Rise Up (Morning Message)

[0:00] What a joy to be with you all. I travelled this morning from northwest London and just the views coming over the countryside, even in the rain, were pretty amazing. What an amazing place you live in. Wow. And just the sense of the presence of God here this morning. I don't know how many of you are aware of that, just the sense of the presence of God just in worship and what we're hearing. Oh, that's really exciting. I pray that more of you would feel that as we journey through the day. Wendy, where's Wendy? When you spoke, I mean, that was a real incredible testimony. I'm sure we'd all agree. I felt when you were talking about growing taller and kind of the frustration of actually growing smaller, that actually the Lord was just saying that he is growing you taller in him and that you might have grown smaller physically, but you've grown stronger and taller in him. And that's some of the healing that I think we'd all agree that we can see. And I just do have to warn you that often if the Lord is doing something in you that significant, it's normally for something quite significant. So watch this space and watch that one because there's a fire gun there.

[1:12] Just a deep awareness of that. I love this theme about being made for goodness, made for goodness. And I was looking at the scripture a few weeks ago and thinking about, you know, the potter and the clay and being that clay in the potter's hand. And I don't know about you, but there are times in my life where I really resist the potter, where I really don't understand what the potter's doing, what the Lord God is up to in my life. And I just think, I don't actually want to submit to this. I actually don't want to surrender to what it is, Lord God, that you want to do in my life. And yet he says, but I'm generous, I'm a good God. And if you do surrender, watch the way that I will work and watch what I will do with every single one of you individually and uniquely for my purpose.

[2:04] And so kind of what I want to look at with you this morning is Moses and the chapter of the journey of Moses. If you've got a Bible, you might want to open it up at Exodus chapter three, chapter four. I'm not going to read the whole lot because it's a lot of scripture.

[2:18] But I want to think this morning about rising up, rising up with God. And then later on this afternoon, I want us to think about how we get ready for more, how we get ready for more. Because I do believe that the church in the United Kingdom is in a really exciting place and yet a really scary place too. And actually what we're seeing in culture is just a rapid change. And what God is asking of his children in the space of that change is challenging. And so we'll look at that a little bit more this afternoon. But I want us to think this morning, how do I rise up? Like where am I at, God, today? As I come in here and, you know, we've had Christmas, we've had New Year, we kind of, January is a bit rubbish, isn't it? And it's just actually, Lord, right now today, as I think about the year ahead, where am I? And am I ready to rise up with you? So if you've got a Bible, I'm going to just read the beginning of Exodus chapter 3 and starting at verse 1.

[3:22] Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro, his father-in-law, the priest of Midian. And he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire, it did not burn up. So Moses thought, I will go over and see this strange sight. Why the bush doesn't burn up? When the Lord saw that he'd gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, Moses, Moses. And Moses said, here I am. Do not come any closer, God said. Take off your sandals for the place where you are standing is holy ground. Then he said, I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And at this Moses hid his face because he was afraid to look at God. The Lord said, I've indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt.

[4:35] I've heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I'm concerned about their suffering. So I've come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey, the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Boom. And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I've seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now go, I'm sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt. But Moses said to God, who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt? And God said, I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you. When you've brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain. Moses said to God, suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, the God of your fathers has sent me to you. And they asked me, what's his name? Then what shall I tell them? God said to Moses, I am who I am. This is what you're to say to the Israelites. I am has sent me to you. And it goes on. And it's just an incredible passage, how well you know it, and into chapter four. And we have six different moments where Moses says something to the Lord of like, really God? Really? Me? And I love it because this all happens before he goes to Pharaoh. I don't know about you, but when I think about Moses, I tend to think of this man who was like this amazing leader.

[6:21] And you see images, don't you, of him with his staff, like parting the Red Sea. And it's like, wow, he led all the Israelites out of Egypt. What a man. What a man to go to Pharaoh. And look what happened. And wow. And yet when we delve into scripture and we look at the beginning of Exodus, we actually see a man who really was struggling with who he was. We see a man who in his identity was going, I'm nothing. I'm not able to do this, God. And what are you seriously looking at?

[6:51] Looking at me and asking me to do that? Why, God? And I love that because I don't know about you, but I am like that. I am someone who constantly thinks, really, Lord, you want me to do that?

