WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.279 Well, it's great to be with you tonight and to continue to teach. 00:00:08.279 --> 00:00:10.919 I want to do a bit of a video. 00:00:11.740 --> 00:00:15.720 I've been told that I am more friendly on video than I am in person. 00:00:17.059 --> 00:00:21.960 So we'll continue that on. 00:00:24.100 --> 00:00:27.800 It's encouraging me about my gifts and where I'm best suited, I think. 00:00:27.859 --> 00:00:28.480 That's all it was. 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:39.679 See, on one level, I feel like I could finish it there, where we are, talking about geese or goose. 00:00:41.100 --> 00:00:44.100 But there is more to advance on this. 00:00:44.519 --> 00:00:52.299 Really what I just spoke about there, just very, very quickly in five minutes, is really a culture shaper. 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:54.320 That's what that is. 00:00:54.320 --> 00:01:03.039 I've just given you an introduction to something that is a culture shaper for us at St. Paul's. 00:01:03.700 --> 00:01:08.079 Something that is primarily a pushback against Western culture. 00:01:08.079 --> 00:01:12.620 And that is, you are not valued based on what you produce. 00:01:14.539 --> 00:01:18.759 Which is one of the major arguments for euthanasia nowadays. 00:01:18.759 --> 00:01:20.519 One of the big supports of euthanasia. 00:01:20.599 --> 00:01:26.939 If you no longer enjoy your life and you can no longer produce anything, then you're a drain on society. 00:01:27.019 --> 00:01:29.319 And therefore, we should get rid of you. 00:01:29.319 --> 00:01:32.000 That's a Western philosophical thought. 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:46.260 So, one of the things that we want to develop more at St. Paul's is a culture that says people over productivity. 00:01:46.500 --> 00:01:47.400 We care about people. 00:01:47.400 --> 00:01:51.260 We labor in order to reach people. 00:01:51.480 --> 00:01:54.060 And yet, the way we reach people matters. 00:01:54.719 --> 00:01:56.039 The way we treat people. 00:01:56.040 --> 00:01:58.420 The way we love people in the process matters. 00:01:59.560 --> 00:02:01.840 So, I want to talk about teams, ministry teams. 00:02:01.960 --> 00:02:05.340 I talked about my own joy of being part of a team here at St. Paul's. 00:02:05.880 --> 00:02:12.740 I really do have a heart for those who don't exist in a team ministry or don't have a healthy team ministry. 00:02:12.740 --> 00:02:20.620 Which, as it turns out, from conversations with Dyson leaders recently, is that is a vast majority. 00:02:20.620 --> 00:02:27.920 One of our regional bishops says he spends most of his time dealing with team conflicts within churches. 00:02:30.099 --> 00:02:31.980 Teams aren't built overnight. 00:02:32.840 --> 00:02:36.460 It takes a long time to develop a group of individuals into a team. 00:02:37.219 --> 00:02:46.920 It's much more difficult to know exactly what you need to do to take a group of individuals and turn them into a team. 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:53.500 And most of us sitting here tonight are in a team of some description at St. Paul's. 00:02:55.000 --> 00:03:01.199 There are many factors that play part in this complex process of team building. 00:03:02.239 --> 00:03:03.799 But there are two main foundations. 00:03:04.299 --> 00:03:07.779 I'll spend a fair bit of time on the first one and very quickly on the second one. 00:03:07.780 --> 00:03:18.500 Two main foundations that need to be laid before there's any resemblance of being a functional, gospel-centered Christian team. 00:03:19.420 --> 00:03:22.900 And the first foundation is stability. 00:03:23.460 --> 00:03:24.659 It's helpful for a foundation. 00:03:25.860 --> 00:03:27.139 I like the rectory over there. 00:03:27.139 --> 00:03:37.639 Every team member is wondering about the answers to three major questions. 00:03:38.679 --> 00:03:43.819 They don't know it, but they've got them subconsciously down there. 00:03:43.899 --> 00:03:45.039 They're deep questions. 00:03:45.839 --> 00:03:47.359 Number one, can I trust you? 00:03:47.579 --> 00:03:49.419 Number two, do you care about me? 00:03:49.500 --> 00:03:51.519 Number three, are you committed to this? 00:03:52.219 --> 00:03:53.579 Are you committed to this team? 00:03:53.979 --> 00:03:56.319 Are you committed to what this team is seeking to do? 00:03:56.319 --> 00:03:57.620 Can I trust you? 00:03:57.680 --> 00:03:58.539 Do you care about me? 00:03:58.620 --> 00:03:59.479 Are you committed to this? 00:04:00.419 --> 00:04:07.079 No one wants to be part of a team in which they can't trust the leader or the other members of the team. 00:04:07.719 --> 00:04:15.519 They feel that they're not cared for or they know the other members aren't committed to each other or, in fact, to a goal. 00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:30.259 So, in order to build stability, you need to show your team your answer to all those three questions is yes, yes, yes. 00:04:31.900 --> 00:04:36.600 Without you doing that, you won't build a team, a stable team. 00:04:36.600 --> 00:04:44.180 And we answer yes, yes, yes to each one of those questions in every decision we make. 00:04:44.980 --> 00:04:50.900 Every decision either reinforces or undermines one of those yeses. 00:04:50.899 --> 00:04:59.019 So, the first one is trust. 00:04:59.719 --> 00:05:00.579 Can I trust you? 00:05:00.599 --> 00:05:01.519 Can I trust you as a team member? 00:05:01.579 --> 00:05:02.739 Can I trust you as a team leader? 00:05:03.699 --> 00:05:08.179 If people like you, they might listen to you. 00:05:08.180 --> 00:05:15.780 But if they trust you, they will partner with you and will potentially even follow you. 00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:22.480 You need to show yourself to be a person worthy of trust in order for people to trust you. 00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:32.439 You signal that trustworthiness or your lack of it in everything you do, every decision you make. 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:38.120 Now, this probably all seems really obvious. 00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:41.500 Of course, we need to trust each other to be a healthy team. 00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:51.980 But the truth is, most teams that function together don't actually trust each other because they focus on the wrong kind of trust. 00:05:51.980 --> 00:06:04.360 For example, if you say you want the team to arrive on time, you're the leader of the team, you want the team to be prepared, 00:06:04.860 --> 00:06:07.980 then you, the leader, have to arrive on time and you have to be prepared. 