This morning, I'm going to talk about fiction family and factual family.
Okay?
Fiction family and factual family.
A lot of little alliteration there.
So, you've heard me say before that probably one of the more disillusioning things
is to have the language of family without the experience of family, right?
Okay, so we have the language of family.
We talk about family as we should.
Okay?
Talk about the church being a family as we should.
We're getting that from the Bible, right?
The danger with people talking a lot about family would be that there's areas where we're not living like family,
or we're not experiencing family as much as we're talking about it.
And that's not to say, when I say that, we don't have to think in like extremes,
whether it's just all family or not family.
We can have certain experiences of family, and then others where it's just like,
well, this could be a little better.
We could experience this more.
We could, you know, do this better.
Okay?
And in talking with different people, I've heard a little bit of that.
You know?
It's like, yeah, this is good, but we could do this better.
I want to get to know each other better, get more deep.
It was even prayed.
Someone even prayed it.
I think Zemir might have prayed it this morning in our prayer time,
just praying that we would be a family together and experience more of what that looks like.
And the fact that there's areas where we can improve on that and grow in that,
that's nothing to be ashamed about.
That's nothing to feel condemned about in any way, shape, or form.
That's just part of being a church together.
We've got to grow in that.
We've got to be intentional in that.
And it doesn't happen without being intentional.
It's not like you just sit around and, oh, yeah, family just happens.
No.
We have to be intentional to really relate to each other in the right way
and to be obedient to Jesus, really.
And when we're obedient to Jesus and all the little things,
the bigger thing of family starts coming together.
So we want to get this right.
It's important that we get this right
because part of the good news of the gospel
is that God is a father who sent his son
so that we could be adopted into his family.
Okay?
And there's implications of that.
So the question would be really,
how do we make sure that our experience of family is real family,
not just kind of a family in name only kind of thing?
And it's important to start with the fact that sonship produces brotherhood.
The gospel creates family.
Okay?
Because Jesus adopted us into his family,
that now makes us family with each other.
Right?
Also makes us family with God, of course.
But it's not just that we're now family with God.
It's not just that he just adopted us into his family.
All his kids adopted into his family are brothers and sisters.
Right?
John chapter 1, 12 to 13,
To all who did receive him, who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God,
who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh,
nor of the will of man, but of God.
Okay?
There's some people in here who are blood brothers or sisters,
like that they lived in the same flesh family.
Okay?
But all of us who are in Christ
are automatically brothers and sisters.
All right?
And so when God reconciled us to him
and adopted us into his family,
that automatically, when you came to Christ,
that made you a brother or a sister
with all the other brothers and sisters.
And specifically, more specifically,
more practically in the local church
that you're a part of.
So it's really important for us,
for us to experience family,
to think of ourselves in that way.
1 Timothy 5, 1 to 2 says,
Don't rebuke an older man,
but encourage him as you would a father.
Younger men as brothers,
older women as mothers,
younger women as sisters.
Excuse me.
And all purity.
Okay?
So there's this,
when you're rebuking someone
or encouraging them,
you should treat them like family.
And one thing I was looking at
that I was honestly a little surprised about
looking in the Bible
is that from the book of Acts
to the book of Revelation,
so taking out the Gospels
because the Gospels talk a lot about natural family,
but through Acts,
Acts to the book of Revelation,
the word brother is used 256 times.
I didn't realize that it was actually used that much.
It's like you almost kind of take it for granted
when you're reading through the epistles
and you're reading through the book of Acts,
but it's constantly being used.
Paul's constantly calling someone a brother.
He's calling someone a sister.
Starts in the beginning of the letter.
He's like,
hey,
this letter's from so-and-so
and so-and-so,
our brothers.
At the end,
he's like,
hey,
say hi to so-and-so,
our sister.
And you just see this language.
I didn't realize it was so littered,
but once I started reading all the verses,
I was just thinking,
my goodness,
this is really pervasive.
And there's something to be gleaned from that.
Not only that,
but also even just thinking of the concept
of Jesus himself being our brother.
If Jesus himself is our brother,
which says in Romans 8, 29,
those whom he foreknew,
he also predestined to be conformed
to the image of his son
in order that he might be the firstborn
among many brothers.
Okay?
If Jesus calls his brothers,
you know,
in Mark chapter 3,
Jesus,
they said,
hey,
your mom and your brothers are here.
And he said,
who are my mother and my brothers?
He said,
he who does the will of God,
he is my brother and sister and mother.
So,
you see this language here.
He's the firstborn among brothers.
He calls those who obey him,
his brother and sister and mother.
Hebrews 2 says,
he's not ashamed to call us his brothers.
All right?
And Hebrews 2, 17 says,
he has to be made like his brothers
in every respect
so that he might become a merciful
and faithful high priest
in the service of God
to make propitiation
for the sins of the people.
Isn't it interesting
that God,
you know,
he doesn't have to earn
any kind of stature
or trust with us.
He's God.
Right?
He could have just came in
quote unquote,
you know,
kind of like guns a blazing,
so to speak.
Like,
I'm God,
you're not.
Like,
you do what I say
and I don't really care
what you think.
I'm God.
But Jesus
comes to earth
and he's made
like his brothers
in every respect.
Isn't that
just an incredible thought
to think?
Why did he do that?
Why would,
why was he made
like his brothers
and then called us
his brothers
so that he might
become a merciful
and faithful high priest
in the service of God
to make propitiation
for the sins of the people?
