The Spirit-Filled Husband

[0:00] The following message is given by Walt Alexander, lead pastor of Trinity Grace Church in Athens, Tennessee.! For more information about Trinity Grace, please visit us at TrinityGraceAthens.com.

[0:12] Ephesians 5 verse 25 says, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

[0:50] In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own body. He who loves his wife loves himself.

[1:02] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. Because we are members of his body.

[1:15] This is the word of the Lord. Amen. The award-winning movie, Saving Private Ryan, ends in an incredibly memorable way.

[1:27] The film is set in the European theater of the Second World War. It centers on Private Ryan, a soldier who, unbeknownst to him, had lost all three of his brothers in the war.

[1:40] So the U.S. War Department sends a company of soldiers to find Private Ryan and bring him home to his mother. The film is actually based on a true story.

[1:51] It draws from the actual story of a soldier who lost his brothers in the U.S. War Department's commitment to try to not have a mom lose all her sons.

[2:04] But Officer John Miller, in the movie Tom Hanks, is charged with the mission of saving Private Ryan. It's a gripping story. The beginning begins on the beaches of Normandy, where tons of men are mowed down.

[2:20] It continues as they dodge bombs overhead in France and ends on the front lines in Germany. Several soldiers of the company die on this mission. This mission that seems pointless and stupid almost in the midst of this massively significant war.

[2:37] But Officer Miller and his men finally find Private Ryan, but they're in the midst of a battle. During the final battle, at the end of the movie, spoiler, but it's been out for 20 plus years, I think.

[2:53] Miller saves Private Ryan from incoming gunfire. But he's mortally wounded. As he lies there dying, gasping for his last breath, he whispers to Private Ryan two words.

[3:10] Earn it. Earn it. Miller wants Private Ryan to realize the great cost this mission has required.

[3:21] The cost of men's life. Miller wants Private Ryan to realize the great opportunity he has before him to be given. To go home and to live his life.

[3:33] There is a sense in which, in these verses, the Lord is saying to husbands, Earn it. Earn it.

[3:44] No, these verses are not commanding husbands to make themselves worthy of the grace they have received or the wife they have received. A lifetime would not be enough to make ourselves worthy of such unspeakably precious gifts.

[3:58] But these verses are calling husbands to the sober responsibility they have as husbands. This responsibility, though a tremendous honor and privilege, is to be the most exacting responsibility of your life.

[4:16] It is to this responsibility that we turn this morning. Last week, we considered the role and responsibility of a wife in marriage.

[4:27] And this morning, we consider the role and responsibility of husbands. And the parallel is striking. Jim Hamilton says in his commentary, If the wife's duty is to submit, or the wife's duty to submit is all-encompassing, the husband's role is all-consuming.

[4:43] A wife's submission to her husband demands the sacrifice of her freedom. A husband's love for his wife demands his life.

[4:54] Last week, we called, or the Word of God, called wives to submit, to look to their husbands like the church looks to Christ, to be eager to support, respect, and follow them.

[5:04] This week, we're calling husbands to die. Because that's what the Scripture does. To relate to their wives like Christ did the church, eager not just to give away their freedoms, but to give away their life.

[5:19] You know, I have all the men in the church on my heart this morning. I have young men on my heart, 12, 13, 14, 15 on my heart. I have single men on my heart this morning.

[5:29] I have middle-aged men on my heart. Those in the throes of parenting, not quite hitting the finish line that those graddads hit this morning. I have older men on my heart. I want us to be a company of dead men here.

[5:44] I want this church to be built on the backs of dead men. Let the culture find men however they want to find them outside these walls. But let them find them dead here.

[5:57] Men who are no longer seeking to be served. Men who are no longer angling for applause and accolades. Men who are no longer acting like boys, playing the game of accumulating toys.

[6:10] Men strong in the Lord and the strength of His might, zealous to please Him all the days of their life. Men who are focused on the interests of others. Men who get low.

[6:22] This church is filled with men like this. A couple weeks ago, a month ago, I was stopped by a pastor in town. And he just said, You have wonderful men in your church.

[6:36] If I had a dollar for every time someone said that over the past seven years, I'd be a rich man. But I already am a rich man with you. But I want more men like you.

[6:50] That's how the Lord changes the world through men and women who get this. So in a word, where we're going is let every husband take up loving, sacrificial responsibility to build up, protect his wife for the glory of Christ.

