[0:00] Let me say a couple words about this wonderful family, then I'll pray and I get out of the way, and then we'll start again tomorrow night at 7 for our normal service. But I just had the chance to spend the last 20-something days with their crazy son, Jim, and his family there in India, and they're doing a great work.
[0:18] I'll tell them more about the trip in India on Sunday night, but just to talk about Jim and his love for his family, and they're going to get to go visit in October. There's a countdown calendar on their wall until they come.
[0:32] What do they call you guys? Bop-Bop? Bop-Bop and Nana. They've got a countdown clock for Bop-Bop and Nana coming, and the kids are so excited.
[0:43] But Jim has the greatest respect in the world for his dad, and he counts it one of the greatest honors of his life to serve the Lord, but to get to serve him with serving with his dad.
[0:55] And they're very proud of the work that they're doing over there. But Jim would just share the stories of how much his dad and mom loved him and never gave up on him. And you've heard some of them, and you'll get to hear more about them.
[1:08] But one of the things that really struck me is that Jim was saying, even as much as he was loved and much as the gospel had been shared to him, just weeks up to coming before he became a Christian, he was just able to ignore it, that he just was out living in the things of the world.
[1:25] But at one point in his life, everything just changed. He got to a point where all the love that had been shown to him, he could no longer ignore it. And he said, that motivates me to pray for these people I work with in India, is to know that the greatest things that can be done can only be done when God works.
[1:42] And that's something that we'll hear in their life, that there's no recipe to see your children accept Christ. But you can give them in a loving environment, and you can pray for them. And Jim says he knows that his family prayed for him.
[1:54] Of all the stories he could tell, it's the fact that they constantly prayed for him that really has changed his life. And he could say so much more. And I'm really glad that they're here. I've been looking forward to it.
[2:06] And I made sure that I was going to be back when they were teaching, because I'm looking for it as well. I was joking, said it was good that we had our kids with us during the meal, because it really motivates us to listen even more now, because we're very much aware of our need there as our kids are running around.
[2:22] And he has plenty of material to talk about now, seeing that you're throwing barbecue across the room just a few minutes ago. But we're going to pray, and then I'll get out of the way as I pray. If you want to make your way up here, Brother Jim, and if you'll lead us tonight, talking about parenting is hard work.
[2:39] And it's hard work, and it's also work of the heart. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for an opportunity to be here with a group of friends, a group of believers, who know that you are the most important priority in life, that we are supposed to point our kids, our children to you.
[2:59] And so I'm thankful, Lord, not only for the guests that you've given us tonight to speak and teach, but the friends that you have given us all in here that says that parenting for your honor and glory is important.
[3:11] So I pray that you'll help us tonight, Lord, as we learn that we'll make application. And the result of the night, Lord, will be us following you in obedience, and it will be for your glory and for the good of our children.
[3:24] Thank you for all the years that you have been training these parents and what they've learned during good times and the bad times. Thank you for what you've taught them through your word. And now I thank you for their willingness to share it with us.
[3:36] In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Amen. If you've got your Bible with you, would you turn to Psalm 127?
[3:48] Psalm 127, my own son? Am I all right? No. Let's work on that. Get with me, Trent. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
[3:59] Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
[4:10] Amen. Amen. Amen. It's good. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
[4:21] Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
[4:31] Amen. Amen. The only claim that we have to do it is if we've made every mistake that could possibly ever be made in raising children. I have, she has, we all have.
[4:44] And only by the help of God can we get done what God wants us to do. Psalm 127, the first verse says, Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it, except the Lord keep the city.
[4:59] The watchman waketh but in vain. Verse 2 says, It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows. For so he giveth his beloved sleep.
[5:12] Verse 3 says, Lo, children are in heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth.
[5:24] Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. Hebrews chapter 12. I want us to read this.
[5:37] Hebrews chapter 12. Probably around verse 5. We'll start. Hebrews chapter 12.
[5:50] Verse 5 says, And ye have forgotten the exhortation, which speaketh unto you as unto children. It says, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord.
[6:01] Now faint when thou are rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons.
[6:15] For what son is he whom the Lord chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then ye are bastards and not sons.
[6:27] Furthermore, verse 9 says, We have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of the Spirit and live?
[6:41] Let me just introduce. That's my wife right there. A prettiest woman in the room. That's my wife. Seated right there. Been married 40 something years. We've got one boy named Jim.
[6:54] He's got two children. We've got a little girl named Tamara. She's 38. Am I right? She's 38. She's got three children.
