[0:00] If we do not know who we are in Christ, if we don't massage that, if we don't develop that, if we don't on a consistent basis walk closer with God, we'll never be the right Christian husband if we're not the right Christian.
[0:32] It just happens that way. We can't think that we will be this wonderful Christian husband if we're a lazy, lousy Christian. This won't line up.
[0:44] We can't shortcut our walk with God with our walk with our life. We cannot be wrong with our wife and right with God. You understand that?
[0:56] You say, well, no, I can't. No, because we're right with God. We're going to be working towards being right with our wives. So let me have a word of prayer. We'll jump into some things about some men tonight.
[1:08] Lord, I love you. And I ask God if you would help me tonight. And I pray to you just help me to focus, God, and expound on some of these things, God, that will help this ministry.
[1:19] Thank you, Lord, for what they stand for. Thank you, God, for the lives that are represented here tonight. And, Lord, may you honor the preaching and the teaching of your word tonight. In Jesus' name, amen. If you would take your Bibles and turn to 2 Samuel.
[1:33] Turn to 2 Samuel. You've heard it said before, one of the core values of our ministry, and I'm sure it's here even though it may not be stated, is that healthy families grow healthy churches.
[1:48] Healthy families grow healthy churches. And the stronger the families, the stronger the churches. I'm a firm believer in that. That's why I spend a lot of time preaching on the family.
[1:58] I spend a lot of time preaching about marriages. I spend a lot of time preaching and teaching on parenting. Because I know that the family unit is making up my church.
[2:09] And if I want a strong church that's doing some things great for God, now I've got to have some strong families that are going to stay together, they're going to work together, they're going to worship together. The problem is our families have become weaker and weaker by the generation.
[2:21] And I believe there are major reasons because our marriages have become weaker. And the result is because our men have become weaker. You see, we're living in a world today where men won't be men.
[2:36] And guys, if we're not going to be a man, we're not going to be able to be the husband or the father for our wives or for our children. Husbands, I don't believe, aren't leading like they should.
[2:48] Dads aren't stepping up and being the examples like they ought to be. Just because one's a male doesn't make him a man. You understand that? There's a lot of people, they're males, but they're far from being a man and even a man of God.
[3:03] I believe men in general in this society have become passive. I believe we have been, you know, go with the flowers. We've backed off of our role in society.
[3:15] We've become pushovers. We don't want to ruffle feathers. We don't want to rock the boat. We don't like conflicts and we'll do everything we can to avoid it. And that overflows into our marriages.
[3:26] We have to work through those conflicts if we're going to be the right husband. And basically, I believe, we become weak. There used to be a time, I think, when a man, when he knew something was wrong, he would stand up and say, no, that's wrong.
[3:38] I'm not going to do that. No, we're not going to do that. Our family's not going to be involved in that. And I believe that we live in a society today that that's not necessarily the case. There used to be a time when a man would say, I don't want to hear her whine and nags.
[3:52] I'll just give in and I'll do it her way. That's what's going on now. And ladies, I'm not teaching on male dominance tonight, but male development. I want to help you this evening.
[4:05] I'm not here to degrade the woman or emphasize submission. I talked a little bit about that last night. But I want to help you ladies this evening. I want you to have the man you've always wanted. The man.
[4:15] And if you're single, I want to help you look for the man that God would have for you. I want you to have your Prince Charming. I want you to have that man who will maintain your honor.
[4:29] Who will fight the dragons in life for you. You want that. You wanted a hero on a horse. Some of us got a bump on a log. I mean, some of you wanted the breadwinner.
[4:43] Instead, you got the Pillsbury Doughboy. You know what I mean? And so we want them to make a stand. We want them to be the leader in our homes.
[4:54] You want your husband to step up and take the sword and lead the charge. You desperately. Some of you ladies in here are. Your heart yearns for your husband to step up, spiritually speaking, and be a godly leader for you and for your children.
[5:11] You're scared maybe to tell him that. But inside your hearts, you're praying for that. And you would fall right in line if he would step up and do that. You want confidence in him.
[5:22] You want him to be a dad that your children can look up to and want to model their life after. A lot of people say that men left the scene when Leavitt, the beaver, went off the air.
[5:35] That may be the case. I believe this is an age-old problem that we have. I won't take the time, but you could go back to Judges and you could look at those men in Joshua's life.
[5:47] And you can see there's at least three different types of generations where it said that those that were with Joshua, they served God. They served the Lord. They knew God. And then Joshua died and it said that they continued to serve God for those who outlived Joshua.
[6:01] They knew about God, but they really didn't know him like Joshua's crowd did. And they began to grow away from him. And if you were to read down in verse number 11, it would say that there's another generation that came up after him that knew not God.
[6:16] So what we see was a distinct going away from God. And the truths weren't handed down from generation to generation. And unfortunately, I believe men nowadays have so much resistance to being men that many of them don't want to fight or stand anymore.
[6:32] The media makes our dads look like bumbling idiots. The TV shows and the cartoon, what are those things called? The sitcoms as well.
[6:47] It's those cartoons that I'm trying to think of the name. Yeah, well, that's in particular one. But anyway, that type of a cartoon right there, they make our dads look like failures.
