Christian Weirdo's have Weird Marriages

[0:00] You would take your Bibles, please, and go to 1 Peter, or 1 Peter, chapter 3.

[0:21] If you're visiting with us, you can pull that black Bible out in the chair in front of you, and go towards the back of that Bible, and find page 181.

[0:35] 181. 1 Peter, chapter 3. I'm going to do the first seven verses. 1 Peter 3, 1 through 7.

[0:58] In the same way, you wives, being submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any are disobeying the word, they will be one without a word, by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct and fear.

[1:18] And let not your adornment be external, braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses. But the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable qualities of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is costly in the sight of God.

[1:37] In this way, in former times, the holy women also, who hoped in God, adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord.

[1:53] You've become her children if you do what is good, without being frightened by any fear. Likewise, you husbands, live in an understanding way, as she, being a woman, is a weaker vessel.

[2:09] Granting her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Submission.

[2:23] By some, that's a word that's vehemently hated. It's used as actually one description for unbiblical intimacy. One person said that you can define submission like this, quote, you surrender to somebody's authority, where one loses even one's identity.

[2:47] If there is one thing that Christians get attacked for the most, that one thing, there's probably a few, but one of them, is the complimentary belief.

[2:59] A complimentary belief. The belief that we believe that males or husbands are leaders, and the wife should be submissive to that.

[3:14] It really makes us look like weirdos. Especially in our world. By God's grace, we should be wise, winsome weirdos in this wicked world, and we come to this passage, going with the theme, Christian weirdos have weird marriages.

[3:37] Christian weirdos have weird marriages. Our walk is wise, where we put knowledge into practice.

[3:49] Our lives are winsome, attractive, but it can be threatening. And when you look at a passage like this, it can be threatening. But here is how the gospel deeply impacts our lives.

[4:06] Here is how it deeply impacts radically and drastically different people from the world. I mean, what starts this off from back in chapter 1, verse 3, is regeneration.

[4:22] God's changed us. Chapter 2, verse 9 and 10, we are a chosen race, a royal priesthood. We're set apart by God.

[4:32] And how we live in the most intimate relationship that people will watch?

[4:44] Marriage. Now I want to define this for us just so that there's clarity. Marriage is a union between one man and one woman.

[4:57] This is God's standard that He instituted in the garden before the fall. I didn't make the rules. I'm just telling you what those are. I don't call the shots.

[5:09] I'm simply the messenger. This is what you see in Genesis chapter 2. So we don't change what God has established within our society. We don't change that. We don't change terms.

[5:22] We don't redefine terms. God defines terms. And as I said just a few moments ago, these rules are not a result of the fall.

[5:37] These rules have been designated by God from the beginning of time. Genesis chapter 2. Anything other than these rules is a distortion of God's word.

[5:50] We need to make that clear. Anything other than these rules is a distortion of God's word.

[6:01] Hands down. Now when we start talking about the roles between with a husband's role and a wife's role, probably the most important truth to understand as we speak about the roles of husbands and wives is the roles of the eternal son and the father.

[6:22] In other words, the son submits himself to the father. Now, I would be speaking flat out rank heresy if I told you that the son is inferior to the father because he's submitting to the father.

[6:46] You would say, get that guy off the pulpit, right? At least you should. Because we believe in the Trinity. We believe in the eternal son. We believe the father and the son and the Holy Spirit.

[6:59] It's one God in their essence, three distinct persons. Right? So we don't think anything about it that the son submits himself to the father.

[7:12] It's simply the roles that they've taken in salvation history. Why then do we balk at the wife's role of submission to her husband? It's ridiculous to disregard this just like it's ridiculous to disregard the Trinity.

[7:29] It's ridiculous. So think about that as we look at these roles. Remember, there's no inferiority to the son when it comes to the father.

[7:43] In that relationship, there's no inferiority. The son places himself in submission to the father. But he's co-equal, co-eternal. Oh, before we get into the passage, a couple other things.

[7:58] I want to give an elbow caution. So all of you, take your arms and put your elbows out, just like this. Okay. And now take your elbows and just put them in right like that. Okay.