[7:06] Jim, you know, Tamara married a man that was a logger by trade. She was raised in a preacher's home, and she told us she did not want to marry a preacher.
[7:17] So she didn't. She married a logger. And then God called him to preach, and she ended up married to a preacher. They're pastoring a church in Travers Rest, South Carolina.
[7:30] I didn't lie when I said we made every mistake that can possibly be made with our children. Everyone, we made them.
[7:41] That's the only thing I can think it would qualify us for this. One thing I think you've got to remember is everybody comes from different backgrounds.
[7:53] Everybody. My family raised me one way. My wife's family, it was another way. And we bring our backgrounds with us into a marriage.
[8:06] Like it or not. You say, well, I married her. Well, great. I'm glad you did. But her background was brought into the marriage. How you were raised affects how you were raised your children.
[8:20] Now, this is true. The Word of God. You say, preacher, it's old-fashioned. No, it's on time.
[8:31] This is true. I mean, I may be wrong. Everybody else may be wrong. But this Bible is so. I can trust it to raise my children.
[8:43] Now, don't be offended when I say this. But when we bring those little barbarians home with us. Babies. They can't feed themselves.
[8:56] They can't wipe themselves. They must be trained to do everything there is. But God did not create the family to disintegrate.
[9:09] God created the family that it would be to God's glory. But the only way it will happen is that we realize that we are in a battle.
[9:20] And the battle is inside the four walls of our house. And the only way I have any chance or opportunity of winning the battle is if I obey God's Word in everything God says.
[9:39] Now, sometimes it's not easy to do exactly what God says with children. Sometimes it's not. So don't think I'm standing up here telling you that this is all easy.
[9:53] It's all, you know, just a piece of cake. It is for me my interest. You know, I've got grandchildren. Glory to God. I didn't hire on to whip them or do anything else.
[10:04] I just love them. Give them anything they want. And send them on with Jim and Tamara. Harvard Law School did a study about delinquent children.
[10:15] Less likely children to be delinquent had a father's discipline that was firm and fair and consistent. There was a mother's supervision and companionship during the day.
[10:31] There was a mutual love between mom and dad. They loved each other. And families spent time together.
[10:44] Now, some of the principles in the Word of God are not that popular. But if I'm going to do what God wants me to do, I'm going to have to do what this book says.
[10:59] A lot of kids go to schools. They hear this. They hear that. And they're taught that they're not much more than animals. But we're more than that.
[11:09] We were created in the image of God. We were. Now, there's no perfect parents. There's not. There's no perfect children.
[11:21] Mine weren't. And I doubt yours are. They may be. But I doubt it. Your children know you're not perfect. All they're after is that dad and mom will be genuine and real.
[11:36] That's what you'll be you. That's all they're after. Now, I'm going to be honest with you. It's only God's grace that you survive parenthood.
[11:47] It's only God's grace. You can ask Miss Betty. It's just the good grace of God that you survive being a parent. There was days I thought I never would get out of it.
[12:02] It would be easier if our Heavenly Father would tattoo instructions on the backside of all our children. And you could turn it over and it would say, Instructions.
[12:16] This is all I've got. But this is all I need. God gave us this. Now, I want to start out with success in being a parent.
[12:28] We want to start out. She's going to help me. But I want to start out with discipline. Discipline. Discipline. It is a required responsibility of the family to discipline our children.
[12:47] Let me give you some Scripture. Proverbs 19. It says, Chasten thy son, of course, that's daughter too, while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
[13:05] Now, if you're going to spank, whip, whatever you want to call it, they're going to scream their head off. And if you're kind and gentle and stop, they'll recognize hot dog, or I'll do squall, and dad's going to stop.
[13:23] You know, that's what that verse is saying. Now, chasten, in the Bible, chasten, corrected, chasteneth, or correct, means to discipline, or to punish.
[13:37] The verses I read in Hebrews 12 are corrective punishment, instruction by chastisement. Proverbs 22.15, foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.
[13:55] That foolishness is sin. That's what it is. The Bible says, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
[14:08] Now, that rod, I'll look that up. That rod means a shepherd's staff. It'll curb a sinful nature.
[14:19] But we'll read a verse in a minute. If that sinful nature is not curbed as a child, that sinful nature of a child left to himself, that nature will take over.
[14:36] It will take over. Proverbs 29.15, it says, and there's two in here, the rod and reproof. Giveth wisdom.
[14:48] And it does. But reproof and the rod. A child can learn from punishment. They'll learn your standards.
[15:02] They'll learn your code of behavior. They'll learn your requirement. And the option is they learn it or they suffer the punishment for it.
