I'd like to invite the Reverend Mike Wensler up to our pulpit this morning.
He's going to be bringing God's word.
I'm going to let Mike take over and have him tell us a little bit about himself before he preaches.
And we're grateful that you were able to come today and willing to come.
So, welcome to Shining Mountain.
Thank you.
Good morning.
Sweet to be with you all.
I understand you're in a series through the book of Proverbs.
Is that correct?
Wonderful.
Appreciate this feedback.
Man, this is my first time preaching in person for a few months.
I've done some pre-recorded things for our church up in Fort Collins.
But as I was introduced, my name is Mike Wensler and I'm the RUF campus minister at Colorado State University.
Gosh, I think I, how long ago was it when I preached here last?
Eight months?
Something like that?
It seems, you know, time has both crawled and flown by.
But it's, you know, it's a privilege to get to be here.
Being a college pastor of sorts, you know, I'm not bound to a specific congregation on Sunday mornings.
You know, I'm not on staff at a local church.
I'm sent to the campus by our presbytery.
And I know that you're familiar with RUF.
Jeff Kreisel has preached here, who's the campus minister at Air Force Academy.
And, you know, this fall semester is going to be very strange, as I'm sure it is for all of you.
The university is still sort of scrambling, and we are really unsure what we can do on campus.
So I would covet your prayers for us, just for wisdom, in terms of how we can pursue students and share the gospel and disciple,
while largely doing that virtual, which is a blessing and somewhat a hindrance.
So we've already heard our passage read this morning, so I'll just say a brief prayer for us again,
and then we'll get started on the topic of friendship.
Father, we thank you for the opportunity to gather.
What a privilege this is, and we are more so aware of this privilege now than maybe we have been in the past.
But we do plead with you that you would meet us here this morning.
We pray that you would speak to us through your word and apply it to our hearts by your spirit.
We pray that we would be comforted in the gospel and encouraged and also convicted and humbled.
Lord, please allow the cares and the concerns of our lives and of this world to be set aside for a moment to focus on you.
And please give us ears to hear this good news.
It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
C.S. Lewis famously wrote in his book entitled Four Loves the following quote.
He says,
In friendship, we think we have chosen our peers.
In reality, a few years' difference in the dates of our births,
a few more miles between certain houses,
the choice of one university instead of the other,
the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting,
any of these chances might have kept us apart.
But for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances.
A secret master of ceremonies has been at work.
Christ, who said to the disciples,
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,
can truly say to every group of Christian friends,
Ye have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another.
The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out.
It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.
True friends are gifts from God.
You know this through experience.
They are God's grace to us, and we need them.
One of my little speeches I regularly give to freshmen their first year on campus
goes something like this.
You would be better off not dating your freshman year.
If, however, you choose to date or have come into college dating,
do the best you can to make friends.
And if you're dating, my rule of thumb, which is not unique to me,
someone else said this first,
but spend at least 50% of your free time with your friends,
not the majority with your boyfriend or your girlfriend.
If you think about it, in college, the opportunities for friendships are unique.
The time you have is unique.
When else do you have that much flexibility with that sort of little responsibility?
There was one particular season of life for me
where I lived with two of my best friends who were also Christians.
We were sort of always up to something.
If it was an impromptu road trip or playing, you know,
old school Madden football on PlayStation 2,
staying up late watching movies, studying the Bible together,
challenging and encouraging one another in our faith.
I'm still close with these two guys many years later,
and I thank God for them.
You know, upon reflection, we don't earn relationships like these.
They didn't happen randomly.
C.S. Lewis was right.
Jesus can truly say to every group of friends,
you have not chosen one another, but I've chosen you for one another.
But a good friendship isn't always easy, is it?
Friends take work and time and resources,
and they sometimes hurt you and they disappoint you,
and oftentimes they take without giving back.
And good friends are hard to find.
You know, one recent study I read showed that 45% of adults
say they find it difficult to make friends.
The average adult hasn't made any new friends in the last five years,
and apparently popularity hits its peak at age 23.
So that, you know, puts us over the hill for many of us.
Moreover, loneliness is something that's devastatingly widespread.
I read two different sources that claim
between 60 and 75% of Americans today are lonely.
So friendship is hard.
Loneliness is everywhere.
And if you are being honest,
you might admit that you are a big part of the problem.
Sometimes you let your friends down.
Sometimes you are the needy one,
and you wear your friends out.
You hurt them with your words or with your actions.
You neglect them because you're preoccupied elsewhere.
You take them for granted or expect too much of them.
Proverbs is a very practical book of the Bible,
which I'm sure Matthew has pointed out to you already.
