Beginning at verse 25, and that's on page 1176 of the Red Church Bibles.
Ephesians chapter 4, beginning at verse 25.
Okay, Ephesians chapter 4, beginning at verse 25, page 1176.
Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children.
And carrying on to chapter 6, beginning at verse 1.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment, with a promise,
that it may go well with you, and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children.
Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
And it's really in response to and to help us think through some of the issues that will be facing us this coming year.
The government have already outlined that they would like to hold a referendum early next year
to redefine marriage, which will have an impact on family.
And to help us think through that, not only what we do this morning,
but on the news sheet at the very top of the page,
there's a link there just reminding you that if you go to the church website,
on the recent church blog, there is a list of talks, sermons, and websites
that will be helpful to you, generally around this whole theme.
So I encourage you to check that out for yourselves.
God's good design for marriage.
This morning we are looking at God's design for family.
So let's ask him for his help.
Read to us.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Father, as we listen to your word,
so your spirit is active and at work.
And we do not want to grieve your spirit's work in our own lives.
But we humbly ask that the power of the Spirit would be at work within us individually,
as a mother,
or as a father,
or as a child,
or whatever circumstance we may find ourselves in,
that you would speak into our hearts,
changing us
and transforming us to be more like Christ,
and renewing us
and enabling us to see
your design
for our lives
and especially
for family.
We ask for your help
in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Well, when we were kids,
or when our kids were younger, rather,
we used to play a card game.
Some of you may know it.
It was called Happy Families.
The basic aim was for us to try and collect sets of families by name,
and the cards included a Mr. and a Mrs.,
a Miss and a Master.
And although it was called Happy Families,
it very rarely produced a happy family.
It usually turned into accusations of cheating,
and the other one hitting another,
just because they lost,
and that was only the parents,
while the kids got kicked off to their room.
But there was something else about that game.
There was a general acceptance,
or understanding,
of what family was.
Family was,
well, it was a mum and a dad,
who were the parents of,
well, at least,
a boy or a girl.
But experience tells us that family is not always like that.
It's not unusual for a child to grow up with just one parent,
or perhaps to not even know who their biological parents are.
It may soon be possible and legal for a child to grow up with two dads and two mums as the parents.
This was recently made clear by Glenn,
which is the Gay and Lesbian Equality Network,
responding to the government's proposal to redefine marriage,
this is what they say.
The government's historic decision in November
to hold a referendum on equal access to marriage in 2015
was a landmark moment in the evolution of equality for lesbian and gay people.
We look forward to 2014 being the year that equality of rights and responsibilities
is introduced for lesbian and gay families and their children.
Implied in this is the right for same-sex couples to adopt.
So a same-sex couple who obviously can't produce their own children,
but want a family,
will be able to apply for adoption.
And according to Glenn,
this is a rights issue,
and every loving couple who wants a family
should not be denied one.
But not everybody agrees.
Paddy Manning,
who you may have seen on Primetime recently,
represents an organisation called Preserve Marriage,
which opposes adoption by same-sex couples
and equal marriage rights.
Now here's what he says,
and bear in mind,
he speaks as a gay man.
He says,
I am a gay man.
I'm not a victim,
and I reject this notion
that traditional marriage
should be drastically altered for some fantasy.
Claiming that equality demands
that men and women be as interchangeable as Lego blocks
shows you don't understand men and women,
marriage, or much else.
We can ignore reality all we want,
but the outcomes for children
are not the same across all family models.
Marriage of a man and a woman
gives children the best chance.
You see,
by changing the definition of marriage,
our government are creating
or making way
for legislation
that will deny children
the right
to a father and a mother
by design.
Now that's important,
we've got to understand that.
It will mean
that they will deny children
the right
to a father and a mother
by design.
In fact,
when we look at God's design for family,
we see that every child
has the right
to a loving mother
and a loving father.
So we're going to be looking at family
under two headings.
First of all,
family as God designed it to be,
and then family as God ordered it to be.
So first,
family as God designed it to be.
Let's look at our text
in Ephesians chapter 6,
verses 1 to 4.
Let's read those verses again.
Children,
obey your parents in the Lord,
for this is right.
Honor your father and mother,
which is the first commandment,
with a promise,
that it may go well with you
and that you may enjoy long life
on the earth.
Fathers,
do not exasperate your children.
Instead,
bring them up in the training
and instruction
of the Lord.
