I remember quite distinctly the day I started school.
I was four years old.
My family was living in Paris at the time.
My parents dressed me up in the warm clothes required for school in Paris.
I had a bright coloured parka.
I was the only not French kid at my school.
I was pretty nervous about going to school.
My older brother had gone before me and he'd been beaten up for basically the first term of school in Paris.
And so I went with a fair amount of apprehension about what I would find when I got there.
And it went roughly as I expected.
I would sit in my class surrounded by people that I couldn't talk to or understand.
The teachers would politely try to interact with me, but they didn't speak English either.
And so they would kind of pat me on the head and leave me with paper and pencil to my own devices
because there wasn't much else that we could do.
At lunchtime, I was lucky enough to have my older sister in the same playground,
so at least I had someone to talk to briefly.
But I do remember just feeling a profound sense of loneliness,
just feeling completely isolated, like there was no one who cared or who could care,
even if they wanted to, because I couldn't communicate with them.
And it's not just when we start school or start a new school or go into a new environment
that we can feel that kind of loneliness and isolation.
I think that for many of us, it's something that can be true of us right now.
It can be true in a very familiar situation.
It can be true in a school that you've been at for years.
You can feel lonely in an office that's crowded with people.
You can feel lonely, exercising in a crowded gym, sitting on a crowded train, even sitting in a crowded church.
You can still feel lonely and isolated.
And I imagine that in a room this size that there would be some people who are sitting here right now
and that's exactly how you feel.
You want friends, you want to connect, but you don't feel like it's happening.
That desire for connection drives us.
It's not like we just sit there and feel sorry for ourselves.
We spend our lives trying to satisfy that longing.
We grab onto solutions which usually don't deliver.
Deep down, what we're crying out for is friendship.
Even if we wouldn't use that word, that's ultimately what we want.
We want connection and we want intimacy and that's what friendship is designed for.
That's the whole point.
Friendship is a good thing.
Friendship is something we want.
Friendship is something we need.
But friendship is also something that's difficult.
It's something that's hard to grab hold of.
I've had a number of conversations with people of varying ages within our church family and outside recently
who have all lamented how hard it is to make and keep friends.
Maybe it was easier when you were younger, but as you get older,
suddenly you have a smaller pool of people, you have less opportunity, you get busier.
And so we feel the pain of loneliness and isolation.
And yet friendship is good.
Friendship is desirable.
Friendship is needed.
So what wisdom does God's word offer us in dealing with this loneliness?
Well, firstly, I think it's worth us understanding a bit about the nature of friendship.
We sometimes like to blur the lines between the different relationships that we have in life.
We collapse all the categories down into friendship.
And so, you know, my wife is my friend.
My barista is my friend.
My hairdresser is my friend.
My siblings are my friends.
My friends are my friends.
And we kind of just roll them all up in one category,
even though there's clearly a distinction between the way I relate to my wife
and the way I relate to the person who cuts my hair.
There's a difference in connection.
There's a difference in interaction.
And yet we sometimes treat them like they're just one.
Now, friendship is going to be probably part of all those different relationships.
But there's something that makes friendship friendship.
There's something unique and specific to friendship.
And as we dig into Proverbs, we need to understand what that is
if we're going to actually get better at doing friendship.
Now, it's helpful if you think about friendship as journeying.
As walking side by side, as being on a journey towards a destination together in partnership.
When we think about romantic relationships, we think about being face to face.
But friendship is that sense where rather than being obsessed with one another,
you have a common interest.
You have an object of your friendship.
You have a foundation or a connection point.
And this is what Jimmy talked about last week.
When we were looking at friendship, Jimmy said that all friendships have a connection point.
They have a common interest.
They have something that drew you together, whether it's your work or a hobby or something.
And if you take that basis away, you effectively remove the friendship.
Unless you can replace it with another common interest, if you take that common thing away,
the relationship is gone.
The friendship is broken.
And what that means practically is that you can't create a friendship.
You can't manufacture one.
I mean, friendships are discovered.
Because if it's an interest or a passion that connects you, you discover that somebody shares that.
You can't fake an interest or a passion in order to get friends because it doesn't really work like that.
It might work for a period, but soon the energy will die out.
You won't put the effort that's required in and suddenly the relationship begins to break.
