The Trouble With Us

Dad, what is this? Those are channel locks, son. Hand me that ratchet, okay? Jerry, are you almost finished?! Yeah, it won't be long. You know, the sitter will be here soon.

! I was just thinking.

What do you think if Dad came to live with us? Oh, Jerry, you've got to be kidding. I mean, aside from the fact that we don't have the room, and you know our budget's pretty thin, I'd be the one who'd have to take care of him.

Carol, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. Dad doesn't have anybody anymore. He's 71 years old, and there's nobody but us. But things are complicated enough around here already.

We've got all we can handle. Carol, I know there might be some problems, but we've got to think about somebody besides ourselves. What would you say is the greatest problem in marriage?

Several clues could be found in Jerry and Carol's confrontation. Was it money? In-laws? Lack of mutual interests? No, the root problem in their marriage, and in most marriages, is selfishness.

Each partner demanding his own rights. Dr. Paul Faulkner, our speaker for session number two, received his doctorate from Southwestern Baptist Seminary. He's presently the director of the Institute of Marriage and Family Studies at Abilene Christian University.

He's a certified marriage and family counselor, supervisor for the American Association of Marriage and Family Counselors, and co-author of the book, Whatever Happened to Mom, Dad, and the Kids.

Let's join now Dr. Paul Faulkner as he begins his presentation on the greatest problem in marriage, The Trouble with Us, is me. Well, let's say that you're downtown shopping.

It's a big city. You're in a big department store. You just, your husband just got paid, so you've got a little extra on you. You're anxious to buy that new blouse, or shoes, or whatever it is you're going for.

And over the PA system comes a staccato announcement that says, Ladies and gentlemen, let me have your attention, please. You may have felt the tremor. It was an atomic blast at the close by Air Force Base.

And we are at this very moment locking, barring the doors. We're requesting everyone stay in this building. You must stay in it. You must not go out. You'll not be allowed to go out. We'll explain to you as time goes on what the requirements will be.

So far as we know, you'll be here at least five days, maybe longer. When that announcement comes, where do your thoughts go?

Are you saying, Oh shucks, I'm not going to be able to get that blouse. Are you worried about your shoes? Are you concerned that you're not going to be able to go home and take care of the grass?

And what will the neighbors think if the grass grows up? Are you fixing to get this car that is just exactly what you wanted? Now it's not available. Are those your thoughts? Your thoughts go every one of us.

Our thoughts go, what about mom or dad or brothers or sisters? Family. Family. Family. The focus has to be on the important things.

And all of a sudden, everything else pales. All of a sudden, you are made instantly aware that the most important thing in the world is what happens to the most important people in my life, my wife, my children, my family, my friends, my close ones, what's happening to them.

And for five days, you could care less about what you wear. You could care less about what's happening in the community other than as it affects your loved ones. That's very natural, isn't it?

What we're saying, you see, is that the quality of your home is so important that we need to make an emphasis on it continually. You know what usually happens to us?

Because somehow or other, Satan, I think, has embroiled us with so many affairs of this life that the urgent things take over the important things.

Have to answer the phone, have to cut the grass, have to get that close, have to do this, all these things that are happening, and the important things don't get done. You know why?

Because usually the important things don't demand to get done. It's the urgent things. You notice that? The urgent things are always pulling, pulling, pulling at us. But the really important issues of life don't just stand up in your face and say, you've got to give me attention right now.

And because of that, our homes deteriorate. And there's another thing I think that causes problems.

I don't think we make enough influence in our lives and our teachings today on prevention. The dentists have done a super job. Brush your teeth. And now they're telling us, floss your teeth.

By the time you get through brushing and flossing, you're late to work, but nevertheless. So what we're saying, prevention, medicine, is coming along. Medicine now is more and more emphasizing the prevention aspect as to wait till they have problems and then try to cure it.

That's a tough way around. Let me give you an example. The story is told of a native village and they built a, they had their village right up on a cliff. The village was right on the edge of a cliff.

