Proverbs 31
[0:00] I'd like you to take your Bibles, and as we begin this morning, I want you to turn to a passage! I want you to turn your Bible to 2 Peter 1, and I want you to read this passage to you.
[0:22] I wonder how many of you have it underlined in your Bible, or as an option, you have it memorized. A, I have it underlined. B, I have it memorized. C, I think it's a good verse, and I probably ought to do one or the other with it. How's that? Okay, let me read it. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence. I want to make a couple introductory comments to the message.
[1:05] First, I want you to know that the characteristic of a church such as this is that the pulpit is in the center of the room. That's not an accident.
[1:25] that is reflective of the preeminence that we give to what takes place here. What we say when the pulpit is in the center of the room is that it holds the place of greatest significance, and it is most important to us, ultimately.
[1:49] Secondly, there is a reason why, though we enjoy greatly singing together, and we do.
[2:01] I, sitting on the very front row, actually standing as we were singing 10,000 Reasons, I turned around, and I looked at the two rows of Sunday school kids that were sitting right there, right behind me. And I got to tell you, they were putting the rest of you to shame.
[2:17] They were on top of it, just really into the song. I like that. And I love, I do, I love listening to our fellowship sing together. It's appropriate. I mean, after all, when the Word of God informs our heart of the glory of Christ, it's reasonable for us who rejoice in Him and know Him to sing enthusiastically.
[2:40] Isn't that right? I mean, hey, don't mean to bring it up, but, you know, after OSU loses a game, how many of you notice how happy people are leaving the sanctuary? I mean, I didn't say sanctuary, did I?
[2:56] I'm talking about that great big place where 110,000 people gather, and, you know, when it's a downer day, and everything goes bad, they kind of slink off to their cars, except for those people who come from Michigan.
[3:08] You know? And those who are OSU fans, they're kind of in this gloom spirit, and so, you know, when you're winning, it's appropriate. And we who are God's people know that we are winning through the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, we've already won, and we love to sing about it. But it is not singing that is primary to us. It is the ministry and the authority of the Word of God. That's the reason that most of you have a Bible here, either in hard copy or electronic. And when I say turn in your Bible to 2 Peter chapter 1, most of you can go there and say, hey, I want to see that myself, and I want to reference that and frame it in my life, because the Word of God is supremely important.
[3:58] And so, when I come to this pulpit, I come with one ambition. It is to make what God has already said clear to people who love the Lord Jesus Christ, so that they might glory in His wisdom and His goodness, and they might walk uprightly in the authority and the direction of His Word, and they might know the blessing that follows from that. Now, that, as a background, leads me to have you turn now in your Bible to Proverbs chapter 31. This is a day that all across our country is being celebrated as Mother's Day. And it's a day in which we have encouraged you as family after the morning service to spend time together as a family, having a celebration. And I trust that's what you're going to do.
[4:49] I know that our family is going to do that, and we look forward to it. We've made all these plans this morning after I got up and had the privilege of saying Happy Mother's Day to my wife, etc.
[5:02] We set the table. We've got five extra leaves in the thing. That's going to be big time. And we're going to enjoy being together as a family. This is a day where in relationship to Mother's Day, it would only be appropriate for me to bring to you something from the Scriptures that reflects the wisdom and counsel that the Word of God has that the Scriptures also identify as comes from the mouth of a mother. And so what I want you to do is look here at Proverbs chapter 31, and we'll pick up there in verse 1. It says, The words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him.
[5:51] What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine or for rulers to take strong drink, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to the one who is perishing and wine to those in bitter distress. Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute.
[6:41] Open your mouth, judge righteously. Defend the rights of the poor and the needy. An excellent wife, who can find? Now, I'm going to stop and recognize just for a moment that as we look at this passage, here is the last chapter in the book that Solomon put together. Now, by the way, you know that the Scripture tells us that Solomon was the, what? The wisest man.