Friendship is the result of passions.
Friendship is the result of interests.
Friendship is the result of the things that you hold to be true when you discover those same things in someone else.
So if you chase friendship, if as a lonely person your solution is I just need a friend,
and you go after somebody to be your friend, you'll probably find people that are willing to spend time with you,
maybe because they're caring or generous or nice.
But without that common point of interest, that relationship is going to be like a fire without oxygen.
It can never actually spark.
It can never actually be a friendship where you guys share something because you don't have anything to share.
You just want a friend.
Friendship is about journeying to somewhere.
It's about getting to a destination.
And it's the result of connection points.
It's something you stumble upon.
It's not planned neatly.
There's either something to connect you or there's not.
The foundation either exists or it doesn't and you cannot manufacture it.
But that said, discovering a friendship is not enough either.
True friendship needs to be, once it's discovered, nurtured, invested in, built.
And Proverbs gives us the picture of what that might look like.
You can think of this as almost like a checklist of what a good friendship will require,
what a good friend would look like.
And I think Proverbs points us to at least four characteristics.
There could be more in there, but I want to focus on four tonight.
The first one is good friends are constant.
Proverbs 17, 17 says,
A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
Friendships take time to grow.
That's normal.
All relationships take time and take investment and good friends give you the time so that the
relationship can grow.
You might click with somebody and just, it feels like you're the exact same person, but
if you never see each other, if you're never there with one another, the relationship doesn't
have a chance to develop.
Now, it's easy to surround yourself with the friends who love to gain something from you,
friends who benefit because maybe you're an entertaining person to be around.
Maybe you're generous financially.
For that person, you're just a means to an end.
That's not the same as a friend.
Proverbs 19 tells us that many curry favor with a ruler and everyone is the friend of
one who gives gifts.
When there's benefit, great.
But when there's not, verse 7, the poor are shunned by all their relatives.
How much more do their friends avoid them?
Though the poor pursue them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found.
See, fair-weather friends, fake friends if you like, love the benefit of a relationship
that you have.
But they disappear when being a friend will start to cost.
When being a friend will involve some sort of sacrifice.
See, friendship requires the constancy that isn't dictated to by circumstance.
Friendship requires being there in the good and the bad.
The up and the down.
And when we're struggling, we need friends more than ever.
And those friends are the hard ones to find.
When life's good, people will hang around.
They'll gather.
It's great.
But what about when you're not much fun to be around?
What about when you're feeling depressed?
Now, I think there's two sides to this challenge.
Because most of us would probably say that we are the kind of friend that would be there.
We would say that we're happy to do what's required.
We even verbalise it out loud.
We make offers like, is there anything you need?
Is there anything I can do?
Let me know if I can help in some way.
But often that's where it stops.
Just at words.
Offers.
Because either we're the fair-weather friends who go missing when there would actually be the requirement
to follow through on that promise.
You know, we've got things going on in our own life.
We've got our own struggles.
We assume maybe someone else is helping them.
Maybe someone else is better equipped to help them.
And so we just kind of fade into the background and hope they don't notice.
Or we're sure we would be there in the hard time.
But we weren't there in the good time.
So we don't know that it's a hard time.
We're not actually close enough to know what's going on for someone to be able to put a hand up and offer help.
Because people aren't walking around with signs saying, I'm doing it tough right now.
You need to have the close relationship where you've spent time in the good and easy period
to know that things are maybe not as good as they have been.
Constancy means the good, the bad, the up, the down, always around.
Because what constancy gives us is its training for those extreme difficult times.
It's the little acts of helping that are training us for the significant acts of sacrifice.
So it's the little act of buying someone dinner because they just needed to hang out with someone
or their wallet was empty or whatever it is that prepares you for then sitting with somebody next to a hospital bed.
The little acts train us for the demands that will come,
which means we need to be there when only little acts are required as well.
Good friends are constant friends.
I had an older pastor give me some helpful advice a few years ago when it comes to caring for people in need.
I had a friend who was dealing with the grief of losing somebody that they loved
and I didn't really know how to engage them.
They were a friend.
I knew they were in pain.
I knew they were struggling.
I'd said all those things.
I'm there for you.
Is there anything you need?
But they didn't have the space to answer that with any substance.
And so I just didn't know what to do.
And the advice was just turn up.
