Parenting with Patience

Take your Bible, turn over to Colossians chapter 3. We're going to continue with our series. We're going to move from the man and his wife's relationship! That's the reason in Genesis God told us to be fruitful and multiply.

He didn't tell that to just random people. He told that to Adam and Eve. Why? Because he understood that that was the making of a family, and a family was the place that young people are not brought up to be children.

They're brought up to be adults. And as we parent, that's a big thing to understand. You're not raising children. You know, I think we have a generation around us.

You can see the results of people raising children. We want to raise adults. We want to raise those who are willing to go forth and to proclaim and stand for truth.

You know, it's great to see our young people grow up and go off and take a stand and to do what's right. You know, it's a wonderful blessing to see those things. And when we see here that his ideal was for parents to do that, to raise children who feared God, responsible adults.

You know, God's design was for that to happen. And we all say that sounds pretty simple, right? No, it's actually the most complex thing you're going to do. And this morning we're going to talk about a very important part of that, and that's going to be parenting with patience.

You know what? Patience is something that seems to run out pretty quick. And when we grab a hold of that, because all we know is that parenting with patience is not easy.

Because I want you to understand, parenting with patience will do one of two things. It'll either be the greatest gift you give as a parent, or the lack thereof could be one of the most destructive things.

That destruction carries about because parenting has challenges. Every generation, parenting has challenges. You know, sometimes we try to think that, you know, we're a generation facing something.

Well, really, we might face it differently. But the pressures of raising a family, doing those things, are always been there. That responsibility can get heavy sometimes.

And it can get distracting for us in our mind because we're focused upon the one thing of supplying. And forget that as a parent, our primary isn't just supplying, but nurturing and raising up young people to be adults.

And to understand the importance of that, I think, is critical. Because when parents are stretched to the limit, I mean, you think about the rainbow of activities. I mean, you're going one direction, another direction, this wants this, this wants that.

You know what happens? Pretty soon you're tired. And if you're like me when you get tired, you know what? It's very easy to be impatient. To lose sight of some things because sometimes you might snap at something.

You know, you might bark out. You might want to just let alone. You know, and we need to remember those things that when we're running on reserves, we have to go back and slow down and remember that God didn't call us to manufacture patience, but to rely upon Him.

In those moments when you feel empty, we need to understand God offers His inexhaustible supply. You know, we're going to look at a very brief verse this morning.

But yet it's a pretty packed verse. And the reality of it is very clear because its weight is enormous because it places between instructions for husbands and wives and children.

Because I want you to understand what we're talking about here might be patience in raising children, but you know what? Both parents need to have patience. Even with one another. And when we understand the implications here this morning, we'll see this as we weigh it out.

And He's going to speak specifically to the fathers. Because the father is the head of the home. Now, that's not a popular statement, but it's a reality.

So goes the man, so goes the home. It weighs upon us. It's a responsibility that we ought to take seriously. So if you found Colossians chapter 3 this morning, let's stand together.

As we read Colossians chapter 3, we look down here in verse 21. Notice this powerful little verse. It says this, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged.

Let's pray. Heavenly Father, as we come before you this morning, Lord, as we just thank you and praise you for the day, for the opportunity, as we look into your word here today for a few moments, Lord, that we might just focus on the importance of patience.

Not just the idea of patience, but Lord, even looking at how you're patient with us. Lord, we're thankful that you never get impatient with us.

That you are merciful and gracious to us. Lord, help us be mindful of those things even amongst our own children and our families and just even with one another.

Lord, that this, what we're looking at here this morning, Lord, we know applies across many spectrums of life. But Lord, help us to apply this even here today, Lord, that we might know the importance of relying upon you and seeing the importance of parenting with patience.

And Lord, we ask it all in your precious name. Amen. May we be seated. You know, you think about the implications of this one verse. This one verse will transform a family.

The application of this is critical to a family. Its dynamics are there. It begins, though, with a warning. You know, think about here.

What it tells us is it begins here. It says, fathers, provoke not. It's given a warning here.

You know, to avoid harshness that discourages children. You know, sometimes children feel unintentionally beat up because, now, I want you to understand when I make this statement that kids will be kids.

I want to do it in the right context. Let me put it another way. The immature will act immature. We need to understand when it's immaturity that needs to become maturity.

Because that's what we're working for. When your children act immature, why do they do that? Because they're not mature yet. That's part of your process that you're doing.

Is you're raising them up, you're growing them up to maturity. And so when somebody that's immature acts immature, it ought not to surprise you. You know, it's kind of like I've said before.

What a lost sinner that denies God does, doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is people who call upon the name of the Lord and want to identify with the Lord some of the things that they do.