[7:13] And what he has given to us here is a compilation of that wisdom, evidently recorded, the words of King Lemuel, and King Lemuel carried forward the words that his mother had taught him. And so as we look at this passage, we are going to focus this morning on the kind of advice that a godly mother has for her son and the kind of advice that god has for all of his people because it is applicable, it is valuable, and it is well worth our attention. So let's pay attention as we find, first of all, that the Scripture tells us that it's appropriate to learn to discern early. To learn to discern early.
[7:58] We find here that the advice that Lemuel's mother gave to him, evidently, had to have been given to him early enough to be in advance of the process of making a decision about the kind of woman that he would marry. I think it is interesting, and probably if you are familiar with the Scriptures at all, you stop and think, wow, Solomon, you would have been well served to have learned this before you wrote the book, because we realize that his life was largely affected for the negative by the relationships with women that he established once he came to ascendancy and to a position of prominence and power. And so despite Solomon's abysmal failure as a husband and as a father, we recognize here that the Holy Spirit chose to use him as the instrument to communicate truth that is valuable to us, and I trust you will hold carefully and recognize that it is important to you as God's people and in your ministry to those that you love. I'm not sure how many of you here read the Hebrew
[9:11] Bible comfortably, but I will tell you that the way in which these verses are put together is in such a fashion that they are designed for memory work. What I mean by that is that, and by the way, Hebrew reads from, we read from what, left to right? Hebrew reads from right to left. And so if you were reading in your Hebrew Bible, you would notice that over on the right-hand column, the beginning of each verse actually begins with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet beginning with Aleph, Bith, Gemel, Daleth, He, Wau, Zion, Heth, Teth, Yod, and so on. And so what you will find, it was that put in this mnemonic way so that it could be memorized. So the implication here is that this passage of Scripture, which is at the very end of the book that Solomon wrote for the sake of giving advice and counsel to his family, to young men in particular, the last thing that he says is, hey, listen, I want to give you some advice about how to pick a godly wife, and I'm going to do it for you in a fashion that allows you to memorize it. Now think with me just for a moment. Bear with me, this is in my way.
[10:36] What are some of the passages of Scripture that we really want our kids to memorize? You tell me. Come on. John 3.16, and for God so loves the world, and what our intention of that is, or in that passage, is what? We are interested in their salvation. When God brings children into your life as a father and as a mother, part of the obligation and burden and the righteousness of your calling is, I want to see that little boy and girl come to Christ, and I pray that they grow up having a heart for Christ and that they walk uprightly before Him. And John 3.16 is a starting place. What are some other passages that we think is important for children to memorize and know? What are some others?
[11:32] Go ahead. The Lord is my shepherd, okay? I want my children to know that they can rely upon the Lord to care for them, right? What else? What other passage comes to mind? You as a parent, and hey, listen, you have a whole Bible to choose from. It's not like, bad verse.
[11:54] Some of you are, I don't know, is there a verse I can call? Anyone will do. All right. Do not repay evil for evil. Why would we have to ever memorize that one?
[12:08] Okay, Doug? Go ahead. Absolutely. There are, in fact, we could sit here and spend the rest of the morning kind of relying upon different verses that you would contribute as parents saying, man, that's a good one. I want my little boy to remember that one. I want my little girl to remember that one. That's an important verse. And the reason I bring this up is because the way it is written suggests that God expects parents to teach these verses to their children.
[12:51] Let me say that slowly. And I say it for you who are still at the point where you maybe have an opportunity to instruct your children in relationship to this. If your son is already married to some young lady, it's not the time to pull them over to the side and say, hey, listen, by the way, I'd like you to memorize this passage. The best time to get after that is a little earlier in the game.
[13:18] But I want you to understand, God expects good parent to help their children be discerning while seeking a spouse. As I was doing some research earlier this week, last week actually, in relationship to this Lord's Day, I happened to kind of Google, just out of curiosity, at what age are boys interested in girls? Was there a groan from the crowd? Okay. And here's what the article, and by the way, we don't put Google on the same level with the Bible. Do you understand that?
[13:57] Just in case you're wondering. But I thought the observation was fairly interesting. At the end of the day, the article said that there's no one age because all boys are different. You can't guarantee that at nine and a half, here's what boys are interested in. No, it's not going to work that way. But it was saying that somewhere around about between eight and ten, boys began to observe that there are definite, decided differences between themselves and the opposite sex. Now, I can tell you that I have observed in the nursery on occasion that some boys seem to have it all figured out by the time they're three and four. So, whatever. But here's the point I do want to make.