Knock on the door.
Be okay with them sending you away and saying,
I can't handle your company right now,
but at least move the question of,
are you that constant friend or was it just words?
Show them that you are there.
Prove your availability.
Turn up and be there in whatever way it is that they need.
Maybe the first step for us,
the first struggle for us in getting good at friendships
is that we need to put our money where our mouth is
and just be with the people that we care about.
We actually need to make the decision to clear the space.
We're all busy.
We're all pressed for time.
But to say these people matter enough
that I'm going to sacrifice something else to be available for these people.
Friends are constant.
Secondly, friends are also careful.
Let me show you what I mean.
Proverbs 25, 17 says,
Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house.
Too much of you and they will hate you.
Now, I just told you to just turn up,
be there all the time.
And now Proverbs is pushing slightly in the other direction
and saying, don't turn up too much or you'll be annoying.
And that's not going to build a good friendship.
Don't be the friend who overstays their welcome.
We've got to understand that God has created people differently.
That there's not a one size fits all model of how to do friendship.
We all need friends,
whether we're introverted or extroverted or somewhere in the middle.
We all need friends.
But what friendship looks like with different people will be different.
Some people can hang out 24-7, night after night, day after day,
and never get tired of one another.
But some other people who genuinely love their friends
also need a bit of time to withdraw and be alone.
And carefulness is the wisdom to recognize what kind of friend you have.
Carefulness is the investment in them to not just want to hang out
because you want to hang out,
but to want to do what's going to best benefit them.
What's going to be a blessing on your friend?
A friend knows their friend well enough
to be able to provide that which best fits the individual.
Verse 14 of chapter 27 says,
If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,
it will be taken as a curse.
Blessing sounds like such a good idea,
but if you're not a morning person
and somebody knocks on your door just to tell you how great you are
and that they love you,
you're going to want to punch them.
Have the wisdom to recognize who it is that you are friends with,
to understand what it looks like to bless them.
Now, this carefulness is like an emotional investment in your friend.
It's a connection between friends
where your happiness and your sadness are impacted
and even almost somewhat dependent or affected
by the happiness and sadness of your friend.
You're so connected to them and the way that they're journeying
but that it matters to you.
You carry each other.
When they're sad, you feel that sadness.
You carry that weight.
When they're happy, it lifts you up,
even out of a difficult and dark day.
It's at the point where it's almost like you can't be happy
when your friend is in deep, deep pain.
Proverbs 25 says,
You might have that person in your life
who doesn't read your emotions very well,
who doesn't have the awareness or doesn't care enough
and just rubs their good days in on your bad days.
Just celebrates their wins
regardless of what pain you might be walking through.
That's not how friendship works.
That's not good friendship.
Friends carry your emotional weight like it's theirs.
Now, and this is important.
This is why it's actually hard to have a lot of friends.
It's good to have lots of people that we are friendly with,
that we know, that we see regularly.
But this kind of friendship takes a real commitment and investment.
And it would be unwise to take on a whole bunch of these friendships
because you would drown in carrying the struggles
of all the people that you had committed to.
It's actually good and right and okay and wise.
to have a few rich, deep, connected friendships,
which I think for a lot of us is more than we have right now.
A lot of us might not even feel like we have the one person
who fits this bill.
Friends are constant and friends are careful.
And because of that,
friends can be candid as well.
There's a temptation in relationships
to only ever affirm the person
that we're in a relationship with.
We have this fear that, you know,
being harsh or being too direct
might somehow push them away.
But I'm assuming that if you have any friends at all,
at least some of them annoy you some of the time.
They have at least some annoying habits.
They have at least something that they do
that you just despise and it irritates you.
Maybe, you know, it could be anything from
insisting on speeding whenever they drive
and making you feel unsafe in the car with them.
It could be gossiping about somebody
who is not their friend but you care about.
I don't know what it is,
but we're all imperfect people
and we all have annoying habits
and there's a good chance that those you call friends
irritate you sometimes.
The question is,
have you had the uncomfortable conversation
with them about it?
Have you said,
I don't like it when you do this?
Or if it's something illegal like speeding,
it's probably not a great idea for you either.
And don't get me wrong,
this is uncomfortable.
I'm not saying if you're friends,
you should just be able to do this
and it's easy and it's happy
and everyone smiles while you tell them
that there's something bad about their personality.
