Well, can we turn again in our Bibles to the Old Testament wisdom book of Ecclesiastes
in chapter 4, and we're going to read together from verse 7 to verse 16.
Let me apologize in advance for my throat, which is croaky and fading.
We heard Keith read for us from John's Gospel, Jesus' invitation to friendship.
We're thinking about the reality that as people we are made for friendship, and here in chapter 4
our author introduces the theme of friendship to us. So Ecclesiastes 4 from verse 7 to verse 16.
Again, I saw something meaningless or something that is vanity under the sun.
There was a man all alone. He had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. For whom am I toiling, he asked, and why am I
depriving myself of enjoyment? This too is meaningless, a miserable business. Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other
up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together,
they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can
defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Better a pure but wise youth than an
old but foolish king who no longer knows how to heed a warning. The youth may have come from prison to the
kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. I saw that all who lived and walked under
the sun followed the youth, the king's successor. There was no end to all the people who were before them.
But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
So as we begin thinking about friendship, I want to introduce some thoughts that came from an Australian nurse
called Bryona Ware, who had a blog a number of years ago that she turned into a book, a book that was called
Five Regrets of the Dying. Maybe it's hard to see the connection between that and friendship, but two of the things
that her patients identified as their biggest regrets are of relevance to us. And I hope in a way it will be a
chance for us today to reflect on the path, the trajectory of our life now that we might not live with those same
regrets. One regret, and this was especially true for her male patients from a previous generation,
the regret, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. That regret of being stuck on the treadmill such that
children growing up, a lot of the big events and moments were myths. That friendship with a wife,
building relationships with the kids, absent. That was one big regret that she'd identified among
her patients. And another, I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. Do we recognize that sense of being
caught up in our own lives? Her patients did. They identified that, sort of pursuing, sort of personal
goals, friendships lost along the way. And then when they were needed most, hard to make those connections,
perhaps even hard to know where those former friends were living, not giving enough time and effort to
friendship. Our teacher in Ecclesiastes 4 recognizes the limits of work and the values of friendship
and God's word would want us to avoid those regrets. And so we read from verse 7 to verse 16 and
probably we recognized those famous words in the center, verses 9 through 12. I often read,
at weddings, two are better than one and the cord of three strands is not easily broken. Both pointing
us towards the one basic truth that friendship is one of God's everyday gifts. Ecclesiastes is full of
God's everyday gifts and friendship is one of those, a gift to enjoy, a gift to invest in.
And then J.C. Ryle was one among many. He was a bishop in Liverpool in a previous century. He said,
friendship is that thing which halves our sorrows and doubles our joys. And to share life with another
has that effect for us. We need our cord of three strands. We need friendship. We need relationship.
This week I was reading an article by a pastor in a house church in China, speaking after two years
of pandemic, which was really intense in China, as I'm sure many of us know. But on top of that,
the house church is, of course, persecuted by the government. And what was so striking about that
article was this pastor talking about how the church needed one another. There was an understanding
that we together need the body of Christ. So we need to find ways, even when it's so difficult,
to spend time together, to reconnect so that we can be doing all those one another's, love one another,
serve, encourage, bear one another's burdens. And that made me think, is this a time for us,
as we look towards the end of pandemic, to be reconnecting with one another, reconnecting with
our friends, reconnecting as a fellowship, so that we are sharing our lives together. Because
friendship's a wonderful gift, but we know too that friendship comes with challenges. There's an
excellent book, Made for Friendship, written by Drew Hunter. He observes there are three barriers
that we can probably recognize to friendship today. The first is busyness.
How many of us would identify as being time poor? This becomes a real challenge as well,
I think, when culturally it's almost a badge of honor. You know, who doesn't say that we're crazy
busy all the time? And in that kind of context, it's really easy for friendship to be pushed to one
side. We get our diaries together, and I'll see you in sort of three months' time. It's not conducive to
establishing good friendships. So busyness is a challenge. Technology is a challenge too, isn't it?
There are gifts to technology. But one of the things that technology does is it gives us more
connections, but more shallow connections. It means it's very easy for us to be disengaged from
real life and from real people. So we're typing rather than having face-to-face connections.
You know, we have enjoyed the benefit of technology as a church, but there's a danger as well
that we lose the privilege and the priority of fellowship together. We need real church. We need
real people. We need to be a real body. So that's a challenge. And another challenge and a barrier that
Drew Hunter recognizes is that of mobility, by which he means that as people we move around a lot more
than previous generations. This is undoubtedly true in a city like Edinburgh.