[8:09] Now, husband, don't start nudging your wife. Hey, did you hear what he said? You're supposed to be so mean to me, woman. Wife, it's not meant for you to start nudging your husband.

[8:26] Hey, did you hear what he said? You should respect me, doggone it. Although, I will say, wives, just nudge your husband to wake him up when it comes to this passage in verse 7.

[8:39] So that's my elbow caution. But, in all seriousness now, you may be here, you say, well, I'm not married. Oh, this message is for you. And I say, huh?

[8:50] In two ways. One, one day you may be married. Maybe in a couple months. Or so.

[9:04] I mean, you never know. But, that's, no, all kidding aside, you're not married, you're single, you're widowed.

[9:17] We need you to pray for us. We need you to pray for us. Do you realize the attack upon our society, from our society, upon what I'm going to speak about now?

[9:31] So we need you, if you're single, widowed, a young person, we need you to pray for us who are married. You need to pray for us. We need your prayers.

[9:45] Moving to the text. Point number one, wives submit to your husbands. And then, underneath this, submission means pure conduct, fearing God.

[9:59] Wives submit to your husbands. We'll look at that, verses one through six. A point underneath that is, submission means, what Peter's going to say in the first two verses, pure conduct.

[10:13] So when you submit, it's pure conduct. Why? If you want pure conduct, be a person who's submissive. And submission means you're fearing God. Verse one, in the same way, likewise, this links a wife's obedience to her husband to a servant's obedience to their master.

[10:31] From verses 18 through 20. Now, we're not saying they have identical roles, but it's the aspects of, and the command of, submission. Oh, and obedience or submission to the government in chapter two, verse 13 through 17.

[10:49] A wife submits, oh, sorry, wives submit to your husband, your husband, submission means pure conduct, fearing God. There's the point. A wife submits to the husband's role of leadership and authority.

[11:01] Wives being submissive to your own husbands. Notice something else too. Wives to husbands in the marriage relationship.

[11:12] This is not directed to all women in general to submit to all men in general. Okay? A wife is called to submit to or obey her husband.

[11:26] Yeah, no. Is that the next one? Yeah. A wife is called to submit to or obey her husband. This is excellent conduct for a wife.

[11:37] From chapter two, verse 11 and 12. Keeping your conduct excellent among the unsaved. This is God's command for you, wives.

[11:51] Notice a purpose that He gives so that even if any... Okay, now stop there. If any are disobedient to the Word, they may be one without a word.

[12:05] Okay. This does not mean wives should only have this type of conduct with a non-Christian husband. Well, you're not talking about a Christian husband so all deals are off there, fella.

[12:15] You know, that, no, that doesn't work that way. That's why He says, even if any. That does not mean she shouldn't say anything to a Christian husband.

[12:29] Especially if he's in sin or sinned against her. We're going to talk about physical abuse in a few moments. What do you do, wife, in physical abuse? Plus, it does not mean that a Christian wife should not speak to her non-Christian husband if he does something wrong like physical abuse.

[12:50] She'll say something for his benefit because she loves him. So, back to what He says. So that even if any disobey the Word, so unsaved husbands as well as those who are actively hostile to the Gospel, as well as if a husband is just in sin, a Christian husband and he's sinning, you may be won by your submission.

[13:21] This is a behavior or the conduct. A wife submits herself to Him. So, she's a model wife seeking to please her husband with love.

[13:32] Even a husband who knows Christ but is disobeying Christ. Though they disobey the Word, they can be won without a Word. Why?

[13:43] Because her husband observes. Notice he says, by observing, as they observe, verse 2, you're chaste or pure or normal defilement conduct, behavior, lifestyle.

[14:03] The New American Standard has, and respectful, but I personally take issue with that same with the guys that I've read because he uses the Greek word phabos, which we know in Peter's letter, he directs phabos, the word fear, phabos, to God alone.

[14:21] So, in other words, what he's saying here is he observes your pure behavior as you are fearing God. Whether your husband follows Christ or not, the only way you wives will be able to be submissive to your husbands is when you are fearing the Lord.

[14:46] That's your motive. That's what drives you. That is what energizes you. you are more concerned about deep obedience to God and His word.

[15:06] Or, another way to put it, God's gospel of grace motivates a wife to be submissive to her husband. It's the gospel that motivates you. It's the fact that God saved you and He should condemn you.