[7:03] That's a mouthful, but it's meant to be a banner. Let every husband take up loving, sacrificial responsibility to build up and protect his wife for the glory of Christ.

[7:15] That's where we're going. We're going to break it out in three headings. The first is the command. The command. The first point focuses on the command given to husbands, in which the husbands are commanded to take up loving, sacrificial responsibility.

[7:28] You see that right there in the text. Husbands, love your wives. Just like last week when he addressed the wives, he addressed them by name, by role. Husbands, this command is for the husbands.

[7:41] God is calling for their willing and voluntary obedience. It is addressed to the husband. The husband does not need another mother or another nagger. The husband needs the command of God.

[7:53] And that's what the Lord supplies here. And so it's a command addressed to husbands. It is addressed to you. If you're a husband this morning, this is a command of God. You want to know the will of God for your life.

[8:04] Right here is where it is for you. And he says the command is to take up loving and sacrificial responsibility. Last week we learned that the husband is the head of the wife.

[8:15] But what is the head supposed to look like? This morning we're going to find out what the head is supposed to look like. He says husbands love your wives.

[8:26] Husbands, husbands love your wives. Now Ephesians has repeatedly called us to love. Bear with one another in love. Speak the truth in love.

[8:37] Walk in love. Ephesians 5, 2. But now six times in these eight verses. Husbands, you must love your wife. You must love her.

[8:49] Remember, the trademark, the calling card, the telltale sign of your leadership is to be love. Just like it was of our saviors.

[9:03] It's hard to exaggerate the surprise of finding this command in this text in the first century. Now unlike our culture that's shocked when the scripture asks a wife to submit, the first century context would not be shocked at all.

[9:18] Most of the world would not be shocked by that command. But it would be shocked by the command of a husband and his leadership to be defined by love.

[9:30] But Jesus Christ leaves no stone unturned. Everything he touches is transformed. And so too the role of leadership. We've already known this. Jesus overturns leadership.

[9:41] You know when the disciples are walking up to Jericho, they're arguing about who is the greatest. Kind of like men do now. Who's greater? LeBron or Michael Jordan? It's not even a question. It's MJ all the way.

[9:51] But you know, just arguing about silly things like who is greatest. And Jesus says in a provocative, a provocative, world rearranging statement.

[10:03] He says, you know how the rulers of the Gentiles lorded over people. How they exercise their authority. How they think leadership is all about pointing and directing and calling people to submit.

[10:14] He says, whoever would be great must be your servant. Whoever would be first must be slave of all. Jesus Christ, even the son of man, did not come to be served, but to serve to give his life as a ransom for many.

[10:27] So he's saying leadership is not about giving orders or giving assignments. It's not about the office you have or the number of direct reports you have. Leadership in the kingdom of God is an inverted pyramid.

[10:38] Not a pyramid you climb up so that more people submit to you, but a pyramid in which you descend down so that you, in effect, submit to more people. That's what Jesus is all about.

[10:49] And it must begin in the home. It must begin in the home. Great men have succeeded outside the home, but failed where it mattered most.

[11:10] And so it must begin with love. It makes perfect sense in so many ways. A husband and a wife are meant to complement one another and supplement one another.

[11:22] Many have pointed out that there's nothing that a wife desires more than love, even as there's nothing a man desires more than respect. But how do you know if your husband loves you?

[11:36] After all, communication can be a little bit difficult with the other sects. Men are from, what is it, men are from Venus, women are from Mars, or vice versa, or whatever.

[11:47] There's this difficulty. Well, the Babylon Bee is here to help you know whether your husband loves you. So that you can understand what he's actually thinking when he says different words.

[11:59] Ten common things your husband says and what he's actually thinking. So this is a news flash for you. It's fine. Translation, it's fine.

[12:12] You don't have to dig. We can eat anywhere you want. Translation, we can eat anywhere you want. You know?

[12:23] You don't have to dig there either. What am I thinking about? Nothing. Translation, what is he thinking about? Nothing. Yeah, that outfit looks great.

[12:40] Translation, we were supposed to be at church 20 minutes ago. You do look good, but honestly, at this point, you could wear the curtains. And I would be okay as long as we get out the door.

[12:50] Or, husband says, no, it's okay, babe. I can drive. What he's thinking? I wish to live.

[13:06] Husband says, I love you. Translation, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. And honestly, I just am in complete shock every morning that I wake up and you're next to me. There's just no plausible reason as incredible as that you should be with an oafish man-child like me.