[15:16] They can learn that. I read two or three books last week that says children might not understand reason but they understand one thing. Pain.
[15:28] They do. I mean, I stood. When we first took, and I'm not being mean. I ain't talking about child abuse. I'm talking about spanking, whipping youngins. When we first took Mile Creek Baptist Church, I stood in the parking lot.
[15:43] This is no lie. I stood in the parking lot of Mile Creek Baptist Church watched a grown man and a grown woman with a little boy.
[15:54] Was he that high, mama? How old was he? Two? Two years old. I watched two grown people try to reason with a two-year-old boy how he ought to get in the car.
[16:08] I'm standing there thinking, whip his hide in and get him in the car. Why? You can't read. But they must be taught your standards, your direction, what you respect because you're teaching them responsibility.
[16:28] And they need that, especially boys. Boys need to know there's actions and reactions for everything that happens because there are going to be dads, there are going to be husbands, and there are going to be leaders.
[16:43] Proverbs 29, 17 says, Correct thy son and he shall give thy rest. If you don't, he won't give you rest.
[16:54] Proverbs 23, 13. Let me look at that. Proverbs 23, verse 13. It says, Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
[17:15] You may think he'll die. He'll want you to believe he's going to die any second. He shall not die. Verse 14. It's the best verse.
[17:26] It says, Thou shalt beat him with the rod and shalt deliver his soul from hell. That's what I was after. I didn't care if Jim screamed.
[17:39] I didn't care. Or Tamara. I did not want my children to die without God and go to hell. My daddy, my mother, didn't either.
[17:50] That's why my dad whipped me every stinking time I needed it. And he had never read any parenting books. He had never been anywhere like you are now.
[18:01] He got out of the sixth grade of school and that's it. But he did know how to do one thing real well. That word beat in Proverbs, it means to strike.
[18:17] It means to strike. In Hebrews, where it said, scourgeeth every son, and that's talking about God scourging us with the example of fathers doing their children, that word scourgeeth means to whip.
[18:35] Responsibility is required. Then there's rules. Rules. Every family, your children need rules.
[18:47] They need rules. Now this may seem goofy to y'all. They need words about what words they can say. What's going to come out?
[18:57] What will you allow them to come out of their mouth? Now we at home, we had house words and outside house words. You do what you want to do.
[19:10] That's what we've done. You know. And Jim's doing that too. Words good or not, I don't know. That's just the way we've done it. We had words they could say when it was us and words they didn't say when it wasn't us.
[19:24] But y'all decide they need rules. They need to know what they can do. I give you a good example of a mistake we made. We was going to the beach one year.
[19:36] Jim had another idiot with him. So he's going down there. She said, alright boys, anything's in the Bible, y'all can say it. Don't ever do that.
[19:48] I'll leave y'all to guess what we heard for seven days. Y'all decide. That's the mistakes that we made. I mean, I'm the hell out.
[19:59] I could have told them a hush any time. Words. You need to have rules on dating way before she gets old enough.
[20:10] Y'all need to decide they're not a boy or a girl. Girl, need to know now what time is that little baby going to date. figure it out. Now, dates are up to years up to y'all.
[20:22] You need to have words, dates, places. Where will you allow them to go? Where? How long are they going to stay once they get there?
[20:37] Make it now. It's too late when they're 16 years old to start discussing where they're going. Then you need to know who they're going with. So make rules.
[20:49] And then have restrictions. You say, well, I'm not going to have any restrictions. I want my child to know that I love my child and I want to do this.
[21:00] No. Without restrictions, a failure to have restrictions is telling them you don't give a rip what they do. I don't care. They need limitations.
[21:11] They need restrictions. They need to know there's some things they can't do. Because see, children grow up and the older they get, they want independence. Especially boys.
[21:22] It's drilled in our head. We've got to get out. I've got to get on my own. I've got to get a car. I've got to drive. I've got to have a shotgun. I've got to have a knife.
[21:34] All this stuff. So they want independence, but they're not old enough for it. They're not. And we allow them to get in a situation where they're not old enough to make a decision.
[21:47] They're going to mess up. So we need to... They're not ready for independence and they have no idea what it's all about.
[21:58] They want to do it because Lucy does it. They want to do it because this other kid does it. This other girl does it. They want independence. They're not old enough and they don't even know why.
[22:10] But can I throw this in? Don't be too loose. But on the other hand, don't be too strict. Don't.
[22:22] You'll warp them. You'll warp them. Really. Don't, don't. And I'm all for being tight, but don't be too tight. But a boy, there's certain things that most, 97% of boys are going to do.
