[0:00] This message was recorded at Vision Baptist Church in Alfred, Georgia. It is our prayer that you will be blessed by the preaching of God's Word.
[0:16] Take your Bibles, if you would, and turn with me to 2 Samuel, chapter 15. And I would like to walk you through a little bit of the story of Absalom, and maybe learn some principles that we can apply.
[0:36] How we deal with sin in our lives has so much effect on so many things in our family. David has sinned, and you know that, and he hasn't dealt well with his sin.
[0:47] And instead of confessing it and getting it right, he just kept trying to hide it. And it just got worse and worse. It was one thing to look over and see the lady and lust after her as she bathed.
[1:00] It was another thing to invite her to his room. It was yet another thing to take her and act as though she was his wife. It was another thing to try to get her husband to come home so he could cover his sin.
[1:14] And it's an even worse thing to send a note in the hand of his buddy, one of his best men, and to send that note with that guy to another one of his best men to say, kill him.
[1:26] Make sure he's dead. Make sure he dies. And he got away with it, apparently. Temporarily. But the rest of his story is going to reap the repercussions.
[1:38] It's going to continue to happen. And so I'd like to talk to you. 2 Samuel 15, once it came to pass after this, that Absalom prepared chariots and horses and 50 men to run before him.
[1:50] And there's a whole lot of Bible here. And I could go detailed through every verse. But I'm going to kind of go in great strokes and then try to take you to five points tonight.
[2:03] But Nathan has now confronted David about his sin. And somebody said, of all blindness, the worst kind is that which makes us blind to ourselves.
[2:14] That's what's happened to old Dave. You know, he could see everybody else's sin for sure. It's always easy to see people sin. Other people sin is easier for me to see than it is to see my own. It's hard to look at myself.
[2:25] It's easier to see what's in your life than it is to see that little, that big two before that's in my own eye. In the judgment that Nathan told David, the sword would not depart from his house, and David would pay fourfold.
[2:40] The consequences in the Bible are horrendous, horrible. Amnon, Absalom, Adonijah, how do you say that guy's name, were all killed and the baby died.
[2:55] Four died. His daughter Tamar was raped by her brother. He and his wives are going to be publicly humiliated as his son Absalom takes him up on the roof, which was a sign that he had taken power, puts tents up there, and publicly takes advantage of them.
[3:14] David experiences one tragedy after another for the rest of his life. Those few minutes of passion were not worth it.
[3:24] I don't think anybody who reads the story can think that. But I want you to understand a big truth here. This will help you, I think. The idea that you're going to face your sin when you get to heaven, I don't really believe that's scriptural.
[3:37] Your sin in heaven is already taken care of. It's already under the blood. When you get to heaven, he's not going to call you out and say, let me remind you of what you did when you're 12, 14, 18, 22, and heavy, heavy hangs over your head.
[3:51] It's all been taken care of. But on the other hand, in the Bible, you're going to reap the consequences of sin. David gets to heaven. God says, ain't nobody ever been like David to me.
[4:04] David's a man after my own heart. But David's going to suffer, not at the judgment seat, but during his life. Sins are forgiven. Blood's covered them. They're forgotten. But sins have consequences.
[4:18] Rebellion has consequences. God's discipline in the story is not an angry judge, but a loving father, helping us to learn to love and trust him.
[4:28] It may cause us to limp for the rest of our lives, but it will make us be more humble and trust God. Jacob would limp for the rest of his life. His discipline makes me holy, prepares us for service, and gives us a way to help others, to make us more productive.
[4:45] And as we respond correctly, we can grow. They lost the baby, but God still had mercy, because that same woman will be the mother of Solomon, who will be the next king.
[4:58] Amnon thought his half-sister Tamar was beautiful, and he lusted after her. And he was doing just what he'd seen his daddy do. Take what you want. You're the son of the king.
[5:10] Take what you want. And so following his dad's steps, he takes a woman he shouldn't have, and he sins, and he thinks he can get away with it. The sins of the fathers have great effect on the children.
[5:23] That's a harsh thing, because I'm a dad and a granddad. I often see my own mistakes repeated in my kids, and sometimes when I see it, I'm like, where in the world did they get that? And then I think, I know where they got that.