[13:21] But here you are. But it's hard for me to express my feelings in words sometimes as I'm more of a fist bumper and high-fiver. So I'll just say, I love you and hope it carries the message across. But, husbands, in all seriousness, there was a time when it was obvious to everyone around you that you loved her.

[13:43] Is it still obvious? There was a time you couldn't get through the day without her invading your mind throughout it.

[13:54] Is it still there? Is it obvious to everyone around? Is it obvious to her? Husbands, love your wives. But the love that a husband is called for, the husband, is not cheat, not word and talk, not even in gifts.

[14:09] Although we like to give gifts, it's to be seen in taking up sacrificial responsibility. Look back in verse 25. Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

[14:23] Now, Galatians 2.20 teaches us to personalize this truth. Christ loved me and gave himself for me. Ephesians 5.2 encourages us to generalize this truth.

[14:34] God loved us and gave himself for us. But this verse calls husbands to apply this truth. It's not merely an illustration of Christ's love. It's meant to be a demonstration of what your life is to be like.

[14:48] The model of the husband's love for his wife is demonstrated in Jesus Christ who loved the church and gave himself up for her. The stress is on Christ's initiative and sacrificial responsibility.

[15:01] Christ takes up responsibility that is not his own. He was not the cause of the breach between man and God. But he saw the need and he took responsibility.

[15:13] He took initiative and he took sacrifice. He loved and gave himself. In the original language, it's emphasized. He gave himself.

[15:23] He did not send an angel. He did not send another messenger. He did not send a prophet. He sent himself. And that's what your wife needs.

[15:34] Husbands must do the same. A husband's love should be marked by sacrificial responsibility. A willingness to give away his time, resources, preferences, freedoms, opportunities, career options, and more in taking up sacrificial responsibility.

[15:49] Often this is in little things. Looking for things where you might sacrifice. Running errands. Picking up things. Things. Cleaning the dishes. Fixing the list of things that are placed on the fridge.

[16:02] The to-do list. Those are some of the things. But often it also requires bigger things. Now you're one flesh. It's meant to change everything about the way you think about life.

[16:14] One of the most moving stories of sacrifice in a husband's leadership to me is that of B.B. Warfield. Now you don't know B.B. Warfield. I doubt it.

[16:25] But your theology has been shaped by him. Because he was so important in protecting the inerrancy of the scriptures. Soon after marrying his wife Annie, they traveled to Europe while hiking in the mountains.

[16:40] They were caught in a violent thunderstorm. Annie experienced a severe traumatic reaction and had a nervous breakdown. She was never the same again.

[16:52] She became an invalid. And became increasingly debilitated over the years. Warfield's career was significantly eliminated.

[17:03] Now I have 12 volumes by Warfield. So he flat wrote some serious doctrine. But his career was limited.

[17:13] He continued to preach at Princeton before it went liberal. And wrote hugely important books. But he never left her side for the rest of her life for more than two hours.

[17:30] That will change the work trip. Never left her side for more than two hours. Never lectured at Cambridge. Never traveled the world to speak.

[17:44] What does your wife need? What sacrifice does your wife need?

[17:57] Where is the Lord calling you to die to your ambitions, dreams, and preferences to love your wife?

[18:09] It's a very important question. Before we continue, there are two errors about a husband's leadership that are immediately thrown out.

[18:20] The husband must not be overbearing. Overbearing and love do not work. He must not dominate or control. He must not bully or demand. He is at his weakest when he yells.

[18:30] Some say believing in headship and submission like we've talked about this week and last week leads to abuse. Whether physical, emotional, verbal, mental, or whatever new category of abuse our culture creates.

[18:46] These beliefs lead to abuse. They say. But the scriptures do not allow that interpretation. The scriptures do not allow. They transform leadership from the inside. They don't dismantle it from the outside.

[18:57] They transform it from the inside. And so domineering is never appropriate. That's why the command in Colossians 3 says, Love your wives and do not be harsh. It's coming against that domineering spirit.

[19:08] Husbands, love your wife in an understanding way. 1 Peter 3.5. So husbands, leadership must not be overbearing. But it also must not be passive. The vast majority of men I've dealt with over the years, including myself, is passivity, laziness, selfishness.

[19:27] Not overbearing, you know. So we just throw the baby out with the bathwater. But it's not true. Most often what I've dealt with is passive men. Men that have reduced their leadership down to being a masculine help maiden.