[15:19] It's the fact that God has regenerated you and renewed you by the Spirit of God when He should just let you go your own way. That's the thing that drives you to this.

[15:33] You have a passion for Christ and the gospel of grace. So you say, here I am, I will submit because I'm fearing you. Not necessarily Him.

[15:44] I'll honor Him, my husband. But I fear, fabas, I fear you. So this is what submission means.

[15:55] It's pure conduct. That's what it is. Something else. Submission also means a gentle, quiet spirit. Submission also means a gentle, quiet spirit.

[16:09] It means fearing God. It means pure conduct. And it means a gentle, quiet spirit. Notice what He does. Verse 3. Let not your adornment be.

[16:21] External. Or outer attractiveness. Like braiding hair. Excuse me. Wearing gold jewelry. Putting on dresses.

[16:33] And we've got to understand what Peter is saying here. What God is saying through Peter. God, through Peter, is not telling wives not to adorn these things at all. Not to adorn themselves with these things at all.

[16:47] He's trying to show that these things do not spell true beauty in God's sight. Plus, He says, notice, braiding hair, wearing jewelry, or putting on dresses.

[17:02] Literally, He's putting on clothes. Of course women should put on clothes. Of course. Well, we're not supposed to wear clothes? Oh, no, that's not what He's saying.

[17:13] He's not talking about that. He's admonishing women not to stress the outward appearance. The hidden qualities that He'll bring up, they last forever.

[17:25] But it's not fleeting like beauty, which is only, as the saying goes, skin deep. See, the world, the world focuses on these externals.

[17:37] This is why you're going to look weird, wife. Submission means gentle, quiet spirit. We'll unpack what that means in just a moment. But you're going to be weird. You're just freaky.

[17:49] Let me say something about this. Take a moment. You wives, and even women in general, males can view you as sexual objects or as possessions.

[18:11] And your appearance can display the wealth and power of males. How does this come out? How you dress. So you end up attracting men or even compete with other women.

[18:26] This is sin. This should not be. So it's not about how much you can get away with. It's not about how close to the edge you can come when it comes to modest apparel.

[18:38] It's about how much you can cover up for the sake of Christian men around you, not causing them to stumble. It's for the mortification of your own idolatry so you're not attracting men to notice you.

[18:51] And really, it's for the glory of God. So when we're talking about modest apparel ladies and wives, but ladies in general, keep this in mind. For Christian men, really men in general, around you, being mindful of your own idolatry, of having men want to attract their attention to you, and really, it's for the glory of God.

[19:17] So he says, not just focusing on these externals, but, verse 4, but the hidden person of the heart, the heart which is where your allegiance lies, your dispositions, your emotions, your will.

[19:35] What they value should be what God values. And notice he says, these things are imperishable. They're incorruptible. How does he define it?

[19:47] Gentle spirit, or meekness, humility, and quiet, or peaceful spirit.

[20:03] Contrast usually help. Contrast, roughness, bad temper, abrupt, attacking, restless, rebellious, disturbs, insubordinate, demanding, pushy, and selfish.

[20:18] And that's the opposite to those. Instead, she's calm, peaceful, tranquil, gentle like Jesus.

[20:32] Jesus called himself gentle. Take my yoke upon you because I am gentle. It's the same word that he uses. In Matthew chapter 11, verse 29, Jesus says, Matthew chapter 5, verse 5, blessed are the meek, right?

[20:50] They're gentle like Jesus, following him. I have up there 1 Samuel 16, verse 7. Remember, the Lord says to Samuel, a man looks on the outward things, the Lord looks upon the heart.

[21:04] Those are the things that are incorruptible. Those are the things that are imperishable. Those are the things that last. We're talking about Jesus.

[21:18] Jesus was the meekest person there was. He submitted himself to the Father's plan to die for sinners.

[21:29] I mean, that's the heart of the gospel. God should condemn us. And yet, he sent Jesus. Jesus submits himself to the Father's plan.

[21:41] And the Father unleashes his wrath upon his son as he hung on the cross. And God, the Father, showed that he was pleased by resurrecting him from the dead. And now the call is to repent and put your trust in Jesus alone.

