Let us all praise God together for the mercy He has shown us in the person and work of Jesus Christ by opening up the Word of God to the book of Colossians chapter 3.
If you have been gone this summer, you probably not have known that we've been studying through the book of Colossians and we had every intention of finishing it up last week and starting something new this morning, but we just didn't quite get there.
There's probably another, oh, I'm going to guess five weeks out from finishing up the book in total.
And if you have been here, I hope it's been very rich and good to you for your praise of God and for your pursuit of holiness.
This morning's text is Colossians 3 verses 18 through 21.
And I read, Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
This is God's Word to us.
It was written for His glory and our good.
And we would all do well to listen to it in order to believe its promises and obey its commands.
Now, over the past four weeks, we've studied together general exhortations for the new self, for the one whom Christ is all.
You can see there in verse 11 of chapter 3.
And we did so from verses 5 through 17.
We talked extensively about what it means to put to death those things that are earthly in us.
And to put on then as God's chosen ones the proper things for those for whom Christ is all.
Today we're going to look at four specific exhortations to wives, to husbands, to children, and to parents.
And Paul gives them to us in a rather rapid fire manner.
They're kind of bang, bang, bang, bang, back to back to back with no prepositional transitions between them whatsoever.
And I believe he does so in this way because they're all connected to the previous exhortations.
Because of who we are now.
If we have placed our faith in Jesus Christ.
If he has sent his spirit into us and changed who we are.
The old has passed away.
The new has come.
Because of who we are now, we will live differently.
Specifically, we will live differently in the way we relate to one another as the church.
That's what 5-17 is really talking about.
About putting off these versions of perverted love and perverted hate.
And putting on these righteous acts and how it is that we live together.
And Paul now narrows that scope down from the broader sense to more specific relationships within the home.
He notes for the Colossian believers and for us.
Particular ways in which the old self manifests itself.
And the new ways in which we should walk.
Now some of you may already be asking the question.
Is this the most appropriate text for a Sunday morning when college students return?
I ask myself the very same question as we work through.
We don't want to dogmatically work verse by verse through a text.
Although this is our normal habit and pattern.
Certainly it could be said that we could have stopped today to talk at length about something that seems to more specifically relate to college students.
But through prayer and study.
I think this is incredibly applicable to where you guys are in your lives.
Because so many of you are so close to this next step.
You're looking right now.
I know I remember being in college for that mate that you'll marry and live out your life with.
It's applicable because you're going to find many of you college students that you are still children.
And so this text has a lot to say to you concerning that.
And so I think very timely for where we are and for this particular Sunday.
Four exhortations for the household of the new self are number one.
This will be the outline for our text.
An exhortation to wives.
Number two, an exhortation to husbands.
Number three, an exhortation to children.
And finally, number four, an exhortation to parents.
So firstly, an exhortation to wives.
Verse 18.
Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.
This word, submit, means to place oneself under the leadership of another.
And I want to note this morning five things about the submission of the Christian wife.
So these are your five sub points to point number one.
If you like to outline, keep up.
Today it might be a little hard.
Firstly, it is a submission that is willful.
It is a submission that is willful.
Sub-translations render this verb, be subject to.
But the Greek literally means to subject oneself.
Wives, this is a submission that is given.
Men, this is not a submission that is taken.
It is a submission that is willful.
Wives submitting themselves to their husbands.
Secondly, it is a submission that does not relegate the value of the wife.
It does not devalue the wife.
Now this word submission seems to be a bad word in our day.
It doesn't even get uttered amongst us.
I had someone who I love dearly come and talk to me about the way in which I officiate weddings
and asked me if I thought it was appropriate to even include the word submit or submission in that ceremony
because the turn off it can be to some people to hear the gospel.
And I just simply said I don't know what other word to use.
It's a biblical word.
I will use it because the Bible uses it and I will labor to explain it well.
The word submission or submit even seems to be a bad word in some of our Christian churches.
And so let me ask you kindly, particularly ladies, if this word makes you uncomfortable to hear me out.
Hear what the Bible has to say about submission.
There's a movement in our world of what's called egalitarianism,
which seeks to find genders equal in all respects, in all manner,
versus the view that we hold as a church which is called complementarianism.
And that is that we see men and women as equal,
but that they play different roles.
The second point, it's a submission that does not relegate the value of the wife.