[19:40] So we are calling you to love your wife, but we're not calling you to report to your wife. And so a masculine help maiden. The wife kind of dictates everything. The husband comes around her and serves her.

[19:51] He may still wear pants in the home, but he does not wear the pants anymore. And so it's important that we continue to define leadership carefully and throw out those things.

[20:02] But let's move forward. The pattern, point two. The pattern. The second point focuses on the pattern of Christ's sacrificial death in which the husband is urged to take up responsibility to build up his wife.

[20:17] Christ gave himself to build her up. Now that's my summary of what I think is going on here. To build her up. The purpose of building up is clear.

[20:27] There's these three purpose clause that come in verse 26 and 27. And that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the word. You see these that's that repeat. So that he might present the church to himself without spot or wrinkle.

[20:41] That she might be holy and without blemish. And so he's underlining the purpose for which all these things happen. What's the pattern? What's the produce? The production of his leadership?

[20:54] What is it angled after? And it's right here. Now every husband remembers the first look at his bride on their wedding day.

[21:05] You know, the bride prepares herself all day long. Often there's a team of people running around. It's like Cinderella running around to prepare her. Getting her ready. Painting her nails.

[21:16] Fixing her hair. Applying her makeup. But while the team is around, the husband is not around. I remember our wedding day, I was alone in a room filled with people.

[21:29] Waiting to get married. Cousins, brothers. Uncles. My father. It was the first day I'd been away from Kim a long time.

[21:42] I couldn't think straight. You know. I was overcome by the, with sobriety. The vow I was about to undertake.

[21:52] And the privilege and responsibility of marrying Kim Wynn. That evening, I couldn't wait. You know, who plans an evening wedding? It's the dumbest thing in the world.

[22:04] Waiting all day. That evening, I couldn't wait to see her. The bagpipes were playing Highland Cathedral. And the doors opened up. I was blown away.

[22:18] I was thinking, man, life's looking a lot better now. You know. The plane is lifting, boys. Just so amazed that God had given me this woman.

[22:34] But that's not the first look described in these verses. The bride prepares herself for the husband in American culture.

[22:46] But Christ prepares the bride for himself. The background of these verses is not the wedding industry in the United States. The background of these verses is the adulterous bride in the Old Testament.

[22:57] The background of these verses, perhaps more than any other text in the Old Testament, is Ezekiel 16, a most devastating chapter of Holy Scripture. Israel is likened to a prostitute born of pagan parents, cast off in her blood from her birth.

[23:17] But a king comes along and he covers her nakedness in shame. He washes her way before the good Samaritan. This king was the one who washes and anoints her with oil, wraps her in fine clothing, and adorns her with fine jewelry.

[23:34] But before long, she turns pagan again. She plays the whore. On the hilltop, she plays the whore with any passerby that would come. She takes her fine clothing and uses them to cover up her lovers.

[23:49] She takes her fine gold and silver and melts them down for idols to worship. And the Lord promised a judgment was coming in Ezekiel 16. But the Lord is recalling this text to announce that Christ has come for that bride.

[24:03] He has come for this bride to sanctify her. Now that's a word loaded with theology.

[24:14] One of the most repeated words for us in the book of Ephesians is saint. But he's saying, he's using this word saint, not as this status we attain in a Catholic religion or something like this.

[24:25] But this saint idea as a saint. Someone set apart for God. Holy unto God. To be devoted in a relationship. This lover who whored on the hilltop with everyone that passed by is the one that Christ has come to sanctify for himself.

[24:43] But this time, he didn't just cleanse her with the washing of water. He didn't merely baptize her to wash off the dirt and the grime. He washes her with the word of the gospel.

[24:55] And in the Holy Spirit, he cleanses her. This is exactly the way Ezekiel prophesies about this cleansing in Ezekiel 36. When he says, I will sprinkle you.

[25:08] Imagine the original audience to Ezekiel's letter. Remembering that the other bride that was sprinkled in Ezekiel 16. Now he says, I am coming and I will sprinkle you.

[25:19] You will be clean from all your uncleanness and from all your idols. I will cleanse you. I will give you a new heart. A new spirit I'll put within you.

[25:32] I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you the heart of stone. That's what Jesus was talking about when he said, you must be born again of water and the spirit.

[25:43] He's talking about Ezekiel 36. That's what Christ came to do. He came to sanctify her, cleanse her by the washing of water with the word, to present her to himself with no spot or wrinkle, no bad angle.

