[0:00] Thank you, BK. I'm going to think of all my pastor jokes now. Make fun of accountants. Really? There's accountant jokes? My father-in-law was a lawyer, so I know all the lawyer jokes, and I've used them.
[0:20] All right. Well, it's good to be with you this morning. I'm always especially impressed that anybody would come out on a Saturday morning, but especially in Squamish. I think there's a few other things to do on a Saturday in a place like Squamish, and I honor your desire to sit under the Word of God on a Saturday morning, and that's what we're going to do.
[0:44] We're going to go through a lot of Scripture this morning, and we're going to talk about boys and girls, that they are different in the impact on parenting. We talked last night about a worldview, a biblical worldview that produces right thinking from the Word of God, and that thinking then has impact on every other aspect of the family.
[1:07] We're here this weekend to talk about marriage and family and parenting, and today we really are going to focus on the parenting aspect. But I want to say something as we talk about the general topic of family and marriage.
[1:24] Marriage is not optional, okay? And I don't think I said that last night clearly, but in Genesis 1 and 2, it makes it very clear why God created an Adam and an Eve.
[1:37] And it was that they would be married, that they would have children, and that within that context, the primary role of a man is to lead, to provide, and to protect his wife and his children.
[1:47] And the woman's primary role, not exclusive and only, is to be a wife, a mom, and a keeper at home. A little controversial in our culture, isn't it?
[2:00] And I want to make sure you understand that whether somebody gets married, from your standpoint as parents, as you're training your children, you would do well to, consistent with Scripture, make your children understand that marriage isn't really optional.
[2:19] Who you marry is optional, okay? Having said that, there is a fairly dramatic exception to that statement. I just made a very emphatic statement that marriage is not optional.
[2:31] And it's not unless the Lord has gifted your son or your daughter with singleness. And 1 Corinthians 7 talks about singleness as being a gift from the Lord.
[2:45] It's a gift. It's special. It's rare. The Bible makes that clear. And it's purposeful. That singleness is designed by God for a reason.
[2:57] And I think it's important because everything we're going to talk about this morning is going to be in the context of marriage. And I wanted to give some clarity to that as we roll into the discussion on raising a young man, raising a young lady, that your focus as a parent is in the context of what we're talking about this morning, in the context of marriage.
[3:21] Understanding that your son or your daughter may go through life as a single person. I have three daughters. Two are married. One is not. I don't know if marriage is in our future.
[3:31] And I'm okay with that. The Lord gifts certain people with the gift of singleness. And as I said, that gift is special.
[3:42] It's rare. It's purposeful. And somebody who loves the Lord and understands those purposes are clearly within the will of God. And all of the training in my family of a daughter who is not yet married, and I don't know if she will be.
[3:55] The Lord knows that. All of that training was not a waste of time. Because somebody who loves the Lord honors marriage. So most of the children represented in this room, I know there's not children in this room, but represented in this room, that are in the other room, your children, your assumption should be that they will be married someday, and they will be parents someday.
[4:21] Yes, your children are going to be parents someday. That used to scare me when I was a younger man, and it's a great joy today. And as we go into this topic, I want to start with some reminders.
[4:36] I don't ever have to remind a room full of parents that parenting can be hard. It can be humiliating, stressful, divisive, tiring, discouraging, and a daily reminder of our frailties and our weaknesses.
[4:54] But I do need to remind you of the rest of the story. Don't ever forget Psalm 127, 3 to 5. Behold, children are awet. They're a gift of the Lord.
[5:05] The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
[5:17] They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gates. If children are a gift from the Lord, and they are, then who's the recipient of that gift?
[5:29] You are. I just want to remind you that it's Christmas every day. Yes, those children are a source of stress, strain, difficulty.
[5:41] They'll cause you to question everything you think you know. But in the midst of all of that, they represent every day in your house the loving kindness of a creator God who gave those children to you.
[5:55] They are a gift. They are the fruit and the reward and the blessing of life. There's hard days. There's a tenant, sadness, fear, grief, uncertainty.
[6:08] Don't forget Colossians 3, 15, that we're to let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called in one body and be thankful. Even in those dark days, be thankful for the gift that God's given you.
[6:24] And also in that context, understand the temporary nature of the parent-child relationship as you know it today. You hold it with an open hand.
[6:34] Your children are on loan. You will not get these days back. And I don't say that to make you anxious. I say that so that you will enjoy what you have and take hold of the opportunity that you have also.
[6:53] Remember that what you do is vitally important. Your role in your children's life is not random. All authority, the Bible says, is delegated by God.
[7:04] The authority you have in your children's life was knowingly and purposefully delegated by the God of the universe to you. And don't forget, God knows, knew and knows all of your weaknesses, knows all of the difficulties, and yet he assigned that authority, he delegated that authority to you in his perfect will.
[7:29] So along those lines, I want to lift your eyes today a bit and talk about what you're building. You're not producing sons and daughters from your home. What you want to produce is biblical men and biblical women.