[7:04] No way. No way. And we come back to the clay in the potter's hand and it's, come with me and watch what I will do. Submit to me and watch what I will do. So what I want to do is just quickly run through these six moments where Moses speaks back to this burning bush and speaks to the Lord in response to what the Lord is saying. And just want you to think, as we journey, are these things that you grapple with? And there might just be one thing that stands out. It might be a few. They might hang together. But are you struggling in any of these areas? So the first one is this, chapter three and verse three. Moses says, I will go over and see this strange sight. Why the bush does not burn up.

[7:51] Moses makes a decision to go over to the bush. He has walked this terrain over a hundred times, over 40 years. He knows it like the back of his hand. It's like the backside of the desert. And he's tending his father-in-law's flock. And then all of a sudden, in his normal everyday life, he sees something different. And he goes over to have a look. He chooses to change direction and go and look.

[8:23] He could have carried on the way that he always went, but it caught his eye. And he thought, I need to go and check that out. There's something about that that is drawing my attention and I need to go and see.

[8:35] And as he goes near, he encounters God. And I think for us, you know, there are these moments in our lives where we think, I want the encounter. I want to know more of God. But actually, am I prepared to go over to him? Am I prepared to press into him? Am I prepared to look for him? You know, because I think culture would say, you can have it all the way that you want, easily, no problem. And God's saying, no, encounter with me is costly. Encounter with me takes energy and it takes everything. But come over and look at this site and see why I'm doing what I'm doing and see where it might lead. There's a choice in us to go over. And I don't know about you, but there's quite a few moments in my life where I've thought, I'd rather stay on my own agenda. I'd rather live the way that I want to live.

[9:28] I'd rather be comfortable, God. I'd rather stay for 14 years in Birmingham where I've got friends and I've got family and I've grown a ministry there and God has been with me and I've seen amazing things happen. I'd rather stay here, God, than actually listen and open my eyes and my ears to an encounter that might lead somewhere else. And I remember this so clearly. I mean, Gavin and I have kind of lived our journey just very much trying to say to God, wherever, whatever, whenever, Lord, whatever it looks like, we will go with you. Like, we will because we know your way is best.

[10:03] But when it's actually come down to it, it's been so difficult. And it took me when Gavin got a job down in London and I was kind of halfway through my Baptist training as a minister and I could feel this tug beginning to happen of him kind of going more and more to London. And we were saying, it's fine, we can do it like this. It's no problem. He can be down in London and I can be in Birmingham and he can commute and that will be fine for our family. And little bit by little bit, it got uncomfortable and it got difficult. And it was, I have to say, me just going, I'm not open to even look at what God might be saying. And I remember being out in Portugal in May about three years ago and the Lord beginning to speak to me. And I think I must have prayed something that was a little bit, okay, God, then, okay. And I felt him say this, Anne, you're writing this book on game changers, but are you willing to change the game? And everything in me went, no. Genuinely, no. I don't want it. I don't want to go to London. I don't want whatever that is. I don't want it. But because the Lord spoke, something began to shift and I couldn't ignore it because I knew that God was doing something.

[11:21] And slowly but surely, I began to say, okay, Lord, if you have a purpose for us somewhere else, will you begin to show us what it is? Game Changers, by the way, is the book that I think we've got in the back. But it is this whole journey that we have done as a family. But I found myself kind of sitting there and I said to Gavin, okay, if the Lord has a plan for us in London, he's going to have to make a way. And we sat down together on the sofa and we began to pray and I opened my heart and I said, if there's something different, Lord, show us where. And the phone began to ring, no joke.

[11:55] And it was this man down in London that we know really well and he has a church in Stanmore and he said, I have some space here for Anne. Would she like to come? I'll give her the same hours, the same pay, the same, and she can just come and minister amongst the team. And I was like, are you kidding, God? I don't want to go. In the space of three days, the house was sold. In the space of four weeks, we were down in London. It was just off the charts. But you know what? There was still a choice. There was still a choice to encounter God. There was still a choice. I still could have said no. You can still carry on on the journey that you're on in the comfortable way that you want to live in with everything settled. You can still carry on. But the other way is unbelievable.