00:06:10.259 --> 00:06:21.480 If the vast majority of time you arrive, when you say you will, the team will know that they can trust you in that sense. 00:06:21.480 --> 00:06:25.280 And it's called predictive trust. 00:06:26.740 --> 00:06:28.000 People know you. 00:06:28.460 --> 00:06:29.700 They know what you do. 00:06:30.080 --> 00:06:31.759 They know how you behave. 00:06:32.340 --> 00:06:34.600 They can predict your behavior. 00:06:34.840 --> 00:06:35.900 It's predictive trust. 00:06:37.340 --> 00:06:41.379 And predictive trust is a great help when working with a team. 00:06:41.500 --> 00:06:44.680 You say what you're going to do and they can predict you're going to follow through with it. 00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:52.139 But predictive trust is, if you like, the entry point of trust. 00:06:53.240 --> 00:06:58.699 It's not the kind of trust that you need to build the foundations of a great team. 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:00.460 You need much more than that. 00:07:00.459 --> 00:07:09.939 Predictive trust is, if you like, permission to play kind of trust. 00:07:10.620 --> 00:07:16.939 You don't even get to be on the field and play if you can't be predictive in your behavior. 00:07:18.679 --> 00:07:24.659 There is a deeper type of trust that's not less than, but it's so much more than predictive trust. 00:07:24.660 --> 00:07:29.620 You need the kind of trust that comes from being vulnerable with your team. 00:07:30.180 --> 00:07:33.160 Trust is built by vulnerability. 00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:44.740 It's where you can admit your mistakes and your weaknesses and be confident that people won't take advantage of it or think any less of you because of it. 00:07:45.480 --> 00:07:52.540 One of the great leadership books on how to be a great organization is called The Advantage. 00:07:52.640 --> 00:07:58.140 It's written by the same guy who Paul and Rachel, Patrick Lencioni, they've got books from tonight. 00:07:58.240 --> 00:07:59.620 So The Advantage, it's a great book. 00:07:59.620 --> 00:08:11.180 The main idea of the book is that organizational health, the way that people work together, trumps everything else in an organization. 00:08:11.980 --> 00:08:18.819 So organizational health eats strategy and vision for breakfast is basically, it would be my subtitle. 00:08:19.840 --> 00:08:21.699 And Lencioni says this about trust. 00:08:21.699 --> 00:08:34.840 When everyone on the team knows everyone else is vulnerable enough, that no one is going to hide his or her weaknesses or mistakes, they develop a deep and uncommon sense of trust. 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:45.500 They speak more freely and fearlessly with one another and don't waste time and energy putting on airs and pretending to be someone that they're not. 00:08:45.500 --> 00:08:55.259 Predictive trust is certainly necessary for you to work in a group competently. 00:08:56.059 --> 00:09:00.860 But being able to work in a team is so much more than just working in a group. 00:09:00.860 --> 00:09:18.560 To work in a team, you need to develop weakness-based trust, which is a kind of trust that can be built very quickly and is so much more powerful. 00:09:18.559 --> 00:09:31.319 If you're the team leader, so if you're a team leader tonight, you're leading a group of other leaders, a group of other volunteers or members of the church, it starts with you. 00:09:32.359 --> 00:09:34.399 Vulnerability starts with you. 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:36.559 You need to go first. 00:09:37.239 --> 00:09:38.259 Admit you're human. 00:09:38.699 --> 00:09:44.059 Be courageous enough to be weak in front of your team, to be broken in front of your team. 00:09:44.059 --> 00:09:51.759 If you don't do it, they never will because they never know whether you're going to leave them high and dry. 00:09:52.719 --> 00:10:00.059 They never know whether you're going to come back around somewhere and use your vulnerability in your face. 00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:09.199 But if you can model it for them and make sure you encourage them when they do it rather than penalize them, 00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:17.620 this trust will grow rapidly as part of the group and it will begin to function as a team. 00:10:19.160 --> 00:10:22.780 Now, the beauty of it as Christians, and Lencioni is not a Christian, 00:10:23.540 --> 00:10:30.500 but the beauty of it as Christians is, well, we have, well, St. Paul's, we have this core value called humble authenticity, 00:10:30.500 --> 00:10:37.539 which is all about being real, genuine with our brokenness and our sinfulness. 00:10:37.539 --> 00:10:48.919 The gospel is applicable and beautiful because the necessary precondition is that you and I are dysfunctional, 00:10:49.639 --> 00:10:54.080 horribly flawed failures, every single one of us. 00:10:54.080 --> 00:11:02.420 not one of your critics is correct. 00:11:06.160 --> 00:11:08.400 Not one of your critics is correct. 00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:12.180 You are way worse than they think you are. 00:11:16.820 --> 00:11:19.300 And not one of your supporters is correct. 00:11:21.000 --> 00:11:23.660 Because you're way worse than you think you are. 00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:27.300 That's the beauty of the gospel. 00:11:28.440 --> 00:11:31.820 And the gospel we proclaim here week after week tells us that. 00:11:32.180 --> 00:11:38.200 And so it should build a culture of acknowledging what we hold to be true. 00:11:44.160 --> 00:11:45.100 That's the first thing. 00:11:46.259 --> 00:11:46.680 Trust. 00:11:46.940 --> 00:11:47.580 Second, care. 00:11:47.940 --> 00:11:52.040 People also want to know whether you care about them or whether you're just using them. 00:11:52.779 --> 00:11:54.959 It's not enough for you to care about them. 00:11:55.039 --> 00:11:57.379 They need to know that you actually do care. 00:11:57.519 --> 00:11:59.120 Care is an action word. 00:11:59.419 --> 00:12:01.459 And there are lots of ways you can show people you care. 00:12:01.959 --> 00:12:04.579 You take the time to get to know the people on your team. 00:12:04.899 --> 00:12:07.439 You check in with them regularly to see how they're getting on as people, 00:12:07.519 --> 00:12:08.939 not just as members of the team. 00:12:09.259 --> 00:12:12.839 You're generally thankful for the work that they do for the team. 00:12:12.840 --> 00:12:17.440 And you make sure that you tell them that you are thankful for the work that they do as part of the team. 00:12:17.580 --> 00:12:19.639 You say that you're sorry when you make a mistake. 