[14:44] Given how early boys really began paying attention to the subject of the opposite sex, it is probably wise for parents to begin helping their children think, and their sons in particular, think about the issue of who eventually will be their spouse long before they reach junior high.
[15:04] And don't think that you've done your job when your boy hits seventh grade and you grab a flip chart from the biology lab and you walk him over into the bedroom and say, all right, we need to go over this once and it's done. That's not the plan. We find here that God expects a good parent to deal with the subject and deal with the subject in the time frame in which a young man has opportunity to think about it in advance of needing the information. Now, there's another point that I want you to recognize as we look at this issue of learning to discern early. Biblical discernment is difficult.
[15:38] It really is. You look at verse 10. An excellent wife, what's it say? Who can find?
[15:52] Now, I want you to know that I have a great love for my wife. So, when I tell you about this Google search, don't go off on me. But I just thought, okay, how hard is it to find a wife? You know, I mean, you follow what Google is. And so, I typed in, looking for a Russian wife.
[16:16] Now, the truth of the matter is, is that I was counseling a person who was actually doing that, and I thought, huh, I wonder what that does. There were 310 million hits.
[16:28] And you know how Google is. They're just these little blurbs, just literally like a half a sentence.
[16:39] And in the half a sentence, I figured that I didn't need to click on any of them. But you understand that if there are 310 million little hits in Google, that the world must have plenty of options or offerings on how to find what you're looking for. And the truth of the matter is, it's much harder than that. It's not hard to find someone if you're willing to settle for less than God's standards. Finding a godly woman who fears the Lord and will be a lifelong covenant-keeping helper is far more difficult. And that's the reason that Solomon recorded these words that Lemuel carried forward. He says, an excellent wife, who can find? Man, it's tough.
[17:32] I want you to recognize that God wants us to know what to look for in advance, and that's why this is here. And being that today is Mother's Day, I speak to you, and in some sense representing what the Scriptures would say from a mother's perspective and saying, hey, listen, this is a passage to get down carefully into your life long before you put yourself in the situation of beginning the process.
[18:00] The counsel is here in such a fashion that it is helpful for the young man, and it is helpful for the young lady. And the intention in particular is that you as parents, taking the Word of God, would carry it forward into the lives of your children and say, listen, long before you begin the process of making the decision that is going to be so significant, I want to begin teaching you how to make it wisely according to the Word of God. And so with that kind of as an overview that we find, I want you to step now into the passage itself and understand that the Scripture gives us here in verses 10 through 12 kind of an overview of the principal things to look at and to seek out when you're looking for a godly wife. So what we're going to learn here is what really is important.
[18:55] And we pick up, first of all, if you will look here in verse 11, it says, the heart of her husband trusts in her. A godly wife is trustworthy. A godly wife is trustworthy.
[19:09] I don't want you to skip over this because it's so supremely important. It's put first here. It is a principal issue. And I want you to understand that at the very root of a healthy, wholesome, beneficial relationship is absolute trustworthiness, reliability, someone you can count on.
[19:28] I think of the way in which wedding ceremonies are conducted. And in our fellowship, the characteristic of a wedding ceremony is at the very center of it is actually two separate sets of covenants or promises.
[19:46] The first one is made facing the front, not facing each other. I'm curious, how many of you know why the husband and wife face the front and speak directly to the pastor? Does anybody know?
[20:01] It is because the covenant that is made first is one that is made to God, not to each other. Because I'll tell you what, if you can't get the one straight out with God, the issue of saying what you do to each other, I'm going to love you for the rest of the...you know what? You're not.
[20:16] And if God is not the one helping you in the process, you're going to bail on it. I want you to understand that marriage relies upon a character that's trustworthy.
[20:35] And God is trustworthy. I think about several different passages that remind us of His trustworthiness. Over in Psalm chapter 2, verse 12, it says, Blessed are all they that put their trust in Him.
