My name is Matthew Capone, and I'm the pastor here at Cheyenne Mountain Presbyterian Church,
and it's my joy to bring God's word to you today.
I'm going to jump right in this morning.
You know, often I'll kind of give you guys a little bit of an introduction, but we have a lot to cover.
And I want to honor your time and our time together and make sure I keep this on focus.
And so I'm just going to remind you that we're in the book of 1 Peter,
and the book of 1 Peter is a book about people who are living in a world where they feel out of place
because they follow after Jesus, and they're facing opposition because they follow after Jesus as well.
And we have seen several key principles over the last several weeks,
and these key principles have been applied in multiple situations.
So key principle number one, 1 Peter 2, 9, you're a priesthood.
And as a priesthood, you're proclaiming God's excellencies to the world,
and you're representing God to the world.
So people learn about God because of you and the way that you behave.
Second, so that's principle number one, priesthood.
We represent God to the world.
Principle number two, we want to have honorable conduct so that when people speak against us as evildoers,
they still see the good that we're doing, and that's 1 Peter 2, verse 12.
We want them to see what we're doing, and that would lead them to know God and glorify God.
And then finally, we're told in 1 Peter 2, 17, to honor everyone.
And those three principles are what we've been going through the last several weeks,
so we've applied those to government.
How do we relate to our government in such a way that people know Jesus more because of us?
How do we relate to our government in such a way that even though they speak against us,
they can see our good deeds and they glorify God because of it?
How can we interact with government in a way that we honor everyone?
Last week, we talked about masters and slaves, and we applied it to employment.
How can we work in the workplace in such a way that people come to know Jesus?
How can we work in the workplace in such a way that people honor and glorify God?
How can we work in the workplace in a way that we honor everyone?
And this week, we're going to continue those principles,
and we're going to apply them to a different situation.
So rather than government, rather than the workplace,
we're now going to be talking about how this applies to marriage.
How in marriage, and it's not going to be just marriage in general,
it's going to be a very specific situation.
This passage is talking to Christian women who are married to non-Christian men.
It's a passage about Christian women who are married to non-Christian men,
and how can they apply these principles as well.
These principles of being a priesthood,
principles of doing good and bringing honor and glory to God,
and then also principles of honoring everyone.
Now, if you were in the new members class last week,
you heard me tell this joke, but most of you didn't hear it,
so I'm going to share it with you.
Stories told of a pastor who was single,
and he taught a Sunday school class on parenting.
And the class was called Ten Commandments of Parenting.
Now, later along, he got married, and he had a kid,
and he taught the class again.
And this time, the title changed slightly.
It wasn't the Ten Commandments of Parenting.
It was actually the Five Commandments of Parenting.
Now, that was when he had one child.
Later on, he and his wife went on to have more children.
They had maybe four or five.
And he finally taught the class a third time.
And the title changed one more time.
It was gone from Ten Commandments on Parenting
to Five Commandments on Parenting.
And then finally, it was a few suggestions about parenting.
I'm going to preach to you about Christian marriage,
and I'm a single man.
And our hope is not in me as a preacher.
Our hope is in God's word that it's good,
and he has something to say to us.
I've also thought about this this week,
and I realized it's not in the cards for me
to ever be a Christian woman married to a non-Christian man.
And so no matter what happens to me,
I will never be in this situation
that we're going to look at this morning.
And yet, God has given us his word.
He's given it to instruct us how to live in this world,
and it is good for us.
And so that's our hope as we come to it,
not in our preacher,
but in our Father God that we would hear his voice.
And that's our prayer every Sunday.
And so it's with that that we come to 1 Peter.
We're all the way in chapter 3 now,
and we're going to be starting at verse 1.
And as we come to this, remember that this is God's word.
And God tells us that his word is more precious than gold,
even the finest gold,
and that it is sweeter than honey,
even honey that comes straight from the honeycomb.
And so that's why we read now,
starting in chapter 3, verse 1.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,
so that even if some do not obey the word,
they may be won without a word
by the conduct of their wives.
When they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Verse 3.
Do not let your adorning be external,
the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry,
or the clothing you wear,
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart
with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which in God's sight is very precious.
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God
used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands.
As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.
And you are her children if you do good
and do not fear anything that is frightening.
I invite you to pray with me as we come to this portion of God's word.
Father in heaven, we thank you that our hope is in you,
and our hope is that you speak clearly to us through your word.
We thank you that you speak clearly to us
about the hope and confidence we have in Jesus Christ
and his sacrifice on our behalf.
