Marriage Matters Part 2

[0:01] Amen. Please take your Bibles and open them to Ephesians chapter 5.

[0:12] If you've been away for a while or even the last couple of weeks, we are in the middle of or the beginning of our series called Family Matters and we're on the Family Matters part.

[0:28] This is a continuation of our series that we have been doing in Ephesians. So please make sure you have your Bibles open to chapter 5 as I will be referring to there and digging in.

[0:48] Time magazine actually reported some good news about marriages. The good news that for the first time in decades, divorce rates are going down.

[1:06] After decades and decades, especially since the late 50s, divorce rates have continually climbing. But for the first time, we are now seeing a decline in the divorce rate.

[1:21] Cause for celebration, right? We believe in marriages. We believe in the family. And we all know the destructiveness of broken marriages.

[1:32] Whether in our own lives, in the lives of our friends, our families, we know that divorce doesn't follow God's plan. And what's even more discouraging is that divorce rates have been reported to be just as high in the church with God's people than the same as the world.

[2:01] So we must accept this news as being somewhat good, right? And encouraging something to say amen, a reason to celebrate.

[2:13] But it's interesting because Time magazine also makes this statement. Before we celebrate too much, we also need to understand that marriages as a whole are declining as well.

[2:29] In fact, many couples are just choosing to forget the paper and just go and live together.

[2:40] The preference of the no-muss, no-fuss relationship. In fact, today, over 40% of all children are born into unmarried merit unions.

[2:59] Recent polling also indicates that people are souring on the idea of marriage. They're told that since 50% of marriages end up in divorce, that must mean the other 50% are miserable.

[3:15] Why bother? Why not just be with someone you love? And when love has gone, separate. Go your own way and find someone else.

[3:26] The question ultimately is, is marriage really so bad? Is there really a reason to be discouraged about marriage?

[3:41] If there's one thing that marriage has, is that it is a team event. And a team event means that we need to rely on others.

[3:54] And we live in a culture that is steeped in what I would call an individualistic design. Our culture is designed to maximize our freedom.

[4:09] Our freedom is celebrated. And in fact, we are told that it is essential for all personal satisfaction.

[4:20] So when you teach this, when a culture teaches these principles, marriage can be a hard sell.

[4:32] Culture tells us that marriage is risky, it's boring, and ultimately will lead to unhappiness. If that were true, we could blame people for not wanting to be married.

[4:50] However, there's a lot of other information that doesn't seem to get as reported as much, but statistics also show that people who are married are more fulfilled, are happier, are more financially stable.

[5:07] In fact, they also state that those who are married are more mature. They perform better in the workplace. They have a higher level of satisfaction in life.

[5:23] And another encouraging statistic that states, if you are unhappy in marriage, statistically, in six years, you will be happy. How can that be?

[5:37] Well, if you have a desire to get married and you're worried about divorce, I can tell you pretty much five ironclad actions that if you do these things, you will not get divorced.

[5:59] To statistics all over the place tell you these simple principles to avoid divorce. Do you want to know what they are? I'll tell you.

[6:09] Wait till you're 25 to get married. Marriages before 25 years of age have an extremely high rate of divorce. If you wait till you're 25, you've increased several dozen percent chance of surviving.

[6:26] The second rule is make sure you're making more than $25,000 a year. The third is go to church.

[6:37] Fourth, don't have a child within the first seven months of your relationship. And the fifth, ironclad, wisest piece of information that the world can tell you is don't live together before you get married.

[6:56] So the world will tell you, and they are right, statistics show that if you're over 25, make more than $25,000 a year, go to church, don't have a child within the first seven months of your marriage, and don't live together before you get married, the chances of you actually divorcing are exceptionally slim.

[7:24] That's what the world tells you. But is that the goal for a Christian marriage? Is the goal, when we enter into a marriage, to be thinking, the only thing I want to be about is not getting divorced.

[7:49] Is that what we see in the pages of Scripture? Is the goal of marriage to not get divorced? You see, the reason the world thinks this way is because they do not understand what the goal of marriage is, what the purpose of marriage is.

[8:11] As we learned last week, the first marriage occurred at the very beginning when Adam and Eve were created, and God brought them together and they became one flesh.

[8:24] And God declared it very good. The first human relationship wasn't two buddies or two girls shopping or two guys hunting or a guy and a girl just being friends.

[8:39] No, the first relationship was a married relationship. A man to a woman. So these are the questions that are before us.