[7:00] You know, when the dog's the smartest person in the house, there's a problem with what our kids were watching. You know what, we were watching Homer Simpson. Of course, he's kind of, I guess, gone by the wayside.
[7:12] But he was a disgrace to the American family. The internet has made a monster out of men. It used to be where men had to slip down back alleys and seedy little places to see the things they see.
[7:26] Now it's just two clicks away. The website managers say that one of every five people on the internet hit a sexually oriented site at least once a month.
[7:40] The statistics tell us that the pornographic business exceeds $10 billion a year just in America. We talked a little bit about that last night. Now every man from business professionals to Baptist preachers in the privacy of their homes and their offices are being destroyed because they won't be men and say no.
[8:00] No, I won't click there. No, I won't go to that website. No, I won't have a conversation with a woman that's not my wife like that. No, I won't be texting. No, I won't be emailing another woman.
[8:11] No, I won't wait until my family goes to bed and then watch those television shows or those movies. That's the kind of men that we need. You say, preacher, that never happened to me.
[8:22] I can never fall into that trap. Then listen, sir, you must be godlier than David, wiser than Solomon, and stronger than Samson. Because every single one of those men were toppled by a woman.
[8:35] And if we sit up here and we can say, oh, that'll never happen to my family, then I'd like to take you to some families that I've been counseling with in the last year. And let you sit in front of them and let that man tell you what his life is like now because he didn't say no.
[8:51] We need men to claim Psalm 101.3. I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes. I hate the work of them that turn aside. It shall not cleave to me. The truth of the matter is we need some mighty men.
[9:03] Take your Bibles, if you would, there in 2 Samuel 23. And I know Brother Alston has preached a lot about mighty men. I've enjoyed hearing some of his messages. I just want it for those who may not understand.
[9:15] There was about 37 men who stood above a crowd of 400 or so more. They just stood above. There were some mighty men in the life of David who fought for him.
[9:26] And verse number 8 of 2 Samuel 23, we read, these be the names of the mighty men whom David had. So there's a tack of might that sat in the seat, chief among the captains. The same was Adina of the Esonite.
[9:37] He lifted up his spear against 800 whom he slew at one time. I mean, this is a bad dude, all right? Verse 9, after him was Eliezer, the son of Dodo. He didn't have a cool name, but one of three mighty men with David, when they defied the Philistines that were gathered together to battle, and the men of Israel were going away.
[9:55] He arose, he had smoked the Philistines until his hand was weary, and his hand clave unto the sword. And the Lord brought a great victory that day, and the people were turned after him only to spoil. I mean, he fought all day long that basically he could not move his hand and pry it off the sword because it basically had cleaved into the handle there.
[10:13] And after him was Shemiah, the son of Agath, the Harai. And the Philistines were gathered together in a troop where was a piece of ground full of lentils, and the people fled from the Philistines. But he stood in the midst of the ground, and he defended it, and slew the Philistines, and the Lord brought a great victory.
[10:27] Here's a guy who stands in a pea patch fighting off the Philistines all day long. He was a mighty man. A great victory was brought. And the three of the three chiefs went down and came to David in the harvest time, into the cave of Adullam, and the troop of the Philistines pitched in the valley of Rephium.
[10:41] David was then in a hold, and in the garrison of the Philistines, was then in Bethlehem. And David longed and said, Oh, that one, give me drink of the water of the well of Bethlehem, which is by the gate. And the three mighty men which break through the host of the Philistines, drew water out of the well of Bethlehem that was by the gate, and took it and brought it to David.
[10:57] I mean, these guys would do anything for their leader. They were mighty men who weren't afraid of the obstacles that went before them. And you could read through here, and it'd go all the way through the end of the chapter, and you can see and read about the feats of these mighty men.
[11:14] These were mighty men. They were warriors. And we need warriors. We had the privilege of starting a Christian school a few years ago, and when you, it starts off fresh, we were able to come up with our own mascot, you know.
[11:28] And while I was praying about that, and our school has a philosophy of training young men and young women, and I said, We want to train warriors for God. And so we're the warriors, the Victory Baptist warriors, and it's been fun taking that theme and teaching and preaching about how we ought to be and can be warriors.
[11:48] See, warriors are focused. They're intent. They know they have a task at hand. They know they have a job to do. They realize they're on a mission. They realize they have a purpose in their life.
[11:58] And a warrior is a focused individual. And if we're going to be the men we ought to be in our relationships, men, then we need to be focused on her. We need to be focused on God. We need to be focused on making sure we are being the husband that God wants us to be.
[12:12] We can't get sidetracked with all the incidentals in life. We've got to stay on task. Not only are warriors focused, they're faithful. I mean, there used to be some loyal men right here.
[12:23] They broke through the enemy just to get some water. I mean, these guys were faithful to their leader. You could count on these men, and that's the kind of men that we need in our marriages.
[12:35] Faithful men. Men that our women, our wives can count on. These men were fearless. Warriors are fearless. They weren't afraid of the task at hand. The enemy may be huge.