How many of us have moved here in the last five to ten years for work or for study? We don't perhaps
have deep roots here. We perhaps think of somewhere else as home. And one of the challenges then for
friendship is because we know that it takes time to develop friendships and we think we're just here
for a little while, we might think, well, why bother establishing friendships if we're just going to go
back and do something else? And that can be really tricky for us to navigate as Christians because we
know that we need fellowship. We need the body of Christ. We need to be part of a local church. So how do
we navigate that? And so I hope as we spend some time together and we think about the wisdom of our
teacher, it will help us to avoid some of those regrets and to remind us why friendship is better than
friendship. So some wisdom from our teacher. The first piece of wisdom is simply that two are better
than one. We find that in verse nine. But on either side of that, there are two pictures, two people in
view. Now verse seven and eight, we are presented with a workaholic. There was a man all alone. He had
neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
Here is a man working by himself and for himself. He has no time for relationships, no time for his
relatives. Perhaps he has cut himself off from his family in order to get ahead in his work.
This is a person for whom loneliness is no accident but has been caused by deliberate choice
where work is coming first. This is a man who's stuck in a vicious cycle. He's working but he's not
finding contentment. He's not finding joy because he's never got enough money. So that drives him to
make more. There is high cost but no ultimate gain. Samuel Johnson said,
to be unhappy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition. It's the picture of Ecclesiastes 4.
To put finance over family and friends. To pursue competition over cooperation.
To sacrifice everything to the God of success. It's what we find here in Ecclesiastes 4 and we find a
man who is alone and he is miserable and he's not found lasting gain.
And then the other picture, verse 13 to 16, we've got a tale of two kings and we especially think
about the older foolish king. But this tale of two kings, this comparison, let's read again. Verse 13,
better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to heed a warning.
And in part, this story is told to remind us of the limits of work advancement and finding ultimate
gain. Promotion is not going to lead to eternal satisfaction. Driving home the point that we've
seen earlier in the book, don't overwork, don't make work an idol. The picture that we're painted
perhaps reminds some of us of the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis. Joseph was a man who was
languishing in a prison but was then raised to be almost like a king, second only to Pharaoh in Egypt.
Joseph was a man to whom the whole world came, recognized his wisdom, then came for his food. But in
the end, the story of Exodus tells us a future Pharaoh forgot Joseph. That's the reality facing us all.
But the contrast as it comes to friendship is that the poor but wise youth is better than the old but
foolish king. Why? Because one listens to others and the old man refuses to heed the warning of others.
He's become stubborn and he's keeping his own counsel. He's working and living in his own little bubble.
So our workaholic and our foolish king, they share this sense of being alone, having no friend with them,
to have no second. I'm not really sure why but this week as I was thinking about this,
these two stories, I was thinking about dueling. If you've read books and movies, read, watch movies
that are set in the Victorian era. You may have seen some duel scenes. And the second in the world of dueling,
which wasn't just fiction but was fact, a second, a friend, was really important.
That second had the job of looking to defend the honor of one party that was called to the duel.
They would also seek peace to try and spare life. And they would also serve as kind of protection
to avoid any ambush or unfair play. When it came to a duel, you needed a second. You needed a friend
when you went into that intense situation. Do we have a friend who has our back?
Two are better than one. We actually see this all over the New Testament.
We read a couple of weeks ago the parable of the rich fool
had a great harvest, decided to pull down his barn to build a bigger barn so he could store up all this
stuff for himself so he could sit back and enjoy all of his wealth, never care about God, never care
about others, and he was called a fool. Perhaps we know the story of Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus was a tax
collector who had isolated himself in society because he'd become overly greedy, taking more than he should
have, and he was hated by the people around him. But when Jesus came to his house, when God's gift of
salvation came to his heart, he is reunited to society and he becomes exceedingly generous.
Two are better than one. When Jesus sent the disciples out, how did he send them? He sent them in pairs.
He sent them two by two. You read the book of Acts, read how the early church lived, and you find a
community that read God's word together, that they listened to the apostles' teaching together, they prayed
together, they shared food together, they shared the resources together, because two are better than one.
So if two are better than one,
we are not to go it alone.
We are to put
love your neighbor
into practice.
We are to seek to have a friend and to be a friend to others.
Because we recognize, don't we, that we will all have times in our life when we will go through
struggles and we will go through trouble. Whether that's in work, whether that's in relationship,
whether that's with our health, whether that's with faith. And so we need to be investing in
friendships
so that we have that support
for when those moments
come.
We need fellowship
to help us, and so that we can help
others.
Since these stories bring us back to the workplace,
there is an encouragement to seek
cooperation,
which can be very
counter-cultural,
when we're encouraged towards
competition.
