Well, imagine yourself hurtling down the freeway
and suddenly the driver rips the steering wheel off
and throws it out the window.
You're out of control.
It's going to end badly.
That, I think, is a picture of exactly where we're at as a society
when it comes to thinking about marriage and relationships.
Some have veered away into believing that relationships and family,
maleness and femaleness, can take any form a person chooses.
They'll go on to say that many people, if not most people,
will experience several different relationship forms
and they'll have perhaps even several different gender expressions
over their lifetime.
And they will all be acceptable.
Others veer off in another direction,
believing that marriage and family is just a cultural invention
of men and religion.
And it's been invented to control and exploit women.
And therefore it should be abolished completely.
Others steer off in the opposite direction,
making family and marriage absolutely essential
to their sense of identity and worth as a person.
I've got to be married.
I've got to have children.
And so here we are,
back and forth across the road
because we've no longer got a steering wheel.
And the inevitable result
is that so many will crash and burn.
And as Christians,
we've got to live in the middle of this chaos
and find a way to navigate
that reflects who we are as Christians.
So I want to say to you this morning
as I move into this series
and open up the series
for those who follow after me,
I want you to hear that this teaching series
is really important
because we need the steering wheel of God's word
if we are to model
gospel-shaped family relationships
in the face of this vicious
and unrelenting attack
that we're part of.
We need to know what's right.
We need courage to do what's right.
But I also hasten to add
that it will be a difficult series.
Certainly it's going to be difficult
for us to present
because of our failings
in this very area of relationships and family.
And it'll be difficult for you to hear
for exactly the same reason.
It's always easier to pretend
that things are well, isn't it?
Than to take ownership of things that aren't right
and to work for real change.
And so it'll be difficult to hear, I suspect.
But it will also be easily dismissed, I suspect,
as being too general to be helpful.
So what I mean by that is that
so often we come to an issue like family and relationships
with very specific issues
that are very specific to us
and we want answers for those issues.
Those are the burning questions for us.
And so then we get frustrated
because our burning question
isn't immediately answered.
And so we write the whole thing off
as being irrelevant.
Well, all I can say to you this morning
is I ask you to stay with us
as we lay the solid foundations
from which countless real issues
might be properly addressed.
We need the foundations right
before we can see how to connect in
and answer the specifics.
So with that introduction,
let's turn to God's word in Genesis 1 and 2.
And I want to just give you a very brief overview
of God's design for relationships.
And I've set it as a chart there
because I want you to see
just the opposites as they develop,
but hopefully you'll see that yourself
as I talk through this.
So God's design for relationships
set out in Genesis 1 and 2.
And I want to begin by saying this,
that our identity,
our sense of self,
is in being image bearers.
If you look at chapter 1 of Genesis,
if you've got your Bible open,
chapter 1, verses 26 and 27,
very familiar words,
but we need to look at them
and refresh our memory again of them.
Then God said,
let us make man in our image,
mankind in our image,
after our likeness.
And let them have dominion
over the fish of the sea
and over the birds of the heaven
and over the livestock
and over all the earth
and over every creeping thing
that creeps over the earth.
So God created man in his own image.
In the image of God,
he created him.
Male and female,
he created them.
We are made as image bearers.
Our identity comes in the fact
that we are to be
a reflection of God's character.
A reflection of our good God
and defined in relation to him.
So we're told there
that in the Genesis and creation story
that people are mankind,
humankind,
people are totally unique
and distinct among created animals
by virtue of being made
in God's image.
So what is it then
to be made in the image
or reflection of God?
Well, Genesis 2 highlights
four key areas
which will come out
over the next four weeks.
I just want to mention two
this morning.
To be a reflection of God
primarily is to be made
for relationship.
So we're in the column
on the left now.
By design,
we were made
for engagement
with God.
In Genesis 1 and 2,
the picture of engagement there
is what's known
as the eternal community.
Father, Son, and Spirit.
The Trinity
existed in harmony
before creation.
And mankind
was made
to engage
in that eternal community.
To enjoy
that eternal community.
To fully participate in it
with Father, Son, and Spirit.
To model that community
in all of life's relationships
in the context
of the world
that God has put them in.
And we see also
in Genesis 1 and 2,
the relationship
was characterized
by trust
and delight
and submission.
Adam delighted in God.
He appreciated
that his security
and satisfaction
and purpose
was in relationship
with God.
And in chapter 2,
he thrived
within the functional roles
allocated to him
by God
as God's vice-regent
in ruling the world,
ruling God's creation.
