WEBVTT

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 Great. It's good to see you this morning. The sun is out. It's beautiful.

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 And it's an amazing day to be worshipping God together collectively.

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 And last week we talked about older men and women.

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 And this week, after this sermon, I may be looking for a job somewhere else in a distant country

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 because this passage raises all kinds of sensitive issues.

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 And I'm aware as a guy that I'm speaking about a lot of things which I can't answer every question in 30 minutes here,

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 which you may have.

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 And I'm not even going to try to answer every question that this passage raises.

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 But my hope is that as we're kind of talking and we're going on this journey together as a family,

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 that this is kind of the beginning of a conversation that we're talking about,

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 what it means to be a family together, and in specifically the specific areas of our lives.

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 So I pray that this would ignite conversations in your CGs, in your marriages,

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 in all the different things that you're going on in your life this week.

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 And the problem with passages which deal with very much the nitty-gritty of life and like this

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 is that we often get wrapped up in certain controversial words,

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 but we miss actually what Paul is trying to say in the context of what he's writing.

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 And what he's trying to say is that the Christian community,

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 and this is what we've been looking at over the last few weeks,

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 the Christian community is meant to be a counter-cultural community,

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 which is shaped by the gospel of Christ's love for us in a way which influences

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 and attracts the culture to see how beautiful Jesus is.

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 And near where I lived before in the UK, there's a little village called Eam.

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 You've probably not heard of it, but in British history,

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 this place Eam is very, very significant.

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 Because in 1665, there was a huge plague that was spreading throughout the whole of the UK.

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 And it was spread by fleas on rats.

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 And at one point, a parcel of cloth arrived in the village to a tailor

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 who opened it, and unknown to him,

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 this cloth was infected with the fleas of this plague, who carried this plague.

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 A week later, the tailor was dead.

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 23 other villagers were dead.

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 And at that point, all the other villagers were like,

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 let's get out of here.

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 Let's run, because this place is dangerous.

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 But the minister of the town,

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 he persuaded them.

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 He said, no, we have to quarantine ourselves.

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 We have to isolate ourselves together from the rest of the country,

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 so that this plague does not spread.

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 And do you know what they did?

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 One year later, 260 out of 350 villagers had died,

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 including the minister's wife,

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 who had lovingly tended the sick.

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 But do you know why it's famous?

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 It's because the actions of those villagers stopped the plague spreading

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 in the whole of the rest of Britain.

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 Countless thousands of lives were saved by the heroic actions of that group.

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 Now, there's something which I think is inspiring,

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 is beautiful,

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 about people willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of others,

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 even for them, for complete strangers.

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 And the call for Christians is that our lives are to visibly display

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 and represent the gospel of a God who does exactly the same,

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 who lays down his life for us,

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 who give himself for us on a cross.

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 Jesus, when you and I were at our worst,

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 he came and died for us.

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 That's the gospel.

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 We know that.

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 We say that week in, week out.

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 And Jesus, when he came,

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 he did not say kind of grudgingly,

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 well, after all I've done for you,

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 you know, created the world,

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 given you life,

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 after all these things,

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 and now all I get is rejection on the cross.

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 I deserve a little bit of respect around here from you guys,

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 so please give me some respect.

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 Jesus doesn't say that.

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 He keeps pouring his love and his grace out for people who don't deserve it.

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 It's the picture of the cross that we put up here.

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 It's what shapes the whole of Christianity.

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 And Jesus says,

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 the reason I call you to be my people

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 is because I'm going to shape you and your lives,

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 individually and as a community,

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 to look increasingly more like that.

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 But, you know,

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 the culture sends us other messages

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 about what love really means,

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 because that sounds very painful.

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 Piglet, when talking to Winnie the Pooh,

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 asks,

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 how do you spell love?

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 And Winnie the Pooh says,

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 you don't spell love,

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 you feel it.

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 And we kind of,

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 we have these messages coming to us all the time.

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 We think that love should kind of come naturally.

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 It's kind of this feeling which comes up.

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 It's not gritty, hard, painful work.

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 And as Justin Bieber says,

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 all you've got to do is listen to your deepest feelings.

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 They don't ever lie.

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 And that's what everyone tells us what love is.

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 That's what the people in Crete,

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 who Paul is writing to Titus, thought.

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 They thought love was all about self-performing.

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 It's whether you get sex, money, pleasure.

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 Love was all about satisfying my desire,

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 my feelings,

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 making me feel good to get what I want.

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 And I'll give you back, love,

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 as long as you give to me.

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 But if in any way I don't get back from you,

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 then I'm going to withdraw from you.

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 And that's the way the Cretan culture worked.

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 It was fundamentally all about getting what I want.

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 And people were throwing off the restrictions of saying,

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 men and women were saying,

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 hey, I want to be able to get sexually fulfilled

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 so I can do it any way I want.

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 I can get what I want.

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 And Jesus comes,

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 and Paul comes with this counter-cultural message

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 which says,

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 if you want to gain your life,

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 gain fulfillment,

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 you've got to lose your life.

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 C.S. Lewis wrote,

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 the more we get what we now call ourselves

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 out of the way

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 and let God take over,

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 the more truly ourselves we become.

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 And we become these beautiful,

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 attractive, inspiring people

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 who attract people not to ourselves,

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 but to a God who is amazing,

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 a sacrifice for us.

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 And so we're going to look at this idea of love

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 and the community

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 because that's what Paul is really talking about.

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 And I want to talk about a few things.

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 I want to say that love is hard.

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 Love, sacrificially love, is hard.

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 I then want to talk about how love works out

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 in relationships with the young women

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 and the young men.

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 And then I want to talk about the power to love.

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 So here's, love is hard.

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 You know, if I'm honest,

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 I just don't think I'm actually very good at this.

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 I can do a nice talk,

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 but I'm not actually in practice

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 very good at sacrificial love.

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 Because, here's a stupid example.

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 A while ago, a friend of mine,

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 I had to give something back to a friend of mine.

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 And I needed a bag to put it in.

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 Okay?

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 And I'm going through our selection of bags.

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 And there's one cloth bag that I really like

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 because it's just the right size

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 for a lot of things that I like to carry.

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 And I'm going through,

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 and I see this bag,

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 and then I see another bag

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 which is kind of tattered and old and this.

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 And I think, okay, which bag shall I give him?

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 And I'm going, nice bag, ugly bag.

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 Nice bag, ugly gag.

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 And then I think,

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 Chris, you work in a church.

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 So I gave him the ugly bag.

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 And it's just a bag.

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 It's not a Rolex.

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 It's a bag.

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 But even in the most mundane things in life,

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 which is so stupid,

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 I struggle to even think about

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 what it means to sacrifice.

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 And Paul knows that as well

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 because what he says is,

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 he says in verse 3,

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 he says,

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 older women are to teach what is good,

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 and verse 4,

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 and to train the young women

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 to love their husbands and children.

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 Did you get that?

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 He said,

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 you have to train the younger women

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 to love their husbands and children.

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 What that means is,

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 love doesn't come naturally.

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 You have to be trained how to love.

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 Right?

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 And remember,

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 most of the young women here

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 were probably 15 to 20,

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 and most of them were,

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 sorry,

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 over 15 to 20,

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 were probably married in the culture.

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 And so he's saying,

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 love is the hardest thing in the world to do.

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 It's the hardest thing in the world to do.

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 And you need people to help you how to love

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 because it doesn't come naturally.

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 You know,

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 especially if you are married,

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 when your husband leaves the toilet seat up

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 for the 15th time

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 and forgets to tell you

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 that he booked an evening out

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 with his friends on your wedding anniversary,

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 love doesn't come naturally at those points.

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 Plenty of other things come naturally at those points.

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 You see,

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 professional athletes hire coaches

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 to train them to become better sportsmen and women.

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 Students have teachers

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 to help them to grow academically.

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 But why do we think

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 with something that is infinitely more difficult

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 than either sport or academics

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 that we can kind of,

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 and if you're single,

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 any relationship of loving people,

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 why do we think we can do it simply by ourselves

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 without others to help us along the way?

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 Because do you know the phrase,

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 it says,

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 it takes a village to raise a child,

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 right?

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 Well, it actually takes a church

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 to help us love people.

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 Because you see,

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 before in the past,

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 you used to have a village

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 of everyone would be around

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 to help support you,

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 but now with globalization

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 and individualism,

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 we're so private

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 that we try and bear the weight

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 of the responsibilities

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 God has given us by ourselves.

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 And statistics show us

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 we don't do a very good job at it.

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 We're here,

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 and it's not just the young men,

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 it's the young,

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 it's the,

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 sorry,

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 the young women,

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 it's the men too,

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 because Titus is there

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 to be a model to them

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 of what it looks like

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 to love people.

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 There's no room

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 for privatized Christian faith

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 in the Bible.

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 You know,

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 it's just me and Jesus

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 by ourselves.

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 There's no room for that.

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 Because he says,

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 each one of us

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 has a responsibility

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 as part of the family

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 to help each other

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 to love

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 in whatever situation

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 God has placed you in.

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 Because it's hard.

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 You see,

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 a sermon is not enough

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 to shape you.

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 If you're single,

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 if you're married,

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 you need a community

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 of older and younger people

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 around you

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 who are walking

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 alongside each other.

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 And if you've been a Christian

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 for longer than a couple of years,

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 the challenge of the gospel

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 would be,

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 who are you walking alongside?

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 Who are you walking alongside

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 to help them

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 to love whoever it is

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 who's around them?

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 That's the call of the gospel.

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 Because it's too hard

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 to do it by ourselves.

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 Love's hard.

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 Secondly,

00:12:05.460 --> 00:12:08.320
 how sacrificial love

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 works out in relationships.

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 The older women

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 are to train the younger women

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 to be self-controlled,

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 pure,

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 working at home,

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 kind,

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 submissive to their own husband

00:12:23.379 --> 00:12:24.700
 so that in everything

00:12:24.700 --> 00:12:25.940
 the word of God

00:12:25.940 --> 00:12:27.700
 is not reviled.

00:12:27.700 --> 00:12:27.740
 God.

00:12:28.060 --> 00:12:28.920
 So there's meant

00:12:28.920 --> 00:12:29.660
 to be something

00:12:29.660 --> 00:12:30.800
 which demonstrates

00:12:30.800 --> 00:12:32.000
 the beauty of the gospel

00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:32.900
 to other people.

00:12:34.740 --> 00:12:35.620
 But did you notice

00:12:35.620 --> 00:12:36.320
 some of the words

00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:36.840
 that you said?

