WEBVTT

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 I remember quite distinctly the day I started school.

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 I was four years old.

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 My family was living in Paris at the time.

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 My parents dressed me up in the warm clothes required for school in Paris.

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 I had a bright coloured parka.

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 I was the only not French kid at my school.

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 I was pretty nervous about going to school.

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 My older brother had gone before me and he'd been beaten up for basically the first term of school in Paris.

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 And so I went with a fair amount of apprehension about what I would find when I got there.

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 And it went roughly as I expected.

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 I would sit in my class surrounded by people that I couldn't talk to or understand.

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 The teachers would politely try to interact with me, but they didn't speak English either.

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 And so they would kind of pat me on the head and leave me with paper and pencil to my own devices

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 because there wasn't much else that we could do.

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 At lunchtime, I was lucky enough to have my older sister in the same playground,

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 so at least I had someone to talk to briefly.

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 But I do remember just feeling a profound sense of loneliness,

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 just feeling completely isolated, like there was no one who cared or who could care,

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 even if they wanted to, because I couldn't communicate with them.

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 And it's not just when we start school or start a new school or go into a new environment

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 that we can feel that kind of loneliness and isolation.

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 I think that for many of us, it's something that can be true of us right now.

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 It can be true in a very familiar situation.

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 It can be true in a school that you've been at for years.

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 You can feel lonely in an office that's crowded with people.

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 You can feel lonely, exercising in a crowded gym, sitting on a crowded train, even sitting in a crowded church.

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 You can still feel lonely and isolated.

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 And I imagine that in a room this size that there would be some people who are sitting here right now

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 and that's exactly how you feel.

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 You want friends, you want to connect, but you don't feel like it's happening.

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 That desire for connection drives us.

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 It's not like we just sit there and feel sorry for ourselves.

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 We spend our lives trying to satisfy that longing.

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 We grab onto solutions which usually don't deliver.

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 Deep down, what we're crying out for is friendship.

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 Even if we wouldn't use that word, that's ultimately what we want.

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 We want connection and we want intimacy and that's what friendship is designed for.

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 That's the whole point.

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 Friendship is a good thing.

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 Friendship is something we want.

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 Friendship is something we need.

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 But friendship is also something that's difficult.

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 It's something that's hard to grab hold of.

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 I've had a number of conversations with people of varying ages within our church family and outside recently

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 who have all lamented how hard it is to make and keep friends.

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 Maybe it was easier when you were younger, but as you get older,

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 suddenly you have a smaller pool of people, you have less opportunity, you get busier.

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 And so we feel the pain of loneliness and isolation.

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 And yet friendship is good.

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 Friendship is desirable.

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 Friendship is needed.

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 So what wisdom does God's word offer us in dealing with this loneliness?

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 Well, firstly, I think it's worth us understanding a bit about the nature of friendship.

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 We sometimes like to blur the lines between the different relationships that we have in life.

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 We collapse all the categories down into friendship.

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 And so, you know, my wife is my friend.

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 My barista is my friend.

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 My hairdresser is my friend.

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 My siblings are my friends.

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 My friends are my friends.

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 And we kind of just roll them all up in one category,

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 even though there's clearly a distinction between the way I relate to my wife

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 and the way I relate to the person who cuts my hair.

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 There's a difference in connection.

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 There's a difference in interaction.

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 And yet we sometimes treat them like they're just one.

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 Now, friendship is going to be probably part of all those different relationships.

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 But there's something that makes friendship friendship.

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 There's something unique and specific to friendship.

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 And as we dig into Proverbs, we need to understand what that is

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 if we're going to actually get better at doing friendship.

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 Now, it's helpful if you think about friendship as journeying.

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 As walking side by side, as being on a journey towards a destination together in partnership.

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 When we think about romantic relationships, we think about being face to face.

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 But friendship is that sense where rather than being obsessed with one another,

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 you have a common interest.

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 You have an object of your friendship.

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 You have a foundation or a connection point.

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 And this is what Jimmy talked about last week.

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 When we were looking at friendship, Jimmy said that all friendships have a connection point.

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 They have a common interest.

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 They have something that drew you together, whether it's your work or a hobby or something.

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 And if you take that basis away, you effectively remove the friendship.

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 Unless you can replace it with another common interest, if you take that common thing away,

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 the relationship is gone.

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 The friendship is broken.

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 And what that means practically is that you can't create a friendship.

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 You can't manufacture one.

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 I mean, friendships are discovered.

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 Because if it's an interest or a passion that connects you, you discover that somebody shares that.

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 You can't fake an interest or a passion in order to get friends because it doesn't really work like that.

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 It might work for a period, but soon the energy will die out.

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 You won't put the effort that's required in and suddenly the relationship begins to break.

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 Friendship is the result of passions.

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 Friendship is the result of interests.

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 Friendship is the result of the things that you hold to be true when you discover those same things in someone else.

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 So if you chase friendship, if as a lonely person your solution is I just need a friend,

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 and you go after somebody to be your friend, you'll probably find people that are willing to spend time with you,

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 maybe because they're caring or generous or nice.

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 But without that common point of interest, that relationship is going to be like a fire without oxygen.

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 It can never actually spark.

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 It can never actually be a friendship where you guys share something because you don't have anything to share.

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 You just want a friend.

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 Friendship is about journeying to somewhere.

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 It's about getting to a destination.

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 And it's the result of connection points.

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 It's something you stumble upon.

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 It's not planned neatly.

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 There's either something to connect you or there's not.

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 The foundation either exists or it doesn't and you cannot manufacture it.

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 But that said, discovering a friendship is not enough either.

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 True friendship needs to be, once it's discovered, nurtured, invested in, built.

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 And Proverbs gives us the picture of what that might look like.

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 You can think of this as almost like a checklist of what a good friendship will require,

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 what a good friend would look like.

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 And I think Proverbs points us to at least four characteristics.

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 There could be more in there, but I want to focus on four tonight.

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 The first one is good friends are constant.

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 Proverbs 17, 17 says,

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 A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

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 Friendships take time to grow.

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 That's normal.

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 All relationships take time and take investment and good friends give you the time so that the

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 relationship can grow.

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 You might click with somebody and just, it feels like you're the exact same person, but

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 if you never see each other, if you're never there with one another, the relationship doesn't

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 have a chance to develop.

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 Now, it's easy to surround yourself with the friends who love to gain something from you,

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 friends who benefit because maybe you're an entertaining person to be around.

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 Maybe you're generous financially.

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 For that person, you're just a means to an end.

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 That's not the same as a friend.

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 Proverbs 19 tells us that many curry favor with a ruler and everyone is the friend of

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 one who gives gifts.

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 When there's benefit, great.

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 But when there's not, verse 7, the poor are shunned by all their relatives.

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 How much more do their friends avoid them?

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 Though the poor pursue them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found.

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 See, fair-weather friends, fake friends if you like, love the benefit of a relationship

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 that you have.

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 But they disappear when being a friend will start to cost.

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 When being a friend will involve some sort of sacrifice.

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 See, friendship requires the constancy that isn't dictated to by circumstance.

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 Friendship requires being there in the good and the bad.

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 The up and the down.

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 And when we're struggling, we need friends more than ever.

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 And those friends are the hard ones to find.

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 When life's good, people will hang around.

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 They'll gather.

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 It's great.

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 But what about when you're not much fun to be around?

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 What about when you're feeling depressed?

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 Now, I think there's two sides to this challenge.

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 Because most of us would probably say that we are the kind of friend that would be there.

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 We would say that we're happy to do what's required.

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 We even verbalise it out loud.

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 We make offers like, is there anything you need?

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 Is there anything I can do?

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 Let me know if I can help in some way.

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 But often that's where it stops.

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 Just at words.

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 Offers.

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 Because either we're the fair-weather friends who go missing when there would actually be the requirement

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 to follow through on that promise.

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 You know, we've got things going on in our own life.

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 We've got our own struggles.

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 We assume maybe someone else is helping them.

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 Maybe someone else is better equipped to help them.

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 And so we just kind of fade into the background and hope they don't notice.

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 Or we're sure we would be there in the hard time.

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 But we weren't there in the good time.

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 So we don't know that it's a hard time.

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 We're not actually close enough to know what's going on for someone to be able to put a hand up and offer help.

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 Because people aren't walking around with signs saying, I'm doing it tough right now.

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 You need to have the close relationship where you've spent time in the good and easy period

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 to know that things are maybe not as good as they have been.

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 Constancy means the good, the bad, the up, the down, always around.

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 Because what constancy gives us is its training for those extreme difficult times.

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 It's the little acts of helping that are training us for the significant acts of sacrifice.

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 So it's the little act of buying someone dinner because they just needed to hang out with someone

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 or their wallet was empty or whatever it is that prepares you for then sitting with somebody next to a hospital bed.

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 The little acts train us for the demands that will come,

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 which means we need to be there when only little acts are required as well.

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 Good friends are constant friends.

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 I had an older pastor give me some helpful advice a few years ago when it comes to caring for people in need.

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 I had a friend who was dealing with the grief of losing somebody that they loved

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 and I didn't really know how to engage them.

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 They were a friend.

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 I knew they were in pain.

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 I knew they were struggling.

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 I'd said all those things.

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 I'm there for you.

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 Is there anything you need?

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 But they didn't have the space to answer that with any substance.

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 And so I just didn't know what to do.

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 And the advice was just turn up.

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 Knock on the door.

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 Be okay with them sending you away and saying,

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 I can't handle your company right now,

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 but at least move the question of,

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 are you that constant friend or was it just words?

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 Show them that you are there.

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 Prove your availability.

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 Turn up and be there in whatever way it is that they need.

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 Maybe the first step for us,

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 the first struggle for us in getting good at friendships

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 is that we need to put our money where our mouth is

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 and just be with the people that we care about.

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 We actually need to make the decision to clear the space.

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 We're all busy.

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 We're all pressed for time.

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 But to say these people matter enough

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 that I'm going to sacrifice something else to be available for these people.

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 Friends are constant.

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 Secondly, friends are also careful.

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 Let me show you what I mean.

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 Proverbs 25, 17 says,

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 Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house.

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 Too much of you and they will hate you.

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 Now, I just told you to just turn up,

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 be there all the time.

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 And now Proverbs is pushing slightly in the other direction

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 and saying, don't turn up too much or you'll be annoying.

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 And that's not going to build a good friendship.

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 Don't be the friend who overstays their welcome.

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 We've got to understand that God has created people differently.

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 That there's not a one size fits all model of how to do friendship.

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 We all need friends,

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 whether we're introverted or extroverted or somewhere in the middle.

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 We all need friends.

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 But what friendship looks like with different people will be different.

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 Some people can hang out 24-7, night after night, day after day,

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 and never get tired of one another.

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 But some other people who genuinely love their friends

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 also need a bit of time to withdraw and be alone.

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 And carefulness is the wisdom to recognize what kind of friend you have.

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 Carefulness is the investment in them to not just want to hang out

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 because you want to hang out,

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 but to want to do what's going to best benefit them.

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 What's going to be a blessing on your friend?

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 A friend knows their friend well enough

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 to be able to provide that which best fits the individual.