[20:49] You can count on God to do what He says He is going to do. You can count on God to keep His promises. I appreciate the recitation someone made of, I want my children to learn Psalm 23, The Lord is my shepherd.
[21:01] I...what? I'll not want. They...yea, though I lead through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Why? Because you're with me. And as we look at the passage in Psalms, it says, Hey, listen, blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.
[21:19] In Proverbs chapter 29, verse 25, it says, Whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. Whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. I want you to understand that a trustworthy person is one who is completely reliable and can be leaned on with complete confidence.
[21:40] So when in Proverbs chapter 31, verse 11, it says, The heart of her husband trusts in her, what it's saying is this, is that the husband can rely upon that wife and have complete confidence in her care and righteousness in the relationship that they will have.
[21:59] I got to tell you, marriage takes two and makes them into one. And if the other half of you is untrustworthy, you are going to endure ongoing harm all your days.
[22:14] I remember many years ago after I hurt my back and I had an impinged nerve and what happened is I began to fall because the left side of my leg actually went numb and I couldn't walk with it.
[22:30] And it was untrustworthy. And shortly after I fell two or three times, I said, that's enough. Let's go talk to the doctor and find out what really is wrong. You have to rely upon the other half working properly.
[22:45] And I want you to understand that it's not just the matter of what an untrustworthy wife will do with the checkbook that really is the problem.
[22:57] An untrustworthy wife will cause heartache beyond a husband's wildest dreams. She'll be a constant gossip. She cannot be trusted with confidences.
[23:10] She will always be looking out for her own interests and not caring about the hurt and harm that it causes to other people. And an untrustworthy woman is someone who is to be voided like the plague.
[23:23] Secondly, we find in the passage here that a godly wife is a multiplier. Look at what it says. He will have no lack of gain. In verse 11, he will have no lack of gain.
[23:37] In a marriage, the one you marry ends up being either a multiplier or a divider. Will you remember that? In marriage, the one you marry is either a multiplier or a divider.
[23:48] Now, what do I mean by that? Your wife becomes someone who does something to help you grow and encourages you and nurtures uprightness and godliness in your life or sees someone who is negative and dissipates your spiritual journey.
[24:08] The passage here, look at it again. It says, he will have no lack of gain. What is the greatest need that a husband has? Think with me just for a moment. It is not financial.
[24:20] It is spiritual. His greatest need is for a woman who will nurture his walk with the Lord Jesus and will help him grow in godliness. And so, look for someone who is going to nurture that in you and be an ally and a supporter and an encourager in that rather than find someone who just kind of tags along for the ride.
[24:41] And incidentally, if she is going to do you good in that relationship, does she on occasion have to speak into your life when you perhaps don't want to hear what she has to say? What's the answer?
[24:53] Yes, she will. And so, a wise husband would be one who listens carefully to the counsel of his wife and pays attention to the spiritual nature of what she has to say to him.
[25:05] Stop and think just for a moment of the illustrations we have in the Bible of wives that were not helpful to a husband. How did Delilah help out Samson?
[25:18] Anybody have an answer? Positive? Oh, no. Tell me how Jezebel helped out Ahab. Oh, no. Well, we're not doing very well so far, are we?
[25:30] Tell me how Herodias did for Herod. Remember Herodias? And we have the last in the list that I have here briefly is Job's wife.
[25:42] What kind of spiritual advice did Job's wife have for him? Does anybody remember? I mean, here he was. He was absolutely just broken down, being beat up, and at the end of the day, what does Job's wife say?
[25:56] Now, listen. Curse God and die. You know what she was actually saying? You're a pain to me, and I wish you'd check out. Do you follow that?
[26:09] She was saying, watching you sit there on the ash heap, scrape your crusty sores, and I've got to tell you, the picture in my mind is just beyond imagination.
[26:22] Job was one miserable guy, and there was his wife, not fanning him with a nice little punkah, helping him cool down, or, honey, can I get you something to drink? It was like, hey, bud, check out and leave me alone.
