You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.
Our passion is to experience and express grace.
Join us.
I have a new joy in getting to preach this passage, having worshiped with y'all.
Thank you.
Sarah, thank you for that encouragement.
I want to add my personal invitation to that two-way conversation tomorrow.
To everyone, this passage says things that are beautiful but challenging to men, women, married, single.
You're all welcome.
But especially to my sisters, whom I love.
I really want to avoid adding to hurt this morning.
And as I've talked with some of you already, I've realized how absolutely capable I am of doing exactly that.
What I don't want to do.
How blind I can be at times to what you're feeling or hearing.
So I want to listen.
That's what tomorrow's about.
And let you listen to one another.
And let us together seek to hear God clearly.
I think especially this week, there is noise in many of our heads and hearts.
And just like any other week, what we most need is to ask God to help us hear His voice clearly.
Because we so need that, don't we?
His voice is the one we need to hear.
So will you pray with me to that end?
God, we just sang that we love your voice.
We do.
You've called us to yourself.
We've heard you call us, your children.
We've heard your voice say, do not fear.
But we have so many voices around us.
The world is screaming, crying out about gender and marriage.
Our own flesh is telling us that we know best and we should listen to that inner voice alone.
Our enemy, the devil, is whispering persistently that you, God, don't really have our best interest at heart.
And that's a lie.
You're good.
So good.
Holy Spirit, speak.
Through the very word of God, that we might hear His voice and follow our good shepherd.
That's our prayer in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Let's turn to 1 Peter 3.
I'm going to read first the section addressed to wives.
We'll get to husbands later.
Since we're trying to hear God clearly, let me remind us of something that we may easily forget.
God has been speaking to wives already for two chapters of 1 Peter.
He addresses all of the people in these churches that Peter is writing to.
He's been telling the men and the women, and we all need to hear this reminder,
that our value doesn't come from what we do, how well we perform.
Rather, it comes from who we are.
So when God now begins talking to specific groups of people about being subject to others,
about living such beautiful lives that those who don't yet know God will actually come to follow Him,
He's talking to people that He's already told many gloriously precious things about who they are and their value.
So by way of review, when chapter 3 verse 1 says,
Likewise, wives, let me help you hear God's voice from the first two chapters of this letter alone.
Here's what He's saying.
Wives, beloved daughters of the Lord of the universe,
chosen by God the Father before the world began,
set apart by His Spirit, brought into the family by the precious blood of Jesus,
given specifically for you,
you who have a new life,
a living hope,
an imperishable inheritance,
an inexpressible joy,
in whom God determined to dwell Himself,
giving you unparalleled access near to Him,
because He delighted to make you His very own treasured possession,
the object of His great mercy,
an indispensable part of His eternal family,
with the dignified purpose of manifesting His glory everywhere to everyone.
By the way you live,
the words you say,
your precious faith in Him,
valuable,
blessed,
precious,
dearly beloved,
blood-bought wives,
be subject to your own husbands,
so that even if some do not obey the word,
they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.
When they see your respectful and pure conduct,
do not let your adorning be external,
the braiding of hair,
the wearing of gold,
or the putting on of clothing,
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart,
with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which in God's sight is very precious.
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves,
by submitting to their husbands,
as Sarah obeyed Abraham,
calling Him Lord,
and you are hurt children if you do good,
and do not fear anything that is frightening.
After all the things God has said,
to both men and women,
there are now within a marriage,
different directions given to spouses of different genders.
This happens in nearly every case that marriage is addressed in God's word.
Marriage, we see, is another in this series of authority relationships,
a different kind, certainly, from the others in this series.
But husbands and wives are addressed separately with unique roles.
And for wives, that begins with being subject to their own husbands.
Biblical submission,
clearly not reflective in any of these relationships of inherent value,
but rather of a willing choice to defer to someone else's leadership.
In that sense, like two cars of equal value merging onto the parkway,
and it's tough, and you don't know how,
and one decides it's best to give way and slide in behind the other.
This verse helps us see quickly some things not meant by submission,
because it's clearly not absolute, is it?
It's not assuming that the husband is always right,
or closer to God, or more spiritually knowledgeable or capable.