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 Verse 14 of chapter 27 says,

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 If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,

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 it will be taken as a curse.

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 Blessing sounds like such a good idea,

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 but if you're not a morning person

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 and somebody knocks on your door just to tell you how great you are

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 and that they love you,

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 you're going to want to punch them.

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 Have the wisdom to recognize who it is that you are friends with,

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 to understand what it looks like to bless them.

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 Now, this carefulness is like an emotional investment in your friend.

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 It's a connection between friends

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 where your happiness and your sadness are impacted

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 and even almost somewhat dependent or affected

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 by the happiness and sadness of your friend.

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 You're so connected to them and the way that they're journeying

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 but that it matters to you.

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 You carry each other.

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 When they're sad, you feel that sadness.

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 You carry that weight.

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 When they're happy, it lifts you up,

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 even out of a difficult and dark day.

00:15:07.939 --> 00:15:10.500
 It's at the point where it's almost like you can't be happy

00:15:10.500 --> 00:15:12.819
 when your friend is in deep, deep pain.

00:15:14.099 --> 00:15:15.579
 Proverbs 25 says,

00:15:15.580 --> 00:15:28.160
 You might have that person in your life

00:15:28.160 --> 00:15:30.540
 who doesn't read your emotions very well,

00:15:31.540 --> 00:15:35.040
 who doesn't have the awareness or doesn't care enough

00:15:35.039 --> 00:15:38.620
 and just rubs their good days in on your bad days.

00:15:39.659 --> 00:15:41.500
 Just celebrates their wins

00:15:41.500 --> 00:15:44.059
 regardless of what pain you might be walking through.

00:15:46.219 --> 00:15:48.500
 That's not how friendship works.

00:15:48.740 --> 00:15:50.500
 That's not good friendship.

00:15:51.500 --> 00:15:55.120
 Friends carry your emotional weight like it's theirs.

00:15:56.879 --> 00:15:58.179
 Now, and this is important.

00:15:58.439 --> 00:16:02.480
 This is why it's actually hard to have a lot of friends.

00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:07.440
 It's good to have lots of people that we are friendly with,

00:16:07.539 --> 00:16:10.420
 that we know, that we see regularly.

00:16:11.820 --> 00:16:16.120
 But this kind of friendship takes a real commitment and investment.

00:16:17.139 --> 00:16:19.860
 And it would be unwise to take on a whole bunch of these friendships

00:16:19.860 --> 00:16:23.759
 because you would drown in carrying the struggles

00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:25.519
 of all the people that you had committed to.

00:16:27.220 --> 00:16:30.420
 It's actually good and right and okay and wise.

00:16:30.419 --> 00:16:36.439
 to have a few rich, deep, connected friendships,

00:16:37.259 --> 00:16:40.899
 which I think for a lot of us is more than we have right now.

00:16:42.459 --> 00:16:45.360
 A lot of us might not even feel like we have the one person

00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:46.299
 who fits this bill.

00:16:49.719 --> 00:16:52.899
 Friends are constant and friends are careful.

00:16:54.219 --> 00:16:55.259
 And because of that,

00:16:56.419 --> 00:16:58.559
 friends can be candid as well.

00:16:58.559 --> 00:17:01.259
 There's a temptation in relationships

00:17:01.259 --> 00:17:03.139
 to only ever affirm the person

00:17:03.139 --> 00:17:04.700
 that we're in a relationship with.

00:17:04.940 --> 00:17:06.539
 We have this fear that, you know,

00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:08.119
 being harsh or being too direct

00:17:08.119 --> 00:17:09.539
 might somehow push them away.

00:17:10.919 --> 00:17:14.139
 But I'm assuming that if you have any friends at all,

00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:17.279
 at least some of them annoy you some of the time.

00:17:18.639 --> 00:17:20.379
 They have at least some annoying habits.

00:17:21.460 --> 00:17:23.220
 They have at least something that they do

00:17:23.220 --> 00:17:26.920
 that you just despise and it irritates you.

00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:29.360
 Maybe, you know, it could be anything from

00:17:29.360 --> 00:17:31.180
 insisting on speeding whenever they drive

00:17:31.180 --> 00:17:33.319
 and making you feel unsafe in the car with them.

00:17:33.960 --> 00:17:36.299
 It could be gossiping about somebody

00:17:36.299 --> 00:17:38.579
 who is not their friend but you care about.

00:17:39.240 --> 00:17:40.380
 I don't know what it is,

00:17:40.500 --> 00:17:41.940
 but we're all imperfect people

00:17:41.940 --> 00:17:43.100
 and we all have annoying habits

00:17:43.100 --> 00:17:45.180
 and there's a good chance that those you call friends

00:17:45.180 --> 00:17:46.779
 irritate you sometimes.

00:17:46.779 --> 00:17:48.899
 The question is,

00:17:49.000 --> 00:17:50.779
 have you had the uncomfortable conversation

00:17:50.779 --> 00:17:51.779
 with them about it?

00:17:53.379 --> 00:17:54.160
 Have you said,

00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:56.259
 I don't like it when you do this?

00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:58.639
 Or if it's something illegal like speeding,

00:17:58.859 --> 00:18:00.319
 it's probably not a great idea for you either.

00:18:01.940 --> 00:18:02.940
 And don't get me wrong,

00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:04.160
 this is uncomfortable.

00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:06.579
 I'm not saying if you're friends,

00:18:06.680 --> 00:18:07.680
 you should just be able to do this

00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:08.799
 and it's easy and it's happy

00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:10.220
 and everyone smiles while you tell them

00:18:10.220 --> 00:18:11.940
 that there's something bad about their personality.

00:18:12.440 --> 00:18:13.799
 It's like Ali was sharing earlier,

00:18:13.940 --> 00:18:16.440
 you know, when you get that harsh word of criticism

00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:17.440
 or feedback,

00:18:18.340 --> 00:18:19.620
 it can be painful.

00:18:22.380 --> 00:18:25.059
 But it's that sort of constructive honesty

00:18:25.059 --> 00:18:26.820
 that friends give.

00:18:28.360 --> 00:18:30.320
 Proverbs 29 tells us that

00:18:30.320 --> 00:18:32.080
 those who flatter their neighbours

00:18:32.080 --> 00:18:34.400
 are spreading nets for their feet.

00:18:35.539 --> 00:18:36.759
 I don't know if you guys have been watching

00:18:36.759 --> 00:18:38.000
 the beginning of X Factor

00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:39.039
 that's just started again.

00:18:39.120 --> 00:18:41.120
 I watched the encore on last night

00:18:41.120 --> 00:18:42.759
 and it amazes me every year.

00:18:42.820 --> 00:18:44.059
 It shouldn't because it always happens,

00:18:44.180 --> 00:18:45.559
 but it amazes me every year

00:18:45.559 --> 00:18:47.139
 some of the people who get up

00:18:47.139 --> 00:18:48.159
 and can't sing

00:18:48.159 --> 00:18:49.859
 but have been deluded

00:18:49.859 --> 00:18:52.000
 by unhelpful friends

00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:53.539
 who have told them that they can sing

00:18:53.539 --> 00:18:54.639
 all the way to the point

00:18:54.639 --> 00:18:56.440
 of being ridiculed on national television.

00:18:57.099 --> 00:18:59.200
 These people walk onto a stage

00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:01.259
 in front of a huge room full of people,

00:19:01.460 --> 00:19:03.399
 let alone thousands and thousands of people

00:19:03.399 --> 00:19:04.339
 in their homes watching

00:19:04.339 --> 00:19:05.899
 and as soon as they start,

00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:07.980
 you know that this has got to be

00:19:07.980 --> 00:19:08.779
 some sort of joke.

00:19:09.220 --> 00:19:10.599
 You just assume this is a prank.

00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:11.740
 Someone's put them up to it.

00:19:11.740 --> 00:19:12.539
 But then, you know,

00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:13.700
 the judges are giggling

00:19:13.700 --> 00:19:15.460
 but you see at the end,

00:19:15.700 --> 00:19:16.339
 they're upset.

00:19:17.099 --> 00:19:18.240
 They genuinely believed

00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:19.359
 they were an amazing singer

00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:20.039
 and the reason is

00:19:20.039 --> 00:19:21.359
 because when they walk off the stage,

00:19:21.660 --> 00:19:23.180
 there's family and there's friends.

00:19:23.299 --> 00:19:24.279
 Now the judges don't know

00:19:24.279 --> 00:19:25.180
 what they're talking about.

00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:26.400
 You don't give up your dream.

00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:27.500
 You're going to be a famous singer.

00:19:27.660 --> 00:19:28.200
 No, you're not.

00:19:28.900 --> 00:19:30.000
 You cannot sing.

00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:32.079
 That doesn't make you a bad person.

00:19:32.220 --> 00:19:33.220
 Not everyone can sing.

00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:33.759
 It's okay.

00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:34.559
 Just tell them.

00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:36.339
 It's not loving.

00:19:36.980 --> 00:19:37.880
 It's not good.

00:19:37.980 --> 00:19:38.920
 You're not helping them.

00:19:38.920 --> 00:19:41.200
 You're setting them up for a fall.

00:19:43.220 --> 00:19:44.400
 When we have friendships

00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:45.620
 where all we do is just,

00:19:45.700 --> 00:19:46.259
 you're great

00:19:46.259 --> 00:19:49.140
 and just affirm even bad things

00:19:49.140 --> 00:19:50.200
 in those that we care about,

00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:52.759
 we actually set them up for a fall.

00:19:53.259 --> 00:19:54.960
 We set them, a trap for them.

00:19:55.060 --> 00:19:56.039
 In chapter 27,

00:19:56.620 --> 00:19:58.480
 we hear that wounds from a friend

00:19:58.480 --> 00:19:59.360
 can be trusted

00:19:59.360 --> 00:20:01.140
 but it's the enemy

00:20:01.140 --> 00:20:02.440
 who multiplies kisses.

00:20:05.060 --> 00:20:07.060
 If all you do is flatter your friend,

00:20:07.060 --> 00:20:08.039
 you are not a friend.

00:20:09.600 --> 00:20:11.160
 Now they are wounds.

00:20:12.220 --> 00:20:14.900
 The truth spoken even in love

00:20:14.900 --> 00:20:15.940
 can wound

00:20:15.940 --> 00:20:19.140
 but that's part of being a good friend.

00:20:20.560 --> 00:20:21.840
 That's part of desiring

00:20:21.840 --> 00:20:23.060
 what's best for your friend

00:20:23.060 --> 00:20:24.340
 rather than just what's easiest

00:20:24.340 --> 00:20:25.519
 and most comfortable for you.

00:20:27.140 --> 00:20:29.160
 There's truth in the line

00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:30.220
 that Oscar Wilde said,

00:20:30.759 --> 00:20:32.560
 a true friend stabs you in the front.

00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:36.940
 We might struggle to speak the truth

00:20:36.940 --> 00:20:38.160
 when it needs to be spoken

00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:40.500
 but equally,

00:20:41.420 --> 00:20:42.720
 we might not be the friends

00:20:42.720 --> 00:20:43.540
 who've earned permission

00:20:43.540 --> 00:20:45.220
 to speak the truth in the first place.

