WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.700 And hopefully everybody got a handout here for part three of our series here 00:00:04.700 --> 00:00:09.140 as we've been going through just some helps here with marriage. 00:00:09.540 --> 00:00:12.900 And, you know, even if you're married, you need to hear this. 00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:18.059 If you're not married, you need to hear this because if nothing else, 00:00:18.059 --> 00:00:20.859 you need to know how to help somebody else because, you know, 00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:22.460 we have a lot of hurting people today. 00:00:22.460 --> 00:00:25.240 And one of the big areas of hurt is in relationships. 00:00:25.239 --> 00:00:34.140 But God gives us the information and the helps that we need to walk through these things, 00:00:34.140 --> 00:00:40.099 to be able to do it right, to have a right perspective and a right attitude towards that. 00:00:40.200 --> 00:00:45.840 And so if you found Song of Solomon, chapter 5, let's look down at verse 16 again here this morning 00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:48.379 as our themes we've been looking at here. 00:00:48.820 --> 00:00:50.060 It says this, it says, 00:00:50.060 --> 00:00:52.879 His mouth is most sweet, yea, he is altogether lovely. 00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:58.359 This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. 00:00:58.620 --> 00:00:59.380 So let's pray. 00:00:59.480 --> 00:01:01.940 Heavenly Fathers, we come before you this morning, Lord. 00:01:02.040 --> 00:01:03.400 We just thank you for your word. 00:01:03.500 --> 00:01:06.280 We're thankful for all that you've given to us. 00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:11.500 Lord, we're just thankful that your word reveals even those things of our relationship, 00:01:11.859 --> 00:01:14.340 of in marriage and together. 00:01:14.520 --> 00:01:18.240 Lord, we pray just have your hand upon the things said and done here this morning 00:01:18.240 --> 00:01:20.560 might glorify you, encourage your people. 00:01:20.560 --> 00:01:25.100 Lord, to help us to draw together, especially the married couples. 00:01:25.719 --> 00:01:32.640 Lord, that they might understand the importance of this principle of being friends that are tight, 00:01:32.780 --> 00:01:33.740 friends that are close. 00:01:34.359 --> 00:01:37.260 And Lord, we just love you and thank you in Jesus' name. 00:01:37.879 --> 00:01:38.180 Amen. 00:01:38.920 --> 00:01:40.180 You know, we begin looking here. 00:01:40.300 --> 00:01:47.480 We began a few weeks ago and we've looked at three key words to unlocking this idea of friendship in marriage. 00:01:47.480 --> 00:01:53.780 You know, one of the things today that we've looked at, oftentimes people don't look at marriage as needing to marry their best friend. 00:01:54.219 --> 00:02:00.579 But the Bible says that whoever you marry, your spouse needs to be your friend. 00:02:00.700 --> 00:02:03.300 It needs to be somebody that you're connected with. 00:02:03.820 --> 00:02:07.340 And that part of that, building that connection, is companionship. 00:02:07.340 --> 00:02:09.140 You know, companionship. 00:02:09.200 --> 00:02:18.159 And we talked about that dynamic of companionship in this because we saw in our text there that this is my friend. 00:02:18.699 --> 00:02:20.080 You know, this is my friend. 00:02:20.240 --> 00:02:22.219 Friends are companions. 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:25.319 You know, there's a companionship that is there. 00:02:25.420 --> 00:02:26.719 That's time together. 00:02:27.539 --> 00:02:29.539 You know, one thing you cannot replace is time. 00:02:29.539 --> 00:02:38.340 You know, oftentimes people think about replacing all sorts of things, but there's only one commodity that we've been given that you can't get more of. 00:02:38.539 --> 00:02:40.819 Once it's gone, it's gone. 00:02:40.899 --> 00:02:41.519 And that's time. 00:02:43.259 --> 00:02:45.299 Everything else, you know, you can make more money. 00:02:46.620 --> 00:02:48.039 You can get more things. 00:02:48.879 --> 00:02:51.479 You can do all sorts of things, but you cannot replace time. 00:02:51.799 --> 00:02:55.500 And companionship and time are essential together. 00:02:55.500 --> 00:02:59.580 You know, I want you to understand the importance of having that tie together. 00:03:00.580 --> 00:03:04.620 You know, oftentimes couples get separated because they're not companions. 00:03:04.819 --> 00:03:06.800 They don't want to take an interest. 00:03:06.979 --> 00:03:07.780 You know, it's one of those things. 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:11.520 Even wives, you know, take an interest in what your husband does. 00:03:11.759 --> 00:03:12.639 Because you know what? 00:03:12.699 --> 00:03:15.180 What your husband does is a key part of their life. 00:03:16.620 --> 00:03:18.180 You ought to understand it. 00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:24.180 You know, it's funny that the longer you hang out, you know, it's my daughter and my wife, you know, 00:03:24.180 --> 00:03:28.740 they've hung out with me and I've been around vehicles and equipment and things my whole life. 00:03:28.860 --> 00:03:32.520 And it's funny how she'll look at me and she says, the strange part is after this many years, 00:03:32.620 --> 00:03:34.340 I understand what you're saying, you know. 00:03:34.599 --> 00:03:35.319 But you know what? 00:03:35.800 --> 00:03:39.360 As companions, you ought to, and guys, you ought to know the things about your wife. 00:03:39.640 --> 00:03:41.200 You ought to know those things. 00:03:41.640 --> 00:03:45.240 And that connection that is there, that companionship. 00:03:45.360 --> 00:03:48.000 And so last week we talked about conversation. 00:03:48.700 --> 00:03:53.300 You know, we looked at the reality here that his mouth is most sweet. 00:03:53.300 --> 00:03:57.420 Now we're not talking about perfume or lip balm or breath mints. 00:03:57.500 --> 00:04:01.180 It's talking about the words that are there. 00:04:02.140 --> 00:04:03.700 You know, our words are important. 00:04:04.780 --> 00:04:09.439 And we understood, you know, we talked last week and Gene tried to get me in trouble, you know, 00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:11.780 that women need more words than men do. 00:04:12.200 --> 00:04:17.639 But, you know, God wired men and women differently. 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:22.060 And communication needs to be understood both ways. 00:04:22.060 --> 00:04:25.939 You know, it's just like, I want you, we talked about this reality that women, 00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:29.079 you can't expect your husband to be another woman. 00:04:30.060 --> 00:04:33.220 To communicate and want all the words and all the little things. 00:04:33.540 --> 00:04:37.199 Guys, we need to learn to be good communicators. 00:04:38.620 --> 00:04:42.399 It doesn't mean that you have to speak as much, but you need to learn to communicate. 00:04:42.399 --> 00:04:46.479 And both sides have to understand where the other is. 00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:49.639 And work to grow those things together. 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:54.000 To understand that tie together in that. 00:04:54.159 --> 00:04:56.419 And so we've seen companionship. 00:04:56.539 --> 00:04:58.179 We've seen conversation. 00:04:59.199 --> 00:05:01.139 And this morning we're going to look about commitment. 00:05:02.519 --> 00:05:03.039 Commitment. 00:05:03.679 --> 00:05:05.899 This is trying together. 00:05:06.319 --> 00:05:06.739 Trying. 00:05:06.919 --> 00:05:08.639 T-R-Y-I-N-G. 00:05:08.639 --> 00:05:12.079 Not trouble type trying, but effort type trying. 00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:14.899 Putting in the effort that it takes. 00:05:15.959 --> 00:05:19.639 Because a marriage is way more than a wedding. 00:05:19.939 --> 00:05:26.699 You know, one of the realities of today is oftentimes the wedding is focused more than the marriage. 00:05:26.939 --> 00:05:28.459 The wedding is but for a moment. 00:05:28.740 --> 00:05:30.180 A wedding will come and go. 00:05:30.180 --> 00:05:38.480 But when you look at the reality, 30 minutes of the wedding ceremony pales in comparison to 30 years. 00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:39.660 Or 40 years. 00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:41.560 Or 50 years. 00:05:41.780 --> 00:05:45.040 Or if you're really blessed, God gives you 60 years or 70 years. 00:05:45.300 --> 00:05:48.560 You know, I often tell people, you know, they said the things here in Nebraska, you know, 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:51.500 where they talk about people that have been married for a long time. 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:54.240 And it's one of those things that I hear some of these. 00:05:54.340 --> 00:05:57.800 And the only thought in the back of my mind is, is yeah, they made it through everything else. 00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:01.460 How you celebrate 70 years together, you both live a long time. 00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:05.400 You know, because if you've been together 70 years, you've worked through these other things that we've talked about. 