[22:39] They are. I don't care if they're preachers, young'uns or not. They will. So don't be too tight. Don't be too tight on girls. I tied her on my girl.
[22:49] You know what? You know. But don't be too tight. Don't be too loose. Every battle ain't Armageddon. It's not.
[23:03] Every battle is not the Second World War. It ain't. I mean, if one, hey, and I don't, when I knew Jim was smoking, I didn't have a heart attack.
[23:19] In my mind, I figured he would. You know, if my daughter had done it, I probably had a heart attack, maybe. But pick your battles. You want to say something, Mom?
[23:32] Go ahead. You got something on your mind? There it is, Robert. There you go, son. Thank you.
[23:42] Thank you. I think all of us have a plan in our minds with our children.
[23:53] We want them to, I mean, we pray for them before they were born. We start praying for them. I started praying for a mate for my children just as soon as I found out I was pregnant.
[24:04] And I, Betty and I had our children back in the dark ages when we didn't know the sex of the child until it was born. I know y'all can't imagine that. But that really happened.
[24:15] And I prayed for the mate that God would prepare a mate for my child then. Jim's talking about discipline. When do you start discipline?
[24:29] That may be in the mind of a lot of people. How old do you think that a child should be when you start to discipline them? Right now we have a nine-month-old grandbaby.
[24:58] Okay. Thank you. She's got the whole family wrapped around her finger. Our daughter is 38 and she lost five babies so she had prayed seven years.
[25:20] So, you know, already she is in control. Children come here with that spirit. They are born in sin. And I used to think that Jim especially would just lay in the bed and try to think of ways that he was going to torment me the next day.
[25:39] Now, a lot of you moms can certainly think that you understand that completely because your children will do everything in their power to overpower you.
[25:52] and nothing is sadder to see than children who are running the house. We're living in that day. We're living in the day that animals get more attention than children.
[26:06] We were missionaries in Scotland for eight years and we saw that children were left outside of pubs and dogs were taken in. and now we're living in it here as well.
[26:17] But I want to tell you that children, they need love. They need you to model that love.
[26:28] And they need discipline. And if you don't do it, you are going to do exactly what God's word says. you're going to raise a child that will not respect you and they will not respect anybody, any other adult and they won't respect God.
[26:46] Now, I know that some of you are sitting here right now thinking, well, my children, they're so good and they don't ever need a spanking. Yeah, sure.
[26:57] I don't believe that. There's not, all of us were born in sin. And unless we prove to them, and if you have a strong-willed child, oh, God help you.
[27:08] I will pray hard for you. Those are hard, hard children to deal with. But God doesn't make any mistakes. And always remember the children that you have, you know, God gave them to you.
[27:22] And God will give you the wisdom to do with them what God intended. God's got a plan for their life. And God makes no mistakes. Lots of times I used to think, with Jim, I'd say, Lord, I know you don't make any mistakes, but I think you did this stuff.
[27:40] Because he was just a handful every day. And I was telling him on the, we were talking to him on FaceTime and he was talking about his little girl, Allie. And I said, Jim, just hang on.
[27:51] I said, son, I said, when you turned about eight, nine years old, that was the first time you could really tell that what we were doing was right.
[28:02] And I said, you calm down, you still had bad moments, but you weren't bad all the time. It was just, you know, every now and then. So just hang on. So that's my encouragement to you. Be faithful to God and be faithful to do what God says.
[28:18] Now, it's very easy for us to do good one day and say, I am just so tired of this, I'm just going to take a break from it. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you want to do.
[28:29] You can't do that. You can't do that. It's not perfection as a parent, but it is direction. You've got to have a direction and you've got to be consistent at it.
[28:40] So just hang on and just trust God to help you to do that. Another thing with discipline is you say, well, it's not working.
[28:52] Well, anything that goes by the Bible will work. It might work overnight, might not work over two or three years, but it does work because God put it in here and God didn't put it in any way space.
[29:07] And the reasons, I wrote some, Eli, we all remember Eli in the Old Testament. 1 Corinthians 3, 1 Samuel 3, verse 13. It says, For I have told him, thou judge his house forever, for the iniquity which he doeth because his sons made themselves vile and he restrained them not.
[29:26] Samuel did not restrain his children and he lost his children. Samuel, that was Eli, Samuel didn't restrain his boys, he lost his boys.
[29:39] David pampered Absalom, made a big baby out of him, Absalom took over the kingdom, run his own father off, took over the kingdom, ended up hanging by his hair, and they speared him in his heart and he lost his boy just because he did not want to restrain him.