In fact, Peter urges this submission in the context of the evangelism of the husband,
in hopes that a wife's attitude and actions will have a powerful impact on him
in the most significant area of his life,
his relationship with God.
Far from giving up her agency,
she is serving a significant purpose here, right?
See, in the world of Peter's day,
it was assumed that wives would take on and follow the religion of their husbands.
That's just how it worked.
Of course, if Jesus is Lord,
that's not so simple all of a sudden.
Wives would not be able to follow Jesus
and then turn around and follow their husbands after some other God.
Some of you know the struggle of that situation quite well.
You long to share the relationship that is most important to you,
most formative to your life,
with the person you most love and are committed to.
That is a challenging place to be, right?
So Peter gives encouragement and direction
not to bail out of that relationship,
but to remain faithful in your marriage.
Submitting, being subject to it,
it means taking on a posture of respect,
an attitude of honor,
a disposition to trust.
Now, willing submission does include the idea of seeking your own good.
It may require a lot of faith in God's goodness to believe that is so
when he calls you to place yourself under an imperfect husband,
specifically here,
one who doesn't claim to follow Jesus with you.
But like placing yourself under shelter in a storm,
many of us did that this weekend, right?
Sirens in the middle of the night.
It's designed to be a relationship in which you find blessing.
But while the design is for you to benefit too,
submission means your focus is actually on his welfare,
more than your own,
that you would delight in your husband's honor,
that you would seek his thriving in every way,
including spiritually.
And y'all, what a gift that is to any husband, right?
To receive honor beyond what he earns.
Not just one who may come to faith in Jesus
through the way your life preaches the gospel of grace
and seeing the way Jesus impacts you.
Wow, wouldn't that be amazing?
But that gospel continues to impact Christian husbands too, right?
It's not just the evangelism of it.
You might disciple him by the way you love.
Sarah and Abraham, for example, Christian husband.
Helping him see the worth of Jesus, right?
As you sacrifice.
Helping him taste the grace of Jesus
as you honor him beyond what he earns.
We're going to come back to that.
But next in this passage,
Peter points out that this spirit
is where true beauty comes from.
Not just for married women, by the way.
Verse 4,
Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart
with the imperishable beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit
which in God's sight is very precious.
Let me try to explain
what this gentle and quiet spirit is
and then talk about how absolutely valuable it is, okay?
Those two things.
The word for gentle
means not self-promoting,
seeking another's honor first, right?
Not a contentious spirit
but rather patient when correcting,
Galatians 6.1.
Not harsh.
It's a word actually that Jesus uses of himself.
In Matthew chapter 11,
Jesus says,
I am gentle and lowly in heart.
Far from meaning weak by that,
gentle Jesus does what?
He provides rest for others.
This gentleness is a fruit of his spirit.
Quiet also is a word used as a virtue for all Christians.
1 Thessalonians 4.11, for example.
A gentle and quiet spirit, y'all,
is not merely ladylike
but truly Christlike.
That's a big deal.
Oh, humble, yes.
Not constantly turning the spotlight on oneself.
But quiet doesn't mean soft-spoken in a whisper all the time
or just a shy personality,
but rather it's talking about the inner spirit,
the heart.
It's a peaceful heart.
A spirit that trusts in God
is not anxiously self-absorbed,
self-obsessed.
Because of that,
I assure you that these women,
Peter's describing,
are strong women
in the best sense of the word.
They're not doormats
or shrinking violets.
Proverbs 31.25 says of the godly wife,
what are her first characteristics?
Strength and dignity are her clothing.
And she laughs at the time to come.
Her gentle strength hopes in God.
And therefore, like Sarah,
can laugh at the days to come.
In other words,
fear nothing that anyone could do to her
because of that hope and trust in God.
This godly woman is quick to listen,
slow to speak,
slow to become angry,
but she can still be passionate
and strong
while gentle and quiet.
See, both of those at the same time.
I dare say,
when, for example,
you raise your voice
to defend the voiceless,
you are reflecting God's image.
You're sharing God's heart.
Just don't be raising your voice
to make much of yourself.
Right?
Inner beauty,
a gentle and quiet spirit.
Now I want you to see how valuable it is.