00:12:36.900 --> 00:12:37.220
 And some of you

00:12:37.220 --> 00:12:37.620
 may be thinking,

00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:38.000
 well, Paul,

00:12:38.040 --> 00:12:38.560
 I can't believe

00:12:38.560 --> 00:12:39.700
 you said the S word.

00:12:40.960 --> 00:12:42.560
 And why is he only

00:12:42.560 --> 00:12:43.980
 talking to young women

00:12:43.980 --> 00:12:44.759
 here about marriage?

00:12:44.820 --> 00:12:45.540
 Where are the husbands?

00:12:45.539 --> 00:12:46.059
 Did you?

00:12:46.519 --> 00:12:47.719
 And I don't know if you notice

00:12:47.719 --> 00:12:48.579
 there's five things

00:12:48.579 --> 00:12:49.459
 for the younger women

00:12:49.459 --> 00:12:50.799
 in verse four,

00:12:51.579 --> 00:12:52.899
 verse five,

00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:53.219
 sorry,

00:12:53.339 --> 00:12:54.179
 but there's only one thing

00:12:54.179 --> 00:12:54.839
 for the younger men

00:12:54.839 --> 00:12:55.799
 in verse six.

00:12:55.899 --> 00:12:57.339
 It seems a little bit unfair

00:12:57.339 --> 00:12:58.319
 in here.

00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:01.459
 But in the context,

00:13:01.620 --> 00:13:02.759
 what Paul is focusing on,

00:13:02.819 --> 00:13:04.000
 he's focusing on the young women

00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:05.480
 because he's most concerned

00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:06.439
 about the pressure

00:13:06.439 --> 00:13:07.620
 that's being put on them

00:13:07.620 --> 00:13:09.539
 to conform to the rest

00:13:09.539 --> 00:13:11.139
 of Cretan cultural standards.

00:13:11.799 --> 00:13:13.259
 This is not his final word

00:13:13.259 --> 00:13:13.799
 on marriage.

00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:14.340
 We know that

00:13:14.340 --> 00:13:15.580
 because you look in Ephesians

00:13:15.580 --> 00:13:16.080
 and Colossians,

00:13:16.179 --> 00:13:17.500
 other letters that he writes,

00:13:17.759 --> 00:13:19.899
 he gives a much fuller picture

00:13:19.899 --> 00:13:21.259
 of what marriage is like.

00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:24.259
 And we know from these passages,

00:13:24.419 --> 00:13:25.600
 this is what Paul is saying.

00:13:27.159 --> 00:13:27.980
 Paul says,

00:13:28.139 --> 00:13:30.179
 the gospel says,

00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:32.379
 marriage is a dance of love.

00:13:32.919 --> 00:13:33.179
 Okay?

00:13:33.419 --> 00:13:34.799
 It's a dance of love.

00:13:34.799 --> 00:13:36.299
 It's a living picture

00:13:36.299 --> 00:13:38.240
 of how Christ and the church

00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:39.580
 are meant to relate to each other.

00:13:40.280 --> 00:13:41.280
 It's meant to be beautiful.

00:13:42.379 --> 00:13:43.400
 And at the heart of marriage

00:13:43.400 --> 00:13:45.620
 is not self-centeredness.

00:13:45.740 --> 00:13:47.180
 It's not self-fulfillment.

00:13:47.259 --> 00:13:48.460
 It's not getting what I want,

00:13:48.740 --> 00:13:50.460
 but it's loving and sacrificing

00:13:50.460 --> 00:13:51.420
 for what the other

00:13:51.420 --> 00:13:53.280
 will help the other to flourish.

00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:56.700
 So Paul says in Ephesians five,

00:13:56.860 --> 00:13:57.200
 he says,

00:13:57.280 --> 00:13:58.660
 the husbands are the head of the wife,

00:13:58.879 --> 00:13:59.680
 but then he says this,

00:13:59.740 --> 00:14:00.120
 husbands,

00:14:00.680 --> 00:14:01.720
 love your wives

00:14:01.720 --> 00:14:03.800
 as Christ loved the church

00:14:03.800 --> 00:14:06.700
 and gave himself up for her

00:14:06.700 --> 00:14:07.759
 to make her holy,

00:14:07.759 --> 00:14:09.840
 to present her to himself

00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:11.700
 as a radiant church

00:14:11.700 --> 00:14:13.860
 without stain or wrinkle

00:14:13.860 --> 00:14:15.460
 or any other blemish,

00:14:15.460 --> 00:14:17.679
 but holy and blameless.

00:14:18.600 --> 00:14:19.419
 Now, I don't even get

00:14:19.419 --> 00:14:19.980
 what he's saying.

00:14:20.039 --> 00:14:20.360
 He's saying,

00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:23.220
 just as Jesus used his headship

00:14:23.220 --> 00:14:24.019
 of the church

00:14:24.019 --> 00:14:25.939
 to lay down his life

00:14:25.939 --> 00:14:27.840
 to serve her,

00:14:28.059 --> 00:14:29.620
 to make her radiant,

00:14:30.360 --> 00:14:31.080
 flourishing.

00:14:31.080 --> 00:14:33.080
 So God has given husbands

00:14:33.940 --> 00:14:36.840
 the responsibility before him

00:14:36.840 --> 00:14:39.060
 to lead our wives

00:14:39.060 --> 00:14:41.600
 to be radiant and flourishing.

00:14:43.700 --> 00:14:46.400
 That means with all their gifts,

00:14:46.520 --> 00:14:47.580
 with all their talents,

00:14:47.759 --> 00:14:50.080
 we are to lay down what we want

00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:51.620
 so that they emotionally,

00:14:52.280 --> 00:14:52.820
 physically,

00:14:53.320 --> 00:14:54.900
 spiritually can flourish.

00:14:54.899 --> 00:14:58.159
 Now,

00:14:58.699 --> 00:14:59.939
 there are many things

00:14:59.939 --> 00:15:00.639
 we could talk about

00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:01.980
 and I've only got a brief time,

00:15:02.059 --> 00:15:03.220
 but here's just a couple of things

00:15:03.220 --> 00:15:04.419
 because this actually

00:15:04.419 --> 00:15:05.720
 really challenges me.

00:15:07.240 --> 00:15:08.179
 Here's a question.

00:15:08.620 --> 00:15:09.559
 Is it costing,

00:15:09.659 --> 00:15:10.480
 if you're a husband,

00:15:11.159 --> 00:15:13.319
 is it costing you daily,

00:15:13.319 --> 00:15:16.240
 is it costing you daily

00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:17.139
 to love your wife?

00:15:18.120 --> 00:15:20.079
 Is there a cost to it?

00:15:21.059 --> 00:15:21.439
 You see,

00:15:21.659 --> 00:15:23.539
 not just we're dutifully doing it

00:15:23.539 --> 00:15:24.799
 because we don't want to get in trouble,

00:15:25.740 --> 00:15:28.360
 but is there a joyful cost,

00:15:28.439 --> 00:15:29.159
 which means maybe

00:15:29.159 --> 00:15:30.240
 that I'm willing to lose

00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:31.620
 nine arguments out of ten

00:15:31.620 --> 00:15:32.639
 for her sake.

00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:34.799
 Is it

00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:38.120
 that I'll study my wife

00:15:38.120 --> 00:15:38.839
 so that I see

00:15:38.839 --> 00:15:40.599
 how she experiences love,

00:15:40.659 --> 00:15:41.719
 not how I think

00:15:41.719 --> 00:15:43.139
 she should experience love,

00:15:43.860 --> 00:15:45.819
 so I don't just assume

00:15:45.819 --> 00:15:46.819
 that because I don't mind

00:15:46.819 --> 00:15:47.860
 a lack of communication

00:15:47.860 --> 00:15:49.639
 that she doesn't mind either.

00:15:49.639 --> 00:15:54.000
 and we need to be asking our wives,

00:15:54.199 --> 00:15:56.120
 how can I love you better?

00:15:56.860 --> 00:15:58.740
 It means if she's not giving you

00:15:58.740 --> 00:16:00.699
 as much sex as you want right now,

00:16:01.379 --> 00:16:02.779
 you're not going to withhold

00:16:02.779 --> 00:16:04.799
 your emotional affection

00:16:04.799 --> 00:16:06.759
 and your time as payback.

00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:10.059
 No, because you are called

00:16:10.059 --> 00:16:11.840
 to lay down your life

00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:12.779
 for your wife.

00:16:13.659 --> 00:16:14.600
 It's hard.

00:16:14.840 --> 00:16:15.679
 It's costly.

00:16:16.159 --> 00:16:17.379
 Jesus didn't die for us

00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:18.679
 when we were most attractive,

00:16:18.679 --> 00:16:19.979
 but you know,

00:16:20.179 --> 00:16:24.599
 we can spend a fortune

00:16:24.599 --> 00:16:26.519
 as guys

00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:28.159
 on our kids' education,

00:16:28.339 --> 00:16:28.639
 but you know,

00:16:28.679 --> 00:16:29.939
 all the research showed us

00:16:29.939 --> 00:16:31.299
 that by far

00:16:31.299 --> 00:16:33.379
 the greatest educational experience

00:16:33.379 --> 00:16:35.839
 your children will ever see

00:16:35.839 --> 00:16:37.199
 is not taught in school,

00:16:37.599 --> 00:16:39.019
 is not taught in kids' ministry,

00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:40.479
 it's learned from seeing

00:16:40.479 --> 00:16:41.599
 how you love your wife.

00:16:42.959 --> 00:16:43.519
 Do you know that?

00:16:44.279 --> 00:16:46.000
 And our relationship with God,

00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:47.259
 we need to invest

00:16:47.259 --> 00:16:48.579
 in our relationship with God

00:16:48.580 --> 00:16:49.660
 so that we can invest

00:16:49.660 --> 00:16:50.500
 in our relationship

00:16:50.500 --> 00:16:51.240
 with our wives.

00:16:53.280 --> 00:16:54.460
 So how are we doing with that?

00:16:54.560 --> 00:16:55.520
 If you're a husband here,

00:16:55.639 --> 00:16:56.600
 how are you doing with that?

00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:00.500
 For the young women,

00:17:00.900 --> 00:17:01.600
 it says,

00:17:02.620 --> 00:17:03.900
 the way women are

00:17:03.900 --> 00:17:05.160
 to play out this dance,

00:17:05.240 --> 00:17:06.579
 this gospel dance,

00:17:07.079 --> 00:17:08.920
 is in submission.

00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:09.880
 Now what does that mean?

00:17:11.380 --> 00:17:12.620
 Here's what it doesn't mean,

00:17:12.920 --> 00:17:13.140
 okay?