And then as we move
through chapter 2,
we see
a particularly
interesting thing
that being made
for a relationship
was characterized,
these relationships
were characterized
by a loving
complementarity.
Look at chapter 2,
verse 18,
and you see
a really, really
amazing thing.
Remember that
Adam had
a unique,
special,
intimate relationship
with God,
very direct.
And yet,
in verse 18,
the Lord God said,
it is not good
that the man
should be
alone.
Adam enjoyed
a unique relationship
with God,
the Creator.
Yet,
for all that,
God spoke
of Adam's
aloneness.
Adam needed
a relationship
that was
of the same
essence,
the same nature
as his relationship.
He had a wonderful
relationship
with God,
but it wasn't
perfectly reciprocal.
Adam needed
a relationship,
a horizontal
relationship
of the same
essence.
So,
in God's design,
chapter 2 of
Genesis,
in God's design,
one became
two,
and guess what?
Two became
one again.
It's quite a neat
little trick,
really.
Adam and Eve
expressed their
strong sense
of self,
self.
Each created,
in the image
of God,
their strong
sense of self
in a loving
complementarity.
And we'll open
it up more
in the next
weeks,
but each
in that
complementarity,
each valued
sameness.
Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh.
Each valued
sameness
in the context
of different
functional roles.
Each benefited
from the other,
a helper,
so that together
they could be
something which
they couldn't be
individually in
their aloneness.
And they benefited
from one another,
yet without thought
of competing.
And we're told
then at the
beginning of
chapter 2
that all
these relationships
happened in
the context
of rest
or peace.
When God
finished his
work of creation,
he rested.
In other words,
God shifted
his focus
from actual
creating
to sustaining
and enjoying
that which
he had created.
that's the
picture of
chapter 2.
And so
that leads
into
chapter 2
then.
The second
idea of being
designed is
to be a
reflection of
God in
being made
for worship.
Being made
for relationship
but being made
secondly for
worship.
And so
again,
we picture
the harmony
of the eternal
community,
Father,
Son and
Spirit.
the harmony
is modeled
through an
appropriate
response of
each of those
to the other.
That is the
definition of
harmony.
Father,
Son and
Spirit,
different but
appropriate
response to
each,
creating this
harmony.
So also
image bearers
were designed
to respond
appropriately to
God as
his creatures.
And again,
this is
worship.
Worship is
simply a
response to
God.
And we
see in
Genesis chapter
2 that it's
an all-of-life
response in
the garden.
Individually,
they were to
respond appropriately
to God as
image bearers.
Together,
they were to
respond appropriately
to God as
image bearers
together.
They were
thriving happily
under his
rule,
valuing God-ordained
distinctions and
boundaries.
And they see
that in
Genesis chapter
2 they were
worshipping in
their work of
tending the
garden and
ruling the
world.
That was
worship.
They were
worshipping God
in their
marriage relationship
as they were
helpers and
complementary of
one another.
And I take
it that means
that worship
included their
sexual relationships.
So in that
activity, that
aspect of
marriage,
that also was
an appropriate
response to
how God had
made them.
Worship is an
all-of-life
response.
Everything was
worship.
Everything was
God's rest, in
other words.
So God's
rest, when you
spell it all
out from
Genesis chapter
2, is the
peace, the
harmony, the
satisfaction that's
enjoyed when
God's people live
as God designed
them to live, as
God created them
to live.
love.
In sameness, but
indifference.
In engagement
with God, yet
worship of him.
God's rest, in
God's rest.
In
Genesis chapter
3,
but of course, all
this was ruined.
We move into
chapter 3.
All this was
ruined when
rebellion or sin
entered God's
world.
And so the
picture we have in
Genesis chapter
3, relative to
chapter 1 and 2,
is that sin
grotesquely
distorts
everything that
God had
designed.
And so any
image bearing or
reflection of
God, especially
in the sense of
identity and
sense of self, is
grotesquely
distorted because
of sin.
Francis
Schaeffer
captures it
beautifully by
saying that sin
or rebellion has
left people as
majestic ruins.
We are still
image bearers, but
so distorted that
the best we can
say about
ourselves is that
we're majestic
ruins.
Our identity and
sense of self is
just totally
distorted.
And so the
reality described
in Genesis 3 is
the opposite.
of what we see
in Genesis 1 and
2.
Instead of
engagement, there's
now detachment
from God.
A rebellious
humanity has
been excluded
from participating
in God's
community, no
longer able to
relate as God
designed.
Now the reality
is rejection of
God, suspicion of
his goodness, and
open competition
for personal
sovereignty.