00:06:05.579 --> 00:06:07.879 How do you celebrate 70, 75 years? 00:06:07.960 --> 00:06:08.740 You live a long time. 00:06:10.080 --> 00:06:14.040 I think it was a few years ago, they had some couple out in the panhandle. 00:06:14.120 --> 00:06:16.540 They actually celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary. 00:06:18.139 --> 00:06:21.420 And I'm like thinking, you definitely lived a long time. 00:06:21.699 --> 00:06:21.879 Why? 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:23.420 Because that's the only way you get that point. 00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:25.720 Is live a long time. 00:06:26.460 --> 00:06:26.759 You know? 00:06:26.759 --> 00:06:29.500 Well, but I want you to understand, how did they get there? 00:06:29.579 --> 00:06:33.800 Well, one of those areas was not only companionship or conversation, but was commitment. 00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:36.039 Because there's some time, it's going to take some grit. 00:06:36.300 --> 00:06:37.860 It's going to take some intentionality. 00:06:38.180 --> 00:06:41.199 And we understand that this commitment and trying together, 00:06:41.620 --> 00:06:44.240 this is a critical part of marriage relationship. 00:06:44.939 --> 00:06:48.360 But yet, even though it's so important, it's oftentimes so lacking. 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:50.120 The importance of commitment. 00:06:50.819 --> 00:06:53.759 Because we see here, our friendship to continue to grow, 00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:56.420 there must be a mutual respect for each other. 00:06:57.500 --> 00:06:59.560 You know, this idea of mutual respect. 00:07:00.659 --> 00:07:03.219 You know, often when relationships have trouble, 00:07:04.219 --> 00:07:08.039 you'll find that it boils down to oftentimes, 00:07:08.759 --> 00:07:10.459 them not respecting one another. 00:07:11.539 --> 00:07:14.560 There's been a loss of respect. 00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:14.780 Respect. 00:07:16.339 --> 00:07:19.680 This idea of respect is critical. 00:07:20.420 --> 00:07:20.699 You know? 00:07:21.420 --> 00:07:22.980 The opposite is true. 00:07:23.100 --> 00:07:26.500 In a strong marriage, there's a high degree of respect for each other. 00:07:27.340 --> 00:07:32.959 This idea of respect within the marriage is key to its strength. 00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:35.599 Of respecting one another. 00:07:36.500 --> 00:07:36.739 You know? 00:07:36.939 --> 00:07:40.399 There are things that I can do to lose the respect of my wife, 00:07:40.419 --> 00:07:42.899 and there's things I can do to gain respect. 00:07:43.419 --> 00:07:45.919 And the same is true in reverse. 00:07:47.279 --> 00:07:48.560 We have to have commitment. 00:07:48.699 --> 00:07:53.359 We have to be desirous to do those things. 00:07:53.359 --> 00:07:56.000 Because I want you to understand, 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:59.120 when it comes to respect and disrespect, 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:01.100 it's important. 00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:04.019 There was an article that was written here, 00:08:04.060 --> 00:08:06.060 I thought, made a few statements 00:08:06.060 --> 00:08:09.339 that are very important for us this morning in this area. 00:08:09.939 --> 00:08:10.939 Because it said this, 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:16.240 disrespect in relationships isn't simply a matter of not being nice. 00:08:16.579 --> 00:08:19.300 Disrespect goes beyond just not being nice. 00:08:19.860 --> 00:08:24.800 It's a subtle, often unconscious erosion of trust and equality. 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:27.439 At its core, it reflects a sense of imbalance, 00:08:27.819 --> 00:08:32.220 where one partner feels undervalued, unheard, and even disregarded. 00:08:33.860 --> 00:08:37.200 And this imbalance can be manifest in countless ways. 00:08:37.299 --> 00:08:40.120 And he gives a list here I thought was pretty good. 00:08:41.159 --> 00:08:41.379 You know? 00:08:41.740 --> 00:08:43.279 Some of the best things you can do sometimes 00:08:43.279 --> 00:08:44.600 is not try to rewrite something, 00:08:44.680 --> 00:08:46.620 but just tell what somebody else already came up with. 00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:50.480 And this is good, because listen to what he has to say in this. 00:08:50.539 --> 00:08:52.240 The imbalance can manifest. 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:55.500 In other words, this is how it's shown, a lack of respect. 00:08:56.860 --> 00:08:58.460 Passive aggressive behavior. 00:08:58.879 --> 00:09:00.299 Backhanded compliments, 00:09:00.980 --> 00:09:03.600 silent treatment, or deliberate forgetfulness. 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:05.740 You know? 00:09:06.519 --> 00:09:08.100 Passive aggressive behavior. 00:09:08.500 --> 00:09:09.440 Trying to manipulate. 00:09:10.680 --> 00:09:10.919 You know? 00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:13.039 One of the things of lack of respect 00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:16.000 is trying to manipulate the other person into doing something. 00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:19.100 Emotional manipulation. 00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:22.519 Guilt trips, threats, 00:09:22.919 --> 00:09:26.440 or making a partner feel responsible for their emotions. 00:09:26.740 --> 00:09:27.840 Now, I want you to understand, 00:09:28.080 --> 00:09:32.360 the reality is that sometimes people use those as tools against somebody. 00:09:33.720 --> 00:09:38.460 And we have to be careful because it's a sign of no respect. 00:09:38.460 --> 00:09:42.379 When we have breaches of trust, dishonesty, secrets, 00:09:42.519 --> 00:09:44.900 or neglecting needs or agreements. 00:09:45.960 --> 00:09:48.460 Dismissive or invalidating communication. 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:49.820 Interrupting, belittling, 00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:53.080 or refusing to consider their partner's perspectives. 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:53.860 You know? 00:09:54.780 --> 00:09:56.560 We see that play out oftentimes 00:09:56.560 --> 00:09:58.600 when it comes to respect amongst couples. 00:09:58.920 --> 00:10:01.560 These things tear down a relationship. 00:10:01.900 --> 00:10:02.720 And that's exactly, 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:05.280 if we're going to build those things together, 00:10:05.279 --> 00:10:08.819 we need to understand this need of respect. 00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:10.220 And these things will show up. 00:10:10.279 --> 00:10:10.779 It says this, 00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:14.019 While the surface may show irritation or anger, 00:10:14.139 --> 00:10:15.559 the hidden seed of disrespect 00:10:15.559 --> 00:10:19.379 often stems from fear and insecurity. 00:10:19.919 --> 00:10:21.819 Whether it's the fear of losing control, 00:10:21.939 --> 00:10:22.980 not feeling good enough, 00:10:23.019 --> 00:10:23.819 or past hurts, 00:10:24.199 --> 00:10:26.679 this fear can distort communication and actions 00:10:26.679 --> 00:10:30.339 leading to disrespectful behavior. 00:10:31.179 --> 00:10:31.500 You know? 00:10:31.500 --> 00:10:32.620 I want you to understand, 00:10:32.779 --> 00:10:34.159 disrespectful behavior 00:10:34.159 --> 00:10:37.339 becomes a toxic relationship. 00:10:37.779 --> 00:10:38.899 Now I want you to understand, 00:10:39.219 --> 00:10:40.600 those things can be fixed 00:10:40.600 --> 00:10:42.419 if we go back and look 00:10:42.419 --> 00:10:43.919 and do what God's Word tells us. 00:10:44.120 --> 00:10:45.100 I want you to understand 00:10:45.100 --> 00:10:47.659 that we can correct those areas 00:10:47.659 --> 00:10:48.959 and correct those things. 00:10:49.159 --> 00:10:50.819 And while there's many symptoms 00:10:50.819 --> 00:10:52.139 of a lack of respect, 00:10:52.980 --> 00:10:55.000 but one of the very common ones 00:10:55.000 --> 00:10:56.559 you'll find is name-calling. 00:10:56.799 --> 00:10:57.299 You know, today, 00:10:57.419 --> 00:10:59.279 it's amazing as you talk to couples, 00:10:59.339 --> 00:11:01.100 they try to negate the other. 00:11:01.100 --> 00:11:03.100 They try to downplay, 00:11:03.920 --> 00:11:05.639 they name-call the other, 00:11:05.740 --> 00:11:06.399 they degrade, 00:11:06.600 --> 00:11:07.620 they have lack of respect 00:11:07.620 --> 00:11:08.639 in their terminology. 00:11:10.139 --> 00:11:11.259 You know, we need to be careful 00:11:11.259 --> 00:11:12.680 with our words. 00:11:12.759 --> 00:11:13.840 You know, we talked about that 00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:14.700 in communication. 00:11:15.500 --> 00:11:15.779 You know? 00:11:15.980 --> 00:11:17.440 We need to understand 00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:18.360 that names hurt, 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:19.879 but they're not the real problem. 