So here,
within these couple of verses,
we've got a picture of family.
It includes,
look at verse 1,
children and parents.
And the parents are,
verse 2,
a father and a mother.
This is the design,
this is the structure
in which children
are to be raised.
Now,
just because you've got
heterosexual parents,
a mother and a father,
doesn't mean to say
that the family
will flourish.
Parents must also live
according to God's good design.
So in verse 4,
fathers,
do not exasperate
your children.
Instead,
bring them up in the training
and instruction
of the Lord.
It's implying there
that the parents,
the father and the mother,
that they themselves
must provide
a loving
and caring environment.
Just because you're a man
and a woman
in marriage
doesn't mean to say
that it's all going to go well.
It must be a loving
and caring environment.
They've got to be gentle,
not angry.
And above all,
to be those
who are teaching
their children
in the way
of the Lord.
And if all this design
is followed,
it leads to
healthy family life.
So look at verse 3.
That it may go well with you
and that you may enjoy
long life
on the earth.
We'll come back to that
a little later on.
But we shouldn't be surprised then
that when this design
of God is followed,
it actually proves
to be true.
UNICEF,
the organisation
that works
for children's rights,
now accepts
that children
tend to do best
when they are raised
by their biological parents,
both a mother
and a father.
So this is what they say.
Research clearly demonstrates
that family structure
matters for children.
And the family structure
that helps the most
is a family headed
by two biological parents
in a low-conflict marriage.
There is value
in promoting
strong,
stable marriages
between biological parents.
In fact,
this is not just good
for children,
it's actually good
for all of society.
Further research
has also shown
that when mothers
and fathers
are encouraged together
to stay together
and raise their children together,
it reduces poverty.
In other words,
it's found that
where there are communities
where there is
high marriage breakdown,
there is greater poverty.
And in communities
where there are strong
and healthy marriages,
there is less poverty.
So God knew
what he was about
when he was designing
family.
But what about
single-parent families?
What if a child
only has
a mother
or
a father?
Does that mean
they're not going
to flourish?
Well,
there are all kinds
of reasons
a child may only
have one parent.
Sadly,
a parent may
pass away.
We live
in a broken world
where there are
accidents
and there is
sickness.
Things happen.
Other reasons
may be
that a child
only has one parent
is because,
well,
there may have been
adultery
or some form
of abuse
within the home
which may lead
to divorce
or separation.
But whatever
the actual reason
is,
it doesn't
always mean
that the child
is now somehow
at a disadvantage.
For example,
my wife,
Kirsty,
who most of you
know,
she grew up
in a home
with just a mum.
Her father
left when she
was very young.
Yes,
it was difficult
for her.
Yes,
it was tough
for all of the
children in that family.
It was hard
for her mum.
Yes,
it did affect
and it continues
to impact
on Kirsty's life.
But whatever
the reason
may be
for a single
parent family,
let's remember
this.
God,
in his goodness
and grace,
provides all
that we need
for every parent
and for every child.
Healing,
forgiving,
restoring.
God isn't
bound by the
actions
or behaviours
of others.
God is never
derailed
by the circumstances
of our lives.
Remember the
psalms that we
read earlier
just before we
sang those songs.
Let me remind
you of them.
Though
my father
and mother
forsake me,
the Lord
will receive
me.
God
is a
father
to the
fatherless
and the
defender
of widows.
let's
never
forget
he is a
God
who
has
intervened
into
our
broken
and
disordered
world.
He's come
into the
mess
of our
lives
and into
the
mess
of
families.
He is
a
God
who
redeems
and who
renews.
This is
the kind
of God
that we
deal
with.
In fact,
one of the
ways
God
provides
is actually
through the
wider
church
family.
That's
why we're
gathered here
this morning.
The wider
church
family is
part of
God's
plan to
help and
encourage
all families.
So in
a sense,
all fathers
should be
fathers to
all children
and all
mothers
should be
mothers to
all children
and all
siblings
should be
siblings to
all children.
children.
The church
plays a
huge role,
a massive
role in
providing
the practical,
emotional and
spiritual support
to all
families.
That's why we
make such a
big point of
us coming
together like
this.
We're not
just coming
as individuals,
me and my
family and
just our
little core
group.
We're coming
together to
support and
encourage each
other and to
help each
other along.
But having
said all of
those things,
we mustn't
lose sight of
what God's
best design
for family
is.