00:17:13.240 --> 00:17:14.640
 Because we have so many loaded

00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:16.000
 connotations of what this means.

00:17:16.660 --> 00:17:17.700
 It doesn't mean

00:17:17.700 --> 00:17:19.900
 women have to be a doormat

00:17:19.900 --> 00:17:21.539
 and you can't confront

00:17:21.539 --> 00:17:22.080
 your husband.

00:17:22.840 --> 00:17:24.039
 It doesn't mean

00:17:24.039 --> 00:17:25.840
 you can't initiate anything

00:17:25.840 --> 00:17:26.580
 and the man makes

00:17:26.580 --> 00:17:27.220
 all the decisions.

00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:28.880
 It doesn't mean

00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:29.680
 you have to put up

00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:30.779
 with an abusive husband.

00:17:30.900 --> 00:17:32.300
 If you have an abusive husband,

00:17:32.539 --> 00:17:33.620
 you need to get out of there

00:17:33.620 --> 00:17:34.420
 and seek help.

00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:36.120
 It doesn't mean

00:17:36.119 --> 00:17:37.259
 that women are inferior

00:17:37.259 --> 00:17:38.019
 to the husband.

00:17:38.279 --> 00:17:39.559
 He's not saying

00:17:39.559 --> 00:17:41.500
 that there are some jobs

00:17:41.500 --> 00:17:42.059
 in the home

00:17:42.059 --> 00:17:43.019
 that only women do.

00:17:43.500 --> 00:17:44.359
 The Bible says nothing

00:17:44.359 --> 00:17:45.319
 about who cooks,

00:17:45.579 --> 00:17:46.319
 who cleans,

00:17:46.659 --> 00:17:48.419
 who changes the kid's nappy

00:17:48.419 --> 00:17:49.219
 or diaper.

00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:50.159
 There is nothing

00:17:50.159 --> 00:17:51.139
 in the Bible about that.

00:17:51.199 --> 00:17:52.799
 That's cultural context.

00:17:53.339 --> 00:17:54.119
 That's not what the Bible

00:17:54.119 --> 00:17:54.779
 is talking about.

00:17:55.359 --> 00:17:56.939
 What he does mean is this.

00:17:58.599 --> 00:18:00.159
 Marriage is so often

00:18:00.159 --> 00:18:01.179
 a power play

00:18:01.179 --> 00:18:02.939
 between who can get control

00:18:03.459 --> 00:18:04.459
 and nobody is willing

00:18:04.459 --> 00:18:06.019
 to back down at any stage.

00:18:06.939 --> 00:18:08.039
 And the gospel

00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:09.519
 of self-sacrificing love

00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:10.579
 calls first of all

00:18:10.579 --> 00:18:12.299
 everyone to submit to God

00:18:12.299 --> 00:18:14.119
 but then it calls wives

00:18:14.939 --> 00:18:18.239
 to have a heart attitude

00:18:18.239 --> 00:18:20.239
 that seeks to help

00:18:20.239 --> 00:18:21.339
 your husband

00:18:21.339 --> 00:18:24.299
 in his role of leading

00:18:24.299 --> 00:18:24.979
 the family

00:18:24.979 --> 00:18:26.819
 to flourish in Christ

00:18:26.819 --> 00:18:28.139
 rather than undermining

00:18:28.139 --> 00:18:28.859
 his role.

00:18:29.979 --> 00:18:30.119
 Okay?

00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:31.099
 So we don't,

00:18:31.319 --> 00:18:33.299
 it seeks to help him

00:18:33.299 --> 00:18:34.199
 to be the person

00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:35.460
 that he should be

00:18:35.460 --> 00:18:36.480
 in Christ

00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:39.400
 not by constantly

00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:40.120
 criticizing,

00:18:40.340 --> 00:18:40.900
 not by trying

00:18:40.900 --> 00:18:42.039
 to force your way

00:18:42.039 --> 00:18:43.019
 but by creating

00:18:43.019 --> 00:18:43.660
 an environment

00:18:43.660 --> 00:18:45.299
 where he can flourish

00:18:45.299 --> 00:18:46.460
 and love and serve

00:18:46.460 --> 00:18:46.920
 the family

00:18:46.920 --> 00:18:48.000
 as he's supposed to.

00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:50.860
 Sometimes that means

00:18:50.860 --> 00:18:51.299
 you're going to have

00:18:51.299 --> 00:18:52.200
 to confront him.

00:18:53.220 --> 00:18:54.140
 Sometimes that means

00:18:54.140 --> 00:18:54.519
 you're going to have

00:18:54.519 --> 00:18:55.759
 to be patient with him,

00:18:55.900 --> 00:18:56.720
 with his faults,

00:18:57.220 --> 00:18:57.960
 not nag him

00:18:57.960 --> 00:18:58.539
 because you know

00:18:58.539 --> 00:18:59.000
 what happens?

00:18:59.420 --> 00:19:00.519
 Nagging never helps

00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:01.319
 a husband to love,

00:19:01.379 --> 00:19:02.180
 it causes a husband

00:19:02.180 --> 00:19:02.799
 to withdraw.

00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:06.359
 You see,

00:19:06.579 --> 00:19:07.519
 it's not expecting

00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:08.740
 our husbands to be

00:19:08.740 --> 00:19:10.400
 kind of a pre-packaged,

00:19:10.599 --> 00:19:12.319
 already sculpted sculpture,

00:19:12.539 --> 00:19:13.559
 perfect in every way

00:19:13.559 --> 00:19:14.819
 to fulfill my wishes,

00:19:15.299 --> 00:19:16.420
 but rather seeing him

00:19:16.420 --> 00:19:17.519
 as a block of marble

00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:18.960
 who needs sculpting

00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:19.720
 and shaping

00:19:19.720 --> 00:19:21.200
 to be the man

00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:22.339
 God has called him to be.

00:19:22.940 --> 00:19:23.220
 You see,

00:19:23.259 --> 00:19:23.779
 it's all about

00:19:23.779 --> 00:19:24.680
 the other person.

00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:25.740
 The husband is to be

00:19:25.740 --> 00:19:26.500
 about the wife.

00:19:26.579 --> 00:19:27.460
 The wife is to be

00:19:27.460 --> 00:19:28.240
 about the husband.

00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:31.500
 Kathy Keller,

00:19:31.779 --> 00:19:32.900
 who was the wife

00:19:32.900 --> 00:19:34.279
 of Pastor Tim Keller,

00:19:35.059 --> 00:19:36.000
 said this.

00:19:36.099 --> 00:19:36.359
 He said,

00:19:36.440 --> 00:19:37.120
 I discovered that

00:19:37.120 --> 00:19:38.319
 my submission in marriage

00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:39.779
 was a gift I offered,

00:19:40.180 --> 00:19:41.620
 not a duty coerced.

00:19:42.019 --> 00:19:43.180
 If a husband tells you

00:19:43.180 --> 00:19:43.740
 to submit,

00:19:44.440 --> 00:19:45.960
 he's missed the whole point

00:19:45.960 --> 00:19:46.660
 of the picture.

00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:49.279
 His love should woo you

00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:49.900
 to submit.

00:19:50.380 --> 00:19:51.519
 He does not call you

00:19:51.519 --> 00:19:52.019
 to submit.

00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:54.099
 And she tells a story

00:19:54.099 --> 00:19:55.140
 of Tim Keller

00:19:55.140 --> 00:19:55.400
 who,

00:19:56.900 --> 00:19:57.920
 when they were going

00:19:57.920 --> 00:19:58.580
 to plant a church

00:19:58.580 --> 00:19:59.240
 in New York,

00:19:59.580 --> 00:20:00.519
 Tim Keller wanted to go.

00:20:00.900 --> 00:20:01.720
 She disagreed.

00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:03.080
 And then finally,

00:20:03.539 --> 00:20:04.740
 Tim says,

00:20:04.840 --> 00:20:05.039
 okay,

00:20:05.140 --> 00:20:06.000
 if you don't want to go,

00:20:06.080 --> 00:20:06.539
 we won't go.

00:20:07.700 --> 00:20:08.480
 And Kathy Keller

00:20:08.480 --> 00:20:09.220
 at that point said,

00:20:09.300 --> 00:20:09.519
 no.

00:20:10.140 --> 00:20:11.019
 You're letting me

00:20:11.019 --> 00:20:12.259
 make the decision here.

00:20:12.539 --> 00:20:13.779
 You have to make it.

00:20:14.920 --> 00:20:15.700
 Submission means

00:20:15.700 --> 00:20:16.640
 you have to make

00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:17.640
 the best decision,

00:20:18.019 --> 00:20:18.500
 the decision

00:20:18.500 --> 00:20:19.600
 in the best interest

00:20:19.600 --> 00:20:20.120
 of the family,

00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:21.080
 and you have to bear

00:20:21.080 --> 00:20:21.740
 the responsibility

00:20:21.740 --> 00:20:22.740
 before God.

00:20:23.320 --> 00:20:24.060
 Don't put that one

00:20:24.060 --> 00:20:24.560
 on me.

00:20:25.460 --> 00:20:26.600
 Because she knows

00:20:26.599 --> 00:20:27.219
 her husband,

00:20:27.659 --> 00:20:28.419
 and she knows

00:20:28.419 --> 00:20:29.219
 what needs to help

00:20:29.219 --> 00:20:30.359
 sculpt him

00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:32.879
 is that he's passive

00:20:32.879 --> 00:20:33.519
 in that time,

00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:34.259
 and he's avoiding

00:20:34.259 --> 00:20:35.039
 responsibility.

00:20:36.099 --> 00:20:36.339
 Now,

00:20:36.500 --> 00:20:37.859
 every situation

00:20:37.859 --> 00:20:38.719
 will look different.

00:20:38.939 --> 00:20:39.719
 Every marriage,

00:20:39.799 --> 00:20:40.599
 it will look different.

00:20:43.079 --> 00:20:44.119
 And the thing is,

00:20:44.500 --> 00:20:45.199
 if you struggle

00:20:45.199 --> 00:20:46.099
 with that idea,

00:20:46.679 --> 00:20:47.819
 and a lot of people do,

00:20:49.339 --> 00:20:50.619
 I ask you just to look

00:20:50.619 --> 00:20:51.719
 at the Christian marriages

00:20:51.719 --> 00:20:52.319
 around you

00:20:52.319 --> 00:20:53.179
 who are living this out,

00:20:53.259 --> 00:20:54.039
 and you'll see

00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:54.859
 a picture

00:20:54.859 --> 00:20:56.240
 which is not

00:20:56.240 --> 00:20:57.440
 an oppressive picture,

00:20:58.019 --> 00:21:00.119
 but it's an attractive picture,

00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:01.259
 because that's what

00:21:01.259 --> 00:21:02.359
 the gospel is about.