[7:46] When they walk out of your home, you want to, before the Lord and before each other, your spouse, say, we did what we could. And there is a biblical man.
[7:58] There is a biblical woman. That's the goal. And just as a reminder, it is not a reasonable goal that you're going to produce a Christian man or a Christian woman.
[8:10] You cannot save your children. That's bad news, I suppose, from one standpoint, but I hope it's very, very freeing also. Because whatever it is, that's the truth of the Bible.
[8:26] So your role as a parent is to teach your children the fear of God, the wisdom of God, obedience to God, obedience to authority. And then what they do with that is entirely between them and the Lord.
[8:40] If you have taught them the fear of God, if you have presented to them the wisdom of Scripture, the worldview based on Scripture, like what we talked about last night, that is successful parenting.
[8:52] I've observed in my own church that some of the best parenting that happens are parents of children who have rejected the gospel. That's difficult parenting.
[9:06] That's where we're tested. Do we really believe the Word of God? And the Word of God says, obey. You teach the fear of God.
[9:17] You teach the wisdom of God. You teach obedience. And then they leave your home. And I say that because I want you to understand what we're going to talk about today is I'm going to give you a couple lists.
[9:30] We're going to go through it pretty quickly. And the lists aren't to be comprehensive this morning, but to be a platform for you all to think about and talk about and consider in your home.
[9:41] And to understand that what we're talking about is not how to make your children Christians. We're going to talk about the disciplines of a biblical woman.
[9:52] We're going to talk about the disciplines of a biblical man. And the context of that is that if you can build these disciplines into your children, whether they have rejected the gospel or not, the Bible makes a promise that they will live a blessed life.
[10:09] That's common grace. That's the grace of a loving God. I mean, you live in the midst of the very visible evidence of the common grace of God.
[10:20] I look around your neighborhood here. Spectacularly beautiful. That is common grace. We don't deserve that beauty. And all of the people outside these walls who have rejected the gospel don't deserve that beauty, but God gives it to us anyway.
[10:39] And so the disciplines of a biblical, note, I'm not saying Christian and I'm not saying godly. I'm saying the disciplines of a biblical woman and the disciplines of a biblical man.
[10:53] I say that because these are designed to have you think through what are the disciplines that you want to build into your child so that as they leave your home, they are prepared to fulfill the roles that God established in the Garden of Eden before sin entered the world.
[11:11] A man to be a provider, a leader, and a protector. A woman to be a wife, a mom, and a worker at home. And whatever else God has for that man and that woman.
[11:24] But at its core, what are the disciplines for them to live that role so that they may live a peaceable, blessed life?
[11:38] Okay? The other thing I want to say before I go through these. A lot of preface here. Very important. This isn't just about parenting.
[11:49] I'm going to go through these disciplines. And if this is all you get from it, then praise the Lord. And that is this. When we go through the disciplines of a biblical woman, men, this is an outline of what you should note and remark about your wife in front of your children.
[12:13] This is what you should appreciate about your wife. On the flip side, when we go through the disciplines of a biblical man, these are the things, ladies, that you should talk about in front of your daughters and your sons.
[12:28] But particularly your daughters. And if you elevate this in your home, these qualities and these disciplines, these are the things that your children will leave your home and say, that's what I'm looking for in a spouse.
[12:38] And it's extra powerful if you're actually living these things. So this is a time of self-examination and a time of considering, are we building these disciplines into our children?
[12:58] And the last thing I'll say is this. This is not designed to make you feel bad this morning. To give you a list of all the ways you're not doing it right. I suspect many or most of you are doing many or most of these.
[13:12] And I want to encourage you with that. Excel still more. I think most of you felt last night like you were reinforced in what you were already doing because you heard the word of God basically say what you knew.
[13:27] That is such a great benefit of being together. And I hope that encouraged you. So let's go through the disciplines first of a biblical woman. I have eight of them. There could have been 25 of them.
[13:39] But BK wouldn't let me have that much time. There could have been three of them. Okay. So there's no real magic to the number eight.
[13:50] This is not a comprehensive list. This is a deliberate list, though, of eight disciplines. And when we say disciplines, we're talking about patterns of behavior, habits to build into your daughters.
[14:05] That are directly contrary to the culture. Directly contrary to what this world is going to tell your daughter she should do and be.
[14:16] And that's why we call them disciplines. That's why these are hard. Some of them harder than others. And all of these are in the context of that primary role of a woman designed by God, established by God in the garden that she's going to be a wife and a mom someday and a worker at home.
[14:39] And whatever else the Lord has her to be. This is also a list of qualities that you should talk about with your sons to honor in their mother and their future wife.
[14:54] And I think this list, if it's built into your son's thinking, will dramatically impact their dating life someday and their decisions about marriage. So let's go through these.
[15:05] If you can, in your Bible, turn to Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31. And I suspect you're pretty familiar with Proverbs 31.
[15:18] Proverbs 31 is not a list of things to talk to your wife about and say, here's all the things you aren't. That you need to be. Proverbs 31 is a list of all the things, men, that we should use.