It's considered wisdom literature,
and wisdom is said to be skill in the art of godly living.
We need skills in our relationships
in order to live them in a way that pleases God.
My aim this morning is to really answer one question.
How does wisdom describe a godly friend?
Wisdom says friends do three things.
Friends wound, friends encourage, and friends love.
So first, let's do friends wound.
I believe this is in your bulletin.
Proverbs 27, verses 5 through 6.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
Profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
You know, lots of times we find these
better than statements in poetry.
Open rebuke is better than hidden love.
This idea is that true love is costly.
True love is costly.
It's not fun to wound your friends.
You probably won't enjoy it,
and they probably won't like it.
But as one author once wrote,
if your friend is wrong,
then to kiss when we should kill
is to put ourselves among his enemies.
Unless you want to be an enemy,
Proverbs says you need to speak up.
Of course, there is perceived risk
when wounding and approaching
and rebuking a friend.
What if they get mad and walk away?
Now, sure, that's possible,
but it's also unlikely.
You know, experience says,
and wisdom says,
if you correct a friend in love and humility,
chances are they will not leave you,
but rather this will improve your friendship
and make it stronger.
Plus, you don't really have an alternative.
You're not about to be their enemy
and let them continue in their sin.
Then you'll pursue them,
even if it may cost you.
Thinking back to the first six months of marriage
for my wife, Lauren, and I,
Lauren and our kids are up in Fort Collins.
You know, we had just moved
to Charlotte, North Carolina,
and I had begun seminary,
and the first six months of our time there
were dreadful, to say the least.
You know, we couldn't settle on a church.
Lauren hated her job,
and because of all of this,
I was really questioning my call to ministry.
Like, gosh, I don't know
if I'm supposed to be here.
Lauren's suffering,
and we're not doing well,
and marriage is hard.
Maybe I'm not supposed to be in ministry.
So we were about to give up,
kind of throwing the towel after a semester
and move back to Wisconsin,
when a friend, a new friend,
sat me down and said,
I really think you would be foolish to leave.
And so we stayed.
And in God's providence and grace,
the next two and a half years
were particularly sweet.
Years of our marriage,
we can look back on in thankfulness.
We need friends to speak to us this way.
Let's continue.
Look at Proverbs 27, verse 17.
The writer writes,
iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.
You know, poetry is kind of remarkable
in the Bible.
It communicates so much with so little.
That's really what poetry does.
So we read it slow.
That's how you ought to approach poetry.
You let it,
you marinate on the words,
you know, like soak that meat
in those flavors in the fridge for a while.
And we twist the lens,
really to focus it on our hearts.
To sharpen a piece of metal,
another piece of metal is required.
Without two pieces,
neither could be sharpened.
Sharpening, of course,
implies growth and correction and change.
And this comes through a continual
hammering and pounding
to make a sharp edge.
Now found in this context of friendship,
we learn that wounding a friend
actually sharpens a friend.
Friends don't have to agree on everything,
but it has been said that friends
ought to be able to discuss anything.
They don't have to agree on everything,
but they ought to be able to discuss anything.
Just an initial word of application
on this first point.
Wisdom describes a godly friend who wounds.
This needs to be standard practice
in your relationships.
It needs to be.
There's no way that you can persist
in a close friendship
for a long period of time
and never disagree
and never need to correct one another.
Now some of you hate conflict
and avoid it like the coronavirus,
but you need to see wounding
as a redemptive,
grace-giving component of friendship.
You need to be bold and honest and humble
and speak truthfully,
even when it's hard and potentially costly.
The New Testament confirms this.
Galatians 6.1, Paul writes,
Brothers, if anyone is caught
in any transgression,
you who are spiritual should restore him
in a spirit of gentleness.
Keep watch on yourself,
lest you too be tempted.
Wounding a friend is restorative.
Now on the flip side, of course,
you need to be able to receive correction.
Let your friends know
that you are willing to be wounded
for the sake of being sharpened.
This means deflecting your natural tendency
to be defensive
when your friend is brave enough
to call you out on something.
This is so easy to do,
to be defensive
when someone, you know,
sort of points their finger at you.
But our reflex to this
ought to be,
ought to speak,
quick to listen.
So again,
we need to be honest and humble
and receive the wounds
from your friend in faith.
Secondly, though,
what is a godly friend?
Godly friends encourage.
Friends encourage.
Look again at Proverbs 27,
verses 9 through 10.
Oil and perfume
make the heart glad,
and the sweetness of a friend
comes from his earnest counsel.
Do not forsake your friend
and your father's friend,
and do not go into your brother's house
in the day of your calamity.
Better is a neighbor who is near
than a brother who is far away.