That bothers me way worse because they know better. When we understand the implication here, because the word provoke here means to stir up, to irritate, or to breed resentment by constant friction.

You know, homes can be filled with friction. But I want you to understand, what we're talking about here is not just like a single explosion. Because sometimes you just get to your wit's end and you say or do something you shouldn't do.

A single time you can come and apologize. Which you ought to do. But when it becomes a pattern of constant friction, it causes a heartache not only for you, but for the kids in a home.

When we see this being played out within families, even all around us, it's this steady drip of harshness, criticism, inconsistency, and dismissal that slowly fills a child's heart with bitterness.

You know, the problem today, we have a lot of bitter adults because they had bitter childhoods. There was a bitterness of what happened because, as a parent, we failed in having the right patience of representing who God is and God's mercy that he had upon us.

You know, God's mercy upon us is something we ought to be thankful for. When we understand that picture, because, you know, there's a parallel passage that we find over in Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4, where Paul tells the church at Ephesus, he says, and he says, And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

You know, to do what God would have for you to do. You know, when we understand that God gives us a command to apply those things properly.

But, you know, one of the things that happens is sometimes we put forth a lack of engagement as having patience. You know, if you go to the Old Testament in Samuel, 1 Samuel, you'll find a man there by the name of Eli.

1 Samuel chapter 2 and chapter 3 talks about Eli. Now, Eli rebuked his sons, but the scripture says he restrained them not.

Chapter 3 and verse 13 tells us that his problem was, is he restrained them not. In other words, he spoke without enforcement. You know what I think it was? He told them and he didn't want the continued conflict.

And instead of having the patience to work it through, he ignored it. He let it go to avoid the conflict that was taking place.

You know, we want you to understand that words are not just patience, but it's the consistency that produces what we want to see. Because Eli's failure was not cruelty, it was a soft, permissive disengagement.

You know, you can be disengaged and be impatient because you say, I don't want to face the challenge. We need men and women of God that are going to stand up and say, I'm going to face the challenge that's there, not in my power, but in God's power.

To say, no matter what's before me, I have a responsibility in that to do those things properly. You know, when you think about it, there's frustration that shows up in your parenting.

You know, that shows up in all sorts of ways, like our tone. You know what, your tone says more than even the words. You know, I think sometimes we forget how powerful your tone is.

The tone in which we use a word makes a difference. To control our speech is critical. To understand that dynamic, that picture that is before us, your words are important, but your availability is important.

You know, sometimes when we're frustrated, we become disconnected. I think Eli may have been frustrated with his sons, and he just sort of disconnected.

Disengagement is another problem because you have a responsibility to patiently work through those things.

You know, I want to encourage you this week when your patience comes to an end, to take a moment to ask the Lord, Lord, show me how to have what I need in this moment, just as you've given to me that patience.

That you've shown towards me because God is patient with us. But secondly, we see in the last part of this verse, here looking back in verse 21, it tells us this.

It says, lest they be discouraged. You know, I want you to understand, we ought not to discourage our children, but to encourage and hope in them.

You know, when we realize the result Paul warns against is the children being discouraged. It means broken in spirit, to lose heart. You know, oftentimes kids can lose heart because of their parents' actions.

How the home that they grew up in. Because I want you to understand, as a parent, your job, your task in parenting is not only to correct wrong, but to inspire right.

You know, sometimes we forget that, that it's not just, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong. It's, this is what's right. This is what's right. This is what's right. The kids need, that's patient parenting.

When we understand, the children need to know that they're loved, they're capable and they're valued, that they're believed in, they need to hear it from their parents. You know, we have a lot of broken kids today because of parents that disengaged or were impatient with the situations.

Now we're going to talk about that in just a moment because if you live through that experience as a child, it doesn't give you an excuse to not do what's right now.

I want you to understand, I'm not telling you you have a, well, my parents were this or that. It doesn't matter. Take it as a learning experience and say, I want to do something right.

I want to invest in that what's right. I know what's wrong, now let me do right. That's understanding with patience to apply those things, to take the good things.

But parenting, we know, has changed even the mindset in our generation because in our culture today, we have an idea that parents is totally contrary to what the Bible says because, you know, we went from a few generations ago of extremely strict parenting.

I want you to understand, over-strict parenting can be just as big a problem as permissive parenting. But you know what we seem to do? We love doing this. You know, the pendulum seems to never stop in the middle.

I want you to understand the extremes. Usually when you have two extremes, you can find the right place about the middle. Because it's a balance of both.

Because you know why we swing extremes? Because there's truth attached to it. You know what? In our generation, we find that we went from strict rules and authority without affection.

