of the curse on the woman
is her desire for her husband's role.
And I'm going to suggest
that that comes back to where we find our value.
Hang with me here for just a minute.
I talked a lot about value at the beginning
partly for this reason.
When we don't find our value
in being made in the image of God
and being daughters of the King
through our union with Christ
when that's not enough
in the particular moment
where do we find it?
Where do we find our value?
We find it by comparison, don't we?
Been on Facebook lately, ladies?
Comparison is a thief of joy.
Facebook is a greenhouse of comparison.
Not just for women.
For all of us.
You see everyone else's highlight reel.
They look better in the pictures next to you.
They seem to make more money.
Their house is bigger and cleaner.
They fit more stuff into their schedule than you do.
They even eat more healthily than you
while making more money.
And how quickly does your worth
and your value get attached to that?
Answer that question honestly.
How quickly does your worth and value
get attached to that comparison to others?
You're a daughter of the King of the universe.
He loves you.
You're precious to Him.
You bear His image.
All of you.
You're not the sum of your likes
and your retweets and your blogs.
And the things that people say about you
or you see about yourself.
So in marriage,
I don't think that many of you wives
compare your role to His in itself.
I don't think that's the comparison.
Ah, do I like headship or submission?
I think the comparison that we struggle with
is we compare how well He's doing in His role
to how well I would do.
Man, it's hard to trust Him
when you're smarter than He is.
My wife knows that.
And so your concern is that in submission,
it means giving in to be run over
by someone who's more foolish
or doesn't know as well.
That you'll be undervalued,
underappreciated.
Listen, God doesn't undervalue you.
You're His daughter.
You're worth so much to Him.
Whether you're smarter than your husband or not,
it's not where your value comes from.
Here's a hard one.
What about when you're more spiritually mature
than your husband?
And we talked last week about him needing to show
spiritual leadership in the relationship.
How do you allow him to be a spiritual leader
like we talked about when you're more spiritually mature?
That's genuinely hard.
So what you're actually having to put your trust in
is in God.
Not just in your husband.
Is that God knows what He's doing.
That He hasn't lost sight of how to do things.
That God has put you in a relationship
for your protection and your good.
And so submission is willingly placing yourself
under the authority of another
for your own good.
So when you trust your husband's leadership,
when you follow his direction joyfully
and expect He'll bless you,
you're picturing the joy of the church
following the one who has blessed her.
What a great privilege
that you get to show what that looks like.
There's a second word used for wives though
in verse 33.
When Paul summarizes,
he says it differently.
Let each one of you husbands love his wife as himself.
Let the wife see that she respects her husband.
He picks a different word.
And here I want to make sure
that when I talk about submit or follow
or things like that,
that you don't hear silent withdrawing from engagement.
You know, just sit around and hope
he provides spiritual leadership against all odds.
In fact, if you think about
how the church submits to Christ,
that's not the picture at all, is it?
The church is to use actively
all the gifts and abilities Christ has given her
to work for the extension of his kingdom.
It's why he's called us to himself.
So when you think about respect,
think this,
using all your gifts and abilities
for the honor of another.
I love how Paul's explicit here
about the importance of telling the story.
Look back at verse 21.
Right as he enters into talking about marriage,
he finishes the last section.
It says,
submitting to one another
out of reverence for Christ.
That's all of us.
Then verse 33,
as it comes in and closes this section,
let each one of you love his wife as himself
and let the wife see
that she respects her husband.
The word translated respects
is the verbal form of the same word
used for reverence in verse 21.
It's likely why he uses
a different word in this context.
What's Paul saying?
This is not random.
He's saying this is about
not just what you do towards your husband.
It's about the reverence due to Christ.
Now reverence starts to push the envelope
a little bit on respect, doesn't it?
In our context,
that's a little bit stronger feeling.
It's the thing we're all supposed to do
in regard to Christ.
Is your husband worthy
of the reverence and respect
due your Savior?
Still thinking on that one?
Is he worthy of that?
Of course our initial response is no.
No, he's not.
No, he's not worthy of the honor
and reverence and respect due to Christ.
But that's the role that wives are given.
To respect, to lift up,
to honor their husbands
for the sake of telling that story
because Jesus really is worthy
of that kind of respect.
If we think of it in relation
to how the church does this with Christ,
that's where it becomes such an active thing.
All our words,
all the gifts he's given us by his Spirit,
all the energy they expend in the church
is not for their own glory,
but for his.
He's the hero of the story,
not them.
So wives are to use their sometimes,
usually superior gifts,
their intellect,
their words,
to support,
strengthen,
and honor their husbands.
In fact,
it's even a harder job for wives
than for the church in regard to Christ
because their husbands fail.
Christ is worthy of being respected
and honored,
but how do you respect and honor him
even in failure,
even when he falls short of earning it?
Now listen,
the Bible of course mentions exceptions.
You're never to promote or honor sin.
But push yourself to stick with the model
that we're given here.
Ask yourself,
how do you speak about your husband?
To him and behind his back.
Do you say things about him
that you would never say about your Savior?
When you disagree
or have input to give,
do you give it in such a way
as to shame him
or encourage him?
Do you capitalize on his weaknesses
to gain control
and get the upper hand
or do you seek to build him up
in those areas?
Do you pray for him regularly
because he needs it?
Listen,
the beauty of God's design
for this in marriage
is similar to what
I told the men last week.
When husbands lift their wives up
and that's their job,
because they are united
as one flesh in marriage,
they're lifted up too.
The same thing is true for wives.
When wives seek to honor
and respect their husband,
remember,
they don't work against each other.
They're united together in marriage
and so the beauty
of God's design for marriage
is that both are honored.