We're also being encouraged towards
contentment.
And not to keep chasing after more and more wealth,
recognizing that the value
of life is found in friendship
more than
in finance.
And for our faith,
there is that call to pursue
Christian friendship.
Someone who will share the journey with us.
Christian life is often described as
pilgrimage.
We don't pilgrimage by ourselves,
we walk alongside
others.
Perhaps it's a time for us to remind
ourselves again
that fellowship
and public worship
and spending time with God's people
are God's means of grace
for us.
Because two are better than one.
And then let's think
some more about that central section,
verses 9 to 12.
Recognizing this wisdom
that we are made
for friendship.
That verse 9 begins with a very simple
comparison.
Comparisons where
X is better than
Y.
Two are
better than one.
And then it goes on
because they have a good return
for their labor.
You hear good return
and you hear labor.
And maybe instinctively
we're thinking
economics.
We're thinking productivity.
We're thinking profit margins.
But instead,
what do we get?
Two are better than one
because they give help
for the journey.
And the picture moves
towards the traveler
and towards the pilgrim.
So actually,
these little verses
give us a little window
into
a journeying in the Middle East
thousands of years ago.
And three dangers
are identified.
Three dangers
that can be avoided
if we have a friend
with us.
First danger.
The danger of falling
into a pit.
or falling
and being injured.
If either of them
falls down,
one can help
the other up.
But pity anyone
who falls
and has no one
to help them up.
Friendship is good
because it offers
help.
the next danger
facing a traveler.
What happens
when you're out
in the desert
and there's no
hostel
to be found
and you find yourself
sleeping under the stars?
Also,
if two lie down together,
they will keep warm.
But how can one
keep warm
alone?
There's the danger
of exposure.
being met
by having
someone
to share
body heat
with.
Another danger
that these travelers
would meet
and it's one actually
that Jesus identifies
in the parable
of the Good Samaritan.
Remember the parable
of the man
who's going down
on his journey
and he gets attacked
by robbers?
Well, we find it here
in verse 12.
Though one
may be overpowered,
two
can defend
themselves.
To have a friend
is to have
a source
of protection.
So, here
the good return
is investing
in friendship
so that we know
by experience
two
are better
than one.
Now, we think
about good returns
and we understand
that there is a cost
and we know
that there is a cost
to building
and maintaining
friendship.
It takes time
and as we've said
we are often
time poor
or at least
we think we are.
There is a cost
in establishing
friendships
because there is
of necessity
a loss
of independence.
It's not just
about my needs
and my priorities
and life doesn't
go according
to my speed
and to my
timetable.
So, there is
always a cost
in building
friendships.
Perhaps there is
an awkwardness.
How do I make
that approach?
How do we
move forward?
But, the Bible
would say
it's worth
every cost
because then
you go through
life not alone
but with
others.
Think about
what J.C.
Ryle said,
friendship is
that thing
that halves
our sorrows
and doubles
our joys.
Think about
the words,
pictures here
in Ecclesiastes 4.
We find ourselves
in trouble.
Friendship
means
help.
Who hasn't
experienced
the warmth
of time
with friends
and family?
How good
it is
to make
time
with the
people
that we
care about
and who
care about
us?
To have
someone
who we
know
has
our
back,
it's a
good
thing
and we
know
it
is
a
good
thing.
Perhaps
we can
think of
the buddy
system.
Some of
us in
school
have maybe
come across
that.
Maybe if
we go
climbing
we've
come across
it,
two people
paired
together,
working
as one,
looking to
look out
for one
another,
to monitor
the progress
of one
another.
That's not
just wisdom
for the
playground
or for
the
mountaintop.
That's
wisdom
for life.
That we
don't go
it alone.
As Christians
our faith
is not
private
and privatised.
We are
made for
friendship,
we are
made for
fellowship.
And because
that is
true,
because two
are better
than one
and because
a cord
of three
strands
is not
quickly
broken,
we need
to invest
and prioritise.
And we
need to
look to
see how
can I
break down
those barriers
to building
friendship.
So think
about our
attitude
towards
busyness.
Maybe
for some
of us
we need
to disconnect
from work
so there
are times
when we
are fully
present
with the
people that
we love,
the people
who are
present
with us.
and that's
really hard
when we
can be
spending a
lot of
time working
from home.
Perhaps
we need
to get
out our
diaries
and begin
to
reprioritise
so that
we make
room and
we are
connecting
with old
friends
as
restrictions
continue
to ease.
Perhaps
we need
to think
about our
attitude
to church,
not church
as a
building
that we
come to,
but as
a
people
that we
are
committed
to.
