SUNDAY CLASS: Parenting 2 – Ages 0-5

[0:00] We didn't have any time, or didn't save any time, so hopefully provide some of that for you. All right, so you should have an outline in the back, so you can grab it on your way in.

[0:11] I think, and let me just pray for our time. Father in heaven, thank you for your mercy towards us in Christ. Thank you for the opportunity to gather on Sunday morning to worship you, to give you the praise you deserve.

[0:29] Lord, we thank you for the privilege of being parents. Thank you for blessing us with children. We pray that you would guide us and give us wisdom and help.

[0:43] Lord, we want to embrace this calling and do it well. We want to serve you in an honorable way as parents and aware that you have entrusted these children to us as temporary guardians to build them into Christ and to claim them as brothers and sisters, Lord willing.

[1:08] One day we ask for help and wisdom and grace. We pray that you would come and build our faith in these things we pray in Jesus' name.

[1:19] Amen. Amen. The way I am double-minded, maybe I will stand just because I don't think I enjoy sitting there too much. I need this type of context.

[1:29] Well, I don't know about you. When Kim and I set out to have a child, I didn't know that we set out to be parents. That sounds kind of obvious, but, you know, there was a little season where I felt like we were going to be the cool couple with a kid.

[1:47] You know, it's kind of like walking the dog. You attract all the neighbors to see, oh, wow, you've got this cute little kid or whatever. And there was a bit of a dawning sensation that we were those people.

[1:59] We were parents now. And so our view of our child and our view of our calling really became clear. We were desperate in a way that we weren't before.

[2:12] You know, I think in those early days when you're kind of keeping this blob alive, you know, it's the desperation is more physical. But when you realize what you've been entrusted with and the calling before God to to train, raise up this child in the discipline, instruction of the Lord, the desperation is more spiritual than it is physical.

[2:38] And that's the way it was for us. So in many ways, that's what I hope settles on you. Meet the parents is what I've decided or titled this outline today.

[2:52] Meet the parents. You are the parents. What does it mean to be a parent? What does it look like to devote yourself to the task of parenting? I'm going to steal an outline from my friend who sums up parenting in three words, three A words, affection, attention and authority.

[3:11] Affection, attention and authority. I think that's so helpful. I think it helpfully captures and unpacks the joys and challenging of parenting in the little years.

[3:22] And so our goal is kind of to unpack those, under those heading to unpack what it means to be a parent. So firstly comes affection. I think affection does come naturally.

[3:34] There's nothing like holding your child for the first time. There's a natural, overwhelming affection that fills your heart. And so I think women know this in a more instinctual way.

[3:45] They say that a woman loves her child. A man chooses to love her child. I think that's why you see more fatherless homes than motherless homes because there's this instinct.

[3:55] But nevertheless, if you understand the one flesh union, then there's a natural affection that overflows. And yet we want to define our affection biblically. Affection is commanded by God.

[4:08] Your child belongs to God. Your child has been created by God. And in his image, God has created your child for himself. They're called to use their entire lives to love and serve him with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.

[4:24] And so they belong to him. And, you know, Jesus, Jesus, unpacked this provocatively when he was, you know, right before he went to the cross, a number of tests came up and the rodians came up to him and said, you know, will you pay taxes to Caesar?

[4:47] And, you know, he said, well, you know, pull up this coin. He says, whose inscription or whose name and image and inscription is on this coin? He says, Caesar's. He said, render to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God.

[5:01] He's making a very provocative point there. He's, you know, we don't have to break down the political implications of that. What he's saying is you can render money to Caesar, but you render yourselves to God.

[5:13] Because even as money has the inscription of Caesar, the image of Caesar on it, you have the image of God on you. That's what the Lord was saying. He was not saying give 10% to the Lord and, you know, you do with the 90% what you want to do and bear with the taxes there.

[5:32] He said, actually, 100% belongs to the Lord. Your life belongs to the Lord. And so that's what rests on our kids. They belong to the Lord. And yet they're a gift from God to us. Children are a heritage from the Lord.

