Communication is Key

[0:00] We'll find our spots here. Go ahead and take your Bibles. Turn over to Song of Solomon, chapter 5. We began here last week in the book of Song of Solomon, talking about relationships, especially husband and wife. But you know, this material here, even if you're single, a lot of what we're talking about is important because it ought to be the things that you expect or things that you're planning or preparing if you ever want to be married in the future.

[0:31] I mean, it's one of those things that will benefit you in your relationships. And so we see here that the Song of Solomon has to do with our relationship with Christ, but it uses a picture of a husband and a wife to give us an illustration of what that's to be.

[0:52] But it applies practically to us as individuals in our relationships. And so let's go ahead and open in a word of prayer here this morning.

[1:02] Heavenly Fathers, we come before you today. Lord, we just thank you and praise you for the day, for the opportunity as we meet together. Lord, pray just have your hand upon each heart, each life here today. Lord, that we might be drawn close to you.

[1:15] And Lord, that you might be glorified. But Lord, we might be encouraged to understand the importance of these things in our relationship, not only with you, but with one another. And Lord, the necessity of that.

[1:28] And Lord, we pray just to guide and direct in the things said and done and give you all the glory and honor in Jesus' name. Amen. So we began last week looking at married but not best friends. You know, that sounds like something that's a weird statement, doesn't it?

[1:42] But the reality is oftentimes marriages end up that that person you end up married to, there becomes a struggle in the relationship.

[1:56] And that struggle is due to some things that are different than it was before you were married oftentimes. Because we began looking last week with that.

[2:09] But let's go ahead and read our text here. Song of Solomon chapter 5 and verse 16. And we notice what God's word says. It says, His mouth is most sweet. Yea, he is altogether lovely.

[2:20] This is my beloved. And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. You know, the reality that the one you're married to needs to be your friend and ought to be your best friend.

[2:36] They ought to be a friend that is tied to you, stuck to you. Because marriage is the highest level of relationship created by God.

[2:48] It's a pinnacle of relationship. It pictures God's relationship to the church. It's a high pinnacle. It's a picture that we understand practically in our lives.

[3:01] And so when we understand that friendship ought to be the zenith in context to our relationship. And we began looking at some key words. And last week we looked at companionship.

[3:13] You know, everybody wants not only someone to be married to, but somebody that's going to be their friend. Somebody that they spend time together. You know, friends by nature spend time together.

[3:24] They desire to hang out. They desire to be around one another. You know, they want to be together. They want to grow fonder of one another.

[3:36] They want to have fun together. They want to talk together. You know, oftentimes you'll hear the statement that the family that prays together stays together. But the same is true, the family that plays together stays together.

[3:49] Because both those elements create a camaraderie and a connection. It builds things together. You know, of how do you spend your leisure time going in different directions?

[4:02] Because when married couples do everything apart, it leads to a problem. There's an issue that comes up when you do everything apart.

[4:13] Because if you're married, you ought to desire by principle to do things together. You know? And you notice that when you were dating, when you were courting or dating, whatever term you want to put on it, there's a lot of fancy labels they want to put on things.

[4:29] But the reality is what's to be taking place in that dynamic is to getting to know one another and hanging out with one another. You know, when you're dating, it seems like it's hard to keep people apart.

[4:40] You know, they'll put all the effort and energy into making sure they can get together with the other person. But we need to remind ourselves of companionship.

[4:53] It ought to be the same after you're married. Now, there are some other things, but you ought to still desire to be around the other person. And to put that priority.

[5:04] You know, oftentimes people will say they love each other, but the follow-up question, do you like each other? You know?

[5:17] You ought to like being around the person you're married to. Because if you don't like them, you're definitely going to have a problem loving them. And part of that is that companionship that is there.

[5:29] And companionship is so important. And we look at that, but I want you to just look and remind ourselves a few things. Number one, because it's unhealthy for a married person to spend most enjoyable moments of their life in the company of somebody else.

[5:43] You know? I want you to understand, you ought to have the best memories with the one you're married to. Those ought to be memories that tie you together. Secondly, because pursuing your own self-interest without your spouse demonstrates selfishness.