[26:38] So we have some examples in Scripture of not very good wives. On the other side, would Pilate have been well-served listening to his wife? What's the answer? Oh, yeah. What about Esther?
[26:50] What about Ruth? What about Abigail? Women who, by their walk, were a blessing and a benefit and were profitable to their husbands.
[27:01] Let me come back again to you who are mothers and fathers who are teaching your children. Let me tell you, it is very, very important as you are in the process of raising up your son in particular, teach them to discern character early on.
[27:17] Now, this may be a surprise to you, but probably your boy is paying attention to young ladies before you know it. And as he begins paying attention, and you do finally catch on to the fact that this is going on, here's what I would suggest you do.
[27:36] I would suggest that you not go ballistic when you suddenly discover that he really is paying attention. What you do instead of going ballistic and say, no, not now, wait until you're 35.
[27:48] You know, don't do that. Just say, here, what are you interested in? What do you like about her? What do you know about her character?
[28:01] Talk to me about who she is and what she's like. I debated back and forth using this as an illustration, but I will, and we'll see how it works out. I remember many years ago when I was preaching about Abraham looking to find a wife for his son, Isaac.
[28:21] I was preaching on this passage in an evening service, and my son, Samuel, was sitting with my wife towards the back in the back there. He was in, I think he was a freshman or whatever.
[28:32] And he leaned over to my wife and he said, I know who I'm going to marry. Now, my wife brought that information forward to me.
[28:42] That next Sunday, I went up to the junior high room and looked in the window of the Sunday school class to figure out who he thought he was going to marry.
[28:57] And he actually did. And I have to tell you that when I came down and saw who it was and I figured out this is a good choice, I spent the rest of the years until he actually did that.
[29:08] Guess what I did? Everything I could to make it possible. Encourage, encourage, encourage, encourage. Okay? Isn't that what a parent should do?
[29:21] Am I right? You see, you teach children early on how to make wise decisions, and then you nurture and support it and encourage it. And so you look here and recognize the fact that, boy, you want your children to make wise decisions.
[29:39] And so you look at that passage again, mark what it says, he will have no lack of gain. I come to the third characteristic that we find in this broad overview of the kind of godly wife that you want to teach your son to look for, and it says this, it summarizes it very well, she does him good and not harm all the days of her life.
[30:04] She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. A godly wife will be a blessing all her days. A godly wife will be a blessing all her days.
[30:18] As long as she lives, a godly wife will be a channel of blessing to her husband. It's no accident that the first not good in the Bible is in relationship to the issue of marriage.
[30:38] Do you follow that? As you read through the creation account, it says that at the end of every day, God looked upon what he had done, and he says what? That's good.
[30:50] That's good. Kind of leaning back at him, man, good job, God. You know, it's like, wow, I like what I did. And then he looks at Adam, and by the way, it wasn't an accident that Adam didn't have a wife.
[31:05] It was for our instruction. That's why it happened. And God says it's not good that a man should be alone. And so as we look here at this passage, it tells us that God's plan is that a godly wife is someone who does good to her husband all the days of her life and not harm.
[31:28] And so the summary of a wife's divine appointment is that she is to be a channel through which God's blessings flow to a husband.
[31:40] She is supremely important to his well-being. I want to be cautious when I make reference to this, but I have to tell you that as my father lays dying right now in Mill Run, my mother is an illustration of this.
[32:06] She is doing him good every day of her life. So how do we apply this passage to you?
[32:20] And what does God want us to do with this? Number one, I want you to recognize God wants you to learn to trust him. I start out by taking you to 2 Peter 1, verse 3, where it says that he has given to us all that we need for life and godliness.
[32:34] And so how do we trust his word? By being parents that teach your children to trust God. By being your parents, by being parents that teach your children to trust God.
[32:49] Let me tell you something. One of the things that I find troubling today is how often professing believers allow their young children to date young men and young women who do not know Christ.
[33:07] Did you hear me say that? Everybody listen so you don't misunderstand me. Tim Knoyer, as pastor, will not marry a believer to a non-believer.
[33:19] How many of you heard me say that? Do you follow that? Don't ask. I can't do it. Scripture prohibits it. So why will you allow your boy or your girl to date someone that is not a professing believer?