[5:44] Psalm 127, the fruit of the womb, a reward. They're a heritage. They're an inheritance. They're a gift. You don't work for an inheritance. You receive an inheritance for free if it's a true inheritance.

[5:59] So regardless of whether conceiving and having children was easy or very hard, the fruit of the womb is a gift from God. So therefore, your child belongs to God and also belongs to you.

[6:12] And for missional reasons, for God's purposes, you know. And so they're evidence of God's blessing. So the psalmist says, bless the man who fills his quiver with them.

[6:25] So when you think about your children, before you think about anything else, the Lord wants you to think about them as gifts from God. Not responsibilities primarily as gifts. Not burdens primarily, but blessings.

[6:39] It's a privilege. And so the implication is, love your children with deep affection like the priceless gifts that they are. You know, I do think God sets the example for us.

[6:52] God sets the example by showering love and affection upon us. And we see that. I think I put in your outline the verses from Jesus' baptism where you see this window into how the Father loved his Son.

[7:08] Jesus was baptized. He went into the water and the heavens were open. The Spirit of God came down, making the presence of the Father known to him and resting upon him. And then a voice cried out.

[7:19] It was the Lord, the Father. This is my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased. And Jesus' baptism is a window into God's relationship with his Son.

[7:32] In so many ways, I think it's a wonderful picture of the affection we're meant to imitate. You know, fathers are especially important.

[7:43] Affection is not a feminine virtue. Affection is not just for mom. Affection is for dads. I would say, who sets the pace of love and affection in the home?

[7:57] Whose expressions of love and delight are the loudest? You know, affections comes naturally at first, but it must continue to be cultivated purposefully and deliberately.

[8:11] Yeah, Colossians 3.21 says, Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Among other things, this command warns fathers that it's easy for children to lose an awareness of the love and affection of their father.

[8:26] Far too many children and young men and men confess that they're unsure of whether their father or their mother loves them. You know, there's a massive kind of cottage industry on this idea of a father wound.

[8:43] You know, I don't want to get off the reservation because there are some concerns I would have about all that. But it does speak to this awareness that fathers have either not been there physically or functionally not been there.

[8:57] They've had so many other things. And so their affection is what is lost. And so it needs to be maintained by us, you know.

[9:10] I think there's so many things. A few tips I put down there are tell your child you love them and are proud of them. Martin Luther, who has this quote for you, Spare the rod and spoil the child.

[9:22] That is true. But besides the rod, keep an apple to give him when he's done well. Kind of a classic Luther type statement. But winsome with wisdom.

[9:33] You know, let the culture of the home be one in which your children grow up and become rooted in your affection. And so I think it is so vital for men to set the pace in this.

[9:46] But nevertheless, moms, you know, I think to set the pace as well, you know, and to be marked by right affection. You know, I think men can be obscured by the demands that they would want to have for their child.

[9:58] And so the affection is lost. Whereas women can overemphasize the affection such that they lose the demands on a child.

[10:10] And so we'll get into that in a minute. So tell them you love them and are proud of them. You know, establish dinner, bath time, nighttime routines that leave them more aware of your affection than your frustration.

[10:21] You know, when kids are young and you're in these like little years, the crisis moments of the day are dinner, bath time, and nighttime.

[10:32] And, you know, I mean, it's the moments where the most sins are being revealed in your heart and their hearts. And, you know, I think in many ways that's not surprising.

[10:46] You know, they're the most intimate moments, the most relational moments in the home. You know, if you're able to share those moments every day. And so, you know, I would just, you go into them aware of some of the temptations that are going to come.

[11:04] And kind of prepare your own heart. But also prepare for how you can lead to those moments, leaving your child more aware of affection and not frustration.

[11:15] Be alert for times when you treat them like problems to be solved, distractions to be minimized, obstacles to be overcome. You know, there's a lot of training going on when you stick a tablet in a kid's face.