It in no way devalues a wife to submit to her husband,
but rather recognizes her God-ordained role as a wife.
Let me give you a wonderful example of this.
There's no higher example of anything that's right and proper than the example of Jesus Christ.
Jesus subjected Himself to the will of the Father.
He submitted to what the Father had for Him.
This does not make Him a lesser part of the Trinity.
Rather, and in fact, He has been highly exalted because of the way in which He served the Father.
And He will be for all eternity.
If we're to model this, ladies, there's a specific way in which you are to look Christ-like.
And this is one of those ways to submit willingly to your husband.
To understand a bit more of this, it's of great value for us to look at Genesis 1.
You can turn there if you'd like or listen carefully to my reading.
Women have great value in standing in God's eyes.
We see this first telling of the creation of man and woman where it records,
Then God said,
Let us make man in our image after our likeness.
The Trinitarian likeness.
The way in which the Trinity functions together in relationship.
And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,
and over the birds of the heavens, and over the livestock,
and over all of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.
Verse 27.
So, God created man in His own image.
In the image of God, He created him.
Male and female, He created them.
So, ladies, you have great value in the eyes of God,
and in the eyes of this church.
And a willing submission to your husband does not devalue you.
Thirdly, the submission of a Christian wife is a submission that is not contingent on the quality of the leadership it submits to.
It is not contingent.
It is not dependent on the quality of the leadership it submits to.
Notice the simplicity of the exhortation that Paul gives.
He doesn't say, not wives, submit to your husbands when they love you.
Or, wives, submit to your husbands when they lead you well.
Or, wives, submit to your husbands when you feel like it.
But simply, wives, submit to your husbands.
Now, certainly it is easier to submit to loving leadership.
And the next verse speaks to that.
We find often in Christian relationships and otherwise, both positive and negative feedback loops.
If a husband leads well, it's easy for his wife to submit well.
Which makes leading a joy.
It makes leading easier if the wife submits well to that.
And so there's this positive feedback.
One feeds the other and feeds the other.
So often in relationships, one of those proper roles comes to a screeching halt and reverses itself.
And ladies, it's very difficult to submit to a man who doesn't love you the way he should.
So many households are disrupted because men are lazy.
They're laid back.
They don't fulfill the role they're meant to fulfill.
And so women begin to.
And the loop heads off in the other direction.
Negative feedback.
Someone has to stop that rotation.
As a man, I will put the majority of the blame on men.
But wives, you have to recognize that you're not less responsible for your submission when your husband leads poorly.
You are 100% responsible for the command of God concerning your role.
You will be held accountable for the way in which you submit apart from how your husband leads.
So it's a submission that is not contingent on the quality of the leadership it submits to.
Fourthly, it is a submission that bears the fruit of respect.
It bears the fruit of respect.
I'll step us away from Colossians for a moment to the parallel text, a very similar text that Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus chapter 5.
You may want to go there and put your finger there because we're going to reference it on numerous occasions this morning.
Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 through 24.
Paul writes,
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its Savior.
Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
So here we see this pattern of exhortation.
Wives, submit to your husbands.
But then at the end of this passage and speaking of this, verse 33, Paul says,
However, each one of you love his wife as himself.
Exhortation to husbands.
And the last part of that, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
So submission, willing submission to a husband, bears the fruit of respect.
Respect, it respects his position as the husband.
Whether or not he does this well, it plays to that.
You are my husband and therefore I will submit to her.
This bears out in the way in which you talk about your husband, ladies.
Are you supportive?
Are you building up?
Do people see you and say, this is a woman that respects her husband?
Or are you a woman that merely tears down and tears down and tears down?
This can sometimes be the problem with women's Bible studies.
They become gripe fests about husbands.
This ought not be so amongst us.
It's a submission that bears the fruit of respect.
And then fifthly and finally, it's a submission that recognizes God's good created order.
The last part of verse 18 says,
As is fitting in the Lord.
As is right and proper for those who are found in Christ.
That's what he is saying.
It recognizes God's good created order.
This is the way that God intended things to be.
The leadership of a husband and the submission of a wife is not a result of the fall.
It was the way things were designed to be before the fall.
The fall disrupted it.
The fall made it hard.
But it was the good thing that God had created.
After the first telling of mankind's creation in Genesis 1, 26-28,
we see Genesis 1, 31,
And God saw everything that he had made.
