Well, over the past several weeks now, we have been looking at what Proverbs has to say about our speech, about the words that we use.
I have heard more comments, positive comments of various kinds about this series that I think anything I've ever preached on,
not because of what I have said, but because of what the Lord has said through Proverbs about our language.
I've heard such things as these studies have been very convicting.
I have needed these reminders to watch my words.
I've heard it said, I wish I could take back a lot of the things I've said over the years.
As we've gone through these studies, I could have said each one of those statements.
They're true.
In varying degrees, we all know from experience what James says about the tongue is true.
Look at it.
No human being can tame the tongue.
I've not tamed mine.
I don't think you've tamed yours as well.
That doesn't mean we're not responsible for our words.
James says no human being can tame the tongue, but that doesn't let us off the hook
for the negative, the hurtful, the harmful, the destructive words that we sometimes say.
Our words are not just mindless thoughts.
They're not just knee-jerk reactions to various situations.
Our words, as a general rule, originate in our heart, within us.
Jesus made it clear.
What comes out of our mouth is an indication of what's in our heart, what's in our soul,
who we really are.
And Jesus said it this way.
The good person, out of the good treasure of his heart, produces good.
And the evil person, out of his evil treasure, produces evil.
For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks.
Jesus is saying that a person's spiritual condition is revealed by the kinds of words he uses,
by the way we speak.
Because the way we speak is the way that we think.
It's how we feel.
It's an indication of who we are.
Now, this does not mean that a genuine Christian won't ever say things that they shouldn't say.
You know that's not true.
We can say some terrible things, some hurtful things, very mean things.
When James pointed out that no one contained a tongue, he was writing to Christians.
He knew that just as we struggle to overcome various sins in our lives
and develop Christ-like character,
he knew that those struggles include struggles with our speech.
The Apostle Paul understood that as well.
Which is why he issues numerous warnings to Christians.
Watch your words, such as,
let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths.
He's writing to the church at Ephesus,
and he says that because sometimes corrupting talk
comes out of the mouths of Christians.
We've seen over the last couple of weeks now
that the Bible doesn't just talk about our words or speech in negative terms.
All words are not destructive.
Words can be very positive, encouraging,
life-giving even, as we have seen back a few weeks ago in Proverbs 18.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
Paul even spoke of the positive power of our words.
That sentence that we saw from Ephesians 4 a moment ago,
look at what it continues to say.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,
but only such as is good for building up,
as fits the occasion,
that it may give grace to those who hear.
And then he says something very similar in Colossians chapter 4.
Let your speech always be gracious,
seasoned with salt,
so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
I've tried to make this clear just about every week,
and I'm going to continue to do it.
This study is not saying to you,
just do the best you can.
Just do the best you can,
not to say negative, harmful, hateful things,
and just put forth your best effort
to just say positive and truthful and helpful words.
This study on our speech,
our words,
Jesus said,
words come from within us.
They're a reflection of who we are.
Our words
can help us really understand
if we're Christians or not.
The speech,
the things that come to mind,
the things we want to say,
the things that we do say,
that indicates whether the Spirit of God
is living within us,
by the way,
He lives in every Christian,
or it may indicate He does not live in us.
So as important as our words are,
and it is important that we exercise self-control,
we're not talking about some kind of
do your best with your words
when we study this.
This message is for God's people.
It's for Christians primarily.
God holds us accountable for the words we use
and by His grace,
with His help,
with His Spirit who indwells us,
we can overcome destructive patterns of speech.
We can develop life-giving,
encouraging,
helpful patterns of speech.
That's what we need to be trying to understand,
get a hold of.
So with that in mind,
let's continue on looking at the positive use of our words
or how we can use our words wisely.
Let's look today at a wise person uses words to teach.
Now all of us in this room,
we're teachers in some way.
Most of us teach informally.
We teach at home.
We're parents or grandparents or aunts or uncles.
We teach as friends.
Some of you teach on the job.
Some of you teach out in the community,
volunteering in this organization
with sports and things of this nature.
You may not realize it,
but there are people
who are around you.
There are people in your circles of influence.
They're learning life lessons
from watching you
and listening to the things that you say.
We can break down what Proverbs says
about teaching into two categories,
positive and negative teaching.