[25:58] You know, you get older, you're like, that's not my good side. I got to turn this way. You know, no bad angle, no blemish, no Cindy Crawford mole anymore. This one is perfect and complete.

[26:10] Perfected. No imperfections. No need to edit. She's holy though also and without blemish. No guilt and shame anymore. In many ways, this text tells us what Christ has done back at our conversion and what he's doing right now.

[26:24] But it fast forwards to the end of what he's going to do. What is the great end of all of humanity? The preparation of a bride for her bridegroom. The preparation of the adulterous people of God for her faithful Savior.

[26:44] It's so stunning. It's mesmerizing. So often the church is in rags and tattered, stained and ugly, despised and rejected.

[26:58] Met with a missionary this week going to Vietnam. My home country. Just kidding. That was a joke, but that's alright. That's the way I feel.

[27:08] But the church is just embryonic, fighting to survive underneath communist government. One day the whole world will see.

[27:20] Christ came for a people. At the great wedding feast. Ladies, whether you're married or not, you're a daughter of this king.

[27:35] You may not be married now. You may never get married or never get married again. But you were not mainly made to be given to an earthly husband.

[27:49] You were mainly made for this one. You may be married but never have the marriage you had hoped. You may never feel appreciated or understood or cared for in the way that you had hoped.

[28:08] But your marriage is not mainly the marriage you were made for. That'll solve a thousand fights before they start.

[28:21] But what's striking in this text though is that Christ does not love her because she's beautiful. She's beautiful because Christ loved her. It's totally reversed to the bridezilla that's all over the billion dollar wedding industry.

[28:39] As if it's the way she looks that secures his affection. No, she's beautiful but Christ loves her. Christ takes sacrificial responsibility to build her up. To make her beautiful.

[28:50] Christ provides every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places to adorn her. All that she needs. He adopts her. Cleanses her. Justifies her. Sanctifies her.

[29:00] Assures her with His love through the gift of the Holy Spirit. He promises to never leave her. So to the husband is to take up sacrificial responsibility to build her up.

[29:11] To make her beautiful. Make your wife beautiful with your love. That's where this text drives us. You know there are wives that are more attractive as they age. More elegant.

[29:23] More calm. More restful. More trusting. There are other wives who are not more attractive. Who are more unattractive as they age. More fearful.

[29:34] Anxious. Bitter. Every wife will give an account for how they've aged. Whether they've aged with grace or not. But humanly speaking. One of the greatest factors of whether a wife looks attractive or unattractive.

[29:47] Is the love of her husband. So husbands. Do you still find your wife beautiful? If not. I'm saying the problem lies with you.

[29:57] Who? Interestingly in the garden. The husband is commanded to work and keep the garden. But the goal of working the garden.

[30:08] Is not so it would be included in better homes and gardens. The work of the garden is not so that it would be the envy of all the neighbors. And the neighboring gardens. No. The work of working the garden.

[30:20] The goal of working the garden. Is so that the wife might have a home. So she might have a place to thrive. And to live. To be built up and provided for. How foolish would it be to work hard on the landscaping.

[30:32] And let the wallpaper peel. Husbands. How foolish would it be to work hard. To make money. Buy a house. Fill the cabinets. And yet neglect the wife. The husband is the head of the home.

[30:43] The wife is the heart of it. It's far too often. We do a good job. Making money. Buying a house. Filling cabinets. Paying the bills. But do very little to build up their wives.

[30:56] You know. A couple. I don't know. Within the last six months. My wife pulled me aside. And said. You do a good. You do a wonderful job. Providing for us.

[31:07] Being there. Doing things. But we need more. Now. That's amazing. That a wife would say that. And when she does say that.

[31:18] Don't shrug her off. Say. Okay. What is it? I want to give it. Find me something to sacrifice. Right. That's what I want. You know. I have a friend that used to tell me that. Going home after work.

[31:30] You know. You have a nine to five. And Dolly Parton taught us to sing about it. But you have a nine to five. And you're going to go to work. But when you are driving home. You're clocking in for second shift.

[31:40] The couch is not your relaxation tool. It's the place that just happens to sit.

[31:50] Where you're doing your second shift. That's what we need. He would encourage me to pull over. Say. Lord prepare me. Got to leave everything behind. I used to have a long commute. Now it's two minutes.