[15:33] Proverbs 31 is a checklist of here's the things I need to honor and praise in my wife. To the extent they are true in her life, I should be talking about these things.
[15:46] I should be noting these things. And I had three daughters, as you know. My wife impressed on me the importance of dating my daughters.
[15:56] And I did that over the years. And the topic of conversation was often something out of Proverbs 31. Not to flatter their mother. But to show them, right in front of you is a woman living this right here.
[16:13] That's what Proverbs 31 is for. And I'm not going to... Well, I will read through some of this. Verse 10. An excellent wife who can find, for her worth is far above jewels.
[16:25] The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight.
[16:37] She is like merchant ships. She brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it.
[16:48] From her earnings, she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good. Her lamp does not go out at night.
[17:00] She stretches out her hands to the distaff. And her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor. And she stretches out her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of the snow for her household.
[17:13] For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
[17:25] She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom.
[17:37] And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her, her husband also.
[17:49] And he praises her, saying, many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
[18:00] Give her the product of her hands. And let her works praise her in the gates. I'm going to pull out eight disciplines from Proverbs 31.
[18:12] The first one is stability. Stability. Our culture celebrates and reinforces the image of women who are emotional, unstable, and even flighty.
[18:24] Our culture will reassure your daughter that she not only can be, but should be, noncommittal, free, impulsive, and spontaneous.
[18:38] Spontaneity has been elevated to a virtue in our culture. This is directly contrary to the biblical woman who is stable.
[18:50] It says in verse 11, the heart of her husband trusts in her. She does him good and not evil when she wants to. No, it says all the days of her life.
[19:04] 1 Timothy 2.15 says, but women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue, if they continue. There's a fidelity, long-term stability.
[19:16] If they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint. A biblical woman has a quiet, confident understanding of who she is and what she's about.
[19:31] She's living a purposeful life. There is a self-restraint. She has self-control in her thoughts and in her actions. She's truthful. She's reliable. She's stable.
[19:43] She's consistent. She lives a life that's not driven by emotions. She allows what she knows to dictate how she feels.
[19:53] That's the discipline. It's a discipline for all of us. She has integrity. She's trustworthy regardless of her circumstances. Her location.
[20:05] And that phrase, all the days of her life. Obviously, that's contrary to our culture where people slip in and out of marriages at will.
[20:17] Marriage is for life. Marriage is for life. And her understanding and ability to make a lifelong commitment begins long before she reaches the age of noticing that boys don't have cooties.
[20:33] Number two. The second discipline that's all over Proverbs 31 is work. The women in this room who have children or had children in their home know that motherhood is a physical challenge.
[20:48] It requires hard work. I watched it. I watched it. I see it now. God put Adam and Eve in the garden to work.
[21:02] That is not just a male requirement. God made them. He made them male and female. He put male and female in the garden to work. That is the human condition.
[21:13] That's not the curse. That was precursor. It is a joy. But it is hard work. Work is a reality of life.
[21:25] And loving that work and even an eager anticipation of that work is the discipline. Verse 13, it says, Verse 14, Verse 14, while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens.
[21:53] Verse 17, she girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good. Her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hand to the distaff and her hands grasp the spindle.
[22:06] This is all a picture of a woman who works, who works hard. Verse 22, she makes coverings for herself. Verse 24, she makes linen garments and supplies belts to the tradesmen.
[22:19] Verse 27, she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Again, Proverbs 31 isn't written so that you can look over to your wife and say, why aren't you making our clothes and selling them and making a profit?
[22:35] That's not what this is about. This is describing a woman who is committed to the well-being of her home. Herself, her husband, and her children.
[22:48] And she will work hard to achieve that. That's the ideal. Men, you should be talking about this with your daughters. Taking notes of the hard work of mom.
[23:01] And not just the hard work. It talks about industriousness, working with her hands, skilled labor, being disciplined, early to rise, the light never going out at night sometimes.
[23:12] However that looks, it's all under the umbrella of with delight. That is the discipline. Unending work. Strong arms.
[23:24] How do you get your daughter to that point? That's what I want you to think about. Because the culture is not going to help her get there. You get to.
[23:37] You get to think about this and understand what she might not understand. And by the way, I understand the children represented here might be from birth all the way into the 20s and 30s and maybe beyond.
[23:50] This applies at every age. To think about this. A two-year-old probably doesn't, isn't going to understand the discipline of work yet. But it's good to think now about what that's going to look like and how are you going to produce a woman, a biblical woman, who's disciplined in the area of stability, work.
[24:14] And the number three is money. Money. I hope you heard, as I read through Proverbs 31, all the references to money. A biblical woman has the skills to manage money or at least to have the disciplined perspective on money.
[24:34] Verse 14 talked about she brings her food from afar. She's looking for deals, if you will. She considers a field and buys it in verse 16. Anybody ready to hand a bunch of money to your teenage daughter and have her go buy a piece of land?
[24:50] You should be. Or I'll see it in the future. She considers a field and buys it from her earnings. She plants a vineyard. The idea there is not that every wife, a godly woman, goes out and deals in real estate.