[33:37] Godly parents need to teach children to obey God. God. Secondly, young ladies should understand that Proverbs 31 is all about godly character.
[33:52] That's what this passage really is all about. And can I tell you something? This is good news. Godly character improves with age.
[34:02] Everything else doesn't. Creams, eyeliner, lip gloss, and every emollient known to man cannot solve the problem.
[34:16] But the Spirit of God works in the heart of a woman of God and she grows more beautiful as the day advances.
[34:37] And so young ladies, work at character and here's the deal. You won't be dragging the wrong things past the wrong guy who marries you for the wrong reason and is deeply disappointed three years into the process because guess what?
[34:55] You ain't what he thought. Finally, you trust God by being young men who focus on God and trust Him to find a godly wife.
[35:10] Focus on God and trust Him to find a godly wife. One of the things that is so very important in this process is learning to really discern character and learn to discern it early.
[35:23] So pay attention to the authenticity of a person's faith. Don't date unbelievers. Pay attention to the character. Pay more attention to the heart that they display than the looks that they have because the truth of the matter is is that those looks will not last forever.
[35:38] I don't care what you think. Third, pay attention to their relationship with their family. Family relationships are real indicative of what their heart's like because family is where you really find out what ugly is.
[35:53] How many of you understand that? Four, pay attention to godly counsel in Scripture. Let me close up this way because as we look at this passage I want you to understand that it is written as counsel that a mother gives to a son in particular.
[36:13] But I have to tell you that this is not the most important piece of counsel that a godly mother would give to a son or a daughter. It's not the most important. Do you know why?
[36:25] Because Jesus made it clear that marriage is only for this present age. Do you know what lasts forever?
[36:38] Heaven and hell. And a godly mother's most important counsel is not about how to be a godly young lady that finds a godly young man.
[36:51] A mother's most important counsel has to do with where you will spend eternity. And I have no doubt that a godly mother and a godly father says to a godly young boy, a little boy or a little girl growing up in their home, listen, the most important thing for you is not finding the right woman but coming to a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
[37:17] And here's what I do know. There are some of you sitting here today that do not know Christ as your personal Savior. And on behalf of the Lord Jesus Christ, I plead with you.
[37:33] Do not harden your heart today because Christ Jesus came into the world to pay the penalty for sins and He has already satisfied your debt when He died on the cross in your place.
[37:54] And what is required of you is that you come with humility and brokenness and say, I need Jesus as my Savior. I have no remedy.
[38:07] I have no hope. I have no certainty of my eternal destiny. And I know that I stand justly condemned before a holy God because my sin is offensive to Him.
[38:23] And yet Jesus died and paid the penalty. And you know what the Bible says? It's so unbelievably simple. It says, Whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord what?
[38:35] Shall be saved. And I want to encourage you to know that this Mother's Day the most important advice for you is not in relationship to finding a right bride but is finding the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Savior.
[38:55] And I want to appeal to you to do that as we bow our heads and we come to Christ. Without anybody looking around I just want to make this appeal to you.
[39:07] If you're sitting here today and you do not know the Lord Jesus Christ I want you to stand I want you to understand that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. He's already paid the penalty for your sin.
[39:22] He's already satisfied the debt that your rebellious and stubborn heart has created. And all that Scripture calls upon you to do is call upon the name of the Lord and be saved.
[39:40] That means saying Lord Jesus I'm a sinner I know that I deserve your condemnation I want to lay aside my pride and my stubbornness and I want to plead with you to save me.
[39:51] Forgive me for my sins and I trust you to be my Savior. If that is your prayer where you sit I want to encourage you to slip your hand up right now say that's me I need Jesus as my Savior.
[40:08] I recognize my sin yes I need Jesus as my Savior and I'm not going to delay anymore I'm going to ask Him to save me.
[40:21] Father we rejoice in the power of the cross and we thank you for your work in bringing people to salvation and we pray Father that our time of singing and our joy together in Christ would be a time that is marked by obedience that glorifies you.
[40:48] We ask this in your precious name Amen. Let's go.