[32:01] So it's a little bit harder to decompress. And cast all my burdens. But that's what we must to do. I think the drive here though. With this language. Is to be focused on building up spiritually.

[32:14] Right now many denominations are opening the doors. For women to serve as pastors. And we're right to oppose that. Because it's not biblical. But the problem began a long time ago. When women.

[32:24] Or when men failed to lead. Who leads spiritually in your home? Do you know what your wife is anxious about?

[32:34] Can you kneel beside your daughter's bed and pray? It's great that you're tough. It's great that you can kill big game. But can you do these things? Can you lead spiritually?

[32:47] So it's telling us to take initiative. Lead in prayer. Lead in conversation. Make church and community group a priority. I've seen it. For 20 years a pastor. And once God turns a man's heart.

[32:58] He turns the whole family. And that's what the Lord wants. He wants your heart. So that he can use you for his purposes. In your marriage. Third point. The application. The application.

[33:13] So the command. The pattern. The application. The third point focuses on the application. The Christ's sacrificial example. In which the husband's urge. To take up sacrificial responsibility.

[33:24] To protect his wife. I think that's what is focused on here. Protecting her. The pattern is pressed home to the husband. Look at verse 28. In the same way. Husbands should love their wives as their own body.

[33:37] It is very clear in the text. He's stressing obligation. In the same way. You saw all that? That's the way it's supposed to be. In the same way.

[33:47] Summons a sense of duty. In the same way. Love. So the apostle returns to this command of love. That we saw back in 25 and 26. Now he repeats it four times in the next several verses. How love is repeated.

[34:00] That we might love our wife as our own body. And so he's telling us. This is the way to love. Love your wife as your own body. Now this is an intentional reference to the second great commandment.

[34:11] What are the two great commandments? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. The Lord said. Then referencing Leviticus 19.18. Love your neighbor as yourself.

[34:21] That's what it means to love your neighbor as your own body. To love them as yourself. But in marriage. When you love your wife.

[34:32] You are loving yourself. This is where Paul kind of seems to be surprising himself. As this point develops. Look in verse 28.

[34:42] He says he who loves his wife loves himself. In marriage the two become one flesh. Now some people say your wife is your first neighbor. It's better than that. Your wife is yourself.

[34:54] She's a part of you. You're no longer two but one. The wife no longer belongs to her husband. Husband no longer belongs to himself. They're urged to love one another. And so when you're commanded to love your wife as your own body.

[35:07] You're not commanded to love someone else. In some respects. You're commanded to learn how to truly love yourself. John Calvin says no man can love himself without loving his wife.

[35:21] Therefore the man who does not love his wife is a monster. You know. Sorry that wasn't in the notes. The monster.

[35:35] Look at the way it continues with an explanation clause in verse 21. For no one ever hated his own flesh. That's why he's a monster. Because no one ever hated his own flesh. Even David Goggins who might seem to hate his own flesh.

[35:47] That's just a form of self love. Is it not? No one ever hated his own flesh. But nourishes and cherishes it.

[35:58] Just as Christ does. The church. Nourish and cherish are these incredibly feminine words in some respect. To nourish is to feed and provide for. To cherish is to take care of.

[36:10] To do whatever is necessary. A mother nourishes and cherishes an infant child. She responds to every whimper. Meeting every need.

[36:22] And so the command is. Love your wife as you love yourself. Love your wife. Nourish and cherish her. As you nourish and cherish yourself.

[36:34] Now it would be illustrative. To talk about how well we nourish and cherish ourselves. Ourselves right now. You know one of the ways that my nourish and cherishing myself. Comes out so often.

[36:45] Is in food. Now I was raised in a wonderful. But typical southern white family. Which meant we had a very limited spice rack. You know bread, meat, something sweet.

[36:58] Was our mantra. But when I married my Vietnamese wife. The culinary world opened up. It's like I didn't know these flavors existed. I thought all Asian food was general so. But I found out.

[37:11] There's a lot different. I was introduced really early on. To her Vietnamese egg rolls. Now when Kim makes. Vietnamese egg rolls. I don't know what to say.

[37:23] You know it's a big batch. Because they're labor intensive. So we always just make tons and tons and tons. And the first night is a bit like heaven. But I just imagine.

[37:34] You know no stomachs. You just eat as much as you possibly can. There's no thought of supply. There's only thought of demand. You know what you want to get into your body.

[37:45] I eat as many egg rolls as I can. It's pure delight. I resist all nudges to control the portions. But after that night. It's evident to me and everyone else in the house. That the egg roll supply will only dwindle.