[12:46] The obstacles were big, but they stood their ground and they fought. And that's what I'm trying to strive to help you understand tonight, men. You've got to be that kind of a warrior for your marriage.
[12:58] Look, when you said I do, consider it done. Too many people are looking for ways and reasons why they could get out of their marriage or should get out of their marriage instead of saying, here's what I need to do to stay in it.
[13:12] Here's what I can do to fix me, to help me be all I can be. You understand, marriages aren't partnerships. It's not a 50-50 thing. It's not you do her part and she does her part and you'll meet somewhere in the middle.
[13:26] No, I've got to give 100%. She's got to give 100%. And when we're both doing that, hey, we're going to have some victories in our marriage. But too many people buy out and say, well, and I hear it all the time.
[13:38] Well, I'm doing my part. I'm doing everything I know to do to be a good father, a good husband. It's her. She's the one with the problem. Well, if you're only doing your part, look, sometimes you've got to do, you've got to go.
[13:53] I am one of those guys who does not believe in 110%. I know some of you guys right here, you say, me, you've got to give 110%. And I don't know, maybe you all use that phrase. To me, if you give 110%, you're only giving 90 and you have 10 more to give.
[14:07] Because if you're giving all you've got, that's all you've got. You cannot give more than you have. Now, God can take that what you give and make it more than what you can give.
[14:18] But you can only give what you can give. And I have to give 100% to this woman if I am going to be doing the role of the warrior in my relationship and in my marriage.
[14:31] If you were to read through this right here and you saw that, how many would agree that these were describing mighty men? Would you think these were guys that were mighty men? I mean, they were. There were some huge feats that they did.
[14:43] And you say, well, there's no way I could be like that. I mean, I'm afraid to take the trash out at night. Because I don't know if the boogeyman is going to get me, you know. I couldn't be a mighty man.
[14:55] My financial state is hardly that of a mighty man. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs. I wouldn't be considered a mighty man. I'm so distressed with deadlines that I'm having to meet.
[15:10] I don't think I'd be on a mighty man list because I am bogged down. I'm distressed about things. I'm so discontented with my marriage. I'm so discontented with my lot in life.
[15:21] You can count me out as a candidate for a mighty man. And if you're sitting out here this evening and you're agreeing with me right now, I've got some good news for you.
[15:32] I've got some encouraging news. I've got some enlightening news for you. These men weren't always mighty men. You know, it says they were, they were, they were, they're, look at, look, take a look back to chapter 22.
[15:49] I want you to see this. Look back a couple of chapters to your left and look at 2 Samuel verse 22. I want you to see verse 1 and verse number 2. It says, Hold on a second.
[16:08] Where am I at here? Oh, I'm sorry. Look at 1 Samuel. I'm going to 2 Samuel. 1 Samuel. And look at chapter number 22. David therefore departed thence and came to the cave of the Dullam.
[16:21] And when his brethren and all his father's house heard it, they went down hither to him. And notice the kind of men that he's talking about here. And everyone that was in distress, everyone that was in debt, everyone that was discontented.
[16:37] Did I just not use those adjectives to describe these men, these mighty men? Or describe perhaps you in our lives or me in my lives. And he says, they were in debt, they were distressed, and everyone was discontented.
[16:51] They gathered themselves unto them. He became a captain over them, and there were with him about 400 men. You see, these mighty men started out being just like you and I in here.
[17:01] They started out of being just ordinary common men. And you may not line up with the feats of these mighty men, but you can say, I can line up with the failures of those mighty men.
[17:14] You see, this group knew what it was like to be financially strapped and in debt. I'm not going to ask you to raise your hand tonight, but there was probably a few of us who could identify with that. These men right here, they knew what it was to have ruined relationships.
[17:27] They knew what it was to be living with a feeling of never being satisfied. So they were discontent. They were discontent with where they are in life and where they were in life. And this group of men, if you look at them, they seemed like a group of losers, really, rather than being mighty men.
[17:42] In a lot of instances, the world would consider them failures. They weren't at the top of the corporate ladder. These guys, they didn't have the perfect home life or the perfect marriage. They didn't have it all together.
[17:54] Just regular, ordinary men. But how did they move in the logs of Scripture from being these kind of men in debt, distressed, discontent to being considered and qualified as mighty men?
[18:07] What transformed them? Something I think every one of us in here is capable of doing this evening. Look at the last part of verse number 2. We see the common denominator, I believe, that all these men had.
[18:19] It says that they were in debt, they were discontented, and they gathered themselves unto him. Unto who? I'm talking about David. And he, David, became a captain over them.
[18:33] Here's what these guys did. They rallied themselves around a man that God had placed in their lives. And what they did, they said, You know what? I'm going to identify with this man for God's purposes for my life.
[18:47] They understood to get apart and separated. They couldn't get a whole lot accomplished. But when the man that God sent in their life came together, they rallied around him.
[18:59] They got around him. It said they gathered themselves unto him, and he became a captain over them. And teenagers, here's the thing I want to tell you. If you'll honor and respect the leader in your life, namely your father, then you too can be a mighty teenager.