[12:43] The other way is just, I mean, it's so costly, it's untrue, but it's unbelievable. And I think we're in danger of saying, God, we want to see the miracles. God, we want to see you move in power. Lord, we want to see your glory. But actually, we're not prepared to journey the cost.

[12:59] We're not prepared. And actually, what, you know, when I hear what Wendy's saying, I just think, yeah, that's the cost. That's the cost of the journey. There's this cost. But man, the way God uses that, the fruit that I just know that you're already seeing and that you will see will be unbelievable. And it's not that God creates the pain, but he uses whatever's gone on in your life for great, great things to happen. So Moses is really struggling. Like, he is already in this place as he listens to the Lord of going, what, God? Really? And we get down to chapter 3 and verse 11. And Moses says to God, who am I? Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt? And you hear this just like, are you kidding me, Lord, that you want to use me? That you have a plan for my life? That I'm just Moses? I'm just out doing what I do, shepherding this flock. I, you know, I've ran away from Egypt.

[13:59] I don't, what, you want me to go back? Me? Who am I? And there's this major identity issue. But you know what? God wanted it to be Moses. Because what God had done in Moses as a baby meant that he wanted to do something through him in his life that would be incredible.

[14:21] And sometimes there's things that God has done in you or doing in you that he then wants to do through you, that blow your mind completely. He had rescued Moses from death. Moses was destined for death, wasn't he? He was one of those Hebrew babies that was meant to have been killed. And yet his life was saved. But it wasn't saved without a reason. It was saved for one of the greatest reasons in history to save God's people. What has God saved you from that he wants you to save others from? What has God done in you that he might want to do through your life? God says to Moses, I will be with you. I will be with you. There's this clear statement. I love it. It's just like, he just says it straight, doesn't he? I will be with you. There's no conditions. There's no only if you do this or only if that happens. I will be with you. And I think about some of the journey that Gavin and I have been on years ago. Now I'm getting on a little bit. But we were trying for children. And we tried for children for a few years. And nothing happened. And you know, you just get to this point where you just think, this is just never going to happen for me. Like, it's just not something that the Lord has for us. And you wrestle and you fight with him. And we went through feelings of, it's unfair. And well, what are we supposed to do? And we went to adopt. And we just, we journeyed it for a long time. And we went to the doctors. They did a load of tests. And they said to us, no, I'm really sorry, Anne and Gavin. You're not going to have children. It's really, really unlikely that you'll be able to have children. And that month that they told us that,

[16:08] I conceived. And I know, I don't say that lightly, because I know for some people, they don't see the end of that route. So please hear me in the right way. But it was incredible. And nine months later, just under nine months later, I gave birth to Amelie, who is now 11 going on 14. And extremely challenging. Bless her. But amazing. And she came out. And when she was born, they said to me, Anne, we've picked up a problem with antibodies in your body. And it's anti-little-c. And the problem is that it means that you probably can't have any more children. And I'm thinking, well, I don't know how I had this one. So, you know, but apparently the antibodies were attacking the unborn child and breaking down her blood and making her very poorly, very anemic. And it was very dangerous.

[16:57] So I kind of said, well, this is an amazing miracle. I'm so grateful to have Amelie. You know, that's it. We're done. Ten months later, I conceived. And ten months later, I was not ready to do that again, especially knowing the danger that there might be in going down that route. And I remember just kind of breaking down on Gavin and going, I can't believe I'm pregnant. I don't even know if I want to do this again. Like, what is this going to look like? What's this going to mean? And about ten weeks in, I started to bleed. And we sadly lost that child. And I remember, I don't know if any of you have been through it, but the D&C operation where they kind of clear you out was probably one of the most horrific things that I think I've ever had. And if you ever faced that, you know what I'm talking about. But there was this weird thing that went on through that season where I was just like, this is so painful, God. Why is this happening to me? And I didn't really want another child, but now I've got to grieve a child. Like, how does that even look? And I tell you what happened, this wave of fear just came washing over me. And I just thought, I do never, ever want to go down that path again. I do not want anything to do with conceiving. And I do not want anything to do. I'm okay with Amelie. This is fine. We're fine. The three of us is fine. Thank you so much, Lord, for giving me Amelie. Now let's press on with ministry. But God doesn't do that.