[6:00] In other words, it comes about you and not about the other. The Bible tells us. Husbands, you're to love your wives, even as Christ loved the church.

[6:11] That's to love them as your own body. You know? That's connection. That's to say that's a priority. We need that because it will lead to a fulfilling marriage.

[6:25] You know, when you enjoy hanging out with somebody and you have connection and memories and all these things together, it brings fulfillment of what you've done together. You know, we understand that.

[6:36] And number four, because shared experiences lead to shared feelings. Shared experiences lead to shared feelings. That's an important reality when it comes to companionship.

[6:49] If you don't do something together, consistently together, and to hang out with one another, you're going to have a miss of feelings in the wrong places and for the wrong things.

[7:03] But the second word we're going to look at here today is conversation. It's conversation. You know, notice what verse 16 says here. His mouth is most sweet.

[7:15] Now, this isn't talking about, you know, breath mints or lip balm. I want you to understand this is one of those things. This is talking about the words that are spoken.

[7:30] You know? I want you to understand the dynamic. It's when he's sweet. He is sweet in what comes out of his mouth and his words.

[7:41] You know, we have to guard what we say sometimes. And part of conversation is always thinking before speaking. You know? And we'll talk about that a little more because the one thing you can't do is put words back.

[7:58] And you ought to be thinking and saying things that you ought to say. And we need to understand that men, your wife, would your wife say that you are thinking about their conversation with them?

[8:12] And, you know, when we understand this idea of conversation, think about this scenario. You know, a couple starts to date and, you know, it's one long conversation, you know.

[8:26] It's like kind of funny when people start dating, you know. They want to talk. Now, today, couples are spoiled today. I mean, I'm telling you, they're spoiled.

[8:37] I mean, social media and telephones and text messaging. I mean, you guys can communicate all the time. Constant communication, you know.

[8:49] How was your day? How was this? You know, I remember back when April and I were, when she caught my eye, we had to use this thing called mail.

[9:05] And he had to write it out. And he had to put it in an envelope. And put a stamp on it. And he had to put it in the box.

[9:18] Then you pray it got to the other end. And they would get it. And the first thing they'd do is open it up.

[9:38] And then they would write a reply. Lick the envelope, put a stamp on it. Send it back. You ever write, Gene?

[9:51] We were in a meeting together. Oh, that's what I guess. You guys hung out quite a bit there. So I know where you were headed afterward.

[10:08] But, you know, you have this idea of communication. But when the conversation that, you know, you always want to communicate. And when together they would talk, when apart they would talk, when they were on the phone they would talk.

[10:20] You know, and April and I, you know, we were the generation that if we got an opportunity to talk on the phone, it was pretty neat. You know? I remember we used to have in our dining room, we had the telephone, and we had the super long stretchy cord.

[10:35] You know, that way you could get clear around into the other room. Now, some of you are looking at me like, what are you talking about? Some of you are going, I remember that.

[10:49] You know, private conversation was you could follow where the phone was by the cord where it was stretched into, you know. But the reality is it hasn't changed because when people begin dating or they want to court one another, whatever label you want to put on it, communication is a key part of that, isn't it?

[11:11] Communication is central to that. And then they get used to that dynamic, you know, and everything's really nifty, and then they get married. And the business of being a couple begins to take priorities.

[11:31] Because, you know, it's amazing, you had the same responsibilities while you were dating, but suddenly you have, these are more brought into daily life, you might say, of taking care of a place to stay, and food, and how your job interacts with that.

[11:46] And then subjects come up like in-laws, and outlaws, and finances, and kids. You know, I want you to understand it isn't long before you quit communicating.

[12:08] And you're distracted by other things. You know, we need to understand this idea of communication.

[12:21] Because oftentimes we lack communication at home, but then your spouse notices you can carry on a long conversation with somebody at church or work.

[12:33] Why can't you talk to me? You know, that happens a lot in marriages. If it's not guarded. If it's not intentional.

[12:45] Because what happens when that begins, resentment sets in. And then somebody someplace else catches their attention because they talk to them.