[30:00] Now, like I said, some of this isn't easy. I never enjoyed whipping Jim, never did, or Tamara, either one, I never enjoyed it.
[30:12] I mean, I'd look at him and I'd say, son, you know I've got to do this. He'd nod his head. And we had, the way we did it, certain offenses got so many licks.
[30:25] I think the most I'd give was four. I've been three with a wooden spoon. So, the punishment fit the crime. But anyway, I'd say, son, you're going to get three.
[30:37] He'd nod his head. I'd bend him over the bed, I'd give him whatever. He'd cry and I'd cry. I didn't enjoy that. I did not enjoy whipping my son and I love more than anything.
[30:50] In the world, besides her, I love those children. But I had to do it because I did not want to lose my boy to the world or my daughter to the world.
[31:03] All of us remember good King Uzziah. Good King. But the thing most of us forget about him is his grandson nailed the temple door shut.
[31:18] He did. Uzziah, great king. But his grandson's daddy dropped the ball and his grandson turned out an idiot that didn't love God, didn't love the church and nailed the church house door shut so nobody could go.
[31:38] I don't want that. God. So if it means I've got to suffer and discipline my children and watch them suffer and God help me I'm going to have to do it.
[31:49] I will. I never enjoyed it. God. But I do think you need to I mean Jim would just man I'm with mama he'd just stay up at night thinking ways would drive you nuts.
[32:04] And once he ever found the button to push he had you he can still push hers she'll get fired up of course there are a lot people think me and Jim just alike he's a lot like her.
[32:18] He push that button she gets fired up and he's done it all his stinking life. And there'd be times I'd think God I'm going to beat him Aaron and I'd get in there and I'd do what I never enjoyed it.
[32:31] But you need to make sure that you do it right and we'll talk about that in a minute you do it right but they know why they're getting it and decide about the licks what they do how many all this decide all that when they're this little girl's age decide early talk it over with your wife make sure you're in agreement got to be in agreement ain't no good if you're not got to be in agreement together with it.
[33:00] Alright we talked about requirements rules restrictions then there's repercussions I tell them to do stuff we've got rules we've limited them they need to realize their actions have consequences their decision affects others and the thing that I learned from my daddy and I pray Jim learned from me is that somebody else is in charge you're not daddy's in the house are in charge we'll talk about that probably tonight or tomorrow God said husband you're in charge Jim two or three four year old little knothead is not going to run the house God didn't describe it like that so they'll learn somebody else is in charge and it's you they need to know that
[34:01] I scared them my daddy I don't know if Jim's ever scared of anything but I scared of daddy daddy was as big as Jim or bigger and he never read any books he didn't know about sticks or wooden spoons or nothing else he had a hand about that much bigger than mine that's what he used he didn't care what he hit you with it but I learned in that house if I did what he didn't like God help me he was the boss and he'd help me when I went in the military I'd already learn what some of them other idiots didn't know yet that there was always somebody else I was in charge my daddy taught me that they did so they told me to do something I've done it but they've got to learn that and we're the only ones to teach it you say preacher when do you start there's a verse Proverbs 13 24 that talks about chasing him betimes that word betimes literally means mourning dawning dawning of the day so when do you when do you start when do we start whipping out
[35:20] I don't really remember do you I'm going to leave that up to y'all y'all figure that out y'all will know but I I mean I let her nine month old granddaughter she already man she don't like nothing you're going to know it she's nine months old you tick her off now at nine months so I you know I don't know that's that's in your ball for not mine but commenced childhood and they'll push your limits oh man they'll put whatever limits and rules you set they'll push you right to the edge of them things you say why do they do that they're children you did the same thing I bet you Jonathan Marks did his mom and daddy the same way his however many youngins say God he's doing him
[36:20] I'll bet you didn't you Jonathan you're lying you know he did you did pushed them right if they said when Jim got his driver's license I'll never forget it had an old jeep he took off the limit had to be on 11 o'clock 11 o'clock so at exactly 11 here he pulls up and I said what you been doing he said well I hung out with a bunch of guys till about 1030 I said what'd you do then he said oh I drove my jeep down there in the parking lot of Pleasant Hill Church and sit so it was time to come home at 11 I said what you sit in the parking lot of a church he said they'll be home to 11 he'll get home early right to the very limit and they will just to see what mom and dad are going to do and if they can get between y'all if mom's for whipping dad's not or dad's fart and mom's not and they they sense that they're pretty smart they're pretty smart if they sense that they'll get right in the middle of that which one's not for it oh they'll just cuddle up really so you've got to be together start early