[21:56] That's the gospel truth. If you're here, you don't know Christ. Just respond to the gospel. Repent and trust in Christ. Trust in Jesus, the meekest person who's ever lived on this planet.

[22:10] Wives, emulate him. For gospel is the thing that motivates us. So that you can, as Peter said earlier, die to sin and live to righteousness.

[22:23] righteousness. These qualities, notice he says, which is precious in the sight of God. New American sin is precious. The word actually means costly or expensive or of great value to God.

[22:41] So wives, if you want to value what God values, then focus heavily upon being a wife who is meek and peaceful. I mean, we could even say, women should be like this and men should be like this.

[22:57] Right? We should all be meek and peaceful. Wait a second. Paul does say that in Romans chapter 12. Living at peace with all people. Right? Meekness, it means strength under control.

[23:13] You're a wife whose words are under control. Whose emotions are under control. Whose actions are under control. You're strong. You're able to do this because of chapter 2 verse 23.

[23:30] You have entrusted yourself to the Father just like Jesus entrusted himself to the Father. He is the one who judges justly. Right? God will reward you and he will set all things right one day.

[23:47] Demonstrate this costly virtue of gentle submission. Demonstrate that O wife. And now he gives at this point examples of submission.

[23:59] In verse 5 and 6. For in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God. Having a gentle, meek, or quiet, peaceable spirit it reflects submission.

[24:13] Holy women of the Old Testament display this. The matriarchs like Sarah, Rebecca, even Ruth. They adorned themselves as such.

[24:24] It was their habitual characteristic. They showed their submission by having these qualities. These women, he says, God says through Peter, these women hoped or trusted in God and they showed it by having lives oriented towards God.

[24:45] The only way submission is proper conduct can occur. Those who follow Christ, the Lord Jesus Christ, they hope or they trust in him and their lives will display this hope.

[24:59] Their lives will display their trust in him by having a life of submission. notice he gives a specific example. They adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands.

[25:11] Verse 6, like Sarah, obeyed Abraham calling him Lord. Now rest you husbands. Get excited and think your wife needs to start calling you my Lord.

[25:24] Put your elbow down. That was a cultural distinctive as a way to show submissive obedience. In other words, if your wife calls you my love with respect and honor, that would be equivalent.

[25:44] Plus, it's not just what a wife says, but it's her character, her demeanor, her disposition, her nature, her conduct. That's what he's talking about. It's not so much the words.

[25:55] I mean, the words, yeah. But she, Sarah displayed that. placing herself under Abraham. And then he sums it up here into verse 6.

[26:11] Wives, do good and fear God. Once again, fear of God comes up. We'll see how he does that in just a moment. Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is good.

[26:28] In other words, as they imitate this quality in Sarah, they display being her children. You display being just like her. He has an ethical focus right now.

[26:41] They follow Christ's example. As well as following the example of those who also follow Christ's example. They submit.

[26:52] How do they become her children? By doing what's good or right. It's the same word he uses in chapter 2 and verse 14 and 15 and verse 13 and 14 and verse 11 and 12.

[27:08] Same word that he's using in verse 18 through 20. Doing what's right, doing what's good and not fearing any kind of intimidation. Literally, not fearing any fear and he has fear twice.

[27:26] One word is one type of word for fear and the other word he uses for fear is, guess what? Fabos. So she's not fearing any fear.

[27:36] She's not being intimidated by the fear. She's not fearing her husband. She's fearing God. Believing wives continue to do what is right and good, not fearing their husbands whether he believes or doesn't believe, but she fears God.

[27:54] that's why she submits. That's what motivates you to submit. Remember, the motivation to submit to her husband is nothing but the grace of God at work in the life of a wife.

[28:13] She fears God alone. That's why she does it. And remember, Sarah obeyed Abraham in pretty unpleasant, dangerous situations.

[28:26] Pretty crazy things. But Sarah, she had a gentle and quiet spirit trusting God, not being frightened by her circumstances because she knew God was on her side.

[28:41] Wife, God will never fail you. God will never fail you. A wife has quiet confidence in God, fearing him, knowing that this response of submission is for her well-being and benefit.