[13:01] You know, we need to guard our conversation. You know? When we understand that it becomes a problem, because when a couple, when one of them begins talking to another person, now David, this isn't the place to talk.

[13:19] You're just talking about how we need to talk to each other. I just embarrass Keira.

[13:34] They're a young couple. They're still on the honeymoon. That's why the honeymoon ought to keep going. That communication is important.

[13:47] Because when somebody starts talking to somebody outside the relationship, it always leads to a problem in the relationship. When problems in a relationship begin getting discussed with somebody else because they're willing to listen, it becomes a problem in the relationship.

[14:03] Because the problem is it soon leads to divorce. And sadly, oftentimes, one of them, it leads to divorce because the one begins to give affections to the person that's talking to them.

[14:24] And then the two that are cheating get together and get married, and the cycle starts all over again. That's a reality.

[14:39] But I want you to understand that God tells us it doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't need to be that way because when we understand there's some things that close friends do.

[14:56] You know, one is they share themselves with each other. You know, your spouse ought to be somebody that you can pour your heart out to, that you're connected to.

[15:10] You know, they confide in each other. You know, the confiding in each other, your spouse ought to know things about you that nobody else knows. And there ought to be a confidence that there's a confidentiality in what they know.

[15:25] There's a reality that takes place when you start talking about your spouse to somebody else, there'll be a problem because you've broken confidentiality.

[15:41] They ought to learn more about one another. You know? You need to continue to learn. You know, oftentimes people think, well, this is the person that I married and they're always going to stay the same.

[15:54] Then you get married and find out that you look at them a couple years later and go, who are you? You're not necessarily the one that I married, but you know, both of us change.

[16:06] And you need to keep learning about one another and keep that connection. You know? They discuss their innermost thoughts, ideals, and goals with each other. You know?

[16:17] Close friends talk. You know? I want you to understand. Take a look over and do a Proverbs chapter 27 for a moment. Proverbs chapter 27.

[16:43] Look here down here in verse 9. Proverbs 27 and verse 9 says, Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart. So doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.

[16:56] Communication. Communication is key because, you know, we understand that, you know, oftentimes guys are drawn to gals. You know, you always, when you're a gal, they always put on the perfume and it's like, man, I like that perfume.

[17:13] You know, you can smell them when they come in the room. You know, it's just, you know, you have that sense, but the verse says that as pleasant as that sense is, so is a good conversation that connects.

[17:30] You know, I want you to understand the reality of communication. You know? And the other thing we need to keep in mind is that women generally have a greater need for conversation than men.

[17:43] You know? God made us different for a reason. But does it mean that it isn't there for a reason? And we have to learn to communicate because when we understand that it helps her feel united and bonded with her man when there's communication.

[18:09] You know, communication in a relationship is important because it makes them feel as a priority. It makes them feel not just something that you have on the shelf.

[18:20] You know, you laughed today about people talking about getting a trophy wife, you know? Guys, your wife is not a trophy. Trophies are won and set on the shelf and appreciated.

[18:32] Your wife is not to be put on the shelf, but she is to be appreciated all the time. Brother Gene? I read one time that for every word a man speaks, a woman speaks 27 words.

[18:52] We'll move on. See, that's the reason preachers avoid this topic because it gets you in trouble, you know?

[19:09] But no, seriously though, I mean, the reality is it's communication needs to take place. There needs to be a bond that is there because that's how they bond, how they connect.

[19:24] You know, it's often funny when a man ignores his wife all day and then suddenly at 10 p.m. turns his attention on her, it's not going to make her feel like she's connected, that she wants to spend any more time with you if you ignored her all day, guys.

[19:38] You need to spend time with your wife to be able to enjoy those things. And, you know, so we know and understand that when you're first getting together, when you're courting or dating, you know, two of the biggest things that get done during that time is one, is getting to know each other better.

[19:56] You know, you spend a lot of time finding out who this person is, what are their goals, what do they want to do, you know, how do they think on this or that or what is the, how do they feel about that, you know, and when we do counseling, premarital counseling, we make sure couples talk about a lot of uncomfortable things sometimes.