And we also thank you that you haven't left us alone
to wonder how to live,
but you've given us your word to speak.
And so we ask that you would speak clearly to us,
that we would understand what it is that you want us to know
and to believe and to live.
And we ask these things not because we have earned them or deserve them,
but because Jesus has earned them and deserve them for us.
And so we ask them in his name.
Amen.
I want you to imagine with me for a little bit.
So I was a classics major in college,
which means I studied a lot about ancient Greece and Rome.
And this is a letter that's written to people,
as I've mentioned before,
who are living in the Roman Empire in the first century.
And I just want you to imagine this letter was written in the 60s A.D.
And I want you to imagine there's a man.
His name is Cassius, and Cassius is living in the 50s A.D.
And Cassius meets this woman, and they fall in love.
Her name's Lydia.
And they have just a wonderful marriage.
Cassius and Lydia, they are on the same page about worshiping the emperor.
They understand kind of the logic, right?
The greater someone is, the more worthy they are of worship.
She understands her role in the household,
and they're also good with the household gods.
So she follows him and the ways he leads worship,
not just out in the temples, but also in their household with the gods.
And she understands the importance of the local gods,
and she understands the importance of Jupiter and all the different ways.
But there comes a point in their marriage where things get a little difficult.
So maybe let's say they marry in 52 A.D.
And word comes to this town, whichever town it is in Asia Minor,
about this man named Jesus.
Now, Cassius isn't convinced.
He thinks this is silly.
Everyone knows you don't worship a Jewish man,
and not just a Jewish man, but a Jewish man who died on a cross.
However, Lydia is interested.
And as Lydia comes to learn more about Jesus,
she realizes this is actually something she believes.
She's been hearing from these people about the fact that Jesus died,
and not only did he die, he actually rose again from the dead,
and that he offers forgiveness of sins.
And this is something that she's wondered about for a long time.
How can the gods actually help her with the things that she feels guilty for,
and how can they help her to have true change?
And so Lydia actually converts to Christianity.
Now, this puts Cassius in a terrible situation,
because, of course, he's a good Roman man,
and like any good Roman man, as everyone knows,
it's the wife's job to worship the gods of the husband.
And so people start to talk about him and his marriage.
Now, have you heard about Cassius and Lydia?
I mean, she doesn't even go to worship the gods with him anymore.
Can you imagine?
Yeah, I'm so glad that my wife understands the importance
of really honoring the emperor.
And I just can't imagine.
I mean, you know, it's women these days.
They don't understand that you have to worship
the most powerful man available.
And obviously, this man who died on a cross, he's a joke.
I mean, not only did he live as just a middle-class person,
but he died the worst death possible.
I mean, how ignorant do you have to be
to worship someone like that?
There's this talk maybe going around.
There's something subversive.
There's a sense in which Lydia's being rebellious.
She's refusing to worship the gods.
She's going out to these Christian worship services,
and potentially, Cassius is wondering,
what does she do?
Is she looking for another spouse?
How do I know that she's going to be pure in her conduct
when she's out in the house?
I'm certainly not going to go hang out with the Christians.
I wouldn't be caught dead, seen with a group like that.
However, he ends up talking about it with his friend, Marcellus.
Now, Marcellus has a wife named Cassia.
And Marcellus is a great confidant.
You know, Cassius feels really ashamed
because he can't get his wife to worship his gods.
It makes him feel like less of a man.
It's like he can't run his household well.
And Marcellus, you know, sympathizes with him.
He's like, I'm so glad that my wife worships the gods.
She doesn't have a problem with this.
Like, she understands the logic of the world.
We worship powerful men.
We worship emperors.
There's more than one God, too.
The Christians, they believe this crazy thing
that there's only one God, and it doesn't even make sense.
However, Marcellus has noticed something.
He said, I feel your frustration.
I can only imagine how frustrating it would be
to be married to a woman who wouldn't come
to worship Jupiter with me.
However, I've been talking to my wife,
and she said a lot of things about your wife
have really changed.
You know, it used to be when your wife would show up
to hang out with the other women,
she would tell them every mistake you had made.
And she would share about kind of,
I mean, I even knew some of the stuff.
Do you remember that time we talked?
Yeah, you remember that.
We won't talk about that.
And not only that, you know,
she used to be spending all your money
on these fine clothes and going out.
And it seems like, I mean,
it seems like she's really been working hard
to just be the best spouse possible.