And behold, it was very good.
And there was evening and there was morning.
The sixth day.
In chapter 2, we see a second telling of the creation story.
And we pick up some details about it.
Genesis 2, 15 says,
The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and to keep it.
He gives man a mandate that you are meant to produce and protect the garden.
And then in 2, 18, we read,
Then the Lord God said,
It is not good that the man should be alone.
So everything had been good up to this point in the creation,
but now we see something that is not good.
It wasn't good that man be alone.
And so God says,
I will make a helper fit for him.
A sidekick.
Someone to come alongside the man and help him in this work that's been given to him.
This was the created order.
And it was good.
It's good and proper, ladies, to pursue this.
To submit willfully to your husband.
If your husband doesn't lead you well to pray for him,
that he might.
To encourage him in that.
To help that negative feedback loop come to a halt and move back in the other direction.
Just willingly submit to your husband.
Recognize God as the creator of the universe.
And gives proper respect and worship to the way he intended things to be.
Number two.
You with me?
Back to main point number two.
It's not fair that I can see it and you can't.
An exhortation to husbands.
Men, we are most certainly not off the hook.
An exhortation to husbands.
Husbands, love your wives.
And do not be harsh with them.
We get two exhortations.
One stated in the positive and one in the negative.
Do live this way with your wives.
Do not live this way with your wives.
It seems to me that Paul feels the need to spell it out a little more clearly for us.
I mean this.
I don't mean this.
Fellas.
We're to love our wives.
And I want to note two things about the love of the Christian husband.
Number one.
It is a love that is willful.
The same way that submission is willful for the wife.
Love is willful for the husband.
This love.
This word here used for love is the present tense of the imperative verb agapate.
It's not referring to a love of passion or emotion.
It's not based in how you feel.
This is a love of choice.
It is a covenant love.
Husbands, you chose to marry your wives.
Therefore, you are to love them.
Without condition.
Now and in a continuous manner.
This is the exhortation Paul is giving to Christian husbands.
Husbands, love your wives.
And our culture is destroying the meaning of marriage.
And I'm not referring to homosexual marriage.
I'm referring to all the messed up marriages that we live in and around.
The church is not insulated from this.
This is happening within our churches.
Marriage is such a flippant thing.
It's just the next step in some process of feeling and emotion.
People ought not say, I love you very much, but rather, I lust you very much.
Let's get married.
They have trashed it up and thrown it out.
It is a sacred commitment before God.
It is a commitment to love that woman until death causes you to part.
The Christian man does not fall in and out of love.
These are not words that should come out of our mouths.
And some of you may need to man up by the grace that God provides and love.
Your wives.
When I officiate weddings, I always say this kind of as the close of the preaching component of the ceremony.
I say, remember this.
Your feelings do not sustain the covenant that you are making today.
But the covenant you are making today properly exercised will sustain your love.
And by that, I mean the passionate love for one another.
It is a love of volition.
We choose to love our wives.
Secondly, it is a love that is sacrificial.
Let's look again at the parallel text in Ephesians chapter 5.
Paul's a little tougher on the Ephesian church than he is on the Colossian church here.
We are going to look at verses 25-30 of Ephesians chapter 5.
Much of feminism in our day is a response to male chauvinism.
Men, you need to hear this.
The way in which you talk about and the way in which you treat women generally.
And those of us who are husbands, the way we treat our wives, often feminism is a response to this.
Many of you know I was a sociology major at University of North Georgia.
Then North Georgia College and State University.
I believe I was a sociology major in one of the darkest times in that degree program.
And I enjoyed that.
I liked going in and being light in a dark place.
I liked having my understanding of the truth challenged at every term.
My favorite professor in college was an atheist, an admitted atheist feminist,
who had both a husband, excuse me, a father.
I've said the word husband too many times.
A father and a brother who were Baptist preachers.
So he knew all of the typical arguments.
And he would get really mad if you made the typical argument.
He would cuss you out if you made the typical argument.
And so he forced, by God's grace, he was such a tool used by God,
he pushed my face into the scriptures because I knew there had to be absolute truth
and that his challenges needed to be answered.
And I had a sociology of religion class with him
where he basically took the entire semester to make the case that Christianity was horrible to women.