That harsh dynamic that was received as unloving is no more biblical than what came after it because culture shifted from a strict dynamic.

The pendulum swung so hard the other way and it's landed. You know what the official name for it is called therapeutic parenting, gentle parenting. I want you to understand this approach that makes the child's feelings and self-esteem the center of everything.

You know what? I want you to understand that your child's feelings and self-esteem are not the center of the universe. Because what it's caused is kids who think they are the center of the universe.

Well, mommy always treated me that way. Then they get out in the real world and they're like, where'd this come from? You know what? Life's going to be hard and you better prepare them for what they're going to face.

But you need to do it in a loving way that they can mature in that because when we understand that yes, it was a counterbalance to over strictness without relationship and love to saying, well, I'm so loving, I'm going to let them do whatever they want.

You know what? Permissive parenting causes just as much damage as the over-restricted parenting. I want you to understand what he's talking about here because it's, when we understand this picture, it's important because it swung past biblical encouragement into something different.

It swung from encouraging our children but yet correcting them to swinging to a direction of affirmation without correction. Children are told they're always right.

always enough, always the center. You know what it produces and we see it today? High self-esteem with low resilience.

As soon as life gets hard, they're done. God wants us to have the right balance in that. We need to correct but we also need to affirm and to love.

And those need to happen simultaneously. That's a balance that we find in the Bible. You know, when we see the picture that is brought forth because godly parenting comes from genuine love, not merely with connecting with their feelings.

Because love and truth are tied together. Love is not driven for your own benefit but for the benefit of others. And that is the truth established by the word of God.

You know, I want you to see that picture. 2 Timothy chapter 3 tells us this. It says, all scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, that's teaching, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly finished unto all good works.

I want you to understand, godly instruction corrects but it also lovingly guides. it doesn't just say you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong. It says, this is wrong and this is right.

It shows them the counteraction. That's the balance that we find in the biblical example. You know, when we understand that example of love and truth in action.

Because those two are tied together. when you're going to correct somebody you need to attach that positive direction. This is a problem, how do we fix it?

You know, that's pretty simple understanding, isn't it? But sometimes it's harder than it sounds. Because you have to really think through what's happening. You know, a great example of this is a man by the name of Jethro.

Jethro was Moses' father-in-law. You know, you'll find this account, we don't have time this morning to get all into it, but Exodus chapter 18, you'll find here that Jethro noticed something happening with Moses, but he didn't come and condemn Moses for how he was leading.

He encouraged him and he promoted and affirmed him in the right way and then redirected him towards a better way. And Moses received his counsel because it came from a man who valued Moses but also valued the things of God.

encouragement earns the right to direct. When Jethro came, he says, Moses, the way you're leading, you're burning yourself down trying to be everything to everybody.

And Jethro says, hey, you do the oversight and you bring forth other men that are able to carry the load. And when he explained it to Moses, Moses goes, wow, that's a pretty good idea.

How did that happen? Because correction, there was a problem, but lovingly directed to say, hey, here's a solution from what's wrong to what's right.

When we see that picture being played out, you know, do you think about this morning as you look through, do your children hear more correction than encouragement from you?

You know, we need to correct them, but you also need to encourage them. When you see something right, tell them that. You know, sometimes it's one of those things, if they went ahead and they did their chores, hey, thanks for doing your chores, that was good.

You know, oftentimes we look at the other one and say, well, that was just expected. But you know what, a word of encouragement goes a long way. It goes a long way and also when it comes time to correct, there's also a relationship that's been built that has a connection that they'll hear.

Because as we're going to look here today, I want you to understand we need to model God's patience in our parenting. You know, take a look over to Psalm 103 for a moment.

Psalm 103 in verse 8, Bible tells us something about God and even our relationship to Him and how He looks at us. How He looks at people.

You know, because sometimes this verse is a good one as a parent to think about in those moments. You know, this is one of those when you feel impatient, write this on a three-by-five card and pull this out of your pocket for a moment before you react.

Notice what God says. He says, the Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy. You know, I want you to understand God's not indifferent to our failure but He's patient with our growth because sometimes the cycle of learning takes a few laps.

You know, we like to think, well, I told you once, you ought to got it. You know, it's funny how as parents we apply that to our children but we don't apply it to ourselves. We need to apply it just to ourselves as much as we would to them to understand it's a lesson need taught again because, you know, we all learn in life that way.

Sometimes we go, huh, I'm not going to do that again. Then you find yourself there again and the lesson starts again. The same way with children as they grow up there's going to be a lot of cycles of lessons and we need to learn to be patient because God is there.