00:20:46.900 --> 00:20:48.460
 Wounds from a friend can be trusted

00:20:48.460 --> 00:20:50.080
 but part of what makes them trustworthy

00:20:50.080 --> 00:20:52.040
 is that you're the friend,

00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:54.660
 is that you have the careful,

00:20:54.960 --> 00:20:56.440
 the constant relationship,

00:20:57.320 --> 00:20:58.800
 that you are connected enough

00:20:58.800 --> 00:21:00.320
 to not just speak

00:21:00.320 --> 00:21:02.420
 into somebody's personal space

00:21:02.420 --> 00:21:04.259
 but to actually open up

00:21:04.259 --> 00:21:05.400
 and share your own as well.

00:21:06.660 --> 00:21:08.259
 To actually be vulnerable

00:21:08.259 --> 00:21:09.080
 and candid

00:21:09.080 --> 00:21:10.160
 and share your weaknesses

00:21:10.160 --> 00:21:10.900
 and your fears

00:21:10.900 --> 00:21:11.660
 and your failures

00:21:11.660 --> 00:21:15.580
 because it's much safer

00:21:15.580 --> 00:21:17.340
 to be challenged

00:21:17.340 --> 00:21:19.300
 by somebody who you know

00:21:19.300 --> 00:21:20.420
 struggles just like you.

00:21:20.420 --> 00:21:23.380
 It's much easier to hear

00:21:23.380 --> 00:21:24.720
 rebuke and correction

00:21:24.720 --> 00:21:26.380
 from somebody who you know

00:21:26.380 --> 00:21:28.039
 is walking the same road with you

00:21:28.039 --> 00:21:28.740
 rather than somebody

00:21:28.740 --> 00:21:29.860
 who's sitting in the grandstand

00:21:29.860 --> 00:21:30.960
 and hasn't actually let you know

00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:31.620
 and they're just pointing

00:21:31.620 --> 00:21:32.259
 into your life.

00:21:32.740 --> 00:21:33.840
 Just love to let you know

00:21:33.840 --> 00:21:34.500
 where you're failing

00:21:34.500 --> 00:21:35.279
 and where you're weak.

00:21:36.620 --> 00:21:38.360
 Friendship needs to be open

00:21:38.360 --> 00:21:39.600
 and honest

00:21:39.600 --> 00:21:40.360
 and vulnerable

00:21:40.360 --> 00:21:42.100
 because from that place

00:21:42.100 --> 00:21:42.900
 it's safe

00:21:42.900 --> 00:21:44.140
 to be candid.

00:21:44.840 --> 00:21:45.920
 It's safe to speak

00:21:45.920 --> 00:21:46.860
 the truth in love.

00:21:49.000 --> 00:21:49.800
 Friends are candid.

00:21:50.940 --> 00:21:51.720
 Friends are constant.

00:21:51.980 --> 00:21:52.600
 Friends are careful.

00:21:52.800 --> 00:21:53.259
 And lastly

00:21:53.259 --> 00:21:55.320
 friends give counsel.

00:21:56.440 --> 00:21:57.100
 Last week

00:21:57.100 --> 00:21:58.440
 in Roxy's Kids Talk

00:21:58.440 --> 00:21:59.039
 we were reminded

00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:00.100
 that bad company

00:22:00.100 --> 00:22:01.180
 corrupts good character.

00:22:01.880 --> 00:22:02.680
 That for good

00:22:02.680 --> 00:22:03.259
 or for ill

00:22:03.259 --> 00:22:03.779
 your friends

00:22:03.779 --> 00:22:04.420
 are influencing

00:22:04.420 --> 00:22:05.100
 who you are.

00:22:05.800 --> 00:22:06.400
 You're becoming

00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:07.620
 progressively like them

00:22:07.620 --> 00:22:08.220
 caring about

00:22:08.220 --> 00:22:09.080
 what they care about

00:22:09.080 --> 00:22:10.960
 doing what they do.

00:22:12.460 --> 00:22:13.080
 And Proverbs

00:22:13.080 --> 00:22:14.060
 encourages us

00:22:14.060 --> 00:22:14.940
 because of that fact

00:22:14.940 --> 00:22:15.900
 to choose our friends

00:22:15.900 --> 00:22:17.019
 wisely.

00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:18.740
 Remembering that

00:22:18.740 --> 00:22:19.600
 there's an end game.

00:22:20.320 --> 00:22:21.180
 Jimmy read out for us

00:22:21.180 --> 00:22:22.019
 chapter 27

00:22:22.019 --> 00:22:22.900
 verse 17

00:22:22.900 --> 00:22:24.680
 as iron sharpens iron

00:22:24.680 --> 00:22:25.640
 so one person

00:22:25.640 --> 00:22:26.380
 sharpens another.

00:22:26.500 --> 00:22:27.500
 The point of relationship

00:22:27.500 --> 00:22:28.860
 is to be sharpened.

00:22:29.320 --> 00:22:30.660
 It's to move forward.

00:22:31.380 --> 00:22:32.600
 It's not just to sit there

00:22:32.600 --> 00:22:33.680
 roughly the same

00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:34.759
 doing the same stuff.

00:22:36.320 --> 00:22:37.640
 But the question is

00:22:37.640 --> 00:22:39.080
 what kind of friends

00:22:39.080 --> 00:22:39.860
 do we need

00:22:39.860 --> 00:22:41.340
 if we're going to get sharpened?

00:22:42.060 --> 00:22:42.780
 What kind of friends

00:22:42.780 --> 00:22:43.280
 do we need

00:22:43.280 --> 00:22:43.940
 if we're going to grow

00:22:43.940 --> 00:22:44.880
 if we're going to move forward?

00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:46.360
 Who has the capacity

00:22:46.360 --> 00:22:47.640
 to give the good counsel?

00:22:50.460 --> 00:22:51.580
 Well when we're choosing

00:22:51.580 --> 00:22:52.220
 friends

00:22:52.220 --> 00:22:53.200
 I think we need

00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:53.820
 two things.

00:22:54.940 --> 00:22:55.640
 And just to clarify

00:22:55.640 --> 00:22:56.280
 I've already said

00:22:56.280 --> 00:22:57.420
 you can't make friends

00:22:57.420 --> 00:22:58.400
 you can only discover them

00:22:58.400 --> 00:22:59.340
 but when you're figuring out

00:22:59.340 --> 00:23:00.620
 which ones to invest in

00:23:00.620 --> 00:23:01.540
 having discovered

00:23:01.540 --> 00:23:02.380
 some foundation

00:23:02.380 --> 00:23:03.720
 you need two things.

00:23:03.840 --> 00:23:04.860
 You need both affinity

00:23:04.860 --> 00:23:06.800
 and you need friction.

00:23:07.260 --> 00:23:07.780
 Now the affinity

00:23:07.780 --> 00:23:08.500
 is going to take care

00:23:08.500 --> 00:23:08.980
 of itself.

00:23:09.200 --> 00:23:10.200
 I mean we only ever

00:23:10.200 --> 00:23:11.620
 begin friendships

00:23:11.620 --> 00:23:12.100
 with people

00:23:12.099 --> 00:23:12.799
 who are like us

00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:13.439
 in some way.

00:23:13.819 --> 00:23:14.859
 From the same background

00:23:14.859 --> 00:23:16.159
 they're into the same hobby

00:23:16.159 --> 00:23:17.119
 whatever it is

00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:17.679
 we gravitate

00:23:17.679 --> 00:23:18.599
 to the same people

00:23:18.599 --> 00:23:20.139
 and that's good and right

00:23:20.139 --> 00:23:21.419
 but what about friction?

00:23:23.019 --> 00:23:23.819
 Now the image

00:23:23.819 --> 00:23:25.099
 of iron sharpening iron

00:23:25.099 --> 00:23:26.199
 implies friction.

00:23:26.419 --> 00:23:27.719
 That's how sharpening happens.

00:23:28.379 --> 00:23:28.980
 It's almost like

00:23:28.980 --> 00:23:29.740
 the image of God

00:23:29.740 --> 00:23:30.599
 refining us

00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:31.839
 in fire like gold.

00:23:32.119 --> 00:23:33.359
 There's a bit of pain

00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:33.699
 in there

00:23:33.699 --> 00:23:34.419
 that you can hear

00:23:34.419 --> 00:23:35.319
 but it's good pain.

00:23:35.859 --> 00:23:37.219
 It's pain for an outcome

00:23:37.220 --> 00:23:38.480
 and now the friction

00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:39.200
 is not the same

00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:39.799
 as opposition.

00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:42.100
 It's not wise

00:23:42.100 --> 00:23:43.039
 to go and pick friends

00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:44.120
 who hate you

00:23:44.120 --> 00:23:45.799
 and who want to cause you

00:23:45.799 --> 00:23:46.559
 trouble and pain.

00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:47.740
 That's not what I mean

00:23:47.740 --> 00:23:48.339
 by friction.

00:23:50.380 --> 00:23:52.059
 You do need friends

00:23:52.059 --> 00:23:53.440
 who as well as being

00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:55.000
 like you in some way

00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:57.299
 are also different

00:23:57.299 --> 00:23:59.140
 to you in some way.

00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:02.319
 I have a friend

00:24:02.319 --> 00:24:02.860
 in Singapore

00:24:02.860 --> 00:24:03.759
 named Roger.

00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:05.000
 I've done ministry

00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:06.160
 with him on and off

00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:07.339
 over the last eight years.

00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:09.119
 We both love Jesus.

00:24:09.960 --> 00:24:11.420
 We both are pastors

00:24:11.420 --> 00:24:13.059
 and that's about

00:24:13.059 --> 00:24:14.299
 where the similarities end.

00:24:15.559 --> 00:24:15.980
 Roger's from

00:24:15.980 --> 00:24:16.859
 a different country.

00:24:17.480 --> 00:24:18.099
 He's got different

00:24:18.099 --> 00:24:19.279
 cultural heritage.

00:24:19.559 --> 00:24:20.000
 He speaks

00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:21.140
 different languages.

00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:21.799
 We don't like

00:24:21.799 --> 00:24:22.619
 the same sports

00:24:22.619 --> 00:24:23.259
 or music.

00:24:23.539 --> 00:24:24.079
 We have different

00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:25.019
 philosophies even

00:24:25.019 --> 00:24:26.019
 of how to do ministry

00:24:26.019 --> 00:24:27.099
 as pastors

00:24:27.099 --> 00:24:30.059
 and yet often

00:24:30.059 --> 00:24:30.700
 after spending

00:24:30.700 --> 00:24:31.420
 a couple of days

00:24:31.420 --> 00:24:32.039
 with Roger

00:24:32.039 --> 00:24:34.099
 I come home

00:24:34.099 --> 00:24:35.259
 really refreshed

00:24:35.259 --> 00:24:38.740
 because what he does

00:24:38.740 --> 00:24:39.500
 is he speaks

00:24:39.500 --> 00:24:40.599
 fresh perspective

00:24:40.599 --> 00:24:41.939
 into my life.

00:24:43.079 --> 00:24:44.519
 He looks at my life

00:24:44.519 --> 00:24:45.919
 without all the blind spots

00:24:45.919 --> 00:24:46.939
 that I've built up.