That is a
loving marriage
between one
man and
one woman
that is in
an exclusive
lifelong
commitment.
So that is
family as
God designed
it to be.
But second,
family as
God ordered
it to be.
Because within
this design,
this beautiful
design that
God has,
we find an
order.
And that
order starts
back in
chapter 5
verse 21.
Chapter 5
verse 21
says,
Submit to
one another
out of
reverence for
Christ.
So this is
the beginning
of the,
verse 21 is
really the
beginning of
the whole
section through
the rest of
chapter 5
and into
chapter 6.
It's telling
us that we
are all to
submit to
God's
ordering,
to submit to
God's design,
his structure
for family
life.
So in
verse 22
following,
there is an
order for the
husbands and
wives.
They have
distinct and
different roles
to play within
marriage,
one to
another.
There's an
order and
God's designed
it in that
way.
And in
our text,
in chapter 6,
1 to 4,
there is an
order, there's
a particular
structure for
parents and
for children.
So in these
verses, parents
are placed in
authority over
their children
and children
are placed
under the
care of
their parents.
So we're
going to look
at them in
two ways.
First, we're
going to look
at the role
of parents.
So listen
up, parents.
Look at
verse 1.
Or I
could even
say potential
parents.
Children,
obey your
parents in
the Lord,
for this is
right.
So parenting
is to be
the responsible
of the
parents,
mother and
father.
You don't
just leave
it to one
or the
other.
They both
have their
distinctive
roles.
A mother
is gifted
and a
father is
gifted
differently,
but yet
they complement
each other.
They work
together to
provide the
best environment
and care for
their children.
So parenting
is a dual
task,
something they're
in it together.
However,
and I think
this is right,
you might want
to come back
to me on
it later.
However,
I think
within God's
order,
the father
is given
a particular
responsibility.
So he jumps
from verse 1
talking about
parents generally,
now to verse 4,
fathers.
Fathers have
a particular
responsibility
that the
mothers don't.
Yes,
they all play
their role in
it,
but fathers
listen up,
myself included.
Fathers,
do not
exasperate
your children.
Instead,
fathers,
bring them
up in the
training and
instruction of
the Lord.
One commentator
has pointed
out the
common abuse
of a father
at that time
in a typical
Roman family.
Let me read
it to you
what it was
like or what
it could
have been
like.
A Roman
father had
absolute power
over his
family.
He could
sell them
as slaves.
He could
make them
work in
his fields,
even in
chains.
He could
take the
law into
his own
hands,
for the
law was
in his
own hands,
and he
could punish
as he
liked.
He could
even inflict
the death
penalty on
his child.
Now,
that might
seem a bit
extreme for
us in our
context and
in our
environment,
but I
don't think
it's too
uncommon
for children
in Ireland
to experience
the abuse
or the
absence of
a father.
It's all
too common.
The number
of fatherless
children or
children being
raised not
knowing who
their father
is, or
perhaps who
their mother
is, is
increasing all
the time.
So there
is a
specific and
an important
correction here
for how a
father should
parent.
And there
are two
primary
concerns.
The first
concern, if
you split the
verse, verse
four, in two
parts.
The first
concern is the
first part.
Fathers do
not exasperate
your children
or as some
translations have
it, fathers
don't provoke
your children
to anger.
Don't provoke
your children
to anger.
Don't get
them angry
and annoyed.
Let's think
about that for
a minute.
Because anger,
and I guess
this is the
experience of
all parents,
it's a common
response, isn't
it, of a
child to a
parent.
If you had
children, do
they ever get
angry with
you?
It's alright,
they do.
It's alright,
children will
get their own
backs in a
minute, so
don't worry.
So when a
parent says
no to their
child, or
no, not
there, or
don't touch
this, what's
the reaction?
Sometimes they
get angry and
they throw a
tantrum and
they start
shouting and
doing all
kinds of
things.
Why?
Because the
child is
simply doing
what we
all do.
They're
fighting against
authority.
They're
resisting God's
good design
for life.
They don't
like it.
They don't
want to
submit to
their parents'
authority.
They want to
live life
their way and
do things the
way they want
to, like
us.
They have a
sinful nature
that reacts
against authority,
doesn't want to
submit to it,
and responds
in anger.
So does
that mean
then parents
must avoid
saying or
doing anything
that will
ever cause a
response of
anger?