[37:58] There's only one way these egg rolls are going. And they're going to dwindle down. They're not going to get mold on them. They're going to be eaten within 24 hours. And so I'll often get a leg up on the competition.

[38:12] And eat a few before going to bed. Not going to brush my teeth. Going to nail two or three more egg rolls. Before going to bed. Sometimes before I go to work. I'll count up the egg rolls in the Tupperware container.

[38:23] To make sure no one else takes more than their fair share. I've been known to sometimes think about. Surely never done. Stash them in different places in the fridge. To keep their grubby little hands off my egg rolls.

[38:38] That's how I love myself. It's so instantaneous. So easy. It's unthinking. As breathing. And so too is it with you. And that's the way.

[38:54] That's the way. The scriptures are commanding you. To nourish and cherish your wife. That type of thoughtfulness.

[39:08] I think it's underlining this protecting and providing. That a husband's commanded to. To provide food and clothing. Physical and emotional protection. Security for her. In every way.

[39:19] I just want to point out a few things. Protect her through your communication. Protect her through communication. Don't relax. Don't just relax with your wife.

[39:30] Relate to her. Don't be alone together. You know. That's what we do. Alone together. Sitting there on our phones. Be together together. Throw away that stupid phone.

[39:43] You know. I first got married. I was like. Does this communication really matter? It's like. Every husband struggles with communication. Does it all matter? Yes. Why does it matter? Not merely so that you know what she ate for lunch.

[39:55] You know. Sometimes that can be helpful. You just get on Facebook. You can find that out. But. What. Why does it matter? It's because you're after oneness. Like you're going to be the best marriage possible.

[40:07] When you're the most one. That's. That's why it matters. That's why talking matters. Believe it or not. We can't know what you're thinking. Until you start talking. And as for the husband. Many times. We don't know what you're thinking.

[40:17] After you start talking. And so we need more talking. And so. It's oneness is what communication is after. Protect your wife through your encouragement. May the loudest voice of encouragement in your home.

[40:28] Be your voice. That's my prayer for my home. That's my prayer for our home. Proverbs 31. One woman was praised by her husband. Let the wife hear your praise.

[40:40] After all. She married you. Every day. There's reason for praise. Because she married you. She likes you. She wants to talk to you.

[40:53] Isn't this amazing? She enjoys living with you. Sometimes I'll say to Kim. I love you. And I'm sorry. Because. You know. I didn't pick this. The Lord did this. But I'm sorry. Because I married way up.

[41:03] You married way down. I don't know how this happened. But. I love you. And sorry. Protect her through your romance. You know. If the wife's greatest temptation in marriage is control.

[41:15] The husband's greatest temptation is infidelity. Protect her by not looking at other women lustfully. Not desiring them in your heart. Protect her.

[41:27] Protect yourself by pursuing her. One of the explicit reasons marriage is given after the fall. Is to protect you from temptation. And so you're meant to be one with her. Not just emotionally.

[41:39] And conversationally. But physically as well. So pursue her. Spend money on her. Date her. It's your responsibility to do this. I view this when we. Our kids were younger.

[41:49] We kind of hit this phase. Where we don't need babysitters. And trust me. It is great out here. So if you're in the phase where you still need one. I'm sorry. I'll pray for you. Let me help you find this. Let me help you solve that problem.

[42:01] But. But. I always treat it as my responsibility. To find a babysitter. For a date night. I didn't care what happened. The rest of the week. The Kim would have different things going on. But I'm trying to find a babysitter.

[42:12] For date night. And I would locate a babysitter. Pay a babysitter. What do we need to do. So that I can help my wife forget the kids. Sometimes I'd say to the kids. As I'm taking her out. Guess who's going out.

[42:23] To dinner tonight. Not you. And some. You know. I'm obviously joking with them. But I was trying to communicate. They want to see me date their mom.

[42:35] They want to see me kiss her. They want to see me bless her. They want to see that. Don't fall and think. I can't leave the kids. No you can. They want to see it.

[42:45] They want to grow up being forgotten. A couple nights out of the year. So that their mom can be dated by her husband. And so do it. Protect your wife through honor and respect. Don't treat her like one of the boys.

[42:57] You don't throw around fine china. You don't toss it in the dishwasher. You wash it by hand. And your wife is fine china. So treat her like it. It's your tremendous privilege.