00:12:19.759 --> 00:12:20.899 You don't blame them for it. 00:12:20.920 --> 00:12:23.200 You take responsibility for it if you're the team leader. 00:12:23.639 --> 00:12:24.960 You listen to their ideas. 00:12:25.080 --> 00:12:26.180 You give careful feedback. 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:29.420 You treat them as partners, not just as helpers. 00:12:29.660 --> 00:12:30.639 Filling a gap. 00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:34.480 All of these things will communicate that you, in fact, care about them, 00:12:34.580 --> 00:12:36.220 not just what they bring to the team. 00:12:37.639 --> 00:12:42.080 If you want to build a strong team, people have to know that you care about them 00:12:42.080 --> 00:12:45.100 and that others on the team care about them as well. 00:12:45.100 --> 00:12:52.360 Of course, the stronger and deeper the relationships are between team members, 00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:54.460 the better the team actually functions. 00:12:55.580 --> 00:12:58.440 The quicker, the better decisions I think they are 00:12:58.440 --> 00:12:59.960 and the quicker decisions that they make, 00:13:00.259 --> 00:13:02.159 they'll deal with conflicts a whole lot easier. 00:13:02.580 --> 00:13:09.060 They'll lead through crises together in a much more unified, stronger, clearer way. 00:13:09.059 --> 00:13:17.339 In fact, neuroscience tells us that our brains run on three things. 00:13:17.799 --> 00:13:21.419 Oxygen, glucose and relationships. 00:13:22.419 --> 00:13:24.279 Now, I'm fully aware of this as a diabetic. 00:13:24.399 --> 00:13:29.439 When my sugars get low and I haven't got as much glucose running around in my brain, 00:13:30.259 --> 00:13:33.379 it's a nice feeling for a little while, 00:13:34.039 --> 00:13:38.479 but man, I cannot make a decision to save my life. 00:13:39.059 --> 00:13:44.399 American author Henry Cloud recounts, in one of his books, 00:13:44.500 --> 00:13:47.379 recounts an experiment that was done with monkeys 00:13:47.379 --> 00:13:53.379 to measure the effects of relationships on cortisol levels in their brains. 00:13:53.879 --> 00:13:59.019 Now, cortisol is a hormone closely associated with high stress levels. 00:13:59.439 --> 00:14:03.099 So in this experiment, they get a monkey, they jam him in a cage, 00:14:03.099 --> 00:14:08.899 and they expose the monkey to high levels of psychological stress. 00:14:09.059 --> 00:14:13.019 They got loud music and flashing lights, and they go nuts. 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.859 And the monkey went nuts. 00:14:15.959 --> 00:14:16.719 It freaked him out. 00:14:17.479 --> 00:14:24.119 And they measured the levels of stress hormones in the monkey's brain. 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:27.419 They recorded it, and then they did it again. 00:14:28.379 --> 00:14:30.959 And the only thing they did differently the second time 00:14:30.959 --> 00:14:34.219 was they got the monkey's mate, I'm assuming another monkey, 00:14:34.220 --> 00:14:36.720 and put him in the cage with the monkey, 00:14:36.720 --> 00:14:38.940 and did exactly the same thing. 00:14:39.500 --> 00:14:42.060 And as soon as it was over, 00:14:42.500 --> 00:14:45.759 they measured the stress hormones in the monkey's brain, 00:14:45.960 --> 00:14:48.899 and they were exactly 50% less. 00:14:48.899 --> 00:14:57.480 That is, this pair of monkeys was twice as good at handling the stress 00:14:57.480 --> 00:14:59.659 as the monkey was by itself. 00:15:01.939 --> 00:15:06.360 Monkeys' brains, and this is not a lecture in evolution. 00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:08.720 I'm not heading in that direction. 00:15:09.779 --> 00:15:13.079 But monkeys' brains, it seems, are designed to function in relationships. 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:16.980 They are communal animals, and so are owls. 00:15:16.980 --> 00:15:19.659 Cloud concludes this. 00:15:21.300 --> 00:15:25.060 For research findings about the positive effects of supportive connections 00:15:25.060 --> 00:15:26.360 continue to pour in, 00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:30.860 and they are equally compelling and conclusive. 00:15:31.740 --> 00:15:35.840 Our brains need positive relationships to grow and function well, 00:15:36.279 --> 00:15:37.800 whether for monkeys in a cage, 00:15:38.220 --> 00:15:40.159 financial wizards on Wall Street, 00:15:40.300 --> 00:15:43.080 or your own team members' relationship 00:15:43.080 --> 00:15:46.019 is the key to high performance. 00:15:46.980 --> 00:15:51.500 Thirdly, commitment. 00:15:52.500 --> 00:15:55.980 People want to know if you're committed to this team, 00:15:56.379 --> 00:15:59.060 and what this team's trying to accomplish. 00:15:59.940 --> 00:16:02.519 Not just that you're committed for now, 00:16:02.840 --> 00:16:04.500 but you're actually committed. 00:16:04.500 --> 00:16:09.820 What is it that you will give up for these people, 00:16:09.960 --> 00:16:13.580 to invest in these people that you're ministering with? 00:16:14.019 --> 00:16:17.779 What will you miss out on for this, for them? 00:16:18.460 --> 00:16:23.500 How sick do you need to be in order to skip being with them? 00:16:23.500 --> 00:16:30.259 Because if they're going to come with you, 00:16:31.740 --> 00:16:35.600 if they're going to miss things, 00:16:35.700 --> 00:16:36.879 if they're going to give up things, 00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:38.480 if they're going to skip things, 00:16:39.019 --> 00:16:43.340 they want to know if you're willing to do the same. 00:16:43.340 --> 00:16:51.960 Now, there is a difference between being committed for now and being committed. 00:16:52.560 --> 00:16:54.420 When you're committed for now, 00:16:54.740 --> 00:16:58.860 what you're doing is you're still scanning the horizon for the better opportunity. 00:16:59.780 --> 00:17:01.860 You're still scanning for the next step up, 00:17:01.899 --> 00:17:04.740 a bigger platform, a more prestigious position. 00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:07.660 You're not satisfied with where you are, 00:17:08.200 --> 00:17:10.539 and so you're not focused on what you are doing. 00:17:11.120 --> 00:17:12.519 You might say that you're committed, 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:15.099 but you're committed just for now. 00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:21.680 And if you're really committed to what you're doing, 00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:24.460 you'll invest yourself in it. 00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:28.900 You'll plant yourself. 