[5:34] Sometimes it seems magnified. Maybe it's because I'm seeing them. And Amnon rapes his half-sister, and then he hates her. His crazed lust made him think that he loved her, but he hates her now.
[5:47] And Absalom, her brother, knows what happens, and he begins to plot his revenge. He invites his brothers, and especially Amnon, to a banquet, and he kills him.
[5:57] He waited two years before he made his move. He follows his dad's example. When he brought his brother in there to get ready to kill him, he got them all drunk, like he got his buddy.
[6:12] Then Absalom runs for his life. It'll be five years before David and Absalom will see each other face-to-face. Absalom will cause trouble and finally get to see David, because he'll burn Joab's fields and make Joab come see him.
[6:24] Absalom will kick David out of his kingdom, kick him off of his throne. So when I read the story and I hear the story, and I always am trying to find the application that God would have us to look at, and I'm just going to give you one I think I can learn for me in this.
[6:42] I want to give you five things, basically about how not to raise an Absalom. As a pastor, how not to train men that would do this.
[6:52] Our job is to reproduce ourselves, and I don't want to develop an Absalom out of my son. So let me give you five things that I see, and you can consider them and see what you think, and I'll be glad to talk to you about them.
[7:05] Number one, go with me to 2 Samuel 13, 22. Number one, take a stand and discipline sin when you see it. Take a stand and discipline sin when you see it.
[7:19] In the story, Amnon takes Tamar. David knows.
[7:32] The brothers know. And David does nothing. I know, and I think you know, that David hated that it happened. I know that David in his heart thought to himself, that's terrible.
[7:43] I can't believe the boy did that. And I'm sure he's just as grieved as he can be. But he didn't do anything about it. And as I raise children, it's easy to not discipline my children.
[7:58] And as I deal with men, so many times when I'm working with guys, there's something going on, and I know I ought to say something, but it's hard. So let me just read some verses here with you.
[8:08] 2 Samuel 13, 22. Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her.
[8:21] So Amnon sees his sister. Now, she's a half-sister. You know, the king's got a bunch of wives. So they all got the same daddy, got a whole bunch of different mothers. And he sees her, and he likes her looks, and he thinks to himself, I'm in love with her, and I would like to have her.
[8:35] And so he invites her over. He's got a friend that's going to help him sin, and he sins with her. And David's not going to do anything about it. Now, here's a verse you can write beside that.
[8:47] Look up Ecclesiastes 8, 11 with me. Ecclesiastes 8, 11. Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.
[9:02] So if there's no consequences, I think I got away with it. If there's no consequences, I think I got away with it. So if I'm raising kids, here's some things that just work your way with me.
[9:19] David has set a very bad example for his children. Probably the thing that weighs the hardest on my heart, the thing that bothers me about being the pastor of Vision Baptist Church is people look at me way too much, and I don't like it.
[9:32] I'm always uncomfortable with it. You can get away with having a thought, and I probably can't. You can get away with getting your feelings hurt, and I can't get away with it. That's just the way to, but Daddy, you can't get away with it either because your family is watching you.
[9:47] And David set a very bad example for his children. They know about Bathsheba. They know who she is. They know what's happened. They live in the palace.
[9:59] Rumors are flying everywhere. Everybody knows O Uriah's been drunk. Everybody knows David got him drunk. Everybody, the story, they know it. It's amazing how things spread.
[10:10] Very likely he hasn't explained the sin and the consequences so they'd understand that sin isn't worth it. What if David had sat down with his kids and said, Son, kids, daughters, I made a massive mistake.
[10:23] I was wrong. I sinned against God. I failed God. And let me tell you, the consequences have been horrible. When you do wrong, it hurts, and it hurts hard.
[10:34] It hurts long. And I'm going to be honest, and I'm going to just tell you how this sin messed me up so you won't make my mistake. But apparently David didn't do that.
[10:44] I can tell you honestly, I have never had a problem with alcohol. And I can tell you why I never had a problem. My dad was an alcoholic before I got saved, before I was born and before he got saved.