[37:45] I will say that start early correct as a last resort I'd rebuke the verse we read rebuke the rod and rebuke I'd tell them I'd say to son daughter this is the way it was you didn't I'd give one more shot rebuke then correction last resort compassionate don't get mad you may hurt them don't get mad when they're little you may hurt them you get bigger but don't hurt them calm down have compassion let me say this and please don't take me wrong do a complete job do it right if you're going to get them back in the bedroom you're going to whip them do a good job make sure they know that there are repercussions for what they did make sure because they're going to get older they are they're going to get older and they've got to know for sure that daddy and mama meant what they said i was thinking all this week when i my dad raised me just like we tried to do gym and he did a good job i remember one time i was 16 i didn't have a driver's license so i was with three other guys and we was in greenville south carolina probably 45 minutes from where we lived from the church house my two rules dad had you worked and you went to church that's it worked went to church i'm in greenville 45 minutes with these three other idiots so it dawns on me oh lord you gotta go to church and these guys they don't go to church so i look at them big manly me i said you gotta get me the six mile i gotta go to church they said what i said i gotta go to church you know why i had to go to church because if i hadn't oh lord i'm 16 i'm 62 and 16 daddy wouldn't have cared if i was seven foot tall so they raced me back to pickings as far as they take me i go to another friend's house be on his door he's a mess of this they didn't go to church on sunday night then so i banged on bill's door i said bill take me to church i got to go to church i didn't love god at all i was lost i didn't like the church didn't like the singing didn't like the preacher i was going because i scared of daddy i'm 16 he did a good job i knew if i didn't show up it'd be a sight when he got home so i got there i slipped in the back door like a little cat trying to get in there i slipped in and sat down about three rows from the back and you know that big rascal heard me coming in and turned all the way around and bashed the devil out of me but it's better than getting tore all the pieces he said where's you at i said daddy i got here and i did and i never done that again hey man do a good job do a good job then be consistent don't lie to them if you look at them and say i'm gonna tear your fanny up you get them home whip them don't lie don't lie to them be consistent do it right i wrote this down it says some things a child can learn through the seat of his pants before he's twelve that
[41:46] he'll only learn through pain later you can teach them a lot through the seat of their britches that when they're twenty years old they'll learn through a lot of pain agony anguish and heartache really be consistent be prompt be together and do it with a view to repentance same way god does us i sin god chastens me so i repent come back to god i chasten my child so he'll correct himself and do what's right you've got to remember hebrews 12 7 through 10 are examples for us how god chastens us we chasten our children god the father loved us and we chasten our children because we love them i don't want nothing to happen to my children they were god gave them to me they were mine i did not want to lose my children failure to discipline will show up i'm telling you it will show up your daughter and i'm not please i don't thank god i don't know you all that well you pamper her pet her give her everything she's ever wanted when that poor man marries her god help him he's got a spoiled pampered little girl that he's going to have to raise by himself through a lot of anguish heartache weeping and wailing because she's had everything she's ever wanted i'm glad i never had anything never had much because i couldn't give much jim went to jail he get his own way out i didn't have money to pay him out people in the church would pay their young out of stuff i didn't have it to do it and thank god for it daddy i said don't daddy me i got no money i didn't i wasn't lying and then these good girls it was raised right or get hitched up to some knothead that's been given everything he wanted been bailed out of every situation he ever got himself in every time he got in trouble at school his mama was down there fussing at the teachers and not whipping him some little girl will get that knothead and she'll be sunk because you didn't whip his hinein when he needed it really and we'll talk about this probably more tomorrow we took care of our daughter she's a girl take care of girls i'm sure chuck took care of hannah took care of mine you look at her wrong i'm going to get you i'm going to get you jim i didn't take care of his self that's the way daddy raised me boys take care of their self i never went to school at one time that's because i got mad myself and nothing to him didn't go take care of his self but you've got to discipline you've got to discipline these children every book i read a lot of books before this and during this and every one of them without exception the best one i've read is by adrian rogers and i'll bring it tomorrow night he he takes child raising back to the ten commandments and gives ten successful ways ten successful something about the family best i've ever read tremendous stuff he said it all stands or falls on discipline and it does if you go to