[18:29] Like, God doesn't leave you where you are, does he? Because our God's a good God. And after about a year and a half, when I was prepared to begin to talk about it, I felt like he was saying, Anne, you need to face fear again. You need to face fear in the face and say, I am not going to be stopped from going God's way if that is what he has for me. And it was this massive decision in me, okay, I'm not going to let fear win, but I'm going to say, Lord, if you have more children, will you, you know, bring more children? Honestly, one of the hardest things. Again, in a month, I've conceived. Gavin's thinking, my word, I've been healed. You know, three, three conceptions. It was just unheard of. And I thought, I genuinely thought, like, when I began that bit of the journey, that then everything was going to be okay. Because if God's going to put me in a place where I've got to face my fear, then surely everything else is going to be okay, right? Literally, in a matter of weeks, it all went belly up. They discovered that there were five antibodies in my system, all trying to kill the unborn child in my womb. And I remember coming back from the hospital, and I had to sign a load of paperwork, basically sign my life away, sign the baby's life away, agree that they could do any intervention possible to try and save this child's life. And as we got to Tesco car park, I just, we,

[19:53] I think we had to get milk or something, but we, we drove in, and I just sat there in the pouring rain coming down on the bonnet, and I just wept, and I wept, and I wept. And I was just like, God, what are you doing? What are you doing with my life? Why is this happening to me? And I just remember just feeling, like, completely just mad, and then completely like it's so unfair, and just all these emotions everywhere. And there was this choice that came, right in the heart of it, that was like, I could turn my back on you now, Lord, because actually what I'm experiencing with you, I'm not enjoying. It's not good. It's not fun. I'm not liking this. There's a better way.

[20:34] And I just, I wrestled really, really hard in the car, and I came to this point of just saying, God, I don't know what's going to happen, but Lord, I don't want to let you go either.

[20:48] And Father, would you make me and not break me through this season in my life? Not that I believe he was going to break me, because he's a good God, but I just was like, I don't want to break.

[20:59] I don't want to fall apart. I don't want to, will you somehow bring something beautiful out of this time in my life? Because when we push in, in the really challenging times, he says, yeah, okay, I'll be with you. Okay, I won't let you go. Okay, I will come alongside you. Okay, yeah, I will bring joy out of hideous pain. And it was just amazing, because I literally had 10 blood transfusions in the womb from 17 weeks of pregnancy. And what would happen was they would take some of the blood out of the baby, and then they would put in the transfused blood. There were two donors in the UK with the correct blood to put. We sometimes would wait while the baby was deteriorating in the womb for this blood to come. And as they would take blood out, the blood that they would take out looked like water. It was that damaged and that broken down. And the blood that they would put in would bring life to the child for about 10 days. And it was just incredible to see. And I suddenly was aware of movement in my belly. It was just amazing. But I would sleep for three hours after each transfusion.

[22:08] And in those three hours, I didn't know whether there'd been brain damage, heart attack. They gave me this list of possibilities that could happen as a result of these early transfusions. By some miracle of God, he came into the world at 30 weeks. We called him Daniel, because it was like he'd been in a lion's den. And God had somehow shut the lion's mouth. And he is, I mean, he's a big boy now. He's a big boy. He's seven and a half going on. He is big. As Gavin would say, he looks like he's eating a premature baby. He's a big boy. And, you know, I didn't expect him to live. I didn't, honestly, I didn't expect him to live. And I don't know what I would have been like if he hadn't lived. But what I do know is that God was with me. God was with me in it. And I would so much rather journey anything in life fully with him than on my own, fully dependent and turning to him than on my own. I know some of you really know what I'm talking about. That actually God can come through in an incredible way. And the ministry that I'm a part of now is because of that. It's not because someone said, oh, she's quite good at this or, oh, she's that. No, it's because of the pain and the struggle that God has birthed something. God rescued Moses to rescue his people. Who am I? You're just the man for the job.