[11:31] And obviously, everyone in our culture is talking about what happens when you kind of train them to be cultivated by the lights on that tablet.

[11:41] But there's also like a shut up tablet that's going on, too, where you're essentially silencing your kid to do that. And so I just would be very careful with those types of things because essentially you're talking about them in a distraction to be minimized.

[11:57] To be minimized. And, you know, one of the things I would encourage you to do and one of the things we try to work hard at is and still do is not wanting our kids to engage people.

[12:08] And not kind of making excuses and making it easy for them to be children. Like when we have couples over, families over for hospitality.

[12:21] I mean, we try to set our kids up. We try to tell them, you need to be prepared to ask two questions of our guests. So the other week we had Howard and Dawn over and our kids knew that they had asked some questions.

[12:33] And I wasn't going to just call on them. I wanted them to ask a question and led to a really important moment. And so, you know, it's important for us as parents to not just kind of, you know, setting like that hospitality like that to pretty much ignore them.

[12:49] Because what does that communicate? It communicates, you know, your distraction or you're unhelpful or something like that.

[13:00] But also it limits the ability to train them. And so in that context, it's a real gift. So if you've walked around our culture lately, no one can talk to an adult.

[13:12] They can't look at you in the eye. And so it's a training moment to help them. And so, you know, to view those times is really vital.

[13:23] And so I also think, you know, and I'm not great about this, but just kind of hurry up, you know, or let's put on our shoes real quick. You know, it's like everything's fast.

[13:34] And, you know, just being aware of that. Like what is that training them, you know, to think and do? And what is that teaching them? And so, you know, it kind of teaches them like that their problem be solved most often.

[13:52] And so we're kind of constantly saying things like that. Just kind of watching out for that so that you do leave them more aware of affection. I think this especially plays in that 6 to 11 and older kids where it's just can be so easy to be obscured by so many other things like athletics or school, education.

[14:12] All these are wonderful things. And yet they are things that we can get more excited about those things than excited about who our child is and the gift of our child such that our child can think.

[14:26] We only love them when they score a goal. You know, we only love them when they make an A or something like that. And, you know, and it can really tempt them in the way they relate to the Lord.

[14:40] All right. So first is affection. Secondly, attention. Attention flows naturally from affection. That which we love, we give attention to. You know, we invest in. I remember when we first got married, we, you know, we had a little piggy bank.

[14:56] Actually, I drove my son by this. This house in the hood. This little like carriage house that we lived in our first house. And we kind of put our pennies together. And then Kim's dad came to town.

[15:07] And he made a donation to our gas grill fund. And so we got this Weber grill and we were super excited about it.

[15:17] And I remember a couple, like at night or two in, we were living in the hood. So there was reason to be a little bit worried. And I remember like feeling like I heard something outside. And I immediately, you know, my affections for this grill were so inordinate that I started hearing something going outside.

[15:35] I thought, oh my goodness, my grill's being stolen right now. What am I going to do? It's not locked down, you know. And I go out there in my sleeping clothes. I'll just leave that for you. Got in the middle of the night and like ready to fight.

[15:47] And, you know, just some wind blowing through the trees or something like that. But I just noticed, you know, it's a good example of my affection for this thing. And my attention came with it, you know.

[15:58] Where our treasure is, there our heart will be also. And so if we love money, our attention will go to bank accounts, saving, investments. How many people just read the news every day and their happy meter rests on whatever their attention is focused on?

[16:16] You know, and so the same thing happens with our kids. We love our kids. We want to give attention to this task. You know, point, sub-point there. You are a parent not merely because you have children, but because it is one of your primary callings.

[16:31] And so I had some of this last week. But in the opening pages of the Bible, the Lord gives men and women a mandate. Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. And, you know, that doesn't mean necessarily for everybody you should have as many kids as possible.

[16:46] I do think that can be a decision you make in faith. You know, obviously you should be very careful when you make a decision like that. But integral to our calling, therefore, as men and women, as two opposites that fit together, is making babies and training them.