That is, people
in our world as
we experience it
now, cut loose
from life as
God defined it,
cut loose from
our identity as
God defined it,
determined to be
God ourselves,
determined to set
our own course,
to be our own
rulers.
Oh my goodness.
I even scared
myself.
Determined to create
our own version of
the good life.
love.
And that pathway is
driven by
individualism,
exploitation,
consumerism, and
by that I mean
where love has
been so distorted
that is now
expressed as
manipulation and
exploitation for my
own benefit.
I do something for
you because I
sense I will get
gain from it
personally.
And out of that
then, we become
so ruthless in this
pursuit of
validation of
our identity,
validation of
self, this
distortion, that
it makes us attack
and wound and
demolish others
so that we might
feel secure in
ourselves.
And sometimes
that is so
aggressive and
so determined
that our actions
seriously impact
the way other
people have a
sense of self.
we put stuff in
their head that
remains theirs,
baggage, and
which they
struggle with for
many years to
come, if not for
the whole lifetime.
And all so we
can feel good about
ourselves.
And it produces
restlessness and
loss of peace.
See, we're in
conflict now.
Restlessness is
that.
It's conflict.
conflict.
Because we
long for
something, we
still sense deep
down that there's
something we're
longing for, this
harmony, this
peace, this
satisfaction, this
sense of identity
and self that's
easy and fits.
But we can't
deliver it.
So we long to be
accepted by people
but we also fear
rejection by those
who we have
failed, by those
we've offended in
relationship.
And that fear, I
think, is ultimately,
as Larry Crabb would
say, fear of
rejection by God.
It's buried deep
within us.
We can't necessarily
get it all untangled
and explained but it's
there.
It drives us.
You know that fear
is a big part of all
your relationships.
And we live with
shame.
Knowing that we are
exploiting and
consuming those we
profess to love, yet
we cannot help
ourselves.
We cannot stop
ourselves.
We're secretly full
of shame in their
presence and
ultimately, again,
full of shame when we
think of ourselves in
the presence of God.
fear.
So fear and shame
are such big parts
of our relationships
that often we don't
understand why
there's such fundamental
parts of it.
And all of this
distorted identity
and sense of self
renders us unable
to worship in truth
or in spirit.
And so, my friends,
our worship
therefore becomes
false.
It's distorted.
Instead of being a
whole of life response
which is based on
truth, based on how
we're designed to be,
we actually reduce it
and we make our
worship a selected
response to God on
our own terms.
So we take our
relationships out and
we don't think that the
way we conduct
ourselves in marriage or
as children.
We don't think or
say that as part of
our worship.
We don't think our
sexual activity is part
of our worship.
We reduce it down to
something that we feel
comfortable with.
It's a distortion.
We make a part
into the whole
and we don't have the
heart that engages
with God.
And so we find it
easier to worship
self
rather than to have
ourselves worship
God.
We find it easier
to worship work
than to worship
God through our
work.
We find it easier
to worship marriage
than to worship
God in our
marriages.
We find it easier
to worship
family than to
worship God in and
through our family
relationships.
We make part of
the life into the
whole and then
think that when we
present that to God
as a religious
action, we have
done something
worthwhile and
pleasing to him.
So often our
worship has even
reduced to singing.
That's often how we
think of worship
primarily today,
isn't it?
But deep down we
know that cannot
work.
So we're left in
restlessness.
We're left with a
lack of satisfaction.
We're left with
confusion in our
identity.
And that gets
expressed at all
sorts of level.
We're left without
meaning and purpose
in life.
And so we struggle
all the harder to
find meaning and
purpose in those
things that we
think should give us
meaning and purpose
such as family,
such as our
relationships.
Blaise Pascal,
the philosopher,
once said that the
doctrine of original
sin, which is what
we're talking about in
Genesis 3, the
doctrine of the fall
seems an offense to
reason when you
first come across
it.
It seems ridiculous
to think that people
have been changed
like this.
But he goes on to
say, once accepted,
it makes the total
sense of the human
condition.
See, we may not
accept the
argumentation behind
it, but we would
all have to agree
that we make a mess
of relationships.
Our expectations
for our relationships
are rarely delivered.
But the pursuit of
our expectations
causes enormous
trouble and
destruction.
So we recognize
that, and I'm
telling you this
morning, what's
behind all that,
whether you believe
it or not.
The reality of sins,
as Schaeffer says,
means that we're
majestic ruins.
we need to be
restored to the
original design,
reformatted to
God's original
design so that
once again we're
a reflection of
God's character
and a model of
this to the
world.