[11:00] And so my dad got saved while I was still in the womb. And when I came out, I had never seen him drink or anything. But all of my life I was told, this stuff destroyed my life.
[11:11] Stay away from it. And he told those stories. And so I grew up terrified of alcohol. Some of you are like, you can play with it. I'm scared to death of it because of what it did to my dad. And all the stories never did it to me.
[11:23] I'd never been around it. I remember one day I did get off the school bus. There was a beer can sitting on the side of the road. And I picked it up and just going to throw it away like, you know, just toss it in a ditch. And when I went to throw it, stuff came out.
[11:34] It just got all over my arms. Smelled like beer. And I was terrified. I went in the house. I washed the clothes before daddy got home. I took a shower. I got all cleaned up. When he came home, I said, I need to go ahead and tell him. Because daddy knew everything.
[11:47] You don't have a dad like that. My dad knew everything. He had eyes in the back of his head, top of his head. He had eyes where he wasn't even there. And he knew. And so I told him, I said, I didn't drink it. I promise I didn't drink it. I just picked it up. I was throwing it.
[11:57] I didn't mean to it. It got in. I really didn't drink it. See, I think maybe sin wasn't dealt with. And the kids are learning. We tend to want to justify our sin instead of admitting the horrible failure and its consequences.
[12:14] We justify. I dealt with something in my own life this very week. Pride, immaturity, insecurity welling up inside of me.
[12:25] And I had to deal with it. And I had to confess and admit and say I was wrong. And here's the deal. If I won't admit my problem, I teach others to continue in my problem.
[12:38] Can I just say something to your parents? It's like somehow you want to hold yourself up as like the perfect model and never let them know you've dealt with stuff and you've been through junk. When maybe God gave you a lesson you could teach them because you are a painting of that mess.
[12:52] And you could show them how grace beat that. You could show them how God worked in that instead of. But I can remember laying in the bed at night after this happened in my own life. Just a pride. Things all inside.
[13:03] Nothing on the outside really. But on the inside, my pride and my insecurity and my maturity. Laying in the bed, couldn't sleep, thinking about myself. Nurturing myself. Nurturing my pride. Nurturing my hurt.
[13:13] Getting in the shower and thinking about, okay, maybe I'm wrong, but. Isn't that how we do it? And that'll raise an Absalom. It raised an Absalom in the story. I don't know if you can see that.
[13:25] But it raised an Absalom. Amnon wants to follow his dad's example. And so he does. Or he's about to. Maybe he doesn't want to, but he does. And he's about to do the same thing his dad did.
[13:36] You can imagine that people know the story in the palace. You understand? The palace is just a big house. You understand? The palace is just probably pretty easy to know what's going on.
[13:49] You probably don't. It's hard to hide things in your own house. But if you can imagine. There's something different about American houses you don't understand. But when you've lived in South America, just the way a house feels in America is different than the way it feels in Arequipa.
[14:03] And my neighbor in Arequipa could slide his chair across the floor in his house. And I lived in big houses on the rich side of town. And I'd hear his chair slide across his floor.
[14:14] So I'll just give you a hint. When they fought, we knew it. And vice versa. And this is going on in the palace. And whatever Bathsheba and David are talking about. And whatever Uriah, you get the story.
[14:24] And all that's going on. And I wonder if he knew. Amnon wants something. And he hasn't learned that you can't have everything you want. Amnon wants something. And he hasn't learned you can't have everything you want.
[14:38] We must teach our children and ourselves the meaning of the word no. There are just some things I can't do. There are just some things I can't have. We must learn that you don't just get everything you want in life.
[14:52] Amnon has people in his life that are going to help him devise ways to sin. Look, if you would, at 2 Samuel 13, 3. Amnon had a friend.
[15:04] That's a famous message. You've heard tons of people preach on that. Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimea, David's brother. And Jonadab was a very subtle man.
[15:18] I need to really be careful who my kids' friends are. Because there's a slick one over there that knows how to teach my kid how to get what he wants. Amnon wanted it. Amnon even talked about it to people.
[15:28] But Amnon couldn't figure out how to get it done. But don't worry. Amnon's got a friend who's not a friend. Sin wasn't dealt with in David's life.