[19:14] Ladies, if you will gather around your husband as a godly leader and gather your family around him, you can have that mighty family. Sir, if you'll gather around the men and the teachers and the leaders and the preachers that God has placed in your life, you can see that God can help you be a mighty man, and he can help you develop that man so you can be the right kind of husband.
[19:40] Preacher, if we will gather our leadership around us and we'll gather around the leadership of our life, God, then we can have some mighty ministries around here that will do great things for God. You see, the thing about it is this.
[19:51] He'll never be first place in the church house if he's not first place in our house. He'll never be first place in our house if he's not first place in our marriages. And he'll never be first place in our marriages if he's not first place in our hearts.
[20:02] It all boils back down to that who am I, that B part. I can be a mighty husband, but I must be walking with him.
[20:14] I must be gathering myself under the captains that God has placed in my life, starting with him and working our way down. Gentlemen, when we come to that point, I'm just trying to encourage you.
[20:27] You may think that your marriage has been a failure to this point. You may feel like you haven't really been the kind of guy that she thought she was marrying.
[20:42] You can change that. But you've got to understand something. You've got to change you. You can't change a marriage without changing you. You can be a mighty man in your marriage.
[20:55] Now, I want to talk to the women just for a second because I want to encourage them as well. Honey, I'm going to ask you if you would come up. This is my wife, Michelle. And my wife and I, we've been married for 18 years this past October.
[21:10] And we are both 40 years old. And I told you last night, we've been married. We've been alive about a year longer than, or less longer than he's been married.
[21:21] And it tells you he's been married a long time. He knows what he's talking about. He talks about marriages. About eight, it was eight, maybe, so we've been 18, maybe 10 years ago, my wife and I had something happen in our relationship that changed it.
[21:39] It was pivotal in our relationship. We had a good relationship and a good marriage. I've been in ministry for 18 years. We got married, went on our honeymoon, and came back and started working at Victory Baptist Church, where I pastor at now.
[21:51] And the very next week, we moved into a little place we were renting. And it seems like a long time ago, doesn't it? And started working on the church there, and youth pastor. And Lord, it's just been so good to us.
[22:03] And so we worked through ministry. And about eight years into our ministry, well, before that, maybe six, seven years, we began to, I began to get so busy, and I began to focus on the ministry, and I had so many things going on that I was responsible for.
[22:20] And she was responsible for a lot of things. And we started having children, and we didn't have the unity that we needed in our relationship. We began to drift apart a little bit. And she was frustrated, and I was frustrated.
[22:33] And, I mean, we weren't having major issues, but you just know when you're not, you know, gee-hauling, we're not just walking step and step. And I remember one day she came to me.
[22:46] She had been studying her Bible that morning, reading her Bible that morning, and I was maybe in the other room, and I don't know what I was doing, but she came in, and she kind of sat down on the chair of the couch there beside me, and she said, I don't need you anymore.
[23:06] And I said, I'm sorry? What do you mean you don't need me anymore? She said, I don't need you anymore. And then she began to talk to me, and she began to share with me what she meant.
[23:17] And ever since that point, the change that took place in our life, and I want you to explain, step up to the mic here, I want you to explain to them what took place, and I want you to explain your emotions and your feelings that you had up to that, and then how the Lord helped you there and then helped us consequently as a result of that.
[23:37] Well, when we first got married, I know a lot of you experienced this, especially those of you who are newly married now. There's a time period there where you're on your honeymoon still.
[23:49] Everything is just great, and everything's new and running smoothly, and you're just happy, and everything's just wonderful that time in your marriage. And as time goes by, and you start getting into the routine of things and getting used to each other, and the newness starts to kind of wear off, sometimes tension can start to happen.
[24:12] And what was happening with me was I had put so many, or had the idea of marriage in my head and what it should be like and what he should be for me that at first was happening because he was being that man for me when we first got married that everything in my mind had concocted up that I needed.
[24:34] And then through time, as he started to focus on other things and other things started to come into his life and the busier he got, I started to miss that focus that I thought he should be providing for me.
[24:51] So I started to put a lot of expectations on him to take care of me emotionally when I thought he should be home at a certain time or I thought that he should remember things that special days or whatever or gifts or, you know, whatever that I was expecting him to fulfill for me.
[25:15] And I had placed all this on his shoulders, expecting him to make me happy, expecting him to make me feel secure, expecting him to provide everything for me.
[25:27] And I started to realize that that is a huge burden on him. And it was causing tension in our marriage that I was putting so many expectations on him.
[25:40] And as I was dealing with this and praying about it, the Lord showed me one day that he can't meet all my expectations.
[25:52] He can't meet all of my needs. Women are very needy. We are. That's just the way we're made. We're very needy people. Can I get an amen right there?
[26:02] Yeah. And so I was expecting him to provide all that for me. And when the Lord showed me that that's not his purpose, that's not what he's created for, he showed me that the only person that could meet all those things that I needed was him, was the Lord.
[26:25] And when I realized that, I went in there and I basically just told Derek, I said, Honey, I don't need you anymore. And you should have seen his face.
[26:35] When I said that, he thought I was about to go out, hit the street walking. It wasn't that bad yet. I got there quick, you know. Too quick. But so I told him, I said, I don't need you anymore.