00:24:47.799 --> 00:24:48.819
 Without the blind spots

00:24:48.819 --> 00:24:49.539
 that people who are

00:24:49.539 --> 00:24:50.179
 just like me

00:24:50.179 --> 00:24:50.980
 will also have

00:24:50.980 --> 00:24:51.500
 when they're looking

00:24:51.500 --> 00:24:52.199
 at my life.

00:24:53.539 --> 00:24:54.639
 He looks at my life

00:24:54.639 --> 00:24:55.199
 and gives me

00:24:55.199 --> 00:24:56.379
 wise counsel

00:24:56.379 --> 00:24:57.039
 and advice.

00:24:57.159 --> 00:24:57.719
 He challenges

00:24:57.719 --> 00:24:58.459
 my assumption

00:24:58.459 --> 00:25:01.980
 and it's our difference

00:25:01.980 --> 00:25:02.819
 that actually makes

00:25:02.819 --> 00:25:03.879
 our friendship strong.

00:25:04.679 --> 00:25:06.099
 Now this totally

00:25:06.099 --> 00:25:07.039
 works against

00:25:07.039 --> 00:25:08.319
 everything that is

00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:09.220
 built into the way

00:25:09.220 --> 00:25:09.799
 you have learnt

00:25:09.799 --> 00:25:10.439
 to do friendship

00:25:10.439 --> 00:25:11.159
 in your life.

00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:12.659
 Basically from birth

00:25:12.659 --> 00:25:13.740
 you are herded

00:25:13.740 --> 00:25:15.659
 into like groups.

00:25:16.460 --> 00:25:17.419
 When you're a baby

00:25:17.419 --> 00:25:17.919
 you're put in

00:25:17.919 --> 00:25:18.779
 a bubs group

00:25:18.779 --> 00:25:19.419
 with kids that are

00:25:19.419 --> 00:25:20.500
 born in the same month.

00:25:20.679 --> 00:25:21.220
 Like we start

00:25:21.220 --> 00:25:21.879
 really early on.

00:25:21.939 --> 00:25:22.679
 You go to school

00:25:22.679 --> 00:25:23.679
 and you are limited

00:25:23.679 --> 00:25:25.000
 to people in the same age

00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:25.779
 as you and generally

00:25:25.779 --> 00:25:26.679
 you'll sit on tables

00:25:26.679 --> 00:25:27.579
 with kids of the same

00:25:27.579 --> 00:25:28.700
 gender as you

00:25:28.700 --> 00:25:29.659
 because you don't want

00:25:29.659 --> 00:25:30.779
 to mix too early on

00:25:30.779 --> 00:25:31.639
 until you know

00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:31.980
 what you're doing.

00:25:32.080 --> 00:25:32.600
 You grow up

00:25:32.600 --> 00:25:33.780
 and then as an adult

00:25:33.780 --> 00:25:34.460
 you get a job

00:25:34.460 --> 00:25:34.840
 with people

00:25:34.840 --> 00:25:35.360
 who like doing

00:25:35.360 --> 00:25:36.380
 the same job as you

00:25:36.380 --> 00:25:37.680
 and you do hobbies

00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:39.500
 that are exclusive hobbies

00:25:39.500 --> 00:25:41.120
 that by definition

00:25:41.120 --> 00:25:42.520
 attract people

00:25:42.520 --> 00:25:43.740
 like you

00:25:43.740 --> 00:25:44.680
 because you both

00:25:44.680 --> 00:25:46.259
 like the same thing.

00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:49.080
 This is the wonder

00:25:49.080 --> 00:25:49.759
 of the gospel.

00:25:50.700 --> 00:25:52.600
 It totally ignores that

00:25:52.600 --> 00:25:53.920
 and goes in the other direction.

00:25:54.080 --> 00:25:55.240
 The gospel draws people

00:25:55.240 --> 00:25:55.920
 together who are

00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:57.080
 nothing alike

00:25:57.080 --> 00:25:58.380
 and connects them

00:25:58.380 --> 00:25:59.220
 for eternity

00:25:59.220 --> 00:26:00.580
 because of Jesus.

00:26:01.940 --> 00:26:03.240
 Friendship is completely

00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:05.160
 reimagined,

00:26:05.300 --> 00:26:05.820
 reunderstood,

00:26:05.980 --> 00:26:06.580
 redesigned

00:26:06.580 --> 00:26:07.540
 because of what Jesus

00:26:07.540 --> 00:26:08.440
 does in the cross.

00:26:10.280 --> 00:26:11.560
 And so the challenge

00:26:11.560 --> 00:26:12.220
 for us

00:26:12.220 --> 00:26:13.320
 as followers

00:26:13.320 --> 00:26:13.940
 of Jesus

00:26:13.940 --> 00:26:16.780
 is to not only

00:26:16.780 --> 00:26:18.020
 invest in the people

00:26:18.020 --> 00:26:18.500
 here

00:26:18.500 --> 00:26:20.700
 who also

00:26:20.700 --> 00:26:22.280
 happen to be

00:26:22.280 --> 00:26:23.540
 similar to us.

00:26:24.780 --> 00:26:26.240
 The key connection

00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:27.100
 point is Jesus.

00:26:27.099 --> 00:26:28.879
 If you are following

00:26:28.879 --> 00:26:29.179
 Jesus,

00:26:29.259 --> 00:26:29.980
 if you're a Christian,

00:26:30.419 --> 00:26:31.299
 you are already

00:26:31.299 --> 00:26:32.219
 eternally connected

00:26:32.219 --> 00:26:33.139
 to every other person

00:26:33.139 --> 00:26:33.719
 in this room

00:26:33.719 --> 00:26:34.679
 who is also following

00:26:34.679 --> 00:26:35.759
 Jesus as an inner Christian

00:26:35.759 --> 00:26:37.000
 which means you have

00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:37.539
 the foundation

00:26:37.539 --> 00:26:38.240
 for a friendship.

00:26:39.139 --> 00:26:40.399
 Consider that discovery

00:26:40.399 --> 00:26:42.059
 and it means that

00:26:42.059 --> 00:26:42.679
 you can invest

00:26:42.679 --> 00:26:43.179
 in anyone

00:26:43.179 --> 00:26:44.240
 who fits that bill here

00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:45.059
 and there is the potential

00:26:45.059 --> 00:26:45.659
 for friendship

00:26:45.659 --> 00:26:46.740
 but the trap

00:26:46.740 --> 00:26:47.959
 we've got to be careful of

00:26:47.959 --> 00:26:48.659
 is we go,

00:26:48.819 --> 00:26:49.279
 fantastic,

00:26:49.439 --> 00:26:50.059
 here's a room full

00:26:50.059 --> 00:26:51.139
 of potential friends

00:26:51.139 --> 00:26:52.219
 because of Jesus,

00:26:52.500 --> 00:26:53.179
 now let me find

00:26:53.179 --> 00:26:54.019
 the ones who also

00:26:54.019 --> 00:26:55.279
 like the same music as me,

00:26:55.559 --> 00:26:56.059
 happen to be

00:26:56.059 --> 00:26:57.019
 in the same life stages

00:26:57.019 --> 00:26:57.299
 as me,

00:26:57.619 --> 00:26:58.319
 happen to speak

00:26:58.319 --> 00:26:59.180
 the same language

00:26:59.180 --> 00:26:59.539
 as me,

00:26:59.619 --> 00:27:00.980
 we take the Jesus bit

00:27:00.980 --> 00:27:01.200
 and go,

00:27:01.319 --> 00:27:01.920
 yeah but you know

00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:02.879
 it would be really helpful

00:27:02.879 --> 00:27:03.619
 if they were already

00:27:03.619 --> 00:27:04.339
 just like me.

00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:08.299
 But what if God

00:27:08.299 --> 00:27:08.980
 has designed

00:27:08.980 --> 00:27:09.500
 a friendship

00:27:09.500 --> 00:27:10.319
 that will bless you

00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:10.819
 incredibly

00:27:10.819 --> 00:27:12.339
 with the not obvious

00:27:12.339 --> 00:27:13.379
 person in this room?

00:27:15.379 --> 00:27:16.180
 What if God

00:27:16.180 --> 00:27:16.920
 has put together

00:27:16.920 --> 00:27:17.639
 somebody who is

00:27:17.639 --> 00:27:18.920
 nothing like you

00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:20.639
 so that by building

00:27:20.639 --> 00:27:21.200
 a friendship

00:27:21.200 --> 00:27:22.079
 you could gather

00:27:22.079 --> 00:27:23.079
 incredible wisdom

00:27:23.079 --> 00:27:23.839
 that you would never

00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:24.379
 discover

00:27:24.380 --> 00:27:25.400
 if you're just

00:27:25.400 --> 00:27:26.340
 surrounded by people

00:27:26.340 --> 00:27:27.200
 who echo

00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:28.300
 exactly what you think?

00:27:31.700 --> 00:27:32.620
 There could be

00:27:32.620 --> 00:27:33.440
 rich friendship

00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:34.000
 on offer

00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:35.640
 in this community

00:27:35.640 --> 00:27:39.440
 with somebody

00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:40.260
 who is no one

00:27:40.260 --> 00:27:40.780
 like you

00:27:40.780 --> 00:27:44.100
 but eternally

00:27:44.100 --> 00:27:44.840
 connected to you

00:27:44.840 --> 00:27:45.580
 at the same time.

00:27:47.860 --> 00:27:48.420
 Proverbs paints

00:27:48.420 --> 00:27:49.240
 a pretty incredible

00:27:49.240 --> 00:27:50.320
 picture of friendship.

00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:52.700
 friends that would

00:27:52.700 --> 00:27:53.359
 be constant,

00:27:54.240 --> 00:27:54.700
 friends that would

00:27:54.700 --> 00:27:55.399
 be careful,

00:27:56.179 --> 00:27:56.679
 friends that would

00:27:56.679 --> 00:27:57.399
 be vulnerable

00:27:57.399 --> 00:27:57.899
 with us

00:27:57.899 --> 00:27:58.480
 and candid

00:27:58.480 --> 00:27:58.879
 with us

00:27:58.879 --> 00:27:59.759
 and speak the truth,

00:27:59.899 --> 00:28:00.279
 friends that would

00:28:00.279 --> 00:28:01.079
 give counsel

00:28:01.079 --> 00:28:02.240
 but I wonder

00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:02.919
 how that picture

00:28:02.919 --> 00:28:03.779
 makes you feel.

00:28:07.799 --> 00:28:08.799
 Does it make you

00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:10.439
 grieve the fact

00:28:10.439 --> 00:28:11.759
 that those

00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:12.619
 aren't your friends?

00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:16.359
 Does it make you

00:28:16.359 --> 00:28:16.980
 grieve the fact

00:28:16.980 --> 00:28:17.419
 that actually

00:28:17.419 --> 00:28:18.119
 as you look around

00:28:18.119 --> 00:28:18.720
 maybe you don't

00:28:18.720 --> 00:28:19.259
 have anybody

00:28:19.259 --> 00:28:19.900
 that even fits

00:28:19.900 --> 00:28:20.400
 the category

00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:20.799
 friend?