I mean,
it basically says
he came into our world.
He took on flesh.
The word became flesh
and dwelt among us,
right?
So he could be
a faithful high priest
so he could know
what we go through.
You know,
you can never say,
well,
Jesus,
you're just this distant God
who has no concept
of what we go through
because you're God
and then we're,
you know,
humans living this earthly
experience in a broken world.
You can never say that
because Jesus lived
in this broken world.
Jesus truly was our brother
and still is our brother
and that he took on,
took on flesh
and he was made
like his brothers
in every respect
so he might become
a merciful and faithful
high priest.
Now,
if God himself
became a brother
instead of just trumpeting,
hey,
I'm God
and I'm Father,
how much more should we
when we relate to one another
should we begin
the experience
of family
relating to one another
as brothers and sisters?
Okay?
So really for those two reasons
that I just laid out.
One,
because
that's where
we always start
with the gospel.
The gospel is the framework.
The gospel is the foundation.
That's what we build upon,
right?
We build upon Christ
and the gospel
reconciles us to each other
and makes us family members
with one another,
makes us brothers and sisters.
Okay?
And then second,
Jesus himself
related to us
like a brother
and came into our world
like a brother
and we should do
the same thing.
We should love one another
like brother and sister.
And so I think
oftentimes
if we want the quality
of family,
we have to start there
because that's what
the gospel does.
It gives us the right
to be called children of God
and if I'm a child of God
and you're a child of God,
that means
we're brothers
or we're sisters
or we're brothers and sisters
depending on
who we're talking about.
Okay?
Jesus,
or the Bible,
New Testament
has some more commands
about this.
Basically telling us
to love like brothers.
Romans chapter 12,
verse 10
says,
love one another,
how?
With brotherly affection.
And then it says,
outdo one another
in showing honor.
Okay?
Love one another
with brotherly affection.
So we should be affectionate
with one another.
How?
Like a brother would be.
Like a sister would be.
That brother-sister,
brother-brother,
sister-sister
kind of affection.
We love each other
in that way.
Do you love that way?
Do you think of that?
Say, okay,
when you relate
to the people in this room,
when you come on a gathering
like this morning,
you think, okay,
this person that I'm
now seeing face to face,
that's my brother.
That's my sister.
But what if they're,
you know,
what if they're way older?
What if they're way younger?
Yeah, there could be
some other different dynamics
that take place.
You know,
it says in 1 Timothy 5,
don't rebuke an older man
but encourage him
as you would a father.
But,
for starters,
we're all brothers and sisters.
Even your own
blood father
or mother,
if they're in Christ with you,
you're brothers,
you're sisters
in Christ
because you're both
children of God.
And so,
we should be thinking
if we start in that place,
number one,
that brings us
in unity with one another
because we're all
thinking the same thing.
We're all relating
the same way.
Hey,
I'm going to come in,
I'm going to hug someone.
Why?
Because the Bible says
love one another
with brotherly affection.
And I say,
well,
my brother never hugged me.
Well,
your brother needs some work.
Okay,
he shouldn't.
He shouldn't.
Okay,
so love one another
with brotherly affection
and outdo one another
in showing honor.
1 Peter 1,
22-23
says,
having purified your souls
by your obedience
to the truth
for a sincere
brotherly love,
love one another
earnestly
from a pure heart
since you have been
born again
not of perishable seed
but of imperishable
through the living
abiding word of God.
So,
you've been born again?
Have you been born
of imperishable seed
through the living
and abiding word of God?
If that's true,
then what do you do?
Then you should
love one another
with a sincere
brotherly love.
A sincere brotherly love.
Notice it says,
this one adds another word.
It doesn't just say
a brotherly love
or affection.
It says sincere.
Okay?
If we're just going
through the motions
and there's not sincerity,
we'll have the lingo,
we'll have the language
but not the experience
and that will,
that'll cause people's hearts
to take a nosedive.
All right?
It has to be sincere.
Well, where does that
sincere love come from?
Well, you don't have to try
to muster up in yourself
and I would actually
encourage you not
to try to muster up
in yourself
because newsflash,
you can't.
There's nothing in you
that can love.
You want to shipwreck
the love of this church,
try to do it on your own.
Try to do it in your flesh.
The good news
is that Jesus lives
inside of you
and Jesus loves
everybody perfectly.
Jesus is a good brother.
Okay?
Jesus loves
with the right affection.
He loves with
familial affection.
And when we die
to ourselves
and die to our own experiences
and die to our own preferences,
you might say,
well, I don't like
to be affectionate.
Well, Jesus does.
So Paul said,
I love you with what?
The affections of Christ.
Christ is affectionate.
You might say,
but I'm not.
Well, you've died.
It's no longer you who live.
It's Christ who lives in you.
We're just talking,
Seth was just talking
about this yesterday
at Workman's Trust.
Okay?
So if it's no longer
you who live,
then the one who lives
through you is sincere.
The one who lives
through you is
loves with brotherly affections.
And so you might say,
well, I'm not good
at that.
I got good news for you.
You don't have
to be good at it.
No one asked you
to be good at it.
The Bible just asked you
to get out of the way.
Die and let Jesus
possess you.
Let Jesus
move through you,
work through you.
So that when
we leave a service,
we don't say,
oh, so-and-so,
such a great person.