[25:06] It is that she has a disciplined perspective on money. She understands money. You all know from last night I'm an accountant. So this won't be wildly strange to you maybe.
[25:22] It'll be strange to you. But you'll understand. I remember my first daughter expressed an interest in money. I sat her down and taught her about mutual funds and stocks and how to invest. And gave her a little bit of money to do that.
[25:35] That's what accountants do. If you're into real estate, you go buy a vineyard, I guess. But as each child expresses an interest, you understand that you need to produce a woman from your home who understands God's perspective on money.
[25:54] Who takes a long view. Who understands leveraging assets and profit. Who understands that the purpose of profit isn't always just to spend it but to reinvest it.
[26:06] That's wise. That's wisdom. She's not known as a spender but she uses profit to earn more profit. Don't spoil your daughters.
[26:19] Giving them everything they could possibly want. That sets their future husband up for a really high bar that may not be fair.
[26:29] A difficult life. And never disconnect the relationship between things and the money it takes to buy those things. And the sooner you can begin to draw that connection, the better you are.
[26:45] That's the discipline of money. Number four, the discipline of kindness. I'm going to say something controversial. Girls are mean. Maybe that's not controversial.
[26:57] Nobody ran from the room. That's good. I say that from personal observation. When girls are slighted or offended, they never forget. Maybe it was just my house. The interaction in this regard between young ladies that I observed raising daughters was really stunning at times.
[27:17] And boys are mean too, by the way. But the guys tend to slug each other and forget about it. Kind of my observation. My life, maybe. But kindness in this regard is a unique discipline purpose for a young lady.
[27:36] To learn that kindness. To learn that short memory. The discipline of kindness. Because a mom and a wife is a much happier woman when she has been trained to be soft-hearted, patient, forgiving, and kind.
[27:54] And it's all over Proverbs 31. She extends her hand to the poor. She stretches out her hands to the needy. Verse 26. She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
[28:08] It's who she is. She's known as a kind person. Titus 2.5 says that the older women are to teach the younger women to be kind. I think there's a reason for that.
[28:20] Forgiveness and a short memory is really hard for a young lady, from my observation. But a must for a wife and a mom.
[28:33] Husbands will be unkind. Unappreciative. Sometimes even unpleasant. Children will not make it easy to be kind. They will do many things to offend, to disappoint, and to even anger their mom.
[28:50] That's life. A woman who's disciplined in kindness will navigate all of that a whole lot easier. Than a young lady who's been trained and taught that her feelings matter to the exclusion of all others.
[29:08] Keeping accounts with children bears bitter fruit for a lifetime. Ephesians 4.32 says, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God and Christ also has forgiven you.
[29:22] There's a life verse for a wife and a mom. So you need to deal aggressively with two things in your daughter's life. Jealousy and pride.
[29:35] Jealousy is what she thinks about people who have more than her. Or what she thinks about other young ladies, for example, who have things that she wants. Pride is her view of those that have less than her.
[29:51] Both of those feed directly into her kindness. Fifth. The fifth discipline of a biblical woman is contentment.
[30:03] A woman who submits to her role must necessarily trust her husband to lead and to provide and to protect her and the family, even if, or maybe I should say when, he proves unworthy of that trust.
[30:20] She will watch decisions being made and life circumstances that affect her and her future, and she may have no control over those events. Is your daughter going to be a content woman?
[30:33] You see, a content woman understands that all of that is inconsequential compared to the need for her to love her husband, to love her children, and to lead the charge at home, regardless of those circumstances.
[30:48] Proverbs 31, 21 says she's not afraid of the snow for her household. Verse 25, strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.
[31:00] This is not arrogance. This is not smiling at the future because she's got it all under control. This is confidence based on effort. And confidence in the Lord, patient, mature, wise, and fearless for herself and for her family.
[31:18] And that's confidence that comes from preparation, taking the long view and self-control. Number six, submission.
[31:29] The discipline of submission. This is the word that nobody likes to talk about. And let me start by saying every single person in this room is a submitter. That's what we learned last night.
[31:42] God created us. We submit to God. And within that umbrella, this term of submission, it's a discipline for men and women, and it's not a command that's unique to women.
[31:58] However, this one skill, this one discipline fights against Genesis 3, the curse. In your daughter's nature, you are training her to reverse the curse.
[32:14] That requires discipline. Why? Because the discipline of submission is a discipline that will never be completely successful.
[32:25] God makes that clear in Genesis 3, that it is going to be a challenge for women until we get to heaven, which means it is also a challenge for the husband.
[32:42] Fighting for something you know you will never perfectly achieve takes enormous discipline and commitment. But look at verse 11 of Proverbs 31. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
[32:56] She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Verse 23, her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
[33:08] It's a picture of a woman who has submitted to her role, and there's great benefit to that, but the practical outcome of that is the focus often is on other people and not her, even though she might be the one that's making it all happen.
[33:25] Her husband is the beneficiary of all of her skill. Her life is devoted to the reward and the benefit of others, her children and her husband. And it says he has no lack of gain, and it's because of her.