So on the one hand, like,
I can kind of understand your struggle,
but then there are times,
don't tell anyone I said this to you.
There are times I wonder,
maybe I want a Christian wife, too.
Now, I wouldn't say that publicly.
I wouldn't say it publicly.
But, you know, my wife is still going out,
and when she, I mean,
we're having all this conflict,
and she still, every time we have an argument,
she goes out and she tells everyone about it.
I mean, on the one hand, you're dishonored
because your wife won't worship the gods with you.
On the other hand, I'm dishonored
just because of my wife's behavior.
I mean, she just, I'm trying,
but it's not been working.
That is the situation that this passage is addressing.
We've talked about the fact that the Christians
who are receiving this letter
feel out of place in the world.
Some of them don't just feel out of place in the world.
They feel out of place in their marriages,
and they feel out of place in their marriages
because they are married to men who are not Christians,
and being married to a man who's not a Christian
and practicing as a Christian means
that what they're doing looks like
they're being rebellious to their husbands,
and so Peter's giving them advice
in the same way that he's given everyone advice
about how to interact with the government,
in the same way that he's given slaves advice
about how to interact with masters,
he's also giving these women advice
about how to interact with their non-Christian husbands.
How can you give honor and glory to God in your marriage?
That's the specific context here.
Now, he is addressing all women generally.
He says in verse one,
wives, be subject to your husbands.
He's addressing all wives,
but then he says,
so that even if some do not obey the word,
in other words, they're not Christians,
they may be one without a word.
The goal then, the goal that he's focusing on,
even though he's talking to Christian,
women who are married to Christians and non-Christians,
his goal here is to talking to women
married to non-Christians.
This is how they're going to win their husbands for Christ.
This is going along with 1 Peter 2.12.
This is the good deeds that they're gonna act out.
They're gonna lead people to honor and glorify God.
Now, of course, this doesn't just happen
in the ancient Roman world.
It also happens today.
About 10 years ago,
I went on a mission trip for a summer to Ireland,
and one of the things they had us do
while we were working at this church
is they said, you know,
we really want you to have lunch
with a different family every Sunday
so you get to know different people in the church.
And one Sunday, we went over to lunch,
and there was something kind of strange in the air.
We are at this house,
this man and this woman,
and the man just,
he seemed angry.
He seemed, he was just mean.
I mean, he started making fun of Americans.
He told us, you know, in America,
I hear they only drink blue milk,
not white milk.
We're like, we don't know what that is.
We've never heard of blue milk before.
I mean, the man was annoyed.
And we found out later,
this man wasn't a Christian.
Here's his Christian wife
trying to show hospitality to her church,
kind of against what her husband would like.
And later, the pastor shared with us
that this is common.
It's common in Europe
because like many places in the world,
there's a shortage of marriageable Christian men.
And so there's a temptation,
as we talked about in Nehemiah,
for a woman saying,
well, I'm either not gonna be married
or I'm gonna be married to a non-Christian.
And so this is a live situation.
It's a live situation in the ancient world,
and it's also a live situation today.
And so that is
the context that Peter's writing to.
He's writing to people who are disadvantaged.
So he's written to slaves.
Now he's writing to these wives,
and they're disadvantaged as well.
They're in a bad position.
They're in a bad position
because they're married to a non-Christian.
They're in a bad position culturally.
Culturally, the expectation is,
obviously, you worship the gods of your husband.
And they're in a bad position
partially because of their sex.
They just have less influence in the family
than their husband does.
And so Peter's giving them advice
about how they should live
in that difficult situation.
Just like slaves,
just like people who are under the authority
of the government,
they too also have to find a way
to be subversive.
Remember I said last week,
Christianity's not revolutionary,
it's radical.
And so they have to find a way
to be radical in their marriages
without being revolutionary.
At the same time,
deep breath, by the way.
At the same time,
this is a passage that he's writing,
not just to these specific women,
but to all women who are married.
And he's telling them how to interact,
not just with any man, right?
Verse one, but your own husbands.
Now, you might be thinking at this point,
well, Matthew, that's great.
You explained to us last week
how Peter wasn't actually advocating for slavery.
He was just telling them
how to operate within slavery.
Hear what you're saying there,
and I hear what you're saying here.
He's not actually advocating
for there being any kind of hierarchy
of authority in marriage.
He's just telling them
this is the way it is culturally,
and they also,
just like slavery was wrong,
they need to operate within this wrong system.
There's only two problems at that.
Problem number one,
he actually addresses all wives here.