[17:03] And so parenting, therefore, is not merely serving our children, but a primary calling from God. You cannot change the whole world, but you can change the little parts of the world by working where He has called you.

[17:15] And that's what God's called us to do as parents. To work where He's called us. And He's called us to work in the home. So these years are, if we could put it crassly, they're a ball and chain.

[17:27] They're meant to be. They're meant to chain you to the home, so to speak. You know, if you're just kind of wandering out from the house and missing that calling, you're missing it.

[17:40] God has placed you there. I don't know if you felt this way. We first had kids. It just felt like we were grieving the loss of freedom. We loved to be able to go out when we wanted to go out.

[17:54] Or go, you know, hike all day when we wanted to go hike. You know, some parents, they loved the nap stage. I hated the nap stage. Because I was constrained to the house during the nap stage.

[18:07] And you think it's a wonderful paradise. It's not! It's purgatory! You know, that's what I felt like. I want to go. I want to, you know. And they get older wonderfully. And they, you know, they have engines that can go all day.

[18:19] And you can have fun. Things like that. And then they get to where they're more energetic than you are. And then it's over, you know. But, you know, it's like, well, that's the whole point. Don't buck against the crupper, so to speak.

[18:34] You know, don't push back. Don't kick against the go. This is what God's called us to do in this season. To embrace this. To embrace the requirements.

[18:47] You have an assignment from God to be a parent. That means all of what you do as a dad and mom matters to God. It's important. It's important work. You don't need to get a job.

[18:58] Start a Bible study. Cultivate a side hustle. Or join the worship team to do important spiritual work. Your work as a dad and mom is important spiritual work. And so you want, it's a calling.

[19:10] The old guys would say, what's a calling? Well, a calling is something to be understood as an assignment from God. You know? And so anything can be repurposed. That's why Luther would say, in the home.

[19:24] Luther, I think, in many ways, dignified work in the home. So he would say, you know, God smiles when he sees a mother change a diaper.

[19:35] God laughs when he sees a father change a diaper. You know, he loves it. You know, G.K. Chesterton said, The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man with his ordinary wife and his ordinary children.

[19:50] What are they getting at? The most fundamental calling given to man and woman is the calling to be a parent. To train them up.

[20:00] And so it becomes a calling when you say, Lord, this is an assignment from you. I shepherd them. And in many ways, I'll stop shepherding them in the same way when they become married.

[20:14] As a calling, parenting should shape everything you do and how you do everything. Deuteronomy 4, I'll leave that with you. But, you know, that's a very famous passage talking about parenting.

[20:25] Teach them diligently. There's conferences, books named after this. This idea is that parenting should shape everything you do while you walk by the way or sit in your house or lie down.

[20:35] Just like I was talking about last week. You know, being around you should be wisdom glass. You know, you're always teaching and shaping everything you do and how you do everything.

[20:47] So everything you do becomes a teaching moment. And there should be plenty of moments where your child is kind of, well, as they get older, begins to roll their eyes because you start preaching, so to speak.

[21:00] And so, but underneath all this is this idea that parenting demands your attention. Give your child the attention expected of a calling from God. Give your child the attention expected from a calling from God.

[21:14] A few tips there. Or cultivate the conviction that parenting is a calling you have from God. I do believe in conviction. Cultivate that conviction, you know, such that it becomes operative.

[21:26] So what happens? You come home and you're tired from the day. And there's, if you don't have a conviction that you are beginning. So if you work outside the home, you're coming home.

[21:38] If you don't have a conviction that this is an assignment, a calling from God, then other things are going to usurp it. Usurp it. You'll begin to believe that you're entitled to a stress-free, kick-your-feet-up night.

[21:51] You know, or something like that. That you're entitled to this evening or this rest or a warm meal even. And all these things can become to usurp the calling from God.

[22:03] The assignment. So you have a conviction that will crowd out your devotion to other things. Or it should, you know, I think. Should crowd out devotion to too much work.