It's like Ali was sharing earlier,
you know, when you get that harsh word of criticism
or feedback,
it can be painful.
But it's that sort of constructive honesty
that friends give.
Proverbs 29 tells us that
those who flatter their neighbours
are spreading nets for their feet.
I don't know if you guys have been watching
the beginning of X Factor
that's just started again.
I watched the encore on last night
and it amazes me every year.
It shouldn't because it always happens,
but it amazes me every year
some of the people who get up
and can't sing
but have been deluded
by unhelpful friends
who have told them that they can sing
all the way to the point
of being ridiculed on national television.
These people walk onto a stage
in front of a huge room full of people,
let alone thousands and thousands of people
in their homes watching
and as soon as they start,
you know that this has got to be
some sort of joke.
You just assume this is a prank.
Someone's put them up to it.
But then, you know,
the judges are giggling
but you see at the end,
they're upset.
They genuinely believed
they were an amazing singer
and the reason is
because when they walk off the stage,
there's family and there's friends.
Now the judges don't know
what they're talking about.
You don't give up your dream.
You're going to be a famous singer.
No, you're not.
You cannot sing.
That doesn't make you a bad person.
Not everyone can sing.
It's okay.
Just tell them.
It's not loving.
It's not good.
You're not helping them.
You're setting them up for a fall.
When we have friendships
where all we do is just,
you're great
and just affirm even bad things
in those that we care about,
we actually set them up for a fall.
We set them, a trap for them.
In chapter 27,
we hear that wounds from a friend
can be trusted
but it's the enemy
who multiplies kisses.
If all you do is flatter your friend,
you are not a friend.
Now they are wounds.
The truth spoken even in love
can wound
but that's part of being a good friend.
That's part of desiring
what's best for your friend
rather than just what's easiest
and most comfortable for you.
There's truth in the line
that Oscar Wilde said,
a true friend stabs you in the front.
We might struggle to speak the truth
when it needs to be spoken
but equally,
we might not be the friends
who've earned permission
to speak the truth in the first place.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted
but part of what makes them trustworthy
is that you're the friend,
is that you have the careful,
the constant relationship,
that you are connected enough
to not just speak
into somebody's personal space
but to actually open up
and share your own as well.
To actually be vulnerable
and candid
and share your weaknesses
and your fears
and your failures
because it's much safer
to be challenged
by somebody who you know
struggles just like you.
It's much easier to hear
rebuke and correction
from somebody who you know
is walking the same road with you
rather than somebody
who's sitting in the grandstand
and hasn't actually let you know
and they're just pointing
into your life.
Just love to let you know
where you're failing
and where you're weak.
Friendship needs to be open
and honest
and vulnerable
because from that place
it's safe
to be candid.
It's safe to speak
the truth in love.
Friends are candid.
Friends are constant.
Friends are careful.
And lastly
friends give counsel.
Last week
in Roxy's Kids Talk
we were reminded
that bad company
corrupts good character.
That for good
or for ill
your friends
are influencing
who you are.
You're becoming
progressively like them
caring about
what they care about
doing what they do.
And Proverbs
encourages us
because of that fact
to choose our friends
wisely.
Remembering that
there's an end game.
Jimmy read out for us
chapter 27
verse 17
as iron sharpens iron
so one person
sharpens another.
The point of relationship
is to be sharpened.
It's to move forward.
It's not just to sit there
roughly the same
doing the same stuff.
But the question is
what kind of friends
do we need
if we're going to get sharpened?
What kind of friends
do we need
if we're going to grow
if we're going to move forward?
Who has the capacity
to give the good counsel?
Well when we're choosing
friends
I think we need
two things.
And just to clarify
I've already said
you can't make friends
you can only discover them
but when you're figuring out
which ones to invest in
having discovered
some foundation
you need two things.
You need both affinity
and you need friction.
Now the affinity
is going to take care
of itself.
I mean we only ever
begin friendships
with people
who are like us
in some way.
From the same background
they're into the same hobby
whatever it is
we gravitate
to the same people
and that's good and right
but what about friction?
Now the image
of iron sharpening iron
implies friction.
That's how sharpening happens.
It's almost like
the image of God
refining us
in fire like gold.