And because of that, the old folks and some of the young folks were toppling off occasionally, breaking arms and legs and on occasion dying. And so the village held a council meeting and said, what are we going to do?

And in that council meeting, they came up with a solution. They decided to build a hospital at the foot of the cliff. What we're saying is, folks, it's a whole lot easier to prevent than it is to cure.

And that's why we're so happy you're here tonight. That's what we're going to be dealing with. Now, let's look at some assumptions. Assumption number one. It seems to me, first of all, that whatever your marriage can be, it ought to be.

If your marriage can be an eight-cylinder marriage, it ought to be an eight-cylinder marriage. Picture, if you will, fellas, a guy driving into an automobile repair shop and the repairman opens the hood and looks at it and you say, hey, it doesn't seem to be working right.

What's wrong? He says, well, it's just hitting on two cylinders. And you say, well, that's all right. He said, let me get this straight. You have an eight-cylinder engine, it's just hitting on two and you say, that's okay? Well, yeah, everybody else's engines is hitting on two.

But isn't that the logic that's often used? Our marriage is about as good as everybody else's. And what we're saying is, if you've got eight cylinders in your marriage, let's hit on all eight.

Can you picture a situation where a fellow goes into the mechanic shop again? Well, this time, let's get him out of the mechanic shop. Let's take him to a brand new car. He's just walked out of the showroom with a brand new turnkey car.

And he drives that thing off and he never gets it washed, he never gets it greased, he never changes all in it, never gets it tuned up. What do you think about that guy?

Something's wrong with him. He's a little weird. He is no more weird, good folks, than the man who goes before the preacher and walks off with a brand new wife and says, that's it.

I got it made. Don't ever have to have a tune-up or check-up or look about anything. We're not going to have to talk with each other anymore. We're not going to have to look at each other anymore. Isn't that ridiculous?

So that's why we're glad you're here. You're saying, in effect, tonight, I want to come and take a peek. I want to kind of be aware of what's going on inside my wife's mind and my husband's mind. That's super good.

Assumption number two, marriage begins with commitment. I'm just going to be married to you and I'm going to stay married to you and I'm going to make you the most beautiful one in my life all of my life.

It is sustained by self-discipline. That means that there are going to be some things in this marriage that I don't exactly like, but I'm going to forego.

I'm going to discipline myself because there's two of us, not just one. I remember a good friend of mine, he's a fine guy. He gave up chili when he got married because his wife couldn't stand to sleep with him with chili breath.

Super guy. That's the kind of situation. It's self-discipline. He says, you know, if she doesn't like that chili breath, I'm not going to eat chili until he gets away on the weekends or wherever. And all of our lives, you know, she gives up for him, he gives up for her and when you have two kiddos, you know, four can't live as cheaply as one and so again, you're disciplining yourself.

Marriage begins with commitment, is sustained by self-discipline and is evaluated through growth. We're going to grow. We're going to continue to grow. We're growing tonight.

We're going to be growing tomorrow. I committed to you the day we got married and I'm going to commit to you tomorrow. I'm going to commit to you the next day, every day of our lives. I'm going to commit to you to grow and to discipline and to be what God wants me to be.

But you know, one of the problems with all this is another assumption and that is that most of us like ruts, especially us men. We have a, we like to get in a good, easy, green rocking chair in front of the television set and just kind of stay.

If it's not that, we get into habits and ruts in everything in life. You watch a man, he'll get in a rut pretty good and he'll just kind of stay in that rut. It's kind of tough to get him out here tonight, wasn't it?

And one of the reasons, that's why we have all those black heel marks outside, women driving, dragging his husbands in here. That it's just kind of tough to get a guy out of the rut.

We just want to get in a rut and stay. Now I'll tell you another reason why we stay in the ruts, gals, and that is because we feel a little unsure. When we start changing and moving and getting out of the ruts and doing something different, it makes us feel uneasy and insecure.