And he loosely quoted, didn't send anybody to any text,
but pulled out of context this idea of submission
and how horrible this was, the enslaving of women.
I think it's a response.
I think it's a response to things that he had seen.
And there were girls in the class that just applauded this.
And my heart broke for them.
I don't know the circumstances of their lives,
who their fathers were, what they had experienced and seen.
But one day he was particularly railing
and he actually referenced Ephesians chapter 5,
finally referenced something.
And so I simply took my Bible out of my bag
and I had it out on my desk and I was just looking at the text,
not saying a word.
And by God's providential hand,
we're getting close to the end of class
and boy, they were just going at it.
And I was just reading the text
and I was sad for what was going on in the room
because they weren't going on.
They weren't going on to verse 25.
And finally, he's no longer at the school.
His name was Dr. Luck.
He said,
Alright, Nathan.
What do you think?
In that tone.
I hadn't raised my hand.
I think I may have grinned at them a few times.
Maybe this was it.
Alright, Nathan.
What do you think?
I had the great pleasure of turning to the class
and saying,
you have to hear the rest of the text.
You can't stop there.
You can't just stop there.
You can't tear it apart
and do whatever you want with it.
You have to read the rest of the text.
And it reads, beginning in verse 25,
Husbands, love your wives.
And he goes on,
As Christ loved the church
and gave Himself up for her.
Jesus Christ died for the sake of the church.
This is the kind of love
that husbands are meant to show their wives.
Verse 26,
That He might sanctify her,
having cleansed her by the washing of water
with the Word,
so that He might present the church to Himself
in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way,
husbands should love their wives
as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh,
but nourishes and cherishes it
just as Christ does the church.
because we are members of His body.
So I read that and I just said,
I don't know what experiences you've had in life.
But if you find a man
that is willing to love you this way,
I believe that you will want
to submit to this man.
And the room fell silent.
And Dr. Luck said,
I think that's good for today.
And we left.
And I don't know what happened,
what came of that,
but I was thankful that God allowed me
to speak truth into this situation.
I think that so much feminism,
so much, not all of it,
but so much of it,
is a response to the way in which
men have loved their wives.
And this is meant to be
a sacrificial love.
We become servants of our wives.
We lay down our lives
for the sake of theirs.
John Piper has a wonderful definition of love
that I'm going to give application to here.
He wrote,
Love is doing whatever you need to do
to help people,
insert your wife.
Love is doing whatever you need to do
to help your wife
see and savor the glory of God in Christ
forever and ever.
Love seeks the highest good
of the object of that love.
Husbands, we should love our wives in this way.
We should lead them to Christ
every single day.
And then there's the negative exhortation
to not be harsh with our wives.
Do not be harsh with them.
Different translations render this differently.
The NSB renders this.
Do not be embittered against them.
It could rightly be translated,
Do not have the habit of being embittered.
And what Paul means is,
Do not display a harshness of temper
or resentment toward your wife.
To state the same in the positive,
Appreciate your wife.
Rightly see her as a gift from God,
as a grace to you.
Men, even when they're not easy to see
in this light.
Our wives aren't perfect,
but yet still they're given to us as a gift.
They're sanctifying for us.
They're helpers to us.
They're a helper fit for us.
And we should love them accordingly.
And I can tell you this,
it has been my experience
in my short nine and a half years now
of marriage,
that when I love my wife properly,
she responds in kind.
She so gladly falls into that place
of submission and loves and serves
and supports me.
The more I lovingly lead her,
the more lovely she becomes
as she fulfills her role.
She seems to come to life in that place.
And when I don't love her well,
when she's conflicted on how she's supposed
to act in our home and with our children,
this is when she becomes a challenge to me.
You see that it's not her fault,
but it's mine.
Love your wives as you should.
As I previously stated,
your wife is responsible for 100%
of the command of God concerning her role.
However, if you want to see the quality
of a leader,
look to the quality of those
who are put under his leadership.
Men, this should cause you to quake.
We have a responsibility to our wives.
And many of us are too weak as leaders.
And I hope that this causes you
to run to the grace of God.
He has commanded that you would do this thing.
And He will provide for all that He commands.
Now, to wives and husbands,
your marriage matters.
It matters to you,
but it matters so much more than that.
Firstly, your marriage matters
because of what it is meant to display.