00:11:20.340 --> 00:11:22.500 The real problem is the lack of respect 00:11:22.500 --> 00:11:23.639 which led to it. 00:11:24.480 --> 00:11:25.420 In other words, 00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:26.720 like many things in life, 00:11:26.779 --> 00:11:27.279 it has to do, 00:11:27.340 --> 00:11:28.200 how are we thinking? 00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:30.680 Because what we have in here 00:11:30.680 --> 00:11:31.720 is what comes out here. 00:11:31.879 --> 00:11:32.780 When we understand 00:11:32.780 --> 00:11:35.100 the importance of that, 00:11:35.220 --> 00:11:36.800 it's critical for us. 00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:38.440 So I want you to understand 00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:39.000 this morning, 00:11:39.100 --> 00:11:40.080 your spouse should have 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:41.700 a position of respect 00:11:41.700 --> 00:11:43.220 in your mind. 00:11:43.480 --> 00:11:43.740 You say, 00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:44.860 why should your spouse 00:11:44.860 --> 00:11:46.040 have a position of respect? 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:47.920 Because of the position they hold. 00:11:48.200 --> 00:11:49.940 Because they're your spouse. 00:11:50.200 --> 00:11:51.280 You chose to marry them. 00:11:51.820 --> 00:11:52.440 That's important 00:11:52.440 --> 00:11:53.660 to always remember. 00:11:53.960 --> 00:11:55.160 You both made a choice. 00:11:55.159 --> 00:11:57.879 Part of that choice 00:11:57.879 --> 00:11:59.459 was to respect one another. 00:12:01.019 --> 00:12:01.860 To understand, 00:12:01.980 --> 00:12:03.559 we're going to look at these things 00:12:03.559 --> 00:12:04.959 about commitment here today 00:12:04.959 --> 00:12:07.179 because commitment to this 00:12:07.179 --> 00:12:08.319 is what helps build 00:12:08.319 --> 00:12:09.539 mutual respect. 00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:10.679 You know? 00:12:11.019 --> 00:12:12.360 And we're going to understand 00:12:12.360 --> 00:12:13.799 that all the verses 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:14.579 we're going to look at 00:12:14.579 --> 00:12:16.360 deal with friendship in marriage 00:12:16.360 --> 00:12:17.899 and true friends 00:12:17.899 --> 00:12:18.939 will have a commitment 00:12:18.939 --> 00:12:20.839 to these things. 00:12:21.899 --> 00:12:22.220 You know? 00:12:22.839 --> 00:12:24.139 Because the sad part is 00:12:24.139 --> 00:12:25.120 people can be married 00:12:25.120 --> 00:12:25.860 and not friends. 00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:29.000 We've looked at those things. 00:12:29.080 --> 00:12:29.199 You know, 00:12:29.259 --> 00:12:30.360 you ought to enjoy 00:12:30.360 --> 00:12:32.159 hanging out with the person 00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:32.799 you're married to. 00:12:34.159 --> 00:12:35.799 To enjoy those things. 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:36.439 But the first one 00:12:36.439 --> 00:12:37.240 we're going to look at 00:12:37.240 --> 00:12:39.379 is a commitment to sacrifice. 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:41.399 A commitment to sacrifice. 00:12:42.439 --> 00:12:42.559 You know, 00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:43.080 take a look over 00:12:43.080 --> 00:12:44.159 in the Gospel of John 00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:44.779 with me this morning. 00:12:44.879 --> 00:12:45.720 John 15, 00:12:46.039 --> 00:12:47.080 verse 13. 00:12:47.860 --> 00:12:48.819 John 15, 00:12:48.939 --> 00:12:49.639 13. 00:12:50.059 --> 00:12:50.860 Here this morning. 00:12:50.860 --> 00:12:53.500 And I get a volunteer 00:12:53.500 --> 00:12:54.659 to read that this morning. 00:12:55.659 --> 00:12:56.340 Brother Dunn, 00:12:56.399 --> 00:12:57.220 would you stand up 00:12:57.220 --> 00:12:57.820 and read that for us 00:12:57.820 --> 00:12:58.440 if you would please? 00:12:58.580 --> 00:12:59.100 Verse 13, 00:12:59.259 --> 00:12:59.560 13. 00:12:59.820 --> 00:13:01.399 Greater love hath no man 00:13:01.399 --> 00:13:01.980 than this 00:13:01.980 --> 00:13:03.220 that a man lay down 00:13:03.220 --> 00:13:04.580 his life for his friends. 00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:05.480 Yeah, 00:13:05.560 --> 00:13:05.980 think about it. 00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:07.480 Greater love hath no man 00:13:07.480 --> 00:13:07.980 than this 00:13:07.980 --> 00:13:08.860 that a man lay down 00:13:08.860 --> 00:13:10.879 his life for his friends. 00:13:11.940 --> 00:13:12.919 You'll consider here 00:13:12.919 --> 00:13:13.399 this morning 00:13:13.399 --> 00:13:14.460 if a true friend 00:13:14.460 --> 00:13:16.360 is known by being willing 00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:17.560 to lay down their life 00:13:17.560 --> 00:13:18.820 for someone they love, 00:13:18.820 --> 00:13:20.360 shouldn't we be willing 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:21.240 to sacrifice 00:13:21.240 --> 00:13:22.520 their time for them? 00:13:23.900 --> 00:13:24.160 You know, 00:13:24.220 --> 00:13:24.980 oftentimes when we 00:13:24.980 --> 00:13:26.180 consider sacrifice 00:13:26.180 --> 00:13:27.680 we think of some great thing 00:13:27.680 --> 00:13:28.200 but sometimes 00:13:28.200 --> 00:13:29.500 it's the little sacrifices 00:13:29.500 --> 00:13:30.400 that make a difference. 00:13:31.280 --> 00:13:32.520 The little details 00:13:32.520 --> 00:13:33.600 that make a difference. 00:13:34.520 --> 00:13:34.720 You know, 00:13:35.020 --> 00:13:36.080 oftentimes we need 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:36.760 to sacrifice 00:13:36.760 --> 00:13:38.600 something that we desire 00:13:38.600 --> 00:13:39.700 to do for the sake 00:13:39.700 --> 00:13:41.240 of us together. 00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:42.500 You know, 00:13:42.640 --> 00:13:44.080 hobbies can become a problem. 00:13:44.280 --> 00:13:44.980 There's nothing wrong 00:13:44.980 --> 00:13:45.520 with hobbies. 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:48.120 There's nothing wrong 00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:49.199 with lots of things 00:13:49.199 --> 00:13:50.519 because we can have 00:13:50.519 --> 00:13:51.519 things that are good 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:52.319 and have them 00:13:52.319 --> 00:13:53.039 in a wrong order. 00:13:53.360 --> 00:13:53.519 You know, 00:13:53.559 --> 00:13:54.100 I always used to 00:13:54.100 --> 00:13:56.579 laugh at my dad. 00:13:56.639 --> 00:13:57.340 My dad used to make 00:13:57.340 --> 00:13:57.840 a statement 00:13:57.840 --> 00:13:58.919 that I thought 00:13:58.919 --> 00:14:00.100 was pretty applicable here 00:14:00.100 --> 00:14:00.539 because 00:14:00.539 --> 00:14:03.460 my dad loved plants 00:14:03.460 --> 00:14:04.480 and loved doing things 00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:05.600 gardening and farming 00:14:05.600 --> 00:14:06.419 and all these things 00:14:06.419 --> 00:14:06.879 and he always 00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:08.399 had an interesting statement 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:09.139 because he said, 00:14:09.259 --> 00:14:10.000 you know what a definition 00:14:10.000 --> 00:14:10.819 of a weed is? 00:14:11.079 --> 00:14:12.220 A weed is nothing more 00:14:12.220 --> 00:14:13.340 than a plant out of place. 00:14:13.639 --> 00:14:14.740 The reality is 00:14:14.740 --> 00:14:16.200 a weed in your marriage 00:14:16.200 --> 00:14:17.620 is something out of priority. 00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:19.120 It might not be bad 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:19.779 of itself, 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:22.220 but it's something 00:14:22.220 --> 00:14:23.460 that's in the wrong place 00:14:23.460 --> 00:14:25.480 or the wrong priority. 00:14:26.680 --> 00:14:27.840 When we understand 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:28.500 the commitment 00:14:28.500 --> 00:14:29.659 to sacrifice, 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:30.919 we need to understand 00:14:30.919 --> 00:14:32.759 how that plays out 00:14:32.759 --> 00:14:35.000 in our relationships 00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:36.539 with one another. 00:14:37.019 --> 00:14:37.220 You know, 00:14:37.240 --> 00:14:37.700 we had to have 00:14:37.700 --> 00:14:38.440 a commitment 00:14:38.440 --> 00:14:40.440 to taking care 00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:41.019 of one another. 