And to the guys, I want to say, great, that's a fantastic thing because, now it's a sign we're growing. You're going to grow. You're going to move. You're going to pick up and do something you hadn't been doing before in that rut. So when fear and change and frustration hits you, getting out of your ruts, you've got to think about that as being good and positive.

Now another assumption we want to make in this seminar, and that is you can't change your wife or your spouse. You can just change you. Just work on you. Don't work on him or her.

Work on you. And that's the rest of the presentation tonight I want to deal with. The trouble with us is me. I remember a fellow that blamed his wife like this. Very cruel thing he did.

It's a true story. What happened was he and his wife had been married oh, two weeks, three weeks. They were having horrible problems which could have been prevented if they had gone and talked with a preacher or a counselor before they got married.

But they were having horrible problems and in the midst of a fighting tantrum one night he jumped out of bed went over to the windows and ran his arms right through the two pane glass windows in his bedroom and just wrangled his wrist around on that glass.

And he came back over to the bed with blood dripping on the bed and said to his wife look what you made me do. And did his wife make him do anything like that?

Did she take his arm and run it through that glass? See it's a way of dumping and trying to make someone else feel guilty and what we want to say to that person eventually is fellow you've got somewhere along the line to take responsibility for your own action and you didn't treat her as you ought if you didn't then you need to shape up and be responsible if she didn't treat you as she ought she needs to be responsible.

But let's quit looking at the other person saying trouble with you. Do you ever like to look down a finger? I remember when I used to look down fingers when I was going through elementary school I had a teacher that got on me every once in a while and I'd snicker when she got on me and the reason is because she'd point a crooked finger at me and it'd miss me.

And that'd get me in more trouble. But nobody likes to look down a finger. It's critical and when you start telling the trouble with you is and the trouble with you is then you're going to get it right back.

And so what we want to say tonight and I want to build on this the rest of this evening I want to encourage you to think in terms of the trouble with us is right here. I'm going to first get the beam out of my own eye in the words of Jesus so I can see clearly to get the moat out of my wives or my husbands.

I'm amazed that when I go home in the afternoon when I open the door and go into the house if I'm in a good mood how are things in the home?

Almost always they're good. When I go home and I open the door and I'm an old grouch and that has been known to happen. The house gets grouchy is that right?

If I go to the office and I'm in a grouchy mood how do things go at the office? About the same way. And if I'm in a good mood what I'm saying is what's true with me I'll bet you it's true with you.

That you really do set the pace of what's happening around wherever you are. And so let's just work on ourselves. The problem basically is this it's our basic nature.

our nature of things the way I'm made I'm made in a way that's not really all that good. You're the same way.

When you look over in Ephesians the second chapter the Bible says you are by nature children of wrath. In Romans the first chapter second chapter third chapter the Bible talks about it the same way.

He finally comes to the conclusion all are lost for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And so we're saying that we come into this world with this kind of a nature. It makes us basically materialistic.

And when we talk about materialism we're just simply saying what's the case with what happens? 300,000 little innuendos on television every day encouraging us to buy things we don't need with money we don't have to let other folks that we don't even know know what we've got.

materialism. And we just keep on wanting. Another thing that is a real problem the self centeredness.

I'm interested in me. This is our basic nature. For example if I were to take a picture a Polaroid picture of you 12 people right here clickety zip me out it comes. I said whose picture would you look at first?

Why is that? Well it's just the way we are. I'm interested in how I came out. And if I had a good picture then that's a good picture.

Even if your neighbor was cross eyed. Now growing out of this nature we have some different kinds of reactions. Here's the problem.

When it comes to God what do I do? I want to dethrone God with this kind of a nature because I want to make me God. I want to call my own shots. How does it affect my relationship with others?

Not too good because if they see that I'm looking out for me they know I'm not looking out for them. And so I do others before they do me. That's what happens. And then what happens to myself?