00:17:29.460 --> 00:17:31.980 You'll put your head down and get on with it. 00:17:31.980 --> 00:17:35.360 And so in order to build a team, 00:17:35.579 --> 00:17:39.579 which is every team member's responsibility, 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:47.620 you need to show people that they can trust you to be real and to be vulnerable, 00:17:48.420 --> 00:17:50.799 that you care about them, 00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:53.000 and that you're committed to them. 00:17:54.200 --> 00:17:57.200 If you do or say too many things that communicate 00:17:57.200 --> 00:17:59.920 that your answer to one of those questions is a no, 00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:06.580 you will never succeed in building a team or being part of a strong team, 00:18:07.019 --> 00:18:08.940 and you lose. 00:18:10.039 --> 00:18:10.779 You lose. 00:18:14.740 --> 00:18:19.279 Developing a culture of care, trust, and commitment takes a lot of time. 00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:21.580 It starts with the team leader, 00:18:21.980 --> 00:18:24.600 but it's the responsibility of every team member. 00:18:24.599 --> 00:18:26.819 So speak honestly, 00:18:27.719 --> 00:18:28.899 share deeply, 00:18:29.699 --> 00:18:31.480 admit mistakes freely, 00:18:32.259 --> 00:18:34.119 ask for forgiveness quickly, 00:18:34.919 --> 00:18:41.799 and verbally reprimand those who ridicule an honest moment, 00:18:42.299 --> 00:18:45.159 or who break down a group's confidence, 00:18:45.699 --> 00:18:48.719 and spread information to people that they should not be spreading. 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:54.039 Which is not just bad information, 00:18:54.740 --> 00:18:58.440 but any information that they should not be spreading. 00:19:00.620 --> 00:19:04.620 It only takes one lapse to destroy months of work in this area. 00:19:05.180 --> 00:19:07.220 Teams are built on stability. 00:19:08.360 --> 00:19:09.720 That's the first foundation. 00:19:10.500 --> 00:19:15.039 The second foundation for necessary to build teams is time. 00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:17.000 It takes a lot. 00:19:20.619 --> 00:19:20.980 Cool. 00:19:21.079 --> 00:19:21.599 Thank you, Steve. 00:19:22.639 --> 00:19:25.000 Steve's obviously covered a lot there over the last few minutes. 00:19:25.659 --> 00:19:28.200 He has a very good reputation for packing a lot in in a short space of time. 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.099 So I wanted to give people the opportunity to reflect a little bit 00:19:31.099 --> 00:19:32.519 and think back to what he was talking through. 00:19:33.099 --> 00:19:35.440 One, I guess the importance of people over productivity, 00:19:36.019 --> 00:19:37.500 and love as a real culture shaper. 00:19:38.039 --> 00:19:39.920 But two, the foundations in team building. 00:19:40.460 --> 00:19:42.259 The first foundation we talked about was stability. 00:19:42.779 --> 00:19:44.180 Who remembers the three parts to that? 00:19:44.180 --> 00:19:45.820 Or at least one of them? 00:19:47.620 --> 00:19:47.980 Trust. 00:19:48.920 --> 00:19:49.240 Care. 00:19:50.120 --> 00:19:50.460 And commitment. 00:19:50.920 --> 00:19:51.160 Excellent. 00:19:51.740 --> 00:19:53.539 And the second foundation? 00:19:54.779 --> 00:19:55.600 It takes time. 00:19:56.060 --> 00:19:56.259 Cool. 00:19:56.940 --> 00:19:57.640 So think through that. 00:19:57.779 --> 00:19:59.380 Have a quick chat to the person next to you, 00:19:59.620 --> 00:20:00.580 if you have any questions, 00:20:00.840 --> 00:20:02.460 or send them to my mobile phone, 00:20:02.700 --> 00:20:04.620 which the number I think will appear fairly shortly. 00:20:04.980 --> 00:20:07.360 And then I'll invite Steve up to answer your questions 00:20:07.360 --> 00:20:08.519 in the next 60 seconds or so. 00:20:08.519 --> 00:20:08.580 Thank you. 00:20:14.180 --> 00:20:15.180 Thank you. 00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:18.920 Thank you. 00:20:18.920 --> 00:20:19.279 Thank you. 00:20:21.120 --> 00:20:22.539 So we might just come back together now 00:20:22.539 --> 00:20:24.380 and see whether we have any questions. 00:20:25.500 --> 00:20:26.680 I don't have any SMSs, 00:20:26.740 --> 00:20:28.420 so I'm assuming that you're all going to put your hand up 00:20:28.420 --> 00:20:29.060 and ask questions. 00:20:29.059 --> 00:20:35.559 Any questions for Steve? 00:20:35.700 --> 00:20:36.480 Thoughts provoked? 00:20:48.700 --> 00:20:49.679 Was that a hand, Debbie? 00:20:49.940 --> 00:20:50.019 No? 00:20:51.799 --> 00:20:52.579 That was a mic. 00:20:52.679 --> 00:20:52.859 Okay. 00:20:54.279 --> 00:20:54.639 You're loving. 00:20:54.779 --> 00:20:55.339 Very good. 00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:56.379 Sharing love. 00:20:56.379 --> 00:20:56.440 Sharing love. 00:20:56.440 --> 00:20:56.500 Sharing love. 00:20:56.500 --> 00:20:56.579 Sharing love. 00:20:56.579 --> 00:20:56.940 Sharing love. 00:20:56.940 --> 00:20:59.039 Sharing love. 00:20:59.059 --> 00:21:00.059 Sharing love. 00:21:00.059 --> 00:21:00.500 What was that? 00:21:00.679 --> 00:21:01.200 Crystal clear? 00:21:06.200 --> 00:21:07.079 There's a question from the guy. 00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:11.679 I was actually running out of it. 00:21:14.519 --> 00:21:16.519 I presume the amount of time 00:21:16.519 --> 00:21:19.779 is in the nature of the scene, 00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:20.859 the purpose of the scene, 00:21:21.240 --> 00:21:22.919 the purpose of the scene, 00:21:22.919 --> 00:21:24.200 the purpose of the scene, 00:21:24.200 --> 00:21:24.879 the purpose of the scene, 00:21:24.879 --> 00:21:25.700 Yeah, absolutely. 00:21:25.700 --> 00:21:25.799 Absolutely. 00:21:27.860 --> 00:21:31.620 The reality is to build a team does take time. 00:21:32.779 --> 00:21:37.200 One of the real blessings that we've had at St. Paul's 00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:42.160 is we've had team members on a staff team level 00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:45.720 who have hung around for a while 00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:48.039 and we've been able to build. 00:21:48.039 --> 00:21:49.119 Now, obviously, 00:21:49.119 --> 00:21:50.940 the team building's been happening as part of it, 00:21:50.940 --> 00:21:53.240 but the longer they've been there, 00:21:53.539 --> 00:21:57.359 the more the teamwork has happened 00:21:57.359 --> 00:21:58.720 and the quicker decisions get made 00:21:58.720 --> 00:21:59.799 and we flourish 00:21:59.799 --> 00:22:02.680 and we really do have a deep sense of commitment 00:22:02.680 --> 00:22:03.819 and connection with one another. 