Well, I
possibly couldn't
tell them never
say no or
don't do that
because, well,
if they get
angry.
Well, I don't
think that's
what it's
saying.
What does it
mean then?
Well, parents
and in
particular fathers,
we must
exercise our
authority.
we must
be firm
with our
yes and
with our
no, but
in a way
that is
Christ-like,
in a way
that doesn't
cause a
wrong response.
So, have a
look at the
verses that we
read earlier
in chapter 4,
verse 26.
All of us,
whether we're a
father or not,
this applies to
us all.
These are
searching and
challenging
words.
verse 26
of chapter 4,
in your
anger,
do not
sin.
Do not
let the
sun go
down while
you are
still angry.
In other
words, don't
go to bed
without having
sorted out what
you need to
sort out with
your wife or
your husband or
with your
children.
Go to bed
at peace,
having forgiven
each other.
Verse 27,
and do not
give the devil
a foothold.
If we don't
sort it out,
he gets
in.
And he
makes things
difficult.
Verse 29,
do not
let any
unwholesome
talk come
out of
your mouths,
but only
what is
helpful for
building others
up.
So if you
haven't got
something good
to say that
is going to
be helpful
or building
up to your
children or
to your
husband and
wife,
don't say
it.
verse 31,
get rid of
all bitterness,
rage and
anger,
brawling and
slander along
with every
form of
malice.
You see,
this is what
it is to
parent.
This is what
it is to be
a father who
uses authority
but in a
Christ-like
way.
Well, how
are we going
to do
that?
Because I
know myself
having read
through all
of this,
I know I
failed in
all of these
areas as
a father.
How are we
going to
get it
right?
Well, look
at verse 32.
Be kind
and compassionate
to one
another,
forgiving each
other,
just as in
Christ God
forgave you.
Do you
see that
beautiful
picture?
We have a
father in
heaven who
has fathered
us in the
most ultimate
and best way
in that he
has forgiven
us.
God was the
only one who
was just and
right to be
angry with
our sin,
but yet he
didn't pour
out his
anger on
us, but he
removed his
anger from
us so that
we didn't
have to face
it.
And he
cared for
us as
his
children so
that we
in turn
would be
able to
care for
our
children.
Chapter 5
verse 1.
Be imitators
of God
therefore as
dearly loved
children and
live a
life of
love just
as Christ
loved us.
love.
You see,
fathers,
parents,
if you want
a model for
how to
parent well,
yeah, the
books are
great,
talking to
others will
be great,
but look at
the model that
we see on
the cross of
what the
Father has
done for
you.
That is the
example that
we should
follow.
the loving,
forgiving
Father.
So that's the
first concern.
Fathers,
take your
role
responsibly.
Do not
exasperate your
children.
The second
concern is the
second part of
the verse.
Instead, in
place of
this, bring
them up in
the training
and instruction
of the
Lord.
The greatest
desire parents
can have for
their children
is that they
love the
Lord Jesus.
It's not that
your children
are good at
sport.
It's not that
they are good
educationally.
It's not that
they have a
stable career.
It's not even
their health.
All of those
things are
good.
But to
paraphrase the
words of
Jesus, what
good is it
for your
son or
daughter to
gain the
whole world
but lose
their own
soul?
What good
is it if
your son
becomes the
greatest sports
person on
the field?
What good
is it if
your daughter
is the
best
educationally
if they
do not
know the
Lord Jesus?
Bring
them up
in the
training
and
instruction
of the
Lord,
fathers.
Make sure
they are
learning
Christ
from you.
Make every
effort to
teach them
about their
true
heavenly
father.
I dream
that my
son will
score goals
and tries.
I have to
dream because
it doesn't
happen at the
minute.
I long
that my
daughter makes
it at
school.
I want
the best
for my
children in
every area
of life.
But let's
make every
effort to
make sure
that none
of these
passing
things,
these are
empty
things,
they're
unfulfilling
things.
Make sure
that none
of them
interfere or
take the
place of
the desire
within your
parents'
heart for
your child
to know
Christ.
Fathers,
make it
your priority
to read
the Bible
and to
pray with
them.
Forget about
the little
job that
needs to
be fixed.
Forget about
having to
spend extra
time at
the office.
Forget about
the stuff
that you
need to
do outside
or going
to the
gym or
playing that
game.
You'll
have all
the time
in the
world when
your children
are gone
and left
home.