[45:46] every city you take a kid put him in the military first thing they're going to do is discipline him first thing they'll do is break your will first am I right yes first thing they're going to break your will and then marine then they'll make a marine out of you Adrian Rogers said and another guy read said you've got to break the wheel I'm not saying that because I don't know how far you've got to go you can't break through spirit you don't break any child's spirit but they've got to know you're the boss or they'll be disobedient I had kids in my church would look at their mother and say shut up to their mother you know how many times I'd have done that if my daddy heard me I'd have been arms lift they'll be disobedient they'll be disrespectful they'll be disgraceful children because we didn't spike them it's our fault it's not they're they're just doing what kids will do without restraint my dad just done like that and that's it that's it
[47:10] I boom sir I did I didn't lie discipline any questions don't be afraid please I got a tie on because I didn't know what else to wear Aaron good good question good question as they get older did y'all hear that how does discipline change as a child grows great good question as they grow older to be perfectly honest with us probably by 12 or 13 you've instilled in them all the knowledge of good and evil crime and punishment in them they're going to listen to from I know for sure from 15 on you're probably an advisor a 15 year old kid if you hadn't called him by then and
[48:17] I'm like you know changes they know as much as you do it's up to them to do something that answer there good okay we believe that the word of God is the word of God and that God's word will do what he says it will do and I believe in instilling making your children memorize scripture there were a lot of times with our kids that whipping didn't stop them from doing what they were going to do and I just believe God enough that I would take the word of God to my child and as early as five years old or four years old and I would sit down with them and say look what you need to be doing here is not because mom and daddy telling you to do this but it's
[49:23] God telling you to do this and not only do I believe that God's word speaks when my words fail because I prove that with my kids it does but teaching them I made them memorize scriptures but not only make them but we learn them with them and you know it's something that you trust and you know God will do he said his word would not return the Lord there were many times that we disciplined our children maybe quicker than we should have and out of anger and fell down beside the bed with them and said honey I'm sorry I have done this I said I'm sorry mama got mad and I should not have spanked you then what you did was wrong but
[50:24] I should not have done it the way I did it and I want you to forgive me your children need to understand that you make mistakes too and then there were times when I didn't know what to do and I would kneel down beside them beside their bed with them in the bed and I would pray out loud and say Lord I don't know what to do I know that this is your child and you've made me the mother but I don't know what to do and I'm asking you for wisdom and they got to hear that and they got to know that that's where I got my instructions from that Gemini got our instructions from God and you y'all your children that are little and even up until they're 17 or 18 years old they don't have a relationship with
[51:27] God to the point that they've learned to trust him and him only what I'm trying to I guess what I'm trying to say is that you know that we are the God to them you as mom and dad are the only God they see and if you don't teach them you know that this is all from him you know we're trusting him they've got to see that and then when they get saved themselves you know and the change takes place old things pass away and all things become new I know personally I was raised in church I never missed church but I was in college before I even realized that there were verses in the Bible for me and I saw this happen in both of my children it kind of dawns on them at some point that they're not living on the faith of a parent but they're learning it for themselves but up until then up until then you know they're looking to you as the
[52:30] God in the house and it's just like Jim said the discipline part a lot of times you're not going to know what to do but God will show you what to do and everybody's probably tired any more questions another thing that Erin there's other I mean there's other ways she was mentioned when I I didn't get saved I was 24 mother would when I was in the military she'd put a Bible in my duffel bag and she'd send me tapes of course because you all don't even remember what kind of tapes I got back in the dark ages but she'd send me tapes and I'd play them and they'd be heard and death talking to me and I was in Vietnam they'd be talking to me right in the middle of it they'd put my brother on singing some gospel song knowing I'm going to listen to it because he's my brother for crying out loud back home
[53:30] I'd leave and I don't know how she'd get my duffel bag son but she'd get my duffel bag and put a Bible in it and had turned down stuff like that but there's other ways to get I mean discipline's great but when they get older like Aaron said you've got to figure out creative ways to get the gospel to them Jim come to us and he said dad he was playing football in high school and he said dad I need a verse of scripture to put in my football shoes so I went to Isaiah 43 1 2 3 and I give it to him he'd put it in his sock you know on Fridays and then some of them other guys black and white he'd come and say well the verse of scripture Mr.