00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:05.259 But that's a time factor. 00:22:06.019 --> 00:22:07.700 Trust takes a while. 00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:10.039 Trust is... 00:22:10.039 --> 00:22:12.039 So when I... 00:22:12.599 --> 00:22:13.119 For instance, 00:22:13.240 --> 00:22:15.139 I've been here for nearly 10 years now. 00:22:16.440 --> 00:22:18.659 People trust me more now 00:22:18.659 --> 00:22:20.139 than when I first arrived. 00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:22.279 That's just... 00:22:22.279 --> 00:22:24.319 And that's partly by virtue of 00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:26.539 seeing my life over time, 00:22:27.059 --> 00:22:30.399 but also seeing the decisions that are made 00:22:30.399 --> 00:22:32.059 and how things are followed through 00:22:32.059 --> 00:22:33.000 and stuff like that. 00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:34.700 That doesn't mean that 00:22:34.700 --> 00:22:37.079 everything's perfect or anything, 00:22:37.079 --> 00:22:40.259 but trust is something that's built 00:22:40.259 --> 00:22:42.019 over a long period of time. 00:22:42.179 --> 00:22:43.379 So I'm... 00:22:43.379 --> 00:22:44.500 Trust can be lost, 00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:47.839 but there's a fair amount of trust 00:22:47.839 --> 00:22:50.579 in the bank account at the moment. 00:22:51.079 --> 00:22:51.480 So... 00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:53.240 And you don't want to squander that. 00:22:53.659 --> 00:22:55.279 The way that trust is built, though, 00:22:55.279 --> 00:22:55.939 is vulnerability. 00:22:57.439 --> 00:22:59.299 And I think this is a crucial thing. 00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:00.919 This is where... 00:23:00.919 --> 00:23:02.079 You know... 00:23:02.079 --> 00:23:06.019 It's unfortunate that in our society nowadays 00:23:06.019 --> 00:23:07.839 that Christian churches are not places 00:23:07.839 --> 00:23:09.859 where people think that I can trust. 00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:11.660 That is horrendous 00:23:11.660 --> 00:23:12.839 because it's at the... 00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:15.460 Vulnerability is at the foundation of the gospel. 00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:17.000 The foundation of the... 00:23:17.000 --> 00:23:19.160 And that's where we get our vulnerability from 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:20.019 is... 00:23:20.700 --> 00:23:23.460 The only way that I will ever stand up 00:23:23.460 --> 00:23:24.680 in front of a group of people 00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:26.579 or lead my team in such a way 00:23:26.579 --> 00:23:27.879 that I will confess an error 00:23:27.879 --> 00:23:31.180 or allow a weakness of mine to be explored 00:23:31.180 --> 00:23:34.400 is because ultimately 00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:36.940 your opinion, 00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:38.299 while I value, 00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:40.700 I don't live for you. 00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:42.440 That is, 00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:45.720 while I might have your disapproval 00:23:45.720 --> 00:23:46.600 over here 00:23:46.600 --> 00:23:48.060 where I need to confess an error, 00:23:48.060 --> 00:23:50.440 I have an approval over here in Christ 00:23:50.440 --> 00:23:51.539 that I will never lose. 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:54.640 So the more we focus on the gospel 00:23:54.640 --> 00:23:55.940 and find our assurance 00:23:55.940 --> 00:23:58.220 and our security in Christ, 00:23:58.420 --> 00:24:00.539 the more willing we will be vulnerable. 00:24:01.600 --> 00:24:03.140 Those who are not vulnerable, 00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:06.500 my first port of call is 00:24:06.500 --> 00:24:07.440 where's your confidence? 00:24:08.039 --> 00:24:09.299 Where is your... 00:24:09.299 --> 00:24:10.740 Are you concerned about 00:24:10.740 --> 00:24:12.880 this person's approval 00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:14.019 or that person's approval? 00:24:14.500 --> 00:24:15.799 Whereas in a Christian community, 00:24:15.960 --> 00:24:17.240 we've got... 00:24:17.240 --> 00:24:18.240 With the gospel, 00:24:18.380 --> 00:24:19.920 we've got the ultimate acceptance 00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:21.160 that can never fail. 00:24:21.160 --> 00:24:22.720 It's probably fair to say 00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:23.940 that the church is a place 00:24:23.940 --> 00:24:27.240 where everybody wants to be seen 00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:28.320 and made them 00:24:28.320 --> 00:24:29.580 and doing okay. 00:24:29.579 --> 00:24:31.619 I wonder... 00:24:31.619 --> 00:24:33.379 There's people that want to 00:24:33.379 --> 00:24:34.839 do their values 00:24:34.839 --> 00:24:36.599 because they want to be 00:24:36.599 --> 00:24:38.179 doing that kind of thing. 00:24:38.179 --> 00:24:38.639 Absolutely. 00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:39.939 Yeah, I think so. 00:24:40.059 --> 00:24:41.059 And that's religion 00:24:41.059 --> 00:24:43.619 and that's works righteousness 00:24:43.619 --> 00:24:44.559 and legalism. 00:24:44.980 --> 00:24:45.899 But unfortunately, 00:24:46.599 --> 00:24:48.319 that is so close to our hearts 00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:50.359 that we have this inner nature 00:24:50.359 --> 00:24:51.359 to try and... 00:24:52.179 --> 00:24:52.359 In fact, 00:24:52.399 --> 00:24:53.279 I'm going to be preaching on this 00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:53.799 on Sunday 00:24:53.799 --> 00:24:55.039 when it comes to confession. 00:24:57.099 --> 00:24:58.220 Self-atonement 00:24:58.220 --> 00:25:00.639 is so close to our hearts. 00:25:00.980 --> 00:25:02.619 We just love to atone for ourselves. 00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:03.680 Even in our confession, 00:25:03.859 --> 00:25:05.019 we confess in a way 00:25:05.019 --> 00:25:06.599 that thinks 00:25:06.599 --> 00:25:08.019 that we can get God's favour. 