Back in Ephesians 5,
verses 31 and 32,
Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother
and hold fast to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
That's Genesis 2, 32, I believe.
And then Paul goes on to say,
this mystery,
the fact that they leave
and they cleave together,
that they become one flesh,
he says this mystery is profound.
And I'm saying that it refers to Christ
and the church.
Your marriage is not firstly and foremost about you.
Oh, do we reap the benefits of marriage.
There's so much that is good for us about marriage,
but it's not firstly about you.
It's firstly about Christ.
It's a shadow of a thing to come.
And it's meant to portray this
to the world around us.
Your marriage matters
because of what it's meant to display.
Your marriage also matters
because of who is meant to see it.
The world needs to see God's good creation
and praise Him for it.
They need to see that the way
in which God designs things to work, works.
They see that and they go,
this is an amazing thing.
These Christian marriages are astounding to us.
That they may turn and praise God
for the things that He has done.
This church needs to see your marriage
displayed in a healthy manner.
These young people,
so many of these young people,
married folks,
come from broken homes.
Homes that are disrupted.
I cannot believe the more we get to know
college students,
how few college students come from homes
that are healthy.
It's the exception and not the norm.
I hear of a young person
that has a family that's still intact
and I praise God for it.
Wait, you mean your mom and your dad
are still married?
Incredible!
And those that are together
and actually walking with the Lord
and leading in the household,
that are actively engaged
in the life of a church,
it's so slim.
You want to know a way
that you can serve the church?
If you're married, husbands, wives,
even those of you who are young in this,
brand new husbands and wives,
there is a ministry for you.
Wives, submit to your husbands.
Husbands, love your wives
and seek opportunities
to share your lives
with the young adults in our church.
Paul exhorts Titus to this ministry
that people often call Titus 2 ministry,
which is just this idea
that in the church,
there should be a passing along
of skill set,
that older women
should be teaching younger women
how it is they're meant to live.
And the same for older men
to younger men.
I encourage you to go read Titus 2
and I won't for the sake of time
this morning.
Submit to your husbands.
Love your wives.
It has deep and meaningful impact
for you and beyond.
Now a quick aside
concerning dating.
You ready?
The Bible does not speak to us
about dating.
There's no instruction
in the Scriptures
concerning dating.
We believe that this book
is timely,
that it's inerrant,
that it's sufficient.
That means it contains
everything in it
that we need to know
for godly living.
How curious that it excludes
dating.
Some process by which
we're supposed to sort through
all of the people
that we interact with
and find the one.
I grew up at a church,
a large, large church,
where I was actually taught
this was the normal
and healthy process,
that I built my good quality list
and my bad quality list
by getting to know people
of the opposite sex.
Horrible, horrible theology
concerning that.
Christian dating,
we can call it something else.
Some people like to call it courtship.
Some people have a real aversion
to that term.
I don't really care,
so I'm going to call it
Christian dating,
should look much different
than that of the world.
It should look dramatically different
than that of the world.
So much dating today
is just glorified divorce practice.
Now, an aside to my aside.
Most of you,
and I don't know a lot of you,
but I know where you're at
in your stage of life,
most of you do not possess
the maturity to date
as a Christian should.
Your desire for a girlfriend
or boyfriend
is in so many cases
an idol for you.
You worship yourself
or you worship somebody else
or you worship some idea
before God.
If you cannot be satisfied
in Christ,
then you are not ready
to date.
If you look to anyone
other than God
for your approval,
then you are not ready
to date.
If your identity
is solidified
or shattered
based on whether or not
you were in a relationship,
then you are not ready
to date.
If you do not know
if you're ready to date,
then you're probably not.
And let me encourage you,
even if you believe
that you are,
to ask for godly counsel
from someone
who is married,
who's on the other side
of all of the silly feelings
that accompany
single life
and dating.
Ask someone
who's stepped beyond that
and has a little more
clarity of head
to help you
and to examine you
and to see if you're
actually ready
to enter into
a godly relationship
that ends
in marriage.
Enough about that.
Number three,
main point number three,
an exhortation
to children.
Verse 20,
children,
obey your parents
in everything
for this
pleases
the Lord.
Now,
how do we define
a child?
Right?
A little bit of a difficult
thing to do.
We get into some
cultural issues.
Think in the Scriptures,
you saw this rite
of passage
for the Jewish people
around the age
of 12 or 13.