We say,
Jesus is so great
in his church.
To him be the glory.
He loves people well.
Okay?
The result of you
being born again
is sincere brotherly love.
Why?
Because you now have
another person
living inside of you
who loves with
sincere brotherly love.
That's why those two
are implicated together.
And,
because you're born again,
all the other people
who are born again
are now your brothers
and sisters.
Automatically.
1 Peter 2.17.
Peter goes on
and he says,
honor everyone.
And then he says,
love the brotherhood.
Love the brotherhood.
Okay?
So this is going,
this is,
you know,
again,
another kind of nuance
on this.
Love the brotherhood.
Love the fellowship
that you have together
as brothers.
Love the fellowship
and you could do
the same thing
with sisters.
Love the familial
fellowship you have.
Love this bond you have.
Love that.
So this is not saying
love each other.
This is saying
love the bond you have
with one another.
Love the fact that
you're brothers and sisters.
Love that.
Love this collection of people
and when you,
when you care about that,
when you love the brotherhood,
it's,
it's not just loving
those individual people
because you could do,
you could love a brother
without loving the brotherhood.
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
The brotherhood
is more than that
because that's you
loving the connection,
the bond together
and saying,
this is important.
I need to do that.
But I can't do that
if I'm not relating
to people as brothers
and sisters.
I can't do that.
And to the degree
that I'm not doing that,
I'm hindering
church as family
and I'm creating
kind of a fictional family
instead of a factual family.
Family,
in fact,
that is when
we love the brotherhood.
We love that bond
and we say,
I'm going to do what I can
to love as brothers
and sisters.
And I'm not just going to
only do guys with guys
and girls with girls
because that gets weird.
I want to love,
guys are going to love
sisters well.
Sisters are going to love
brothers well.
That's important.
Sometimes that's not as easy.
Sometimes it's easier.
It really doesn't matter
what's easier
or what's harder.
It just matters
that God
has reconciled to him,
given us the right
to be called children of God,
which makes us family,
which makes us brothers
and sisters.
And that has to be
the basis by which we build.
That has to be the basis
by which we relate
to one another.
He goes on,
this third verse in Peter,
1 Peter 3,
okay,
we have 1 Peter 1,
1 Peter 2,
now in 1 Peter 3,
verse 8,
he wraps up,
he says,
finally all of you
have unity of mind,
sympathy,
brotherly love,
a tender heart,
and a humble mind.
Okay?
So he's,
Peter's really hammering
this one.
Three chapters in a row,
he's like,
hey,
you guys getting this?
I'm going to keep saying it.
Like,
why does he keep repeating it?
Well,
Peter obviously believed
that this was important,
right?
And even more so,
God thought it was important
because he's writing scripture.
Okay?
So he starts with
a sincere brotherly love,
he says,
love the brotherhood,
and then he culminates there
in 1 Peter 3,
verse 8,
with having a unity of mind,
sympathy,
and brotherly love.
Are you united,
are we united,
in mind,
to be brothers and sisters
to one another?
Starting there.
Like,
let's time out
on the father-mother thing
and all that kind of,
and the different authority
or hierarchy
and all this stuff.
Like,
let's just,
we're going to talk about
some of that stuff.
But again,
don't get distracted.
You have to start here.
Brothers and sisters,
brothers and sisters.
Am I a good brother?
Are you a good sister?
Are you a good brother?
Do you know how to love that way?
Do you know what the Bible
says about that?
Are we seeking
to be that to one another
and to be that way sincerely,
to be that way consistently?
And we can worry about
all the other dynamics.
Okay?
Even,
you know,
even in marriage,
you can worry about these things.
But again,
at the basis,
are we relating,
even in our marriages,
according to the gospel?
Like,
this is,
like,
the Bible even says,
relating to your wife
as heirs of the gift of life.
Why is she an heir?
Because she's your sister.
She's part of the same family,
the same inheritance.
And so,
we need to relate to one another
as brother and sister.
Peter writes about this,
again in his second letter,
2 Peter chapter 1.
Probably familiar with this portion
of scripture.
Verse 3 says,
His divine power
is granted to us
all things that pertain
to life and godliness.
Through the knowledge of him
who called us
to his own glory and excellence,
by which he has granted to us
his precious
and very great promises.
So that through them
you may become partakers
of the divine nature,
having escaped from the corruption
that is in the world
because of sinful desire.
for this very reason.
Make every effort
to supplement your faith
with virtue
and virtue with knowledge
and knowledge with self-control
and self-control
with steadfastness
and steadfastness
with godliness
and godliness
with brotherly affection
and brotherly affection
with love.
Okay, so he's saying
you need to make every effort
to supplement this.
You need to make sure
this is a part of your daily life,
your interactions
with the other people,
that you are adding
brotherly affection
kind of into your repertoire,
into your tool set.
And then in verse 8,
he says,
if these qualities
are yours
and are increasing,
they keep you
from being ineffective
or unfruitful
in the knowledge
of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Have you ever thought
that actually
not having brotherly affection
for one another
would keep you
from being effective
and it would actually
put you in a place
of unfruitfulness
in your knowledge
of the Lord Jesus Christ?
This is true.
Why?
Because whoever lacks
these qualities
is so nearsighted
that he is blind,
having forgotten
that he was cleansed
from his former sins.
Therefore, brothers,
be all the more diligently
to confirm
your calling and election.