00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:41.659 There's a joke 00:14:41.659 --> 00:14:42.820 about an old married couple 00:14:42.820 --> 00:14:44.680 that was up in years 00:14:44.680 --> 00:14:45.680 and a person 00:14:45.680 --> 00:14:46.300 witnessed him 00:14:46.300 --> 00:14:47.340 getting out of the car 00:14:47.340 --> 00:14:48.320 and he opened 00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:49.260 the door for her 00:14:49.260 --> 00:14:51.180 and she took his arm 00:14:51.180 --> 00:14:52.200 and they walked slowly 00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:53.180 into McDonald's 00:14:53.180 --> 00:14:53.860 and she sat 00:14:53.860 --> 00:14:55.000 and he went up 00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:55.600 to the counter 00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:56.840 and got one hamburger, 00:14:57.000 --> 00:14:57.840 an order of fries, 00:14:57.940 --> 00:14:58.740 a small Coke, 00:14:59.280 --> 00:15:00.660 walked over and sat down. 00:15:00.760 --> 00:15:02.080 They cut the burger in half 00:15:02.080 --> 00:15:02.920 and gave her half, 00:15:03.040 --> 00:15:04.100 counted out the fries 00:15:04.100 --> 00:15:05.040 and gave her half 00:15:05.040 --> 00:15:06.220 and then he started 00:15:06.220 --> 00:15:07.160 eating his half 00:15:07.160 --> 00:15:08.200 as she just watched, 00:15:08.600 --> 00:15:09.700 never taking a bite 00:15:09.700 --> 00:15:10.300 of her half. 00:15:10.299 --> 00:15:12.199 A man watching said, 00:15:12.279 --> 00:15:13.399 this is the sweetest thing 00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:14.179 I've ever seen. 00:15:14.639 --> 00:15:15.659 Can I just buy you 00:15:15.659 --> 00:15:16.339 another meal, 00:15:16.459 --> 00:15:17.019 my treat? 00:15:17.579 --> 00:15:19.059 You shouldn't have to share. 00:15:19.699 --> 00:15:20.899 Oh, we share everything, 00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:21.639 they replied. 00:15:22.059 --> 00:15:23.059 He continued eating 00:15:23.059 --> 00:15:24.039 and she just sat there. 00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:24.959 The man came back 00:15:24.959 --> 00:15:25.299 and said, 00:15:25.699 --> 00:15:27.159 I'm going to have to go soon 00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:27.799 but just wondering 00:15:27.799 --> 00:15:28.859 why you haven't started 00:15:28.859 --> 00:15:29.659 eating, ma'am. 00:15:30.039 --> 00:15:30.439 She says, 00:15:30.459 --> 00:15:31.019 don't worry, 00:15:31.579 --> 00:15:32.059 I will, 00:15:32.120 --> 00:15:32.959 we share everything. 00:15:33.799 --> 00:15:35.539 So five minutes went by, 00:15:35.620 --> 00:15:36.839 the man nervously glanced 00:15:36.839 --> 00:15:37.819 to watch the lady. 00:15:38.379 --> 00:15:39.539 Finally he burst out, 00:15:39.539 --> 00:15:40.740 what are you waiting for? 00:15:40.860 --> 00:15:41.539 And she looked at him 00:15:41.539 --> 00:15:42.319 and said the teeth. 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:44.099 Commitment to sacrifice. 00:15:44.500 --> 00:15:45.439 Not recommended. 00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:46.240 All the way down 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:46.980 to the youngest ages 00:15:46.980 --> 00:15:48.259 get good dad jokes, right? 00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:50.059 Commitment to sacrifice. 00:15:51.019 --> 00:15:51.279 You know, 00:15:51.439 --> 00:15:53.079 one of the key things 00:15:53.079 --> 00:15:53.899 is that commitment 00:15:53.899 --> 00:15:54.860 to be able to say, 00:15:55.259 --> 00:15:56.679 I'm willing to give up 00:15:56.679 --> 00:15:58.539 something that I value 00:15:59.079 --> 00:15:59.679 for something 00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:00.699 that I value more. 00:16:00.899 --> 00:16:01.639 To understand 00:16:01.639 --> 00:16:02.740 that we need to be willing 00:16:02.740 --> 00:16:04.279 to sacrifice things 00:16:04.279 --> 00:16:05.139 for the benefit 00:16:05.139 --> 00:16:06.939 of the relationship. 00:16:07.659 --> 00:16:08.559 Now I want you to understand, 00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:09.899 I'm going to make a little caveat here 00:16:09.899 --> 00:16:10.939 because there are certain things 00:16:10.939 --> 00:16:12.059 you should never surrender 00:16:12.059 --> 00:16:13.199 or sacrifice 00:16:13.199 --> 00:16:14.159 in a relationship. 00:16:15.419 --> 00:16:16.719 Your walk with God 00:16:16.719 --> 00:16:17.799 should never be sacrificed 00:16:17.799 --> 00:16:18.759 for a relationship. 00:16:19.179 --> 00:16:20.059 Who you are 00:16:20.059 --> 00:16:21.539 and who God made you 00:16:21.539 --> 00:16:22.500 should not be sacrificed 00:16:22.500 --> 00:16:23.500 for a relationship. 00:16:23.919 --> 00:16:24.599 I want you to understand 00:16:24.599 --> 00:16:25.599 what we're talking about here 00:16:25.599 --> 00:16:26.319 is your choices 00:16:26.319 --> 00:16:27.019 that you're making 00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:27.779 with your time 00:16:27.779 --> 00:16:29.619 and the things 00:16:29.619 --> 00:16:30.699 that you're putting forth 00:16:30.699 --> 00:16:31.559 and that commitment 00:16:31.559 --> 00:16:32.799 that says 00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:33.459 this person 00:16:33.459 --> 00:16:34.399 has a priority. 00:16:35.159 --> 00:16:35.959 This person 00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:36.740 is important. 00:16:37.220 --> 00:16:37.780 This person 00:16:37.780 --> 00:16:39.100 is going to direct 00:16:39.100 --> 00:16:40.440 my decision making 00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:41.879 because of the priority 00:16:41.879 --> 00:16:43.240 that I place upon them. 00:16:44.980 --> 00:16:45.420 Secondly, 00:16:45.600 --> 00:16:46.200 here this morning, 00:16:46.259 --> 00:16:46.740 we're going to look 00:16:46.740 --> 00:16:47.300 at a commitment 00:16:47.300 --> 00:16:48.220 to closeness. 00:16:49.019 --> 00:16:49.560 A commitment 00:16:49.560 --> 00:16:50.360 to closeness. 00:16:50.540 --> 00:16:50.660 You know, 00:16:50.700 --> 00:16:51.580 this doesn't happen 00:16:51.580 --> 00:16:52.379 by accident. 00:16:53.259 --> 00:16:53.500 You know, 00:16:53.500 --> 00:16:54.300 it only happens 00:16:54.300 --> 00:16:54.900 on purpose. 00:16:55.259 --> 00:16:56.220 You are as close 00:16:56.220 --> 00:16:57.000 as you choose 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:57.879 to be with somebody. 00:16:59.060 --> 00:17:00.000 That's the reality 00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:01.340 because if you put in 00:17:01.340 --> 00:17:01.900 the time 00:17:01.900 --> 00:17:02.440 and you put in 00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:02.879 the effort, 00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:03.720 there's going to be 00:17:03.720 --> 00:17:04.259 a result. 00:17:05.539 --> 00:17:06.600 To understand 00:17:06.600 --> 00:17:08.140 this dynamic 00:17:08.140 --> 00:17:09.100 and the importance 00:17:09.100 --> 00:17:10.539 of how we put 00:17:10.539 --> 00:17:11.319 those things 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:12.839 in the right place. 00:17:13.079 --> 00:17:13.839 To understand 00:17:13.839 --> 00:17:14.980 the importance 00:17:14.980 --> 00:17:16.740 of a commitment 00:17:16.740 --> 00:17:18.039 to closeness 00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:19.160 and to understand 00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:20.799 the priority here. 00:17:20.860 --> 00:17:21.360 Look over at 00:17:21.360 --> 00:17:22.700 Proverbs chapter 18. 00:17:23.140 --> 00:17:24.559 Proverbs chapter 18 00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:25.539 and verse 24. 00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:27.600 Proverbs 18, 24. 00:17:29.120 --> 00:17:29.620 All right. 00:17:31.140 --> 00:17:31.920 Who's got that one 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:32.720 for me this morning? 00:17:32.720 --> 00:17:34.420 Harry, you got 00:17:34.420 --> 00:17:35.140 that one back there? 00:17:36.420 --> 00:17:37.740 Proverbs 18, 24. 00:17:47.539 --> 00:17:49.220 All right. 00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:50.240 You know, 00:17:50.259 --> 00:17:50.980 the reality 00:17:50.980 --> 00:17:52.759 of closeness. 00:17:53.579 --> 00:17:53.819 You know, 00:17:53.900 --> 00:17:55.240 to put those things 00:17:55.240 --> 00:17:56.720 in the right place, 00:17:56.779 --> 00:17:57.480 in the right order 00:17:57.480 --> 00:17:58.059 that we might 00:17:58.059 --> 00:17:59.620 be bound together 00:17:59.620 --> 00:18:00.940 because apart 00:18:00.940 --> 00:18:01.660 from the Lord, 00:18:01.660 --> 00:18:02.580 your spouse 00:18:02.580 --> 00:18:03.100 should be 00:18:03.100 --> 00:18:04.100 your closest friend. 00:18:05.460 --> 00:18:06.340 Your spouse 00:18:06.340 --> 00:18:06.700 should be 00:18:06.700 --> 00:18:07.740 your closest friend. 00:18:08.060 --> 00:18:08.220 Now, 00:18:08.300 --> 00:18:09.200 the problem comes 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:10.019 because sometimes 00:18:10.019 --> 00:18:11.400 I've heard women 00:18:11.400 --> 00:18:12.100 talk about 00:18:12.100 --> 00:18:13.320 the guy they're married to 00:18:13.320 --> 00:18:13.720 that says, 00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:13.900 well, 00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:14.700 he's more concerned 00:18:14.700 --> 00:18:15.680 about his mom 00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:17.220 than me 00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:19.080 or their buddies 00:18:19.080 --> 00:18:20.160 or their coworkers. 00:18:20.620 --> 00:18:20.740 You know, 00:18:20.740 --> 00:18:21.759 I want you to understand 00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:23.180 that that's that idea 00:18:23.180 --> 00:18:24.279 of leaving and cleaving. 