It was called
the Bar Mitzvah.
It was a passage
into manhood.
Many more things
were expected.
In our culture,
we've created
a whole category
of person
that we don't find
in the Scriptures
anywhere,
and that is teenager.
It seems in so many ways
to be the result
of young people worship.
We worship youth
in this country
to such a high degree.
We want to prolong youth,
prolong youth,
prolong.
Many of your parents
wanted to absolve you
of all responsibility
throughout high school
because they just wanted
you to have a great time
because those are
the good old days
and you've got to soak
everything up out of it
that you possibly can.
And so many of you
enter into college
having no clue
how to live life
as an adult.
That's kind of an aside.
I think,
if we're going to take
what we look at
both biblically
and for our culture,
this is the way
I would define a child.
I think that while
you're under
the provision
of your parent,
the primary provision,
your livelihood comes,
your ability to survive
as a human being
comes from your parent,
then you're a child.
This includes many of you
in the room today.
And I don't mean that
as an insult at all.
I just mean to say to you,
how does this exhortation
apply to you?
How do you function
at your age
in this world
in your particular context?
Let's note two things
about the proper obedience
of Christian children.
I have,
you'll note I said
Christian children here.
I think this is the exhortation
that Paul means.
It's been writing to believers
and writing to believers
and writing to believers.
I don't think he means
to turn aside.
So I think that these things
are meant to be exhortations
to Christian children,
obey your parents
in everything.
I have a five-year-old
and a three-year-old,
Cade and Judah,
and they cannot obey everything
Sam and I ask of them.
They're absolutely sinful.
They prove it every single day.
We try and we try
and we try.
And they are bound
to be deceptive.
They're bound
to go around.
I asked Judah the other day
why he did something
and he said,
I was just being sneaky.
Exactly.
So I don't think that Paul,
while we should exhort
our children to obey,
we certainly should,
I think Paul means this,
to be a command
that can be kept
by the power of Christ
in these young people.
So firstly,
it is an obedience
that is not contingent
on the quality
of the leadership
it submits to.
Obedience is an outflow
of submission
and it's not contingent
on the quality
of the leadership.
I know that some
of your parents
don't lead you well.
I know that some
of the things
they ask and require
of you don't make sense.
But it's not contingent
on that.
Obey your parents
in everything.
You ought to obey them.
Disobedience to parents
marks the ungodly.
Paul writes
in 2 Timothy 3, 2,
for people will be
lovers of self,
lovers of money,
proud,
arrogant,
abusive,
disobedient
to their parents,
ungrateful,
unholy.
He goes on
in the next
verse.
Provided
that their desires
do not contradict
the expressed
commands
of God.
Young people
in this room,
obey your parents
in everything,
provided their desires
do not contradict
the expressed
commands
of God.
Jesus anticipated
there would be
people that would
come to faith
in Christ
and their family
would not be
okay with it.
He says in Luke 12,
51-53,
do you think
that I have come
to give peace
on earth?
No, I tell you,
but rather division.
For from now on
in one house
there will be
five divided,
three against two
and two against three.
They will be divided
father against son
and son against father,
mother against daughter
and daughter against mother,
mother-in-law
against her daughter-in-law
and daughter-in-law
against her mother-in-law.
We know as a church
this is real.
We deal with this
type of thing,
pursuing the Lord
and having parents
who don't,
who want us to live
in contradiction
to the expressed
commands of God.
And I'm using that phrase
very carefully
because a common question
asked with young people,
young people want to
go on a particular trip.
Typically,
it's a mission trip.
They want to go someplace
with their summer
and their parents
just aren't comfortable
with it.
Unbelieving parents
say,
I don't want you to go.
That could be dangerous.
I'm not comfortable
with you traveling.
I don't want to spend money
in that way.
And students get so
wrecked over that.
But God wants me to go.
God has called me to go.
Has He?
He's called you
to obey your parents.
That's clear.
Your feeling,
your desire
to go someplace
does not trump
the expressed command
of God
in the Scriptures.
your parents
forbid you
to have faith
in Jesus Christ.
Your parents
forbid you
to meet,
to congregate
with other Christians.
Your parents
forbid you
to share your faith
with your roommate
or your co-worker.
Then you have
God's permission
to go around
their command.