00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:03.420
 Your marriages

00:21:03.420 --> 00:21:04.759
 should show people

00:21:04.759 --> 00:21:06.000
 how attractive

00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:06.839
 God is

00:21:06.839 --> 00:21:08.059
 in our lives.

00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:09.980
 And I know

00:21:09.980 --> 00:21:10.659
 for some of us

00:21:10.659 --> 00:21:11.680
 that is a very difficult,

00:21:11.899 --> 00:21:12.759
 a marriage is often

00:21:12.759 --> 00:21:13.339
 not ideal.

00:21:13.480 --> 00:21:14.159
 If you have

00:21:14.159 --> 00:21:15.220
 a stubborn,

00:21:15.779 --> 00:21:16.980
 selfish husband,

00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:19.480
 Keller says,

00:21:19.480 --> 00:21:20.299
 you can respond

00:21:20.299 --> 00:21:21.339
 in one or two ways.

00:21:21.339 --> 00:21:25.259
 You can confront him,

00:21:25.859 --> 00:21:26.939
 but if he still

00:21:26.939 --> 00:21:27.980
 doesn't change,

00:21:28.779 --> 00:21:29.579
 you can say,

00:21:29.699 --> 00:21:29.839
 okay,

00:21:29.919 --> 00:21:30.379
 I'm going to be

00:21:30.379 --> 00:21:31.139
 selfish back.

00:21:31.939 --> 00:21:33.099
 Or you can say,

00:21:33.699 --> 00:21:34.699
 even if he isn't

00:21:34.699 --> 00:21:35.159
 the husband

00:21:35.159 --> 00:21:36.220
 he should be,

00:21:36.339 --> 00:21:36.859
 I'm going to be

00:21:36.859 --> 00:21:38.159
 the wife that I should be.

00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:39.879
 And that's the same

00:21:39.879 --> 00:21:41.000
 the other way around.

00:21:41.379 --> 00:21:42.039
 If the same

00:21:42.039 --> 00:21:43.279
 for men as well,

00:21:43.559 --> 00:21:44.619
 that if your wife

00:21:44.619 --> 00:21:45.439
 is,

00:21:46.199 --> 00:21:47.019
 you're struggling

00:21:47.019 --> 00:21:47.599
 in your marriage

00:21:47.599 --> 00:21:48.240
 with your wife,

00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:48.399
 well,

00:21:48.439 --> 00:21:49.179
 as a husband,

00:21:49.180 --> 00:21:50.360
 you be the husband

00:21:50.360 --> 00:21:51.539
 you are called to be.

00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:53.779
 Because it's about

00:21:53.779 --> 00:21:55.360
 self-sacrificing love

00:21:55.360 --> 00:21:56.019
 which reflects

00:21:56.019 --> 00:21:56.660
 the gospel.

00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:57.759
 And I know

00:21:57.759 --> 00:21:58.160
 that there are

00:21:58.160 --> 00:21:59.380
 some very difficult

00:21:59.380 --> 00:22:00.240
 situations

00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.580
 in the church

00:22:01.580 --> 00:22:02.759
 and I can't speak

00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:03.580
 into all of them,

00:22:03.779 --> 00:22:04.279
 but I don't want

00:22:04.279 --> 00:22:04.799
 to minimize

00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:05.799
 the difficulty

00:22:05.799 --> 00:22:06.360
 it is

00:22:06.360 --> 00:22:07.160
 in relationships.

00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:09.940
 And if you're

00:22:09.940 --> 00:22:10.380
 struggling,

00:22:11.700 --> 00:22:12.140
 the Bible says

00:22:12.140 --> 00:22:13.019
 don't do it alone.

00:22:13.779 --> 00:22:14.759
 Come and talk

00:22:14.759 --> 00:22:16.560
 to your CG leader,

00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:18.019
 open up to other

00:22:18.019 --> 00:22:18.819
 women,

00:22:19.160 --> 00:22:20.420
 other men,

00:22:20.639 --> 00:22:21.379
 because there is

00:22:21.379 --> 00:22:22.460
 grace that is

00:22:22.460 --> 00:22:23.579
 sufficient for you.

00:22:23.900 --> 00:22:24.619
 We walk alongside

00:22:24.619 --> 00:22:25.259
 each other.

00:22:27.500 --> 00:22:28.059
 That's

00:22:28.059 --> 00:22:29.259
 the beauty

00:22:29.259 --> 00:22:29.940
 of the marriage

00:22:29.940 --> 00:22:30.440
 picture.

00:22:31.859 --> 00:22:33.019
 But he also says

00:22:33.019 --> 00:22:33.539
 to women,

00:22:34.259 --> 00:22:34.700
 young women,

00:22:34.759 --> 00:22:35.400
 they'll be working

00:22:35.400 --> 00:22:35.900
 at home.

00:22:37.160 --> 00:22:37.700
 And again,

00:22:38.099 --> 00:22:40.680
 he's not saying

00:22:40.680 --> 00:22:42.400
 women can't work

00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:43.099
 outside the home.

00:22:43.519 --> 00:22:44.119
 We know that's

00:22:44.119 --> 00:22:44.859
 not true because

00:22:44.859 --> 00:22:46.259
 in Proverbs 31,

00:22:46.700 --> 00:22:47.200
 he says,

00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:47.799
 the picture of an

00:22:47.799 --> 00:22:48.519
 ideal woman is

00:22:48.519 --> 00:22:48.880
 someone who's

00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:49.420
 running her own

00:22:49.420 --> 00:22:49.900
 business.

00:22:50.500 --> 00:22:51.080
 And secondly,

00:22:51.220 --> 00:22:51.799
 we know that

00:22:51.799 --> 00:22:52.779
 only rich women

00:22:52.779 --> 00:22:53.740
 in Paul's time

00:22:53.740 --> 00:22:55.519
 could afford not

00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:55.880
 to work.

00:22:55.980 --> 00:22:56.400
 Everyone else

00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:56.980
 had to work.

00:22:57.539 --> 00:22:57.900
 So actually,

00:22:58.000 --> 00:22:58.460
 this church

00:22:58.460 --> 00:22:59.559
 would have not

00:22:59.559 --> 00:23:00.279
 been a church

00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:00.920
 filled with rich

00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:01.180
 people,

00:23:01.240 --> 00:23:01.640
 so they would

00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:02.160
 have been working.

00:23:02.259 --> 00:23:03.000
 What is he saying?

00:23:03.500 --> 00:23:03.980
 He's saying,

00:23:04.080 --> 00:23:04.740
 if God has given

00:23:04.740 --> 00:23:05.360
 you a husband

00:23:05.360 --> 00:23:06.180
 and children,

00:23:06.539 --> 00:23:07.259
 or if you are

00:23:07.259 --> 00:23:07.720
 single,

00:23:08.019 --> 00:23:08.600
 God has given

00:23:08.600 --> 00:23:09.180
 you other

00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:10.620
 responsibilities in

00:23:10.620 --> 00:23:11.420
 your life,

00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:12.759
 whether it's

00:23:12.759 --> 00:23:13.779
 towards your family,

00:23:13.779 --> 00:23:14.579
 your parents,

00:23:14.700 --> 00:23:15.379
 or other things,

00:23:16.420 --> 00:23:17.259
 don't neglect

00:23:17.259 --> 00:23:17.720
 them.

00:23:18.200 --> 00:23:19.039
 Don't neglect

00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:20.019
 them because

00:23:20.019 --> 00:23:20.680
 you feel that

00:23:20.680 --> 00:23:21.579
 pursuing your

00:23:21.579 --> 00:23:22.099
 career,

00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:22.940
 pursuing your

00:23:22.940 --> 00:23:24.139
 other interests,

00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:25.339
 is more

00:23:25.339 --> 00:23:25.740
 fulfilling.

00:23:26.420 --> 00:23:27.279
 Don't neglect

00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:28.200
 what God has

00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:28.799
 called you

00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:29.519
 to do.

00:23:31.700 --> 00:23:32.700
 And that may

00:23:32.700 --> 00:23:33.319
 mean that some

00:23:33.319 --> 00:23:33.879
 of us have to

00:23:33.879 --> 00:23:34.460
 face real

00:23:34.460 --> 00:23:35.920
 sacrifices for

00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:36.420
 the sake of

00:23:36.420 --> 00:23:36.879
 our family.

00:23:36.940 --> 00:23:37.359
 And many of

00:23:37.359 --> 00:23:37.799
 us, I know,

00:23:37.819 --> 00:23:38.319
 in the congregation

00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:39.119
 have done that.

00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:42.039
 But the primary

00:23:42.039 --> 00:23:42.779
 goal for both

00:23:42.779 --> 00:23:43.859
 women and for

00:23:43.859 --> 00:23:45.459
 men is not

00:23:45.459 --> 00:23:46.259
 about fulfilling

00:23:46.259 --> 00:23:46.919
 ourselves.

00:23:47.339 --> 00:23:48.219
 So as a guy,

00:23:48.739 --> 00:23:49.479
 we're not just

00:23:49.479 --> 00:23:50.159
 about pursuing

00:23:50.159 --> 00:23:51.059
 our career to

00:23:51.059 --> 00:23:51.579
 the neglect

00:23:51.579 --> 00:23:52.419
 of our families.

00:23:52.559 --> 00:23:53.739
 Sometimes you

00:23:53.739 --> 00:23:54.500
 may have to

00:23:54.500 --> 00:23:55.719
 lay aside a

00:23:55.719 --> 00:23:56.539
 promotion for

00:23:56.539 --> 00:23:57.619
 the sake of

00:23:57.619 --> 00:23:58.500
 spending time

00:23:58.500 --> 00:23:58.799
 with your

00:23:58.799 --> 00:23:59.219
 family.

00:24:03.399 --> 00:24:04.359
 But here,

00:24:04.439 --> 00:24:05.059
 the call is

00:24:05.059 --> 00:24:05.839
 very much,

00:24:07.359 --> 00:24:08.559
 don't find

00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:09.299
 your identity

00:24:09.299 --> 00:24:12.259
 in what

00:24:12.259 --> 00:24:13.019
 you do.

00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:14.139
 Find your

00:24:14.139 --> 00:24:14.919
 identity in

00:24:14.919 --> 00:24:15.480
 who you are

00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:15.940
 in Christ.