[26:49] And he looked at me funny. And I basically told him, I said, I'm sorry that I have put this big of a burden on you. I realize now that the only person that can meet all of my needs is the Lord.
[27:05] And I apologize for putting all that on you. And it was kind of funny. It kind of worked in my favor because when he realized that I didn't need him anymore to make me happy, I didn't need him anymore to provide for me, I didn't need him anymore to meet my emotional needs, anything.
[27:28] If I would just depend on the Lord to meet those needs, it relieved such a big burden off of him that he wanted to meet those needs for me then. He wanted to, after that pressure was taken off of him, realizing that if he didn't do this or that and the other, that I was going to be mad or unhappy and he was failing as a husband.
[27:49] Because that's when we put those kind of expectations on them, it does set them up for failure. Because they can't do that. They can't meet all those needs for us.
[28:00] Only the Lord can. And that released such a burden off of him that in turn, he wanted to do those things for me. And he did. And it was truly a turning point in our marriage.
[28:12] And through that, asking the Lord to help me and depending on the Lord for my needs, he enables me to be able to have a soft answer to turn away wrath.
[28:25] He enables me to have that meek and quiet spirit when I am depending on him. Now, don't get me wrong. There's times that I do lose my focus and start trying to depend on him again. And with six kids, a lot of times that happens a lot.
[28:38] But when I'm walking with God and depending on the Lord to meet my needs, I'm able to meet his needs a whole lot better. And he's able to do things for me and provide for me a whole lot better when we're not so dependent on each other but more dependent on the Lord.
[28:57] Amen. What was happening was she was... Thank you, sweetheart. What was happening was she was getting frustrated because I wasn't making those needs. And then she was saying, how come you're not this and how come you're not that? And what happened was she was at first trying to find her self-worth in what I was able to provide for her.
[29:14] She was trying to find her value in life on what I could do for her. And she began to feel like a failure as a mom, as a wife, as a pastor, as a ministry wife.
[29:25] She began to feel like she was spinning her wheels, just going in circles, trying to meet everybody else's needs, trying to check off the list of things in her life. Some of you ladies know what I'm talking about, right there.
[29:37] And you just, you feel like you were just giving, giving, giving, giving, giving everybody and you weren't being replenished. And so what I want to talk about is that aspect right there because I began to realize, especially I began to counsel with women, that that was going on and is going on in a lot of ladies' lives.
[29:54] And so I asked the question, I said, what's... Guys, why is it so hard about being a woman? Huh? Huh? Phillip, why is being a woman hard?
[30:07] Huh? Come on, give me an answer. Seriously. I mean, they get to stay at home all day long and play with the babies, right? Huh? I mean, seriously.
[30:18] Yeah, see? Trent in here, Trent. Got a couple of shorties. Where are you at, Trent? What's so hard about being a woman?
[30:33] Everything. Good answer. I preached this message, this portion right here to our ladies once not long, or a few years ago.
[30:43] And in the process of preparing for the message, I interviewed about 15 or 20 women. I wanted to know some of their workings, some of their hearts, some of their minds. Of course, I interviewed my wife and she was one of those.
[30:56] But I'd ask ladies different questions and talk to them about certain things and what's your feelings on this and what's that. And I really didn't have anything to say after I came up with that interview.
[31:07] It didn't really help me that much. But there are some things I want to share with you. See, here's the thing. Women have their identity wrapped up in so many things.
[31:19] They have their value, their importance. They have their self-worth wrapped up in things that they shouldn't have it wrapped up in.
[31:30] And as a result of that, they get to where my wife was because they can't get all these things together in their life. Then they feel disappointed. They feel like a failure.
[31:40] And they feel like they're getting nowhere. And I bet there are some women in here this evening who don't feel beautiful as a woman. Now, you're working on it.
[31:52] I mean, you worked on it before you came here. But I'm talking about an interior beauty, a value inside. And let me lay the groundwork right here. We'll see the thing come together hopefully in just a minute. But I believe there's at least six things that women wrap their identity up in.
[32:07] And they say, these are things in my life that make me as a woman. And one of them is their appearance. Women want to look good.
[32:20] For the most part. We talked about that last night a little bit too, right? Women, I mean, why else do you think that one of the highest selling products, beauty products, at the Walmart is the hair color?
[32:36] I mean, you walk over there and it's like Crayola. I mean, just, you pick it. Any flavor you want, you can pick it. There's ladies coming to my church and I don't know if they're blonde or redhead or brown.
[32:48] We even, are we streaming? We are. All right. She probably don't have internet. But there's this woman in my church, an older woman.
[32:59] I mean, she's, I ain't going to tell you how old because that would make me feel like I'm thinking you're an older woman. There's an older woman in our church and she, she'll even every now and then have some purple streaks in that hair or a little feather in there.
[33:13] I mean, and she's, she's north of 50 by a couple decades, okay? Um, so what I'm saying is there's a, there's an appearance that women wrap their identity up in.
[33:25] If I buy that outfit, it'll make me look good. If I have that purse, it'll make me feel good. And so, there's this appearance thing that they wrap their identity in.