For if you practice
these qualities,
you will never fall.
For in this way
there will be
richly provided for you
an entrance
into the eternal kingdom
of our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.
Okay?
So, he's saying
if you lack
these qualities
including brotherly affection,
it's a nearsightedness,
it's a blindness
that comes from forgetting
that you've been cleansed
from your former sins.
Do you ever say,
I'm having a hard time
relating to
my brothers and sisters
as brothers and sisters.
I'm having a hard time
having brotherly affection
for them.
Why is that?
Well, it's because
you've forgotten.
You've forgotten
that you've been cleansed
from your past sins.
You've forgotten
that you were
cleansed from your sins
and they were
cleansed from your sins
by the Father
which makes you family
and makes you
brothers and sisters.
And when you forget that,
it becomes harder
to relate with them
because then you're
stuck
only relating to them
on similar interests
and similar background
and similar personality.
And then we have
these weird,
awkward conversations
about stuff
we really don't
even care about.
And the great thing
about being in Christ
together
and remembering
that Jesus
reconciled us
to the Father
and made us family
with one another
is there's a couple things.
One,
we now have a common
interest in Christ
and we can relate
with what the Bible
calls it
the fellowship
of the Spirit.
We have fellowship
in the Spirit
which is deeper
than any kind
of fellowship
we could have
over anything.
You know,
over liking the Chiefs
or, you know,
over, you know,
having same hobbies
or whatever it may be.
Being the same gender,
being whatever it may be.
Same age.
There's a greater bond
that happens
when we relate
to each other
and in fellowship
with one another
by the Spirit.
But here's the other thing
and this is one
that I don't think
we think about as much.
It's not just
that we have that
although if we only
had that,
that'd be pretty good.
That'd be pretty awesome.
It's also
that when you
realize that you've been
cleansed from your past sins
and you've been made family
with one another,
you begin to enjoy
even the things
in other people
that you normally
wouldn't enjoy.
Why?
Because you know
that they're your brother
or your sister.
Like, for those of you
who grew up
with a brother or sister,
did you ever start
to like the same things
as them just because
they were your brother
or sister
even though at first
you didn't like it?
I mean, I remember
that with my brother
sometimes even with music.
He'd listen to music
and I'm like,
bro, why are you listening to this?
This music sucks.
Don't listen to that music.
And then because I love
my brother,
I want to get into it
because he's my brother.
And it's maybe not
my favorite music
in the world
but he's my brother.
And if he likes it,
I like liking it
with him liking it.
You know?
Because that's fun.
And that's what affection is.
Affection is like
the lubrication
of relationships.
It's like the oil
of relationships
that keeps the engine
from getting overheated
and causing friction
between you two.
Which can happen
with brothers, right?
Happen with sisters,
happen with brothers
and sisters.
But when there's affection,
that keeps that relationship,
the pistons
of that relationship
moving in a way
that there's not friction.
And then you can even
actually enjoy things
that maybe you wouldn't
normally get into.
Why?
Because that's my brother.
That's my sister.
And you know this has happened
when you see that.
You know,
we know what this looks like
with a little kid, right?
When you see a little kid
and there's natural affection
that rises up,
you kind of just want
to squeeze them, right?
You just want to hug them
or squeeze their cheeks.
I'm not saying you're going
to do that with each other
but there's something similar
that happens in your heart.
It's not, you know,
the same way that it is
with a baby
but it's the same kind
of affection
where you see them
and you're just like,
I'm really glad to see them.
And even though
they're very different than me,
even though they might
think differently,
they might be different age,
they might be different gender,
they might have different
background,
different gift mix,
just different,
all these kind of things,
I actually feel affection
for them
because that's my brother.
That's my sister.
And I want to give them
a genuine,
sincere,
good squeeze hug
because I really,
not because that's my
religious familial obligation
but because I have
genuine,
sincere,
brotherly or sincerely
love for them.
And maybe you've experienced
that some,
maybe you've experienced
that a lot,
maybe you've never experienced
that in the context
of church
and maybe you have
a hard time believing
it's possible
or maybe you're just having,
maybe you have experienced
it and you're having
a hard time believing
it's possible in this church.
And if that's the case,
I want to encourage you
and exhort you
to actually repent
of your unbelief
because are you actually
saying that the God
who reconciles us
to one another
and adopts us
into his family
can't make us family
to the point
that we actually
have genuine affection
for one another?
That's kind of a slap
in the gospel's,
the gospel's face.
You know,
like God literally
gives this to us
and we're just going
to say,
no,
I don't believe
that then you could
actually make us
have real affection
for one another?
That's such an affront
to the gospel of grace.
That's such an affront
to all that he's done
and that's why it says
those who've forgotten
are nearsighted and blind.
And so they relate
to one another
in blindness.
We can't do that.
So that begs
the question though,
and I told you
I'd get to this,
well,
what about,
okay,
that's brother-sister stuff.
What about father-mother stuff?
I mean,
come on,
Paul,
right,
Paul's using
the language of father.
So what about that?
How does that work?
Well,
let's look at it,
okay?
Let's look at it
with Paul
with Timothy,
Titus,
and Onesimus,
okay?
Three different men
that he related to
and talked about
a little bit more often
than some of the others.
First one with Timothy,
okay?
In 2 Corinthians 1
and 1 Thessalonians 3
and Philemon 1
and in Colossians 1,
all four of those books,
he refers to Timothy,
he uses this phrase,
Timothy,
our brother.