00:24:16.039 --> 00:24:16.480
 Because the

00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:17.159
 thing is this,

00:24:17.940 --> 00:24:18.859
 our culture

00:24:18.859 --> 00:24:20.139
 tells us,

00:24:20.179 --> 00:24:21.039
 it tells women,

00:24:21.179 --> 00:24:21.700
 young women,

00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:22.359
 older women,

00:24:22.460 --> 00:24:23.139
 it tells you,

00:24:23.839 --> 00:24:24.460
 your identity

00:24:24.460 --> 00:24:25.179
 and fulfillment

00:24:25.179 --> 00:24:25.980
 is found in

00:24:25.980 --> 00:24:26.700
 being a wife

00:24:26.700 --> 00:24:27.259
 and a mother.

00:24:27.899 --> 00:24:28.119
 Okay?

00:24:28.179 --> 00:24:28.480
 You look at

00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:29.139
 all the blogs

00:24:29.139 --> 00:24:29.539
 and everything,

00:24:29.819 --> 00:24:30.500
 your identity

00:24:30.500 --> 00:24:31.179
 is found in

00:24:31.179 --> 00:24:31.639
 being a wife

00:24:31.639 --> 00:24:31.980
 and a mother.

00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:32.539
 So if you

00:24:32.539 --> 00:24:33.019
 are not a

00:24:33.019 --> 00:24:33.460
 wife and a

00:24:33.460 --> 00:24:33.659
 mother,

00:24:34.159 --> 00:24:34.619
 and you are

00:24:34.619 --> 00:24:34.980
 single,

00:24:35.639 --> 00:24:36.639
 and you're

00:24:36.639 --> 00:24:37.539
 over 30,

00:24:37.960 --> 00:24:38.419
 you're often

00:24:38.420 --> 00:24:38.840
 told that

00:24:38.840 --> 00:24:39.660
 you're somehow

00:24:39.660 --> 00:24:40.200
 less.

00:24:40.380 --> 00:24:40.720
 That's what

00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:41.200
 people say

00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:41.440
 in this

00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:41.820
 culture.

00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:44.180
 That somehow

00:24:44.180 --> 00:24:44.940
 you're missing

00:24:44.940 --> 00:24:45.460
 something.

00:24:46.960 --> 00:24:47.700
 But it also

00:24:47.700 --> 00:24:48.140
 tells us,

00:24:48.180 --> 00:24:48.580
 that's on the

00:24:48.580 --> 00:24:49.080
 one hand,

00:24:49.360 --> 00:24:49.759
 so if you're

00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:50.660
 single and

00:24:50.660 --> 00:24:51.720
 you're a working

00:24:51.720 --> 00:24:52.180
 woman and you're

00:24:52.180 --> 00:24:52.900
 doing amazingly

00:24:52.900 --> 00:24:53.539
 in career,

00:24:53.960 --> 00:24:54.720
 sometimes so many

00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:55.539
 women feel like

00:24:55.539 --> 00:24:56.380
 I'm still missing

00:24:56.380 --> 00:24:56.980
 out because I

00:24:56.980 --> 00:24:57.460
 don't have the

00:24:57.460 --> 00:24:57.960
 other thing.

00:24:58.440 --> 00:24:58.980
 I don't have

00:24:58.980 --> 00:24:59.519
 the family,

00:24:59.700 --> 00:25:01.080
 the husband

00:25:01.080 --> 00:25:01.720
 and the kids.

00:25:02.019 --> 00:25:02.440
 But on the

00:25:02.440 --> 00:25:02.860
 other hand,

00:25:02.900 --> 00:25:03.860
 it also tells us

00:25:03.860 --> 00:25:05.019
 our society that

00:25:05.019 --> 00:25:05.720
 your identity and

00:25:05.720 --> 00:25:06.420
 fulfillment is found

00:25:06.420 --> 00:25:07.220
 in career success.

00:25:08.279 --> 00:25:10.100
 So if you don't

00:25:10.100 --> 00:25:11.060
 have the successful

00:25:11.060 --> 00:25:11.779
 career, so if

00:25:11.779 --> 00:25:12.779
 you've actually

00:25:12.779 --> 00:25:13.580
 given that up and

00:25:13.580 --> 00:25:14.960
 you're a homemaker

00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:15.720
 and you're spending

00:25:15.720 --> 00:25:16.400
 time with your

00:25:16.400 --> 00:25:17.900
 family, it tells

00:25:17.900 --> 00:25:18.420
 you that you're

00:25:18.420 --> 00:25:19.060
 missing out.

00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:19.779
 You're somehow

00:25:19.779 --> 00:25:20.340
 less.

00:25:20.660 --> 00:25:21.180
 And the gospel

00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:22.519
 says both of

00:25:22.519 --> 00:25:23.180
 those are wrong.

00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:25.440
 Your identity and

00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:26.180
 fulfillment is

00:25:26.180 --> 00:25:27.060
 neither found in

00:25:27.060 --> 00:25:28.259
 career success nor

00:25:28.259 --> 00:25:29.000
 is it found in

00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:30.140
 motherhood or

00:25:30.140 --> 00:25:31.640
 being a wife.

00:25:31.960 --> 00:25:33.259
 Your identity is

00:25:33.259 --> 00:25:34.840
 found in the fact

00:25:34.839 --> 00:25:35.299
 that you're a

00:25:35.299 --> 00:25:36.259
 child of God.

00:25:36.679 --> 00:25:37.899
 You are loved by

00:25:37.899 --> 00:25:39.459
 God who has

00:25:39.459 --> 00:25:40.259
 called you to

00:25:40.259 --> 00:25:40.779
 himself.

00:25:42.399 --> 00:25:43.099
 You're his

00:25:43.099 --> 00:25:43.679
 child.

00:25:44.619 --> 00:25:45.019
 And whatever

00:25:45.019 --> 00:25:46.539
 he has called

00:25:46.539 --> 00:25:46.980
 you into,

00:25:47.079 --> 00:25:47.720
 whatever he has

00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:48.859
 given you, be

00:25:48.859 --> 00:25:49.899
 faithful with what

00:25:49.899 --> 00:25:51.240
 he is and find

00:25:51.240 --> 00:25:52.619
 your pleasure in

00:25:52.619 --> 00:25:53.579
 serving him.

00:25:54.659 --> 00:25:55.419
 That doesn't

00:25:55.419 --> 00:25:56.339
 mean you can't

00:25:56.339 --> 00:25:56.919
 have kids and

00:25:56.919 --> 00:25:57.299
 work.

00:25:57.419 --> 00:25:58.159
 No, you can.

00:25:59.000 --> 00:25:59.659
 But just be

00:25:59.659 --> 00:26:00.639
 faithful with what

00:26:00.639 --> 00:26:01.419
 he's given you.

00:26:02.199 --> 00:26:02.959
 Be faithful.

00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:04.360
 faithful because,

00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:07.640
 and this is for

00:26:07.640 --> 00:26:08.779
 guys as well, if

00:26:08.779 --> 00:26:09.640
 we try and find

00:26:09.640 --> 00:26:10.819
 our self-fulfillment

00:26:10.819 --> 00:26:12.079
 in anything other

00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:13.059
 than serving God

00:26:13.059 --> 00:26:13.440
 and what he's

00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:15.340
 given us, do you

00:26:15.340 --> 00:26:15.940
 know what happens?

00:26:17.319 --> 00:26:18.559
 What happens is you

00:26:18.559 --> 00:26:19.360
 pursue your own

00:26:19.360 --> 00:26:20.259
 self-fulfillment,

00:26:21.240 --> 00:26:22.360
 other people who get

00:26:22.360 --> 00:26:23.160
 in the way of that

00:26:23.160 --> 00:26:23.920
 will just become

00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:25.019
 objects to get out.

00:26:25.100 --> 00:26:26.319
 Your kids can

00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:27.380
 become annoyances

00:26:27.380 --> 00:26:28.000
 because they're

00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:28.799
 stopping you getting

00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:29.500
 on and doing what

00:26:29.500 --> 00:26:29.980
 you want.

00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:31.799
 Your friends, if

00:26:31.799 --> 00:26:32.819
 they don't help you

00:26:32.819 --> 00:26:33.399
 become more

00:26:33.399 --> 00:26:34.220
 ambitious, you will

00:26:34.220 --> 00:26:34.960
 remove them, you'll

00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:35.659
 get rid of them

00:26:35.659 --> 00:26:36.799
 because you just

00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:37.379
 have to get

00:26:37.379 --> 00:26:38.379
 fulfillment through

00:26:38.379 --> 00:26:39.220
 your career, through

00:26:39.220 --> 00:26:40.000
 these other things.

00:26:40.279 --> 00:26:41.619
 And the gospel says

00:26:41.619 --> 00:26:45.759
 if you neglect other

00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:46.519
 things because you

00:26:46.519 --> 00:26:47.259
 just want to get

00:26:47.259 --> 00:26:48.559
 fulfilled by yourself,

00:26:48.680 --> 00:26:49.519
 you're going to end

00:26:49.519 --> 00:26:52.379
 up empty and lacking

00:26:52.379 --> 00:26:53.220
 those things that you

00:26:53.220 --> 00:26:54.119
 chase most.

00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:56.700
 But be faithful.

00:26:57.379 --> 00:26:58.819
 Guys, women,

00:26:59.059 --> 00:26:59.799
 whatever God has

00:26:59.799 --> 00:27:00.740
 called you to at this

00:27:00.740 --> 00:27:02.319
 season of life, be

00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:03.559
 faithful and know

00:27:03.559 --> 00:27:05.620
 his pleasure on your

00:27:05.620 --> 00:27:06.180
 life.

00:27:07.180 --> 00:27:08.759
 Because joy comes

00:27:08.759 --> 00:27:09.759
 from serving him.

00:27:10.180 --> 00:27:10.980
 Whatever he has

00:27:10.980 --> 00:27:13.019
 called you to, joy

00:27:13.019 --> 00:27:14.460
 comes from serving

00:27:14.460 --> 00:27:15.660
 and knowing him.

00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:21.259
 That's tough for us

00:27:21.259 --> 00:27:22.660
 because we actually

00:27:22.660 --> 00:27:23.359
 live in a culture

00:27:23.359 --> 00:27:24.059
 which tells us

00:27:24.059 --> 00:27:24.759
 totally different

00:27:24.759 --> 00:27:25.240
 things.

00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:27.279
 But it's beautiful.

00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:27.379
 people.

00:27:29.539 --> 00:27:31.799
 And he goes on to

00:27:31.799 --> 00:27:32.680
 talk about young

00:27:32.680 --> 00:27:33.619
 men now.

00:27:35.859 --> 00:27:36.940
 And young men, and

00:27:36.940 --> 00:27:38.639
 he says one thing to

00:27:38.639 --> 00:27:39.160
 the young men.