Because you feel
like you want
to do something
is not
a permission
to ignore
the expressed command
of God
to obey
your parents.
I hope that clears
up some frustration
for some of you
this year.
Secondly,
it is an obedience
that seeks
to please God.
And the last part
of that verse,
for this
pleases
the Lord.
Again,
part of His
good created
order.
There's many
strict instructions
in the Old Testament
in the civil law
for those children
who didn't obey
their parents
to be put to death.
Civil law,
it's passed away.
Parents can't do
that under
our nation's laws.
But this is how
seriously
God takes this.
Why?
Because He loves
His creation.
Exodus 20.12
in the Ten Commandments
says,
Honor your father
and mother
that your days
may be long
in the land
that the Lord
your God
is giving you.
There goes
discipline right now.
Right, Liz?
Honor your father
and mother
that your days
may be long
in the land
that the Lord
your God
is giving you.
It will go
good for you
if you obey
your parents.
Ephesians 6.1
Children,
you should know
this one with me.
We've memorized it.
Children,
obey your parents
and the Lord
for this
is
right.
Obedience
to your parents
even at your age,
many of you,
is good
and pleasing
to God.
One other note
before we move on
to the fourth exhortation.
I know I'm running
long on time.
Notice that the children,
at least those
old enough
to understand
the reading
of Paul's letter,
were there.
He doesn't say,
be sure to tell
the children
to obey their parents.
The letter itself,
Paul specifically
addresses the children.
Now, I don't know
what that means.
I can't draw a line
anywhere in the sand,
but I'm just saying
to you,
it's an interesting
place to note
that children
were part of
church gathering.
We're glad for that.
If you're a total guest
and you've never
been here before,
we love kids.
We don't see them
as a burden,
but rather as a blessing
to our church.
We're glad to have them
in our meetings with us.
Okay, fourth,
an exhortation
to parents.
Verse 21,
fathers,
do not provoke
your children
lest they become
discouraged.
You've heard me
a couple of times
now say
there's an exhortation
here to parents
and this is why.
The Greek word
for fathers
is used specifically
for father,
but it's used
generally for parent.
It's used in a broader
sense for parent.
So, translators
get into a spot here.
Well, which way
do we go?
Who is Paul specifically?
Is he talking about
the general parent
or is he talking
about the specific
father?
And many have gone
the father route
and I respect translators.
They are much more
intelligent than I,
but I also respect
commentators who
tend to disagree
with the translators
so very often.
So, let me kind of
break this down.
The primary responsibility,
the primary responsibility
of the raising of children
falls to the husband.
The raising of our kids,
our boys,
in the fear and admonition
of the Lord,
rests on my shoulders.
But praise God,
I've been given a helper
suitable to me,
right?
A good helper.
Someone who I can
task out with things
that can help
in this process
as I go off to work
and she is at home
with the children.
I believe it's more
proper to understand
Paul to be addressing
both parents
because of this.
Even if,
rightly it should say,
fathers,
fathers still have
partners in this process
and so I like to say
parents.
As children have
a responsibility
to their parents,
so parents
have a responsibility
to their children
and it is a higher
responsibility.
Children just simply
get to obey.
Parents have the responsibility
of raising up.
Ephesians 6.4 says,
fathers,
do not provoke
your children to anger
but bring them up
in the discipline
and instruction
of the Lord.
This means that
we are to bring
our children up
in a way
in which they
fear God,
they understand God,
that they get
the Gospel.
And this is a challenge
in the raising
of children.
How to speak
to their hearts
and not just
their minds.
How to help
them to understand
that their disobedience
is ultimately
an offense against
God and not just
mommy or daddy.
It's a work
in our home.
We're always trying
to find ways
in which we can
do this well.
I love now
that Kay and my
five-year-old's
little wheels
are turning
and the things
that I've been
saying to him
since he was
a little guy,
one-year-old,
I'm already trying
to use the right
language with him,
are starting to
click into gear.
He's starting
to get the concept
of sin
and what obedience
to God looks like.
He's starting
to see that I'm
an agent of the
Lord to help him
walk in the way
of the Lord
and therefore
it's right and
proper for him
to obey.
We desperately
want this to bear
fruit in their
lives.
We want our
children to be
regenerate.
We want them
to belong to
the Lord and
honor them with
their lives.
And this is the
great call for
parents to
children.