[20:14] but it's good to make sure those conversations take place because a lot of those things are important. It may not seem important at the moment to them, but how that other person's thinking is important in the rest of the relationship.

[20:35] Let me give you one that hits home today very quickly with a lot of people when you have a conversation about kids, you know, because oftentimes you'll find somebody has, comes in with a mindset and they never ask the other person what do you think about children.

[20:52] Then they get married and the one wants to have ten and the other says I don't want any, you know, that's a big problem. Now there's nothing wrong with having ten kids.

[21:09] If you tell your wife that guy, she's probably going to look at you and I would, I'd definitely stay out of arm's length so, because you'll get the look.

[21:23] But I want you to understand that's how you find out but you ought to be on the same page. What's the expectation? You know, what are you thinking? How are you processing those things, you know?

[21:36] Because that's important. There's a big difference between three kids and ten kids. and their thinking. Those are things that need to be discussed beforehand to know how's the other person thinking.

[21:48] Now that doesn't mean things can't transpire later, but you need to make sure that you're honest with one another of what you're thinking. Honesty there is important because you get to know one another, you know?

[22:02] Secondly, to convey how much you love each other. you know, we talked about that, that our relationship needs to be about that connection that is there, that companionship and that comes about that needs to be first.

[22:21] And we don't need to, these goals don't need to be dropped after the wedding. You know, oftentimes we spend a lot of time getting to know somebody and letting them know how much they love them. We love them and then you get married and life kicks in and all that takes a back seat sometimes.

[22:32] And sometimes after you get married and you have kids, it takes a lot of work to communicate. Because mom's there and she's got kids at home and, you know, you got little ones running all over and climbing the curtains and breaking things and making a mess and, you know, you come home from work, guys, and you step in the house and the first thing you step on is a Lego.

[23:02] Lego just sets the tone. How many have ever stepped on a Lego with your bare foot? And you know what I'm talking about.

[23:15] I love Legos, but on the floor those things are wicked. You think you stepped on a spike when you step on them, you know, it's like, but those things are going to happen.

[23:26] I want to encourage you to consider you don't want to keep those things or let them hinder the communication. That's the reason you have to be intentional because you both can be tired.

[23:38] There's both things that can set you off. I mean, guys, you might come home and your wife's been home with the kids all day and they're teaching school and all this and the sink is full of dishes and the supper isn't done and, you know, you're looking like, what are you doing all day?

[23:53] You know, and I'll give you a clue. Don't ask her what she's been doing all day if you see that situation, guys. The best thing you can do is go over and start doing the dishes.

[24:06] you know, we can laugh about it, but the reality is that things that were no problem during courtship can often be a problem afterwards because courtship for guys is often a conquering orientation.

[24:33] it's like, I'm going to get her because she's the prize. And as men, we often think like that, that that's, that's, that's, that's what I'm after.

[24:44] That's my goal. That's my objective. And it's easy to put them as a secondary and move on to another goal afterwards. be careful not to set that aside because now that once you get married, oftentimes it's easy to, to get a new goal.

[25:04] And I do want you to get a new goal after you're married because beforehand your goal is to get her. Your new goal after is to keep her. that's a longer objective.

[25:19] Because your desire ought to always be that this will be the one that I spend the rest of my life with unless God interacts. Because sometimes, I want you to understand, you ought to do your best to keep marriage together.

[25:35] You know, often some of the studies they've had amongst marriage counselors say that a couple needs to talk at least an hour per day.

[25:49] And guys are all thinking, that's a lot. And the women are like, when are we going to get started? But I want you to understand, most couples don't even spend six minutes a day.

[26:05] communicating. You know, most of that turns out just to be what's pressing at the moment.

[26:16] You know, the dishwasher broke, or the car needs the oil changed, or you know, something happened at work, or something takes place over there, or you come home and the kid has an ear infection, and you know, all the different things of life.

[26:28] You spend a lot of time talking about things, but not things of substance. You need to make sure to maintain, those things, and to understand, you know, there used to be an old joke, you know, when I was growing up, you know, amongst some of the older guys, they'll look and say, well, I told her I loved her once, and if I changed my mind, I'll let her know.