He says, verse one,
wives, some of you have husbands
who don't obey the word.
And then secondly,
in the book of Ephesians,
Paul writes,
and he talks about the relationship
between men and women
who are both Christians.
And he talks about it
not from a cultural standpoint,
but from a theological standpoint.
And so we're gonna talk about that this morning.
And I'm gonna say up front,
this is a challenging topic.
And like I say,
every time we come to a challenging topic,
I'm not gonna say everything,
I'm gonna say something.
And I'm always happy to talk more afterwards.
I understand many of you
may disagree with me on this,
but this is what God is telling us
in his word in 1 Peter chapter three,
and so we're gonna jump in.
Multiple situations, right?
People who are married to Christians,
people who are married to non-Christians.
God teaches in his word,
God has set up,
in the way that he set up the world,
he set up a chain of command in the family.
God has given responsibility to lead his family.
That's why it says here in verse one,
your own husband.
His wife is his closest
and most valued ally in that leadership.
However, that leadership ultimately falls
on the shoulders of the husband.
And so it's not a leader-follower situation.
Don't think of it that way.
I don't think there's some truth to that.
I don't think that's the most helpful way
to think about it.
There's some terms that have come out now
in leadership theories and books
where people will talk about first chair leaders
and second chair leaders,
which means often there's two leaders.
One of them has ultimate responsibility,
but the other one has tremendous power
and responsibility as well.
So you could think about a president
and a vice president.
You could think about a pastor
and an assistant pastor.
You could think about a major versus a colonel
or a major versus a captain.
There's leadership involved with everyone.
However, there's someone
who also has greater authority
and greater responsibility.
Both of those are true.
So, and I'm not gonna use
the word complementarian, by the way,
because first of all,
that's something that didn't even come around
and that's a word in a category
that wasn't used until the 1970s or 1980s.
It's not always helpful.
So I'm just gonna talk in terms of leadership.
First chair leader, second chair leader.
I think that's gonna, first of all,
make a little bit more sense
and it's gonna help us resolve
some of the objections
and some of the concerns
about what it is the Bible teaches us
about Christian marriage.
Second of all, both people, men and women,
have equal value and dignity.
And we know this intuitively
in leadership positions.
When I was a teacher,
I had principals over me.
They had authority over me.
Many of them, most of them were women.
I never thought, well, I'm just a teacher
and they're a principal.
So obviously they have more worth
and dignity as a person, right?
They had more authority.
There's no difference in our worth
and dignity as a person.
If you're in the military,
you might think, okay, I'm a captain.
This person's a major.
That doesn't mean that person
has more authority than you do
or they have more authority.
It doesn't mean they have more dignity
or value than you do.
And so that's the idea
that the Bible that gives us,
the model that the Bible gives us for marriage.
It's a family.
God's given responsibility
and authority to the husband.
By the way, it's not just authority,
it's responsibility.
Remember in Genesis, very beginning,
Adam and Eve sin.
Who does God go to talk to first?
Goes and talks to Adam.
Adam, what have you done?
So there's two sides to this coin, right?
It's not just, okay,
this man has more authority in the household.
Also, this man's gonna have to answer to God
for how he leads his household.
By the way, we're gonna talk about that next week.
I've saved, this is gonna be next week,
the first time at this church
I've ever preached a whole sermon on one verse.
So if you're wondering
why we're just talking about wives,
just wait for next week.
1 Peter 3, chapter 3, verse 7.
God has also set up the family in such a way
that men seem to have an extra level
of influence and responsibility.
Now, you can argue with me about this.
There's some secular researchers
named John and Julie Gottman
who do marriage research.
They are not Christians at all.
They're just observing what happens in relationships.
Part of their finding is
relationships rise and fall
ultimately based on what the man does.
Doesn't mean women don't have influence
and responsibility.
Just means that men have
an extra level of influence.
If you don't believe me,
ask someone who's married.
Ask a wife who's married
who's tried to get her family
to head in a different direction
but her husband doesn't agree with her.
Okay?
If you don't believe me, just ask.
So that's the baseline.
So another deep breath.
Then we have to talk about this
that raises all kinds of questions, right?
What does this mean?
What does it not mean?
There are two ways we can err on this.
One way we can err
is we can make it mean
something really strange and weird.
The other way we can err
is by making it mean nothing at all
and explaining it away.
So first of all, what does it not mean?
Let's avoid it being strange and weird.
It does not mean
there are no boundaries in a marriage.