He says in
this negative
exhortation,
do not provoke
your children
lest they become
discouraged.
This idea of
not provoking
your children
means to stir
up or to
irritate or
to exasperate.
Failure to
not provoke
them can cause
them to become
discouraged.
NASB renders
that to lose
heart or to
be without
courage.
And the
picture there
I think is
this constant
nagging,
nitpicking,
beating down.
You can never
do anything
right in the
sight of your
parents.
Your parents
are on top
of you all
the time.
Always hard.
Never encouraging.
Never helping
the children see
that they have
value and that
they know that
they're trying
and they're
working at it.
Never saying
to the children,
I'm proud of
you.
We could get
into this for
the longest
of time,
but it's
10 till
12,
so I'm
going to
skip a
bit down
in this.
Parents,
we are not
to provoke
our children
unless they
become discouraged.
We don't
want our
kids feeling
like they
can never
do anything
right in
our eyes.
We are to
lovingly train
our children.
The opposite
of this would
be to lovingly
train and
encourage our
children in
the right way.
To correct
them in the
same way that
God corrects
us.
His children.
Children need
to learn that
there are
consistent
consequences
for their
actions.
Consistent
consequences.
Like rules
need to be
made and
consequences for
breaking those
rules and
those things
need to be
followed through.
The writer of
Hebrews says
in chapter 12
verse 6,
for the Lord
disciplines the
one he loves
and chastises
every son
whom he receives.
It is good
and right
and proper
that we
discipline
our children.
Children need
to properly
understand
grace.
We should
not dismiss
their disobedience
but give
loving
discipline.
I hear this
a lot in
the talk of
Christian
parents.
I'll tell you
now that it's
laziness.
It's not well
motivated.
It's just
laziness.
But the
passing over,
the sometimes
punishing and
the sometimes
not intending
to display
the character
of God,
God did
not pass
over our
sins in a
dismissive way
like,
well,
I'm just
going to
look at
Nathan and
I'm just
not going
to discipline
Nathan for
all of his
sin.
No,
God fully,
in a way I
can never
do with my
children,
God fully
punished my
sin in
Christ.
The punishment
had to be
dealt out.
That was the
just thing for
God to do.
He took all
of my
sin and
he laid
it on
Christ.
The perfect,
the spotless,
the one who
had lived a
sinless life.
He gave it
to him and
then he gave
me his
righteousness.
This double
imputation that
occurred in
that way.
So now I
can stand
justified before
God having
to have all
my sins
forgiven because
they were
punished in
Christ.
And I can
now be an
adopted son
in right
standing with
the Lord.
By just
ignoring some
of the things
our children
do, we
don't accomplish
this.
We don't
teach them
the gospel.
The way you
teach your
children the
gospel is
that you
punish them
when they
sin and
then you
talk to
them about
sin and
the ultimate
punishment for
sin and
you tell them
that you
love them and
that they're
yours and
they'll never
not be
yours.
We always
reconcile after
punishment in
our house.
Right?
After I wear
Cade's rear end
out and he's
done thinking
about what he
did, we go
have a conversation
about why he
was punished,
that he sees
it's the
consequence for
what he
did.
It's not
because dad's
mean, it's
because he
broke my
law and
therefore a
punishment was
necessary for
that.
And I always
tell him that
he's my son
and I love
him and that's
why his
obedience is so
important to
me because I
want what's
good and
what's right
for him.
That's grace.
This is the
way that God
deals with us.
That when Cade
is disobedient to
me that I
don't kick him
out on the
street and
say you're
not my son
anymore.
I want
nothing to do
with you.
Good luck,
five-year-old.
The fact that I
don't do that
is grace.
That I love
him in this
way.
Children need
to properly
understand grace.
And so do
we.
We need to see
that relationship
with God and
children are so
very helpful for
us in this.
And so there's
four exhortations
for the
household of
the new
self.
One to
wives, one to
husbands, one to
children, and
one to parents.
The one for
whom Christ is
all, the one
who treasures
Christ above all
else, will live
differently than
they once did and
will live
differently than
the world that
surrounds them.
We shouldn't
take these
exhortations lightly
this morning because
Christ Family
Church exists to
glorify God by
experiencing,
proclaiming, and
displaying the
supremacy of Jesus
Christ in all
things to all
peoples.
Let's pray
together.