[26:49] you know, I've heard a few people say it, but the reality is, is she needs to hear that, and that communication, and so we need that mindset, and one of the things that we'll find is, things that we have in today's society sometimes even makes it worse, you know, it used to be the husband would come home and get the newspaper and be reading the newspaper, but today we have some things that are even worse than that in my mind, because you can get caught up in YouTube and social media, you know, you can spend hours there and never talk, you know, some couples stop talking, you know, why does that happen?

[27:45] Well, one is they get too busy with work, you know, sometimes there's things that just need to be done, but when that's the rule rather than the exception, it begins to cause a problem to get too overwhelmed with work, you know, today work can be too overwhelming and we need to be careful and guard that because we need to maintain that communication, different interests, you know, we talked about that last week, you know, you guys need to find something common that you do together, you know, what that is doesn't matter as much as the doing, that's something that fits you guys, you know, to be able to do those things together, selfishness, you know, we develop other priorities we consider more important, but in reality they're not because remember the person you married is only second in relationship to God, and if you're on a right relationship with

[28:54] God, you're going to want to maintain a right relationship with your spouse because that's going to be because that's what God tells us to do, you know, fighting, you know, some people stop talking because it always turns into an argument, you know, some don't cope well with problems and their conversations often turn into fights so they stop wanting to talk because it just never turns out well, so I'm going to give you a little help today and we're going to talk about some enemies of good conversation for a moment because sometimes they turn into fights because we're not communicating correctly, we're not communicating by first thinking before speaking because words can't be put back.

[29:57] Throw to Ephesians chapter 4 for a moment, Ephesians 4, verse 29, because enemies of good conversation, the first one is, is using words as punishment.

[30:16] married couples can very easily fall into the trap of trying to punish the other person by what they say.

[30:30] Words become tools to tear down. Notice what Ephesians 4, 29 says, it says this, it says, let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

[30:48] I want you to understand you can never take words back. That's reason with what we speak, we need to be careful with. Now, I'm not going to ask for a show of hands, but how many could say there's been a time in my life that I said something I wish I could put back?

[31:10] I think we could all say we're guilty. Why? Because sometimes we spoke without what? Thinking. We spoke from emotion, strictly from feeling.

[31:30] You know, one of the things I've learned that's a good rule of thumb, you need to remember that feelings are inputs, feelings are not substance. Feelings are things that influence you, but they should not direct you.

[31:43] They're not guidance. feelings are there, but they should not guide us in what we do because that's when we blow up because we feel angry, so we're going to blow up.

[31:55] There may be a legitimate reason you feel angry. There's some things that ought to make you angry, the Bible tells us. But those feelings need to be kept in context, to be kept in the right way of using them.

[32:11] one rule of thumb you can think about, have you ever regretted words you didn't say? You know, that's a much smaller list, isn't it?

[32:26] Very rarely do you regret what's not said, but a lot more times we regret what is said because you can't put them back. You know, we need to understand we can't just fly off the cuff, we should talk, but we need to wait until we can say it properly.

[32:46] You know, using words as punishment gets you in trouble. Second thing is using words to force agreement. You know, words are masterful tools you can use.

[33:02] To force agreement is to making the other person have to agree with you. I'll give you a little clue. When you have two people, you're going to have two different opinions. They may vary slightly, but there'll be some differences.

[33:20] Or there might be big differences. Look what James chapter 1 tells us. Look over there in James chapter 1. Look at verse 19. James 1.19 tells us this.

[33:32] It says, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Is there anything more annoying than someone wanting to force their way upon you and they're always right?

[33:47] You need to agree with me. The reality is you can't make somebody or force anybody to believe anything. they may nod their head, they may agree with you on the surface, but what they're thinking is, I'll agree with them outwardly just so they'll be quiet.

[34:15] It happens. Forced agreement. third thing is dwelling on mistakes, past and present.

[34:29] One of the biggest things in a relationship that happens is people will bring up the past over and over and over and over. They'll dig up things that are supposed to be forgotten and forgiven and the next disagreement they have instead of discussing what's on the table.