If someone has told you
that this passage belittles
or demeans women,
I want you especially to listen right now,
okay?
I want you to hear God's word.
This blew me away this week.
There's so many.
I can't even tell you
all the different ways.
What word has Peter used
throughout this letter
when he wants to tell you
how valuable something is?
Can you think about
a word that sticks out over time?
Imperishable, right?
Think of all the
imperishable things he's highlighted.
Our inheritance,
God himself,
our faith,
the blood of Jesus,
more valuable than silver or gold,
the word of God itself,
the gospel.
Now Peter says,
this gentle and quiet spirit
has an imperishable-ness about it.
Its beauty is lasting.
It's eternal.
In fact, in God's sight,
it is very precious.
Are you hearing this?
He treasures
your inner beauty forever.
It's contrasted with the beauty
that we know all too well, right?
This is what we think of
when we hear beauty.
Verse three,
it's the external, right?
The kind you put on
to try to make yourself look good
or impressive
or alluring.
And he says,
it doesn't last.
Proverbs 31 again.
Charm is deceitful.
Beauty is vain.
It's empty.
It's fleeting.
But a woman who fears the Lord
is to be praised.
A woman who fears the Lord, right?
And like Sarah,
fears nothing else.
Even submission in marriage,
not fearing anymore.
That beauty,
fearing the Lord,
never fades.
Which is why it's so valuable.
It's like the godliness
mentioned in 1 Timothy 4, 8.
Where physical training
has some value.
Those things matter.
We're not disconnected
from our bodies.
But spiritual training,
the internal,
holds value
for this life
and the life to come
that lasts forever.
That's why it's so much more valuable.
In God's sight,
that is precious.
Women,
you're a tabernacle
of the most high God.
His spirit dwells in you.
You are precious to him.
Your beauty is not up for debate
by the kids in your class.
It's not.
It's not going to be established
by some guy who comes along
and tries to tell you
that he's the one
that makes you beautiful.
It's not.
He can't be.
It's established
by the God
who made you in his image
and says you're precious
to him.
So much so
that that inner spirit
is exactly the place
he would like to create
as his home
to dwell in you,
a vessel for his majesty.
Can you believe that?
We know what God sees
as beautiful.
Dear sisters,
will you care more
about what God values
or what other people value?
In an image-obsessed world
that is not your home,
will you spend more time
and money
and emotion
on your outward appearance
or your inner character?
For that party coming up,
will it be more important
to prepare your body
to look good
or to prepare your heart
to live godly,
to love others?
There's a place for both.
There's a priority on one.
Men,
before I even read
the husband part,
I want to suggest
there's something
we need to listen to here too.
We are visually sensitive people
by God's good design.
What kind of culture
are we contributing to
as we steward that?
Which values of beauty
are we promoting
for our sisters,
for our daughters?
I'll tell you,
they are already
swimming upstream
to care more
about the inner beauty
when their friends
and the men in their lives
and the magazines
on the stands
care more
about the external,
what they're wearing,
what they look like,
and every time
we gaze at pornography,
every time
we give attention
to the outwardly attractive
over the inwardly beautiful,
every time
we make comments
that belittle
or make fun of someone
based on physical appearance
or performance,
we reject God's value,
God's definition
of beauty.
We sin against Him
and against His image
in the women around us
that we're called to love
and we make these
countercultural priorities
that much harder
for our sisters
for their sake.
Stop.
Repent.
Reorient your values
to God's.
We must.
If we're to love.
Wives,
you are precious
in God's sight,
close to His heart
of imperishable beauty
as you humbly seek
the honor
and flourishing
of your husband
before your own.
Husbands,
perhaps this passage
hasn't wounded
as many of us,
but I'll tell you
it's been really convicting
to me this week.
We too need to remember
that God has said
so much about us
before we perform
or fail to perform
as husbands.
Our value comes
from who we are.
So the same reminder
for us.