I stay self-centered. Now if that's my basic nature if that's what happens to most of us let me show you another side. What we really need then is a new nature.

And when we talk about a new nature we're talking about changing this person. That means getting out of a rut doesn't it fellas? Getting out of that old rut. I've been this kind of a guy I need to get out of that rut and get into a better one.

One that makes people more comfortable with me. How do I do that? Well in materialism what do I do? I come over here in the new man, the new nature and I say I'm not going to worry about me all the time anymore.

What am I going to do? Well it sounds like the book of Job. He says naked came I into this world, naked shall I go, the Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord. So I'm not always wrapped up in the dollar sign anymore.

And that's a relief isn't it? Because we spend a lot of time worrying about that dollar. Another relief is when I get rid of that self centeredness, not only do I have no possessions, now I understand I have no rights.

Now wait a minute Paul, you've gone too far here. No rights? Here's the problem with rights. If I take the position that rights is what I want, almost invariably, somebody's going to come along and mess them up.

They're going to fix it. For example, we have a suburban, we like to drive that suburban. Wife likes it because she can go to sleep on it sideways in the seat. And we can drive down the highway and we enjoy it, we're setting up above other traffic and we just love it.

But one of these days, there's going to be somebody that may just plow right through the side of our suburban. Now I can have two reactions. I can run out there and say, look what you did to my suburban.

I've been polishing and waxing and fixing and keeping that thing. In fact, just this last week, I put $200 waxing and taking care of it and fixing some spots on it, and then you came and drove right through the side of it, and I just get all mad and my whole blood pressure goes up.

Or, I can have a little different position. Let me show you how you get to it. A person that always wants his rights, when we resent it.

So bad do we resent it, we think we have the right to resent it. That gets us right back to our rights. Then growing out of that resentment, what else happens? I have bitterness.

I develop a bitter spirit that just eats me up. The Bible says, for where bitter jealousy is, there's every kind of vileness in James the third chapter.

That bitterness leads me to be critical and cynical and negative, all kinds of problems. How do you get rid of bitterness and resentment? You get rid of your concept of rights. Let's go back to the suburban.

You say, instead of getting mad when that fellow drives through the side of your suburban, you get out of the car and you walk around and you say, well, that wasn't my suburban anyway.

That was a large suburban. If the Lord wanted to tear up a perfectly good suburban, you see the principle, don't you?

What I'm saying is you have the opportunity and the alternative of being mad all the time because your rights are being violated or you have the alternative of saying, well, nothing I've got is mine anyway. And really, is it?

Really, is it? When we talk about this concept you see, then, of the rights, it lets us now move into the position of what we do with God over here.

We enthrone God. We put him up as God. Why? Because he is God. Because he is God. And I'm not. What do we do with others over here?

We do unto others that we have them to do unto us. Isn't that beautiful? Now, what I'm asking you, who would you rather live with? Let's get right down to it.

Who would you rather live with? This guy or this guy? Who would you rather live with? This wife or this wife? This isn't easy. This is tough.

It's so tough that this line really represents a cross. And the Bible tells us very plainly, in Galatians, that I've been crucified to this world, and this world has been crucified to me, and I get this new nature not by myself.

It's so tough that I need divine help to move from this side to this side. and he graciously, freely, lovingly gives it to everyone. And so we move across by taking up our cross and following him by faith, by repentance, by obedience, as we move into this new way of living.

And my, does that make your partner feel good? Because that partner is living with someone that's gracious and tender and kind. Let me tell you a story from Matthew the 13th chapter.

It's the parable of the fellow that has a lot of pearls. He's a rich pearl merchant. He's going around getting pearls everywhere he can. And he comes across one fellow that's got a pearl of great price.

What does he do? He sells all the pearls he has and invests them in this pearl of great price. And then he goes off and he's got the pearl of great price. That's pretty good. That's great. What is the pearl of great price?