[23:33] You're just the woman for the job. Because of that. Because of your experience. Don't write yourself off because of them. Say, yes, Lord. Okay, maybe you want to use this. Maybe you have something else for me. The third thing is chapter 3 and verse 13. And God has said, I'll use you to rescue the Israelites and I will be with you. And Moses turns around to God and says, suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, the God of your fathers has sent me to you. And they ask me, what is his name?

[24:08] Then what shall I tell them? Suppose I go and you can feel this sort of prediction of what might happen. You know, what will that look like, God? And can you just give me a little bit more of that picture?

[24:20] And if I agree, God, to go to Pharaoh, can you just give me X, Y, and Z so I know that I'm going to be okay, so that I know you're going to provide for me, so that the fear somehow is taken away. And I love that because we just want to know so much more, don't we, than what we actually know of God's agenda.

[24:38] And I think the problem is that this sense of what if or suppose I go can be so destructive because it can keep us rooted where we are and never moving forward in the promises of God.

[24:50] And the enemy would love to keep us stood still. He would love to limit what our potential is. He's desperate to consume you with what ifs and suppose I goes because he doesn't want you being active for the kingdom of God. Has anybody seen the Letters to Juliet movie? It was back in, okay, am I just the only one? In 2010, a bit of a rom-com. I love a bit of a rom-com. But there's this letter that's written at one point in the movie and it says this, Dear Claire, what and if are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if, what if, what if. I don't know how your story ended, but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. And as I heard that and listened to that the first time around, I just thought, wow. You know, if what you felt was true love, if what you know of

[26:01] God is real, deep, life-changing love, then what if doesn't matter? And I just was just praying off the back of that, God, it's about Moses, about us knowing your love that deeply and that intimately and that powerfully that we go, okay then, okay, I trust you. I trust you and I'm about you, but I need more of a revelation of that. I need a greater revelation of God's love for me so that I can trust him more and not question as much as I do question. I don't want to submit to the potter sometimes.

[26:43] You know, I just need to pause there just for a second because I just think that there's so many things in our lives that stop us enlisting with what God has for us and particularly as women, we have all kinds of reasons why we won't do something or why it's not a possibility or so and so might be better than me or this or, you know, they're doing that already or actually there's no opening there for that or we see, all we see sometimes are walls instead of possibility.

[27:16] And God is saying to Moses, you're seeing walls as you head towards Pharaoh, but I'm seeing opportunity. I'm going to, I'm seeing a way through. You might not see a way through, but I see a way through.

[27:28] And we write ourselves off for all kinds of reasons, our stage of life, our family life, our age, our insecurities, our fear, our doubt. And God says, I see a way through that. I see something that you can't see. And honestly, journey with me and let me show you what I can do.

[27:48] So Moses is sharing his heart and I will, I'm just looking at this, am I all right, Wendy? Are you, I've gone over often. Is everybody doing okay for time? Not much longer, not much longer. So I feel this is the interesting moment with Moses of thinking, you know what Moses, you now know what God is saying to you. You now know that he's promised you that he'll do something here. You now know that he is with you. He's now told you that he is the great I am. He's now revealed to you in the flames of a burning bush, how powerful he is. For goodness sake, go do it. And yet Moses is just still there going, really God? And we get to chapter four and verse one. And he says, what if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, the Lord did not appear to you? What if I get there and I spout this? I may just go, yeah, whatever. And he's talking about going back to the Israelites.

[28:46] He's saying, what if the Israelites just go like, what? And there's this thing, isn't there, about the words that we speak that we lack confidence in what God is saying to us and in delivering the words that we believe God has given us to share. And you know, sometimes we'll sit there, won't we? And we'll have some kind of feeling that we should speak up when we're surrounded by friends, we're on the street, when we're at the bus stop and or at work. And we'll think, if I could say, oh, I'm not going to. I'm not going to. And actually, if we did say it, goodness knows what might happen as a result of opening our mouths. You know, we know, don't we, the mouth is a powerful tool for good and for bad. The words we speak, we know they are very, very interesting. But God wants to use the words that are in your mouth to do incredible things. A friend of mine sits around a leadership table up in the northeast. And she's the children's and youth worker up there. She's been there for a really long time now. And she's brilliant, absolutely brilliant. She sat around this leadership table, mainly of men, brilliant guys, really gifted, godly guys. And she said to me, I sit there and sometimes, and I can't speak. And I said to her, what is that? And she said, I don't know. She said,

[30:08] I think they just, they've got so many ideas. They're so capable. What have I got to bring? And I said to her, we prayed together. I said, but do you feel like you have got some stuff to say? And she said, yeah, I suppose I have. And I said, but you, you're not bringing it? And she said, no. And she was talking wider about her ministry and just saying, the problem is, I think I'm nearly done where I am.