00:18:24.680 --> 00:18:25.640 You ought to love 00:18:25.640 --> 00:18:26.480 your mom, 00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:28.360 but guys, 00:18:28.500 --> 00:18:29.360 your mom 00:18:29.360 --> 00:18:30.539 is not your wife. 00:18:31.480 --> 00:18:32.740 There's a priority 00:18:32.740 --> 00:18:34.079 that takes place. 00:18:34.420 --> 00:18:34.819 Ladies, 00:18:35.720 --> 00:18:36.420 it's been said 00:18:36.420 --> 00:18:36.920 oftentimes 00:18:36.920 --> 00:18:37.599 that they have 00:18:37.599 --> 00:18:38.700 a bigger relationship 00:18:38.700 --> 00:18:39.960 with some other lady. 00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:42.360 That's their priority 00:18:42.360 --> 00:18:43.759 and consumes the time 00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:44.500 and all the things 00:18:44.500 --> 00:18:45.220 around them 00:18:45.220 --> 00:18:46.759 instead of time 00:18:46.759 --> 00:18:47.400 with their husband. 00:18:47.400 --> 00:18:48.160 That's important. 00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:49.680 You know, 00:18:49.779 --> 00:18:51.000 we need to understand 00:18:51.000 --> 00:18:51.900 the priority 00:18:51.900 --> 00:18:53.540 of friendships 00:18:53.540 --> 00:18:54.580 and that commitment 00:18:54.580 --> 00:18:55.960 to be together, 00:18:56.060 --> 00:18:56.720 that commitment 00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:57.560 to closeness, 00:18:57.560 --> 00:18:58.019 to say, 00:18:58.200 --> 00:18:59.519 this is where I want 00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:00.660 that circle to be. 00:19:00.980 --> 00:19:01.740 This is where I want 00:19:01.740 --> 00:19:03.680 to draw those things in 00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:04.920 because sometimes 00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:05.380 with women, 00:19:05.460 --> 00:19:06.400 there'll be another woman 00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:07.660 that she'll talk to 00:19:07.660 --> 00:19:08.800 that'll be the priority 00:19:08.800 --> 00:19:10.040 that can cause a problem. 00:19:10.380 --> 00:19:11.740 Another area is kids. 00:19:13.060 --> 00:19:13.279 Now, 00:19:13.360 --> 00:19:14.040 I want you to understand 00:19:14.040 --> 00:19:14.580 as a parent, 00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:15.840 you have a great responsibility 00:19:15.840 --> 00:19:16.720 to your children, 00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:17.960 but your children 00:19:17.960 --> 00:19:18.980 are secondary 00:19:18.980 --> 00:19:20.180 to your spouse. 00:19:21.640 --> 00:19:22.819 The best thing 00:19:22.819 --> 00:19:23.440 you can do 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:24.440 for your kids 00:19:24.440 --> 00:19:26.200 is to have 00:19:26.200 --> 00:19:26.819 a good marriage. 00:19:29.539 --> 00:19:30.620 The best thing 00:19:30.620 --> 00:19:31.140 you can do 00:19:31.140 --> 00:19:31.600 for them 00:19:31.600 --> 00:19:32.960 because if you guys 00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:33.779 are together 00:19:33.779 --> 00:19:34.620 and right 00:19:34.620 --> 00:19:35.559 and things are proper, 00:19:35.980 --> 00:19:36.620 the kids are going 00:19:36.620 --> 00:19:37.840 to see and witness 00:19:37.840 --> 00:19:38.539 and grow up 00:19:38.539 --> 00:19:39.460 in an environment 00:19:39.460 --> 00:19:41.160 that's going 00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:41.920 to benefit them. 00:19:42.120 --> 00:19:42.920 That's the reason 00:19:42.920 --> 00:19:43.799 as a mom, 00:19:43.980 --> 00:19:44.660 your priority 00:19:44.660 --> 00:19:45.799 needs to be first 00:19:45.799 --> 00:19:46.460 to your husband. 00:19:46.840 --> 00:19:47.000 Now, 00:19:47.039 --> 00:19:47.880 I want you to understand 00:19:47.880 --> 00:19:48.800 very logically, 00:19:49.060 --> 00:19:49.720 kids take a lot 00:19:49.720 --> 00:19:50.080 of time. 00:19:50.320 --> 00:19:51.340 That's just a reality. 00:19:53.040 --> 00:19:54.120 But I want you to understand 00:19:54.120 --> 00:19:55.100 you can't let them 00:19:55.100 --> 00:19:56.560 replace building 00:19:56.560 --> 00:19:57.460 that closeness 00:19:57.460 --> 00:19:58.060 and building 00:19:58.060 --> 00:19:58.780 that commitment 00:19:58.780 --> 00:19:59.520 to one another. 00:19:59.740 --> 00:20:00.660 To understand 00:20:00.660 --> 00:20:01.280 there has to be 00:20:01.280 --> 00:20:02.060 intentionality, 00:20:02.180 --> 00:20:02.760 sometimes things 00:20:02.760 --> 00:20:03.400 just need to wait 00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:04.280 because there's 00:20:04.280 --> 00:20:05.840 no other relationship 00:20:05.840 --> 00:20:08.380 in the Bible 00:20:08.380 --> 00:20:11.140 that's talked about 00:20:11.140 --> 00:20:12.380 like the marriage 00:20:12.380 --> 00:20:12.940 relationship. 00:20:12.940 --> 00:20:13.779 the marriage 00:20:13.779 --> 00:20:14.580 relationship 00:20:14.580 --> 00:20:16.100 is the only one 00:20:16.100 --> 00:20:16.640 where it says 00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:18.019 the two become one. 00:20:18.220 --> 00:20:19.660 That two become one. 00:20:20.460 --> 00:20:21.519 It's spoken of 00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:22.080 and addressed 00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:22.920 very directly 00:20:22.920 --> 00:20:24.140 because let me 00:20:24.140 --> 00:20:24.759 put it to you 00:20:24.759 --> 00:20:25.299 this way, 00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:26.980 children suffer most 00:20:26.980 --> 00:20:28.059 when mom and dad 00:20:28.059 --> 00:20:28.519 aren't right 00:20:28.519 --> 00:20:29.120 with each other. 00:20:29.320 --> 00:20:30.360 If mom and dad's 00:20:30.360 --> 00:20:30.940 relationship 00:20:30.940 --> 00:20:31.980 is not right, 00:20:31.980 --> 00:20:34.840 it causes an issue 00:20:34.840 --> 00:20:36.180 to the children. 00:20:36.519 --> 00:20:37.080 That's the reason 00:20:37.080 --> 00:20:38.100 the most important 00:20:38.100 --> 00:20:38.860 relationship 00:20:38.860 --> 00:20:39.580 in a family 00:20:39.580 --> 00:20:40.180 is the husband 00:20:40.180 --> 00:20:40.840 and the wife 00:20:40.840 --> 00:20:41.680 because that's 00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:42.400 what produces 00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:43.980 the children 00:20:43.980 --> 00:20:45.220 that God wants 00:20:45.220 --> 00:20:46.920 them to grow up 00:20:46.920 --> 00:20:47.680 in that environment. 00:20:47.799 --> 00:20:48.840 That's God's design. 00:20:49.980 --> 00:20:50.759 He understands 00:20:50.759 --> 00:20:51.860 that there's a security 00:20:51.860 --> 00:20:53.200 that's there. 00:20:53.299 --> 00:20:53.420 You know, 00:20:53.480 --> 00:20:54.100 I think today 00:20:54.100 --> 00:20:55.279 we have a lot 00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:56.320 of insecurities 00:20:56.320 --> 00:20:58.360 amongst kids 00:20:58.360 --> 00:20:59.320 because parents 00:20:59.320 --> 00:21:00.799 create the insecurities 00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:01.400 in the children 00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:02.759 by their relationships 00:21:02.759 --> 00:21:03.519 and the things 00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:04.080 that are happening 00:21:04.080 --> 00:21:05.039 and the instabilities. 00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:06.279 It creates a lot 00:21:06.279 --> 00:21:07.160 of insecurities 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:07.840 in the kids 00:21:07.840 --> 00:21:08.640 because you know what? 00:21:08.680 --> 00:21:09.720 Your kids look at you 00:21:09.720 --> 00:21:10.700 and they look 00:21:10.700 --> 00:21:11.680 at your relationship 00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:13.180 and they find security 00:21:13.180 --> 00:21:13.839 when they know 00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:14.700 you two are tight, 00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:15.720 they feel safe. 00:21:16.019 --> 00:21:16.819 Now, I'm not saying 00:21:16.819 --> 00:21:17.620 they won't act out 00:21:17.620 --> 00:21:18.759 and do some weird things. 00:21:20.299 --> 00:21:21.400 I'm just telling you 00:21:21.400 --> 00:21:22.319 that when it comes down 00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:22.720 to it, 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:23.960 that gives them security 00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:25.079 because no matter 00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:26.000 what else happens 00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:26.500 in life, 00:21:26.519 --> 00:21:27.460 they can look and say 00:21:27.460 --> 00:21:28.220 mom and dad 00:21:28.220 --> 00:21:30.339 are together. 