[15:41] And sin won't be dealt with here. The plot was to pretend to be sick so Tamar would come and cook for him. So I better teach my children to choose right friends and to make right decisions.
[15:53] Because sin, rebellion, and disobedience is going to come in their lives. And I better learn to deal with it quickly so that the consequences make us realize the folly of our ways. It's always easier to deal with it when it's small.
[16:09] You know the story. Amnon sins and takes Tamar. That could have been. First off, David could have stopped when his sin was over and said, Sit down kids, we're going to have family devotions.
[16:21] And daddy's going to tell you a horrendous story about the wickedness in his own life. And how God had to whip my backside so you don't ever make the same mistake I made. But that doesn't fit my pride model.
[16:33] So I say it was different when I did it. And I lived in a different day and time and everything was okay. And I don't ever tell the true story. Then Amnon decided he wanted to have Tamar.
[16:46] And Amnon takes Tamar. And Amnon rapes Tamar. And Tamar comes running out of the house, ripping her clothes, runs to her brother Absalom. And for two years, Absalom waits.
[16:58] And he plots what he's going to do. But I don't know how quickly he started the plotting. Very likely, in my opinion, it's a good possibility Absalom was like, Oh, dad will take care of this.
[17:08] Dad's going to, he's a good man. He loves God. He wouldn't do wrong. He's not going to let this happen. He's going to stop sin. He's going to stop it quickly. But two years would by nothing happened.
[17:20] And so the sin problem is just going to escalate beyond anything we could imagine. So if I could get you to remember point number one, deal with it while it's small. Deal with sin.
[17:31] You know, we took a kid in years ago that lived with us. His name was Glenn Schappel. And Glenn came to live in our house. And our house, we had some rules for him and some discipline for him.
[17:47] And I told Glenn one time when I had taken away a bunch of privileges, I said, I know things are rough. And Glenn said, Oh, no, every kid learns something. They can learn to obey their parents. So they can learn to obey the teacher or they will obey the policeman.
[18:00] He said, I'm just glad you're stopping me quick enough. Let's deal with sin while it's small. Let me give you number two. Go with me to 2 Samuel chapter 13, verse 37.
[18:11] Don't allow a wall or division, even if there's been a failure. Don't allow the separation to happen between you. In 2 Samuel 13, verse 37, Absalom fled and went to Talmai, the son of Amenadahud, king of Hesur.
[18:29] And David mourned for his son every day. It's been two years. Amnon has raped Tamar. Two years have gone by. Absalom goes in and kills Amnon after he gets all the brothers drunk.
[18:43] He gets all the brothers drunk and he kills Amnon and he runs for his life. Well, what David does, he doesn't deal with it quickly. And what he next does is just say, out of sight, out of mind.
[18:56] Don't have to think about it. Don't have to deal with it. Let's just don't worry about this. It's okay. If there's any way we can ignore this sin, let's just ignore it. Let's just act like it didn't happen.
[19:06] He should have dealt with sin immediately. But it's been two years. David didn't deal with sin. He held it in. I can't believe that old David didn't think, Amnon, what you did to your sister was horrible and wicked.
[19:22] And you should be killed for that. You should have been disciplined. You should have at least gone to jail. You should have at least been whipped. Something should have happened, but you didn't do it. He was probably embarrassed and hurt.
[19:33] When you're the pastor, your kids often do things that just embarrass the fool out of you. Our son, Chris, was famous in Peru.
[19:50] He told the teachers, when they would fuss at him, he would say, you don't know who you're dealing with. If you try to make me do that homework, I'll talk to my dad, and he'll fire you.
[20:04] So you best leave me alone. So he had them all, just cow-tot. He whooped them all. Another time, a man in our church, he was an older man. He was about 65 years old. I'm like 25, 26, 27, 28.
[20:18] I'm not sure. A young guy. Chris is old enough to be in his Sunday school class. And this man comes to me in a teacher's meeting, and he says, Pastor, what do we do if we have a child that won't obey? I said, you send him down to sit next to his parents in church.
[20:33] He said, what if I'm afraid of his parents? I said, you just tell me, bless God, I ain't afraid of his parents. I said, who are they? He said, you. So sometimes you're just embarrassed.