Timothy,
our brother,
okay?
Did you know that,
that he referred to Timothy
as his brother?
Because we know
that he referred to him
as his,
in other ways,
right?
In Philippians 2,
22,
he says,
you know,
Timothy's proven worth,
how as a son
with a father,
he has served me
in the gospel.
In 1 Corinthians 4, 17,
he says,
Timothy,
my beloved and faithful child
in the Lord,
I'm sending him to you,
okay?
He calls him his child.
And then when he writes
to Timothy specifically,
in 1 Timothy 1, 2,
and 1, 18,
he says,
Timothy,
my true child
and Timothy,
my child.
And then when he writes
the second letter to him
in 2 Timothy,
he says,
Timothy,
my beloved child.
So what is it?
Well, it's both.
It's both.
You can have someone
who is your child
or you can relate
to someone as father,
but that's sometimes,
not all the times,
you always,
always can relate
to one another
as brother or sister.
And you don't see
any place in Scripture
where there is
a referring to someone
as a father,
where there's also
not a referring
to one another
as a brother.
And in Timothy here,
Paul clearly
was a spiritual father.
Okay?
He had a fatherly role
in his life for sure.
That's clear.
Okay?
But there's multiple instances
of him also calling him
our brother.
So it was both
and it really should start there.
It gets,
things get really weird
when a person tries
to be someone's father
or mother
without first relating
to them as a brother
or sister.
Because there's not
that trust there.
there's not,
that's the basis
for what this happens.
What is the basis?
It's the gospel.
For you to be a father
or a mother to someone
is a very noble thing
and it should happen
in some instances
and at some time.
Especially as you get older,
that should happen,
be more common.
Okay?
But it's going to be
really weird
if it doesn't first
start with the gospel
and the fact that
we relate to one another
as brothers and sisters.
And the better you can be,
this is my opinion,
and I've seen it play out
in a lot of ways,
but I think the,
I believe that the better
you can be
at loving one another
with brotherly love
and loving each other
as sisters,
the more likely
it's going to be
that people will receive you
eventually someday
as a father or a mother.
Because that's what
builds the trust of that.
That's what builds
the foundation of that.
And if we get those things
out of order,
things get weird.
Okay?
So,
that's got to be,
because we're in the early stages
of our church,
of this church,
we have to make sure
that we're building on
with that.
Building first with father,
sorry,
with brother and sister,
affection and love
for one another,
right?
Same thing with Titus.
2 Corinthians 2.13,
Paul calls Titus his brother.
But then in Titus 1.4,
when he writes a letter to him,
he says to Titus,
my true child
in a common faith.
Do you see?
Same thing as Timothy.
It's both.
When he's writing to the Corinthians,
okay,
which is one of the first letters
he wrote,
he says,
my spirit was not at rest
because I did not find
my brother Titus there.
That's what he said.
But then when he writes to Titus
later on in his life,
he says,
Titus,
my true child,
my true child.
Okay?
It was both.
Paul didn't just relate.
He wasn't just this guy
who only related to his father.
He still related
even to people
who eventually were,
or maybe even early onward,
true children of his,
he related to his brother.
And he did the same thing
with Onesimus.
In Colossians 4.9,
he calls Onesimus
our faithful
and beloved brother.
And then when he writes
to Philemon,
he says,
I appeal to you
for my child Onesimus
whose father
I became in prison.
Okay?
So in prison,
he developed this relationship
with his brother Onesimus
that turned into
a father relationship.
And then he appeals
for Philemon
because Onesimus
was Philemon's slave,
his bondservant.
He says,
to relate to him
as a beloved brother,
especially,
because that's how
he's become to me,
a beloved one,
a beloved brother to me.
But how much more to you,
both in the flesh
and in the Lord?
Okay?
So he's wanting him
to relate to him
as a brother.
He's appealing.
Relate to Onesimus
as your brother,
even though he's
your bondservant.
Relate to him
as a brother.
A lot of this
comes down,
gets,
a lot of times
what ends up
getting mixed with this
is the whole concept
of authority.
Okay?
When authority
gets in the mix,
it's like,
oh,
can I relate
to someone
as a brother
or sister
if they're
in authority?
Yes.
And,
when is there
authority
and when is there
just influence?
Let's look at this
because this,
I think,
it impacts things.
It's like,
I think that sometimes
we get confused
with how to relate
to one another.
Right?
So let's look at this.
What's the difference
between authority
and influence?
There's people
who have authority
in our life
and we have to
listen to them.
Right?
A great example
would be like
when you're a kid,
your parents.
You know,
Ephesians 6
says,
children,
obey your parents.
Right?
Kids,
you guys heard
this many times?
Children,
obey your parents.
Like,
yeah,
okay.
you might have
sometimes
when you don't
want to obey
your parents,
right?
I know you guys
all want to
obey your parents,
right?
Max,
Charlie,
never had that
happen before
where you didn't
want to obey?
Right,
right.
But,
okay,
but if you did,
let's,
hypothetically,
if you actually
didn't want to
obey your parents,
would you have
the option
to not obey
your parents?
No,
you have to
obey them,
right?
Otherwise,
your parents
have the authority
to discipline you
because they're,
Max's like,
yeah,
okay,
because they have
authority.
It's not,
you can't,
like,
prefer,
like,
well,
you know,
I prefer not
to obey my parents
and then you're
just going to
get away with it.