[33:36] Another one is their house. A woman likes to have her house clean for the most part. They, they want to take care of it. And they want people to come over and say, wow, what a great job.
[33:48] Man, this is beautiful. I love, I love what you've done with this place. I read about a, I heard about a woman who came into another woman's home and just regularly decorated and she said, ooh, I love this retro 80's look.
[34:00] How did you do it? So authentic and this is regular decorations for the woman, you know? I mean, didn't really make that woman very happy. The woman, they, they, they, they wrap their identity up in their home.
[34:12] And if their home is okay, then they're okay. A third thing is, they're children. They're kids. And women, they find their importance, they find their beauty, they find their worth through their children many, many times.
[34:28] A kid will fail a spelling test and it's like, oh, I can't believe I failed a test. As the mom. I remember we had a science project a couple years ago and my wife worked so hard on that thing and she was so aggravated that her girl didn't get a better grade on it.
[34:47] I'm like, come on, it ain't in your project. But I worked on that thing for hours, you know? We go bonkers if our kids felt, and so many women live vicariously through their children.
[34:59] That's why they're sending them to two and three year olds through broody pageant. Honey, boo boo child, we're recognizing, I mean, anybody know what I'm talking about? I mean, come on. And we, we've treated some ladies, they place their little babies and little kids like little trophies and trophy cases.
[35:15] And then that's where they find their identity. As long as their kid is doing well and he's succeeding or she's succeeding or they're taking this first place or that, then a woman feels good about themselves.
[35:27] They're wrapping their identity up in their children. I mean, there's, there's the house, the kids, relationships. For you single girls, you, you, you define your identity if you have a boyfriend or not.
[35:40] For, for married women, you identify yourself in marriage. You know, there are days when your marriage isn't so good so you're not good. There are probably some women in here tonight who wish that they were in their husband's golf club or his fishing pole or his iPhone because then she'd be held tightly every now and again.
[36:05] Their husbands aren't spending any time with them. And because that's going on, the relationship is not what it ought to be, then they don't feel like they're as good as they are. They're wrapping their identity up in that.
[36:16] They don't feel special because their husbands don't value them as special. He had changed, things would be better. Not necessarily true, I don't think, because he could change tomorrow and you wouldn't because your identity is wrapped up into so many things.
[36:30] Careers, bad day at work, bad night at home. I mean, everything affects everything. And so many women are tying their relationship to that.
[36:40] And if that's where your beauty is, you'll never feel beautiful because you're always working with imperfect people. Even in churches and religion, I mean, good night.
[36:52] Christian women identify themselves by what they do or what they don't do. What they, how much they serve or how much they don't serve. And man, in a church like this where everybody seems to be serving, there's got to be a little element of that where women are wrapping up their identity and how much they do in comparison to how much his husband or his wife does.
[37:16] Look at the list. Appearance, house, children, relationships, career, religion. And there's one word I can describe women in here tonight. One word. Tired.
[37:29] You're tired. You're wore out. You think at some point in your life that all these things are going to line up and it's going to be perfect and it's going to be great and your kids are going to be doing well and your homes are going to be looking great and your career is going to be doing fine and everything at church is going to be going well and at some point everything is going to line up and you're going to be okay and you're going to feel important and you're going to feel like you've accomplished something.
[37:58] And it never happens. It never lines up but you're constantly working towards that end. And if you wrap yourself up in these six things you'll never be what God wants you to be. You'll be chasing a dream only to get more and more tired.
[38:13] Furthermore, your marriage won't be what it ought to be because you're having a problem finding out who you are. I want you to ask yourself three questions tonight, ladies. Who do I listen to?
[38:27] Ask yourself that right now. Who do I listen to? The culture that we live in is screaming you're not good enough. The magazines we pick up in the grocery store line as we're waiting.
[38:41] I mean, come on. How many of you really have a spread that looks like that? Turkey and the... I mean, really? Pinterest. How many ladies Pinterest around here?
[38:52] Oh my goodness, honey. There's only three. There's only three. My wife is so addicted to Pinterest and don't go there because you will be too.
[39:04] Facebook. Everything. I mean, Home and Gardens will tell you if your home doesn't look like this then you're not really a good homekeeper. If you don't cook a meal like this then you're not really a good cook.
[39:19] Who do I listen to? The Bible tells... There's a verse I'm going to read in Psalm 45 and there's a couple of verses I'm going to read here. It's about a psalm and he's talking about perhaps some of his wives or in particular maybe a wife.
[39:33] And I'm going to look at that and understand and I'm going to kind of make some application to it concerning us and our father our king King Jesus.
[39:44] Remember Solomon was the king here but in Psalm 45 verse 10 the Bible reads it this way Hearken O daughter and consider and incline thine ear forget also that own people in thy father's house verse 11 says so shall the king greatly desire thy beauty for he is thy lord and worship thou him.