My friends,
that's why this
story has got a
really happy,
positive outcome.
This is the
beauty of the
gospel.
The gospel,
in and through
the gospel,
my image-bearing
capacity is
restored through
Christ so that
once again I'm
now able to
live in my
relationships as
God designed it
to be.
The gospel
restores my
image-bearing
capacity by
restoring identity
and a proper
sense of self.
Remember how
Adam was defined
in relation to
God?
Now, in the
gospel, I am
defined, you're
defined in
relation to
Christ.
Turn with me
now to
Ephesians.
I'm just going
to touch down
on a few
verses here.
You can read
through Ephesians
4.
In fact, the
whole of
Ephesians is
just full of
the language of
restoration.
And you'll see
that the ideas
that match up
with what's lost
in Genesis 3
and pushes back
to what was so
beautiful, but
Genesis 1 and
2.
So in Ephesians
chapter 1,
verse 3,
we'll start there,
so we're
told again
here of
engagement with
God.
That's part of
the restoration.
So there was
engagement,
detachment,
now in Christ,
engagement again
through Jesus.
Look at
chapter 1,
verse 3.
Blessed be the
God and Father
of our Lord
Jesus Christ,
who has blessed
us in Christ
with every
spiritual blessing
in the heavenly
places.
And that keeps
going there
through the
verses.
It talks about
Father, Son, and
Spirit.
being involved
in our
restoration so
that once
again we're
engaged in the
eternal community.
We now enjoy
every spiritual
blessing God
intended for us
when he first
created us.
Father, Son, and
Spirit have
combined to
completely restore
relationship with
him.
We see that
coming through
again in
chapter 2.
The relationship
was characterized
by unity and
peace.
Chapter 2,
verses 11
through to 23.
I don't have
time to stop
and you can
read it for
yourself.
Jesus bears
our guilt
so that we
no longer need
to fear God.
Jesus turns
our shame
into honor
as we are
adopted into
God's family
as dearly
beloved children.
we no longer
need to fear
God's presence.
And turn with
me to chapter
4, verses 1
to 6, what
Joe read a
little bit
earlier.
Vertical
restoration, that
restoration of
relationship with
God vertically
also means a
restoration of
relationship
horizontally.
Restoration to
peace and unity
with every other
believer in the
same way as we
now have peace
and unity with
Christ.
And we see
there that our
challenge is not
to create this
unity that has
been created in
Christ.
Our challenge is
simply to express
that unity.
Because that's
our identity.
That's who we
are now in the
Lord Jesus.
And that unity
ought to be
modeled in all
our relationships.
in our actions,
in our attitudes,
in our desires.
So that our
desires and
actions and
attitudes, as it
says there, are
worthy.
That is, that they
truly reflect, that
we're authentic.
Reflect who we are
in Christ.
In verse 15,
once again,
relationships can be
driven by truth
and love
and true
complementarity.
Verses 23 and
24 that was read
to us,
to renew in the
spirit of your
minds and to put
on the new self
created after the
likeness of God in
true righteousness
and holiness.
we express again
truth and love
and true
complementarity as
we help one
another get rid
of all the
signs of the
life alienated
and detached
from God and
build in all the
signs of the
righteous life,
the life that's
re-engaged with
God, that's
restored with
God, that's
changed from
the inside out.
Because that
showcases our
new identity.
It showcases
and expresses
our new sense
of self,
our true sense
of self as
we were created
to show it.
So there's
nothing wrong
with being
selfish,
providing we
understand that
selfish for us
as Christians
is a reflection,
an authentic
reflection of
who we are
in Jesus.
And as we
struggle to
demonstrate our
new authentic
self in Christ,
then we are
worshipping.
Chapter 5,
verse 1 says,
be imitators of
God as beloved
children.
I take it that's
another type of
picture language
for worship.
that is,
respond to God
as God
is appropriate
to his character
and his being.
Chapter 5,
verses 8 to 15,
we'll probably see
those more over the
next few weeks,
talks about walking
as the children
of the light.
Look at verse
18,
verse 8,
sorry,
of chapter 5.
For at one
time you were
darkness,
but thou
you're light
in the Lord.
You get this
contrast between
what we were
in sin
and what we
now are
in Christ.
Walk,
therefore,
as children
of light
and try to
discern,
verse 10,
what is pleasing
to the Lord.
Take no part
in unfruitful
works of
darkness,
but instead
expose them.
verse 17,
do not be foolish,
but understand
what the word
of the Lord
is.