00:28:22.180 --> 00:28:22.859
 Lots of people

00:28:22.859 --> 00:28:23.379
 you know,

00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:24.259
 people you spend

00:28:24.259 --> 00:28:24.819
 time with

00:28:24.819 --> 00:28:25.259
 but nobody

00:28:25.259 --> 00:28:25.839
 who fits

00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:27.079
 into this

00:28:27.079 --> 00:28:27.640
 kind of deep

00:28:27.640 --> 00:28:28.160
 connection.

00:28:30.019 --> 00:28:30.759
 Or do you

00:28:30.759 --> 00:28:31.160
 look at this

00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:32.339
 picture and feel

00:28:32.339 --> 00:28:33.379
 insecure and

00:28:33.379 --> 00:28:34.019
 inadequate in

00:28:34.019 --> 00:28:34.700
 your own

00:28:34.700 --> 00:28:35.140
 friendships?

00:28:36.660 --> 00:28:37.119
 Like are you

00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:37.759
 nervous sitting

00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:38.420
 here because you

00:28:38.420 --> 00:28:39.019
 think that the

00:28:39.019 --> 00:28:39.500
 friends in the

00:28:39.500 --> 00:28:40.039
 room are suddenly

00:28:40.039 --> 00:28:40.759
 holding you up

00:28:40.759 --> 00:28:41.259
 against this

00:28:41.259 --> 00:28:41.940
 standard and you

00:28:41.940 --> 00:28:42.460
 know you don't

00:28:42.460 --> 00:28:42.960
 measure up?

00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:46.900
 both of those

00:28:46.900 --> 00:28:47.600
 responses are

00:28:47.600 --> 00:28:48.640
 probably completely

00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:49.819
 appropriate.

00:28:51.079 --> 00:28:51.960
 Your friends

00:28:51.960 --> 00:28:52.759
 won't fit this

00:28:52.759 --> 00:28:53.019
 bill.

00:28:55.220 --> 00:28:56.059
 Even in their

00:28:56.059 --> 00:28:56.860
 best attempts

00:28:56.860 --> 00:28:57.539
 they won't be

00:28:57.539 --> 00:28:58.500
 perfectly constant,

00:28:58.740 --> 00:28:59.100
 careful,

00:28:59.480 --> 00:29:01.279
 candid and

00:29:01.279 --> 00:29:01.920
 neither will you.

00:29:03.420 --> 00:29:04.259
 But there is

00:29:04.259 --> 00:29:04.799
 hope for

00:29:04.799 --> 00:29:05.200
 friendship.

00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:05.319
 friendship.

00:29:08.279 --> 00:29:09.600
 Jesus offers us

00:29:09.600 --> 00:29:10.220
 a friendship

00:29:10.220 --> 00:29:11.799
 that fits this

00:29:11.799 --> 00:29:12.519
 bill and more.

00:29:13.819 --> 00:29:14.400
 Friendship is one

00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:15.059
 of the words that

00:29:15.059 --> 00:29:15.740
 is used to

00:29:15.740 --> 00:29:16.559
 describe the way

00:29:16.559 --> 00:29:17.580
 that God relates

00:29:17.580 --> 00:29:18.580
 to those who

00:29:18.580 --> 00:29:19.160
 follow him.

00:29:19.340 --> 00:29:19.860
 When Jesus

00:29:19.860 --> 00:29:20.720
 forecasts his

00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:21.319
 death in John

00:29:21.319 --> 00:29:22.460
 15 he says

00:29:22.460 --> 00:29:23.720
 greater love has

00:29:23.720 --> 00:29:24.279
 no one than

00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:25.279
 this to lay

00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:25.860
 down one's

00:29:25.860 --> 00:29:26.640
 life for one's

00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:27.100
 friends.

00:29:28.900 --> 00:29:29.819
 Jesus calls

00:29:29.819 --> 00:29:30.759
 friends those

00:29:30.759 --> 00:29:31.559
 who follow him.

00:29:32.559 --> 00:29:33.180
 Jesus chooses

00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:34.039
 friends not because

00:29:34.039 --> 00:29:34.759
 they're good friends,

00:29:34.759 --> 00:29:35.339
 not because they're

00:29:35.339 --> 00:29:35.960
 faithful friends,

00:29:36.039 --> 00:29:36.519
 not because they

00:29:36.519 --> 00:29:37.200
 fit those four

00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:37.879
 characteristics.

00:29:38.660 --> 00:29:39.339
 Romans tells us

00:29:39.339 --> 00:29:39.779
 that while we're

00:29:39.779 --> 00:29:40.500
 still sinners

00:29:40.500 --> 00:29:41.400
 Christ died for

00:29:41.400 --> 00:29:41.640
 us.

00:29:42.059 --> 00:29:42.759
 Jesus chooses

00:29:42.759 --> 00:29:43.640
 enemies and

00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:44.059
 makes them

00:29:44.059 --> 00:29:44.519
 friends.

00:29:45.059 --> 00:29:45.859
 Jesus sits on

00:29:45.859 --> 00:29:46.359
 the receiving

00:29:46.359 --> 00:29:47.200
 end of dodgy

00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:47.940
 friendship and

00:29:47.940 --> 00:29:48.720
 yet remains

00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:49.480
 faithful and

00:29:49.480 --> 00:29:50.140
 constant and

00:29:50.140 --> 00:29:50.759
 careful and

00:29:50.759 --> 00:29:51.180
 candid.

00:29:54.700 --> 00:29:55.779
 And because he

00:29:55.779 --> 00:29:56.299
 loves you at

00:29:56.299 --> 00:29:56.859
 that point,

00:29:57.259 --> 00:29:57.799
 because he's

00:29:57.799 --> 00:29:58.339
 your friend at

00:29:58.339 --> 00:29:58.920
 that point,

00:29:59.000 --> 00:29:59.420
 he gives you

00:29:59.420 --> 00:30:00.400
 security in his

00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:02.319
 friendship to

00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:03.099
 say that he is

00:30:03.099 --> 00:30:03.599
 going to be there

00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:04.119
 always.

00:30:04.119 --> 00:30:05.259
 If he is

00:30:05.259 --> 00:30:05.939
 there while you

00:30:05.939 --> 00:30:06.339
 are his

00:30:06.339 --> 00:30:06.719
 enemy,

00:30:07.139 --> 00:30:07.899
 there's nothing

00:30:07.899 --> 00:30:08.299
 that's going to

00:30:08.299 --> 00:30:08.799
 make him walk

00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:09.119
 away.

00:30:10.299 --> 00:30:10.699
 And so you

00:30:10.699 --> 00:30:11.539
 can be secure.

00:30:12.059 --> 00:30:12.639
 That deep,

00:30:13.319 --> 00:30:13.699
 awkward,

00:30:13.959 --> 00:30:14.500
 uncomfortable,

00:30:14.759 --> 00:30:15.179
 painful,

00:30:15.419 --> 00:30:16.239
 lonely feeling

00:30:16.239 --> 00:30:17.339
 can be dealt

00:30:17.339 --> 00:30:18.359
 with here,

00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:20.099
 can be satisfied

00:30:20.099 --> 00:30:21.199
 in Jesus because

00:30:21.199 --> 00:30:21.859
 he says,

00:30:22.299 --> 00:30:22.919
 I love you,

00:30:22.979 --> 00:30:23.719
 I forgive you,

00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:24.319
 I've drawn you

00:30:24.319 --> 00:30:24.939
 into friendship

00:30:24.939 --> 00:30:25.579
 with me and

00:30:25.579 --> 00:30:26.399
 nothing can

00:30:26.399 --> 00:30:27.039
 change that.

00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:29.740
 Jesus is the

00:30:29.740 --> 00:30:30.220
 friend who

00:30:30.220 --> 00:30:30.819
 knows us at

00:30:30.819 --> 00:30:31.279
 our worst,

00:30:31.379 --> 00:30:31.759
 knows our

00:30:31.759 --> 00:30:32.599
 deepest secrets

00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:33.339
 and yet remains

00:30:33.339 --> 00:30:34.599
 constant in

00:30:34.599 --> 00:30:35.200
 his love,

00:30:35.480 --> 00:30:36.019
 his goodness,

00:30:36.279 --> 00:30:37.000
 his patience,

00:30:37.139 --> 00:30:38.220
 his graciousness,

00:30:38.279 --> 00:30:38.980
 his rebuke and

00:30:38.980 --> 00:30:39.539
 his discipline.

00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:43.259
 Now,

00:30:43.319 --> 00:30:43.920
 loneliness is

00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:46.779
 real and it

00:30:46.779 --> 00:30:50.019
 hurts, but

00:30:50.019 --> 00:30:52.240
 Jesus died so

00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:52.639
 that you didn't

00:30:52.639 --> 00:30:53.180
 have to be

00:30:53.180 --> 00:30:53.500
 lonely.

00:30:53.500 --> 00:30:56.640
 Jesus died so

00:30:56.640 --> 00:30:57.079
 that you could

00:30:57.079 --> 00:30:58.019
 have him with

00:30:58.019 --> 00:30:59.079
 you always,

00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:02.259
 even in your

00:31:02.259 --> 00:31:03.099
 deep, dark

00:31:03.099 --> 00:31:04.480
 failure moments.

00:31:06.220 --> 00:31:07.240
 And the reality

00:31:07.240 --> 00:31:07.940
 is he's the

00:31:07.940 --> 00:31:09.740
 only one who's

00:31:09.740 --> 00:31:10.460
 constant and

00:31:10.460 --> 00:31:11.339
 careful enough,

00:31:12.400 --> 00:31:13.079
 who's candid

00:31:13.079 --> 00:31:13.619
 enough to

00:31:13.619 --> 00:31:14.539
 actually satisfy

00:31:14.539 --> 00:31:15.039
 that longing

00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:15.660
 that you feel.

00:31:17.700 --> 00:31:18.259
 Now,

00:31:18.299 --> 00:31:18.700
 it's not to

00:31:18.700 --> 00:31:19.259
 say that our

00:31:19.259 --> 00:31:19.859
 friendships with

00:31:19.859 --> 00:31:20.359
 one another are

00:31:20.359 --> 00:31:20.819
 unimportant,

00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:21.460
 they have their

00:31:21.460 --> 00:31:21.880
 place,

00:31:22.259 --> 00:31:23.140
 but they can't

00:31:23.140 --> 00:31:23.800
 stand up under

00:31:23.800 --> 00:31:24.300
 the pressure

00:31:24.300 --> 00:31:24.940
 of meeting

00:31:24.940 --> 00:31:25.580
 that need

00:31:25.580 --> 00:31:25.900
 that you

00:31:25.900 --> 00:31:26.400
 have that

00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:26.940
 drives you

00:31:26.940 --> 00:31:27.280
 to seek

00:31:27.280 --> 00:31:27.720
 friends.

00:31:31.560 --> 00:31:32.140
 If you

00:31:32.140 --> 00:31:33.140
 expect your

00:31:33.140 --> 00:31:34.860
 friendships to

00:31:34.860 --> 00:31:35.660
 satisfy that

00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:36.140
 longing, you

00:31:36.140 --> 00:31:36.720
 will crush

00:31:36.720 --> 00:31:37.320
 your friends

00:31:37.320 --> 00:31:38.200
 with expectation.