It's the kingdom. It's a new way of living. You say I'd like to have that kind of life. So the Lord says well what have you got? You say well I don't know I've got sixty dollars, sixty dollars, what else have you got?

Well I got two hundred dollars in savings, two hundred dollars, what else have you got? Well I've got some bonds and stock in the bonds and stock, what else have you got? Well that's just about it you know.

I've got a house, one house, Lord if you get my house I'll have to sleep in my camper, one camper. What else have you got? Well I guess I'll have to stay in my cars or whatever, two cars, what else?

Well if you're going to do that then three children, three children and one wife I suppose. Well you just soon put me on that list, me. You say well I don't know whether I want to work for a guy that just takes everything you've got or not.

Now wait a minute. Who has it? Was it yours? Did you earn all of that? Did you inherit some of it?

Did your mom and daddy give you some of it? It's his anyway. And he's lent it to you. And he's saying here it is. I'm going to lend it to you and just count it as yours.

Be good stewards of it. If I need it I'll come get it. I may take it back but it's yours. Be a good steward of it. Doesn't that make a little difference? What it does it gives you a new way of living.

A new attitude instead of I've got to get it get it get it and if I don't get it somebody else is going to get it. It says I didn't give it away. God's got a bigger shovel than anybody in this world. And if he wants me to have it he's big enough to see that I get it and I'm going to love and serve and do!

it was just a matter of hours before he was crucified. They gathered in the upper room. Do you remember the scene? Let's set the stage. As they come into the room there by the door was maybe a low table or even on the floor.

A wash pot, towels, pitcher. those things that were necessary to wash feet. That was the custom. People could have been bathed all over but coming over there, they didn't have clean streets or nice sewers, their feet would get dirty.

So when they came in there would be a doulos, a slave there to wash their feet, clean them up. Then they could come on in and it wouldn't dirty up the house. You remember when they came in?

Jesus didn't have a slave over there. No one was over there to wash feet. So when they started coming past, they came past it and they kind of saw it and didn't see it.

Have you ever walked past work like that? I've walked past a good deal of work in my life and saw it and didn't see it. I think this is what was happening to them. Or maybe it was they were thinking I don't mind washing my feet but I'm sure not going to wash their feet.

Whatever was going on in their minds, they all came in and sat down with dirty feet to eat. You say, well, Fongler, what difference does that make? They were all under the table. No, no, you don't understand.

In the East, that wasn't the way it was arranged. They didn't sit at a table like we do. They reclined and ate off of either a low kind of a rug or carpet or a low pillow and that they were arranged in semicircle fashion, kind of like a wife arranges peach slices on cottage cheese.

And so as they came in, they were arranged this way. What was wrong with that illustration? All right, now we have them arranged and that arrangement does make a difference whether their feet are dirty or not, doesn't it?

Begins to make some difference. Okay, but that's not the principle. the principle is of humility. Jesus lets the meat get right into the meal. They've already convinced themselves in the Lord.

Nobody's going to wash feet. In the middle of the meal, Jesus gets up, goes over to the wash table, takes off his garments, puts it aside, picks up the towels and the pot and the pitcher, and he comes over and he kneels down and as he kneels down he begins to wash one disciple seat and then another and then another and then another I bet you could have heard a pin drop.

I don't think there's a bit of eating going on. All you could hear is the water as it splashed and dropped as he washed 120 toes.

How long did it take to wash 24 feet? It's the best sermon that was ever preached folks. Those men from that day forward never had any infighting about who's the greatest.

He came to Peter and you can just see Peter just kind of back off as he says, you're going to wash my feet? This is coming out of John 13, you read it and see if it doesn't say it. You're going to wash my feet? And Jesus says, Peter, you don't understand right now, but you will.

You'll never wash my feet. Now, Peter is given to never statements. And every time he makes a never statement, he has to eat it. I'll never deny you.