[22:18] Or devotion to too much leisure. Too much sports. Spend unhurried time with them. You know, don't just train them. Play with them. And interact with them.

[22:29] If they like Legos, you like Legos. They like soccer. You like soccer. You know, I think get into their interests. It's a real gift. So start doing that, you know.

[22:39] And to get accustomed to that. Take time to eat together. I do think time like this, you know, is around the table. It's so important.

[22:49] You know, every family is going to have non-negotiables. I would encourage you. Make regular dinners together as a family. One of them. If at all possible, eat together.

[23:00] And share that most common meal. You know, take them with you. I do think take them into your world. You know, they may not like errands with you, but teach them to cherish time with mom and dad.

[23:13] Make it a regular practice. So you're giving your attention, you know, to this. You know, you read through the book of Proverbs and you see this attention that threads through it.

[23:24] You know, this father is giving his heart to his child. And because of the affection flows from it, this attention that defines his life and shapes his life. Thirdly, authority.

[23:38] Authority at first does not seem to flow from affection and attention. But if we're seeking to uphold the word of God, if we truly love our children with deep affection, and if we are truly attentive to our calling as parents, we will carefully teach our children about authority.

[23:55] Okay? So children are created in the image of God and called to respect the authorities God has established. We talked about this last week. This idea of authority.

[24:05] This idea of your child being brought into a world in which he or she is not the center. The center is God. And God establishes authority all around.

[24:18] You know, authority is a four-letter word in our culture. And freedom is the greatest virtue of being an American. It's just not the greatest virtue of being a Christian, biblically. And so we have to think through it carefully.

[24:30] Authority is an important aspect. Christians cannot be anarchic, in my opinion. And so you're teaching your child how to respect and submit to authority.

[24:42] They need to see it in you first and foremost. You know, I remember a couple months ago, or a couple years ago, we were driving home from Lowe's. And always looking for a deal.

[24:54] I was buying some Sackrete, or Quickrete, some concrete mix. And so I bought a bag that was split open. I threw a piece of tape on, you know, that they gave me to me for like 10 cents or something.

[25:09] And so, and we had it in the back of our family van. And so I didn't want it to spill. And so I was driving really slow home from Lowe's. And I got pulled over.

[25:20] And the whole family was in the car. And they're like, are you okay, sir? I think they thought I was drunk. Because of how slow I was driving and how carefully I was taking the turns.

[25:31] I was like, yes, I'm okay. Why are you driving like that? Well, I have a sack of concrete that's open in the back. And I don't want it to spill. And so I started laughing, you know.

[25:42] And we just moved on from the day. But, you know, it's a great example of the authority. And trying to respect those authority structures. And the way we relate to our authority outside the home.

[25:56] And teaching our kids how to respect authority inside the home. So parents are the first authority children are called to honor and respect. Your home is a miniature world.

[26:07] Your child is to learn about authority and how to relate to authority in the world by learning it in your home. So Ephesians 6. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.

[26:18] Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise. It's not the first commandment, but it's the first one. With a promise that it may go well with you. That your child may live long in the land.

[26:30] So this idea that your child belongs to God. God put you in a position of authority in your home. I think it's striking to see that the child is the recipient of the command.

[26:41] You know, the first in ordering authority is he addresses those under authority. And says, your child is commanded by God to obey you.

[26:58] And to give heed to your command. Your child belongs to God, but God has delegated authority to you. No one else has been given this authority as parents.

[27:09] We have been called to train our child in this instruction of the Lord. And have not been permitted to give that authority to anyone else. And so some parents abuse this authority.

[27:23] So you'll hear of parents that, or you'll know parents that abuse this, I think. Strike their child in ways that are ungodly. But I would argue the vast majority of parents do not grasp this authority accurately.

[27:38] The vast majority of parents, I think, shirk and slink and squirm away from God-given authority. And so there's this idea that you're meant to be an authority that has affection and attention, but also authority in your child's life.