00:25:09.240 --> 00:25:09.759 It's... 00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:10.039 Yeah. 00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:12.419 I've got a couple of questions here 00:25:12.419 --> 00:25:12.899 that have come in. 00:25:13.059 --> 00:25:14.339 The first one's very related 00:25:14.339 --> 00:25:15.460 to what you've just been speaking about. 00:25:15.579 --> 00:25:16.159 But any suggestions 00:25:16.159 --> 00:25:16.659 if you're struggling 00:25:16.659 --> 00:25:17.720 to build trust with your team? 00:25:18.200 --> 00:25:18.940 And it's sometimes tricky 00:25:18.940 --> 00:25:19.419 to be vulnerable 00:25:19.419 --> 00:25:20.460 if you don't trust each other. 00:25:20.559 --> 00:25:21.159 Do you have any really 00:25:21.159 --> 00:25:22.079 practical suggestions 00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:23.699 as to how to build that trust 00:25:23.699 --> 00:25:25.199 and be vulnerable? 00:25:25.539 --> 00:25:26.859 If you're the team leader, 00:25:28.359 --> 00:25:29.399 there really... 00:25:29.399 --> 00:25:31.779 There is only one real source 00:25:31.779 --> 00:25:32.659 of vulnerability. 00:25:33.639 --> 00:25:34.779 And that is... 00:25:34.779 --> 00:25:35.720 Or the ability to be vulnerable 00:25:35.720 --> 00:25:36.740 and that is the gospel. 00:25:37.159 --> 00:25:38.779 It really is... 00:25:38.779 --> 00:25:41.179 And I cannot dwell upon that enough. 00:25:41.639 --> 00:25:42.599 Put Bible passages 00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:43.939 on your computer screen, 00:25:43.939 --> 00:25:44.559 you know, 00:25:44.859 --> 00:25:45.819 wherever... 00:25:45.819 --> 00:25:46.879 On the dashboard of your car, 00:25:46.939 --> 00:25:47.379 wherever it is 00:25:47.379 --> 00:25:48.359 that you need to put them 00:25:48.359 --> 00:25:50.179 that remind you consistently 00:25:50.179 --> 00:25:51.919 that because of the Lord Jesus, 00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:53.480 what he has done for you, 00:25:53.980 --> 00:25:54.740 the Father, 00:25:54.839 --> 00:25:55.899 the God of this universe, 00:25:56.199 --> 00:25:56.500 says, 00:25:56.699 --> 00:25:57.299 My child. 00:25:57.939 --> 00:25:59.139 That is a status 00:25:59.139 --> 00:26:00.139 that never changes. 00:26:00.779 --> 00:26:03.240 And until you dwell on that, 00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:04.339 you think about that, 00:26:04.439 --> 00:26:05.359 you ponder on that, 00:26:05.439 --> 00:26:06.519 you meditate on that, 00:26:06.539 --> 00:26:08.659 until it drops in the heart 00:26:08.659 --> 00:26:11.460 and gives you a security 00:26:11.460 --> 00:26:16.899 that is never-ending. 00:26:17.859 --> 00:26:19.339 That really is a solution. 00:26:19.500 --> 00:26:20.259 That's the first thing. 00:26:20.259 --> 00:26:20.900 So, 00:26:20.900 --> 00:26:22.480 the gospel is the solution. 00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:23.779 Secondly, 00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:25.339 go to people 00:26:25.339 --> 00:26:28.000 who you do know 00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:29.720 and start practicing 00:26:29.720 --> 00:26:31.039 vulnerability with them. 00:26:32.799 --> 00:26:33.339 That is, 00:26:33.539 --> 00:26:34.619 long-term friends, 00:26:34.759 --> 00:26:35.220 long-term, 00:26:35.920 --> 00:26:36.299 you know, 00:26:36.759 --> 00:26:38.000 people who 00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:40.579 you suspect 00:26:40.579 --> 00:26:44.079 you've got a trusting relationship with 00:26:44.079 --> 00:26:46.059 and start practicing vulnerability. 00:26:46.059 --> 00:26:47.779 start talking about 00:26:47.779 --> 00:26:50.059 your deepest sins 00:26:50.059 --> 00:26:51.619 and issues of your heart, 00:26:51.679 --> 00:26:52.940 the things that you're wrestling with. 00:26:54.460 --> 00:26:55.200 Another question. 00:26:55.859 --> 00:26:56.579 If you have a team 00:26:56.579 --> 00:26:57.500 that isn't functioning well, 00:26:57.679 --> 00:26:58.879 do you think on all three elements, 00:26:59.139 --> 00:27:00.539 do you work on all three elements 00:27:00.539 --> 00:27:00.980 of stability 00:27:00.980 --> 00:27:02.059 or start with trust? 00:27:02.059 --> 00:27:08.539 I would think 00:27:08.539 --> 00:27:10.059 that you need to start with, 00:27:10.119 --> 00:27:11.339 it depends what the issue is. 00:27:11.619 --> 00:27:11.779 I mean, 00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:12.839 if someone pulls you aside 00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:13.700 and your team's not working 00:27:13.700 --> 00:27:13.919 and say, 00:27:13.980 --> 00:27:14.039 well, 00:27:14.039 --> 00:27:14.859 I just can't trust you, 00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:16.059 that's probably an indication 00:27:16.059 --> 00:27:16.960 you need to work on that one. 00:27:16.960 --> 00:27:18.880 But, 00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:19.920 certainly, 00:27:20.340 --> 00:27:21.759 the care, 00:27:22.079 --> 00:27:22.660 and of course, 00:27:22.740 --> 00:27:23.620 people might not trust you 00:27:23.620 --> 00:27:24.680 because you lack a commitment, 00:27:25.079 --> 00:27:26.140 it might just be 00:27:26.140 --> 00:27:27.480 what I think 00:27:27.480 --> 00:27:28.740 Lindsay only says you do, 00:27:29.180 --> 00:27:30.600 is you need to sit down 00:27:30.600 --> 00:27:31.720 and you need to have it out 00:27:31.720 --> 00:27:32.400 at times. 00:27:32.460 --> 00:27:33.240 You need to just sort of 00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:34.279 throw everything out there 00:27:34.279 --> 00:27:34.819 in the air 00:27:34.819 --> 00:27:35.660 and go, 00:27:36.019 --> 00:27:36.539 what are the issues? 00:27:36.620 --> 00:27:37.600 How do you think we can go better? 00:27:38.539 --> 00:27:38.940 But, 00:27:39.019 --> 00:27:39.660 I would say, 00:27:40.660 --> 00:27:41.559 sit down 00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:42.740 with each member 00:27:42.740 --> 00:27:43.259 of the team 00:27:43.259 --> 00:27:43.960 individually 00:27:43.960 --> 00:27:45.420 and ask the question, 00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:46.480 how can I lead you better? 00:27:47.860 --> 00:27:48.460 That's good advice. 00:27:49.059 --> 00:27:49.500 Another one, 00:27:49.559 --> 00:27:50.039 back to vulnerability. 00:27:50.680 --> 00:27:51.519 Sometimes being vulnerable 00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:52.440 can open you up 00:27:52.440 --> 00:27:53.259 to being walked over. 00:27:53.579 --> 00:27:54.559 Would you advise boundaries 00:27:54.559 --> 00:27:55.180 through vulnerability? 00:28:00.819 --> 00:28:01.259 Yeah, 00:28:01.500 --> 00:28:02.160 I would. 