[20:49] You're just embarrassed that it's your kids. I think David might have been. He could have punished the boy. Maybe the crimes would have stopped. But he allowed Amnon to get away with murder, literally.
[21:01] And that only caused more murder. He was an enabler, a helper. You can't hide from your responsibilities of dealing with your children's failures.
[21:11] Well, I don't really like to talk about this, but I really felt like this might be a good application for us. But, you know, if you're a parent and you've got small kids, you need to really be careful about working with them.
[21:24] Because what you can do with a 6-year-old, you can't do with a 16-year-old. And what you can do with a 16-year-old, you sure can't do with a 25-year-old. He should not allow this failure to cause him to clam up.
[21:38] Sin is undisciplined. And when it's undisciplined, it leads to worse sin. Amnon's dead. Something should have already been done. David's guilt might have been why he didn't say anything.
[21:50] I wonder if David was like, man, I don't know. I got in big, bad trouble and I hated it. I don't want my boy to have to go through what I've been through. I don't want something like Nathan saying, you are the man. I don't want that to happen. I don't know.
[22:01] Now he's got even bigger sin to deal with. Absalom has killed Amnon. And he goes into hiding. He lets the sin cause him to pull away from his children.
[22:14] Look at the verse. Amnon fled and went to this other place. And David mourned for his son every day. He loved him, apparently.
[22:26] 2 Samuel 13, 39. And the son of David longed to go forth unto Absalom. For he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead. Effectively, David's now lost two sons.
[22:40] He's lost two sons. He lost Amnon, who Absalom killed. But Absalom's gone for five years. With both, David has allowed a great division to open. We don't discuss that.
[22:52] We don't bring it up. We don't deal with it. We just kind of ignore it. So we got to do right, keep the door open to restore the relationship with our children. Now, no discipline was made for what Amnon did.
[23:02] And we're about to repeat the same mistake with Absalom. So before I leave this point, first point was deal with sin. The second point was don't clam up. Don't pull away.
[23:13] Don't just ignore it. Keep the lines of communication open. Look at 2 Samuel 14, 32. Got an Absalom who's about to take over the kingdom. He's about to throw David out.
[23:25] He's about to set up the wives on the roof and embarrass him. 2 Samuel 14, 32. An Absalom answered Joab, Behold, I send unto thee, saying, Come hither, that I may send thee to the king, to say, Wherefore am I come from Jeshua?
[23:38] And it hath been good for me to have been there still. Now, therefore, let me see the king's face. So what happened was he'd been gone. And finally Joab helped him get back in town. But David still won't see him.
[23:50] And he's right there in town. All he's got to do is cross the town. And he's in there with Daddy. He could have had a talk with him. They could have had a discussion. That things could have been fixed. But they don't get fixed because I'm embarrassed about your sin, son.
[24:02] I won't deal with it. But I'm embarrassed about it. I'm not going to do anything about it. So there's big divisions going on. I think that tends to happen. We ought to deal with it. And we don't.
[24:13] The discipline should fit the sin. Look at 2 Samuel 14, 24 with me if you would. 2 Samuel 14, 24. And the king said, let him turn to his own house and let him not see my face.
[24:27] So Absalom returned to his own house and saw not the king's face. So David says, I'm not going to deal with sin when it first happens. And he just keeps multiplying.
[24:38] And then he breaks down the walls of communication, the lines of communication, puts walls up around him, won't deal with his son about the thing, just kind of ignores it, sweeps it under the rug like it's not really there.
[24:50] And then the discipline. David allows Absalom to come back to the city, but he won't see him. And it will literally be five years before he talks to him again. You ever been in one of those families?
[25:01] I had a supporting pastor. We were talking about his children one time and he told me how many kids he had. And so I left there thinking that was how many kids he had. I was talking to another preacher and I said, yeah, the pastor was telling me how many kids he had.
[25:14] Come to find out he had one more kid he didn't tell me about. He didn't have that kid. It's like that one was never born. That's kind of what's going on.
[25:25] David loved his son. And his son probably loved David. Absalom would have really felt justified in handling something that his dad should have handled. Can you not imagine what Absalom's thinking?