00:27:40.039 --> 00:27:40.799
 One thing.

00:27:41.819 --> 00:27:42.099
 Okay?

00:27:42.879 --> 00:27:46.799
 He says, be self-

00:27:46.799 --> 00:27:47.639
 controlled.

00:27:49.099 --> 00:27:50.099
 Why does he only say

00:27:50.099 --> 00:27:51.000
 one thing to the young

00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:51.220
 men?

00:27:52.099 --> 00:27:53.180
 Because basically that

00:27:53.180 --> 00:27:54.220
 summarizes pretty much

00:27:54.220 --> 00:27:55.019
 every challenge that a

00:27:55.019 --> 00:27:55.759
 young man faces.

00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:56.759
 If he gets this one

00:27:56.759 --> 00:27:57.720
 right, you know,

00:27:57.819 --> 00:27:58.660
 everything else falls

00:27:58.660 --> 00:27:59.339
 into place.

00:28:00.200 --> 00:28:00.720
 And actually it's the

00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:01.799
 same call he gives to

00:28:01.799 --> 00:28:03.119
 everybody actually, but

00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:03.720
 the young men

00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:04.259
 particularly.

00:28:04.599 --> 00:28:05.240
 He's saying be

00:28:05.240 --> 00:28:05.940
 self-controlled.

00:28:06.059 --> 00:28:07.259
 He's not saying have a

00:28:07.259 --> 00:28:08.460
 British kind of stiff

00:28:08.460 --> 00:28:08.900
 upper lip.

00:28:09.879 --> 00:28:11.039
 He's not saying repress

00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:11.500
 your feelings.

00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:12.700
 He's saying don't let

00:28:12.700 --> 00:28:14.299
 your desires rule over

00:28:14.299 --> 00:28:14.539
 you.

00:28:15.500 --> 00:28:16.480
 It's not instant

00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:18.660
 gratification above

00:28:18.660 --> 00:28:19.640
 long-term character.

00:28:19.759 --> 00:28:20.819
 You see, what destroys

00:28:20.819 --> 00:28:22.900
 men and consequently

00:28:22.900 --> 00:28:24.000
 damages the people

00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:25.740
 around them, what locks

00:28:25.740 --> 00:28:27.079
 us up in shame, so

00:28:27.079 --> 00:28:28.220
 many of us, and I

00:28:28.220 --> 00:28:29.240
 know this for myself,

00:28:29.539 --> 00:28:30.559
 what stops us doing

00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:31.700
 mighty things for God

00:28:31.700 --> 00:28:33.200
 is a lack of self-control.

00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:39.059
 You see, I tend to

00:28:39.059 --> 00:28:39.599
 think that we're

00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:40.299
 actually a little bit

00:28:40.299 --> 00:28:42.059
 like the cookie

00:28:42.059 --> 00:28:42.539
 monster.

00:28:43.319 --> 00:28:44.220
 If you've seen the

00:28:44.220 --> 00:28:45.160
 cookie monster out of

00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:47.220
 Sesame Street, he

00:28:47.220 --> 00:28:49.259
 goes, me want cookie,

00:28:49.900 --> 00:28:51.559
 me eat cookie now.

00:28:51.559 --> 00:28:53.019
 Right?

00:28:53.460 --> 00:28:55.879
 And so, sex, arguments,

00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:58.059
 shopping, beer, food, you

00:28:58.059 --> 00:29:00.119
 name it, me want, me

00:29:00.119 --> 00:29:02.139
 have, now.

00:29:03.240 --> 00:29:04.759
 And we click on porn

00:29:04.759 --> 00:29:05.700
 sites at will.

00:29:05.960 --> 00:29:07.200
 We say whatever we want,

00:29:07.500 --> 00:29:08.859
 whatever we feel at the

00:29:08.859 --> 00:29:10.200
 moment, we let anger come

00:29:10.200 --> 00:29:10.980
 out of our mouths rather

00:29:10.980 --> 00:29:11.940
 than holding our tongues.

00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:13.859
 We neglect to communicate

00:29:13.859 --> 00:29:15.379
 with those we love because

00:29:15.379 --> 00:29:16.700
 we just have to finish this

00:29:16.700 --> 00:29:17.299
 last email.

00:29:17.299 --> 00:29:20.139
 And we fail to display

00:29:20.139 --> 00:29:21.839
 the sacrificial love of

00:29:21.839 --> 00:29:23.639
 Christ because we just

00:29:23.639 --> 00:29:24.619
 want to get what we want

00:29:24.619 --> 00:29:25.079
 now.

00:29:28.059 --> 00:29:29.319
 But that's not how Christ

00:29:29.319 --> 00:29:29.779
 does it.

00:29:30.819 --> 00:29:31.359
 You see, there's this

00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:32.299
 amazing experiment.

00:29:32.460 --> 00:29:32.899
 I don't know if you've

00:29:32.899 --> 00:29:33.159
 seen it.

00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:33.659
 Have you heard of the

00:29:33.659 --> 00:29:34.720
 marshmallow test?

00:29:35.659 --> 00:29:36.919
 About 50 years ago in

00:29:36.919 --> 00:29:37.919
 Stanford University,

00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:39.879
 researchers did this

00:29:39.879 --> 00:29:40.839
 test where basically

00:29:40.839 --> 00:29:43.299
 they got kids in a room

00:29:43.299 --> 00:29:45.119
 and they said, they gave

00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:46.259
 them a marshmallow and

00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:48.519
 they said, you can either

00:29:48.519 --> 00:29:49.599
 eat this marshmallow now

00:29:49.599 --> 00:29:52.579
 or you can wait 15

00:29:52.579 --> 00:29:53.619
 minutes and then we'll

00:29:53.619 --> 00:29:54.160
 give you two.

00:29:55.379 --> 00:29:55.500
 Okay?

00:29:56.319 --> 00:29:58.319
 And you can watch some

00:29:58.319 --> 00:29:59.319
 of the YouTube videos.

00:29:59.420 --> 00:29:59.920
 It's fascinating.

00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:02.279
 Because what you get is

00:30:02.279 --> 00:30:03.140
 you get some kids who

00:30:03.140 --> 00:30:03.920
 are just like, oh.

00:30:06.420 --> 00:30:07.779
 And then like 15 minutes

00:30:07.779 --> 00:30:08.379
 later they're kind of

00:30:08.379 --> 00:30:08.960
 regretting it.

00:30:09.480 --> 00:30:10.720
 You get then other kids

00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:12.839
 who are kind of, who are

00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:13.539
 looking at it.

00:30:13.539 --> 00:30:15.599
 And some of them are

00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:16.799
 like, ah, like this.

00:30:17.399 --> 00:30:19.299
 And some of them, they're

00:30:19.299 --> 00:30:20.319
 kind of like banging on

00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:20.819
 the table.

00:30:21.059 --> 00:30:21.700
 And some of them are

00:30:21.700 --> 00:30:22.759
 kind of walking around

00:30:22.759 --> 00:30:23.539
 trying to distract

00:30:23.539 --> 00:30:24.039
 themselves.

00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:26.079
 And the best one is

00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:27.700
 there's this kid who's

00:30:27.700 --> 00:30:29.079
 like, who starts kind of

00:30:29.079 --> 00:30:32.759
 licking the, not just the

00:30:32.759 --> 00:30:34.200
 marshmallow, but the table

00:30:34.200 --> 00:30:35.220
 next to it.

00:30:35.220 --> 00:30:38.860
 And they do anything to

00:30:38.860 --> 00:30:39.500
 try and control

00:30:39.500 --> 00:30:40.279
 themselves.

00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:44.440
 Because, and what they

00:30:44.440 --> 00:30:46.019
 discovered was they kind

00:30:46.019 --> 00:30:48.200
 of looked later on in

00:30:48.200 --> 00:30:49.240
 life at the kids who

00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:50.559
 actually had self-control

00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:51.960
 and were able to just

00:30:51.960 --> 00:30:53.000
 hold themselves for 15

00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:53.220
 minutes.

00:30:53.279 --> 00:30:53.960
 And they found that

00:30:53.960 --> 00:30:55.200
 those kids were actually

00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:55.960
 the most successful

00:30:55.960 --> 00:30:57.720
 people in all of the

00:30:57.720 --> 00:30:58.420
 rest of their lives.

00:30:58.500 --> 00:30:59.660
 Whether in family, in

00:30:59.660 --> 00:31:00.500
 job, in all the other

00:31:00.500 --> 00:31:00.920
 things.

00:31:01.299 --> 00:31:02.019
 The ones who couldn't

00:31:02.019 --> 00:31:03.360
 control themselves were

00:31:03.360 --> 00:31:04.160
 the ones who later on

00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:04.920
 in their lives, actually

00:31:04.920 --> 00:31:05.660
 made a mess of their

00:31:05.660 --> 00:31:06.100
 lives.

00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:08.880
 Fascinating.

00:31:10.900 --> 00:31:13.320
 And some of us know

00:31:13.320 --> 00:31:14.940
 that we right now, like

00:31:14.940 --> 00:31:17.120
 the kids who have to eat

00:31:17.120 --> 00:31:18.000
 the marshmallow straight

00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:19.340
 away, we have to get

00:31:19.340 --> 00:31:20.279
 what we want straight

00:31:20.279 --> 00:31:20.680
 away.

00:31:23.120 --> 00:31:24.000
 And you know what it

00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:24.340
 does?

00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:25.640
 It often leads you, you

00:31:25.640 --> 00:31:27.080
 see the consequences of

00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:27.920
 that lived out in your

00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:28.360
 life.

00:31:29.420 --> 00:31:31.040
 John Piper, pastor, he

00:31:31.040 --> 00:31:32.600
 says, there are many

00:31:32.600 --> 00:31:34.140
 young men who are

00:31:34.160 --> 00:31:35.380
 who are not sharing

00:31:35.380 --> 00:31:36.440
 their faith with other

00:31:36.440 --> 00:31:37.100
 people because they

00:31:37.100 --> 00:31:37.840
 have a pornography

00:31:37.840 --> 00:31:39.080
 problem that grips

00:31:39.080 --> 00:31:39.380
 them.

00:31:39.700 --> 00:31:40.340
 And there's so much

00:31:40.340 --> 00:31:42.100
 shame that comes along

00:31:42.100 --> 00:31:42.800
 with that, you feel

00:31:42.800 --> 00:31:43.980
 like, how can I ever

00:31:43.980 --> 00:31:44.759
 share with anybody

00:31:44.759 --> 00:31:45.240
 else?