[27:56] And so it's just crucial. God has placed your child in your home so that you might teach him or her how to relate to authority. So implication, train your child, your children, to honor, respect, and obey you and your spouse.

[28:13] Obedience, Ted Tripp says, is the willing submission of one person to the authority of another. And so, children, obey your parents in the Lord. So what he's saying is, in the Lord.

[28:25] So he's saying, you know, that's not saying like obey your parents because they're in the Lord, because they trust the Lord. That's not what, that's not the point of that verse. It's saying obey your parents in the Lord.

[28:36] Obey your parents as if you're obeying the Lord. And that's why we can say, or that's one of the reasons we can say, that obedience should be without delay, without discussion, and without disgust.

[28:46] I think it's important here, you know, obviously without delay speaks to their volition, speaks to their action, you know. Without discussion speaks to, you know, their verbal response.

[29:02] But without disgust speaks to their affectional thing, their emotional, you know. You're training them to render true obedience. And so as we talked about last week, we've commanded to serve the Lord with gladness.

[29:15] And so too, we're called to call our kids to rightful obedience. And so, you know, I think that's exactly the way the Bible talks about it.

[29:26] When it talks in the very next verse about slaves, it tells them to obey in that way. And so without delay, without discussion, without disgust. Now, obviously, children can ask questions.

[29:37] But obedience is one in which we're not expressing our opinion. You know, we're asking them to do something. And they can ask for clarification and all those types of things.

[29:48] And we should be patient with that. But we're not going to permit a disruptive discussion type mindset that's pushing back.

[29:59] And so the little years are defined by massive change. And so you know that, like if you've had a little baby, you know, then first, whatever. 18 months to three years old is the fastest growing season in their life outside of puberty some years later.

[30:15] And so the infant is just growing like crazy. Goes from cooing to asking questions. Why, why, why? They begin to understand. They begin to develop and interact to know God.

[30:27] And the primary lessons they need to learn in this little year is all about authority. Ted Tripp says it like this. The most important lesson for the child to learn in this period is that he is an individual under authority.

[30:41] He's been made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things. And so biblical authority and thus obedience should be a primary focus in the early years, the little years.

[30:53] So we have this little diagram that I stole from Randy Stinson, but I think it's very helpful. The cultural pattern is, and you see this all over the place, the cultural pattern is to give great freedom in the little years and to freak out and to restrain freedom in the older years.

[31:15] That is what our culture says, you know. And so these kids, even what we said beginning in the 19th century, that letter to Karl Barth, you know, these little tyrants. So what's, what's he talking about?

[31:27] Well, he's talking about this great freedom that begins to, this little kid becomes a little tyrant that can demand, I don't like green beans. I'm not having green beans or whatever it is.

[31:37] I don't like that shirt or I don't like these socks or whatever. And so that freedom doesn't serve them, in my opinion. And so, and as they get older, then the fruit of training a child in that way, you get parents that dread the teenage years.

[31:56] They don't have a relationship with their kid. That little tyrant has run everything for so long. And so the biblical pattern is much different, I think. The biblical pattern is children are, so biblically, children are not reliable, wise, faithful, stable.

[32:19] You know, I mean, you think about Ephesians 4, we just talked about this. Do not, do not be like children tossed to and fro by the waves, carried about by every wind of doctrine. So they're not to be trusted. And if we could put it that bluntly, you know, sometimes I tell my kid I don't negotiate with tyrants, you know.

[32:38] I mean, I don't negotiate with terrorists, you know. And so just joking. But there's this idea that biblically they're not what we tend to think. Biblically, we tend to think that they're innocent.

[32:51] That, well, if my child really feels like they should do this, then who am I to stand in the way? Well, that's not the way we're to view it biblically. And so I think the greater, you know, the idea is that you restrict freedom in these early years for the purposes of training.

[33:10] You know, it's not like just digging a hole and asking your kid to refill it or something like that. It's for the purposes of training them. And then you get into the greater years of greater responsibility in your testimony.