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:31.640 There's a security 00:21:31.640 --> 00:21:32.900 in that, 00:21:34.039 --> 00:21:34.380 you know. 00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:36.740 The best thing 00:21:36.740 --> 00:21:37.339 we can do 00:21:37.339 --> 00:21:38.700 for the next generation 00:21:38.700 --> 00:21:39.519 is to nurture 00:21:39.519 --> 00:21:40.680 marriages 00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:42.059 and to do that 00:21:42.059 --> 00:21:42.900 we need to understand 00:21:42.900 --> 00:21:43.619 the importance 00:21:43.619 --> 00:21:45.420 of closeness 00:21:45.420 --> 00:21:47.119 in that relationship. 00:21:47.619 --> 00:21:47.839 You know, 00:21:48.359 --> 00:21:50.000 it's amazing 00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:51.319 that if you were 00:21:51.319 --> 00:21:52.059 to be asked 00:21:52.059 --> 00:21:53.539 how close are you 00:21:53.539 --> 00:21:54.379 to your spouse 00:21:54.379 --> 00:21:55.220 on a scale 00:21:55.220 --> 00:21:55.900 of one to ten. 00:21:56.220 --> 00:21:56.379 You know, 00:21:56.400 --> 00:21:57.019 it was interesting 00:21:57.019 --> 00:21:57.639 when they did 00:21:57.639 --> 00:21:59.059 a survey with this 00:21:59.059 --> 00:22:00.019 that a lot of guys 00:22:00.019 --> 00:22:00.700 said eight 00:22:00.700 --> 00:22:01.819 and a lot of women 00:22:01.819 --> 00:22:02.440 said two. 00:22:02.660 --> 00:22:04.000 I want you to understand 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:04.859 there's 00:22:04.859 --> 00:22:07.139 something that needs 00:22:07.139 --> 00:22:07.799 to continue 00:22:07.799 --> 00:22:08.659 to be worked on 00:22:08.659 --> 00:22:09.419 to draw together. 00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:10.460 To draw them 00:22:10.460 --> 00:22:10.960 together 00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:12.059 is important 00:22:12.059 --> 00:22:12.899 because the only 00:22:12.899 --> 00:22:13.740 way to solve 00:22:13.740 --> 00:22:14.379 that problem 00:22:14.379 --> 00:22:14.960 is to do it 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:15.579 on purpose 00:22:15.579 --> 00:22:17.339 because to have 00:22:17.339 --> 00:22:18.299 a goal of saying 00:22:18.299 --> 00:22:18.759 we're going to 00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:19.799 have closeness, 00:22:19.879 --> 00:22:20.339 we're going to be 00:22:20.339 --> 00:22:20.879 together. 00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:21.000 together. 00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:22.440 You know, 00:22:23.100 --> 00:22:24.120 I want you to 00:22:24.120 --> 00:22:25.080 understand marriages 00:22:25.080 --> 00:22:26.280 don't fall apart, 00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:27.120 they drift apart. 00:22:27.320 --> 00:22:27.960 That's a very 00:22:27.960 --> 00:22:29.100 important reality 00:22:29.100 --> 00:22:32.060 because more than 00:22:32.060 --> 00:22:32.960 once you'll hear, 00:22:33.300 --> 00:22:33.780 well, you know, 00:22:33.800 --> 00:22:34.320 we've been married 00:22:34.320 --> 00:22:35.240 for 20 years 00:22:35.240 --> 00:22:36.340 and all of a sudden 00:22:36.340 --> 00:22:36.840 we just, 00:22:37.360 --> 00:22:38.620 the kids leave home 00:22:38.620 --> 00:22:40.080 and suddenly we just 00:22:40.080 --> 00:22:40.920 don't know each other. 00:22:41.180 --> 00:22:41.640 You know what the 00:22:41.640 --> 00:22:42.380 problem was? 00:22:43.420 --> 00:22:44.880 They were so consumed 00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:45.740 with everything else 00:22:45.740 --> 00:22:46.520 that was happening 00:22:46.520 --> 00:22:47.480 that they didn't 00:22:47.480 --> 00:22:48.560 notice the drift. 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:50.879 The drift didn't 00:22:50.879 --> 00:22:51.619 happen when the 00:22:51.619 --> 00:22:52.440 kids left home. 00:22:52.779 --> 00:22:53.579 The drift apart 00:22:53.579 --> 00:22:54.639 happened way years 00:22:54.639 --> 00:22:55.059 before. 00:22:55.419 --> 00:22:56.419 When the kids left 00:22:56.419 --> 00:22:57.279 is when they realized 00:22:57.279 --> 00:22:57.480 it. 00:22:57.720 --> 00:22:58.200 Let me give you 00:22:58.200 --> 00:22:59.299 an example. 00:22:59.679 --> 00:23:00.339 Have you ever noticed 00:23:00.339 --> 00:23:00.799 that when you're 00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:01.539 home alone 00:23:01.539 --> 00:23:02.599 that you hear 00:23:02.599 --> 00:23:03.579 things in the house 00:23:03.579 --> 00:23:04.419 that you never 00:23:04.419 --> 00:23:04.960 hear otherwise? 00:23:05.319 --> 00:23:05.779 I'll give you 00:23:05.779 --> 00:23:06.399 a little insight. 00:23:06.539 --> 00:23:07.339 The house is making 00:23:07.339 --> 00:23:08.179 the same noises 00:23:08.179 --> 00:23:09.200 when everybody's there. 00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:10.319 The creaks and the 00:23:10.319 --> 00:23:11.179 moans and the 00:23:11.179 --> 00:23:12.259 different things that 00:23:12.259 --> 00:23:12.980 houses do as 00:23:12.980 --> 00:23:13.899 temperature change, 00:23:14.159 --> 00:23:14.659 but you don't 00:23:14.659 --> 00:23:15.519 notice it because 00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:16.359 of the hustle and 00:23:16.359 --> 00:23:17.019 the stir and 00:23:17.019 --> 00:23:17.779 everything else going 00:23:17.779 --> 00:23:18.159 on. 00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:19.580 Oftentimes people 00:23:19.580 --> 00:23:21.860 begin drifting apart 00:23:21.860 --> 00:23:22.279 and they don't 00:23:22.279 --> 00:23:23.180 realize it until it 00:23:23.180 --> 00:23:23.960 gets quiet that, 00:23:24.060 --> 00:23:24.420 hey, there's been 00:23:24.420 --> 00:23:24.900 a problem. 00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:26.759 They begin to hear 00:23:26.759 --> 00:23:27.680 and see things that 00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:29.480 they weren't attentive 00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:30.380 to because of the 00:23:30.380 --> 00:23:30.720 noise. 00:23:30.980 --> 00:23:31.740 But as a couple, 00:23:31.840 --> 00:23:32.580 your goal ought to 00:23:32.580 --> 00:23:33.240 be when the kids 00:23:33.240 --> 00:23:35.440 leave home, you get 00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:37.759 to just enjoy each 00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:39.180 other again or 00:23:39.180 --> 00:23:39.880 continue to. 00:23:40.019 --> 00:23:40.720 To be able to have 00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:41.519 that freedom and 00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:42.060 the liberties. 00:23:42.620 --> 00:23:43.480 You get to go spoil 00:23:43.480 --> 00:23:44.220 the grandkids. 00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:45.759 When we understand 00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:48.180 the problem here 00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:50.059 is important. 00:23:50.220 --> 00:23:50.480 You know, there 00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:51.940 was a, many of you 00:23:51.940 --> 00:23:53.480 remember an old 00:23:53.480 --> 00:23:55.579 newspaper commentary, 00:23:55.859 --> 00:23:56.059 I'm trying to 00:23:56.059 --> 00:23:56.420 remember what they 00:23:56.420 --> 00:23:57.119 call it now, the 00:23:57.119 --> 00:23:57.920 columns that they 00:23:57.920 --> 00:23:58.960 had, called 00:23:58.960 --> 00:23:59.559 Dear Abby. 00:24:00.680 --> 00:24:01.480 You know, and people 00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:02.279 would write in. 00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:04.180 You know, one of the 00:24:04.180 --> 00:24:05.640 ones that she received 00:24:05.640 --> 00:24:06.619 was, it says, I'm a 00:24:06.619 --> 00:24:08.440 42-year-old man with 00:24:08.440 --> 00:24:09.059 three wonderful 00:24:09.059 --> 00:24:09.980 children and they're 00:24:09.980 --> 00:24:10.940 all grown and in 00:24:10.940 --> 00:24:11.599 their 20s. 00:24:11.599 --> 00:24:13.359 Yes, we had them 00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:14.099 young and I have 00:24:14.099 --> 00:24:15.079 been married for 23 00:24:15.079 --> 00:24:16.079 years and things have 00:24:16.079 --> 00:24:17.439 been good between my 00:24:17.439 --> 00:24:18.379 wife and me, but a 00:24:18.379 --> 00:24:19.519 year ago my wife, who 00:24:19.519 --> 00:24:20.139 is an accountant, 00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:21.199 decided she wanted to 00:24:21.199 --> 00:24:21.980 try real estate. 00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:23.740 She took a class, got 00:24:23.740 --> 00:24:24.659 her license and now 00:24:24.659 --> 00:24:25.519 sells real estate 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:26.099 part-time. 00:24:26.539 --> 00:24:27.619 She's doing so well 00:24:27.619 --> 00:24:28.579 at it that she plans 00:24:28.579 --> 00:24:29.279 on quitting her 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:30.259 accounting job soon 00:24:30.259 --> 00:24:31.159 and concentrating on 00:24:31.159 --> 00:24:32.279 real estate full-time. 00:24:32.819 --> 00:24:34.219 My problem is I have 00:24:34.219 --> 00:24:35.459 been having empty 00:24:35.459 --> 00:24:36.599 nest syndrome and now 00:24:36.599 --> 00:24:37.599 my wife is working 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:38.480 every weekend. 