If you don't know what I'm talking about,
there's a wonderful series of books
by a man named John Townsend
and a man named Henry Cloud
who've written a book called Boundaries.
They wrote another book
called Boundaries in Marriage.
I strongly encourage everyone
to read those books.
If you grew up in a family
or you were in a marriage
where there are not good boundaries,
it will be a painful read.
And it will be worth it.
So this doesn't mean
there aren't boundaries.
And this is part of why
I'm gonna talk in terms of
first chair leaders
and second chair leaders.
Like in any leadership situation,
just because someone
has more authority
doesn't mean they don't have
boundaries around them.
Okay, so it doesn't mean that.
It's be subject to.
It's not the word obey.
So in the Bible,
when it addresses children,
it tells children you need to obey.
It tells wives,
be subject to your husband.
Different word.
Not the same thing.
Finally, this goes along.
Well, not finally.
We're going all along the list.
This is in the list of boundaries.
It doesn't mean you never say no.
Again, if you're a wife.
One of the great things
about this passage
is at the end,
it tells us that Sarah
is our model.
Now, if you're familiar
with the story
of the Old Testament,
you know that Sarah
was not a mousy little yes woman.
In fact, there were times
that Sarah told Abraham no.
Now, there are,
we're gonna have to,
you're gonna have to work
with me a little bit culturally
because this is something
that we don't struggle with today
but that people struggle with
in the ancient Near East.
So just go with me.
In the ancient Near East,
whether you can believe it or not,
sometimes husbands and wives
would have disagreements
about the appropriate way
to raise their children.
Now, I know that doesn't happen anymore
but it happened with Abraham and Sarah.
And at one point
in Genesis chapter 21,
you can go read it later,
Abraham and Sarah
have a disagreement
about how to raise their kids.
Sarah basically tells Abraham no.
Now, you're gonna want,
wives, you're gonna wanna write
this one down.
Genesis 21, 12,
this is your verse.
God comes to Abraham
and he says,
and I quote,
whatever Sarah says to you,
do as she tells you.
I took that out of context.
There's your verse.
Now, sometimes Abraham
needed to tell Sarah no
and he didn't.
If you read the story of Genesis,
you know,
there's a time when Sarah
came to Abraham
and she gave him this idea.
It was not a good idea
and he did it
and it didn't end well.
Peter, as we've talked about,
was deeply flawed and imperfect.
Sarah and Abraham's marriage
was also deeply flawed
and imperfect.
And Peter says,
if you wanna know
what this looks like,
look to Sarah.
So it doesn't mean
there aren't any boundaries.
It doesn't mean
you don't say no.
It doesn't,
and also does not mean
you put up with abuse.
Okay, we don't use this passage
in any way
to justify abuse
and I'm gonna give you
strong arguments
from various sides.
First of all,
we've already talked about abuse
in this book.
The very previous section,
the assumption is
that slaves are actually
going to be abused.
Remember he says,
you might be beaten unjustly.
That doesn't appear
in this section
because even the pagans know
abuse isn't okay.
Second of all,
tolerating abuse
doesn't make you
a good follower.
There's a passage
later in this book
where it says,
it uses the same exact word
and it says,
young men,
be subject to the elders.
Now, if you saw
one of our elders
and there was a young man
and that elder
was just yelling at him
and then the elder
got so angry
that he punched the wall
and the drywall went in,
you wouldn't say,
yeah, you just need
to be subject to that.
Man, that person's
doing such a good job
being subject to the elders.
No, you would say,
that's ridiculous.
That person has no boundaries, right?
So this is not a passage,
I'm just gonna camp out
on this for a second,
and this is not a passage
that means stay
in an abusive situation.
That's why I'm using
these leadership terms
because that wouldn't make sense
in any other leadership situation.
We talked last week,
I said, be a good employee.
No one in their right mind
would say,
yeah, one of the best ways
you can be a good employee
and witness for Jesus
is by just putting up
with whatever abuse
your employer throws at you.
Same thing's true
in this situation.
Whatever makes sense
in another leadership situation,
apply it to this situation.
That helps us get out
of some of the strange questions
that come up with these things.
Okay, and people always ask
all kinds of questions now.
Okay, how does this apply
in real life?
Does this mean
that the husband has to do X
and the wife has to do X
and this person can only do this
and this person can only do that?
I'm not gonna answer
all those questions,
I'm just gonna give you
the same paradigm.
What would be appropriate
in any other leadership situation
where there's a first chair leader
and a second chair leader?