Do you remember that one? But the beautiful thing, I just love Peter, because I find myself so much like him. You're not going to wash my feet, stubborn, headstrong. But the beautiful thing about Peter is that when Jesus says to him, Peter, if you don't let me wash your feet, you don't have part of a lot with me.

And Peter, just like that, just give me a bath. He in effect said, you know, wash me head in hands, just give me a bath. Isn't that great? Oh, how we need some men today that get out of that stubborn streak, that when they see they're wrong can say, I'm wrong, I'm sorry, forgive me, and let's pick it up here.

Men are so stubborn they tend to say, did I say that? The wife says, yes, honey, you said that. He looks to the children and says, did I say that children?

Yes, that's what you said. Well, if that's what I said, that's what I meant. And somehow, if we could get these guys out of that kind of business, thinking like Peter, where Peter could say, oh, if that's what you mean, just give me a bath.

Isn't that great? And then Jesus washed his feet. Can you see him? How would you feel if Jesus was washing your feet? Lord, let me wash yours.

Can you take a gift? It's kind of tough taking a gift. Have you ever noticed that? It's easier to give than to receive, I think. Peter had to take the gift of foot washing from God Almighty in Christ Jesus.

Wow. He goes on around washing feet. He washes John's feet, the disciple whom Jesus loved, leaning against his breast. Incidentally, him leaning against the Lord's breast is well accounted for if they were in that arrangement, wouldn't it be?

And then finally, he comes to Judas' feet. Judas' feet? He's going to wash Judas' feet? You bet. In fact, Jesus washes Judas' feet so tenderly and lovingly that no one there knows that he's going to betray Jesus Christ.

How do you know that? That's what life's all about. Living. Now, notice you've got to die to live.

In order to inherit the world, you've got to be meat. Notice the paradox. In order to be filled, you've got to be hungry. That's the way Jesus operates. In order to set up the table, you've got to set up the table.

In order to get up, you've got to get down on your knees. Isn't that great, though? Well, let's go on. When he's through washing feet, all of the feet, he goes back over to the table.

The old dirty towels are put down, the dirty water's there. He comes back over, and as he puts on his agreement, you can hear him say, you call me Lord and Master, and such I am.

Oh, I like that. Folks, when you know who you are, you can wash feet. You call me Lord and Master? And such I am. And as much as you've seen me wash your feet, you must learn to wash one another's feet.

These men that have got to be tough today want to drive a pickup with a gun rack and chew and spit. Tough. Folks, that's not where tough is.

Tough is washing the feet. Leadership is at the foot of the table, not at the head of the table. And he comes back and he says, in as much as you call me Lord and Master, you've got to learn to wash one another's feet.

When you know who you are, you're somebody, and we'll talk about that more in the next session. When you know who you are, you can wash feet. When you know who you are, you can carry out the trash.

When you know who you are, you can clean the ring out of the tub, and that's okay. it's these big tough guys that can't do a woman's work. And we haven't even started on the husband, that comes next session.

Now, I think that we just have to understand it takes so much time to get around to this. It's so tough to die to ourselves.

What do you do when you hit, when an old boy comes in, just sticks the knife in and twists it, Brother Paul, just twist it and hurts. Does it really hurt? Oh, yeah. Really hurts, yes. It's a sign you're still alive then, isn't it?

You've got to die. When we can get to the place where we're absolutely insensitive to our own needs, Jesus seemed to be that way. He was willing to go to the cross. People could spit in his face, crucify him, but he was the real victor because his life showed the difference between those who live by the old nature and those who live by the new.

And does that ever make you a fantastic husband or wife? I've got to die to myself in order to live. In order to have good relationships with God, myself, and other people, I've got to get myself out of the center of focus all the time.

And that's what we do when a person is baptized. It's a death principle. I die to me. I'm raised to walk a new life. Or, if it's the Lord's Supper, it's in memory of what? The death of Jesus Christ. So it's a very basic principle of Christianity all the way through.