[33:37] And men, I have to stop here and say we need to remember this. We need to acknowledge it. We cannot become arrogant and say whatever I have accomplished in my life, I did it.
[33:49] That's not reality. That's not what our children should hear. They should hear us recognize that whatever has been accomplished, it was us. Couldn't have done it without my wife.
[34:01] Number seven. The seventh discipline is humility. And again, I know I'm moving quickly. I'm trying to give you a framework to think through, to talk about later.
[34:16] Humility. The reality of life is that a mom must be prepared to be humble. Babies throw up on you. They throw tantrums, maybe even in the grocery store.
[34:31] I heard lots of stories about that when our girls were young. They'd regularly throw monkey wrenches in your plans. They're just inconvenient, aren't they? And sometimes even embarrassing.
[34:45] By the way, moms, you will either not remember or you will laugh about all of this someday, just to give you some hope. A woman who lives according to the roles that God has designed is behind the scenes.
[34:59] She's unnoticed, often, and unsung. This is a big transition for a young lady who comes out of a home who is large and in charge because her parents have trained her to think that she's the center of the universe.
[35:17] It's a very hard transition. But look at verse 28. Proverbs 31, 28. Speaking of this woman, Here's the discipline of humility.
[35:51] Her works praise her. Her children praise her. Her husband praises her. But not her own mouth.
[36:03] That's humility. Her behavior and character draws attention. Her life is devoted to the reward and the benefit of others. She's not looking for recognition or gratification, which, by the way, men, doesn't mean she shouldn't receive that.
[36:22] I know I've said this a couple times. I'm going to keep saying it. You and I must, we should, recognize, praise, and honor our wife in front of our children.
[36:33] So, how do you train this discipline into your daughter? You should let her works speak for her, not her own mouth.
[36:46] That starts now. Be careful about how much pride you build culturally in your family culture into your daughters. You must deal aggressively with a haughty, arrogant spirit.
[37:03] You need to help her understand how it feels to do a thankless task. Because she has to. Because that's life, isn't it? As a wife and a mom and a keeper at home.
[37:15] Prepare her for the long days and nights of being a mom of young, sick, needy children. A young lady who's been successful at everything is either tremendously deceived or she's been protected from reality.
[37:32] Because nobody's successful at everything, are they? And those of you who are moms know that in the middle of the night, when you're cleaning up the mess for the fourth time, you don't feel like a tremendous success.
[37:46] You don't feel like the social media influencer, do you? Because nobody's paying attention. Nobody sees it. The eighth discipline is modesty.
[37:58] The discipline of modesty. Our culture presses a young lady to expose as much of herself as she wants. This is a form of self-expression, getting attention.
[38:11] And ultimately, it's pride. It's the opposite of humility. A biblical woman doesn't seek attention. I hope you've got that from Proverbs 31 so far.
[38:23] But while she doesn't want attention, she draws attention for all the right reasons. Your daughter will need the discipline of pursuing character and virtue, not the passing and temporary fool's gold of physical beauty and male attention based on that physical beauty.
[38:44] This is the discipline purpose of understanding that she's not called to attract the attention of scores or hundreds or thousands or hundreds of thousands of men on social media, but one man for life.
[39:03] That is the discipline of modesty in a world that rejects all of that. Verse 30 of Proverbs 31. One charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
[39:19] 1 Timothy 2, verse 9. Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.
[39:40] Let's be clear. That is not saying that you can't wear any of that or do any of that. What it's saying is if your purpose in wearing gold or pearls or costly garments is to draw attention to yourself, that's a problem.
[39:57] The attention you draw to yourself should be by means of good works. That's the discipline. And I think how do you train this into your daughters?
[40:12] I can give you some of my experience. I think approaching the issue of dress not from any of the number of ways that you might think the best way, the most effective way is to address it from the direction of pride versus humility.
[40:29] Why are you drawn to look that way, to dress that way? Is it to draw attention to yourself, the wrong kind of attention?
[40:41] And talk to her about why does she want to be noticed? What does she want to be known for, her looks or her behavior? Ann and I went to a parenting class when my oldest daughter was barely a teenager and we got some of the best counsel in that class that I immediately implemented and it was this.
[41:04] I mean, this was painful to hear, to even contemplate. But what he told us was, take your daughter's clothes shopping. That meant I had to go to a mall. I hadn't been in a mall in years.
[41:19] It was fantastic. It was so awkward in the beginning. I had no idea what to do in a women's clothing store. Some of the greatest memories I have in looking back is going clothes shopping with my daughters.
[41:33] What a great environment to teach. Because they're getting what they want, new clothes. And I'm getting what I want, an opportunity to give them the filter and the frame through which they make decisions on what kind of clothing do they buy.
[41:50] And occasionally they have that difficult conversation when they come out of the dressing room and say, no. And then to explain why.
[42:02] It's hard. It was hard for me. Maybe it wouldn't be hard for you. But, men, golden opportunity. Take your daughter's clothes shopping. If you dare.