God
demands
that he
be number
one
in our
lives,
in our
priorities.
Jesus
says,
if you
love me,
you'll
love my
church.
What needs
to change
so that we're
showing that
in our
everyday life?
What about
when it
comes to
our use
of technology?
technology?
Is it
important that
we cut
down some
of our
social media
connection
in favour
of real
face-to-face
communion
with people?
Perhaps
when we're
with our
friends,
it's the
time to
leave our
phones at
home,
or at
least to
leave them
in our
pockets,
to switch
off our
notifications
so that
we're
actually in
the room
with the
people we're
in the
room with.
I think
it's
something we
need to
fight against.
And then
when it
comes to
the reality
of us
being much
more mobile
and maybe
feeling less
rooted,
it's that
important thing
of looking
both ways,
to make
effort with
old friends,
but also
pursuing real
friendships now,
not putting it
off and saying,
well, in five
years' time when
I've got that
job and I'm
in that place,
then I'll put
down roots.
No, we need
them now.
God's Word
says we need
church, we
need people
today.
The Bible
is full of
that teaching,
isn't it,
to love
our neighbour.
And that in
itself becomes
a call to
friendship.
And that
becomes a
mindset shift
where we're
thinking about
we, not
just thinking
about me,
because we
are made
for friendship.
And do you
know we can
see that as
we think about
the storyline
of the
Bible?
we go back
to creation.
Indeed, before
the world was
created, we
know that there
was God, a
God who is an
eternal fellowship
of perfect
friendship, love,
communion, Father,
Son, and Holy
Spirit.
And that God
made the
world so
that we could
live in the
overflow of
His love so
that we might
enjoy the
privilege of
fellowship,
friendship with
Him.
we go to
creation, go to
the Garden of
Eden, what do
we find?
We find there
is God, as
it were, walking
and talking
with Adam
and Eve.
We find from
the beginning
that we were
made for
friendship with
God, made
in the image
of God to
know and
enjoy and
worship Him.
And then God
said in His
perfect world
there was one
thing that was
not good, it
was not good
when Adam
was alone,
because we
were made for
friendship with
God and
others.
Staying in the
Garden of
Eden, what
happened when
Adam and
Eve fell into
sin is that
they turned
their back on
God, rejecting
friendship with
God, so that
they might live
like God and
be self-sufficient,
not needing
His friendship
anymore.
So when they
had fallen into
sin and God
came to speak
with them in
the garden, they
are then hiding
behind the
tree.
Friendship,
fellowship has
been broken
because of sin
and they're sent
out of God's
place, sent
east of
Eden and
friendship is
lost because
of sin.
That's what sin
does, it
separates.
But that's not
the end of the
story.
Then we have
this wonderful
theme of covenant
within the Bible,
this idea that
God in His
grace and
mercy, not
because we
deserve it, but
because God is
good and kind.
He pursues His
people.
He reverses that
curse.
He redeems
people.
He restores
people to
fellowship with
Himself.
He enters
into friendship
with people and
He does that
ultimately by
sending Jesus.
Jesus who is
God and
man and He
is the
perfect friend.
He enjoys
perfect fellowship
with His
Father, living
for His
glory and
pursuing obedience
always.
And He's a
wonderful friend,
doesn't He?
Read the
Gospels.
He's a
wonderful friend
to the
disciples, to
those who are
helpless, to
those who are
lost.
And Jesus,
the God
man, then
goes to the
cross to
bear the
curse for
our
disobedience,
for our
saying no
to friendship
with God,
for us
turning our
back on
God the
Father.
And He
dies to
restore His
people to
relationship with
God so that
we can be
friends of
God.
Jesus is
the friend we
need above
all others.
that's why we
read from
John 15,
Jesus said,
greater love
has no one
than this,
that He lays
down His
life for His
friends.
Jesus didn't
say it, He
did it.
There on the
cross, He
did it.
He said, I
no longer call
you servants
because a
servant does
not know his
master's business.
Instead, I
have called
you friends.
Jesus comes
to invite us
to friendship
and to
have friendship
with Jesus
now today
is to find
the best
friend of
all.
One who
will be
there for
every journey
that life
takes us
on.
One who
promises to
be there for
His people
every time
we fall.
One who
warms us
by His
love.
One who
protects us
in His
strong grip.
He is the
one friend
we will
find who
is never
too
distracted
to spend
time with
us.
He's never
too busy
for us.
He's never
out of
reach from
us.
Ecclesiastes
reminds us
that friendship,
friendship with
one another,
friendship with
God, is the
supreme pleasure
of life.
It's something
that we were
made for.