00:24:38.939 --> 00:24:40.240 On weeknights I sit 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:41.220 and watch TV by 00:24:41.220 --> 00:24:42.079 myself while she 00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:42.680 works on her 00:24:42.680 --> 00:24:43.099 computer. 00:24:43.660 --> 00:24:44.539 On the weekends I 00:24:44.539 --> 00:24:45.460 try to keep busy 00:24:45.460 --> 00:24:46.620 doing jobs around the 00:24:46.620 --> 00:24:47.359 house and cleaning, 00:24:47.640 --> 00:24:49.000 but I'm bored, lonely 00:24:49.000 --> 00:24:49.759 and depressed. 00:24:50.440 --> 00:24:51.980 Have I mentioned, I 00:24:51.980 --> 00:24:52.960 have mentioned this to 00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:54.079 my wife and she says 00:24:54.079 --> 00:24:54.819 I should find a 00:24:54.819 --> 00:24:55.099 hobby. 00:24:55.740 --> 00:24:57.019 His comment is this, 00:24:57.059 --> 00:24:57.819 he says, Abby, I 00:24:57.819 --> 00:24:58.799 don't want a hobby, I 00:24:58.799 --> 00:24:59.740 want to be with my 00:24:59.740 --> 00:25:00.079 wife. 00:25:00.539 --> 00:25:01.660 She absolutely loves 00:25:01.660 --> 00:25:02.480 her new job and 00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:03.160 talks about it 00:25:03.160 --> 00:25:03.660 constantly. 00:25:04.059 --> 00:25:05.380 I don't want to ask 00:25:05.380 --> 00:25:06.400 her to quit her job 00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:07.620 because she would 00:25:07.620 --> 00:25:09.740 resent me for it 00:25:09.740 --> 00:25:10.940 and no, I don't 00:25:10.940 --> 00:25:11.779 want to sell real 00:25:11.779 --> 00:25:12.579 estate with her. 00:25:12.839 --> 00:25:13.599 Any suggestions? 00:25:14.099 --> 00:25:14.819 You know, that 00:25:14.819 --> 00:25:15.819 didn't happen overnight. 00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:17.319 That drift and the 00:25:17.319 --> 00:25:19.620 lack of commitment to 00:25:19.620 --> 00:25:20.620 maintain things 00:25:20.620 --> 00:25:22.440 throughout began to 00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:23.339 display itself. 00:25:24.140 --> 00:25:24.599 You know, we need to 00:25:24.599 --> 00:25:25.660 be on guard to make 00:25:25.660 --> 00:25:27.039 sure that it doesn't 00:25:27.039 --> 00:25:27.920 happen to us. 00:25:29.259 --> 00:25:29.759 You know, to 00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:30.680 understand we need a 00:25:30.680 --> 00:25:31.779 commitment to sacrifice, 00:25:32.039 --> 00:25:32.880 we need a commitment to 00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:34.440 closeness, we need a 00:25:34.440 --> 00:25:35.500 commitment to honesty. 00:25:35.500 --> 00:25:37.660 You know, Proverbs 27 00:25:37.660 --> 00:25:38.500 and verse 6. 00:25:38.599 --> 00:25:40.240 Proverbs 27, verse 6. 00:25:40.500 --> 00:25:42.059 Proverbs 27, verse 6. 00:25:42.099 --> 00:25:42.720 You got that one, 00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:43.799 Darren? 00:25:43.980 --> 00:25:44.660 Can you stand and read 00:25:44.660 --> 00:25:45.220 that one for me? 00:25:46.299 --> 00:25:47.000 Faithful are the 00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:47.839 wounds of a friend, 00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:49.400 but the differences of 00:25:49.400 --> 00:25:50.099 an enemy are the 00:25:50.099 --> 00:25:50.359 people. 00:25:50.740 --> 00:25:51.019 Okay. 00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:52.859 A commitment to 00:25:52.859 --> 00:25:53.440 honesty. 00:25:53.740 --> 00:25:55.180 You know, faithful are 00:25:55.180 --> 00:25:56.059 the wounds of a 00:25:56.059 --> 00:25:56.380 friend. 00:25:57.660 --> 00:25:59.859 Now, how would a 00:25:59.859 --> 00:26:00.660 friend wound you? 00:26:00.980 --> 00:26:02.359 You know, being 00:26:02.359 --> 00:26:02.819 honest. 00:26:02.819 --> 00:26:04.079 You know, honesty is 00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:04.640 important. 00:26:05.500 --> 00:26:07.299 This powerful verse, 00:26:07.420 --> 00:26:08.140 you know, some people 00:26:08.140 --> 00:26:09.559 sugarcoat everything and 00:26:09.559 --> 00:26:10.700 gloss over the truth. 00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:12.480 They say what you want 00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:13.579 to hear and not what 00:26:13.579 --> 00:26:14.359 you need to hear. 00:26:14.599 --> 00:26:15.559 The one thing to keep 00:26:15.559 --> 00:26:16.819 in mind, you need a 00:26:16.819 --> 00:26:18.579 friend, and especially 00:26:18.579 --> 00:26:19.920 your spouse ought to be 00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:20.859 able to tell you things 00:26:20.859 --> 00:26:21.259 that you are 00:26:21.259 --> 00:26:22.059 uncomfortable with. 00:26:22.259 --> 00:26:23.400 Because a friend will 00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:24.740 tell you the truth even 00:26:24.740 --> 00:26:25.740 when the truth hurts. 00:26:25.960 --> 00:26:26.940 Because sometimes the 00:26:26.940 --> 00:26:27.660 truth does hurt. 00:26:27.900 --> 00:26:28.980 Because sometimes we 00:26:28.980 --> 00:26:29.940 might know it, but when 00:26:29.940 --> 00:26:30.960 we hear it, it changes 00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:31.920 the perspective, doesn't 00:26:31.920 --> 00:26:32.099 it? 00:26:32.099 --> 00:26:33.880 To understand, to speak 00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:35.079 the truth, 00:26:35.079 --> 00:26:35.139 truth. 00:26:35.559 --> 00:26:37.339 But a friend speaks 00:26:37.339 --> 00:26:38.500 truth uniquely. 00:26:39.220 --> 00:26:40.119 Because I want you 00:26:40.119 --> 00:26:40.939 to understand, there's 00:26:40.939 --> 00:26:42.359 people that you meet, 00:26:42.460 --> 00:26:43.519 they might speak truth 00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:44.519 to you, but their 00:26:44.519 --> 00:26:45.599 truth is not being 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:46.519 presented in the right 00:26:46.519 --> 00:26:46.779 way. 00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:48.119 They're trying to jab 00:26:48.119 --> 00:26:49.159 you with truth to 00:26:49.159 --> 00:26:49.619 hurt you. 00:26:49.960 --> 00:26:52.339 A friend doesn't jab 00:26:52.339 --> 00:26:53.439 you with truth to hurt 00:26:53.439 --> 00:26:54.359 you, but to help you. 00:26:55.839 --> 00:26:57.500 The perspective of one 00:26:57.500 --> 00:26:58.740 is to do what they can 00:26:58.740 --> 00:27:00.019 to destroy the others 00:27:00.019 --> 00:27:01.619 out of love to build 00:27:01.619 --> 00:27:04.299 up, to encourage, to do 00:27:04.299 --> 00:27:05.279 that which is right. 00:27:06.619 --> 00:27:08.399 You know, to speak it 00:27:08.399 --> 00:27:09.139 in love. 00:27:10.119 --> 00:27:10.619 You know, isn't that 00:27:10.619 --> 00:27:11.759 what God calls us to 00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:12.740 do, to speak the truth 00:27:12.740 --> 00:27:13.839 in love, with the 00:27:13.839 --> 00:27:15.039 right attitude and the 00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:15.720 right spirit? 00:27:16.879 --> 00:27:17.940 Because you can say 00:27:17.940 --> 00:27:19.720 the right things the 00:27:19.720 --> 00:27:20.240 wrong way. 00:27:20.639 --> 00:27:21.619 You need to understand 00:27:21.619 --> 00:27:23.559 the importance of 00:27:23.559 --> 00:27:23.899 this. 00:27:24.559 --> 00:27:27.460 And oftentimes people 00:27:27.460 --> 00:27:29.279 speak what people want 00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:30.319 to hear rather than 00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:31.180 what they need to hear. 00:27:31.500 --> 00:27:31.980 You know, one of the 00:27:31.980 --> 00:27:33.140 problems, I think, with a 00:27:33.140 --> 00:27:34.079 lot of preachers today, 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:35.539 we see people preaching 00:27:35.539 --> 00:27:36.620 things that people want 00:27:36.620 --> 00:27:37.460 to hear instead of what 00:27:37.460 --> 00:27:38.059 they need to hear. 00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:40.059 We need the whole 00:27:40.059 --> 00:27:41.019 counsel of God. 00:27:41.299 --> 00:27:42.740 We don't need the little 00:27:42.740 --> 00:27:44.640 antidotes and problem 00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:45.099 things. 00:27:45.180 --> 00:27:46.299 We need to understand the 00:27:46.299 --> 00:27:48.299 importance of God's 00:27:48.299 --> 00:27:49.640 counsel and what God has 00:27:49.640 --> 00:27:50.440 given to us. 00:27:51.120 --> 00:27:52.599 Because nothing will 00:27:52.599 --> 00:27:55.579 undermine respect in 00:27:55.579 --> 00:27:56.920 marriage like dishonesty. 00:27:57.660 --> 00:27:59.220 Openness and honesty are 00:27:59.220 --> 00:28:00.579 such important qualities 00:28:00.579 --> 00:28:01.339 in marriage. 00:28:02.019 --> 00:28:03.420 If your spouse discovers 00:28:03.420 --> 00:28:05.200 they can't trust you to 00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:06.200 tell the truth, they will 00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:07.319 not respect you. 00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:08.640 You know? 00:28:09.380 --> 00:28:10.680 Because the problem is, is 00:28:10.680 --> 00:28:11.600 when there's a lie, there's 00:28:11.600 --> 00:28:12.380 always disrespect. 