There's a bit of pain
in there
that you can hear
but it's good pain.
It's pain for an outcome
and now the friction
is not the same
as opposition.
It's not wise
to go and pick friends
who hate you
and who want to cause you
trouble and pain.
That's not what I mean
by friction.
You do need friends
who as well as being
like you in some way
are also different
to you in some way.
I have a friend
in Singapore
named Roger.
I've done ministry
with him on and off
over the last eight years.
We both love Jesus.
We both are pastors
and that's about
where the similarities end.
Roger's from
a different country.
He's got different
cultural heritage.
He speaks
different languages.
We don't like
the same sports
or music.
We have different
philosophies even
of how to do ministry
as pastors
and yet often
after spending
a couple of days
with Roger
I come home
really refreshed
because what he does
is he speaks
fresh perspective
into my life.
He looks at my life
without all the blind spots
that I've built up.
Without the blind spots
that people who are
just like me
will also have
when they're looking
at my life.
He looks at my life
and gives me
wise counsel
and advice.
He challenges
my assumption
and it's our difference
that actually makes
our friendship strong.
Now this totally
works against
everything that is
built into the way
you have learnt
to do friendship
in your life.
Basically from birth
you are herded
into like groups.
When you're a baby
you're put in
a bubs group
with kids that are
born in the same month.
Like we start
really early on.
You go to school
and you are limited
to people in the same age
as you and generally
you'll sit on tables
with kids of the same
gender as you
because you don't want
to mix too early on
until you know
what you're doing.
You grow up
and then as an adult
you get a job
with people
who like doing
the same job as you
and you do hobbies
that are exclusive hobbies
that by definition
attract people
like you
because you both
like the same thing.
This is the wonder
of the gospel.
It totally ignores that
and goes in the other direction.
The gospel draws people
together who are
nothing alike
and connects them
for eternity
because of Jesus.
Friendship is completely
reimagined,
reunderstood,
redesigned
because of what Jesus
does in the cross.
And so the challenge
for us
as followers
of Jesus
is to not only
invest in the people
here
who also
happen to be
similar to us.
The key connection
point is Jesus.
If you are following
Jesus,
if you're a Christian,
you are already
eternally connected
to every other person
in this room
who is also following
Jesus as an inner Christian
which means you have
the foundation
for a friendship.
Consider that discovery
and it means that
you can invest
in anyone
who fits that bill here
and there is the potential
for friendship
but the trap
we've got to be careful of
is we go,
fantastic,
here's a room full
of potential friends
because of Jesus,
now let me find
the ones who also
like the same music as me,
happen to be
in the same life stages
as me,
happen to speak
the same language
as me,
we take the Jesus bit
and go,
yeah but you know
it would be really helpful
if they were already
just like me.
But what if God
has designed
a friendship
that will bless you
incredibly
with the not obvious
person in this room?
What if God
has put together
somebody who is
nothing like you
so that by building
a friendship
you could gather
incredible wisdom
that you would never
discover
if you're just
surrounded by people
who echo
exactly what you think?
There could be
rich friendship
on offer
in this community
with somebody
who is no one
like you
but eternally
connected to you
at the same time.
Proverbs paints
a pretty incredible
picture of friendship.
friends that would
be constant,
friends that would
be careful,
friends that would
be vulnerable
with us
and candid
with us
and speak the truth,
friends that would
give counsel
but I wonder
how that picture
makes you feel.
Does it make you
grieve the fact
that those
aren't your friends?
Does it make you
grieve the fact
that actually
as you look around
maybe you don't
have anybody
that even fits
the category
friend?
Lots of people
you know,
people you spend
time with
but nobody
who fits
into this
kind of deep
connection.
Or do you
look at this
picture and feel
insecure and
inadequate in
your own
friendships?
Like are you
nervous sitting
here because you
think that the
friends in the
room are suddenly
holding you up
against this
standard and you
know you don't
measure up?
both of those
responses are
probably completely
appropriate.
Your friends
won't fit this
bill.
Even in their
best attempts
they won't be
perfectly constant,
careful,
candid and
neither will you.
But there is
hope for
friendship.
Jesus offers us
a friendship
that fits this
bill and more.
Friendship is one
of the words that
is used to
describe the way
that God relates
to those who
follow him.