Verse 7,
Likewise,
husbands,
beloved sons
of the Lord
of the universe,
chosen by God
the Father
before the world began,
set apart
by His Spirit,
brought into the family
by the precious blood
of Jesus
given specifically
for you,
you who have
a new life,
a living hope,
an imperishable inheritance,
and inexpressible joy
in whom God
determined
to dwell
Himself,
giving you
unparalleled access
near to Him
because He delighted
to make you
His very own
treasured possession,
the object
of His great mercy,
an indispensable part
of His eternal family
with the dignified purpose
of manifesting
His glory
everywhere
to everyone
by the way you live,
the words you say,
the precious beauty
of your faith
in Him,
valuable,
blessed,
precious,
dearly beloved,
blood-bought husbands,
live with your wives
in an understanding way,
showing honor
to the woman
as the weaker vessel
since they are heirs
with you
of the grace of life
so that your prayers
may not be hindered.
husbands,
as those called
to love
our wives,
in fact,
to love
as Christ
loved the church
with a towel
wrapped around
our waist,
all the way
to death
if need be
to see them
flourish,
live with them
in an understanding
way,
seek to know
what she loves
what hurts,
what helps,
what makes
her tick.
I realized
this summer
as I got time
on sabbatical
to reflect on
my marriage
that I'd been
neglecting
to pursue
getting to know
Christy
more deeply,
something that
17 years in
you can
sometimes take
for granted
and get lazy.
you.
Sometimes it
was simple
self-love
that cared
more about
understanding
my own
perspectives
and preferences
more than
hers.
Sometimes it
came from
avoiding
potentially hard
conversations
because my
ideal home
and evening
is conflict
free
and very
peaceful.
and at
that altar
I was
missing
the chance
to understand
her better
for the sake
of my
comfort.
I'm trying
to make
time
to ask
more questions
to
listen
more.
Our job
is to
understand
our wives
not make
sure
they
understand
what we
think
and want.
Then we're
told to
show honor
to them
as the
weaker
vessel.
I know
that is a
sensitive
phrase.
The words
are simply
referring
to the
physical
differences
between
genders
typically
there
by God's
design.
The words
mean nothing
further.
If perhaps
you could
be physically
overpowering,
controlling,
or abusing,
instead
treasure
your wife.
Value
her as
precious.
Seek
her
flourishing
in every
way.
Since
she is
called
to be
subject
to
a
function
that
may
appear
weaker
to
some
or
that
others
will
deem
less
valuable,
so
you
all
the
more
as
you
lead
and
love
show
honor
to
clarify
any
confusion
that
might
come
up
about
value.
See,
honor is
even
beyond
respect.
You
have been
blessed
to live
with,
to lead,
even
to love
one who
is so
precious
to God
that he
gave his
life for
her.
And he
now dwells
in her.
You
remember
also she's
a tabernacle
of God.
So far
from abusing
or lording
strength
over her,
honor her,
learn her
wonderful
strengths,
bear patiently
with her
imperfections
and struggles.
Maybe
confess with
me that
you are
way too
focused on
making sure
you get
honor and
respect and
you look
good.
Guys,
you want
something to
do?
We like
something to
do,
don't we?
This
afternoon,
I'll make
it easy.
Learn one
thing about
your wife
and lift
her up
in one
way.
After
all,
she is
physically
weaker
perhaps,
but she's
spiritually
your equal
before your
heavenly
father.
You are
joint
heirs
in a
culture,
y'all,
don't forget,
that was
not a
thing.
There
were no
such
thing as
joint
heirs,
brother and
sister.
No,
no.
But here,
the women,
your wife,
receives like
you the
gift of
life that
none of us
could ever
earn.
Honor her
not because
she's done
something to
earn it,
but because
she is an
heir of
the king
because he
has honored
her.
honor her
so that
your prayers
may not
be hindered.
Of course,
you knew that
was an
obvious
connection.
We all
saw that
one coming.
Best I
can tell,
this is
telling us
that husband
and wife
have a
shared
spiritual
life.
And while
they are
spiritually
equal,
the husband
has a
specific
responsibility
toward their
spiritual
health,
if he's
not treating
her as the
treasured
heir of
grace that
she is,
he's out
of whack
in relationship
with God
somewhere.
His prayers
for her
probably
implied his
prayers
with her
will be a
struggle.
Husbands,
pray for
and if at
all possible
with your
wives.
When you
honor her
as precious
as God
does,
you will
be driven
to your
knees for
her good.