[42:14] Okay? So, stability, work, money, kindness, contentment, submission, humility, and modesty. Some disciplines to think about.
[42:26] As you think about how are you going to produce a woman from your home who is prepared to fulfill those primary roles that God designed for her because she is a woman.
[42:42] Okay? Now, let's flip the page and talk about the men. Again, these are disciplines of a biblical man. Disciplines, by definition, are habits that don't come naturally.
[42:56] They will take work. And you must be committed to that work. And part of the work is to think through these before you go home and implement them this afternoon.
[43:06] To think about what is the best way to teach these disciplines. These are also qualities your daughter should be trained to appreciate in her father.
[43:19] To the extent that these disciplines exist in her father. And she should be trained to appreciate in her future husband. As he fulfills the role as a leader, a provider, and a protector within the home.
[43:35] Let's talk about being a provider. First discipline for a young man is the discipline of work. And this is an overlap, obviously, with the second discipline I talked to you about with young ladies.
[43:49] But you can't be a biblical man if you're not fulfilling the most basic role that God designed for a man on this planet. And that is to work. And it goes on to explain.
[44:01] That's pre-curse. And then the curse introduced a new purpose for work. That if you don't work, you don't what? Eat. That didn't exist in the Garden of Eden.
[44:14] Food was provided. Work was purely for leisure, if you will. For joy. Work is still a joy. But now a young man needs to understand that if he's going to be a leader, a provider, and a protector, that he needs to be able to work to provide for his family.
[44:39] It's to provide needs. It's not work to obtain wealth. There's nothing wrong with wealth. You need to understand God made it clear. And Hannah's prayer in the Old Testament that God makes rich and God makes poor.
[44:55] That's not the issue. The issue is, is your son going to be prepared to provide? Work is not just for the provision of his own needs, by the way.
[45:09] 1 Timothy 5.8. Anyone who does not provide for his own, especially those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. That's not to love for the word. Proverbs 6.8. Proverbs 6.8. Proverbs 6.8.
[45:19] Proverbs 6.8. The passage you know. I know you've heard this. Verses 6 through 11. This is a father speaking to his son. Go to the ant. Oh, what? Sluggard.
[45:32] Have you called your son a sluggard recently? that is recorded in scripture that is a father speaking to his son dealing directly with the issue of laziness and he goes on to say observe her ways and be wise which having no chief officer or ruler prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provisions in the harvest training to be a worker starts now does your son do his homework when you give him something to do in in the home does he do it you need to start having this fight if you will on different terms elevate that chores that homework all of this is not a pedestrian issue this is elevate it now to an issue of i am preparing you for life for a blessed life second discipline as it relates to being a provider is the discipline of money you can't lead and provide biblically if you haven't distinguished between the command to provide for yourself and your family and the culture's pull that you have everything that you could possibly want or that someone else is responsible for providing for your family that's huge in the united states right now big push that everyone is going to get minimum income from the government that is direct attack on god's design that says that if you don't provide for yourself and your family you're worse than an unbeliever there is a lot that has changed in parenting down where i live and this is one that has become huge so how do you teach that discipline well i think there's two ways to approach it as it relates to money one is to teach your sons how to be content and teach your sons how to be generous and the rest probably will fall into place contentment more money never produces more contentment some of you know that in fact more money often is is more likely to feed greed than contentment first timothy 6 verses 6 through 11 says but godliness actually is a means of great gain when accomplished when accompanied by contentment for we have brought nothing into the world so we cannot take anything out of it either if we have food and covering with these we shall be content contentment what about generosity it's difficult for disciplined giving to the church to coexist with a grasping materiality or materialism excuse me second corinthians 8 talks about um the heart of a giver we can talk about the command to give to the church but second corinthians 8 lays out what it was like in a church the believers in macedonia how they gave to the church out of desperate desperate poverty in verse 8 or verse 3 in 2nd corinthians 8 says for i testify that according to their ability and beyond their ability they gave of their own accord that's a discipline begging us it says with much urging for the favor of participation in the support of the saints if you can teach that to your sons you have done well and it's not just giving to the church but it's extending to those in need first timothy 3 17 says whoever has the world's good and beholds his brother in need and closes his heart against him
[49:35] how does the love of god abide in him teaching a contentment when it comes to money to your sons along with teaching a generosity a generosity when it comes to giving to the church a generosity when it comes to helping those in need around him if you can teach those disciplines you probably have produced a young man who understands god's perspective on money these are good disciplines the third discipline we're going to move into the area of being a leader and a protector and some of you may look at your son and say i have no idea how he's how he's going to lead anybody okay and i have to tell you that leadership in the bible is really interesting not your son is not necessarily called to be a leader in the church there's no requirement that a that a christian man is a leader at work there is no requirement in the bible that a christian man is a leader anywhere except in the home so for your sons to leave your home and believe the lie that i'm just not a leader you have failed if i can be bold i don't say that often the goal is they need to leave your home understanding that even if they're not a leader anywhere else god designed them he hardwired them to lead and they need to work on that skill because that is the role they're going to have a man does not get to be inside of a marriage and say out loud i'm just not a leader it's contrary to god's design so what are some of these disciplines convictions the discipline of convictions or purpose a biblical man again not a christian man exclusively but a man in god's creation knows who he is and what he's about said another way he knows he is or will be a provider a leader and a protector in the context of the home and he acts accordingly and he pursues that diligently ephesians 5 15 to 17 if you're taking notes you might want to note that verse it is loaded i spend a lot of time with single men ministry at my church and we almost invariably end up here it's so helpful it's the road map for life therefore be careful how you walk not as unwise men but as wise making the most of your time because the days are evil so then do not be foolish but understand what the will of the lord is those are life verses for a man in the context of marriage and home be careful be wise be strategic and be purposeful why?