Does this mean,
people ask this,
does this mean
that the husband
has to manage the finances?
I'm not gonna answer
that question for you.
Is that something
that's required
in any other leadership situation
with a first chair leader
and a second chair leader?
I'll let you figure that out
on your own.
By the way,
Peter doesn't tell these people
exactly what it looks like.
He leaves it to them
to figure out
how to be subject
to their own husbands.
So that's all,
that's what it doesn't mean.
So one temptation
is to make it seem,
mean something very weird
and very strange.
The other temptation
is to make it mean
nothing at all.
Except Peter actually says,
be subject to your husbands.
So what does it mean?
It means be the best ally
that you can.
Be the best second chair leader
that you can
to a first chair leader.
Support,
this goes back
to what we talked about
last week with employers,
support the leadership
of your husband
as much as possible
within reason.
Support the leadership
of your husband
as much as you can
as possible
within reason.
Second,
the authority
that God gives to husbands
is a real authority.
There might come a time
in your marriage
where you guys disagree.
And godliness means
you're going to move forward
as a couple
without sabotaging
your husband,
without undermining him.
And Peter tells us
that kind of action
is so powerful
that it could call someone
who's not a Christian
to come to know Jesus.
Imagine how much more powerful
it is when your spouse
already knows Jesus.
So it doesn't mean
we put up with abuse,
there's no boundaries,
we don't say no.
It also means
support your husband's leadership
as much as possible.
And sometimes
there will be times
when you disagree
and there has to be
a decision that's made.
In your disagreement,
support your husband
as much as possible.
Now again,
like we said last week
and previous weeks,
it doesn't mean you do things
that are immoral,
unethical,
that goes along
with the boundaries conversation.
But that's what Peter's
talking about here
when he says,
verse one,
be subject to your own husbands
so that they may be won
without a word.
In other words,
you're going to win them
by your conduct,
not by constantly telling them
about Christianity.
When they see the way
that you act.
Now we have a lot
to talk about this morning
and I've already said
lots and lots of words,
so I'm just going to say
a few things briefly
about these verses
that come next.
Verse three,
don't let your adorning
be external,
the braiding of hair,
putting on of gold jewelry,
the clothing you wear,
some translations say
fine clothing,
but let your adorning
be the hidden person
of the heart
with the imperishable beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit
which in God's sight
is precious.
What all of those things
have in common,
the fine hair
and the gold jewelry
and the clothing,
all of those things
are very expensive.
In other words,
the focus
should not be
showing off to other people
how much money you have.
He's not saying
you need to dress
as frumpy as possible.
He is saying
you're in a first century context
and there's lots of women
who use these things
to show off
how wealthy they are.
That's not what impresses God.
In fact,
this word here
where it says
at the very end
of verse four,
beauty of a gentle
and quiet spirit
which in God's sight
is very precious.
Precious is a hard word
in English.
What that means
actually is very valuable.
Don't wear expensive clothes.
Have an expensive character
is what he's saying.
Put your time
and your effort
and your resources
into your character,
not into going around
and showing off
to everyone
how much wealth
you have.
Also,
sometimes women
who dress this way
are doing it
for more reasons
than just to show off
their wealth.
They were showing
that maybe
they were interested
in someone other
than their current husband
being their husband.
So don't dress
in such a way
that you want everyone
to know how wealthy
you are
and also don't dress
in such a way
that your husband
has to wonder
whether you're looking
for a new spouse.
That's all I'm going to say
about those verses.
Okay.
Verses five and six.
We've talked about this before.
This is an encouragement.
I've already discussed
the fact that Sarah
is our model
and he's telling this woman,
look,
you're living with
a non-Christian husband.
You're a Christian.
While you may feel
out of place
in your marriage,
you're actually part
of a long lineage
of godly women
when you do these things.
It's kind of like
what I say
before the confession of faith.
We're confessing
with people
throughout the centuries.
Peter says,
look,
you might feel very alone
in your marriage right now
because your husband's
not a Christian.
When you try to be
the best wife you can
to bring him to Jesus,
you're part of centuries
of godly women.
You're part of that community now.
So,
and I think this is
one of the main points
of verses five and six,
be encouraged.
Be encouraged.
Sarah sets the example.
All these things
about calling him Lord,
submitting to their own husbands,
essentially what Peter's saying
is,
everything I've said before,
Sarah did that.
Submitting to her own husband,
Sarah did that,
so do what Sarah did.
If you want to see
what Sarah did,
go back and read
Genesis in the late teens
and 20s,
mid-teens and 20s.