So perhaps equally as important
as wounding is encouraging.
These images of oil and perfume
are meant to invoke
pleasantness and satisfaction
and joy.
In short,
as we see in our passage,
they make the heart glad.
If you think about it,
a glad heart is secure.
A glad heart is at rest.
A glad heart is content.
These rare jewels
of security,
rest, and contentment
ultimately come
from knowing God,
but are often administered
to us
through the earnest counsel
of a sweet friend.
The situations in life
where we need godly,
sweet, friendly counsel
and encouragement
are, of course,
everyday and ubiquitous.
You know,
should I take this job?
Or should I go back to school?
Should we move
and buy this house?
Should I pursue this degree?
Should I date this person
or should I break up
with this person?
Should we see a counselor?
Should we step in
and help our kids
figure it out
or sort of let them
do it on their own?
Should I save, you know,
this much money every month?
Should I invite my elderly parents
to come live with us?
Should I live with these roommates?
I mean,
all of these questions
and so many more,
we ought to turn
to our godly friends
for counsel.
The sweetness of a friend
comes from his or her
earnest counsel
and wisdom says
we need true friends
to speak into our lives
and encourage us.
And the New Testament
confirms this again
in many places.
In Romans 15,
Paul wrote,
for whatever was written
in earlier times
was written for our instruction
so that through perseverance
and the encouragement
of the scriptures,
we might have hope.
We need friends
to encourage us
in the faith.
We also need friends
to build us up.
Again,
Paul writes
in 1 Thessalonians 5,
therefore encourage
one another
and build each other up
just as in fact
you are doing,
Paul says.
We also need friends
to stir us
toward love
and good works.
The writer of the Hebrews
in Hebrews 10 says,
and let us consider
how to stir
one another up
to love and good works,
not neglecting
to meet together
as is the habit of some,
but encouraging
one another.
It dawned on me
when I'm trying
to teach my children
how to do something,
you know,
it could be
riding a bike
or doing a flip
on the trampoline,
which I used to be able
to do much better
when I was in high school,
or, you know,
even just learn
their letters correctly.
They often get frustrated
and want to give up,
and in times like these,
I'm also humbled
at my own sin
and not handling
that very well,
and I can try
to encourage them.
I can try to say things
like, you know,
hey, learning a new skill
takes patience
and perseverance.
You've got to hang in there,
you know,
but often my words
land flat
and are ineffective
with my kids.
However, I've seen this
when a friend,
it could be a cousin,
a neighbor on the street,
someone from school,
encourages them
to keep trying it.
Those words
are like magic bullets.
Coming from a friend,
they have this unique,
special power.
It's because encouragement
from a friend
is powerful.
It's absolutely necessary,
and as we've seen
from the New Testament,
it actually is transformative
to give us hope
and encouragement
and love.
A little bit more
of application.
Wisdom describes
a godly friend
as an encourager.
Now, just to say this,
it's completely acceptable
with your friends
just to hang out
and laugh
and tell stories
and talk about hobbies
and news
and politics,
but it's also
completely necessary
to encourage one another
and to take counsel
with one another.
If you want
a friend like this,
I think the scriptures
would tell us
to start by being
a friend like this.
Be humble
and ask for counsel.
Let your friends know
when you need encouragement
and offer well-timed
words of comfort
to others.
The third thing
that wisdom says
a godly friend is
is a person who loves.
So friends love.
Look again at Proverbs 17, 17.
It says,
A friend loves
at all times
and a brother
is born for adversity.
And I don't know
if this is in your bulletin,
but 18, 24.
It says,
A man of many companions
may come to ruin,
but there is a friend
who sticks closer
than a brother.
Just going slow
for a moment,
I think this is
pretty revealing.
We,
and this is
pretty uniform
for every person,
want to be loved
at all times.
We want this.
We want to be loved
at all times.
We want someone
to walk with us
through,
to use this language,
the valleys,
the switchbacks up,
and the peaks of life.
We want someone
to walk with us
always,
loving us constantly
through all of this.
King David,
who was inspired
by the Holy Spirit,
wrote this in Psalm 23.
He said,
The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not want.
He leads me
beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me
in paths of righteousness.
Even though I walk
through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me.
You are with me,
writes David.
This hunger
for love
and security
from earthly
actually exposes
our need
for love
from our heavenly friend.
What's more,
actually,
I would argue
the love
of a true godly friend
shows us
the love of Christ.
Jesus loves his people
at all times.
He loves us
when we are broken
and weak.
He loves us
when we're sinful
and exposed.
He loves us
when we're wrong
and rebellious.
He loves us
when we're filled
with doubt.
He loves us
when we're
angry and afraid.