00:31:40.060 --> 00:31:40.780
 You'll crush

00:31:40.780 --> 00:31:41.259
 them with a

00:31:41.259 --> 00:31:42.120
 pressure that

00:31:42.120 --> 00:31:42.840
 they can't

00:31:42.840 --> 00:31:43.580
 stand up

00:31:43.580 --> 00:31:43.820
 under.

00:31:45.120 --> 00:31:45.880
 Even if they

00:31:45.880 --> 00:31:46.580
 try really

00:31:46.580 --> 00:31:47.640
 hard, there

00:31:47.640 --> 00:31:48.000
 will be a

00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:48.440
 time when

00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:48.740
 they're not

00:31:48.740 --> 00:31:49.060
 there and

00:31:49.060 --> 00:31:49.360
 you need

00:31:49.360 --> 00:31:49.540
 them.

00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:51.600
 Even if

00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:52.020
 they try

00:31:52.020 --> 00:31:52.759
 really hard,

00:31:52.759 --> 00:31:53.019
 there will

00:31:53.019 --> 00:31:53.299
 be a

00:31:53.299 --> 00:31:53.740
 time where

00:31:53.740 --> 00:31:54.259
 they totally

00:31:54.259 --> 00:31:54.960
 miss some

00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:55.640
 dark season

00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:56.059
 that you're

00:31:56.059 --> 00:31:56.420
 in and

00:31:56.420 --> 00:31:57.119
 steamroll over

00:31:57.119 --> 00:31:57.559
 it with the

00:31:57.559 --> 00:31:57.920
 joy that

00:31:57.920 --> 00:31:58.619
 they're experiencing

00:31:58.619 --> 00:31:58.980
 in their

00:31:58.980 --> 00:31:59.339
 life.

00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:01.379
 They're not

00:32:01.379 --> 00:32:01.859
 trying to be

00:32:01.859 --> 00:32:02.879
 harsh, but

00:32:02.879 --> 00:32:03.180
 they're just

00:32:03.180 --> 00:32:03.879
 not perfect.

00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:05.839
 They're going to

00:32:05.839 --> 00:32:06.539
 fall short.

00:32:06.759 --> 00:32:07.740
 If we expect

00:32:07.740 --> 00:32:08.680
 our friends to

00:32:08.680 --> 00:32:09.440
 meet this need

00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:09.879
 in us, we

00:32:09.879 --> 00:32:10.319
 will crush

00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:10.579
 them.

00:32:11.359 --> 00:32:12.059
 And then we'll

00:32:12.059 --> 00:32:12.759
 crush ourselves

00:32:12.759 --> 00:32:13.119
 with the

00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:13.619
 disappointment

00:32:13.619 --> 00:32:14.319
 that comes.

00:32:16.879 --> 00:32:17.640
 But Jesus

00:32:17.640 --> 00:32:18.119
 will never

00:32:18.119 --> 00:32:18.460
 fail.

00:32:20.259 --> 00:32:20.980
 Jesus will

00:32:20.980 --> 00:32:21.680
 never leave.

00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:22.880
 Jesus will

00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:23.860
 always love

00:32:23.860 --> 00:32:24.259
 and in

00:32:24.259 --> 00:32:24.920
 him there's

00:32:24.920 --> 00:32:25.420
 hope for

00:32:25.420 --> 00:32:25.620
 our

00:32:25.620 --> 00:32:25.980
 friendships

00:32:25.980 --> 00:32:26.400
 too.

00:32:27.480 --> 00:32:27.960
 When we

00:32:27.960 --> 00:32:28.779
 have him

00:32:28.779 --> 00:32:29.519
 as foundation,

00:32:29.700 --> 00:32:29.960
 when the

00:32:29.960 --> 00:32:30.460
 longing for

00:32:30.460 --> 00:32:31.039
 connection and

00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:31.320
 love is

00:32:31.320 --> 00:32:31.920
 already met

00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:32.680
 because Jesus

00:32:32.680 --> 00:32:33.660
 loves us

00:32:33.660 --> 00:32:34.279
 constantly,

00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:35.759
 then we get

00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:36.259
 to release

00:32:36.259 --> 00:32:36.840
 our friends

00:32:36.840 --> 00:32:37.240
 from the

00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:37.759
 pressure of

00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:38.160
 having to

00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:38.500
 meet that

00:32:38.500 --> 00:32:38.960
 in us.

00:32:39.660 --> 00:32:40.340
 And suddenly

00:32:40.340 --> 00:32:41.380
 we can enjoy

00:32:41.380 --> 00:32:42.220
 and be blessed

00:32:42.220 --> 00:32:43.340
 by their

00:32:43.340 --> 00:32:44.200
 versions and

00:32:44.200 --> 00:32:44.720
 their attempts

00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:45.120
 of being

00:32:45.120 --> 00:32:45.580
 constant.

00:32:46.180 --> 00:32:46.560
 Even though

00:32:46.560 --> 00:32:46.940
 it's not the

00:32:46.940 --> 00:32:47.840
 perfect constancy

00:32:47.840 --> 00:32:48.440
 we crave,

00:32:48.519 --> 00:32:48.820
 we've already

00:32:48.820 --> 00:32:49.480
 got that in

00:32:49.480 --> 00:32:49.819
 Jesus.

00:32:50.019 --> 00:32:50.240
 And so

00:32:50.240 --> 00:32:51.559
 suddenly a

00:32:51.559 --> 00:32:52.140
 friendship that

00:32:52.140 --> 00:32:52.960
 fell short a

00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:53.420
 few moments

00:32:53.420 --> 00:32:54.079
 ago can be

00:32:54.079 --> 00:32:55.019
 rich and

00:32:55.019 --> 00:32:55.539
 deep and

00:32:55.539 --> 00:32:56.599
 satisfying because

00:32:56.599 --> 00:32:57.559
 they're a

00:32:57.559 --> 00:32:58.660
 fellow journeyer

00:32:58.660 --> 00:32:59.460
 with us.

00:33:00.599 --> 00:33:01.259
 They are

00:33:01.259 --> 00:33:02.019
 equally in

00:33:02.019 --> 00:33:02.420
 need of

00:33:02.420 --> 00:33:03.019
 grace and

00:33:03.019 --> 00:33:03.460
 forgiveness.

00:33:05.160 --> 00:33:05.900
 And because

00:33:05.900 --> 00:33:06.559
 of Jesus we

00:33:06.559 --> 00:33:07.099
 can give it.

00:33:08.819 --> 00:33:09.620
 Because we're

00:33:09.620 --> 00:33:10.720
 not alone

00:33:10.720 --> 00:33:11.140
 anymore.

00:33:12.460 --> 00:33:13.160
 Because we

00:33:13.160 --> 00:33:13.519
 don't have to

00:33:13.519 --> 00:33:14.099
 be driven by

00:33:14.099 --> 00:33:14.700
 that fear

00:33:14.700 --> 00:33:15.180
 anymore.

00:33:15.180 --> 00:33:17.220
 Jesus enables

00:33:17.220 --> 00:33:17.820
 us to give

00:33:17.820 --> 00:33:18.580
 forgiveness and

00:33:18.580 --> 00:33:19.279
 find comfort

00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:19.799
 even when

00:33:19.799 --> 00:33:20.620
 friendships break

00:33:20.620 --> 00:33:21.039
 down or

00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:21.340
 end.

00:33:24.200 --> 00:33:24.820
 When we

00:33:24.820 --> 00:33:25.440
 have him as

00:33:25.440 --> 00:33:26.080
 our constant

00:33:26.080 --> 00:33:26.700
 friend,

00:33:27.539 --> 00:33:28.340
 there's hope

00:33:28.340 --> 00:33:29.519
 for our

00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:30.220
 friendships here

00:33:30.220 --> 00:33:30.519
 too.

00:33:32.259 --> 00:33:32.900
 Now just

00:33:32.900 --> 00:33:33.279
 before I

00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:33.660
 finish, I

00:33:33.660 --> 00:33:34.019
 want to say

00:33:34.019 --> 00:33:34.500
 something about

00:33:34.500 --> 00:33:35.140
 friendships with

00:33:35.140 --> 00:33:36.060
 non-Christians.

00:33:36.779 --> 00:33:37.320
 Where does

00:33:37.320 --> 00:33:38.000
 that fit in

00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:38.420
 all this?

00:33:39.320 --> 00:33:39.900
 We've talked

00:33:39.900 --> 00:33:41.660
 about Jesus

00:33:41.660 --> 00:33:42.240
 being the

00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:42.799
 foundation,

00:33:43.080 --> 00:33:43.940
 the sufficient

00:33:43.940 --> 00:33:44.480
 connection

00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:45.240
 point for

00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:45.940
 amazing

00:33:45.940 --> 00:33:46.579
 friendships with

00:33:46.579 --> 00:33:46.920
 people who

00:33:46.920 --> 00:33:47.220
 are nothing

00:33:47.220 --> 00:33:47.799
 like us,

00:33:47.900 --> 00:33:49.059
 but we

00:33:49.059 --> 00:33:49.519
 don't connect

00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:50.279
 with non-Christians

00:33:50.279 --> 00:33:50.920
 around Jesus.

00:33:51.099 --> 00:33:51.559
 We connect

00:33:51.559 --> 00:33:52.299
 around a sport

00:33:52.299 --> 00:33:52.839
 we love or

00:33:52.839 --> 00:33:53.759
 music we enjoy

00:33:53.759 --> 00:33:54.120
 or whatever

00:33:54.120 --> 00:33:54.519
 else it is,

00:33:54.539 --> 00:33:54.779
 and they're

00:33:54.779 --> 00:33:55.360
 good things,

00:33:55.440 --> 00:33:55.860
 they're valid.

00:33:57.559 --> 00:33:58.160
 So where does

00:33:58.160 --> 00:33:59.099
 this non-Christian

00:33:59.099 --> 00:34:00.140
 friendship fit in

00:34:00.140 --> 00:34:00.460
 here?

00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:01.480
 Let me say two

00:34:01.480 --> 00:34:01.860
 things.

00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:03.400
 Firstly,

00:34:03.559 --> 00:34:04.079
 friendship is

00:34:04.079 --> 00:34:04.440
 good.

00:34:05.700 --> 00:34:06.220
 And so if you

00:34:06.220 --> 00:34:07.099
 find a friend

00:34:07.099 --> 00:34:07.940
 who is constant

00:34:07.940 --> 00:34:08.800
 and careful

00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:10.400
 and candid and

00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:11.039
 gives you good

00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:11.800
 counsel who

00:34:11.800 --> 00:34:12.280
 doesn't know

00:34:12.280 --> 00:34:12.619
 Jesus,

00:34:13.320 --> 00:34:13.780
 then that's

00:34:13.780 --> 00:34:14.119
 great.

00:34:15.400 --> 00:34:16.079
 If that

00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:16.699
 friendship is

00:34:16.699 --> 00:34:17.519
 beneficial in

00:34:17.519 --> 00:34:17.940
 your life,

00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:18.639
 that is good.