[8:52] What is a marriage supposed to be? What are we supposed to be in marriage? If you were with us last week, the goal of marriage is not to have a marriage that looks perfect and does certain things.

[9:11] But we see marriage as a vehicle that God uses to make us more like Him. For the rest of this series, I need you to understand something.

[9:31] I'm going to go slow. I don't want to rush through the text. Every week, just as I study more and more, more ideas kind of pop up of things that we need to address, things I see both in our congregation, in the world at large, in the church at large, in our culture.

[9:56] And some of the issues that are being dealt with in marriage can be very contentious. In some of the passages that we're looking at, there has been some deviation of thought amongst Christians in their understanding of the verses in Ephesians 5.

[10:20] And to that point, some of these verses that we're going to be looking at have been used to justify wrong living. they have been justified, used to justify wrong behavior.

[10:39] And sometimes when we try to counter wrong behaviors and wrong actions, we will sometimes throw out the baby with the bathwater and ignore or not understand what the passages are truly saying.

[10:58] The two direct issues I'm speaking about is as we get into this passage of Ephesians 5, we are going to start about talking about submission.

[11:11] A wife's submission to her husband. We are going to speak and we're going to look at Paul uses the word headship. We have seen in our culture, especially probably in the last 10 to 15 years, an attempt to redefine those words which ultimately fit our belief.

[11:37] Sometimes just mentioning that word submission or headship, the hairs in the back of our neck begin to stand up. We've been hurt by it. We've heard horrible things said and it bothers us.

[11:51] some of you will feel a resistance to this teaching right from the very start as soon as you say marriage. In fact, I'm sure that there may be even people in our church that might decide to check out because of past pain, past teaching, and some gross misunderstanding about these passages.

[12:21] to give you a general understanding before we get into these passages, there's two positions that exist within the Christian milieu in understanding these verses and I want to go over them briefly with you so that one, you're not unaware and two, perhaps you're not going to hear these things debated in our church but I guarantee you as you speak to other Christians, you read different articles online or different Christian books, you're going to see people have complete differing viewpoints.

[13:06] my goal is obviously to ground you not in my position but I want to ground you in scripture. I want to give you absolute confidence in God's word, what he says and why he says the things that he does.

[13:25] So the two, let's just call them contrarian positions when we get into Ephesians 5, the first one is called the egalitarian position.

[13:38] The egalitarian position. And I'll give you a basic definition and I took this definition from an article that was just giving the rudimentary basic understanding.

[13:56] It did not promote one view or another. But the egalitarian position reads, it is a theological view that men and women are created equally and are equal before God in their personhood.

[14:12] But there is no gender based limitations on what functions or roles each can fulfill in the home and the church. So what is essentially saying that we have been created equally and the prime verse is Galatians 3.28 which states there is neither Jew nor Greek there is neither slave nor free man there is neither male nor female for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

[14:46] Now this isn't the only verse but this is a key verse. There's a theological term for it. It is the verse that defines it's the lens on how we define all the other verses that we will look at or that position we'll look at.

[15:05] And so because Paul is talking in Galatians there's neither Jew, Greek, slave, free, male, female, all are one. That means we're all the same. And because we're all the same there is no differing roles.

[15:19] So people fulfill different roles according to gifting rather than whether or not they are male or female. So that's the egalitarian position in just a nutshell.

[15:33] The second view is the complementarian position. It's the complementarian position. It's the theological view that men and women are created equal in their being and personhood.

[15:48] They are created to complement each other via different roles and responsibilities as manifested in marriage, family, leadership in the church and elsewhere.

[16:03] So what they're saying is the one hand egalitarian equal access to all offices in the family, the home in the church, the complementarian position essentially believes that God has created men and women distinctly different yet equal and they both have different roles to serve in the family at home and in the church.

[16:33] So when we look at Galatians 3.28 Paul and I would certainly argue that Paul is talking about salvation. It doesn't matter if you're Jew, Greek, slave, free, man, woman, salvation is free to all but it's not addressing the issue of church leadership.

[16:54] So when the church we're talking about elder positions, pastor roles in the home, we would be seen as husband, seen as leader in the home and the wife would complement her husband.

[17:09] So what we see is headship roles for men and support roles for women. Now I know when I give these two definitions there are more nuances to them but I believe I'm breaking them down quite honestly and provide you with a general understanding.

[17:30] Now which position you take will affect how you look at scripture. My encouragement is to begin with scripture and have that change your outlook or understanding.

[17:44] So if you're wondering what the theological position is here at Suamish Baptist Church, we hold to a complementarian position.