It was
Charles Spurgeon,
famous,
Baptist
preacher from
London,
who said
that to
be happy
here, we
need to
have friends.
So let's
remind one
another that
we would be
pursuing
friendships,
that we
would be
prioritizing
people,
that we'd
be investing
in fellowship
in the
church.
But Spurgeon
also said to
be happy for
eternity,
we need to
find a friend
in Jesus.
Ecclesiastes
keeps speaking
to us about
life under
the sun,
which is a
time marker,
which is
speaking to
us of the
reality of
death and
eternity to
come.
And when we
think about
the reality
of death,
we recognize
that as the
end to
a friendship.
friendship,
and that is
the great
sorrow and
the great
burden we
face, the
great longing
in our
hearts is
that we
would find
a friend
and that
friend would
last forever.
Do you know
Ecclesiastes
tells us God
has set
eternity in
our hearts,
he's given
us that
longing and
that longing
is met
when Jesus
is our
friend,
when our
faith is
in him.
and in
the work
of Jesus
dying and
rising to
pay for our
sin and to
give us
salvation,
in his
work we
find eternal
gain,
that trusting
in Jesus we
have that
promise of
eternal
friendship with
all who have
ever loved
Jesus in
the past,
and eternal
friendship and
fellowship with
Jesus himself.
To our
better than
one,
and especially
when the
one is
Jesus.
Let's pray
together.
Our
Father,
we give you
thanks that
from the
beginning of
creation you
recognized and
you said that
it was not
good for a
man to be
alone, for a
person to be
alone, that
you made
us for
friendship.
We thank
you for the
friends and
the family that
you have given
to us, and
we ask that
you would help
us to be
good friends.
We all know
the challenge
that there has
been over the
last couple of
years because of
restrictions and
lockdowns and
getting used to
meeting and
spending time
virtually and
digitally rather
other than
face to
face.
But Lord, we
pray that you
would help us
to pursue
friendship, to
make time for
others to
share the
sorrows and
the joys of
others.
Lord, we
pray that you
would remind
us that it's
not good for us
to be alone when
it comes to our
faith also,
people, that
you would
connect us
deeply to
Christian
friendship and
fellowship and
to public
worship so
that we can
find help and
strength and
encouragement,
that we can be
doing all those
one another's,
that we can be
showing love.
And we also
remember the
importance in
your wisdom of
the Christian
church and the
Christian family
giving a
picture of
your great
love to the
world.
By this all
men will know
that you are my
disciples, Jesus
said, if you
have love for
one another.
That requires us
to be together.
And so we pray
that you would
strengthen our
fellowship, increase
our unity.
Lord, we pray
for those who
are particularly
lonely today,
in our church,
in our family,
in our community.
We know that
there are many.
We know that
life is hard,
that the last
two years have
been so hard
for many people.
And so we pray
for comfort.
And we pray that
you would grant
to us wisdom
to know how
to reach out
to others,
how to sacrifice
time and our
own independence
for the good
of others.
But we also
pray most of
all that in
people's loneliness
there would be
an understanding
that you have
given Jesus
to be a
friend who
will always
stick by his
people so that
people might
turn to him.
Lord, we also
continue to
think about
the situation
in the Ukraine.
We think about
the sadness
of families
being separated
because of war,
some staying
and some fleeing,
some fighting
and some running
for shelter.
people
are
going to
be a
father.
Lord, we pray that
you would
spare life,
that you would
in the fullness
of time
restore families.
Lord, we pray
that you would
in your mercy
and in your
wisdom,
that you would
intervene
to stop
evil plans
and evil
purposes.
Lord, that the
influence of
Jesus, the
Prince of Peace,
would be
powerfully
felt.
Lord, again, we
thank you for
your church in
Ukraine.
We pray for
them today,
asking that they
would have
an opportunity
to worship
in peace
and in
freedom.
Lord, help
them to
persevere, help
them to
love their
neighbours well
and Lord, even
help your
people to love
their enemies.
Lord, we pray
for those who
can't meet
and who
can't worship
because they
don't have
freedom and
they don't
have peace
and they
face persecution,
not just in
Ukraine but
all around the
world.
Father, sometimes
we take those
things so for
granted.
We pray for
those who don't
have that luxury
asking that you
would draw near,
thanking you that
you continue to
build your
church and
that no
empire and no
hostile purpose
will ever
prevail over
your church.
So we pray
that you would
be with us
in this day
and in this
new week.
We ask that
you would give
us wisdom,
wisdom to
know how to
live at work
and in our
families and
with our
friends so
that we might
live for your
glory.
We pray in
Jesus' name.
God bless you.
He will forgive you.
God bless you.