[25:36] I'll kill Amnon. Amnon raped our sister. Rape deserves death. That's the rules of our country. That's the laws of our country. We all know it's right. Dad should have done it. Dad didn't do it.
[25:47] And since Dad didn't do it, I will do it. And Dad ought to be glad I did it. Dad ought to be like, well, Amnon got what he had coming. But that's not how it worked. There's no way to fix this relationship.
[26:01] By the way, in the whole Bible story, Absalom never apologizes. And David never really talks to him about what he's done wrong. If I want to raise my kids, I think I probably ought to try to deal with it soon.
[26:15] And while it's small, I ought to keep the doors of communication open. And I ought to deal with it in the same kind of discipline that the crime deserves.
[26:27] In 2 Corinthians 2 and verse 6, the Apostle Paul is probably talking about the guy in 1 Corinthians 5 that was sleeping with his dad's mother. A dad's wife. Sleeping with his dad's wife.
[26:38] What would have been his stepmother? And he's been disciplined by the church. And now in 2 Corinthians 2 and verse 6, Paul says, sufficient to such a man is this punishment.
[26:49] Sufficient is the punishment. Verse 7, so that contrarywise you ought to forgive him and comfort him. Verse 8, you ought to confirm your love.
[27:00] Verse 9, you ought to be obedient in what I'm telling you to do. And I forgive this guy. And if you don't, Satan will get the advantage. That's in verse 11. Satan will get the advantage. We're not ignorant of his devices.
[27:12] When you underdiscipline, you hurt your kids. When you overdiscipline, you hurt your kids. Because if you overdiscipline, it's like he's just brutally mean and cruel.
[27:24] But when you underdiscipline, even the other kids decide to rebel. He should be punished. He should repent. But even punishment has limits.
[27:36] If you're too hard, you give Satan an advantage. They should know our love for them, even in the punishment. We should discipline our children.
[27:50] We should forgive and teach to forgive. We should forgive and teach to forgive. We should, I mean, let's just deal with it. Bam, it's done.
[28:00] Let's hug and kiss and make up and it's over. Let's deal with it. In Hebrews chapter 12 and verse 15, the Bible says, Looking diligently, lest any man fail of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
[28:15] If we overreact or we underreact, they might not deal with it correctly, and bitterness will spring up, and it'll cause all kinds of trouble, and a whole bunch of people get messed up.
[28:29] But God gave them grace to get over it. So if I could say it this way, don't wait too late to kiss your son, even though he's done wrong. Look at 2 Samuel 14, 33.
[28:41] It's going to be 2 Samuel 15, 1, when Absalom starts his move to take over the kingdom. 2 Samuel 14, 33. And Joab came to the king and told him, and when he had called for Absalom, he came to the king and bowed himself on the ground, to the ground before the king.
[28:55] And the king kissed Absalom. Well, praise the Lord. But it's really kind of because he's in public. It's really kind of because that's what he needed to do.
[29:07] It was a politically expedient move. His heart wasn't in it, and too much time has gone by, and Absalom hasn't been dealt with. But if we wait too late to deal gently, we'll lose our children.
[29:26] I don't know how to say this without just being, I don't like to do this. I don't really preach like this. But I need to deal with this problem that my kid has.
[29:36] I need to keep the lines of communication open. I need to give the right kind of punishment for the crime he's committed. In 2 Samuel 18, in verse 5, it says, And the king commanded Joab and Abishai and Ittai, saying, Deal gently for my sake with the young man.
[29:56] Even Absalom. That's funny. You didn't deal gently with him, daddy. You didn't deal gently with him. You were mad at him and angry with him. Five years you didn't let him see your face.
[30:08] And y'all been fighting ever since it happened, and you've never gotten it right. And now he's taken over the kingdom, and he's run. And he's finally been run out of the kingdom that he's taken over.
[30:18] And he's running for his life, and he's got really long hair he only cuts once a year. And he's running, and his hair gets caught in a tree, and he's jerked off of the king's mule, which is a sign of royalty.