[17:54] We believe that men and women have been created equal in the eyes of God but we've been created for different roles meant to complement one another.

[18:07] Personally that's obviously my position that is the position I grew up with in my church the school that I attended that is their position as well.

[18:18] So I'm kind of steeped in the complementarian position. I want to talk to you because I've been in the complementarian camp.

[18:34] I've seen a lot of abuses in the complementarian position. and I want to share with you three abuses that I have commonly seen exercised in different churches.

[18:49] I have seen the teaching of this in different blogs, different articles and I want to do away with I want to let you know they are abuses.

[19:01] So the first abuse and perhaps this will help disarm you from an understanding because I get why people shy away from complementarianism.

[19:15] One of the first abuses of complementarianism is that it is a patriarchal or a hierarchical position.

[19:25] that means there is one view the man is created higher in order over the wife and there's various arguments that they use for it and what they do in the home is they elevate the husband or father as some sort of untouchable position that he is in charge of everything.

[19:50] He is the law and women and they'll be totally wrong headed answers. Well the reason a woman can't be a leader is because she's too emotional or any of those type of things.

[20:04] Those are flatly wrong and not taught in scripture at all. And I've experienced these in several of my churches. Some people have taken complementarian to mean well does that mean I have to do everything do I need to do the taxes at home my wife's actually an accountant and I've had people ask me this question do I have to do it no you don't have to do it but sometimes there's been some teaching that the man has to do everything and what happens is they can hold this father husband over the leadership of the church and of the government and because of this it's creating its own little fiefdom and I've seen that before so anything that the husband does perhaps he is breaking the law they will see him as the actual head under God and will allow for some disgusting abuse to happen in the home it is a position that is anti-woman it is actually anti-family and some people even call it that they will not even work for women outside the workplace that is not what the

[21:14] Bible teaches whatsoever but men sinful men wrongly taught men have used certain scriptures and twisted them to fit their own views the second abuse that I've seen is that the complementarian confines a woman to her home and if you are from certain circles we joke that they have to wear long denim dresses and no makeup in certain cultures they actually believe that they believe we all have to have families that look the same do the same thing because that's what God wants that's not what God teaches whatsoever and the fact of the matter is there is so much cultural nuance to this one to say that in all time in all places that a wife has to be can't work can't be outside of the home is completely wrong the teaching of scripture as we're going to get into is that both husband and wife are to be centered on their home they are to be completely devoted to one another and to their roles as mother and father in relation to their children and husband and wife to one another does that mean that a woman is only allowed to be at home no not at all in fact we can see just an example in scripture where proverbs 31 you read about a woman who is proudly praised for her entrepreneurship her activity in her community

[22:48] I do believe that if a husband or wife has a work position that takes them out of the home for long periods of time I believe they need to reflect on the merits of that position so it's not just a woman whose job that can take her out of the home is not agreed upon I would argue that a man's position that takes him out of his house for long periods of time is not an ideal position either so the first abuse we see is the patriarchal position the second one is the woman has to stay home can't get an education and honestly I've seen people live through just an example in a church situation that I was at a young girl grew up in that type of family and she wasn't marrying and the one education she was allowed to do is to become a midwife and to be able to help people but as she saw she had a lot of gifts and she wanted to go to university and her family was forbidding her to why on earth would you want to get an education and further your thinking and experience if you could never use that in a marriage that's not what the Bible teaches whatsoever and the third abuse is that the complementarian position holds that certain division of labor must be for men and others must be for women we know that right men must grow mow the grass women must wash dishes women must wear pink dresses men must drive big trucks those are just cultural things those aren't biblical things and the reality is the Bible never speaks of these type of things there's certain things that men are called to do and women are called to do in order to serve their home but I believe if we start to put the biblical stamp on certain things we really need to be careful of our own cultural influences people will often state well that's how my dad did it that's how my mom did it but the reality is certain home there's certain facets and different giftings in the home allow for different ways for things to go about and the last area that I want to talk about is the reason why people mostly fight against complementarianism is they're believing that our culture is true and it dictates how I see life it's a struggle we all have and we're all going to have and as we go through this text we're going to look at the cultural understanding of what

[25:39] Paul was saying and I'm hoping that's going to be there for you we all know that man's wisdom is greater than our wisdom and the Bible tells enough truth that this truth of God's word can be followed in every culture and because of that it's trustworthy it will give us the road map for right living so getting to this position I've given you a lot of information there and I can give you this in text if you've got further questions but this is my big observation and this is one of the things I want you to take away and it kind of ties into last week when we start to look at roles the role of man and woman husband and wife