No,
because they're
your authority,
all right?
Someday,
you're going to
leave your father
and mother
and start your
own family
and when you
do that,
they don't have
that same role
in your life
anymore.
Hopefully,
they wouldn't
be spanking
you at that point
so everything's
good there.
Um,
but they still
have strong
influence on you,
okay?
And I think
that's important
to remember.
There's some people
who have authority
in your life
and then there's
some people
that influence
you,
especially for kids.
Your parents
have authority
over you
and then there's
other people
who have influence
and you should
respect,
right?
But the kids
don't relate to
them in the same
way.
You know,
they should respect
other adults.
They should,
they could see
other adults
having even
a certain level
of influence
in their life
that's stronger
than maybe
other adults,
but they don't
have the same
authority
that the actual
parents have.
The parents
have different
authority,
okay?
So there's
parenting authority.
There's also
elder authority,
right?
In a church
you might have
specific fathers
and mothers,
but then you
have fathers
who are elders
in the church.
They have an
office of
eldership that
carries with it
authority,
not just influence,
but authority.
Hebrews 13,
17 says,
Obey your leaders
and submit to
them,
for they are
keeping watch
over your souls
as those who
have to give
an account.
Let them do
this with joy
and not with
groaning,
for that would
be of no
advantage to you.
1 Timothy 5,
17 in the NIV
speaks of the
elders who
direct the
affairs of
the church,
okay?
So,
in a church
there's going
to be people
who have
influence and
then there's
going to be
people who
have authority.
Those are
two different
things.
If you relate
to someone
who has
authority in
just a way
that, oh,
they have
influence in
my life,
that's going
to be a
problem.
Just like if
you related
to your parents
that way and
just said,
well, I'm
not really
going to relate
to them as
authority.
Let's just say,
Dad, you're
a strong
influence in
my life.
I don't
think I'd
go over
too well
right here
with Max
and Charlie.
I keep
using you
guys as
an example,
but you're
just a
great example
for this.
So, if
you confuse
those two,
it's not
going to go
well.
When someone's
an authority
in your life,
they should
be an
authority.
You should
treat them
like an
authority,
and they
should act
like they're
an authority.
When someone's
an influence
in someone's
life,
they shouldn't
act like an
authority,
and you
should treat
them like an
authority.
That's an
important thing.
Same thing
with apostolic
authority.
In 2 Corinthians
13.10,
Paul, which
he's writing
about his
apostolic
authority,
says,
for this
reason I
write these
things while
I'm away
from you,
that when
I may
come,
I may
not have
to be
severe in
my use
of the
authority that
the Lord
has given
me for
building up
and not
for tearing
down.
This is
always a
good reminder.
Authority is
given to
build up.
That's the
purpose of
authority,
is to
build up.
So,
apostles and
elders have
authority in
the church,
okay,
and we
should respect
that authority,
we should
submit to that
authority,
and then
there's also
going to be
people who
are aspiring
to leadership
or aspiring
to eldership,
right?
1 Timothy 3,
1 says,
this saying
is trustworthy.
If anyone
aspires to
the office
of overseer,
overseer
meaning the
same thing
as elder,
he desires
a noble
task,
okay?
So,
he's saying
it's a noble
thing to
aspire to
eldership.
In this
church plant,
I would hope
that there
would be
multiple men
who would
be aspiring
to eldership,
okay?
That's a,
the Bible
says,
hey,
that's noble.
That's a good
thing.
You should
do that,
right?
So,
aspiring to
eldership
is a noble
task,
but someone
aspiring to
eldership,
to aspire to
eldership
doesn't mean
you treat
them like
they are
an elder,
and it
doesn't mean
they take
on the
authority of
an elder.
Aspiring to
eldership
means that
I try to
become the
kind of
person that
has influence
like an
elder,
and then
hopefully when
the influence
is there
and recognized,
it becomes a
no-brainer
when that
person ends
up becoming
an actual
elder.
But where
does that
influence
start?
Relating as
a brother
or sister,
right?
Relating as
a brother or
sister.
When that
trust of
being,
relating to
one another
as a brother
and sister
happens,
it becomes a
lot more
natural to
be fathers
and mothers.
And make
no mistake,
the church
needs fathers
and mothers.
fathers.
That's
why Paul
said in
1 Corinthians
4.15,
though you
have countless
guides in
Christ,
you don't
have any
fathers.
And he
said,
I became
your father
in the
gospel.
Okay?
So what
kind of
father did
he become?
Did he
become like
a natural
father where
now he
has,
you know,
that when
you get
someone saved,
all of a
sudden you
have authority
over them?
No.
But when
you lead
someone to
Christ,
you have
influence over
them.
You become
their father
in the
gospel.
Okay?
If you
have someone
where you
love them
like a
brother and
a sister,
and then
through that
you start
to source
them in
discipleship,
you start
to teach
them what
Jesus has
commanded,
what ends
up happening
is you
start gaining
influence in
their life,
and maybe
they start
to relate
to you
in a
more fatherly
way.
Okay?
You never
assert like
a fatherly
authority,
but hopefully
you have
fatherly
influence.
Even
someone who
has the
title of
elder or
apostle should
be very
selective in
how often
he asserts
his authority.
Should always
try to win
influence through
relating to
people in
that familial
way.
Okay?