Sometimes it feels to us
like running your husband
down can actually get you honor
because you must be so amazing
to put up with a slouch
like that, right?
And so it feels good.
What an incredible wife
I must be.
But then you realize
it doesn't work like that at all.
You want to be proud
that such an amazing man
has chosen to love you.
Then you feel honored, right?
You want people to think well of him.
Isn't that what happens
to the church?
When the church seeks
the honor of Christ,
he makes her radiant
and blameless
at the same time.
It's such an amazing man
as Jesus would love her
and cleanse her
as a great honor
to the church.
There's mutual honor
because we're connected
to each other.
And the good news
of the gospel, ladies,
and you need to hear this
because I know
your husbands
let you down.
Because you're part
of Christ's bride,
Christ will make you glorious
even when your husband
fails to.
He will.
He's absolutely committed
to you like that.
It grieves me
when only one spouse
seeks to fill the role
that God has given him
or her in the marriage.
It's so painful to watch.
And the things that can happen
and the ways that people
are taken advantage of
and the ways these words
are used to hurt
instead of heal
are terrible.
But Christ is the perfect husband.
The one who will ensure
that you also are honored.
That you reflect his glory
the way he created you
in his image
to do in the first place.
He'll see that that happens.
He's absolutely committed to it.
I couldn't think about
this passage this week
without thinking about
the many wonderful examples
of this that we have
in our congregation.
Many of you will know
Betty Bates
who just this week
lost her husband
of 64 plus years
John.
John was a wonderful
gentle man.
But in the last several years
he suffered greatly
from dementia.
And he was hurting
and needed a lot of help.
And Betty stayed with him
every step of the way.
She woke him
bathed him
and dressed him
took him to places
he loved to go
like here
every week.
She gently told him
what he needed to know
which was nearly everything.
She held his hand
while he slept
so that he would feel secure.
But she didn't mock him
or belittle him
she respected him.
He needed her
but she let him
feel needed too.
What a gift
it has been
to watch someone
joyfully love someone
the way that she
has been loved.
What a gift
that is to us
to be able to
watch that modeled.
It's one of the
best things
about a
multi-generational
body of Christ
like this.
Please don't miss that.
Please don't miss
those relationships
and the gift
they are to you
to watch others
walk through
different seasons of life
and to love
the way that
they've been loved.
It's a great
great privilege.
Thinking of Betty
reminded me of the
story of David Ireland.
Shortly after
David's young wife
got pregnant
David found out
he had a disease
like Lou Gehrig's disease
and his body
began to shut down
rapidly
and David realized
that he may never
meet his child.
So he started
doing parenting
through writing
letters to the
child in his
wife's womb.
They've been
collected and
published in a book
called Letters to
an Unborn Child.
He introduces
his baby boy
to his mother
this way.
My child I want
you to know
what your mother
is like.
She is absolutely
incredible
and I think I can
make it clear to you
by just telling you
what happens when we
go out to eat at
night.
When we go to a
restaurant this is
what she has to do.
Because I'm a
quadriplegic now
and in a wheelchair
she has to bathe me
dress me
empty the urine
and fecal bags
strapped to my legs
then put me in the
wheelchair
drive me out to the
garage
open the garage
open the door
get out a board
pull up the arm
on my chair
slide me across
the board
put me in the car
put down the arm
fold up the chair
open the trunk
put in the chair
close the trunk
close the door
get in the car
back it out
close the garage
door
and drive
to the restaurant.
When we get there
the whole process
is reversed.
We sit down
at a table
she feeds me
wipes the drool
from my mouth
because I can
barely eat
gets up
pays the check
and then the whole
process is reversed
again.
Go out to the car
open the door
take off the arm
put down the board
slide me across
put down the arm
fold up the chair
go to the back
open the trunk
put up the chair
close the trunk
get in the car
drive
get to the garage
up goes the garage
door
everything else
reversed
take me in
clean me
empty the fecal
and urine bags
bathe me
put me in my pajamas
and lays me in bed.
Then he says this
son these are her
last words to me
thank you honey
for taking me out
to eat tonight.
thank you honey
for taking me out
to eat tonight.
Do you hear the
echoes of the
greater story
in that one?
Do you see the
beautiful picture
of the incredible
gracious love
of God
that gives
dignity
to the spiritually
weak
and helpless?
The gospel
is there in that
story from so
many angles
but for this
morning
especially notice
she used all of
her energies
to honor him
and she is
honored
too.
Southwood I know
it doesn't make
sense to us
but marriage
is best for us
when husbands
lay down their
lives
for their wives
and wives respond
by honoring
their husbands
and more importantly
not only is it
best for us
we have the great
joy
and privilege
of telling the
story of a church
loved so well
by her Savior
that she would
seek his honor
in everything
because he is
so good
to her.
Let's pray.
Father it is a
great privilege
you have given
us
to tell this
story.
There are many
ways that you
allow us to
share it with
others
and every one
of your children
gets the privilege
of telling it
but Father
especially in
marriage
you have given
a picture
and given
us a
responsibility
forgive us
when we look
at it as a
burden
rather than a
joy
when laying
down our
lives
seems
less than
desirable
when using
gifts that
otherwise would
be for our
own good
to seek the
good of
another
Father
that seems
unfair
thank you
that you're
wiser than
we are
thank you
that you're
committed to
us so that
when we
sacrifice
what seems
like a
huge cost
to us
you pay
us back
abundantly
because of
your love
for us
thank you
that you
found us
needy and
weak and
helpless
and that you
have loved
us
and you've
made us
clean we
rejoice in
your kindness
to us
in Jesus
name
amen
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information
visit us
online at
southwood.org