[26:41] I think we get too excited about the roles rather than who we are first called to be in Jesus Christ right because the woman we're going to see in Ephesians the submission is going to be compared to what Jesus Christ did and how and the man is going to be compared to the love of Jesus Christ and dying for the church those are the ultimate attitudes that will affect our view on what we think so my point is when Paul gets to marriage in chapter 5 22 he's already given us five chapters and 21 verses of teaching before this we learned who we are in

[27:47] Christ we were chosen we are to be holy we are to be blameless in how we live our position is adopted children of God according to the purpose of his will we learned that we are redeemed we are sealed we are created for good works for his purposes we are together as a church created to display God's wisdom to the world think about that we have been created and we fall under God's teaching this is God's wisdom to the world and I'll tell you right now right godly living in marriage is probably one of going to be the strongest testimonies that you will have to this world even those of you who may not be in a Christian marriage how you serve your spouse how you love him and your children and you submit to him in that area is an incredible witness to who

[29:00] Jesus Christ is his wisdom God calls us to be filled with the fullness of God now take a look at these words that we have on stage and we have I have thanks to Cheryl Roberts for putting these together these are the words that are to represent who we are in Christ right humility gentleness patience forgiving Christ likeness these are the characteristics that define us as believers these are supposed to be a part of us you see when we start talking about marriage these are the foundations we take into the discussion in fact these are the foundational aspects we take into all our relationships take a look at the beginning of chapter five

[30:06] Paul clearly states be imitators of God as beloved children walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us all right that is an attitude we are all to have to one another that is the prevailing attitude of a Christian what Paul was saying here isn't just some simple platitude that had no meaning or emptiness to it this was an understanding of all the power that we have in Jesus Christ this is the fundamental teaching of what it is to be a Christian so today I want to cover three simple things before we get into the meat of the passage and as we go through this passage I hope you're going to have a lot of fun with it and

[31:09] I want you to think about barriers to why you believe what you believe and as I preach through I'm going to go through some of God will just use me as an instrument as I reveal his word to you but when you look at these words there's like a test so what are the three areas that these truths are realized in our life so before we start talking about marriage these are the three things we have to have down in our life whether we're single looking to get married or married been there 50 60 years these are the same things so to take the culmination of all the teaching from Ephesians 1 to Ephesians 5 21 the first question where these attitudes should be seen is in your salvation when we come to speaking about marriage the most intense relationship we're ever going to have the first thing

[32:12] Paul wants to make sure is that you're actually saved that you're actually saved you see everything that Paul teaches here presupposes that we are Christians these are words of wisdom that anybody no matter what walk of life can somehow add to their marriage but there is no such thing as a magic mystical capacity that gifts people with a wondrous marriage God's principles are good they can help non Christians as well as Christians but for the Christian there's certain thing that non Christians can't do notice Paul begins the letter of Ephesians as you remember to the saints who are in Ephesus the reality is only Christians have the ability to have their marriages and family be all they can be which is not to our glory but to God's glory you see our marriages aren't for our glory they're for

[33:17] God's glory there's a purpose in our marriages there's a purpose in our family it's not to not get divorced but it's to be something more doing a men study Sunday night the reason why we're there is we believe that we've been called as men as followers of Jesus Christ to be something more that God has something more for us that he wants to use us to do his work so the first thing we need to do is we need to begin and first acknowledge we have a need for Jesus Christ and that we trust him as our Lord and Savior now some of you might think hey listen I know some non-Christians their family functions better than us you know what that might be true the reality is non-Christians homes can raise really good kids have an orderly home they can have long lasting close loving relationships but one thing they lack is there is no spiritual stability and for a lot of the families that we've seen and some of you guys can remember back when

[34:31] TV actually showed really good families is because our culture had a largely Judeo Christian influence we're not in that world anymore we need to accept that so a lot of people were able to watch Christian marriages they knew what was right about marriages and they could emulate those marriages as best as they as the culture has shifted there is a reason why 40% of all children are born to couples that are not married that's incredible when you start talking about a nuclear family they have no idea what that is so a family can begin looking like a family but ultimately be like the man who built his house on sand as we learned last week God created marriage created family from the very beginning and it was his design