[40:04] And verse 10 it says Hearken to me listen to me Hearken O daughter Why? Because you're my daughter and I want you to take a look and I want to kind of make application to King Jesus tonight and ladies I want you to understand as a Christian you're a daughter of the king you understand that you are a daughter of the king and with some people for you that's a good thing because you had a great dad you had a loving kind dad and when you look at God as being a father in your life then that's a good thing for you that brings good feelings for you but some thinking of God as your father makes you sick to your stomach you see I mean here's there's a reason especially with our daughters why it's important and imperative we live as godly as we can and our daughters have a godly view of God because they look through us as God in our lives in their lives see for some of you ladies your father was or is never home and if you're liking God as a father in your life then you'll think of him as never being there when you need him the most some of you look at in your father and you grew up in an abusive home and if you think if I let God into my life then all he'll do is abuse me all he'll do is take from me you have a bad taste of of a father in your life for some you grew up in a home where nothing was good enough for dad if you made
[41:38] C's you had to have a B if you made B's you had to have an A you had to have an A plus I mean you never could do anything to amount to goodness for your father and if you're looking at God as a father figure then you have this thing as I'll never be good enough for him I can never do enough for him I can never be as a beautiful person as I ought to be for him you were never affirmed you were never kissed you were never hugged you were never held you were never good enough that's why I say sometimes it's hard for ladies to have a view of God as their father because of the way their earthly father treated them let me tell you something God is everything you wish your earthly father was and more so much more because he's perfect he's holy he loves you for who you are not for what you can do for him not what others think he ought to be he says hearken to me listen to me let me define you he says what he wants us to do ladies we compare ourselves to false standards you understand those magazine covers you know 40 and fabulous you know yeah they're photoshopped you know what photoshop is they take a woman like this and make her like this you know they take blemishes off the face they make things appear better than they are hearken oh daughter look you're a daughter of the king one of my daughters my youngest one Mariana in particular when she was younger she's six now when she was younger
[43:16] I still see her doing this sometimes when she was younger I would catch her around the table or around our kitchen bar in particular eating things off the ground she was eating crumbs off the floor and I'm like Mariana why are you eating the crumbs off the floor you don't have to eat the crumbs off the floor she didn't realize that I could give her so much more if she just asked for it she didn't have to go for the crumbs I want to ask you tonight ladies single ladies in particular why are you dating a crumb the guys are now getting nervous in here he's a crumb he ain't talking about me baby yes I am you fell off the table a long time ago you're down there with the hair and stuff you know what I mean but ladies your father can give you so much more you don't have to settle for stuff that falls to the ground the stuff that other people have already picked through married ladies what if I married a crumb well sometimes you do have to pick stuff off the ground you know in five second rule it you know and some of you
[44:48] I don't know maybe you aren't married to a crumb but you're living with one he gets what he wants from you he's not dedicated to you he's not committed to you he's not willing to commit to you whatever the case may be you say well you wouldn't say that to my face yeah I would because I'm a father and I have three daughters and they have a heavenly father and they deserve to be respected and the women here deserve to be respected some of you women are settling for crumbs when God has so much more than you can imagine just hearken to him quit wrapping up your identity in that guy including your husband you gotta come to that point where my wife didn't realize you can't meet all those needs in my life who do you listen to who are you gonna let define you culture or the God of the universe it leads to a second question I want you to ask yourselves ladies what does God think about me what does
[45:52] God think about me and some of you don't want to think about that because of your past and the things that have gone on in your life you really don't want anyone to know your past but you know God knows and that scares you to death I've counseled women who think because they can't get pregnant it's a result it's a punishment for the way they lived their life in the past God's not a vindictive God ladies something they'll never get the right guy because of their past because of a life they've lived in the past look you've got a misunderstanding of a great God verse 11 says so shall the king greatly desire thy beauty for he is thy lord and worship thou him it says he greatly desires thy beauty ladies he's your lord he desires thy beauty when my oldest daughter
[46:53] Malia was born she was our first baby girl and I was me and I already had two ugly boys and I was looking forward to having this girl we never knew except for the very last child we know Drake we need Drake right the rest of them they're all surprises we didn't know if we're gonna have a boy or girl until the doctor said here you go you know and we had a lot of fun with that and I remember that I was in the living room with all of them the boys her time and I remember the doctor took the baby and I knew right off the bat it was a girl and tears they always were every time the baby was flowing down my face and I was looking at this little bitty baby girl and she was covered with gook and slime and nastiness that no father should have to touch but as I looked through that junk she was beautiful to me I saw this beautiful baby girl through all the muck and all the yuck that she was surrounded by
[47:56] I saw beauty and if I as an earthly father can see through all that and see the beauty of my baby girl don't you think a heavenly father can look through all your yuck and all your slime and all the stuff that you've been involved in and see something beautiful ladies he can the king desires thy beauty some of you ladies are thinking I'm not beautiful maybe not according to culture but if the king thinks you are then you are the king desires thy beauty there's a verse in psalm 139 guys several verses I want to read it and start wrapping it up here it says for thou hast possessed my reins thou hast covered me in my mother's womb I will praise thee I am fearfully and wonderfully made marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth right well my substance was not hid from thee when I was made in secret and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth that I did see my substance yet being unperfect and in thy book all my members were written which in continuous were fashioned when as yet there was none of them look at verse 17 how precious also are thy thoughts unto me oh God how great is the sum of them