00:34:19.159 --> 00:34:19.599
 And thank

00:34:19.599 --> 00:34:20.300
 God for that.

00:34:20.579 --> 00:34:21.079
 He gave it

00:34:21.079 --> 00:34:21.500
 to you.

00:34:25.079 --> 00:34:25.740
 But I

00:34:25.740 --> 00:34:26.400
 would say

00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:28.760
 that Christian

00:34:28.760 --> 00:34:29.539
 friendship or

00:34:29.539 --> 00:34:30.440
 spiritual friendship

00:34:30.440 --> 00:34:31.420
 where Jesus is

00:34:31.420 --> 00:34:32.099
 the basis of

00:34:32.099 --> 00:34:32.760
 our connection

00:34:32.760 --> 00:34:34.199
 has built

00:34:34.199 --> 00:34:34.900
 into it the

00:34:34.900 --> 00:34:36.039
 capacity to be

00:34:36.039 --> 00:34:36.500
 better.

00:34:38.619 --> 00:34:39.539
 I'm not saying

00:34:39.539 --> 00:34:40.039
 if you've had a

00:34:40.039 --> 00:34:40.719
 friend since you

00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:41.400
 were born who's

00:34:41.400 --> 00:34:42.000
 a non-Christian

00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:42.860
 that the

00:34:42.860 --> 00:34:43.320
 Christian that

00:34:43.320 --> 00:34:44.019
 you start

00:34:44.019 --> 00:34:44.739
 developing a

00:34:44.739 --> 00:34:45.179
 friendship with

00:34:45.179 --> 00:34:45.780
 today is going

00:34:45.780 --> 00:34:46.380
 to suddenly be

00:34:46.380 --> 00:34:46.920
 on par.

00:34:47.559 --> 00:34:47.699
 You know,

00:34:47.980 --> 00:34:48.579
 time's a big

00:34:48.579 --> 00:34:49.400
 factor in this.

00:34:49.519 --> 00:34:50.079
 But my point

00:34:50.079 --> 00:34:51.579
 is the capacity

00:34:51.579 --> 00:34:52.300
 for this

00:34:52.300 --> 00:34:52.980
 friendship to be

00:34:52.980 --> 00:34:54.719
 amazing is far

00:34:54.719 --> 00:34:56.139
 inferior to the

00:34:56.139 --> 00:34:56.960
 capacity of this

00:34:56.960 --> 00:34:57.199
 one.

00:34:58.500 --> 00:35:00.579
 Because for those

00:35:00.579 --> 00:35:01.039
 who are a

00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:03.059
 Christian, God

00:35:03.059 --> 00:35:03.780
 is what matters

00:35:03.780 --> 00:35:04.300
 most.

00:35:04.980 --> 00:35:05.980
 God's glory is

00:35:05.980 --> 00:35:06.400
 what matters

00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:06.659
 most.

00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:07.280
 Now I know we

00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:07.920
 fail at that and

00:35:07.920 --> 00:35:08.679
 we struggle at that,

00:35:08.679 --> 00:35:09.639
 but that's what

00:35:09.639 --> 00:35:10.339
 God is doing.

00:35:10.460 --> 00:35:11.139
 He's growing our

00:35:11.139 --> 00:35:11.759
 heart to love

00:35:11.759 --> 00:35:12.299
 him more than

00:35:12.299 --> 00:35:12.879
 anything else.

00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:14.000
 For the non-Christian,

00:35:14.139 --> 00:35:14.739
 I don't know what

00:35:14.739 --> 00:35:15.339
 matters most.

00:35:15.419 --> 00:35:15.839
 It could be

00:35:15.839 --> 00:35:16.319
 different for

00:35:16.319 --> 00:35:17.019
 different people.

00:35:19.980 --> 00:35:20.719
 But in a

00:35:20.719 --> 00:35:21.539
 relationship between

00:35:21.539 --> 00:35:22.199
 a Christian and

00:35:22.199 --> 00:35:22.819
 a non-Christian,

00:35:23.099 --> 00:35:24.299
 necessarily what

00:35:24.299 --> 00:35:25.399
 matters most to

00:35:25.399 --> 00:35:26.079
 you will be

00:35:26.079 --> 00:35:26.699
 different.

00:35:28.679 --> 00:35:29.599
 And that means

00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:30.179
 no matter how

00:35:30.179 --> 00:35:31.299
 much other parts

00:35:31.299 --> 00:35:31.980
 of your life that

00:35:31.980 --> 00:35:32.559
 you share,

00:35:34.419 --> 00:35:36.179
 a huge part of

00:35:36.179 --> 00:35:38.079
 you will always

00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:38.579
 be removed.

00:35:38.679 --> 00:35:38.940
 from that

00:35:38.940 --> 00:35:39.319
 friendship.

00:35:39.859 --> 00:35:40.759
 A huge part of

00:35:40.759 --> 00:35:41.440
 you cannot be

00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:42.359
 shaped and

00:35:42.359 --> 00:35:42.919
 guided and

00:35:42.919 --> 00:35:43.779
 encouraged in

00:35:43.779 --> 00:35:44.419
 that friendship.

00:35:46.000 --> 00:35:46.779
 It's not to

00:35:46.779 --> 00:35:47.599
 say don't have

00:35:47.599 --> 00:35:48.139
 non-Christian

00:35:48.139 --> 00:35:51.179
 friends, but it

00:35:51.179 --> 00:35:52.960
 is to say if

00:35:52.960 --> 00:35:53.299
 you're a

00:35:53.299 --> 00:35:54.639
 Christian, you

00:35:54.639 --> 00:35:56.319
 need Christian

00:35:56.319 --> 00:35:56.899
 friends.

00:35:58.079 --> 00:35:58.799
 You need

00:35:58.799 --> 00:35:58.980
 them.

00:35:59.839 --> 00:36:00.299
 They're the

00:36:00.299 --> 00:36:00.859
 ones who can

00:36:00.859 --> 00:36:01.579
 shape and

00:36:01.579 --> 00:36:01.940
 guide you.

00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:02.179
 They're the

00:36:02.179 --> 00:36:02.619
 ones who can

00:36:02.619 --> 00:36:03.119
 encourage you.

00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:03.419
 They're the

00:36:03.419 --> 00:36:04.019
 ones who have

00:36:04.019 --> 00:36:04.859
 the constant

00:36:04.859 --> 00:36:05.859
 eternal context

00:36:05.859 --> 00:36:06.579
 for a friendship

00:36:06.579 --> 00:36:06.960
 that Jimmy

00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:07.480
 talked about

00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:08.079
 last week.

00:36:08.079 --> 00:36:08.799
 They're God's

00:36:08.799 --> 00:36:09.659
 gift to you.

00:36:13.000 --> 00:36:13.659
 All that

00:36:13.659 --> 00:36:14.219
 brings us to

00:36:14.219 --> 00:36:15.139
 the very final

00:36:15.139 --> 00:36:15.679
 challenge.

00:36:17.079 --> 00:36:18.159
 If we want

00:36:18.159 --> 00:36:18.920
 these friendships,

00:36:19.460 --> 00:36:20.139
 if we want

00:36:20.139 --> 00:36:20.960
 friends who we're

00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:21.599
 blessed by and

00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:22.139
 who we can be a

00:36:22.139 --> 00:36:23.880
 blessing to, but

00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:24.559
 we don't have

00:36:24.559 --> 00:36:26.420
 them, what do

00:36:26.420 --> 00:36:26.719
 we do?

00:36:27.719 --> 00:36:28.579
 How do we move

00:36:28.579 --> 00:36:29.019
 from here?

00:36:30.579 --> 00:36:31.539
 Well, if you

00:36:31.539 --> 00:36:32.099
 want friendship,

00:36:32.299 --> 00:36:32.920
 you want intimacy,

00:36:33.079 --> 00:36:33.279
 you want

00:36:33.279 --> 00:36:34.159
 connection, wisdom

00:36:34.159 --> 00:36:36.159
 and the

00:36:36.159 --> 00:36:36.659
 Christian

00:36:36.659 --> 00:36:36.739
 says, be a

00:36:36.739 --> 00:36:37.039
 friend.

00:36:40.059 --> 00:36:40.819
 Find someone

00:36:40.819 --> 00:36:41.259
 else who's

00:36:41.259 --> 00:36:41.960
 following Jesus.

00:36:42.239 --> 00:36:42.619
 That's the

00:36:42.619 --> 00:36:43.279
 discovering a

00:36:43.279 --> 00:36:44.079
 foundation bit.

00:36:44.460 --> 00:36:45.099
 Hot tip, this

00:36:45.099 --> 00:36:45.899
 room is full of

00:36:45.899 --> 00:36:46.079
 them.

00:36:49.019 --> 00:36:49.679
 Once you've

00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:50.079
 found them,

00:36:50.460 --> 00:36:50.839
 invest.

00:36:52.279 --> 00:36:53.059
 Be constant.

00:36:53.940 --> 00:36:54.679
 Be careful.

00:36:54.839 --> 00:36:55.519
 Be candid.

00:36:55.739 --> 00:36:56.440
 Give counsel.

00:36:56.599 --> 00:36:57.059
 Be honest.

00:36:57.179 --> 00:36:57.739
 Be vulnerable.

00:36:57.920 --> 00:36:58.299
 Speak the

00:36:58.299 --> 00:36:58.940
 truth in love.

00:36:59.299 --> 00:36:59.639
 Walk the

00:36:59.639 --> 00:37:00.319
 Christian journey

00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:01.400
 of failing and

00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:02.160
 finding grace

00:37:02.160 --> 00:37:02.420
 again.

00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:03.059
 The ups and

00:37:03.059 --> 00:37:03.360
 downs.

00:37:03.519 --> 00:37:04.039
 Invest.

00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:07.740
 Making friends

00:37:07.740 --> 00:37:08.920
 is scary because

00:37:08.920 --> 00:37:09.620
 we don't know if

00:37:09.620 --> 00:37:10.340
 the investment is

00:37:10.340 --> 00:37:10.660
 going to be

00:37:10.660 --> 00:37:11.500
 matched or if

00:37:11.500 --> 00:37:11.760
 we're going to

00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:12.500
 try really hard

00:37:12.500 --> 00:37:12.780
 and at the

00:37:12.780 --> 00:37:13.460
 end still be

00:37:13.460 --> 00:37:13.820
 lonely.

00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:16.220
 But because of

00:37:16.220 --> 00:37:16.820
 Jesus, we're

00:37:16.820 --> 00:37:17.360
 released from

00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:17.920
 that fear.

00:37:19.039 --> 00:37:20.100
 Even if we

00:37:20.100 --> 00:37:21.720
 don't get the

00:37:21.720 --> 00:37:22.360
 investment

00:37:22.360 --> 00:37:23.120
 reciprocated,

00:37:23.200 --> 00:37:23.580
 even if the

00:37:23.580 --> 00:37:24.240
 end point is we

00:37:24.240 --> 00:37:24.820
 don't have an

00:37:24.820 --> 00:37:25.500
 amazing friendship

00:37:25.500 --> 00:37:26.220
 with this person,

00:37:26.420 --> 00:37:27.480
 the worst case

00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:28.480
 scenario is

00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:31.079
 you are

00:37:31.079 --> 00:37:31.760
 eternally

00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:33.000
 loved by

00:37:33.000 --> 00:37:33.579
 the saviour

00:37:33.579 --> 00:37:33.860
 of the

00:37:33.860 --> 00:37:34.159
 world.