Do not get
drunk with wine
for that is
debauchery,
but be filled
with the Spirit
addressing one
another in
psalms and hymns
and spiritual
songs,
singing and
making melody
to the Lord
with all your
heart.
Be your
authentic self
and that will
be true worship.
Worship in
spirit,
engaging with
the heart
and in truth.
A true
reflection of
who we are
in relation
to God.
A true
reflection of
God's value
and worth.
A true
identity.
And as we
do all that,
we have
evidence of
the Spirit
re-tuning
our hearts
to express
our growing
joy and
delight with
God.
And the
inevitable
outcome of
that will
be that
our
distorted
sense of
self
will give
way
to a
renewed
sense of
self
in Christ.
And that
will
transform our
relationships.
And only
that will
transform our
relationships.
So,
we need to
be gospel
shaped in
our
thinking about
family
relationships.
But that
might not be
as obvious
as you
think.
See,
without the
steering wheel
of God's
word,
we actually
won't know
how to do
relationships as
God designed
them.
We won't
know how to
operate families
as God
designed them,
intended them.
We won't even
know what a
family is,
let alone how
to make it
God honoring.
We need the
steering wheel of
God's word.
Because if we set
our course by
society,
then we can
actually all just
go home,
because society
says there's
no problem.
Our society
has totally
embraced this
distorted identity
and self.
And society
says,
well,
actually,
there's no real
need for change.
If you get an
issue with me,
then your
challenge is to
accept me as
I am.
That's what
society says.
People just
have to accept
me and my
relationship
for what they
are.
And as
Christians,
we take that
on too easily.
We have come
to live with
dysfunction and
pain in our
relationships.
And we simply
conclude,
that's how
it's meant to
be.
That's as good
as it can
be.
That's as good
as it can be.
But we
sort of
sidestep a
little bit
because we
then compare
our family
context to
others out
there in the
wider world.
And we do
it in such
a way that
we can
usually conclude
that we're
doing very
well as
families relative
to other
people.
But so
often we
don't look
vertically to
see how
our family
measures up,
how our
family relationships
measure up in
terms of God's
intention for
us.
So we
live with
this sense
of well-being,
this acceptance
of where we're
at in our
relationships,
but it's
far from
worship.
We need to
see that
family and
relationships are
part of our
worship.
And you can
see through
Ephesians 4 and
5, we'll come
back to some
of these
details, but
that needs
to, we need
to be our
authentic selves
in terms of
how we love
one another.
We need to
reflect who
we are in
Christ in
terms of
how we
repent when
we mess up
in our
relationships,
and we
will.
We need to
take ownership,
proper ownership.
It will
reflect how we
offer forgiveness
and handle
forgiveness in
our relationships.
Not a
fluffy, easy
thing that
just says,
well, okay,
all right, let's
just pretend it
hasn't happened,
nothing's really
been fixed, but
let's just pretend
everything's good.
That's not
reflection of
Christ.
And yet, that's
so often what
we mistake and
put forward as
forgiveness.
We need to be
gospel-shaped.
And then the
other extreme,
sometimes as
Christians, we
have too high a
view of family
and relationships.
I said early
on in the
introduction,
sometimes we
as Christians
make family an
idol and
marriage an
idol.
We make it our
goal in life to
be married, to
have children.
rather than
understand that
the primary
one-flesh
relationship we
have now is
with Christ.
It's Christ
who defines us
and gives us
our identity,
not whether
we're married
and whether
we have
children.
And I
think that's
why, I
think that
partly explains
why divorce
rates among
Christians are
just as high as
they are in
the non-Christian
world.
We're so
committed to
finding identity
in marriage and
family relationships
in our children
that if we
fail in one
then we
break one
marriage, we
break one
family and
we start
again because
that's what
we're chasing.
Friends, we
need to learn
that it's not
going to ever
be a biological
relationship that
will satisfy us
ultimately, but
Christ.
So let's pray
over the next
six weeks.
Let's pray for
new exposure,
new challenge
from God's
word so we
might identify
areas where
we have lost
gospel shape
or perhaps
we're never
gospel shaped
in the first
place.
And let's
commit to
struggle for
real change
so we might
be authentic
in our identity
and sense of
self as we
relate to one
another.
Let me pray.
Help us,
Lord, to hear
your word.
It will be
difficult,
difficult to
present and
difficult to
hear because
Lord, hearing
means the
risk of
exposure and
exposure pushes
us to the
challenge of
change.
Lord, keep
us, I
pray, above
all else from
simply pretending
that things are
well rather
than struggling
for real
change.
Amen.