[49:12] I love that that last verse right there how precious also are thy thoughts unto me look ladies and men as well when he thinks of us it says his thoughts are precious about me about you some of you think a preacher I'm divorced I've been told I'm pretty much damaged goods the king desires thy beauty there are no exceptions one might say well I'm a single mom or maybe I'm a single dad there's no man there's no woman that'll think I'm beautiful they're not one I'm going to marry an instant family there's not a man on this planet who thinks I'm pretty who'll love me there may not be a man on this planet but there's a man off this planet who does and he loves you he desires thy beauty well preacher
[50:12] I have a sexually active past there's no way he'll find me beautiful there's no exceptions please the king desires thy beauty and if you're in Christ today if you're saved he sees you beautiful as his daughter if you're not saved he sees you as what you can be as his daughter let him wash you why the smell you'll be amazed at how pretty you can feel the king desires thy beauty last question number one who do I listen to culture God what does God think about me and the last question who will I live for who will I live for ladies I want I want you to do me a favor if you've got a pen I want you to grab it out right quick if you don't that's okay I want you to take your pen
[51:12] I want you to write I want you to in your mind I want you to picture the person you don't have to write them down I want you to picture the person whom you admire the most who is that woman in your life that you admire the most okay get her in your mind I want you to get a clear picture of who she is now I want everyone to close their eyes I want you to close your eyes and ladies as you're thinking about this woman that you admire I want you to write down if you have or just let it come to your to your mind there and get the trait or the quality that you admire in that person the most go ahead bow your head close your eyes guys you do the same thing you can do the same thing guys for that man who is it that man in your life that you admire the most and what is that trait that you admire in them the most is it their patience is it that great attitude is it that sweet spirit they might have take just a moment there
[52:23] I want you to I want you to get that quality in that person that you admire there might be several but get the one that might just top the list keep your heads bowed your eyes closed once you kind of get that trait that you got there I want to see it I don't want you to come to that point most of you in here I'll give you just another second your heads would bow let me say this I bet that 100% of you did not write down one of those six things we talked about at the get go that women identify themselves with you didn't write down you admire their career you didn't write down you admire their children you didn't write down you admire their hair or their shoes most of you write down other things like their patience their attitude their kindness their life likeness and ladies why do you work so hard for the things you really don't admire not so hard for the things you want the most you admire the most why don't you work towards those things try to become the woman that God wants you to be let people see who you are do those people see those godly characteristics in your life that they could admire they will if you choose to live for the king so shall the king greatly desire thy beauty for he is thy lord and worship thou him so here's the deal worship him live for him live for the one that matters live for the one that already thinks you're beautiful live for the one that you're already valuable to live for the one that already sees the worth in you and quit worrying about all those things that'll never make you feel beautiful respected or precious or valued the king desires thy views so live for him see the thing is the message of the church for so years has been wrong it's told women you get your life straight you do this you do that and maybe one day you'll be accepted by God's sight you have to be like this you have to be like that and your marriage will be great can I remind you the king desires thy beauty you don't have to live your life so that he will love you you don't want you to live your life right because he does love you a beautiful woman is one that's beautiful within and even people can't see her she's beautiful because she's living for the king you have opportunity to do that ladies you have to decide who you're going to live for is it going to be for culture it's always telling you you're not good enough is it going to be for that guy in your life those that are saying that crumb he doesn't love you he doesn't respect you you leave tonight he's going to try to do things that don't respect you you're better than that the king desires thy beauty the daughter of a king is what we call a princess princess deserves a prince you don't have to leave the castle go looking for the prince king will bring him to you some of you have a hard time seeing yourselves as beautiful tonight and that's why part of your marriage is so difficult ask the
[56:24] Lord to help you this evening see yourself as he sees you maybe there's someone tonight who's not saved and the thing that makes a woman completely beautiful is one that's following him and one that has Christ coming out of him he has Christ in your heart for that to happen I'm going to ask you if you would to stand to your feet please heads are bowed and eyes are closed my wife's going to keep playing softly like this I'm going to ask you men I'm going to ask you women to come to the old fashioned house tonight and just thank you God for loving you and desire you to be a good nation or you might want to come down and just ask him to help you be reminded that he loves you just the way you are not what you're trying to be what the world will tell you I want to come with him and say I want to be that warrior I want to be the man in my relationship I want to be the one that my wife needs to be leading spiritually you're single maybe you want to come down and say
[57:27] I want God to show me that man and bring me that man in my way that woman you don't have to settle you don't have to settle some of you have friends and family I know that are struggling in their relationships maybe you find a place at your altar and pray for me and ask God God will never take a few moments God's doing business with you and I trust you in business here you're not saved tonight you don't know you have a relationship we'd love to help you we got men and women down here we thank God we're in business we never have victory in that church so you have here in your life father
[58:31] I thank you so very much for what you've done in each of our lives tonight I thank you for these families I pray that your name would be honored and glorified I pray God that you would build our marriages help us to trust you and look to you and believe in you we give you all the praise and all the honor and all the glory for all you do in Jesus name amen