The parents who model God's patient become living pictures of God to their children. You know, I think we have a generation who hates God because of the picture of godly parents and God through the idea and the concepts of parenting that have taken place.

When we see what God wants for us, you know, you think about the picture of God and the dynamic, you know, Luke chapter 15 gives us a glimpse into that. There's a account there.

He talks about the parable of the prodigal son. Now, the son made some very poor choices but, you know, there's something amazing in that picture that the dad never lost sight or lost hope of that child coming home.

He was patiently waiting waiting. How do we know that? Because the Bible tells us, he gives us this picture when the father saw his son yet a great way off.

You know, that's a little phrase you kind of miss sometimes. How do you see something way off? You're looking for it. You know what? We have a picture here in Luke of a father who was willing to wait.

I imagine that if we wanted to apply it out, he was praying and thanking and wanting God to do a work and one day he sees his son return.

He says, you had a great way off and he ran. He didn't make him grovel. He didn't say, son, you need to apologize. He greeted him and said, welcome home. You know what? That's parenting with patience.

The picture that we see here, he celebrated his father's patience was not passive, it was active, hope sustained even through disappointment.

You know, that's godly parenting is living through disappointment. You know, if you've, if your kids are older, you're going to understand your kids are going to disappoint you. Love them.

Love them. Understand and stay there. I want to encourage you for the young parents in here. In your most frustrated parenting moment this week, ask, what would a patient father or mother do right now?

That's a great question. To stop and to consider, then do what God would have for you to do. Trust God to work in your child what only he can do.

We can guide and we can direct, but only the spirit of God through a faith in Jesus Christ can transform a child. You can lead them there, you can present the truth to them, but you know what?

They have to make a choice. One of the problems we've had amongst people that profess to be Christians is they try to force their children to love God. You can teach them about God, you can display your love for God, but you can't make somebody love God.

They have to have an encounter with the living God. when we understand and grasp on that application to trust him because when we understand that God is patient, God is a loving heavenly father that awaits a sinner to come.

You know, the prodigal son is a great picture of God in heaven who wants to see a sinner come to him. That repent and want to turn to him and call upon him for salvation.

You know, many people today get a picture of God. He's standing there ready to judge them. You know what God says? I want to prevent you from having to face judgment because there is coming a day that God's going to hold you to account.

But he says, the door is open. I want you to come. I want you to understand what it means to have a relationship with the one who created you.

When a sinner recognizes that's what they are, that they've broken God's law and they stand condemned before God when they come and they call upon him. I want you to understand God's not waiting to beat you down.

He's waiting with open arms to rejoice. I also want to encourage you today because we may have some among us that's very likely, matter of fact, it's probably a reality there's some who are wounded from their parents.

You know what? You can carry a wound. When parents didn't find this balance that were too harsh or too absent or too quick to wound or slow to bless.

I want you to hear something carefully. The same God who warns fathers not to provoke their children sees what was done to you and he doesn't ask you to pretend it didn't happen but he does ask you to not let the resentment harden into bitterness and poison your relationship with him and others.

You know, forgiveness allows us to move forward. That applies in all areas of our life but especially when it comes to our families. Your earthly father may have failed the balance but I want you to understand your heavenly father never has.

If you bring that to the Lord and forgive just as you've been forgiven, you know what? That's how relationships are mended and healed when it begins with forgiveness because forgiveness doesn't mean they merit it right now.

Forgiveness is for you so that the wound that was done can be healed. I want you to understand that but for believers I want you to understand you parent from an overflow of what God has poured into you.

when patience runs thin return to the father who was patient with you. You'll remember his mercies were new every morning. What a wonderful reality we have with a loving father.

You know this morning what need do you have today? Is it a need to come to the one who died for you? That you might be reconciled to the father who lovingly came and gave all for your benefit?

If you don't know Christ as your savior I encourage you that you might make that decision today. But if you're saved what's your relationships like? As a parent are you doing what you ought to do patiently loving them and correcting them and guiding them in the right direction?

Maybe you're here today and you're carrying some bitterness or anger about decisions that were outside your control that were made as you were growing up.

You know what the best thing you can do is let go of them and say God I want a new direction. As heads are bowed and eyes are closed this morning what about you today?

There's a loving God that's waiting for you. Heavenly Fathers we just commit this time to you this morning Lord as we you know each heart here today Lord we pray that you just work mightily in each one.

Lord we might be encouraged and strengthened because you are the one who is so merciful towards us patient with us.

Lord we just love you and thank you and we just turn this time to you in Jesus name. As the piano plays what about you today? Is God speaking to you?

Do you need to spend some time with him? Do you need to ask the Lord Lord give me the patience give me the understanding help me to have you as my example.

What about you today?