[33:25] And so, fourthly, and, you know, this doesn't fit in our A's, but the idea is the use of physical discipline. So it does say, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[33:41] And so those words reference to, you know, one is paideia, this idea of train them into a Christ-centered worldview in everything.

[33:52] But the other word has to do with physical discipline and punishment in a helpful way. And so I think biblically it's very clear that the use of physical discipline is not only encouraged but commanded.

[34:13] And so we see this in this idea of training a child through physical discipline. And so the purpose is this idea of blessing.

[34:25] So honor and obey leads to blessing. And so you want your child to experience the blessing. The same thing happens to us. We honor and obey what God commands us to honor and obey.

[34:36] And there's blessing to it. And so, you know, Ted Tripp says, Don't wait for this training until your children are teenagers. Deal with this in the first several years.

[34:47] Respectful teenagers are developed when they are 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5, not 13, 14, 15, and 16. That is so crucial, so vital.

[34:58] That's when it's developed. So the rescue back to blessing. So this idea of honor and blessing is spanking. So Ted Tripp says, Spanking is a parent in faith toward God and faithfulness toward his or her children and taking the responsibility of careful, timely, measured, and controlled use of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying God, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death.

[35:29] So you capture right there so many different things. Parenting, and I'm not going to go through all the wisdom of Proverbs, but you have it there. For you, spanking is a parental exercise.

[35:41] It's something a father and mother are supposed to do because of this fleshly connection with the child. It's an act of faith.

[35:51] So I think this is important, you know. If you like spanking your child, then I want to pray for you. You should not like spanking your child.

[36:02] It's an act of faith. You know, it's an act of obedience to God's word. How can you help this kid, you know? They need to be born again.

[36:13] But God's given you a tool right now in obedience to his word. It's a responsibility. It's something we're commanded to do. It is a physical punishment.

[36:24] Amen. That's why I would argue that I think time out and some of those things are not as helpful. And so spanking, the goal is restorative, not punitive.

[36:35] So what I mean by that is the goal is not to punish your kid, not to get back at them, to get even or anything like that. You know, they ruin your dinner. And so you just whack them.

[36:46] That's not the goal. That's ungodly. The goal is to rescue your child. To say, this is not the path. There's another path that's so much better.

[36:59] And so spanking ought to be preceded, therefore, with clear, understood, reasonable instructions. You know, your child should know what they're being spanked for.

[37:12] And so that eliminates kind of the immediate, impulsive, rash smacking or something like that. It eliminates that because it should be preceded by careful instruction.

[37:25] The idea is if you want them to benefit from this, then it's anything but controlled and measured and careful. In the same way, God's anger, God has anger, as we talked about last week, but it's never out of control.

[37:41] And so ours is never permitted to be out of control either. And so what should we spank for? Disobedience in the early years and later disrespect.

[37:52] Disrespect is a little bit more of a hard attitude. Obviously, it can elicit clear things verbally, but I think disobedience, disrespect, shorten your list. You're not focused on foolishness or childishness.

[38:04] Or you're not focused on childishness, you're focused on foolishness. So you're focused on disobedience. Disrespect, these things. And so how should we spank them? I would argue you should take them into a private room.

[38:18] This is a personal moment between you and your child. Explain to them, did you obey when dad said blank? Yes. Are you sure you disobeyed when dad said blank?

[38:32] No. Did you? You know, whatever. And then you're trying to, well, what does God's word says? Children, obey your parents and the Lord. This is right. You know, tell them how many times you're going to spank them.

[38:43] I'm going to spank you so many times. And spank them, pray for them, and encourage them to ask forgiveness. I think this, you know, this shouldn't be prolonged. And it's just a part of what you're called to do as a parent.

[38:58] And to rescue them. And then move on. That's the wonderful thing about spanking is this idea, you know, because of how poorly we pursue reconciliation relationally.

[39:12] We often think that, you know, you sin against someone, they'd throw you in the doghouse. You should be in the doghouse. And obviously sometimes relationships are more serious, and the breach of trust is more serious, and so there are some consequences and all that stuff.