When Jesus
forecasts his
death in John
15 he says
greater love has
no one than
this to lay
down one's
life for one's
friends.
Jesus calls
friends those
who follow him.
Jesus chooses
friends not because
they're good friends,
not because they're
faithful friends,
not because they
fit those four
characteristics.
Romans tells us
that while we're
still sinners
Christ died for
us.
Jesus chooses
enemies and
makes them
friends.
Jesus sits on
the receiving
end of dodgy
friendship and
yet remains
faithful and
constant and
careful and
candid.
And because he
loves you at
that point,
because he's
your friend at
that point,
he gives you
security in his
friendship to
say that he is
going to be there
always.
If he is
there while you
are his
enemy,
there's nothing
that's going to
make him walk
away.
And so you
can be secure.
That deep,
awkward,
uncomfortable,
painful,
lonely feeling
can be dealt
with here,
can be satisfied
in Jesus because
he says,
I love you,
I forgive you,
I've drawn you
into friendship
with me and
nothing can
change that.
Jesus is the
friend who
knows us at
our worst,
knows our
deepest secrets
and yet remains
constant in
his love,
his goodness,
his patience,
his graciousness,
his rebuke and
his discipline.
Now,
loneliness is
real and it
hurts, but
Jesus died so
that you didn't
have to be
lonely.
Jesus died so
that you could
have him with
you always,
even in your
deep, dark
failure moments.
And the reality
is he's the
only one who's
constant and
careful enough,
who's candid
enough to
actually satisfy
that longing
that you feel.
Now,
it's not to
say that our
friendships with
one another are
unimportant,
they have their
place,
but they can't
stand up under
the pressure
of meeting
that need
that you
have that
drives you
to seek
friends.
If you
expect your
friendships to
satisfy that
longing, you
will crush
your friends
with expectation.
You'll crush
them with a
pressure that
they can't
stand up
under.
Even if they
try really
hard, there
will be a
time when
they're not
there and
you need
them.
Even if
they try
really hard,
there will
be a
time where
they totally
miss some
dark season
that you're
in and
steamroll over
it with the
joy that
they're experiencing
in their
life.
They're not
trying to be
harsh, but
they're just
not perfect.
They're going to
fall short.
If we expect
our friends to
meet this need
in us, we
will crush
them.
And then we'll
crush ourselves
with the
disappointment
that comes.
But Jesus
will never
fail.
Jesus will
never leave.
Jesus will
always love
and in
him there's
hope for
our
friendships
too.
When we
have him
as foundation,
when the
longing for
connection and
love is
already met
because Jesus
loves us
constantly,
then we get
to release
our friends
from the
pressure of
having to
meet that
in us.
And suddenly
we can enjoy
and be blessed
by their
versions and
their attempts
of being
constant.
Even though
it's not the
perfect constancy
we crave,
we've already
got that in
Jesus.
And so
suddenly a
friendship that
fell short a
few moments
ago can be
rich and
deep and
satisfying because
they're a
fellow journeyer
with us.
They are
equally in
need of
grace and
forgiveness.
And because
of Jesus we
can give it.
Because we're
not alone
anymore.
Because we
don't have to
be driven by
that fear
anymore.
Jesus enables
us to give
forgiveness and
find comfort
even when
friendships break
down or
end.
When we
have him as
our constant
friend,
there's hope
for our
friendships here
too.
Now just
before I
finish, I
want to say
something about
friendships with
non-Christians.
Where does
that fit in
all this?
We've talked
about Jesus
being the
foundation,
the sufficient
connection
point for
amazing
friendships with
people who
are nothing
like us,
but we
don't connect
with non-Christians
around Jesus.
We connect
around a sport
we love or
music we enjoy
or whatever
else it is,
and they're
good things,
they're valid.
So where does
this non-Christian
friendship fit in
here?
Let me say two
things.
Firstly,
friendship is
good.
And so if you
find a friend
who is constant
and careful
and candid and
gives you good
counsel who
doesn't know
Jesus,
then that's
great.
If that
friendship is
beneficial in
your life,
that is good.
And thank
God for that.
He gave it
to you.
But I
would say
that Christian
friendship or
spiritual friendship
where Jesus is
the basis of
our connection
has built
into it the
capacity to be
better.