You know,
we're going to sing
this song
right after this message,
but in the year 1910,
John Wilbur Chapman
wrote the hymn,
Jesus,
what a friend
for sinners.
The first verse
says this,
Jesus,
what a friend
for sinners.
Jesus,
lover of my soul,
friends may fail me,
foes assail me,
he,
my savior,
makes me whole.
The purest friendship
available
is found
in the love
and friendship
of Jesus.
A friend
who sticks
closer than a brother
is a friend
who bears
your burdens
with you.
Paul,
again,
in Galatians 6.2,
says,
bear one another's
burdens
and so fulfill
the law of Christ.
So a loving friend
doesn't stand
far off
and, you know,
sort of shout
from a distance,
I'm so sorry,
it's really hard
that you're going
through this,
you know,
I'll shoot you
a text next week.
Rather,
a loving friend
draws near,
sort of climbs
down into the
emotional pit
that you're in,
cries with you
and stays
with you.
It's what David
was getting at
when he said,
the Lord is with me
through the valleys.
And in the gospel,
Jesus' friendship
with you
goes even further.
The apostle John
recorded Jesus
saying these words,
this is my commandment
that you love
one another
as I have loved you.
greater love
has no one
than this,
that someone
lay down his life
for his friends.
You are my friends
if you do
what I command you.
No longer
do I call you servants
for the servant
does not know
what his master
is doing.
But I have called
you friends
for all that I have
heard from my father
I have made known
to you.
The love of Jesus
took him somewhere.
It took him
to that
skull-shaped hill
called Golgotha
in Jerusalem
where he bled
and suffered
and died.
Why?
To save his friends.
We love as friends
because Jesus
first loved us.
Thinking about
sacrificial love
reminded me
of this story.
It's in the context
of marriage
but it's the story
about B.B. Warfield
and his love
for his wife Annie.
So B.B. Warfield
was a professor
of theology
at Princeton Seminary.
After their wedding
B.B. or Benjamin
and Annie
traveled across Europe
and so the story goes
while on a walk
through the Harz Mountains
the couple was caught
in a violent thunderstorm.
Annie suffered
a severe trauma
to her nervous system
from which she
never recovered.
One author wrote
she was so severely
traumatized
that she would spend
the rest of her life
as an invalid
becoming increasingly
more incapacitative
as the years went by.
Her husband
B.B.
was to spend
the rest of their lives
together
giving her
his constant care
and attention
until her death
in 1915.
Another Princeton
professor wrote this.
His name was
Oswald Alice.
He said
I used to see them
walking together
and the gentleness
of his manner
was striking proof
of the loving care
with which he surrounded her.
They had no children.
During the years
spent at Princeton
he rarely if ever
was absent
for any length of time.
Thinking about friendship
and true love
true love will cost you
it will bend you
and it will change you.
Jesus was not afraid
to put it frankly
to his disciples.
This is my commandment
he says
love one another
as I have loved you.
Knowing the true
and pure love of Christ
with the help
of God's Holy Spirit
you are enabled
to love your friends
at all times.
No of course
you will not love
your friends perfectly.
You are not Jesus
of course
your friends need Jesus
but the Bible tells us
they also need you.
Your friends need you.
So to recap
true friends
are a gift from God.
They're God's grace to us
and we need them
and friendship of course
is hard
and we are often
a big part of the problem
and loneliness
is crushing.
We need skills
hence wisdom
to please
and honor God
with our relationships
and wisdom says
that true friends
wound
and encourage
and love
like Jesus.
I want to close
by quoting Paul
again from Colossians 3
which I really think
nicely summarizes
a godly friendship.
Paul writes
put on them
as God's chosen ones
holy and beloved
compassionate hearts
kindness
humility
meekness
and patience
bearing with
one another
and if one has a complaint
against another
forgiving each other
as the Lord
has forgiven you
so you also
must forgive
and above all these
put on love
which binds
everything together
in perfect harmony.
Let me pray for us.
Father we thank you
for your word
to us this morning
we thank you
that you have
given us friends
you've given us
the church
which is really
a community
of special friendship
relationships
where we're more
than that
we're actually
brothers and sisters
in Christ
or we pray
for boldness
for wisdom
to know
when to wound
and encourage
and how to love
our friends
and we pray
that our motivation
to do this
our source of strength
would really be
in the gospel
in Jesus' love
for us
may we be challenged
by his love
also equipped
and sent out
to go and love others
and really I pray
that Christian friendships
would be on display
for the world to see
that would make them
jealous and curious
to pursue you
and to ask
about the gospel
please Lord
be with us
equip us
and send us out
today we pray
in Jesus name
Amen