Positive teaching is described
as giving thoughtful, wise counsel.
Let's think about that.
Positive teaching.
Giving thoughtful, wise counsel.
Do you think about how important it is
to think before you speak?
God does.
I want you to look at what he says
in Proverbs 15.
The heart of the righteous
ponders how to answer.
The New Living Translation says it this way.
The heart of the godly
thinks carefully before speaking.
The point is obvious, isn't it?
Godly, wise teachers are cautious
about giving advice.
I'm talking about godly, wise teachers, people
are cautious about giving advice.
They're not impulsive with their words.
They think before they speak.
And the reason why is
they want to understand the situation.
They want to know what's really going on,
have all the facts for as much as they can
so that they can speak appropriately
to the situation.
A godly person, a Christian,
we should want to prayerfully consider
what God's Word has to say about an issue
before we offer too much advice,
telling people to do this or not do that.
A godly, wise counselor wants to make sure
that whatever advice they give,
it is true,
it is timely,
it is appropriate,
it will be well received,
or as well as it can be received,
that it will be helpful.
This verse is also a warning
against people who are always quick
to give you their opinion.
You know, wise, excuse me,
wise counsel,
wise counsel
is rarely on the tip of our tongue.
That's why the verse says
that a godly person
thinks carefully before they speak.
Wise counsel is more than a personal opinion.
I want you to think.
Godly counselors
think carefully
before they speak.
Are you a godly counselor?
Do you try to understand
the true situation,
the facts
when someone comes to you
and seeking your advice
before you advise them?
And if someone comes to you
about a problem with another person,
you know when you just hear them,
you've only heard half of the story.
And you really
are going to be hard pressed
to give
a lot of wise counsel
until you hear the other side.
Until you get the complete story.
And if we're truly serious
about being
Christians who speak God's word,
who speak the truth of Scripture,
when people come to us
talking about various things,
seeking our advice,
we need to take time to think,
what does the Bible say about this?
And if you don't already know,
to actually research it,
to study it,
to try to find out.
A godly,
wise counselor
is someone
who takes
helping someone this way,
giving advice,
providing counsel,
they take it seriously.
And so you think,
take some time
to prayerfully consider
the best response,
the way to counsel them
or advise them.
But giving and seeking
wise counsel
is important.
Don't take what I just said
to think,
well, I just need to keep
my mouth closed.
I'm afraid
I might not say
the right thing.
No.
Giving and seeking
wise counsel
is important.
God wants us
to do that.
Look at Proverbs 15 again.
And by the way,
Proverbs chapter 15
has the most statements
concerning our tongue
of any chapter
in this whole book.
The lips of the wise,
it says,
in Proverbs 15,
the lips of the wise
spread knowledge.
And the meaning
of this verse
is that wise people
speak wisely.
It's real simple,
isn't it?
Wise people
speak wisely.
Therefore,
when they speak,
it's worth listening to.
Do you know
who is a wise person
in your own little world
that you go to
and listen to?
You want to hear
what they have to say?
I want you to think
about it this way.
If God has blessed you
with insight,
about certain things,
and people
just seem
to come to you
and ask
your thoughts,
ask you
to advise them,
and it seems
that there's just
a pattern.
You have some
understanding.
You have some wisdom.
People seek you out,
and what you tell them
actually helps them.
They appreciate it.
You need to make
yourself available
to people.
That's a sign
that God's given you
some wisdom,
some understanding,
some expertise,
and if you're a Christian
who is seeking
to really and truly
seek to be a faithful witness
to influence people,
well,
you need to use
what God's given you.
You need to make
yourself available.
Now,
don't be prideful.
Don't advertise
yourself as some
kind of dispenser
of wisdom.
Don't think,
you got a question,
I've got the answer.
But don't make it hard
for people to talk to you.
Humbly accept.
God's put me
in a position
to have some influence,
to be helpful
to some people.
You know,
we can also see
in this verse
the importance
of us identifying
people in our lives
who are wise
about certain things
and make a habit
of seeking
their advice.
When I was
in my late 20s,
God put two men
in my life
who were older
and wiser
than me
and I've made it
a point
for over 30 years
to call them,
email them,
get together
with them
and seek
their guidance,
their counsel,
their wisdom
about all kinds
of things.