00:31:46.920 --> 00:31:48.160
 And he says, what we

00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:49.220
 need to do is to learn

00:31:49.220 --> 00:31:50.840
 gutsy guilt.

00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:52.700
 We need to learn that

00:31:52.700 --> 00:31:54.400
 when we fail in self-

00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:55.759
 control, we don't say

00:31:55.759 --> 00:31:56.600
 that's me and then we

00:31:56.600 --> 00:31:57.960
 just keep kind of eating

00:31:57.960 --> 00:31:58.580
 the marshmallow.

00:31:58.759 --> 00:32:00.519
 We keep doing whatever

00:32:00.519 --> 00:32:01.480
 we've been doing as a

00:32:01.480 --> 00:32:02.680
 habit and just in this

00:32:02.680 --> 00:32:04.460
 cycle of destructiveness.

00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:09.160
 He says, Christ died to

00:32:09.160 --> 00:32:09.840
 bring us more

00:32:09.840 --> 00:32:11.799
 satisfaction than what

00:32:11.799 --> 00:32:13.160
 this is offering me

00:32:13.160 --> 00:32:13.840
 right now.

00:32:14.019 --> 00:32:14.940
 I don't know what your

00:32:14.940 --> 00:32:15.960
 marshmallow is right

00:32:15.960 --> 00:32:17.720
 now, but Christ died to

00:32:17.720 --> 00:32:19.160
 give you more satisfaction

00:32:19.160 --> 00:32:19.759
 than that.

00:32:20.320 --> 00:32:21.799
 It's not just so that I

00:32:21.799 --> 00:32:22.820
 should keep gratifying

00:32:22.820 --> 00:32:23.400
 myself.

00:32:23.700 --> 00:32:24.600
 It's not that I should

00:32:24.600 --> 00:32:26.279
 not do this because it's

00:32:26.279 --> 00:32:26.600
 wrong.

00:32:26.820 --> 00:32:28.160
 It's I need not do this

00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:29.840
 because in Christ there is

00:32:29.840 --> 00:32:31.299
 more satisfaction, more

00:32:31.299 --> 00:32:33.440
 long-term gain, more joy,

00:32:33.599 --> 00:32:34.639
 more freedom, and I can

00:32:34.639 --> 00:32:35.819
 be the man God has called

00:32:35.819 --> 00:32:36.379
 me to be.

00:32:40.379 --> 00:32:42.599
 You see, whether it's in

00:32:42.599 --> 00:32:44.740
 our relationships, and by

00:32:44.740 --> 00:32:45.980
 the way, this doesn't just

00:32:45.980 --> 00:32:47.099
 refer to men as well.

00:32:47.279 --> 00:32:48.599
 It refers to all of us,

00:32:48.980 --> 00:32:49.299
 right?

00:32:50.599 --> 00:32:52.659
 Hands up, you know, and we

00:32:52.659 --> 00:32:53.579
 all struggle with that.

00:32:55.799 --> 00:32:57.159
 And the gospel says if you

00:32:57.159 --> 00:32:58.299
 want to begin to look more

00:32:58.299 --> 00:32:59.220
 like this, it's going to

00:32:59.220 --> 00:33:01.220
 impact those relationships.

00:33:01.380 --> 00:33:02.180
 It's going to impact the

00:33:02.180 --> 00:33:03.519
 way you view your desires

00:33:03.519 --> 00:33:07.339
 because God wants to do

00:33:07.339 --> 00:33:08.440
 something which is going to

00:33:08.440 --> 00:33:10.019
 change us to look beautiful

00:33:10.019 --> 00:33:11.299
 in a world which is all

00:33:11.299 --> 00:33:12.400
 about just getting what I

00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:13.180
 want when I want it.

00:33:14.579 --> 00:33:17.660
 And finally, the final thing

00:33:17.660 --> 00:33:20.100
 is how do we then have the

00:33:20.100 --> 00:33:21.059
 power to love?

00:33:21.640 --> 00:33:23.380
 How do we love the power to

00:33:23.380 --> 00:33:23.660
 love?

00:33:23.660 --> 00:33:27.240
 You see, you can't just be,

00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:28.779
 you can't just try harder to

00:33:28.779 --> 00:33:29.300
 love people.

00:33:29.440 --> 00:33:30.920
 Like, try loving a selfish

00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:33.680
 spouse day in, day out, and

00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:35.620
 man, after a while, you're

00:33:35.620 --> 00:33:37.019
 going to grow hard.

00:33:38.460 --> 00:33:40.680
 Try being self-controlled day

00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:42.259
 in, day out, and you may

00:33:42.259 --> 00:33:43.540
 manage in one area, but in

00:33:43.540 --> 00:33:44.340
 other areas, you're going to

00:33:44.340 --> 00:33:44.920
 drop the ball.

00:33:47.180 --> 00:33:49.259
 Paul says to Titus, show

00:33:49.259 --> 00:33:51.740
 yourself in all respects, in

00:33:51.740 --> 00:33:53.299
 all respects, to be a model

00:33:53.299 --> 00:33:54.620
 of good works.

00:33:54.960 --> 00:33:56.140
 He says, show yourself.

00:33:56.620 --> 00:33:58.620
 That means other people need

00:33:58.620 --> 00:34:00.859
 to see something which helps

00:34:00.859 --> 00:34:02.799
 them to see that there's a

00:34:02.799 --> 00:34:03.740
 different way to live.

00:34:04.759 --> 00:34:05.839
 You know when Jesus called

00:34:05.839 --> 00:34:06.799
 his disciples, do you know

00:34:06.799 --> 00:34:07.180
 what he said?

00:34:07.579 --> 00:34:10.099
 He said, come follow me,

00:34:10.659 --> 00:34:10.900
 right?

00:34:11.480 --> 00:34:12.219
 Be with me.

00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:13.199
 Follow me.

00:34:13.559 --> 00:34:14.260
 Look at me.

00:34:14.500 --> 00:34:15.360
 See what I do.

00:34:15.599 --> 00:34:16.460
 Hear what I teach.

00:34:16.460 --> 00:34:18.079
 Look at me, right?

00:34:18.260 --> 00:34:19.280
 That's what Jesus does.

00:34:19.820 --> 00:34:21.420
 And then afterwards, he sends

00:34:21.420 --> 00:34:23.019
 out his disciples and says,

00:34:23.180 --> 00:34:24.380
 now, the world is going to

00:34:24.380 --> 00:34:26.340
 look at you, right?

00:34:29.740 --> 00:34:31.900
 If we're going to be a

00:34:31.900 --> 00:34:33.840
 Christian community of love,

00:34:34.860 --> 00:34:36.119
 you cannot be the husband

00:34:36.119 --> 00:34:38.220
 you're called to be by

00:34:38.220 --> 00:34:38.619
 yourself.

00:34:39.579 --> 00:34:42.480
 You cannot be the wife you're

00:34:42.480 --> 00:34:43.340
 called to be by yourself.

00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:44.900
 You cannot be the single you

00:34:44.900 --> 00:34:46.420
 are called to be by yourself.

00:34:46.420 --> 00:34:51.700
 You cannot be because it's too

00:34:51.700 --> 00:34:53.000
 hard by ourselves.

00:34:55.680 --> 00:34:58.019
 The only way that you can be

00:34:58.019 --> 00:34:59.920
 who God is calling you to be,

00:34:59.980 --> 00:35:01.780
 begin to be sculpted in who he

00:35:01.780 --> 00:35:05.059
 wants you to be, is when you

00:35:05.059 --> 00:35:10.720
 see that there is a love that

00:35:10.720 --> 00:35:12.019
 is greater than the love that

00:35:12.019 --> 00:35:12.800
 you've ever had.

00:35:12.800 --> 00:35:15.200
 When you see the love and the

00:35:15.200 --> 00:35:16.920
 forgiveness of a God for you

00:35:16.920 --> 00:35:18.420
 when you were at your worst

00:35:18.420 --> 00:35:22.700
 and most unlovely, and he died

00:35:22.700 --> 00:35:26.200
 for you at that point, whether

00:35:26.200 --> 00:35:27.539
 you struggle with self-control,

00:35:27.660 --> 00:35:28.500
 whether you're struggling in

00:35:28.500 --> 00:35:31.980
 marriage, you see, pornography

00:35:31.980 --> 00:35:34.600
 can't satisfy you.

00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:37.160
 Your spouse can't fulfill that

00:35:37.160 --> 00:35:38.440
 craving for love.

00:35:38.920 --> 00:35:40.280
 Everyone is always going to

00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:42.120
 disappoint you at some point,

00:35:42.900 --> 00:35:46.060
 but only Christ loves perfectly.

00:35:47.040 --> 00:35:48.160
 And you need to watch him.

00:35:48.760 --> 00:35:49.740
 You need to see him.

00:35:50.140 --> 00:35:51.280
 You need to look at him.

00:35:51.560 --> 00:35:53.519
 And as you look at what he does,

00:35:53.620 --> 00:35:54.820
 day in, day out, you think

00:35:54.820 --> 00:35:55.640
 about the cross.

00:35:55.800 --> 00:35:57.260
 As you see that, what you see

00:35:57.260 --> 00:35:58.180
 happens is this.

00:35:59.160 --> 00:36:00.860
 You begin to see how then you

00:36:00.860 --> 00:36:02.500
 treat your spouse, you treat

00:36:02.500 --> 00:36:04.100
 your friends, you treat the

00:36:04.100 --> 00:36:06.300
 people around you, and you see

00:36:06.300 --> 00:36:06.800
 the gap.

00:36:07.620 --> 00:36:08.660
 You see there's this gap.

00:36:08.659 --> 00:36:12.299
 And it causes you to come into

00:36:12.299 --> 00:36:14.859
 confession and repentance, and

00:36:14.859 --> 00:36:16.239
 you see, wow, if he could love

00:36:16.239 --> 00:36:20.079
 me that much, wow, I don't love

00:36:20.079 --> 00:36:21.460
 the people around me that much.

00:36:24.920 --> 00:36:26.500
 But then you see that when he

00:36:26.500 --> 00:36:28.119
 shows you your worst, you see,

00:36:28.179 --> 00:36:31.920
 he loves you to the stars.

00:36:33.559 --> 00:36:35.659
 And we say this every week because

00:36:35.659 --> 00:36:37.179
 it's what we need to hear every

00:36:37.179 --> 00:36:37.619
 week.

00:36:39.779 --> 00:36:40.899
 And here's the thing.