[30:31] And he's hanging there, and the men are all scared to kill him, because they know David doesn't want him to kill him. But Joab's like, he's out of here, buddy. This guy's a problem. And he kills him. But what really strikes me so funny in the story is David said, be sure and be nice to my son now.
[30:45] Y'all don't kill him here. Five years ago, you could have done that, buddy. Five years ago, you could have done that. Five years ago, you could have dealt with Amnon.
[30:57] Seven years ago. Seven years ago, you could have dealt with Amnon. You could have stopped it back in the end. You could have done something to Amnon, and Absalom wouldn't have had to do something. You're building an Absalom.
[31:09] I don't know. Number four, praise character and not physical characteristics. Look at 2 Samuel 14, 25 with me if you would.
[31:24] Can I just say we love to brag on our kids and how good-looking they are? Of course, they're only good-looking in our eyes. They look like us, so we think they look good. The truth is, nobody else thought you was good-looking, so they probably don't think about your own kid.
[31:38] How about that? But look at this. But in all Israel, there was none to be so much praise as Absalom for his beauty. From the bottom of his foot to the top of his head, there wasn't a blemish in him.
[31:51] This guy, from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head, there was no bliss. This guy didn't have a birthmark, buddy. I mean, this guy, this guy, if he were alive today, he'd be one of them big old fancy muscle-bound models that everybody looked.
[32:08] Man, he'd be the Tom Cruise or whoever it is today that everybody likes. Rock Hudson back when I was a kid. He would, that was the rock before there was a rock.
[32:18] And, you punks. We praise our children and our friends and our coworkers for the wrong things.
[32:32] Character should be praised. Hard work should be praised, but not physical characteristics. First off, all those physical characteristics are going to slowly go away.
[32:46] You know, that guy that's got such lovely hair is probably going to be bald-headed. Look around the room. You ever see some pictures of some people and you're like, that's you with all that hair?
[32:59] And he's like, yeah, I'm really proud of my hair. Amen. But if you could have just seen me when I was like 18 or 20 and all 145 pounds of huck and muscle, man, you'd have thought I was something.
[33:11] Not 265 pounds of fat today. We praise them for athletic abilities. He can run fast. Well, that won't last long, now will it?
[33:23] Why don't we put you out there and see how fast you run, Daddy? I think it was so funny. Deacon Chuck used to play volleyball at the church picnics.
[33:35] But, you know, now he just watches because he's almost Robert's age because we don't stay there. So what do I praise? Character and hard work.
[33:46] You get what you praise. You get what you look for. You get what you expect. What ends up happening, if you're not careful, is everybody wants to go get a facial job done.
[33:57] I've got to get facelifts and muscle biggers and pills and shots and steroids for all the dumb stuff. When they ought to have been praised because they love Jesus.
[34:11] Who cares if he can catch a football? Who cares? What I want to praise is they love Jesus. Absalom ends up with a major pride problem.
[34:23] I don't know what goes on in the story, but I just want you to think about it. If you were dealing with this and you look at this story and you say, Now, how in the world did a guy like David end up with a son like Absalom?
[34:33] How in the world does David end up with one of his own kids that wants to take over his kingdom, takes his wives up on the roof of the palace and takes advantage of them and tries to kill David and run David out of the sin.
[34:48] How'd that happen? Maybe because sin wasn't dealt with. Maybe because he didn't keep the communication lines open. Maybe because when he did do some discipline, it was just simply, I won't talk to you.
[35:02] Maybe because as he grew up, Absalom knew how good looking he was. He even had hair was so good, he sold it once a year. Everybody just wanted to buy his hair.
[35:13] Can you imagine that? Pride is the root of all sin because it's thinking about me, myself, and I. You know when I sin, can I just tell you, every one of our sins comes down to one thing.
[35:27] Me. Me. Don't hurt my feelings. Don't say that about me. I need that car. I need that house. I want this stuff. I want Tamar. She's beautiful and I'm the king's son.
[35:39] I should get to have her. I want him dead so I think I'll just kill him. I like Bathsheba. It's a me thing. Praising the wrong stuff. Let me give you the last one. 2 Samuel 13, 39.
[35:51] Express what you feel. Tell him you love him. Now I grew up in a home. My dad was an orphan by the time he was six years old.