00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:15.039 It causes a problem that 00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:16.140 needs to be dealt with. 00:28:17.339 --> 00:28:17.600 You know? 00:28:18.140 --> 00:28:19.480 It's been said there's three 00:28:19.480 --> 00:28:20.460 types of liars. 00:28:20.559 --> 00:28:21.420 There's some who are born 00:28:21.420 --> 00:28:21.880 liars. 00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:23.120 You know? 00:28:23.319 --> 00:28:24.460 How many remember the 00:28:24.460 --> 00:28:27.539 Lucille Ball show? 00:28:29.059 --> 00:28:29.360 You know? 00:28:29.799 --> 00:28:30.220 Lucy. 00:28:30.380 --> 00:28:31.720 I mean, she's, this is a 00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:33.039 great illustration here. 00:28:33.360 --> 00:28:34.640 Because she's habitually 00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:35.900 lying about everything. 00:28:36.519 --> 00:28:38.220 The money, the kids, the 00:28:38.220 --> 00:28:39.420 dinner, the new clothes. 00:28:39.660 --> 00:28:40.759 And it's interesting in 00:28:40.759 --> 00:28:42.240 that show that Ricky doesn't 00:28:42.240 --> 00:28:43.440 respect her because of it. 00:28:43.640 --> 00:28:44.960 Now it seems funny and 00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:45.779 cute on TV. 00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:47.079 You know, little things you 00:28:47.079 --> 00:28:49.440 see in sitcoms and things 00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:51.140 in relationships might seem 00:28:51.140 --> 00:28:53.480 quaint or kind of cute or, 00:28:53.480 --> 00:28:54.099 you know. 00:28:54.759 --> 00:28:55.319 But I want you to 00:28:55.319 --> 00:28:56.460 understand those things 00:28:56.460 --> 00:28:57.779 destroy a real marriage. 00:28:58.099 --> 00:29:00.339 Those things destroy a real 00:29:00.339 --> 00:29:00.880 marriage. 00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:03.500 A compulsive liar has formed 00:29:03.500 --> 00:29:04.539 a habit of constantly 00:29:04.539 --> 00:29:05.200 deceiving. 00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:07.620 Almost a subconscious power 00:29:07.620 --> 00:29:09.059 trip to holding truth away 00:29:09.059 --> 00:29:09.640 from others. 00:29:10.259 --> 00:29:12.019 When they lie, it serves a 00:29:12.019 --> 00:29:13.620 purpose even when it 00:29:13.620 --> 00:29:14.059 doesn't. 00:29:14.900 --> 00:29:15.180 You know? 00:29:15.360 --> 00:29:16.460 You need to understand that 00:29:16.460 --> 00:29:19.160 sometimes people are liars 00:29:19.160 --> 00:29:21.079 and causes a problem. 00:29:21.079 --> 00:29:21.940 I want you to understand 00:29:21.940 --> 00:29:23.240 that's one reason that God 00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:24.200 tells us that we need to 00:29:24.200 --> 00:29:25.120 get to know one another. 00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:26.620 You need to look at, if 00:29:26.620 --> 00:29:27.920 you're going to, young 00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:29.019 people, before you get 00:29:29.019 --> 00:29:30.039 married, you need to look 00:29:30.039 --> 00:29:31.019 at the character of the 00:29:31.019 --> 00:29:32.059 person that you're talking 00:29:32.059 --> 00:29:32.339 to. 00:29:32.579 --> 00:29:33.940 It's important because if 00:29:33.940 --> 00:29:35.339 you're not honest and true 00:29:35.339 --> 00:29:36.579 and right in the things you 00:29:36.579 --> 00:29:39.500 do, if they're not honest 00:29:39.500 --> 00:29:41.120 with you before marriage, I 00:29:41.120 --> 00:29:41.920 guarantee you it's not going 00:29:41.920 --> 00:29:42.700 to get any better after 00:29:42.700 --> 00:29:43.079 marriage. 00:29:43.420 --> 00:29:44.240 Matter of fact, it'll get 00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:44.640 worse. 00:29:44.920 --> 00:29:46.339 I want you to understand that 00:29:46.339 --> 00:29:47.539 you need to drop them like a 00:29:47.539 --> 00:29:49.779 hot rock because it's going 00:29:49.779 --> 00:29:51.859 to cause disruption in your 00:29:51.859 --> 00:29:52.279 marriage. 00:29:52.539 --> 00:29:53.639 You know, it amazes me how 00:29:53.639 --> 00:29:54.959 many people tell somebody 00:29:54.959 --> 00:29:55.979 when they're dating they want 00:29:55.979 --> 00:29:57.179 to put things under the rug 00:29:57.179 --> 00:29:58.019 and not be honest. 00:29:58.279 --> 00:29:59.339 But if there's ever a time 00:29:59.339 --> 00:30:00.959 for honesty, it's when a 00:30:00.959 --> 00:30:01.759 couple is dating. 00:30:03.159 --> 00:30:04.559 Because anything that you 00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:06.000 disguise while you're dating, 00:30:06.119 --> 00:30:07.059 you'll have to deal with 00:30:07.059 --> 00:30:07.659 while you're married. 00:30:08.659 --> 00:30:10.000 We need to understand the 00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:10.959 importance of what we're 00:30:10.959 --> 00:30:11.559 looking at. 00:30:12.399 --> 00:30:13.799 You also have what you call 00:30:13.799 --> 00:30:14.799 a band-aid liar. 00:30:15.879 --> 00:30:16.119 You know? 00:30:16.679 --> 00:30:18.419 Lies to try to fix 00:30:18.419 --> 00:30:20.019 situations or get out of 00:30:20.019 --> 00:30:21.119 trouble when the pressure's 00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:21.400 on. 00:30:21.400 --> 00:30:21.940 You know? 00:30:22.379 --> 00:30:24.460 To try to fix things up or 00:30:24.460 --> 00:30:27.240 to smooth things over. 00:30:28.940 --> 00:30:29.319 You know? 00:30:30.019 --> 00:30:31.339 And that goes right into the 00:30:31.339 --> 00:30:33.180 next one, that protector-type 00:30:33.180 --> 00:30:33.579 liar. 00:30:33.819 --> 00:30:35.279 You know, lying about finances 00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:36.720 saying, I didn't want my 00:30:36.720 --> 00:30:38.000 spouse to have that kind of 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:38.339 pressure. 00:30:38.920 --> 00:30:40.059 You know, some people can't 00:30:40.059 --> 00:30:41.900 bear to let their spouse 00:30:41.900 --> 00:30:43.160 know the hard truth. 00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:44.879 You know? 00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:47.160 It's amazing. 00:30:47.620 --> 00:30:48.900 And I think in our current 00:30:48.900 --> 00:30:53.860 economic situation we're 00:30:53.860 --> 00:30:54.840 facing, there's going to be a 00:30:54.840 --> 00:30:55.780 lot of people that are going 00:30:55.780 --> 00:30:57.640 to wake up one day and find 00:30:57.640 --> 00:30:58.780 out that a spouse has been 00:30:58.780 --> 00:30:59.640 lying to them because there's 00:30:59.640 --> 00:31:00.600 no money to pay the bills. 00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:02.120 You'll be surprised how much 00:31:02.120 --> 00:31:02.660 that happens. 00:31:02.920 --> 00:31:04.000 Because they weren't honest 00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:04.760 with one another. 00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:06.920 Because sometimes honesty, 00:31:07.400 --> 00:31:08.960 especially in finances, is 00:31:08.960 --> 00:31:09.380 important. 00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:10.540 You can get in trouble in 00:31:10.540 --> 00:31:12.880 finances in a marriage trying 00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:13.640 to be honest. 00:31:13.640 --> 00:31:15.460 dishonesty will crush it. 00:31:15.700 --> 00:31:16.759 I want you to understand 00:31:16.759 --> 00:31:18.560 that we need, we hide behind 00:31:18.560 --> 00:31:19.740 the fact that we don't want 00:31:19.740 --> 00:31:21.840 to hurt somebody else, but it 00:31:21.840 --> 00:31:23.120 hurts even worse when they 00:31:23.120 --> 00:31:24.840 realize that you haven't 00:31:24.840 --> 00:31:26.700 told them the truth. 00:31:27.120 --> 00:31:28.540 To understand the importance 00:31:28.540 --> 00:31:30.040 of this. 00:31:30.140 --> 00:31:31.560 And so as we begin, continue 00:31:31.560 --> 00:31:33.800 looking at these things, you 00:31:33.800 --> 00:31:34.759 know, we're getting pretty 00:31:34.759 --> 00:31:37.140 practical here about things 00:31:37.140 --> 00:31:39.120 such as commitment and how you 00:31:39.120 --> 00:31:40.720 earn and keep respect. 00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:41.720 A commitment to sacrifice. 00:31:41.720 --> 00:31:43.880 A commitment to closeness. 00:31:44.039 --> 00:31:45.259 A commitment to honesty. 00:31:46.000 --> 00:31:47.360 And we'll continue next week 00:31:47.360 --> 00:31:48.440 and we'll look at three more 00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:51.160 commitments that bear and are 00:31:51.160 --> 00:31:52.600 needful in this. 00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:56.079 So we're out of time here this 00:31:56.079 --> 00:31:58.000 morning, so we're going to stop 00:31:58.000 --> 00:31:59.079 there and we'll pick up here, 00:31:59.160 --> 00:32:01.640 Lord willing, next Sunday on that. 00:32:01.839 --> 00:32:03.220 And so, but let's go ahead and 00:32:03.220 --> 00:32:03.440 we'll be. 00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:03.460 We'll be.