[34:50] They bring up, well, you did this. That's a destruction to a relationship. Let's look on a few things here.

[35:01] Let's get some help here this morning. Let's get Philippians 3.13. Who's got that one for me? Philippians 3.13. Don, you got that one? Joe, can you get me Colossians 2? Or, excuse me, Colossians 3.12 and 13.

[35:15] Colossians 3. 12 and 13. Who's got Philippians 3.13? Brother Don? Okay.

[35:35] Remember that it's forgetting that which is what? Behind. You know, dragging up the past when the past is supposed to be dealt with will do nothing but destroy a relationship.

[35:47] What's Colossians 3.12 and 13 tell us? What does Colossians 3.12 and 13 tell us? What does mean? What does mean?

[36:11] Okay. One of the biggest things of communication in marriage is learning how to forgive one another. Because if you haven't figured it out, when you hang out with somebody long enough, sooner or later they're going to do something that makes you mad.

[36:30] Amen? I mean, that's just by nature. When you hang out with somebody long enough, pretty soon something's going to stir up and something's going to cause a conflict. That stirs a conflict between you.

[36:43] It can even be things from the outside that stir a conflict between you. It's not necessarily even directly with you, but it can cause a conflict. And dealing with those things and to deal with them properly, just like you would anybody else, you know, vows of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering, forbearing, you know, forgiving, you know.

[37:07] Those don't just matter with interactions at church, they're more important in your interaction with your spouse. And learning to deal with those things. And so, but some develop a critical spirit to the point that you feel you can't do anything right.

[37:22] You know, sometimes a spouse can beat the other one down with the past so hard that it limits and hinders the relationship. You know, that critical spirit, because the other person every time they're together is looking to create a problem or to point out a problem.

[37:44] That is a problem to itself. You know, think about what we talked about just a few weeks ago when it came to forgiveness. When Paul talked about 2 Corinthians 2, 7, it says, so that contrariise you ought rather to forgive him and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with over much sorrow.

[38:04] You know, oftentimes, beating somebody up with the past isn't going to accomplish what you hope to accomplish. It hinders what you're hoping to accomplish.

[38:18] Unless your mission is just to destroy them, which then that's another problem. But as your spouse, it ought to be to build them up and encourage them.

[38:29] And to do those things and, you know, to talk about it in the right way, you know, and some people, you know, in life, you need to realize that some people just have a negative spirit.

[38:42] They'll complain about anything. you know, like I've met a few people, if I gave them $20, they'd complain I didn't give them two tens. You know, have you ever met anybody like that?

[38:56] You know, they just got a negative thing, you know, everything's a complaint, everything's a problem. You know? In a marriage, if we hold things in, we can develop a closed-off spirit that builds and builds until finally things break apart.

[39:17] I want you to understand there's also some things here, quick, we want to cover it, that are friends of good conversation. Friends of good conversation. One is undivided attention.

[39:31] Having a conversation where you can actually look at one another and pay attention to one another. You know? Have you ever noticed that when people are dating, oftentimes you know, it's like to hear them talk.

[39:47] You know, look at each other in the eye. And the problem is, is that after they're married, oftentimes they're distracted. But that attention is important.

[40:00] You know, 1 Peter 3, 8 says, finally be ye all of one mind, having compassion, one of another, love his brother, be pitiful, be courteous. You know? Oftentimes we need to draw our attention to intentionally look and to listen.

[40:16] Because, consider, what does it say when somebody's looking at you when you're talking to them? That you're listening. That you're paying attention.

[40:28] You know? Now, as parents in the room, how often have you told your kids, hey, look at me? I know that never came out of your mouth, did it?

[40:40] That's that moment when you think, oh no, my parents just showed up. But to look at them, you know, to understand, you're not only teaching your kids to listen, you're teaching them a common courtesy, and the same courtesy needs to play in our relationship.

[41:02] also next is giving a response. Giving a response. 1 Peter 3, 7 says, likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife.