Personally,
as a pastor,
in just all kinds
of ways.
Now,
the reason I was
able to do that
is because they
made themselves
available to me.
They allowed me
to call them,
to email them,
to spend some time
with them.
They became
my friend.
They wouldn't say this,
but they became
my mentor
and I took advantage
of it.
I made good use
of that friendship
in terms of just
enjoying their friendship
but also
calling upon
their wisdom,
their insight
because they were
just smarter
and wiser
and more experienced
than me.
I want to encourage
you to make
yourself available
to younger people
in your family,
maybe in your
workplace,
in this church,
or wherever
God puts people
in your life
and you know
they would like
to have access
to you.
They'd like to pick
your brain.
They would like
for you to
help them.
Now don't act
like you know it all.
Don't act like
you know all the
answers.
No one does.
But humbly,
prayerfully,
carefully
seek to pass
on what you've
learned
that will be
helpful to others.
You need to do that.
A godly person,
a committed
Christian,
someone who has
wisdom and
insight about
certain things.
God's given it
to you.
He wants you to
be sort of like
a channel,
a conduit
through whom
He works
to help
to meet needs
in other people's
lives.
You know,
today there's a
tendency for everyone
to just sort of
mind their own
business,
isn't there?
We live in a
world where
everybody just
basically does
their own thing.
We need to be
careful about
offering too
much advice.
We always need
to be on guard
and not assume
that we are
wiser than we
really are.
But it is
important
for us as
God's people
to make
ourselves
available,
to be willing
to help,
to go out of
our way
sometimes,
to provide
thoughtful,
biblically sound,
and practical
counsel
when appropriate.
Proverbs has
much to say
about teaching.
The truth is,
the majority
of it
falls under
the category
of what we
might call
negative teaching.
I'm going to
call it
constructive
criticism.
That's the
next category.
some of the
most valuable
teaching in
life
is
uncomfortable
for the
person who
is doing
the talking
and for the
person who
is doing
the listening.
You've been
there,
done that.
Proverbs
often calls
this
giving reproof.
Look at
the example
from Proverbs
15,
verses 31
and 32.
It says,
The ear
that listens
to life
giving reproof
will dwell
among the
wise.
Whoever
ignores
instruction
despises
himself,
but he
who listens
to reproof
gains
intelligence.
That applies
to all of
us.
But the
younger you
are,
you've just
not had
the opportunity
to experience
a lot,
to learn
things that
a lot of
people older
than you
have learned.
So especially
you take that
to heart.
The word
reproof
means correction.
It's used
in Proverbs
to describe
helpful
correction
or
constructive
criticism.
The New
Living
Translation
actually
translates
to that
word
constructive
criticism
in verse
31
and
correction
in verse
32.
The real
point being
made in
these verses
is that a
wise person
will listen
to words
of correction.
A wise
person will
listen to
constructive
criticism
because that's
one of the
characteristics
wisdom.
The
wisdom
being
teachable.
In Proverbs
a person
who thinks
they know
it all,
a person
who is
unteachable,
they're
considered a
fool.
And Proverbs
has much
to say.
Warnings
against
being foolish
and acting
like a fool.
This is the
kind of
person who
refuses to
listen to
constructive
criticism,
to any kind
of correction
because they're
unwilling to
admit they
don't know it
all.
In their
mind they're
always right.
So other
people are
always wrong.
But I want you
to understand it
is a characteristic
of maturity to
be open to
correction and
willing to
change.
Change the
way you
think.
Change what
you are
doing.
People who
do that are
showing signs
of maturity,
of wisdom,
of just
growing even
in godly
character if
they're
Christians.
Now,
outside of
the home,
offering
constructive
criticism is
rare in
today's world.
I mean,
in today's
world,
everybody,
thinks to
themselves,
you know,
well,
you have
your thing,
you believe
this way,
and I
believe another
way.
Your truth
is this,
my truth
is that.
It's crazy,
it's wrong,
it's ludicrous,
but it's the
way people
think.
Outside the
home,
offering
constructive
criticism just
doesn't take
place as it
once did.
Unfortunately,
it's not even
being done in
homes like it
used to be,
like it
needs to be.
When I was
growing up,
I had good
parents.
In no way
were they
abusive.