[52:49] because purpose drives habits and disciplines it clarifies issues like time and money affections fears confidence and relationships be careful how you walk ecclesiastes 9 10 says whatever your hand finds to do do it with all your might this is an illustration of the discipline of purpose and convictions that drives habits purpose drives mission and the mission drives effort a young man who knows who he is to be and where he is going to go will work very hard to achieve that it's a difference between a goal and a dream I'm going to go play in the NBA anybody believe that?
[53:43] of course you don't that's a dream okay if I tell you I'm going to be a doctor you probably wouldn't believe that either and you probably shouldn't but the difference between the dream of being a doctor and the goal of being a doctor is if I tell you I'm going to go be a doctor you can tell whether it's a goal or a dream because you will ask follow-up questions what school are you going to?
[54:12] what tests have you taken to get into medical school? there's checkpoints there's planning there's direction there's effort effort effort produces results number four the fourth discipline for young men is courage courage the essence of biblical manhood is the merging of strength and courage this point speaks to the biblical man who demonstrates the strength and courage of his convictions not his abilities leadership cannot exist without firm convictions and men before you start thinking about your sons you have to examine your own heart that's why times like this are so helpful for us to reinforce and to remember what is our purpose as a dad as a husband because understanding that gives us the courage to actually do it long before 2020 in my church again I told you
[55:19] I'm involved with a lot of young men in my church I noticed an alarming general trend among young men they were afraid they were afraid of failure afraid of success afraid of marriage afraid of children afraid of the ladies mind blowing to me really sad you name it they were frozen in place we have rabbits I live in a canyon and we have rabbits all over the place we kind of consider them rodents sorry if you like rabbits I refer you to last night's message but the crazy thing about rabbits is when they get scared you know what they do they stand straight up dead still makes it easy for someone to shoot them with a BB gun not that I would ever do that that's young men that was my observation of young men completely frozen in place with a stare so grievous
[56:25] I really wondered how that happened it was and it is so foreign to me and it still is and it was concerning because that mindset is so contrary to what the Bible says about how a man should live and then 2020 happened and I don't know everything about what it was like here I can tell you what it was like where I was the virus never concerned me not for a single minute it was the panic that overtook everybody that really concerned me the widespread adoption of baseless fear that fed into that predisposition in young men in my church already there to be fearful now they were affirmed in their fear the crazy thing where I live is fear was justified it was promoted it was even exalted as virtuous people who were not afraid were excoriated they were diminished they were demeaned they were slandered we've moved as a culture from a balance of risk and benefit concerning death that we all make when we get behind the wheel of a car to drive to work every day to sheer terror fear of just getting sick and it fed into this fear even many in the broad church in my country have endorsed the cultural view that fear is acceptable and even virtuous and the societal implications and the implication in the church of all of this is going to be enormous living in fear is completely unbiblical it is completely unbiblical for young men to embrace fearful living is shameful fear is reserved for God everything else is not to be feared and you get to teach your sons that truth and that's not a Chris Hamilton truth
[58:23] Matthew 10 28 says this could not say it more clearly do not fear those who kill the body whether that's people a virus a potential car accident whatever it might be don't fear death but rather fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell that's the discipline of fear that's why we say teach your children to fear God that's who your sons should fear nothing else there's a verse that's quoted a lot first first Corinthians 16 13 I played football back in the day and I can't tell you how many times we had a chaplain come in before the game to do the talk and we heard this verse be on the alert stand firm in the faith act like what men roar go score a touchdown right be strong we've all heard that verse that verse was not written to men did you know that first
[59:33] Corinthians 16 13 that's read to men all the time be on the alert stand firm in the faith act like men be strong that was written to the church to the ladies to the children to the entire church including men and what is the point of that verse it summarizes manhood in every way from this standpoint that you should be raising boys to become men who people can look to as an example of being on the alert that's the protection of standing firm in the faith that's leadership of being strong that's protection and leadership that's a man be a man you want your boys to leave your home in the church in their life as an example of being alert standing firm in the faith acting like men and being strong for the benefit of others that is the discipline of courage as he grows into the roles of a leader protector and provider you should expect him to gain in strength in courage