[43:08] To nourish and cherish her. Like the fine china you. She is. And husbands. Your sons are watching. How you treat your wife. Is how they'll treat theirs. They are learning from you.

[43:19] But I want all the men to get this. You know. I think young men. You can get this. You know. You don't have a wife. You don't need a wife. You got a few other things you need to work on. But learn to honor and respect women.

[43:30] I'm old school. But I think men should stand up. When a woman walks into the room. I think men should open doors for women. I think men should carry things for women. When they see their arms full.

[43:41] I think men should wait. Until all the women sit down. Before they sit down at the table. And young ladies. When your brother. You know. Even though he's picking his nose. Three minutes ago. When he tries to carry your bag.

[43:52] Let him do it. He doesn't serve you. No, no, no. I can't. I'm back. You know. Don't do it. Let him do it. Let him open that door. Mom. Help him to do this.

[44:03] What's the takeaway? The takeaway of all this. Is your wife should be in a class by herself. No one should receive more of your sacrifice. Your thoughtfulness.

[44:14] Other centeredness. Tenderness. Kindness. Generosity. And love than your wife. She's in a class by herself. Sui generos.

[44:25] Or whatever that is. Her own species. You know. This woman. You know how much Latin I know. By how brutally I botched that. You know.

[44:36] The movie Saving Private Ryan concludes. At the end of Ryan's life. Ryan is 80 years old now. He's visiting the fields at Normandy. Full of white crosses.

[44:47] I want to go there before I die. Marking the lights of American soldiers. Soldiers who died there. On the beach. On Omaha. No doubt thinking of the men who died.

[44:59] He's crying. He's been over sobbing. His elderly wife comes up to hug him. And he says. Tell me. I've led a good life. Tell me I've been a good man.

[45:11] She says. You are. You are. You are. There's a day that's going to be coming soon. Brothers. Where we'll give an account.

[45:25] For how we loved. And cherish. And nourished. One of the daughters of the king. She's not your wife.

[45:41] She's his daughter. entrusted to your church. What are we going to do?

[45:51] We could respond to a message like this.

[46:02] And charge into the week. Make ten appointments. And decide how we're going to change our life. But probably wouldn't get us much further. What we need to do is respond to the spirit at work.

[46:16] So if the spirit is at work. If the spirit is at work in you. Convicting you of something. That is a work God has already begun. And you should respond to that. You should lean into that. That's a work. You should fan it into flame.

[46:28] You know. In so many ways. These roles are meant to outline. Not what. You know. The perfect ideal that we can work up to. They're meant to outline. A man filled with the spirit. A woman filled with the spirit.

[46:38] That this is the way they live. It's not meant to be abnormal. Unattainable. Or something like that. It's meant to have all these different shapes. And sizes. And colors. And all this variety.

[46:49] Because it's all just men and women. Born of God. Born again by the spirit. And now serving in this role. Unto the Lord. And so that's my prayer. All of it.

[46:59] For the glory of Christ. You know. We said last week. A marriage built on selfishness. Or focused on getting. What you want. Will not surprise anybody in this world.

[47:10] They've gotten really good at it. You can buy marriage books. And get good at honing different ways. Of accommodating people's selfishness. But that's not what we have. We have something greater. We have self-denial.

[47:21] At the heart of the marriage. Why? Because it's at the heart of the gospel. Of Jesus Christ. The one who did not spare his own son. But gave him up. How could we live for ourselves.

[47:32] In this union. That is called to point the world. To Jesus Christ. And so that is our clarion call. That's our banner. That's where we're going.

[47:43] Right now it's in marriage. But it's all of our lives. To take up our cross. To follow him. To serve him. All the days of our life. For his glory.

[47:53] That's where we're going. May God help us. Father in heaven. We cast ourselves onto you. We don't play fast and lose. We love you. We want to serve you.

[48:06] Lord I thank you for every person in this room. Every person married. Every person not yet married.

[48:17] Every person longing to be married. Every person wrestling with marriage. In some way. May all of us.

[48:30] Be drawn in by the mystery of marriage. That you loved the unlovable. That you went after the ugly bride.

[48:42] That you might. Cleanse her. And bring her. To yourself. Lord we praise you. We worship you. We live to serve you. In Jesus name.

[48:53] Amen. Amen. You've been listening to a message. Given by Walt Alexander. Lead pastor of Trinity Grace Church. In Athens, Tennessee. For more information about Trinity Grace.

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