I'm not saying
if you've had a
friend since you
were born who's
a non-Christian
that the
Christian that
you start
developing a
friendship with
today is going
to suddenly be
on par.
You know,
time's a big
factor in this.
But my point
is the capacity
for this
friendship to be
amazing is far
inferior to the
capacity of this
one.
Because for those
who are a
Christian, God
is what matters
most.
God's glory is
what matters
most.
Now I know we
fail at that and
we struggle at that,
but that's what
God is doing.
He's growing our
heart to love
him more than
anything else.
For the non-Christian,
I don't know what
matters most.
It could be
different for
different people.
But in a
relationship between
a Christian and
a non-Christian,
necessarily what
matters most to
you will be
different.
And that means
no matter how
much other parts
of your life that
you share,
a huge part of
you will always
be removed.
from that
friendship.
A huge part of
you cannot be
shaped and
guided and
encouraged in
that friendship.
It's not to
say don't have
non-Christian
friends, but it
is to say if
you're a
Christian, you
need Christian
friends.
You need
them.
They're the
ones who can
shape and
guide you.
They're the
ones who can
encourage you.
They're the
ones who have
the constant
eternal context
for a friendship
that Jimmy
talked about
last week.
They're God's
gift to you.
All that
brings us to
the very final
challenge.
If we want
these friendships,
if we want
friends who we're
blessed by and
who we can be a
blessing to, but
we don't have
them, what do
we do?
How do we move
from here?
Well, if you
want friendship,
you want intimacy,
you want
connection, wisdom
and the
Christian
says, be a
friend.
Find someone
else who's
following Jesus.
That's the
discovering a
foundation bit.
Hot tip, this
room is full of
them.
Once you've
found them,
invest.
Be constant.
Be careful.
Be candid.
Give counsel.
Be honest.
Be vulnerable.
Speak the
truth in love.
Walk the
Christian journey
of failing and
finding grace
again.
The ups and
downs.
Invest.
Making friends
is scary because
we don't know if
the investment is
going to be
matched or if
we're going to
try really hard
and at the
end still be
lonely.
But because of
Jesus, we're
released from
that fear.
Even if we
don't get the
investment
reciprocated,
even if the
end point is we
don't have an
amazing friendship
with this person,
the worst case
scenario is
you are
eternally
loved by
the saviour
of the
world.
Worst case,
you eternally
have the
best friend
that there
is.
Can you
see how
the fear
is kind
of removed
there?
You don't
have to
feel lonely
anymore.
It doesn't
mean it
won't be
hard if a
friend rejects
you or if
a friendship
breaks down.
But because
of Jesus,
you're
released to
be the
one who
takes the
first step,
who makes
the first
move,
who takes
the risk
and invests.
Invest in
a brother or
sister in
this room,
outside of
this room,
someone who
loves Jesus
and see
how God
might bless
you.
Invest in
someone who's
nothing like
you but who
shares the
most important
thing in
common and
see how God
might bless
you.
God
will
love you.
Let's
pray.
Father God,
we want to
acknowledge that
for many of
us the pain
of loneliness
is something
that we
experience with
a harsh
reality each
and every
day.
We want
to admit
that often
we are
hurt by
our imperfect
friendships.
Often we
go looking
for the
loneliness to
be met in
places that
are not
you.
God,
we want
to thank
you that
in Jesus
we have
absolute
confidence
that you
are constant,
that your
love is
constant,
that your
grace is
sufficient.
Father,
we pray in
those dark
moments that
you would
open our
eyes to
see all
that you
are, to
be conscious
of your
presence with
us and
your goodness
to us.
Father,
we pray that
you might fill
us with the
security in
your love and
in your
friendship that
we are able
to be released
to be good
friends,
released to
invest and
sacrifice and
make the
costly decisions
to be a
blessing to
those that
you place in
our sphere.
God, I
pray that if
there are
people in
this room who
right now
would sit
and say
there's not
a single
person who
I would
call friend,
God, I
pray that you
would open
our eyes to
see one
another, to
see the
opportunities
that are in
front of us
and to step
out and be
a friend.
Thank you
for Jesus.
Thank you
for his
incredible
love which
surpasses any
loss or
inadequacy or
need within
us.
God, so
fill us that
we might be a
significant blessing
on all we
encounter.
Amen.