[35:36] John 14 6 simply says I am the way the truth and the life no man comes to the father except through me all truth is derived in Jesus Christ before our very eyes we see a destruction of marriage because it's adapting humanistic principles rather than biblical principles so if you are one who is here who does not know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior the way you become a Christian is to acknowledge your need for Jesus that you need to have your sins forgiven you recognize that you are a sinner it is about putting Jesus Christ in the throne of your life it's understanding that he rules all even your life we confess our sin we repent and we turn to him the sad reality that destroys most marriages is that they try to do spiritual actions in the power of the flesh no matter how sincere they may be and

[37:00] I've seen this in counseling over and over again people who come in for counseling who grew up with Christian parents attended church their whole life they will tell you upside down all around they are Christians but that point is Christ never truly penetrated their heart it's been an exterior actions and when you step back and you look at their lives you will see a lot of anger frustration dissension envy bitterness unforgiving spirit because they're trying to do a spiritual action without the gas of the Holy Spirit and it can't be done which leads me to the second proof of do you get who are you the right person to go into a biblical marriage for the first one you're saved the second one is that you walk in the spirit that you walk in the spirit and if you remember a couple of weeks ago

[38:02] November 1st I preached a whole sermon on this subject and I noted that this wasn't a once in a while spirit event that happened when we're spirit filled all of a sudden that's not just energy and power for that action it's actually a day to day living by moment under the power of Jesus Christ spirit power to transfer and transform us into the likeness of Jesus it's maturity it is the filling of our hearts with Jesus at all times it's not giving way to fear jealousy envy anger sorrow so many things we can fill our hearts with rather than Jesus but what's interesting is we do this thing by walking in love I'm making a choice to walk in love for the other person rather than walking for myself it's the choice to walk in light and to not walk in darkness it is the choice to walk in wisdom and not walk in foolishness it is a choice to walk in the spirit and not in the flesh and

[39:16] I want you to understand this point in Joshua 1 8 this is actually our memory verse for a men's study but there's this great understanding that Joshua has here it says this book of the law shall not depart from your mouth but you shall meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have good success now notice what Joshua writes here what the author writes it says you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it and the point the author is saying just because you know the Bible doesn't mean you're doing the Bible do you understand you might know and understand all the theological twists and turns that are in scripture but if you're not doing it and the other thing it destroys is that if

[40:28] I do some sort of spiritual act God mystically just blesses my marriage and makes it all good what's inherent in this position in the teaching of scripture is that you still have to act you still have to make choices you still have to display wisdom the ultimate wisdom that God calls you to is to walk in the spirit and not in the flesh you don't know too many people I know hey listen I did my Bible verse for the day or I read my daily bread or I watched a Christian sermon that somehow that blessing carries through to the rest of the day that's not how it works we're getting God's wisdom and we're to meditate it meditate on it and think about it and then we're to make decisions on what we've just learned from

[41:29] Christ from God and that directs how I act we need to get away from this mystical view that because I read a verse I'm going to be okay today no you still have to make the wise decision not the foolish decision and that's why he says for then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have good success good marriages happen because good decisions and good actions happened the spirit guides our choices but we ultimately make the step where we walk you see marriages aren't good because we worship God marriages are good because we worship God and we make decisions based on what

[42:30] God tells us it is an active process so how I act and how I behave in my marriage and in my family matters there's no checkbox well I did this spiritual thing last week and that should help me here doesn't work that way guys so how you think how you worship affects how you act so the first thing we have to have working for us is salvation we need to be in the spirit to we need to walk by the spirit and the third is we need to understand we are to submit to one another take a look at Ephesians 5 verse 20 1 I'll just begin in verse 20 it says giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ submitting to one another out in reverence for

[43:32] Christ now some people are going to try to make the argument that since we are to submit to one another when we go down to verse 22 it says wives submit to your own husbands they they they they they they are going to try to argue that well actually wife kind of submits but the husband needs to submit to his wife and by virtue of that it takes away the roles but I want you to stay with me on this because we're going to have a better understanding of what it means to mutually submit do you guys understand that we Christians are completely weird in all of history we are weird in fact we are the first people to ever elevate the word humility and I've talked about this before to say you were humble before first century was an insult you weren't about humility the whole world was about thinking yourself better than the other you see in every aspect of life it's always a fight to the top for the

[44:45] Christian life it should be a fight for the bottom when Christianity came it turned the world upside down Jesus Christ himself said if anyone would be first he must be last and servant of all that's Mark 9 35 Luke 18 14 says for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled but the one who humbles himself will be exalted that word submission in marriage has become a demonized word I've seen books dedicated to try to unscramble God's truth to make it be what it isn't to be but the reality is submission is supposed to be who we all are to submit doesn't mean we're second class to submit doesn't mean there's a hierarchical order in the church the community of believers it is the principle that is to guide all our relationships we all submit to one another submitting to one another in the fear of