[29:01] Now, I want to say a few words before we get to husbands. And first, a word about physical abuse. Much can be said because time allowance, I can't deal with all different situations in this, but I can give some good general principles.

[29:19] biblical principles, that is. God is not saying that these women should just take physical abuse because her husband's in sin, Christian husband.

[29:31] And he's given her steps. Step one, graciously and lovingly confronts her husband. It's probably best not to do it in the heat of the moment. Step two, if he does not listen, one or two others must get involved according to Matthew 18.

[29:46] She may, when it happens first, she may even at that time want to confide in one or two others about what's happened. If he still does not repent, it should be told to the church.

[29:59] If he doesn't repent, he's treated as a non-Christian. And it could be even at step two or even at step three, that might be the time where the police will be involved.

[30:10] But be mindful of that because once the authorities get involved, it goes to court, there's jail, there's fines, it becomes big. It doesn't mean you don't deal with it in that way.

[30:23] But you deal with it in the biblical way, both aspects. Deal with it within the church and then with our government authority. And by the way, this is not just happening within months and years.

[30:36] No, this is happening fast. This should take place within days. For those of you wives, or if there's a wife that's experiencing abuse, it's hard because you have to bring out the sin, bring it out into the open, fearing God, not the repercussions from your husband.

[30:54] Huh. That's hard. Is there sin in your life? Yeah, okay, probably. I get that. But hear me.

[31:06] No sin gives a husband the right to hit his wife. It's just flat out simple. This must be dealt with biblically.

[31:23] Probably, if step one, confine your husband at that point between him and her right then, at that point, maybe she said, let's pray about, maybe we need some counseling at that point.

[31:36] Biblical counseling. One other thing, a wife with a non-Christian husband, you still need to confront him and yet you're not able to do the steps of Matthew 18.

[31:50] So she must sadly, rationally, calmly, lovingly, and immediately get the authorities involved. For her husband's benefit.

[32:02] Because she loves him. And by the way, physical abuse, those are not grounds for divorce. That's nowhere in the Bible.

[32:17] One other word. And then I'll move to husbands. Husband, your wife will submit to you only if and when she is willing. In other words, you can't make her submit.

[32:33] And it's not meant for you to make her submit. That's not your job. That's not your responsibility. That ain't your problem. What? That ain't your problem. Your responsibility comes in just a moment.

[32:45] You worry about you like God do with her. So, for husbands, now we move into verse 7. Husbands, live with and grant your wife.

[32:59] Live with what? Grant her what? We'll talk about that. Verse 7. You husbands likewise are in the same way. He's dealing with in the same subject matter of marriage.

[33:12] Side note, husbands are never commanded in Scripture to submit to their wives. Never. You cannot state a case for that. Well, you can try. But it just does not hold water.

[33:27] You, he says, you husbands, and then it has, in numeric standard, it has your wives is in italics, and says, live with in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel since she is a woman.

[33:39] What is he saying here? He's saying, live with her according to knowledge. Literally, from the Greek. Or live with her recognizing that she is a weaker vessel.

[33:54] Meaning, physically weaker. Much more often than not, women are physically weaker than men. That's not always.

[34:08] But usually that is. That's what Peter's saying. And that's why men use and abuse women. Right? And children.

[34:22] They sinfully dominate them. They wickedly dominate them, men over women. Because they're weaker. But God says, a husband should not take advantage of this.

[34:37] He should cherish her. He says, recognizing she is physically weaker, and then he says, granting her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, or showing or assigning her respect.

[34:52] Instead of abusing her, you honor her. one writer says, honor and respect, quote, must characterize the way in which the husband must live with his wife.

[35:08] Uplifting, gracious, kind words and actions. You honor her in private. You honor her in public.

[35:23] She is my wonderful, lovely, beautiful, unbelievably, gracious to me wife who loves me. Even when I'm rude and obnoxious and just plain stupid.

[35:40] Right? I'm unkind and she loves me anyways. But I'm an idiot. We do not exert strength making selfish demands.

[35:57] We should give gracious love. So he says, live with her, recognizing her physical weakness. Honor her, and notice the reason behind this, as a fellow heir of the grace of life.

[36:16] Or, a joint heir of the grace which leads to life. She's physically weaker, but not inferior.