00:28:03.640 --> 00:28:05.420 There are some people 00:28:05.420 --> 00:28:07.160 who I won't be, 00:28:07.259 --> 00:28:08.539 I won't be specifically 00:28:08.539 --> 00:28:10.880 individually vulnerable with. 00:28:11.579 --> 00:28:11.840 So, 00:28:11.960 --> 00:28:12.319 for instance, 00:28:12.460 --> 00:28:13.460 I haven't got up 00:28:13.460 --> 00:28:14.279 in front of church 00:28:14.279 --> 00:28:14.680 ever 00:28:14.680 --> 00:28:15.600 and told you 00:28:15.600 --> 00:28:16.299 the blackness 00:28:16.299 --> 00:28:17.019 in my heart. 00:28:17.460 --> 00:28:17.879 I've never, 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:18.339 you know, 00:28:18.440 --> 00:28:19.139 I've never said, 00:28:19.339 --> 00:28:19.680 got up there 00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:20.639 and let me confess sins 00:28:20.639 --> 00:28:22.180 and here's the list 00:28:22.180 --> 00:28:23.519 and here's the really 00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:24.399 terrible stuff. 00:28:25.579 --> 00:28:26.659 That's reserved 00:28:26.659 --> 00:28:27.980 for 00:28:27.980 --> 00:28:30.119 four people 00:28:30.119 --> 00:28:30.960 in my life 00:28:30.960 --> 00:28:33.440 who I know 00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:34.460 are not going to 00:28:34.460 --> 00:28:35.639 pin me to a pegboard 00:28:35.639 --> 00:28:37.220 when I share 00:28:37.220 --> 00:28:38.059 that stuff with them. 00:28:38.200 --> 00:28:38.759 I know they're going 00:28:38.759 --> 00:28:39.399 to pray for me, 00:28:39.460 --> 00:28:39.940 they love me, 00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:40.940 they're committed to me. 00:28:41.500 --> 00:28:41.819 So, 00:28:41.899 --> 00:28:43.159 four people in my life, 00:28:43.160 --> 00:28:44.000 I regularly keep 00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:44.880 accountable on that. 00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:45.060 So, 00:28:45.120 --> 00:28:46.440 there are varying 00:28:46.440 --> 00:28:47.680 levels of vulnerability. 00:28:48.940 --> 00:28:49.920 But I will share 00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:50.740 with the church 00:28:50.740 --> 00:28:52.540 that I'm not a perfect husband, 00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:53.800 I'm not a great dad, 00:28:54.340 --> 00:28:55.660 a whole range of things 00:28:55.660 --> 00:28:56.620 that I fail in. 00:28:57.300 --> 00:28:57.840 I have, 00:28:58.000 --> 00:28:59.400 the thing that's amazed me 00:28:59.400 --> 00:29:00.380 in terms of the team 00:29:00.380 --> 00:29:01.380 at St. Paul's 00:29:01.380 --> 00:29:02.300 being with me 00:29:02.300 --> 00:29:03.620 for so long 00:29:03.620 --> 00:29:04.779 is that 00:29:04.779 --> 00:29:06.920 they've been with me 00:29:06.920 --> 00:29:07.560 for so long. 00:29:07.620 --> 00:29:08.480 I think that's incredible. 00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:08.820 Like, 00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:09.660 anyone who's lasted 00:29:09.660 --> 00:29:10.440 10 years 00:29:10.440 --> 00:29:11.440 with me 00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:14.060 because they've seen me 00:29:14.060 --> 00:29:15.480 change, 00:29:15.600 --> 00:29:16.460 they've seen the mistakes 00:29:16.460 --> 00:29:16.920 I've made, 00:29:17.040 --> 00:29:17.540 they've seen the things 00:29:17.540 --> 00:29:18.360 I've changed in, 00:29:18.440 --> 00:29:19.340 they've seen the failures, 00:29:19.540 --> 00:29:19.980 the faults, 00:29:20.080 --> 00:29:20.480 they've seen, 00:29:20.900 --> 00:29:21.300 you know, 00:29:21.320 --> 00:29:22.300 my incompetence 00:29:22.300 --> 00:29:23.440 and that sort of thing. 00:29:25.519 --> 00:29:26.400 And yet, 00:29:26.940 --> 00:29:28.220 they're still there. 00:29:28.820 --> 00:29:29.060 So, 00:29:30.060 --> 00:29:30.700 it's, 00:29:31.519 --> 00:29:32.660 there is a level, 00:29:32.940 --> 00:29:33.500 I think, 00:29:34.220 --> 00:29:35.240 of who you share 00:29:35.240 --> 00:29:35.840 what with, 00:29:35.920 --> 00:29:36.920 but you should know 00:29:36.920 --> 00:29:37.259 that. 00:29:37.880 --> 00:29:38.680 Some people are 00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:40.400 chronic oversharers 00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:42.000 and that's not 00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:42.900 particularly helpful. 00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:44.440 I guess the challenge 00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:44.920 for many people 00:29:44.920 --> 00:29:45.380 in that fear 00:29:45.380 --> 00:29:46.320 is how's the person 00:29:46.320 --> 00:29:47.000 going to reciprocate 00:29:47.000 --> 00:29:47.580 at the other end 00:29:47.580 --> 00:29:48.380 and the question 00:29:48.380 --> 00:29:49.060 along those lines, 00:29:49.400 --> 00:29:50.039 what if you're vulnerable 00:29:50.039 --> 00:29:50.940 and open with someone 00:29:50.940 --> 00:29:52.460 and they don't reciprocate 00:29:52.460 --> 00:29:53.380 or it ends up 00:29:53.380 --> 00:29:54.000 hurting you more? 00:29:54.940 --> 00:29:55.200 Okay. 00:29:56.060 --> 00:29:57.279 The idea of vulnerability 00:29:57.279 --> 00:29:58.240 is they don't have 00:29:58.240 --> 00:29:59.039 to reciprocate. 00:29:59.400 --> 00:29:59.799 I don't think 00:29:59.799 --> 00:30:00.240 vulnerability 00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:01.720 on your behalf 00:30:01.720 --> 00:30:02.200 means they're going 00:30:02.200 --> 00:30:02.980 to reciprocate. 00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:03.940 So, 00:30:04.100 --> 00:30:04.640 for instance, 00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:07.580 one of the key things 00:30:07.579 --> 00:30:08.079 for me 00:30:08.079 --> 00:30:09.579 in raising my girls 00:30:09.579 --> 00:30:10.379 is that I, 00:30:10.500 --> 00:30:11.319 it's my job 00:30:11.319 --> 00:30:11.980 to lead them 00:30:11.980 --> 00:30:12.779 by being vulnerable 00:30:12.779 --> 00:30:13.319 to them. 00:30:14.119 --> 00:30:14.480 I, 00:30:14.659 --> 00:30:16.639 I will 00:30:16.639 --> 00:30:17.740 endeavour 00:30:17.740 --> 00:30:19.199 in every instance 00:30:19.199 --> 00:30:20.839 to be the first person, 00:30:20.980 --> 00:30:21.819 if I've had a, 00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:22.639 you know, 00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:24.119 a bust up with them 00:30:24.119 --> 00:30:25.720 in some kind of way, 00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:26.740 I will endeavour 00:30:26.740 --> 00:30:27.899 to be the first person 00:30:27.899 --> 00:30:28.579 to speak to them 00:30:28.579 --> 00:30:29.519 about my failure. 