Make it
your priority.
Change your
habits.
Do things
now to
get in
place so
that we
have time
to bring
them up
in the
training and
instruction
of the
Lord.
Use the
website,
go
therefore.
It'll
help you.
help you
to
help you
to
help you
with your
children.
Let me
encourage all
the parents
and potential
parents because
we all know
that we
live and
parent very
often out
of guilt.
So let me
encourage us
all, whatever
age your
children may
be, whether
they're at
home with
you now or
whether they've
left home,
and this is
the encouragement,
salvation is
a gift from
God.
God is
never
forced by
your success
as a
parent, and
God is not
bound by
your failure
as a
parent.
He is so
good, he
is so kind,
he is so
gracious, and
so as
parents we
pray our
children into
his care.
every day.
Parents and
fathers bring
up our
children in
the training
and instruction
of the
Lord.
The role of
children.
Verses one and
two, children,
all of us,
we're all
children, and
those who are
younger here,
obey your
parents in the
Lord for this
is right.
Honor your
father and
mother,
obeying.
It's always
hard for
children, no
matter what
age we are.
It's always
difficult to
obey your
parents.
And it's
only when we
look at the
obedience of
Jesus to
his father that
we can learn
what it is to
obey.
When the
father asked
his son to
go to the
cross, Jesus
obeyed his
father.
He submitted
to the will
of his
father.
He did
what he
asked him
to do, and
here's the
reason why he
went to the
cross to
take the
blame for
all of our
disobedience.
He came to
forgive us of
all the times
that we get
angry and
annoyed and
cross and
frustrated at
our parents.
Jesus obeyed
in our
place.
forgiveness.
And the
way to show
our thanks for
all that Jesus
has done for
us is to
obey.
We obey our
mum and dad
not to earn
God's love or
to earn their
favour, but
because we have
received God's
love and
forgiveness.
We honour our
parents in
response to
say thank you
to our
father in
heaven for
what he has
done for us.
So children,
if we want
a model for
how to obey
and honour
your parents,
look to the
cross and
see how Jesus
obeyed his
father for
you.
This is all
God's good
design for
his family.
It's something
beautiful.
It's something
wonderful.
He designed
it from the
beginning of
time.
And God's
order for
family brings
life and
blessing.
Look at
verse 3.
That it
may go
well with
you and
that you
may enjoy
long life
on the
earth.
So as
parents and
children, as
together we
live under
God's design
and order
for family,
so our
lives begin
to flourish
as God
intended.
It's not
saying that
it's going
to be a
perfect life
or that it's
going to be
without frustration
or things
won't happen.
Yes, they
will, but
this is saying
generally, under
God's good
order and
God's good
design until
the day we
reach heaven
where it will
be perfect.
He's saying
this is the
best life
for you
as parents
and this
is the best
life for you
as children.
Don't
interfere
with God's
design.
He knows
what he is
doing.
Let's play.
Let's pray.
Father, we
are taken
aback again
at the
amazing,
beautiful,
and wonderful
design of
family and
the way you
have created
life to be
under your
good order.
And we
confess,
we repent
that we
have so
often made
a mess
of your
good design.
We have so
often not
been the
father or
mother or
child that
we should
be, and
life hasn't
gone the
way it
should go.
And so
we look to
you, our
ultimate
father, asking
for forgiveness
afresh on
our lives,
asking again
that you
would mould
us and
shape us,
that we
would live a
Christ-like
life, obeying
our father in
heaven and
fulfilling the
role that he
has called us
to do in
the power of
your Holy
Spirit.
Father, would
you please
give to
every parent
here this
morning your
grace.
Fill them
with your
Spirit.
Enable them
to care for
their children
well, to
provide for
their every
need physically,
emotionally.
And for
every father
who is
represented
here, may
you fill
them with
that wonderful
role and
responsibility to
teach and
instruct.
And may
they live
such an
example that
their child
grows to be
like them.
And we
pray for
every child
represented
here, that
you would
care for
them and
that you
would help
them to see
through the
mistakes the
parents make
and look to
the Lord
Jesus.
We pray that
they will
grow to be
obedient and
that they in
turn will
become parents
themselves and
raise their
children well.
father, protect
every marriage,
protect every
home and
use it for
your glory to
be a witness
and an
example of
your amazing
gospel.
We pray this
in Jesus'
name.
Amen.