In other words,
you're in your family right now,
you're out of place,
but you're part of a larger family.
Okay,
another deep breath.
I'm going to give you guys
a bunch of applications,
so that's all the explanation
I have for you
for this passage.
If you are a woman
and you're married
to a non-Christian,
same thing last week
about employees,
be the best wife you can.
God uses that
to bring your husband
to faith in Christ.
And he's also pointing
out another principle,
sometimes family members
are the hardest ones
to talk about
the gospel with.
What's going to win,
you all know this,
not just in marriage relationships,
but in other family relationships.
Sometimes,
if you're closely related
to someone,
you might be the last person
who's able to speak
with influence about that.
So be subversive.
What do you have to work with?
Impress them
with your character.
Remember,
I told you that story earlier,
Cassius,
he's just,
hey,
there's some things
that are hard,
but man,
things have really gotten
a lot better too
when my wife's become
a Christian.
If you are a woman,
not married to a non-Christian,
but married to a Christian,
your husband is imperfect
and flawed
in many ways.
Elrond was not wrong
when he said,
men are weak.
And,
praise God
that you're married
to a Christian.
There are worse things
than being married
to someone
that has faith
in Jesus Christ.
Praise God
that your weak,
flawed,
imperfect,
Elrond husband
loves Jesus.
And,
if a Christian woman
can affect
a non-Christian man
so much
by supporting
his leadership,
how much more
are you able
to support yours?
Peter's calling
these women
who are in a difficult
situation
to support their husbands.
How much more
can you support
a Christian husband?
If you're a woman
married to a non-Christian
or a Christian,
do whatever you can
to support
your husband's leadership.
Do anything
a good supportive
follower would do.
Do anything
a good second chair leader
would do
to support
a first chair leader.
That includes,
hey,
maybe you're problem solving.
Maybe you're telling them
things that you think
might be problematic
about their plans.
It doesn't mean
that you're a yes woman.
Maybe it means
that you are keeping
your disagreements private
instead of spreading
them out to everyone.
I'll make one other
application point here.
One way
you can be subject
to your husband
is by not letting
everyone in the church
know about
your husband's
previous failures.
And not making sure
everyone knows
every time
you guys have
a disagreement.
That's one way
to honor your husband.
It's the same thing
we do in other parts
of leadership.
There are times
when we as elders
of this church
we don't all agree
on something.
But we don't go out
and advertise
to everyone
the things
that we disagree about.
Now,
I'm not saying
don't tell anyone.
One of the things
Satan loves
more than anything else
is to isolate people.
And so I'm not saying
don't talk to anyone
about the struggles
in your marriage.
What I am saying
is talk to someone
rather than everyone.
Talk to someone
rather than everyone.
By the way,
who does the Bible say?
It's Bible trivia for you.
I've got a Bible trivia question
and then a Cheyenne
Mountain trivia question.
Who does the Bible say
should teach women
how to be good spouses?
To be good wives.
Does the Bible say
pastors should teach women
how to be good wives?
Shake your head.
Does the Bible say
that husbands
should teach their wives
how to be good wives?
Shake your head.
Who is supposed
to teach women
how to be good wives?
Older women.
Titus 2.
Titus 2 is a book
written by Paul
to a pastor
telling him
how to run a church.
And he tells him
all the things
he should be telling people
and then he stops
and tells him
and if you're having
if people are having
trouble in their marriages
you go and recruit
the older women
to help the younger women.
It's not your job to go.
Brothers and sisters,
in this church
we are blessed
with an overwhelming number
of older godly women.
That's where you all
were supposed to say
praise God.
Okay, let's try this again.
In this church
we are blessed
with an overwhelming number
of older godly women.
Praise God.
I've been at churches before
where they've been praying
that they would have
older people
in their congregation
who have wisdom.
If you're struggling
in your marriage,
if you need help
knowing how to be
a good spouse,
your problem
is going to be
choosing which woman
to go and seek counsel from.
Good luck.
Now,
Cheyenne Mountain trivia.
How many
pastors' wives
do we have
at this church?
Don't say a number
right away.
Think about it.
How many?
By my count
we have at least three.
We've got
Maurice Fairbrother,
we have Nancy Carlson,
and we have
Deborah Nash,
each of whom
have spent decades
as pastors' wives.
If you want to meet
with me to talk about
how to be a good wife,
I'll come and meet with you,
but I'm bringing
Deborah with me
and she's going to do
the talking
and I'm going to take notes.