00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:30.859 I won't wait for them. 00:30:31.139 --> 00:30:31.679 And while 00:30:31.679 --> 00:30:32.720 they might have been 00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:33.419 the ones who 00:30:33.419 --> 00:30:34.500 started it, 00:30:34.559 --> 00:30:35.240 continued it, 00:30:35.299 --> 00:30:36.099 and I came in 00:30:36.099 --> 00:30:36.799 at the last minute 00:30:36.799 --> 00:30:37.019 and, 00:30:37.019 --> 00:30:37.419 you know, 00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:37.839 did something 00:30:37.839 --> 00:30:38.720 I shouldn't have done 00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:39.680 and overreacted, 00:30:39.879 --> 00:30:40.960 I will apologise 00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:42.220 for my overreaction 00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:43.039 and sit down 00:30:43.039 --> 00:30:44.659 and often we tears 00:30:44.659 --> 00:30:45.059 and say, 00:30:45.399 --> 00:30:45.639 you know, 00:30:45.659 --> 00:30:46.799 I'm really deeply 00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:47.500 sorry for the hurt. 00:30:47.879 --> 00:30:48.119 That is, 00:30:48.180 --> 00:30:48.619 I'm vulnerable 00:30:48.619 --> 00:30:49.059 that moment. 00:30:49.119 --> 00:30:49.659 And what they do 00:30:49.659 --> 00:30:50.180 in the inevitably 00:30:50.180 --> 00:30:50.639 that moment 00:30:50.639 --> 00:30:51.039 is they come up, 00:30:51.119 --> 00:30:51.359 Daddy, 00:30:51.460 --> 00:30:51.940 it's a fine, 00:30:52.039 --> 00:30:52.299 you know, 00:30:52.339 --> 00:30:53.019 I forgive you. 00:30:53.460 --> 00:30:53.919 And it's like, 00:30:53.980 --> 00:30:55.440 but they haven't, 00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:56.059 they haven't shared 00:30:56.059 --> 00:30:56.899 their own failures 00:30:56.899 --> 00:30:57.919 at that point. 00:30:58.099 --> 00:30:58.919 I think that's the, 00:30:59.139 --> 00:30:59.819 the idea, 00:30:59.940 --> 00:31:00.619 the deeper and more 00:31:00.619 --> 00:31:01.440 confident you are 00:31:01.440 --> 00:31:02.039 in the gospel, 00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:04.119 the more you are 00:31:04.119 --> 00:31:05.279 prepared to be 00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:05.680 vulnerable 00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:06.700 without it being 00:31:06.700 --> 00:31:07.279 reciprocated. 00:31:07.340 --> 00:31:07.700 I don't think 00:31:07.700 --> 00:31:08.279 it needs to be 00:31:08.279 --> 00:31:08.940 reciprocated. 00:31:10.039 --> 00:31:10.759 I've got one more 00:31:10.759 --> 00:31:11.200 question here, 00:31:11.220 --> 00:31:11.500 but are there any 00:31:11.500 --> 00:31:11.940 more questions 00:31:11.940 --> 00:31:12.420 from the floor 00:31:12.420 --> 00:31:12.740 first? 00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:15.519 And there's always 00:31:15.519 --> 00:31:16.140 a danger 00:31:16.140 --> 00:31:17.100 that people will 00:31:17.100 --> 00:31:17.640 hang you out 00:31:17.640 --> 00:31:18.539 to dry for it. 00:31:19.100 --> 00:31:19.680 There's always 00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:20.539 a danger of that, 00:31:20.660 --> 00:31:21.580 but God never will. 00:31:22.900 --> 00:31:23.700 That's more precious. 00:31:23.700 --> 00:31:24.000 That's true. 00:31:25.759 --> 00:31:26.080 So, 00:31:26.140 --> 00:31:26.819 last question here. 00:31:27.259 --> 00:31:28.220 Face is an 00:31:28.220 --> 00:31:28.819 important concept 00:31:28.819 --> 00:31:29.400 to many Chinese 00:31:29.400 --> 00:31:29.740 people. 00:31:29.860 --> 00:31:30.240 If vulnerability 00:31:30.240 --> 00:31:30.799 is important 00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:31.279 to build up 00:31:31.279 --> 00:31:31.660 teams, 00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:32.440 then what would 00:31:32.440 --> 00:31:33.000 be your advice? 00:31:34.860 --> 00:31:35.519 Understand the 00:31:35.519 --> 00:31:35.860 gospel. 00:31:37.940 --> 00:31:38.539 That is, 00:31:39.100 --> 00:31:40.200 the idea 00:31:40.200 --> 00:31:41.160 of saving 00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:41.960 face 00:31:41.960 --> 00:31:43.000 is an 00:31:43.000 --> 00:31:44.440 anti-gospel 00:31:44.440 --> 00:31:45.559 cultural thing 00:31:45.559 --> 00:31:45.960 that needs 00:31:45.960 --> 00:31:46.840 to be reformed. 00:31:48.660 --> 00:31:49.440 That's all I can 00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:49.700 say. 00:31:49.920 --> 00:31:50.720 It is 00:31:50.720 --> 00:31:51.580 anti-gospel. 00:31:51.579 --> 00:31:53.399 it's not 00:31:53.399 --> 00:31:53.799 Christian. 00:31:53.939 --> 00:31:54.559 It's a cultural 00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:54.980 thing. 00:31:55.379 --> 00:31:56.179 And in a 00:31:56.179 --> 00:31:56.679 trans-cultural 00:31:56.679 --> 00:31:57.299 church, 00:31:57.299 --> 00:31:58.079 we are seeking 00:31:58.079 --> 00:31:58.659 to have our 00:31:58.659 --> 00:31:59.720 cultures reformed. 00:31:59.720 --> 00:32:00.220 And that's a 00:32:00.220 --> 00:32:01.099 cultural practice. 00:32:03.059 --> 00:32:04.159 I think, 00:32:04.639 --> 00:32:06.000 I read this 00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:06.419 once, 00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:09.099 that it is 00:32:09.099 --> 00:32:10.220 normal to 00:32:10.220 --> 00:32:10.980 grow up 00:32:10.980 --> 00:32:12.240 in an Asian 00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:14.399 family and 00:32:14.399 --> 00:32:16.039 never have a 00:32:16.039 --> 00:32:16.939 parent say to 00:32:16.939 --> 00:32:17.119 you, 00:32:17.259 --> 00:32:17.939 I'm sorry. 00:32:18.939 --> 00:32:19.879 I just feel 00:32:19.879 --> 00:32:20.379 for a whole 00:32:20.379 --> 00:32:21.119 generation of 00:32:21.119 --> 00:32:21.539 kids who 00:32:21.539 --> 00:32:21.899 have not 00:32:21.899 --> 00:32:22.359 experienced 00:32:22.359 --> 00:32:22.720 what it 00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:23.539 means to 00:32:23.539 --> 00:32:23.819 have a 00:32:23.819 --> 00:32:24.379 parent say, 00:32:24.519 --> 00:32:25.099 I'm sorry. 00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:27.659 The gospel 00:32:27.659 --> 00:32:28.440 changes that. 00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:28.879 The gospel 00:32:28.879 --> 00:32:29.559 leads us to 00:32:29.559 --> 00:32:30.139 repentance and 00:32:30.139 --> 00:32:30.500 confession. 00:32:31.379 --> 00:32:31.980 So it 00:32:31.980 --> 00:32:32.299 needs to be 00:32:32.299 --> 00:32:32.759 reformed. 00:32:32.759 --> 00:32:33.759 Thank you.