[54:07] Roberts so I'd give it so there's ways of being creative if your child don't get saved when he's you know a teenager or early twenties and there's other ways of doing I guess what you've instilled in them through discipline just refine with it in other ways when they get older if they don't get saved when they're teenagers prayerfully will but if they don't then there's other ways the word of God is it it's it they've heard you and they've heard mom and daddy so much it's that thing it's that book that'll do it I mean Jim loved us I love my mom and daddy but it was that thing right there that convicted my heart and I got saved go ahead Robert how do you guys you said we were talking about discipline how do you keep on being disciplined and still be gracious and still be kind to your kids because some people myself discipline I kind of like that thought you know what I mean but like grace and that sort of how do you did you was there like how did you guys seem like you guys did it pretty good with your kids you have to calm down that child got to know that you love them they've got to that you're not doing it because you're ticked off at them you're mad at them and you're just getting angry with them you're going to get back at them and I've done that
[55:33] Robert I've done that I've got some man just you know whipped them harder and shouldn't have done it they've got to know you love them and the reason you're doing it is for their good not ain't nothing got to do with you you're doing it for their good and if they know Robert those little girls they'll know you love them and with little girls you can't I mean if it's a big old boy I mean that's one thing but little girls are different they're different I mean Jim I wailed on Jim tell me you can't a little girl you can hurt a little girl quicker emotionally you can hurt a little girl quicker but the bottom line it's got to know you love them and we would also take ours after we spank them yeah we'd hug them we'd let them cry and we'd go in and we'd pick them up and put them in our laps and say okay you know this is why we gave you the spanking we want you to know that you are the best ever to us we're not mad at you because of what you did we just don't you know we're not going to put up with that bottom line and let them just hold them in love yeah and let them cry
[56:46] I mean I've seen people whip them and they'll just come and you beat the devil out of them they're going to cry and I look at mom and dad and look up and say show up hush hush you just beat the daylights out of them let them get it out I mean an hour would be too long you know but love them when you get through love them what are some things you guys did with your kids to show them that you loved them I'd get when Jim was little I'd just hook him up and tell him I loved him well after you spanked them or anytime just anytime you play with them you sit down you sit down on the floor and you play with them you spend time with them we did we spent time with our kids I saw somebody put on Facebook this week I can't remember who it was and said their child was out playing and he begged mama to come play she was thinking about all she had to do but she went on out and played and she said at the end of the day he looked at her and he says mom it's been the best day you know you got to think about what's going to make a difference when you stand before
[57:50] God I believe in cleaning the house I do I believe in teaching your children chores I believe in that but I also believe that the cell phone needs to be laid down I believe that the iPad needs to be laid down and I believe we need to spend time with our kids without technology our daughter has no technology days in her house she's got a 13 year old 10 year old no technology days and I think you got to do that you got to eliminate everything else and just focus on your child your kids want you they'll ask you for money and car keys and junk like that they want you I mean Lord if you can coach them in baseball softball volleyball do it I coached him four years in baseball spent every day with him this arm ain't worth a dime now for pitching bat and practice to a bunch of knotheads playing baseball I spent time with him when he started playing middle school football he said daddy you come practice and watch us
[58:56] I started in middle school I watched him practice every day in middle school every day at junior varsity I watched him every day in the 10th grade the 11th grade and the 12th grade when he made the triumbo I went to two practices where my boy was I was there when Tamara was a cheerleader at a Christian school when she had a game me and her was there God spent time with them what did you do with Tamara when she was little at tea parties I've drunk tea that didn't exist in the 10th every time like that sitting on the floor drinking tea I walked her to school it's great I walked her to school in Scotland in Scotland I'd walk her to school and I can't sing I barely can talk but she'll remember I walked her to school and I'd sing on the way there you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy the skies are gray you'll never know dear how much
[59:57] I love you and I do and I did but play I'd spend boys and girls play with them I mean go outside do whatever you can do just be where they want you they don't want to share you with their congregation or your work they want you all the other they do them girls want to be around their mom and daddy they do I mean we played I mean sure when Jim would bring boys over we'd move the furniture back in the living room they'd want to wrestle I'd say alright we'll wrestle I'd say the only rule is if I hit you and you cry I quit so we'd wrestle they'd get on the couch they'd make me get on the floor I'd get on the couch they'd get on the couch of course back then I watched wrestling before it got so bad y'all would never do that he'd jump off the couch and they'd try to elbow drop me in the belly and all that stuff and we're just tired of the living room up but that's memories
[61:03] I still love that be with your children then when you spank them they'll know he's doing this for me that old man really loved me I didn't beat the devil out of me but there wasn't a day that I lived that I did not know that that big man loved me and he'd give me anything he had and he'd stand beside me anywhere anytime I knew that they didn't tell me that I just knew it in my heart I knew it spend time with them love them they're yours everybody else will leave but your kids are yours I mean the cook's boys and marines but that's still Wayne's boy there will be 145 they're yours that's a good question Robert good anybody else okay that's all we got Trent thank you son