But my
parents,
they just
didn't seem
to sit up
late at night
and worry
about if they
were going to
hurt my
feelings when
they corrected
me.
You know
that?
You know
that?
My parents
didn't look
at me and
beg and
plead or
apologize for
pointing out
something that
was just
absolutely foolish
or stupid that
I had said or
done.
I played sports
all my life,
growing up,
little league
and high
school.
And all the
coaches I had
back in those
days, I never
had any kind
of abusive,
mean, crazy
guy.
Some of them
were Christian,
some of them
were not.
But they
weren't worried
about hurting
my feelings
either.
But they
would tell me
this is wrong.
You can't do
that.
If you're
going to play,
you're going
to change.
You're going
to do it this
way.
You're going
to do it my
way.
And you
know, there
were times
I'm sure
when a
coach or
my parents
said something
and it
hurt my
feelings, but
you know
what?
I got
over it.
And a lot
of you, I
can see some
heads nodding,
you experience
the same
thing.
We have
developed a
mentality, we've
developed a
culture where
we have to walk
on pins and
needles or we're
going to offend
someone today.
And sometimes
that takes place
at home.
You can't be
an effective
parent if
you're always
worried about
I might offend
or hurt my
child's feelings.
No, you
don't be abusive.
No, you
don't be mean
spirited.
No, it's
wrong to be
harsh.
But it's not
wrong for you
to be the
parent, to be
in control, to
make observations
about what's
wrong and
right, to
give correction
and constructive
criticism.
It's needed.
God expects it.
Chuck Swindoll
makes some very
helpful observations
about what we're
talking about.
Reproof, he
says.
Look at it.
How rare, yet
how essential.
Pause and think
of an occasion
when someone
wisely, yet
firmly, rebuked
your behavior,
your thinking,
or your
attitude, and
you became a
better person as
a result.
That's what I was
talking about my
parents, my
coaches, people in
my life growing
up.
You can think
that way.
Think about it.
Then Swindoll
says, look at
Proverbs 27, 6.
I will amplify it
using the Hebrew
text as our guide.
Literally, the
verse reads,
trustworthy are
the bruises
caused by the
wounding of one
who loves you.
Deceitful is the
flattery of one
who hates you.
Swindoll makes a
few points here
that I want to
stress.
I want you to
listen.
Number one, the
person who does
the rebuking should
be someone who
loves the person
he or she
rebukes.
Now, this is
essential.
It's important
sometimes to
correct, to offer
constructive
criticism in your
home in various
settings.
But you need to
make sure that the
constructive
criticism you are
offering is done
in a spirit of
love with the
intent to help.
love with the
person.
If you do not
love the person
and care about
the person,
your criticism
is not going to
be constructive.
It's not going to
be well received.
It's going to do
more harm than
good.
It is vitally
important.
trustworthy are
the bruises
caused by the
wounding of
one who
loves you.
It's got to be
done in a
loving way.
This rebuking,
this constructive
criticism.
Number two,
Swindoll says,
a bruise tends
to linger long
after the
wounding.
It is not
soon forgotten.
Some constructive
criticism really
hurts.
And the blow
was so severe
that it does
leave a bruise.
But you know,
a lot of our
egos needs
to be bruised.
Some constructive
criticism gets
people, gets
their attention
in such a way,
or maybe it's
so needed,
so sharp,
so direct,
that there is
bruising.
You don't just
forget it in a
moment.
But sometimes,
when that is
done in love,
to really
correct harmful
or hurtful
behavior,
that bruise
serves a good
purpose.
it's a good
reminder.
It can be
that which
prevents a
person from
going down
the wrong
road.
Sometimes,
trustworthy
are the
bruises
caused by
the wounding
of one
who loves
you.
I want you
to understand,
some of you,
you may
think about
bruises
emotionally,
but you
know that
whoever it
was,
you know
really they
loved you
or they
love you.
They care.
They didn't
want to
bruise you,
but they did
it for your
well-being.
You
accept that
bruise
as something
for your
good.
it may
have hurt
that person
more than
it hurt
you,
but they
cared too
much about
you to
just let
it go.
Some
things you
cannot let
go.
Some
hills are
worth spilling
blood on.
That's what
Proverbs is
saying.
I want
you to
look at
one more
comment from
Swindoll.