I have been
an elder now
for 13
years,
and elder
or slash
apostle,
church planter
in those
13 years.
Okay?
And very
rarely do I
say,
hey,
because I'm
an elder,
this needs
to happen.
I'm always,
always,
always trying
to win
trust.
I'm always
trying to
get into
people's
lives,
serve
people,
and win
influence
so that
the authority
is recognized
because there's
buy-in,
there's sincere
brotherly
effects to
him.
I think so
often we
think,
well,
the influence
comes from
a title.
no,
no.
Influence
comes from
loving one
another like
brothers and
sisters.
The best,
most effective
leaders weren't
someone that just
got conferred a
title,
and we know how
this is.
You've seen this
in business,
you've seen this
in churches,
when someone just
gets conferred a
title and you're
just like,
who's this
person?
They don't
know anybody.
You see this in
war movies where
you see all of a
sudden so-and-so
has this
authority position
in the platoon or
whatever,
and you're just
thinking,
this guy has
won no trust
with any of the
soldiers.
He hasn't laid
down his life for
any of them.
He's not served
them.
He's not been in
the trenches with
them.
Now,
he has a place of
authority,
but he doesn't
have respect and
he doesn't have
influence.
That's honestly
the worst kind.
The best kind
is the kind of
authority that's
real authority,
but that would
still have the
same influence
even if the
title was removed.
Because behind
that authority is
real serving,
is real brotherly
affection,
is real brother
and sister
relationship.
Does that make
sense?
And that's what we
should fight for.
And that's what you
should always fight
for, even if you
would get a title
someday, or an
office or a
position.
Let's say some
of you men become
elders in this
church,
you would never
want to rest on
that.
You would never
want to just say,
well, because of
that, that's the
deal.
No.
We always want to
build trust,
build that rapport
and that influence
that comes from
being someone who
cares enough like a
brother or a
sister.
Or like a father
or a mother.
Because when you
get into those
things, it's like
that's more of a
fatherly, an elder
should be a father,
an apostle should be
a father.
Okay?
But he's first a
brother, just like
Paul was.
Right?
It's like Paul was
with Titus,
Timothy,
Onesimus.
And so, you
can see the
difference here.
There's parenting
authority, elder
authority, apostle
authority.
I forgot one.
There's also Bible
authority.
Here's one other
authority that we
can have.
Okay?
This is an
important one.
So you might not
have a parenting
role in someone's
life where you're
like they're your
kid or you're an
elder in the
church over them.
Okay?
But you can come
to anyone, older,
younger, and you
can speak with the
authority of the
word of God.
You know, if someone
was in an affair in
this church, you have
full authority to say,
you must repent.
It's like, hey, you
can't take authority
over me.
You're not my elder.
It's like, you're
right.
I'm not.
But Jesus happens to
have a lot of
authority over you, and
he's the one who said
in his word, you know,
the Bible says in the
word that this is
adultery and you
can't do that.
You must repent.
Okay?
So there's authority
in the word of God.
Now, when we claim
authority in the word
of God, you know,
over things that
aren't really in the
word of God or these
disputable matters that
can get weird really
fast, but when we're
talking about there's a
lot in here that's
not disputable, right?
We all have authority,
all of us.
I don't care if you're
a man or a woman.
I don't care if you're
young or old, right?
We have authority to
call people to
obedience to Jesus,
obedience to the word
of God, and there's an
authority in that, and
you can speak
authoritatively on that,
and you should.
You should.
That's important.
But it's important to
sometimes we can do
that and then think,
oh, well, then I have
the world that, you
know, I could say,
hey, you must move
to Raytown.
It's like, well,
hold on here.
I mean, you just
kind of overstepped it.
But if I say, hey,
yeah, you must repent
of adultery, yeah,
you do.
You need to repent
of adultery if you're
an adult.
Those kind of things.
So in closing,
what do we do with
this?
How do we respond to
this?
Five quick things
here.
I'm just going to
read through.
Number one, seek to
grow in brotherly love
and affection.
Seek to grow in that.
Okay?
I know we want to
experience more
familial relationship.
I'm trying to be more
specific with how we do
that.
It starts with just being
brother and sister to
one another and being
creative and intentional
to do that and to relate
to one another that way.
Again, how can I do
that?
How can I start with
that in every interaction
that I have with people?
When I see them on a
Sunday morning like this,
when we hang out in
each other's homes or
we're doing other
things, when I see these
people, how am I
relating to them?
And seek to grow in
brotherly love and
affection.
And know, again,
remember, know that
Jesus in you is full of
brotherly affection,
right, and brotherly
love.
Okay?
Number two, seek to
grow in fatherly and
motherly influence.
Okay?
Seek to grow in
fatherly and motherly
influence.
Honestly, we should
all seek to do that.
Like the goal, I mean,
especially for some of
us who are younger, that
might be, take a little
longer to get there.
It's, it's, it's harder
for people to relate to
younger people that way.
That's just makes sense,
right?
But you should also
never think, well,
because I'm young, I
can never have, um, the
word father in the Bible
means source.
Okay?
It's even translated
that way in some versions
where it says the father
of all compassion.
Some versions will say the
source of all compassion
because it's the same, uh,
same meaning.
Father means source.
So young people can source
older people because they
have Christ.
They have the word of God,
right?
So even if you're younger,
you can seek that, but
irregardless of age, we
should all seek to say,
Hey, I want to become in
Christ, in the spirit.