Right?
When you
think of how
precious she
is and how
God has put
her hand
in yours
to love
and to
lead to
him over
and over,
you'll be
praying because
you're not
enough for
that.
Did you
notice in
this passage
that mutual
honor beyond
earning?
Husband and
wife have
different
functions,
different
instructions
here, no
question.
But they
both are
commanded to
seek the
honor of
the other
before their
own, to
be more
delighted in
the honor of
the other
than their
own.
Marriage is
to be, if
you will, a
race downward
to see who
can be below
and lift the
other one up
the most.
And husbands,
it's your
responsibility to
say, ready,
set, go, and
make sure that
race starts.
And you're both
running it.
It's so
beautiful when
this happens in
a marriage.
I watched a
beautiful picture
of it for
several years
when we first
moved to
Huntsville.
In our very
first small
group here at
Southwood, we
met John and
Betty Bates.
If you didn't
get the chance
to meet John
and Betty,
they're both
with Jesus
now, but
they used to
sit right back
there on that
center aisle
every Sunday.
The last few
years of their
nearly 65 years
of marriage
together, John
began to suffer
from dementia
increasingly.
He was always
such a kind
and thoughtful
man, but he
began being
confused, feeling
out of place,
coming still to
the small group
meeting where
he loved to
participate and
talking just as
much, just
usually completely
off topic.
And Betty had
plenty of
opportunities sitting
next to him
to belittle him,
to mock him,
to save face for
herself perhaps.
And she would
smile up at him
and listen
patiently,
occasionally add a
word of clarification
without exposing him
as confused.
Every day she
woke him,
bathed him,
dressed him,
held his hand
while he slept
so that he would
both feel secure
and still feel
that she needed
him.
And then she'd
show up in public
and honor him
when she'd
earned way
more honor.
So beautiful.
She gave us
all a picture
of Jesus'
love with a
strong,
passionate,
gentle,
quiet
spirit.
Isn't honor
beyond earning
after all
the way
Jesus
works?
Isn't that
the good news
of the gospel
of Jesus?
Isn't that
the way
he loves
us?
Jesus
submits himself
to his
father's
will.
Jesus
humbles himself
from heaven.
Jesus
becomes
obedient
to the point
of death
because he
delighted to
see us
honored,
to see us
spiritually
thriving,
to see us
valued and
treasured
more than
himself
and way
more than
we'd
earned.
Amen?
Jesus
was engaged
to an
unfaithful
bride.
She
earned
his
disdain,
his
rejection
over
and over.
That is
the story
of Scripture
from beginning
all the way
through God's
people.
and yet
he chose
to pursue
us persistently
and patiently,
didn't he?
He chose
to wash
us
clean.
He chose
to hold
us in
his hand
so that we
would be
secure
forever.
That's the
kind of love,
love that is
patient
and kind,
that does
not insist
on its own
way,
that never
fails,
the kind
of love
that honors
the beloved
way beyond
earning,
that we,
his precious
bride,
men and
women,
have the
privilege of
receiving from
him and
then have the
high honor
of sharing
with one
another in
lots of ways
and especially
in our
marriages.
Jesus,
may all
of us
believe how
preciously
valuable
you are
to him.
May God
give all
of us
grace to
know how
wide
and how
long
and how
high
and how
deep
is the
love of
Jesus
for you
and then
to love
as he
first
loved us.
Let's pray.
Jesus,
to know
your love
is something
that fills
us with
that
inexpressible
and
glorious
joy.
you love
us right
now and
we didn't
earn it.
You've
loved us
at our
lowest
and our
worst.
Jesus,
you faithfully
pursued
us,
served
us,
sacrificed
for us.
Would
you give
us
delight
in the
privilege
you've
given us
to pass
that love
along?
Might we
rest in
your love?
Might we
rejoice
in sharing
it
today
with our
friends,
with our
neighbors,
and especially
for those
of us
that you've
called into
marriages?
Might we
give
all around
us a
picture
of love
that honors
another
way beyond
what has
been earned?
we need
your help.
Holy Spirit,
give us
your grace
to that
end.
In Jesus'
name,
amen.
Amen.
For more
information,
visit us
online at
southwood.org.