[36:04] So he never knew love. Never knew how to say he loved. And he didn't really say he loved me until I'd said it so many times he finally started saying it when he was really old.
[36:16] But he did love. He just didn't know how to say he loved. In 2 Samuel 13, 39, the Bible said, The soul of King David longed to go forth unto Absalom. For he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead.
[36:30] You don't need to wait to their funeral to love them. It's not sissy to say you love someone.
[36:41] When Chris, our kid, was born, I wanted so desperately to tell him I loved him. Because I didn't have that when I was a kid. I spent the night at somebody's house when I was, I don't know, 8, 10.
[36:58] And we went to the, she told us it's time to go to bed. We went to the bedroom and we climbed in the bed. And that lady came in and she pulled her son's sheet up and blanket up. And kind of tucked him in the bed and then kissed him on the forehead and told him she loved him.
[37:11] And then she came over to me, pulled the sheet up, pulled the blanket up, kissed me on the forehead. I'm like, Lord help me. I ain't never had nothing happen like that in my life. I could not believe it. I was like, I want to spend the night here all the time.
[37:21] This is a sweet place to be. And so when Chris was born, I knew I wanted to say I love you, I love you. And so I loved him and I kissed him and I hugged him. Then he started getting big.
[37:33] You know, he's like five years old and he's like, well, he's a little bit big. Feels kind of weird. But now he's like massive big, you know. But if we don't say I love, we can't wait till this.
[37:45] I don't want absolutely kicking me out. It's worse to keep waiting for something to happen without saying what you feel. You know, you really, I even had people in my church say I'm asking God to deal with my child about this.
[37:57] And their kid was living at their house. And what they needed was a good. Switch. They needed a good beating.
[38:08] Lord help me. That's what they needed. Just a good old fashioned woodshed trip. Say amen. I know y'all don't believe in that. But maybe it would have stopped Amnon. Maybe it would have stopped Absalom.
[38:20] Maybe David wouldn't be running for his life. Maybe Absalom wouldn't be hanging by his hair and stabbed through the heart with three darts by old Joab. The longer you wait, the more they imagine the worst.
[38:36] Can you not imagine what old Absalom's thinking? Absalom's thinking daddy didn't love Tamar. Daddy has favorites in this family.
[38:47] Daddy likes Amnon. More than he likes me. He likes Amnon. More than he likes Tamar. You say, that's not in the Bible I know. I just know what I think. Daddy's not ever going to do anything.
[38:59] Daddy don't do right anymore. And he got bad. So much of the foolishness that your children are doing might just be to get your attention. So I finish with this.
[39:12] Learn to say the words, I love you. Forgive me. And I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. God has let Betty and me have a fairly good relationship with our children until today.
[39:27] And I pray to God I get to have it. But you know, I've had to say I'm sorry a whole bunch to my kids. They have seen my temper. They have seen me angry with their mother. They've seen me have bad attitudes.
[39:39] And I've had to say I have sinned and I am sorry. As a pastor, I have to be able to say that. I have to say, you know, I messed up. Because if you're too big to say you're sorry and you're wrong, you're probably too big.
[39:54] Forgive me. It wouldn't hurt to be honest with your kid and say, you know, this is something your dad messed up in. And God taught you, Dad. My daddy used to say, you're not going to live long enough to make all the mistakes.
[40:07] Why don't you learn from somebody else's? Maybe we ought to learn. So learn to say the words, I love you, forgive me, and I forgive you. I don't know what happened with Absalom.
[40:20] I know what ends up happening. I know Absalom is dead now. And I know David is broken hearted. And I know he's mad at Joab because he got killed. And I know David's like the poor puppet in this whole deal that just got mistreated.
[40:32] But I really think had we gone back, David could have kept Absalom from being who he was. There's a good chance. So I look at that and I say, Austin, what can you do with your kids, with your grandkids, with people you work with?
[40:47] Would you at least consider that? This message was recorded at Vision Baptist Church in Alfred, Georgia.
[40:58] For more information, log on to www.visionbaptist.com where you can find our service times, location, contact information, and more audio and video recordings.
[41:10] Thanks.