[36:28] As a Christian woman, she has Christ just as much as you do. She's a much, as much a Christian as you are. Notice what he's doing here.

[36:44] Notice how he's saying it's the gospel that drives us to recognize and honor our lives. The very gospel we believe in.

[36:54] Look, I told you this last week or the week before that. The only way that we can live out these things in our lives, if it's the gospel that's the foundation and undergirds everything that we do.

[37:08] If it's not, then it's just moral relativism. And it doesn't matter. Peter constantly is telling us God's grace motivates you.

[37:20] God's grace drives you. God's grace is your passion to do this. It's easy to take advantage.

[37:32] Which is why God commands us as husbands not to do it. Women, are equal to men in general.

[37:43] Genesis 1, verse 26. And then you include the gospel and her response to the gospel even more. Galatians 3, 28, there's neither male nor female.

[37:55] You are all one in Christ. You're all sons and daughters of God. You're heirs to the throne of the kingdom. Honor them.

[38:08] Don't exploit them. Why? Honor them. Don't exploit them. Why does he tell us to do this? The end of verse 7.

[38:20] So that your prayers may not be hindered. God knows everything. Why? It's because God will choose to ignore you.

[38:38] Just last night I'm talking to a guy going through major marriage problems. God's ignoring you. God knows everything.

[38:50] I get that. But notice the words I put here. God chooses to ignore you. He chooses to say I'm not listening to you. Your prayers will be thwarted.

[39:05] He's not talking about prayers as a couple. He's talking about the husband's prayers. You want to husband you want to injure your relationship with Christ be a jerk to your wife.

[39:22] There you go. I'll put it in the positive. Do you want a close relationship with God? Cherish your wife. That's how I'll show.

[39:38] Carefully cherish this lovely wonderful person God has given to you. We can't be jerks and at the same time proclaim we truly love Christ because our relationship with Christ is in direct proportion to our relationship with our wives.

[39:52] That's what Peter is saying. Carefully cherish this lovely wonderful person God has given to you.

[40:08] Honor her. Live with her recognizing she's weaker and grant her the honor that she deserves as one who loves Christ just like you. If we are harsh abusive and demeaning to our wives God will not listen to our prayers.

[40:28] He will withhold blessings and grace in our lives. God takes this very seriously so should we. We should. A word to you wives.

[40:46] Your husband will be understanding honoring gracious to you if or when he's willing. You cannot make him treat you like this.

[40:57] and it's not meant for you to do that. Even in the case of physical abuse which you shouldn't be doing even still you can't make him do anything. That's not your problem.

[41:11] Your responsibility is to submit to him. His responsibility is to be gracious to you and grant you honor. too many times in marriage counseling that I do it's always doing this.

[41:24] They're always lobbing the nuclear missiles at each other when they should be doing this lobbing the nuclear missiles upon themselves. You need to worry about you.

[41:39] Which leaves me here's my last statement for you. Wife you cannot change your husband. husband you cannot change your wife.

[41:52] But wife you can allow God to change you. Husband you can allow God to change you all for his glory. Right?

[42:03] All for his glory. I mean we can encourage each other towards change you get what I'm saying. Encourage each other towards change exhort each other but at some point the husband has to decide.

[42:14] at some point the wife needs to decide. At some point you in your own Christian life you need to decide. I'm going to fear God. I'm going to live out this gospel of grace that God has done in my life.

[42:29] our father we are so grateful for your grace to us in Jesus Christ. And we thank you for the power that you give to us to live the gospel.

[42:49] I pray for us I pray for us as couples you would work in us that wives will be submissive with gentle peace of spirits as they adorn themselves they look so beautiful they look beautiful inside as well for us as husbands we would recognize that they're physically weaker but grant them honor and respect and grace because they're fellow heirs of the grace which leads to life too.

[43:37] So that you will not choose to disregard us but instead you'll listen. May your power work mightily in us as a church as marriage married couples soon to be married couples thank you.

[44:01] It takes some time between you and the Lord to ponder to pray to think what we've seen in God's word this morning and after a few moments we'll do our time of giving sing our last two songs and our closing prayer think ponder let your mind meditate upon God's word it go .