00:36:43.099 --> 00:36:46.799
 When you begin to see him, truly

00:36:46.799 --> 00:36:48.940
 see him and his love for you right

00:36:48.940 --> 00:36:50.179
 now, whatever you're going through,

00:36:51.299 --> 00:36:56.139
 then that propels you to go out and

00:36:56.139 --> 00:36:57.679
 to love the people around you you

00:36:57.679 --> 00:36:59.039
 find most difficult to love.

00:36:59.039 --> 00:37:03.199
 And you can then call other people

00:37:03.199 --> 00:37:08.159
 to look at you and say, I'm not

00:37:08.159 --> 00:37:10.400
 perfect, but here is what God is

00:37:10.400 --> 00:37:10.960
 doing in me.

00:37:11.279 --> 00:37:13.159
 Don Carson, who's a Christian

00:37:13.159 --> 00:37:15.880
 theologian, tells a story of when

00:37:15.880 --> 00:37:18.739
 he's leading a Bible study, and he

00:37:18.739 --> 00:37:19.599
 didn't know how to answer some

00:37:19.599 --> 00:37:20.900
 questions, and he had a skeptical

00:37:20.900 --> 00:37:21.619
 friend with him.

00:37:21.779 --> 00:37:23.440
 So he takes his skeptical friend with

00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:24.719
 him to see his friend Dave.

00:37:24.719 --> 00:37:28.419
 And his skeptical friend says to

00:37:28.419 --> 00:37:29.639
 him, I go to church, but I don't

00:37:29.639 --> 00:37:30.559
 believe Jesus is God.

00:37:30.639 --> 00:37:31.739
 I don't believe he really rose from

00:37:31.739 --> 00:37:32.179
 the dead.

00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:33.279
 Give me a break.

00:37:33.439 --> 00:37:35.099
 But my home is a good home.

00:37:35.279 --> 00:37:36.219
 My parents love me.

00:37:36.299 --> 00:37:37.139
 We worship God.

00:37:37.219 --> 00:37:38.339
 We do good in the community.

00:37:38.779 --> 00:37:40.339
 What do you think you have that I

00:37:40.339 --> 00:37:40.859
 don't have?

00:37:42.539 --> 00:37:44.559
 And Dave looks at him for two

00:37:44.559 --> 00:37:48.099
 minutes and says, watch me.

00:37:49.679 --> 00:37:50.759
 The guy says, what?

00:37:51.219 --> 00:37:52.379
 He says, watch me.

00:37:52.380 --> 00:37:55.140
 Watch me, Dave says.

00:37:56.119 --> 00:37:57.380
 I've got an extra bed.

00:37:57.539 --> 00:37:58.480
 Move in with me.

00:37:58.559 --> 00:37:59.340
 Be my guest.

00:37:59.559 --> 00:38:01.260
 I don't advise this necessarily, but

00:38:01.260 --> 00:38:02.579
 I'll pay for the food.

00:38:03.000 --> 00:38:04.000
 You go to your classes.

00:38:04.119 --> 00:38:05.140
 Do whatever you have to do, but

00:38:05.140 --> 00:38:05.700
 watch me.

00:38:06.160 --> 00:38:08.320
 You watch me when I get up, when I

00:38:08.320 --> 00:38:09.800
 interact with people, what I say,

00:38:09.880 --> 00:38:11.599
 what moves me, what I live for, what

00:38:11.599 --> 00:38:12.340
 I want in life.

00:38:12.400 --> 00:38:13.760
 You watch me for the rest of the

00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:15.920
 semester, and then you tell me at

00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:17.360
 the end of it whether or not there's

00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:17.940
 a difference.

00:38:19.640 --> 00:38:21.079
 The friend didn't take him up on

00:38:21.079 --> 00:38:22.300
 the offer, but he did watch him.

00:38:22.900 --> 00:38:24.860
 And you know that friend has now

00:38:24.860 --> 00:38:26.820
 become a medical missionary in

00:38:26.820 --> 00:38:28.780
 Africa because God touched his

00:38:28.780 --> 00:38:31.200
 heart through seeing the example.

00:38:31.519 --> 00:38:32.680
 Not a perfect example.

00:38:33.260 --> 00:38:34.340
 He's a messed up guy.

00:38:36.140 --> 00:38:38.039
 And that's the call if you're an

00:38:38.039 --> 00:38:39.579
 older person or if you're a younger

00:38:39.579 --> 00:38:40.220
 person.

00:38:41.380 --> 00:38:45.880
 The call is, watch me.

00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:49.599
 You and I need to be involved in

00:38:49.599 --> 00:38:51.500
 relationships with each other where

00:38:51.500 --> 00:38:53.920
 we can say to each other, watch me.

00:38:55.000 --> 00:38:56.280
 And that's scary.

00:38:57.360 --> 00:38:58.940
 Because when I think about that, I

00:38:58.940 --> 00:39:00.480
 suddenly think of all the things that I

00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:03.280
 don't want you to see in my marriage, in

00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:05.240
 my self-control, in all the other

00:39:05.240 --> 00:39:05.840
 areas.

00:39:06.019 --> 00:39:07.920
 And that's precisely the point.

00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:10.760
 Because if you want to grow, if you want

00:39:10.760 --> 00:39:14.220
 to grow, God wants to show you where

00:39:14.220 --> 00:39:14.900
 you need to grow.

00:39:17.180 --> 00:39:22.500
 And God wants us to see that he is not

00:39:22.500 --> 00:39:22.860
 looking.

00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:28.099
 See, if you think that by being a perfect

00:39:28.099 --> 00:39:29.220
 Christian, here's the thing.

00:39:29.920 --> 00:39:33.460
 We live looking as if we're good on the

00:39:33.460 --> 00:39:33.780
 outside.

00:39:34.420 --> 00:39:35.400
 We come to church.

00:39:35.519 --> 00:39:36.660
 We want everyone to see that our

00:39:36.660 --> 00:39:38.500
 marriages are fine, that our single

00:39:38.500 --> 00:39:40.300
 relationships are fine, that we're all

00:39:40.300 --> 00:39:40.940
 doing fine.

00:39:41.240 --> 00:39:42.980
 And we don't want to invite people to

00:39:42.980 --> 00:39:44.160
 see what we're really like.

00:39:45.019 --> 00:39:46.360
 Because when people see what we're

00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:47.780
 really like, what they see is actually

00:39:47.780 --> 00:39:48.740
 we're a bit of a mess.

00:39:49.200 --> 00:39:50.380
 All of us, right?

00:39:52.360 --> 00:39:54.080
 And so we keep up these pretenses.

00:39:54.240 --> 00:39:55.880
 But then what does that do, say to

00:39:55.880 --> 00:39:56.800
 everybody else?

00:39:57.019 --> 00:39:59.240
 Because everybody is watching you.

00:40:00.120 --> 00:40:01.519
 It doesn't matter whether you want them

00:40:01.519 --> 00:40:02.200
 to watch you or not.

00:40:02.260 --> 00:40:02.680
 They are.

00:40:02.679 --> 00:40:04.599
 And if all they see is somebody who's

00:40:04.599 --> 00:40:06.460
 nice and perfect and doesn't let you in

00:40:06.460 --> 00:40:08.639
 to see their lives, then all they're

00:40:08.639 --> 00:40:09.980
 going to go away thinking is Christianity

00:40:09.980 --> 00:40:11.199
 is just for people who are already

00:40:11.199 --> 00:40:11.599
 perfect.

00:40:13.099 --> 00:40:14.699
 And so if you're not a Christian and

00:40:14.699 --> 00:40:15.500
 you're struggling, you're going to say,

00:40:15.559 --> 00:40:17.159
 well, I can't go with them because how

00:40:17.159 --> 00:40:17.519
 can I?

00:40:18.119 --> 00:40:19.239
 I'm not as good as them.

00:40:19.239 --> 00:40:24.679
 But the call for us as a church is,

00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:29.219
 listen, if you've been a Christian for a while,

00:40:31.879 --> 00:40:37.059
 invite, if you're married, invite a single out for lunch.

00:40:38.339 --> 00:40:38.539
 Right?

00:40:38.799 --> 00:40:39.539
 Invite a single.

00:40:39.659 --> 00:40:41.779
 How do you think singles are going to learn about marriage?

00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:44.099
 How do you think they're not going to think Winnie the Pooh

00:40:44.099 --> 00:40:45.759
 is correct about love?

00:40:46.319 --> 00:40:48.239
 By seeing the reality of just the fact that,

00:40:48.519 --> 00:40:49.679
 you know, we're broken.

00:40:51.019 --> 00:40:52.880
 But we don't point them to ourselves.

00:40:53.019 --> 00:40:54.339
 We say, hey, I'm broken, but you know,

00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:55.500
 there's a Savior who is great.

00:40:56.159 --> 00:40:57.960
 And you know, we're working through a whole lot of stuff.

00:40:58.079 --> 00:41:00.259
 Just come and be involved in our lives.

00:41:00.260 --> 00:41:04.260
 If you're in your early 20s or your 30s,

00:41:04.500 --> 00:41:07.880
 be involved with other people who are younger than you

00:41:07.880 --> 00:41:10.420
 or who are younger spiritually than you.

00:41:10.600 --> 00:41:11.660
 Get involved in their lives.

00:41:11.740 --> 00:41:13.120
 Just let them hang out with you.

00:41:13.420 --> 00:41:14.860
 Let them see your life.

00:41:15.480 --> 00:41:17.540
 And just involve them.

00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:23.300
 We're so scared to be the people God has called us to be

00:41:23.300 --> 00:41:30.180
 because we think that we have to live up to the standard

00:41:30.179 --> 00:41:33.759
 but we fail to see that we are loved by a God

00:41:33.759 --> 00:41:35.960
 who loves us to the skies.

00:41:36.099 --> 00:41:37.219
 We don't have to pretend.

00:41:37.799 --> 00:41:39.799
 We can help each other to love

00:41:39.799 --> 00:41:43.199
 because some of us are more experienced

00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:45.799
 and we can walk along this journey together.

00:41:46.419 --> 00:41:47.139
 Let's pray.

00:41:54.500 --> 00:41:56.179
 Father, I pray that you'd help us

00:41:56.179 --> 00:42:04.000
 to see that we don't have to be perfect in our lives

00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:09.219
 but you call us to watch you first

00:42:09.219 --> 00:42:12.619
 and then to be people who others can watch

00:42:12.619 --> 00:42:16.719
 and see how confession and repentance works

00:42:16.719 --> 00:42:19.899
 and to see how our lives are called to be like you.

00:42:20.940 --> 00:42:22.719
 Please help us to be those people.

00:42:22.719 --> 00:42:24.759
 In your name.

00:42:25.759 --> 00:42:26.139
 Amen.