Okay?
Yeah, that was really good,
Deborah.
Can you say that again
so I can write it down?
That was great.
By the way,
we have great Sunday school
teachers in this church,
especially in our adult community.
Love Al,
love Jim,
love Chris.
Best Sunday school class
I've ever been
out of this church.
Taught by Autumn Cruz
and Deborah Nash.
If you were there,
you were there
and you know what it was like.
If you weren't there,
sorry.
Okay, finally,
if you're a single woman,
first of all,
do not marry a non-Christian.
Peter is writing
and explaining
that this is a form
of suffering.
I preached an entire sermon
in May
about why we don't marry
non-Christians.
It is still on the website.
Okay,
that's all I'm going to say.
Second,
so don't marry a non-Christian.
By the way,
when I say single women,
I'm not just talking about
women who are 22
and 35
and 47
and 67
and 82.
I am talking about women
who are also 5
and 8
and 12
and 16.
If you are not a man
and you are not married,
you are a single woman.
Congratulations.
So kids,
this is for you too.
Marry someone
who you're willing to follow.
Marry someone
whose leadership
you respect
and you're excited about.
Okay,
character trumps
everything else.
I wish for all of you
that you will find spouses
that are fun
and sexy.
However,
they also need to be leaders
that you're willing to follow.
If you're not willing
to follow them,
please don't marry them.
And then finally,
if you're a single woman,
I talked to a single woman
one time
and she told me,
I am preparing for marriage.
The way I want to prepare
for marriage
is by being
the absolute best friend
I can be
to my female friends.
That's not bad advice.
There's a friendship aspect
to marriage.
There is also,
I'm just going to say it,
there's an authority
aspect to marriage.
One way you prepare
for marriage
is by respecting
the authorities
in your life right now
as much as possible.
If you're a kid at home
and you want to have
a happy marriage
10 or 15 years from now,
respect not just your dad,
respect your dad
and your mom's leadership
as much as possible now.
Don't expect to show up
in marriage
you've been spending
your whole life,
right,
disrespecting the people
in authority over you.
Oh,
but this is going to change
the day I get married,
right?
That's not how
character formation works.
They tell missionaries,
don't expect to show up
to the field
and suddenly just start
evangelizing everyone
when you've never
shared the gospel before.
If you have a boss,
whether it's a man
or a woman,
how can you support
that person's leadership?
That's one way
you prepare for marriage.
Then for everyone,
this is the same
broad principle
that we've seen
over and over again.
We continue
to bring honor
and glory to God
through our actions.
God brings people
to faith in him
because of what we do.
It doesn't mean
that we're the ones
doing it.
It means that he uses
our actions
to bring people
to faith.
And we do it
for all the same reasons
that Peter's given to us.
We do it for the sake
of Jesus.
Jesus is the one
who's made suffering safe.
Remember,
we talked about that
last week.
When Jesus made
suffering safe,
he submitted
to the authority
of God the Father.
He said,
not your will be done,
but my will be done.
And Jesus is the one
who offers these people
hope that they don't
have to fear.
That's how this ends.
We can walk
the path of suffering.
It's a Christian
married to a non-Christian.
We can walk
the path of obedience
because our fear
is of God,
not of man.
And so our hope
is in God,
not man as well.
And so we're able
to do that
because God is the one
who gives us
our hope.
He's the one
who has suffered
before us.
He's the one
who submitted
and showed us
what it looks like.
And we honor
His authority
and we also honor
the other authorities
that we have.
I appreciate
you all's patience today.
I know this is a little bit
of a longer topic,
but it's important.
And this is why
we preach through
books of the Bible
so that we don't
skip things
that are hard
or challenging
to talk about.
And so this is
God's word.
And just in the same way
that it is every week,
it's for our good
and it's for God's glory.
And so I ask
that you pray with me
as we conclude.
Dear Father in heaven,
we thank you
for your word
that's good
even when it's hard
and challenging.
We ask that you
would use it
to help us
and strengthen us.
You'd use it
to build us up.
I ask for the marriages
in this church
that those marriages
would grow more
and more
to look like
you and your relationship
to the church.
That spouses
would be sacrificing
each for the other
and that people
would look
and they would see
the husbands
and the wives
in this church
and they would be
so struck
and want to know
more about
what it is
that makes their
marriage and their home
a place of beauty
and a place of peace.
And we ask
all these things
thankful that we
don't have to earn them
but that Jesus
has earned them for us
and so we ask them
in his name.
Amen.