[39:26] I'm not trying to erase that. But the idea is with our child, we want to communicate, once we spank, it's over. Like it's the devil that brings back up sin. And so we want to eliminate it.

[39:38] So a couple tips I put down here. And, man, we're going to run out of time, but I live here so we can talk. A couple tips. Start young. You begin teaching your child who's really in charge the second you come home for the hospital.

[39:54] So you run over there every time he drops his pass, so you're teaching him who's in charge. And so you want to be alert to it. All of it's training, you know.

[40:05] You don't want to just suddenly go along, and then they turn five, and it's like, man, Adolf Hitler replaced Dad, you know, or something like that. You want, you're alert to them, you know.

[40:16] Like I think it can be very important at a young age you're teaching them. You know, one of the things we're committed to do is that our child's sleep schedule was not going to run our life. So I don't know how many times we took our child and over to a friend's house, we set him in that, you know, the car seat that you set into the car on top of a bed and let them cry until they fell asleep in there, you know.

[40:41] It wasn't cruel and unusual punishment. It was our goal to want them to be movable, you know, so you can get into this. It can be a dead end. You get into Babywise, and you get into all these parents that, you know, there is, parenting is meant to limit your freedom, but not in a way that centers on the kid.

[41:01] And so there are different ways in which you're trying to do that, you know. You know, even rhythms at night, you know, if you rock them to sleep for 20 minutes, you know, then, you know, there's an expectation, and there comes a demand in a child's heart really quickly that has to be done this way, you know.

[41:21] And so you want to be alert to that. Start them young. They're not in the center. Be consistent with clear directives and regular reinforcement. I cannot emphasize this too much.

[41:33] Consistency is huge. You know, we so often think of parenting, you know, you know, and we do this in the Christian life, you know, you go through a week of not reading your Bible or something like that, and you go, I'm going to read seven chapters tomorrow.

[41:49] You know, well, no, you're not. You know, so let's, don't do that. I'm not going to get up, you know, sometimes it does call for a measure of dramatic action to get attention to your soul, but most often, what you want to cultivate is consistency.

[42:04] Consistency. Okay, this happens, this is the way we address that, boom, we move on. Like, your goal is consistency. Limit choices.

[42:16] You know, again, this is not just to be mean, but this idea of limiting choices helps to see if your child's going to obey their, your authority or obey their own impulses.

[42:28] And so, your choices are a real gift, you know, are you going to respond to this for dinner or this outfit for school or this time, bedtime or whatever, you're going to obey authority and, and follow us or are you going to buck the system?

[42:47] So, choices are not an inherent right. Choices are privilege. And so, you know, I think that can be important. Limit rules.

[42:58] You know, the idea is your task as a father, I think I have this down here, is not to get your children, your kids to conform to the standard, the standard, but rather to love the standard. I think that's so important.

[43:10] And so, you know, your child will not, never learn to love the standard if there are too many rules. So, God has commanded, God has commanded in the scriptures and then there are rules that we have, you know, there's house rules.

[43:26] Everybody's going to have a house rule whether you can jump on the couch or right on the wall or whatever, you know, hopefully you can't write on the wall but you're going to have house rules, you know, and so, the important thing is you need to have your house rules and don't change them, just kind of have them.

[43:44] You don't want, you don't want your, you don't want your, your, your, your commands or your requirements to be a moving, amorphous thing because it's confusing to your child.

[44:00] All right, so, I'll move through these quickly. Prepare your child ahead of time for the most tempting parts of the day. We've already talked about that, tempting situations like, you know, bath time, bedtime, dinner time, but also things like eating out, birthday parties, all those things, working through, preparing ahead of time for those moments, tempting moments of the day, tempting moments of life and when you get angry, repent.

[44:30] So, yeah, I know there's a lot and, like I said, I'll be here, but, just kind of, hopefully gets at a vision for how to live through these early years and do it well.

[44:45] So, thank you so much. Thank you. Yep. All right. All right.