He says,
so much
of this
matter of
rebuking
has to
do with
discernment
and
discretion.
There's a
right way
and a
right time,
not to
mention a
right motive
for rebuking
a loved
one.
If your
friend's
motive is
to help
you,
those wounds
will make
the best
use of
timing.
Be done
privately.
Focus on a
specific issue.
Lead to
long-term
improvement
and include
lots of
affirmation
and
encouragement.
I want you
to understand,
in the
home and
in certain
other places
in life,
correction is
needed.
But that's
not all
that's needed.
The people
that you
live with,
the people
that you're
responsible for
trying to
train,
correct,
help,
they need
to hear
words of
affirmation,
words of
encouragement,
words of
love,
words that
actually
build them
up.
Not
just
negative,
critical,
correcting
words.
This is
just an
aside here.
Unless you're
a visitor,
everybody here
knows I'm a
very conservative
person.
But I want
to say to
you who share
my conservative
views on
most things.
Don't
just expose
yourself
to things
like Fox
News and
other news
sources that
it's just a
consistent,
continuous
barrage of
negativity,
of arguments,
of tearing
people down,
tearing things
down,
and nothing
good,
nothing
affirming
is ever
said.
We don't
need to
expose
ourselves to
just constant
criticism,
judgmentalism
about anything.
What Swindoll
says here
is vitally
important.
Timing is
important.
Saying things
in private
is important.
And there
needs to be
more words
of affirmation
and encouragement
than there
are criticism
and correction.
When you
look at what
Proverbs says
about both
positive and
negative forms
of teaching,
there's one
common requirement
for teaching
to be effective,
and that is
the person
on the receiving
end must be
teachable,
and that's
where we're
going to go
next week.
But the
words of a
godly teacher
that is
knowledgeable
of God's
word,
that cares
enough about
us to
speak up,
speak the
truth in
love,
you need to
be thankful
for.
We need to
learn to
listen to
them.
We need to
learn from
their words.
I just want
to ask you,
are you
listening?
Are you
learning?
Are you
growing?
Are you
teachable?
If you're not,
I want to
encourage you
to start
today,
because we
all need it.
We also need
to be such
teachers in the
lives of people
that God's
placed in our
lives,
especially those
who are close
to us,
that we can
have an
influence on
them,
a positive
influence,
a godly
influence.
Are you
seeking to do
that?
Are you
seeking to be
a wise
counselor by
thinking before
you speak?
And by
making sure
that your
words are
faithful to
God's
word,
words matter.
Your
words matter.
My words
matter.
And as we
looked at
every week,
they're going
to be brought
up on
judgment day.
As Jesus
said,
I tell you,
on the day
of judgment,
people will
give account
for every
careless word
they speak.
for by your
words you
will be
justified,
and by your
words you
will be
condemned.
Let's pray
together.
Dear God,
help us to
see the
importance
of being
faithful
teachers.
Help us to
see that we
need to
pause,
think,
before we
speak,
and offer
too much
counsel.
But dear God,
help us to
take what
you've given
us and pass
it on to
others.
Lord,
help us to
be willing to
do the hard
things and
even offer the
constructive
criticism.
Lord,
help every
single one of
us in this
room to
understand we
need to hear
it.
help us to
see that
when those
people you've
put in our
lives that we
know love
us,
it's because
they love us
that they say
such things.
Help us to
receive it
well.
And dear God,
we ask that
you would make
it clear that
as we speak
about our
words,
they're just a
reflection of
what's within
us,
with who we
are.
And Lord,
if there are
people in
this room that
you have
convicted,
that they're
not your
child,
it's not
just their
words,
they know
the Spirit
of God does
not live
within them.
Dear God,
help them to
be willing
right now to
admit that,
to turn from
their sin,
to seek your
forgiveness.
Help them,
dear God,
to put their
trust in Jesus
that when he
died on the
cross,
he paid the
penalty for
their sins.
Help them
right now to
call upon
Jesus,
to be their
Savior.
Help them,
dear God,
to surrender
their lives
right now to
him as
Lord.
And in an
attitude of
prayer,
let's just
respond to
the Lord.
I'll be here
at the front
and would be
happy to
pray with you,
listen to you.
You just
respond as God
speaks in the
next few
minutes.
Amen.