[30:33] I think actually it's probably time to move on. I think actually I'm not really understood for who I am. And I said to her, I think you need to speak. I think you need to find your voice at that table.

[30:45] And we really prayed for her. And we asked the Lord just to bestow confidence and strength and anointing on her voice. About six months later, she came to me. And she was a different woman. It was amazing to see. She'd begun to speak. In her weekly team meetings, she'd begun to say what she felt God was telling her to say. And as she'd begun to speak up, the team had begun to see a prophetic voice. They'd begun to hear a confident, beautiful voice. And they began to see opportunities in the church for her that they'd never seen before because she hadn't opened her mouth. She's now doing things in the church that she never thought she was able to do. And that was just the beginning of it. It's endless, the opportunity that arises from when we speak up. I don't know about you. I wonder if fear has stood in the way of you opening your mouth. Fear of what people might think. I know it has for me. Fear of how people might respond to you. Fear of being shunned. But you know, if God is with you and God is empowering that, it's God through you. It's not you. It's God. It's the great I am.

[32:00] Not who I am, but who he is working through you. And then in that place, we can see awesome things happen. Maybe just one word or two words. Because all of us can think, can't we, of times where someone said a couple of things to us and how massive the impact on our lives has been because of what they've said. Just a couple more things before I draw this into close. So now Moses is all sorted.

[32:30] You know, he knows God is with him. He knows God's going to move powerfully. No. Chapter 4 and verse 10. Moses says to the Lord, oh Lord, I've never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you've spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue. Bless him. I love it. I love it. I am slow of speech and tongue. God, you may be that, but I am this. And therefore, because my perspective is here, I cannot open my eyes to your perspective. And God is saying, no, I need you to take your eyes off yourself. I need you to stop limiting who you are. I need you to stop looking through that lens of what people have said over your life. I need you to stop thinking that you are this and this and this because of your family line, because you're part of my family line. You're my child. You're born into a new identity. And in my family line, anything is possible with God. Anything is possible with God.

[33:34] And we all go, I don't know if I believe that, Anne. I actually don't know if I believe you. Because there's this limit. And no. He is God of the breakthrough. He is God of the breakthrough, God of power. And he can do incredible things. You know, there's an 86-year-old woman in our church who had completely written herself off just about 18 months ago. She was just like, Anne, my heart is failing and I'm going to go and be with the Lord. And I prayed with her. And I just said to her, I think God's going to open up a new ministry for you. And she just laughed at me. I said, honestly, I really, really do. And you know, literally a week later, she began, no joke, and this amazed me, she began to hear and see angels. Literally a week later, an 86-year-old powerful woman who thought, you know what, my time's up, began to hear and see angels in our church. When now we are beginning to embark on anything as leaders in the church, we go to Anne and we say, because she's called

[34:36] Anne, good name. We go to her and we say, like, what's happening in the heavenlies? Tell us what you're seeing. Tell us what you're sensing. Tell us what's happening in your prayer life. And she has a major effect on the decisions that we're taking as a team. God can do anything, at any time, in any way, to just completely blow our minds wide open. I don't know what the I am's are that you've believed over your life. You know, Moses says, I am slow of speech and tongue. I'm not eloquent, Lord. You honestly want me to use my voice, but I'm not eloquent, Lord. And it's almost like a joke, isn't it? That's the one area I want to use you. The one area where you think you're most weak and most unable and lacking the most confidence is the one area that I want to show my power through you. Mine have been things like, I am not as intelligent as my brothers. I'm never going to be as good as Gav. You know, the comparison stuff, the competitive stuff, the feeling worthless. I wasn't, my brothers went to private school, like most of the way through their journey. And I just did for a couple of years. My schooling was appalling. My general knowledge is terrible.