00:37:35.059 --> 00:37:35.960
 Worst case,

00:37:37.240 --> 00:37:39.519
 you eternally

00:37:39.519 --> 00:37:40.159
 have the

00:37:40.159 --> 00:37:40.699
 best friend

00:37:40.699 --> 00:37:41.039
 that there

00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:41.400
 is.

00:37:42.400 --> 00:37:42.840
 Can you

00:37:42.840 --> 00:37:43.199
 see how

00:37:43.199 --> 00:37:43.659
 the fear

00:37:43.659 --> 00:37:44.059
 is kind

00:37:44.059 --> 00:37:44.679
 of removed

00:37:44.679 --> 00:37:45.000
 there?

00:37:45.340 --> 00:37:45.940
 You don't

00:37:45.940 --> 00:37:46.400
 have to

00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:47.260
 feel lonely

00:37:47.260 --> 00:37:47.760
 anymore.

00:37:48.559 --> 00:37:49.199
 It doesn't

00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:49.500
 mean it

00:37:49.500 --> 00:37:49.780
 won't be

00:37:49.780 --> 00:37:50.460
 hard if a

00:37:50.460 --> 00:37:51.199
 friend rejects

00:37:51.199 --> 00:37:51.679
 you or if

00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:52.079
 a friendship

00:37:52.079 --> 00:37:52.800
 breaks down.

00:37:54.900 --> 00:37:55.699
 But because

00:37:55.699 --> 00:37:56.139
 of Jesus,

00:37:56.280 --> 00:37:56.440
 you're

00:37:56.440 --> 00:37:57.440
 released to

00:37:57.440 --> 00:37:57.740
 be the

00:37:57.740 --> 00:37:58.099
 one who

00:37:58.099 --> 00:37:58.460
 takes the

00:37:58.460 --> 00:37:59.139
 first step,

00:37:59.679 --> 00:38:00.320
 who makes

00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:00.740
 the first

00:38:00.740 --> 00:38:01.099
 move,

00:38:01.179 --> 00:38:01.559
 who takes

00:38:01.559 --> 00:38:02.119
 the risk

00:38:02.119 --> 00:38:04.639
 and invests.

00:38:06.500 --> 00:38:07.159
 Invest in

00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:07.760
 a brother or

00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:08.420
 sister in

00:38:08.420 --> 00:38:08.940
 this room,

00:38:09.159 --> 00:38:09.679
 outside of

00:38:09.679 --> 00:38:09.980
 this room,

00:38:10.059 --> 00:38:10.420
 someone who

00:38:10.420 --> 00:38:11.000
 loves Jesus

00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:13.119
 and see

00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:13.659
 how God

00:38:13.659 --> 00:38:14.199
 might bless

00:38:14.199 --> 00:38:14.460
 you.

00:38:16.360 --> 00:38:17.079
 Invest in

00:38:17.079 --> 00:38:17.679
 someone who's

00:38:17.679 --> 00:38:18.460
 nothing like

00:38:18.460 --> 00:38:21.199
 you but who

00:38:21.199 --> 00:38:21.720
 shares the

00:38:21.720 --> 00:38:22.300
 most important

00:38:22.300 --> 00:38:22.679
 thing in

00:38:22.679 --> 00:38:24.019
 common and

00:38:24.019 --> 00:38:25.000
 see how God

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:25.519
 might bless

00:38:25.519 --> 00:38:25.740
 you.

00:38:25.739 --> 00:38:26.359
 God

00:38:26.359 --> 00:38:27.039
 will

00:38:27.039 --> 00:38:27.739
 love you.

00:38:27.739 --> 00:38:28.259
 Let's

00:38:28.259 --> 00:38:28.500
 pray.

00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:32.839
 Father God,

00:38:32.899 --> 00:38:33.259
 we want to

00:38:33.259 --> 00:38:33.939
 acknowledge that

00:38:33.939 --> 00:38:34.599
 for many of

00:38:34.599 --> 00:38:35.259
 us the pain

00:38:35.259 --> 00:38:35.759
 of loneliness

00:38:35.759 --> 00:38:36.319
 is something

00:38:36.319 --> 00:38:36.739
 that we

00:38:36.739 --> 00:38:37.659
 experience with

00:38:37.659 --> 00:38:38.099
 a harsh

00:38:38.099 --> 00:38:38.899
 reality each

00:38:38.899 --> 00:38:39.199
 and every

00:38:39.199 --> 00:38:39.459
 day.

00:38:40.659 --> 00:38:41.359
 We want

00:38:41.359 --> 00:38:41.799
 to admit

00:38:41.799 --> 00:38:42.259
 that often

00:38:42.259 --> 00:38:42.579
 we are

00:38:42.579 --> 00:38:43.239
 hurt by

00:38:43.239 --> 00:38:43.899
 our imperfect

00:38:43.899 --> 00:38:44.559
 friendships.

00:38:46.739 --> 00:38:47.459
 Often we

00:38:47.459 --> 00:38:47.919
 go looking

00:38:47.919 --> 00:38:48.379
 for the

00:38:48.379 --> 00:38:49.039
 loneliness to

00:38:49.039 --> 00:38:49.559
 be met in

00:38:49.559 --> 00:38:50.159
 places that

00:38:50.159 --> 00:38:50.459
 are not

00:38:50.459 --> 00:38:50.699
 you.

00:38:50.699 --> 00:38:52.299
 God,

00:38:52.379 --> 00:38:52.579
 we want

00:38:52.579 --> 00:38:52.960
 to thank

00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:53.299
 you that

00:38:53.299 --> 00:38:53.779
 in Jesus

00:38:53.779 --> 00:38:54.319
 we have

00:38:54.319 --> 00:38:54.799
 absolute

00:38:54.799 --> 00:38:55.379
 confidence

00:38:55.379 --> 00:38:55.879
 that you

00:38:55.879 --> 00:38:56.679
 are constant,

00:38:57.159 --> 00:38:57.699
 that your

00:38:57.699 --> 00:38:58.239
 love is

00:38:58.239 --> 00:38:58.739
 constant,

00:38:58.899 --> 00:38:59.159
 that your

00:38:59.159 --> 00:38:59.739
 grace is

00:38:59.739 --> 00:39:00.259
 sufficient.

00:39:02.079 --> 00:39:02.519
 Father,

00:39:02.599 --> 00:39:03.199
 we pray in

00:39:03.199 --> 00:39:03.679
 those dark

00:39:03.679 --> 00:39:04.279
 moments that

00:39:04.279 --> 00:39:04.480
 you would

00:39:04.480 --> 00:39:04.980
 open our

00:39:04.980 --> 00:39:05.419
 eyes to

00:39:05.419 --> 00:39:06.639
 see all

00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:06.960
 that you

00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:07.819
 are, to

00:39:07.819 --> 00:39:08.359
 be conscious

00:39:08.359 --> 00:39:08.759
 of your

00:39:08.759 --> 00:39:09.419
 presence with

00:39:09.419 --> 00:39:09.719
 us and

00:39:09.719 --> 00:39:10.119
 your goodness

00:39:10.119 --> 00:39:10.819
 to us.

00:39:11.539 --> 00:39:11.939
 Father,

00:39:12.019 --> 00:39:12.659
 we pray that

00:39:12.659 --> 00:39:13.259
 you might fill

00:39:13.259 --> 00:39:13.779
 us with the

00:39:13.779 --> 00:39:14.739
 security in

00:39:14.739 --> 00:39:15.379
 your love and

00:39:15.379 --> 00:39:15.699
 in your

00:39:15.699 --> 00:39:16.419
 friendship that

00:39:16.419 --> 00:39:17.079
 we are able

00:39:17.079 --> 00:39:17.839
 to be released

00:39:17.839 --> 00:39:18.599
 to be good

00:39:18.599 --> 00:39:19.139
 friends,

00:39:19.139 --> 00:39:20.839
 released to

00:39:20.839 --> 00:39:21.599
 invest and

00:39:21.599 --> 00:39:22.879
 sacrifice and

00:39:22.879 --> 00:39:24.119
 make the

00:39:24.119 --> 00:39:25.000
 costly decisions

00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:25.619
 to be a

00:39:25.619 --> 00:39:26.219
 blessing to

00:39:26.219 --> 00:39:26.659
 those that

00:39:26.659 --> 00:39:27.279
 you place in

00:39:27.279 --> 00:39:27.759
 our sphere.

00:39:29.279 --> 00:39:29.839
 God, I

00:39:29.839 --> 00:39:30.279
 pray that if

00:39:30.279 --> 00:39:30.500
 there are

00:39:30.500 --> 00:39:30.859
 people in

00:39:30.859 --> 00:39:31.539
 this room who

00:39:31.539 --> 00:39:32.339
 right now

00:39:32.339 --> 00:39:32.719
 would sit

00:39:32.719 --> 00:39:33.079
 and say

00:39:33.079 --> 00:39:33.400
 there's not

00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:33.839
 a single

00:39:33.839 --> 00:39:34.460
 person who

00:39:34.460 --> 00:39:34.719
 I would

00:39:34.719 --> 00:39:35.339
 call friend,

00:39:37.019 --> 00:39:37.599
 God, I

00:39:37.599 --> 00:39:37.920
 pray that you

00:39:37.920 --> 00:39:38.279
 would open

00:39:38.279 --> 00:39:38.920
 our eyes to

00:39:38.920 --> 00:39:39.339
 see one

00:39:39.339 --> 00:39:40.719
 another, to

00:39:40.719 --> 00:39:41.039
 see the

00:39:41.039 --> 00:39:41.679
 opportunities

00:39:41.679 --> 00:39:42.079
 that are in

00:39:42.079 --> 00:39:42.699
 front of us

00:39:42.699 --> 00:39:44.079
 and to step

00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:44.519
 out and be

00:39:44.519 --> 00:39:44.940
 a friend.

00:39:46.679 --> 00:39:47.179
 Thank you

00:39:47.179 --> 00:39:47.659
 for Jesus.

00:39:48.460 --> 00:39:48.960
 Thank you

00:39:48.960 --> 00:39:49.280
 for his

00:39:49.280 --> 00:39:49.760
 incredible

00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:50.340
 love which

00:39:50.340 --> 00:39:51.720
 surpasses any

00:39:51.720 --> 00:39:52.579
 loss or

00:39:52.579 --> 00:39:53.460
 inadequacy or

00:39:53.460 --> 00:39:54.220
 need within

00:39:54.220 --> 00:39:54.639
 us.

00:39:55.679 --> 00:39:56.420
 God, so

00:39:56.420 --> 00:39:57.220
 fill us that

00:39:57.220 --> 00:39:57.900
 we might be a

00:39:57.900 --> 00:39:58.740
 significant blessing

00:39:58.740 --> 00:39:59.220
 on all we

00:39:59.220 --> 00:39:59.599
 encounter.

00:40:00.599 --> 00:40:01.059
 Amen.