[41:16] You know, one thing that will help you is to be sure what they are saying. You know, communication gets us in trouble when we think we heard what somebody says.

[41:31] And one of the things that will help that is to repeat it back. You know? So what you're saying is, am I hearing you right? What you're telling me is, you know, to make sure that you can remove a lot of conflict by confirming what's actually being said.

[41:48] And that's something we always have to work on. Because how often have you thought you heard something and it wasn't what they said? that's also important in the book area of the reading and back telling you understood it.

[42:04] because sometimes words get mixed up, don't they? Or what you think they said isn't what they're really saying. To understand that's important to grab a hold of because, you know, obviously we're not, we're talking about meaningful conversation.

[42:23] You know, I'll give you a little clue, guys. If she asks for a tissue, don't say, so you're saying, hand me a tissue, right? That's not going to score you points, okay? I'll just remove that off the table to keep you out of trouble, you know?

[42:37] Because I know somebody will go home today and is going to be a smart aleck. They're just doing what the preacher told me to do. But rather, you know, to communicate, you know, so you're saying you're hurt when I commented about this or that, and, you know, it gives you an opportunity to deal with what was actually there.

[43:02] Because sometimes you might say it's this, but it gives them an opportunity to say, no, that's not what I said. Because sometimes what we hear is not always what's said.

[43:17] And it's important, just as important as what we say is what we don't say, you know? Sometimes we just don't want to talk about something.

[43:28] Or maybe your spouse does, and then you need to establish a time to talk about it. Because it needs to be discussed, but you also need to give each other space in order to be prepared to speak about it.

[43:41] You know, to understand. The next thing here is respecting their opinion. You know, 1 Peter 3, 7 said giving honor. You know, I want you to understand.

[43:53] one thing you can learn, guys, is God does give women different perception than men. Women, by nature, pick up on cues that oftentimes, guys, we miss.

[44:09] You need to give credence to your wife when she says something because there's some merit behind it of the little nuances.

[44:20] to understand, respect their opinion. You know, your wife will pick up things like moods, facial expressions, little nuances that you'll miss sometimes.

[44:33] You know, as men, we're usually pretty direct. It's like, okay, they said that, that's what they meant, okay, we'll move on. Women are always reading. How did they say that?

[44:45] What was the tone of voice? How was this? How was that? You know, I want you to understand, sometimes that's important. And your wife can be a big help to you in that area.

[44:59] To understand those things, to give respect their opinion. You know, always speak in love and with kindness. You know, Colossians 4, 6 says, let your speech always be seasoned, always with grace, seasoned with salt.

[45:15] You know, we need to avoid, the wrong language. Don't be unkind or arrogant or belittling. You know, they're opposite of what the Bible tells us.

[45:28] Because remember, as we look back in our text, it talked about a mouth that is sweet, a mouth that speaks the right things. We've got to be careful to speak the right things.

[45:40] So next, just talk, talk just to talk. If you want to promote conversation, talk just to talk. You know, we don't have to have a reason or big business that's happening.

[45:51] It doesn't have to be a deliberate situation that has arisen, but just talk for the sake of talking. Maybe it's about nothing. Or how about this? It's just for fun.

[46:01] You know, sometimes you can just have a fun conversation. You know, talk about dreams and different things that you want to do or different things together, but just talk to talk or positively praising.

[46:16] You know, think about Proverbs 31, 28. It says, her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her. Guys, your wife needs to know that you're proud of her, that you appreciate the things that she does, you know?

[46:34] And so we see here that that praising is important. So we'll cover these last three things quick and then we'll be done because we're already over time.

[46:45] Three benefits of conversing. You get a clearer understanding of each other. You learn how to meet each other's needs. And as our text tells us, they become your best friend because you have that bond together.

[47:04] And so we'll pick up here and talk about a few more things here next week. But hopefully those things are food for thought to help you and to consider and to be practicing and working on as you go through.

[47:18] So, all right, let's go ahead and we'll be dismissed in a word of prayer. Heavenly Father, go ahead and do care, those things have are going to becek aspirations of time.

[47:36] That's all that here. Well, let's agree with you along.