I want to become more
fatherly, more motherly,
right?
Does that make sense?
We should all seek to
that.
But remembering the first
one though, I grow in
fatherly or motherly
influence after I seek to
grow in brotherly love and
affection, sisterly love and
affection.
When I lay that foundation,
then my fatherly and
motherly influence will go
up.
Okay.
Number three, men, aspire to
eldership, aspire to
eldership.
Okay.
Some of you aren't called to
be elders.
Okay.
But even just aspire, if that
is something we think that
God's called you to, aspire to
it.
Don't just say, that'd be
cool.
Aspire to it.
Well, how do you aspire to
it?
Be a good brother.
Lord, love the sisters well,
love your brothers well, love
the brotherhood.
Okay.
And even if you're not called
to be an elder, still aspire
to the character qualities of
an elder.
Okay.
That's a noble thing.
Those are good things.
But yeah, aspire to that.
Number four, don't assert or
affirm imaginary authority.
Okay.
Don't try to, that's the
shortcut, right?
Right.
The, the, the temptation for
a church plant is to try to
shortcut things.
It was just like, oh, can
we get going on this?
Like, I just want to, I want
this experience of family
faster.
And so we try to shortcut it
by, you know, pressing things
that take a lot longer and
we're trying to speed them up.
And so we try to force them or
assert them.
And we try to, we start
relating to each other in
weird ways.
It's like, there's no
shortcuts in this.
There's no shortcuts.
You can't go any faster than
the pace of relationship.
You can't.
You can't go any faster than
the pace of relationship.
And I know, just as you do,
that sometimes that's
frustrating.
Sometimes you wish there was
more brotherly sister
relationship.
Sometimes you wish you had
more influence.
Have you ever wished you had
more influence?
I certainly have.
Sometimes you wish, man, I
wish I had more impact in
this person's life.
I wish I had more trust in
this person's life.
I wish they trusted me more.
I wish I trusted them more.
Right?
Sometimes it's the other way
around.
You're like, I love this guy,
but I love this girl, but I
don't really, I don't really
trust them.
But I want to.
Right?
You can't speed that up.
It's not like, well, if I just,
you know.
It's time.
Time.
Takes time.
Be okay with that.
Be okay with it taking time to
build the trust, to build
relationship.
And don't try to shortcut it.
Don't try to force your way
into people's lives or onto
people or have them to relate
to you in any weird way.
You know, if you're thinking,
man, they just don't trust me.
Well, they should trust me.
Why don't they trust me?
Let the relationship determine
where you're at, not you
determine where you're at.
I know, I don't know about you,
but in my mind, I'm like, you
ever think that, man, they
should trust me.
But they don't.
So what am I going to do?
Assert my trust?
Hey, you should trust me.
Oh, that makes me really
trust you more.
I love it when you say that
to me.
I've never trusted you more
than when you said you should
trust me.
That doesn't work that way,
right?
So whenever I feel like someone
doesn't trust me, although I'm
tempted to be like, come on,
man, you should trust me.
That to me is kind of a
dashboard light that says, hey,
you got to pay attention here.
You got more work to do.
But I don't want more work.
Well, too bad.
The dashboard of your
relationships is telling you,
you got more work to do.
But shouldn't it take less
time than this?
Should?
Who determines the should?
Shouldn't we be farther
along by now?
Should we?
Where do we get this should
from?
Where does the should come
from?
How long should it take?
Great question.
It's not in here.
You're not going to find in
here where it says, well, it
takes this long to build
family and to build trust and
to really be brothers and
sisters and to raise up
fathers and mothers and all
that stuff.
It takes this long.
But in our minds, we put times
and dates, right?
Sam and I were just talking
about this other day.
Should we be farther
along?
You tell me.
Is that should in here?
No, it's not.
If the should ain't here, then
you should get the should out
of your mind.
Okay?
Because you start thinking
things in a way that is not
helpful.
So, and then lastly,
number five, outdo one another
in showing honor.
That's from Romans 12.10,
which says, love one another
with brotherly affection.
And then it closes with,
outdo one another in showing
honor.
You know, it's a great way to
love one another like a good
brother.
I mean, a lot of brothers and
sisters kind of like to do
the opposite.
Outdo one another in showing
dishonor to one another
sometimes, you know, teasing
and like, you know, doing all
kinds of things.
And now you guys can't relate
to any of this, but you know,
some some brothers do that.
All right.
Where we're like constantly
getting at each other.
But the Bible says out in the
same context as brotherly
affection says outdo one
another in showing honor.
What would that do to our
familial relationships and to
the speed at which we get more
trust and more of that familial
experience?
If all of us were really
intentional to outdo one
another in showing honor, that
if we had a good godly
competition to see who could
show the most honor, that's the
only competition that I see in
Bible that is encouraged to do
among believers in the context
of their life together is outdo
one another in showing honor.
And if we did that in the
context of brotherly affection,
because that's the context he's
saying this in, what would that
look like?
And I think, you know, none of us,
myself included, any of us, I
don't think any of us could say,
well, I do that perfectly.
I got that down.
I could I don't I can't show any
more honor than I already do.
No, we could all do that.
And if someone else is doing it
more than you, then there you
go.
Outdo them.
There's your new standard.
OK, outdo the next person and
then you outdo that person and
then it'll just keep going up.
Amen.
All right.