Let me give you a little illustration of what we're talking about. In marriage counseling, what often happens is a husband and wife start out loving each other. When you first got married, you loved each other. And then what happened?

Well, just little things got in. You had children and they kind of got in between you. And you had more children and you had to take care of them. You became a bus driver, a taxi cab. And you were doing everything under the sun for the community and the PTA and the kiddos.

It's not all bad, but just so many things got in our way. We got apart. And we're wondering, who is this guy behind the newspaper? How do you get back together when it really gets so far apart that you have problems in your relationship?

Well, secular counselors tend to counsel this way. John will do this if Mary will do this. If Mary will do this, John will do this and we'll contract them back together. Your problem is, if John says, well, I'm not sure whether I'm going to do that or not.

Mary says, well, if you don't do that, I'm not doing this. And John says, well, if you don't do that, I'm not doing this. And she says, if you don't do that, I'm not doing anything. Now, that's very possible, you see.

What is the solution to this kind of a thing? It, I think, goes back to what we're talking about tonight. Work on self. Who's the head of the home? Who is the one that's to lead the home?

Is it not the husband? Is that right? Great. He gets to go first. He dies to himself and becomes everything to his wife God wants him to become, whether she changes one iota or not.

And if he won't do that, then the wife dies to herself and becomes everything to her husband that God wants her to become, whether he changes one iota or not.

Now, when two people do that, you've got something else. A much better relationship than you ever had to start with. What we're saying is, you draw a person to you as you die to yourself. You draw that person.

See, even Jesus Christ himself doesn't demand. You're drawn. And that's what happens in a husband-wife relationship. You draw each other into yourself as you more and more by commitment, self-discipline, growth, move into the direction that God wants you to be.

After these seminars, Carl and I frequently go out to get a steak. We really love to eat steak. One night after I'd eaten a steak, I heard a discussion down in my stomach.

And the meat was talking with the juices that came out and the meat says, I don't know that I want to go through this. And the juices said, oh yes, this is the way it operates.

We come out and we eat you up. He said, I don't know whether I want to be eaten up or not. And he said, yes, but if we don't eat you up, there's a real problem with that. And he says, well, I've already got problems.

He's been cutting on me and chewing on me and everything under his thumb. And now you've thrown me down in here and you come out with this pronouncement. And the juices say, you still don't understand.

If you don't cooperate, we're going to throw you out. well, I was party to all this conversation that was going on.

And finally the meat yielded and said, okay, just eat me up. And it did. That sounds like a sad story, doesn't it?

Truth of the matter is, is that that old cow, you know, a week ago was out on one of these hillsides mooing. Tonight he's here presenting a seminar to you.

And the way that happened was a transposition. In order for him to live, he had to die. You say, Faulkner, where on earth did you get that illustration? Well, originally it came from a South American missionary, but before that it came from Jesus Christ.

You know what he said? He said in John the twelfth chapter, he said, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it abides all by itself alone.

Picture that. A grain of wheat falling to the earth and if it just sits around on the top of the soil, it's all alone and just stays all alone. But if it dies, if it lets itself be consumed, if it dies, it lives and it brings forth a hundredfold.

Now what we're saying, folks, really boils down to that one beautiful statement. If you want your marriage and your life and your children's life to bloom, then you don't abide by yourself alone in the flesh, but you die, that you might bear fruit in your life, in the life of your wife, in the life of your children.

Let's bow for a moment of prayer. father, we thank you so much for the opportunity to roll back the scriptures and reveal the principle of great husband-wife relations, great God-man relations, great parent-child relations.

May we, father, look in and really get that germ, that being out of our own eye that we may see clearly to get the moat out of our wives' or husbands' or children's or others' eyes.

And then as these sessions continue, father, help us to look back and build on this concept as we talk about the more practical things in the sessions to come.

For we ask it in Jesus. Amen. This concludes our second session. In the next presentation, Dr. Faulkner will speak directly to husbands about their role in marriage.

We'll see you then.