[46:08] God in fact in first Peter five five to six Peter writes close yourselves all of you with humility toward one another for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble who doesn't want more grace verse six it says humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you casting all your anxieties on him because he cares for you be sober minded be watchful and and Peter keeps going and this isn't by accident the next verse section of the verse he says your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour the greatest enemy that is going to fight our desire to submit is

[47:17] Satan from the very beginning of creation of the angels Satan wanted God's throne in the garden Adam and Eve simple tasks submit to God but they wanted to be like God and it sent our whole people in a disarray for millennium of years see Satan is always going to come after that word submission but yet that is the predominant teaching of scripture to submit in its form that it's used here means to get in order or line yourself up under it's like a military term or ranking doesn't mean better but functional and we all have different functions given to

[48:24] God now see what Philippians 2 3 4 says and this man is to be our example in both head of the household and submission that we're going to get into Jesus Christ Philippians 2 3 4 do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourself so as you submit as Christians and brothers and sisters to one another we are to count them more significant than us let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others have this mind among yourselves which is yours in Christ Jesus the abuses that I've seen in complementarian that I talked about earlier happened because people believed that those who submitted to them was to benefit them rather than the all and their gifts were meant to augment themselves rather than to serve the others so when we talk about what it means to be like

[49:48] Jesus check out verse 5 of Philippians 2 chapter 3 chapter 2 Philippians chapter 2 verse 5 have this mind among yourselves which is yours in Christ Jesus who though he was in the form of God did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped but emptied himself by taking the form of a servant being born in the likeness of men came to serve us he didn't come here to be served in every instance of abuse you will see someone thinks they should be served rather than them doing the serving that was wrong many men many churches who have taught this false teaching there will be a day of reckoning for them if this is the type of church you're teaching you see and you hate it that's right but the fix it to the problem is not to become more unlike

[51:04] Jesus it's to become more like Jesus and being found in human form he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death even death on a cross you see Jesus lined himself under us this is the core Christian character that drives this teaching this is the core teaching that guides all our relationships we are all supposed to submit to one another to count each other greater than themselves I don't want to go much further with this today but let me assure you this does not do away with our roles the functions that

[52:14] God gives different people in the family in the government and in our churches yes the Bible teaches mutual submission but some have taken it to mean that it does away with what Paul speaks about in Ephesians 5 as an example Hebrews 13 17 says obey your leaders and submit to them for they are keeping watch over your souls as those who will have to give an account let them do this with joy and not with groaning for that would be of no advantage to you so even in the church the leaders are submitting to you but they still lead as an elder and pastor my role is to submit to you by loving you counting yourself greater but it's still to use the gifts that God has given me to serve you the church likewise in our families parents have a clear

[53:19] God given duty to exercise authority and guidance and instruction to their children and children have a duty to honor and obey their parents this teaching goes back to Exodus 20 Proverbs 1 8 so as we get into these next verses understand that mutual submission does not do away with obedience or authority but as we come into this teaching what speaks loudly more than ever is our salvation our spirit filled walk and our ability and desire to submit and be humble unto God let's pray dear Lord heavenly father I don't know where every single person in this church is at

[54:20] I know some most people have not argumentative or don't have problems with some of this but I do know that some people have been dramatically hurt have been dramatically had painful experiences they've seen ungodly leadership ungodly leadership in their home in their churches so this idea of submission is scary it's something that grates against us we don't want it we don't want that pain but father as we continue to see what you're teaching here I pray that you'll give us eyes to see ears to understand that your word is good and that your instructions are good and as we delve deeper into these verses may they free us rather than chain us may we experience the freedom of what it is to walk in your clear teaching father

[55:31] I pray that you would break us away from the cultural moorings of this day that teach that every man's truth is his own truth father I've seen that destroy so many lives in the church god give us strength to prevail against the enemy satan is right there fighting this he wants us to have our own he wants us to have our rights even today as churches fight against the government the big statement that always begins with is we have a right to open the reality is we might have a right to open but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the right thing to do so father god i just ask that you would bless our marriages bless this church and give us a greater understanding for one another so that we may serve one another in accordance with your will god you are great and you are gracious and we know you are right to your promises we ask these things in most holy and precious name amen