[35:53] And God, so when God began to say, yes, come on, Anne, it was like, I don't believe that I'm able. I don't believe that I can open scripture. I'm not that bright, God. I was like, no, you can. You can. You can with me. You can with me. What are the I am's that you've believed and that have halted your development or limited your growth and made you stop where you are? Because the great I am is 10 times, a million times more powerful than the I am that we've limited ourselves to.

[36:29] The final thing is this. In verse 13 of chapter 4, Moses says to the Lord this, Oh Lord, please send someone else to do it. How many times have we done that? I can't, God. It's a no from me. Go and find somebody else. Go and look for somebody else. And he, you know what I love about our Lord is he doesn't give up. He doesn't give up on us. We give up on ourselves. He doesn't give up on us. And he never, ever, ever quits on us. And he doesn't want there to be someone else. You know what? At this point he could have said, okay, I'll send Aaron and you can stay where you are.

[37:11] But he doesn't. He says, no, Moses, I'll give you Aaron. I'll give you Aaron, but I want you to do it because it's for you. The calling that I'm giving is for you. It's unique to you. And I think so often we look around us and think someone else is going to be better at this than me.

[37:27] And God is saying, no, because this is specifically unique for you because I love you and I have a plan for you. And it's going to be about what I want to do through your life, not through anyone else's. And we just struggle to believe that God has anything for us. And I love the fact that God says, you know what? I'll give you Aaron. I'm not going to abandon you on your own in this. I'm not going to make you face this alone. Like I will give you what you need for that journey.

[37:57] Because when we hear sometimes the sense of the call of God or something shifting or maybe something we need to do. I remember when I began to sort of do some ministry with preschool mums, I was just there going, I can't do that, God. I can't do it. I'm not able to do that. I haven't got enough time in my week. I've got children myself. And then he brings this team around you. He brings key people around whatever it is. Look at the team doing today. They're phenomenal. God puts people in the right place. We just speak up and step out. And then he brings the rest of it together.

[38:31] All he did was give him the words, let my people go. That's all it was. Let my people go. It might be something really small. You know, just this week I felt God saying, I need you to go to your boss and say this. And it is a really simple line. And I'm thinking, why do I need to do that?

[38:50] Because I'm scared to. But if I do, what might that lead to? Where might that go when we open our mouths? A few years back, I think the reason that I say all of this to you is a few years ago, I was in a place of just thinking, I am very much committed to raise my kids, which is brilliant, by the way. And I'm still very much committed to raising my kids. And I am very supportive of my husband because he has quite a major job within the Evangelical Alliance and quite a wide public ministry. And so I need to support him and release him and be here for the family and be at home.

[39:29] And I remember being on holiday in North Wales. And I would literally, I'd sat on this bed for like over 17 years. Every summer I'd sat on the same bed. But this time was different.

[39:40] This time was different. And when I sat there on the bed, I was reading from Acts chapter 2. And I was reading that well-known passage to some of us, even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my spirit. And my sons and my daughters will prophesy. And you know how it goes on, young men will see dream dreams and old men have visions. And I just felt the power of the Holy Spirit, like begin here and just flood through my body. It was like intense pins and needles. I can feel it now, actually, as I tell you, right down to my feet. And it intensified. Like it was so strong that my body couldn't, I couldn't move my body on the bed. And I knew as I was looking down at the scripture that God was saying, and you, Anne, and you, my sons and my daughters, and you.

[40:31] And I was there going, but God, I'm okay, aren't I? I'm doing what you've told me to do. I'm being, I'm serving, I'm loving, I'm giving. Aren't I okay? No. I knew in that moment that there was something else that he was asking of me. Something else. And after, I don't know how long I was sat on the bed, and I don't know what was going on fully. We never fully understand it, do we? But we get a glimpse. But as I eventually moved off that bed, I was just going, I know that I've got to explore ordination. And that's what's kind of led me down the church leader track. Goodness knows where I'm going with that. But that's where it began, was this place of going, and you, and you, and you, and you, whoever, whatever, wherever. And it's not that I undervalue the roles that God's given me, but I think sometimes we use them as an excuse to not walk fully in the calling that God has given to each one of us.