[60:48] God will not fail him or forsake him God will be with him the battle is the Lord's why because he's doing exactly what God's called him to do and what I just said when if you are up for this do a study in your Bible of every place where it says be strong and courageous I would direct you to Deuteronomy 31 and Joshua 1 it is fantastic stories and a fantastic couple of passages to work through with your sons it says over and over and over be strong and courageous be strong and courageous be strong and courageous and it's being said to a man who's who was a warrior he's the equivalent today of a special forces guy of a general officer whose military tactics are still taught in war colleges around the world and yet the God of the universe told them be strong and courageous not because you're a good warrior not because you're strong not because you're smart but because God is going to do what God is going to do obey that's the discipline of courage do what God's called you to do and God will take care of the results second Samuel 10 is another great story the army surrounded completely surrounded so what they do is they divide in half and they stand back to back and they say you take on those guys we'll take on these guys coming from behind and in there it says be strong and apparently people were watching the battle and the statement was made be strong and courageous for the sake of the people and for the cities of our God in other words you might die die die being obedient doing what God's called you to do for the sake of the people and for the reputation of your God that's courage so much more I'd love to say on that that's an entire session
[63:06] I love and would love to talk all day long about the commands in scripture to be strong and courageous thank you session seven there it is okay thank you number five we're almost to going long here I'm almost done humility the discipline of humility when you start talking like I just did about being strong and courageous you know who I it's really easy to fall into that men should be prideful and so I have to say that strength and grace combined in one person is the ultimate measure of a man he has convictions he has the courage of his convictions he knows where he's going you've heard me say this he knows what he's about and when that is connected to and driven by humility you have the ultimate measure of a man because strength and courage mixed with pride is toxic the leader provider protector is the man who devotes his life 24 7 to the humble service of other people the world exalts a proud man pride is a qualification not a detriment in many parts of our culture humble men are viewed as wimps but this is a humility that is a discipline and teaching your son true humility runs contrary to everything he will hear 2 Timothy 2 1 great verse for every man to know you therefore my son be strong in your abilities and your knowledge that what it says it says be strong in the grace that is in
[64:53] Christ Jesus your strength and your courage if it's biblical is attached to not what you're going to do but what who's going to do what God's going to do pride is the disease it's the cornerstone of sin the lust of the eyes the lust of the flesh and the boastful pride of life it's in Luke 18 9 you may want to make a note of this if you want a checklist when you're talking to your sons about pride and humility Christ is telling a parable and he gives one of the most concise definitions or evidences of pride in a human being this is what he said one verse he he also told this parable this is Luke 18 9 to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and viewed others with content that's pride and we know that's pride you can read the rest of the parable because Christ basically presents the gospel and directly attacks those three elements of pride does your son trust in himself does he believe he is righteous and does he view others with contempt he's proud fatally proud by the way do you trust in yourself do you believe that you're righteous and do you view others with contempt the flip side of that is the goal is to produce a man from your home who trusts in the Lord not in himself he does not believe he is righteous he believes Christ is righteous and he needs
[66:34] Christ's redeeming work on the cross and he does not view others with contempt finally number six a one woman man the discipline of being a one woman man a biblical man understands that other than very rare circumstances he is called to love lead provide for and protect one woman in his life and by the way that's not his mother he should be prepared for that and this truth should be the guiding light in all his relationships with young ladies the one woman will be the object of his love and his lifelong service and that perspective changes everything and a young man who's out playing the field 100 times out of 100 in my experience does not understand this that's the bad news the good news is if you want your son to be disciplined in this area this is the concept you teach there's one woman for life with some exception mark 10 quotes
[67:48] Genesis 224 in verse 6 of mark 10 Jesus says but from the beginning of creation God made them male and female for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother remember those verses from last night and the two shall become one flesh so that they are no longer two but one flesh and then Jesus adds this commentary in verse 9 what therefore God has joined together let no man separate that includes your son that includes you and me Jesus quotes Genesis 2 and then adds that commentary and clarification that marriages for life God brings you together for life you are to produce a one woman man from your home that will affect decisions on dating and we'll be talking about that in another session okay these are the disciplines of a young woman and the disciplines of a young man to produce from your home somebody even if they have rejected the gospel who is prepared to live the roles that God has designed for them all the way back in the garden of Eden let's pray Lord thank you for your word once again Lord I pray that I might not have gotten in the way of the clarity of your word
[69:18] Lord I pray for each of the parents in this room Lord I pray that you give them wisdom and discernment dependence on you encourage their hearts I would imagine most of what I've said this morning they already knew Lord encourage them with that help them to excel still more Lord I pray for the marriages in this room as they examine their parenting in light of what they want to produce from their home Lord I pray that this would have produced good conversation deep thought and loving parenting and purposeful parenting of children from here forward and Lord I pray for the grandparents in this room Lord I pray that you help each of us as grandparents to encourage this in our own families to support this to direct this even in our relationship with our grandchildren Lord all of this not so that we produce children that make us look good but that we produce children that honor you that bless you that give proof to the wisdom and the beautiful design of your creation and we pray this in Christ's name amen on diameron канал